Author’s note: All EMERGENCY! Characters belong to MARK VII LIMITED, but any and all OC’s (Original Charters) belong to me and can not be used without my permission
Ever wonder what would have happened if "The Nuisance"
had turned out differently? Well, this little story deals with how Johnny may
have dealt with it if it had.
Memories
FROM THE JOURNAL OF JOHN RODERICK GAGE
November 7th 1986 2:45 p.m.
Today is Roy’s birthday, I’ll have to call him in a little while and wish him a happy 42nd birthday and make sure our plans are still on for tonight. He’ll kill me for reminding him how old he is but I love to rub it in, although I have to admit, I’m not too far behind him. But, on to the matter at hand…
The shrink…as my wife calls him, told me that when I started to feel down over this I should write it down in my journal. Well, here I am writing again, this thing is almost full, well, here goes.
Don’t really know why but I wasn’t able to sleep at all last night. Well, maybe that isn’t entirely true…what happened to me ten years ago has been haunting me again for some reason.
I remember that night as if it happened last night. We had decided to call it an early night at the station since we had been running ourselves ragged all day long, and we were all sleeping soundly when the tones suddenly went off.
"Station 51, unknown type rescue, 1825 Tyson Heights, 1-8-2-5 Tyson Heights, corner of West 45th Street, time out 0200."
"Station 51 10-4 KMG365."
Unknown type rescue. We never liked those kinds of runs, we never knew what to expect. Most of them turned out to be "nothing runs" as we called them and this one was the biggest we ever had because it changed my life forever.
"Oh man, why us. You do know what this is don’t’cha? This is a bar in the sleaziest part of town and it’s probably some drunk."
Roy looked at me sleepily and I could tell he didn’t like it anymore than I did.
"Yeah, you’re probably right. And a good night’s sleep ruined."
Well, our sleep was ruined and man, was I ever right…sometimes I hated being right. When we arrived on scene, Cap had told Mike, Chet and Marco to wait out by the rig till we found out what we had. He, Roy and myself went inside the bar and what we found was a lady sitting there starring straight ahead…she wasn’t really what you could call "drunk" just spaced out. Okay, so maybe I wasn’t totally right…but I sure was close.
"Boy, she really out of it, isn’t she?" Roy asked.
Well, we checked her out and when we finally got her back to the land of the living, her ditzy friend took her home…personally, I thought she needed to go to the funny farm but I kept my opinions to myself, as did Roy and Cap. We gathered up our gear and headed for the squad.
"Well, what was it?" Mike asked.
"Ah, some spaced out dame."
"Do you have the MICU forms?"
"No, I don’t have ‘em. They should be in the drug, in the biophone." I said.
As Roy placed the biophone on the hood of the squad to look for the forms, I made my way around to the passenger’s side of the squad. I should’ve taken that chance to hop in behind the wheel since Roy never let me drive, but anyway, all I really wanted to do was get back to the station, crawl back into bed, get warm and go back to sleep. But that wasn’t going to happen.
Suddenly, I heard tires squeal and saw headlights in my eyes. Although I did try to get out of the way, the next thing I knew I was flying through the air and landing on the pavement with a very loud and hard thud.
At first, I really didn’t know what happened, I didn’t really hear or feel anything. Then, as my mind began to clear, I could hear people around me talking, but I couldn’t really understand what they were saying. I suddenly felt a pair of hands touching me, but I somehow knew they belonged to Roy…he was my lifesaver.
"You okay? Trauma box! Johnny, you alright…can you hear me…can you hear me…get back. Where ya hurt?"
Finally beginning to regain my senses, I could hear Roy’s voice and it sounded…well… different I guess you could say, he sounded as if he were totally panicked. At first, I didn’t realize how badly I was injured, but when I tried to move, and couldn’t, I knew that I was in trouble…big trouble.
"My…my back…my stomach…Roy…I can’t…I can’t…"
Seeing the look in Roy’s eyes, I think he knew what I was gonna say, before I said it.
"You can’t what Johnny, tell me."
"I…I can’t move…my legs Roy…I…can’t feel ‘em…Roy…please help…me…this can’t…be happenin’…please no…!"
That’s when I went into a total panic. I remember that I tried to get up, hoping that it was just a dream, but it wasn’t, it was real…all too real.
"Johnny, lay still for me partner, don’t move around…Chet, we need a backboard and a soft collar…Cap, get the biophone and open up the line with Rampart…Mike, Marco, help me get his turnouts off of him. Do it easy."
That’s the last thing I remember, Roy taking charge of the situation. He was always good at that, he always knew exactly what to do. The next thing I remember is regaining consciousness and hurting nearly all over, not to mention being so cold that I couldn’t stand it. I was already on the backboard and had a c-collar on. Either those guys sure work fast or I was out of it for quite a while.
"R…Roy…I’m so…so cold…" I said as my teeth chattered.
Roy looked at me, rubbed my arm and said, "I know Johnny. Just hang on, we’ll get ya wrapped up and you’ll be warm before you know it."
And that he did. He and the guys got a blanket pack from the squad and put it over me. Being strapped down to a backboard with a collar around my neck, I wasn’t able to see a whole heck of a lot ,but from what I did see, all the guys were trying to help. They all seemed kinda nervous, like they couldn’t believe what was happening and they needed to be busy. I couldn’t believe it either and I certainly didn’t expect it to turn out the way it did.
"How ya feelin’?"
"I’m…tryin’ to think of somethin’ funny…but I hurt to much."
"Well, hang in there."
"Ooohhh."
Man, did I ever hurt…from head to toe, well, head to waist I should say. I coulda been on fire from the waist down and I’d never have known it.
The guys helped to load me in the ambulance and as we pulled away, Roy told me that I’d have to wait till I got to the hospital before I could have anything for pain. It just so happened that when we came out of the bar, I was the one carrying the drug box and when I went flying, it went flying with everything inside being scattered all over the street.
There was one advantage to me carrying it…I wouldn’t have to have a needle stuck in my arm for a while. But, on the other hand, there was a disadvantage…I was in some major pain and I really did need something for it.
I guess I passed out again because the next thing I knew I was in a treatment room at Rampart with Dr. Early and Dr. Morton taking care of me. Dr. Early asked me something and all I could do was moan, I was out of it. I only caught bits and pieces of what they were saying but I did catch the part about hanging plasma.
Now, Morton had already stuck me with one needle, when they started the IV on me and now I was gonna have to have another one. Man, I hate needles, but I had to have it…lucky for me, Roy started the plasma so I didn’t feel a thing. He could always start a painless IV…at least on me and he had a lot of practice doing that.
"Johnny, does your right shoulder hurt?" Early asked me.
"No."
That was all I could manage to say. I guess though that the plasma was beginning to kick in and do its job, I was starting to feel better…even though it was just a little.
"What about the other one?"
Now, that one I had to think about for a second, since I hurt all over I wanted to be sure.
"Yeah…a little…Doc, my belly hurts."
Just then I heard the door open and out of the corner of my eye saw the portable x-ray machine come in.
"I want a full skull series, chest, abdominal and lateral c-spine. Let’s go Mike."
After the x-rays were done, the Docs and Roy came back in and by that time I was really in pain. Morton checked my B/P again and Early and Roy were talking about my x-rays. They came over to me and Doc told me how lucky I was that I didn’t have any broken bones but I did have internal bleeding and had to go to the OR.
"Good…my belly…is really…startin’…to hurt me a lot…it’s really…beginin’…to kill me…Doc…what about…my legs…is it…is it gonna…be permanent…?"
Before he would even answer me he looked at Roy. That gave me the idea that something was really wrong and I started getting scared again.
"Johnny, right now it looks as if there is only edema around your spine but we’ll know more after the swelling subsides. Mike, call the OR and tell them we’re bringing up a paramedic with abdominal bleeding and we’re on our way."
As they left, Roy came over to me and said, "Hang in there."
"Oh yeah, with both hands."
As the pain began to increase and my breathing became more labored, I again lost consciousness. The next time I woke up I was in recovery and I was guessing at that point that the surgery went okay. I was still alive, paralyzed, at least for the time being, but alive.
When the staff in recovery was satisfied that I was alert enough, they sent me to ICU. Roy may have been in to see me but I was probably too sleepy to have noticed. I was on the backboard again with the c-collar on my neck and that was getting hard to take, but I guess they wanted to keep me as still as possible in case there was more to the spinal injury than they knew. I guess I shouldn’t have complained cause the next thing I knew, I was being put in traction. I hated that. I guess Roy could see how upset I was over the whole situation. He took my hand and lightly squeezed it and tried to take my mind off it.
"Johnny, you’re gonna be fine. Everything is gonna work out and you’ll be back to work before ya know it."
But, that was Roy, always trying to make me feel better, no matter what I was going through. But I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t as sure as he wanted me to believe. I tried to sound confident to but I was no more sure about it than Roy was.
"Sure I will. This is only temporary and I’ll be back on my feet in no time. I sure don’t want you to get stuck working with Brice for too long, you might start to like it."
Well, we both laughed, knowing that was something that would never happen. Roy couldn’t stand the guy…nobody could and I knew he wasn’t happy working with him. I had to confide in Roy as I felt the tears rolling down my face.
"Johnny…talk to me partner."
"Roy, man I’m so scared. What’s gonna happen if I don’t get the use of my legs back…who will I be, what will I be? I don’t wanna live like this Roy…I…I can’t."
Roy placed his hands on my shoulders, trying to keep me still.
"Shhh Johnny, lay still. I want you to listen to me, you can’t give up now, no matter what happens. You can go on living, even if you don’t walk again. You will be the same caring and special person that you have always been and you will still be my best friend…my brother and I promise you this, I’ll be right here, right beside you helping you through everything. I know the rest of the guys will be to. We’re family Johnny, and families take care of each other…please don’t give up."
There was a long silence. Although I had always known that firefighters did get closer than most families, it made me feel good to know that all the guys thought of me that way.
After a few minutes Roy asked me, "Are you okay?"
All I could do was barely nod my head yes, then he went on.
"Well look, maybe I better go and let you get some rest. I’ll be back in a little while."
I held tighter to Roy’s hand, as I said, "Please Roy, don’t go yet. Can you sit with me for a little while, I really don’t wanna be by myself right now."
"Sure Junior, I’ll stay for as long as you want me to. You just get some rest."
"Thanks Pally."
As I closed my eyes, I remembered what Roy had said to me…that he would always be there and so would the rest of the guys. The rest of the guys…I had known and worked with them for years. There were times that we’d had our differences and disagreements about things but we were always able to get past them and put them behind us and each of them were and still are special to me…in their own unique way.
First, there was Roy. He was my partner and the best friend I’ve ever had in this world. He got me into the paramedics in the first place, a favor that he once told me that I never did thank him for. He was and still is like a brother to me, the one I never had and we went through a lot together. He saved my life more times then I can count, and in a weird way, he did it again…just by being there for me…not letting me give up.
Next was Cap. Captain Hank Stanley, a born leader and a great friend. Not to mention that he was the best Captain I ever had. I remember that he could be stern, when he had to be and with the way we sometimes acted it was a good thing he was. I think I once heard him refer to us as a bunch of kids, saying that he felt like he was in charge of a day care center… sometimes that was true, that’s exactly how we acted…and not just Chet and me.
I remember the day we came back from a call and there was a dog lying on the couch and no one could figure out where he came from. After we got back from another run, one where I was trapped in a cave in, we all talked about it and decided to keep him. Well, we had to come up with a name for him so I, with no disrespect towards Cap intended, said we should call him Henry. The rest of the guys loved it, said it fit him but Cap…well he wasn’t real happy with it…at first.
"Now look, I don’t wanna be stuffy about this but you know Henry is my name."
We all kinda looked at him like, "so, what’s your point Cap?" But none of us would dare say it to him.
"All right, but I don’t ever wanna hear anybody callin’ him Hank…and that’s an order."
We all agreed to never call him Hank so Cap gave in. He really was a softy, most of the time and was really pretty easy to get along with.
Mike Stoker, he was our engineer. I guess I can describe Stoker in just one word…quiet. Sometimes, that man was too quiet, to the point that it was right down scary. Well, maybe Mikey never had a lot to say, but you could always depend on him if you got in a bind. Like that time I was bit by the rattler, he and the guys carried me to the engine, put me in the hosebed and Mike hauled butt to get me to Rampart. We were thirty minutes out, not good to be that far from a hospital when a snake bites ya, but Mike got me there in plenty of time and really helped to save my life. For that, I will always be grateful. He’s a good guy.
Then, there was Marco Lopez. Marco was one of the best firefighters that LA County ever had, not to mention being a great cook. He’s the one who talked me into trying spaghetti and chili together. At first, I thought he had totally lost his mind, but after I tried it, I liked it. He really knew what he was talking about. He’s also a great friend.
Then last, but certainly not least, there was Chet Kelly. Oh man, what can I say about him? Chester dubbed himself "The Phantom" and boy did that name fit him. He was always pulling pranks on me…his "pigeon" as he had dubbed me. Whenever I started to complain, Roy would just tell me that I was the perfect target for him, always taking the bait, as he would say. I guess he was right, I never learned to ignore him.
But, there was one time that his little joke backfired. He had been setting up water bombs all around the station for me to find, over the door, in the kitchen cabinet…in my locker…and I found ever one of them. He put one in the kitchen cabinet…with Mikey’s help I might add.
The squad had been called out on a run that involved a little boy who took poison…he didn’t made it. Roy and I came back and of course when we lost anybody we were down because of it but with it being a kid, it made it a hundred times worse. As I walked into the kitchen, I went for the cabinet to get a glass but Chet stopped me.
"John, don’t."
"Huh?"
"Just…just don’t. The Phantom doesn’t like to strike at times like this."
The three of us leaned up against the counter then Roy spoke.
"The next time you see the phantom, thank him for us will ya?"
"Oh, the phantom knows…he knows everything. And he knows how much you two tried to do for the kid."
Well, we got another call and after we got back, I came into the kitchen after setting up a date for the next night. I was telling the guys about it and of course Chet was making his smart remarks, as he always did. He had been setting the table but hadn't got the plates out. Well, here was my chance to get him back, so I took it.
"Hey, we gonna eat off the table?"
"Huh?"
"Are we gonna eat off the table?"
"Oh, no."
Revenge is sweet. Chet opened up the cabinet and SWISH…right in the face. Now, he didn’t think it was very funny but the rest of us sure did. He slowly walked back to the table and he was soaking wet.
"Well, it do look like the Phantom got caught."
When I woke up, about two hours later, Roy was still sitting by my bed. He always kept his word, he said he would stay and he did.
It took about a week for the swelling to go down so they were going to take me to have some more x-rays. It was about that time that I was loosing all hope, the swelling went away but I still couldn’t feel anything.
I was lying there, trying to prepare myself for the worse…and I was hit with it. After moving me out of ICU, I was put in a private room and the guys came by to be with me before I was taken to x-ray and they wanted to be there to offer support in any way they could. When something happened to one of us, the rest were there to help in any way possible…we were a family.
A lot of people might have thought that Chet and I didn’t like each other, just by the way we sometimes treated one another. But if the truth had to be told, we really did care for each other, the pranks and putting each other down with words was just our way of showing it.
Roy had told me that Chet had stayed at the hospital for the longest time the night I was hit so it really didn’t surprise me when he showed up at the hospital before Roy and the others did.
He slowly opened the door and came in.
"Hey Johnny, how ya feeling?"
He called me Johnny. He never called me Johnny unless I had gotten hurt or he was sorry for something he had done to me. He always called me Gage, pigeon or John but not Johnny. So, I was wondering what was up with him.
"Come on in Chet. I’m feeling pretty good, how’s everything goin’ at the station?"
"All right I guess, we all miss ya. Especially Roy, Brice is drivin’ him nuts. He wants you back at work."
Well, that part I already knew…about Brice I mean…and about him wanting me back at work…I had heard it about two hundred million times from Roy. Chet and I continued with small talk.
"They still won’t let ya set up yet huh?"
"Nope, I guess, after the x-rays they will."
"Still just giving you IV’s?"
"Yeah, Dix said I could have somethin’ solid later today. Hope it’s good, I’m starvin’."
I could tell something was wrong. He just didn’t seem to be his usual self. He just wasn’t…Chet…at least not the Chet I was used to.
"Okay Chet, out with it, what’s wrong? You aren’t acting normal…not that you ever were normal but…"
He walked over to my bed and sat in the chair and I’ll never forget the look on his face when I said that. It was almost a look of shock, that I was making jokes in my condition.
"Johnny, how can you make wise cracks like that? I mean, today you’re gonna find out if you’ll ever walk again, I just don’t understand you sometimes."
Well, I knew then that I was gonna have to have a heart to heart with good ‘ole Chester B. Kelly. That was probably the first time, since we had known each other, that we put aside the jokes and wise cracks and really had a serious discussion, about anything. Chet had his hands on the side of the bed, rapid drumming his fingers, as if he couldn’t sit still. I reached over and place my hand on his and surprisingly enough, he didn’t pull away.
"Chet, listen to me. You’ve known me for a long time and have even said that I can come through anything. But this time, I’m afraid that I’m not gonna make it through this, at least, not the way everybody wants. The swelling has gone down but…I still can’t feel anything …so I think there’s more to this than just swelling. I’m paralyzed Chet and probably will be for the rest of my life. And…makin’ jokes is the only way I know of to keep my sanity through all this."
Well, I could tell he wasn’t about to accept that. He pulled his hands away from mine, quickly pushed the chair from the bed and backed away from me. The look of terror combined with anger that I saw in his eyes is something that will stay with me for a long as I live.
"No Johnny, you can’t say that or believe that. You know as well as I do that it’s not true, you will walk again. You’ll get well, come back to work and everything will be back to the way it used to be. You can take physical therapy or anything else it’ll take so you will walk again. I don’t ever want to hear you say that, not ever again!"
I gave him a minute to get himself calmed down, then I reached my hand up and asked him to come sit back down beside me. As he walked over and sat back down, I continued.
"Do you think that I wanna be like this for the rest of my life? I don’t. I want to be able to walk and work and live my life like I always have, but Chet, I should be feeling somethin’ by now, and I’m not. You know, I’ve laid here for the past week wondering why I’m goin’ through this."
Wiping a tear from his eye he asked, "What…what have you come up with?"
"I haven’t been able to come up with a reason, so I don’t know why. But I do know one thing, I’m glad it was me. If it hadn’t been me it coulda been Roy or any of the rest of you guys. That guy didn’t care if he hurt or maybe even killed someone that night and I’m just glad it isn’t any of you guys having to go through this. But I need to tell ya Chet, I’ve laid here preparing myself for the worse possible outcome and if it does happen, and I think it is, I know I’m gonna need all the help I can get from my friends. I consider you one of my best friends Chet, even though I’ve never said it and would rarely ever show it…I…I do think of you as one of my best friends."
That was the first time that I’d ever seen Chet cry. I guess he couldn’t believe that I would ever say that. There I was, lying there, telling him things that I probably never would have if it hadn’t been for the circumstances and I think I really threw him for a minute. But of course, it was Chet and with him, it was never all that difficult to rattle him.
"You can count on me Johnny. I’ll help in any way that I can."
"Thanks Chet and I really mean that."
Chet and I sat there talking for another good hour before the others decided to show up. After they came, we had about fifteen minutes before they came to get me for the x-rays…and I was scared to death. As I was being taken from my room, all the guys wished me luck and Dr. Early walked with me and as we got to the door, he patted my shoulder and also wished me good luck.
The two of us had talked for a few minutes after the tests were done and he gave me the news…or it was more like I gave him the news and it’s not that I didn’t already know it.
"Doc…I’m paralyzed and it’s permanent…isn’t it?"
"Yes Johnny, it is. I’m sorry. You’re cord is severed…nothing can be done."
"Hey…don’t worry ‘bout it Doc. I’m tough…I…I can…get through this."
I didn’t know who I was trying to convince more, myself…or Dr. Early. He gave me some time to get myself together and after a while I was wheeled back into my room and as I figured, everyone was still there.
I was sitting up and everyone had a look of hope on the faces, especially Roy…man how I hated letting him and all the guys down. I didn’t have to say anything, just the look on Doc’s face as he came into the room told the tale. But Roy spoke up, still being hopeful.
"Well, what’s the verdict…you’ll walk again, right Johnny?"
Again, Roy’s voice sounded different. I think everytime he would get nervous or upset his voice would change. All I could do was look at Doc, I wanted him to tell everyone the results…even though I had known, or at least suspected, I couldn’t bring myself to say it again…I was paralyzed and there was nothing that could be done.
I saw the looks on the faces of my friends, as the news was told and I felt worse for them than I did for myself. They all took it hard but I think Roy took it harder than the rest. After everyone left, Roy stayed behind to be with me. There was a long silence between us, I guess he was still trying to come to terms with it, but I finally spoke up, trying to control my emotions.
"Roy, remember…remember what you said…that I could get through this?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I’ve had a lot’a…lot of time to think and…I think you’re right…as always…but I’m…I’m gonna need…some help…did…did you mean it when…you said you’d be there for me?"
I knew he had meant it, but I guess I just needed to hear it again…to be positive that I wouldn’t have to go through this alone. After he wiped his own tears away he was able to answer me.
"Of course I meant it. I’m here now and I always will be, for as long as you want me to be. I’ve never gone back on my word to you and I certainly won’t start now."
As I begin to cry more, Roy sat on the edge of my bed and held me in his arms and let me get it out of my system. Just being there told me that he wouldn’t abandon me when I would need him the most. That’s what friends, best friends were for.
Well, that was ten years ago now. Two years after it happened, I met Tracy. I had gotten so depressed at one point the Roy had to force me to see a psychiatrist, I was really in bad shape. Man, I remember the big blow up that me and Roy had over that. Tracy was and still is his secretary and that’s how we met…she’s also the best thing that ever happened to me. In my usual "Gage" way, as the guys used to say, I asked her out and we hit it off and were married one year later. Now, I’m happier than I have been in a long time. I have twin sons, Kevin and Michael, now five, with a baby girl who is soon to arrive.
I’m working now as a paramedic instructor at the local college. It isn’t the same as being out in the field but at least I didn’t have to give it up completely…I’m still involved and that’s the way I like it.
Roy is now a Captain, at where else but Station 51. We always thought that we’d make Captain together but as we both know, sometimes things don’t work out the way you want them to. I had to talk him into taking that promotion and I think he felt bad because as he said to me that he would be "leaving me behind." I had a heck of a time convincing him otherwise, told him he had to think of his family and not worry about me. Roy can still be so hardheaded sometimes.
Cap, ah Hank, is now a battalion Chief. It’s kinda hard when I see him to not call him "Cap" I mean after all, I did it for six years. Old habits die hard I suppose. It’s not any easier to call him Hank either but I’m slowly gettin’ use to it. He told us that he was planning on retiring in about a year and I know he’ll be missed. I’ll have to talk to Roy and the guys about giving him a surprise party.
Mike is a Captain now to. I always knew he would be able to do it. He told me not too long ago that he had to get used to talking more, which for him was a job in itself. You wouldn’t guess in a million years who his engineer is...none other than Chester B. Kelly. I don’t know how Mike stands it, but I don’t think he has any problem keeping Chet in line. When I talked to Chet a few weeks ago he told me that he and Marco are planning to take their Captain’s exam. I know the guys will pass and be great Captains.
Marco is Roy’s engineer and from what Roy has told me, he does a terrific job. Marco said that he modeled his career after the job that Mike had done and if that’s the case, I know Marco is a great engineer, Mike always was. I guess it’s true, no matter who you are, there is always someone who looks up to you, even if you don’t realize it. Roy said if Marco did pass the Captain’s test, which we both know he will, he didn’t know how he’d ever replace him but hoped that whoever he got was as good as Marco.
Well, I hear Tracy and the boys pulling up in the driveway. We usually take them to the park on Saturday mornings then go out to eat lunch, but I let her do it today, I just didn’t feel up to it. I feel better now and think I’ll be able to sleep tonight, at least I hope so. I’m so lucky to have a caring family, well, really two caring families. Tracy and the boys and all my friends from the station. If it weren’t for those guys, I don’t think I would have made it this far… thanks guys, you’re the best friends a guy could ever ask for.
The End
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