A Change in the Wind
The embers of a shattered life are sometimes hard to snuff out. They scatter about with the slightest shift in the wind and chasing them becomes a task of its own effort. The glowing ember by itself is harmless enough, except when something in its path receives a spark. It becomes a burning entity and separates further from the threads of the life once known. Or when nothing comes along to encourage its warm growth, it dies. No longer is there comfort and security. One man’s life now shifts in the changing wind and the scattered embers of his former life begin their dance, waiting for life or death . . .
*******
It had only been a dream. The dancing sunbeams caught up with her son’s strawberry blonde hair; his laughter light as he tumbled down the small sand dune. Waves of ocean spray sprinkled them along their trek down the shoreline filled with weaving patterns of wet and dry sand. Joanne lay back against her chair, smiling deeply and relishing the scenery around her. She patted her stomach as the child within her rolled lazily to the left. She and Roy would soon have another baby; a sister or brother for Chris. She sighed with satisfaction, watching her son and husband bounce back and forth from the lapping waves. Joy radiated around them and she closed her eyes. It had only been a dream . . .
“Joanne?” he said sharply. “Joanne? Are you awake?”
She rubbed her eyes and groaned from the intrusion. Blinking away the remnants of distorted sleep, she looked up at him. He wasn’t smiling and there was no sunlight today.
“Roy?”
“Time to get going. We’re already late,” he replied curtly. He threw his pajamas on the floor and pulled a t-shirt over his torso. She watched him for a brief moment wondering if she would ever feel the heat of his body against hers again. She quickly looked away as he turned.
“Come on. This was your idea to begin with. Let’s go,” he stated louder this time.
“Okay, okay,” Joanne replied quietly.
She pulled herself from the warmth of the comforter. They had only been to counseling for three weeks and she had hoped for some progress. But, if anything, there was only anger and despair that now dressed her husband. Despite her own depression, she still had another child to care for and desperately was trying to keep her family together. Roy, however, became more distant and angrier. New tears threatened to emerge from her sleepy eyes, but she held back the small whimper and bit her lip. Not today, girl. You’ve got no time and he’s still willing to go. Not today.
“I’ll be downstairs. Jenny’s already done with breakfast, so we’re just waiting on you,” he stated as he left their bedroom.
One tear escaped, making its way down her pale cheek. She reached up to wipe it away but stopped short of erasing the small reminder of her pain.
*******
“I’m sorry, but he didn’t complete half of this semester’s assignments . . . “
“But, Mom, I just want to read today. I don’t wanna go to the picnic . . .
“He just stands off to the sides and doesn’t want to participate . . . “
“Come on, Mom, quit nagging me. I just don’t want to play basketball . . . “
“Has he been sleeping . . . ?”
“Dad, did you know that fireman pretty well? When he died, did he . . um . .say . . anything? Did he feel a lot of pain?”
“Please sign here indicating you’ve seen his failing book report . . .”
“Just leave me alone! I don’t care!”
“Chris, where did you get the pot?”
“Geez, Uncle Johnny, it was just a party. Mom and Dad act like I have no sense. I’m so sick of this . . damn it, what’s the use? Nobody gets it!”
“I’m afraid he’s not eligible for the team. His grades . . . “
“Get off my case, will ya! Leave me alone!”
“Come on, Chris! It’s not loaded . . man, you’re such a wuss . . .”
“Dad, are you afraid to die?”
“This guy’s a loser. Look at ‘im, he can’t even play a simple game of truth or dare!”
“Shut up!”
“Pull the trigger, then, wuss boy!”
“Shut up!”
“I dare you! Remember, you’re the one that wanted to play!”
“I said, shut up and leave me alone! I’ll play your stupid game! I’ll show ALL of you . . . !”
“It was too late. I’m sorry, but there was nothing we could do . . .”
*******
What do you say? How do you talk about something you know nothing about? How the hell am I supposed to get through this with him? I don’t know where to start . . .
He groaned as he contemplated his next visit with Roy. It had been a long weekend full of questions, concerns and comments from everyone he knew. He grew weary of the repetitive replies he made. Everything he said sounded so trite that he wished he could disappear until after the funeral. All he wanted to do was to comfort his best friend, but he struggled with that very task. Everyone expected him to handle it because they didn’t know how to, either.
Roy had been understandably quiet and reserved. It was as if he had pulled himself into a deep secret place with a locked gate and there was no key. Johnny just relied on being there as support when he stood next to Roy during the visitation, during the coroner’s report, during the police interviews. Joanne had been behind closed doors through most of the successive events, leaving Johnny to fend for Roy . . . and himself.
He began to feel as though he were caught up in a dream that you didn’t wake up from. He arrived at the church, acknowledging friends, family and acquaintances as he made his way to the family pew. He had never been comfortable in churches or the religious rituals that went with them. But this wasn’t about him. Roy stared straight ahead and didn’t blink when Johnny clasped his shoulder as he sat down. Joanne looked over Roy’s back and nodded. The dreamlike feeling kept pushing at Johnny’s mind. It was all surreal.
The coffin stood among many rows of flowers and plant arrangements. Music came from somewhere and a preacher was speaking. But the words did not make sense to Johnny. All he focused on was keeping his emotional balance in front of Roy. Roy continued to stare straight ahead. When the processional began down the aisle of the church, Johnny moved to help Roy go forward. Joanne clutched his other arm and the three of them followed the coffin from its perch. Roy only moved because of the man and woman at his side. Johnny continued to see this whole event in slow motion as his mind’s eye translated the grief and despair coming from this family. Roy was not there. He simply existed on the physical plane but his mind was still locked away.
Johnny turned and looked out the window of the limo. Wispy gray clouds moved quickly across the sky. The wind had picked up and Johnny felt the grayness of the sky creep into the limo itself. It was as if a gray fog had permeated their very being leading them forward in the dream, to its worst conclusion. Chris was dead and this was not a dream.
Tears began streaming down Johnny’s cheeks. He reached for Roy’s hand and gently held on. Roy simply stared. Joanne hung her head. The fog grew.
*******
“Roy?”
“Yea, Cap,” he replied sullenly.
“Tell me what’s up?”
“um . . “ Roy shifted in his chair as he faced his Captain. “Um . . well, Joanne left this weekend.”
“She did what?”
“She left and took Jenny with her. They’re going to stay with her Mom for a while,” Roy stated quietly as he stared at his boots.
Hank rubbed his face before he spoke. “Roy, what can I do?”
Roy lifted his head slowly and sighed. “Nothing. There’s really nothing you can do. I just need to concentrate on work and it’ll work out.”
“What about the sessions?”
“Well . . that’s part of the problem. They’re really not helping. I think we just need our space, is all.”
Hank moved toward his senior paramedic, well aware of the physical distance that Roy had sought since the funeral. However, he needed to know that Roy’s emotional health was strong enough for the job and the station. He grabbed his shoulder and patted him on the back. Roy stiffened slightly but didn’t pull away.
“Listen, Pal, I want you to consider keeping up the sessions yourself. It’s only been a few weeks. Give yourself some time. Take some of the unused vacation time, huh?”
“I’d rather not, Cap. Really, I want . . . I need . . . to keep working,” Roy looked up at him, the emotional struggle veiled behind blue eyes of despair.
Hank gave him a small smile. Why was it easier to talk about one’s loss of a spouse or parent? Why was talking about the loss of a child so difficult? “Okay, Roy, I’m counting on you to let me know when it’s too much. You know how important it is. Do the guys know that Joanne left?”
“Johnny does. I don’t mind if the others know. Let’s just not make an announcement or anything like that.”
“Done. Listen, I’m here . . .”
‘Station 51, Squad 36, motor vehicle accident, Thomas and Colby intersection, northeast; Thomas and Colby intersection; time out 10:08.”
Station 51 began its shift and Hank settled into his command mode. Roy and Johnny led the way as the sirens blared and each man focused on their next task. The accident had produced only minor injuries for which each man was thankful for. The ambulance was released and Squad 51 returned to available status.
Johnny leaned back into the seat enjoying the wind in his hair as they made their way back to the station. He took a few glances toward Roy and as was his pattern of late, he was quiet and stared straight ahead.
“So, you want to come over tomorrow night and watch the game with me?”
Roy blinked and focused as he turned the corner at the light. He glanced back at Johnny and quietly said, “No, but thanks.”
An uncomfortable silence followed. Johnny just couldn’t figure out the next step. “Look, Roy . . I . . well, I know there’s been a lot going on . . .” Geez, Gage, what a stupid thing to say! “Well, I mean, you can just talk if you want to. I can’t say a whole lot to help . . .but I just want to be here for ya, okay?” Johnny struggled for the right words and each time he attempted to break through Roy’s self-imposed lock-down, he just stumbled. He looked at Roy hoping for some indication that Roy would finally talk.
Roy slowly leaned forward and shook his head. “I don’t know, Johnny. I just don’t know.”
Johnny shifted in his seat and leaned in towards his best friend. He wanted to make sure he didn’t miss anything as his partner spoke.
Roy continued. “I’m still trying to figure it all out. But, I think it will take me a lot longer . . . well, I guess . . . “ he sighed. “I’m just taking it one day at a time. But I really want to work, okay?”
Johnny understood that emotion. “Yea, man, I’m with you. Just, well, ya know. I’m here.” He could feel Roy’s uncertainty and fear, especially since Joanne had left this weekend. He thought that loosing a child was beyond consolation and he wondered what would be next for Roy.
“I know.”
“Okay, then.”
“Thanks, Junior.” Roy stared straight ahead. Johnny looked at him with renewed hope when he used the familiar nickname. He felt the wind brush his face and he said a silent prayer for his best friend.
*******
Dusk had settled in on the horizon. Streams of pink and orange clouds reached across the graying sky. The sun dipped lower and the clouds continued to stand still among the dimming light.
The men were leaving Rampart as Johnny noticed the dusky skyline. They had made a save and had arrived in time, delivering appropriate medical care. Johnny remembered the days when all they could do was extricate a victim and wait till they got to the hospital. Now, the paramedic program was such a success that other parts of the country were organizing their own programs. It was success like today’s rescue that made Johnny thankful for his profession and provided job satisfaction. Johnny was feeling a twinge of happiness as his thoughts wandered. The last several weeks had taken their emotional toll on him, too. He knew that supporting Roy was going to tax his reserves, but he also knew that he had an endless bounty of respect and love for his best friend. He would be there, no matter what.
As the sun faded from the horizon, dusk turned to graying darkness. The wind picked up and pushed a gentle and cooling breeze past them. Johnny noticed the overturned truck one second before Roy saw the same and slowed the squad down.
“LA, Squad 51. We’ve got an overturned vehicle on Ventura and Boulevard. Please respond other units. Will update after investigating.”
“10-4, Squad 51,”
Johnny and Roy grabbed their gloves and turnouts from the appropriate compartments and moved toward the truck. As they approached the truck, they heard movement from behind and around them.
“Oh yea, this is better then them cops . . “
“Hey, yea, these guys are better . . . they don’t have no guns!”
Roy glanced around him and noticed that several teenagers had surrounded them. Johnny raised his arms.
“Look, man, we’re just here to help out. Is anyone hurt?” Johnny asked.
“hahaha, he’s funny, Troy, real funny!”
“Shut up!” A burly teen with red-shot eyes looked back at Johnny. “You ain’t gonna help no one . . . fire boy!”
“Come on, man, quit kidding around!” Johnny exclaimed. He looked for weapons on the teens and wasn’t sure what they were holding.
Roy tried another tactic. “Look, we’ll just leave and let you go on your way.”
“Oh, isn’t that sweet? On our way—well, mister, YOU’RE our way!”
Suddenly, six teenagers grabbed the firemen and attacked. Johnny warded off the blows as best he could, but couldn’t compete with the numbers. Just as quickly as the attack began, it had ended. Johnny began to feel the fog enter his brain as he realized he had been stabbed in the side. He ended up on the gravel of the roadside and noticed that Roy had a bleeding wound to the head and was unconscious. The last thing Johnny remembered was the sound of maniacal laughter, compartment doors to the squad being opened and shattering glass.
******
He didn’t know why these guys were so wild about kidnapping a couple of firemen. He knew that the initiation of this membership rule went beyond his idea of fair. Not that anyone had ever treated him fairly before. It was just a given that certain things you didn’t do. No matter how far he ran, or where he ended up for that day or a week, he hadn’t met a gang as violent as this one. He also knew that he would have to play his role right in order to move on. This was too deep and he didn’t want to be a part of it anymore.
A groan brought his attention back to his present task. The wet cloth he was using was already drying out from his motion of cleaning the man’s blood from his head wound. The man moaned again, shifting his head and raising his hands to greet the disturbing pain.
“ . . . s .stop, please,” the man whispered.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m just cleaning this up. What’s your name?”
The man stopped moving and paused for the moment. His eyelids fluttered open and he seemed to struggle with the question. “um . . .Roy . . .Roy . .that’s my name.”
“I’m . . Paul,” he replied, pulling the dirty cloth away. He noticed that Roy was attempting to say something else, still struggling.
“um . . . where . . ?”
“I said don’t worry, man. Ya gotta relax. Your head don’t look too good.”
Paul watched as Roy closed his eyes and attempted to pull himself to a sitting position. He was obviously not ready to do so and fell back against the grungy pillow under him.
“ . . gotta . . um . . Johnny?”
“Your partner’s in the other room. They ain’t gonna put you together right now,” Paul explained in a low voice. He didn’t need anyone giving him a hard time about lengthy conversations with their latest victims. “It’s just best that you be still and not talk. They might gag you or something.”
Paul noticed that Roy still looked confused but that his eyelids drooped again. It seemed to him that the blow to Roy’s head was causing the confusion and pain. He started to leave the dimly lit room when a hand suddenly grabbed his pant leg.
“please . .you help me find Johnny?” Roy panted. Roy let go of his feeble grasp and cradled his aching head. “Please, help Johnny?”
Paul leaned back down and gave Roy the dried towel. “Here, just hang on to this and I’ll see what I can do. Now, be quiet!”
Paul headed into the hallway. The run down house was set well into the valley and hadn’t been used in a long time. The gang’s leader, Troy, was currently in the kitchen with several other members picking through the stuff they had stolen from the squad. Paul glanced at the table and noticed that syringes, vials, and other packs were scattered about. Troy glared back at Paul.
“Whatcha ya starin’ at, boy? Ain’t ya seen shit like this before?” Troy’s voice crackled.
“Man, I don’t care what you do with it. Just tell me what’s next,” Paul replied, hoping to find a way out of this group.
“Well, city boy, looks like you didn’t do as well as ol’ Chip here,” Troy responded, throwing a snarling smile toward one of the other teenagers. “The deal was that both of you were to take down the cops, . .er, well, these fire boys. Instead, you bailed. That’s why you got nurse duty, city boy!”
A round of laughter erupted from the boys surrounding the table. Paul watched as Troy slapped Chip on the back and pinned one of the firemen’s badges to him.
“Yep, we now got us another true-red brother here. Welcome, Chip—you get to keep that badge as an honorary tribute to your skills with that knife. Ol’ city boy there don’t like the site of blood, now does he?” Troy continued to taunt Paul. Paul simply turned away and went to the next bedroom. More laughter followed him down the hallway as the rest of the gang went back to experimenting with their stash.
Paul opened the run-down door and it squeaked loudly. The other fireman they had kidnapped was thrown in the room. Against the dim lights, all he could see was the still form lying on the mattress. He kneeled down to check the make-shift bandage he had placed along the man’s side. Blood had soaked through and the man was sweating.
“So, I guess you’re Johnny?” Paul said, not expecting an answer. “Your buddy next door is awake and asking about you. Guess I can’t tell him much.” Paul took Johnny’s uniform shirt off of him and began tearing it into strips. “Sorry ‘bout your shirt, but I gotta put something on this wound.” He took the rest of the shirt and folded it up as best he could and then tied the strips around the man’s waist.
A small groan escaped Johnny’s lips, but he was still out. Paul took another dirty cloth and tried to wipe up the man’s forehead. “I’ll be back,” he said.
Paul went back to the kitchen for a glass of water. He decided to just let Troy know what he thought.
“Um, . .Troy . .listen, I know I didn’t do exactly what you wanted, but I guess I’m just too new at this,” Paul said quietly.
Troy glared back at him, leaning back in his chair while the others quieted down. “Well, we all saw that!” Troy growled. “All ya had to do was to knife the other guy so they would fight us back! This hostage thing is going to really work for us. But, now I know you’re not what this gang needs or wants. So, you can just go back to nursing them hostages and be a good little city boy.”
“Troy, I don’t think one of ‘em is doing too well. That stab wound is still bleeding.”
“So . . fix it! Let’s see what we got here . . .here’s some kind of band aids and shit. Maybe the fire boy needs a dose of one them drugs? Which one ya think, Stan?” Troy asked looking at a tall teenager to his left.
Stan grinned. “I think this is better!” The tall teenager held up his own packet of heroin. “He might feel better in a different reality!” He grinned, grabbed a syringe and headed to the back bedroom. Paul began to feel a new fear from the pit of his stomach.
“I don’t know, Troy . . ya could kill him,” Paul tried to point out.
“So? If he dies, then I blame you and you get to deal with it. I still got me a live one, don’t I?” Troy seethed. “You better get down there, nurse boy, and take care of ‘im, now don’t ya think?”
Paul only stared at the hulking teenager. He couldn’t see any other way but to comply for now. Maybe he could buy some time and find a way out. He didn’t want to incur Troy’s wrath anymore than necessary. Things at the youth center were much easier than this gang.
He made his way back to the bedroom when Stan exited the doorway. “He should be doin’ better now,” Stan slurred from the excitement of playing doctor and from the heroin he’d already shot up for himself.
Paul knelt back down to see how Johnny was doing. Johnny’s breathing appeared to be labored and he seemed agitated. He tried to pat his shoulder, not knowing what else to do to. “Hey now, just relax. Maybe I’ll try to find you a blanket, huh?” he said knowing that the injured man was beyond having any conversation with him.
*******
Roy tried to sit up against the bumpy mattress he was on. He didn’t remember how he got there, but his aching head made him aware that a slight concussion was definitely there. He groaned as he leaned against the wall, feeling every joint and muscle protest. Despite several cuts, bruises and welts, he seemed in good shape, except for the pounding drums in his head. He reached up to feel the gash across his eyebrow and felt the dried blood. What happened? Where’s Johnny and how did we get here?
As he contemplated his next move, the door opened and a young teenage boy stepped in. Roy gasped as he looked at the boy. His vision became blurred with tears as reality wavered. He was the same height and weight of Chris and in the duskiness of the room; he was unable to see any other details. His confusion and his headache grew.
“Chris . . .” he hesitantly whispered, pain lancing through his head.
“No, man, just Paul. How are you doing?” the boy quietly asked Roy.
Roy closed his eyes and rubbed them. He blinked and tried to focus on the boy as he came closer to Roy. Roy sighed as reality filtered in and he gave the boy a quick nod.
“Um . . I’m not feeling great, but I’m managing. What’s going on?” Roy asked cautiously.
Paul shifted his gaze from the Roy’s piercing blue eyes. They conveyed a deep despair that Paul hadn’t seen before and it made him uncomfortable. His dad had always had that look of despair after his mother died.
“Um . . well .. your friend . . “ Paul began.
Roy held his breath watching this young man. “Johnny?”
“Yea, he . . um . .he’s in the other room and he isn’t awake yet. But, he’s bleeding,” Paul murmured, unable to look at Roy. Instead he shuffled his feet and stuffed his hands in his pockets.
“Listen,” Roy started. He moved carefully off the bed, grabbing the mattress for support. Paul looked up and instinctively reached for the injured paramedic. “I’ve got to get to him.”
“Wait a minute . . these guys . . they’re not too interested in saving your friend. They just gave him some heroin.”
“What?”
“I don’t know . . . they just gave him a shot, ya know, from one of your syringes?” Paul struggled with the way things were going and wished he could just run away . . again.
Roy sighed and stood a little straighter, closing his for a moment to regain some balance. The throbbing in his head abated some and he opened eyes. Once again, his breathing hitched as he realized this young man was not Chris. His eyes focused once again and took a step forward.
“Man, I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“Please, let me get to my partner.”
“Okay, okay . . “ Paul placed his hand on Roy’s chest. “Just give me a minute, huh?”
Roy nodded.
Paul left the small room willing himself to face Troy once again.
*******
Mike pulled the rig up to the other side of the road. Hank jumped down and was already over to the site before the parking brake was settled. The rest of the crew joined him.
“Oh my God . . “ Chet cried out. “Cap?”
Hank put up his hand to silence Chet as he finished talking with the police detective that was in charge of the scene in front of them. The ransacked squad was surrounded by police and investigators. The overturned van beyond the squad was also under scrutiny. Police tape was being secured and the damaged equipment was marked.
Chet kicked at the ground with frustration as Mike and Marco simply stared at the surreal scene. “This is nuts!”
Hank joined him men. “Well, it’s what it appears,” he began. His voice cracked and he cleared his throat before he spoke again, wiping his brow. “It seems that a gang attacked the squad . . the guys . . um, they’re going to be listed as missing. There was definitely a struggle . . some blood . .but they don’t know anything else,” Hank finished taking his eyes off the grief-stricken faces of his engine crew and turning back to the scene. He had to build up his own walls right now in order to keep his own emotions at bay.
“But, Cap. . . “ Chet closed his eyes and clenched his fists. “What do we do now?”
“We wait . . . and we pray,” Hank said with a sad sigh.
*******
Troy and the other teenagers had moved from the kitchen table into the front living area. Several of them were already tripping out on their own doses and Troy appeared to be sleeping. Chip was the only one that seemed lucid.
Paul noticed Chip staring at him with a smile filled with broken teeth. “Uh, Chip . . . is Troy . .is he sleeping”
“Yea, what’s it to ya, nurse boy?”
“Nothing. Just I need some more stuff from that box you brought in. That guy isn’t doing so good. I’m gonna let his partner look at him.” Paul said with a grown confidence.
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea . . ya know, Troy, he won’t like that.”
“Whatever . . .but I don’t think Troy wants to add a murder rap to his sheet, now? Look, they’re medical people or something like that. He can help.”
Chip seemed to contemplate the situation as if it were the biggest decision in his life. “Well, just make sure they don’t go anywhere.”
“Don’t worry, they can’t anyway.”
Paul grabbed the stuff from the table and piled it into the box. He carried it down the hallway when suddenly a hoarse voice screamed out. He ran to the last bedroom and discovered that Johnny was now lying on the floor writhing and screaming out. Roy came out of the other bedroom and was now moving toward his partner.
Paul and Chip let him through and watched as Roy pulled Johnny into his lap and began talking in soft tones to his friend. Paul continued to stand there unable to figure out the next step. Johnny was shivering and sweating and Roy was totally focused on keeping him calm. Chip had left looking for Troy. As soon as departed, Paul moved forward with the box and knelt down to Roy.
“Here’s this . . “
Roy looked up at him and gave him a nod. “We’ve got to get him to a hospital .. he’s lost a lot of blood . . going into shock . .I can’t do much for him . . .” Roy stammered the facts, again trying to focus on calming Johnny down.
Paul leaned back on his heels and wiped his own sweat from his face. The scene in front of him was too intense and his own emotions too close to the surface. “no, Dad . .come on you can make it!” His rocked his father back and forth, determined to bring him back to life. He knew that his father wasn’t breathing anymore and he knew he was finally at peace. But, he couldn’t let go. He couldn’t do it knowing that there was no where else for him to go. He brushed away the flies and rubbed some of the dirt off his face. The cardboard box that they had called home for the last month was now flattened as he continued to rock him father. “come on Dad, you can do it . . I know you can.. you can’t just leave me like this . . .Dad?” He bent down closer and tried to wake him. His father’s skin was cold and it began to rain. He looked up at the small sliver of sky at the top of the alley and cried. His tears and the raindrops dropped into puddles that surrounded him. He kept rocking . . .
“Paul?” Roy called again. “Paul? Can you help me lift him back to the bed?”
Paul stopped rocking and went to the other side of Johnny. Johnny had calmed down and seemed to be murmuring something. “What happened?”
“He’s got a high fever and I know that heroin hasn’t helped. He doesn’t know what’s going on—he’s loosing too much blood—we need a hospital,” Roy said with quiet intensity as he pulled the dirty blanket over Johnny. Johnny’s hand found Roy’s arm and the fevered man clung to Roy. Roy used his other hand to finish securing the bandages around his partner and continued to talk in soothing tones.
Paul pulled himself away from the bed and kept staring at Roy and Johnny. The bond these men shared was so evident and so wonderful, that Paul felt he was intruding instead of helping.
“Come on, Johnny, you’ve got to hang on. I’m gonna find a way to get us out of here . . .just hold on for me, okay?” Roy continued talking to his partner.
Paul left reciting Roy’s words. . . I’m gonna find a way to get us out of here . . .just hold on for me, okay . . Dad?
******
“Broken glass, gang graffiti and blood stains were all that was left at the scene when Los Angeles Police discovered the latest in a string of gang related disturbances. However, it is now believed that two Los Angeles County Paramedics were taken as hostages in this latest attack. They are Fireman/Paramedic Roy DeSoto and Fireman/Paramedic John Gage based at Station 51 in Carson. They are currently listed as missing until further details can be discovered as to their whereabouts. We’ll keep you up to date as further information becomes available . . .now, on to our weather forecast . . .”
Hank turned off the TV with a weary sigh. The families had gathered together at Hank’s not knowing what else they could do. The fact that Joanne and Jennifer were away at her parents and that she hadn’t retuned his phone calls, meant that she hadn’t heard the latest. Besides, there wasn’t much else to he do since Roy had told him about their separation. But, he still felt obligated and frustrated. The shift had been stood down until replacements could be arranged. Hank suspected that Chief McConnike had also initiated the down time to give his crew time to cope with the current situation.
Hank went back to the couch and sat. Hank’s wife, Emily, was in the kitchen pulling together food for everyone. Mike, Marco and Chet just continued to sit in the living room. There were no more words . .no more ideas. There was only silence.
*******
The throbbing in his side pulsated loudly in his head. He wondered why that was and then tried to move his head to stop it when he felt someone’s hand wiping his brow. He was very hot and uncomfortable and he noticed that as he became more aware of his surroundings that the pain increased in his side.
“Ohhh, . . .man . .. .uh … “ he managed to grunt a few words and wearily opened his eyes. Sweat trickled down his eyelids and it stung. Johnny tried to reach for his head when another hand stopped him.
“Hang on, Johnny, let me do that. You need to save your strength, okay Junior?”
“Roy?” Johnny attempted to say.
“Yea, it’s me. Just be still. You’ve got a pretty nasty wound here and this fever is pretty high.”
“oh . .m’ side hurts . .. Roy?” he replied, panting with each word. “my head . . spinning . . I’m gonna . . “ Roy reached for him and turned him to his side, recognizing the signs. Roy held tightly to Johnny’s shoulders as his stomach muscles contracted into dry heaves. Johnny gasped and let out a low moan.
“Johnny, quiet. Come on now. . .” Roy quietly commanded as he wiped Johnny’s sweat soaked brow and eased him back into the mattress. “We’re gonna make it.”
Johnny was confused and couldn’t remember what happened to land him here. All he knew was intense pain in his head and side and sweating. But, it was comforting to know that Roy was right beside him. He tried to shift and gasped as the pain in his side shot down his back.
“Ughh! Roy . . this . . I . . can’t . . “
“Shhh . . Johnny, just be still, okay? Rest, and save your strength. . .”
Johnny couldn’t stop the whirling and buzzing that increased in his head after vomiting. He was so tired of fighting for understanding that the tears just happened. He began sobbing with hitched breathing and panic welled up within him. “. . . Roy . . .I’m . . .what ‘s . . hap . pening . .agh!” he managed to say.
Roy had never seen Johnny in so much pain and confusion and his own tears spread down his cheeks. He kept wiping Johnny’s face and eased himself behind his partner to hold his shoulders. It was all he could do while the drug induced mania gripping his best friend hung tight. He just hung tighter and kept reassuring Johnny that it would get better and they would be going home soon. Johnny simply gave in to the delirium while Paul continued to watch from the hallway, his own tears no longer hidden.
*******
Several hours had passed and the constant vigil at Johnny’s bedside was finally quiet. Paul continued to hang in the hallway, having nothing else to do since the gang had rejected him and left them to their own.
Troy had given up on the hostage idea, tiring of the screams and anguish coming from the back bedroom. He and his drugged gang didn’t want to deal with the sick man and trying to drag a hostage around was too much work for their latest initiation. Paul had figured that they were just pushing the limits on this latest disturbance to see how far they would go.
But once they faced all the messy details of their two hostages, they left looking for more fun and exciting trouble to get into that didn’t involve cleaning up vomit, feeding more mouths and listening to manic fevered cries. They also lost interest in their newly acquired toys from the squad and Paul.
Troy and the rest just got up and left. They took what little food was left and some of the stolen items such as the badges, wallets and other things they could use.
Paul wondered when he had dozed off; noting that the morning light had already turned into afternoon sun. He figured that the gang left while it had gotten quiet and everyone had fallen asleep. He raised his head toward the bedroom and stared.
Roy had continued to hold Johnny as if Johnny’s life depended on it. Johnny was finally sleeping or unconscious, he couldn’t tell which. But he did notice that the manic and delirious moments seemed to have passed from the heroin injection. Roy had also fallen asleep in his position of holding his partner.
Paul started to get up and felt a little unsteady. His dreams were still fresh in his muddled mind and he had to pull back for a moment to reorient himself to the present reality. His father was dead and now buried. Nothing he could do would bring him back. But, for some reason, he was having too many reminders from Roy about his Dad and it was beginning to trouble him.
“Roy?” he quietly whispered, not wanting to disturb Johnny. “Roy?” Paul asked again as he lightly tapped the paramedic’s shoulder.
Roy began to stir and woke with a small jerk. He quickly checked on Johnny, thinking he had to be ready, but relaxed a little as he saw his partner’s steady breathing and calmer face. He looked over at Paul.
“What time is it?” he muttered, trying to get his brain to function.
“Um . .not sure, I think its in the afternoon. Uh . . .the boys have left us. They’re not here anymore—we’re free,” Paul explained.
This brought Roy to a full sitting position in which he immediately grabbed his throbbing head. Taking care of Johnny for so many hours, he had forgotten about his own pain and problems.
“Are you okay?” Paul asked.
“Yea . .just give me a minute . . . “ Roy responded.
Roy tried to rise from the lumpy mattress, but slowly sank back down weary from his long hours with Johnny’s drug trip, the injury to his head, and the last several months of grieving. He had his emotional fill and was now running on empty, not knowing what the next move was. He knew he should be able to figure it out but he closed his eyes trying to clear his addled brain.
“Um . .I’m not sure where we are, but I could go somewhere, call someone?” Paul offered.
Roy opened his eyes to look at Paul. He knew this wasn’t Chris, but he couldn’t help but see Chris in this young teenager. The boy looked back at Roy and didn’t say anything. Roy tentatively reached out to touch the image of Chris, to seek the reality from the fantasy. As he did so, Paul simply sat still, sensing that this man needed something from him. He didn’t know what it was, but the blue eyes were filled with such intensity. Just as he witnessed last night with Johnny—Roy’s soul was now exposed in front of him.
A whisper escaped Roy’s lips . . .”Chris . . . ?”
“My name is Paul.”
“Chris? Chris . . .why? Why did you do it?” the whispers filled with sobs. Roy asked again, “why?” and he succumbed to the wellspring of grief that exploded from within. He buried his face in his hands unwilling to look upon this boy’s face any longer.
Paul didn’t know what to do. He had cried last night watching these two friends and now there were more tears as Roy broke down in front of him. He thought that after his father’s death there would be no more tears. But, he was wrong. He let the tears slide down once again and tried to console the one that was a consoler all last night.
“We’ll find a way to get help. I’m gonna find a way for us to get out of here . .” his words echoed as rain began to pelt the rooftop of the old house.
*******
“I’m sorry, Hank, but there isn’t any news,” Vince stated. He had dropped by the house knowing that the crew was waiting for news. . . any news. “I just wish we had more to go on. Now that the rain’s moved in, well . . .the trail will be harder to follow.”
Hank simply nodded as he shook Vince’s hand. “Well, I thank you for coming by personally to tell us. We’re feeling pretty useless right now.” He indicated the others who were still sulking in the living room.
“I understand. I’ll keep you in the loop as much as I can.” Vince departed the front porch securing his helmet.
Hank closed the front door and looked at the faces of three men who had lost their two brothers. Feeling every bit his age, he leaned forward, rubbed his hands together and gave them a sad smile.
“How ‘bout some poker?”
“Ah, Cap, you’ll just loose all your money,” Chet replied.
Mike winked at Marco. “Yea, Cap, don’t you think you’ve lost enough during last shift?”
“Well, now that’s my decision, isn’t it? Come on . . .the kitchen table’s calling our name,” Hank encouraged.
“Okay, okay, but we’re just warning you!”
“Can it, Kelley and dish out some cash,” Hank played right into the familiar banter. They needed to let out some pent up emotions, and maybe cards would help.
Thunder cracked overhead and the lights dimmed for a moment. All four men looked toward the ceiling, each one offering a prayer for their lost brothers.
*******
Gentle tapping roused him from a fitful slumber. He couldn’t remember why he was so hot and uncomfortable and why a dull ache kept beating along his side. He knew he was not where he was supposed to be, but wasn’t sure where that was either. The tapping continued along with new sounds of muffled sobs and quiet whispers.
He attempted to open his eyes and move his head with little success. He decided to try again, willing himself to concentrate on those two tasks. When he opened his eyes his vision was blurred and everything was gray. He lifted his head a little and grunted with the effort.
That grunt halted the sobbing sounds he heard, but the tapping continued.
“Johnny?”
He struggled once more with his eyes and opened them. This time, things were a little clearer and he recognized Roy.
“Roy?” he croaked trying to find his voice. He sounded hollow and worn out.
“Shhh . . .just lie quietly. You’ve had quite a night,” his partner responded. Johnny looked closer and noticed that Roy was looking rough.
“ . . you . . kay?” he croaked again.
“Yea, don’t worry about me,” Roy smiled half-heartily unable to look directly into his partner’s deep brown eyes.
Johnny grasped for Roy’s arm and tried to sit up but the pain in his side made him yelp instead.
“I said lie still.”
Johnny panted trying to regulate his breathing to help with the fresh pain. “What . . happened?”
The tapping grew louder and Johnny noticed another person walk away from the bed and open the window. He was aware enough to hear the rain and watched as the young man broke the branch that had been tapping the window. Johnny looked back at Roy.
“Who’s that?” his voice becoming stronger as he became more coherent.
“This is Paul. He’s been helping us out.”
Johnny was more confused. “What . . happened?” he asked again.
“Well, long story short . . we were attacked, robbed, held hostage for a while and left for dead,” Roy stated with a level of sarcasm and weariness. “Oh, yea, they also decided to give you a little ride with heroin.”
That explained the fuzziness and the headache. “Oh . . wow . .. my side?” Johnny attempted to sit again, slower this time. Roy tried to help him knowing that Johnny wouldn’t be content until he was able to accomplish this small task.
Sweat beaded down his forehead as he leaned up against the wall, tired by the effort to sit. However, it was worth it. He began to breathe easier and the pain became manageable.
He opened his eyes to see Roy holding on to his forearm to keep him steady. He sighed and looked across the way to the young teenager.
“Hi, Paul . .I’m Johnny,” he said.
Paul simply gave a small smile and replied, “Hi.”
“Johnny, we need to get you to a hospital. You were stabbed,” Roy informed him.
“Um .. that now explains my side. Man, I feel like shit . . “ he responded as Roy adjusted the pressure bandage checking for blood flow. Roy was glad to see that it had finally stopped.
“Yea, well, you’ve lost a lot of blood too. Don’t know what may be going on inside you, so let’s be careful, Junior.”
“Okay, ‘kay . .” Johnny panted. “So, we’ve been left behind?”
“Yea,” Paul responded. “I guess we were just in the way.”
“Where are we?”
“I’m not sure,” Paul said. “I’m not from around here, but we’re a good ways off any kind of roadway.”
Johnny got a closer look at Paul as he spoke and felt a twinge of something that wasn’t physical pain. It was more like a part of grief that haunted him—this teenager looked a lot like Chris. He looked at Roy and noticed that Roy was not himself.
“Hey, Pally, what about you? Did you get hurt?”
Roy looked back at Johnny and smiled. “Not really—just got knocked in the head—no nausea or dizziness—it’s a lot better today than yesterday.”
“Yesterday?” Johnny felt confused again. “How . .long?”
Paul tried to answer that when thunder cracked again overhead. “We’re somewhere in the San Gabriel Mountains. It’s an old hang-out.”
Johnny scowled knowing full well from his camping experience that they could be miles away from any help. Another spasm of pain surprised him and he yelped.
“Johnny?” Roy leaned over while Johnny clenched his hands over the bandage.
Panting, he said, “ah . . man . . that one hurt . . .Roy . . you’ve got to go on and get . . .help.”
“I’m not leaving you.”
“Roy . . .” Johnny breathlessly grunted riding another wave of pain. “ . . .no choice.”
Paul got up again and paced the floor. “Maybe, . .. maybe I can go on and get some help . . ?” He felt unsure yet compelled to take some action. Somehow, he was becoming a part of this scene whether he wanted to or not. Determination flirted with anxiety as Paul came closer to acting in a way he should have a long time ago. His father might actually be proud of him. “We’ll find a way out of this, son . . I know we will . . .” Dad?
“How about we just all go together? Maybe that’ll work okay,” Paul said as he thought out loud.
Roy looked at the window and noticed the gentle rain and receding thunder. “I don’t know . . how are we going to make it with Johnny unable to walk?”
Johnny saw a glimmer of hope in the young man’s eyes and something else he couldn’t quite pin down. But, he was willing to try. “Come on . . Roy . . we can do it together, huh?”
Paul had an idea. “What about making a stretcher that we can pull? I’ve seen that before. Not sure where, but I bet we can do that?”
Despite Roy’s weariness and headache, he actually caught some of the enthusiasm Paul seemed to be gaining. It would actually be best if they could go together and he would certainly welcome Paul’s physical ability and strength to see them home.
Roy turned to Johnny. “Ya sure you can do this? It could get rough.”
“Yea and I could just lay here and bleed to death, huh? What an option . . .man . . Roy, let’s just get out of here . . we can head west and . . we should run into a trail or something . . “ Johnny stopped to catch his breath and try to control his fear of the pain getting worse. He laid his head back against the wall and sighed. “let’s just . . get out of here . . and go home.”
*******
Paul and Roy had found an old door that was in relatively good condition with rusted hinges. Using twine and rope left in the basement they tied the lengths to the hinges and old door knob. Satisfied with their makeshift stretcher, Roy woke Johnny from his latest nap. Roy frowned noting that Johnny was growing weaker and getting closer to shock without any fluids, combined with the blood loss. Time was getting shorter.
With Paul’s help Johnny was secured to the door and gently tied to it to prevent rolling off the flat surface. Trekking through the woods would certainly be challenging enough without spilling Johnny off their stretcher on each bump.
The rain had slowed to a quiet drizzle and they figured they had several hours of daylight left even though it was overcast and gray. Johnny tried hard to suppress any vocal complaints or moans as Paul and Roy dragged him through the thicket. The musty odor of moss, dead leaves and wet bark permeated each man’s senses and soon they each were wet and cold.
Roy decided to try to make their trek a little more engaging. “Tell me about yourself, Paul,” he asked as another ghostlike image of Chris danced in front of him.
“Not much to tell,” Paul started. “I’m just used to getting in trouble and getting in trouble with the wrong crowd.” Paul paused as contemplated telling Roy more. Not that he feared this man, but he actually didn’t want to disappoint this man that was apparently in deep grief and pain. He tried again.
“Um . . my mom died when I was about eight or so. Dad tried to handle things without her . . she was like the center of our family.” Paul took a deep breath and re-adjusted his side of the ropes. “Dad . . .um . . well, he lost his job and then we couldn’t pay the rent or the bills . . so, we just started . . .well . . .” he paused again.
“Go on, Paul,” Roy encouraged. He was beginning to feel something for Paul, despite their rough introduction. The boy was proving to have some character.
“Well . . we ended up living on the streets. That’s kind of when I started stealing and stuff to help with money—we needed food. Those soup halls are hard to deal with. Dad tried so hard and he just wouldn’t stop drinking and . . .um . . he . . died about a year ago. He was so damn stubborn and didn’t want help from no one. I . . .didn’t know what to do so I got mixed up with some other guys and ended up a youth center. But, I ran away, again. I’ve just been trying to figure it out . . . got desperate and hooked up with Troy and his gang. He was after some cops when you guys came along . . and well, I was just not liking his way of doing things, ya know? Not that I’m all that but he just treated everyone like shit . . I’m not that low. I’m not going to do shit like that . . I won’t . . .I’m just wanting to figure out where I belong . . “ Paul finished quietly not realizing how much he had shared and tried to hold back the tears.
Roy didn’t know what to say. Hell, he never knew what to say to Chris when he got angry and frustrated. He cringed thinking about how little he actually did when his very own son was shutting him out. Now, Roy was facing another mixed up teenager who looked so much like Chris that he didn’t know what to make of it or what to say. He reached over and put his arm across Paul’s shoulders.
In a small voice, Roy said, “I think you’ve started down a new road today.”
Paul looked at him with watery eyes. “I’m just so tired of the drugs, the booze, the SHIT that’s in the streets! My mother would be so hurt by the things I’ve been doing. . .she’s . . .she’s got to know . . .oh, man . . I’ve just . . . got to find some help, unlike my Dad did.”
The emotional testimony spent Paul’s voice and energy. He swayed slightly and swatted at the mosquitoes and flies. Roy steadied him and stopped in their tracks. He and Paul eased down the door and with a quick glance at his partner to ensure he was still asleep, he helped Paul sit. He joined him and sighed, rubbing his aching shoulder.
“I’m sorry about that, Paul. But, I think just admitting to this .. the thing . . well, you’ll find the right help,” Roy paused. “I know some folks at Rampart General Hospital where Johnny and I work . . I know I can hook you up with someone and . . .”
“Ah . .man. . I’m not going back to no youth center .. . that is one bad scene. No, I’ve got to find my own way till I’m eighteen and can get help by myself,” Paul stated with determination.
“Well, let’s just take it one step at a time, huh?” Roy’s headache was increasing as well as the evening hours. “Why don’t we just stop here for now. We can see much anyway . . .who knows, I bet there might be some searchers heading our way, huh?” Roy hung on to his small sliver of optimism for his sake and for Paul.
Paul grinned and agreed with a nod of his head. “Yea, my back’s ready for a rest. For your skinny partner, he sure is heavier than I thought.”
Roy turned his attention back to Johnny and reached over to feel his head. A low-grade fever had pretty much settled in after the heroin trip. His skin was becoming clammy and he knew time was filtering away. “Yea, he can be a handful, especially on his good days. You’re not quite seeing us at our best right now.”
“Well, I can tell you care a lot about him.”
“He’s my brother.”
“All firemen are like that, huh?”
“Well, yeah, we’re really close. But Johnny, . . .he’s actually closer to me than a brother. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”
“I respect than, man. You can tell he feels the same way.”
“Well, I guess when you start saving each other’s lives more than once, well, you know . . .” Roy was growing uncomfortable with Paul’s scrutiny.
“Who’s Chris?”
Roy looked back at Paul, stunned to hear his son’s name in this conversation. He was glad that the night was keeping everything black, otherwise, Roy would’ve had to hide his pain . . .again.
“Um . . . “ Roy stumbled over his words. “My son . . .he died a couple months ago . . he . . .um . . shot himself.” The words billowed out of him in puff of air.
Paul regretted asking now. He wasn’t sure how to read this man’s pain now that it was dark. He wanted to reassure him, comfort him somehow, let him know that it was okay to be sad.
“I’m sorry,” was all he could say.
“yea . . he . . .I . . . didn’t know .. . he was hurting . . I didn’t listen . . “ Roy wondered why sharing his thoughts in the pitch blackness of the woods to a new stranger didn’t hurt as bad. “I . . he . . was having a hard time, I guess.”
Roy took a deep breath and almost panicked when he felt another hand reach for his arm. But it was from Johnny and not from Paul. When he realized that fact, he settled down and put his other hand over Johnny’s warm one. That simple grip reminded him how much his best friend meant to him and how much he knew that Johnny cared. Why hadn’t he opened up before?
Paul remained silent allowing Roy his space and time. He didn’t know how or why, but he knew that was the right thing to do.
“Chris . . was . . um . .Chris was a baseball player . . .” Roy started with a hushed whisper that grew stronger. “He had his mother’s eyes, my complexion and hair and a great sense of humor. Somehow, over the last couple of years, though, things began changing. I really didn’t notice it much, other than just being a teenager. Rebellious behavior and anxious thoughts. He seemed uneasy a lot of times. His grades kept slipping. He gave up baseball. He just seemed to be changing so fast . . oh God, he was giving up right in front of me and I didn’t see it . . .oh my God, he just . . . he was playing around . . .he was . . “ Roy stopped to catch his breath. Johnny remained attached to Roy’s arm and simply closed his eyes hoping that Roy would release some of his pent-up grief. Paul continued to remain silent.
“Um . . well, he was with some guys that he didn’t really like, but . . .well . .there was a gun . . it was a game . . I think he just wanted to take the risk . . he seemed worried about death and how I might die one day. . . oh God, he was really trying to say something and I just didn’t get it . . .not me . . not good ol’ Roy . .who pretty much has it together and is a solid rock. But . . not for Chris . . not for my son . . oh god . . my son . . Chris . . why didn’t you come to us . . .Oh Chris . . “ Roy dissolved into sobs and Johnny tried to reach him. He couldn’t because of the ropes holding him down.
He cleared his raw throat . . .”Roy . . “ he pleaded in a hoarse whisper. “You aren’t responsible . . you and . . Joanne . . .were always there . . .he just . . didn’t think . . Roy . . .” Johnny tried to reach his partner verbally, feeling every sob jolt through his own body.
Paul also reached over and put his arm across Roy’s shoulders. Beyond that, there was nothing to say. That night no one heard Roy’s anguished cries; no one could see the depth of Roy’s pain; no one could feel the strength of Roy’s sorrow except for an injured best friend and a lost teenager.
*******
Sunshine soaked up the fog and mist that surrounded the forest and mountains. Blue skies peeked out from billowy white clouds and a crisp breeze fluttered through the thick trees and brush. There was a freshness that the rains had brought in. There was also a renewal that was bursting forth from one man’s shattered soul. He awakened to the dawn feeling a new strength and resolve that wasn’t there before. He felt a sense of ease as he stretched the kinks from his shoulders and back from lying on the harsh forest floor. The air was full of promise and as he gained awareness of his surroundings and remembering why he was where he was, he began to move quicker. Johnny . . oh my God, I can’t lose him, too . . Johnny?
“Johnny?” he began asking as he moved toward the door his best friend was sleeping on. Yes, sleeping, still breathing, still with him, but looking paler than before, looking weary and looking like he was fading away. No, Junior, we’re gonna make it . . .we’re gonna do this . .
Paul was also awake and sensed Roy’s release of concern and strength. Together, without words, they took up their ropes and began moving as quickly as they could, careful of their precious cargo.
Moving at a good pace, Johnny was jostled awake from the pain and the constant shifting of the door. He knew they weren’t doing it on purpose, but he just couldn’t hold back. “Aaaghh . . .” he weakly cried out as he grabbed his side.
Roy was determined to keep moving, despite his partner’s cries. He felt the burden of time ticking away and his uselessness to save his friend from death. Especially now that he walked away from the brink of his own emotional death, he was not going to let Johnny leave him now.
“Hang in there, Junior . . we’re gonna make it. We’re gonna get out of this . . “
he repeated the mantra focusing on the trees ahead. He didn’t see the roots that caused him to suddenly tumble from his pace.
He cried out in despair as he felt the ankle crack and give way. Paul quickly pulled back and grabbed for Roy as he hit the ground. Johnny tried to turn around to see what was happening but pain kept him breathless and weak.
“Damn it!” Roy yelled out in pain and frustration. “Give me a break! Damn it!” Roy continued to yell out. He tried to hold his ankle and figure out how bad it was.
“Roy? Roy?” Johnny weakly called out. “How . . bad? Paul?”
“Oh, man, I think it’s broken . . Roy, I think you broke it?” Paul felt fear crawl up his spine. Now what? These two men didn’t deserve this much pain!
“Paul . . Paul . . “ Roy started panting as the pain kicked in. “Branches, get me some branches, I need to splint this . . hurry!”
Paul ran to pick up fallen branches that appeared to be strong. He brought them to Roy with worry etched in his facial features. Roy nodded his thanks and began wrapping his ankle, using some of the twine from the door to secure the branches. He leaned back on his hands and tried to catch his breath.
“Oh, man . . I’m done for . . I can’t walk on this . . Damn it all to hell! This is ridiculous!” Roy seethed with anger. Just as he was about to feel like they had a chance and now this. Now this. Now this!
Johnny shuddered as another wave of pain hit him. However, he began to notice that everything was numb and he wasn’t feeling the sharpness anymore. There was a sense that he knew his body was shutting down. The paramedic in him knew it wouldn’t be much longer without fluids or pain meds. The blood loss alone was enough to kill him soon. He noted these things in a clinical manner, amazed at how the peace of settling in. He was feeling drowsy and weak but wanted to listen to Roy.
Paul helped Roy move to a tree to lean against and then dragged the door closer to both of them.
“He’s not looking so good,” Paul said referring to Johnny.
“I know . . he’s not going to make it much longer. We’ve had to IVs, no pain meds, nothing to keep him going. I’m surprised he’s lasted this long,” Roy said with sadness.
Johnny tried to open his eyes but it was too much effort. Instead he simply squeezed Roy’s hand that had moved to his just a moment ago.
“I’m going now . . I’m gonna get you some help. Hell, I can run now . . I’m not going to let this happen. You didn’t do nothing wrong. It was just some stupid , dumb ass stunt and it’s not fair! I won’t let it happen. Not again. . not again. . Dad was too stubborn to get help . . well, I’m not letting it happen. You just stay right there . . you got that? Roy? Just stay there, okay? I saw you with Johnny the other night. You made him hold on while you talked him through his fever. I’m telling you now . . . you both . . you just gotta do it. Roy? Okay? I’m going now . . keep talking!” Paul yelled as he ran further away from the two paramedics who could do no more.
He ran and ran. He felt the leaves and branches slap his face and he felt the sting of the bugs and the heat of the day. He yelled, he screamed and he ran. Someone was going to find him and he was make sure of it.
*******
The search dogs continued to move deeper in the forest allowing their human counterparts to keep up with them. But there was something in the air; something they knew they were looking for. It was small and seemingly insignificant, but there none the less. The dogs began barking and howling. It was a human scent. It was running and it was running fast. They kept barking imploring their own humans to hurry up. They were trained for this moment and they weren’t going to give up.
*******
“ . . . .and you know, I guess I’m gonna have to figure this thing out with Joanne and Jennifer. I don’t want to loose them. We’ve got so much to think about. What am I going to do without them? I can’t believe I’ve been acting so badly. My god, what have I done? Isn’t it bad enough that Chris is gone? Do I have to run everyone else away? I can’t believe you didn’t knock some sense into me? Why didn’t you hit me or something? Man, you are just going to have to hang in there, Junior. I mean, how can I go back to the station without you? How can I face everyone knowing that I didn’t do enough for you . . hell, for anyone. I’m gonna go see that counselor with Joanne, and you, well you are gonna just have to live, damn it . . .who else is Jennifer going to play with? Man, Johnny, I just can’t believe some of the shit we’ve gotten into this time and that you still want to be my friend? Who knew? Who knew that way back when in that little office that you would become so much more to me? Are you remembering that time? You were so sure that being rescue man was enough and how on earth could this program work? But, you saw it in action . . man, you were the action and now look at us. Hell, now look at us . . we look like we came from the swamp and were thrown on the shore by some huge monster . . man, it’s getting hot . . .are you hot? of course you’re hot . . you’ve got a fever . . I tell you what . . “
“Roy . . .”
“. . . .you just never know when you’re going to need those camping skills of yours. . . .
“Roy . . .”
“ . . .so let me guess . . you know that one nurse in ICU? Did you every ask her out? I mean she might actually go . . .
“R O Y . . .” Johnny blew loudly.
“Johnny?”
“ . . shut up . . .you’re giving . . me a . . . headache . . .”
Roy flushed a little realizing that he had certainly dominated the conversation—or what little conversation could be had in Johnny’s condition.
“Sorry, Johnny . . I’m just ticked off and nervous.”
“. . .I know . . .just want to sleep now . . .’kay?”
“No . . not okay . . come on Johnny . . stay with me. . .it’s not your time yet . . it’s not . . “
“ . . .Roy . . ‘m tired . . harder to . . breathe . . just let . . go . . .”
Tears welled up in Roy’s eyes to hear Johnny struggle with each breath. It was not fair that he loose both his son and best friend so soon. He grabbed Johnny’s arm and dragged himself in front of his partner. He placed his hand on the side of Johnny’s face and urged him to look at him. Dark, brown eyes stared into the depth of piercing blue eyes. Johnny was at peace knowing that Roy had finally given in to his grieving. He regretted that he would cause more grief for his best friend, but he was just too tired.
“ . ..Roy . . .don’t . . .leave . . me”
“Johnny,” Roy began to shed tears now and he kept his focus on Johnny’s eyes. “You are not going anyway . . .I need you here . . .I need you, partner. Please . . .”
Johnny’s eyes closed and his breathing became shallower. The paramedic in Roy knew Johnny was slipping away, yet the man in Roy was devastated and refused to acknowledge the simple fact that Johnny was dying in his arms.
He buried his head in his hands, letting go of Johnny’s face. All his strength, all his renewed vigor was swept away in a sea of salty tears and haunting cries.
*******
He heard the dogs. He ran faster. He saw the dogs. He ran even faster toward them. He was running so fast that he couldn’t stop quick enough to not bowl over the ranger who was running with the lead dog. They both fell over and rolled a couple of times.
Paul was so overwhelmed that he cried out. . .”Keep following my tracks! They need help now! Hurry, please hurry!” He ran out of breath and collapsed in another ranger’s arms.
*******
“Police have made no comment as to the condition of the two Los Angeles paramedics that were found earlier today. Officials at Rampart General Hospital have also made no comment about the young teenage boy that was the break the police needed in finding the two missing men. No new evidence was discovered in their recovery. Stay tuned for further developments . . . “
Dixie sighed in disgust and flipped the off switch on the TV. The lounge was quiet now, unlike a few hours ago when the crew of Station 51 gathered to wait on news about Roy and Johnny. She slowly sipped her coffee, grateful for a few peaceful moments before checking in again on Roy. As soon as the helicopter had arrived with both men, Johnny was whisked away to surgery. That was four hours ago. Roy’s ankle had been casted and he was getting settled into a room for an overnight stay.
Dixie also replayed the arrival of the young teenager responsible for leading the searchers to her two favorite paramedics. He was tall for his age and seemed more than just worn out. It was as if he existed on another world, not hearing or seeing the activity around him or responding in any other way. He was also moved into a secluded room for observation. Dixie hoped the shock would wear off soon so she could personally say thank you to the teenager.
She rinsed out her coffee cup and straightened her uniform. It was time to give out some hugs.
*******
“If the knife had gone any lower, he certainly would’ve died. As it was, the penetration only nicked the liver which we repaired. Of course, with his dehydration and other injuries from the beating, well, he’s going to be very weak for awhile. We’ll have to go slow and keep up with his nutrition before he contracts any viruses. Without that spleen, well we all know how much just a cold affects him,” Dr. Brackett finished detailing to Roy his partner’s condition coming straight from the surgical unit. He knew Roy would not settle in without that information.
Hank grinned and shook Dr. Brackett’s hand. “On behalf of all us . . I mean . . well . .thanks, Doc . .thanks so much!”
“No problem, Hank. We can’t have my two best paramedics out for long, now can we?”
Dixie walked in and joined the group as they relished the good news about Johnny. She was also thrilled to know that Johnny had made it through surgery. “Well, boys, we’ve got another patient who needs his rest, right Roy?”
“Sure . .um . . one more question, Doc . .what about the heroin?”
“Oh, yes, well, the tox screen came back okay and I think he’s okay—shouldn’t be any other side effects. Just added to his weakness and the fever is still low-grade.”
“Good . . good,” Roy sighed in relief. Things were getting better and better. He could feel every shred of energy ebb from him as reality wavered and his eyelids fluttered. Everyone else noticed too and with lots of well wishes and goodbyes, the room emptied out. Dixie tucked the blanket closer to Roy and patted him on the shoulder.
“Welcome back home, Roy. . welcome home.”
Epilogue
It took weeks for the therapist to work with Paul and to allow the court to proceed with the custody hearing. Paul walked into the court room wearing a suit that fit him well along with a button down collar shirt. His hair was cut shorter and the many cuts on his face from his run through the forest that day were practically healed. He nodded to his court appointed lawyer as he walked down the carpeted aisle.
He immediately recognized the staff from Rampart, especially Nurse McCall as she winked at him, giving him a warm smile. In a wheelchair next to her, Johnny sat with a sparkle in his deep brown eyes that he hadn’t seen before. Despite his slow recovery, he was getting stronger every day and with positive results. Paul had been able to keep Johnny company a lot during his three weeks at the hospital and got to know the man that Roy loved so much.
As he cleared the gate to the front of the judge’s bench, he smiled at Roy, who was offering him a chair next to him. On Roy’s other side sat his wife, Joanne, whom he had come to know the last couple of weeks as a warm and gentle woman, strong and supportive of her family. She had treated him with grace and a sense of compassion, but never in a way that made him feel pity. Joanne held Roy’s hand and Roy relaxed.
Today was just a formality. Because everyone was going to therapy, abiding by the court’s long list of requirements and demands and because the winds shifted to bring these lives together, Paul was officially becoming a DeSoto. The adoption would allow the sixteen year old a few years of comfort and security that he hadn’t known in a long time. And he was ready . . .
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Guest Dispatchers Stories by Robin W.
