**I was listening to the Paul Simon song 'Allergies' and there's a line that says, "my heart is allergic to the women I love.." Well, that's how I got he idea for this little story. Enjoy!**


By Ellie Simon



"Your upset," Roy stated to his partner as the buffed the squad.

"What? No."

"Yeah, you are."

"So what if I am? Huh?"

"Oh, I see. It was that nurse- uh, Sheila right? She dumped you, didn't she?" John looked at hi partner, wondering how in the world Roy knew that.

"Well, not really. She . . .didn't like my place."

"She dumped you because she didn't like your apartment?"

"Kinda." John remembered what exactly had happened. She walked inside, sat on the couch. Everything was going great. John started to kiss her, but she started to cough. She couldn't stop for five minutes. After that, she just wanted to get as far away from Johnny as possible. "She was. allergic to my apartment."

"Really?" Roy started to chuckle. His partner always had the worst luck with women.

"It's not funny. I need to figure out what it was she was allergic to."

"I'm sure you will Johnny." Roy knew how obsessed Johnny got with these things.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After a run, the boys picked up some supplies at Rampart. Roy actually picked up the supplies. John chased after a nurse. Roy watched him for a moment. He was talking to her, flashing her his charming smile, and she was smiling back. Then it happened. The woman started to sneeze. and she just couldn't stop. She had to excuse herself and run away from the paramedic. John looked disappointed. He walked over to Roy and said, "That was freaky."

"What? She had to sneeze?"

"No, Roy. I think. . .oh no."


"I think. she's allergic to me!" Roy rolled his eyes and headed for the squad. His partner was nuts.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A week later, John had finally found a woman that didn't cough on him or sneeze when he tried to ask her out. She was a nurse from Rampart.
She was a tall, thin, redhead named Cara. He knew he shouldn't take her back to his place. He hadn't found anything that could cause an
allergic reaction, and he didn't want this date to go to waste, but she insisted on seeing his place.

"Here we are," John said, opening the door for her.

"It's nice. You can tell you live alone."

"Oh, why's that?"

"Single men don't dust." She swiped her index finger across the top of the television set. She smiled at him, but his face showed a little embarrassment.

"Would you like a beer?"

"Sure." John went to the kitchen and grabbed two beers. After awhile of talking and drinking, the two started to kiss. John couldn't concentrate though. He just kept wondering if Cara would start to sneeze in his face.

"Wait," she said, pushing John away. She started to scratch her neck and face uncontrollably.


"What's going on?" John looked at her skin, which was starting to welt.


"Achoo!!" A fine mist fell onto John's face. He backed up and wiped his face on his shirtsleeve.  "You're. . .ugh!" Cara left in a hurry. John was really, really upset now. That was the third woman in a week to have a strange reaction to him. He was really beginning to think that these women were really allergic to him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"I just don't get it, Roy. I really don't." Roy walked with his partner down the halls of Rampart.

"Maybe it's just a fluke. I wouldn't be worried."

"You wouldn't be worried if Joanne suddenly sneezed every time you came into the room?"

"That would happen. I've lived with her for years. She's not allergic to me."

John sighed. "Hey Dix."

"Hi guys." Dixie looked from Johnny to Roy and back again. "What's wrong with him?" she said, pointing to John.

"Apparently women are allergic to him." Roy smiled. It still tickled him.

"Women? Allergic?"

"Yeah, Dix. It's getting bad." He leaned on the counter, close to Dixie. She started sneezing on him. "Oh no. This can't be happening!" He threw his hands up in the air and left the hospital.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Back at the station, John got in the shower. There must have been something on him that made Dixie sneeze. It couldn't have been anything else. Or could it?

"Johnny, Johnny. A shower won't do it." Chet stood by the sink, making fun of his coworker.

"Shut up Chet." John scrubbed as hard as he could.

Chet started to play with John's toiletries. He found a small bottle of purple liquid. The bottle wasn't labeled. He opened it and took in a big whiff. He had a bad coughing spell. The stuff smelled awful. "What is this stuff?" He showed John the bottled. John wrapped a towel around himself and stepped out of the shower.

"It's my cologne. Don't mess with it." He took the bottle back from him and started to splash some on. As he put the bottle away, he had an epiphany. "Oh, jeez." He started to scrub the liquid off of him. "It's the damn cologne!" He yelled. Roy came in to see what all the yelling was about.

"You figured out why all those women were allergic to you?"

"Roy, don't say another word." Roy held up his hands in surrender.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After John figured out his problem, getting chicks to go out with him was no problem. In fact, he had dates lined up for the next two weeks. "Did you find the key to dating?" Dixie joked with him.

"No, just the perfect cologne."


Dixie sniffed the paramedic. "Hmm, that's nice Johnny."

Roy also sniffed him. "Hey, that's the kind I wear."


John stuck his nose right next to his partner. "Oh, jeez." John gave up. He had no business picking out his own cologne anymore.



*Click on the tissue box to send Ellie feedback


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