Finest Hour
A missing scene for “The Promotion”
Roy thinks he knows me. Huh--actually, he does, better than anybody else including my mom at this point. He’s been the one who’s watched me go from a cocky know-it-all fireman to a suave, mature paramedic. Okay, so no, he doesn’t believe that, either, but he’s been the one there to see me change the last few years, whether workin’ next to me on the Squad, pattin’ my back while we’re both pretending we haven’t got tears in our eyes after a kid dies, sometimes even sittin’ beside me while I’m lying in a hospital bed. Roy’s seen about all the sides of me there is.
But sometimes... Sometimes.
I knew when he took that engineer’s exam that he was thinking about Joanne and the kids and that extra money, not really about what would happen if he passed. After all, most firemen want to move up to engineer sooner or later, right? The fact that we’re paramedics besides firemen didn’t really seem to occur to him just then, and I didn’t bring it up. What for? We didn’t even know if he’d pass or not, though knowin’ Roy, that shouldn’t have been a doubt.
But I saw his face when the results came in, the not-so-happy kind of surprise when he realized what his options were now, and I knew he hadn’t really thought about it before. And I also knew what I had to do.
We ended up sitting side-by-side on the common room table. And putting a grin on, I mused, “Wonder who I’m gonna get, uh, for a new partner when you get moved up?”
He wasn’t in the mood to laugh back, which was a bad sign. “Well, maybe I won’t.”
A really bad sign. As much as this was going the way I’d have loved for it to, it wasn’t what Roy needed and I knew it. “Well, you, uh, you gonna pass up a promotion?” I asked.
“Well, I don’t have to take it, you know,” he said, defensively.
Couldn’t argue that, and he’d have gotten suspicious if I had. “No, that’s true.” And that was when I played one of my few cards. “What did Joanne say?” Because if anything mattered most to Roy, it was what his wife thought.
“Well, she always said as long as I make a living, it’s up to me to decide.”
I had to laugh; that hadn’t helped at all. I made my last offering. “Yeah. Well, just, uh...don’t do anything foolish. Think about it.”
“Yeah. Well, I have to.” And I sobered to realize that, for the first time, I think he really was.
The tones sounded before we could keep going, and honestly, I was sorta glad for that. ‘Cause I didn’t think I could have kept it going much longer.
I guess it sounds kinda like I wanted Roy to take the promotion and leave, huh? When, really, I think there are few things in this life I’ve ever wanted less.
See, let me explain something. I don’t mean for this to sound all soapy, but...I love that man like a brother. Most scared I’ve ever been in my life was when I once saw a three-story burning building come down around my partner’s ears. When you’re the one in trouble, you don’t have time to be scared, but when it’s your partner--your best friend--well, you start thinking about how very long the rest of your life is gonna be, missing that guy each day. And then there’s the whole other issue of finding someone you can work with like a team and who keeps you safe not only ‘cause he knows you like he knows himself, but also because he keeps an eye on your back. You don’t find that as often as you’d think, not like we’ve got it. So I’d be a fool to want to give that up.
And I wouldn’t be any kind of a friend if I didn’t.
That was finally what it came down to, what I wanted or what was best for him. I don’t always know what is, but I could see it in his eyes that he was thinkin’ about all the things he could do for his kids and his wife if he had more money, and, well, I wouldn’t have been any kind of friend worth having if I’d been selfish about it, even if I probably could have talked him out of that promotion so that he thought it’d been all his idea.
Roy knows me--he knows when I’m hurting or bluffing or scared or serious. He knows when he needs to kick me in the rear--although personally I think he enjoys it more than he should--and when to encourage me. So at a time like this, I could be honest and he wouldn’t hold it against me, or I could pretend the thought of his leaving didn’t bother me at all and he’d see right through it, and both of those would mean he’d pass up what could be a chance of a lifetime. Or I can do the best acting job ever and pretend I’m just adding my two cents, asking questions and letting him work around to realizing that the promotion might be a good idea without making him wonder why I’m pushing it. If he knew I was, it’d be no use.
So it’s either be selfish and keep my partner, or do what’s best for him and let him go without him even realizing I am. Not much of a choice, huh?
But, yeah, I love him that much. Go figure.
*****
Even at the hospital after one of our runs, I could see he was still kicking it around. Actually, I could see it was eating him alive. He went off to talk to Dr. Brackett, only the guy most qualified to talk him out of it, and left me counting supplies.
“Well, if I were he, I think I’d be a lot more upset,” Dixie said, looking after him.
Her comment took me by surprise. Was I the only one who was seeing how hard this was for him? Dr. Brackett’s a good guy and plenty sharp, but I hoped he wouldn’t just tell Roy what my partner seemed to be fishing for. As for Roy, I sighed. “Oh, well, don’t worry, he is.” And then I went out to the Squad to wait for him. No matter what Brackett said, it looked like Roy would need another push.
He came out lookin’ gloomier than ever, which I guess meant he hadn’t heard what he’d wanted. He wanted somebody to make the choice for him, and he wanted it to be the one where I knew his heart was, but I also knew he’d have always wondered if he took the easy way out, and sooner or later then he’d resent it. And I didn’t want a partner at that cost.
So, it was time for the Johnny Gage snake oil act again, a little more outrageous this time to lighten the mood. He looked like he could use it. One of us sure could.
“What are you trying to do in there?” I jumped in right away. “Get them to talk you out of it?”
He was still being serious. “Well, no, not exactly. This is a very heavy thing. I mean, it means going from a job that I like and I really know to one I’m not even that sold on. So I just thought I’d talk to some people I respect, see what they think.”
That was my cue. “Well, I’ll be more than happy to talk it over with you.”
“Okay.” He sounded as unenthused as I was trying to be upbeat.
“I mean, if you want my opinion,” I prodded.
“Sure.” A little livelier this time. Unfortunately, I think he meant it. I jumped in without looking back.
“Well, I think you’re being darn selfish about it.”
That really took him by surprise. “How so?”
“Well, there are other people involved than just yourself, you know,” I went on. And on.
And finally he was starting to get a little fight back. “What do you think I took the test for in the first place?” His voice was near incredulous, and it took a lot for me not to smile with sheer affection. And wince as it reminded me what I was losing. But Roy was still on a roll. “I got a whole family growing up. They’re going to need a lot more things. Engineers make a lot more money. That’s what it’s all about. Joanne and the kids.”
I looked thoughtful. “Oh. Huh. Them, too, huh?”
“Well, who else is there?” And maybe that stung a tiny bit, but I didn’t let it show. That was the whole point of this, right?
“Me,” I answered smugly.
“Where do you come in?” He was starting to catch on that I wasn’t being as serious as he was and maybe it was okay for him to lighten up a little, too. Good.
I couldn’t keep from smiling as I said it, too outrageous for even me to deliver with a straight face. “Well, I figure if I can get rid of you, maybe I might be able to get myself a decent partner.”
He was grinning now, too. “Gee, I’m glad we had this heartwarming little talk.”
“That’s okay, anytime,” I assured him.
“You’ve given me a whole fresh perspective.”
“Well, I’m glad I could help.”
He didn’t miss a beat. “You didn’t,” and he walked around the Squad to get in.
I almost grinned at that. Almost.
*****
We had another conversation like that later on, me reminding him about all the things he was giving up if he didn’t take the promotion, all sorts of things he hadn’t seemed to think of himself yet. I was probably doing my job too well, come to think of it. I probably did sound like I wanted him to take the darned promotion. I know, I know, that was the point, but...he didn’t have to be all that easy to convince, did he?
Aw, heck. No wonder the poor guy’s confused. I don’t even know what I want.
But I guess it left some impression, ‘cause he came up to me later that day, still squishing after a particularly wet rescue, and told me he’d decided to take the promotion. Came down on the side of money, he said. I couldn’t blame him for his decision and I was glad for him, really. His family deserved that extra bit.
But I guess that was where my act stopped. It really started to sink in finally. No more moneymaking schemes. No more laughin’ together over how gullible Chet was. No one to joke with on the way back to the station after a particularly dumb rescuee, or a particularly awful one. No one I could just be with and who knew what I was thinking and worked with me like he could read my mind. Never had that before Roy.
They say you don’t realize how valuable something is until it’s gone. I guess I’ve always known, only took it for granted it would last forever. And I just couldn’t act anymore like that didn’t matter to me.
I didn’t say anything, just sorta smiled at him. Wanted him to know I was still behind him, but he’d made his decision now without having to worry about what I thought, I’d seen to that, and darned if I was going to still act like I thought it was a great one.
Not when I was mourning inside.
*****
Things only went downhill from there.
We had a fire soon after that, a building a guard was stuck in. Except it was me who got stuck after something in the building blew, and I hurt my leg pretty bad. I didn’t think I was going to make it out of that one.
Found out later that Roy was the only one around to realize I was in trouble, and so he came in after me by himself. That’s not the brightest thing in the world to do, I have to admit, and Roy would, too. But there was nobody else around and, well, it was me in there.
That’s what I mean about partners.
Before it was over, we’d saved the guard by getting him out of a second story window, then being half-blown out ourselves. Roy’s arm was a little burned and I had that bum leg, but we made it out okay enough that we could patch each other up. It got a little funny when we were debating which of us got the stretcher in the ambulance--I won ’cause I was the one who needed to stretch my leg out--but it wasn’t all that funny. In fact, on the way in we stopped laughing and sorta just looked at each other a long time. Figuring we wouldn’t get the chance to much longer, I guess. I don’t know if Roy even realized that I’d probably be dead now if he hadn’t been the one backing me up, but I sure did. And that there had been times when it was the other way around.
At the hospital, they split us up, Dixie taking Roy off to treat his arm while Dr. Early looked at my leg. Banged-up knee, deep bruising--nothing serious, he said, just gonna hurt like the blazes for a few days. I could have told him that.
Dr. Early went out to write up the course of PT I’d need for my leg, and Roy came in with his bandaged arm.
I sighed dramatically. “Well, I...guess you expect me to tell you how grateful I am and whatnot.”
“Well, whatever seems natural,” he answered modestly. We’d had this conversation lots of times before, from both ends.
But I was serious this time. “Well, I am. Grateful, I mean.”
“Gave me a chance to get my shoes dried out.”
I had to laugh at that. When I got serious, he tended to lighten things. See what I mean about balancing each other out?
He shifted around a little, which meant he had something important to say. I just hoped it wasn’t too mushy, ’cause I wasn’t ready for the good-byes, not yet. “By the way, I decided, uh, to pass up that promotion.”
That had been the last thing I’d expected to hear. After all my efforts? “What for?” I really wanted to know.
“Well, I can always take another shot at it next year. Maybe by then the rules will be changed and you can still get a promotion and be a paramedic.”
And that was when I started to realize he meant it. Not just for me--he’d found his own reason for staying. I guess maybe I’d always known this was where his heart was, but I thought, like he said, that it came down on the side of money. Leave it to Roy to figure out an answer that covered all the bases. I tried not to look too pleased when I was ready to bust out with the news. “Hmm,” I said thoughtfully instead. “Well, it’s...worth another year, I guess.” Two could play the whole modesty game.
“Besides,” he continued, just to drive it home, “you’re gonna need somebody to look after ya.”
I said he knew me inside-out, didn’t I? I guess we’d been thinking more along the same lines than I’d realized. And maybe I hadn’t fooled him as much as I thought I had.
He gave me a little wave, kinda embarrassed like he’d said too much, and headed for the door.
He’d pretty much just told me I meant as much to him as he did me, and we’re not used to bein’ that flat-out with each other, so to put him at ease again and get that parting shot in, I called after him, “Hey! Next year for sure, though, huh?”
He only looked at me with a little grin before he opened the door and left. I wasn’t fooling him at all that afternoon. Maybe he knows me too well.
And as I lay back down, grinning like I’d won the lottery and ready to soak in the good news that my partner wasn’t going anywhere, I realized that maybe that that had been the point all along.
The End
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Guest Dispatchers Stories by K Hanna Korossy
