Night into Day
By E51Writer
Authors’
note: This is a follow-up to ‘Night of
the Child’. It explains Johnny’s
reaction to the rescues involving kids in ‘Night of the Child’. Thoughts are noted in italics.
***************
Out
of habit, Captain Stanley entered Rampart through the Emergency Room
doors. **How many times have I made this same trek?** he
wondered to himself. While he couldn’t
really remember the actual count, there was one thing he was certain of. The journey more often than not led to John
Gage. So was the case today.
Cap
was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t seen the worried glance thrown his
way by Dixie McCall. Hell, he hadn’t
even heard Dr. Brackett call out his name.
He was brought out of his trance by a touch on his elbow. Captain Stanley turned to see Brackett at
this side.
“Hank,
join me in my office for a moment please.”
Cap
was anxious to see Johnny. In the 30
minutes that had passed since he hung up the phone from Brackett’s call, every
emotion imaginable had run through his mind.
One of his men was hurting. He
wanted to get to him, help him. But, the
look on Brackett’s face told him he should sit with the doctor for a few
minutes. All he could muster was a
slight nod.
As
the men sat down, Cap finally spoke.
“Thanks for calling me, Doc.” Cap
looked at the floor and rubbed his hands together – a sure sign of his
nervousness and worry. “You know, I
called Captain Lewis this morning. As
the shift was ending, I saw that look on Johnny’s face. I knew the joy of little Johnnie Grace had been overshadowed again.
I had a bad feeling, Doc.” Cap
looked up to see the sympathetic doctor looking at him – complete understanding
written all over his face. Brackett had
seen the look too. Had
seen it several times in the past 24 hours. Had seen it again this
morning.
“Hank,
I didn’t call Roy.”
“Good. Good.
Roy doesn’t need to know anything yet, Doc. Let’s just see what we can do to get Johnny
through this. We’ll know when to call
Roy. Now’s not the time.”
“I’m
glad to hear you say that, Hank. We’re
on the same page here. Why don’t you go
up and see him. I’ll give you some time
alone. But then, we really need to
talk. All three of us, Hank.”
The
men’s eyes locked and a silent vow was made.
They – the two father figures in Johnny’s life – would get their friend
through this. And when the time was
right, Roy would be called.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
As
Cap rode the elevator, he absently watched the lights change as the elevator
rose. The doors opened. He exited the elevator, took a deep breath,
rubbed his hands together, and headed down the hallway. **Gage,
you twit, it always comes down to this somehow. If only you had a broken leg or a broken arm
my friend, this wouldn’t be as difficult.
How the hell do I help you heal your broken heart?**
He
knew he’d find him around the corner. One last deep breath.
**Help me out here, God. Help me help Johnny.** He turned the corner and stopped dead still.
There
stood John Gage. Looking like hell. Brackett had warned Hank Stanley but he was
still shocked. This wasn’t the man who
he’d seen only hours ago. The strong
paramedic stood shaking like a defeated man.
His hair was a mess from running a hand through it over and over
again. He looked like he’s seen a
ghost. Hell, he looked like a ghost! A man with a broken heart
and a broken spirit. He leaned on
the window with both his hands. Dried
tears stained his cheeks.
Captain
Stanley approached Johnny but Johnny never even noticed. Cap looked at his friend for a few moments
then turned to look through the window too.
A smile crossed his face. There
must’ve been a dozen babies in the nursery.
But the biggest smile and the brightest little eyes belonged to little
Johnnie Grace.
It
was then that Cap realized Johnny was muttering something. **What
is he saying? Speak up Gage!**
Johnny
was still oblivious to Cap’s presence.
The tears were slowly beginning to flow again. “Please don’t die, little one. Please.
Please don’t ever die.”
A
tear now escaped the eyes of Hank Stanley.
He had never seen his paramedic like this. After his conversation with Captain Lewis, he
should’ve been more prepared. But hearing
about something and experiencing it were two different things. Here stood the man matching Captain Lewis’
description. He’d heard it twice. Once when Lewis called him at home right
after it happened. Then
again this morning when Cap called Lewis. He’d heard twice about a devastated man. Now Cap was experiencing the devastation
himself – through the tears of his friend.
Cap
let another minute or two pass. It was
more a matter of gathering himself than anything else. He finally placed his hand on Johnny’s back
and spoke. “She’s beautiful, John. What a beautiful, healthy little girl.”
Johnny’s
eyes widened at the voice of his captain.
He continued to silently stare into the nursery. **Damn. How long has he been here? Did he hear me? Did he see me cry? Damnit!**
Cap
let the silence hang. He wanted to see
what Johnny was going to do or say before he made another attempt at getting
through.
Johnny looked at the floor. **Get
it together, Gage. Get it together. Fast. Damnit. Why’d he have to come?** Gage took a deep breath. His shoulders began to shake again. **Oh
no, no you’re not! You are NOT going to
cry again. Not now. Not here.
Not with Cap standing beside you.**
Cap
began rubbing Johnny’s back. He almost
stopped when he realized what he was doing.
In a split second, he decided to continue. He wanted Johnny to know he was there. There to provide strength, to provide
comfort, and to provide a shoulder to cry on.
Cap
finally broke the silence. “She’s a cute
one, John. Looks like
she’s spirited too. Just like the
man who brought her into this world.
Maybe I should talk to her mom about what she has to look forward
to. I’ll tell her that that spirited
nature is a good thing…most of the time.”
Johnny
finally smiled. He still didn’t look
up. But, he smiled.
“Ooh. Look, John.
It looks like she’s blowing you kisses.”
Johnny
raised his head and looked through the window.
He softly chuckled. “Gas,
Cap. She’s got gas.”
“Still
looks like she’s blowing you kisses.
Just another little lady you’ve won over.” Cap was trying desperately to pick up
Johnny’s spirit. Johnny knew what Cap
was doing and he appreciated it.
“I’m
okay, you know.” Johnny still hadn’t met
Cap’s eyes.
“No
you’re not.”
“Cap…”
“Johnny.” Cap looked at Gage’s reflection in the
window. Finally, the men looked at each
other even if it was only in the window’s reflection. “You’re not okay, Johnny. But that’s okay, pal. I’m here for you and so is Brackett. Let us help you.”
“Cap,
you don’t…” Johnny’s voice trailed
off. He shifted his gaze away from Cap’s
reflection and back to the floor.
“Yes,
I do.”
Johnny’s
head immediately shot up. He looked at
Captain Stanley in disbelief. Cap looked
back at the blood red eyes of his paramedic.
Cap slightly nodded his head in affirmation.
“You
don’t think Captain Lewis would not tell me, do you? He was as worried about you as I am now. He called me when the engine returned to the
station. Johnny, you did all you could.”
Johnny
looked at his captain. At once relieved that he knew but also overwhelmed. He opened his mouth but couldn’t get any
words out. He began sobbing and
collapsed into Cap’s arms.
Cap
held Johnny tight. He closed his eyes in
silent prayer. When he reopened them, he
looked over Johnny’s shoulder at a beautiful little girl – Johnnie Grace – who
lay smiling as she looked upon the men.
A smile mixed with Cap’s tears.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Brackett
tapped his pencil against the wall. The
door to the elevator finally opened. Without
thinking of the fact that someone may want to get off the elevator, Brackett
took a step forward to get on. He came
face to face with Johnny. The side of
Brackett’s face twitched as he looked first at Johnny then at Cap.
“I
was coming up to look for you. Let’s go
to my office, gentlemen.” The three men
silently strode to Brackett’s office.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Brackett
sat on his desk. He wanted nothing more
than to be behind it. But, he
couldn’t. He wouldn’t.
“Johnny.” Brackett’s tone was even as he tried to hide
his sadness from his friend. “You know
you did all you could. Dr. Jameson
called me at home after it happened.”
Johnny
chuckled. He looked up at the quizzical
eyes of Cap and Brackett. “Sounds like
the phone lines were burning up that night.
Lewis called you, Cap. Jameson
called you, Doc.” A slight pause was
followed by a panicked tirade. “Who else? Who else
got called?
“Settle
down, pal.
“But
he does know, doesn’t he, Cap?”
“Yes. Yes, John.
Before you arrived at the station yesterday, I told
Johnny
jumped out of his chair. His arms where
flying as he started shouting.
On
his fourth turn around the office, Johnny exploded. “A rescue? You called it a rescue? That was awfully generous of you, Cap. She died!”
Johnny stopped and looked at each person in the room. “Do – you – understand? She died in my arms with her parents standing
there watching. Goddamnit,
she died!”
Cap
stood up and took Johnny by the shoulders.
He guided the distraught man to the chair he’d been sitting in. Brackett slid off the desk and moved directly
in front of Johnny. He leaned against
the desk as he began to speak.
“Johnny,
you know you did all you could. If every
doctor in this hospital had been there, she still would have died, Johnny. You can’t save them all. None of us can.”
Johnny
looked up at Brackett. Tears were
rolling down his cheeks but he didn’t care.
He was crying for the child who had died in his arms. He knew his friends were crying for him.
“But
she was only three, Doc. ONLY
THREE! A child. A baby. And she died in my arms.” Johnny buried his face in his hands and
sobbed.
Johnny
sat silently for a moment. He finally
turned and looked up at
Johnny
looked around the room and stood up. He
forced a smile at Brackett. “Why don’t
you sit down, Doc.”
He then looked at
Once
everyone was seated, Johnny paced for a minute.
He then turned and sat on Brackett’s desk.
Brackett
and Stanley glanced at each other. They
exchanged quick smiles. Brackett could
read
“I was over at 110 subbing for Kingsley. We got a call to an accident. It was bad. Benson took the pick up. I took the car. As I rounded the passenger side, I saw her. She was just laying there. I thought she was a doll at first. She was so small. But the blood… I ran to her and Captain Lewis came up. He could see how bad it was. Five people injured – two paramedics on scene. He called for another squad.” Johnny’s eyes glazed over as he was transported back to the horrific scene.
“She
was just laying there. When I bent down,
her eyes popped open. She couldn’t
talk. No way could she talk. Her little eyes though. They sparkled but you could see death in them
too. Her parents were hurt but they got
out of the car and came over. I was
working frantically. Trying to stop the
bleeding, trying to bandage her neck. I
guess they walked up while I was saying ‘don’t die – please don’t die’ because
her mother shrieked. I talked to
her. The little girl. Begged her to hold on. Prayed to God to stop the
bleeding. I heard her father say
that she’d been standing in the backseat.
Not sitting. Not restrained. Standing in the God damned back seat. Standing!
It was then that I looked back at the car and knew how it happened. When the cars hit, she went through the back
window. Because she was standing in the
God damned back seat. Standing! She was nearly decapitated. If it hadn’t been for the spinal chord…” Johnny choked on his words. “If it hadn’t been for the spinal chord
holding, she would have been decapitated.
I don’t know how she opened her eyes.
I don’t know how she looked at me or at her parents. I tried to help her. They kissed her. They knew she was going to die. Everyone except the little girl knew she was
going to die. I wouldn’t let her see I
knew it too. I looked at her little face
like she was going to be okay. I must
have convinced myself, too. When she did
die, I was so surprised. I kept trying
to help her. We brought her in and I
kept trying. But she died in my
arms. At the scene. She died.
She died and I couldn’t help her.”
Cap
got up and sat on the desk next to his paramedic. He put his arm around Johnny’s back. “You did fine, John. You did all you could. And, you made sure she wasn’t alone. She was in your arms. Captain Lewis said that was the only thing
that gave the rest of his crew any peace that night.”
Brackett
stood and touched his friend’s knee.
“You did help her, Johnny. In
another child’s words, you helped her meet Jesus. Her little heart knows you were there. You did all anyone could do.”
“And
you did it with John Gage’s love.”
Everyone turned to look at Dix.
She always knew what to say and when to say it.
Johnny
looked at the floor then into the eyes of Cap.
“I’m sorry, Cap.”
“Sorry? For what?”
“Last
night. When I ran into that house before
the police arrived. That was wrong. I could’ve put you all in danger. Could’ve made a bad
situation worse. I’m sorry. It was selfish of me. It’s just when that little girl said ‘baby’,
I saw a sparkle in her eye. The same sparkle that was in Grace’s eyes as she lay dying in my
arms.”
“Grace? The little girl that died? Her name was Grace?”
“Yeah.”
“Did
the woman having the baby know that, Johnny?”
“No. Why would she, Cap?”
“I…uh…I
think it’s amazing that she gave the baby the middle name Grace
after…after…’ Cap couldn’t continue.
“I
don’t think it’s amazing. I think it’s
divine!”
Everyone
in the room sat in quiet contemplation.
It was Brackett who finally spoke.
“Why don’t we all go take a peek at Johnnie Grace and then grab
something to eat?”
Johnny
smiled. He knew that with time, the help
of his friends, and the promise that was little Johnnie Grace, he would be
okay.
As
they exited the office, Brackett stopped Captain Stanley. “I think it’s time, don’t you?”
“Yeah.” Cap replied. “I’ll go call
The End
