Burning the Bonds, the Journey Back to Friendship
By Canadagal
Johnny Gage was dog tired. He had just worked 72 hours in a row. His own shift and 2 over time shifts had just about done him in. He just wanted to crawl home and crash in his bed for about 12 hours. He made his way to his rover, not even bothering to shower and change. He thought a shower sounded like too much work at that moment. He drove home to his ranch.
He made his way to the barn and put the horses out for the morning. He then headed to the house and flopped down on the couch. ‘better shower before I make my furniture smell like an old campfire’ he thought to himself. He got up and headed into the shower. 20 minutes later he was feeling cleaner and a little more refreshed. He made his way to the kitchen to make something to eat before he crashed for the day. Two bowls of cereal and a tall glass of milk filled the empty pit in his stomach. He stretched and yawned. ‘time for some serious shut eye’ he said to himself as he headed to bed. He flopped into his bed and pulled the covers up around himself. In just a couple minutes he was sound asleep.
He slept soundly for the next 2 hours before the ringing of the phone woke him up.
“Hello.” he said, very groggy.
“Hey, Johnny, how you enjoying your day off?” Roy asked.
“Roy?” Johnny shook his head, trying to focus on the phone call.
“Did I wake you up? Usually you’re up early. Long night last night?” Roy asked.
“I worked yesterday, only got home a couple hours ago.” Johnny explained.
“Oh ok. Sorry I woke you,” Roy apologized. “I was hoping to ask you a favor”
“What’s that?” Johnny asked.
“Well Joanne and I are supposed to go out to a dinner function this evening. Our babysitter cancelled and we’re really stuck,” Roy began.
Johnny sighed. He looked at his watch. It was already after 1 in the afternoon. He was dead tired. “You checked around to all your regular sitters?” Johnny asked.
“Yeah they are all tied up. Look, don’t worry about it. We can just cancel. You get some sleep. Sorry I bugged ya,” Roy said, starting to hang up.
“Hang on, Roy. Don’t be canceling anything. I can watch the kids. You’re going to have to bring them out here. They can stay the night and you can pick them up in the morning,” Johnny offered.
“You sure you don’t mind?” Roy asked, not able to contain his excitement.
“Na I don’t mind. I’m going to crash for a few more hours before you come. What time are you suppose to be at this thing ?” Johnny asked.
“Around 6,” Roy told him.
“Well bring the kids around 5 and that should give you plenty of time to get to your function,” Johnny said, trying to stifle a yawn.
“Thanks, Johnny, ” Roy said, hanging up the phone. Johnny hung up on his end and closed his eyes again. He went right back to sleep. He slept soundly for several more hours.
The knocking on the front door brought Johnny out of his sound slumber. He threw on some jeans and a shirt and walked, bare foot down to the door. He opened it and found the entire DeSoto clan standing in at his door.
“Hey, Johnny, we sure appreciate your willingness to do this at the last minute,” Joanne said, as she walked in. The kids were excited as they dragged their backpacks and sleeping bags in.
“Hi, Uncle Johnny,” Jenny said, grinning widely.
“Hey there, Jenny Bean, how’s my best girl tonight?” he asked.
“I’m so excited. I love staying at the ranch,” she gushed.
“Well I’m glad you two are staying here also. Have you guys eaten?” Johnny asked, suddenly realizing he had nothing prepared for supper.
“We brought supper,” Roy offered, holding up some bags. “We stopped and grabbed burgers and fries for you all, that way you don’t have to make anything”
“Thanks. Smells great. I’m starved, ” Johnny grinned appreciatively. Joanne put the food in the kitchen and then headed back to the door. “Well we’d better get going, Roy. The dinner starts at 6” she said, looking at her watch.
“You two behave for Johnny. Don’t give him any trouble,” Roy said, firmly, as he looked at his two kids.
“We will, dad, ” Chris answered. “we always listen good for Uncle Johnny”
“Don’t worry we will be fine,” Johnny said, “you two have a good time”
Roy and Joanne kissed the kids good bye and headed off. They felt comfortable with the kids being with Johnny. He was always a great babysitter and they knew their kids were in good hands with him.
After their parents were gone the kids started to get more excited. “So can we go riding?” Chris asked, hopefully.
“Not tonight, kiddo. I’m too tired today . We can watch some TV or play a game but no riding this time. Next time you come out you can ride,” Johnny said.
“Awwww, ” Chris whined. “But we always ride when we come out here”
“Uncle Johnny said no. Daddy wouldn’t like it if he knew you weren’t being nice,” Jenny said, smiling at Johnny.
“Look, Chris, we can have fun inside here. I’m just bushed tonight. I don’t want to take the horses out when I’m this tired,” Johnny tried to explain.
Chris was in a mood. He sulked through his dinner and slumped on the couch afterwards.
“Jenny, Chris, why don’t we play a game of Monopoly,” Johnny offered, after he and Jennifer cleaned up the wrappers from their supper.
“I don’t want to,” Chris sulked.
“Well I do. I know where you keep it in the closet. I’ll go and get it” Jenny said, running down the hall to the store room. She re-appeared a couple minutes later with the game under her arm. “Here it is, Uncle Johnny, ” She said, handing him the box.
“Thanks, Jenny, ” he smiled back, as he opened the box. “Chris, you playing?” he asked, as he started to set the game up at the table.
“Do I have to?” Chris asked.
“No you don’t. But if you’re going to pout all night you might as well go to bed now. I’m sorry we can’t ride. I worked three shifts in a row and I’m tired. I don’t think riding when I’m this tired is a smart thing”
“Fine I’ll play” Chris said finally, as he headed over to the table. The three played the game for a couple hours. Finally Johnny couldn’t stay awake any longer. He looked at his watch and it said 9:45. “Okay, you two, time for bed. Pajamas and teeth and then to bed” he said.
“We have to go to bed this early. It’s not a school night,” Chris started complaining again.
“Look you can read in your bed if you like. I’m going to be going to bed shortly myself” Johnny said. “Now you need to get ready for bed while I go and put the horses in the barn. I’ll be right back”
“Can I come and help at least?” Chris asked.
“Normally I would let you, Chris, but I just want to get this done quickly. You two get yourself ready for bed and I’ll be back in a couple minutes,” Johnny said, as he pulled on his boots and jacket and went outside.
Chris was so mad. First he couldn’t ride at the ranch and now he was being forced to go to bed way before he thought he should have to. “This whole night sucks” he grumbled.
“I’m telling Daddy you said that,” Jenny said, listening to her brother complaining.
“You better not. I’ll tell Daddy you made that up,” Chris spat back at his little sister. The two continued to spar back and forth while they set up their sleeping bags in the spare room and brushed their teeth. By the time Johnny came back in the two were ready for bed.
“Well you two head to bed. I’ll come and tuck you in as soon as I lock up,” he said, carrying the juice glasses they had used during their game to the kitchen.
The two kids went to the guest room and climbed into their sleeping bags. When Johnny came in a couple minutes later he saw Jennifer already starting to fall asleep. Chris had his nosed buried in a comic book. “Well good night, sweetie,” Johnny said, kissing Jenny on the forehead. “Good night, Uncle Johnny, ” she said, as she kissed him back on the cheek. He just grinned at the little girl.
He then turned his attention to Chris, “Well good night, sport, ” he said, as he went to Chris’s bed. “Good night, Uncle Johnny, ” Chris said, without taking his eyes off the page in the comic he was reading.
Johnny shook his head. He did feel back that Chris couldn’t ride that day but he really was too tired to attempt to take them out. He thought to himself, ‘if I get a good night sleep I can always take them for short ride in the morning’
Johnny headed to his room to sleep. He pulled on a pair of sweat pants and flopped down in bed. When the kids were over he always kept his bedroom door open, therefore he felt it was appropriate to sleep in sweat pants. He climbed into his blankets and was asleep in only a couple minutes.
Chris sat in his bed for a while waiting for the house to get quiet. “Not fair. We always get to see the horses when we’re here. I’m not a baby. I could have helped Uncle Johnny, ” Chris complained to himself. Chris climbed out of bed. He went over to his sister’s bed. “Jenny, come on wake up, ” Chris shook his sister’s shoulder.
“What, Chris?” Jenny said, sleepily.
“Wanna come with me to see Eagle Spirit, ” he asked, as he pulled on his clothes.
“We can’t. Uncle Johnny said no, ” she whispered.
“He’s sleeping. I can hear him. He won’t know. We will just go out and see Eagle Spirit and Dream Catcher for a couple minutes and then come right back to bed. He will never know, ” Chris said, trying to convince his sister.
“We could get in trouble, ” she said, apprehensively.
“How? We will be back in bed and Uncle Johnny won’t know a thing,” Chris rationalized.
Jenny was easily influenced by her big brother and allowed him to talk her into his little plan. She put her clothes back on and the two headed out of their room. They peaked into Johnny's room and saw that he was in a deep sleep. They tip toed down the hall and out the front door. They closed it very quietly behind themselves.
They walked across to the barn. It was quite dark and the little bit of light that Chris’s flashlight was throwing wasn’t enough when they got into the barn. “we can’t turn the lights on. Uncle Johnny might see them. It makes the whole barn light up, ” Chris said.
“Well we can’t see the horses in the dark, ” Jenny complained, a little scared at how dark it was in the barn.
Chris shone his light all around looking for another idea. “Hey I know. We can light the lantern. It will give us enough light without making it too bright in here” Chris said, heading to the cupboard where Johnny kept his camping equipment. He pulled the lantern off the shelf and looked around. He spotted a package of matches in the gear. They were wrapped in waterproof packaging. He tore them open. In a couple minutes Chris had the lantern lit.
Jenny and Chris went to pat the horses. Eagle Spirit was a very high strung horse and Johnny didn’t normally let the kids anywhere near him without being right there. Chris was holding a sugar cube in one hand and the lantern in the other as he approached the horse. Chris didn’t realize that horses were naturally nervous around fire and the lantern was making Eagle Spirit very unsettled. “Easy, boy, I just want to give you this treat,” Chris said gently as he reached up to hand the horse the sweet treat. Eagle Spirit threw his head back and it caught Chris off guard. He stumbled back. The lantern went flying. It ended up in a pile of hay that had been put out for the horses. The hay immediately went up in flames.
“Let’s get out of here, ” Chris yelled, grabbing his sister’s hand, as they ran for the barn door. They were scared. “Uncle Johnny is going to be so mad, ” Chris said, worried. “Run” he yelled as the two ran towards the trees. The pair were breathless by the time they reached the cover of the woods. “We’re in so much trouble, ” Chris panted. Jenny was crying. “We have to tell Uncle Johnny, ” she sobbed. “He’s going to be so mad at us. We set his barn on fire”
“We can’t go back. Dad and Uncle Johnny are going to be so angry, maybe if we wait they will think it was an accident and we won’t be in heck” Chris tried to figure out a way out of the mess.
Johnny, meanwhile was awoken by the smell of smoke. He leapt out of his bed and saw the flames shooting out of his barn. “Chris, Jen call the fire department, ” he yelled as he ran down the hall to their room. He ran in and his face went white. “Oh shit where are they?” he gasped out.
He spun around and saw that their clothes were gone. He ran to the phone and dialed the fire department. “This is John Gage, Station 51, I have a barn fire with two missing children. Address is 6539 Meadow Drive. We’re going to need at least two rigs and a squad, ” he said, as he hung up and ran out the door.
He didn’t even put his boots on as he ran to the barn. “Chris, Jen, ” he yelled as he ran into the barn. He saw the horses frantically trying to get away from the flames. He opened their pens and shooed them out the door to the corral. “Go on, Eagle, ” he said, smacking the horse on the rump to get him to move. He ran to get Dream Catcher out of the barn as well. He also sent her into the corral.. “Chris, Jenn, where are you two?” he coughed as he started to search more. He saw Chris’s flashlight on the ground. That made him even more worried. He searched each stall carefully, not wanting to miss any possible hiding spots the kids could be using. He went to the tack closet and searched through there as well. The smoke was getting thicker. The hay was so dry it made the flames go up like a roman candle. Johnny headed up the ladder to the loft. “Chris, Jenn, ” he gasped out, as he coughed harshly. “Come on kids, where are you?” he pleaded for them to appear. He pulled himself around the loft, as the smoke and heat became more and more intense. He was finding it harder and harder to breathe. He wouldn’t stop searching for them. He pushed himself beyond his limit, hoping he would find the kids in time. “please, kids, where are you?” he choked out. He finally couldn’t go on any further and he collapsed in the loft. The last thing that he thought of was how he had let Roy and Joanne down.
Chris and Jenny were watching the fire from their hiding place. The longer they stayed hidden the worse things looked to them. They didn’t see Johnny run into the barn. In their innocent minds they actually thought he would sleep right through the whole fire.
The sounds of fire trucks and sirens in the distance made them scared. “We have to go back, ” Jenny pleaded.
“No we can’t Uncle Johnny will be so furious with us. We can’t, ” Chris held tight to her arm. They watched as the trucks roared onto the ranch.
Captain Stone was a friend of Johnny's . He and his wife had been to the ranch on many occasions socially. “Johnny where are you?” he yelled. He didn’t get a response. “Check the house” he said, looking over at his two paramedics, Belliveau and Walker. They came back only a couple minutes later. “House is empty” they told him.
“He must be in the barn, make it a quick search ” he said, sending his paramedics into the flames. The pair grabbed their SCBA’s and headed in. The rest of the crew started the difficult task of trying to put the flames out. The men made a quick search of the main floor of the barn. They found no one there. They headed up to the loft. The heat and the flames were making quick work of the hay that was stored in the loft.
“Over here!” Bob Belliveau yelled to his partner, as he found Johnny lying unconscious in the loft. He lifted Johnny onto his shoulder and climbed back down the ladder. They carried him outside and immediately put some oxygen on him.
“Get Rampart on the line, ” Bob said, as he started to assess Johnny's condition. The oxygen started to revive Johnny. He pushed the oxygen away as he fought to sit up. “Chris, Jen, the DeSoto children, they were staying with me. Couldn’t find them, they are in there ” he choked out as he continued to fight to breathe.
“We’ll find them.” Stony said, as he kneeled down beside Johnny. Stony turned to his crew and told them about the missing children. Several more firemen donned their Air masks as they headed in to search for the missing children.
Stony came back to where Johnny was lying on the ground, “I have both crews searching for them now. We’ll find em, Johnny”
Johnny nodded his head. “I can help, ” he croaked out, as he tried to stand up.
“No you stay here” Stony pushed him back down gently. Stony could see Johnny struggling to breathe. Stony went back to directing the scene.
Just then Roy and Joanne pulled up. Joanne kept getting a bad feeling all evening and had convinced Roy they needed to check on things at the ranch. They rushed over to Johnny who was lying on the ground. “Where are the kids? Johnny where are they?” Roy yelled.
“I couldn’t find them” Johnny tried to talk, but his lungs were burning more and more. It was getting harder and harder to get any air in.
“Johnny, where are they?” Roy shook his shoulders.
Johnny just shook his head. “Oh my god” Roy yelled as he started to run towards the barn. Stony grabbed him before he could get any where near it. “Roy, we’re still looking for them. We haven’t found anything yet,” he told him.
Roy was pushed back towards Johnny. “Stay here” Stony said firmly. Johnny was fighting to sit up. “How could you not know where they are. You said you would take care of them, ” Joanne said, tears running down here face. “My babies, how could you let them burn in that fire Johnny, how could you?” she screamed at him.
Roy couldn’t tear his eyes away from the barn that was now completely engulfed in flames. “If my kids died tonight it’s your fault, Johnny, ” Roy said, his voice etched in anger.
Johnny didn’t have the strength to say anything. “Sorry, ” was all he could rasp out.
Just trying to breathe was taking all his effort. “lie down, Johnny, ” Bob said, as he tried to push him back down.
“You killed my kids and you’re sorry, ” Roy looked at him with complete disgust. “You’re sorry”
Johnny found it was getting harder and harder to breathe. “Rampart squad 8, patient is having increasing difficulty breathing. His respiration is up to 40. He is pale and diaphoretic . His is using auxiliary muscle to breathe.” Bob listened to Johnny's lungs. “I hear rales on both sides now. Wheezing is apparent” Johnny finally lost the fight to stay awake as he gave into the blackness and slipped unconscious.
“Squad 8, is victim still conscious?” Dr. Brackett asked.
“Negative, Rampart, he has just lost consciousness,” Bob told him.
“Insert Esophageal airway. We need to get that in before his breathing passages swell up too much and constricts the airway, ” Kel told him.
Bob and Scott Walker, his partner, scrambled to get the airway in. It was difficult because Johnny's trachea was already swelling shut, but finally they were able to get the tube in.
“Rampart airway has been established. BP is dropping, now 70/40. pulse is 140. pupils are unreactive. Rampart victim also has second degree burns on both hands, arms and on his feet”
“Squad 8, start IV ringers, cover the burns with sterile sheets and irrigate with normal saline. Transport as soon as possible. What is your ETA?” Kel asked.
“ETA is 25 minutes, ” Bob told him.
“10-4, keep me posted on the breathing and get him in here as soon as possible.”
Bob and Scott finished getting Johnny ready for transport and loaded him on the gurney. Roy sat and watched all the activity without uttering a word or offering to help. His attention was not on his partner, but rather on the fact that his two children had burned to death in a fire because of John Gage’s irresponsibility.
The sound of the ambulance pulling away jarred Roy back to attention. He saw the crews pulling back from the fire. They now were at the surround and drown stage of the fire. Stony walked over to the couple. “I’m sorry we couldn’t find them. There is no way anyone could survive in there now. We looked everywhere. I’m sorry, ” he said apologetically.
“No!” Screamed Joanne as she collapsed on Roy’s shoulder. Roy was completely emotionless as he watched the fire burn the barn to the ground. Captain Stanley appeared about 30 minutes later. “Roy,” he said, walking up.
“Cap, what are you doing here?” he asked.
“Stony had HQ call me. I’m so sorry about the kids. They still haven’t found any signs of them being in the barn. I think they are going to have to wait till first light to continue their search, ” Hank explained gently. “Have you heard how Johnny is doing?” he asked.
“Nope, don’t care either,” Roy said, emotionlessly.
“You can’t mean that. Johnny would never let anything happen to your kids if he could help it, ” Cap said, defending his youngest crew member.
“He’s alive and they’re not. Doesn’t that show you how much he protected them, ” Roy said, his voice showing his anger.
Captain Stanley knew Roy was too distraught to think rationally. In the morning he would try to talk to him again.
Chris and Jen were unaware of all the action that had taken place. They fell asleep in the woods after watching the fire trucks for just a few minutes. They slept soundly and didn’t know about all the emotional turmoil they were causing.
Meanwhile, at Rampart, Squad 8 rushed Johnny to the waiting treatment room. Dr. Brackett was surprised by the identity of the smoke inhalation victim. “I want a complete blood work up. ABG and a chest x-ray. We need to get those burns treated and have Respiratory get a Vent down here Stat, ” he said as he listened to Johnny's breathing. He furrowed his brow as he listened to the crackling sounds in Johnny's lungs. Joe Early came into the room and was surprised to see Johnny as the patient. “How’s he doing?” Joe asked.
“Not well. His breathing is still laboured. We’re waiting for the PO2 level but I’m suspecting it’s going to be low. I’m going to give him some epi to try to get those breathing passages to open. He has some pretty severe burns on his arms, hands and feet as well. He is definitely in for a rough night” Kel shook his head.
“What the hell happened? Why wasn’t he wearing his Air mask? How the heck did he burn his feet?” Joe asked.
“He wasn’t at work. Johnny was at home on his ranch. I don’t know all the details,” Kel said.
Kel finished writing up his orders and headed to the hall. He expected to see Roy waiting impatiently to see how his friend was doing but found there was no one waiting for his report. He headed to his office to wait for the lab work. When the nurse brought the reports in a short time later he was not totally surprised by their contents. He headed back to the treatment room to check on Johnny.
The Respiratory Tech had just completed hooking him up to the vent. She was adjusting the level of Oxygen on the machine. Kel told her to increase the numbers after sharing with her the information contained in the reports. Johnny's lips were tinged slightly blue and his nails were showing a similar colour. He just simply wasn’t getting enough oxygen in his body. The smoke damage was reducing his body’s ability to absorb the oxygen that it so desperately needed. Kel made the arrangements to have Johnny moved up to the ICU where he could be carefully watched and monitored. As the gurney was rolling out of the treatment room with Johnny on it, Kel paused for a minute. “Come on Johnny hang in there. Don’t give up, ” he said, as the man was wheeled away.
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Roy and Joanne were finally convinced to go inside the house. They had been sitting on the ground staring at the still smoldering fire for over 2 hours. Mike, Marco and Chet arrived at the ranch after being called by Hank. He felt that Roy and Joanne could use all the moral support at that moment. Mike and Marco helped Roy and Joanne into the house. They sat on the couch, not saying a word. They were both almost catatonic. “Do you think we should take them to the hospital. They haven’t said a word for over an hour, ” Marco whispered.
“I think we would get a real fight from them right now. In a couple hours it will be daylight and they can complete the search. I can’t imagine the pain they must be going through, ” Chet said, sadly.
The wait for daylight was slow and agonizing for everyone. Finally Stony felt it was light enough for the crew to go back into the barn and continue looking for the DeSoto children. It was with a heavy heart that the men went back to their assigned task.
Mike Stoker couldn’t stand the silence of the house anymore. He walked outside to get some fresh air. He averted his eyes from the barn and started to wander around the fields trying to clear his head.. He squinted his eyes as he saw something that made him stop in his tracks. He saw two children walking towards him. “Uncle Mike, ” Jenny said, rushing over to him. “Chris, Jenn,” he choked out as he scooped Jennifer up into his arms. “Where have you been? Did you get hurt in the fire?” he peppered them with questions. The two didn’t have any answers for a second. “We weren’t in the fire. We ran away, ” Jenny said, with tears streaking down her face.
“We have to get you two back to the house right now, ” Mike said, as he carried Jennifer and pulled Chris along by the hand. Mike ran for the back door. He threw it open and let it bang hard. “Roy, Joanne!” he yelled, coming through the back entrance.
The two heard him calling and jumped to their feet, fearing the worst. When Mike came into the living room with the children in toe, Joanne nearly fainted.
“Daddy!” Jenny yelled out as she ran to her father. “You’re alive, ” Roy choked out. “I don’t understand, ” he sobbed as he scooped both kids in his arms and dropped to his knees. “What happened?” he asked the pair after a couple minutes of hugging from both Roy and Joanne.
Chris looked sheepishly at the ground. “We kind of ran away last night, ” he admitted.
“Ran away, from what? From Johnny?” Roy asked, puzzled.
“No from the fire” Jenny filled in the blank.
Now everyone was confused. “Okay start at the beginning, ” Roy said, sitting the kids on the couch beside him.
Chris bit on his lip as he filled in the necessary blanks. “Last night Uncle Johnny wouldn’t let us see the horses. He said he was too tired cause he worked 3 days in a row. He played a game with us and stuff but he said no horses. He even made us go to bed at 10 o’clock. He tucked us in and went and locked up the doors” Chris paused.
“What happened next?” Roy asked, eyeing his son carefully.
“Well we waited until Uncle Johnny fell asleep and we kinda snuck out to the barn. We just wanted to see Eagle Spirit and Dream Catcher, ” Chris tried to rationalize his actions.
“We didn’t want to put the light on cause we were afraid Uncle Johnny would see it so I kinda lit the camping lantern that Uncle Johnny stores in his cupboard out there. Eagle Spirit didn’t like the lantern and she jumped up and knocked it. We got scared when the hay caught on fire and we ran and hid in the woods. We’re real sorry, ” Chris said, pushing back tears that were threatening to fall. He looked around. “Where’s Uncle Johnny?” he asked.
“Oh God, ” Roy gasped. “Johnny” The suddenly reality of what happened the night before came thundering back to him.
“What happened to Uncle Johnny?” Jenny asked.
“Your Uncle Johnny got badly hurt looking for you two in the barn, ” Hank told them. “He is in the hospital right now”
“Cap, do you know how bad he is?” Roy asked, suddenly feeling horrible.
“I checked with Dr. Brackett a few hours ago. They said it was going to be touch and go for a while. His breathing passages I guess were burned. He also has second degree burns on his arms, hands and feet”
“We’re sorry, ” Chris sobbed, “We didn’t want Uncle Johnny to get hurt. We just didn’t want to get into trouble”
Roy suddenly felt a 100 years old. He was relieved that his children were okay, but he was devastated by what he had said to his best friend the night before.
“I have to get to the hospital, ” Roy said, standing up. “I have to see how Johnny is doing”
“We both have to go. We owe him such an apology, ” Joanne added. “I can’t believe what I said to him last night”
Mike looked at Roy and Joanne. “Go. I’ll take the kids home to Beth. You can come and get them later, ” he offered.
“Thanks, Mike, ” Roy said as he and Joanne rushed out the door. Hank went to fill Stony and his crew in on the happy discovery. He was relieved there was going to be at least one happy ending to this story.
Roy and Joanne rushed into Rampart. They went looking for Dr. Brackett to find out how Johnny was doing. They spotted him at the nurses desk. “Dr. Brackett, how is Johnny doing?” Roy asked, frantically.
“Not well I’m afraid. He had a very rough night. We have him on very high oxygen rates but he’s not even trying to breathe on his own.. He’s very weak. I just don’t know if he’s going to make it or not, ” Kel admitted.
“Can we see him?” Roy asked.
“Sure, I’ll call up to the ICU and clear it, ” Kel said, as he reached for the phone. Roy and Joanne were worried at what they would find. They pushed the ICU door open and walked quietly inside. Johnny was hooked up to several machines. He had IV’s going in both his arms. He was on a vent. He had a heart monitor hooked to his chest and he had a Foley catheter collecting his urine. His arms, hands and feet were bandaged and his face was so white it was almost whiter than the sheets on the bed. His lips were slightly blue and it was obvious he was struggling, despite the vent, to breathe.
“Oh my god, ” Roy uttered, as he moved closer to the bed. “He’s in this bed because of the foolishness of our two children”
Joanne sadly nodded her head in agreement. “Is he going to be okay?” she whispered to her husband.
“I don’t know. Dr. Brackett seemed pretty worried, ” Roy said, sadly. He sat down in the chair beside the bed and took Johnny carefully by the hand. He was being very gentle because the hand was bandaged up. “Johnny I’m so sorry what I said last night. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I can’t believe what I said. You have to know I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry. You have to fight to get better. I don’t know what I would do without you in my life. In our lives, ” Roy repeated, looking over at Joanne.
The two spent several hours at Johnny's bedside. There was no change in his condition. Finally Dr. Early made them leave. They were both mentally and physically exhausted. He assured them he would call if there were any changes. The two reluctantly left to go home. They found Mike and Beth waiting at their house with the kids.
“How’s Johnny doing?” Mike asked.
“No change. He’s having a lot of trouble absorbing the oxygen. They’re hoping the medications and time will work to help him get better. Right now they aren’t really saying much, ” Roy said sadly.
“He has to get better, ” Mike said, “this is Johnny. He always bounces back”
“Yeah well I hope he can, ” Roy answered him somberly.
After Mike and Beth left, Chris and Jenny came down from their rooms where they had been told to go and read quietly. They came into the room, leery at what they would find.
“How’s Uncle Johnny?” Jenny asked.
“Not good. He’s very sick. He’s having lots of trouble breathing, ” Joanne told her.
“It’s all my fault. If Uncle Johnny dies it will be all my fault, ” Chris sobbed. Roy didn’t know how to comfort his distraught son.
“You weren’t trying to get Uncle Johnny hurt. You made a bad judgment. I’m sure when Uncle Johnny wakes up you can tell him how sorry you are, ” Roy said, silently praying that Chris would get the chance.
Joanne served a supper of soup and sandwiches but no one really had an appetite to eat them. Shortly after supper the kids were sent to bed. Joanne headed to bed herself. Exhausted and emotionally drained. Roy fell into a fitful sleep on the couch. He kept hearing his words that he spewed at Johnny running through his head “you killed my kids, you killed my kids, ” played over like a very sick recording. Roy finally gave up trying to sleep at 3 in the morning. He got dressed, left a note for Joanne, and headed back to the hospital. He found his way back to the ICU. He slipped into Johnny's room and sat down beside him.
“Me again, Junior. The world’s biggest idiot back again to plead for your understanding. I’m so sorry what happened to you. What I said and what the kids did. If I could take back my words I would. I feel so ashamed of myself. The kids are fine. They are at home right now. They feel terrible with what happened, ” Roy said, fighting back his emotions.
Johnny didn’t hear his words, he just continued to sleep on. Morning brought some slight good news. His PO2 was better. “He is getting more oxygen into his system. I don’t know if you noticed, but the blue tinge around his lips and nails is lessening, ” Kel explained.
“So when will he wake up?” Roy asked.
“We don’t know. That’s really up to him. Keep talking to him. He needs to hear friendly voices, ” Kel explained to Roy.
Roy took up a vigil for his best friend. He talked about their various rescues. The good, the bad and the down right silly ones. He just felt he needed to be with Johnny at that moment. He kept encouraging him to wake up. Dixie made an appearance later that afternoon.
“Hey, Dix, ” Roy said, watching his favorite nurse walk in.
“Hi, Roy. How’s our star patient doing?” she asked, walking over to check the machines.
“You tell me, ” Roy said, watching her actions. She took Johnny's vitals. Checked his urine output. Cleaned the bandages on his burns and then went to make some notations on his chart. “Well he appears to be resting more comfortably. He’s not fighting so hard to breathe, ” she said. “Kel will be in shortly to check him over, ” she said.
Sure enough, 15 minutes later, Dr. Brackett came walking in the door. He listened to Johnny's lungs, checked his vitals and read the new blood work results that had been collected very recently.
“Well?” Roy asked, looking carefully at the doctor.
“I think he’s on he’s getting better. His breathing is going to labored for a while until the swelling goes down, but it appears that Johnny has dodged another bullet and is going to make it, ” Kel said, relieved.
“When will he wake up?” Roy asked repeating his question of earlier, as he was getting frustrated by the length of time his friend had been unconscious.
“It could be a while. His body is exhausted fighting so hard to breathe. I don’t anticipate him waking up for at least another 24 hours. I think you should go and get some rest. He’s not going to even know you’re here for a while”
“I’ll be back in the morning. I need to be here when he wakes up, ” Roy said, as he looked at his friend one more time.
Before he could even say it, Kel answered Roy’s unspoken request, “yes I’ll call you if there is any change”
Roy nodded and headed out the door. He went home to his wife and family. When he closed the door behind him he sighed deeply. It was going to be a long day coming up. Roy was not sure how he was going to face his friend.
“How is he doing?” Joanne asked, seeing Roy walking into the kitchen.
“Dr. Brackett says he appears to be getting better. He won’t be awake for at least 24 hours, ” Roy stopped to think for a minute.
“Joanne, how am I going to tell my friend I’m sorry for what I did. How could I doubt him like that. My god he almost died trying to find our kids. How could I possibly think he would put Chris and Jenny in harms way. What kind of an idiot am I?” Roy admonished himself.
“You aren’t the only one that laid into him. I accused him of killing my babies. How could we be so wrong. I can only imagine how it hurt he was when his “supposed” friends cut him down like that. Roy, he might never forgive us. I wouldn’t blame him, ” Joanne said, as she brushed away a tear.
“I know. I just hope that somehow Johnny can find it in his heart to, ” Roy said, softly.
“It’s all our fault, Daddy. We should never have run away. Uncle Johnny got hurt and stuff cause of us, ” Jenny said.
“No you shouldn’t have run away. We will have to deal with that eventually, ” Roy said, ending the conversation for the moment.
The next morning Roy headed to the hospital. They had decided that Roy needed to see Johnny first before Joanne made an appearance. When Roy walked into Johnny's ICU room he was pleased to see that the vent had been turned down to a lower oxygen rate. He sat down beside his friend and waited for him to wake up. Several hours went by before Johnny finally started to come around. He blinked his eyes several times as the world started to come into focus again. He was very disoriented as he tried to get his bearings.
He finally started to focus and saw Roy sitting beside him. He tried to speak but the alarm going off told him that he was on a vent. He was trying to remember what happened. He was running the events of the day in his head. All of a sudden he remembered the fire. The heart monitor started to race as he remembered not being able to find Chris and Jenn in the fire. He was struggling to catch his breath despite the vent regulating it.
“Calm down, Johnny, ” Roy said, softly, putting a hand on his shoulder.
Johnny pushed his arm away. In his mind he didn’t deserve to be comforted. He had killed Jenn and Chris. He was gasping to breathe. Roy didn’t realize what was setting Johnny off. He pushed the call button and a minute later Dr. Brackett rushed in. He saw the distress that Johnny was obviously in. “Johnny, you have to calm down. You’re on a vent to help you breathe. I need you to settle down, ” Kel said, gently but firmly.
Johnny fought to gain some control over his out of control emotions. He slowly nodded his head that he understood what Kel was saying. “You were in a fire. Your breathing passages were burned. We need to keep you on the vent until they heal. You can’t fight it”
Johnny needed to know what happened. He looked pleadingly at Kel. Hoping his eyes showed his desperation to know. “I don’t want to sedate you just after you finally woke up but I need you to calm down. This isn’t good for you to fight the breathing tube”
Johnny closed his eyes. He was exhausted and he just couldn’t face Roy at that moment. He kept seeing their faces, his and Joanne’s, as they said he killed their kids. He let a tear slip down his cheek as he pictured Jenny’s smiling face and Chris’s mischievous smirk. He couldn’t turn away from them so closing his eyes was his only way of shutting them out.
“You rest, Johnny, we’ll talk later, ” Roy said, as he sat back down.
Johnny wanted Roy to leave. He didn’t need his pity. He had killed Jenn and Chris. He just wanted to die himself. How could he leave those kids to die. What kind of a man was he. He didn’t get to them in time. How could Roy be here after what he did. The heart monitor betrayed him again as it showed his rising emotions again.
Kel finally had no choice but to give him a light sedation. “I think he needs to sleep. This has been very emotional for him, ” Kel said, as he put the sedative in the IV port.
“How long will he be out?” Roy asked.
“Probably for the better part of the day, ” Kel said, as he headed for the door. “You might want to come back tomorrow”
“I’m working tomorrow. I can come by if I get a chance during the day, ” Roy said.
“Okay sounds reasonable. Take it easy, Roy. I think he’s going to be okay. I think the next hurdle he is going to face is trying to get around eventually. The burns on his feet and hands were pretty intense. I just can’t figure out how he burned his feet, ” Kel admitted.
“I think he ran into the barn without putting any shoes on, ” Roy began, as he filled in all the missing blanks of how Johnny came to be injured. When he was through, Kel had a new found respect for John Gage.
“That took a lot of courage to stay in a raging fire looking for the kids. It’s too bad it was for nothing, ” Kel said.
“Yeah I know, ” Roy agreed sadly.
The night was quiet for Johnny. His breathing continued to stabilize and by the next morning he was finally able to have the vent tube removed. He was put on an oxygen mask to assist with his breathing but at least he could talk. That was if he had any desire to talk, which he didn’t.
Dixie, Kel and Joe all tried to speak with him but he just shut them out. The only thing he said was that he wanted no visitors. None. They were forced to honor his request and ban all visitors from his room. When Roy came to visit him between runs that day the floor nurse told him that Johnny wasn’t allowing any visitors. Roy shook his head. He knew why and he felt so bad. He figured Johnny was furious at him for his horrible accusations.
Johnny stayed closed off from the world. He was devastated. He really wanted to just hide from everyone. How could he go back to being a fireman after he let his best friend’s children die. He was pathetic. Every time he closed his eyes he could see the kids’ faces. He could hear Joanne and Roy’s words, “You killed them” running through like a loop. He felt closed in. He had to get out of there. He couldn’t face anyone. He asked a nurse for some paper and a pen. She left them on his side table. Johnny struggled with his burned hands but finally was able to write the words he had been struggling with in his head.
Dear Roy and Joanne
How do I begin to say I’m sorry for what I did. I tried so hard to find the kids but I just couldn’t. You trusted me with the most precious things in your world and I let them die. I’m so sorry. I know you will never be able to forgive me. I can’t forgive myself. I wish it had been me that died in that fire and not Chris and Jenn. I would give up my life in a heartbeat for them. I loved them like they were my own kids. Don’t worry about me at all. I’m not worth anyone’s time. I let my best friends’ kids die. I’m so sorry. I know that words don’t mean much at a time like this but it is all I have. By the time you read this I’ll be gone. I can’t face anyone right now.
Johnny
Johnny waited until the floor was quiet that night before he unhooked his IV’s, turned off the oxygen, painfully removed the Foley catheter and carefully climbed out of bed. The pain from the burns on his feet was intense and he almost cried out as his feet hit the floor. ‘knock it off Gage’ he scolded himself, as he limped over to the closet. He found some clothes hanging in there that someone obviously had brought in a couple days earlier. He dressed quietly. Just before he left, he put the note on his pillow. He brushed away his tears as he gingerly walked out the door. He made his way to the elevator and headed down. He didn’t know where to go but at that moment he didn’t care.
He walked out the front door of the hospital into the night. He limped for over an hour before he made his way into the station. He was fortunate that both the squad and engine were off on runs and the station was empty. He fished through his locker and found some “mad money” he kept there in case he forgot his wallet at home. He called a taxi to the station and made his way out to the ranch. He just wanted to go home and shut out the world. By the time the taxi pulled up to the ranch, Johnny was exhausted. He paid the driver and climbed out. He stood by the gate of the ranch and looked where the barn once stood. All there was now was a pile of burned ashes. He hung his head in despair. He walked slowly to his house. Fishing the hidden key from the planter out front, he unlocked the door and walked inside. He closed and locked the door. Just the effort to walk from the door to the couch was exhausting.
Johnny sat down on the couch. He looked around. The site of Jennifer’s hair ribbon pushed him over the edge as he finally wept. He cried long and hard. His whole body shook from emotion. He cried until he couldn’t even catch his breath. His badly injured lungs were struggling to keep up with his oxygen demands. Johnny wheezed heavily, as he allowed himself to collapse on the couch.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The floor nurse made her way to Johnny's room to check on his condition. It was time for rounds and she was gathering the necessary data for the doctors before they made their appearance. She pushed open the door to Johnny's private room. She looked around, surprised to see him gone. He was on complete bed rest so there was no reason for him to be out of bed. She noted the IV unhooked and immediately pushed the call button. Dr. Early and Dr. Brackett arrived moments later.
“How could he just walk out of here. He has burns on his feet for god sake, ” Joe said, scolding the nurse slightly.
“I don’t know, Dr. Early. I was doing vitals on all the patients in this wing. When I walked in he was gone. I found this sitting on his pillow” She held up the paper that was sealing a note inside. The name Roy DeSoto on the front Kel turned to Joe, “we better get a hold of Roy. I think he might be the key to this.”
Roy was sitting at the station eating lunch when the phone rang. “Station 51, Captain Stanley, ” was the professional reply from Hank.
“I need to talk to Roy, ” Kel said, impatiently.
Hank held the phone away from his face, “Roy, phone. It’s Dr. Brackett”
Roy jumped to his feet quickly and rushed to the phone.
“Dr. Brackett, is something wrong?” he asked quickly.
“Roy you need to come to the hospital as soon as you can. Johnny is gone, ” Kel began.
“He’s what? He died?” Roy barely could choke out the words.
“No, he’s not dead, I mean he left the hospital. He left a note for you, ” Kel elaborated.
“I’ll be right there, ” Roy said, hanging up.
“What’s wrong?” Chet asked, seeing the worry in Roy’s eyes.
“Johnny has left the hospital. I guess he left a note for me explaining. I need to get over there right away, ” he said.
“I’ll stand the squad down for a little while. You go, ” Hank said, as he watched Roy sprint to the squad.
A few minutes later Roy was rushing into the Emergency department. He found Kel waiting at the nurses’ desk for him. “This is for you, ” Kel said, handing over the letter from Johnny. No one had read it, believing it to be something private between friends.
Roy carefully opened the letter and scanned the words. “Oh my god, he thinks the kids are dead. He doesn’t know they are okay. That they are really the reason for this whole mess. No wonder he was so upset the other day.” Roy finally comprehended the reason for Johnny's emotional turmoil. He thought Johnny knew that the kids were fine. He never realized that in Johnny's semi-conscious state the words never sank in. In his mixed up mind he believed he had killed them.
“Oh poor Johnny, ” Dixie said, suddenly feeling so bad for her friend. “No wonder he fought all the treatments. He didn’t think he deserved them”
Everyone knew how personal Johnny took things. This would be the worst for him. “I have to find him. I have to explain, ” Roy said.
“You have to get him back here too. He’s not ready to be out of the hospital. I only took him off the vent yesterday. His lungs are still very compromised and he needs oxygen support. The longer he goes without it the harder he is going to have to work to breathe. Find him fast and get him back here, ” Kel said, firmly.
“I think I know where to find him.” Roy headed back to the station to let the rest of the guys know what was going on. Captain Stanley insisted in the whole crew heading out to Johnny's ranch in case Roy needed some help. They pulled up 20 minutes later. Roy and Hank went to the front door. They peered in and saw Johnny lying on the couch. “he’s here all right” Roy said, seeing his partner.
The door was locked. He fished in his pocket for his key ring. He had a spare key to the house. In a matter of a minute, he had the door unlocked and stepped inside. He went immediately to Johnny's side.
“Johnny, ” Roy said, softly.
“Go away, Roy, ” Johnny said, without even opening his eyes.
“Johnny, you have to listen to me, ” Roy began.
“I don’t want to hear anything. I don’t want anyone here, ” Johnny said, fighting to be understood through his raspy voice.
“Johnny, don’t fight me, ” Roy said, trying to administer some oxygen.
Johnny pushed it away. “Please leave. I don’t want anyone here. I can’t . . .” he broke up.
“Johnny, you have things wrong.. Chris and Jenn are . . .” Roy tried to speak.
“I know, Roy, you already told me I killed them. God I wish it was me. I’m so sorry, ” Johnny choked out.
“But, Johnny, you don’t understand. They aren’t dead. They are fine. They weren’t in the fire, ” Roy tried to explain.
“You said I killed them. I killed your babies. This is a cruel joke. Please go, ” Johnny begged.
Roy turned to his captain. “What do we do?” he asked, pleading for his boss’s help.
“Call Joanne, get her to bring the kids. I don’t think Johnny's going to believe you unless he sees them for himself, ” Hank said.
Hank picked up his HT. “This is Engine 51. We need an escort for the DeSoto family to this location. Top priority. We have a code I at this location, ” Hank said cryptically. Roy quickly called his wife and explained the situation. She said she would get to the ranch as soon as they could.
The crew watched Johnny struggling to breathe. They all felt so helpless. He would not allow anyone to go near him. He kept muttering to himself that he killed them. He was almost incoherent but the pain in his voice was very clear.
No matter how many times the guys kept telling Johnny the kids were fine, he wouldn’t believe them. In his mind they were gone. His Jenny Bean and his buddy were gone. He didn’t get to them in time. He could see the flashlight at his feet. He could feel the incredible heat as he climbed into the loft. He knew they were gone.
Roy decided to contact Rampart and advise them of the situation. “Rampart, this is squad 51, ” Roy began.
“Go ahead, 51”
“We’re at the Gage ranch. He is refusing treatment. Wheezing and rales are very evident. He’s pale and diaphoretic. We’re working on resolving this situation. At present we’re not able to do anything, ” Roy told them.
“51, is Johnny conscious?” Kel asked.
“Yeah, he fades in and out but mostly he is in a semi-conscious stupor, ” Roy informed them.
“Please advise us when you’re able to treat. Any idea how long that could be?” Kel asked, concerned.
“Not at this time, ” Roy said, sadly.
“We will stand by, ” Kel replied. He turned to Dixie. “He needs to get treated soon. Judging by the little Roy said, he’s going to go into respiratory distress again if we don’t get him on O2 soon”
“I hope Roy can get through to him, ” Dixie said, checking her watch nervously.
The sounds of sirens in the distance brought everyone back into focus as they went to see if it was the requested ambulance. It was Station 16’s engine. They came screaming into the lane. Joanne, Chris and Jennifer were helped down from the rig.
Captain Williams walked to the house with them. “We thought it would take less time if we gave them a lift. Hope you don’t mind. Everyone is monitoring this call, ” he told them. “Thanks, Bill, ” Hank said, shaking the other captain’s hand.
“He’s really touched us all, ” Captain Williams said, looking over at Johnny.
Joanne and the kids walked into the living room. Jennifer and Chris went to Johnny's side. “Uncle Johnny, ” Jenny said, softly. Johnny opened his eyes. He closed them again. “Can’t be, ” he choked out. Jenny put her hand on Johnny’ cheek. “It’s me, Jenny Bean, ” she said, stroking his cheeks gently.
“How? No, oh my god, ” Johnny was so overcome with emotion he couldn’t even speak. “We’re okay, Uncle Johnny, ” Chris said, moving closer.
Johnny was struggling to sit up. He had to touch them. He had to know they were really there. He reached out painfully with his burned hands and touched them, laying his hands on their faces. “You’re alive. Oh god you’re alive” The tears were pouring down Johnny's face as he finally realized he didn’t kill them. Johnny just broke down and sobbed. He was finding it harder and harder to breathe. He couldn’t pull in a breathe anymore. Roy ran to his side. “Let us help you now, ” he begged of his friend. Johnny nodded his head.
Johnny couldn’t speak anymore. His oxygen starved body finally rendered him unconscious. “Rampart, he is now unconscious. Stand by for vitals, ” Roy said as he and Dwyer, who was subbing for Johnny, jumped into action. “Respiratory distress, ” Dwyer said suddenly, as he watched Johnny stop breathing completely.
“Insert an airway and get some oxygen moving, ” Kel barked out.
Dwyer grabbed the tube and quickly inserted it into Johnny's throat. He listened with his stethoscope, checking the placement of it.
“Rampart vitals are BP 80/40, respiration assisted is 10, pulse 140. He is pale and his pupils are not responsive, ” Roy repeated the gathered information to the doctor.
“Is he responsive to painful stimuli?” Kel asked, hoping.
Charlie tried a sternal rub, and shook his head.
“Negative, Rampart. Doesn’t respond to painful stimuli”
“Start IV Ringers. Administer 1 mg epi. Get him in here as soon as you can.”
“10-4”
Roy and Charley rushed to get the authorized medication administered. The ambulance attendants hurried inside. They carefully loaded him onto the gurney and rushed back outside.
Roy didn’t say a word as he jumped in the back of the ambulance with him. Joanne and the kids were brought to the hospital in the engine. They had to see for themselves how Johnny was doing. They could hear on the engine radio as many stations called in to check on Johnny's status. The radio and biophone transmissions had been picked up by many of them and they wanted to know how he was.
When the ambulance backed into the bay, Dr. Brackett and Dr. Early were both waiting for them. They helped pull the gurney back into the treatment room as they hurried to get Johnny stabilized. “I need blood gases, blood work up and we need to get him hooked back up to a vent. The dressings on those burns need to be changed. Looks like he was walking a lot on those burned feet, ” Kel noted.
Within a few minutes Johnny was on the ventilator, his burns were re-bandaged and he was hooked up to an array of IV’s. The lab work indicated his PO2 level was down again. Kel was not surprised considering the events of the day.
When he stepped out of the treatment room he was shocked to see a hallway full of firemen. He spotted Roy and the engine 51 crew standing with Chief McConikee. “How’s he doing?” Roy asked, as the doctor walked up.
“He’s stabilized again. He is back on the vent. He’s not out of the woods by a long shot. He needs rest, no stress and lots of oxygen therapy. I’m guardedly optimistic about his prognosis. The last thing he needs is any more drama. I think he’s had enough to last him a life time, ” Kel said.
“I think you’re right about that, ” Hank nodded his head. “Can we see him?” he asked.
“He’s being moved back to the ICU. I’m going to ask you all to leave him alone for today. He is so exhausted I don’t want him even trying to wake up because of visitors. Try calling tomorrow. Right now we just need him to sleep and let his lungs rest. He’s going to be on the vent for at least 2-3 days to give his lungs a break”
Roy wanted so desperately to see his friend but he understood the doctor’s concern. Reluctantly the crew and the rest of the firemen slowly left. It was with a heavy heart that the crew of station 51 headed back to the station. The rest of the night passed too quietly. There were few runs and that gave everyone way too much time to think.
Roy headed off to his home in
the morning. He needed to see Joanne and there were some pressing matters that
needed attending. After greeting his wife he expressed his concern. .
“We need to get out to Johnny's and tend to his horses. The barn is totaled. We’re going to have to find a place for him to keep his horses. It’s the least we can do” Roy said.
A few minutes later the DeSoto’s were on their way to Johnny's ranch. When they pulled in they were shocked to find the driveway full of cars. There was a complete work crew of off duty firemen clearing up the smoky debris from the fire. The salvageable items from the barn were being stacked in a corner and the rest were being tossed into a discard pile. Roy reached into the back seat and grabbed his tool pouch. “I think we’re going to be here for a while, ” he said as he climbed out of the car. Joanne and the kids headed to the house where the rest of the wives were. They were cleaning up the house. Washing things down to get rid of the smoky smell that had permeated into the house.
“Hey, Roy, ” Chet called over from the ladder he was on, as he was pulling down some smoky timbers. “Didn’t know if you were going to be able to make it”
“I didn’t know about this work party, ” Roy admitted, “this is a nice thing you’re all doing for Johnny”
“Well it’s the least we can do. He’s got enough to deal with right now, ” Chet said, somberly.
“Yeah I know. I’m a big part of that too, ” Roy admitted.
“Well are you two going to keep chatting or are we going to put a barn up?” Mike walked over. “It’s going to be a long day”
“Let’s get busy, ” Roy said, as he walked over to the group. He recognized many of the guys from the Station 8 crew that had been at the fire a couple days earlier. Many others were from the various stations around the county.
“Where are the horses?” Roy asked, looking around, “Are they okay?”
“Johnny's neighbour has been boarding them. A vet checked them out and said they are fine, ” Marco said, as he reached for a pry bar to pull down some more boards.
It was a long hard day for the men. They worked late into the evening but by 10 the new barn was complete. They stood back and admired their accomplishment. The only thing left to do the next day was to paint.
Several of the men offered to come and do that. Johnny was a fellow firefighter and they wanted to help him out. They all felt so badly for what happened to him. They couldn’t imagine the hell he had gone through thinking he had let the kids die.
The ladies had the house shiny clean as well. They had managed to clean every piece of bedding, clothes and every washable surface in the home. When they were done they prepared many food dishes for Johnny to have when he finally came home. They stocked his freezer to the rim with meals.
Finally there was nothing else for the men to do. They hauled all the burned boards away and headed off. The only remains of the fire were the scorch marks on the ground around where the original barn had been. Everyone loaded up their tools and headed home.
Roy and Joanne gathered up their sleeping kids and headed home as well. “I’m glad the barn is back standing. It just doesn’t seem like enough, ” Roy said, as they drove home.
The next day Roy and Joanne headed to the hospital. They had called and Dr. Early said that Johnny was starting to breathe a little easier again. They wanted to see it for themselves. When they showed up at the ICU they saw Marco, Hank, Mike and Chet already standing outside. “Have you seen him yet?” Roy asked, walking up.
“They haven’t allowed anyone in yet. Dr. Brackett is checking him out right now, ” Chet said.
“Oh ok. I guess we wait, ” Roy said, stuffing his hands in his pocket impatiently. Finally the door opened and Dr. Brackett walked out.
“How’s he doing?” Mike asked.
“He’s breathing better finally. I think he’s going to have that vent tube in for at least 24 more hours. His PO2 level is finally getting better. He’s very tired. I’ll allow you in but only for a few minutes. Don’t over exert him though, ” Kel warned.
“We just want to see him for ourselves. He looked pretty bad yesterday, ” Chet explained.
“Yeah I can understand. Remember just a few minutes, okay, ” Kel said as he pushed the door open.
The entire 51 crew headed into the room. “Hey, Johnny, ” Mike said, walking to the bed.
Johnny opened his eyes slowly and looked at them all. He couldn’t talk because of the tube, but his eyes acknowledged their presence.
“You look better than yesterday, ” Chet commented.
“Chet will never admit it but he was worried about you, ” Marco commented, smirking at Chet.
Johnny slowly grinned around the vent tube. Roy remained quiet as the others spoke. He wanted to speak to Johnny alone. After just a few minutes it was obvious that Johnny was tired. “We’ll come back and see you tomorrow. You take it easy okay, ” Mike said, as he ushered the others out the door. Roy and Joanne hung back and waited until the room was empty.
“Johnny, I’m sorry about the other day, ” Roy began.
Johnny knew exactly what he was talking about. “I should never have yelled at you, ” Roy tried to explain himself.
Johnny couldn’t talk at the moment. He made a motion like he wanted to write something. Roy handed him a piece of paper. Johnny carefully wrote something and handed the paper to him.
The paper said, ‘not now. Talk later. Go please’ Roy nodded that he understood. He and Joanne got up and left the room.
The next couple days dragged on. Roy tried to talk to Johnny but he was not ready to talk yet. He wanted to be able to speak without the vent tube in his throat. Finally Dr. Brackett felt he was strong enough to remove the tube. Johnny was glad the only one there at that time was the doctor. He didn’t know what he was going to say to Roy. He had thought long and hard about everything and he was in a turmoil.
Roy came the next day to see him. It was the next day off for the A Shift. Roy came into Johnny's room with the rest of the guys and Joanne. He eyed them all cautiously. “Hey, Johnny” Chet said, “about time you stopped lazing around. I heard you might get out of here in the next few days”
“Yeah, Chet. Dr. Brackett said 3 more days and I should be able to go home, ” Johnny said, hoarsely. His voice was still very scratchy because of the extended period with the vent tube.
“Well that’s good to hear, Johnny, ” Marco said, smiling at his friend.
“It will be good to get home. Have lots to do, ” Johnny whispered.
“When do you think you’re going to be back to work?” Mike asked.
“I can answer that, ” Kel said, walking in. “Johnny will be going home, hopefully in about 3 days. He’s not going to be able to get around well for about a week longer because of the burns on his feet. I think if things go well he should be back at work in about 3-4 weeks, ” Kel paused, “That is if you take it easy. No exertion, and lots of rest. Those lungs of yours are finally starting to heal. You have to give them time”
“Okay, doc. Anything to get out of here, ” Johnny said, quietly.
Well don’t stay too long, ” Kel said, looking at the guys, “and you rest” Kel looked at Johnny trying to put on a serious face.
Johnny just grinned as he watched his doctor leave the room.
The small talk continued for a short time. Finally Roy had to bring up what was bothering him “Johnny, Joanne and I need to apologize to you for what happened. We both feel terrible, ” they began.
“I don’t really know what happened that night, ” Johnny admitted.
“What do you remember?” Marco asked.
“I was tired that night. I put the kids to bed early, around 10 after we played a game. I know that Chris was pretty annoyed at me because I wouldn’t go riding but I was beat and I don’t like to ride when I’m that tired. I checked in on them and went to bed. I was awoken an hour later I guess by the smell of smoke. I looked out my bedroom window and saw flames in the barn. I ran to the guest room and was horrified to find it empty.
I ran to the barn, I never even put my shoes on. Guess that’s how I burned my feet, ” Johnny said, sheepishly. “I started yelling for the kids. I found Chris’s flashlight on the ground so I was sure they were in there. I searched everywhere. The stalls, the tack room, and finally up in the loft. It was hot and really smoky. I knew I had to keep going. I tried so hard to find them” Johnny stopped.
“I know you did, Johnny, ” Joanne said, shamefully.
“I don’t remember much after that until Roy and Joanne were yelling at me. I really thought I left the kids in there, ” Johnny swallowed hard, “to die”
“The kids weren’t anywhere near the barn. They waited until you were sleeping and then snuck out. Apparently Chris started the fire when they went to see the horses. I guess Eagle Spirit was scared of the lantern and knocked Chris over. The lantern went flying. They ran when the hay went up in flames. They hid in the woods, ” Roy explained. “I’m sorry for what they did”
“I can forgive them for what they did. They are kids and kids make stupid mistakes. I’m just glad they weren’t hurt, ” Johnny began.
“What I can’t understand is you two, ” Johnny said, looking at Joanne and Roy. “How could you possibly think I would do anything to put your kids in harms way. I tried my best to get to them. I really thought you trusted me, I’m just sad I was mistaken”
“We do trust you. Really. I’m sorry for what I said,” Roy looked at Joanne, “we said”
Johnny looked at them carefully for a minute before he continued, “I don’t think you have any idea how much it hurt to hear you accuse me of killing your children. I love them like they are my own. I just don’t know how I’m going to get past that one as quick. That one cut deep. Real deep”
“Saying we’re sorry seems so hollow, ” Joanne said, remorsefully. “All I can offer up in my own defense is I really thought my kids were gone. I really believed they had perished that night”
“I know, so did I, ” Johnny admitted. “Don’t you think I was willing to die in that blaze to find them. I didn’t leave that barn willingly. I was carried out. I guess I would have hoped that our years of friendship would have told you that, but that night, when the heat was on, so to speak, it was all forgotten”
“I’m not mad at you two. Heck I can even understand sort of what you must have been thinking that night. I guess the only thing I can’t comprehend is your anger towards me. That one I don’t get” Johnny was struggling to explain his feelings.
“You have said for years that I’m family, that night I saw the true colours and I was on the outside looking in again. I thank the spirits that Chris and Jenn are fine, that they weren’t harmed that night. I think the only thing that went up in flames that night was the bond between us.” Johnny turned away. He was drained and didn’t want to talk about this anymore.
Everyone knew that Johnny was done talking. They reluctantly left the room. Roy and Joanne were devastated. They knew they caused his pain.
The next three days flew by. Johnny was finally released from the hospital. He was not able to drive so he arranged for Chet to give him a ride home. He turned down all offers to stay at other people’s houses. He just wanted to go home. The ride back to the ranch was quiet. He was lost in thought and Chet was intuitive enough not to pursue idle chatter. When they pulled into the lane, Johnny put his head up. He was expecting to see the burned ruins of his barn. In its place was a fully constructed barn. It was painted and looked wonderful. He turned to Chet, “How?” he asked.
“You have lots of friends, Johnny. They wanted to help, ” Chet answered.
“I can’t believe it, ” Johnny said, quietly. He had Chet pull in front of the barn so he could look inside. Johnny was walking very tenderly because of the serious burns on his feet. Chet went around and helped him out of the vehicle. The pair walked into the barn. Johnny was relieved to see his two horses back in their stalls where they belonged.
“They are okay?” he asked, looking at Chet.
“Yeah, your neighbour, Mr. Miller, had a vet check them out. He said they weren’t even burned slightly in the fire. The vet heard what had happened and wouldn’t even charge for the call, ” Chet said.
“Well Eagle Spirit, what do you think of your new home?” Johnny asked, walking carefully over to his horse. The horse seemed happy to see his owner. He dropped his head tenderly down to Johnny's side. “Easy boy, I’m glad to see you too, ” Johnny grinned.
Johnny headed over to Dream Catcher’s stall next. “Hey there. You behaving. I know you had a pretty exciting night. I’m so glad you’re okay, girl, ” He patted his horse gently, glad for the normalcy of the moment.
“I can’t believe the barn is already replaced. I sat at the hospital and wondered how I was going to get this built. I wasn’t looking forward to building it again, ” Johnny admitted.
“Well we had lots of help. I bet there was over 30 guys that showed up with their hammers, tool belts and the drive to get this done, ” Chet said.
“I wish I could thank them all. Do you know who was here?” Johnny asked.
“I have a list inside. I thought you would want to know, ” Chet commented.
“Thanks, Chet. I really appreciate it. I guess I better get in the house. I need to get off these feet, ” Johnny admitted. Johnny started to walk slowly towards the house, limping gingerly on his burned feet. They were painful burns because they were on both the tops and the bottoms of his feet.
It was a long walk and Chet felt bad for him as he winced repeatedly as he went. He was relieved when they finally made it to the porch. The three steps up posed a problem but finally Johnny was at the door. Before he could even pull his keys out, the door was flung open. “Welcome Home, Johnny, ” Marco and Mike said, walking out the door.
“Hey, guys, nice to see you, ” Johnny smiled meekly. He kept heading to the couch. His feet were throbbing and he needed to sit down. When he finally got to the couch he was relieved.
“Bet you’re glad to be home, ” Mike said, smiling kindly.
“It feels good. Hey I want to thank you for building my barn. Chet said you two were right in the thick of things. You have no idea how much I appreciate it, ” Johnny said.
“No problem, John. We wanted to help, ” Marco answered for the both of them. The 4 visited for a while and when they saw that Johnny was tiring, Marco and Mike headed to the door.
Chet remained behind. “You don’t have to stay, Chet. I’ll be okay, ” Johnny said.
“Well I’m sure you think you will, but I’m going to stay and make sure, ” Chet said.
“You don’t need to do that, ” Johnny said appreciatively.
“Well too late for that. I have already put my stuff in the other room. I took some time off work so you’re stuck with me, ” Chet answered.
Johnny laughed slightly. “Thanks, Chet, I really do appreciate it”
“No problem, ” was all Chet said in reply. Despite all the pranks and antics that Chet pulled at the station, he considered Johnny to be a good fiend.
Johnny recovery was slow and sometimes painful. He had to continue his breathing exercises and his lungs didn’t always like it. He also had to have the bandages changed frequently on his burns, especially the ones on his feet. Chet was a great help. He stayed at the ranch and helped with what ever he could. Johnny's neighbour came daily to tend to the horses. After a couple weeks Johnny was finally able to get around enough to tend to them himself. Chet went home and Johnny finally had some time to himself.
He had time to really think about all that had happened. Johnny pulled out all the photo albums he had put together with the DeSoto family over the years. As he turned page after page he let his mind travel to all the memories. The birthday parties, Christmases, going to the beach, helping at the house with all the honey-do lists.. Johnny smiled often as he thought of the wonderful times he had shared with the family.
Roy had phoned many times over the two weeks he was at home, but Johnny wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. He had Chet convey his need for space. Roy finally stopped phoning and knew that the next step was going to be Johnny's . The time flew by and finally the first shift back was looming the next day.
Johnny was feeling at loose ends. He climbed into his rover to take a drive. Since the burns were healing nicely, he was able to finally drive again. He drove for hours, past the station, the hospital, the park, to all the places that he frequently went. Finally he headed to the one last place he knew he had to go.
He pulled up in front of Roy’s house. He parked his vehicle and looked at the house. He thought of all the times he had been in there. The truth was he missed it. He missed being a part of the family. He turned his rover off and climbed out. He was very hesitant as he walked up the sidewalk. He could tell the family was home because both vehicles were in the garage. He knocked on the door hesitantly.
Roy opened the door and was shocked to see Johnny standing there. “Johnny, ” Roy uttered in total surprise.
“Hey, partner, ” Johnny said, finally. “Can I come in?”
“Oh yeah of course, ” Roy stammered out. He moved back to allow the younger man inside.
Johnny headed inside, his eyes looking at the house that was like a second home to him. Joanne was wiping her hands on her apron as she walked out of the kitchen. “Who was at the door?” she started to say as she looked up. “Johnny, ” she blurted out.
“Hey, Joanne,” Johnny said, kindly
All three stood silently for a minute. “are you looking forward to going back to work tomorrow?” Joanne finally asked, trying to break the silence.
“Yeah I’m bored silly. I can’t wait to get back, ” Johnny answered.
“You want a coffee, soda or a beer?” Roy offered.
“A soda would be great. I’m still on some antibiotics, so I better stay of the liquor, ” Johnny answered.
He followed Roy and Joanne into the kitchen and sat down at the table. He watched the couple almost tripping over each other as they nervously got him his drink.
“Why don’t you two sit down before you hurt yourselves”” he laughed lightly.
The two grabbed a drink and sat down at the table.
“I think it’s time we talked, ” Johnny began. “I have had a lot of time to think over the past month. I keep running the events of that horrible night in my mind. I don’t think I’ll ever forget them, ” he began, “I also have had time to really think about how you two must have felt. I guess at that moment you were both not yourselves. I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to think my children were both dead. That must have been the most horrible emotion to face. Lashing out at me was the only way you could cope at that moment. I’m finally able to see that it wasn’t really me, it was the moment”
“Johnny, if we could take back our words we would, ” Roy offered.
Johnny held up his hand. “I know that. I think I knew that all along. It just hurt for a while to think that you didn’t trust me. That you thought I could ever put your kids in harms way. When I finally had a chance to think it through, I know you really do trust me. You always have trusted me with your kids. I have taken them camping, hiking, many sleepovers, and heck I even took them to Montana with me once. That was your way of showing me over and over that you do trust me. I know now I can’t let 7 years of friendship and caring go down the drain. I don’t want to”
“What are you saying?” Joanne said, hoping her ears weren’t playing tricks on her.
“I’m saying that you two are the best friends I have ever had and I hope that you still consider me to be part of the family, ” Johnny replied.
“Always, Junior, you’re always going to be part of our family, ” Roy smiled, the weeks of tension and sadness finally slipping away.
“Well in that case, What’s for dinner?” Johnny asked, peering noisily over to the stove. The three laughed as the bonds of friendship and family were finally starting to show again.
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