The Better Part Of Me

By Terribv

"Hey Jo, it's me." Roy quietly said into the phone.

Joanne smiled automatically at the sound of his voice. "Roy, I'm so glad you called."

That was an understatement. She'd seen the footage of the fire on the afternoon news and had tried not to worry about her husband's safety. It didn't work. She was always concerned for him and his crewmates but even more so when it was big enough to be newsworthy. She covered, as she always did, her anxiety. It certainly wouldn't
help Roy to be worrying about her worrying about him. She didn't mention the fire.

"I was just thinking of you and the kids and since we had a free moment, I thought I'd give you a call," he said honestly. He was thinking about his wife and kids. He'd just returned from a house fire where a woman and her three children had perished. "What are
the kids doing?"

"They're out back on the swing set, having the time of their lives. It won't be long before they're bored though," she joked. As much as the kids looked forward to getting out of school for the summer, it was only a matter of time before Joanne heard the infamous `I'm bored – there's nothing to do' statement.

Roy smiled at Joanne's assessment but sobered quickly. Summer vacation always seemed to bring them more business. Kids got bored without being in school all day and with so much time on their hands, some of them tended to get into mischief to satisfy their boredom.

He remembered carrying out those three tiny lifeless bodies today and tears came to his eyes. It was so hard when children were involved. The father had arrived at the scene and was beyond distraught. They'd had to take him to Rampart Hospital. He and his wife had just had twins a few weeks ago. The woman had apparently put the kids down for naps along with their two-year-old and began to prepare lunch or dinner when she'd fallen asleep. It didn't take long for the fire to spread through the house and by the time they'd been able to get to them, the smoke had already taken their lives.

"Roy, honey, are you there? Are you okay?" Joanne inquired. She knew Roy was upset and she longed to be able to offer him comfort.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. I just miss you and the kids. Give them a hug for me, will ya?"

"You know I will, Roy. I love you."

"I love you, too, Jo," Roy choked on the words and he quickly swiped at his eyes. "I'll see you all in the morning."

"Okay, honey. I'll see you then. Take care." Joanne hung up the phone wishing she could have done more for her husband and not knowing just how much she had done. She was used to these sporadic calls when he was working and she knew that they usually came after a very bad run. He never said much but the connection was there and that was enough.


Johnny waited until he knew Roy was off the phone before he entered the dorm. Roy was still sitting at the small desk in the corner.

"Hey Pally," Johnny said seriously, "you doing okay?" He knew Roy took these kinds of calls extremely hard and he wanted to let his friend know that he was there for him.

"I'm okay now, Junior. How about you?" Roy, too, was concerned for Johnny. John Gage was his partner. A single guy with a big heart and a happy go lucky personality. Although, he didn't have a family like Roy, he was passionate about his job and tended to become a little too involved in their rescues and when the two partners had been unable to save their victims today, Roy had seen the anguish on his friend's face. Hell, it had been mirrored on the face of everyone involved.

"Will be, Roy. It's just hard, you know?'

"Yeah, I know, Johnny. I know." Roy stood up and gave his junior partner a pat on the back. "Let's go see if Chet has dinner ready yet." It was still too fresh to talk about just yet but they would, they just needed to put a little distance between the failed rescue
and themselves for right now.

As they walked through the apparatus bay into the day room, Roy thought to himself, "Thank God, I have Joanne. She keeps my world centered." He stole a look at his partner. "And Johnny. He truly understands what I'm feeling because he's feeling it, too," he
thought.

Roy Desoto was a family man. He was deeply devoted to his wife and his children, Chris and Jenny. When he was dealing with frightened or injured children, he drew upon his fatherly instincts to help calm the kids so that he and Johnny could help them. And when he couldn't help them, it hurt him all the more. But for as much as he loved his family, he wanted to shelter them from the horrific part of his world and when he talked about his job, it was always the good runs or the humorous ones that he shared with them. It was Johnny with whom he shared all of it.

Roy and Johnny had not been partners very long but they had quickly become fast friends. They were as different as night and day but it only served to strengthen their bond. They spent a lot of time together both on shift and off and Johnny quickly became included in the Desoto family. Roy knew that Joanne had been somewhat jealous at
first of the relationship between the two partners but she had told him that knowing that Johnny was watching his back gave her a sense of security about Roy's safety. Both Roy and Joanne knew that Johnny would put his own life on the line if needed to protect Roy. What Roy never told Joanne was that he would so the same for Johnny. He imagined that she knew but he didn't think that she needed to hear
it. Yes, he loved his wife and children but his partner was like a brother to him and he would do whatever was necessary to keep his brother safe. He would do it for any of his fellow brothers in the department.

When Roy and Johnny arrived in the dayroom, lunch was indeed ready but the klaxons sounded as soon as they sat down sending all of the men running. Captain Hank Stanley quickly acknowledged the call and handed the address slip to Roy in the squad before he made his way to the engine.

They arrived at the scene of the motor vehicle accident in short order and quickly began to assess their patients. Johnny went to one car while Roy went to another but it wasn't long before Johnny was at Roy's side. Roy looked at him inquisitively and John gave a slight shake of the head. No words were needed to communicate that the other driver had been killed instantly.

"Her legs are pinned, Johnny," Roy told his partner who relayed to their captain that they would have to dismantle the car to get her out. The steering wheel was pressed up against her chest and Roy was fearful of internal injuries and hoped that they would have enough
time to get her out.

"What's your name?"

"Samantha," she replied.

"My name is Roy and this is my partner, Johnny. We're going to take good care of you. So just try to relax, okay?"

She nodded her head but stopped as Roy began applying a dressing to her head wound.

He stayed with her as his crew went about their job of extricating her from the car. He held her hand and talked to her while closely monitoring her vitals. She had short dark hair and reminded him of his wife. He knew time was running out for her and silently prayed that God would grant her the necessary time.

Finally they had her freed and Roy and Johnny readied her for transport. Roy climbed into the back of the ambulance and he and Johnny shared a solemn look before Johnny closed the rear doors and gave the customary two thumps on the door.

Roy continued to monitor her vitals as Rampart had requested and he knew that time was their enemy. The drive to Rampart was a short one but for Samantha, every second would be needed.

"I'm scared," Samantha confessed.

Roy was too but he couldn't say it out loud. Instead he tried to reassure her.

"Don't worry, we're almost there. You just hang in there. You'll be okay and pretty soon you'll have the best doctors in LA County at your disposal." He smiled at her and she smiled back.

"You're a nice man, Roy but you're a lousy liar," she told him.

"Yeah, my wife tells me that, too. Can't get anything by her. What about your husband? Tell me about him." He wanted to distract her and she had mentioned her husband and kids earlier when she was still in the car.

"Jim? What would I do without him? He's the greatest." Her face lit up as she talked about him and her children but her voice was fading and her breath becoming shallower and she slipped into unconsciousness before they reached Rampart.

Doctor Early, Doctor Brackett and Dixie McCall, RN, all met them at the ambulance bay and quickly rushed her into the nearest treatment room. Everyone was aware of how dire the situation was and before he knew it, Johnny was at his side and pulled him from the room despite his reluctance to leave.

Both men were exhausted. Between the MVA and the house fire not to mention the smaller runs they'd been on earlier, they'd hardly had a minutes rest. There had been 5 fatalities that day and a probable sixth. Johnny got them each a much needed cup of coffee and they restocked their supplies before making themselves available. As they
were preparing to leave, Dixie came out of the treatment room.

"How's it look, Dix?" Roy asked.

"Not good, Roy. Not good at all."

Roy sighed deeply and Johnny clapped him on the shoulder. "Come on, Partner. Let's get back to the barn," Johnny said.

The ride back to the station was a quiet one. There wasn't any senseless chatter from Roy's normally talkative partner as they each tried to deal with another death and the possibility of another that couldn't save.

Later that night, Roy couldn't sleep because each time he closed his eyes he saw Samantha's face. So much like Joanne's he thought. He had wanted to call Dixie to see how she was but they had not found the time and now it was too late. He lay there in his bunk staring at the ceiling and listening to the sounds of Chet's snoring before
deciding that it was useless to try to sleep. He pulled on his turnout pants and quietly made his way from the room. Johnny, too, had been awake and knowing that Roy was having a hard time, followed his friend.

When Johnny entered the kitchen, he stopped Roy from making another
pot of coffee.

"You'll never get to sleep if you drink another one of those, my friend," he told Roy. He went instead to the refrigerator and got out the milk. He began to warm it on the stove.

"My mother always said drinking warm milk will help you sleep," Johnny said with a smile.

"Yeah?" Roy replied. "What does she say about 4 dead people?"

Johnny remained silent as he finished his task and set the glass in front of Roy. He knew his friend hadn't meant any ill will with the comment. It was simply a way a venting his frustration at the four lost lives that they had been unable to help. Johnny took the seat
next to Roy and the two men sipped at their milk.

"It's times like these, Junior, that I feel like a failure. There wasn't anything I could do to help that mother or her children today."

"I know, Roy. Sometimes we have to accept that there just isn't anything we can do."

"But four lives, including your DOA are lost today," Roy returned. "Three kids, Johnny. Babies. We couldn't even get to them."

"Think about the saves Roy, think about the saves. We haven't heard from Dix so I bet that means Samantha is holding her own." Johnny tried to refocus Roy's thoughts.

Roy nodded but made no comment.

"Remember that plane crash we had with 110's. You know, where the plane was stuck up in those trees. Boy, that was some rescue. Pretty hairy getting those people out of there."

The two men sat at the table for quite some time talking about the ones they saved and the ones they didn't and the children that had perished that day. They both prayed that Samantha would pull through and Johnny offered to call Rampart first thing in the morning. He didn't want Roy to do it just in case it was bad news. They went
over the scenario at the house fire to see if anything could have been done differently even though in their hearts they knew there wasn't. Roy was feeling much better as he usually did after one of these long talks with his friend and the two decided to try to sleep
again.

They hadn't even made it across the bay when the klaxons sounded again and the lights came on.

Station 51 arrived at the scene of the warehouse fire to find Chief McConnikee already in charge. The fire was already burning out of control and there were chemicals being stored inside. He ordered the engine crew to attack the fire from the rear. Roy and Johnny were
the first squad to arrive and they were instructed to make a quick sweep of the building as the night watchman was unaccounted for. McConnikee told them to make quick work of their search and they donned their gear and headed into the beast.

Containers were piled high and the smoke intense as they made their way through the first floor. Johnny looked up and noticed that the offices were on the second floor overlooking the warehouse floor. He tugged at Roy's sleeve and pointed. Roy nodded his understanding and the two made their way to the stairs leading up to the second floor.
From the overlook, they could see their crew from 51 as well as many others battling the blaze. Roy radioed their position to Captain Stanley and they searched the offices upstairs but came up empty. They were making their way to the third floor when they were informed that the guard had been located.

"How `bout that, Johnny, we're not gonna lose one this time," Roy said smiling. His voice was muffled because of his mask but his partner had understood and returned the smile.

The metals stairs groaned and an explosion from below caused the supports to break. Roy felt himself falling and reached out blindly for anything to grab onto but came up empty. His thoughts immediately went to his family and the possibility that he may never
see them again. His arm jerked upwards and he felt a hand circling his wrist. Johnny! The pain that coursed through his shoulder was unbelievable and he realized that it must have dislocated when Johnny stopped his fall.

He looked up into the eyes of his partner. Johnny grinned at him and hollered, "I've got you, Roy. I won't let go."

Roy had circled his hand around Johnny's wrist as well and Roy realized that the two were dangling in the air. Johnny held onto the portion of the railing that hadn't broken with one hand while holding Roy with the other. Roy knew that Johnny couldn't hold both of their weights very long. Where was their help? The engine crews below had
to have seen them, he thought. He looked back up at Johnny and saw him struggling to maintain his grasp on the railing. He wasn't going to be able to hold it much longer.

Roy's eyes pleaded with his partner. Johnny shook his head and nodded towards the men coming to their rescue. Roy knew that they weren't close enough.

"Johnny?"

"No!"

"You can't hold us both, man."

"Just watch me, Pally," Johnny replied but he could feel his grip loosening even as he said it.

The sounds from below were coming closer and Roy could hear Chet yelling to them. "Hang on Johnny. Roy. We're coming!"

Roy looked back at his partner. His face was red and set with determination but Roy could see the toll that holding on to him was doing to Johnny.

"They aren't gonna make it, Johnny," he yelled. "Let me go."

"No way, Roy!"

Roy knew that Johnny wouldn't let go because he wouldn't either if their positions were reversed but he had to make the offer to save his friend. He knew that without the extra weight, Johnny would stand a better chance at hanging on until help could get to them. He was actually surprised the he had held on this long.

The railing that Johnny was hanging onto groaned loudly and finally gave way under the weight of the two men. The crew of station 51 watched in horror as two of their own fell from above. They hadn't had a chance to get to them. Captain Stanley was on the handie
talkie screaming "Code I times two, Code I times two." They watched as the two men fell still linked at the wrists.

Roy had been watching the crews below try to get ladders up to them when he felt himself go and looked up at his best friend. Johnny was still holding onto the railing and to Roy but the railing had broken causing them to fall. Johnny had never let go, even through the fall he held onto that piece of railing. Roy's eyes met Johnny's and held
until they hit ground.

Roy was vaguely aware of people hollering and someone telling him to remain still. He didn't know who it was but he didn't move. He couldn't if he wanted to. He hurt all over. Someone was asking him questions but he couldn't focus on them. He couldn't answer, he
couldn't find his voice. He wanted to turn his head, to look around for Johnny but he couldn't. God, it hurts, he thought, and I'm so cold.

"He's going out," was the last thing he heard before his world went black.



Joanne Desoto awoke with a start. She looked at the clock on the bedside table, 4 am. She couldn't recall if she'd been dreaming but she felt sick to her stomach and didn't know why. She rolled out of bed and made her way to the bathroom where she soaked a washcloth in cool water and wiped her face. Her hands were shaking and she felt
very cold in the thin nightgown that she wore. A feeling of dread had settled into her stomach and was making her nauseous she realized. Her thoughts immediately went to Roy.

"Oh my God," she thought. "Roy, no." She ran to the phone and called the station. She didn't even care if she woke them up. She had to hear his voice. It rang once, twice, three times. "Pick up. Pick up, someone please," she pleaded to no one. She finally replaced the receiver and sank into the chair tears streaming down her cheeks. She knew something had happened to her husband. She just didn't know what.

The wait was torturous but she knew they would come. She stood at the front window and waited for the inevitable. She didn't know how she knew, she just knew. It was an hour later when the chief's car pulled into her driveway. She watched as Chief McConnikee and Hank Stanley emerged from the car and began the journey towards her front door.

She had the door opened and was waiting for them. They both held their hats in their hands and were surprised that she seemed to be expecting them.

"Mrs. Desoto," the Chief acknowledged.

"Joanne," Hank said to her, "he's alive." He didn't want her to think the worst unnecessarily.

She let out the breath she didn't even know she was holding. "Oh, thank God! I thought he was dead."

"Joanne, it's not good," Hank continued. "He fell almost two stories. He's at Rampart now. My wife should be here any minute to stay with the kids." Hank felt terrible to have to bring her this news.

"I knew he was hurt. I woke up…something woke me. I don't know what it was…two stories…oh my God…how bad is it, Hank?"

"I… I'm not sure exactly, Joanne. Brice and Bellingham were there. They worked on him. Outside of Roy and John, they're the best, Joanne."

"Johnny. Why didn't Johnny help him?" She asked the question knowing she wasn't going to like the answer. Johnny would never leave Roy if he could help it.

"John was with Roy. He fell too," Hank replied sadly as he sat down next to Joanne. He ran his fingers through his hair. It was one of the worst days in his career.

"Is he…is he okay?" Joanne sat deathly still on the coach.

"About the same as Roy, he's alive but we don't know the extent of either of their injuries. We came here as soon as we could, Joanne."

"Hank, your wife's here," the Chief announced. Grace Stanley pulled Joanne into an embrace as soon as she could reach her. She'd been in this position herself before and prayed that Joanne and Roy would both be okay, not to mention John Gage.

Hank hugged his wife and thanked her for coming and the Chief and Captain Stanley escorted Joanne to the hospital.

Joanne sat in her husband's room and held his hand. He had so many wires and tubes connected to him. Dr. Brackett had tried to explain everything to her but she didn't understand most of it. She knew he was on a respirator because he was having trouble breathing when he was first brought in. He suffered a concussion and was still unconscious. His shoulder had been dislocated and his ankle broken as well.

All in all she'd been told, he was a very lucky man. By all accounts, he should be dead. Chet and Marco told her what had happened from their viewpoint. They told her about the explosion and the stairway supports giving way. Roy had been in front of Johnny
coming down when it went.

"Everything happened so fast," Chet said.

"Yeah, one second they were standing and the next they were suspended in mid air," Marco added.

"We were trying to get something set up so that we could get up there to them. I mean the whole stairway was gone. And here's Johnny hanging onto Roy with one hand while trying to maintain his hold on the railing with the other." Chet still couldn't believe what had happened and that his friends were still alive.

"Yeah, even when Johnny fell, he still had a piece of the railing in his one hand and Roy in the other. He wasn't letting go of either of them, Joanne." Marco told her and then shook his head to clear the image from his mind.

"Roy landed on these huge cardboard boxes. They broke his fall." Chet said solemly. He didn't want to think about what would have happened had either of them hit the concrete floor directly. "It almost looked like Johnny knew they were going and tried to swing Roy toward those boxes," he added after some thought.

"You know, Chet, I think you're right," Marco agreed not having considered that before now.

"Man, when Johnny hit those metal stairs I thought I was going to be sick," Chet added before thinking. Marco shot him a dirty look and Chet looked up to see Joanne's stricken face. "I'm sorry, Joanne. I wasn't thinking." Chet was immediately contrite for passing along that piece of information. She didn't need to know what had broken Johnny's fall.

Joanne felt sick at the image that popped into her head. Johnny and Roy falling through the air, landing only an arms length apart yet Roy got the better end of the deal. She was thankful that Roy hadn't landed on the metal but chastised herself for that thought. It was
no better that Johnny had.

Joanne didn't understand all the medical jargon that had been thrown around, she was just glad that Roy was still with her. He hadn't regained consciousness yet but Dr. Brackett assured her that he would barring any complications. It might take time but when he did so, they should be able to remove the breathing tube.

Johnny hadn't been so lucky. He had landed on a portion of the broken stairway and suffered some major internal injuries in addition to a broken arm and had sustained a major head injury and they were monitoring him for intracrannial bleeding. They'd had to take him right into surgery. He was in recovery now and it was still touch and go.

Joanne was amazed at the number of firemen that had come to hospital throughout the day. She'd gone down to see Johnny for a few minutes
earlier in the day but wasn't allowed to stay long.

He looked so pale and lifeless and her heart went out to him. She took his hand in hers.

"Oh, Johnny. Be strong, fight, we need you here. Roy needs you. I need you and the kids need their uncle." The tears ran unchecked down her face. "I don't know how to thank you for saving Roy. I know you would shrug it off as no big deal but it is a big deal. It's a big deal to me. We love you, Johnny and Roy is going to be okay, thanks to you." She hoped she wasn't lying to him. The nurse came to tell her that time was up and she lightly squeezed his hand as she placed a kiss on his forehead.

"It's your turn now, Johnny. It's time for you to come back to us," she whispered.


Joanne's mother arrived to stay with the kids as Joanne maintained her bedside vigil. She wanted to be with Roy when he woke up and aside from short her short visit with Johnny and Dixie making her eat, she had not left his side.

It was almost 24 hours before he came to and he immediately fought against the respirator. Joanne rang for the nurse and the two tried to calm him down until Dr. Brackett could get there. The good doctor examined Roy and asked for his help in removing the breathing tube. Roy gagged as it was removed and his throat was sore but he was glad it was gone.

His wife was a sight for sore eyes, he thought he'd never see her again.

"Johnny?" he asked looking at Dr. Brackett.

"He's holding his own right now, Roy." Dr. Brackett's mouth twitched and Roy knew that it wasn't good.

"How bad?"

"I'm not gonna lie to you. It's bad. He's had a major head trauma and a lot of internal injuries. We were able to repair that damage but it's the head that I'm worried about now. He hasn't shown any signs of waking up and we're seeing signs of pressure building. But we're keeping a close watch on it and hoping for the best."

"You'll let me know if there's any change, won't you?"

"You didn't even need to ask, Roy. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go check on that partner of yours since I'm up." Kel smiled at both Roy and Joanne before leaving the room.



Two days had passed and still no response from Johnny although the head injury had stabilized. Roy was wracked with guilt. He agonized about Johnny's injuries. Johnny would have been fine if it hadn't been for trying to hold on to Roy. He'd have been able to pull himself back up. He felt guilty each time he looked at Joanne knowing that he had willingly offered to give up his life for Johnny's. He didn't regret doing it but how would she look at him if she knew. Would she feel belittled thinking that he thought more of his friend than he did of his family. He felt guilty when he
remembered all of the lives that were lost that terrible day. Lives he hadn't been able to save and he might have to add his best friend to that list. He was so torn up and there was no one to talk to. If only he could talk to Johnny.

"Roy, talk to me," Joanne pleaded. "I can't help you through this if you won't talk to me."

Roy remained silent as he lay staring out the window. He couldn't bring himself to tell her.

"Johnny's strong, he'll pull through and in a couple of months, you two will be better than ever."

Roy slowly turned his head toward his wife. His eyes were wet with tears. Perhaps, he thought but what about us, Jo, where will we be if you knew what I was thinking.

"Roy, whatever it is, you can tell me. I love you. I can handle it. There's something more than just worry about Johnny going on here, Roy. I know there is and I can help you if you'll let me. Don't shut me out."

"I asked him to let me go," he said softly.

Joanne tried to hide her shock but he heard her sharp intake of breath. She didn't say anything, she couldn't.

"I didn't want to die, Jo," he was quick to assure her. "I didn't want to leave you and the kids and when I first fell, I thought about how much I'd miss all of you. Next thing I knew, Johnny had my arm but I knew he couldn't hold onto both of us. I wanted to give him a chance so I told him to let me go." He hadn't wanted to tell her this. This was exactly the type of thing that he'd always wanted to protect her from.

Joanne thought carefully before responding. She took his hand in hers and clutched it to her chest. She was openly crying now but she didn't care.

"Roy, one of the things that I have always loved about you is your loyalty. You always think of others before yourself. I know that you put your life on the line each day you go to work. I know deep down that you would willingly trade your life for another if it meant saving that person. Especially if it was Johnny. That's what you do. That's what all Firemen do isn't it? Each time you run into a burning building, you're doing it."

"I thought you might hate me for that," he said sadly.

"Oh, Honey, I could never hate you. Don't you know that? How could I hate you for wanting to save your best friend, your partner, your brother. I love you, Roy, and I don't ever want to lose you but I realize what the risks are for you to do your job." She softly placed a kiss on his lips. "You and Johnny are the best there are, Roy. You don't become the best in your field without risks."

"Johnny does that for me. He brings out the better part of me. We demand the best out of each other because our patients deserve that. We lost so many people that day, Jo, three of them babies. I don't know what I'll do if I lose Johnny, too," he sobbed.

"He'll be okay, Roy, he will. Maybe not today but Johnny's too stubborn to check out now." Please let that be true, she thought.

"He told me he wouldn't let go and he never did," Roy said with wonderment.

"Don't sound so surprised, Roy, you wouldn't have either," Joanne told him and he knew she was right. Just as Roy had made a choice, so had Johnny and that choice had been to try to save Roy no matter what. He just hoped he'd get the chance to thank his friend.

Roy looked at his wife and the love he had for her was evident on his face.

"You know, you bring out the better part of me, too, Jo. Where would I ever be without you?"

"Don't you worry about that because you'll never have the chance to find out," she answered honestly.

Joanne wheeled Roy into Johnny's room and parked the wheelchair next to the bed.

"I'm going to get a cup of coffee, do you need anything, Roy," Joanne asked. She didn't really need a cup of coffee but she wanted to give Roy some time alone with Johnny.

"Uh…no…but thanks, Honey," Roy answered. He knew what she was doing and he was grateful. Each time that he had come down here, someone else had been around. Roy's visits were limited because of his own injuries and he hadn't had time alone to visit with Johnny.

Roy looked at the still form of his friend and he wanted to cry. It should be me laying there, not him, he thought. If he had only let go…No, he wouldn't let his mind go back there again. He was done with the guilt. His wife had helped him through that and he wouldn't dredge it up again. Johnny wouldn't want him to.

"Come on, Junior," Roy said to his friend. "It's time to wake up. You've been sleeping way too late and Cap's gonna get pissed if you don't come back soon." He tried a feeble attempt at humor but it sounded lame even to his own ears.

"Everybody's been here to see you. All the guys are taking turns with the visiting hours. This is actually the first chance that I've had to sit with you alone. Brackett can't even keep Dixie down in the ER," he joked.

He looked around the room knowing that there wasn't anyone around but checking nonetheless. He picked up Johnny's hand in his own.

"I, uh, I need to you to wake up so that, I , uh, can thank you for saving my life. You said you wouldn't let go of me and you never did. I can't tell you what that means to me."

The only answer was the beeping of the machines so Roy continued.

"I know you'll tell me that you were just doing your job and you were but it's so much more than that, Johnny. I don't think I realized that until yesterday. We always joke being the two best paramedics in Los Angeles County. Would we be if we weren't partners? If we hadn't teamed up together when you finished your training, would we still be the best. I don't think so, Johnny. I really don't. I told Joanne that it was you that brought out the better part of me."

"That's why I need you to come back. Let's face it, Brice isn't going to bring out the best in me. I'd be too pissed off at him to be up to par. Know what I mean?" He chuckled quietly before continuing.

"Anyway, I was talking to Joanne about this and you know, it's kinda funny, well not funny really, but here I am telling you to let me go and save yourself but you won't and deep down I knew you wouldn't but I had to offer. Probably the reason that I could say it was because I knew you wouldn't do it."

How true that really was, he thought. I can always trust Johnny to be there for me, no matter what.

"Anyway, you were the one in control of the situation, for as much as either of us could control it and I wanted to try to save you and you wanted to try to save me. Even when both of us were ultimately staring at death's door, we were doing what we trained to do, what we live for, to save a life."

"Well you won, hell we both won, we're both still here, still breathing," Roy finished. Now, if only Johnny would wake up, we would have this thing beat, he thought.

Roy sat silently watching Johnny for the slightest movement but there was none.

"Hey Junior, remember what I said to you that day, just before the stairs went. I said it looks like we aren't gonna lose one this time, remember? Well, don't make me be wrong about that partner, okay."

He looked at the clock on the wall and realized that his time was almost up.

"Joanne should be back soon and I'm gonna have to go back to my room. I'm getting out of here tomorrow but I'll be by to see you as often as they'll let me. I was kinda hoping that you'd wake up before I left but you're being stubborn as usual."

"Oh yeah, when you do wake up and you WILL, Johnny, Jo and I want you to come and stay with us until your ready to be on your own.
Joanne's been great through all of this, Johnny. I don't think that I ever gave her enough credit. We used to joke that she was a saint for putting up with you but she really is the greatest."

Roy laid Johnny's hand back down on the covers. He hated to break the connection but Joanne would be back any minute to take him back to his room.

"Well, you've made it this far, the rest is up to you," he thought out loud. "You're in the driver's seat this time, Junior. The next turn is up to you but hopefully I've pointed you in the right direction."

Joanne popped her head back in the door.

"Roy, visiting hours are up, you ready to go back," she asked softly.

"Yeah, I'm ready," he said before casting one last hopeful glance at this partner. Joanne crept into the room long enough to kiss Johnny's forehead and then she wheeled Roy back to his room.




Dixie quietly crept into Roy's room. It was two o'clock in the morning and she'd just come from Johnny's room. Roy looked so peaceful sleeping and she hated to wake him but she knew that he would never forgive her if she didn't.

"Roy,' she called out softly.

"Roy, wake up," she repeated as she gingerly shook him. She knew his shoulder was still wrapped and sore from being dislocated and she was
very careful not to hurt him.

"Dix? Is that you?" Roy was groggy and it was hard to see in the darkened room.

"Yes, Roy, it's me. I came to get you. Put your robe on, we've got somewhere to go," she told him cryptically.

"Dix, what is it? Is it Johnny? What's going on?" Roy was becoming quickly distressed.

"Yes, Roy, it's Johnny. That's where I'm taking you," Dixie replied. She had the wheelchair positioned next to the bed so that he could easily get into it, and he quickly did so sensing Dixie's urgency.

As Dixie wheeled Roy down the hall to the elevators, a thousand questions swam through his mind. Finally he plucked one out to ask her.

"Dix, what is wrong with Johnny? You've got to tell me, please," he begged her.

Dixie stopped the chair in front of the elevator doors and pushed the button. She turned back to Roy.

"He's awake, Roy," she said and saw Roy's face light up.

"But," she added quickly, "he's extremely distraught. He thinks you're dead and that we won't tell him. He's very agitated and we can't calm him down. Kel doesn't want to have to sedate him seeing as how he just woke up but that's what he's going to have to do. I thought if I got you down there and he saw for himself that you are alive, it would calm him down."

Roy's happiness at the fact that Johnny was awake was quickly replaced with worry for his friend's agitation

"Let's get going then," he cried.

"We still have to wait for the elevator, Roy," Dixie reminded him.


When Roy arrived at Johnny's room in the ICU, Kelly Brackett was doing his best to try to hold Johnny down.

"Come on, Johnny, you can't do this," Kel pleaded. "You had surgery a couple of days ago. You have to be still."

"Just tell me the truth, Doc. Just tell me the truth about Roy," Johnny demanded.

"I have, John. Roy is very much alive. I wouldn't lie about that."

"JOHNNY!"

Both Johnny and Doctor Brackett stilled at the sound of the voice. Kel let out a sigh of relief.

"Roy?"

"Yeah, Johnny, it's me."

Johnny tried to sit up but Kel gently eased him back down. "Stay put," he ordered.

Roy wheeled himself into the room and up next to the bed to where he could see his friend.

"Thank God, Roy, I thought I killed you," Johnny whispered.

"Thought you killed me," Roy asked incredulously. "Johnny, you saved my life!"

"I saw you fall. I couldn't hold you, Roy. I saw you fall."

"You did hold me, John, but the railing broke and we both fell," Roy told his friend.

"I thought I let you down. I thought I let Jo and the kids down," Johnny said miserably. "I could never forgive myself if I had."

"But you didn't, Johnny. You didn't," Roy reassured him.

Johnny let his head fall back onto the pillow and closed his eyes in relief. His dark hair was in sharp contrast to the stark white bandage that covered part of his head and for the first time since waking, he became aware of his own injuries.

He tired to raise his left arm to his aching head but it was so heavy and when he looked down he noticed the cast.

"Broke my arm," he asked as he looked up at Kel.

"Among other things," the doctor replied seriously. "But from the looks of it, you should make a full recovery."

Kel had been extremely worried about Johnny's head injury and the longer it took him to come around, the more worried the doctor became. But he was awake now and he could recall most of the details from the accident which was a very good sign. They had staved off any infections and if he took it easy, his internal injuries should heal just fine.

"You two guys are very lucky," Dixie said kindly.

Roy looked at his friend and replied, "Yeah, Dix, we are pretty lucky.

"Now, I have to get you back to your room, mister," she said to Roy as she came around behind the chair.

"Uh, Dix, Doc, uh, can I have a minute with Roy before he goes," Johnny asked and provided them with a lopsided grin when Brackett agreed.

"But just for a minute. You both need your rest," Kel instructed and he and Dixie left the room.

"Hey Roy?"

"Yeah"

"Do me a favor?"

"Sure, Johnny, anything. Whatever you need?"

"Don't ever ask me to let you go again," he said and turned sorrowful eyes toward Roy. "I won't do it. So don't ask, okay? I mean, we're in this together, you and me, and I could never do that, Roy. Never. I know what you were trying to do but…" his voice trailed off.

"Okay, I won't ask," Roy replied. He would always do whatever he could if Johnny was in trouble but he would never again ask his partner to willingly let go of him to save his own life.

Dixie returned in exactly a minute's time at Kel's instruction and took Roy back to his room.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Junior." Roy said as Dixie wheeled him away.

"I'm countin' on it, Pally," Johnny called after them.



Roy lay awake that night thinking about what Johnny had said. Roy had been prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice to save his friend. But at what cost? Johnny had been frantic when Roy arrived at his room. He actually thought that he might have let Roy go and it had torn Johnny up inside. Roy hoped that they would never again be in that type of situation but if it came to pass, he would not ask his friend to make that decision. Johnny had made the right decision. He had held onto Roy for as long as he could and had tried to save them both.

The fire department is a brotherhood like no other, Roy thought. It's all for one and one for all no matter what the fight. Roy tried to recall the lines from a poem he'd read somewhere but could only remember a few.

What do you call the person to whom you owe your life? What do you call the person that always stands beside you? What do you call the person who helps you face the demons? And what do you call the person that would gladly give his life so that you may live yours? And when they fall, you are there for them.

You call him your brother. He couldn't remember the whole thing but he knew the jist of it and agreed wholeheartedly.

"Thank you, God, for giving me back my brother," he said with sincerity.

Author's note: The poem I found on the internet is as follows. I am posting it here without permission but hope that it's okay. It's beautiful.

Brothers
What do you call that person,
The one you owe your life?

What do you call that friend,
That helped you in your strife?

Who is it that you call for,
When death is at your door?

Who is it that you pray for,
when your knees fall to the floor?

In life we have those few,
Who we count on without fear,

They stand beside you endlessly,
and help you shed your tear.

They help face the demons,
That come for us at night,

They boldly stand beside us,
Beside us they stand to fight,

When they fall,
We are there,
To fight along their side,

And when they fear,
We are there,
to give them a place to hide.

Through all time,
Back and forth,
Never keeping count,

We stand, Beside each other,
Wherever trouble mounts,

It is this special bond,
That leads one to give his life,

So that the other one,
Can return safely to his wife,

It is because of this relationship,
And reasons so few can see,

That every other firefighter,
Known or unknown to me,

Will be called my Brother,
And their Brother will I be.


-Michael Ballew

Roy went home the next day and Johnny was in for a week more. When he was released, Roy and Joanne were there to bring him home. Roy
went back to work after 8 weeks and Johnny was out for 12 but both men were itching to go back way before then.

Roy was up early and at the station by 7:15. His shift didn't start until eight but it was Johnny's first day back and Roy was eager to get to work. It had been three months since that terrible accident and he and Johnny would be working together again. It doesn't get much better than this, Desoto, he thought to himself. You have a wife you love, a partner who is your best friend and brother and a job that you love to do. Life is sweet.

Johnny was even early to work, which was a surprise to everyone, but he'd missed the job for too long and was ready to be back in the saddle. In fact, all of A shift was early that day and when the station tones sounded at 7:45, Captain Stanley informed his C shift counterpart that they would be taking the call. C shift was more than happy to see them go as they had just returned from a run and were ready for their shift to end.

As the squad pulled up to the house, Roy and Johnny jumped out and quickly donned their gear. They ran up to Hank to see where they were needed and were quickly told that the mother and her daughter were still inside.

Neither wasted any time with words as they headed into the beast once again. They made quick work searching the first floor and immediately went to the second floor. The smoke was thick and they could hear some men on the roof ventilating the house.

The little girl had locked herself inside the bathroom and the mother had collapsed in front of the door trying to get her daughter out.

Johnny nodded at Roy who picked up the mother and carried her to safety. He passed another firemen in the hall.

"Gage needs an axe up there," he told them as passed. He didn't like leaving his partner in there but they had a rescue to complete and Johnny had a lot of brothers around to watch out for him.

Roy quickly went to work on the mother. He placed the oxygen mask over her face and established the necessary link with Rampart. Before long, the mother was coming around and Johnny was at his side with the little girl. The little girl was fine and crying for her mother and they would take them both into Rampart to be checked out further. The two men exchanged a glance over their patients heads and shared a smile. This was one of the good times, one of the saves, this was why they did their jobs.

Johnny jumped into the ambulance to accompanying both mother and daughter to the hospital. Just before he closed the doors, Roy smiled at Johnny and thought, the better part of me. There were no other words to describe it.

It took some time for Roy to join his partner at Rampart as his help was still required at the scene. He found Johnny in the hallway busily engaged in a conversation with one of the young nurses. Roy wandered over to Dixie.

"Didn't take Romeo long to get back to normal, did it," he joked.

Dixie laughed at Roy's joke. "No, and ain't it great."

Roy smiled. "It sure is, Dix."

He turned to his partner and hollered, "I'll be waiting in the squad, don't be long."

Johnny turned and waved his acknowledgment before turning back to the nurse. Roy and Dixie exchanged a knowing glance before Roy headed
out to the squad. Some things never change.

Roy was waiting in the squad when Johnny came out a few minutes later. His partner looked like he had something serious on his mind.

"Want to tell me about it," he asked.

"About what?"

"Whatever it is that has you looking like that," Roy stated.

"It's nothing. You're not gonna believe what Shiela said to me. You're just not gonna believe it."

Roy rolled his eyes before asking, "What did she say, Johnny?"

"I asked her out and she told me that she couldn't date anyone who was married to their job."

Roy shook his head. It was gonna be a long day with this one.

"I'm not married to my job, am I, Roy? I mean I am the job, but I'm not married to it. You're the job, aren't you, Roy. But you're not married to it either. I mean you're married to Joanne. I can't believe she said that to me. Married to my job. I go out. I do other things. I'm not just a fireman, you know."

Roy wanted to stop this little tirade before it gave him a headache which he could see coming a mile away.

"Look Junior, she didn't mean it like that. Yes, we are the job but some people can't handle that. It takes someone special to marry a fireman. Someone who isn't gonna get upset if their plans are ruined or their husband doesn't get home on time."

"Or if they bring their partner over for breakfast as much as I do,' he joked.

"Someone who can help us deal with the shit that we see every day," he added turning serious. He thought of his wife, Joanne, the love of his life and how much support she had given him both knowingly and unknowingly.

"Oh. That's what she meant?"

"I'm pretty sure it is, Johnny," Roy answered as he rolled his eyes.

Yes, things were definitely back to normal and Roy wouldn't have it any other way.

The End

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