Disclaimer:  I do not own anything related to Emergency.  I am just doing this for fun.  As always, my utmost gratitude to Universal and Mark VII for giving me such awesome characters to work with.  The original characters in this work of fiction, however, were created by me, and I respectfully ask that you do not borrow them without permission.  This story is the fifth in the “Dark Before the Dawn” series.  It will make a lot more sense if you read the other four first.  It begins approximately four months after “Don’t Ever Cry, Just Remember” ends.  I apologize in advance for any minor inconsistencies.  I never expected this saga to continue on this long when I first started it.  Thanks for reading.

Baptized By Fire

By Morningwolf

If any man's work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; But, only as one escaping through the flames.  --1 Corinthians 3:15

“So, what’s with the uh…”  Johnny Gage rubbed at his chin as he raised a curious eyebrow at his friend, Justin Quinn.

Justin looked confused for a moment before finally figuring Johnny was referring to the week’s growth of facial hair the normally clean shaven physical therapist was sporting.  He raised a hand to his own chin and smiled sheepishly.  “Oh…that.  Well, since I’m on vacation, I thought maybe I’d try something new.”  At Johnny’s sly, knowing smile, he continued.  “Besides, Camarin likes it.”

Johnny laughed.  After a tumultuous year, life was great.  A trip to the reservation where he grew up had resulted in some bittersweet revelations, but he had come home to L.A. with Camarin, the half sister he never knew he had.  And now, she and Justin were starting a business together and were engaged to be married.  It had been almost four months since his own wedding to Hannah, and together they were anxiously anticipating the birth of their first child in just over eight weeks.  Johnny was back to work now, having healed completely from the injuries he sustained in an automobile accident that had almost robbed him of life and limb.  And tonight, he was happy to be enjoying a rare night out with the guys.  He, Roy, and Chet were gathered at Justin’s beach house watching football while Hannah, Joanne, Camarin, and Camarin’s daughters, Kaya and Rose were celebrating at Hannah’s baby shower.   Johnny sighed a contented sigh as he stretched his lanky legs out in front of him and rested them on the coffee table.

Roy was happy too, glad to have his partner back after nearly a one year absence.  Johnny had had to recertify as a paramedic and prove that he could perform the rigorous duties of a firefighter, a task that Johnny worked very hard to accomplish.  “Have you two picked a date yet?”

Realizing the question was aimed at him, Justin put down the chip he was about to eat.  “Not yet.  Right now, all of our energies are focused on getting the business up and running.”  Justin was referring to “New Horizon Health Alternatives,” the combination health food and herbal shop, alternative medicine, physical therapy, and massage clinic in Long Beach that he and Camarin were starting together.

“All of your energies?”  Chet asked teasingly as he popped a dip loaded chip into his mouth.

The comment brought supportive laughs from the others, including Justin.  “Okay…so maybe not all of our energies…but still, that’s why I took this vacation.  Trying to do everything that needs to be done, and finish school for my acupuncture certification while working full time…well, at the pace we were going, it would have taken six months to get things going.  This way, we can get it done, and then maybe…well, maybe we can set a date for next spring.”

“Justin…”  Johnny mumbled, his mouth full of chips.  “You know all the guys and me…well, we can keep helping with the remodeling and stuff…”

“Yeah, I know, John.  But you have Hannah and the ranch to think about.  And I know your job is taking a lot more out of you physically these days.  You need to be able to have some time to rest on your days off.  And, Roy…you have a family to take care of too.  And Chet…”  Justin’s mouth crimped into a smile.  “Well, what can I say, Chet?  You’ve really been helping out a lot.  And we really appreciate it.  But, you need to have a social life too.”

“A social life?”  Johnny scoffed.  “The only social life Chet Kelly has comes from that inflatable woman he keeps hidden in his closet.”

Roy stood and walked to the kitchen to refresh his drink.  “I don’t think I want to hear about this…”

***

Johnny sat down on the wooden bench in front of his locker, fresh from the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist.  The shift had been a particularly grueling one so far and it wasn’t even half over.  A familiar voice almost startled him as it handed him another towel.

“You’re dripping.”

Johnny accepted the towel and used it to dry his waterlogged locks.  “Thanks.”

Roy walked across the room, turned to face Johnny, and leaned against one of the sinks lining the wall.  “You okay?”

The two word question had been asked on several different occasions since Johnny’s return to work.  Apparently, Roy had noticed Johnny had been walking a bit stiffly.  “Yeah, I’m all right.”

“You sure?”

Johnny nodded.  “Yeah, Roy…fine.  Andrews said there would be days like this.  The hot shower seemed to help.”

“Okay, good.”  Roy planted a firm hand on Johnny’s shoulder before allowing him the privacy to get dressed.  His partner was right.  After the injuries he had sustained over the past few years, it was nothing short of amazing that he was even able to continue working.  Roy knew how his own bones and joints sometimes felt after a hard shift, and he imagined Johnny must be experiencing the aching tenfold.  It was something his younger friend was learning to deal with…and doing a good job at that.

Johnny waited until Roy was gone and he was alone in the room to stand and take a clean uniform out of his locker.  He reached for the small metal tin on the shelf and slid it open.  Shaking three Tylenol tablets into his hand, Johnny swallowed them dry.  Suddenly feeling older than his years, he leaned one hand against the locker door and willed the deep ache in his left hip and thigh to abate.  After dinner, he would try the stretches Justin taught him.  His friend and physical therapist had been right last night.  Johnny really did feel more tired and sore after a shift than he used to.  And some days, it was all he could do to take care of the chores and work around the ranch.  Sometimes he found himself missing his carefree younger days, when he would take off rock climbing or hiking as soon as he got off shift.  He wondered now if he would ever get to do that again. 

Finally, the bitter, chalky taste of the Tylenol burning his throat, Johnny walked over to the sink and cupped some water into his mouth.  He stood and leaned forward toward the mirror, trying for about the one hundredth time this month to picture himself as a father.  Getting used to the idea of being a husband was one thing…but a Dad…well, that was a whole different animal.  The truth was, he had always secretly wanted children.  He had pictured himself teaching them to ride and taking them fishing and on camping trips.  Now, he simply prayed for the energy to make it through a shift after a sleepless night filled with hungry crying.

Pulling on his uniform pants, Johnny stopped and smiled.  He looked down at the scars on his leg and thought of his pregnant wife at home.  And he reminded himself for about the one hundredth time this month that he was the luckiest man in the world.

***

Justin dozed on the sofa in his living room.  He had just returned home after having dinner with Camarin and the girls down in Long Beach.  He had promised himself he would spend the evening getting some much needed work around the beach house finished, but he ran out of steam before he had even had a chance to get started.  Figuring he would rest for just a moment, he ended up falling into a dream-filled sleep.  He wasn’t sure exactly what startled him awake at first.  But even as sleep’s inviting arms beckoned his return, he was brought back to awareness by the acrid stench of smoke.  It was then that he noticed the flames.  Floor to ceiling high and only a few yards from where he was sitting. 

Leaping off the couch, Justin shielded his mouth and nose with the inside of his elbow.  There was no time to wonder why the smoke alarm never went off.  Coughing now, his skin nearly scorching from the heat of the fire, Justin dropped onto his knees and began crawling toward the exit.  At least, he began crawling toward where he thought the exit was. 

The heat was the most intense sensation he had ever experienced, and he briefly puzzled over how his best friend was able to stand being inside a burning building wrapped up in heavy turnout gear.  Perspiration seemed to sizzle off his back as he made his way along the floor, his stinging eyes concentrating on the pattern of woodwork beneath him.  The coughs were becoming more frequent now, and Justin suddenly realized his vision was clouding to gray.  Or maybe it was the heavy smoke.  He inhaled sharply at a searing pain in his left leg and his lungs burned fiercely in protest of the superheated air.  Looking over his shoulder at the leg in question, Justin noticed that angry red flames were licking at his bare skin.  Scrambling away hurriedly, before they could ignite his shorts, Justin tried to ignore the blistering agony in his leg as he made his way closer to the door and safety.

He never felt the floor go out from under him.  He did, however, feel the impact with the ground.  Pain like he’d never experienced before charged through his right leg and hip a split second before a heavy timber rained down on him, forcing the remaining air from his lungs.  He was able to keep his eyes open just long enough to see eerie crimson light filtering through black smoke.  It was snaking its way toward him with malevolent intent through a gaping hole that used to be the floor of his living room.   He watched it with detached interest as a loud buzzing in his ears drowned out the now distant crackling above him until there was nothing to hear but silence.

***

“What’s the matter, Gage?  Cat got your tongue tonight?”

Johnny spoke without looking up from his task washing the dinner dishes.  “What’s that supposed to mean, Chet?”

“Nothing.  It’s just you’re awfully quiet, that’s all.  So, what’s up?  Don’t tell me the honeymoon’s over already…”

Johnny plopped the glass he had been rinsing into the drainer and sighed as he turned to look at the other fireman.  “Chet…why don’t you go…” Unable to think of a witty comeback at the moment, he settled for, “Why don’t you just go?”

Chet smiled craftily, happy to have gotten the upper hand on his pigeon.  “I’ll take that as a yes…”

“Kelly, why don’t you head over to my office?”  Cap arrived at the sink and placed a hand on Chet’s shoulder.  “I have a stack of paperwork in there that needs filed.”

“But, Cap…”

“I’ll join you in a few minutes.”  Cap canted his head toward the door, and waited for Chet to get the hint.  Then, smiling, he turned and poured himself another cup of coffee, all the while eyeing his youngest paramedic, trying himself to figure out why he had been so uncharacteristically quiet during dinner.  In fact, it seemed like Johnny was quiet a lot more often since he returned to work.  Cap hoped things really were going all right for the newlyweds.

Johnny continued his task of dishwashing, acutely aware of his captain’s watchful stance.  He wondered if Roy had said something to him about their short discussion earlier in the locker room.  The truth was, Johnny had been silently debating all through dinner whether he should ask Cap if he could go home.  His hip and leg ached with a vengeance, and the Tylenol had barely touched it.  He weighed the possibility that he could go to bed in another hour or so and spend the rest of the shift there against the possibility that he could be fighting fires all night long.  On the one hand, he didn’t feel up to finishing out the shift, but on the other…Andrews had said he would experience aching and stiffness.  He couldn’t very well call off or go home every time he was a little sore.  But with two rope rescues and three motor vehicle accidents involving difficult extrications, today’s shift had been unusually strenuous.  And Johnny was, in fact, more than just a little sore. 

Still, he argued with himself, days like this were part of the job.  He needed to be up to the task, and he didn’t want it to appear that he wasn’t.  But, on the other hand…maybe it was just a little too soon.  Hadn’t Cap offered to let him work half shifts for a while until his body got used to things again?  He had turned him down, but maybe just this once…

Johnny took a deep breath and turned to face his captain.  “Cap, I…well, do you think maybe I could…” His request was interrupted by the sounding of the tones.  The station was being called out to a structure fire.

Cap spoke as he followed Johnny out to the bay.  “Do I think you could what?”

“Never mind.”  Johnny said as he climbed into the squad and accepted the slip of paper Mike had scribbled the address of the call on and handed to Roy.

As the bay door started to open, Roy clicked on the ignition and looked warily over at Johnny.  “You okay?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”  Johnny was a little annoyed by the question.  What difference did it make now?  They had a job to do.  But, something about the look on Roy’s face turned his blood cold.  “What?”

Roy said nothing, but his eyes pointed to the slip of paper Johnny was holding.

Johnny looked down at the address and he felt his heart begin beating in his throat.  He hadn’t even been paying attention to dispatch as he was walking into the bay, other than to hear this was a fire call.  The tension in Johnny’s jaw told Roy his friend recognized what he had also.  They were being dispatched to Justin’s beach house.

“Maybe they’re down in Long Beach.”  Roy encouraged softly as he pulled out onto the road.

“Yeah…maybe…”  Johnny tightened his helmet and concentrated on navigating.

“Or maybe it’s just a kitchen fire, or a small fire on the deck.  You know how Justin loves to barbecue…”

Johnny didn’t respond.  He was too busy focusing on the large plume of smoke in the sky.

***

Johnny hopped out of the squad and was pulling his SCBA out of its compartment before Cap even had time to establish command.  The sight of Justin and Camarin’s house, more than half engulfed by flames was a powerful analgesic.  Fueled by adrenaline and fear, he was no longer aware of the pain he was feeling earlier. 

A neighbor Johnny recognized was shouting at Cap.  “I was out for my walk when I saw the smoke.  By the time I called you guys, half the place had gone up in flames.  I talked to Justin earlier.  He said he was going to do some work around the house tonight.”  Jack, the neighbor, noticed a familiar face among the firefighters.  He grabbed his arm urgently.  “John, I think he may be inside.  I haven’t seen him, and his car is still here.”

“What about Camarin?  The girls?” 

Jack shook his head.  “Justin said they were spending the night in Long Beach.  John, you gotta get him out of there!”

Johnny could hear Cap’s voice issuing orders as he took off for the rear of the house, squirming into his SCBA in the process.  Had he been listening, he would have heard Cap tell him to use a ladder to go in through one of the bedroom windows and conduct a search.  But that didn’t matter much.  It was what Johnny intended to do whether he was ordered to or not.  He and Roy worked on securing his lifeline as two firefighters from station 8 positioned the ladder.  Then, as soon as he was able, he scrambled up the ladder and through the window.  The smoke was so thick, Johnny could barely see.  He switched on his flashlight and dropped to his knees, searching the room quickly and thoroughly.  He tried to push down the sick feeling he had that at this time of night, it was far more likely Justin would have been in the living room or kitchen.  He made his way down the hall amidst crackling flames and searing heat, checking the bathroom with no success.  As he neared the center of the house he was saturated by steam as the water’s assault on the fire commenced.  All the while, he called Justin’s name urgently, hoping for a reply, knowing a reply was unlikely.

There was something eerie about being inside a burning house that Johnny had just been in the night before watching football with his friends.  Finally reaching the living room, Johnny spied the remains of the sofa and the coffee table where he had rested his feet last night.  He choked back emotion at the familiar belongings…Justin’s belongings…that were now ruined by flame, smoke, and water.  Forcing his mind back on its singular task of finding his brother-in-law and getting him out of here alive, he searched the room.  His captain’s voice crackled over the radio at the precise moment a powerful rush of heat at his back threw him forward, nearly knocking his mask askew in the process.

“HT 51, Engine 51.  Come in!”

Johnny laid low as a ball of flame passed over him, singeing the skin on the back of his legs.  Once the roaring in his ears subsided, he fixed his mask and keyed the handie talkie.  “HT 51”

“John, I’m ordering you out of there.  Right now!”

Johnny shook his head and resisted the urge to smash his handie talkie against the floor.  “Cap, I haven’t found him yet!  I need a little more time!”

There was a pause.  And then, “The whole place is going up, John.  You need to come out of there now.  That’s an order.”  Cap pushed down his own frustration.  He hated having to order Johnny out of the house now.  But, ultimately, his responsibility was to keep his men safe and limit unnecessary loss of life.  Unfortunately, there were times when that meant relying on the law of probabilities…the probability that victims inside a fire would be found alive…and weighing that against the risk to his crew.  Cap knew the chances that Johnny would find Justin alive inside that house were slim.  And he also knew how important it would be to Johnny to keep looking.  But in the end, he couldn’t justify the danger.  After all, Johnny had a wife at home and a baby on the way.

In his entire career as a firefighter, Johnny had never disobeyed a direct order from his captain.  Yes, there had been times when he had acted impulsively, especially when it came to Roy’s well being.  But, never had he disobeyed.  Until now.  While Johnny’s reasonable mind told him that Justin couldn’t possibly still be alive, he couldn’t leave without making sure.  How could he live with himself if he found out later there was something he could have done?  How could he face Hannah, knowing that he had left her brother to burn up in a fire in order to save himself?  Deciding to make his way to the kitchen, and fervently hoping Roy would not come in after him, Johnny pressed on.  Halfway there, he stopped just short of falling through a large hole in the living room floor.  Mentally reviewing the familiar structure, he knew that the area directly underneath Justin’s living room was open to the outside.  The house was built up on stilts, so that an unusually high tide could pass under the living space.  If Justin had fallen through here, he would be injured for sure.  It had to be a fifteen foot drop onto the sand below.  But, there was a chance he may have survived the fire.  Johnny lay on his stomach and aimed the flashlight beam down into the smoky darkness below.  “Justin!  Justin, can you hear me?”  Cursing his inability to see anything other than debris, he got to his feet and made his way back to the ladder as his captain’s voice again beckoned him.

“HT 51, Engine 51.  John, are you all right?”

Ignoring the radio transmissions for now, Johnny focused on maneuvering his way back through the hellish labyrinth without being burned to a crisp or rendered unconscious from falling debris.  Finally reaching the window, he felt a familiar set of hands guiding him down the ladder.  “Roy, I think Justin may be under the house.  I found a hole in the living room floor.”

When the pair reached the ground, Roy filled in their captain on what Johnny had just told him.  Cap looked up at the remains of the house, which was still burning despite constant efforts to extinguish it.  The area Johnny was referring to was out, smoldering for the most part, but sending his men underneath the weakened structure would be like sending them on a suicide mission.  Besides, even if Justin had fallen through the floor, what were the chances he hadn’t already been buried under burning debris?  He looked at Johnny, his eyes speaking of how hard it was to say what he was about to say.  “John, it’s too unstable.  The whole place could come down on top of you…”

Roy understood completely Cap’s hesitation.  But he also recognized the look in Johnny’s eyes.  It was the same look he had seen on the reservation…the look of a little boy who had just lost everything.  “Cap, there’s ventilation under there.  If that’s where he is, there’s a chance…”

Cap raised a hand, fully aware of what Roy was trying to do and cursing the fact that he couldn’t in good conscience let him do it.  “Look, the chances of Justin surviving this…”  His eyes roamed back to the house and then settled on Johnny, who was staring at the ground.  He rested a firm hand on the paramedic’s shoulder.  “I’m sorry.”

Johnny raised both hands, effectively escaping Cap’s gesture of comfort.  He stormed off in the direction of the house.  Cap caught up with him and stopped him with a grab to his arm.  “John, don’t.  Please don’t make me…”

Johnny spun around, his eyes wild with helplessness and frustration.  It was the first time he had ever raised his voice at his superior.  “Then, don’t make me do this, Cap!  I can’t just…”  His voice trailed off and his jaw tensed as he tried to regain some control.  “I can’t just leave him in there.”

Cap stared at his young friend for several seconds, trying his best to keep his own emotions in check.  He breathed out a long sigh.  “Okay.  Both of you go.  But, quick in…quick out.  Got it?”

“Right, Cap!”  Johnny assured as he replaced his mask and ran to the opposite side of the house with Roy following closely behind.

***

Johnny led the way to the area under the house.  He scanned the blackened remains above him with his flashlight until he found the gaping hole he had seen in the living room.  Ominous creaking sounds gave way to harsh cracking as little by little the structure seemed to be falling apart around them.  Figuring if Justin had fallen here, he would have likely been injured and unable to move far, Johnny began moving toward a pile of rubble beneath the hole, deftly avoiding tripping on flaming and smoldering debris.  “Justin?  Justin!”

As the beam of Johnny’s flashlight sliced through willowing layers of dust and smoke, it glinted off something shiny.  A closer look revealed Justin, unmoving, and pinned under a large beam.  He was turned slightly toward Johnny, angled onto his right side, and Johnny figured the object which had captured the attention of his light must have been the necklace Justin never took off…a silver celtic knot pendant which hung from a black leather braid…a memento from his deceased fiancée, Abigail. 

Rushing to Justin’s side and dropping to his knees, Johnny continued to call out his friend’s name, the urgency in his voice somewhat muffled by the air mask he wore.  His right hand moved immediately to Justin’s neck, grabbing hopefully for a pulse.  Dark eyes shot up to find Roy’s.  “He’s alive.  Pulse is rapid and thready.”  Johnny looked around, surveying the area, then he began fervently digging at the sand.  “We have to get him out of here!  Help me dig out around him.  Then we can slide him out from under this beam.”

Roy had had time to notice a few things.  His own light revealed ferocious red skin, dotted with blisters, covering the lower portion of Justin’s left leg.  Also, the right leg was rotated out at an odd angle.  “He’s got some burns…and I think his leg might be broken.”

Johnny said nothing, but continued to dig with increased energy.  The sound of his rapid breathing was cut off abruptly by a yelp when a large beam came down and glanced off the upper part of his back.

“Johnny, are you all right?”

Johnny could feel a dull ache begin to spread out across his shoulders.  But, he continued digging, all the while trying to get a response from his friend.  “Yeah…”  He moved to Justin’s head and hooked his hands under his arms.  “I think we can pull him out now.  Watch his legs.”

Together, the paramedics dragged Justin’s limp form out from under the beam.  The fact that he had not yet regained consciousness was disconcerting.  Johnny briefly considered sharing his air supply, but quickly decided getting Justin out of here before they all became trapped was the top priority.  He knelt down and began positioning the injured man over his shoulder.

Concerned about the hit his partner just took from that beam, coupled with the way Johnny had been acting all day, Roy offered to help.  “Here, Johnny.  Let me…”

But Johnny stood, biting back a groan at the other man’s weight on his tender shoulders.  “No…I got him.”  He moved quickly out from under the building, Roy at his back, doing his best to support Justin’s legs with one hand while keying his handie-talkie with the other in order to let Cap know they had found who they were searching for.

Cap had just enough time to prepare for his rescue men, having spread out an emergency blanket on a sandy area out of danger’s way.  He helped ease Justin off of Johnny’s shoulders and down onto his back, noting the wince crossing the paramedic’s features, and filing it in his mind for further investigation later.

“He’s having a lot of trouble breathing.”  Johnny grabbed for the resuscitator, positioned it over Justin’s face, and began delivering measured breaths.  Come on, man.  Wake up.

Roy exchanged a glance with Cap, both men concerned, but not surprised by Johnny’s focused intensity.  Roy quickly gathered a blood pressure, then looked up at his captain while swiping at the soot on his forehead.  “We’ll need sterile burn sheets and some saline…and can you open a line to Rampart?”

“You got it.”  Cap assured as he began moving toward the squad. 

In the meantime, Roy moved to assess Justin’s right leg.  The better lighting revealed swelling and an obvious deformity.  He called after his superior.  “Bring a traction splint too!”  Then, his eyes caught Johnny’s alarmed gaze.  “Right femur fracture.”

Again, Johnny said nothing in response, but continued supplying Justin with lifesaving breaths of oxygen, all the while willing him to regain consciousness…fully aware of the pain he would experience when he did.

Roy was aware of Johnny’s uncharacteristic silence, but he understood.  He knew how hard this was for his friend, even as he did his best to keep his own mind focused.  After all, Justin was his friend too.  But, Roy couldn’t stop his mind from drifting back to the times when he had had to treat Johnny after he had been gravely injured.  He knew his partner was doing what he needed to do to stay detached.  He also knew he needed to somehow take the lead on this rescue without letting Johnny know it.

Johnny delivered another breath, his pulse quickening when he felt some resistance.  That’s it…come on, man… And then, Justin began to cough, a wheezing, strident cough that sounded as painful as it likely was.  Johnny removed the resuscitator mask and reached for a non-rebreather.  “Easy…easy, Justin.  I’ve got you.  You’re okay.”

Justin heard the familiar voice filter through his foggy senses, but he couldn’t make any sense of what was happening.  His eyes were stinging and watering so badly, he couldn’t see, and every attempt at inhaling caused the burning in his throat and chest to intensify.  He felt like he was drowning in boiling water.  “John…”  An attempt at speaking failed, his voice hoarse and strained, and it only caused him to cough harder.  Pain forced him to try moving his injured limbs.

“Easy, man.”  Johnny secured the oxygen mask over his friend’s face, holding it in place as Justin’s right hand moved weakly to cover his.  Johnny winced at the charred skin on Justin’s forearm.  “Lie still, and don’t try to talk.  Just use the oxygen.”  Even as he said it he cringed at the harsh wheezes that came with every exaggerated movement of his friend’s chest.  He was really struggling.  Johnny looked away from Justin’s pained features for a moment and noticed Roy was pouring saline over the sheets he had draped over the burns on his left leg.  A traction splint waited beside the right one.  “Looks like some burns on his arm, here, too.  And, he’s really wheezing.”

Satisfied that Justin would keep the mask in place now, Johnny began moving around to his side.  He was stopped by a weak grab to his coat, and he stared down into glossy eyes.  “Hey, I’m not going anywhere.”  He waited for the glazed expression to register some semblance of peace, but he saw nothing there but pain and fear.  Justin was working really hard to pull air into his lungs, and Johnny knew they needed to do something about that right now.  He heard Cap reporting the preliminary information to Rampart, and he reached for the phone, only to have Roy beat him to it.  Frowning, he pulled out his trauma shears without missing a beat, and sliced down the front of Justin’s T shirt, exposing his chest.  Popping his stethoscope into his ears, he tried to block out the noise from the fire and the sound of Roy’s voice.

“…considerable respiratory distress with audible wheezing.  Evidence of inhalation injuries.  Patient is using his accessory muscles to breathe.  Suspect bronchospasm.”

“51, have you checked lung sounds?”  Kelly Brackett wanted to know.

“Stand by, Rampart.”  Roy pulled the phone away from his ear and waited for Johnny to finish listening.  “Johnny, Brackett wants lung sounds.”  When Johnny didn’t seem to hear him, Roy reached out and lightly tapped his shoulder, causing Johnny to startle and turn to face him.  He was doing a good job keeping it together, but Roy recognized the tell tale signs that his partner’s shell was beginning to crack.  “Lung sounds,” he repeated.

“Oh…uh…”  Johnny shifted his position and ran a hand through his disheveled hair.  “Stridor…wheezing in all fields.”  His hands began moving toward the drug box in anticipation of the doctor’s orders.

Roy repeated the information and waited for Brackett to reply.  There was no need to relay the orders to Johnny.  He had already opened the ampule of epinephrine he knew his friend needed and was preparing the subcutaneous injection, his hands shaking ever so slightly as he swabbed the site.  Roy saw this, and quickly figured a way to take over without alerting Johnny that he had noticed.  His hand moved to Johnny’s wrist.  “I’ll get this.  Why don’t you get the IV ready?”

Johnny nodded and moved to the drug box, cursing the feeling that he was unraveling and both embarrassed and grateful Roy had noticed it.  As his hands fumbled with the IV supplies, he heard his partner talking to Justin and he reminded himself of all the times Justin had calmly comforted him when he had needed it, had taken charge and acted in a collected manner when his situation had been dire.  The least he should be able to do was offer the same.  By the time he returned to Justin’s side, he was relieved to see he seemed to be breathing easier.  “Hey, how are you doing?”

Too exhausted, his throat too on fire to speak, Justin simply looked up at his friend through watering eyes.  Now that so much of his concentration wasn’t focused on drawing air into his lungs, a myriad of other discomforts began screaming for attention.  His chest hurt.  One leg throbbed and stung while the other spasmed mercilessly.  And, he had a splitting headache.  Worse was the fact that he had no idea what had happened.  He closed his eyes, partly to ease his discomfort and partly to reach through his caliginous memory.

“You’re gonna feel a stick…”

Johnny’s voice seemed surreal to Justin.  He had never had the opportunity to see him working, to hear him using the tone of voice and the words he was right now, and the fact that he seemed to be using them on him…Justin figured he must be having a bad dream and expected to wake up at any time.

“Hey, Justin.  Come on, man.  Open your eyes and stay with me.”

The memories chose that moment to come flooding back, and Justin’s eyes flew open as he tried to sit up.  He tried to talk, but the only thing that he could manage was a throaty rasp.  “Fire…my house…”  Exactly how Johnny could understand what he had uttered was a mystery to him, but as he was being gently restrained and eased back down onto his back, his fears were confirmed.  This was not a dream.  It was horrifyingly real.

“Let’s worry about you right now.”

Then it was true.  He hadn’t imagined it.  His house was gone and everything inside it…twenty years of his life.  Emotion got the better of him then as it all came crashing down like a murderous wave…pain and fear…and the knowledge that he had lost everything.  Everything.  He grabbed Johnny’s arm.  “C--“He started coughing, and tried again.  “C--“More coughing.  “Cam...”

Johnny grabbed onto Justin’s hand now, and held tight, knowing exactly what was going through the other man’s mind.  “Camarin’s fine.  She and the girls are in Long Beach, remember?”  He waited for Justin’s nod.  “I’ll call them when we get you to Rampart.  But, right now, we’ve gotta get you taken care of.”  He forced a smile.  “Kind of a switch, huh?”  Johnny was relieved to see just the tiniest hint of Justin’s signature dimples.  “Okay then.  I’m gonna ask you some questions.  I want you to nod your head yes or no, okay?  Don’t try to talk.”

Justin nodded.

“Does your head hurt?”

Justin nodded yes.

Johnny took a moment to feel around Justin’s head for any bumps or bleeding.  Finding none, he leaned over and made eye contact.  “Probably just from the smoke.  It’ll give you one hell of a headache.”  Skilled hands moved to the back of Justin’s neck.  “What about your neck or your back?  Any pain?”

Justin shook his head no and squeezed his lids shut as another spasm jagged through his right leg and seemed to settle behind his eyes.  “Leg…”

“I know.  Looks like it’s broken.”  Johnny’s hands continued to assess, moving down over Justin’s shoulders as he watched for a reaction.  When they reached his ribs, Justin tried to pull away and reach across protectively with his right hand.  But, he was stopped by Roy, who was busy dressing the burns on his arm.  An exclamation indicating pain was cut off by another round of harsh coughing.

“Easy…”  Johnny lightly examined the area in question, stopping when he found the most sensitive spot.  “Right there.”  He offered knowingly, and watched in chagrin as Justin nodded.  He quickly finished his exam as Roy relayed the new findings to Rampart.

“…complaining of a headache, but no evidence of head trauma.  Patient is alert and oriented, but groggy.  No evidence of spinal injury.  Tenderness and swelling in the left rib cage with crepitus noted.  Patient is in considerable pain.”  Roy looked up at Johnny, who was doing his best to calm his friend.  “Uh…request pain medication before we splint the leg.”

Brackett paused for a moment.  Then, he came back with his instructions.  “Okay, 51.  Five milligrams MS IV push.  I want updated vitals every five minutes.  Keep an eye on his breathing, and switch to humidified O2 once you get him in the ambulance.  If his respiratory status worsens, I’ll order an esophageal airway, so have one ready.  What’s your ETA?”

Roy repeated the instructions and added, “ETA is 15 minutes.”

“Okay, pal…let’s get you feeling better.”  Johnny promised as he tried to guide the needle of the syringe full of morphine into the port on Justin’s IV.  Again, he couldn’t control the shaking of his hands, and he cursed under his breath in frustration.  He was fully aware Roy was watching him, and as he heard the offer of help begin to leave his lips, he snapped a little too abruptly.  “I got it.”

Roy said nothing but continued to watch, ready to step in if need be.  Once the injection was delivered, he moved down to Justin’s leg and motioned for Cap to help him.  Even with the analgesic, applying the traction splint would likely be painful, and he figured Johnny would want to be in Justin’s line of sight.

Johnny found he couldn’t watch what Roy and Cap were doing, and instead focused on Justin’s face, taking in the sooty tears and nasal secretions…sure signs that some damage had been done to his airway.  The question was, how severe was it?  Johnny thought of the thick, black smoke inside the house.  If Justin hadn’t fallen through the floor, he would never have survived.  He did his best to hold onto hope.  As Justin seemed to relax slightly, his features falling lax due to the sedating effects of the medication, Johnny’s eyes moved to his chest and became transfixed on the somewhat ragged rise and fall.  Justin’s throaty scream of agony broke his trance.  “It’s okay, man…the splint’s on.  That leg should start to feel better now…”

“John?  The ambulance is here.”  Cap planted a steadying hand on his young paramedic’s shoulder.

Johnny wiped his hand over his eyes and leaned over Justin who had appeared to pass out after the pain of having his leg splinted.  “Justin, can you hear me?”

Justin slowly opened his eyes, but it was too much effort to keep them that way.

Roy closed the drug box and sat it out of the way.  “Do you want a backboard?”

Pausing to evaluate the situation and appearing as though he was torn over what to do, Johnny finally shook his head.  “Um…no.  I want to sit him up a little…see if that helps his breathing any.”  Roy’s nod offered some measure of relief.  If he had truly felt that Johnny’s decision reflected poor judgment in this case, he would have said so.

Cap, Roy, and Johnny waited until the attendants raised the head of the litter and then they all worked together to lift Justin onto it as carefully as possible.  Then, the firefighters stepped back and allowed the attendants to load the litter onto the ambulance.  Roy placed a hand on Johnny’s shoulder.  “You gonna be okay?”  He knew better than to suggest Johnny drive the squad in, although it was probably the best option.  It had probably been the best option after Johnny had been hit by the pickup truck for Bellingham to ride in the ambulance, and for Dwyer to do so after Johnny had been assaulted.  But, on those occasions, it would have taken brute physical force to keep Roy from his partner’s side, so he couldn’t expect anything else from Johnny.  Besides, it wasn’t a long ride, and Roy knew his partner would do what needed to be done.  He reminded himself to be there for him later, when all of the fear and frustration Johnny was harboring no longer needed suppressed.

Again, Johnny said nothing, but offered a curt nod.  Setting his jaw, he climbed into the back of the ambulance and settled himself on the bench seat for the ride to Rampart.

***

Johnny released the remaining air from the BP cuff and pulled the stethoscope out of his ears.  Looking down at Justin, he noticed his eyes were open and squinting up at him, the harsh overhead lighting causing further irritation.  Johnny reached over and turned the lights onto their lowest setting.  “Better?”

Justin nodded.

“How are you feeling?”  Johnny watched as Justin’s left arm moved toward the center of his chest, keeping an eye on his IV.  “Chest hurt?”

Justin’s breathing was still erratic and strained and his throat felt like it was on fire.  His raspy voice was almost painful to hear.  “Burns.”

Unable to make out what Justin had said due to the hoarseness of his voice and the muffling properties of the oxygen mask, Johnny leaned closer.  “What’s that?”

Justin closed his eyes and swallowed with some difficulty before making another attempt.  “Burns…”

“I know…”  Johnny knew from experience the many ways smoke could take its toll after breathing in too much, and none of them felt good.  “Respiratory will come down and do a couple of breathing treatments, and you’ll feel good as new.”  Johnny hoped what he was saying was the truth.  The reality was, there was a good chance Justin had suffered some damage to his airway, possibly even some burns.  If that were the case, it would take more than just a few breathing treatments to have him feeling better.

Justin closed his eyes and tried to focus on the cool, moist oxygen flowing into his throat and lungs.  He was thinking the same thing Johnny was, and while he appreciated the fact that his friend was trying to encourage him and ease his fears, he also knew that Johnny was aware he would be concerned.  His chest tightened and he began coughing again.

“Easy…”  Johnny laid a steadying hand on Justin’s forehead.  “Just keep using that oxygen.  Concentrate on slowing your breathing down.”  He knew he was asking the impossible, but he had to try.

Justin took a few breaths before his mind moved on to other matters.  “John…the fire…”

“Justin, stop talking.” 

But Justin needed to know something.  “What…caused…the fire?”

Of course.  Of course he would want to know that.  “I don’t know.  It’ll probably take a few days for them to investigate it.  Listen, I know it’s hard, but try not to worry about that right now.”  Yeah right.  “I’m just glad we got you out of there.”

Again Justin closed his eyes and tried his best not to think about all of the things he lost, instead choosing to be thankful that Camarin and the girls hadn’t been home when the fire broke out.  But creeping into his mind uninvited was the fact that he was going to be spending time in the hospital…time that needed to be spent getting the business up and running…time that needed to be spent finishing his classes.  The pain in his right leg was tolerable now, but every once in a while a sharp spasm would leave his head swimming.  His left leg and right arm burned fiercely, while his ribs jagged knifelike with each tortured breath.  In his entire life, he had never experienced pain quite like this, and although he had witnessed enough of it in his line of work, he realized just how ill prepared he was to deal with it himself.  “Hurts…”

Johnny’s throat tightened.  He knew firsthand how much his brother-in-law was suffering, and he was helpless to do much about it.  He remembered being in Justin’s position…the rational side of his brain knowing why he couldn’t receive any more pain medication, the human side desperately wanting it at all costs.  He wondered how Roy had dealt with it when he had been the one on the litter.  “Yeah…Brackett was a little stingy with the morphine.”  Actually I’m a little surprised he allowed as much as he did.  “Once we get there, he’ll work to get your breathing stabilized a little better…check your X-rays to make sure your head’s okay.  Then, he’ll give you some more.”   He wrapped his hand around Justin’s and held on.  “Just hang in there.”

“Leg…how bad?”

Johnny glanced down at the saline soaked sheets covering Justin’s left leg and the traction splint encased right one.  “Which one?”

Justin sighed, coughing slightly.  He had meant the right one, had overheard them saying his femur was fractured.  But, now that Johnny mentioned it, he was concerned about his left leg too.  “Both.”

Johnny took a deep breath and increased his hand hold while simultaneously moving his face a little closer to Justin’s.  “Well…you have some first and second degree burns on your left leg.  Your right femur is fractured.  Doesn’t look too bad.”

Hearing it confirmed caused Justin’s head to pound with more intensity.  He knew all about femur fractures…knew how debilitating they could be, and under the right circumstances how life threatening they could be.  He had helped plenty of people, including Johnny recover from this same injury.  But dealing with one himself…that was never in his plans.  “God damn it.  John…”  His respiration rate increased along with his stress level.

“It’ll be okay, Justin.  It was for me.  It will be for you too.  Now just relax…”

“Todd…”  Justin choked out.  “Want…Todd to…”  His sentence was chopped off by a harsh round of coughing.

Luckily Johnny knew exactly what Justin was trying to communicate.  He reached for the biophone receiver.  “It’s Sunday night, Justin.  Is he on?”  After receiving Justin’s nod, Johnny keyed the handset.  He needed to give Brackett an update anyway.  “Rampart, County 51.”

“Go ahead, 51.”

“Rampart, I have updated vitals.  Pulse is 110, respirations are improved but continue to be labored…about 36.  BP is 108 over 66.”  Johnny paused a beat.  “Uh, Rampart…the patient is Justin Quinn.  He requests that Todd Andrews be paged to the ER.”

Brackett exchanged a look with Dixie at this news, hoping he hadn’t heard right.  “Can you repeat that, 51?”

Johnny steeled himself.  Saying Justin’s name seemed to solidify in his mind that this was truly happening, and wasn’t some exhaustion induced nightmare.  “It’s Justin, Doc.  He wants Todd to meet us in the ER if he can.”

“51, we copy.  Tell Justin not to worry.  What’s your ETA?”

Johnny glanced at his watch.  “ETA’s about 5 minutes.”

 Brackett looked at Dixie, who was standing near the base radio with an unreadable expression.  Although she was happily dating Joe Early at the present time, Brackett was fully aware of her past with Justin.  “Are you going to be okay?”

Dixie straightened, clearing her throat as she moved toward the phone on the desk.  “I’ll call up to orthopedics and have Todd paged.  Then I’ll go make sure treatment three is ready.”

I guess that’s a yes…the doctor thought as he made his way out to the receiving area.

In the ambulance, Johnny decided to get his friend ready for the ER.  He noticed Justin’s eyes were closed and a damp sheen of perspiration covered his skin.  “Hey, Justin?”

Justin opened his eyes at the sound of his name.  The effort of breathing was taxing, and he looked up at the paramedic wearily.

“I’m gonna cut your shirt off, okay?”  His eyes traveled over Justin’s already sliced open T-shirt.  It wouldn’t take long, and it would be one less thing they would need to do in the ER.

Justin closed his eyes, trying his best not to feel the one hundred raw emotions that seemed to be battling for first place.  He knew Johnny was just doing his job, returning the favor if you will, for all of the times Justin had been there to take care of him.  But, now he was the vulnerable one.  The tables were turned and Justin didn’t like it one bit.  “Payback time…huh?”

Johnny forced a smile.  “You should consider yourself lucky.  You finally get to see one of LA County’s finest firefighter/paramedics in action.”

“Rather not…be seeing it…from…this angle.”

“Yeah, well…”  Johnny continued as he worked, the friendly banter working to ease his own mind.  “It’s thanks to you I’m still doing this job in the first place.  It’ll be fine, Justin.  Try not to worry.”

A blackened tear slid from the corner of Justin’s eye as he resigned himself to his fate, numbing himself to the cold metallic edge of Johnny’s trauma shears as they brushed against his damp skin.  He felt Johnny’s hands removing pieces of his shirt, bit by bit.  And then, he shivered slightly when those hands stopped and rested near his throat.

Johnny fingered the necklace which he had never seen missing from around Justin’s neck.  In all the time he had known him, it had always been there, a gentle reminder of the woman he made a promise to long ago…a promise that he would always keep her near to his heart.  Johnny thought back to the conversation he had with Justin about the necklace after he and Camarin had become engaged.  Justin told him that Camarin had been curious about the piece of jewelry, and that he had been nervous about telling her who had given it to him, and why he still wore it…and how relieved he had been to find out Camarin had no problem with it at all.  In fact, she thought it was sweet that Justin was keeping his promise after all these years…that it spoke of what kind of man he was.  Johnny hadn’t been surprised at all by his sister’s reaction.  “They’re going to want this off, man.”

Justin’s left hand moved until it covered Johnny’s.  He couldn’t remember the last time he had taken the necklace off.  In fact, he wasn’t sure he ever had.  Abby had given it to him a long time ago.  He put it on then and promised her he would never take it off.  For twenty seven years, he had kept that promise.  He closed his eyes, and fought back the emotion filling them.

“How about if I hold onto it for you…for safekeeping?”

Justin made no attempt at a response, other than to release Johnny’s hand.  He kept his eyes closed as he felt Johnny’s fingers at the back of his neck, undoing the clasp.  This last ritual…this last act cementing his status as a patient was unnerving for both him and his friend.  As he felt Johnny’s hands begin to move away, Justin grabbed onto his wrist, his eyes registering a mixture of long forgotten feelings.  “John…”

Johnny wanted to look away at the look of fear in Justin’s eyes.  He had often relied on his friend’s confidence and strength.  This emotion, at least on Justin, was foreign.  And it scared the hell out of him.  Afraid to speak, but unable to keep quiet, Johnny did his best to keep his voice on an even keel.  Now he knew why Roy’s voice seemed to rise an octave whenever he was worried.  “It’s gonna be all right…”

Justin continued to hold on, as if he could leech some sort of power from his friend that would ease his mind and make all of this go away.

“It’s gonna be all right.”  Johnny repeated, maintaining eye contact, hoping to God his face belied more confidence than he was feeling.  He gave Justin’s hand one final squeeze before tucking the necklace into his wallet, making sure that Justin saw him do it.  He looked out the back windows, partly to see where they were, partly so his patient would not see the uncertainty in his own eyes.  “Looks like we’re here.  Let’s get you inside and get you taken care of.”  He waited until the back doors opened and he followed Justin’s litter inside, ignoring the ache that awakened in his left hip and thigh and crept across his shoulders when he made the jump off the back of the truck.

***

A kind, soft voice filtered through the raucous barking coming from the head of the emergency department.  “Hey, handsome.”

Justin looked up at the head nurse and did his best to smile.  Inside, he was scared to death, and he wondered if she could see that. 

“…arterial blood gases, toxicity screen, anchor a foley and get a UA.  Carole?  Call respiratory and find out what’s keeping them.  I want a therapist down here now!”  Brackett leaned over his patient and carefully listened to his lungs.  Frowning, he straightened, and removed the ear pieces.  “Still wheezing.  Let’s get him on the cardiac monitor.”

Justin closed his eyes, listening to the voices swirling around him, conscious of the many hands that were completing their various tasks.  His mind seemed to swirl in a dizzying vortex as smells, sounds, sensations all melded together in one unbelievable nightmare.  This couldn’t be happening.  Not to him.  A sharp pain in his wrist caused him to cry out and start coughing.  Then, the kind, soft voice was back, accompanied by a soothing hand in his hair.

“Sorry, Justin.  We needed to get a blood gas.  It’s all done now.”  Dixie allowed her hand to linger for a moment before moving on to her next order.

“Johnny?  How much smoke did he take in?”  Brackett was using his penlight to check inside Justin’s nose and mouth for evidence of burns.

“Umm…he was under the house.  He had some ventilation under there, but the smoke was still pretty thick.  And I don’t know how much he got inside the house.  He had to take in some pretty hot air before he fell, too.”

Brackett ran his fingers gently around Justin’s throat.  “He’s definitely got some swelling here.”  Turning to Dixie, he ordered, “Let’s give him some solu-medrol, seventy five milligrams to start, and fifty milligrams every four hours.” Looking back up at Johnny, he added, “How far did he fall?”

“About 12 to 15 feet, Doc.”  Johnny watched as Brackett’s hands moved skillfully over Justin’s body from head to toe, looking for injuries.  “He landed on sand, but he must’ve gotten his leg under him.  Then a beam came down and pinned him.  It landed about here.”  Johnny indicated the area of his left ribcage.

Once Brackett had completed his initial assessment, his hands moved back to Justin’s left side, which was already beginning to bruise.  The slightest amount of pressure elicited a jerk and a raspy moan from his patient.  “Probably at least two or three fractured ribs.” The doctor’s hands moved down and pressed into the upper left quadrant of Justin’s abdomen.  Watching his patient for any signs of discomfort and finding none, he moved down to his left leg.

The door opened and a young man in scrubs entered, pushing a small cart.  Recognizing the respiratory therapist, Brackett moved out of the way, and began peeling back the sheets covering the burns on Justin’s leg, causing him to hiss in pain as the cool air in the treatment room made contact with the blistered skin.  “Second degree burns.  Carole, let’s get some more saline on these until we have a chance to clean them up.  His arm too.”

The therapist stood near Justin’s head and removed his oxygen mask, replacing it with one with a nebulizer.  “This is going to taste really bitter, but it should help ease some of that tightness in your chest.  There’s some lidocaine in here, too, to help with the burning.”

Justin gratefully breathed in the foul tasting vapors.  At the moment, he would do anything to be able to breathe one decent lungful of air, and get some relief from the scorching sensation that began in his nostrils and burned a path all the way down his throat, settling in behind his sternum, and traveling around toward his back.  He did his best to follow the therapist’s instructions to breathe as deeply as he could, allowing the pungent medicine to soothe away the fire in his chest.  He was hindered by sharp pains in his left side with every inhale, but right now being able to breathe again was his top concern.  He had almost drifted off when another familiar voice appeared in the room.

“Justin?”

Opening his eyes, Justin peered through the watery haze at his boss and friend.  “Todd…”

“When you told me you were taking a vacation, I didn’t think this is what you had in mind.” Todd Andrews smiled down at his friend as he wrapped his fingers gently around his hand.

Justin offered his best attempt at a tired smile.

Todd looked across the table at Brackett.  “Did you get any films yet?”

“Not yet.  The portable should be on its way now.”

Todd squeezed Justin’s hand reassuringly.  “I’m gonna take a look at your leg, Justin.”  Silently assessing his patient’s breathing and the pattern on the cardiac monitor, Todd inquired of his colleague, “He seems pretty stable now.  Can we get some morphine on board first?”

Brackett nodded as he folded his arms in front of him.  “Sure.  I think it’s safe at this point.  Dix?  Five milligrams.”

Johnny watched the proceedings from his spot near the exam table.  There was a fine balance between being in the way and being near enough to offer support.  While he was relieved that Justin was in good hands, and appeared to be stabilizing, he realized he had never felt so helpless.  He found himself wishing Brackett would offer him something to do. 

Ever observant, Dixie seemed to notice this, so after she finished injecting the morphine, she moved to the paramedic’s side.  “Roy’s probably out in the hall.  And you look like you could use a cup of coffee.  Why don’t you go freshen up a little and come back?  Justin’s in good hands.”

Johnny’s eyes moved from the nurse back to his brother-in-law.  He shook his head.  “I…I can’t, Dix…”

Justin’s hand reached out searchingly until it found the grasp it was looking for.  “Go.”  He looked up at Johnny, his eyes glazed and lazy…the blue orbs conveying the assurance that the morphine and breathing treatments his friend had promised earlier were helping him feel better.

“Justin…”  Johnny knew there was nothing he could really do for Justin now but offer support.  But, still, it didn’t feel right to leave him.  He caught the eye of his orthopedic surgeon who was busy checking for a distal pulse at Justin’s right foot.

“Go ahead, John.  He’s going to be fine.  The techs will be here soon to take some pictures anyway.”

“Okay…”  Johnny gave the hand a squeeze.  “Okay…I’ll go call Camarin.  And Hannah.  She’ll want to know too.  You just listen to these guys and do what they tell you.  I’ll be back, okay?”

The corners of Justin’s mouth turned up ever so slightly.  “’Kay…don’t worry ‘bout…me.  You’re the…troublemaker…remember?”

Maybe so, but you had me scared to death.  “Yeah…right.”  Another squeeze.  “See you later.”  Johnny headed toward the door, his hip protesting the change from standing to walking.  He was halted by a concerned voice behind him.

“John?  You okay?”

Johnny bristled, unsure exactly why he was feeling anger toward the kind orthopedic surgeon who had put him back together on more than one occasion.  “Yeah…”  He brushed him off.  “I’m fine.”  And he entered the hallway in search of a payphone.

Todd turned his attention back to Justin, figuring he would check on Johnny later. He checked the reflexes in Justin’s foot, then brushed his fingers against his toes.  “Feel that?”  After Justin’s nod, he added, “Good.  Move them for me.”  The surgeon watched Justin’s toes wiggle back and forth slightly before moving back up to his head.  “There’s a lot of swelling, Justin.  And I’m not going to take the splint off to do an exam.  We’ll see what the X-rays show.  The good news is, your reflexes are good, you have a good, strong pedal pulse, there’s no evidence of nerve entrapment or excessive blood loss.  I have a feeling we’re dealing with a relatively stable fracture, okay?”

“’Zat supposed to…make me…feel better?”

Todd smiled.  Knowing Justin, being the one dealing with the injury instead of the one helping to rehabilitate it was not going to be easy.  “Well, it should.  It could have been a lot worse.”  Todd moved the sheet aside and began palpating the area around Justin’s right hip.  “Any pain here?”

Justin coughed softly.  “Aches like a…sonofabitch.  Especially with you…”  His speech was halted by a particularly strong muscle spasm.  “…poking around at it…like that.”  Justin felt his head being lifted slightly so that the respiratory therapist could remove the nebulizer mask.  For some reason, the bitter flavor of the medicine took that moment to combine with the acrid taste of smoke on Justin’s tongue, and he began gagging at this new sensation of nausea.

“Justin, what’s wrong?”  Todd noticed the urgency in Justin’s eyes a second or two later than Dixie who had already reached for the emesis basin.  Then, the two of them supported their friend through the awful experience that came next.

Justin had no chance to prepare himself.  One minute he was feeling queasy, and the next he was heaving up what was left of the salad he had several hours ago along with copious amounts of saliva the color of charcoal.  The sight of it was enough to make him heave again, as pain-so-bad-he-was-sure-he’d-pass-out tore through his injured ribs.  He closed his watering eyes and decided that if he had to live in a bubble for the rest of his life, he was absolutely…positively…never going through anything like this again.  Slowly, soothing voices and calming touches crept back into his awareness.  The rim of a cup nudged his lips along with a quiet order to rinse his mouth, so he did.  The next thing he knew, he was being resettled against his pillow and an oxygen mask was being placed over his mouth and nose.  In the distance he could hear Brackett and Todd talking to the X-ray technicians.  Finally daring to open his eyes, he looked up blearily at Dixie, who began dabbing his face with a cool washcloth.

“Better?”

A low groan was followed by a bitter comment Justin immediately regretted.  It was as if he had no control over his sensibilities anymore.  “Compared to…what?”  He closed his eyes.  “Sss-sorry.”

But Dixie wasn’t fazed.  “Justin Quinn, I think you’ve earned the right to be a little out of sorts.”  She looked up and then back down again.  “It looks like it’s time for some pictures.  I have to go for a little while.”

For some reason, the thought of his friends leaving him alone brought forth irrational fear.  Or maybe it was rational.  Justin couldn’t quite figure it out.  All he knew for sure was that he didn’t like being a patient.  He had what felt like a million questions and what felt like the stress of the world resting on his shoulders.  He reached out and weakly grabbed onto Dixie’s uniform.  “Don’t…leave.”

Dixie leaned down and offered a nurturing kiss to Justin’s forehead.  “I have to…just for a little while.  I’ll be back.”

Justin let go and closed his eyes, wishing he could go to sleep and wake up again…and find out this was all a bad dream.

***

As soon as Johnny stepped out of Justin’s room, he started for the payphone he knew he would find just outside Kelly Brackett’s office.  He did his best to hide the limp caused by the heavy ache in his left hip, but it felt like every eye in the ER was scrutinizing his every stiffened move.  A voice from behind him almost stopped him in his tracks.

“Hey, Johnny.  How’s Justin?”  Roy caught up with his partner in two strides.

Johnny spoke without stopping.  “Stable.  I gotta call Camarin and Hannah.”

“Do you want me to call one of them?”

Johnny stopped and turned to face his friend.  “No…I think it would be better coming from me, you know?”

Yes, Roy did know.  He knew all too well.  “Yeah, okay.”  He paused long enough to chew his bottom lip while contemplating how his next suggestion would go over.  “Uh…when you’re done there, how about if we get a doc to look at you?  It’ll only take…”

Johnny sighed angrily as he leaned one hand against the wall by the phone and looked down at the floor.  “Is this the way it’s gonna be from now on, Roy?  Is it?  Every time I’m a little sore after a rough shift?”

“Johnny…”

“Because Andrews said this is normal, you know.  I mean it hasn’t exactly been a cake walk today…two rope rescues…three MVA’s…”

“Johnny…”

Johnny stood up now, arms gesturing wildly.  “Hell, I just carried my brother-in-law out of a burning building.  I guess that doesn’t…”  He was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

“Johnny!”  Roy took a moment to collect himself, satisfied that he had gotten the other man’s attention at last.  “I wasn’t talking about that.  In case you forgot, you were clipped pretty hard by a hundred pound beam back there.  I thought maybe you’d wanna have your back looked at…”  Noticing Johnny’s feathers beginning to ruffle again, Roy raised a placating hand.  “Besides…Cap gave orders to make sure you got checked out before you come back to the station.”  Seeing that Johnny was still not appeased, he added, “And it has nothing to do with your hip, John.  He wants to make sure your back is all right.”

Johnny kept his voice low and even, not wanting to make a scene in the ER, but feeling angry and frustrated enough at the moment to produce a big one.  He spoke through gritted teeth.  “I don’t have time for this right now, Roy.  Just let me make these calls…and then I gotta get back to Justin.”

Joe Early had been standing just around the corner and could not help but hear some of the paramedics’ conversation.  He decided to intervene, and possibly take some of the pressure off of Roy.  “Hey, fellas.  Radiology is really backed up.  They haven’t even gotten down here to do Justin’s films yet.  Did I hear you were injured at the fire, Johnny?”

Johnny let out a long, tense sigh, the look he was giving Roy letting him know exactly how he was feeling.  “It’s just a bruise.”

“Well, if that’s all it is…then we can have this exam done before the techs are finished with Justin.  Why don’t you make your phone calls, and meet me in treatment five?”

Knowing he was outnumbered, but not a bit happy about it, Johnny resigned.  “Fine.”  He fished in his pocket for a dime and dropped it in the slot.

***

“Any numbness or tingling in your arms or fingers, Johnny?”  Joe gently palpated the heavily bruised area which stretched across the backs of Johnny’s shoulders.

“No, Doc.”  Johnny raised his arms and opened and closed his hands a time or two, as if to demonstrate that he was fine.

Joe walked around to face the paramedic.  “Well, you were right.  Nothing’s broken.  You do have some pretty deep bruising, though, so you’re bound to be pretty sore for the next couple of days.  Roy, you can let your captain know, Johnny won’t be coming back to work until his next shift.”

Johnny opened his mouth, beginning the protest both of the other men expected.  But, then he thought better of it.  The truth was, he felt like crap.  And if he didn’t have to go back to work tonight, that meant he could stay here and make sure Justin was okay, not to mention Hannah, who was on her way with Camarin.

Slightly surprised at the other man’s silence, Joe became suspicious.  “Johnny, is there something else going on?”

Johnny made eye contact with Roy, who was leaning against the wall near the door, his expression asking whether or not his partner was going to be honest.  Figuring he may as well bring it up, rather than face the inevitable questions later, Johnny gave in.  “As a matter of fact, Doc…well, I know Andrews said I would experience some aching and stiffness…but…well, how much is too much, Doc?”

Joe leaned on the exam table, concerned.  “What do you mean?”

Johnny sighed.  “I mean…my hip and leg are killing me.  They’ve been aching for a few days now, but today, it’s been getting worse.  In fact, right before we got called out to Justin’s place, I was about to ask Cap if I could go home.”  Johnny watched Roy’s eyebrows peak in curiosity and then furrow in concern.

“It’s been a really rough shift, Johnny…”  Roy stepped closer to the table.  “It really has, Doc.  Unusually strenuous.  That’s probably all it is, right?”

Joe rubbed at his nose.  “Hmm…it could be a case of a little too much too soon.  Why don’t I go see if Todd’s free?  Maybe he should take a look…”

“No.”  Johnny slid down from the table with a wince and picked up his t-shirt.  “He’s got his hands full with Justin right now.”

“I’m sure it would be no bother…”  Joe opened the door.

“No, Doc.  Please.  I’ll be fine.  I just need to take some aspirin and get off it for a while.  That’s all.  Please.”  The last thing Johnny wanted was to take Todd’s attention away from Justin’s broken leg for something as menial as a stiff joint.

Joe exchanged a look with Roy.  “Okay.  But, promise me you’ll make an appointment to see Todd if it gets any worse.”

“I will, Doc.”  Johnny began to slip into his t-shirt, but he was stopped by Joe.

“Listen, I just saw the techs go into Justin’s room.  They’ll be a while.  Why don’t you go on down to the locker room and take a hot shower?  I’ll get you some scrubs to put on.  And, with that bruise and the pain you’re feeling in your hip, I think something stronger than aspirin is in order.  How about some codeine?”

Again, Johnny was about to protest.  He was never one to freely accept pain medication in the first place.  And, tonight he needed to have all of his sensibilities intact.  Justin would likely be headed to surgery for his leg, and he would be in for a long night of waiting.  On the other hand, the idea of facing the night ahead and being able to effectively offer support to Justin, Camarin, and Hannah without the added distraction of pain seemed like a good idea.  Besides, Johnny reasoned, caffeine was always available in unlimited supply here and anxiety over his friend’s condition would keep him alert indefinitely.  “Yeah…that sounds good.”

Roy was just about to speak, but thought better of it.  If Johnny was accepting codeine, he was hurting far worse than he was letting on.  But, now was not the time to get into that.  Johnny was likely right.  He just needed some rest.  The question was, with Justin in the hospital…how much rest was his friend likely to get?  “I’ll uh…go give Cap a call.  Meet you in the lounge.”

“Okay.”  Johnny agreed as he swallowed the offered medication and made his way to the physicians’ locker room.

***

Johnny leaned against the slippery tile wall of the shower and allowed the steaming water to penetrate every muscle.  As he noticed the soot and grime swirling at his feet and disappearing down the drain, he tried to picture the events of this horrible night following it on its path underground.  He wished it were that easy.  That he could wash away what happened as easily as he could wash away the dirt and sand from his exhausted body.

Breathing a heavy sigh, he leaned back and allowed the pulsating shower stream to rain down over his face as he scrubbed the shampoo from his hair.  He thought of Justin.  It seemed that although he faced a lengthy and perhaps difficult recovery, that he would be all right.  That was more than Johnny could say for his belongings.  Roy had spoken with Cap.  There was not much left to salvage.  In fact, Justin’s Mercedes, which had been parked about a hundred yards from the house, was about all that was left.  No matter how hard Johnny tried reminding himself to focus on the fact that Justin, Camarin, and the girls were alive, he couldn’t shake the heavy burden of sadness that seemed to settle in the pit of his stomach and take up residence.  He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to lose just about everything he owned.  And then there was Justin…the business, his classes…how would this affect all of that?  And in the back of his mind was another more ominous thought.  Johnny was well aware of the effects of smoke inhalation and inhalation injuries.  There was a chance Justin could get worse…

Lost in his thoughts, Johnny dropped the soap.  Bending to pick it up, he felt the familiar strain of tired muscles in his lower back and hip.  As he stood up again, he thought back to the rescue at the fire.  He couldn’t even remember much of it now, he had worked so hard to remain detached so that he could do what needed to be done.  But, he did remember feeling like he should have performed better.  Justin deserved that.  After all, how many times had Justin been there for him when he was injured or had a problem…keeping his cool and helping him to feel at ease?   Cursing loudly, he threw the bar of soap against the wall and pounded the tile with the side of his fist.  He was startled by a voice behind him. 

“Johnny?  Is everything all right in there?”

Brackett.  God, why is he here?  “Yeah, Doc.  Just…dropped the soap.  Justin okay?” 

“He’s fine, Johnny.  The techs are in with him now, taking pictures.  They’ll be a while.  Is the shower helping?”

Apparently Brackett had spoken with either Roy or Joe.  “Yeah…I guess so.”

“Okay, well take your time.  I just brought you a pair of sneakers.  Thought maybe they would be more comfortable than your boots.  I’ll come get you in the lounge in a little bit, okay?”

“Okay…thanks, Doc.”  Johnny waited until he was reasonably sure the doctor was gone before turning off the water and wrapping the towel he had draped over the bar around his waist.  He stepped out into the steam-filled locker room and shivered at the difference in temperature.  Using another towel to dry his hair, he plopped down wearily on the wooden bench and took a moment to run his hand down over his face.  He was beat.  Utterly exhausted.  And the warm water from the shower didn’t do much to ease the ache that seemed to have settled into every joint.  He picked up his watch and checked the time.  It had only been about ten minutes since he took the codeine.  With great effort, Johnny pulled on the scrubs and sneakers he borrowed and walked to the sink.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tin of Tylenol.  Downing three with some water from the sink, he limped tiredly down the hall.

When Johnny reached the lounge, he immediately moved toward the couch, his only acknowledgment of Roy’s presence a half wave.  He sat down gingerly and accepted the cup of coffee his partner had waiting for him.  “Thanks.”

“Feeling any better?”  Roy moved to the arm of the couch and perched on the end.

“A little…”  Johnny lied.  “Any word on Justin?”

“Not yet, and by the way, Cap called.  Dwyer and Fitz both offered to come in for some overtime, so I can stay here.”  Roy took a sip of his brew.

“Oh…”  Johnny yawned.  “Thanks, Roy.  But, you should go home…be with Joanne.  It’s probably just going to be a lot of waiting anyway.  He’s probably headed for surgery for his leg…”

“I already called Joanne.  I’m going to stay.”  Roy had a feeling Johnny was going to need some support before this night was over.  Sooner or later, the events of the past few hours would catch up with him.  Not only that, but Hannah and Camarin were on the way here, and Roy figured he could help offer them his support through the many questions that were likely to follow.  “That is, if it’s okay with you?”

“Sure…”  Johnny sat his cup down on the side table.  “Sure…it’s okay with me.”  Suddenly he was having trouble keeping his eyes open, the exhaustion of the day, the warm shower, and the codeine all slamming into him at once.

Roy noticed Johnny fighting hard against nodding off.  “You look beat.  Why don’t you rest a little while?  I’ll wake you when there’s any news.”

Johnny shifted his position.  “Don’t wanna sleep.”  He was angry at himself for even being able to sleep at a time like this.  Shouldn’t he be wide awake?  On the edge of his seat waiting for news?  His brother-in-law…one of his best friends…was in the emergency room for christsake.  But the more Johnny tried to fight, the heavier his eyelids became…as if affected by some gravitational pull…until finally, sleep won out and he slumped against the back of the couch.

Roy stood and refilled his cup with coffee from the decanter across the room.  Then, he sat down at the small table and looked at his watch.  He wondered if they would have news on Justin before the women arrived.  He looked over at his sleeping partner and remembered a time he had waited in this very room.  Only Roy hadn’t had the support of a best friend to lean on during the long, bitter hours of that night.  He promised himself he would not let Johnny deal with this alone.

***

Johnny awoke with a start.  At first he wasn’t sure what had awakened him, but once he moved past his initial disorientation, and realized he was in the lounge at Rampart, his fuzzy thoughts cleared and he found himself looking up at Kelly Brackett.

Something was not right.

Call it instinct, Johnny wasn’t sure what, but he could tell immediately that Brackett was not here with good news.  He had seen that look on his face before…far too many times not to recognize it.  A lump formed in his throat, and it only grew bigger when the doctor took a seat beside him on the couch.  Johnny didn’t understand.  Justin was fine when he left.  Wasn’t he?  “Doc?”  Johnny’s voice sounded foreign to him.

Brackett sighed a sigh that seemed to drag all available energy from the room.  His expression reeked of detached professionalism.  “Johnny…Justin stopped breathing.  He went into cardiac arrest shortly thereafter, and…we couldn’t get him back.”  He rested a hand on the other man’s shoulder, trying his best not to be affected by the unbelieving look in his eyes.  “I’m sorry.”

Johnny backed away as if burned by Brackett’s touch.  “No…”

Brackett’s hand moved to the back of his neck.  “Yes, Johnny.  I’m sorry.  We did all we…”

“No!”  Johnny was on his feet now, his hand in his hair, pacing like a caged cat.  “You’re wrong…you have to be wrong!  I…I just talked to him.  He was fine…”

“The damage to his lungs and upper airway was too severe, Johnny.  The medication…”

“No, you don’t understand!”  Johnny was becoming overwhelmed with the urge to rip Brackett apart…or at least start throwing everything in the room that wasn’t nailed to the floor.  “He was fine…he was just getting…X-rays…”

Roy’s hand moved to Johnny’s shoulder now.  “Johnny…”

Johnny’s eyes flashed betrayal at his friend.  Justin was fine.  Why was no one listening to him?  “No, Roy!  You’re wrong!”  Tearing away from Roy’s tenuous grasp, he moved to the door, ignoring the sound of his name being called.

“Johnny…wake up.”

“You’re wrong…”

Roy shook Johnny’s shoulder a little harder, concerned about the fine sheen of perspiration on his brow and the obvious nightmare.  “Johnny…you’re dreaming.  Wake up now.”

Johnny shook his head.  “You’re…”  But then something penetrated the fog.  Roy’s voice.  But, it wasn’t calling his name.  It was telling him to wake up.  Wake up?  “Hmmm…what?”

Roy waited until he saw Johnny’s eyes open.  “You were dreaming.  And from the sounds of it, it wasn’t a very nice dream.”

Johnny scrubbed his hands over his eyes as relief began creeping into his bones.  “Brackett…wasn’t here?”

“Not yet.”

“Then, Justin…he’s okay?”

Suddenly Roy knew exactly what Johnny had been dreaming about.  And it didn’t surprise him.  He had experienced his share of dreams like that one.  “As far as I know.”  He waited a few seconds as Johnny seemed to relax marginally.  “You wanna talk about it?”

Johnny shook his head and reached for his coffee.  Roy noticed his hand was shaking.  “No…it was…it was just a bad dream.”

***

A few minutes earlier…

Brackett was just about ready to enter Justin’s treatment room after the portable X-ray machine was rolled out, when he noticed Roy walking toward the lounge from the direction of the men’s room.  “Where’s Johnny?”

“He’s in the lounge…sleeping.”

Brackett almost smiled.  “Good.  He’ll probably hate me for it later, but how about we let him sleep until we get the results of the X-rays?  I put a rush on them.  It should only be a few minutes.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me.”  Roy agreed as he made his way back to the lounge. 

Several minutes later, Brackett looked up at the sound of the door opening.  “Hi, Todd.  Just waiting on the films.”

Todd waved a manila envelope in the air.  “Got ‘em.  Met the orderly on his way here.”  He handed the folder to Brackett and stopped beside the bed while his colleague began snapping pictures up onto the light board.  “Justin?  Can you hear me?”

“Mmm…”  Justin moved his head slightly at the sound of Todd’s voice, but he did not open his eyes.

Todd noticed Justin’s still laborious attempts at breathing.  He looked over his shoulder.  “Kel?  He’s still having trouble moving air.”

“I’ve given him a pretty hefty dose of steroids.  They’ll need a little more time to really start working.  His labs weren’t too great.  His SATs are low…CO2 is high.  But that’s to be expected…”  Brackett’s voice trailed off as he caught sight of the film he just snapped onto the board.  “Well now…this might have something to do with it, too.”

“What?”  Todd moved over to view the film.

“Pneumothorax.”  Brackett pointed to a dark area on the screen.  “It’s small…probably only ten to twenty percent.  He won’t need a chest tube, but we’ll have to keep an eye on it.  I’m sure that’s not helping his breathing any.”

“Fractures of the…”  Todd squinted as his hand moved to the board.  “…fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth ribs.”  He indicated the folder.  “Let me see the femurs.”

Brackett handed the films to Todd, who added them to the display.

Todd blew out a low whistle through his teeth.  It’s worse than I thought.  “Transverse fracture…slightly proximal to mid shaft…edges are pretty ragged.  We’ll need to keep him splinted and still until I can get him into surgery, so we don’t risk severing the femoral artery.”  He looked over at Dixie, who was busy washing the soot off Justin’s face.  “Dix, can you call the OR for me?  Tell them I’ll need a room as soon as possible.  And, let anesthesiology know, too.”  His eyes moved over to the X-rays of Justin’s pelvis that Brackett was studying.  “Good.  At least those are negative.”

Dixie moved over to the phone while Todd walked back over to Justin’s side.  “Justin?  Look at me for a minute.”

The mask Justin wore began to fog more rapidly as Todd’s voice interrupted his drugged oblivion.  He moaned once, began to cough, and eventually opened his eyes, squinting at the overhead light. 

Todd laid a hand on Justin’s shoulder.  “Justin…you’ve got some fractured ribs, which we expected.  They’ll heal fairly quickly on their own.  But, your femur is going to need a surgical fix.”

“How…bad…”  Justin fought to get the words out.  He felt like something was wrapped tightly around his throat and his chest and he was beyond exhausted.

“I’ll have to place an intramedullary rod.  Pretty routine stuff.  I don’t foresee any…Justin?”  Todd noticed Justin’s eyes had taken on an expression of distress…not really panic, but getting there.  “Justin, calm down.  It’s all going to be okay.  This is an easy fix…”

Justin’s hand moved toward his chest as it became increasingly difficult to breathe.  Harsh, high pitched stridorous sounds pierced the relative quiet of the treatment room.  It felt like he was suffocating.  He grabbed at the mask on his face.

“Take it easy, Justin…”  Todd grappled with his friend in an attempt to calm him and keep the mask where it was needed.

By this time, Brackett had crossed the room and he quickly sized up the situation.  “Damn it, his airway is swelling shut.  We’ll have to intubate him.  Dix?  Get Joe or Mike in here to help me!”

An outwardly calm, but inwardly rattled Dixie opened the door and noticed Joe Early walking down the hall.  “Joe!  Kel needs your help!”

Joe trotted into the room at the urgency in the normally stoic nurse’s voice.  Brackett and Todd had already lowered the head of the table and were moving Justin backward, positioning a pillow beneath his shoulders and leaning his head back in order to open his airway as much as possible. 

Dixie pulled an intubation tray out of the cabinet and placed it within easy reach of the doctors.  Brackett reached for an endotracheal tube and tried advancing it past Justin’s vocal cords.  He was met with resistance as his patient gagged and tried to move his head.  “He’s fighting it.  Ten milligrams diazepam!”

Todd stood back and allowed the emergency team room to work.  He wondered how aware Justin was at the moment.  If the rapid bleeping of the cardiac monitor was any indication, he had to be scared to death.  He was glad to hear Joe speaking softly near their patient’s ear.

“Easy, Justin.  Relax…” 

Within seconds, the sedative did its job and Justin’s muscles slackened while his heart rate slowed.  Brackett continued to try advancing the tube, and again pulled back in frustration.  “Damn it!  There’s too much swelling.  Someone get me a 7.5!”

Dixie handed Brackett the smaller tube and stood back, ready to assist, but watching nervously.  She knew if this didn’t work, a tracheotomy tray would be requested.  Her eyes settled on Justin’s chest, and she couldn’t be sure whether or not he was breathing anymore.

“Okay, I’m in.”  Brackett snapped the laryngoscope closed.  “Let’s get him on the vent.”  He stood back to allow Joe to do just that.  “Once his SATs come up a little, I’ll want to do a bronchoscopy to see how much damage we’re dealing with.”

Joe hooked up the ventilator while Dixie taped the tube securely to Justin’s mouth.  Since Justin was still trying to take breaths on his own, Joe set the ventilator so that it would offer support whenever he inhaled.  But after observing the pattern of Justin’s breathing for a minute or two, Joe realized something.  “He’s tiring.”  He adjusted the settings so that the ventilator would breathe for Justin whenever he became too exhausted to initiate it on his own.

“Let’s oxygenate him with 100 percent O2 for a few minutes.  I’ll place an arterial line and we’ll get another ABG.  Dix, set up for a bronchoscopy.”  Brackett donned a pair of gloves and prepared to start an arterial line in Justin’s left wrist.

“Do you want a central line too, Kel?”  Joe figured he would since Justin would likely be receiving multiple medications in addition to being fed intravenously as long as he was on the vent.

“Yeah.  Can you get that, Joe?”

Todd continued to watch from the foot of the exam table, the fact that this was all happening to Justin beginning to sink in.  He had been concerned when Dixie paged him to the ER, and filled him in on what had happened, but this scenario never entered his mind.  He supposed it was because he didn’t want to allow it as a possibility.  He cleared his throat in an attempt to dislodge the emotion that had become trapped there.  “I’m going to go cancel that OR.”

Brackett spoke without looking up from his work.  “Do you think the surgery can wait, Todd?  I admit, I’d like to wait until his lungs have had a chance to heal a bit…”

“Yes, it can wait.  I’ll have to place his leg in traction.  We’ll have to keep him as still as possible and keep an eye on his labs.  I’ll call the ICU and make sure they have a room available.  Then, I’ll start getting the traction set up.  You’ll let me know the results of the bronchoscopy?”

“You got it, Todd.  I’ll have you paged when he’s ready to be moved upstairs.  It shouldn’t be too long.”

Todd took one more good look at his friend, lying motionless on the table.  It was hard to believe less than a week ago Justin had been sitting in his office, requesting some vacation time, excitedly filling him in on how his new business venture was progressing.  The orthopedic surgeon let out a long breath before walking out into the busy emergency room hallway.

***

“…it was just a bad dream.”

Brackett overheard Johnny’s voice speaking to Roy.  Apparently he was no longer sleeping.  He wondered about the bad dream Johnny was speaking of, and hoped the news he had to deliver wasn’t worse.  He pushed the door open a crack and peeked in before entering.

“Hey, Doc.”  Roy greeted the doctor while doing his best to read his expression. 

“Roy, John.”  The doctor stepped into the room and took a seat on the couch next to Johnny, refusing Roy’s offer of a cup of coffee.

Johnny moved his legs onto the floor to give Brackett more room, wincing as he sat up a little straighter.  “How’s Justin?”  He made a move to get up.  “Can I see him now?”

A gentle hand to Johnny’s shoulder kept him in his seat.  Brackett was remembering times that he had sat in this very place, delivering bad news to Roy and Justin concerning Johnny’s condition.  He remembered how bitter the words felt on his tongue, and how it seemed as though a swarming host of butterflies had taken up residence in his stomach while he did his best to remain detached.  For reasons Brackett wasn’t quite sure of, he was having even more difficulty this time around.  Maybe it was because Johnny’s demeanor tended to be more explosive and volatile.  Or maybe it was because ever since Johnny had started inviting him over to ride his horses, they had become closer friends.  “Yes, Johnny.  You can see him.  But I need to talk to you first.”

Roy stood and moved to stand beside Johnny, a nonverbal gesture of protective support.

“Okay…”  Johnny could sense something was wrong.  Something bad had happened.  Memories of his nightmare came creeping back, making his flesh quiver.  Brackett’s hesitation was unnerving.  “Doc?”

Brackett’s eyes moved quickly to Roy before settling on the questioning brown ones next to him.  “I just performed a bronchoscopy.  There’s a lot of swelling in Justin’s trachea, along with moderate injuries to that and his bronchi.”

Johnny swallowed hard.  “Burns?”

“Some burns, yes.  Mostly a lot of inflammation.  Unfortunately the steroids I prescribed weren’t working fast enough to keep ahead of the swelling, so we had to intubate.”  Brackett paused for a second, allowing for the flurry of questions, the animated leap off the couch and subsequent pacing he expected would follow.  But it didn’t come.

Instead, Johnny’s jaw tensed, and his voice was low and quiet.  “Okay.”

Again, Brackett exchanged a glance with Roy, a bit more alarmed this time.  Both men knew a quiet Johnny wasn’t necessarily a good thing.  “The good news is, Justin is still breathing on his own.  But, the effort is exhausting him.  Right now, the goal is to maintain his airway and provide him some support.  The hope is that the medications kick in and begin to reduce the swelling soon.  Once his lungs begin to heal, and the swelling subsides, we can remove the tube.”

Johnny rubbed a hand tiredly over his eyes.  “But, it could get worse.  His lungs could start filling up with fluid.  The swelling could get worse…”

“Yes, Johnny.  That’s a possibility.  He’ll be in ICU where he can be monitored closely.  Hopefully this is the worst of it, but unfortunately, there’s no way to know.”

Johnny took a deep breath, allowing this information to seep into his tired bones.  “What about his leg?”

“The femur fracture is going to need surgery.  But, Todd’s going to wait a few days until his lungs have a chance to heal a little.  In the meantime, Justin will be in traction.  The good news is, there doesn’t appear to be any major bleeding.  The bad news is, it’s a pretty ragged fracture, so Justin will have to be very still.”

Johnny thought back to the days he was in traction following the hit and run accident that resulted in a proximal femur fracture.  He remembered how uncomfortable the traction was and the muscle cramping that continually plagued him.  He remembered how his whole body protested having to lie in one position for so long.  “He’s…sedated, right?”

“Yes, Johnny.  We’ll make sure he’s comfortable.  You know that.”

Johnny didn’t respond.  He was sure those close to him had probably been told something similar when he had been hospitalized.  But the truth was, most of the time, at least at first, Johnny had been anything but comfortable.  Then, his mind settled on something Brackett had said.  The fracture was ragged.  That meant there was concern that movement could bring with it damage to Justin’s femoral vessels.  And Johnny threw him over his shoulder and carried him with no thought as to the damage he could have caused.  What was he thinking?

After several moments passed with no response from Johnny, Brackett decided to comment on Justin’s other injuries.  “The burns on Justin’s leg and arm should heal well with minimal scarring.  There’s no evidence of a head injury, but he does have four fractured ribs and a small pneumothorax on the left side which I’m fairly sure will resolve on its own.”

“A pneumo?”  Again Johnny cursed his oversight.  Why hadn’t he taken a board with him to carry Justin out on?  In his haste to get his friend away from the structure, he could have caused him a world of additional harm.  Surely Roy hadn’t been that careless when he had been injured.  And apparently he had missed the pneumothorax as well.  “I…I missed that.”

“It’s very small, Johnny.  I missed it too.  I didn’t know it was there until it showed up on film.  Anyway, I wouldn’t worry about it.  I don’t think it will cause any problems, and it should heal fairly quickly.”

Brackett’s words did nothing to erase the self deprecation Johnny was now feeling.  If he had felt like he had done his best for his friend, that would have been one thing.  On some level Johnny knew that going back and second guessing a rescue was a common thing…he and Roy often found themselves picking apart what they had done…thinking of things after the fact, when the initial adrenaline fueled chaos of the scene was over, that they could have done differently.  This was especially true when the outcome was bad.  But, Johnny was quickly learning that when the patient was someone close to you, the heart had a tendency to overrule the mind, and had the potential to lead to tragic consequences.  The truth of the matter was, even if Johnny had done everything perfectly, it still wouldn’t have felt like enough.  He blew out a sigh and stood up, angry that he needed to use Roy’s shoulder for support.  “Can I see him now?  Before you take him upstairs?”

Brackett was becoming concerned.  Johnny seemed withdrawn and quiet.  He expected him to be full of questions, practically bouncing off the walls.  This seemingly silent acceptance was unnatural and Brackett tucked it away for now.  After all, he supposed, people reacted to stressful situations in different ways.  Still, the doctor wished he could get inside Johnny’s head for a minute.  “Carole and Sally are cleaning his burns right now.  When they’re finished, you can see him for a minute before he goes upstairs.  And then, Johnny…”

Johnny said nothing in response, but turned to face the doctor.

“After that, why don’t you go home and get some rest?  You look like you could use it.  All Justin’s going to do is sleep, and I’ll make sure you’re allowed full visitation privileges tomorrow.”

“I’m fine, Doc.”  Johnny stepped out into the hall and started heading toward the main emergency entrance.  He wanted to meet Hannah and Camarin at the door.

Back inside the lounge, Brackett stood up wearily.  He looked over at Roy, who appeared deep in thought, and was possibly trying to decide whether he should follow his friend.  “Roy?  Listen, you know Johnny better than I do…”

The sound of the doctor’s voice pulled Roy from his reverie.  “You know Johnny, Doc.  He needs to deal with this in his own way.”  Roy heard the words leaving his mouth, and he wanted to take comfort in them, but the truth was, he was concerned too.

“That’s just it, Roy.  Is it just me, or does he seem to be handling this a little…too well?”

“I know what you mean, Doc.  I’m sure he’s trying to keep it together for Hannah and Camarin’s sake.  But, I know him…he’s probably coming up with a hundred reasons why he could have done a better job in Justin’s care and beating himself up over it.”

Brackett crossed his arms as a knowing smile crossed his lips.  “Hmm…sounds like somebody else I know.”

“Guilty as charged, I guess.”  Roy swallowed down the last of his coffee and headed for the door.  “Well…I suppose I should go track him down.  Hannah and Camarin should be here soon.”

“Okay, Roy.”  Brackett started to follow the other man out of the room, but then he stopped them at the door.  “Uh…Roy?”  He paused and looked down, as if he was almost uncomfortable asking his next question.  “Is Johnny okay physically?  Joe told me he got some pretty serious bruises at the fire.  And that he’s having pain in his hip…”

“I don’t know.  I guess so.  Johnny seems to think he just needs some rest.  But, I can tell he’s really bothered by the pain in his hip…and not just physically.  But, really, it was an unusually strenuous shift today.  Thing is, he’s not likely to get any rest any time soon.  You know Johnny…”

“Yes, I do.  And I know I don’t need to tell you to keep a close eye on him.  But, some decisions are going to have to be made regarding his next shift.  I don’t want to add more fuel to the fire by confronting him on this, so let’s just wait and see if he decides on his own to take some time off.  If he doesn’t, then we may need to get your captain involved.  Right now, neither Joe nor I would feel comfortable clearing him for duty.”

“Right.  And I think Johnny knows that.  He told Dr. Early that he was about to ask Cap if he could go home right before we got called out to Justin’s place.”

“Okay, well then let’s just wait and see what happens.  I better get back to Justin.  I’ll come get you before we take him upstairs.  Oh, and why don’t you and Johnny take the women into my office?  The chairs are more comfortable, and no one will bother you in there.”

Roy smiled, appreciative of the gesture.  He thanked the doctor, then headed down the hall in search of his partner.

***

Hannah saw Johnny leaning against the wall outside the busy emergency room entrance and immediately quickened her step as much as her growing belly would allow.  “There’s John.”

Camarin followed Hannah’s finger toward the figure in blue scrubs.  She was relieved to see him.  On the phone, he had assured her Justin was all right.  Injured, but all right.  She hoped Johnny would be able to take her to him so she could talk to him…see for herself that he was indeed okay.

When the duo reached Johnny, hugs were exchanged, and Hannah’s brow immediately furrowed in concern.  Johnny looked awful.  Choosing to wait until later to talk to him about that, she focused on her brother, asking the question she knew was waiting behind Camarin’s lips.  “How’s Justin?  We got here as fast as we could…”

Johnny looked at the hopeful faces of his wife and sister and felt the weight of the world crushing his battered shoulders.  He had told them Justin was all right, hadn’t he?  They were expecting to be able to talk to him…He ran his hand through his already disheveled hair as the lump behind his breastbone grew larger.  “Come on inside, and we’ll talk.”

Hannah noted the color draining from Camarin’s face even as her own worst fears began swarming.  Taking the other woman’s hand, she led the way inside, following her husband.  She voiced an observation at Johnny’s attempt to hide his somewhat uneven gait.  “You’re limping.”

Johnny could feel anxiety swirl in his stomach as frustration screamed inside him for release.  The last thing he wanted was for anyone to be concerned about him right now.  “Tough shift, Han.  I’m fine.”  He led the way down the hall, running into Roy on the way to the lounge.

After greetings were exchanged, Roy let the others know that Brackett had offered the use of his office, so the foursome headed there.  Once inside, Johnny helped Hannah ease herself down into one of the cushioned chairs, stopping for just the briefest moment to rest a hand on her pregnant belly.  Swallowing down the fear that his child might not get to meet his or her uncle, he perched himself on the edge of Brackett’s desk, avoiding eye contact for the moment, as he figured out what to say.

“John, you’re scaring me.  Justin…he’s…”  Camarin moved closer to the desk, stopping to accept Hannah’s offer of a hand to hold onto.

“He’s okay…Justin’s okay…He’s…”  Johnny looked up at Roy, who was standing quietly by the door.  As much as he wanted to tell the women what was going on, his mouth suddenly went dry and the words seemed to be getting jumbled in his head.  Again cursing his ineffectiveness, his eyes conveyed to Roy that he needed some help.

Immediately picking up on Johnny’s non verbal communication, Roy crossed the room and took a seat on the edge of one of the other chairs.  In typical fashion, his calming voice seemed to leech some of the tension from the room.  “Justin’s going to be fine…the smoke he inhaled…along with the heat from the fire…it caused some injury and swelling to his throat and his lungs.  His doctors had to put a tube down his throat so it wouldn’t swell completely shut.”  He watched Hannah’s eyes close, and a tear track down her cheek.  “He’s on a ventilator, but he’s breathing on his own.  The ventilator will help him out until his throat and lungs have a chance to heal a little.”

Hannah’s mind raced.  She catalogued all of the possible complications that could arise due to these injuries, and none of them were good.  “Can we see him?”

“Brackett said he would come get us before they take him upstairs to ICU.”  Johnny heard the words leaving his mouth even as he struggled to believe it.  He was supposed to be helping Justin paint tomorrow.  A lump settled in behind his breastbone and refused to leave.  He shifted his position slightly in order to relieve the aching in his hip as he listened to Roy fill the others in on Justin’s other injuries.

Hannah listened carefully as she kept one eye on Camarin and the other trained on her husband.  When Roy was finished, she let Johnny know he wasn’t fooling her.  “Did you get hurt too?  At the fire?”

Johnny’s eyes lit briefly on Roy’s.  He had never been good at lying, and after the discussions he and Roy had concerning honesty, he knew he was trapped.  “Just a bruise.  It’s nothing.”

But Hannah wasn’t convinced.  “Where?  Your hip?”

Roy could tell Johnny was uncomfortable, so he decided to help him out.  “No, across his shoulders.”  He indicated where on his own body.  “He’s okay.  He carried Justin out…”

“You did?”  Camarin asked.  Receiving a shy nod from Johnny, she moved to face him, and wrapped her arms carefully around his neck.  “Thank you.”

Johnny was becoming more uncomfortable by the minute.  Suddenly the air inside the office felt stifling and he was overcome by the urge to flee.  Justin was lying in an exam room, seriously injured, and it seemed everyone was making him out to be some kind of hero.  Although at times others might find it hard to believe, Johnny had never liked being the center of attention.  But now, it felt just plain wrong.  He shrugged out of Camarin’s grasp with a wince.  He wanted to say he was just doing his job, but the words never found their way out.  Somehow they seemed to trivialize the situation.  The truth was, Johnny would have charged in and carried Justin out of that mess even if he weren’t a firefighter.  His job had little to do with it.  “I…”  He scrubbed his hand over his face.  “I gotta go…”

Hannah’s voice stopped him for a second at the door.  “John?”

“I’ll be back.”  Johnny managed to choke out before leaving.  Once outside the office, he felt a bit less claustrophobic amongst the bustle of the ER where everyone was focused on their own tasks and paid no attention to him.  As he leaned against the wall, he again cursed the way he was handling this situation.  He should be inside right now, talking to Hannah and Camarin, providing them with the support they needed.  But instead, he abandoned them.  After angrily smacking the wall, gaining nothing from the action but some short-lived stinging, he headed down the hall, not really sure where he was going.

***

Roy pushed open the door to the small courtyard, the green patch of oasis amidst the chaos of the hospital’s first floor.  It was deserted this time of night, except for the lone figure seated in the corner, his elbows on his knees.  Roy walked quietly, certain his presence hadn’t been noted.  When he reached the corner, he broke the silence.  “Thought I might find you out here.”

Johnny sat up stiffly and inhaled a breath of fresh air tainted by the lingering stench of smoke.  “The girls okay?”

Roy knelt down in front of his partner.  “Yeah, they’re fine.”  Worried about you.  “How ‘bout you?”

Johnny started to stand.  “I should get back there…”

Roy lightly reseated Johnny in the chair with a hand on his shoulder.  “I said they’re fine.  They were talking about the baby when I left.”

“Good…that’s good.”  Johnny’s elbows returned to his knees.

“You haven’t answered my question.” 

Johnny straightened again, confused.  “What question?”

“I asked how you were doing.”

Johnny was really beginning to wish everyone would stop focusing so much on him.  He could feel his anger bubbling again, but he was able to turn the burner down.  “I told you, I’m fine.  Nothing a little rest won’t…”

“That’s not what I meant.”  Roy’s blue eyes seemed to look into Johnny’s soul.  He was probably the only person who could truly see past Johnny’s well constructed wall, except for Hannah.  And maybe even a little better than her. 

“Roy, I…”  Johnny sighed.  “I don’t want to do this.”

“I know you don’t.  Just remember that I’ve been sitting where you are a time or two myself.”  Roy looked around the empty courtyard.  “Well, maybe not here…”

The comment brought the slightest hint of a smile and Johnny laughed softly.

“What I’m trying to say is, I know everything that’s going on inside your head right now…”

“Well, I’m glad someone does.  Because, I sure as hell can’t make any sense of it.”  Johnny rubbed at his forehead as if to demonstrate the conflict going on inside. 

“All I’m saying is, it’s okay to feel all those things, and if you want someone to talk to…”  Roy almost fell back as Johnny shot to his feet.  It appeared as though the time bomb had stopped ticking.

“Stop!  Just, stop it, Roy!  Why is everyone so worried about me?  It’s Justin we need to worry about!  And Camarin…and Hannah.”  Johnny began pacing around, but his hip had other ideas.  It had stiffened enough during the time he had been sitting, that it refused to move as quickly or adeptly as he wanted it to, causing him to stumble.  Roy prevented the embarrassing and likely painful fall that would have come next, and that only added more salt to the wound.  “Shit!  Damn it, just leave me alone!”

Roy backed off.  Any stinging that might have been caused by Johnny’s reaction was soothed by his own experience.  He started for the door.  A soft voice at his back stopped him.

“Sorry, man.”

Roy turned to face his friend, who had resettled himself on the chair, and was now cradling his head in his hands.  “I know.”

Johnny spoke without looking up.  “Just…just gimme a minute, okay?”

Roy nodded silently.  His mind took him back to the night he waited in the lounge after Johnny had been hit by the pickup truck.  Aside from Dixie, who stopped in from time to time, he had had no one to talk to.  Roy supposed that was okay, that he probably would have felt much like Johnny was feeling now…wanting to be left to deal with things in his own way.  But still, there had never been a time in his life when he felt so completely alone.  He took one more look at his partner sitting in the corner, struggling with the myriad of thoughts and emotions Roy knew were hammering at his brain.  He would respect Johnny’s wishes…for now.  He turned and left the courtyard thinking that he would allow Johnny the space that he wanted, but he would never…ever…leave him alone.  It wasn’t a good place to be. 

***

Johnny was walking through the ER on his way back to Brackett’s office when he was stopped by a gentle grab to the arm.

“John?  You all right?”  Todd Andrews had been on his way back to Justin’s treatment room when he noticed his former patient limping down the hallway.

“Huh?”  Johnny startled before breathing a sigh of relief.  “Oh…hi, Doc.  Yeah, I’m okay.”

Todd knew Johnny wasn’t being entirely honest with him.  He had called his name three times before finally making physical contact.  But, he supposed under the circumstances, it was natural that Johnny would be at least a little preoccupied…not to mention exhausted.  But despite his assurances to the contrary, the paramedic could not deny that he was hurting.  “Listen, John…as soon as I get Justin settled, maybe we could find a treatment room and…”

“Joe talked to you.”  Johnny stopped walking and hung his head, feeling betrayed.

“No, as a matter of fact, he didn’t.  I just thought…”

Johnny turned to face the orthopod.  “Look, Doc.  Just…just take care of Justin, okay?”

Now Todd knew what was going on.  He wanted to remind Johnny that although he too was concerned about Justin, their mutual friend wasn’t his only patient.  Todd also knew Johnny would never admit that he might be a patient until he was satisfied Justin was all right.  And finally, Todd knew enough about John Gage not to push his buttons right now.  “Okay, I will.”  He wanted to add that from an orthopedic standpoint, he felt Justin would make a full recovery, but he was pretty sure Johnny already knew that.  And there was no glossing over the subject of the damage to Justin’s lungs and the ominous potential it carried.  Todd watched as Johnny continued on down the hall, determined to give him his space.  But, the doctor in him couldn’t help but notice the painful unevenness to his gait as he assessed silently.  “Hey, John?”

Johnny’s stomach churned with mixed emotions…anger at being detained from reaching Brackett’s office and relief for the momentary reprieve from walking.  He stood with all of his weight on his right leg, silently cursing the fact that Todd was surely making a note of that fact.  “Yeah?”

Todd caught up with the other man in order to keep the conversation private.  “I have office hours tomorrow from noon to three.  I’m sure you’ll be fine by morning, but if not…”

“I know where to find you.”

Todd waited a moment to see if Johnny would volunteer any additional information.  When he didn’t, he added, “I’ll tell Donna to make room in my schedule.  If you’re still hurting when you get up…”

“I’ll be fine, Doc.”  Johnny insisted.  He waited until the doctor nodded and disappeared into Justin’s treatment room before trying to move again, the pain in his left hip having reached an almost unbearable level.  He leaned his hands against the wall, gritted his teeth and tried his best not to attract attention while he waited for the intense spasm to dissipate.  Finally satisfied he would be able to move again without landing on the floor, he resumed his trip to room 127.  He paused outside the door as if to gather strength before stepping inside.  His throat tightened at the sight of the women, who looked up at his arrival.  “Brackett been in yet?”

“Not yet.”  Hannah pushed herself up out of her chair and moved across the room to where her husband was standing and feathered a soft kiss across his cheek.  “I brought you some clothes, although…I kind of like this look.”  She smiled as she tugged at the scrubs Johnny wore.

Hannah’s playful banter was refreshing and Johnny cursed the underlying stress that seemed to snake its way uninvited through his insides.  He had been about to retrieve the bag of clothing his wife brought when the door opened behind him.

“Oh, sorry.”  Brackett offered as he nearly walked into the couple standing just inside the door.  “We’re getting ready to move Justin upstairs.  You can see him for a few minutes now if you’d like.”

“How is he?”  Camarin wanted to know as she walked toward the door.

“He’s stable, still breathing on his own, but with some difficulty.”  Brackett spoke his next words more for Camarin’s benefit than the others, although he was sure in some way it would be helpful for them to hear as well.  “Justin’s sedated and he has a tube in his throat, so he won’t be able to respond to you.  It’s possible he may be able to hear you, so keep any conversation positive.  You’ll see a lot of tubes and wires, and that can be disturbing to some people, so keep in mind everything you see is there to help him and he’s not feeling any pain at the moment.  If you have any questions about anything, don’t be afraid to ask.”

Noticing the tears forming in Hannah’s and Camarin’s eyes, Johnny answered for them.  “Okay.  Thanks, Doc.”  He laced an arm around his wife’s shoulder and walked with her out into the hall, stopping to allow Camarin to move in front of them.

“I’ll wait here.”  Roy stated as he held the door open for the others.

Johnny pushed open the door to Justin’s treatment room and peeked in as if checking to see if the coast was clear.  He was greeted by a smiling Dixie, who gestured for the trio to enter.  Johnny felt sick to his stomach when he caught sight of his friend lying on the table.  Justin had been dressed in a gown which hung loosely around his shoulders.  A sheet was positioned strategically, but left most of his body uncovered.  The first thought to enter Johnny’s mind was that there had been some mistake.  This pale, lifeless-looking figure on the bed could not possibly be the active, upbeat friend he knew.  His eyes traveled over the traction splint and burn dressings…upward to the arterial line which was taped in place in Justin’s left wrist…to the central line just beneath his right collarbone.  Ugly bruises were beginning to form over most of Justin’s left side, and Johnny inwardly cringed.  He knew all too well how painful fractured ribs could be.  The cardiac monitor blipped a steady cadence quietly in the background and harmonized with the soft swishing of the ventilator.  Johnny’s eyes followed the corrugated tubing until they rested on the endotracheal tube which he knew held Justin’s airway open.  At least he hadn’t needed a trach. 

As he stood near the bed, Johnny felt as if the walls were closing in, sucking all available oxygen from the room.  Overcome by the need to flee, but held in place by the knowledge that he could not abandon his wife and sister again, he stood fast, trying to regulate his own breathing.  He could feel a bead of perspiration form between his shoulder blades and track its way down his spine until it was stopped by the waistband of his scrub pants.  He shivered uncontrollably, hoping the others hadn’t noticed.  Finally, he was able to pry his eyes from Justin and he stood watching Hannah and Camarin.  How many times had he comforted strangers…helped them to understand what was going on with a loved one, explained with sensitivity and confidence what was being done?  And now, when it came to offering some explanation…some measure of comfort to his family, he couldn’t find the right words.  Thankfully, Dixie was there…succeeding where he failed.

“Go ahead and talk to him…let him know you’re here.  But keep it brief.  They’ll be here to take him to ICU soon.”

Camarin moved to the bed and picked up Justin’s right hand, careful not to touch the bandages around his burned forearm.  She was somewhat taken aback at how cold his skin was, and how limp his fingers seemed as she gently laced her own through them.  She had already made up her mind that Justin would be all right, and that she would not be the one to allow him any doubt about that.  “Hey, it’s me.”  She smoothed the hair away from his eyes.  “You can rest for now, but don’t you get too used to lying around being waited on.  We’ve got a lot of work to do.”  She gave the hand a gentle squeeze and whispered something in Lakota that was only intended for Justin to hear.

“It’s a beautiful language.”  Dixie fought down emotions of her own as she watched Camarin whispering to the man on the bed.

“Yeah…”  Johnny agreed, studying Camarin’s face as she moved away in order to allow someone else some time.  He recognized the mask of stoicism she wore and his heart sighed.

Hannah and Johnny approached the bed together.  Johnny waited until Hannah finished before offering his own words of assurance.  “Hey, man…Looks like you’ll be spending your vacation at my least favorite hotel.  It’s not so bad, really.  Look, uh…I don’t want you to worry about anything…I got it all covered.  Just rest and get better, okay?”  He looked up at the sound of an opening door followed by Kelly Brackett’s deep voice.

“They’re ready for him upstairs.”  The doctor stepped out of the way, so Justin’s three visitors could leave the room.

They waited in the hallway until Justin’s gurney was wheeled out, flanked by Dixie, Brackett, and two orderlies.  Brackett motioned for the procession to stop for a moment.  “It will be a while until we get him settled.  Todd needs to apply the traction…we’ll need to get more X-rays…and after that, Justin’s just going to sleep.”  He turned his wrist over and looked at his watch.  “It’s late.  I’m going to suggest that you all go home and get some rest.  We’ll call if there’s any change in his condition.  I’ll make sure the nurses in ICU know that you’re all allowed to visit tomorrow.”

The three reluctantly nodded, none of them convinced they would be following the doctor’s suggestion to go home.  But, for now, once Justin disappeared into the elevator, they made their way back to Brackett’s office where Roy was waiting.  Some brief conversations were exchanged resulting in Roy offering to take Camarin to get something to eat, partly to get her mind off of things, and partly to allow Johnny and Hannah some much needed time alone.

Johnny disappeared to the men’s room briefly to change into his own clothes, and when he returned, he crept up behind his wife, who was slumped in one of the plush orange chairs.  He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and lightly kissed the top of her head, basking in the familiar aroma of her softly scented hair.  “He’ll be okay.”

Hannah took a deep breath.  “I hope so.”  She allowed herself to be comforted by Johnny’s hands on her neck and shoulders before realization hit.  “You should get off your feet.”

Johnny continued his ministrations a few moments longer before limping around to sit in the chair beside his wife.  He couldn’t prevent the soft grunt that escaped as the act of lowering himself into the seat awakened the painful spasms in his lower back and hip.

Hannah’s brow knitted in concern.  “John…”

“Hannah, I talked to Dr. Early.  He said some rest is all I need.”

Hannah sat up a little straighter.  “Well then we should go home.  You heard Kel.  There’s nothing more we can do for Justin tonight anyway.”

“I just want to make sure he’s settled in and all right before we go…”

“John…”

“He’d do it for me.”  Johnny’s eyes told Hannah there was no room for discussion.  It was true.  Justin would…no, Justin had been there for him when the tables had been turned…on more than one occasion.

A few moments of comfortable silence followed and Johnny had nearly drifted off again when Hannah’s voice brought him around.

“I’ve been thinking…”

Johnny shifted his position with a wince.  “About what?”

“I should probably call Jonas.”

Johnny wasn’t sure what he had been expecting Hannah to tell him, but this wasn’t it.  Justin had essentially disowned his twin brother, and who could blame him?  After all, he was responsible not only for the death of Justin’s first fiancée, Abigail, he had also tried to kill Johnny…twice.  Justin had gone to see Jonas in jail, after he had been arrested for assaulting Johnny, to find his brother had no remorse for what he had done.  At that point, Justin had washed his hands of him.  “What?”

Hannah had not been sure she wanted to tell Johnny her intention, but in the end decided hiding it from him would be worse.  “He’s our brother, John.  He deserves to know.  In case…”

“Justin’s going to be fine!”  Johnny combed his fingers through his hair and grabbed the hair at the back of his head, causing an ache to spread out across his shoulders and settle there.  “I can’t…”  Johnny shook his head.

“You can’t what?”

“I can’t believe you would even suggest this.”

Hannah was beginning to regret her decision.  “I understand how you feel, John, after what he did…”

Johnny shook his head furiously.  He refused to allow Hannah to turn this around on him.  “How I feel about him has nothing to do with it.”  He pushed himself up out of his chair, exclaiming angrily at the pain it caused.

“John, sit down…”

“I don’t want to sit down!”  There was very little Johnny could find fault with in Hannah, but she did have a tendency to mother him when he wasn’t feeling well.  Sometimes it was nice, and sometimes…it annoyed the hell out of him.  “Look, I know he’s your brother.  I just don’t think we should be inviting him back into our lives.  Doesn’t it bother you what he did?”

Hannah could feel her temper rising.  “Of course it bothers me!  But, if something were to happen to Justin…and Jonas wasn’t at least offered the chance to make amends…”

“He’s had plenty of chances to make amends, Hannah.”  Johnny paced the room as best as he could.  The last thing on earth he wanted to do right now was argue with his wife.  “Besides, he’s in jail.  I don’t think they’re going to let him out to come visit his brother at Rampart.”

“Right!  Which is why you shouldn’t be upset that I want to call him!”  Hannah reasoned.  “I just want to call him, John.  He deserves to know.”

“No.”  Johnny folded his arms across his chest, and sat back onto Brackett’s desk.  He knew on some level he might be being unreasonable, but he couldn’t help but feel a little betrayed that Hannah was so easily considering this.

“No?”  Hannah’s eyebrows rose questioningly.  She was not used to Johnny telling her what she could or couldn’t do.  That was something she had dealt with during her first marriage, often with painful consequences when she would disobey.  But, she had never expected it from Johnny.  They had always been able to discuss things fairly and honestly.

Johnny turned his face away and didn’t speak.  He knew he couldn’t stop Hannah from calling, but he honestly didn’t think it was a good idea.  It felt irrational, but he was concerned for Hannah’s safety and an unexpected surge of fierce protectiveness coursed through his veins when he considered their baby.  Jonas was sick.  There was no telling what he might do.  “Did you talk to your parents about this?”  He knew Hannah had called them earlier to fill them in on what happened.

“Who do you think gave me the idea?”

Of course.  That made sense.  “Hannah…”  It was then that Johnny realized he was more concerned than angry.  “I can’t explain it…I just…I…have you considered what Justin would want?”

“I’m trying to.”  Hannah looked up at Johnny with tearful eyes.  She hoped he realized she was only trying to do the right thing…and struggling horribly.

Johnny moved to Hannah’s chair and leaned in to hug her.  “I’m sorry.  You’re right.  He deserves to know.”

Hannah wiped her eyes.  “We’re both tired.  You must be exhausted.  Let’s sleep on it and talk about it tomorrow.”

“Sounds like a good idea.”  Johnny planted a light kiss on Hannah’s lips and straightened, lighting the nerves in his hip on fire.  He cried out in pain.

“That’s it.”  Hannah sat up and grabbed onto Johnny’s arm to steady him.  “I’m going to go find Roy and Camarin.  We need to get you home.”

Johnny took some deep breaths as he leaned on the back of Hannah’s chair for support.  “I’m okay.  It’ll pass.”

Roy and Camarin walked in the door, carrying some food from the vending machine and some cans of soda.  Roy noticed Johnny’s distress and moved quickly to his side.  “What’s wrong?  What’ll pass?”

“It’s his hip.”  Hannah offered.  “I think we should find Todd…”

“Todd’s busy with Justin.  And after he’s done, he needs to go home too.  He works tomorrow.”  Johnny stood up straight as if to demonstrate he was okay.  “Look, everyone needs to quit worrying about this.  I saw a doctor.  I’m fine.  I’ll go home and rest just as soon as I check on Justin.”

Roy couldn’t blame Johnny for wanting to stay.  He had done it a time or two himself when Johnny had been hurt…against the advice of well meaning doctors and friends.  “Okay.  I’ll go see what I can find out.  Just…”  He pointed to the chair.  “Take a load off.”

***

The next morning, Johnny awoke to the sound of birdsong.  He blinked the sleep from his eyes and looked over at the empty pillow next to him before turning to read the numbers on the alarm clock.  He quickly threw his covers aside and sat up, grimacing at the pain he was still feeling in his lower back, hip, and leg.  To make matters worse, everything seemed to have stiffened up overnight making moving a challenge. 

He pushed himself to a standing position while holding onto the bedpost for support, keeping his weight on his right leg.  Then, he tested his left one by lightly resting his toes on the soft carpet and gradually adding more weight.  Deciding it was painful, but bearable, he made his way down the hall to the bathroom and eventually out to the kitchen where Hannah was busy making breakfast.  He followed his ‘good morning’ kiss with a question.  “Did you shut the alarm off?”

“Yeah.”  Hannah admitted as she stirred a pot of oatmeal.  “After the trouble you had falling asleep last night, I figured you could use the rest.  I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right.  I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t something wrong with it.”  Johnny went about the task of making coffee. 

Hannah placed her spoon in the spoon rest and wiped her hands on a towel, giving her husband a good once over.  “Feeling any better this morning?”

“Yeah, a lot better.  A little stiff, but that should go away once I get moving.”  Johnny hated lying to Hannah.  The truth was, he didn’t feel any better than he did before, and he was concerned about that.  He planned to head to Rampart with Hannah to see Justin after breakfast and sneak away to make an appointment to see Todd Andrews.  He didn’t plan to mention this to his wife unless Todd gave him a compelling reason to.  Johnny just couldn’t see the benefit in causing Hannah to worry about him when she was already so concerned about Justin.  Besides, the last time she saw her OB/GYN there had been some concern over her blood pressure, a not uncommon condition in women Hannah’s age in their last trimester of pregnancy. 

“Well that’s good.  Sounds like rest is what you needed.”

“Yeah…” Johnny finished pouring the water from the decanter into the Mr. Coffee.  “Andrews said there would be days like yesterday.”  He helped Hannah serve the oatmeal and the two of them sat at the table to eat.

Hannah watched her husband closely for any signs that he was still hurting as badly as he was last night.  She had become concerned when his level of pain prevented him from sleeping, so she finally offered him some Demerol that was leftover from one of his previous injuries.  The fact that he accepted it spoke volumes about how much pain he was having.  Satisfied that Johnny seemed to be okay now, she moved onto another subject.  “Are you going to call Justin’s insurance company today?”

Johnny spoke through a mouthful of oatmeal.  “Yeah.  I’ll do that before we head over to the hospital.  I guess there’ll be a lot to take care of. And at some point we should go over there and see what we can salvage.”

“Right.”  Hannah took a bite of oatmeal and dabbed her mouth with her napkin.  “John…do you think the insurance company will give Justin a hard time?  I mean…with having two mortgages and everything…”

Johnny’s stomach lurched.  Apparently Hannah had thought of what he had also been concerned about…that Justin’s homeowner’s insurance company would deem the fire suspicious due to his recent purchase of another property.  The truth was, Justin and Camarin both loved the beach house.  It was where they intended to live, figuring they would rent out the apartment above the business to help pay the mortgage on that.  “I don’t know, Han.  I’m sure they’ll want to conduct some sort of investigation…”

“But what about the fire department?  Won’t they investigate?”

Johnny nodded.  “They will.  But the insurance company will send out their own investigator too.  I just hope his settlement doesn’t get tied up forever.  I’ve heard of cases where that’s happened.”

Hannah frowned as she considered what Johnny was saying.  “Damn.  I know they’ll want to rebuild.  Isn’t there something the fire department can do?  To prove it wasn’t arson?”

“We don’t even know yet that it wasn’t arson.  But Cap seemed to think it was likely an electrical fire.  Even so, they’ll have to check to make sure everything was up to code.  You know how it is, they’re not going to pay out one dime until they’re absolutely sure they have to.”

“It just seems so unfair.”

“It does.”  Johnny agreed as he sipped his coffee.  “But, unfortunately it’s the dishonest people out there who make it hard on the rest of us.  Don’t worry.  It’ll all work out somehow.”  He decided to change the subject then, pointing to Hannah’s stomach.  “How’s the little one this morning?”

“Pretty calm.”  Hannah rested her hand on her belly.  “I think he’s running out of room to play.”

“Yeah…it won’t be long now.”  Johnny leaned back in his chair in order to relieve the cramp he felt developing in his hip.  “And I’m going to have a lot of work to do before he gets here.”

“What do you mean?”  Hannah was confused.  “The nursery’s done.  The…”

“I don’t mean that.”  Johnny corrected.  “I mean taking care of all the insurance stuff for Justin and the clean up.  And, making sure all his bills get paid…”

“Camarin can take care of that.”

“She’ll have her hands full with the girls.  And I don’t want her to have to worry about anything like that.  She needs to be able to focus on Justin.”

Hannah sighed.  She didn’t like the idea that Johnny would have all of this extra stress on him, but what could be done?  She would do what she could to help, but once the baby came…he or she would be consuming most of her energies.

“And there’s the business.  There’s still a lot that needs to be done over there.  Justin’s teacher will have to be contacted…”  Johnny’s head was beginning to hurt just thinking about everything he was going to need to do.  And this was in addition to his job, and his responsibilities to his own family and his own home.  Then there was the matter of money.  He would need to find out what kind of disability Justin was entitled to from Rampart, what kind of money he had in savings, how to access it…

Hannah pushed herself up and began clearing the table.  “I’ll just rinse these dishes for now.  Why don’t you go out and water the horses?  Then, we can get going.  I told Camarin we would be there before noon.”

“Yeah, okay.”  Johnny carried his dishes to the sink and walked over to the door where he threw on his jacket and boots and walked outside to the barn.

***

Johnny, Hannah, and Camarin arrived at Rampart’s ICU to find Justin in the same condition they had left him in last night.  Johnny and Hannah stood outside the cubicle, observing through the large window, while they allowed Camarin some time alone with him.  He was still on the ventilator, still sedated.  They looked up to see a familiar figure walking toward them.

“Good morning.”  Brackett greeted the couple and immediately went about answering the question he knew would come next.  “There’s been no change in Justin’s condition, which is both good and bad.  The good news is, his lungs are still dry and his labs are fairly good.  The bad news is, I was hoping the steroids would have reduced the inflammation and swelling in his airway by now.  His CO2 levels are still high, and his SATs haven’t come up much since last night.  And, he’s still experiencing bronchospasms.  I’ve asked Julius Burke, a pulmonologist on staff here, to consult on the best course of treatment.  He should be here in an hour or so.”

“Do you think he’ll have permanent lung damage, Doc?”  Johnny wondered.

“It’s too early to tell.  Dr. Burke might be able to paint us a broader picture of what to expect.”  Brackett glanced toward the door to Justin’s room.  “Listen, I’ll only be a few minutes.” 

Johnny and Hannah waited for Camarin to exit the room so Brackett could complete his examination.  Then, they walked down the hall toward the lounge, knowing the doctor would come get them when he was finished.

As soon as the girls were settled, Johnny excused himself.  “I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?”  Hannah asked.

“I…I need to go down to the ER and check the paramedic course schedule.  Remember those refresher classes Brackett wanted me to take since I was out of work for so long?”  It wasn’t a total lie.  Although Johnny had been cleared for duty and fully recertified, it had been conditional on the completion of two classes within the next six months.  And, he did plan to go down to the ER and do exactly what he had said.  Johnny just didn’t bother mentioning that he also intended to call Todd Andrews and make an appointment.

Hannah was about to ask Johnny why he didn’t do that before they came upstairs, but thought better of it, realizing he had a lot on his mind.  “Okay.”

As soon as Johnny was alone in the elevator, he placed his palms flat against the cool steel of the wall and tried stretching away the painful muscle spasms that were becoming harder and harder to hide.  When the door opened, he gathered every bit of composure he could muster and made his way to the nearest payphone.  The phone rang several times, causing Johnny to look at his watch.  It was almost 11:30.  Todd said he had hours starting at noon.  Surely, Donna, his receptionist, would be there by now.  He was just about to hang up when a friendly voice greeted him.

“Hi, Donna.  It’s John Gage.”

“Oh yes, Mr. Gage.  Dr. Andrews said you might be calling this morning.”

“He did?”  Johnny shifted the receiver to his other ear.  “Oh, well…I was wondering if maybe he could still squeeze me in this afternoon.”

“Sure.”  She placed Johnny on hold for several minutes.  “I’m sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. Gage.  Dr. Andrews’ schedule is pretty tight this afternoon.  He wondered if you would be able to come in right now.”

“Now?”  Johnny debated that.  He wasn’t sure how he could get away right now without arousing Hannah’s suspicions.  But, he needed to make sure there wasn’t anything seriously wrong with him so that he could cross that stress-causing item off his list and get on with everything else he had to take care of.  “Sure, okay.  I’m at Rampart right now.  I can be there in a few minutes.”

***

Johnny sat on the chair in one of the examination rooms in Todd’s orthopedic practice on the sixth floor of Rampart.  His stomach churned as he considered Hannah, who was surely wondering where he was by now.  He only hoped she did not call or go down to the ER to find out, because that would blow his intended alibi.  His only consolation was that the department had been a madhouse.  It would be hard to find anyone there right now, and Hannah would be hard pressed to even find a person to ask about his whereabouts.  He glanced at his watch and hoped this wouldn’t take long.

Finally there was a brief knock on the door and Todd walked in.  He greeted Johnny and sat down on a small stool, facing him, his kind smile working to cut the tension.  “So, tell me what’s going on.”

Johnny wasn’t sure what to say.  He didn’t want to seem as if he were panicking over nothing.  “I was kinda hoping you could tell me that, Doc.”

Todd sat back and crossed his arms.  “What do you mean?”

“Well…I know you said things would ache once in a while…especially after a strenuous shift…But, I need to know how much is too much.”

Todd pulled out his pen and prepared to jot down some notes.  “You mean, how do you sort out what’s normal and whether you’ve caused injury to yourself?”

“Yeah…that’s exactly it.”

“Well, John…as I explained before, you can expect to have some level of chronic pain.  You have an extremely physically demanding job.  A lot of people who have had injuries such as yours would choose to give up certain strenuous activities.  I’m not saying you should do that, but we talked about the possibility that you might have some difficulty.”

Johnny hung his head.  “I know…I guess I just assumed I wouldn’t have any problems.”

Johnny’s admission didn’t come as a surprise to Todd.  After all, Johnny wasn’t too far removed from his twenties.  He hadn’t had time to lose quite all of his invincible spirit.  “But, you are having problems?”

“That’s just it, I don’t know.  Yesterday was a tough shift, Doc.  A really tough shift.  But, the thing is, I couldn’t make it through it.  I was ready to ask Cap if I could go home.  But then, we got the call out to Justin’s…”

“And that didn’t help.”

Johnny shook his head and sighed.  “No.  And the thing is…how do I know if it’s okay to just…push through it and keep going, or…or…”

“You can expect to have some muscle and joint aches or stiffness, John.  We talked about that.  If it goes beyond that, to the point where you’re having severe pain, then I think you’re going to have to stop what you’re doing and evaluate the situation.  I wish I could give you absolutes, but it’s going to be a matter of learning what’s normal for you and what isn’t.”

Johnny sighed again and shifted his weight, causing him to hiss sharply.

Todd leaned forward in his seat and rested a hand on Johnny’s shoulder, his expression concerned.  “You’re having pain right now?”

“Yeah.”

“Where?”

Johnny waited a moment for this latest spasm to pass.  “My hip mostly.  My back and leg too.”

“I noticed you were limping last night.  Is it better or worse now than it was then?”

Johnny shook his head, frustrated.  “I don’t know, Doc.  It’s…it’s like it comes in waves.  It’ll go from being just…there…to hurting so bad I can barely stand it.”

“And this just started yesterday?” 

“Yeah…well, I mean no.  I guess yesterday was the first it’s felt this bad.”  Johnny finally figured.

“Standing and walking make it worse?”

Johnny had to think for a moment.  “No…not really.  Sometimes it feels better to move.  I don’t really know exactly what makes it worse.”

Todd continued his questions as he continued to take notes.  “What kind of pain is it?”

“Aches all the time…sometimes it’s so bad I feel sick.  But when it gets really bad, it’s a sharper pain…like a cramp.”

“Does it seem to start in your hip and radiate to your back and leg, or the other way around?”

“No, it definitely starts in my hip.”  That much Johnny was sure of.

“Give me a number, John.”

Johnny had been asked to do that so many times by this man he knew exactly what number he was referring to.  “The aching is about a five or a six.  And then when it cramps, that’s closer to a ten.”

“And it aches all the time?”

“Yeah.”

“You take anything for it?”

Johnny looked down as if he was ashamed to admit he’d needed some intervention.  “Tylenol mostly.  But it hasn’t helped much.  Last night…when I saw Dr. Early in the ER…he gave me some codeine.  Then, last night, I took a Demerol to get to sleep.”

That information clued Todd into the amount of discomfort his patient was having.  “And that helped?”

“Yeah, it seemed to.”

“Where did you get the Demerol?”

“Hannah found it in the medicine cabinet.  I guess I had some left over from last spring.”

Todd filed that information away as he tucked his pen back into his pocket and stood.  “Well, let’s take a look and see what’s going on.”  He pointed at Johnny’s jeans.  “Go ahead and take those off, your shoes and socks too.  I’ll be right back.”

When Todd returned, he took Johnny through the steps of a thorough examination.  He took note of the position of Johnny’s hip bones and watched closely as his patient walked around the room and stood on one leg, and then the other.  Then, he patted the table.  “Lie down on your back for me.”

Johnny climbed up onto the table with some difficulty, accepting some assistance from Todd.  He did his best to relax while Todd carefully and thoroughly examined him, gritting his teeth and hissing a protest when the doctor asked him to lift his right leg straight up off the table, and cursing to himself when he realized he was incapable of doing the same with his left.  Not even an inch.

Todd seemed to ponder this information for a few seconds before leaning over his patient.  “I’m going to do some passive range of motion.  You know the drill.  Just relax and let me do all the work.”  He rested his hands on Johnny’s right leg.  “Let me know what hurts.”

Johnny nodded and willed his muscles to slacken.  He stared at the intricate pattern of the ceiling tiles as his legs were rotated, bent, and moved this way and that. 

When Todd was finished, he took a step back and picked up Johnny’s chart in order to make some notations.  “We’ll get some X-rays, John, just to make sure all of the hardware is intact and there’s no new injury.  I don’t think that’s the case, but we should rule it out.”  He scribbled something on a slip of paper and handed it to him.  “Go ahead and get dressed and take this down to radiology.  I’ll call ahead so they’re ready for you.  Come on back here when you’re done, and we’ll talk.  Okay?”

Johnny thanked the doctor and laid the prescription down on the table with a sigh.  Then, he started pulling on his jeans.

***

Kelly Brackett pushed open the door to the small ICU lounge and found Camarin and Hannah seated on the vinyl couch, talking.  He looked around the room.  “Where’s Johnny?”

“He went downstairs to check the paramedic course schedule,” Hannah informed, looking at her watch.  “But that was a while ago.  I thought he would have been back by now.”

Brackett almost mentioned that he had already spoken to Johnny about the schedule a week ago, so there wasn’t any reason he could think of why he would have had to check it.  But, he thought better of it for now.  “Well, you know Johnny.  He probably ran into someone he knows down in the ER, and he’s talking up a storm.”

“Yeah…that’s probably it.”  Hannah agreed, sounding unconvinced.

“Can we see Justin now?”  Camarin wondered hopefully.

“Yes, you can…”  Brackett eyed the women as if he was unsure whether he wanted to deliver the news he had.  In fact, he considered waiting for Johnny to return.

Hannah studied the doctor’s face, his hesitancy speaking volumes.  “What?  What’s wrong?  Is Justin okay?”

“He’s fine.”  Brackett stated, crossing the room and taking a seat on the chair across from the couch.  “Dr. Burke was able to see him sooner than I expected.  That’s what took so long.”

“Well, what did he say?”  Camarin asked.

“We were hoping to begin weaning Justin off the ventilator as soon as the swelling in his airway subsided enough.  But…”  Brackett sighed.  “Dr. Burke did some tests, and they showed that Justin isn’t breathing very well on his own.”

Camarin looked over at Hannah and her heart skipped a beat at the apprehension she saw covering her face.  “What does that mean?”

Brackett hooked an ankle over his knee.  “It could mean a lot of things.  It could mean the damage to Justin’s lungs is more severe than we originally thought.  Or…it could be that he’s simply too exhausted right now to make the effort.”

“Is he still getting morphine?  What about the sedation…”  Hannah knew that the drugs Justin was on could also be suppressing his brain’s ability to initiate a breath.

“That’s possible too.”  Brackett allowed.  “But, we need to keep his pain under control.  And when his sedation starts wearing off, he fights the tube in his throat.”

Hannah considered this for a moment.  “What if…what if one of us stayed with him?  Maybe he would be less agitated about the tube, and wouldn’t need as much sedation.”

“It’s possible, Hannah.  I’ll mention it to Dr. Burke and see what he thinks.  In the meantime, he’s running a few more tests and we’ll go from there.  Also, we’ve started Justin on a different steroid.  Hopefully, we’ll see a difference in the amount of swelling soon.”  Brackett stood up and made his way to the door.  “You’re both welcome to go in and see him now.  I’m heading back down to the ER.  If I see Johnny, I’ll let him know you’re looking for him.”

“Ok, thanks.”  Hannah said as she accepted Camarin’s help to get up off the couch.  She was stopped on her way to the door by a powerful thump.  “Oh!”  Her hands moved to her stomach.

“What?  Are you okay?”  Camarin asked, reaching out a steadying hand.

“Fine.”  Hannah smiled, the sparkle of motherhood in her eyes.  “The baby’s kicking.”  She took Camarin’s hand and guided it over until it rested on her belly.  Together the women waited in hushed anticipation.  “There! Did you feel it?”

“Yes!”  Camarin exclaimed happily.  “I think he’s going to be as active as his daddy.”

“Oh, please…”  Hannah rolled her eyes.  “I don’t think I could handle that…”

Despite the less than encouraging news, the banter between the sisters-in-law was light and positive on the way down the hall toward Justin’s room.

***

“So, what’s the verdict?”  Johnny asked Todd as he watched him switch off the light on the viewing board while trying to read his expression.

“The good news is there’s nothing structurally wrong.  Meaning, there’s no new injury and your hardware is all where it should be.”

“And the bad news?”  Johnny swallowed.

Todd took a seat on his stool and rolled it closer to his patient.  “Pain like you’re experiencing is never a good thing, John.  It’s your body’s way of telling you something.”

“But, you said nothing was wrong…”

Todd raised a hand, stopping the protest he knew would come.  “That’s not exactly what I said.  I said, there’s no new injury.  But remember, that joint and those muscles will never be 100 percent again.  The joint has lost some of its cushioning.  There’s scar tissue to contend with.  The muscles, while they’ve healed, were severely damaged…”

“So, what are you saying?”  Johnny wished Todd would just diagnose him so he could deal with whatever it was he needed to deal with.  It seemed to him as if the orthopod was talking in circles.

“I’m saying you overdid it.  You stressed your hip beyond what it could handle, and now it needs to rest and recover.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s enough, John.  The pain you’re having is your body’s way of telling you to stop and take a break.  The key words here are ‘rest and recover.’   You keep pushing yourself like you did yesterday, and you will have a new injury to deal with…or worse.”

Johnny sighed heavily, knowing full well that Todd was referring to losing the career he loved.  “Okay, Doc.  I’ll take some time off work.  How long do you think I’ll need?”

“I want to see you in a week, so take off at least until then.”  Todd stood up.  “And, John…I’m talking about more than taking off work here.  You should be off that leg as much as possible…icing it and using heat.  Are you still doing the exercises Justin gave you?”

The mention of Justin’s name reminded Johnny that he needed to get back downstairs.  “Yeah.”

“Okay, good.  Take a break from them for a week.  Just do some gentle stretching.  And I mean it, John.  Get off your feet as much as possible.  Let Roy help out with the horses and the work around your place.”

“Okay…”  Johnny stood cautiously.  He thought about mentioning to Todd that it would be next to impossible for him to sit around the house on the couch all day with a heating pad on his hip.  He could ask Roy, Tag, or Kel for some help with the horses, but there was so much more to take care of than that.  And, he couldn’t ask Roy to help him with all he needed to do for Justin.

Todd watched Johnny’s expression carefully, knowing full well that the paramedic would not be following his advice to the letter, hoping for his sake that he was wrong.  He pulled a few slips of paper off his pad.  “I wrote you prescriptions for Ibuprofen and Tramadol.  As soon as you get home, throw away any Demerol or other meds you have floating around in your medicine cabinet from before, okay?”

Johnny accepted the prescriptions.  “Yeah…okay.”

“Take the Ibuprofen three times a day with meals.  Only take the Tramadol if you really need it, which…if you stay off your feet…shouldn’t be too often.”

Johnny nodded and stuffed the papers into his wallet.  He followed Todd to the door and paused.  “Doc?  Have you seen Justin yet today?”

Todd turned and smiled.  Concern and stress over his best friend was surely not helping Johnny’s current situation.  “I saw him before I got here.  His leg looks good.  The traction seems to be effective.  I’m hoping to be able to do his surgery in a few days.”

“Good.”  Johnny stepped out after the doctor into the hall.  “Thanks, Doc.  Guess I’ll head down there for a while…”

“And then you’re going home to rest, right?”  Todd chided.

“Right.”  Johnny waved goodbye, checked out, and limped straight for the pharmacy, his mind cataloging all the things he needed to do before he could keep that promise.

***

Johnny stepped into Justin’s ICU cubicle to find Hannah standing beside the bed looking down at her sleeping brother.  Justin didn’t look much different than he had yesterday in the ER, unless it was possible for his normally tanned skin to look any paler.  He cringed at the traction device which held the fractured ends of Justin’s femur in alignment, remembering the torturous contraption he had dealt with after his hip fracture.  As if summoned by the memory, Johnny felt a sudden pang in his hip and he had to stifle down a reaction so Hannah wouldn’t start asking questions.  Once he felt he could safely speak again, he pointed toward the bed, noticing for the first time that the ventilator seemed to now be doing all of Justin’s breathing.  “How’s he doing?”

Hannah looked up at the sound of her husband’s voice.  “Where were you?”  Her voice was neither accusatory nor angry, but curious.  She knew Johnny would not leave her and Camarin for the length of time he had without good reason.

“I um…the ER was a madhouse and they asked if I could help out for a while.  I’m sorry.”  Johnny moved until he was standing right behind his wife and he wrapped his arms around her, resting the palms of his hands over her swelling middle.  He lit a light kiss against the side of her neck.

“It’s okay.  I figured it was something like that.  Get your class schedule?”  Hannah placed her own palms over Johnny’s hands and leaned back into his protective warmth.

“Yeah, I’m all set.”  Johnny paused, taking in the mechanical rise and fall of Justin’s chest, trying to make sure he wasn’t imagining things.  “Has Brackett or anyone been in to talk to you?  Where’s Camarin?”

“Camarin’s in the rest room.  And, yes…Kel was in to talk to us.  They’ve started Justin on a new steroid.  They’re hoping it does a better job at reducing the swelling in his airway.  But, apparently he’s stopped trying to breathe on his own.  Dr. Burke isn’t sure if it’s because the damage is more extensive than they originally thought, or if it’s getting worse, or if Justin’s just too tired.”

Johnny felt a lump growing in the pit of his stomach at this discouraging news.  “Well what are they doing about it?”

“I don’t know.”  The statement hung in the air for a moment before Hannah spoke again.  “I imagine Dr. Burke might want to do another bronchoscopy, but Kel didn’t say anything about it.  The nurse has been in here a few times to suction him…”

Johnny frowned at this news.  “I thought Brackett said his lungs were dry.”

“They were.”

“Man, that quick…”  Johnny knew how quickly fluid could begin accumulating, but he supposed he had been trying to hold onto every shred of hope he could glean.

Hannah moved out of Johnny’s arms and allowed her hand to rest on Justin’s forehead, gently brushing his long, layered bangs out of his eyes.  Were it not for the uncharacteristically wan skin color, and the tube extending from his mouth, he could easily be asleep on his favorite lounge chair on the beach.  His favorite lounge chair…Hannah’s throat tightened as she remembered that the chair was likely destroyed by smoke, water, and fire.  “Well, we knew it would happen eventually.  His lungs are reacting to all the irritants that were in that smoke.  At least he hasn’t developed chemical pneumonitis…”

Yet.  Johnny thought, and he knew Hannah was thinking it too.  He supposed one of the downsides to being in the medical field was that you became aware of all of the possibilities, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing.  Sometimes ignorance truly was bliss.

“Hi, John.  When did you get here?”  Camarin asked as she returned to the room.

“Hey there.  A few minutes ago.”  Johnny looked at Hannah.  “I guess we should get out of here and let Camarin have some more time.”  At Hannah’s nod, he carefully wrapped his fingers around Justin’s right hand.  “Get your rest and get better, man.  Don’t worry about…”  Johnny stopped when he heard a gagging sound followed quickly by movement.  The vent alarm sounded cruelly shrill in the formerly peaceful room.  Johnny reached up and switched it off and waited to see if his friend would settle back into sleep, but he continued to struggle.  Seconds later, a nurse appeared.

“This happens every time his sedative starts to wear off.  We’re trying to keep ahead of it, but…”  The nurse’s voice trailed off as she injected the syringe full of medication she was carrying into the open port on Justin’s central line, causing him to calm almost immediately.

“If he’s fighting the vent, that’s a good thing, right?  It means he’s trying to breathe…”  Johnny was hopeful.

“Not in this case, I’m afraid.”  The nurse countered as she adjusted the flow on one of Justin’s other IV’s.  “It’s not so much that he’s fighting the vent as he’s protesting the tube.”

“What about a tracheotomy?”  Hannah cringed at the suggestion leaving her lips, but as brutally invasive as that procedure seemed, she knew patients in Justin’s condition often tolerated a trach tube more readily than the tube in their throat.  Above all, she wanted her brother to be comfortable.

“Dr. Burke mentioned that, but he and Dr. Brackett are hoping they can wean him off the respirator in another day or two.  If it turns out he’ll need to be on it more long term…I’m sure that’s what they’ll do.”  The nurse noticed Camarin’s eyes tearing and placed a hand on her shoulder.  “It would be for his own good.  He would be much more comfortable.”

Camarin nodded and looked down at the floor.

The nurse turned back toward the bed.  “I need to ask you to step out for a few minutes.  Then, you can come back, but only for a short time.  I think maybe Justin’s had enough stimulation for a while.  Maybe you could come back this evening.”

Johnny wanted to scream that the best thing for Justin was to have his family and friends nearby, if for no other reason but to absorb their healthy energy.  How many times had he heard Justin talk about that concept?  That even if a person was unconscious, he could benefit from the strong “chi” of familiar people around him.  Admittedly, Johnny remembered thinking Justin was a little off his rocker when he would go on about some of the differing approaches to healthcare he believed so strongly in, but what if he was right?  After all, Johnny had seen and experienced some things since he met Justin that he never would have believed before.  “Yeah…okay.”  He ushered the women out of the room.

***

Johnny was finishing up the dinner dishes.  As soon as Hannah finished in the shower, they planned to pick up Camarin and head back over to Rampart to see Justin.  There had been no phone calls from the hospital since they left in the afternoon, which was both good and bad.  Justin was no worse, but was apparently no better than when they had last seen him.

As he carefully dried the last of the glasses, Johnny thought about the conversation he’d had earlier with the man from Justin’s insurance company.  As expected, there would be a full investigation on their end into the cause of the fire before any settlement could be arranged.  The call ended with an insincere-sounding wish for Justin’s recovery.

Johnny took a deep breath and sighed.  Tomorrow they would go back to what was left of the house so they could search the remains for whatever keepsakes they could salvage, which Johnny knew would not be much.  He would need to speak to Camarin to see if she had any idea what bills were due and what banks owned the mortgages on the house and the business and the loan on Justin’s car.  Johnny really had no idea how he was going to take care of all of Justin’s financial matters.  All of his records, mail, stubs, even checks, had been burned up in the fire.  He supposed it might have to wait until he could start collecting the mail, or until Justin was able to talk to him.

Next, Johnny’s thoughts drifted to Camarin.  She had been holding up remarkably well, not that he was surprised.  He wasn’t sure how much Kaya and Rose had been made aware of.  They had been spending most of their time at school or with Joanne or Tag.  Johnny was thankful for friends who were able to relieve at least this one concern, and he was reminded again just how complicated his life was about to become.  Having a child was a blessing, but brought with it a host of responsibilities.

As Johnny turned to walk toward the living room, a sharp pain in his hip caused him to falter and grab the counter.  He knew he should probably just stay home and rest tonight.  But, Camarin and Hannah needed his support.  And Justin had been there for him when he had been injured.  It wouldn’t be right to be sitting on the couch watching TV when his brother-in-law was incarcerated in the ICU.  He craned his neck to look past the living room into the hallway, his ears pealed.  The sound of water told him Hannah was still in the bathroom.  Fishing the small, dark brown bottle of pills out of his pocket he opened it, and cupped one into his hand.  Reluctantly, he swallowed it down with a mouthful of water.  Just so I can get through tonight…I’ll get a chance to rest tomorrow…

***

The nurses’ aide wrung out the sponge and laid it on the tray next to the basin of water she had been using to bathe her patient.  She moved quietly to the small cabinet across the room and retrieved a fresh gown before returning to the bed and feeding Justin’s long arms through the sleeves, being mindful of his various tubes, bandages, and wires.  Leaving the gown untied at the neck and draped loosely around his shoulders, she pulled the blanket and sheet up to his chest and arranged them neatly.  After a brief check of the endotracheal tube, the central line and arterial line, she emptied her basin in the sink and gathered her things, planning to move on to her next charge.  Passing the bed, she bumped into Justin’s right leg, setting it swinging in its traction sleeve.  “Damn it!”  She cursed under her breath.  “Sorry…”  She added reflexively, forgetting momentarily that her patient was sedated.  She watched him carefully for a few moments, checking for any signs of distress.  Breathing a sigh of relief, she checked to make sure the traction was secure before exiting the room.

***

Deciding Camarin could use a break, Hannah took her to the maternity floor to see the newborns, and give her a tour of where the future Gage baby would be born.  Johnny stayed with Justin watching him sleep amidst the array of medical equipment surrounding him.  He thought Justin looked paler than he had this afternoon.  He wandered to the foot of the bed, picked up the chart and scanned it, noting that Justin’s last blood pressure reading was on the low side.  He was just about to hunt for his latest lab results when an alarm sounded, causing Johnny to abandon the chart and search for the cause.  At about the same instant he noticed it was coming from the cardiac monitor, Justin’s nurse hurried into the cubicle.

“His rate just shot up to 130.”  Johnny informed, stepping back to allow the nurse to do her work, a lump of concern settling into his throat.  He watched as the nurse quickly gathered a blood pressure and hit the call button without a word.

“What’s going on?  What’s his pressure?”  Johnny wanted to know.

“80 over 50.”  She issued an order to the arriving nurse.  “Page Brackett and Andrews, stat.”

“What’s happening?  Is he bleeding?”  Johnny ran a nervous hand through his hair as he watched the blips race alarmingly across the cardiac monitor.

“Probably.”  The nurse moved to Justin’s right leg and felt for a pedal pulse.  “His pressure’s been dropping for the past several hours.  His doctors are aware of it.  They’ve been keeping an eye on that and his labs to see if it would resolve.”

“His leg?”  Johnny’s fingers moved to the spot on Justin’s foot that the nurse’s just vacated and searched around for a pulse.

“Most likely.”  The nurse pumped up the BP cuff again.

Johnny stood and watched, feeling about as helpless as was possible.  It seemed Justin was bleeding to death in front of his eyes, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.  He felt only marginal relief when Todd Andrews bustled into the room.

“What’s his pressure?”  Todd barked out as his hands moved quickly to Justin’s right thigh.

“70 over 40.  Pulse is 140.  I couldn’t palpate a pedal pulse.”  The nurse stood back, awaiting the order she knew would come next.

“Damn it.”  Todd’s fingers sought out the rhythmic beat that had alluded the others.  He was able to locate it at Justin’s knee.  “Got a popliteal.  It’s faint.  But it’s there.”  He looked up sharply at the nurse.   “Hang a liter of ringers, then call the OR and tell them I’m bringing them a customer right now.  Have Bill Johnson from vascular paged and tell him to meet me there.  And have the lab send up six units of A positive.”

“Doc?”  Johnny’s voice cracked out as he noticed an erratic pattern of PVCs appearing on the monitor.

Todd laid a hand on Johnny’s shoulder.  “We’ll take care of it.  Don’t worry.  We’ll get him in surgery right away.  I’ll repair his fracture while we’re in there, so we don’t need to worry about this again.”

“But…how did this happen?”

Todd shook his head, obviously frustrated.  “Damned if I know.”

***

Todd Andrews slammed through the double doors leading from the OR, his hands grabbing at his surgical cap and mask until he ripped them from his head and tossed them on the floor in his wake.  Arriving in the decontamination room, he leaned on the sink, fuming, before picking up the bar of soap and hurling it across the room.  “Damn it!”

Hearing the tirade coming from the washroom, Kelly Brackett stepped cautiously inside.  Spying the soap hitting the wall mere inches from his face and hearing Todd’s angry exclamation, he stood safely just inside the door.  “Todd?  Everything okay?”

“No!”  Todd stated with conviction, as he stared at the face in the mirror.  “No, everything is not okay.”  He turned to face his colleague.  “I want to know what the hell happened, Kel.  Justin came this close to bleeding out in there and I want to know why.”

Brackett had a pretty good idea what the orthopod was getting at, but he figured he would at least attempt to diffuse some of his ire.  “You know what happened, Todd.  His femoral artery…”

“I checked that traction myself.”  Todd thumped his chest with his finger.  “His films showed that fracture was stable an hour before his pressure started dropping…”

“Todd…”

“I want names, Kel.  I want to know every single person who stepped into his cubicle between the last time I made rounds and the moment we first started noticing a decrease in his BP.”  Todd moved closer to Brackett.  “Somebody screwed up.  I want to know who, and I want to know why I wasn’t made aware of it.”

Brackett took a step back, suddenly uncomfortable with the taller doctor’s towering proximity.  “We’re already looking into it.  Listen, I know you’re a little closer to this case…”

“Oh, here we go…”  Todd turned around and began pacing, his hand rising to staunch the headache forming behind his brow bone.  “Go ahead.  Hit me with your best ‘maybe you’re a little too close to this one’ speech…”

“That wasn’t what I was going to say.”  Brackett did his best to keep his own temper in check, realizing that this behavior wasn’t typical of the orthopedic surgeon.  He watched as Todd’s eyes regarded him with challenging expectation.  “I was going to remind you that Justin came through the surgery.  He’s stable…”

“He’s stable…”  Todd shook his head disgustedly.  “He’s on his eighth unit of blood and he’s still hypotensive.  His lungs are crap, and now he’s so weak, God knows when...or even if he’ll start taking breaths on his own.  He’s probably headed for a tracheotomy, and how much longer can that hole in his lung hold up against the pressure of the vent?”

Brackett found he couldn’t come up with an answer that would appease Todd’s questions, so he said nothing.

“And now I have to go out there…”  Todd pointed toward the door.  “And try to explain to his family how we let this happen.”

“If you want, I can talk to them…”

“No.  He’s my patient.”  And my friend.  “I’ll do it.”  Todd washed his hands hurriedly and pushed open the door.

***

Johnny shifted his position on the uncomfortable chair in the OR waiting room.  He glanced at his watch and noticed that four hours had passed since he last took one of the Tramadol tablets Todd had prescribed.  He was just about to excuse himself to use the restroom when the door opened and a scrub-clad Andrews stepped into the room.

“Dr. Andrews?”  Camarin asked, looking up from her place on the couch.

Todd smiled and sat down beside her.  “If you’re going to marry Justin, you better start getting used to calling me Todd.”

The orthopod’s easy manner brought a smile of relief to Camarin’s features.  “Okay.  How is he?”

Todd blew out a long breath as he made eye contact with everyone in the room.  “It was touch and go for a while, but Dr. Johnson was able to repair the damage to Justin’s femoral artery, and I was able to stabilize his fracture.  It was a little trickier than I expected it would be, but I think his leg should heal well.”

“So, he’ll be okay?”  Hannah asked.

Todd’s jaw tensed as he briefly mulled over how best to answer Hannah’s question.  “Justin lost a lot of blood.  His blood pressure is still lower than we want it to be, and that’s making his heartbeat a little irritable.  We’re giving him blood to replace what he lost, but right now he’s very weak.  He’s still not making any effort to breathe on his own, and probably won’t until he gets some strength back.”

“But…he’ll get better, right?”  Camarin had come to trust her fiancé’s boss and friend over the past several months.  But unfortunately in this case trust meant knowing that he would be completely honest with her, and that was a truth she wasn’t sure she was prepared to hear.

“I’m not going to lie to you.”  Todd stood up and faced the group.  “There’s a lot that could go wrong at this point.  For one thing, Justin’s a prime candidate for infection right now.  His lungs aren’t able to work efficiently, and that could lead to a host of complications.  I wish I could paint you a brighter picture, but you need to know…he’s in serious condition.  The next 24 to 48 hours are going to be very critical.”

After a few moments of silence while all contemplated Todd’s words, Johnny finally asked the question that was on everybody’s mind.  “Doc?  What happened?  How did he just…start bleeding like that?”

Todd watched as three sets of eyes looked up at him expectantly.  He rubbed at his jaw nervously.  “I wish I had an answer for you.  The truth is, we just don’t know.”  Todd wanted to add that Justin had to have been bumped or moved somehow, but loyalty to his employer prevented it.  He silently cursed the fact that he couldn’t share what he suspected with even these people, who were practically family.  But, he knew that O’Brien, the hospital administrator, would have his hide if he even so much as hinted that an employee had been negligent in any way.  For now, he would have to be content that the matter was being investigated.  The truth would come out, sooner or later. 

Camarin cleared her throat as she swallowed down her doubt.  “When can we see him?”

Todd breathed a silent sigh of relief that it didn’t appear as though there would be any more questions about just how Justin’s femoral artery had come to be nicked.  “He’s in recovery right now.  He’ll probably be there for several more hours, then we’ll get him settled back in ICU.  You can see him then.”

Todd watched as Johnny shifted again in his seat.  “And how are you feeling, John?”

Johnny’s eyes widened at his doctor’s words.  He had forgotten to ask him to keep his office visit between them.  “Uh…”  He glanced nervously at Hannah.  “What do you mean, Doc?”

Todd’s eyebrows arched in surprise before evening out into a knowing expression.  “You uh…you looked a little uncomfortable.  I thought maybe your hip was bothering you.”  The doctor made a mental note to discuss his patient’s hesitancy to discuss his problem with his wife at his follow up appointment.

“It uh…it’s just a little stiff.  Worked a bit too hard this week.  It’s no big deal.”

“Uh huh.  Right…”  Todd played along for now.  “Well, if it gets worse…make sure you make an appointment to come in and see me.”

“I will, Doc.  But it’s fine, really.”  Johnny watched Hannah’s face carefully for any signs she was catching on.  He was relieved to find none.

“Okay, well…I need to go check on Justin.”  Todd headed for the door.  “Why don’t you go back to the ICU lounge and wait there.  I’ll let you know when he’s settled.”  Todd left the room and was not surprised to see that he had been followed.

“Hey thanks, Doc…for not saying anything to Hannah.”

Todd turned to look at Johnny, folding his arms in front of his chest.  “You’re welcome.”  He wanted to ask why Johnny was choosing not to share his recent office visit with his wife, but decided against it for now.  “So, how are you feeling?  You really should be resting, but I understand…”

“I’m fine, Doc.  Really.  I’ll rest tomorrow, but I feel much better now.”

Todd eyed Johnny suspiciously.  “Uh huh.  Have you needed the Tramadol?”

Johnny didn’t want to lie, suspecting that his doctor could probably see right through it anyway.  But, he also didn’t want to confess that he’d been relying on the narcotic pain reliever around the clock since he’d left Todd’s office.  “Just once.”  He figured a half truth was better than no truth at all.

“Okay, well remember what I said, John.  I know you want to be here for Justin, but you’re not going to be able to help him if you’re stuck in bed.  Stay here until he gets settled, then go home and get off your feet.”

“Yeah…okay.”  Johnny watched the doctor’s retreating form as he walked down the hall toward the OR.

***

Todd approached Justin’s bed in the quiet recovery room.   “How’s he doing?”  He looked expectantly at the nurse, Tricia, who had been carefully monitoring his friend’s condition.

Tricia dutifully moved away from the bed in order to make room for her patient’s surgeon.  “His EKG is finally stabilizing.  BP’s holding steady at 100 over 60.  He’s warming up…”

Todd’s attention was suddenly drawn to Justin’s face as his eyelids began to flutter slightly.  He leaned in closer.  “Justin?  Can you open your eyes for me?”  He watched as Justin’s brow creased, indicating some type of distress.  His eyes rolled slowly behind closed lids.

Carefully grabbing onto Justin’s hand, Todd tried again.  “Come on, buddy.  I know you’re really tired, and probably in some pain.  But, see if you can open your eyes for me.  Just for a minute.”

Justin was cold.  Beyond cold.  It felt as though ice water had replaced the blood in his vessels, chilling him from the inside out.  He was aware of pain, but he felt strangely disconnected, as if he couldn’t quite reconcile the signals his brain was sending to the rest of his body.  From somewhere far away, a familiar voice was urging him to wake up, and despite his nearly paralyzing exhaustion, Justin sensed it was important to obey.  He pried open his heavy lids and stared through the sticky haze, trying to make sense of his surroundings.

Todd smiled as a flood of relief seemed to temporarily rob the air from his lungs.  “Justin?”  He waited until blue eyes, made dusky gray by medication and trauma, finally found his and seemed to glisten with some hint of recognition.  “Do you know who I am?”

It took every ounce of effort Justin possessed at the moment to nod slightly, causing the tube in his mouth to rub against the back of his inflamed throat.  He gagged, as panic over what was happening to him caused the steady blips on the cardiac monitor to increase dramatically in speed.  Within a fraction of a second, a warm, steadying hand was on his forehead and that same warmth enveloped his right hand in a strong, comforting grip.  The voice of his superior calmed the frantic pounding in his chest.

“Easy…you’re on a vent.  You were in a fire, remember?”  Todd waited for another nod, but it didn’t come.  He watched Justin’s eyes closely as fragments of memory seemed to return.  “You’ve just had surgery to repair your femur fracture.  You’re going to be fine.”  When Justin’s gaze began to shift, he added, “Do you hear me?”  He squeezed Justin’s hand a little tighter and waited until he was looking at him again.  “You’re going to be fine.”

Unable to hold his eyes open any longer, Justin drifted easily toward sleep.

Todd carefully let go of Justin’s hand and smiled across the bed at Tricia.  “He’s looking better than I expected.”

Tricia nodded and returned the smile.  She knew how important this particular patient was to this doctor.  “From what I’ve heard, he’s about as stubborn as they come.”

Todd laughed softly.  “Yeah…he is that.”  After a few moments, Todd gave Tricia some instructions.  “Go ahead and call ICU.  See if his bed is ready.”

“Yes, doctor.”  Tricia started to leave and then stopped.  “Should I have you paged when he’s ready to go?”

“No…”  Todd answered as he adjusted the warming blanket covering all but Justin’s ace-wrapped right leg.  “I’m gonna be staying here for a while.”

***

Part 2