Don’t Ever Cry, Just Remember

Chapter 2

On the road that I have taken

One day, walking, I awaken

Amazed to see where I have come

Where I’m going, where I’m from.

This is not the path I thought.

This is not the place I sought.

This is not the dream I bought,

Just a fever of fate I’ve caught.

Hope is the destination that we seek

Love is the road that leads to hope.

Courage is the motor that drives us.

We travel out of darkness into faith.

                                                                                   --Dean Koontz, The Book of Counted Sorrows

Johnny stepped out of the Rover and stretched, breathing in a lungful of home.  He told Camarin, Tag, and the girls to leave everything in the car for now, wanting to give them the chance to get acclimated.  He wasn’t quite sure how to feel.  Although his property was far from the most valuable piece of land in LA County, it seemed almost as if he were showing off.  Finally telling himself that there was no shame in making a good life for himself, he began to look at it as a picture of what Camarin and Tag could now attain.  “Well, here it is.  Ranch sweet ranch.  The horses are in the barn over there, if you want to take a look.  I’ll get the house opened up if you want to look around for a bit before we unload.”

Camarin followed Tag and the girls as they made a bee line for the barn.  She turned to smile up at Johnny as he climbed the deck steps toward the door.  A few moments later, Johnny called down in the direction of the barn.  “Camarin?”

Camarin walked out of the large doors, dusting off her hands on her jeans.  “Those are some fine horses, John.  Kaya and Rose can’t wait to go riding.”

“We can do some riding tomorrow.  My shift is on today, so I’m not due back at work until Friday.”

Camarin thought about Roy who had left yesterday.  “So, Roy’s working today then?”

Johnny nodded as he watched Camarin move toward the steps.  “Yep.  I just called the Desotos’.  Hannah’s over there working on wedding stuff with Joanne.  I guess Justin took her over last night and she stayed over.  Anyway, Justin and Roy are both working today, so I need to go get her.  She can’t wait to meet everyone.”

Camarin smiled as she walked into Johnny’s kitchen.  “And I imagine she’s looking forward to seeing her fiancé too?”

Johnny pulled out his coffeepot and started filling it with water.  “Well, yeah.  That too, I guess.”

Camarin stood watching the water coming out of the faucet.  The farmhouse where she and Tate had lived had running water, so it was not a new concept for her.  But, she was filled with excitement over how good it would feel to take a real shower tonight.  Not to mention, the fun Tag and the girls were going to have exploring Johnny and Hannah’s place.  “This is a beautiful home, John.  Thanks for letting us stay here.”

“You’re welcome.  And I think Tag will enjoy Justin’s place too.  He lives right on the beach.”

Camarin’s eyes sparkled.  “Really?  Oh, John.  I’ve never seen the ocean!”

Johnny remembered his reaction the first time he had seen the Pacific.  “Well, let me go get Hannah, and then when we take Tag over to Justin’s later, we’ll all go.”

“Justin won’t mind?”

Johnny raised an eyebrow as he finished preparing the coffee, and sat it on the stove.  “Who, Justin?  No way.”  He showed Camarin where the mugs were, and how to work the controls on the stove.  Next, he showed her the guest bedroom, where she and the girls could put their things.  “Let’s go unload now so I can head out.  Then, you all just make yourselves at home until I get back.”

Camarin smiled at the sight of Tag chasing Kaya and Rose around the property.  There was a playful puppy joining in the fray.  “And who’s that?”

Johnny followed Camarin’s gaze until they rested on the Siberian Husky pup.  “Well, I’m not sure yet.  That would be Hannah’s new addition to the family.  Maybe the girls can come up with a name for him before we get back.”

“I think they would like that.”  Camarin thought for a moment, then offered, “John, I know you must be anxious to see Hannah.  Why don’t you go ahead?  There’s not much to unpack, and Tag can help me.”

Johnny eyed the meager possessions in the back of the Rover.  “No…let’s just get it done.”  He looked over toward the pasture.  “Tag?”

Tag came running over, the girls on his heels.  He was out of breath.

Camarin told Tag they were going to unpack the car, and he immediately went to work helping her.  Johnny paused for a moment to pick up his new furry friend.  “Well, hello there.  Hannah’s told me all about you.”  Setting the dog back down, he knelt in front of Kaya and Rose.  “There’s some food for the puppy in the kitchen.  Think you can get him something to eat?”

“Oh, yes!”  Kaya exclaimed, looking first at her “sister” then back at Johnny.  “Thank you, Mr. Gage…for letting us stay here.”

A grin broke out on Johnny’s face as he and the girls stroked the puppy.  “You’re welcome.  But, if you’re going to be my nieces, you need to stop calling me Mr. Gage.”

Rose, being the shyest of the two, looked to Kaya to ask the next question.

“Well then, what should we call you?”

Camarin had just returned after taking a box into the house.  “I think Leksi would be fitting, don’t you?”

Kaya and Rose responded enthusiastically, seemingly excited to be able to refer to their new friend in this way.  Johnny seemed pleased with the title as well, recalling the Lakota word for “uncle.”  But it reminded him of two other children who called him that.  “My friend Roy that you met…well he has two kids right around your age.  While I’m over there tonight, I’ll ask their mother if they can come riding with us tomorrow.  Would you like that?”

The girls squealed in delight as they tore off after the puppy.

Johnny stood and walked to the car with Camarin.  “It’s great to see them so happy.”

Camarin agreed.  “You have no idea…”

The threesome worked until finally the Rover was unpacked.  Then, Tag went back outside with the girls while Johnny and Camarin shared a cup of coffee on the deck.  Finally unable to control his anticipation of seeing Hannah, Johnny stood and carried his cup inside to the sink.  He stepped back out onto the deck with his keys in hand.  “I’m gonna get going.  You all just make yourselves at home ‘til I get back.  I won’t be long.”

“Okay, see you later.”  Camarin took another sip of coffee and relaxed onto the deck chair.  As she looked out over the corral and the mountains, she could see what had attracted Johnny to this place.  Her heart danced as playful laughter drifted up toward her ears, and she was becoming more excited by the minute about the new opportunities that awaited all of them.

zzz

Johnny whistled along with the radio as he headed toward the Desotos’ house.  Then a headache came on suddenly, along with a flush of warmth.  How had he gone from feeling so good to feeling like he had the flu in mere seconds?  As the light turned green, he switched off the now annoying radio and accelerated through the intersection.  He hoped that he had been imagining the soft feeling the brakes seemed to have as he was making the drive home from South Dakota and again as he slowed to a stop at the intersection, but he couldn’t deny that he knew the Rover’s every nuance, from the way it had a tendency to pull slightly to the right even after an alignment, to the way he had to fiddle with the knob on the radio just so to get any stations to come in.  No, he wasn’t imagining it.  His old friend needed a brake job…and soon.  He made a mental note to take it to the garage in the morning.

No sooner had that been settled, Johnny noticed he was approaching a familiar sharp curve.  Knowing that his braking time was slightly increased, he applied pressure to the pedal in a pumping motion.  Nothing.  Frustrated, he tried again.  Nothing.  Johnny’s panicked mind tried to sort out what to do.  Turn off the ignition?  Maybe that was it…

Johnny’s whole body involuntarily tensed in that brief moment of dread that comes from knowing you’re about to crash.  Strangely, his thoughts drifted for a split second to his father, and the cryptic words he had spoken.  Was this going to be the trial he spoke of?  Johnny tried his best to do the only thing he could do…control the vehicle and thus control the severity of the inevitable impact.  But, although he hadn’t been speeding, without brakes and with the aid of downhill momentum, he was still travelling much too fast going into the curve.  Unable to control the wheel, pain exploded in his right hand as it was ripped from his grasp.  Something hit him from behind and he felt something give in his chest as his body impacted the steering wheel. Then, he began to spin.

Rick Garvey was driving his tractor trailer, focused on reaching a gas station, when he sensed something was not right with the white 4x4 in front of him.  He eased off the brakes to provide an added cushion when it appeared the Land Rover was speeding up into the sharp curve ahead instead of slowing down.  Either the driver had a death wish, or he had no brakes.  “Oh, shit!”  When the Rover began to careen out of control, Rick instinctively slammed on his brakes, causing him to jackknife as momentum from his heavy load carried him forward, hitting the back of the Rover with a frightening crunch.  He was close enough that he could actually see the driver he had just rear-ended go flying into the steering wheel.  The impact from the semi caused the Rover to go into a fast spin, tearing through the guardrail, the drivers’ side smashing forcefully into the rocky cliff face on the right side of the road.  The semi, now completely jackknifed, slid sideways off the road until it crashed head on into the Rover which was now turned completely around.  Once the sound of screeching tires and breaking glass settled into silence, Rick did a mental inventory.  Deciding that he was shaken but okay, he called for help over his CB radio and hopped down from the cab, running over to see what he could do for the driver of the mangled Rover.

zzz

Roy dried the last of the dishes and sat down to watch the checkers game in progress.  He wondered if Johnny and the rest had made it home yet.  Looking at his watch, he did the mental math, and decided they likely had.  He considered calling Joanne, but thought better of it, instead choosing to look ahead to Friday when he would, after a six month absence, be working alongside his best friend again.  Roy’s temporary partner, Billy Hanks, was playing checkers with Chet…and winning, much to Chet’s dismay.

“I’m just going easy on ya because you’re a boot.”  Chet tried to justify how he had come to lose his third consecutive game.

“Oh thanks, Kelly.  I knew that must be it.”  Billy exchanged a knowing smile with Roy.  “But do me a favor.  Try harder next time, so I can beat you fair and square.”

Cap entered the day room now in search of a cup of coffee.  “Billy, don’t let Kelly fool you.  My mother in law could beat him at checkers.”

“I have plants that could beat him at checkers.”  Marco couldn’t resist a barb at his friend.

“Oh you’re real funny, Marco.”  Chet sneered.

Any additional comments were drowned out by the sounding of the tones.  Station 51…traffic accident with injuries…Tonapah Canyon Road near mile marker 36…Tonapah Canyon Road near mile marker 3-6.  Time out 18:42.

“Station 51, KMG-365.”  Cap handed the slip to Roy and hopped up onto the engine.

zzz

The first thing Johnny noticed after the terrifying sound of his impact into the rocky wall was excruciating pain in his left hip and leg.  He tried moving the limb…just a little…but quickly abandoned that idea when bolts of agony shot all the way up his back into his teeth.  Memories of his previous hip injury flooded his brain and he shivered with dread.  He tested out his left arm which was resting on top of the steering wheel.  It seemed to work all right, although moving it brought on a familiar crunching sensation in his side.  “Shit…ribs again…”  He wanted to move his hand down to his hip and thigh, to see if he could figure out what was causing the intense spasms there.  But, the steering wheel and dash, which now were nearly pressed tight against his upper body, prevented him from reaching down.  Attempting the same with his right hand ended in the same frustration, coupled with additional discomfort.  Johnny winced as the movement awakened the nerve endings in his swollen digits.  He was stuck…horribly stuck.  He felt the uncontrollable need to move away from the pain he was feeling, but he was held immobile in this cocoon that was once his beloved Rover.  He heard a voice shouting, but couldn’t make his mouth work to answer it, his mind settling on one thought.  Hannah…He closed his eyes, praying for the mercy of unconsciousness.

“Hey!  Hey, buddy!  Can you hear me?”  Rick could see the injured man’s attempts at movement, so he knew he was alive.  “Hey, stay still, man!  I called for help!  Someone should be here soon.”  He tried the crumpled passenger side door again, and couldn’t budge it.  Then, he ran back to his truck to get some flares.

zzz

The squad pulled to a halt seconds before the engine.  Roy and Billy got out and awaited assurance from their captain that it was safe to proceed before checking on the drivers of the wrecked semi and what was left of some sort of white truck against the cliff wall.

Rick came running up to them as Cap trotted over.  “Hey, you gotta get to that guy in the Rover.  He has to be hurt pretty bad.”

Roy’s blood ran cold at the mention of the word “Rover.”  He looked at Cap and could tell he was jumping to the same horrific conclusion.  He was dimly aware of his captain’s next words as he studied the wreckage, reminding himself that there had to be hundreds of white Land Rovers in LA County.

“Are you the driver of the semi?”  Cap planted a firm hand on Rick’s shoulder.

“Yeah, man.  But I’m fine.  It’s him that needs the help.  I tried to get to him…he was moving…but it looked like he was in a lot of pain.”

Cap issued his orders to his men after asking Rick what he was hauling and how the accident occurred.  Noticing Officer Vince Howard had arrived, he motioned for him to come over and get Rick’s statement, before steeling himself for what he was about to see.  The look on Roy’s face as he peered through the shattered passenger side window told him all he needed to know about the identity of the driver.

It was all Roy could do to wait the necessary seconds for Marco to start hosing down the ground around the vehicles before running to the side of the Rover and peering in.  Johnny was draped over the steering wheel, and his eyes were closed, but he didn’t appear unconscious, his brow knitted in pain.  Roy grappled with the door while trying to get Johnny’s attention.  “Johnny?  Johnny, can you hear me?”

Johnny opened his eyes at the sound of his friend’s voice, relieved that help had finally arrived.  “Rrroy?”  He tried to call out, but he didn’t have the strength to make himself heard.  Pain emanated from almost every part of his body, and he was beginning to feel claustrophobic.  He contemplated the irony of that fact.  How was it that he could squeeze himself into the tightest, darkest space to rescue someone, but right now it was if he was being suffocated inside his own vehicle?  He closed his eyes again, trusting his friends to get him out, and willing them to hurry.

Cap approached his senior paramedic.  “Roy?”

Roy was visibly anxious, his voice rising with the need to get to his friend.  “I don’t know, Cap.  He opened his eyes.  I think he heard me, but…”  He struggled again with the door.  “I can’t get this door to budge!”

Cap ambled up onto what was left of the hood, assessing the situation as he went.  “John?  Listen, if you can hear me, pal, we’re gonna have you out of there in a jiffy.  Just sit tight.”  He hopped off and shouted to Mike and Chet.  “Bring the K-12 and the jaws!”  He rested a hand on Roy’s shoulder and carefully took the pry bar from his hands.  “We’ll get you in there as soon as we can, Roy.  Why don’t you let Rampart know what’s going on so they’re all ready for him?”

Roy reluctantly accepted the biophone from Billy and watched his temporary partner as he retrieved the back board and began setting up the equipment they would need.  He took a deep breath and screwed in the antenna before keying the receiver.  “Rampart, this is County 51.”

Mike Morton was a little surprised to hear Roy Desoto’s voice coming from the base station radio.  He did not know the paramedic had returned from South Dakota.  “Go ahead, 51.”

“Rampart, we have one victim of a traffic accident, male, age 31.  He appears to be conscious, but we are unsure of his condition.  There is heavy damage to the vehicle with significant MOI.  We are in the process of gaining access now.”

Morton acknowledged the information.  “10-4, 51.  We’ll be standing by.”  Morton looked up as Kelly Brackett entered the base station.

“What have we got, Mike?”

Morton handed his notes to Brackett.  “51’s at the scene of a traffic accident.  Sounds like it could be pretty bad.  No word on the victim yet.”

Patience never being his strong point, Brackett depressed the talk button.  “51, do you have any additional information?”

Roy hesitated, knowing that what he was about to say was against protocol.  But, he also knew that it would serve to make the staff at Rampart that much more prepared to help his friend.  “Uh…Rampart?  It’s Johnny.  I…I can’t get to him yet.”

Brackett exchanged a concerned look with Morton.  “We read you, Roy.  Keep us posted.”

Cap motioned for his paramedics.  “Roy?  Billy?  You should be able to get in through the back now!”  When the men were close enough, he pointed toward the hole Mike had just made with the K-12.  The he gestured toward the passenger side door, where Chet and Mike were busy with the jaws.  “We’re still working on that door.”

Billy backed off, knowing that Roy would want to be the one to check on his friend.  No words were exchanged between the two men, but Roy acknowledged the young paramedic with a nod before hoisting himself into the back of Johnny’s truck.  He moved carefully toward the front seat.  Johnny had not moved, and his eyes were closed, leaving Roy to wonder if he had lost consciousness.  There were some superficial cuts on his face and arms.  Roy reached over the seat and laid a hand gently on Johnny’s shoulder.  “Johnny?  Can you hear me?”

Johnny figured he must have blacked out for a few minutes.  He vaguely remembered intense pain and a deafening noise as the K-12 carved out an opening behind him.  He blinked his eyes open again and tried to sit up.  “Roy?”

Roy quickly stopped Johnny’s movement.  “No…don’t move.  You’ve been in an accident.”  He slid one hand carefully up to Johnny’s carotid.  About 100 and thready.  He’s shocky already…

Johnny’s breathing quickened as Roy’s presence offered him a life line to hold onto, pulling him closer to awareness.  “Stuck…gotta get…out…”

Roy increased his hold, concerned Johnny would aggravate any injuries he had.  “The guys are working on that.  Cap said he’d have you out in no time.  Do you remember what happened?”

Johnny gasped as he tried to move his legs and was met with resistance and pain.  He concentrated hard on Roy’s question.  “Brakes…no brakes…couldn’t…”

Roy puzzled at Johnny’s revelation.  He knew his friend kept the Rover meticulously maintained.  He couldn’t imagine the brakes suddenly failing on him.  He quickly pressed back an ominous shiver.  “Okay…okay…”  His hands started at Johnny’s head and neck, and assessed quickly.  “Did you hit your head?”

Johnny had a headache, but he didn’t think he had hit his head or lost consciousness.  “Don’t…think so…”

Roy’s hands moved down Johnny’s spine.  “What about your neck and back?  Any pain?”

Johnny jerked and moaned a bit when Roy’s hands moved to his lower back.  “Yeah…leg hurts…”

Roy kept his hands on Johnny’s back and tried to get a look at his legs, but he couldn’t see anything from this position.  “Which one?”

“Both…”

“Okay…try to relax.”  He turned his head and called over his shoulder.  “Billy!  I’m gonna need a rigid collar and short board!  And bring a BP cuff!”  Turning his attention back to Johnny, he noted the heat emanating from his skin.  His friend was going into shock which meant his skin should feel cool and clammy, not hot and dry.  It didn’t make sense.  “What else hurts, Johnny?”

Johnny’s eyes were closed again, and he didn’t respond.

Roy spoke louder, rousing Johnny from his attempt at sleep.  “Hey, stay with me!  Tell me where you hurt.”

Johnny fought to stay awake as he made an attempt to assess himself.  It was hard.  The pain seemed to be coming from everywhere and it was becoming increasingly difficult to concentrate.  “Umm...ribs…hip…leg…really hurts…”

Roy’s hand moved to feel along Johnny’s ribcage, eliciting a few pained gasps when he touched the left side.  He frowned tightly, confirming what he suspected Johnny already knew. Probably some broken ribs.

“Belly…hurts…”

Roy’s stomach sank.  This was not a good sign.  It meant his friend was likely bleeding internally and would need to be extricated immediately.  So far, the engine crew hadn’t even managed to get the passenger side door open.  Roy noticed they had given up with the jaws and Mike was firing up the K-12. 

Billy was back with the requested items and crawled into the back beside Roy.  “Cap said they’re almost in.”  

Roy carefully fitted the collar around Johnny’s neck while Billy positioned the short spine board against the seat back.  Once they were ready, Roy supported Johnny’s head and upper body as he prepared to move him back against the board.  “Ok, Johnny.  I’m gonna sit you back now…no helping.”

Johnny panted against the pain that came with movement.  He clenched his eyes shut and groaned in protest, trying hard to focus on Roy’s soothing words.

“Nice and easy…there we go…”

Roy held Johnny’s head and prepared to tape it to the board.  “See if you can get a BP, Billy.”

The sound of Billy’s name caused Johnny to raise a curious eyebrow.  “Billy?”  He was remembering the trainee they had by that name a few years ago, and wondered if that’s who Roy’s temporary partner was.

Billy smiled as he fastened the cuff around Johnny’s right arm.  “Yep, it’s me, Johnny.  Billy Hanks. Long time no see.”

Claustrophobia returned as Johnny allowed Roy to tape his head securely to the board.  He attempted a joke.  “Next time…let’s just…do lunch.”

Billy smiled again as he located a radial pulse and pumped up the cuff.  “You got it.”

Cap poked his head in the passenger side of the car.  He took in the sight of his friend before looking up at Roy.  “We’re in on this side.  You think we can take him out this way?”

Roy shook his head.  “I don’t know, Cap.  He’s jammed in pretty tight.  You’ll probably need to pull that steering column back.”

“You got it.”  Cap reached out and brushed Johnny’s right hand, carefully avoiding the swollen fingers.  “How you doin’ pal?”

Johnny tried to smile.  “Been…better.”

Billy gave the injured man a pat on the arm.  “He’s doing fine, Cap.  Just fine.”

Cap could see that the expression on Billy’s and Roy’s faces did not match this assessment.  He figured Johnny knew as well.  “Ok, John.  Just hang in there a little bit longer.  We’re almost there.”

Johnny’s halting words betrayed the amount of pain he was feeling.  “Okay…Cap…”

Billy looked over at Roy and spoke softly.  “90 by palpation.  You wanna trade places?”  He knew Roy would want to move into the front seat now that access had been granted.

“Yeah…” Roy leaned in close to Johnny’s ear.  “I’ll be right back, Johnny.”

Johnny didn’t know where Roy was going, but he knew he didn’t want him to leave.  Fear was beginning to set in now as his shock increased.  He knew he was in bad shape, and fading fast, pain and the sound of his friend’s voice the only things keeping him alert.  “Where… you… going?”

“I’m just gonna slide into the front seat, so we can get you outta here.  Billy’s here, and I’ll be right back…okay?”

“’Kay…”  Johnny’s eyes flew open as he suddenly remembered where he had been going when this happened.  “Roy!  Hannah…”

Roy was already out of earshot, so Billy did his best to calm his agitated patient.  “We’ll make sure to call Hannah, John.  Just try to relax…”

“She’ll be…worried…”

“She’ll be all right.  Let’s worry about you for right now.”  Billy ripped open an emergency blanket pack with his teeth as he peered through the shattered windshield and noticed the jaws and chains were in place.  “Looks like the guys are getting ready to get that steering wheel off of you.  Shouldn’t be long now.”  He draped the blanket over Johnny’s upper body and head and prepared himself for the possibility of rapid deterioration in his patient once the pressure against his legs was released.

As soon as the blanket touched his face, Johnny’s heart felt as if it would pound out of his chest.  Even though on some level he knew it was irrational, the idea of his head being covered filled him with primeval fear.  He groaned continuously as the vibrations from the jaws’ motor rattled his irritated nerves and made his headache worse.  He had heard these sounds and felt these sensations many times as he sat with patients during extrication, but had never experienced them as a patient himself.  He was beginning to understand now why so many of them began to panic.  The pain in his legs was increasing to an almost unbearable level and he was sure he would pass out, but that same pain kept him aware as the equipment noise and the sound of crunching metal drowned out Billy’s reassurances.  He strained to hold onto those sounds…constantly reminding himself that he was still alive.

Outside the vehicle, Cap stopped Roy on his way to the biophone.  “I’ve got Chet and Mike working on pulling that dashboard back.  You wanna take him out the passenger side?”

Roy thought for a minute.  “Probably.  We better make it quick.”

“Right.”  Cap patted Roy on the back and trotted back to the front of the car to supervise.

Roy carried the biophone over to the Rover and placed it on the roof before picking up the receiver.  “Rampart, County 51.”

Mike Morton jerked to attention.  He and Brackett had been wondering what was taking so long.  “Go ahead, 51.”

“Rampart, the patient is awake and oriented, but shocky and somewhat groggy.  We’re still working on extricating him, and we haven’t been able to fully assess him yet.  His vitals are pulse 100 and thready, respirations rapid and shallow…about 22.  BP is 90 by palpation.  Also, he appears to be febrile.  There are numerous superficial lacerations on his face and both arms.  Bleeding from those is minor.  No apparent head injury.  Patient complains of pain in his hip and both legs, his lower back and abdomen, and left lateral ribcage.  His thumb and two fingers on his right hand are discolored and swollen.  We’ve applied cervical collar and short spine board.  Request permission for IV with ringers.”

Brackett’s voice responded.  “51, what is the damage to his legs?”

“I haven’t been able to get to them yet to look.  I’m about to do that now.”

“Okay, Roy.  How much longer until you can get him out?”

Roy glanced at his friends on the jaws.  “Shouldn’t be much longer.  Five, maybe ten minutes.”

Brackett sighed, knowing that Johnny’s golden hour was quickly ticking by.  “51, start bilateral IVs, large bore, wide open, one with lactated ringers, the other half normal saline.  Are you able to start O2?”

“Negative, Rampart.”  There was no way they could use oxygen with the spark hazard from the equipment.

“Okay.  Watch his vitals and keep us informed.”  Brackett turned around at the sound of a familiar voice.

“Kel?  You’re needed in three.”  Dixie had entered the base station.

“See if Joe can handle it Dix.  I’ve got Roy on the line.  Johnny’s been in an accident.”

Dixie felt the lump that always formed when one of her favorite paramedics had been hurt appear suddenly in her throat.  “Bad?”

“Bad enough.”

Dixie noticed Nurse Carole walking down the hall, and called out to her.  “Carole, page Joe Early to treatment 3.”  She barely noted Carole’s response as she turned back to Brackett.  “Has anyone called Hannah?”

Brackett’s brow furrowed into a line of concern.  He had just treated Hannah last night when Roy and Joanne brought her into the ER, not feeling well.  She had been looking forward to seeing Johnny tonight.  “I don’t know.”

Dixie continued.  “And I think Justin’s working.  I’ll have him paged.”

zzz

Justin leaned back in his desk chair and looked at his watch, happy that he would be off in less than an hour.  It had been a long, tiring day, and he hadn’t gotten much sleep the previous night.  He had been working last night when Roy and Joanne brought Hannah in and so he stayed until she was released.  By the time he got home and settled into bed, it had been after two in the morning.  He sighed and pulled himself wearily off the chair when he heard his name over the page.  But then the location to which he was being paged registered in his mind.  The ER.  It was the same as last night.  He sprinted to the elevator as quickly as was prudent, hoping Hannah was okay.

Justin walked quickly and purposefully through the ER, dodging harried nurses and worried family members.  He was stopped just outside the base station by Dixie, who placed a hand on his chest and another on his arm and led him to a relatively quiet corner of the waiting area.

“Dix…what is it?  Is it Hannah?  Is there a problem with…?”

Dixie shook her head.  “Hannah’s fine, Justin.”

“Well, then what’s going on?  Why was I paged down here?”

Dixie looked back toward the base station, briefly making eye contact with Kel.  “Johnny’s been in an accident.  Kel and Mike are waiting for news on his condition right now.”

Justin took a step back and ran his hand through his hair.  “An accident?  What happened?”

“We don’t know.  Apparently he’s awake and talking to Roy.  He’s in some pain.  That’s about all we know so far.  They’re still working on getting him out of the car.”

Justin suddenly remembered Johnny was bringing others home from South Dakota with him, the young boy who would be staying with him, a woman, and two girls.  He said he had a surprise for all of them.  “Dix, is anyone else hurt?”

“Roy said Johnny was the only patient.”  Dixie watched Justin’s face carefully as he processed this information.  “Why don’t you go on down to the lounge?  I’ll call Todd and explain the situation.  I’m sure he’ll understand if…”

Justin looked over Dixie’s shoulder toward the base station.  Brackett was standing with his arms crossed, talking to Mike who was nodding his head.  “No…no, Dix.  I mean…yeah go ahead and call Todd for me.  But, I need to call Hannah.”

Dixie nodded in understanding.  “Why don’t you use Kel’s office?”  Her eyes followed the handsome man until he disappeared into room 127.

zzz

Justin picked up the phone and dialed the number to the ranch.  A woman answered.

“Hello?”

“Hi.  This is Justin, Hannah’s brother.  Is she there?”

“Hi, Justin.  I’m Camarin.  John’s told me a lot about you.  He just went to get Hannah.  She’s with Roy’s wife…uh…Joanne?”

Justin briefly wondered if he should tell Camarin what had happened.  It seemed like the right thing to do, but he wasn’t sure.  “Camarin, I work at the hospital, and we just got a call from Roy.  Apparently John’s been in an accident.”

“Oh no!  Is he all right?”

“I don’t know yet.  Dix…the nurse here…said he was talking.  That’s a good sign.  Listen, I need to call Hannah…”

“Of course.  Is there anything we can do?”

“Just stay put for now.  Someone will call you when we have some news, okay?”

Camarin and Justin said their goodbyes and Justin stood for a moment, staring at the phone.  He realized he didn’t know the Desotos’ number.  Surely Dixie would have it somewhere…His eyes traveled around the office until they rested on a thick phonebook on the book shelf.  He pulled it off and began flipping through it, finally punching in the number.  Joanne answered on the third ring.

“Jo, it’s Justin.”

“Hi, Justin.  Do you want to talk to Hannah?  She’s right here.  Or, if you’re looking for Johnny, he’s on his way over.”

“Jo, John’s been in an accident.  Roy just called it in.”

“What?  When?”

“Just a few minutes ago.  Can you bring Hannah…”

A second later Hannah’s worried voice was on the other end.  “Justin?”

Justin’s heart squeezed for his sister.  She had been so excited about seeing John, especially after what happened last night.  “I don’t know much, Hannah.  Dixie said he’s awake and talking to Roy.  They’re still working on getting him out.  That’s all I know.”

Hannah wiped away the tears that had formed in her eyes.  If they had to “get him out” the accident must have been more than minor.  For that matter, if Roy was calling it in to Rampart, Johnny had to be injured.  “Okay…we’ll be right down.”  Her eyes implored Joanne, who nodded reassuringly.

“Okay.  Try not to worry, all right?  I’ll be at the base station.”  Justin hung up the phone and headed outside.  Dixie may have suggested he go to the lounge, but he intended to stay and wait for word on John, and he wasn’t in the mood to argue about it.  He pushed open the base station door and stepped inside.

Brackett was the first to speak.  “Justin, why don’t you go…”

 

“I’m staying.”  Justin stood with his arms crossed, his expression determined.

zzz

Roy made eye contact with his superior before working his way into the front seat.  There wasn’t much room, despite the work the engine crew had been doing.  He carefully worked Johnny’s right arm out from under the blanket, speaking loudly so he could be heard above the noise.  “I’m back, Johnny.  You hanging in there?”  Roy tried to convince himself that his friend’s arm was shaking because of the vibrations caused by the jaws, but deep down he knew that wasn’t it.  Johnny was scared.  Roy pulled the blanket away from his face.  “Hey, it’s gonna be all right.”  Suddenly the cacophony ended.  “There.  See?  All done.”  He rolled up the blanket and handed it to Billy.

Roy sat the IV supplies down beside him and went to quickly assess Johnny for further injuries.  As his gaze wandered to Johnny’s left leg, which had seemed to be the source of most of his pain, he froze, momentarily speechless.  He had expected a fractured femur, possibly a re-injury to his hip.  He was not prepared for this.  Johnny’s leg was impaled on some sort of metal pole, possibly part of a sign post or a reflector.  Roy’s eyes followed the horrible intrusion from where it exited the inside of his friend’s thigh, just above the knee, to where it entered on the outside, just below his hip, before disappearing through what was left of the driver’s side door.  He made eye contact with Billy who leaned over the seat to get a look at what had caused the senior paramedic’s face to blanch.

Johnny must have realized he would now be able to reach his leg, because he brought his left hand down towards it.  The movement snapped Roy out of his momentary trance and spurred him to action.

“No, Johnny.  Don’t touch it."

Johnny could tell by the distinctive rise in the pitch of his best friend’s voice that something was seriously wrong.  Was it a compound fracture?  Damn.  “Roy…what…”

“Johnny…”  Roy wasn’t sure what to say.  He didn’t want Johnny to panic, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep him from exploring the source of his pain for very long.  He settled on a variation of the truth.  “You uh…there’s a piece of metal in your leg.”

“Metal?”  Johnny’s mind tried to work out how a simple piece of metal embedded in his leg could hurt so much.  Unable to look down because his head was secured, he imagined a sharp piece of metal, a fragment of the Rover.  His hand moved toward his leg again, only to be intercepted by Roy.

“Come on, leave it alone.”  As Johnny worked his hand loose, Roy grabbed for it again.  “Leave it alone, Johnny.”  Realizing that Johnny would continue to fight him as long as he had strength, and aware that precious time was being wasted, Roy finally released Johnny’s hand and took a deep breath, preparing for his friend’s reaction.

Johnny allowed his hand to drop to the top of his thigh.  Then slowly, he moved it back toward his hip, stopping momentarily when he felt a familiar warm, sticky substance.  Finding the pole, he felt around for a second or two until his eyes widened in disbelief.  Whatever was sticking into his leg felt big.  “Roy?”

Roy looked up into the frightened eyes of his friend, eyes that were looking to him for reassurance.  “It’s okay, Johnny.  It’ll be okay.”

Billy tried to do what little he could from his position behind the seat.  “He’s right, Johnny.  Getting worked up isn’t going to do you any good.  Now you gotta calm down.”

Johnny closed his eyes against this awful nightmare.  “Oh…God…”

Roy did not want to leave his friend right now, but his condition was deteriorating quickly, and now there would be one more step to add to this extrication.  He glanced at the unused IV supplies on the seat.  Johnny needed those IVs a long time ago, and now Roy was torn.  Getting Johnny out of here quickly was crucial.  Deciding he needed to talk to Cap first, and get the crew busy working on cutting through that pipe, he squeezed Johnny’s arm and quickly wormed his way outside.

“Roy?  Roy!”  Johnny cried out urgently, but his voice was losing strength. 

Billy placed his hands on his shoulders.  “Relax, Johnny.  He’ll be right back.”

Johnny cried out in frustration.  He hurt so bad…and he could feel himself fading.  It was an odd sensation, as if he could actually feel life draining away from him with every frantic beat of his heart.  “Don’t…feel…good.”

Billy leaned forward in alarm.  “What’s wrong?”

Johnny swallowed convulsively.  Suddenly he was thirsty and he licked at his lips.  “Real…dizzy.”  He raised his now bloody left hand to his chest.  “Chest…”

Shit!  Billy’s eyes darted around in search of Roy.  He could see him with Cap, pointing toward the car and gesturing with his hands, his expression reflecting the urgency Billy felt.  The young paramedic willed his voice to remain calm.  “What’s going on with your chest, Johnny?”

“Hurts…bad…”  Somehow Johnny knew it was important to try to stay awake, but it was becoming harder by the second.

Billy reached over and sliced the front of Johnny’s shirt open with his trauma shears.  There was a large area of bruising directly over his sternum.  He felt around the discolored area carefully, stopping when Johnny moaned and pushed his hand away.  He quickly checked his patient’s lung sounds, and listened to his heart, frowning when he picked up an irregular rhythm.  He noticed Johnny’s eyes were closed, and he appeared to be unconscious.  He tried to rouse him.  “Johnny!  Come on, you gotta stay with me, man.”

Johnny’s eyelids fluttered but they did not open.  “Mmm…tired…”

“I know you are, but you gotta stay awake.  Come on now, open your eyes!”  Billy looked through the window at the concerned face of Chet Kelly.  “Chet, get Roy.  Hurry!”  

zzz

Roy ran over to Cap who was standing near the engine, giving dispatch a progress report.  “Cap!”

Cap stuffed his handi-talki back into the pocket of his turnout.  “You need some help getting him out?”

Roy tried to slow the rapid pacing of his heart.  “Cap, Johnny’s got a…he’s impaled on some kind of a metal pole.”

Cap couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  “He what?”

“Through his left leg.  It looks like it came right through the door.”  Roy gestured to his own leg, painting a disconcerting picture of the pole’s trajectory.

Cap looked down at his feet.  “Damn.”  Shaking off the grisly image, he pushed himself back on track.  “Well, what do you need us to do?”

Roy ran his hand over his face.  “We’ll need to cut through that pole somehow.”

Cap’s mind mulled over the possibilities.  “Any way we can get to it from the inside?”

“Not a chance.  There’s not enough room.  His leg is almost flush up against the door, and the pole goes through to the outside.”

Earlier Cap had examined the entire exterior of the Rover before forming his extrication plan.  “Roy, that’s gonna take some time.  That whole side is jammed up tight against the wall.”

“Well, see what you can do, Cap.  Johnny doesn’t have a lot of time.”  Roy looked up at the sound of his name being called.  Chet Kelly was running toward him.

“Roy!  Billy needs you right now!”

Roy called back over his shoulder as he ran back toward the car.  “Better make it fast, Cap!”  He ducked back into the front seat and became alarmed at the rapid change in his friend.  “Billy?”

“He started getting real shocky.  BP’s down to 80 over 50.  Better get those IVs going.”

Roy reached for Johnny’s right arm and started swabbing it in preparation for the stick.  “Johnny?  It’s Roy.  Open your eyes for me.”

Johnny felt as if he were drifting weightlessly between two worlds.  One offered pain and fear, the other offered sweet peace.  Then he heard a voice, Roy’s voice.  But it was coming from the bad place.  He didn’t want to go back there, but the voice of his friend was reeling him in.  He moaned faintly.

Roy’s voice sparked with hope.  “That’s it…come on.  Open your eyes.”

Johnny’s eyes fluttered and blinked open.  They were filled with the glassiness of shock.  “Rrr…”

Roy finished with the first IV and reached for Johnny’s left arm, wrapping a tourniquet around it and tapping it in order to raise a vein.  “I’m right here.  Stay with me now, okay?”

Johnny’s mind drifted to Hannah.  He instinctively knew his time was running out.  He didn’t know how much longer he would be able to do as Roy asked, so he figured he’d better make his request now, while he was still able.  “Rroy…t-tell…Hannah…”

Tears formed in the corners of Roy’s eyes as he recalled a similar interaction.  It was the day Drew Burke had been hit by a car.  He told Johnny to let his wife, Pam, know that she was the best thing that had ever happened to him.  Although Johnny was too weak to finish the thought, Roy was certain that was the intent.  He cursed himself for not starting the IVs sooner.  “I’m not going to tell Hannah anything, because you’re going to talk to her yourself just as soon as we get you to Rampart.  I’m sure Dixie’s called her by now, and she’s there waiting for you.”

Johnny closed his eyes against the sharp sting of the large needle piercing his skin.  “Can’t…Roy…fading...”

Roy knew that when a patient felt like he was dying, actual death usually followed.  Somehow, a person just knew.  But, that wasn’t going to happen to Johnny.  He wouldn’t allow it.  “You’re going to be fine, Johnny.  I’m getting a few IVs started here.  That should help.”  He silently prayed he was right.  “Besides, didn’t your papa say you still had things to do?”

Johnny’s eyes filled with tears at Roy’s question.  “Dammit…Roy…”

Roy almost wiped the tears away, but thought better of it, remembering their conversation in the field behind the old reservation school.  “It’s okay, Johnny.  It’s okay.  You should start to feel better soon.”  He looked up at the sound of Cap’s voice.

“Okay, Roy.  We’re working on it.  Gonna have to cut away the rock to make enough room to get the saw in there.”  He glanced at his young friend, and his heart fell at the sight.  He had seen other patients look that bad, and they usually didn’t make it.  “How’s he doing?”

“He’ll be doing better once we get him to Rampart.  Can you let them know what’s going on?”

“Sure.”  Cap stood up and reached for the biophone.

Roy continued his assessment of his friend, noticing the bruise on his chest.

Billy filled his partner in.  “He started complaining of pain in his chest.  He may have a fractured sternum.  His lungs sound okay, but his heartbeat’s a little irregular.

Roy chewed on his lip as he considered the possibilities.  He knew that severe shock could cause strain on the heart, causing an arrhythmia.  But he also began cataloguing the possible internal injuries that could accompany blunt trauma to the chest.  Sighing heavily, he turned his attention to Johnny’s right leg, his practiced hands noting a deformity at Johnny’s right kneecap.

Pain in his right leg brought Johnny back around, the IV fluids giving him the jolt he needed to regain some awareness.  “Hurts…”

Sorry to have caused his friend pain, but relieved that the fluids seemed to be helping a little, Roy checked Johnny’s right hip.  Since his knee had apparently hit the dashboard, dislocation was a possibility.  “Johnny, do you feel any pain here?”

A thousand different hurts were crowing for attention as Johnny made his journey back.  Pain?  In his right hip?  “Ummm…a little.”

Roy continued downward, squeezing himself onto the floor, feeling his way down Johnny’s leg until he reached his right foot.  It was twisted harshly underneath the brake pedal, likely broken.  “Johnny?  Your foot is caught underneath the pedal here…I’ve gotta get it free.  It’s probably gonna hurt.”

Johnny cried out when Roy freed his foot.  Lights danced in front of his eyes as pain bolted up his shin and settled into his already throbbing knee.

Roy sat the injured foot down gently and apologized for the pain he had just caused.  He quickly loosened the laces, but left Johnny’s boot in place to act as a natural splint.  If the foot began to swell too much, he could cut the boot off later.  He grabbed his shears and sliced up the middle of Johnny’s right pant leg, noting the purple swelling over his knee.  After a quick check of Johnny’s lower left leg revealed no further injury, Roy’s gaze settled on the gruesome pole sticking through the blood soaked fabric of Johnny’s jeans.  The external bleeding at least appeared to be slowing.  He sliced the left pant leg now, being very careful not to disturb the entrance and exit wounds.  His heart sank at the large area of bruising on Johnny’s thigh indicating that he was bleeding into the tissues.  Roy startled and looked up at the shrill sound of the air chisel.  This was taking too long.  He quickly palpated Johnny’s abdomen.

“Aaagh!”  Johnny thought for sure he would die now.  Roy’s hands sent searing agony through the lower part of his belly, all the way through to his back.  Nausea crept at the back of his throat.  “Roy…please…”

Roy sighed.  Pain in that area could come from any number of things that could be bleeding out right now.  There was also the possibility of pelvic fractures.  He maneuvered himself back up onto the seat and prepared to report his findings to Cap, who was talking to Rampart.

zzz

Cap picked up the biophone receiver and hit the talk button.  “Rampart, County 51.”

Justin Quinn had been pacing around the base station ever since he had gotten the news about his friend.  He stopped in his tracks at the sound of Hank Stanley’s voice.

Brackett punched the button impatiently.  “51, what’s going on out there?”

“Rampart, we have a delay…”

 

By now, Joe Early and Dixie had joined the others, awaiting news about their mutual friend.  The group exchanged concerned looks.  Johnny could not afford a delay.

Cap continued.  “The patient’s left leg is impaled on some sort of metal pole.  We are not able to extricate until we can cut through it.  We’re in the process of exposing enough of the pole now so that we can do that.”

Justin looked at the others in alarm.  “Wait…Impaled?  Did he say impaled?”

Brackett shushed the physical therapist, and cast a warning look at Dixie who was trying to get him to go with her for a cup of coffee.  He turned back to the radio.  “How long do you think that will take?”  Brackett looked at his watch.  Over thirty minutes had passed since Roy’s initial contact with the hospital.

“There’s no way to say, Rampart.”  Cap placed a finger in his ear in order to block out the sounds of the chisel.  “The vehicle is up against a cliff face.  We have to chisel away at the rock until we can locate the pipe and make enough room for a saw.”  Cap removed his finger when he noticed Roy was trying to get his attention.  “Stand by, Rampart.”  Cap handed the phone to the paramedic and went over to see what his men were able to accomplish so far.

Brackett spoke again, impatiently disregarding the stand by request.  “51, I need an update on the patient’s condition.”

Roy took a deep breath before proceeding.  He knew the IVs would only help for so long.  Johnny was running out of time.  “Rampart, patient’s BP dropped to 80 over 50 before administration of IV fluids.  It’s now up to 94 over 62.  Pulse is 120 and irregular.  Respirations are 26 and shallow.  Lungs are clear bilaterally.  There’s a large area of bruising over his sternum with pain.  Possible fracture.  External bleeding around the site of the impaled object seems to have slowed or stopped.  The object entered the left lateral thigh just below the hip and exited the medial thigh just above the knee.  There’s no obvious deformity that would indicate a fracture, although there’s evidence of internal bleeding and muscle spasms are causing considerable pain.  Patient also has tenderness in the lower quadrants of his abdomen, a probable fractured right patella, and probable fractures of the right foot.  He reports minor discomfort in his right hip.  He seems to be stabilizing slightly with the fluids.”

“51, go ahead and start another liter of ringers.”  Brackett wanted to tell Roy to pack open the wounds caused by the impaled object, but he was concerned that the amount of pain his patient would experience would cause him to sink deeper into shock.  There was also the matter of the irregular heartbeat.  And Johnny was too hypovolemic to risk a narcotic.  If he knew they would be transporting in a few minutes, maybe.  But…He pounded his fist on the counter in frustration over what he was about to suggest.  “Roy, if this takes too much longer we may have to consider…”

“No!”  Roy knew what the doctor was going to suggest.  The awful thought had entered his mind also.  But, he refused to acknowledge it as a possibility.  Not yet.  “Just…give us a little more time, Doc.”

Brackett sighed heavily.  “Okay, Roy.  Five more minutes.  No more.  And if his condition starts to deteriorate…”

“I know.  Five minutes.”  Roy hung up the phone and returned to his friend.

 

Justin pulled out of Dixie’s grasp.  She had been unsuccessful in talking him into that cup of coffee.  “What?  What are you talking about?”

Brackett turned to the physical therapist and placed a hand on his shoulder.  “Justin, if they can’t get Johnny out of that car in the next five minutes, I’m going to have to go out there.”  He looked over at Dixie and noticed her eyes filling up with tears.

Justin looked confusedly at Dixie, piecing together the fragmented conversation until finally he figured out what the doctor was talking about.  He took a step back, his head shaking in denial.  “No…”

Brackett swallowed the lump in his own throat.  It hardly seemed fair.  Johnny’s career as a fireman would likely be over within the next hour, that is if he could even hold on that long.  “I’m sorry, Justin.  But, it may be necessary to take his leg.  It’s his best chance…”

Justin looked desperately at the others, his mind bouncing in a hundred different directions.  He thought of Johnny’s career, his love of hiking and the outdoors…of Hannah.  “No…Roy said five minutes.  They’ll get him out.  I know they will.”

Dixie reached for Justin’s arm.  “Justin…”

“They will, Dix!”  Justin’s expression exuded confidence and resolve.  They had to.  There was no other choice.

Brackett walked over to Dixie and spoke softly.  “Dix, have an ambulance standing by.  I want to be ready to go when…”  He looked over at Justin.  “If Roy calls.”

zzz

Roy grabbed another bag of ringers solution and wriggled his way back into the wreckage.  He made brief eye contact with Billy before speaking to his injured friend.  “Brackett’s getting impatient.  He wants one more IV.  It should only be a few more minutes until we have you out of here.”

Marco’s face appeared to Roy’s left.  “Hey, Roy?  Cap sent me to see if there’s anything you need.”

Roy thought for a second.  Yeah, we need to get Johnny out of here…and now.  “Uhh…get me a vacuum splint, and make sure there’s a long board and sandbags ready for when we’re ready to move him out.  Tell Cap I want to cut the seat braces and take him straight out the back.”

Marco winced as Roy completed the stick, mesmerized momentarily by the return of dark, red blood.  “Ok, Roy.”  His eyes rested on the ghastly sight of the pole for a few moments before traveling upward toward Johnny’s face.  Then, he was off in search of his captain and the requested items.

Roy roused his friend.  “Johnny?  You still with me?”

“Unnnh?”  Johnny was trying.  He really was.  But he was tired of trying to deal with the pain.  It was easier to sleep.

Roy moved down to the floor again.  “I’m gonna take your shoe off…”  He carefully loosened the laces on Johnny’s left boot and slid it off.  Then he pulled off the sock and felt around for a pedal pulse.  He wondered if Johnny could feel his multiple failed efforts.  His mind wandered back to other times he had had to locate a pulse here.  It had never been this difficult on Johnny.  Finally, he breathed a sigh of relief when he could feel just the slightest pulsation.  It was so faint, at first Roy thought he could feel it only because he wanted to so badly.  But no…it was there.  Barely.  He kept one hand on Johnny’s foot and took out his pen with the other, using it to quickly mark an “x” on Johnny’s skin over the spot.

Roy’s hands then moved down to Johnny’s toes.  “Johnny?  Can you feel me touching you?”  He had to speak loudly to be heard over the noise outside.

Billy repeated Roy’s question and listened closely for Johnny’s response.

“Mmm…foot.”

Billy relayed the response to Roy who smiled in relief and told Billy to tell their patient to wiggle his toes.  Roy watched for several painstaking seconds before Johnny finally completed the task, his toes moving very slightly…but moving.  He moved back up to the seat.

“Good news, Johnny.  You’ve got a pedal pulse and you have movement and sensation.”  Roy glanced at his watch and tried to quiet the butterflies in his stomach.  It wasn’t fair that Johnny’s leg appeared viable, and he would probably lose it anyway.  He looked through the fragmented windshield at the tense, determined face of his captain, hoping to find some signs that they were getting close.  There were none.

Johnny knew Roy had trouble locating a pulse, and although he could feel his foot, it felt slightly numb.  “Tingly…”

Roy knew Johnny’s one word response meant he wasn’t fooled.  “Okay…but you have feeling.  That’s a good sign…”

 

“Roy…”  Johnny surprised Roy by grabbing weakly onto his turnout coat, his gaze reminding him that he knew more than the average patient and would not be easily assuaged.  “That’s what…what you would tell…tell a…patient.  Talk to me…like…like a…friend.”

Roy’s throat ached with unshed tears.  Honestly, if they could get him out of here now, he thought Johnny had a good chance of keeping his leg.  But he didn’t know how to tell him he would probably lose it anyway.  “Johnny…”

Johnny increased his weak grasp on Roy’s coat.  “Roy, I…I heard Cap…talking.  Not enough…time…”

Roy was not about to allow his friend to give up.  “Yes there is, Johnny.  Cap and the guys are working on it.  You just have to hold on a little while longer.”

“No…time…tired, Roy.”  Johnny’s eyes were closing and he released the hold he had on Roy’s coat.

“Johnny, keep talking to me!”

Johnny moaned softly, but did not open his eyes.  He though about Hannah, and felt sorry.  But, then his mind drifted to his parents.  Maybe he would get to see his mama, and make peace with his papa…“’Sokay…Roy…”

Roy slammed his fist against the side of the car, immediately regretting it when the jarring thud caused Johnny to wince in pain.  Dammit!  You’re not giving up!  Roy glanced at his watch again and looked up at Cap, making eye contact this time.  His captain shook his head sadly, his brown eyes registering futility and frustration.  It was time.  Roy leaned in as close to Johnny as he could.  He wanted to be sure his friend heard what he was about to say, and he willed the emotion out of his voice.  Johnny needed him to be strong right now even if he felt like bolting from the car.  “Johnny…there’s another way…another way we can get you out of here.”

For a second, Johnny’s mind centered on a sliver of hope.  But then quickly, hope faded, and turned to dread and even anger at what Roy was suggesting.  Surely they couldn’t be thinking that.  He was too far gone anyway, and if he was going to die, he wanted to be whole when he crossed over into the spirit world.  “No…”

“Yes, Johnny.  Believe me…if there was any other way…you know Cap would have done it by now.”  Roy looked up and motioned for his superior to come around.  “Brackett said…if we didn’t have you out in five minutes…”

It took every ounce of strength Johnny had to protest this decision he felt was being made for him.  “Don’t care what…what Brackett…said…No!”

“Johnny, there’s still time to get you to the hospital.  I know it’s not what you want…I don’t want it either.  But life is most important.  Think about Hannah…”

Johnny’s dull, shock hazed eyes flashed with anger.  “I am…”  He winced and swallowed as an intense pain in his chest momentarily stole his breath.  “Am…thinking…’bout…Hannah.  She deserves…better…better than…a…a...”

Roy watched as Johnny’s breathing slowed and his eyes rolled back.  The effort of talking had taken its toll, and he was fading again.  If he could only just hold on until Brackett could get here…wait!  That was it!  Johnny might just hold on if…Roy faltered.  It wasn’t his news to share, but under the circumstances, he knew Hannah would understand.  “Johnny, listen to me…I don’t think you’re being fair to Hannah.  She loves you.”  He carefully laid a hand on Johnny’s chest.  “She loves what’s in here…But, if you won’t do this for her…then do it…do it for your baby.”

It took a while for Johnny to sort through Roy’s words.  Something about…Hannah loving him…well, he knew that.  He wished he could see her one last time, savor the herbal scent of her hair, hear her intoxicating laugh.  Wait…what did he just say?  Johnny forced open his eyes, and they met Roy’s tear-filled blue ones.  “B-baby?”

Roy’s face broke into a grin.  He had gotten Johnny’s attention.  “That’s what I said.  Jo and I took her to Rampart last night.  She hadn’t been feeling well.  Hannah’s pregnant, Johnny.  You’re going to be a father.”

Johnny closed his eyes as unwilling tears tracked down his bloodied cheeks, stinging the wounds.  He thought of the career he loved, the years riding beside his best friend in the squad, and how much he had been looking forward to going back to work on Friday.  He thought of his horses, and all of his favorite hiking trails.  He thought of Justin and the friendship that was built on the sweat and tears spent during those long months of rehabilitation of the very leg he was about to lose.  He almost laughed now at the futility.  Then he thought of Hannah, and all the plans they had made together…plans that included children.  A baby!  He could hardly believe it.  He wondered for a minute if Roy was simply telling him this in a last ditch effort to get him to agree to the amputation.  But, that couldn’t be.  Roy would not lie to him, especially not about something like this. 

Johnny didn’t want to lose his leg, but if there was a chance, however small, that he could live to see the child that would be born out of his and Hannah’s love, then he knew there was no question.  He opened his eyes and squinted against the harsh glare of the emergency lighting that had been set up along the side of the road.  His friends, the ones who he would never work beside again, were still busy chiseling away at the rock beside him.  He knew they would not give up until Brackett arrived, and maybe not even then.  Maybe there was still a way.  His dark eyes stared into those of his friend.  “Let’s do it.”

Roy closed his eyes and released the breath he had been holding.  He nodded to Cap, who had been silently taking in this exchange.  Cap knew it was time to make the call to Rampart they all had been dreading.  He stood up and removed his helmet, placing it on top of the car.  He took the briefest moment to steady his shaking hand before picking up the biophone receiver.  “Rampart, County 51.”

The defeat in Hank Stanley’s voice was tangible.  Brackett was already putting on his jacket when Mike pressed the talk button.  “We read you, 51.”

“Rampart, further attempts at extrication have failed.  We’re requesting a doctor to aid in…in…”

Brackett punched the button, figuring he would save the captain from having to voice his request.  “Hank, tell Roy I’m on my way.  ETA is about eight minutes.  Dr. Morton will be here if he needs anything before I arrive.”  He released the button, then had an afterthought.  “Hank, tell the boys to hang in there, okay?”

Cap could not respond.  He knew this procedure was going to be almost as hard on Roy as it was on John.  Hell, it would be hard on all of them.  He finally managed a 10-4 before returning the phone to its cradle.  The reality of what was about to happen was sinking in.  He wanted nothing more than to go over and sit on the running board and release the overwhelming frustration he was trying hard to repress.  He bit back his guilt over failing to get John out in time as well as anger over the fact that Los Angeles was about to lose one of the best paramedics it had, not to mention a dedicated and able firefighter.  It just wasn’t fair.  His brief eye contact with Roy served to inform him that Brackett was en route.  He knew the paramedic would stay with his friend now, doing what he could to keep him alive, and helping him to deal with what would surely be one of the hardest experiences of his life.  Allowing himself just a moment to send up a silent prayer, Cap clapped his hands together and returned to his men.  “Okay, boys!  Let’s keep working.  That pole’s gotta be around here somewhere…”

zzz

Brackett turned to Dixie, who was trying to remain stoic and professional.  It wasn’t working.  He remembered a conversation he once had with Johnny where he had told the young paramedic that if he allowed things like this to get to him, he would drive himself crazy.  Well it’s getting to me, dammit!  It was just not fair that Brackett had patched up drunk drivers and attempted suicides and sent them on their ways, whole and healthy, while John Gage, if he was even still alive when he got to the accident scene, was about to lose his leg.  God, you really have some kind of crazy selection process.  I’ll be sure to ask you to explain it to me one day.  “Dix, page Todd Andrews and Bill Johnson from vascular.  Reserve an OR and tell them to be ready.  Have six units of Johnny’s blood type ready to go.  Keep treatment six open and have radiology waiting there for us with a portable.”  He placed a hand on the nurse’s arm and looked over at Justin.

Justin was leaning against the wall, allowing it to steady him for now.  “Doc…you can’t honestly be doing this…surely, there’s another way…something else…”

Brackett walked over to the shocked physical therapist noting that his skin was pale, and he looked a little dazed.  He planted a steadying hand on his shoulder.  “Justin, if there was anything else that could be done, do you think Roy would have told Hank to call me?”  When he received no answer, the doctor sighed and picked up his supplies.  He hurried to the ambulance.

Justin looked up at Dixie, who was now standing in the corner of the base station, crying.  The fact that it was so out of character for the seasoned nurse spoke volumes.  He wanted to go to her…to comfort her, but what would he say?  That everything was going to be okay?  That was what you said at times like this, right?  Well, it wasn’t okay!  Justin walked over to Dixie, raising and lowering his hand as if he intended to offer some support, then abandoned the idea.  Frustrated, he turned on his heel and stormed out of the base station.

“Justin!”  Dixie started after him, but was stopped by Joe Early. 

“Let him go, Dix.”

Dixie paused and looked at the two doctors she had worked with for many years.  “What exactly is going on here?  Does one of you care to explain to me why this is happening…to one of the kindest, most compassionate men I’ve ever met?  He’s getting married next week…Hannah’s going to have a baby.  This is supposed to be the happiest time of their lives.”

Joe Early looked at Morton, then took a step toward the nurse.  “Dix…”

“Save it.”  Dixie effectively demonstrated that there would be no explanation which would satisfy her.  At least not at this moment.  She straightened her uniform and went to find Justin.

zzz

Chet Kelly thought his teeth would surely vibrate out of his head from the constant manning of the air chisel he was using in an attempt to break away the rocky wall and free his friend.  He had heard the conversations, and he knew who was on the way.  But until that ambulance pulled up, they still had time, and he wasn’t about to give up.  The thought of working at 51’s without the antics of his favorite pigeon was unthinkable.  Sure, Johnny hadn’t been working in about six months, but he was due back this Friday.  Chet had planned a huge welcome back party for him.  The cake was ordered, the gags were planned.  He looked down through the window and into the face of Roy Desoto, a confident nod assuring the paramedic that he would not stop trying until someone pried the chisel from his hands.

The squeal of a siren pierced the night, causing the crew to look up.  There was a small pause when Kelly Brackett stepped out of the back of the ambulance, but a terse order from their captain sent the men back to their task.  Chet watched Cap walk over to meet the doctor, who looked grossly out of place in his leather jacket and dress pants.  Brackett’s brow furrowed when Cap pointed toward the car and shook his head.  The stocky fireman finally pulled his eyes away when Brackett approached, carrying a large, wooden box labeled “amputation kit.”  It reminded Chet of one of the B-horror movies he enjoyed.  Only, this was really happening, and it was happening to one of his brothers. Chet’s eyes stung with tears, so he avoided eye contact with Marco and Mike who were working right beside him.  He figured they probably looked the same way.  Damn dust.

Brackett approached the damaged Rover and leaned his head inside.  “Roy?”

Roy took that as his cue to trade places with the arriving physician.  He locked eyes with Johnny as an unexpected flutter tickled his chest.  “Brackett’s here, Johnny.  I’ll be right back, okay?”  Roy hoped his friend could not hear the emotion behind his words.

Johnny’s hand reached out and grabbed onto Roy’s arm, preventing his departure.  “Roy!”

“I’ll be right back.”  Roy pulled out of Johnny’s grasp and quickly exited the Rover, trying his best to block out the weak, raspy pleas of his partner.  He exchanged a brief grimace with Brackett before surrendering his spot.  He knew it was irrational, but he could not help but feel angry toward the man who was about to complete the procedure that would decisively end Johnny’s career.  At the moment, it didn’t matter that it could also save his life.  Roy shuddered.  What if Johnny had to go through this and he didn’t make it anyway?  He looked up and found Cap’s eyes before glancing away hurriedly.

Inside the vehicle, Brackett completed a brief assessment.  Quickly maneuvering his way back outside, he placed a hand on Roy’s shoulder.  He knew this night was not going to be easy on either man.  “He’s going into shock, Roy.  He needs to come out of there…right now.”

Even though he had already resigned himself to what was going to happen, somehow Brackett’s words drove the point home in such a soul shattering way that Roy was rendered speechless.  He nodded sadly.

Brackett slid back into the small space beside Johnny and opened his case.  He held onto the young paramedic’s hand as he prepared to explain what he was about to do.  “Johnny?  Can you hear me?”

Johnny slowly opened his eyes and searched out the sound of the voice.  Somehow it did not belong here. 

Brackett leaned in close.  He wanted his friend to hear what he was about to say, and he was competing with the sound of the air chisels which had not ceased even for a second since his arrival.  The seasoned doctor also found it challenging to keep his emotions in check.  It was times like this, he truly hated his job.  “I’ll give you a shot first.  You’ll be asleep…you won’t feel anything…”

A tear leaked from the corner of Johnny’s eye as he listened to the surreal words coming from this man who he had trusted with his life on more than one occasion.  When the doctor had finished and was reaching for a syringe, Johnny’s eyes began darting around the interior of the car, desperately searching.  “Roy!”  He wanted, no he needed his friend right now like he had never needed anyone before.  Although he was surrounded by the familiar faces of his friends, he had never felt so alone.

Roy stood outside listening.  He tried to stay nearby, but as the reality of what was about to happen sunk in, he found he had to walk away.  He may have kept walking were it not for his captain’s intervention.

Cap knelt on the crumpled hood of the Rover, keeping one ear trained on the extrication efforts and one on what was going on inside.  The sound of Johnny calling out for his partner with what little strength he had left nearly broke his heart.  He looked over his shoulder to make sure Roy had heard, and noticed him walking away.  Hopping down, he caught up with his senior paramedic. 

Roy felt a hand on his back and knew without turning around who was standing behind him.  He stopped in his tracks and stared down at the faded painted lines on the road.

“Roy…”  The captain’s words were taut with compassion.

Roy continued to stare at the ground, afraid that if he spoke he would lose his feeble hold on stoicism.

“He’s asking for you, Roy.”

“I…I can’t, Cap.”  Roy spoke without turning or looking up.

Cap sighed, understanding the other man’s hesitation.  After all, how could he expect him to do something he didn’t even want to do himself?  His hand moved up until it rested on Roy’s shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze.  “It’s okay, pal.  I’ll go…”

“No.”  Roy’s voice cracked as it rose in pitch.  He cleared his throat and turned to face his superior, his eyes drifting over the taller man’s shoulder to the accident scene several yards away.  “No, I’ll go.”  He brushed past and headed for the car, feeling lost.  He crawled into the back of the Rover and wordlessly traded places with Billy, pressing down his nausea at the sight of the scalpel and bone saw that Brackett had laid out neatly beside him.  He rested his hands on Johnny’s shoulders, grateful to be behind him.  Roy figured it was a good thing Johnny could not see his face.  “Hey, Junior.  I’m here.”  It didn’t seem like nearly enough, but what else was there to say at a moment like this?

Johnny began shaking and his left hand slowly made its way up his body until his fingers brushed Roy’s.  “Roy…”  All of the pain, fear and uncertainty he was experiencing was wrapped up in that one word.

Roy gripped Johnny’s hand firmly in his own.  “It’s gonna be all right…”  Somehow…somehow we’ll figure out how to make this all right.  Roy’s eyes met Brackett’s and he tried hard to swallow the dread which was lodged in his throat.  His gaze followed the doctor’s hands as he readied the large syringe.  At least Johnny would get to sleep through this.  As soon as that thought entered Roy’s head, he shook off a new fear that crept in uninvited…the fear that his best friend would never wake up again.

Johnny tried to hone in on the sensation of Roy’s hand grasping his, he tried to keep Hannah’s face in the forefront of his mind, but with his eyes closed, he could only picture his life as an invalid, his left leg reduced to a useless stump, the career he loved and all his dreams and plans snatched away in one random moment.  He could feel tears sliding down his cheeks, but he was helpless to stop it, as the images continued to assault him.  Finally he opened his eyes and noticed his captain staring down at him commiseratively through the fragmented glass of the windshield.  When Cap’s hazel eyes met Johnny’s, his expression turned to one of encouragement, and Johnny held onto his gaze, a lifeline of silent support.  He never heard Brackett telling him he was about to inject the sedative.

Just then, a shout from the far side of the Rover caused Roy’s breath to lock up in his chest and Cap to break his eye contact with Johnny.

Chet had been watching what was going on inside the car when he steeled himself and dug in hard with his chisel in one mighty heave.  He almost lost his balance when suddenly a large section of the wall gave way.  He blinked at the sight in front of him, then looked up at the others to see if they saw it too.  They didn’t.  “Guys?  Cap?”  Chet could barely contain his anxious relief.  “Look!”  He pointed down to the large hole he had just created, and there was the pole, bent and jagged, and buried in the rocks.  All eyes followed it until it disappeared into what was left of the Rover door.

Cap called out to Brackett, Roy, and anyone else within earshot.  “Wait! We found it!  Two minutes!  Two minutes and we’ll have him out of there!”

Brackett looked up through the shattered windshield, still holding the full syringe, his heart racing in relief.  “Make it thirty seconds!”

zzz

Roy thought his heart would burst apart at the news.  He gripped Johnny’s hand a little tighter and leaned over his shoulder.  “Johnny?  Did you hear that?  You’re not going to lose your leg!  Do you hear me?  You’re not going to lose your leg!”

Johnny’s eyes drifted open to half mast.  “Not…”

“That’s right, partner.”  God, it felt good to say that.  Now there was hope that in a few months, he and Johnny would indeed be partners again.  He ran around the side and practically pulled Brackett from the car, taking his place in the front seat before turning to the somewhat blustered doctor who was now kneeling just outside the truck.  He kept his voice a whisper as he noticed Cap and Mike getting into position to cut Johnny free.  It would be a delicate job, and Roy figured Cap had decided his engineer would do the honors while he supervised.  “Doc, it’s probably going to be a little rough getting him out of here.  Can you be ready with the litter?”

Brackett nodded and took a step back.  He was awed by the orchestrated efforts of these men.  Once the announcement had been made, they jumped to action like a well oiled machine, each man seeming to instinctively know his role without being told.  Marco Lopez carried over the backboard and sandbags and laid them in place behind the vehicle.  Then he hopped into the back while Chet Kelly handed him some sort of tool and stood at the ready.  Mike Stoker was lying on his stomach on the roof of the car, holding onto what appeared to be a small, circular saw while Hank Stanley knelt on the crumpled hood.  The doctor was reminded again of the almost poetic process these men carried out in order to bring him the neatly packaged patients he received in the ER.

Inside the car, Roy draped a blanket over his friend and himself.  “Johnny?  Mike’s getting ready to cut through that pole, and Marco’s going to cut the seat out.  Then, we’ll be getting you out of here and on your way to Rampart.  Now, it’s gonna hurt, but I promise we’ll go as quick and easy as we can, okay?”

Johnny didn’t want to think about how much moving was going to hurt.  He was in enough pain just sitting here.  He pictured Hannah’s face in his mind, focused on her smile…and he tried to imagine how beautiful that smile would look on their son or daughter.  “’Kay…”

Roy pushed aside the blanket momentarily and looked over his shoulder at his captain, giving him the nod that they were ready.  Then he made eye contact with Billy, and they did their best to keep Johnny’s body as still as possible.  Roy could feel the muscles in Johnny’s thigh erratically twitching under his grasp.  The next thing he heard was the sound of the saw firing up then the horrible pain filled screams of his friend.

To say that this would hurt was a gross understatement.  Johnny had never felt pain like this.  The simultaneous vibrations from the saw and the chisel Marco was using caused searing agony in his leg and hip that tore through his abdomen and groin before wrapping its tendrils around his back, refusing to let go until finally, only seconds later, there was silence, and he became aware of his own screaming.  Relief lasted only a nanosecond before he felt himself being lifted and pulled backwards onto a backboard.  Then, the screaming started again, before finally…mercifully…he passed out.

“A little more…watch his leg, watch his leg…careful of his chest…easy does it…” 

Brackett stood anxiously alongside the litter, listening to the interaction between the firemen as they carefully and methodically lifted their brother out of the wreckage.  As soon as Johnny was set down on the cot, Billy went to work securing his head with sandbags and more tape, while Brackett pulled out his penlight and checked his pupils.  “When did he lose consciousness, Roy?”

“Getting him out just now.  It was pretty rough on him…” Roy was busy using pillows to stabilize Johnny’s leg as well as the still impaled pole and piece of the Rover door that would be accompanying it to Rampart. 

Yeah, I heard.  Brackett stuffed his light back into his pocket and gave Johnny’s chest a quick listen.  His patient seemed to be struggling somewhat.  “He seems to be having more trouble breathing now that he’s lying flat.”

Roy carefully finished securing his friend to the litter. 

“And I’m definitely hearing an arrhythmia.  Let’s get him to the ambulance.”  Brackett began characteristically barking orders to Roy and Billy as the litter rolled along the ground.  “Get him on O2, 15 liters, and set up an EKG.  Billy, get me a fresh set of vitals.”

Johnny was loaded quickly into the back of the ambulance and Cap closed the doors, giving them the customary two taps.  Feeling somewhat dazed as adrenaline threatened to give way to emotion, he made his way back over to the wreckage.  Kneeling down, he began gathering up the unused ingredients of the amputation kit that wound up scattered all over the front seat of the Rover and the ground.  Bracing his hands on his knees, he stood up, ignoring the ache in his bones.  A familiar voice came from behind him.

“Need any help, Cap?”

Cap handed the wooden box to his engineer.  “Yeah, Mike.  Find a place to put this.”  He walked away, mumbling under his breath.  “In the garbage would be good…”

zzz

Inside the ambulance, Billy moved to the CPR seat and Roy sat in the captain’s chair, allowing Brackett as much room as possible.  Everyone knew that Johnny would be going straight to the OR when they got to Rampart, so essentially, this was where they would have to stabilize him.  Having a doctor on board transformed the small space into a mobile emergency room.

Roy slipped the oxygen mask over Johnny’s mouth and nose and adjusted the flow.  He then pulled out the EKG leads and began attaching them to his chest.  He was surprised to see Johnny’s eyes open slightly, although they were glassy and unfocused.  A faint moan told Roy that his friend was aware enough to be feeling the pain from his numerous injuries.  “Hey, welcome back.  Just getting you patched in here…”

Johnny’s left hand came up and pulled at the mask.  “Leg…”

Roy replaced the mask, leaving his hand over it momentarily as if to let Johnny know it needed to stay there.  “You’re gonna be okay.  We’ll be at Rampart in a few minutes.”

Johnny’s heart began to race faster and his breathing quickened.  It was over.  His leg was gone, and he was no longer a paramedic, no longer a complete person.  Denial gave way to reality in one agonizing moment.  “Oh…God…”

Brackett looked up from his brief head to toe examination.  “Get him calmed down!”

Roy rested a hand on Johnny’s shoulder.  “Johnny, what’s wrong?”

“My…leg, Roy…my…”  Johnny’s eyes blinked open and he stared up at the face of his friend with an expression so despairing, Roy instantly knew what the problem was.

Quickly reaching for Johnny’s hand and holding tight, Roy wanted to make sure his friend heard and understood him.  “Johnny, listen to me.  Your leg is gonna be okay.  It’s still there…”  He paused while Johnny’s eyes seemed to lose focus and drift away from his, so he increased his grasp and spoke louder.  “Do you hear me?”  He waited until glassy brown eyes again rose to meet his own.  “It’s still there.”  His reassuring smile conveyed the truth better than words and he gave the hand one final squeeze when Johnny’s eyes drifted closed in an expression of relief.

Brackett rested the back of his hand against Johnny’s skin.  “Why is he so warm?  Has he been sick, Roy?”

Roy attached the leads to the cardiac monitor and switched it on.  “He’s had a low grade fever for a few days.  There was something going around the reservation…”  Roy shook off thoughts about Tag’s mother.

“Do you know what?”

“No.”

Brackett sighed.  “Was there a doctor there who might know?”

“Yeah…I can get you the number later.”

Brackett’s hands moved to Johnny’s waist and he made quick work of his belt buckle.  Johnny’s eyes opened abruptly and he groaned harshly when the doctor’s hands pressed into his lower abdomen.  Brackett shook his head.  “Distended and rigid.  Probably a ruptured bladder.”

Billy was ready with the vitals.  “BP is 86 over 54.  Pulse is up to 140, irregular.  Respirations are 30 and labored.”

The corner of Brackett’s mouth twitched at this information.  Johnny was far too unstable for surgery.  He glanced at the cardiac monitor.  “Damn it.  Sinus tach with multiple PVC’s.  With that hit he took against the steering wheel, he’s probably dealing with a myocardial contusion or pericardial tamponade.  Maybe both.  Billy, start a metaraminol drip.  We have to get his BP up.  Let’s see if that helps stabilize his cardiac function.”  Brackett turned his attention to Roy.  “Go ahead and get an axillary temp.”

Roy pulled a thermometer out of the drug box and held it in place under Johnny’s left arm, causing him to moan weakly from the pressure against his injured ribs.

Johnny felt as if his heart would pound out of his chest.  And with every erratic beat, he felt his entire body throbbing.  He was lightheaded and nauseous…and scared.  He wanted to tell Roy all these things, but he could only manage one breathy word.  “Hurz…”

“I know, pal.  Hang in there.”  Roy looked over at Brackett.  The doctor was busy listening to Johnny’s chest again.  Roy waited until he was finished before speaking.  “He’s in a lot of pain, Doc.”

Brackett sighed.  “Well, I didn’t hear a friction rub.  Heart sounds aren’t muffled.  But those PVCs aren’t decreasing.  Billy, what’s his BP?”

“90 over 60.”

Brackett’s brows knitted as he considered the best plan of action.  They needed to get Johnny stabilized quickly, or he would never survive surgery.  “Billy, stay on his BP.  I want updates every few minutes.  Roy, go ahead with the bolus of lidocaine, then start a lidocaine drip.”  He paused for a moment as if unsure about his next thought.  “The level of pain he’s experiencing isn’t helping the strain on his heart.  Go ahead and draw up five milligrams MS, slow IV push, one milligram at a time over five minutes.  We’ll give him enough to take the edge off.”  He slid the thermometer out from under Johnny’s arm.  “103. Damn it.  Whatever infection he’s fighting isn’t helping either.”  Brackett’s hands moved to his patient’s left wrist.  He removed Johnny’s watch and laid it on the seat beside him, then slid down in order to give Roy room to start the IV.

Once the IV was established, Brackett kept his eyes trained to the monitor for a few moments, and was relieved to see that although Johnny’s heart rate wasn’t slowing down much, the rhythm seemed to be stabilizing.  “There we go…atta boy…”  He whispered under his breath.  He watched as Roy drew up the syringe of morphine and asked Billy for a new BP.

“Holding steady at 100 over 60.”

“Good…He’s stabilizing.  Finally.”

Now more aware due to the supportive medications, Johnny felt as though continuous waves of pain were crashing over him, stealing his air, battering him unmercifully. No sooner had one taken him under, another was forming in its wake, a constant raging tide.  His arms began to flail weakly as he tried to swim out of what seemed to be an endless sea.  His respirations and heart rate rose dramatically and he started moaning continuously.  “Unnnh…hurts…”

Brackett intercepted Johnny’s left hand and held on.  “Easy, Johnny.”  Looking up at Roy, he ordered, “Get that MS started!  I’m gonna call in.”  He exchanged his hand for Roy’s and picked up the biophone receiver.  “Mike, it’s Kel.  Do you read me?”

“Loud and clear.”

“Our ETA is about six minutes.  Make sure radiology is waiting for us.  We’re going to have to draw quick labs and get the films then get right upstairs.  Are Todd and Bill ready?”

“Ready and waiting in OR 3.  Dixie has room six all set up.  I’ll make sure the portable’s ready to go.”  Mike broke the connection, then put in a call to radiology.

Roy maneuvered the syringe into the open port on Johnny’s IV, not an easy task due to his patient’s unpredictable movements and his own shaking hands.  Once he was in, it was all Roy could do not to inject the entire contents of the syringe.  It never got any easier to see or hear his friend in this much pain.  Roaming brown eyes settled on his.  “Here comes some MS, Johnny.  You’ll be feeling better soon…”

It took over five minutes and as many milligrams of morphine before Johnny’s expletive seasoned moans transformed into relieved sighs.  Although the pain was no longer as intense, Johnny felt weak and nauseous.  His heart still felt like it was galloping through his aching breastbone, and now that the sedating effects of the narcotic were taking hold, he knew he wouldn’t be conscious much longer.  It was an odd feeling…knowing that he was about to fall asleep, unsure whether he would wake up.  His mind was on Hannah, and overriding all thought was an overwhelming sense of guilt over what she would have to deal with…losing him, all plans of a romantic wedding halted…having to deal with the horses and the ranch.  Would she sell or try to keep it going herself?  And then there was the baby…the baby who would grow up never knowing his father…much like he did.  Suddenly the thought of never seeing Hannah again, or the baby she was carrying, was too much for Johnny to handle.  Tears slid down his cheeks and his voice shook as he tried to get his friend’s attention.  “Rrroy?”

Roy held tight to Johnny’s hand as the ambulance made the turn into Rampart’s emergency entrance.  “Right here, Johnny.  We’re at Rampart now.”

“Roy…t-tell…Hannah…”  Johnny barely had strength left to speak, but he needed Roy to hear him.

Roy placed his other hand on Johnny’s forehead.  “Shhh…you’ll see Hannah soon enough.”

Johnny’s eyes flooded with urgency.  “P-promise…me…”

“Johnny…”

“Promise…”

Roy did not want to make this promise.  He viewed it in some way as giving Johnny permission to give up.  But, ultimately he knew how important this was to him, so reluctantly, he gave in.  “Ok, Johnny.  I promise.” 

Roy watched as Johnny’s eyes closed.  For a moment his heart jumped to his throat, thinking that his best friend was gone.  But a quick glance at the monitor reassured him that he had only succumbed to the trauma and narcotics.  Roy sat back in the seat, watching as the back doors opened, and Johnny was unloaded.  He saw the ER doors open and Brackett following the rapidly moving litter until it was out of sight.  He watched all of this as if it were some surreal dream…in which he was a spectator instead of a participant.  Billy’s voice brought him back to awareness.

Hey, you coming?”

Roy nodded.  “Yeah…yeah…in a minute.”  He thought about the events of the past few years.  It was so unfair.  Johnny had been through so much.  But just recently, he had found a sister he never knew he had, he had made peace with his past, and was looking forward to marrying Hannah.  And now she was pregnant.  Roy reflected on Johnny’s natural gifts with children, how he had always known his friend would make a good father.  And now…he might not ever get that chance.  Roy picked up Johnny’s watch, with had been left behind on the bench seat, and turned it over in his hands.  And there in the relative privacy of the ambulance…he cried.

zzz

Hannah hurried into the emergency room, in search of her brother.  She saw Dixie standing at the desk beside the base station booth.  “Dixie?  What’s going on?  Have they brought John in yet?”

Dixie was surprised that Hannah was alone.  She had been expecting someone else.  “No…not yet.  Where’s Joanne?”

“Trying to find a parking space.  What’s happening?  Where’s Justin?”

Morton looked up from his position at the radio at the sound of Hannah’s voice.  He made eye contact with Dixie that clearly meant “get her out of here.”

Dixie came out from behind the desk and took Hannah’s arm, leading her down the hall.  “Justin’s in the lounge waiting for you.  Johnny isn’t here yet.”

“Well what’s going on, Dixie?  Justin didn’t know much when he called.  You must know something by now…”

Dixie stopped and turned to face Hannah.  She had learned in her years as a nurse, that bad news was best served straight up, but she didn’t know if this news would be better coming from her or from Justin.  “Hannah…the accident was pretty bad.  They had some…trouble…getting Johnny out of the car.  That’s why they’re not here yet.”

“Trouble?”  Hannah knew that extrication after a motor vehicle accident often took a while.  There was something Dixie wasn’t telling her.  “Well, how is he?  Is he…”

 

Dixie took Hannah’s arm again and led her into the lounge, where Justin was waiting.  One look at his slightly red eyes was all it took for Hannah to know something was seriously wrong.

“Justin?  Oh my God…he’s…he’s gone, isn’t he?”

Justin moved quickly over to Hannah and wrapped his arms around her protectively.  “No…no, Hannah.  He’s alive…”

Hannah pulled herself away and stood back, staring into the solemn faces of her brother and her friend.  “Well, what then?  There’s something you’re not telling me.”

Dixie locked eyes with Justin, letting him know this was his news to share.  Her voice took on the somewhat dejected tone it often did when she was trying to remain professional despite having a personal connection to the patient.  “Justin, Kel just called in.  They’ll be here in a few minutes.  I have to be ready for them.”

Justin closed his eyes and nearly choked on the lump in his throat.  If they were on their way, then that meant…

Hannah could not remember ever seeing her brother this upset.  Usually he was every bit the big brother, putting up the good front, in order to put her mind at ease.  But, not this time.  This time, he looked as if he had been wading through hell.  “Justin?”

Justin took his sister’s hand and led her to the couch.  He sat down beside her and took her hands in his own.  “Hannah…somehow…in the accident…some kind of a metal pole came through John’s door.  It…it went through his leg.  Hank and the guys…they tried, but…they couldn’t get to the pole to cut John free.  And, he was bleeding…in shock.  If they waited any longer…well, the only way they could get him out was to…to…”

Hannah’s face went white.  Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t seen Kelly Brackett anywhere near the base station.  Was that where he was?  At the scene?  She felt sick.  “Oh my God.  No…”

Justin’s eyes began tearing up again out of anger and frustration.  “I’m sorry, Han.  Kel had to go out there.  If they’re on the way, then that means John’s still alive, but…”

Hannah raised a hand to her eyes. “My God they took his leg…” 

“To save his life, Hannah.”

Hannah thought about how hard this must have been for Johnny and prayed that he was unconscious long before the decision had been made.  She couldn’t imagine what he would have gone through if he knew what was happening…God, and what his friends had gone through.  She leaned into the comforting arms of her brother.  “This will kill him, Justin…his career…all the things he loves to do…it’ll kill him…”

Justin never ceased to be amazed by his sister.  Here she was, crying about all the ways this would effect John, making not one mention of the ways it would effect her.  He felt new tears forming, brought forth by the power of her unconditional love for her fiancé…his best friend.  “It’ll be hard, yes.  But he’ll deal with it…We’ll all deal with it.”

Hannah held on for a few more moments, and then sat back, her hand moving absentmindedly to her stomach.  She thought of the baby growing there, and allowed that small miracle to put things into perspective.  While what had happened sickened her and she had no inkling how she would help Johnny deal with the loss of his leg, he was still alive.  They would still be married, and their baby would still have a father.  They would be together, and that was the most important thing.  She focused on that.

“Are you okay?”

Hannah’s eyes opened at the sound of her brother’s concerned voice.  “Yeah…just…thinking.”

Justin stood up and stretched his back.  “I’m going to go see if I can find anything else out.  They might be here by now.”

Hannah stood too.  “I’m going with you.”

“Hannah…”  Justin understood her need to see Johnny, but he wasn’t sure that was a good idea.  He wasn’t even sure he was prepared for what he would see.

“I want to see him, Justin.  Besides, if he’s awake…”

Justin understood.  It Johnny was awake, he would certainly benefit from seeing Hannah, from hearing her reassurances that this would not change anything between them.  Although, somehow Justin figured he already knew that.  And he knew his sister.  He knew she would hold it together for John’s sake, and give him the strength he would need to get through the surgery he was facing.  “Okay, let’s go.”

Their timing could not have been more perfect…or less perfect, depending on the perspective.  No sooner had Justin and Hannah stepped into the hall, Johnny’s gurney rushed toward them on its way to the treatment room.  As the litter drew closer, they saw Johnny’s leg, swollen and discolored and surrounded by several blood stained pillows.  Hannah’s eyes couldn’t help but be drawn to the approximately three foot length of pole, surrounded on one end by ragged white metal that used to be part of the door to John’s Rover.  The pole had passed completely through his thigh.  For a moment, Hannah thought Brackett had brought the leg with them, and that they would attempt to reattach it.  But, no…a glimmer of hope came with the realization that Johnny had not lost his leg after all…at least not yet.  But, relief was quickly pushed down by the horror of the grisly image, and Hannah started to follow, her hand lightly brushing Johnny’s arm as he passed by.  “John?”

Justin made eye contact with Brackett and knew without being told that Hannah would not be allowed into the treatment room.  Under the circumstances, he had to agree.  He wrapped his arms around her, holding her back.

“John?  John!”  There was a desperation in Hannah’s voice as she called after him that Justin had never heard before.  He held her tightly, doing his best to calm her down.

“It’s okay…he’s in good hands…let him go…”

Hannah turned, her face distorted by pain and longing.  She looked past her brother at the figure standing right behind him.  Joanne.  Her expression of strength and resolve reminded Hannah of the talks they had had about the price that came along with being a fireman’s wife.  Well, this didn’t happen at a fire damn it!

Joanne moved to her friend’s side, and drew her into a tearful embrace.  Then, she kept one arm draped around Hannah’s shoulders and led her back into the lounge.  “Come on, let’s get something to drink.  Roy will be in soon to let us know what’s going on.”

Justin offered Joanne a grateful nod and breathed a sigh of relief.  If anyone could help Hannah at a time like this, it was Jo.  He took a deep breath and headed down the hall to the room where Johnny’s gurney had just disappeared.

Justin pushed open the door to the treatment room and sidled his way inside.  He was just in time to hear Brackett barking out his orders for various labs and Xrays.  Billy Hanks was busy hanging several IV bags while Dixie was expertly cutting off what was left of Johnny’s clothes.  Justin looked around the room and wondered where Roy was.

Brackett placed his fingers over the “X” Roy had marked earlier on Johnny’s left foot.  He frowned at the now undetectable pulse.  He squeezed Johnny’s toes, one by one, checking for capillary refill as he issued another order.  “Dix, be careful with that right foot.  It’s probably broken.  You’ll need to cut the boot off.  As soon as you’re done there, anchor a foley and get a UA.”  His hands traveled upward to Johnny’s thigh.  He was careful not to disturb the wounds the pole left behind, but his face twitched at the large area of discoloration.  “He’s losing a lot of blood here.  We need to get moving.  Billy, get some blood transfusing.”  He jerked his head toward the small refrigerator.

Morton was performing his own exam.  “Belly’s distended and rigid.  You going to order a cystogram?”

Brackett shook his head.  “Not enough time.  We’ll have to do an exploratory.”

“Kel…”  Dixie had finished with the foley and indicated the bright red contents of the collection bag.

Morton followed Kel’s eyes.  “Gross hematuria.  Definitely a ruptured bladder, and God knows what else.”

Dixie covered Johnny with a sheet and put on a protective apron.  It had been decided that she and the doctors would help position Johnny for the Xrays.  It was then that she noticed Justin standing near the door, seemingly frozen in place.  “Justin…”

Brackett’s eyes moved toward the door.  “Justin, you shouldn’t be in here.”

Justin glared at the doctor and said nothing.

Brackett sighed angrily.  He did not have time to argue, and Justin knew it.  “Well, if you’re going to stay, you may as well help.  Put an apron on!”

Justin moved to grab an apron, passing Billy on his way out.  “Where’s Roy?”

“He was still in the ambulance last time I saw him.  He said he was coming.  I thought he’d be here by now.”  Billy shrugged and took one last look at Johnny before he left in search of his temporary partner.  He wondered if Cap had stood down the squad, or at least had requested a replacement for Roy.

Brackett spoke to the technicians as he helped position Johnny for the first of the X-rays.  “Put a rush on these films.  I need them sent to the OR stat.”

Justin tried to keep from staring at the unbelievable intrusion through Johnny’s leg, but his eyes kept drifting there uninvited.  In his twenty plus years as a physical therapist, he had never seen anything like it.  He mentally reviewed his anatomy and pictured the damage the pole could have done.  His mind screamed with a thousand questions, but the tense, urgent atmosphere prevented him from asking.  Dixie must have sensed his hesitation, because she laid a hand on his arm, and looked at him, her eyes reflecting her compassion.

“As soon as we finish up here, we’ll be getting him prepped for surgery.  Todd’s already there waiting.  Why don’t you go find Roy and Hannah and head on upstairs to the waiting room?  I’ll let you know when there’s any news.”

Justin found it hard to tear his eyes away from his friend.  He couldn’t shake the awful feeling that he would not survive this surgery.  He tried to be relieved that Johnny hadn’t lost his leg as they had originally thought, but seeing the condition it was in made it difficult to hold onto hope.  Finally resigning to the fact that there was nothing more he could do but wait, he took a step back and removed his apron, throwing it down in frustration.  He stood at the door for a moment and spoke softly.  “See you later, John.”

zzz

Roy had just received word from Cap that he was being taken off duty.  He stared into the mirror in the ER men’s room, and scrubbed his hands over his face.  Normally, on those few and far between occasions when the mundane rescues they were accustomed to gave way for a really bad one, he had Johnny to talk to about it later.  But right now, even though Roy knew Joanne would be here somewhere waiting for him, he couldn’t have felt more alone.  He turned on the faucet and felt the distinctive tickle of nausea at the back of his throat as he watched the blood on his hands intermingle with the water and swirl down the drain.  Johnny’s blood.  He had never been squeamish, but for some reason when it belonged to someone you knew, the properties changed.  He washed his face next, and completed a visual once over.  He was a mess.  He would need to use the shower and ask for a pair of scrubs before he could let Hannah see him.  That is, unless Joanne thought to bring him some clothes.  With a deep sigh, he decided to go try to see Johnny before they took him up to surgery.  He looked at his watch, hoping he wasn’t too late.

Roy stepped out and saw Justin walking down the hall.  “Justin!”

Justin crossed over and tried not to look at Roy’s bloodshot eyes or the dark stains on his uniform.  “Hey, Roy.  I’ve been looking all over the place for you.”

Roy tilted his head toward the men’s room.  “Thought I’d freshen up a bit.  Got a pair of scrubs I can borrow?”

“Sure, in my office.  But Joanne brought you some stuff.”

Roy looked around the crowded hallway.  “I thought I’d go see if I can see Johnny before they take him up.  Where’s everyone else?”

“I just left Joanne and Hannah upstairs in the OR lounge.  I told them I was going to go look for you.  No one knows much, Roy.  Hannah needs some information.”

Roy noticed Justin’s eyes were a little red too.  Looks like you could use some filling in yourself.  “Okay.  Have you seen Johnny?  Is he still in six?”

“He was, but they were busy getting films when I left and then they were going to get him prepped for surgery.  They may have taken him up by now.”

Roy uttered a “thanks” as he took off down the hall.  He stopped when he saw Johnny’s gurney being wheeled toward him.  When it approached, Brackett motioned for them to stop.

“Just for a second, Roy.  We need to get him upstairs.”

Roy approached the gurney, noting that his friend had not been released yet from the board and collar, and had not been intubated.  Apparently they had not yet cleared his C-spine.  He picked up his unconscious friend’s hand, and leaned in close to his ear.  “Johnny, can you hear me?  Hannah’s here waiting for you.  You behave yourself during surgery, because she can’t wait to talk to you.  Cap sprung me for the rest of the night, so I’ll see you later too.”

“Let’s go.”  Morton spurred on the orderlies, leaving Roy standing in the middle of the hallway, watching the procession until it disappeared into the elevator.

zzz

Roy entered the lounge and deposited his paper bag full of soiled clothing behind a chair.  Hannah’s eyes travelled to the brown sack and then back to Roy who was now dressed in a pair of jeans and an LA County Fire Department sweatshirt.  Tension and worry hung thickly in the spacious room as scattered clusters of friends and family members awaited news on their loved ones.  Justin was leaning forward in his chair, his elbows on his knees, as he stared at the pattern on the carpet, following the lines as they intertwined on their way to the door.  Joanne rose from her spot on the couch beside Hannah upon her husband’s entrance.  She moved close to him, her back toward the others, and silently communicated her understanding through compassionate eyes.  She knew the past hour had been rough on him, in ways the others couldn’t begin to imagine.  Finally she wrapped her arms around him and held on tight.

Roy wanted to fold into the supportive embrace of his wife, wanted to unleash all of his frustration and worry, wanted to cry out to her how useless and lost he had felt as he watched his best friend dying right in front of him.  But he knew it would have to wait.  Falling apart in front of Hannah would not do.  He could tell she was trying hard to hold onto a wisp of optimism, no matter how tiny it might be.  With a deep breath, he put on his most confident visage and took a seat on the couch next to Johnny’s fiancée.  “They…uh…they just took him in.”  When Hannah looked away, trying to hide the tears that seemed to have been brought forward by the mere sound of Roy’s voice, he added, “Hey…he’s gonna be all right.”

Hannah spoke without facing anyone.  “Is he really, Roy?  Because it sure didn’t look like it to me.”

Roy was not aware that Hannah had seen Johnny, and he briefly exchanged a cautious glance with Justin, who almost seemed locked in a world of his own.  “He’s got the best surgeons taking care of things, Hannah…”

“Don’t!  Just…don’t, Roy.  I don’t want to hear about…how he has the best surgeons, or how good the hospital is, or that he’s young and healthy…I just…”  Hannah turned and looked into Roy’s eyes and found nothing but understanding there.  “I’m sorry.”

Roy forced a smile.  “Don’t be.  I remember a time when I was sitting, waiting just like this, and I told Dixie the very same thing.”

Hannah dried her eyes with the well worn tissue she had been nervously tearing to shreds.  “Really?”

“Yep.”  Roy assured with a gentle wink.  “And that was after I threw my coffee cup against the wall and smashed it to pieces.”

Roy’s words brought just the hint of a smile to Hannah’s lips.

Justin chose this moment to look up.  “Roy, what the hell happened?”

Roy cringed at the anger in Justin’s voice, even though he knew it wasn’t directed at him.  And he couldn’t blame him for it.  It was the same anger he was trying to hide.  “I don’t know.  Johnny said he lost his brakes, which makes sense according to the driver of the…the other driver.  But, I can’t imagine how.  Johnny babied that Rover.  He always kept up on the maintenance.”

Justin picked up on the change of tense.  “Babied?”

“Yeah.  The Rover’s…totaled.”  Silence returned as all pondered this fact.  It seemed so trivial under the circumstances, but everyone knew how much Johnny loved that truck.

Hannah accepted another tissue from Joanne and blew her nose before asking Roy the question that was on everyone’s mind.  “Roy…I saw…I saw John’s leg.  And he was unconscious.  Exactly how bad is he?  No one has told us anything.”

Roy instantly felt a tinge of guilt.  Of course!  Johnny had been rushed off to surgery so quickly, there had not been time for Brackett to speak to anyone about Johnny’s condition.  He should have filled them in right away.  “I’m sorry.  I should have thought…”

Joanne jumped to her husband’s defense with a touch on the arm.  “It’s okay, honey.  You were busy, and you had a lot on your mind.”

Roy rubbed his eyes.  He felt exhausted already and they were in for a long night.  “He was conscious right up until we got him out of the car.  He talked to me the whole time.  He woke up for a bit in the ambulance too…”  Roy tried to focus on the positive, but the blank expressions on the others’ faces told him they knew the bad news outweighed the good.  “He uh…he hit the steering wheel pretty hard.  He probably fractured his sternum.  He has some other fractures too…ribs, right knee and foot, probably a few fingers.  Brackett thinks he may have a ruptured bladder.  He’s also running a high fever and we’re not sure why…”

“Well, that wouldn’t be from the accident.”  Joanne stated what everyone already knew.

“No, not from the accident.  I think he picked up something on the reservation…”

“What?”  Hannah cut Roy off.  “On the reservation…well what is it?  What did he pick up?”

Roy sighed.  He wished he had the answer to that one himself.  “I don’t know.  There were some people there who were sick…high fevers…probably just the flu.”  He had a feeling it was more than that, but didn’t want to alarm anyone just yet.

“I see…”  Hannah’s voice trailed off as if trying to gather back the strength it needed to pose her next question.  “Roy…what about his leg?  I mean…they told us that Kel had to…that he…”

Roy smiled in spite of the awful churning in the pit of his stomach.  He didn’t want to imagine how terrible those moments were when Justin and Hannah sat here thinking Johnny’s leg had been amputated.  It had been bad enough knowing it was going to happen.  “Well, you can thank Chet Kelly for that one.  He carved out a chunk of that rock wall and found the other end of that pole right at the eleventh hour.”

Justin’s mind flashed back to the horrible image he saw in the ER, an image he figured would now be permanently etched in his mind.  “How bad is his leg, Roy?”

Roy hoped his voice sounded more confident than he felt as he carefully dodged the question.  “Todd is with him, and Bill Johnson, the vascular surgeon, is supposedly one of the best in the state.  Brackett told me he was the one who operated on his father last year.”  Roy waited a few minutes to see if any more questions were forthcoming.  Finally, he stood.  “Well, I better go pick up Camarin.  I know she would want to be here…”

Justin stood stiffly, thinking to himself that he was getting too old to sit around for hours on uncomfortable waiting room furniture.  Besides he needed to be doing something.  “Why don’t you let me go get her?”

“Justin, I can’t ask you to do that.”

Hannah knew her brother.  She knew how much it was frustrating him to sit around unable to do anything to fix John, to fix her, to fix this whole awful night.  She supposed he was volunteering as much for his own sake as for Roy’s.  “Let him go, Roy.  You’ve had a long night already.  You should stay here.”

Roy met Justin’s eyes and he offered a quick nod of agreement.  He waited until Justin was gone, then rested a hand on Hannah’s shoulder and leaned his head forward to make eye contact.  “You okay?”  He knew she wasn’t, but hoped that she would understand his meaning.

Hannah knew that Roy was inquiring about her physical well being as well as that of the baby.  She also figured he was asking if she needed anything.  “Yeah…I’m okay.”

“I’m going to go call the station, let them know Johnny’s in surgery.  I’ll be back.” 

As soon as Roy vacated his seat, Joanne was back.  Hannah looked at her knowing expression and allowed her tears to fall.  “I’m really not…okay…you know?  What if…”

Joanne pulled her friend in close, refusing to acknowledge the ‘what if’ and allowing her to bury her face in her shoulder as she let go.  “I know…I know…”

zzz

“How are we doing?”  Brackett quickly glanced over at the anesthesiologist. 

“His pressure keeps dropping, and his heart’s getting really irritable.”  The doctor eyed the bank of monitors.

 

Brackett shook his head solicitously.  “Damn it.  Come on, Johnny.  Hang on…”

Morton finished suctioning and reported, “Look…there.”

“Looks like an intraperitoneal bladder rupture.  We’ll need to debride the non-viable tissue, before we close it up.”  Brackett inquired on the other surgeons’ progress without looking up from his work.  “How’s it looking over there?”

“Not too bad all things considered.  I think there’s a good chance we can save it.  That pole could have caused a lot more damage than it did…”  Bill Johnson was interrupted by Todd Andrews, who was busy near Johnny’s hip.

“Well, I’ll be damned…”

zzz

Justin parked his car in the spot usually occupied by Johnny’s Rover.  He sat for a few minutes without getting out and tried to collect himself.  Just last night they had been surprised and elated to learn of Hannah’s pregnancy.  They had all looked forward to Johnny’s return tonight, and Hannah had already decided on just the right way to break the news.  Justin got a funny feeling in his stomach.  It was amazing how quickly things could change.  Finally he opened the door and got out, not bothering to lock up.  He quickly ascended the short flight of steps onto the deck off the kitchen of the modest ranch house and knocked on the door.

Camarin grabbed her sweater and headed for the door.  Roy had already called her, letting her know Justin would be over to pick her up.  Tag had agreed to stay at the house with the girls, who were already in bed, having exhausted themselves from their exploration of the property.

The door opened and Justin looked into a pair of large mahogany eyes.  He couldn’t help but be attracted to the tall, dark-skinned woman with thick, black hair that hung just below her waist.  He briefly wondered how Hannah would react when she met this mysterious woman from John’s past, a woman who apparently would be staying here for a while.  He offered his hand.  “You must be Camarin.  I’m Justin.”

Camarin returned the handshake.  “Hi, Justin.  John’s told me a lot about you.  It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Well I’m sorry to say he hasn’t told me much about you.”  Justin stepped out of the way, allowing Camarin to descend the steps in front of him.

“There’s not much to tell, really.  And what little there is, I think John would like to tell you.”  Camarin noted the downcast look on Justin’s face.  “How is he?”

Justin held the car door open.  “I’m afraid he’s not good.  I’ll tell you what I know on the way to the hospital.”

Camarin slid into Justin’s Mercedes and couldn’t help but be impressed.  She had never seen a car like this, so fancy and new.  She ran her hand over the leather seat, savoring its smoothness.  Justin noticed this, and felt slightly awkward.  He really had never considered his car a status symbol, he merely bought it because it was a well-built, safe vehicle…and he could afford it.  But now, he inexplicably felt like he was showing off.  He turned the key in the ignition, unsure of what to say.

The car traveled all the way down the gravel road leading away from the ranch before Camarin spoke.  “So, John told me you work at the hospital.”

Justin was grateful for an easy question.  “Yes.  I’ve been a physical therapist there for over twenty years.”

“You must love what you do.”

Justin nodded, keeping his eyes focused on the road.  A light rain had begun to fall.  “Yes I do… most of the time.” 

The pair drove on in silence for several miles, the only sound the constant thrumming of the windshield wipers.  Camarin looked over at Justin, studying his face.  John had not told her how handsome his friend was.  “You care a lot about John, don’t you?”

“Huh?”

“I can see it in your eyes.  I have a feeling you are normally more talkative than this.  You’re worried about him.  So…I should be worried too.”

Justin hesitated.  He wasn’t sure how much information he should supply.  “It was a bad accident.  John nearly died…he still could.”

Camarin had to resist the urge to reach out to this man.  She wanted to place a hand on his arm, offer him some gesture of support, but she held back.  “I don’t believe we need to concern ourselves with that.  John still has things to accomplish.”

Justin wished he could be as confident.  “I hope you’re right.”

Camarin turned her head and faced forward, staring at the rivulets of water running off the windshield.  “I know I am.”

zzz

It was almost three a.m. when two weary, scrub-clad doctors entered the OR waiting lounge.  They were greeted by five sets of equally weary eyes.  Justin was on his feet at the sight of his boss and friend.  “Todd?”

“Have a seat, Justin.”  Andrews smiled slightly.

Brackett addressed the other questioning faces.  “Yes, let’s all have a seat for a minute.”  He accepted a cup of coffee from Joanne and glanced at the Native American woman sitting beside Justin.  He wondered who she was, but decided introductions should wait until after this long awaited news was delivered.  He took a sip of coffee and leaned forward.  “Johnny’s in recovery.  We had some trouble keeping him stabilized during the surgery.  His blood pressure kept dropping and he’s still experiencing tachycardia with frequent arrhythmias.  Whether that’s a result of shock and blood loss or from an injury to his heart muscle, we’re not really sure.  Apparently he hit the steering wheel, causing a fractured sternum.  It also caused an intraperitoneal bladder rupture.  Dr. Morton and I were able to repair it, but the risk of peritonitis is high.  We’ve started him on a broad spectrum antibiotic, and we’re replacing the blood that he lost.  Right now his electrolytes and kidney function aren’t where we would like them to be, but he’s alive…and at the moment, that’s something to be thankful for.”

After a moment of silence while all in the room absorbed this less than optimistic picture, Roy posed the question that he knew was on everyone’s mind.  “What about his leg?”

Brackett turned to Andrews, surrendering the floor.  The orthopedic surgeon smiled.  “Well in that regard, let’s just say that John is one lucky son of a gun.”

Hannah was too surprised to feel much relief.  “Lucky?”

“That pole entered his leg right about here.”  Andrews pointed out the area on his own thigh.  “And it was pointed downward, at an angle like this.  And it went in with quite a bit of force.  If it had continued on that path, it would have completely shattered his femur, and would have either transected or severed his femoral artery.”

Justin felt sick.  An injury like that at best would have ended Johnny’s career.  At worst, it would have caused him to bleed out within minutes.  “But, it didn’t?”

Andrews was still smiling.  “No, Justin.  It didn’t.  The pole hit the metal plate I put in a few years ago during the surgical reduction of John’s hip fracture.  The plate caused it to deflect upward and change course.  So, the pole passed over his femur anteriorly, and nicked the femoral artery, causing significant blood loss, but it was a relatively slow bleed.  There’s no fracture to his femur.”

Hannah breathed a welcome sigh of relief at this news. As a doctor, she knew her next question was premature, but she asked anyway.  “So, will he keep his leg?” 

Years of experience aided Andrews in the deft avoidance of certain absolutes.  “The saphenous and femoral veins were completely transected.  Bill was able to graft them back together and repair the tear to John’s femoral artery.  There was significant damage to the muscles in his thigh, as well as some tendon damage and almost certainly at least minor nerve damage.  We were able to repair the soft tissue injuries, we irrigated everything thoroughly, and we placed drains to help reduce the swelling and prevent infection.  The antibiotic Kel prescribed will help too, and he’s had a tetanus booster.”

Justin could tell by the expression on his colleague’s face there was another side to this coin.  “But…”

Andrews took a deep breath.  “While not as bad as it might have been, the injury to John’s leg is still severe.  He lost a lot of blood into the tissues, and the muscle damage is extensive.  There’s still the danger of compartment syndrome or a clot…infection, muscle calcification, or any number of other complications.  John’s body could reject the synthetic grafts Bill used to repair the vessels.  There’s just no easy answer right now.  The thing to concentrate on is that this could have been so much worse.  Let’s take it a day at a time.”  The doctor watched the faces in front of him as they nodded in resigned understanding.  “Oh, there’s one other thing.  That hardware I put in may have saved John from a more severe injury, but in the process, it became damaged.  I removed two screws that had been knocked loose, and that leaves his hip unstable.  Eventually, he’ll require surgery to replace the hardware, but that can wait until he’s stronger.  Also, he has a fractured right patella and fractures to some of the bones in his right foot.  His right thumb was dislocated and two of his fingers are fractured.  Those injuries will heal on their own and won’t require any surgery.  And, he has four fractured ribs on the left side, and one on the right that looks partially healed…”

Roy offered an explanation.  “Yeah, I think he fractured a rib last week…when we were in South Dakota.”

Hannah raised an eyebrow at Roy, but said nothing.  She had already guessed more went on there than either he or Johnny had cared to admit.  “Well, what about…Roy said John had a fever.”

Brackett’s mouth twitched at the question he had no answer for.  “Well, that’s another factor that’s just making it that much harder for Johnny to deal with his injuries.  His labs show an elevated white count, but we’re not sure what’s causing the fever.  Roy mentioned something going around the reservation, so I plan to speak with one of the doctors at the clinic to see if he can shed some light.  In the meantime, hopefully the antibiotic he’s already on will help until we can get some answers or get the results of his cultures.  I’ll be honest.  That’s a complication he doesn’t need.”

Camarin finally found her place to interject into this conversation.  “I can help you with that.  I know the doctors there very well.”

“Thank you, Miss…”

Camarin extended her hand to Brackett.  “Call me Camarin.”

As soon as Roy realized the doctors had offered all the information they had, he asked, “When can we see him?”

Brackett took another sip of his now cold coffee.  “I’m going to be performing an echocardiogram and a chest CT.  I believe Johnny may have a myocardial contusion, and that’s what’s causing his tachycardia and irregular heartbeat.  I considered placing him in a medically induced coma to eliminate the potential strain on his heart due to pain and stress.  But, I’ve decided against that for now.  Instead, we’ll keep him on a continuous morphine drip.  That will hopefully help manage his pain and keep him slightly sedated.  But stimulation must be kept to an absolute minimum.  For now, I’m going to restrict visitation to ten minutes each hour, and no more than two people at a time.  Also, I’m going to limit it to immediate family, which in this case I consider Roy and Hannah.  Justin, as Johnny’s physical therapist, of course this doesn’t apply to you.”  He looked back toward the others.  “I’ll let you know when he’s settled in ICU.  It could be several hours yet.” 

Roy looked over at Camarin, and could feel her disappointment.  Ironically, she was more entitled to Brackett’s “immediate family” visiting privileges than any of them.  He didn’t want to spoil Johnny’s news, but under the circumstances, he figured his friend wouldn’t mind.  He stopped Brackett before he could leave.  “Hey, Doc.  Better add Camarin to that list.”  To the inquiring faces in the room, he added, “She’s Johnny’s sister.”

zzz

Kelly Brackett emitted a sigh of frustration as he waited for someone to pick up the phone at the small IHS hospital in Shannon County, South Dakota.  He glanced at his watch and briefly wondered if anyone was there.  It hadn’t occurred to him until now that they might not have a 24 hour staff like they did here at Rampart.  Finally there was a click on the opposite end and a tired male voice with a faint German accent answered.  “Shannon County IHS Clinic, Dr. Greenberg speaking.”

“Hello, Dr. Greenberg.  My name is Dr. Kelly Brackett.  I’m calling from Rampart General Hospital in Los Angeles County.  I’m sorry to be calling you at this hour, but I have a critically injured patient who just got back from the Pine Ridge reservation.  He’s febrile, with an elevated white count, and I understand he may have been exposed to some type of illness while he was there.  A Miss Camarin Raven Skye gave me your number.”

“Yes…I know Miss Raven Skye very well.  She often volunteered at the clinic.  I was saddened to learn that she was leaving, but I hope she and her girls will find happiness there.  This patient of yours…it wouldn’t be her half brother, John, would it?”

“Yes, Dr. Greenberg.  As a matter of fact, that’s exactly who it is.  He was severely injured in an automobile accident last evening, and I’m trying to get to the bottom of whatever is causing his fever.”

“Please, call me Steffan.  I’m so sorry to hear about John.  I treated him myself just about ten days ago.  He had been injured by some of the young men here.  And right about that same time was when we started seeing numerous people with the same illness.  The symptoms appear to be consistent with a type of rickettsia fever, but so far, we haven’t isolated the bacteria.  You see, we have to send our lab samples to Rapid City, and they have to send them to the University of Nebraska.  So, unfortunately, I’m not able to tell you yet specifically what we’re dealing with here.  I can tell you the symptoms I’ve been seeing, as they’ve been fairly consistent.  And…”  The doctor continued hesitantly.  “You probably should be aware, we’ve had three fatalities.  Now, two of them were very young children.  But, the other was a young woman, only in her thirties.”

Brackett took a deep breath.  “What are the symptoms?”

“My patients have all presented with severe headache, a high fever, severe joint and muscle pain, light sensitivity, and a light rose colored rash, starting on their chests and spreading to the rest of the body.  Some have experienced stupor and/or delirium, and a few have had a cough.”

Brackett pondered the symptoms Greenberg described.  Given Johnny’s other injuries, most of them would be difficult to decipher…except one.  “All of your patients presented with a rash?”

“That’s correct.”

“From the onset?”

“Yes, my patients have reported that the rash appeared spontaneously on their chests at the same time they first noticed the other symptoms, such as the headache and fever.”

“Hmmm.  My patient has been running a low grade fever for several days and there’s no rash.  Has the onset of fever in your cases been acute?”

“Yes, every time.  And you say your patient has no rash?”

“Not at this time, no.”

“Well, Dr. Brackett…”

“Kel.”

“Kel…I certainly can’t say for sure, but it doesn’t sound like the same illness to me.  If you would like, I can call you when I get the results of our lab studies.  For now, I’ve been treating all cases with tetracycline, but unfortunately my supplies are running low.  Of those patients who sought treatment immediately, most are responding to the antibiotics.”

Kel paused, trying to imagine the frustration a doctor must feel when he doesn’t have the means to effectively treat his patients.  “Thank you, Steffan.  You’ve been extremely helpful.  By all means, call me when you get the results.  I’ll be in touch as well.”  Brackett supplied Greenberg his phone number and broke the connection.  Then, he made his way to the ICU to check on his patient.

zzz

Roy held Hannah’s hand tightly as he escorted her into the dimly lit ICU cubicle.  He took a moment to visually scan his friend from head to toe, and swallowed his emotion for Hannah’s sake.  No matter how many times he had stood here in this ICU for this same reason, it never got any easier.  Roy took in the tiny cuts on Johnny’s face and arms that had not needed bandaged or sutured.  The left arm sported an arterial line Roy supposed was put in place to make blood draws easier on his friend, and the second and third fingers as well as the thumb on his right hand were splinted, the hand resting on a pillow.  He allowed his gaze to drift over the NG tube, feeling a lump at the pit of his stomach at how much Johnny hated those things, but knowing it was put there to keep him from reacting negatively to the anesthesia, a malady they had previously learned the hard way Johnny was prone to.  The oxygen mask fogged with each labored breath.  Roy’s eyes followed the EKG lead wires to the cardiac monitor above the bed, watching the somewhat erratic rhythm carefully for a few seconds before reading the contents of the IV bags that were infusing into a central line under Johnny’s right clavicle.  A unit of dark red blood infused into another port. 

Roy cringed at the purple black bruising covering most of Johnny’s chest and left side.  The sheet covered the thick white bandage he knew would be in place over the surgical incision on Johnny’s abdomen and he didn’t allow his gaze to linger too long on the tube from the suprapubic catheter which snaked out from under the sheet and disappeared over the side of the bed.  Johnny’s right leg was covered, but Roy could make out the outline of the bulky groin to ankle brace that held his knee immobile.  His right foot was discolored and swollen and was surrounded by fluffy pillows.  An ice pack rested on top. 

Then there was Johnny’s left leg, which lay uncovered.  Several pillows were positioned under and around it and a large one rested against Johnny’s hip and left side.  This had to be one of the most painfully severe looking injuries Roy had seen in his career, even though he knew it could have been a lot worse.  Two large bandages, already showing signs of seepage, covered the areas where the pole had entered and exited as well as the resulting surgical incisions.  Surgical drains slithered away from each one and over the side of the bed.  In between and around the bandages, Johnny’s leg from hip to just below the knee was grossly swollen, the color mottled various shades of dark purple and red.  Roy didn’t want to imagine the pain Johnny would be feeling from this one injury when he came around, and suddenly fully understood the need for continuous morphine.  But despite the leg’s horrible and almost frightening appearance, Roy thought it was the most beautiful sight in the world.  The ugly pole and twisted metal that had so rudely made itself a part of his friend was gone, and more importantly, the leg was there!

Roy’s hand moved quickly to his eyes in order to wipe away the moisture that had suddenly appeared there.  He looked over and noticed Hannah’s watering eyes were riveted to the same area as his own, and he wondered what she was thinking.  He placed his hands on her quaking shoulders and spoke softly.  “I know it looks bad…”

Hannah knew if she spoke she would break down, and she had already decided there would be none of that, at least not in Johnny’s presence.  She nodded at Roy’s comforting words and tried to convince herself that despite how terrible it looked, this was a much better outcome than she had originally been preparing for.  She moved toward the bed and gently wrapped her hand around Johnny’s, taking care not to startle or awaken him.  Temporarily forgetting the fever, she had expected Johnny to feel cold, and she was slightly taken aback at the fiery heat which seemed to emanate from his skin.  She lightly brushed the damp hair away from his forehead and leaned over to kiss it, carefully minding the various tubes and wires.  The tears she had promised herself she would not allow, fell freely now as she whispered to her fiancée, suddenly filled with overwhelming need.  “I’m here, John…Can you feel me holding your hand…I love you…I love you…”

Roy felt awkward.  He was torn between his own desire to be with his friend and his urge to offer Hannah the support she needed.  He turned away from the bed, telling himself it was in order to allow Johnny and Hannah some privacy, but knowing in his heart that it was something more than that.  Roy was sickened at the unfairness of it all.  He was no stranger to the cruel way fate had of interjecting sorrow and despair into situations where there should only be happiness and hope.  But when it hit this close to home…and worse yet, at a time when everyone close to Johnny and Hannah expected to be celebrating…it was almost too much to bear.  As Roy turned slightly and watched Hannah, her visibly overwhelming need to touch Johnny, to kiss him…the way she repeatedly assured him he would be okay, in a way that sounded more like a prayerful entreaty...his thoughts turned to Joanne and how easily the dangers of his profession could put the two of them into this same picture.  And for the first time in Roy’s career, he felt like he could give it up in a heartbeat if it meant never having to put his wife through what Hannah was going through right now.  But as quickly as that thought came, it faded, as Roy reminded himself that this accident had not happened because Johnny was a firefighter.  He had seen enough unfairness in his life to know that fate was not choosy in its cruelness when it came to profession…or timing…or age…and it was hardly ever fair.

Roy moved behind Hannah and thought about reaching out to her…offering her his shoulder to lean on…but thoughts of Joanne stopped him again.  He knew that the one person who Hannah needed to hold her right now, to tell her everything would be okay, the one person whose arms could comfort away her fears and the stress of this night, was unable to do it because he was lying in that bed.  But then, Roy pictured what Johnny would do if the situation was reversed, if it were him in that bed, and Joanne was the one who needed support.  He knew with certainty that his friend would not hesitate the way he was, even when he knew deep down that he was merely a meager substitute.  He rested a hand tentatively on Hannah’s shoulder.  And, that was all that was needed.  Hannah stood and turned and fell into Roy with so much intensity it stunned him.  He stood for a moment, as if unsure what to do next, then finally, he wrapped his arms around her and held on tight, one hand moving to the back of her head as she used his chest to muffle her sobs, his own head bowing until it almost contacted hers, his own tears falling silently into her hair.  No words were necessary, which was a good thing, because at the moment Roy couldn’t find any that didn’t sound trite and patronizing.  He knew they should probably leave the room in case Johnny had any awareness of what was going on, but his feet felt as though they were bolted in place, and he continued to hold onto Hannah, rocking gently, until her trembling began to subside, and she pulled away.

Hannah wiped at her eyes, angered and embarrassed for her display.  “I’m sorry, Roy…”

“Don’t be.”

“We only have a few more minutes.  You should spend some time with him…”

“It’s okay…” Roy moved toward the bed and rested a hand on Johnny’s forearm.  Keeping his voice a whisper, he leaned in close.  “Hey…it’s me.  Listen, I know you’d much rather spend time with someone softer and prettier, so I’m gonna go.  I’ll be out in the lounge if you need me.  Just rest and get better, okay?”  Roy gave the arm a gentle squeeze and turned toward Hannah.  “We have a few more minutes.  I thought I would give you some time alone…”

Hannah shook her head.  She spoke to Roy, but here eyes were locked on Johnny.  “No…stay.  Please?”

Roy nodded as he took Hannah’s hand and led her back to Johnny’s side.

zzz

Kelly Brackett offered a smile to Hannah and Roy as he passed them on their way out of Johnny’s room.  “How’s he doing?”

Roy kept an arm around Hannah’s shoulders as he led her out into the hallway.  “Sleeping.  He didn’t come around at all while we were in there.”

Brackett rested a hand against the wall.  “Well, as much as I know you would both like to talk to him, that’s the best thing.  Right now, one of our main goals is to keep Johnny as calm and comfortable as possible.”

 

Roy and Hannah expressed their understanding and continued on down the hall toward the lounge where they knew Camarin and Justin would be waiting.

Brackett stepped inside Johnny’s cubicle and moved to the foot of the bed, picking up his chart and scanning it carefully.  He looked up to see Johnny’s nurse enter the room.  “His fever’s not coming down, but he’s still too shocky for me to feel comfortable using cooling blankets.  When I’m finished here, you can sponge him with some rubbing alcohol, but keep him partially covered with a blanket and don’t let him get chilled.”  The doctor moved in to examine his patient, carefully checking the various incisions and paraphernalia.  “His output is still down.  What’s his BP, Helen?”

The nurse released the air in the cuff and removed her stethoscope from her ears.  “106 over 64.”

Brackett sighed and studied the heart monitor, then he leaned over and listened to Johnny’s chest, eventually straightening up with a twitch.  “I’m going to write orders for additional pain relief in case he needs it.  And I want to be paged immediately when he wakes up.”

“Yes, doctor.”

Brackett checked again for any signs of the rash Steffan Greenberg had described, and was relieved to find none.  Maybe Johnny was dealing with the flu and nothing more, but there was still the matter of the elevated white count.  His hands moved to Johnny’s left leg and slowly peeled back the damp dressings in order to examine the wounds.  There was so far no sign of infection, but the incisions were angry red and puffy.  “Go ahead and change those dressings now.  Bill Johnson will want to do an angiogram of that leg soon…”  The doctor was interrupted by a faint movement.

Johnny had no sense of where he was or what was happening.  He was lying in the middle of the desert, baking in the intense heat from the sun.  Slowly, he became aware of his own rapid heartbeat and an unusual intermittent fluttering sensation behind his breastbone.  He wished someone would remove the heavy object that was sitting on his chest.  As that discomfort brought him closer to awareness, his brain focused in on pain that suddenly enveloped his entire being.  It seemed to start with an intense ache in his lower back and left hip that moved through his abdomen, groin, and thigh in sharp, stabbing waves.  The heat from the sun became more intense, scorching through him, and his heart rate and breathing quickened in response.  He tried to open his eyes, but they felt weighted down.  An involuntary moan formed in his throat, but was unable to be voiced due to lack of moisture.  He tried to move his left hand in order to seek out the source of his torture, but it too felt heavy and sluggish.

“Helen, 75 milligrams meperidine, IV push.  Get it now.”  Brackett grasped onto Johnny’s hand and held it firmly while leaning over his face.  “Calm down, Johnny.  You’re at Rampart and you’re safe.  You’ll feel better in a minute.”

The morphine IV and Johnny’s injuries did not allow a full return to consciousness.  And as severe as his pain seemed to be, Brackett knew it was not as bad as it could have been were it not for the continuous effects of the narcotic in Johnny’s bloodstream.  But he also knew that due to the injury to his patient’s heart and his unstable condition he could not allow him to become too stressed or uncomfortable.  He continued to keep one eye on the cardiac monitor, frowning at the frantic rate, while doing his best to reassure until Helen was able to administer the additional medication.  Finally, within seconds, Johnny began to calm and he drifted once more into peaceful, sedated sleep.

“I was afraid of this.”  Brackett waited until he was sure Johnny was sleeping comfortably before speaking again to Helen.  “I want him monitored constantly.  I don’t like the looks of his EKG.  It won’t take much to push him over the edge, and in his condition…”  His voice trailed off, but it didn’t matter.  Helen’s nod assured him that she understood the implications.  He scribbled some notes in Johnny’s chart and then left the room.

zzz

Justin waited until about fifteen minutes after Dr. Brackett had finished with Johnny and stopped by the lounge to let them know what he had learned from Dr. Greenberg to go check on his friend.  He had already spoken at length with Todd Andrews and had a game plan in place for what he could do at this point to help in Johnny’s recovery.  He walked into the cubicle carrying some ice packs, a few towels draped over his shoulder. 

Helen was there sponging Johnny’s face and chest, the pungent aroma of rubbing alcohol heavy in the air.  Upon seeing Justin, she stopped and removed the cloth from Johnny’s forehead, soaking it in the basin of ice water beside the bed and wringing it out before returning it.  She smiled at the physical therapist who seemed frozen in place upon seeing the condition of his friend.  “Hi, Justin.  I’ll just get out of your way.”

The sound of Helen’s voice pulled Justin out of his trance.  “No…no…that’s okay.  How’s he doing?”

Helen spoke as she gathered her supplies.  “His last temperature reading was 104.6.  Brackett doesn’t want to use cooling blankets, so I’ve just been trying to get his fever down.  Other than that…well, it’s kind of wait and see.”

“Yeah…I guess so…”  Justin seemed a million miles away.  He didn’t even notice Helen’s parting words or see her leave the room.  Finally realizing he was alone, he moved to the left side of the bed.  Being careful not to disturb Johnny’s rest, he removed one towel and gingerly draped it over the upper part of Johnny’s thigh, near his hip.  He moved the pillow slightly and placed an ice pack between it and the towel.  Next he placed a towel over the most swollen part of his friend’s thigh, and rested a second ice pack on top.  He cursed silently when Johnny shifted slightly, the initial contact with this very sensitive area apparently causing him pain.  Justin backed off and watched for a moment, exhaling the tense breath he had been holding, when Johnny seemed to settle back into sleep without fully waking.  “That’s it, man.”  He whispered.  “Go back to sleep…”  Finally Justin moved around to the opposite side of the bed and removed the ice pack that had been in place on Johnny’s right foot.  He cringed at the amount of swelling and bruising there.  His hand moved automatically to Johnny’s toes, intending to check his capillary refill, but it stopped in mid air as Justin reconsidered.  Concerned it might hurt, he decided to wait and talk to Todd about it later.  He moved the sheet aside momentarily and removed the ice that Todd had placed on Johnny’s knee earlier, and he used his last towel and remaining fresh ice on Johnny’s right hand, lifting it carefully and resting it on top of the pack.

Once Justin had finished, he removed the cloth from Johnny’s forehead, allowing his hand to linger there for a moment.  He watched Johnny’s lashes flutter slightly and his brow knit into a frown of discomfort and he prepared for his friend to awaken, but it didn’t happen.  Instead, Johnny seemed to settle uneasily back into sleep.  Justin waited until Johnny exhaled a shaky sigh and his breathing returned to it’s previously less stilted pattern before soaking the cloth in the basin of ice water , wringing it out, and gently dabbing Johnny’s face and chest with it before returning it to the water once more and replacing it on his forehead.

Then Justin stood back and watched.  Frustration spun in his stomach.  The physical therapist had done all he could do, but the friend wasn’t yet satisfied.  Justin’s need to know his future brother-in-law would survive this ordeal was tempered by the understanding that he shouldn’t try to wake him.  He thought of Hannah, of the niece or nephew she carried, and silently screamed at the voices in his head, telling them to suppress the niggling thought that should the worst happen, he would not allow that child to grow up without a fatherly influence.  Justin took a step back and berated himself for allowing his mind to even go there, and again he felt helpless…helplessly unable to make his friend better, helplessly inept when it came to how he could help Hannah…just helpless.  He moved closer to the bed again, and rested a hand on Johnny’s shoulder.  He couldn’t find the words to say, and the more he tried to remind himself how thankful he should be that his friend was…at least for now…still alive, still intact…the angrier he became over why this had happened in the first place.  Roy had mentioned Johnny said the Rover’s brakes went out.  Well, Justin was determined to get to the bottom of that as soon as possible.

Shaking his head, a small snortle of futility escaping his lips, Justin took a step back again.  Yeah…like that really makes any difference now anyway…what’s done is done…Not wanting to leave this man who had become much like a younger brother to him, and not wanting to return just yet to the lounge, Justin pulled over the small plastic chair with his foot.  I’ll just stay until it’s time for the ice to come off…he told himself as he slunked down into the chair and leaned forward until his head rested on the bed rail, his hands folded in his lap.

Camarin stood in the open doorway of the ICU cubicle.  Roy had offered to come with her, but she refused, deciding that he should spend some time with his wife and with Hannah, who was practically family.  Although inside, Camarin knew that Johnny’s family was now her family, she felt like an outsider in every sense of the word.  She had been so looking forward to meeting these people, but it was supposed to have been under much happier circumstances.  And then there was the sheer culture shock, the extreme ‘fish out of water’ syndrome she had been experiencing ever since she had arrived in Los Angeles.  Gazing into the dark room, hesitant to enter, she almost missed the figure sitting in the chair beside the bed.  As she took a tentative step and her eyes began to adjust to the difference in lighting, she recognized the figure as John’s friend, Justin.  She almost took a step backward, intending to come back later, but something made her stop.  There was something about this scene that touched her. 

For years Camarin had often wondered about her brother, and she had prayed that he had found people who would love him as much as she did.  She could tell before she had even met Roy that he cared a lot about John, and after he arrived at the reservation, it hadn’t taken long to see that fact proven.  And although she had just met Justin, she could sense that the man viewed John not just as a friend, but more like a younger brother he not only loved but felt a fierce obligation to protect.  She supposed there was probably some reason behind that, that there was more to the attractive physical therapist than what could be seen with the naked eye, and that he only revealed those things to a privileged few.  She wasn’t sure what made her do it, but she found herself moving quietly behind this man she had only just met a few long hours ago and she rested her hands lightly on his shoulders.

Justin sat up, realizing he was no longer alone.  He figured the hands on his shoulders belonged to Hannah or Dixie, so he turned his head to offer a greeting.  He was surprised to see Camarin, but strangely, did not feel uncomfortable with her gesture.  There was something so… familiar… about this woman yet at the same time, so wildly exciting, that Justin silently cursed himself for the attraction he had felt toward her from the moment she opened the door at Johnny’s ranch.  This was hardly the time to be thinking of such things.  “Hi, Camarin.”

Camarin allowed her eyes to travel over her sleeping brother.  In the past several years, she had certainly seen her share of horrific injuries due to the violence the people on the reservation had endured.  And, sadly, she had been introduced to traumatic death at an early age.  So, seeing Johnny in this condition was not a shock, but she still swallowed hard at the image and offered a silent prayer to the spirits.  Turning back to Justin, she noticed the tensing of his jaw, but somehow she knew it wasn’t her intrusion that had him frustrated.  “How is he?”

Justin sighed as he shrugged.  “I don’t know, Camarin.  I just don’t know.  It’s so hard to just sit here and…”

“Wait?”

Justin nodded and rose to his feet.

Camarin walked to Johnny’s side and repositioned the cloth on his forehead.  “It’s hard to be patient when someone you love is hurting.  But I do not believe the spirits would have done all they have done to lead John to this place, only to take him now.  And so we must be patient, and do what we can to help him.  It will take a while, but I believe he will get through this.”

Justin stood beside Camarin and watched his friend.  “I wish I was as confident as you are.”

Camarin replied without taking her eyes off of her brother.  “Oh, but you are, Justin.  Your confidence in the healing power of a positive attitude is one of the things that makes you so good at what you do.”

Justin blushed as he wondered who Camarin had been talking to.  “I don’t know who told you that…”

“No one told me that.  I can see it.”  Camarin laid a hand over Justin’s heart and whispered, “You have good medicine.  And you love John.”

“He’s about to marry my sister…”

“I think it’s more than that.”

Justin hesitated, marveling at how eerily intuitive this woman seemed to be, and for some reason, he didn’t feel right holding back the truth from her.  It was as if she somehow…drew it out of him.  “He’s like a brother to me.”

If Camarin noticed the waver in Justin’s voice, she didn’t let on.  Instead, she simply nodded and held onto Johnny’s hand, brushing the damp hair out of his eyes.  Then, in a soft, almost imperceptible voice, she began to sing.  “Cante washte hoksida ake istimba, hanhepi kin washte…”

Justin listened to the ancient words of Camarin’s song, thinking that he should feel awkward.  But, instead, the cadence had an almost surreal comforting quality and he stood mesmerized until she finished, feeling honored that she would choose to share this tender moment with him.  He waited until she removed and replaced the cool cloth and brushed a kiss on Johnny’ cheek before speaking.  “That was beautiful.  What was it?”

Camarin pushed her long hair behind her shoulders.  “It’s a lullaby I used to sing to John when he was very young.  I just felt like he needed to hear it again.”

Justin felt an odd sense of relief that in the midst of the horrors surrounding Johnny’s childhood, Camarin had been there to offer some peace and protection.  “What does it mean?”  As soon as the question was asked, Justin felt guilty.  Maybe the words were something private between her and her brother.  “I’m sorry…”

Camarin reached out and lightly rested her hand on Justin’s arm, an action that surprised both of them, but neither moved to prevent it.  “It’s okay…it means, ‘Good hearted boy, go to sleep.  The night is good.’”

Justin’s eyes moved from Johnny to look at Camarin, her dark brown eyes taking him right in.  “Yeah…it is…”  His voice trailed off for a moment, as the two stood in silence, their eyes never leaving each other.  “How do you say it?  The night is good?”

“Hanhepi kin washte…”

Justin took a deep breath and repeated the words.  “Hanhepi…kin…washte.”

“Very good.”

“Hanhepi kin washte…”

Part 4