"Haunted By The Past"

By Doc Sara

Thursday – January 9, 1969

Roy DeSoto awakened in the wee morning hours and found himself unable to go back to sleep.  He rolled over on his right side and watched his wife sleeping peacefully.  She appeared to be in the same position she had been in when they turned in the night before.  The baby had been sleeping through the night for a while now which afforded them a better night's rest.  His wife had kept him even closer to her over the past few days following the fire, treasuring each moment they were together.  He did not mind one bit.  Every second with his wife and 4-1/2-month-old son was priceless and should not be taken for granted.  There were no guarantees that there would be a tomorrow.  That fact had been driven home hard by another's tragedy only four days earlier.

So much had happened since he became a member of the Los Angeles County Fire Department just a short year and a half earlier.  He had made some lifelong friends through the tight knit community of firefighters.  It was a given fact that they were always there for one another.  His thoughts continued to drift back to a time and place not so long ago that was filled with great anticipation…

It was the summer of 1967 when Roy DeSoto completed his firefighter training and received his first station assignment.  He was nervous as to how he would fit in with the more experienced firefighters.  He had been told that he was joining an elite group of men, and he wanted nothing more than to prove that he was worthy of being in their company.  His worries were short lived when he first entered Los Angeles County Fire Station 69 as part of the B-Shift.  He was immediately treated like one of the guys and not just the new boot at the station.  The captain had welcomed him heartily and assured him that he would learn at the feet of the masters, the best engine company in all of Los Angeles County, if not the entire state of California.  Two of the men in particular, one a seasoned veteran, the other with only one year more of service than Roy, had taken him under their collective wings, and he had learned so much in such a short amount of time from their own experiences as firefighters.
 
Tommy O’Donnell was the more senior man of the group, ranking in seniority only under his captain.  As the station's engineer, Tommy was second in command.  The fact that he was also the captain’s son had no bearing on how he was treated.  Captain O’Donnell cut his son no slack.  Tommy was treated just as any other man under his command.  The captain had a reputation as being no-nonsense, but what people did not know was that he thought of all the men in his crew as his sons.  He was a fireman’s fireman first and foremost.  His men were to do their jobs, each man performing his task to the best of his ability.  When they messed up, he let him know, but he always did so in such a way that they knew he was actually doing them a service.  And when they did well, he gave them his customary pat on the back and told them how proud he was of them.  Every man that came through his station left a better man for having served under his command.  His only son out of five children, and also the eldest child, Thomas Ryan O’Donnell, had been a firefighter for almost eight years and was very good at what he did.  He had been the engineer at Station 69 for three of those eight years.  The other man, more senior than Roy by only a year, was also the best at what he did.  He was known affectionately at the firehouse as 'Gabby.'  The younger man was by far much quieter than his best friend, but the two complemented each other perfectly. 

Tommy was single and happy to be the perpetual bachelor for as long as he lived, or so he claimed.  He was quite the suave devil with the ladies.  He was an even 6 feet tall with dark brown curly hair, a mustache above that infectious smile, emerald green eyes that always flashed with joy, handsome chiseled features, and a strong and muscular body that made him draw the ladies like bees to honey.  Tommy knew his looks were appreciated by the women, but deep down he simply longed for, although he would deny it, the love of a good woman to share his life with and raise a family.  His influence for that had been his best friend of the past year and fellow crew mate. 
 
Whereas Tommy appeared more of the Hollywood leading man type, his buddy was the direct opposite.  At 6 feet 2 inches tall, the lanky Michael Charles Stoker was himself quite a head turner.  He had thick brown hair and deep blue eyes that could peer into your very soul.  More the shy and silent type, Mike also was single.  Tommy was constantly trying to fix him up with a girl that he thought would be perfect for his friend, but Mike almost always declined due to one reason or another. 

One long weekend, after a perfect day at the beach enjoying the sun and surf, Tommy had convinced Mike to go out for a night on the town.  His friend was hesitant, but gave in and figured he might as well go or he would never hear the end of it.  Tommy had only known Mike to have the rare beer now and then.  Thus he figured that just maybe if he got a few beers into his friend, just maybe the tight-lipped man would loosen up enough that he would have a good time and perhaps even share more of his past with his friend.  He knew there had to be more to this quiet, almost sad, young man who had become like a kid brother to him in such a short length of time.  Before the night was over, Tommy realized that he had gotten more than he could have bargained for from his friend.  The young fireman became so loose lipped that Tommy wondered if he would ever shut up!  That was the night that he found out about the girl that broke Mike’s heart just before he left for boot camp and his first tour of duty as a United States Marine.  After hearing of how the young lady had given his young friend the heave-ho on the eve of his departure to serve his country, Tommy found himself wishing he had never persuaded Mike to have that fourth beer.  Even he was depressed now!

As the evening wore on, Tommy listened intently as Mike spoke of his childhood friend and neighbor, Gracie Caldwell.  In his drunken stupor, he swore to his friend that Gracie had been his true lifeline after being unceremoniously dumped by his girlfriend.  The more he talked about this woman, the more Tommy was intrigued.  He did not believe that such a woman existed.  She certainly sounded too good to be true.  Like Mike and Tommy, Gracie was also the child of a firefighter father and knew her way around a fire engine.  This perfect woman was currently in medical school at USC, and Tommy half expected her to be able to walk on water to hear Mike talk.  By the end of the night, after having put his inebriated friend to bed after he finally passed out, Tommy found himself thinking about this mystery woman and how he would like to meet her. 

After Roy came to the station, he quickly made friends with Tommy and Mike, and knew that he could trust these men with his very life.  Mike, like Roy, was a hose man, and had not been the least bit nervous to have the new man at his back when responding to calls.  Because of his easy manner and his natural ability to do his job, the quiet fireman had been just the right man to pair the new recruit with.  He had helped to boost Roy's confidence immeasurably.  Soon after Roy had been welcomed into the fold, his new friends became his friends outside of the station as well.  Tommy and Mike would often come to Roy's house on their day off and were made welcome by Roy's young bride, Joanne.  Before Roy knew it, they were like one big family.  Joanne loved Tommy and Mike like brothers and was grateful to have them looking out for her husband.
 
Occasionally Tommy would tell them about the new girl he went out with and how it just didn’t seem to click.  Joanne always assured him that Mrs. Right was out there somewhere and that any woman would have to be out of her mind to not see the wonderful qualities that both he and Mike possessed.  They would make a couple of women some fine husbands some day.  She joked that Mike's culinary skills would make him an exceptional catch for one lucky lady.  Tommy would joke about it, but Mike would never comment.  He always kept in mind the old adage, 'Once bitten, twice shy.'  He was in no rush to be hurt again.  In spite of his own skeptical views on finding true love, Mike still could envision it for his friend.  He looked at Roy and Joanne and saw what he himself dreamed of one day having, but he would not dwell on it, and the infectiously happy company engineer would certainly not allow that to happen.  For now they were content to have the jobs that they loved and good friends and family, and this little group was indeed a very special family. 
 
So very often Tommy had wanted to mention Gracie Caldwell to Mike, but he had never let on to Mike that he got way too talkative the night he got plastered, so Tommy never brought up Gracie.  One day Mike invited his old friend along for one of the regular outings that the four friends enjoyed together.  Mike had known Elizabeth Grace Caldwell practically since infancy.  His mother had told him of how in frustration over not being able to say 'Elizabeth' that little Michael had officially dubbed his little friend 'Gracie,' and from that day forth she was always known as 'Gracie' to him and those closest to her.  They grew up together as both lived on the same street and were next-door neighbors for their entire youth.  Both had fathers who were firemen for the Los Angeles County Fire Department and each was the only child of their parents, in Mike's case being that his older brother had died in an automobile crash less than a week before Mike's 12th birthday.  They started to school together, graduated high school together, and had attended and graduated college together.

After hearing all about Gracie, Tommy had sometimes wondered what had kept Mike and Gracie from winding up together in a serious relationship.  Those thoughts were short lived once Tommy met the woman and found himself falling head over heels for her.  They met one beautiful summer day when Gracie came along for a day at the beach with lots of surfing and sun.  Tommy was immediately smitten and the rest was history.  They were married the following year on September 21, 1968.  The inseparable quartet had become a quintet.   
 
The guys were all great pals, and the ladies in their lives became fast friends as well.  Mike got ragged a bit more about being single, but he always took it in the loving manner in which it was intended.  His friends simply wanted him to have the same kind of loving relationship they were fortunate to have found and knew that it would one day be his.  All was well with the world, and no one in the happy family could imagine what the future lay in store for them.

At Tommy's encouragement, Mike had decided to begin studying for the engineer's exam.  He had been hesitant because he had been in the fire service for such a short time.  He finally decided that it would, at the very least, be a good trial run for when he took the test in the future at which time he hoped to pass.  Both of his friends helped him to study, and he had also been given positive reinforcement by Captain O'Donnell.  He had often said that Mike Stoker would go places within the department and becoming an engineer was only the beginning.  Finally the day arrived and was over just as quickly as it had come.  Mike had taken the test and could do nothing more than wait.  He had been very nervous before and after taking the test, but the current engineer of Station 69 told him he had nothing to worry about.  There was no way that Mike did not ace that exam with all the studying he had done. 
 
But then he became solemn and said, “I wish you all the best, Michael.  I know that not everyone can be content being a hose jockey always.  Some guys love it and want nothing more than to be in charge of the hose.  But some of us are restless for more.  The only bad thing about it is that when you get promoted, that breaks up our station house family.  It won’t change our friendship, but work will never be the same.”
 
It had never occurred to Mike that he would be split up from his firefighter family, this special group of men that had taken him into their bosom and helped to make him the firefighter that he had become.  It saddened him to think of going to a new station house and starting over, but by the same token it would be fulfilling at least one of his dreams.  In spite of his friend’s best efforts, Mike still was not sure that he passed the test anyway.  Only time would tell.  In the meantime, he would relish every precious moment with his Station 69 family and not dwell on things that might not be.
 
More happy events had come to be during those months, with the greatest being the new addition to Roy and Joanne's family of little Christopher Alan DeSoto.  Mike and Tommy were just as nervous over the impending arrival as Roy had been.  They were already making life hard on Roy by spoiling his son every chance they got.  Life just could not get much better.  However, Roy was able to give a little payback to Tommy at least by beginning to nag him about a Baby O’Donnell in the not so distant future.  Mike jumped on that bandwagon as well.  He knew that Tommy and Gracie would be wonderful parents just as Roy and Joanne were.  Surely God would bless them with a child when the time was right, but he was certain that Gracie would want to complete her residency before starting a family.  Gracie deserved the happiness that Tommy had brought into her life, and a child would only be the icing on the cake.  In spite of his good thoughts for his friend and her still new husband, Mike could not help but feel a smidgeon of envy at what Gracie and Tommy now shared.

Before they knew it, fall had arrived and time marched on.  Thanksgiving came and went.  Tommy and Gracie celebrated their first Christmas together as husband and wife, and Roy and Joanne shared in the joy of their son's first Christmas.  And with all that was going on they never failed to include Mike in their activities, including a New Year's Eve party at Roy and Joanne's house. 

Time stood still for no man.  The results of the engineer’s exam were due at any time, and Mike awaited it with both trepidation and anticipation.  One way or the other, his life would be changed by the results.  If he passed and was offered a promotion, he would have to accept or reject it.  If he failed, he would have to decide whether to try again in a year.  Regardless of the outcome, he would still have his friends. 
 
The results came in on January 3, 1969, the day before the tragic loss suffered by Station 69.  Tommy was proud of his friend who had scored the highest of all participants on the exam!  It was a feat to be proud of indeed.  No other man in the history of their battalion had ever ranked in the top spot.  Even he had only scored in the No. 6 slot when he took the exam several years earlier.  To celebrate, Gracie and Joanne had prepared a big dinner to take down to the station for their extended family.  That evening as they enjoyed the meal and heartily congratulated Mike on his achievement, no one could have ever dreamed that it would be the last time the five friends would all be together…
 
Roy was brought out of his reverie when Joanne rolled over and hugged him tight.  He looked down into her eyes and was immediately reminded of what a lucky man he was.  He leaned over to kiss her tenderly and then pulled her closer into his arms, gently stroking her soft brown hair as he thought of their two friends, their two brothers who had become just as important to them as any blood relative ever could.  One would never return; the other might never recover from this tragic blow.  The one man had only been released from the hospital the day before.  Roy could only pray that his surviving friend could make it through this long and difficult day.

 
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Roy stood side by side with the other pallbearers at Lincoln Memorial Park Cemetery as the chilly January wind blew through the quiet Carson cemetery on this overcast afternoon.  The service was fast coming to a close with the final journey to the cemetery and the internment of a good man, a devoted husband, a loving son, brother, and uncle, a dedicated firefighter, and a friend that had left his mark on more people than he could have ever imagined.  Roy had attended two other firefighter funerals since he had joined the fire service, but this was the first time that he had an active role in the farewell to a fallen hero, and also the first time that he had known the courageous man that gave his life in the line of duty on such a personal level. 
 
The church service had been a very emotional one.  Battalion Chief Madison, as well as Captain Norell of Station 45 where the deceased had first been assigned upon graduating from the academy, had spoken of their fallen brother and his devotion to the department and the community of which he served.  Captain Norell also mentioned the love the fireman had for his family, his wife of such a short time, his parents, his younger sisters, nieces and nephews, and of the close family at Los Angeles County Fire Station 69.  Roy remembered looking across the aisle at the brave widow who sat flanked by her parents and her mother and father-in-law, as well as her husband’s siblings and their families.  Although she had tears streaming down her face, she remained strong, never once looking down to the floor or turning her face away from the flag-draped casket that rested at the front of the church.  He found himself wondering if Joanne could be that brave.  He hoped that his wife would not be in the other woman’s position anytime soon, if ever.
 
The widow held her chin up high as the moving strains of “Danny Boy” were sung by the fireman in the perfect tenor voice during the service.  She was steadfast as the lone piper stood outside the church playing “Amazing Grace” as the haunting sound of the bagpipes drifted through the breezy January air.  She watched as the casket bearing her husband's body was carried from inside the church by Roy and his fellow pallbearers, and then solemnly and respectfully placed on the back of the same fire engine that he had proudly driven and taken care of for so long.  Now he would be making one final ride in his beloved red engine. 
 
The service was to be concluded at the cemetery with all the honors that were befitting his fallen friend and brother.  The man certainly deserved this and much more for his bravery.  The service was nearing its close with only the Last Alarm and the playing of Taps left before one final prayer from the Battalion Chaplain.  Roy now looked from the corner of his eye to the man standing next to him, the man who had been asked personally by the young widow to present the Last Alarm.  He had endured so much already in these past days that Roy wondered how he was able to hold up for this service.  He had suffered smoke inhalation, cracked ribs, and a mild concussion in addition to the first and second-degree burns on his hands in the wee morning hours of the day of the deadly fire.  Then again, Roy knew how close the two men had been, how close the widow was to her old and dear friend.  He hoped that one day he, too, might have a friend, a partner that would respect and care for him as much as these two men had loved and respected one another.  It had to be this love and respect for the man that made it possible for the young firefighter to pay tribute to his fallen friend and crew mate.  Roy could see a single tear trickle from the corner of his friend’s eye.  He hoped that the senior firefighter would be able to make it through the remainder of the service.  With his own heart broken, he could only imagine what his friend was feeling.
 
As he stood there, his heart heavy with grief, the man standing next to Roy mentally prepared himself to pay this final tribute to his best friend.  The chaplain turned to him and it was time.
 
Summoning every ounce of strength that he had, Mike Stoker began.  “Throughout most of history, the lives of firefighters have been closely associated with the ringing of a bell.  As they began their hours of duty, it was the bell that started it off.  Through the day and night, each alarm was sounded by a bell that called them to fight fire and to place their lives in jeopardy for the good of their fellow man.  And when the fire was out, and the alarm had come to an end, the bell rang three times to signal the end.”  He stopped as he felt the lump in his throat growing and had to swallow hard before going on.  The tears were now streaming down his cheeks as he looked at the flag-draped casket.  “And now our Brother, Engineer Thomas Ryan O’Donnell, has completed his task, his duties well done…”  His voice was faltering, but he forced himself to complete this one final tribute to his dear friend.  In a voice quivering with emotion, Mike pushed forward.  “And the bell rings three times in memory of, and in tribute to, his life and service.”  With those final words, the group was called to attention by the officer in charge, and a bell was struck three times. 

Mike did not even remember what the chaplain said in his closing prayer.  His heart was breaking and he wanted this to be over.  He wanted to be strong for Gracie as she had been for him, but it was growing increasingly difficult as the finality of Tommy's death hit him.  He would be riding with Roy and Joanne to the gathering at the O’Donnell house, so perhaps he would be able to pull himself together by the time they arrived.  Right now he just did not know if he could face Gracie, the guilt he carried chipping away at his very soul.  She had remained by his side while he was in the hospital, but he just could not bring himself to open up to her.  She had wanted him to come home with her when he was released, but he politely declined.  His mother and father would look after him until the doctor released him back to work.  He could not possibly be a burden to his dear Gracie now with all that she had to cope with in the days, weeks, and months ahead.
 
Mike felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see his other friend.  “Ready to go?” Roy asked in a soft voice with his wife standing at his side.
 
The other fireman simply nodded and allowed his friends to lead him away from the grave site, Roy taking one arm and Joanne taking the other. 

 
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April 9, 1973
 
The three-day weekend had gone far too fast for the crew of Los Angeles County Fire Department Station 51’s A-shift.  Captain Jack Roberts of C-Shift had called out to his crew that roll call was in five minutes.  They hurried out to the apparatus room where Squad 51 and Mike Stoker’s Big Red were ready for their next call.  Chet Kelly had been the first to mention their engineer’s absence before noticing that Captain Stanley and the senior paramedic were also not in attendance.  There was no time for Mike's replacement to tell what he knew before Jack began roll call, inspection, and then delegation of the day’s chores.  However, as soon as they broke ranks, the questions began again.  John Gage knew where Mike, Hank, and Roy were, but he felt at present that it was not his place to say anything.  It was really no secret that a fellow firefighter had passed away a few days earlier and his funeral was today.  Everyone had heard of the captain, but only Mike, Roy, and Hank knew the man personally.  During their long weekend, Roy had filled Johnny in on what was going on.  His old firehouse captain had passed away following a short battle with cancer.  Captain O’Donnell had also been Hank’s former captain and also a very close personal friend to Mike Stoker.  The three members of Station 51’s A-Shift had been asked by the family to be pallbearers.  Roy told him that he and the other men would be working a half shift due to the funeral.  Although he did not know the deceased personally, Johnny’s heart did go out to the man’s family.  After all, there was a strong bond in the firefighter community. 

Roy had also told him that Mike was taking his old captain’s death especially hard.  While not going into many details, Roy had told him that Mike and Captain O’Donnell’s son had been best friends when he first came to Station 69.  After the death of the captain’s son only four short years ago, the man grew closer to his son’s best friend.  The day before Tommy O’Donnell’s death, Mike had received word that he passed the engineer’s exam and made the top of the list.  By a cruel twist of fate, Mike’s best friend had died the very next day, leaving the engineer’s position open at Station 69 and then being offered to Mike, therefore meaning that he could accept the promotion without having to transfer to another station.  Johnny could only imagine how difficult that had been for Mike.  The quiet engineer usually kept his private life private, so had it not been for Roy having served with Mike before transferring to the newly-built Los Angeles County Fire Department Station 51 a few years earlier, Johnny would not have known anything of his fellow crewman’s past. 
 
“So Charlie, what are you still doing here?  Where’s Stoker today?” came the questions from Chet. 
 
“Beats me.  Cap just asked me the other day if I could do a half shift today for Stoker.  He had something he had to do and would be in later this afternoon.  I said I could and didn’t ask any questions.  Besides, last night was nice and quiet, so I have no problem with some overtime.”  Charlie Hagan honestly did not have a clue what Mike was up to on this brisk April morning.
 
Before Chet could then inquire of his captain’s and Roy’s whereabouts, the klaxons sounded and Station 51 was called out on a run.  By the time they returned to quarters, it was almost lunchtime.  It was Marco Lopez’s day for cooking, so he resumed his meal plans and preparations, and soon had lunch prepared for the hungry firefighters.  Chet had begun to ask questions again, and this time it was Captain Roberts that responded. 
 
“They should be in later.  Stanley, Stoker, and DeSoto are attending a funeral today, their former station captain.  I never knew Captain O’Donnell personally, but I’ve never met a man that came through Station 69 under his command that didn’t have anything but high praise for him.  According to those that worked under him, O’Donnell was the best of the best.”  The captain finished his lunch and departed for the office to finish up some paperwork on that morning's run.
 
“This guy must’ve been pretty special for half our shift to be out,” Chet stated.
 
Marco spoke up.  “I talked to Mike on the phone for a few minutes the other night when I heard about Captain O’Donnell.  I knew he used to be Mike and Roy’s captain.  He said that he, Roy, and Cap had been asked by the family to be pallbearers.” 
 
“How does Cap fit into it?" Chet asked curiously.

Marco explained.  "As it turns out, when Cap got his promotion after passing the engineer's exam, Mike was the one that came to 69's to replace him."

Chet thought for a moment before responding.  "That's really something that we've got so many guys in our crew that had past ties like that, and here we are all together."
 
“Yeah, it is,” Johnny replied.  He knew that Chet could be a bit annoying in certain circumstances even when it was not his intention, so Johnny wanted to try and ward off Chet’s unintentional interference early and before their captain, engineer, and senior paramedic arrived later.  “Since Mike was obviously a close friend of the family, and Cap and Roy also had close ties to him, maybe we should keep any questions or comments to a minimum when they get here.”
 
Chet wasn’t grasping the meaning.  “Just what are you talking about, Gage?”
 
John sighed.  “What I mean is that we shouldn’t give anybody the third degree about the funeral or what part they played.  We should respect their grief and let them be.  If either of them wants to talk about it, then they know where we are.  I just don’t think we should pry where we shouldn’t.”  His partner would have been proud of the way the dark-haired paramedic was presenting himself. 
 
“I guess you’re right,” Chet said after some thought.  Just as quickly as he had started the questions, he changed the subject and soon had his fellow crewmen pondering other important matters.
 

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The single morning call for the station and then a couple of runs for the squad had been the only runs of the day.  Things were unusually quiet, which meant that probably at some point all hell would break loose and they would be hopping for the rest of the shift.  All the daily chores were done, the dorms cleaned, the apparatus room mopped, hoses hung, and everything in its place.  The men from the other shift were thankful for the quiet day.  At least they wouldn’t be completely worn out by the time their shift finally ended.  Neither man, however, had minded doing the overtime for their fellow firefighters to attend the funeral.  If things had been reversed, they were sure the A-Shift crew would have gladly accommodated them as well.  With all being quiet and as it should be, the men were scattered in various areas doing whatever they could find to occupy their time. 
 
It was just past 4 o’clock when Johnny entered the kitchen for a glass of milk.  He found Chet sitting at the table studying an engineer’s manual, and Marco had started dinner preparations.  He got his milk and leaned against the counter to sip the cold liquid.  Marco turned from the stove and walked over to the cabinet above the refrigerator to get the salt.  When he turned back toward the stove, something caught his attention from the corner of his eye, and Marco turned toward the window. 
 
“Here come Cap and Roy with their wives,” he stated as he watched the men and women nearing the building. 
 
Johnny and Chet turned their attention to them as well.  Captain Roberts, Tom Dwyer, and Charlie Hagan were in the captain’s office going over the run log.  The three A-Shift members watched as Hank and Roy motioned the ladies through the door and then entered behind them.  The ladies always looked lovely, but it was so seldom that they ever saw any of the guys dressed to the hilt as they were now.  Hank and Roy were in their dress uniforms and definitely looking like commanders. 
 
“Wow, Cap.  You and Roy clean up pretty good,” Chet commented.  Not to leave the ladies out, he continued on.  “Oh, and Joanne and Mrs. Cap, you’re both looking lovely as always.”
 
Martha Ellen Stanley gave Chet a smile.  He might be the biggest suck-up she had ever seen, but he was still a really nice guy.  “Thank you, Chet.  We try.”
 
Marco offered coffee to the ladies and to Hank and Roy.  Ellen and Joanne appreciated the offer, but declined as they had children to get home to and needed to get going. 
 
“Are you sure you don’t want me to pick you up in the morning after I drop Clay and Susie off at school?” Ellen asked her husband. 
 
“No, that’s okay, Ellie.  Mike said he’d drop me off on his way home.”  Hank was loosening his tie. 
 
Ellen Stanley paused in thought.  “I saw Gracie there.  I’m sure Mike is probably doing some catching up with her.  I think it’d be good for him to spend some time with her.”  Since her husband and the A-Shift engineer had become closer friends during the past year, Ellen was privy to some small bits of Mike’s past and knew of the relationship he had with his lifelong friend.  She and Hank had even had the pleasure of meeting Gracie Caldwell O'Donnell on several prior visits to her old home. 
 
“I agree,” Joanne chimed in.  “It’ll probably be good for her, too.”  She then turned to Roy.  “Keep an eye on Mike.  I think he’s taking this loss a lot harder than he’d be willing to admit.  He’s always been such a quiet one that it’s hard to really know just what he's feeling during times like this.  He needs to know that his friends are always there for him.  You know how he is."
 
Roy did not have to think twice about what his wife was referring to.  He loved Joanne even more for the care that she always showed for those closest to them.  “We will.  I think this is probably bringing up some old memories for him.  But don’t worry; he won’t go through it alone.”  He gave her a hug.
 
Hank unbuttoned his jacket and sighed.  “Well, I guess we should get changed and officially take our places.  I’m sure the other guys would be happy to head home.  I don’t think Charlie will be too far behind Jack and Dwyer.”  With that, Ellen and Joanne kissed their spouses farewell and said goodbye to Johnny, Marco, and Chet before leaving the station.
 
Hank turned to Marco.  “I hope you’re cooking today,” he said with a grin.
 
“Not to worry, Cap, I am.  You’re safe from Chet.”  Marco let out a chuckle.  They always gave Chet, Johnny, and Roy a hard time when it was their turn to cook.  It was an established fact that Mike was the best all around cook, with Marco coming a close second, and Cap right up there with his famous clam chowder.
 
Chet feigned hurt.  “Marco, your words cut me to the quick.  I will never cook again.”  His comment was followed by a resounding, “Promise?” from the other four men.

Hank and Roy then retreated to the locker room to change into their uniforms.  When they returned to the day room to join the others, they arrived just in time to hear Chet's observation.
 
From his vantage point by the refrigerator, Chet could see their engineer pulling into the parking lot.  “Mikey just got here,” he offered with a more serious tone. 
 
Everyone turned toward the window and watched as their friend got out of his truck, his bag in hand, and shut the door, then began to walk toward the station house with a slow gait, almost dragging his feet.  Each man had the same thought.  The engineer looked as though he had aged 10 years in the past few days.  Roy and Hank noted that he looked even wearier now than he had during the funeral service.  He was still in his dress uniform, so he had obviously come directly from the O’Donnell house to the station just as Hank and Roy had.
 
Just before Mike got to the door, the guys turned their attention elsewhere so as not to make the man think he was being watched.  The door knob turned and Mike walked in with his head hung low.  Hank and Roy had taken a seat at the table with a cup of coffee in front of them, and Johnny sat next to Roy.  Mike looked up briefly to direct his attention to his captain. 
 
“I’m going to change, Cap.  I’ll tell Charlie he can get out of here.”  Turning his gaze back to the floor, Mike walked across the room and out the door. 
 
The men exchanged looks.  Johnny was the first to speak.  “He looks like he’s been to hell and back.”
 
Hank looked from the younger paramedic to his partner.  “Johnny’s right.  He looks even worse than he did earlier.  It might've been a good idea for him to have just taken the entire shift off.”  Hank had a niggling feeling that he knew at least in part what was adding to his friend's profound sadness.
 
Roy nodded his agreement.  “I would’ve thought seeing Gracie would’ve cheered him up at least a little.  Who knows?  Maybe they just weren't able to connect.”  He looked toward the door that led to the apparatus room and on to the dorm and locker room.  “Maybe we should just give him a little time to himself.”
 
“You're probably right.  It’s been a really hard few days for him.”  Hank’s concern for his friend was growing.  Although he and Mike had only been close friends for a short time now, Hank had never seen Mike looking so lost.  If he felt that Mike needed some time off, he would most definitely make the suggestion.  He hoped it wasn’t necessary, but for Mike’s own sake it might not be a bad idea. 
 
Almost immediately, Charlie was walking through the door and across the room to the door leading out to the back of the firehouse and the parking lot.  “Well, it’s been great guys, but I’m outta here.  See ya,” the other engineer said as he hurried out of the room.
 
No one said anything else and resumed what they had been doing before Mike arrived.  Marco went back to his dinner preparations, and Chet turned back to his manual.  Roy and Hank just stared at their coffee cups.  Johnny could not stop worrying about Mike.  He was certainly the quietest of the crew, but he was also a pretty pleasant guy to be around, especially when he was hurling one-line zingers at Chet.  This man seemed like anyone but the Mike Stoker that Johnny had come to call his friend over the past few years.  He could not get the image out of his head.  The look in Mike’s eyes when he spoke his few words upon entering was enough to make a grown man cry.  He looked completely lost and alone.  That broke Johnny’s heart.  No one should have to feel that way.  He wished there was something he could do to help his friend, but it looked like letting the man know that he had friends who cared about him was the only thing he could do. 
 
Footsteps were soon heard advancing toward the kitchen, and Johnny turned toward the door to see Mike entering, pinning his badge on his shirt as he walked in.  The younger paramedic offered a friendly smile.  “There’s a fresh pot of coffee, Mike.  Want a cup?” he asked.
 
Mike looked over toward the table and saw five sets of eyes looking at him.  Suddenly feeling overwhelmed, he simply shook his head and exited the room without a word.
 
Johnny felt awful.  In what he had intended to be a supportive gesture, he had obviously upset Mike even further.  “I didn’t mean to make things worse,” he said softly.
 
Hank turned to the young man and gave him a reassuring smile.  “I don’t think you did, John.  He’s just got a lot on his mind right now.  I don’t think he realized just how difficult today was going to be for him.”  Hank pushed away from the table and stood up.  “I’ll go and check on him, see if he needs to talk.” 
 
Roy nodded to his captain as the senior man left the room.  He turned to his partner.  “Don’t sweat it, Johnny.  Cap’s right.  This has just been a really rough day for Mike.  I’m sure he’s got a lot of things weighing heavy on his mind right now.”  Obviously the past few days had affected Mike more than Roy or Hank would have ever thought.
 
Across the way, Hank stood at the doorway of the dorm and watched his engineer.  Mike was sitting on his bunk with his head bowed down, his elbows resting on his knees as he rubbed his temples.  He should have never allowed Mike to come in for his shift.  He had to make a decision, but first he would give Mike the opportunity to tell him whether or not he thought he should go home.  The man seemed to be teetering on the edge of a meltdown since he had walked into the firehouse.  Just maybe all he needed was something as simple as a friend to listen.  Hank heard the buzzer to the front door sound and decided without hesitation to let the other crew members take care of it.  His engineer needed him more. 

Hank moved through the door and into the dorm.  He approached his friend and sat beside him on the bunk.  “Mike, obviously you’re having a hard time with this.  Should I call for a replacement to cover the rest of your shift?”
 
Mike raised his head slightly and turned to look at his captain through tired eyes.  “I’m sorry, Hank.  I just…  There’s just so much…”  He was trying to express himself, but his sudden anxiety would not allow it.  His head started to spin and he felt like the top of his head was going to explode.  He lowered his head again as he took in a deep breath and then exhaled sharply.

Hank noted the sudden change.  "If you want to go home, it'll be no problem.  You don't seem to be in any state to be working anyway."  He saw Mike moving his head from side to side as he took some more deep breaths.  Perhaps he just needed to give his driver some time to pull himself together.  Placing a comforting hand on the younger man's shoulder, Hank spoke softly.  "If you need to talk, you need only start doing it.  I'm always here for you, my friend."
 
Mike found the strength to lift his head once more and turned to face his captain, his friend.  "I know, Hank, and I appreciate it."  After gathering his thoughts, he continued.  "I've been thinking a lot about Tommy these past few days, too, and it's brought up some not so pleasant memories.”  He rubbed his burning eyes.  "Thinking about what Cap O'Donnell went through these past four years and knowing that it was partly my fault, I just…"  His voiced trailed off.

So that's it, Hank thought to himself.  He immediately knew what Mike was referring to.  Shortly after he had come to Station 51, the slightly older man and his engineer had soon begun to bond and found themselves forging a very strong friendship, much like that of Roy and John, as well as Marco and Chet.  Mike Stoker had been a bit harder for Hank to get to know when he first arrived.  It was certainly not for lack of feeling welcome.  As a matter of fact, Mike was the first to make him feel like he was going to fit in with this tight knit group.  The thing about Mike was that he was very much the quiet and not so easily readable man so to speak.  He was the quietest man Hank had ever worked with!  It didn't take long for him to realize that the young engineer could say far more with a look than words could ever describe.  Mike got along famously with everyone and was just as prone to initiate revenge on Chet for his often annoying pranks as John was.  He had a dry sense of humor, but was notorious for his one-liners and zingers.  All the guys looked up to Mike and respected him.  That was probably because Mike respected each of them.  Even though Mike was second in command next to the captain, Hank had never seen the man have to pull rank on anyone.  They knew when to take him seriously.  It was also a well-known fact throughout all of Station 51's shifts that Mike Stoker was the best damn cook in the district.  On the days that Mike was the designated cook, the rest of the guys looked forward to mealtimes.  No one could make spaghetti or fried chicken anywhere nearly as good as Mike.
 
But it was not his culinary skills that had brought Hank and his driver closer as friends.  It was the respect that the younger man had shown him and the trust that he gave his captain.  It was not unusual to see Chet and Marco deep in conversation and making plans or the same with John and Roy.  It was just the way things were.  Mike always seemed nonplussed by the extreme closeness of their friendships.  These men were his friends, too, the guys that he would follow into a dangerous situation and trust them to have his back just as he would theirs.  He knew that it was just the natural order of things to have a best friend if there was one to be had.  He was easygoing and always willing to go the extra mile for his friends when needed.  This had been extended to Hank soon after he came to Station 51.  Within the first two weeks of taking over command behind Captain Hammer, Hank was still uncertain if he would be able to become a real part of this group of firefighters.  It wasn't his job to come there and be pals with everyone, but it certainly would make it easier if he was accepted as the new commander and everyone was allowed to move on.  It was Mike that had taken that first step and soon had the rest of the team following suit.  In no time Hank felt as though he had been with this crew always. 
 
That was also when Hank got to know Mike better and their ascent to best friend status had begun to be nurtured.  In such a short time, Mike Stoker had become one of the dearest and best friends Hank Stanley had ever had the privilege of knowing.  Mike was a regular visitor to his house during extended days off.  Hank's son and daughter had become quite attached to him and made him their honorary uncle.  Hank's 14-year-old son, Clay, thought the quiet fireman to be an excellent role model, while his 13-year-old daughter, Susan, thought he was the sweetest man she had ever known, second only to her father, naturally.  Hank's wife, Ellen, had also fallen in love with the quiet young man.  He always offered to help her in the kitchen or to do any other thing she might need help with.  She had grown to think of him as a younger brother.  He had a wonderful personality and the most adorably shy smile.  Hank and the kids laughed one day, telling Mike that all his helpfulness to Ellie was making them look bad. 
 
It now seemed so long ago since Hank had come to Station 51 and Mike opened up to him and shared some of his past.  One Saturday afternoon the previous fall, after having finished extending the patio that Ellie had been wanting done for so long, Hank and Mike relaxed on the newly completed patio with a couple of beers provided by Hank's wife.  Ellie had insisted that they enjoy the fruits of their labor while she finished making dinner.  As they watched the sun slowly setting over Los Angeles County, small talk took a turn that would take their friendship to a new level as Mike found himself confiding in his captain, his friend, a burden of guilt that had been buried for far too long and now had to be released.  Hank sat listening intently as the words just seemed to spill forth from Mike's mouth. 

He already knew that Mike's father was the captain of Station 95 and that his mother had been the one to teach him the fine art of cooking.  He had even met Bob Stoker and his wife, Helen, and found them to be down to earth and just plain good folks.  He even knew that Mike's only sibling, an older brother, William Robert Stoker, Jr., had died in a car crash when he was 17, less than a week before Mike's 12th birthday.  He knew about the woman that had broken Mike's heart on the eve of his departure for boot camp and the beginning of his two-year stint in the United States Marine Corps.
 
He knew how much Mike enjoyed the outdoors, taking great pleasure in surfing, going camping, hiking, and fishing as often as he could.  He enjoyed shooting hoops with the guys.  Hank had even found out over the course of their growing friendship that when he had passed the engineer's exam and received his promotion, thus leaving Station 69, that Mike was the new boot that had come to fill his very spot.  He and Mike had worked under the same captain at different times and knew many of the same men.  Hank even knew of the close friendship that Mike had had with that same captain's son, the man that was engineer on Hank's shift at his old station. 
 
Mike had told him all about his childhood friend, Gracie, who had been his dearest friend throughout his entire life and of the close bond that the man and woman shared.  He knew that this same woman had eventually married Mike's best friend, the same man that had been the engineer of Station 69 when Hank was there.  He remembered Tommy O'Donnell well and how difficult the man's death had been on the entire firefighter community. 
 
On this particular evening, Mike mentioned that Gracie had called from Denver that morning before he left to come help Hank with the patio.  Hank had laughed at how animated Mike became when he began reminiscing about their childhood adventures and how Gracie was the best surfer he knew.  Growing up the two had been inseparable and had probably spent as much time in firehouses as they had at home as Gracie's father was also a fireman. 
 
As the conversation continued, Mike's tone changed from that of a happy-go-lucky guy to that of a soul tortured by his own demons.  Hank did not know how it actually came about, but Mike began talking about his time at Station 69 and how it had driven him to be the best that he could be.   Before Hank knew it, Mike was giving his own account of what happened that cold January night at the structure fire that would claim the life of his best friend.  Hank felt his heart breaking for his friend as the younger man suddenly opened up and let his feelings pour out like the water flowing freely from a charged line.  While Hank knew of the events surrounding the loss of the engineer, he had never known that his friend felt responsible for the man's death. 
 
It was another abandoned building, an old manufacturing facility that had shut down a couple of years prior.  Station 69 had responded along with two other engine companies.  Mike had taken his place with his usual partner, Roy, on the hose and entered the building.  Unbeknownst to the firefighters on the scene, the building had also been used as a storage facility and still contained quite a large number of metal drums containing flammable materials that were also toxic in nature.  Before anyone knew what was happening, the barrels reached their combustion point and the explosions began.  Several firemen had been deep into the building when the ignition occurred.  When a head count was made and it was thought that everyone was accounted for, Tommy was the first to realize that Mike had not come out with the others.  His first thought was of his friend, the man that had become like a kid brother to him and was his wife's best friend.  Instinct took over and Tommy rushed toward the burning building and entered it without a second thought.  He found his friend unconscious under a pile of rubble.  The engineer began moving the debris and quickly had enough cleared so that he could retrieve his friend and get him the medical attention that he needed.  By the time Tommy had managed to get Mike nearer to the entrance, more of the containers ignited and the explosions continued.  This time the firemen were almost out the door and into the waiting hands of help.  One final blast was too close and the force behind it sent the two firefighters flying in the air and landing with a thud onto the hard pavement outside.

Amazingly, Mike survived the blast, but not without paying a great price.  Flying shrapnel from the metal barrels scattered like that of bombs exploding in a war zone.  A large fragment of the twisted, hot metal had pierced the back of Tommy O'Donnell's body and embedded itself in his chest causing massive hemorrhaging.  The coroner later said that he had been killed instantly.  Mike remained unconscious and was taken to the hospital where he was found to have suffered a concussion, two broken ribs, some first and second-degree burns on both hands, and moderate smoke inhalation.  When he awakened a day later, he had found Gracie at his bedside, her tear-stained face unable to hide her grief.  She took his bandaged hand in hers and quietly let her tears continue to fall.  Mike needed no words to tell him that what he had feared the most had indeed happened.  His dear friend had died saving him.  He felt numb as he tried to absorb what had happened. 

Gracie had entrusted the funeral arrangements to Tommy's family as she did not think she could handle it, especially with her best friend unable to lend his support as he lay unconscious in a hospital bed.  When asked if she had any special requests, she asked that Tommy have the funeral befitting a fallen firefighter, a hero who had given his own life to deliver his firefighter brother from almost certain death.  She also asked that the funeral be held off for an extra day or two to allow enough time for Mike to be released from the hospital to attend the service.  Her last request was that her friend be the one to deliver the Last Alarm, that is if he was physically and emotionally able.  As he was recovering from injuries sustained in the explosion, she did not think that he would physically be up to being a pallbearer.  Roy and the other guys of Station 69 would do that.  She felt it only fitting that Mike Stoker be the one to deliver the Last Alarm.  After all, he had been Tommy's best friend and probably understood her husband even better than she did.  But no matter what, she knew that Mike had to be there to help her as she laid her husband of less than four months to rest.  Those few days in the hospital had been fuzzy, but Mike could never forget the funeral. 

And now, just a little over four years since that tragic event, Mike had lost another person that was very close to him and it seemed to be overwhelming him.  The loss of Sean Ryan O'Donnell had brought those painful memories of his friend's death back to the surface.  Would the man ever stop blaming himself?

"Mike, why do you keep torturing yourself like this?  You're no more to blame for Tommy's death than I am.  Can't you see that?"  Hank wished desperately that he could help his friend to rid himself of the survivor's guilt he had carried for the past few years. 

Mike felt his chest tighten.  "Most times I don't think about it so much, even when I'm talking to Gracie.  But then something happens to remind me of it all and then I…"  His voice was faltering.  "Sometimes I just think that everybody would be better off if I'd never been born."

He had to try to get through to this man.  "Mike, don't ever think that.  None of us would be who we are without having known you."  He immediately thought of the movie he had seen during the Christmas holidays.  "Remember how George Bailey thought that everyone would've been better off he'd never been born?  Remember how he'd found out how his existence had made the lives of so many others better than they would've been otherwise?  You need to think about that.  The world just wouldn't be the same without Mike Stoker in it."

Mike was quite familiar with the movie and had watched it himself with Gracie when she came home to visit during the holidays.  It was one of her favorites.  "But George Bailey didn't cause his best friend's death," he said quietly.

Hank was getting frustrated.  "And neither did you.  Mike, I don't know exactly what was going through Tommy's head when he rushed into that building, but I have a pretty darn good idea what he was thinking.  I'm sure the same thoughts that were going through his head when he heard that first explosion and didn't see you come out were the same that would be going through my head.  Tommy did what any one of us would do for those we care about.  Any one of these guys here in this station tonight would've done the same thing, me included.  And there's no doubt in my mind that you'd do the same for us."

Tears were filling Mike's eyes.  "But because he came after me, a father and mother lost their son, sisters lost their brother, and a new wife lost her husband.  He should've just left me, Hank.  He shouldn't have risked his life for me."

The captain looked directly into those tear-filled blue eyes.  "Listen to me, Michael.  One day you're going to understand why Tommy did what he did and just then maybe you can stop blaming yourself for something that no one else blames you for, not now or ever."  He gently squeezed the engineer's shoulder.  "Do you honestly think that Gracie or any of Tommy's family blames you for his death?"

Mike swallowed hard and sniffled.  "No," he responded, his voice barely audible.

"Then you have to let it go.  You're the only one that seems to be blaming you."  He let out a sigh.  "Cap O'Donnell loved you like a son.  He was just as proud of you as he was Tommy.  He told me so a couple of weeks ago when I went to see him.  He said that he wished he could be around to see you take over your own station one day.  He always had faith in you and your abilities and knew you'd be a great captain yourself when the time came.  He wouldn't want you beating yourself up like you're doing.  Michael, you're one of the best firemen I've ever seen, and one of an elite group of engineers.  One day you're not only going to make a great captain, but you'll eventually be a great chief.  I know you have it in you, but you have got to stop flogging yourself over things you can't control.  It'll give you nothing but an ulcer.  I ought to know."  He saw what he thought might be the faintest hint of a smile on his younger friend's face.

Mike wiped his eyes with the heels of his hands.  "I wish it was that easy.  Maybe you're right and one day I'll understand why he did it, but until then I don't know how to let this go.  When I think of Tommy I feel like such a failure."

"You are not a failure and never will be a failure," Hank stated a bit more sternly than he had intended.  It was upsetting him seeing Mike blaming himself for something that was most certainly not his fault.  With his voice a bit less strained, Hank continued.  "The movie we were talking about, at the end when George opens the copy of Tom Sawyer that Clarence left for him, do you remember what was written in it?"

Mike thought for a moment.  "It was something about friends I think."

"That's right," Hank continued.  "Remember – no man is a failure who has friends.  Those are good words, Mike.  Always try to remember them, because you have friends that love you dearly and trust you with their lives.  You've never let any of us down, and I know you never will."  He observed his friend, thinking that perhaps he was finally getting through.

Mike was tired, but he knew what Hank was saying was the truth.  It was just hard to make himself believe that.  It had helped to get this off of his chest, and he was thankful to have such a wonderful friend as Hank Stanley.  He looked at his captain and managed an appreciative smile.  "I'll be okay.  I just need a little time to myself."

Hank was thankful to hear those words.  "Okay, pal.  Take all the time you need."  He gave the man another pat on the shoulder and rose to his feet.

"Hank," Mike said softly, "would you do me a favor?"

"Sure thing, Michael."

"Would you tell Johnny to keep the coffee warm?  I'll be there soon."

Hank felt relief wash over him.  "You betcha," he replied with a smile.  He then turned and exited the dorm, leaving Mike alone to absorb all that his friend had said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While Captain Stanley had been checking on his engineer, the rest of his men had been entertaining a guest of the station.  Just after Hank had left to check on Mike, the buzzer to the office door sounded and Chet left to answer it.  He soon returned to the day room escorting the most beautiful woman he, Johnny, or Marco had ever seen, a visitor to see Mike.  Johnny and Marco could barely keep their jaws from dropping to the floor when she entered the room.  The blue-eyed woman with the long, dark brown hair was absolutely gorgeous.  But what surprised them all even more was the look of recognition she gave to Roy and the big hug that went along with it.  Realization struck John Gage as he looked at the woman.  Although he had never seen her before, he knew who this woman had to be.  This was Mike's Gracie, the widow of his best friend.

Johnny broke the silence that had briefly filled the room.  “So this is Gracie."
 
“Yep, this is Gracie,” Roy said with a grin.  "Gracie, I'd like you to meet my partner here, John Gage.  Your escort is Chet Kelly.  And the man here with the apron is Marco Lopez." 

The men each welcomed her to the station and were all over themselves as they tried to show her to a seat and offer her coffee.  Roy just shook his head and continued to grin.  She had already heard about these other three men from Mike.  While she would never let them know, he had spoken fondly of John Gage, Marco Lopez, and Chet Kelly.  They, along with Hank and Roy, were described by him as the most dependable men he could imagine ever working with.  Each man knew his job and knew it well.  He trusted them with his life.  Having been raised in the fire service herself, she knew how important it was for a firefighter to feel that way about his fellow crew members. 

After a few moments of chit chat, Gracie came to the reason for her visit.  "Mike and I just couldn't seem to get to each other earlier after the funeral."  She turned toward Roy.  "I didn't get in until late last night, so I haven't really had a chance to even talk to him yet.  Whenever I tried to make my way over to where he was earlier, I always got stopped by someone, and by the time I made it to the front of the house he was gone." 

Roy's suspicions had been correct.  "When he came in not long after Cap and me, I figured something like that had to have happened."

Gracie lightly bit her lower lip.  "Ever since I got the call the other night about Sean, I've been worried about Mike.  I know how close they've been."

Roy nodded his head.  "Yeah, he took the loss of Cap O'Donnell pretty hard.  And I think it reopened some old wounds, too," he said softly.

The other three men listened intently to all that the woman had said.  Apparently Mike and his old captain were closer than any of them had even imagined.  They sat quietly as they listened to more of the conversation between Roy and their visitor.

Gracie let out a soft sigh and looked down at her hands clasped together and lying on the table.  "I can only imagine," she replied, her eyes closing briefly against the tears that she fought to hold back.  She swallowed hard and opened her eyes to look directly at Roy.  "I wish he could let it go," she said, her voice sounding just as sad as the look in her eyes.

Before another word was said, footsteps were heard approaching the day room and a voice called out.  "John, Mike said to keep the coffee warm.  He'll be joining you soon for…"  Hank stopped in mid sentence as he entered the room and saw their guest.  "Well, what a pleasant surprise."

Gracie started to get up, but he motioned for her to remain seated.  He leaned over and gave her a big hug and gladly accepted the warm embrace she offered in return.  "You're a sight for sore eyes, Gracie."

"Thanks, Hank."  She did not have to be told where he had been.  Since her arrival at the station, she had simply been told that Mike was tied up at the moment but should be joining them soon.  She knew how her friend was; she did not just fall off of a turnip truck.  Mike was hurting for more reasons than anyone else knew, and that was why she had had to seek him out.  From the time she got the call from Tommy's sister, Kate, that Pop O'Donnell had passed away, she knew that Mike would begin to think about Tommy as well.  She knew that he would let his guilt eat him alive.  She could not let that keep happening to him.  In the four years since her husband's death, she had come to terms with it and had been able to move on.  She had talked with Tommy's family as well.  All knew that Mike Stoker carried guilt over the loss of their loved one, but nothing anyone could say had changed anything.  With all certainty, Gracie knew that Hank had been with Mike and most likely trying to comfort him and encourage him.

As he slid into the chair beside Gracie, Hank thought of his engineer and how much he was hurting.  "Mike needed a few minutes to check on something.  He'll be joining us shortly."

Gracie knew that was code for Mike is all torn up inside and will be here after he pulls himself together.  "Good," she said in a simple response.

Hank smiled at their guest and then turned to the cook.  "Hey, Marco, why don't we throw an extra plate on the table and invite our guest to join us for dinner."  He turned to Gracie.  "How about it?  Care to join some tired old firemen for supper?"

She couldn't help but laugh.  "Tired maybe, but old, not on your life.  I'd be honored to break bread with the crew of Station 51.  Everybody knows that some of the best food to ever be cooked has come from a firehouse kitchen."

John seized the opportunity to get a dig in.  "It's obvious you haven't eaten with this crew before."

All enjoyed a good laugh.  Although Gracie had only been around these men for a very short time, she knew already what a great bunch of guys they were and how fortunate Mike was to serve with them.  After Tommy's death, Mike had taken the engineer position at 69s when it was offered to him.  However, Tommy's death had changed him, and things at 69s were never quite the same.  Mike had never been a man of many words to begin with, but he had become withdrawn and seldom said anything more than he just had to.  All of the men of 69s had changed as well.  She had already moved to Denver when Mike told her that he had the opportunity to transfer to the new station in Carson.  She remembered thinking at the time that it would be good for him to have a change and start fresh with a new crew.  Perhaps then he would be able to truly move on and start to heal.  She could easily see how these men had made a difference in her friend.  While he was still a bit quieter than the average guy, he was still more like his old self than he had been before he came to Station 51.

Marco got up and walked over to the oven to check the casserole, soon announcing that dinner would be ready within the next half hour.  Chet and Johnny offered to set the table and allowed Hank and Roy to continue visiting with Gracie.

"Mike said that you're coming back to Carson for good," Roy stated.

"Yeah, I think it's about time.  Mike's mom and dad have been keeping an eye on the house for me since Dad passed away last year, and I finally got to the point that I had to make a decision about what I was going to do with it.  There were just too many wonderful memories in that house to sell it, so I decided I'd come back home."  She smiled.  "I've never really been completely happy since I left Carson anyway.  Denver's great, but it's just not home."

Hank gave her arm a gentle pat.  "Well, I know several people that'll be glad to have you back, one in particular," he said as he gave her a quick wink.

She looked at Hank and smiled, unaware that she was blushing.  "I'm glad.  I've missed him so much.  We've stayed in touch; you know phone calls, visiting whenever I could.  He's even made quite a few trips to Denver over the years.  It's just not quite the same as knowing that someone you care about is only a few minutes away by car."

Roy had noticed Gracie's demeanor as she spoke of Mike and looked toward Hank with a grin.  It did not take a rocket scientist to see that Gracie's feelings for her friend ran very deep, probably much deeper and more intense than even she realized.  Her face lit up like the morning sun when she talked about their time spent together growing up and all the wonderful times they had shared.  He glanced around the kitchen and saw that Johnny, Chet, and Marco were listening intently as she had begun to tell some stories of her youth and the things she and Mike had shared growing up.

"I'll never forget once when we were 17.  It was the summer, just right after high school graduation.  There was a trip we wanted to go on.  Since Mike was class valedictorian, we figured that gave us a little leverage with our folks.  My folks as well as his were so proud of him."

Chet had to comment.  "Stoker was valedictorian?  Man, never would've thought about that."

Gracie smiled.  There were a lot of things these guys did not know about their engineer.  "Yeah, he was always a pretty smart guy; then again, Mike always studied hard."

John piped in.  "So, what happened that summer?"

Gracie continued with a smile on her face.  She remembered the incident as if it was only yesterday.  "Well, a gang of our friends had planned a trip to Tijuana as an end of high school celebration.  We thought it'd be fun and asked our folks about going.  Why on earth we thought going to Tijuana would be a neat thing to do, I'll never know.  Anyway, we were still under 18, so it wasn't exactly like we could just do whatever we wanted to.  Naturally, Mom and Dad, and Mom and Pop Stoker didn't think it was a good idea.  So, Mike assumed it was a done deal, but I wasn't quite ready to give up on it.  I guess I was a bit of a rebel at that time."  Gracie grinned as she remembered that day.  "Well, to make a long story short, I persuaded Mike to go anyway.  We told our folks we were going with another group of friends to Huntington Beach to surf.  They never had a problem with us doing that."

"No-o-o…  You mean Mike disobeyed his parents?" Chet asked incredulously.

Gracie laughed.  "Yeah, he did, but he was so nervous the whole time we were there that he was miserable.  When I look back on it now, I feel guilty for talking him into it.  I guess I was a bad influence on him."  Everyone laughed.  "Anyway, we went, but we didn't really have a good time after all.  Mike couldn't enjoy himself for feeling guilty about lying to our parents, and I couldn't enjoy myself because Mike felt so bad.  Since Mike and I had driven down together, we decided to come back the very next morning.  It made Mike feel at least a little bit better."

"Yeah, until our parents found out where we had really gone," a voice said from the doorway.

Everyone turned to see Mike standing there looking far different than he had earlier.  Gracie's smile broadened.  "I'll never forget how we were punished.  We were grounded from surfing for a whole month, and we had to do community service at our dads' stations for that entire time.  I swore then I'd never polish another fire engine in my life."

"And during that month I perfected the use of a chamois," Mike replied as he walked toward the table.  Gracie pushed away from the table and opened her arms to embrace her friend.

The other men felt some relief at seeing the change in their shift mate.  Mike had a genuine smile on his face and obviously was happy to see his friend.  Actually, he looked happier than they had ever seen him look.  Watching the two embrace, it was easy to see how much they cared for each other.  When they parted, Mike pulled Gracie's chair out for her and took a seat beside her.  He could not wipe the smile off of his face if he had wanted to.  It also did not go unnoticed how the two friends were holding hands.

Johnny felt relieved seeing Mike back with them and seemingly feeling better than he had earlier.  "Ready for that cup of coffee, Mike?" he ventured to ask.  He was rewarded with a smile from the engineer.

"That'd be great, Johnny.  Thanks."  He hated that he had walked out before when John had done nothing but show him a simple act of kindness.

"Mike, remember how Chief Klinger showed up for inspection while we were doing our penance at Pop's station?"

Mike remembered that day well.  He laughed as he recalled that particular visit to his fellow firefighters.  "Dad was like Cap here about inspections.  He'd freak out."

"Hey now," Hank said with a laugh.  "I'm not that bad."

"You're bad enough, Cap," Johnny chimed in with a big grin.

"Anyway, here we are, me and Gracie had just finished polishing the engine when Chief Klinger arrived.  Dad was mortified that we were there working on the engine when the station was hit with a random inspection.  He thought for sure he'd be in trouble."

"What did the chief do?" Marco asked anxiously.

"He looked at my dad and told him that we'd missed a spot and then proceeded to point it out.  After he had his fun with Dad, he laughed and told him that he'd seen us the day before over at Pop Caldwell's station and was impressed with the way we were being punished, said maybe it'd save the taxpayers some money.  He told Dad that he was going to remember that for his own use in the future.  I think he got a kick out of how my dad had reacted."  Mike would never forget the look on his father's face that day.

"All in all things turned out well for us over our disobedience.  We could've been punished far worse than what we were," Gracie added.  She gave Mike's arm an affectionate squeeze.

Hank noticed how Gracie looked at Mike when she touched his arm.  He gave his friend a pat on the back.  "Gracie has agreed to grace us with her presence as our dinner guest."

Mike looked at her and squeezed her hand.  "That's great.  I don't know what Marco's been cooking, but it sure smells good."

Gracie took a good look at her friend at that moment and despite the warm smile he now wore, she could see how the past few days had taken their toll on him just as she had suspected.  She had only seen him from a distance at the funeral, but even then he didn't look quite as exhausted as he did up close.  She wished she had arrived in town early enough the night before to see him before the funeral.

"It does smell delicious.  I don't do much cooking myself these days, so a nice home-cooked meal will be a nice change."  She gave Mike a gentle nudge with her elbow.  "And just maybe now that I'm back in town to stay a certain fireman that I know will make spaghetti for me."

Mike replied with a broad grin.  "I'll cook you whatever you want whenever you want it."  A thought occurred to him.  "When did you get in?"

"It was kind of late last night.  My flight was delayed a couple of hours due to the weather," she answered.

"Why didn't you call me?  I would've picked you up at the airport." 

She put her free hand on his forearm.  "I know you would have, but I already had arrangements made and didn't want to bother you."

He looked at her with a more serious expression.  "You could never be a bother to me.  You know that."

She hadn't meant to get him upset.  "I know that.  It's just that I knew you had a lot on your mind."  When their eyes met, she knew she was right and knew exactly what had been on his mind.

As he looked into those eyes as blue as the ocean that they both loved, he felt his heart melt.  Gracie Caldwell O'Donnell had always been a constant in his life and she still was.  "Where are you staying?"

Her smile widened when she responded.  "With your folks.  As a matter of fact, it was your dad that picked me up from the airport.  I did try to call you when I got my flight schedule but you were out.  I called your mom and dad to see if you were at their house.  That's when your dad offered to pick me up.  Your dad's been airing out the old house for me, and I'd planned to stay there but your mom wouldn't hear of it.  She insisted I stay with them till my house was ready.  I even drove her car here."

Mike wasn't a bit surprised.  Gracie had always been like a daughter to his parents.  They loved her like their own.  Gracie's parents had treated him the same way.  He was the son they never had.  It had been hard to lose them both within a few couple of years.  It had been even harder on Gracie.  In less than four years' time she had lost a husband and both of her parents.  He did not know how she had made it through those difficult times.  Of course, he had no way of knowing that she had drawn her strength from him.  He had been there for her when her mother died following traumatic injuries received in an automobile accident.  It was sudden and very difficult.  Less than two years later her father had died suddenly from a massive stroke only three months after retiring from the Los Angeles County Fire Department.  It was then that Gracie had made the decision to come back home to California.  The Stokers were all the family she had left, and time had shown her that regardless of any pain in your heart, trying to run away from it got you nowhere.  Her life with Tommy had only started when he was taken away from her.  It was easier to run away from the pain than to face it.

Soon Marco announced that dinner was ready.  As their guest, Gracie was served first followed by the crew.  She was very impressed with Marco's cooking and told him so.  She said that she would have to get the recipe from him.  As they ate, Chet and Johnny encouraged Gracie to share more tales of growing up with Mike Stoker.  She was glad to oblige, but she was careful not to divulge too much information.  After all, Mike should be allowed to have at least a small amount of mystery where his shift mates were concerned. 

As they laughed good-naturedly at another of the old friends' escapades, Johnny couldn't help but watch Mike and Gracie.  He didn't think he had ever seen a man and woman so comfortable together, not even Roy and Joanne.  There was something special about those two friends, and he had a feeling he knew what it was.  If he was right, then obviously neither Mike nor Gracie were aware of it, at least not yet.  In the back of his mind, Johnny couldn't help but wonder why this couple of friends never came together as a couple.  It was as plain as the big red Ward LaFrance engine in the next room that this man and this woman were soul mates, in his view anyway.  He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard Chet's voice grow slightly in volume.

"You're kidding!  Mikey here graduated summa cum laude from USC?"  The lineman was very impressed.

Before Gracie could expound further, Mike stated proudly that Gracie graduated magna cum laude.  "Yeah, but I wasn't in the top 5 of our graduating class like you were."

"But you were still in the top 10, and you were at the top in your med school class.  That's nothing to sneeze at."  He gently nudged her with his elbow.

Chet was interested in hearing more about Mike's educational background.  "So, Mikey, what's your degree in?"

Mike dreaded this, especially coming from Chet.  He would certainly get some ribbing about it.  "Engineering," he muttered.

"What's that, Mikey?  I didn't quite catch that," Chet responded with a grin.

Gracie decided to repeat it for her friend.  "Mike has a degree in mechanical engineering."

"He does?"  This time it was Marco's voice speaking up.

"Yep, he sure does," Gracie stated proudly.

"No wonder you aced the engineer's exam," Chet stated.  "You had an unfair advantage."  He paused in thought.  "Then again, I just might be able to work your degree to my advantage."

Johnny and Marco shook their heads.  "Amigo, don't start getting any bright ideas," Marco replied.

Mike felt his face flush.  While it was no big secret, he just never thought it pertinent to mention it to his fellow firefighters.  "It's no big thing, guys," he said quietly.

Chet was amazed.  "How come a college graduate like you wound up becoming a fireman?  Being an engineer of the other type has to pay better."

Mike glanced at Gracie and then looked down at the table.  "It's just what I always wanted to do since I was a kid."

Hank could see that his friend was not as comfortable talking about this aspect of his life as one might think.  He knew about Mike's engineering degree, and he also knew why Mike had chosen to join the fire service.  They had talked about it on more than one occasion.  Hank, like Mike, came with a firefighting pedigree.  Both men had fathers who were firefighters.  Hank's paternal grandfather as well as his father-in-law were firemen.  Mike's family tree extended just a branch even beyond that.  Both of Mike's grandfathers were firefighters.  Each man was proud of the fact that his grandfather and grandfathers, respectively, has been with the Los Angeles County Fire Department since it came into existence in 1920 under the supervision of the first chief, Chief Stuart Flintham.

"I think Mike's like me, Chet.  We came from a background of firemen, and as a kid nothing looked like more fun than being one, too.  At least I know that's how it was for me," Hank responded, hoping to direct some of the attention away from his friend.  Just when he thought it had worked, Chet fired another question at Gracie.

"So Mike was just always a brainiac, huh?" he asked.

Gracie felt Mike gently squeeze her hand and glanced his way.  She knew he never liked to talk about his accomplishments; he never liked any focus to be on him at all.  So, she decided it was time to clam up on the subject and steer the discussion elsewhere.

"Well, I wouldn't call him a brainiac, just a student who studied hard and took pride in what he did, like he does now."

Mike turned his head slightly to look at Gracie and gave her an appreciative smile.  "Gracie was the smart one," he offered.

She laughed.  "Yeah, right.  You were always the more serious student than I was.  It wasn't until we were juniors in high school that I really buckled down, and that was only because I decided I wanted to be a doctor.  You helped me get my act together just in time, too." 

Mike blushed at the compliment.  Truth be told, Gracie was right.  She was always a bright student, but she also was the more outgoing of the two friends and found it a bit harder to focus on something more than when they would be going surfing again.  But when she did choose her career path, no one could be more focused and dedicated to their studies than Gracie.

"We helped each other," Mike responded with a mischievous grin.  "We did some of our best studying out in the surf."

He knew that would get Gracie headed in another direction easily.  She had always loved surfing even more than he did.  It showed.  He would be the first one to state that Gracie was the best surfer he knew.

"Oh, you bet we did," Gracie said with a fulfilled sigh.  "Nothing can clear the head quite like catching a huge wave and riding it high."

Roy glanced across the table at Hank, catching his eye and knowing that his captain was thinking the same thing he himself was thinking.  These two friends were two peas in a pod, and whether they knew it or not, they were meant to be together.  There was no doubt in Roy's mind that Gracie had loved Tommy O'Donnell, but the love she had for Tommy was different to what she shared with Mike.  He and Joanne had often talked about how differently things might have been had Mike and Gracie gotten together.  Joanne was certain they would have lived a fairy tale life.  They were just meant to be.

Chet, Johnny, and even Marco continued to ask Mike and Gracie about various things.  While they kept the discussion going, Hank excused himself from the table to answer the phone that had begun to ring in the kitchen. 

"L. A. County Fire Department, Captain Stanley speaking," he said into the receiver.  He listened to the voice on the other end.  "He sure is.  Just a moment, please."  He turned toward the table.  "Excuse me, Mike, but it's your mother on the phone."

Mike gave Gracie's hand a gentle squeeze and excused himself to answer the call.  Before he picked up the receiver, he smiled as he watched his dear friend animatedly telling his other friends of another of their many adventures.  He placed the phone to his ear.  "Hi, Mom.  Is everything okay?"  He listened intently to his mother.  "She sure is.  Cap invited her to stay for dinner and we've been doing a lot of catching up.  I think she's amazed Chet with some of her stories."  He listened to his mother laugh before continuing on.  "No, I don't have anything planned…  Sure…  Yeah, I'd like that…  Okay, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon then…  Love you, too, Mom… Bye."  He hung up the phone and returned to the table and the ensuing discussion.

Gracie looked at him as he sat back down beside her.  "Uh oh.  Am I in trouble?  Have I missed curfew?" she said with a smile and a wink.

He laughed.  "No, she was just calling to see if I had plans for tomorrow.  She wanted to invite me over for dinner.  She says she has a new recipe she wants to try, and she needs another guinea pig other than Dad and you."

"That was close then.  I thought I might be grounded for being out so late on a Monday night."  Her comment got laughs from the men seated at the table.  That's when she noted the clock on the wall.  "Geez, it's after 9 o'clock!  I need to help you guys get these dishes done and let you get ready for lights out.  I can't believe it's this late."

Johnny was the first to respond.  "Hey, I vote that Gracie have dinner with us every shift.  This is the first time in I don't know when that we've been able to sit and have a meal and have so much time together without being interrupted."

"You're right, Gage.  I think she's a good luck charm."  Chet got up from his seat and started to clear the table.  "You don't worry about the dishes, Gracie.  John here and I'll get 'em done.  You've been a wonderful guest and helped to pass the time a lot more pleasantly than if it'd just been us guys."

Gracie had truly felt at home with these men.  "Thanks, Johnny and Chet, but I'd feel better helping get the dishes done."

"We won't hear of it," Marco chimed in as he gathered the last of the plates.  "Like Chet said, you've been a wonderful guest and we're fortunate to have had you join us."

Hank thought it time that Mike and Gracie have a little bit of time alone before she left for the night.  After all, it was her concern for Mike that had originally brought her calling at their door.  While Mike had seemed relaxed and enjoying her company, he still felt that his friend needed at least a few minutes alone with Gracie.

"The guys are right, Gracie.  You know, you two haven't had any time to do any catching up with one another.  Why don't you do that now?  There're enough of us working together that we'll have the kitchen cleaned up in no time.  You two just visit."  He saw the appreciative look Mike gave to him. 

"If you're sure," Gracie said, not wanting to be a rude guest.

"We insist," Marco stated with a smile.

She turned to Mike.  "I guess I really should be getting ready to go anyway since I do have your mom's car."

"At least it's not like you have to drive across town," Mike commented.

"True, East Adams isn't that far from here."

Mike pushed away from the table and then pulled her chair back.  Gracie stood and looked at her hosts.  "Johnny, Marco, Chet, it's been a real treat meeting you guys.  I hope we can do this again soon.  Actually, once I'm all settled after the move, I want to have a get together, maybe a cookout, at my house some weekend when you're all off."

They agreed that sounded like a good plan.  "Just let us know when and we'll be there," Johnny accepted for them.

Gracie turned toward Roy.  "It was really good to see you," she said as she put her arms around him for a hug.  "Tell Joanne I'll call her soon.  I'd love to see little Chris.  I'm sure he's grown a lot.  And I've not seen Jennifer since she was a tiny thing."

He reciprocated the hug.  "I'll do that.  She'll be glad to know you're back in town to stay.  She's missed you."

Gracie then turned toward Hank, the man that had become Mike's best friend.  She had been fortunate enough to meet Hank and his family on several occasions over the previous year and found them to be some of the most wonderful people she had ever known.  She had instantly taken a liking to Ellie Stanley.  Hank and Ellie's children were great kids.  The whole family had made her feel immediately welcome. 

She opened her arms to embrace Hank and felt his arms wrap around her, too.  "It was great to get to see you, too, Hank.  Tell Ellie and the kids I said hello, and I hope to see them really soon."

"Will do," Hank said as he gave her one last squeeze.  When he let go of her, she looked directly into his eyes as if asking him to watch over Mike.

She then turned back to her dearest friend.  "Do you mind walking me to the car?" she asked.

"Not at all," Mike smiled warmly.  He turned to Hank.  "I'll be back."

"Take your time," the captain said, smiling as he watched his engineer escort the lovely lady from the room.  Once the couple was outside the door, everyone turned around from the dishes they were doing and looked at their leader.  "What?"

"You're an old softie, Cap," Johnny said with a huge grin.  "That was alright how you sent them out to be alone."

"Hey now, don't get any ideas.  I just thought it'd be nice if they got to spend at least a little bit of time together without us since Gracie did come over here to see Mike to begin with."

"Sure, Cap, that's all that you were thinking of," Chet stated, shaking his head from side to side.

Hank turned to Roy, trying to look confused.  "I have no idea what they're talking about, do you, Roy?"

The senior paramedic shook his head and laughed.  "Nope, I don't have a clue."

"Aww, c'mon you guys.  We may be a lot of things, but completely deaf, dumb, and blind we ain't," Chet stated matter-of-factly.  "If any man in this room says that he doesn't see that those two should be together, then he's in more denial than Mike and Gracie.  Geez, you can look at their body language and see they're crazy for one another.  I'm sorry, but I can't believe they didn't hook up years and years ago.  Those two are meant for each other."

No one even considered denying what Chet just stated.  Each man agreed with what he had said 100%.  Now only time would tell.  With Gracie being back in Carson to stay, just maybe nature would take its course and bring this man and this woman together with little or no help from Station 51's A-Shift.  But just in case, they would be ready to help things along if they saw fit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~      

When Mike and Gracie reached the car, they stopped and leaned against the door.  "It's so good to see you, Gracie," Mike said softly as he looked down on her.

"The feeling's mutual," Gracie responded, reaching for his hand and holding it tightly.  "I was really worried about you today.  I knew you had to be hurting more than you'd let on to anyone else.  Neither Sean nor Tommy would want you feeling that way."  She placed her other hand over the top of his. 

As Mike looked down at her, he suddenly felt everything rising to the surface again.  He had to tell her how sorry he was.  "I'm sorry that…"  He was cut off by Gracie.

"Don't, Mike.  Don't apologize for something that you didn't do."  She wished she could snap her fingers and make his guilt go away.  "You're the most important person in my life.  You have been for a very long time.  You've always been there for me through thick and thin.  No one ever blamed you for anything, and it's high time that you stop blaming yourself.  I love you too much to see you keep doing this to yourself.  Just let it go, Michael," she said in a voice that was filled with deep compassion and concern.

Mike felt a tired smile form on his lips.  "I could never make it without you in my life, Gracie.  No matter what's ever happened, you've been the one constant that never changed.  I love you for that."  He leaned over and kissed her cheek.  "I'm really glad you're back to stay."

"Me, too," she said quietly before putting her arms around his waist and resting her head against his chest as his arms wrapped around her and held her tight.

He didn't know how long they had held their embrace, but much too soon he felt her pulling away.  "I could stand here all night, but I know your mom and dad won't go to bed till I get back.  I've got some things to do tomorrow about the house and the practice, but I'll see you for dinner at least?" she said, a hopeful sound to her voice.

"I'll be there with bells on."  He looked into her blue eyes and nearly lost himself in them.  "Tell Mom and Dad I'll see them tomorrow."

She smiled and reached for the car door.  Mike beat her to it, opening the door and holding it for her as she got in.  He closed the door and bent over in front of the window.  "Goodnight, Mike.  Have peaceful dreams," her soft voice said as she turned the key in the ignition.

With a smile on his face, Mike watched his friend pull the car out of the parking lot and onto East 223rd Street.  He watched the car until he could see it no more.  He exhaled a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding and made his way back toward the building.  He walked inside the kitchen to find that the men had indeed done the dishes and cleaned the kitchen in short order.  It was now almost time for lights out.

Mike headed for the dorm.  He prepared his bunker gear for the night and was soon ready for bed himself.  He was already in bed when Hank and the other guys walked in.  After everyone exchanged 'good nights' and the lights were out, Mike rolled onto his side and looked toward Hank's bunk.

"Hank, thanks for everything you've done today," Mike said, his voice soft and low.

The older fireman smiled.  "I haven't done anything that you wouldn't have done for me, pal."

Mike felt fortunate to be with this group of men.  They had all shown him support when he needed it most.  There were none better, especially his captain.  "And especially thanks for being the best friend a guy could ask for."

With those words, Mike rolled over onto his other side to face the partition.  Hank looked at him for a few moments, listening closely until he heard the steady rhythm of his breathing as he had fallen into a deep sleep.  Hank rolled onto his back and sighed with relief.  Just maybe his friend was finally on the road to healing the broken heart that had needed mending for far too long. 

With a little help from his friends, and the support of the woman that Hank was certain was about to change his friend's life, Mike would begin to move on with his life in time and find the happiness that he so richly deserved.

Hank closed his eyes and fell asleep with nothing but positive thoughts filling his dreams.

And so the journey begins…

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The Chronicles of Mike Stoker                     Stories by Doc Sara