Hamburger Surprise

By Nancy M.

Captain Stanley was mentally going over the duty roster for the next time A-Shift was on duty. He was debating whether or not to give cooking to Gage, since all he ever seemed to come up with was hamburgers or hot dogs. Oh what the heck, we have two days off. Maybe if he's warned, he'll find something else to cook.

He came out of his office and called to Johnny, "Hey, John, Pal. Since we're off the next two days, I'm letting you know now that you’re on cooking detail on the next day back. See if you can find something over the next two days to make besides your uh....usual."

"Geez, Cap, you make it sound like all I ever make are hamburgers and hot dogs. I happen to like 'em." Johnny splayed his hand across his chest for emphasis.

"Tell me when's the last time you made anything but....," Chet piped up.

"Butt out, Chet. Nobody was talking to you," Johnny swiveled around to give Chet a glare.

"OK. Enough you two. B Shift is coming and we don't need to air our......differences of opinion in front of them," Cap warned. “John, just try to find something different to make. It's not like I'm springing it on you at the last minute. That's why I'm giving you a heads-up now."

"Sure, Cap." Johnny sneered at Chet for good measure before going to his locker to collect his belongings. He had some chores to take care of. He offered to take Chris and Jennifer to the dentist tomorrow so Roy and Joanne could go the parent-teacher conferences that were set up.

"So," Roy ventured a glance at his partner, “you think you can come up with something besides burgers or dogs?"

"Not you too, Roy. I thought out of all the guys, you would be the one to boost my confidence a little," Johnny whined.

"I have all the confidence in the world in you, Johnny. Besides, while you're waiting for the kids at the dentist, you can look through the magazines there and see if anything strikes your fancy. Of course, you'll have to read the recipe to see if it's easy enough to make at the station."

"What kind of magazines would I have to look at?" Johnny questioned.

"They have magazines called Woman's Day and Family Circle, Good Housekeeping......."

"WHAT?? Those are women magazines. How's it gonna look if I'm sitting there.......me a MAN, going through women magazines? They have things in there that shouldn't be seen by men," he complained.

"They also have some great recipes in there. Joanne's got some good ones from them." Roy tried to ease his macho partner's pride.

"Yeah, but Joanne's not taking them to the dentist. I AM. In public with all those people sitting there waiting.”

"Well, you can do that or spend the rest of your time off looking for one. Your choice. You'd be killing two birds with one stone this way. What else is there to do in a dentist office besides reading magazines? And there are two kids going. You'll be there for a while. When you're done, you can come over for lunch and if you've found one, I'll even help you shop for the ingredients," Roy said as he tried to pacify his now pouting partner.

"Fine! But if there's a cute chick waiting there, forget it. I'll see you in the morning," Johnny stormed off towards his Rover.

Great, just great. We just get off shift and he's already in a mood. Can't wait for tomorrow, Roy sighed as he headed towards his car.

~*~*~

The next morning, Johnny was at the Desoto residence at 8:00 to take Chris and Jen to the dentist. Jen knew her Uncle Johnny would be at the door, so she ran to open it and bounded into him with arms open.

"Uncle Johnnyyyyyyyyy," Jen cried out loud as Johnny gave his princess a swing around the room.

"Hey Jenny Bean, how's my girl?" Johnny smiled at her toothy smile as Chris came into the room looking none too happy about going to the dentist.

"Hey, Sport, why the long face?" Johnny grinned as he patted Chris on the head.

"I HATE going to the dentist. Especially on a day off from school," Chris griped.

"It won't be that bad. We'll be out in no time, you'll see," Johnny lifted Chris' chin up and tried to cheer him up a little.

"OK, guys, you better get going or you'll be late, and then we'll have to re-schedule." Joanne gave Johnny a quick “hi” while ushering them out the door. Roy came down the stairs just in time to see his partner being shoved out.

"Hey, Johnny, see you when you get back," he yelled to his partners retreating back.

"Later, " Johnny called back.

"Little pushy, weren't you?" Roy said as they locked the door, got in the car and headed for the school.

"I want to make sure they're on time. The last time we went, we were ten minutes late and had to re-schedule. They're very busy there and it's hard to get appointments when the kids have off from school. That's when everyone seems to go," Joanne explained.

That's just great. Roy was starting to think about Johnny stuck in the dentist's office with a bunch of kids and him going through magazines......no, women magazines, as he put it. Looking for a recipe. I'll never hear the end of this.

~*~*~

Johnny arrived at the dentist office only to find one available space left to park. Geez, is EVERYONE here today? Just what I need. A bunch of kinds and their moms watching me go through magazines.

He pasted a smile on his face and said, “OK, kids. Let's get the show on the road. The sooner we get in, the sooner we get out."

His face fell when he saw all the people waiting to see the dentist. Oh man, this'll take forever. He gave the receptionist the Desoto childrens' names and found an empty seat. Chris and Jenny knew a couple of the kids from school. There seemed to be more fathers there than mothers. I guess the mothers' are at the conferences, Johnny figured. This magazine thing might not no be so bad after all.

With Chris and Jen occupied and nobody really paying attention to him, Johnny picked up a Good Housekeeping Magazine, looked at the index and found the pages the recipes were listed on.

Hmmm, nothing really here. He tossed the magazine down after going through the recipes and picked up a Woman's Day. His mood was starting to darken when he didn't find anything there either. He put that one down and picked up the Family Circle. Great, you have to be a chef to be able to figure out these ingredients.

Johnny was getting grumpier by the minute. Nothing in here either. He glanced at Chris and Jen. They were occupied on the floor, now playing with the toys that were there for their use. He picked up the Woman's Day again only because he liked the cover. He started going through the pages. He stopped when he saw an advertisement for a baking dish that had a pasta dish recipe with it. He read the ingredients. Rosemary? Since when is the name Rosemary a spice?

He started to perk up. Ground beef, olive oil, garlic, not bad, half and half, spaghetti sauce, brown gravy? How long does it take to make? Huh, doesn't looks like it takes too long. Only needs to cook for 20 minutes? "Huh, what?"

Gage felt a hand tapping him on the shoulder. "Uncle Johnny, it's our turn," Chris kept poking him when Johnny didn't respond right away.

"Oh, ok, do you need me to go in with you?" Johnny questioned.

"No," Chris puffed up his chest. "I'm nine, I can handle it."

"Well, you can go with me when it's my turn," Jen said as she went back to playing with her friends.

"Ok, Chris, go ahead then. I'll see you when you're done." Johnny went back to reading the recipe. This doesn't look too bad at all. He stole a glance around the room. Nobody seemed to be paying him any attention. He carefully ripped the page out of the book, folded it and quickly put it in his pocket. He threw the magazine back on the table, looked up again, took another look around the room satisfied that nobody saw him and waited for Chris to come out and Jen to go in.

~*~*~

After he and Jenny got out of the dentist's office, they collected Chris and headed back to the DeSoto residence. Hmm, 11:00, wonder if Roy and Joanne are back yet? He got his answer when he saw Joanne's wagon in the driveway.

Johnny parked behind Joanne's car. The kids got out of the car and ran into the house shouting "no cavities." Johnny followed them in and closed the door.

"So, any luck?" Roy questioned as he entered the kitchen.

"You wouldn't believe it, Roy. I looked in all three of the magazines and nothing. Then I started going the Woman's Day page by page and found this," Johnny held the recipe out for Roy to read.

"You ripped the page from the magazine?" Roy's look wiped the smile off Johnny's face.

"Well.....yeah.....I mean.....why not?" Johnny stuttered. " I didn't have anything to write it down with. Besides nobody saw me."

"Well, it's too late now. Come sit down and let's see what you found," Roy said as he pulled a chair out and sat down. Johnny sat down next to him.

He watched Roy's face as he was reading. He knew he would grimace when he saw the milk, brown gravy and spaghetti sauce........and he was right. Didn't sound like a good combination to him either, but all mixed together, and if nobody saw him put it in there, maybe they wouldn't know the difference.

"Well, whatdya think?" Johnny leaned forward eager for Roy's response.

"It looks simple enough. But half and half, gravy AND spaghetti sauce? Together? I guess the only thing to do is try it. Then if the guys don't like it, they won't complain about hamburgers and hot dogs anymore!”

"Oh c'mon, Roy, how bad can that combination be? If it was that bad, it wouldn't be a recipe then," Johnny tried to explain his hesitation about using the recipe.

"The advertisement is for the baking dish, not the recipe," Roy reminded him.

"What's going on guys?" Joanne questioned as she walked into the kitchen.

It's Johnny's turn to cook when we go back, and Cap let him know in advance that it was his turn. He wanted him to come up with something different instead of his ‘usual’,” Roy explained as she went about getting lunch prepared.

"Oh, hamburgers and hot dogs, huh, Johnny?"

"What! Does she know too?" Johnny threw his partner a wounded look.

"I think with Chet, the whole department knows of your limited cuisine."

"Ha, ha, very funny. That does it. After lunch, Joanne, would you help me figure out the ingredients to double this thing? And then, PARTNER, you and I are going shopping," Johnny threw Roy a satisfied glare.

~*~*~

Lunch over, Johnny handed Joanne the recipe. She read it over twice before making any comments.

"This actually looks pretty good. Even with the odd ingredients." She got out a piece of paper and a pen and helped Johnny figure out what he needed to double the recipe.

When they were done, he grabbed Roy by the arm and pulled him out the door. "You promised", was all he said.

~*~*~

When they reached the store, the paramedics headed for the meat aisle and started there. Once they got the correct amount of hamburger, they crossed it off the list and proceeded to do the same with each of the other items needed. Johnny even found the baking dish that was in the advertisement, and bought that for good luck. Roy just shook his head when he looked in the cart and saw the half and half, and two packages of brown gravy. Joanne had some spaghetti sauce she had made left over and already measured out the amount Johnny would need for his recipe. Once their shopping was done, they headed back to Roy's house.

"Johnny, why don't you stay for supper? It'll be ready in about an hour and we can go over the recipe once more to make sure you have it down pat so you won't forget to add something," Joanne offered.

"Thanks, Jo," Johnny smiled as he handed Joanne the meat, half and half and cheese he needed for the top to put in the refrigerator.

~*~*~

Back on duty, Johnny had his ‘secret ingredients’ wrapped up and taped in the bag so no one would get nosy and take a peek.

"Lemme guess, you're trying to fool us into thinking you came up with something other than hamburgers or hot dogs, right, Gage?" Chet started in as soon as Johnny turned away from the fridge.

"A lot you know, Kelly. You'll just have to wait and see, now won't you?"

"Believe me, I can wait," Chet smirked.

~*~*~

The squad only had a couple of runs that morning. Johnny was getting nervous. The engine hadn't been called out at all. He didn't want anyone but Roy in the kitchen when he was making dinner. Although Roy knew what John was making, he feigned innocence when Chet kept badgering him since Kelly figured that Gage would tell his partner what he was making.

Lunch came and went, and still no calls. Johnny was getting despondent as the time wore on. He was afraid he was going to have to start while the other guys were there. It was going on 2:00.

Suddenly the klaxons went off sending the engine to help at a warehouse fire. This was Johnny's chance. Now if only we don't get any more calls this afternoon, Johnny silent prayed, I can get this done without Kelly looking over my shoulder.

Once the engine left, Johnny started pulling things out of the fridge and cabinet where he had hidden the ingredients that didn't need to be refrigerated. If Chet got wind that he was putting ‘Rosemary’ in, he'd never hear the end of it.

"OK, calm down, Gage. You can do this." He took a deep breath. Roy watched in fascination as his partner went from one extreme to the other. Johnny's face said it all. He was scared, nervous, excited all rolled into one.

"Do you want any help?" Roy offered.

"No! Sorry, I mean no, thanks. I want to do this by myself." Johnny gave Roy a small smile. "I want to wipe that smirk right off of Kelly's face."

Roy threw up his hands in resignation. "OK, I'll be on the couch reading the paper if you change your mind."

"I won't."

~*~*~

Taking a deep breath, Johnny got started. He boiled the water for the penne pasta. He measured out the water he needed for the gravy and put that in a small pot to boil.

He measured out the olive oil, put it in the pot. He figured since he was doubling the recipe, he wanted to use the biggest pot instead of the frying pan so it wouldn't spill over. He added the beef and garlic. He cooked the meat until it was done and drained off the fat. Yuck, look at all that. The water boiled for the pasta so he added the pasta to the pot of boiling water. Now back to the other pot. He was building up a sweat by this time going from pot to pot to pot. Roy just sat there watching him, pretending to be reading the paper. Johnny never looked over at him once.

Next Johnny added the half and half, spaghetti sauce, and gravy, once it was mixed with the boiling water, into the pot. Next he added the grated romano cheese, oregano, rosemary, salt and pepper. He stirred it slowly to mix all the ingredients together. He grated the mozzarella cheese he needed for the top. The pasta done, he drained it. The oven was pre-heated by this time. Once the pasta was drained, he added this to the big pot. He stirred it slowly. "Hey, Roy. This doesn't smell too bad," he said without even looking at Roy to see if he paid any attention to him or not.

When he was satisfied that everything was well blended, Johnny added everything to the baking dish. He added the mozzarella cheese on top and put the dish in the oven. He set the timer on the stove when it should be done, and started clearing the dirty dishes away and put them in the sink.

~*~*~

An hour later, Johnny’s dinner was done and covered with foil in oven to keep warm. The dishes were washed and dried (without any help from Roy), the table was set and Gage paced the kitchen.

"Where are they? They should have been back by now," Johnny again looked at his watch. Just as he finished saying that, he heard the bay door open.

He stopped his pacing much to the relief of his partner and Henry, and went to the refrigerator to get the drinks for everyone. Now if we can just not get toned out for an hour, I'll show these guys I know a thing or two about making somethings besides hamburgers and hot dogs.

"Hey, hey, hey," Cap sniffed the air appreciatively, "something smells mighty good".

"Sure does," Marco chimed in. "And I'm hungry".

"So am I, so let's get started," Mike stated as he sat down. He was more than hungry and wanted to eat before getting called out again.

Chet immediately made a bee-line for the oven and opened the oven door. He tried to lift the cover, but Johnny slapped his hand away.

"Do you mind? This is MY dinner and I'll serve it."

"What've you got hidden there, Gage? Hamburger surprise?"

"Huh, a lot you know. Its called ‘Quick-Baked Pasta Family Style’."

"Yeah, well let's see how quick you can get it on the table so we can eat."

The guys all sat down except for Johnny, who opened the oven door, pulled out his prized dish and put it in the middle of the table amongst sniffs, and oohhhs and aaahhhs.

"Everyone dig in," Johnny said as he just stood there with a big goofy grin on his face. He watched as everyone put some on their plate. Chet sniffed his before he put it down.

"Kelly, it's food, not poison," Cap chastised Chet as Johnny gave him a dirty look. Thanks Cap.

"Just checking."

"Wow, Johnny, this is really good," Roy was the first to speak. The other guys nodded their agreement while eating, afraid they would have to leave in the middle of dinner.

"What's in it?" Chet asked.

"Oh a little of this and a little of that," Johnny answered not wanting to reveal those three things.

~*~*~

Quick-Baked Pasta Family Style

Single Recipe -

2 Tbsp. olive oil
1 lb. lean coarse ground beef
3 cloves garlic, peeled and crushed
1/2 cup half and half
3/4 cup spaghetti or marinara sauce
3/4 cup good brown gravy (homemade, canned or packaged gravy (this is what I
use))
1/4 cup Parmesan or Romano cheese, freshly grated
1 tsp. dried whole oregano
1/2 tsp. dried whole rosemary (I omit this)
Salt and pepper, freshly ground, to taste
3/4 lb. penne pasts (short, small pasta tubes)

Topping: 1 cup Mozzarella or swiss cheese coarsely grated (I use mozzarella,
haven't tried it with swiss)

Bring 4 quarts of water to a boil. Heat a large frying pan and add the oil,
beef, and garlic. Saute until the meat is tender and then drain excess fat. Add
all remaining ingredients except the cheese for topping and the pasta. Simmer
the mixture while the pasta cooks until just barely tender. Drain the pasta and
mix it with the sauce. Pour all into a 3-quart baking dish and top with the
remaining cheese. Bake uncovered at 350 degrees for 25 minutes or until all is
bubbly hot. Great for freezer, refrigerator or microwave. Serves 6

My husband has never seen me make this and he's been eating it for at least 4
years. He hates milk mixed into anything. He's never noticed. Our church
recently did a recipe book and this was one of my entries.
Enjoy