Disclaimer: This story has Jim Henson's Muppets in it. They do not belong to me, I just got to thinking about something and borrowed them for fun. I've always been fond of the Muppets and tried for their humor, but I'm no comedian! lol  The guys are borrowed, too. This story is strictly for fun! :o)

Mystery At Rampart General

By Audrey W.

As Johnny came around the corner with a patient on a stretcher and an IV bag between his teeth, Dixie directed him and the ambulance attendants where to take the victim.

“The doctor’s waiting in Treatment Room Two.”

Johnny nodded as he opened the door by backing into it and helped to wheel the stretcher in. As the door closed behind him, he heard a new voice.

“Over here, please.”

Gage turned around as he complied. The paramedic’s mouth dropped open in shock, an alert attendant catching the IV bag in mid fall.

“A. . .a. . .you . . .you’re a. . .dog!”

“Yeah? Well, you’re not so good lookin’ yourself!” After a round of laughter by the hound and his nurses, which were a pig with long blonde hair and a hippie with yellow silky hair, he looked at Johnny again. “Whatsa’ matter? This is July. Haven’t you ever heard of the ‘dog days of summer?’”

With that the medical staff in the room laughed again. Johnny just stood opened mouthed, still not sure what to think. He glanced at the door he’d just come through.

Maybe if I go out and come in all over again. . .

Before he had a chance to do anything, the Doctor was asking about the patient.

“Well, you gonna just stand there, or bring that man over here so we can get to work?”

“I. . .uh. . .” Gage glanced down at the patient who appeared to be just as baffled as he was. Johnny gave an apologetic smile, then shrugged. What else can I do? “Uh. . .yeah. Yeah, sure.” He and the ambulance attendant wheeled the stretcher over and transferred the patient to the exam table.

The injured man gripped Johnny’s right arm, not allowing the paramedic to leave, but the ambulance attendant exited without giving the dog and his nurses another glance. Gage watched mournfully as the door closed behind the escapee.

“So, whatta we have here?” The dog asked.

“You sure you’re a doctor?” Johnny asked skeptically.

“Yes, I’m sure. I’m Doctor Bob. I’ve got on a surgical mask and gown, don’t I?”

“Well, yeah. . .but this man doesn’t need surgery.” The paramedic suddenly noticed that the two nurses were hanging off each of his arms respectively, ogling him. He grinned slightly, nodding in acknowledgement. Uncomfortable with the attention, he just hoped they would back off soon.

“Doesn’t need surgery?” The doctor exclaimed. “Well, then what’s he doing in a hospital?”

“He’s got a concussion.”

The patient nodded, wincing at the pain the movement caused.

“Well, in that case, where’s his instrument?”

Johnny screwed up his face in puzzlement. “His what?”

“His instrument. You know . . .like the symbols. . .the drums. . .the triangle. . .”

“Not percussion!” Gage waved his arms animatedly; the two nurses and patient were forced to let go. “I said concussion . . .you know . . .head injury . . .knocked out . . .blurred vision . . .”

“Oh. Why didn’t you just say so?”

“I did sa—oh nevermind.” He glanced over at the closed door. Where in the heck is Roy? I hope he comes looking for me soon.

“So why the uniform, man?” Nurse Janice, the hippie, asked.

Johnny glanced down at the ‘girl’ who was once again latched onto his right arm.

“I. . .I’m a paramedic.”

“You look like one medic to me,” Doctor Bob commented, eliciting giggles from his nurses again. .

“One med. . .?” The dark-haired man shook his head when it dawned on him what the dog was saying. “No, no, no. Not a pair of medics. A paramedic. A fireman with medical training.” I really need to get out of here.

“Far out!” Nurse Janice exclaimed.

With his attention back to the patient, Doctor Bob spoke to the man. “Can you tell me what’s big, green and eats rocks?”

Johnny couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “What kind of question is that?”

“You know the answer?”

“Well. . .no. . .but. . .”

“Then, I’d say it’s a good question.” The dog looked at the baffled patient again, waiting for an answer.

The man shrugged and looked to Johnny, wondering if he had to reply.

Gage didn’t know what to tell the patient. He narrowed his eyes and directed his words to Doctor Bob. “Look, you’re supposed to ask him about things like his name, the day, does he remember why he’s here. . .”

The dog scoffed. “Well, something would have to be wrong with ‘im to not know the answers to those questions.”

Johnny was beginning to lose his patience. “But that’s the point!”

Bob opened his mouth to reply, but sensing he didn’t want to hear what was coming next,

Gage held up his hands in surrender, both nurses lifting up some with the movement. “Alright. . .okay. . .it’s your call.”

The patient again turned his head to look at Johnny, then to the doctor who was waiting expectantly. “I. . .I don’t. . . know. . .?” The man answered with a question.

“Why, a big, green rock eater, of course.”

“That’s just. . .” Gage tried to wave his arms, but the nurses hindered his movement. He scowled, then continued on with his rant. “What kind of answer was that?”

Johnny heard Nurse Piggy clear her throat, trying to get his attention. Glancing down to his left, he saw her looking up at him, her arms tight around his and her head resting up against him. She was batting her lashes at him.

“Yes?” He sighed.

“Never mind Doctor Bob and his questions. The real question is, what are you doing tonight, handsome?”

“Don’t you have a frog you’re in love with?” Johnny asked.

Nurse Piggy tucked her upper lip in a moment as she gave it thought before replying. “No, that’s. . .uh. . . Miss Piggy, my cousin. Yes, yes,” she continued, happy with the answer she came up with. “I’m Nurse Piggy and available!”

“Well, I’m not. I don’t get off duty until tomorrow morning.”

“I do breakfast,” she offered, again batting her lashes.

“Yeah,” came a comment from Nurse Janice. “And all you need to do is bring the eggs. . .with her, you’ve already got the bacon.”

Johnny snickered at the hippy’s remark. He regretted it when Nurse Piggy gave him a quick chop in the side.

“Hi-yaw!”

“Owww! Hey, cut that out!”

“You want me to take a look at that?” Doctor Bob asked.

“No. . .no, I don’t.” Johnny pulled his arms free from the two nurses and backed away, rubbing his now sore left ribs. “I’m outta here.” To the patient he said, “Good luck.”

Gage turned to reach for the door handle and leave, when a voice filled the room. It seemed to come out of nowhere.

“And so we come to the end of another Veterinarian's Hospital. Tune in next week when you'll hear Nurse Piggy say...

“Who was that dark-haired wonder?”

Johnny shook his head and hurried from the room. Once in the corridor of the ER, he leaned against the wall in relief. The paramedic resisted the urge to open the door and make sure what he had just been through was real. He’d take it as that and get as far away as possible just as soon as he found Roy.

“Where’ve you been?” DeSoto asked, bringing the younger man out of his thoughts.

“Where’ve I been? Where’ve I been?”

Roy nodded. “Yeah, where’ve ya been?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

The senior paramedic gave Johnny a skeptical look. “Probably not. On second thought, don’t tell me.”

While Gage and DeSoto were involved in their conversation, a couple of orderlies started into Treatment Room Two. Johnny began to put up a hand to stop them, then decided to keep his mouth shut. He wanted to see their expressions when they came back out. In less than a minute, the patient with the concussion was being brought out in a wheel chair to be taken up to a room. The orderlies didn’t act like they’d seen anything out of the ordinary at all.

“Was everything okay in there?” Gage asked.

One orderly shrugged. “Yeah. . .sure. . . why?”

“Nothing,” Johnny grabbed Roy by the arm. “Let’s get out if here.”

“Okay, but you sure are acting weird . . .even for you.”

“Ha! You think I’m acting weird, you--”

“Yeah, I do.”

Gage frowned. His partner was starting to remind him of Doctor Bob. “Did Dix by chance say anything about a new doctor and nurses being on staff?”

Roy shook his head. “No, why?”

That was it. He had to be losing his mind. Johnny decided someday he’d tell his partner what he saw. But for now he’d keep it to himself because Roy would surely come up with another line about Johnny reaffirming his belief in the younger man’s basic insanity again. And right now, he was doing good enough with that on his own.

“Never mind. C’mon, Pally.” Gage quickly headed for the exit doors, Roy catching up beside him. Johnny glanced once over his shoulder. Tune in next week. . .He cringed. Next week, Roy can go in with all of our patients and I’ll stay out and talk to Dix. . .

TBC. . .

Thanks for the beta read, Kenda! :o)