New! 05/10/16

“One-Armed and Extremely Dangerous”

By Ross



Roy DeSoto gazed bemusedly down at his buddy’s arched back.

They’d just returned from a run at the local YMCA, where a rather heavyset guy had taken a bad tumble from a treadmill.  Though battered and bruised, the man’s injuries hadn’t required a trip in to Rampart. 

Roy was hoping the same might be said for his partner.

While at the Y, Johnny had witnessed a one-armed push-up.  Apparently, he was determined to duplicate the fitness trainer’s daring deed, because he’d just found his friend down on all fours, in their locker room.  Well, down on his knees and his right hand, actually. 

Squad 51’s senior paramedic placed his left boot down on the bench in front of him and settled in to watch the show.  “Wouldn’t it be a lot safer, if you were to try that out on the lawn?”

“Nuh-uh.  Kelly might see me.”


“So-o, if I can’t do it, he’ll be razzin’ me for the rest of the shift.”

“Yeah.  But if you can’t do it out there, at least you won’t be planting your face into the locker room floor.  You break your nose, Chet’ll be razzin’ you for weeks.”

“I’m not gonna break anything.”

“I believe you said the same thing about the skateboard…right before you planted your entire body into that bed of cactus.”

“Look, if it bothers you to be here, why don’t you just leave?”

“Can’t.  It’s like watching a train wreck.  You want to look away, but it’s just too damn mesmerizing.  Besides, somebody has to be here to render medical assistance…and to help you explain to Cap how you managed to bust all your teeth out.”  DeSoto smiled, inwardly, as his dire predictions finally produced the desired result.

Gage exhaled a gasp of complete exasperation and reluctantly sat back on his haunches. “Fine!  I’ll just hafta wait til I’m not at work.”

“Plea-ease, don’t try this at home,” Roy pleaded.  “You live alone,” he explained, upon noting his buddy’s raised eyebrow.  “Someone should be there to call for an ambulance, in case you should render yourself unconscious.”

“I’m not going to render myself unconscious.  My apartment’s carpeted, remember?  Padded carpeting,” Johnny smugly added, and finally accepted his partner’s proffered palm.  “Ow-ow!” he involuntarily exclaimed, as he was hauled to his feet.  He released his friend’s hand and started reaching for his right shoulder.  “I think I might a’ pulled a muscle. Nothing a cup of coffee can’t fix!” he quickly blurted, in an attempt to prevent his partner from shifting into ‘paramedic mode’.

DeSoto stepped over the bench, draped an arm across both of Gage’s shoulders and began escorting him toward their kitchen.  “Now, that’s a safe bet!  I’ll even buy.”

“Gee,” was John’s snide reply. “What a guy…”




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