Flashbacks - part 4

Katie, her husband Cody, and Allen had arrived at the ranch around 7 a.m. and every one was concerned about Katie since she was due any day now. Johnny was upstairs taking a shower when he heard the doorbell and he knew that someone would answer the door.

    “How’s daddy?” Katie asked after she walked into the living room. Everyone had noticed that she had probably cried all night on the drive to Los Angeles .

    “He’s fine. How are you?” Roy asked as he walked over to her and led her to the sofa.

    “I’m fine.” She told him as he began to check her vitals. “What are you doing, Roy ?”

    “I’m checking your vitals. You’re due any time now and you’re under a lot of stress.”

    “Roy , I’m fine. I want to see daddy.”

    “I’m right here sweetheart.” Johnny told her as he walked downstairs.

    “Daddy.” She said tearfully as she got up and crossed the room. “How are you doing?”

    “I’m holding up. More importantly, how are you and the baby?”

    “We’re fine.”

    “Her pulse is a little rapid and her blood pressure is elevated a little.” Roy replied.

    “Now you listen to me young lady, I want you to take it easy and relax. You’re due any day now and I don’t want you to go into labor too early. I know that you are upset, but you need to focus on this baby. He needs you right now. There is nothing that we can do to bring your mom back.” Johnny told his oldest daughter as he led her toward the downstairs bedroom. “Now, I want you to go in there and rest.”

    “But daddy…” She started to protest.

    “Don’t daddy me. Now go on. I want you to rest for a couple of hours. I’ve got to go to the funeral home and take an outfit for Shawna. When I come back, then we will talk.”

    “OK.” She reluctantly replied and he kissed her on the forehead. He watched her and Cody walk to the guest room and close the door.

    “Johnny, would you like for Joanne and me to take the outfit to the funeral home?” Dixie offered as he walked into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee.

    “Thanks, but I’ll take them. I think I picked her out a nice outfit, a light pink blouse and black dress pants.”

    “What about her St. Jude Medal? Was she wearing it?” Rick asked as Johnny leaned against the counter.

    “Yes she was. She wore it every day.”

    “Dad, I would like to know who was with mom last night at the track.” Allen replied as he poured a cup of coffee, grabbed a muffin, and took a seat at the table with his other brothers and sisters. Everyone was there except for Katie who was resting.

    “Why?”

    “Because I want to look them in the eye and tell them that they SCREWED UP!” He replied rather harshly.

    “Watch your tone with me son.” Johnny replied as he set his coffee cup on the counter.

    “I’m sorry dad but I want to see the men who were supposed to be her back-up.”

    “Oh, Allen. That’s not the way to be.” Shawna whispered to herself as she watched her kids.

    “Now, I want you all to listen to me and listen carefully. I know that everyone of you is mad at the officers who were with your mother last night and so was I.”

    “Meaning you’re not any more?” Brad asked. Roy , Joanne, Dixie , and Kel were standing at the counter listening.

    “That’s exactly right.”

    “How can you say that? How can you stand there and tell us that you are not mad at the officers who were with mom last night when she was shot?” Brad asked raising his voice a little bit.

    “I’ve told you boys to watch that tone with me. I was mad last night. I was really angry at the hospital with them being there and knowing that my wife was fighting for her life. Then I had a dream about your mother.”

    “Let me guess, she told you to forgive the officers.” Allen replied sarcastically.

    “That’s right she did. She told me that they backed her up but she wasn’t wearing a bulletproof vest and she should’ve waited. She also told me that she had led a full life and that her only regret was that she was leaving me and all of you kids.”

    “Come on dad. Do you really expect us to believe that mom spoke to you in a dream? She is DEAD. And all because of those officers who you all are protecting.” Allen shouted and then walked out of the kitchen slamming the back door. Johnny started to go after him when Kel stopped him.

    “Let him go. He needs some time to himself.”

    “I hate to see him hurting like this. I hate to see all of them hurting but Doc I swear that she told me to forgive those officers that they were doing there job last night.”

    “I believe you Johnny. But right now I think that I’d let the kids have some space. They are hurt and confused.” He told his friend as he squeezed his shoulder.

    “Excuse me Doc. I just got off the phone with Chet and he was wondering if we could come by his place.” Roy interrupted his two friends.

    “Sure thing.”

    “I’d like to come along with you guys. I need to talk to Jason anyway.” Johnny replied when he noticed that all of the kids had disappeared from the kitchen.

    “Johnny are you sure about that?” Roy asked.

    “Yes, I’m sure. Then once I talk to Jason, I can stop at the funeral home and drop the clothes off for Shawna.” He replied as he looked at both Kelly and Roy. “Come on guys, I need to talk to him. I need to apologize to him for last night.”

    “I don’t think it will hurt anything.” Kelly replied.

    “OK. Let’s go.” Roy and Kelly each kissed their wives and told them that they would see them later.

    “OK. We’re going to go home for a while, shower and change clothes.” Joanne replied.

    “Be careful.” Roy told them.

    “We will.” Twenty minutes later, Roy, Kelly, and Johnny pulled into Chet’s driveway. They began to panic when they saw a police cruiser sitting there and raced to the door. Johnny rang the doorbell since he got there first. Chet answered and was shocked to see Johnny standing there.

    “What are you doing here? Didn’t you cause enough trouble last night?” Chet asked furiously. “I’m sorry Johnny I didn’t mean to be so cruel but I don’t think that you should be here.”

    “What’s happened and why is there a police cruiser in the driveway?” Johnny asked and he just shrugged the comment Chet made off.

    “Capt. Stevens is here. Jason came home last night, locked himself in his room, and refuses to come out. He won’t talk to us, and just says that he knows you blame him for Shawna’s death. We’ve tried everything short of kicking the door in, he still has his service weapon with him and that’s what scares me. Neal has been trying to get him to open the door for the last half hour with no luck.”

    “Chet let me try.” Johnny suggested.

    “Johnny I don’t think…”

    “Chet let him try.” Kelly replied as he cut him off. Chet stepped back and let his friends come inside. They walked down the hallway and saw Susan and Neal talking to Jason through the door.

    “Jason please open the door.” Neal pleaded with his officer.

    “No. I wish that everyone would just go away. I’ve already hurt enough people and I don’t want anyone else around me right now.”

    “Jason, its Johnny. Please open the door.”

    “Johnny go away.”

    “Jason, I’m not going away so you might as well open the door before I kick it in.” He replied and noticed the look on Chet’s face. Chet just looked at him and Johnny motioned that he wasn’t going to kick the door in. They all waited for a minute. “Jason, come on open the door.” Suddenly they heard the lock click and the door opened slightly. Everyone stayed back and let Johnny go inside.

    “What do you want Johnny?” Jason asked when Johnny came into the room. Johnny leaned against the door and looked at how sad Jason looked. His eyes were all red and swollen from crying so much, Johnny felt really bad for the way he had treated the young man whom he had considered part of the family every since he was born. “What do you want Johnny?” Jason asked again and startled Johnny.

    “I wanted to say that I’m sorry for what I said last night. I was hurt, angry, and you were right there. I’m sorry that I slammed you against the wall and accused you of getting Shawna killed.” Johnny replied as his voice started to break up.

    “Johnny, if I could’ve protected her I would’ve. I’d have taken a bullet for her in a heartbeat and never thought twice about it. We all thought that they were unarmed and when we started towards them, that’s when he pulled a gun.” Jason replied as the tears rolled down his cheeks.

    “Oh, Jason.” Shawna whispered. Suddenly there was a knock on his door.

    “Yes.” Jason replied. Chet opened the door and poked his head inside.

    “Guys, the afternoon news is about to run a special report about Shawna. I thought that you two would want to see it.”

    “OK. We’re coming.” Johnny replied. They all walked into the living room just as the news was coming back on.

    “And on a sad note today, we learned this morning that Los Angeles Police Captain Shawna Gage died last night in a shoot out at the Hollywood Park Race Track. Captain Gage was off duty when she responded to a call of shots fired at the race track. She was assisting other officers when she was shot. Shawna Williams Gage was well known and respected by most of Los Angeles and Los Angeles County .

Shawna leaves behind a loving husband, Chief John Gage of the Los Angeles County Fire Department, eight children and their spouses, and a host of grandchildren. One thing that was always said about Shawna was that she never met a stranger. If she saw you on the streets, you always received a warm smile and a friendly handshake. Shawna always told the press that if you are at any scene, you respect the authorities and more importantly you respect the victims.” Anchorman Lee Ryans told the citizens.

    “He’s right.” Neal replied.

    “I’ve gone through years of photos and videos and I’ve compiled a video scrapbooks of sorts of some of the memorable moments that we’ve had with Shawna.” The photos started rolling across and they all started remembering some of the photos. Meanwhile, at the house the kids were watching the same newscast. They saw pictures of Shawna at the scenes of accidents, fires, they showed the photo of the fire at the orphanage where she met Johnny. They had photos of her with every President of the United States beginning with President John F. Kennedy in 1963, when she was 20, all the way to the current President George W. Bush in 2004.

    They also had photos of Shawna with Prince Charles, the late Princess Diana and their boys. She was also photographed with the Queen of England, major rock stars and a host of Hollywood actors and actresses.

    “Shawna made an impact on Los Angeles and we were even told by some of the prisoners that she helped to put away that she would always visit San Quentin and talk to them. They all said the same thing, that she was doing her job when she arrested them. We are asking that everyone give the family privacy in this time of sorrow, and in lieu of flowers, please make a donation to any of the four charities that Shawna and her husband supported. The charities are: the State Street Mission, any animal shelter in Los Angeles County, any of the four county orphanages, and the Policeman’s Widow’s and Orphan’s Fund. Also out of respect for the family, the press will not be around the funeral home or the burial site. To the family of Shawna Gage, our sympathies go out to you.” Lee ended the news broadcast with a moment of silence. Johnny and the others all had tears in their eyes once the broadcast ended.

    “That was so sweet of him to do something like that.” Susan replied as she wiped the tears away.

    “Yes, that was really nice of him.” Johnny replied as he wiped away tears too.

    “So Jason, are you going to be OK?” Kelly Brackett asked the young man as they began to move around the room.

    “Yeah Dr. Brackett, I’m going to be fine. I think that I’m to go take a nap.”

    “Jason, I’d like for you to turn in your weapon until you return back to work next week.” Neal told the young man.

    “OK, captain.” Jason told his boss and then went to get his weapon. He walked back into the living room with the clip out of the weapon and had it pointed downward when he handed it to Neal.

    “Thanks Jason. Guys, I’m going to head on back to the station and get some of the reports finished. Johnny, if you need anything at all just call me.”

    “Thanks Neal. I’ll get with you tomorrow and discuss an escort from the funeral home out to the ranch.”

    “Sure thing. Take your time. I have plenty of officers who would be honored to escort Shawna home.” Neal told Johnny as he was walking out of the house.

    “Chet and Susan, I’m sorry about all of the hurt that I caused you guys because of my actions last night.”

    “It’s OK Johnny. We understand what you’re going through. We’re going to miss Shawna too.” Susan told him as she walked over and gave him a hug. He held onto her for a minute or two and then let go.

    “Thanks. I’ll see you Monday evening at the funeral.”  Johnny, Roy and Kelly all left the house and headed toward the funeral home. Johnny went in and handed the funeral director Shawna’s clothes.

    “Mr. Gage I’m so sorry for your loss. Shawna was a remarkable lady. I assume that you’re going to want to do the services Monday evening.”

    “Yes, that will be fine.” Johnny said in a stunned tone as if he couldn’t really believe that he was here planning his wife’s funeral.

    “And what kind of music would you like for us to play at the funeral service?”

    “I know that Shawna loved Amazing Grace, I’ll Fly Away, and I’m Gonna Take That Mountain by Reba McEntire.”

    “Those are all excellent songs. I’ll make sure that everything is taken care of Mr. Gage.” He replied as he shook Johnny’s hand and then left the room with the garment bag. Johnny walked out of the funeral home and back to the vehicle.

    “Are you OK?” Roy asked as he noticed how quiet Johnny was being.

    “I just can’t believe that I’m planning my wife’s funeral. This can’t be happening.”

    “Come on, we’ll take you home.” They took Johnny home and when they arrived some of his grandkids came running out of the house.

    “Grandpa.” They all came running up to him and gave him a hug. Some of his in-laws came out too.

    “How are you doing dad?” Shelley, Brad’s wife, asked her father-in-law.

    “I’m doing OK. How are you and all the others doing?”

    “We’re hanging in there. Roy , are you and Kelly coming in?” She asked the two men.

    “No thanks. We’re going to be going and let you all have some time alone. Johnny we’ll see you Monday evening at the funeral home.”

    “OK. Thanks guys.” The two men drove off and Johnny went inside with the grandkids. All of the grandkids were sitting around and not doing anything. “Hey kids, you know that you can go outside and play. Gramma wouldn’t want you to just sit here and neither do I. So come on, let’s go outside.” They all jumped up and went outside. Johnny went back outside with the grandkids and sat on the railing watching them play in the yard. Soon he was joined by Shelley when she brought him a glass of tea.

    “Here you go dad.”

    “Thanks. How are you and the others doing?”

    “We’re OK. It’s hard for the kids to understand that Shawna isn’t here anymore.”

    “I bet it is, especially the younger ones.”

    “Bobby and Alexis really don’t understand that Gramma is in Heaven.”

    “They are the ones who I really feel sorry for. They didn’t get to really know her better.”

    “But I bet that they know she loved them.”

    “That they do.. Bobby asked if Gramma was watching them from Heaven and I told him yes she was. He said that he’d better be good or Gramma would start to cry.”

    “He should know that Shawna wouldn’t cry if he were mean. Boys will be boys, is what she would say.” They sat there and watched the kids play and then everyone went in for dinner. Sunday came and the ranch was a very busy with people coming and going. Police officers, highway patrol officers, fire department personnel, and just people in general came by to offer their condolences to the family. Monday evening arrived and Johnny dreaded going to the funeral home but Roy came by and offered to drive him. They arrived at the funeral home an hour before everyone else and Johnny was standing next to the casket just looking at Shawna.

    “She looks like she’s asleep. Most of the funerals I’ve been to the people look like they have on way too much make-up.”

    “She looks peaceful.”

    “Oh God Shawna, why you? Why you? My beautiful Shawna.” He broke down and started crying and then he heard a female voice calling his name.

    “Johnny! Johnny! Johnny you need to wake up.” Johnny woke up in a cold sweat. “Johnny are you OK? You were having a bad dream.” He looked at the woman talking to him and then he jumped out of bed.

    “You’re not here. You can’t be here.” He kept telling Shawna. “You’re dead.” She looked at him shocked.

    “Dead? Sweetheart what are you talking about? It’s me. I’m right here and I’m fine.” She replied as she got out of the bed and walked around to him. “Johnny, you were dreaming. I’m right here.” She said as she placed her hand on his cheek to let him know that she was real.

    “Oh Shawna.” He replied as he pulled her body close to him and then kissed her hard on the lips. “I was dreaming?”

    “Yes you were dreaming. You were crying out in your sleep, ‘Why you?’ and that’s when I woke you up.”

    “It was so real. We answered a call at the race track and you had been shot and died. Everyone was here at the ranch, and I blamed Jason because he was there with you and you were the one who got shot.”

    “Oh Johnny. I’m so sorry that you had such a horrible dream. But I promise you that I’m careful when I answer a call. Sweetheart, come sit down.” Shawna led him over to the bed and took his hand in hers. His pulse was racing and he was very pale. “I want you to always remember that you and the rest of my family are the most important part of my life. I will never put myself in any kind of danger. I promise.”