No One Listens

By Canadagal

Johnny Gage was running late, but not through any fault of his own.  He had left home in plenty of time to get to work on time.  He was sitting waiting to make a right hand turn when the driver that wanted to turn behind him got distracted and  proceeded.  Unfortunately the driver didn’t wait for Johnny to go and he propelled Johnny's  Rover into the oncoming traffic.  Johnny's  vehicle was struck by an on coming car on the driver’s side.  Johnny was immediately knocked out cold from the impact.  When he became aware of his surroundings again he crawled over to the passenger side and climbed out.  He stood back to look at his car.  It was a mess.

“You okay?” the man in the car that hit him, asked anxiously.

“What?” Johnny stammered, still not fully aware of what happened.

“Are you hurt?” the man asked again.

Johnny didn’t answer him for a minute while he oriented himself to his surroundings.  “I’m  fine" Johnny stammered.  "What happened?” he asked.

The man looked at him funny, “I hit you from behind.  I’m  sorry I thought you were going and I sped up to follow you.  I didn’t realize you still had your foot on the brake,” he explained.

“Hey no problem.  Let’s just exchange information and I can still get to work, hopefully on time,” Johnny said, as he fumbled for his wallet.

In a matter of a couple minutes Johnny and Mr. Bailey had exchanged the pertinent information and two witnesses offered their names for the official reports.  Johnny had two guys help push his vehicle out of the way of the traffic.  The two officers who were investigating the accident made up their report and took down all the relevant information.   They never pursued the possibility that anyone was injured. 

“Can anyone give me a ride to work?  I work at Station 51,” Johnny asked when the two officers were done.

“I can drop you off, ” a young lady offered, stepping up from the crowd.

“Thanks, I really hate to be late,” he said, smiling slightly.

“I’ll  have my insurance agent call you today with the arrangements, ” Mr. Bailey said.

Johnny was still not completely coherent and he looked at Mr. Bailey funny.  “ah yeah, okay that’s great,” he said.

Soon he was on his way to work courtesy of Miss. Amanda Stevenson.  She pulled into the parking lot as Captain Stanley opened the side door, looking for his tardy paramedic.

“Gage, get in here!” he yelled.

“Sorry, Cap,” Johnny apologized,  climbing out of Amanda’s car.

She leaned over and said to him, “you take it easy.  You have my number if you need me as a witness”

“Yeah thanks,” he said as he hustled in the station door that was being held by his Captain.

“You have 2 minutes to change,” Captain Stanley snapped.

“Sorry, Cap, but there’s a good reason why I’m  late,” Johnny began.

Captain Stanley eyed the young lady pulling away, “Yeah I’m  sure there is, ” he said with disdain.

“But, Cap,”  Johnny protested again.

“Changed now,” he said tersely.

Johnny turned and headed to the locker room.  He was frustrated because the Captain wouldn’t listen to him.  When he entered the locker room he found Roy putting a book in his locker.  “Man, you would not believe the morning I’m  having ,“ Johnny began.

“Look just get changed and get to roll call.  The cap’s already ticked that you’re  running late,” Roy said.

“But, Roy, this isn’t my fault.  I was driving in and . . .” Johnny started to explain.

“Look I don’t have time to listen to one of your famous Gage stories.  Just hurry up.  We all shouldn’t have to suffer through the Cap’s bad mood because of you, ”  Roy said, heading out.

Johnny shook his head.  His shoulder was still sore from where he had hit the side of his door but he decided to ignore it because he knew he was on shaky ground with the captain.  He changed as quickly as his sore,  bruise covered body would allow him to.   Then he headed out the door to the apparatus bay to line up for roll call.

“About time you got here, ” Mike Stoker snapped, as he lined up.  “We’ve been waiting for almost 20 minutes for you”

“Sorry, it wasn’t my fault I was late.  I was …” Johnny tried again to explain.

“Just save it, Johnny” Marco said, shaking his head.  “We know you have a tendency to have very creative reasons for things.  At least you’re  here now.  Let’s just get roll call over with so we can get this shift started”

“But there’s a very good reason,” he tried again.

“Shh, Roll Call, ” Stoker cut him off before he could even try again.

Johnny shook his head.  He couldn’t believe that no one would give him a chance to explain.  No one would listen.

“Good Morning, ” Captain Stanley began, “Glad that everyone finally decided to join us.  Morning Chores, Stoker Apparatus bay, Lopez Cooking and Kitchen, DeSoto  Dorms, Kelly Day room and air bottle check and Gage, Latrine and  the parking lot needs to be swept out..  That’s all, ” he said as he turned back to his office.

Johnny headed to the squad to start the morning inventory.  He pulled out the drug box and started to run the list.  Roy walked up holding a cup of coffee.  “I already did that,” he said, putting down his cup.  “We’re short a few things but we should be able to wait until our first run to Rampart to get them, ” he said.

“Oh ok,” Johnny said, putting back the drug box.  Lifting the box sent a pain through his arm and he winced as he put it back in the compartment.  Roy had turned to grab the biophone and didn’t notice.   “You know, Roy, this morning wasn’t really my fault. I was driving in and . . .” Johnny tried once again to explain what happened.

Chet walked around the corner.  “You were driving in but somehow you ended up being dropped off by some beautiful chick.  Gee that must be some excuse, ” he snickered.  “I can’t wait to hear another Johnny Gage excuse.  Wonder if it will be as creative as some of his pranks that he can never pull off”.   Roy even joined in the laughter on that comment.

“Aw just forget it,” Johnny said, slightly annoyed,   “I better get to the latrine,” Johnny  turned to go.

He headed to the supply cupboard to grab his cleaning stuff.  He was started by a flying water bomb.  He pulled back in defense and his whole left side protested vehemently.  “Damn it,” he cursed as he struggled to pull in a deep breath.  “Chet!” he yelled.

Captain Stanley came out from his office.  “What’s all the hollering out here?” he asked, before he noticed the wet appearance of Johnny.

“Looks like you need to change again,” he said, smirking slightly. “Better make it snappy, that latrine isn’t going to clean itself”

“Yeah whatever,” Johnny snarled under his breath, as he headed back to the locker room.  He pulled his locker open and grabbed a clean shirt.  He pulled off his wet one and went to check his shoulder in the mirror.  He was shocked to see his whole left side covered in bruises from his shoulder blade to his waist.   “No wonder I’m  so sore, ” he said softly.

“I better go and tell the Cap.  I might need to get this checked out,” he said to himself.  He turned to go to the Captain’s office.  “Done the latrine already?” Captain Stanley snapped.  His mood was already bad because of the late start to the day.

“Ah no but I need to talk to you about this morning,” Johnny began.

“Look I have to make a call to HQ.  You get the latrine done and then you can come and see me,” Cap said, turning to the phone.

Johnny shook his head and turned to leave.  He bumped his left side on the door frame and hissed in pain.  He went back to the latrine and started to clean it.  It was a slow process that morning because his body was so sore.  He was having trouble scrubbing the shower because he couldn’t raise his arm that high without his left side aching.  Every time he reached up the shooting pain would take his breath away. ‘This is stupid, if only someone would listen, ’ he complained to himself.  He finally gave up cleaning the latrine and headed to his locker to grab some aspirin.  ‘maybe this will help until I can rest later, ’ he thought.

He went to grab the broom to sweep the parking lot.  He found it almost impossible. The sweeping motion was just too painful.  The pain was now constant as it radiated down his left side.  “I’m telling Roy and he is damn well going to listen,” he said slamming the broom against the station.

He was almost at the kitchen when the tones sounded.  

“Station 51, Motor Vehicle Accident, 45 Harper Valley Drive, Time out 10:13 came the calm voice of San Lanier over the PA.

Everyone rushed to the vehicles to head off to the call.  When they pulled up they found a two call collision.   Without anyone saying a word, everyone headed off to their assigned tasks.  The crew of Station 51 worked like a well greased machine and soon they had the two victims extricated.  The injures were minor and no hospital follow up was required.  “John, why don’t you give Mike a hand rolling the hose up, while Roy finishes bandaging up your victim, ” Captain Stanley said, as he noticed the engineer working on the hose.

“Okay, Cap,” Johnny said, as he jogged back to the engine. “Hey, Mike, what do you need me to do?” Johnny asked.

“Grab the reel line and roll it back up,” he said, as he turned to his own task of putting the engine equipment away.  Johnny climbed up on the engine and started to spool the reel line back into place.  He was rolling it very slowly because his left side continued to  throb.  He finally managed to get it completely put away and went to climb down.  The solid landing when he hit the ground shot through him like a knife. 

He headed over to Roy and pulled him aside.  “Roy, I need to tell you something,” he said, hoping his partner heard the desperation in his voice.

Just at that moment the Cap yelled over that the squad had another call coming in.  “Come on, Johnny, help me grab the gear.  We can talk on the way,” he said.

Johnny picked up the trauma box and gingerly placed it back in the compartment on the squad.  They climbed in as the call came out sending them to another call.  This time it was an unknown call.  They pulled up to a house where a woman was frantically calling them over.

“You have to help Marvin.  He’s not feeling well,” she said.   They followed her inside and found a gentleman lying on the couch moaning.

“Sir, you’re not feeling well?” Johnny asked, noting the pale colour of the man.

“I have such a pain in my stomach,” he complained.

Johnny and Roy began to assess the man’s condition.  They contacted Rampart and it was determined after a thorough assessment that Marvin was suffering from too much spicy cooking.  They recommended he see his family doctor and left him with the name of a good antacid product.

When the two were loading up the equipment Johnny tried again to talk to Roy.  “I need you to listen for a minute, please,” Johnny said, climbing into the squad.

“Okay what’s up?” Roy asked.

“I want to explain why I was late this morning,” Johnny began. 

“Johnny, it really doesn’t matter to me.  It’s happens.  It’s no big deal,” Roy said, thinking that his partner was obsessing because he had made the captain mad.

Roy had already backed into the station.  Roy climbed out of the squad and started to head to the kitchen.  Johnny was right on his heels.  His side was shooting radiating pains and it was almost more than he could stand.  He was having trouble catching his breath because of the pain.    “Please just listen to me!” Johnny said, almost in a yell.   “I was in an accident this morning.  A bad one,” Johnny began.

Suddenly all the heads at the table popped up.  “You were in an accident?” Roy repeated what he just heard.

“Yeah” Johnny said, suddenly drained.  He reached for a chair to sit down.  “I tried to tell you all you earlier but no one would listen”

“Are you okay?” Roy asked, suddenly concerned.

Johnny's  one word answer made everyone’s  heart race. “no” he said, as he finally gave into the pain and slid off the chair to the floor.

Roy ran to his partner’s side.  He saw Johnny's  eyes close and could hear his laboured breathing.  He pulled Johnny's shirt open and slit the t-shirt up.  The bruising on Johnny's  side was bad.  He was covered in bruises from his collar bone to the waist of his pants.  Roy wasn’t sure how low the bruising went.  “Shit” Mike cursed.

“I need the equipment and you better call an ambulance,” Roy said, as he started to assess his downed partner.  He grabbed the stethoscope and bp cuff out of the drug box that Marco had brought in.

“Rampart, this is station 51,” Mike said, establishing contact with the hospital.

“Go ahead, 51,” Came the voice of Dr. Brackett.

“We have an injured paramedic.  He was apparently in a traffic accident earlier this morning.  Stand by for vitals,” Mike said, releasing the link to the hospital.

Roy gathered the required information and listened to Johnny's  breathing.

“BP is 85/40, pulse 120, respiration is 10, he has diminished breath sounds on his left side.  I think he has probable broken ribs and a possible pneumothorax” Roy said, trying to keep his voice calm.

Mike repeated the information to Rampart. 

“Start IV Ringers.  Put him on 10 liters O2 and use spinal precautions.  Any idea what happened in this accident.  Was he thrown or hit, we need more specifics on the kind of impact” Dr. Brackett asked.

Mike held out the phone, “he wants to know what kind of accident it was.  Did anyone bother to listen when he tried to tell us why he was late?” Mike looked at everyone.  Everyone shook their heads as they all began to feel like complete heels.

Chet hooked up the O2 and placed the mask gently on Johnny's  face.  “Come on Johnny you have to get better.  If for no other reason than to give us all supreme hell for not listening, ”  Chet said, looking worriedly at the unconscious paramedic.

Johnny was starting to have more difficulty breathing.  Roy grabbed the biophone. “Rampart, Johnny is having increasing difficulty breathing,” he said, keeping himself in controlled paramedic mode.

“Insert esophageal airway and transport as soon as possible,”  Kel said ending the transmission.

Roy rushed to get the airway established and soon the attendants were pulling in the gurney.  Johnny was loaded up and they rushed off to the hospital.

The guys were standing around in total shock.  “Damn it, ” Captain Stanley cursed out loud.  “He tried to talk to me. To tell me what happened and I dismissed him”

“He tried to tell us all and no one listened.  How could we be so stupid,” Mike said, softly.

“How bad of an accident was it?” Chet asked.  “I mean his Rover isn’t here.  Where is it?”

“Let me call Vince.  Maybe he has some information on the accident,” Cap said, looking for a way to keep busy while he waited to see how his junior paramedic was.

He placed a call to the local precinct hoping to reach the officer that they all knew so well.

Meanwhile the ambulance backed into the ambulance bay.  Dr Brackett was waiting for them.  “How was he coming in?” he asked.

“His breathing is still laboured.  I think he punctured his lung, ” Roy said.

The gurney was rushed to the waiting treatment room.  Dr. Morton and Dixie were waiting to assist.  Roy was stopped from entering the treatment room.

“Roy, go and wait in the lounge.  We will come and see you as soon as we can, ” she said gently.  “Johnny's  in good hands here”

“Better than he was at the station, ” he said to himself as he headed to the lounge.  He poured himself a cup of coffee and stared at it.  “Why the hell didn’t I listen to him.  He kept saying it wasn’t his fault. He had to wait for hours to be helped.”  He continued to berate himself. 

45 minutes later the rest of the station 51 crew walked in.  “We couldn’t wait at the station anymore.  I figured we could be available here as well as there, ” Hank reasoned.

The guys sat down and waited.  A few minutes later Vince Howard walked in.  “Thought I’d find you here.  I just found the report on the accident.  Apparently Johnny was hit on the driver’s side.  He was rear-ended and driven forward into traffic.  I just saw his Rover when it was towed into the police impound.  It’s a write off.  The driver’s door is completely crumpled.  I can’t believe he walked away from that”

“I don’t think he did, ” Roy said, dryly.

Back in the treatment room,  Dr. Brackett and Dr. Morton were assessing the unconscious fireman.  “I want a chest x-ray stat.  I think we’re looking at a punctured lung” Kel said.  “I also need a complete blood work up.  Let’s find out if there are any other surprises for us, ” he said.

Soon the x-rays were back and the lab reports followed.  After reading the reports Kel said he was going to go and talk to Johnny's  friends.  He made his way to the lounge where the guys were waiting impatiently.  They had been fortunate that the engine hadn’t been called away.

When Dr. Brackett walked in everyone jumped to their feet.  “everyone sit down, ” he said, grabbing a cup of coffee.

“Well how’s he doing?” Captain Stanley asked.

“He’s on his way to surgery.  He has a punctured lung and we suspect some internal bleeding.  His bp is very unstable, ” Kel explained. “Surgery could take a while.  If you need to head back I’ll  have Dixie call you, ” he said.

Captain Stanley spoke for the group.  “We’re  going to hang here as long as we can.  I have replaced Johnny on the squad, Roy’s replacement is going to meet us here, ” he said.

“Well I better get back.  I’m  assisting on the surgery.  I’ll  come and see you when I am done in surgery, ” he said.

He left and everyone settled back for the long wait.  “does anyone feel as bad as I do?” Mike asked.

Everyone nodded.  “yeah. I can’t believe we didn’t listen.   Damn it, ” Roy admonished himself.

“All we can do is pray that Johnny gets better, ” Marco said quietly.

The crew was called out shortly afterwards.  They were dispatched to a warehouse fire and they were stuck there for the remainder of the day.  Roy and his sub partner, Dwyer worked hard treating the multitude of injured people that day.  Roy’s mind thought, was on his partner.  He kept hearing Johnny's  voice saying to him that he needed to talk.  Roy cringed when he realized how flippant he had been with his answers.

By the time the station was released from the warehouse fire it was after 2 in the morning.  They knew it was too late to go to the hospital.  Roy and Charley had not been on transport so they hadn’t been to the hospital all day. 

When the two vehicles backed into the apparatus bay, they rushed to the phone.  Captain Stanley was able to get through to Dr. Early.  He was on the night shift at the hospital.  The one sided conversation was frustrating for everyone to listen to.

“He did.  He is.  Oh no, that’s not good. How bad.  Oh ok.  Yeah I understand.  Yeah okay.  Yeah I’ll  tell them.  Thanks Dr. Early” Hank said hanging up the phone.

“How is he?  What happened in surgery?  Can we see him in the morning?” Roy peppered Hank with questions.

"Hang on everyone, ” he said,  holding up his hands.

“He’s out of surgery and they were able to stabilize him.  There was a small tear that they managed to fix up inside him.  His lung was punctured in  2 places.  They figured that his continuing to work contributed to the injury.  He’s still unconscious.  They think from the blood loss” He began.

“Can I see him in the morning?” Roy asked.

“He’s in the ICU.  They said no visitors until at least noon tomorrow, ” Hank said.  “We should probably try to get some sleep, ” he said, noting the late hour.

Roy headed to the coffee pot to start a new one.  He knew there was no way he was going to sleep.  Chet pulled up a chair.  Soon the table was full of men.

“Guess no one is going to be sleeping tonight, ” Mike said, sitting back.  The group sat in silence for hours waiting for the end of their shift.  They were spared anymore calls and so the silence continued.

Finally 8 am arrived and B Shift started heading in.  Captain Hookrader saw the crew dozing around the table and went to find Hank.  He found him in his office staring at the phone.

“Rough one?” he asked, sitting down.

“Real bad.   I really screwed up yesterday.  John Gage was running late and I really admonished him.  He never got the chance to tell me the reason he was late was because he was in a traffic accident.  He tried repeatedly to talk to the guys in the crew but no one would listen.  He collapsed on us yesterday afternoon.  He’s in the ICU right now, ” Hank said, running his fingers through his hair.

“Damn that’s a tough break, .” Hookrader said.  “Well let me take over so you can go and check on him, ” he said.

Soon the shift change was completed and the crew headed back to the hospital.  “I thought Joe told you he couldn’t have any visitors until noon?” Dr. Brackett said, as he saw the weary group walking up.

“He did but we just couldn’t stay away, ” Roy admitted. “Please doc, I have to see him.  I need to know that he’s going to be okay, ” Roy pleaded.

“Well he had a pretty quiet night.  His BP finally stabilized and he’s breathing better.  We’re going to remove the tube later today if he can continue to breathe well without. It, ” Kel began.  “He started to wake up about an hour ago”

“Can I see him now?” Roy asked again. 

“Okay but you have to keep him quiet.  He’s still in very rough shape and he needs to rest, .” Kel said.

He showed the men the way to the ICU room where Johnny was.  “Only a couple minutes okay, ” he said, stepping back to let the men in.

The guys filed into the ICU room and found Johnny sleeping lightly.  He heard them walk in.  He was still on the ventilator so he could not speak.  “Hey, junior, ” Roy said, patting Johnny on the shoulder.

“How you doing, John?” Cap asked, nervously.  Johnny couldn’t answer. He could only nod slightly.

“Well we’re  glad you’re  doing better.  It sure was scary to know you were hurt yesterday, ” Chet said.

“Yeah how were we to know you were hurt.  I mean you never said anything, ” Marco commented.

Johnny started to get more and more agitated with each passing word.  He was yelling in his head, “I was trying to tell you.  No one would listen”

Roy noticed his vital signs were showing his emotional state. “We better let you rest.  We can come back later” he said.

Johnny grabbed Roy’s hand and held it.  Roy turned to the other guys and said, “why don’t you head off.  I’m  going to stay here for a while”

“Yeah okay.  You take it easy, Johnny, ” Mike said, as the others followed him out.  When they were standing in the hall they all compared thoughts.  “he’s really ticked at us.  Did you see his heart race when we mentioned his accident.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t want to speak to us again, ” Marco commented.

Roy had remained behind and sat down beside Johnny.  “Okay I’m  here.  I’ll  be here until they remove that tube and you can tell me how big of a jerk I was for not listening.  I’m so sorry Johnny.  I never knew you were hurt. I just thought you felt bad about being late. Heck we’re all late sometimes.  It was no big deal.  That’s what I thought was wrong.  Damn it.  I’m  so sorry, ” Roy said, squeezing Johnny's  hand gently.

Johnny couldn’t talk but his eyes showed that he heard what Roy had said.  A couple hours later Dr. Early came in and removed the breathing tube.  Johnny was relieved to be able to breathe on his own.

Roy had been asked to step out of the room while it was going on.  The rest of the guys were also waiting in the hall.  When Dr. Early said they could go back in they saw Johnny was resting again. His eyes were closed and he was obviously almost asleep.

When Roy sat down, he bumped the chair and Johnny's  eyes flew open.  “Sorry about that” Roy apologized.

“s’okay, ” Johnny said, with a raspy voice.

Everyone sat in absolute silence for a few minutes.  They just didn’t know what to say.

Johnny saw how uncomfortable everyone was and decided to start things off. “I guess you know about my accident now huh”

“Yeah we all do, ” Captain Stanley said.  “John we’re very sorry for not listening to you.  I especially should have been more receptive to you when you said you needed to talk”

Johnny took in a deep breath, wincing as he did.  He looked at everyone, pausing between each person.  He started to say something but his voice was so raspy he had to pause and drink some water.    “I want to say something to you all but I find it hard to do” he began. He looked so fatigued.  “I really was surprised yesterday when no one would give me a chance to explain, to tell you what happened.  It made me wonder what you really thought of me and  whether you really considered me to be a friend at all”.  Johnny was fighting to keep his voice going.  The monitor started squawking because he was fighting so hard to talk.  The nurse came in and saw how hard he was struggling.  “I’m  going to have to ask you to leave, ” she said, as she adjusted the oxygen mask on Johnny's  face.  She pushed the call button and asked for Dr. Brackett to come to the ICU Stat. 

The guys quickly left the room and gathered in the waiting room down the hall.  Dr. Brackett hurried into the ICU room.  He was in there a few minutes then joined the men down the hall. 

“Is he okay?” Roy asked.

“He’s sleeping now.  I think he over did it today.  We’re  going to have to keep him sedated for a couple days.  He’s still recovering from a pretty intense surgery.  We have him on oxygen and hopefully can wean that back in a day or so.  I’m  going to have to put a no visitor order on him for a couple days, ” he said.  “I think it’s best”

The guys reluctantly left knowing that they  had to face him eventually. 

The next couple days dragged by for the men from Station 51.  They checked on Johnny's  progress on the phone but adhered to the strict no visitor policy and stayed away.  Finally Dixie called and said they could visit that afternoon.

They met in the lobby and decided to enter the room together.  Johnny was looking a lot better than the last time they saw him.  He still had an oxygen cannula on, but he seemed to be in a lot less pain.

“Hey, guys, ” he said, as they walked in.

“How you feeling?” Mike asked.

“A lot better than I was before.  Sorry I couldn’t finish talking to you the other day.  It just hurt so bad to talk, ” he apologized.

“hey no need to apologize, ” Roy said, “You had just come out of surgery.  It was not a great time to talk.”

“Well I think now is.  I guess you’re  all wondering what I was trying to say the other day.  I’ve had a lot of time to think.  I began to wonder if you really thought that little of me.  I went back in my  mind and realized that I’ve only been late 4 times in the past 5 years.  I guess they must have been memorable to you all because you seemed to think that I was going to come up with some lame excuse again. I just wanted you to listen that’s all.  I needed my friends and I didn’t find them.  I have to admit it hurt.  I tried to tell each of you that I had a valid reason but no one would give me the chance.  I guess what I’m  trying to say is that I think I’m going to put in for a transfer from the station.  Obviously I have let you all down in some way, ”  Johnny ended.

The room was stunned.  “Johnny, you can’t leave.  We have been partners for 5 years now.  I don’t want to lose you, ” Roy protested.

“I’m  sorry, Roy.  I just don’t know what else to do, ” Johnny said quietly.

The silence in the room was deafening.  “Johnny, you can’t really mean that.  We were wrong for not making sure you were okay, that’s for sure but to throw away five years because we screwed up once, are you sure about this?” Chet asked.

“I’m  not sure about anything.  All I do know is that I must have done something to make you think so little of me.  I have racked my brain trying to figure out what it was, ” Johnny said.

Captain Stanley finally pushed his way forward.  “John, the error was on our part.  We just are used to things being light at the station.  When you pulled up with a young lady behind the wheel I naturally assumed you were with her and that was why you were running late.  I was annoyed but that would have been all there was to it.  I was wrong not to listen to you.  I made a bad judgment call   To make matters worse, my mood and attitude trickled down to the crew. If anyone should leave the station it should be me.  I certainly was not acting like a captain should be that day”

“John, you tried to tell me that it was not your fault and Marco and I laughed it off.  We didn’t even try to listen.” Mike added.

“My smart mouth comment sure didn’t help when you were trying to tell Roy, ” Chet admitted.

“If we’re passing blame you can toss the majority of it my way, ” Roy added.  “I have considered you to be my best friend for years and yet I didn’t give you a chance.  I really and truly thought you were obsessing because you were late.  You know how you get when you worry about things.  I was trying to minimize it so you wouldn’t spend all day stewing.  I guess I wasn’t very observant.  If anyone deserves to be blamed it’s me.  You tried on numerous occasions to tell me and I brushed you off.”

Johnny sat back to think.  He listened to his friends beating themselves up over his accident.  He was split.  He really didn’t want to leave but he was really torn about why they really tuned him out.

“Can I tell you all something and I am not sure if this is going to come out right so bare with me.  I’m actually nervous about coming back.  What if the next time I try to tell you something and you summarily dismiss me again.  I might not be so lucky next time.  What I’m trying to say is I’m not sure if I can trust you to be there for me.  I needed you all and I was let down.  I had to collapse on you before you listened.  That’s a scary thing to think about” Johnny said, as it was apparent he was struggling with the right words to use.

Roy took his words to heart.  “Johnny, all I can tell you is this, I don’t know how I am going to forgive myself if you left.  I need you as my partner, and more importantly I need you in my life as my friend.  My life would be a whole lot emptier if you left”

“Yeah, the station wouldn’t be the same without you.  I’m speaking for myself here, but I think if you left I would be losing one of my best friends.” Chet said, not worrying about his “reputation” of being aloof and distant to Johnny.

“I might now say a lot but I listen well.  I’m ashamed to say this time I didn’t listen.  I can promise you it will never happen again.  To have you leave our crew would be a hole that could never be filled.  As for trusting us, I can understand your hesitancy, I would feel the same way.  I can only hope, as I’m sure all of us are, that you can look past our one blatant mistake and remember all the other times we were there for each other.  A family forgives.  Can you?” Mike asked.

A smile finally appeared on Johnny's  face.  The final words Mike said had the most impact on him.  “Yeah Mike I can forgive.  You are right, a family does forgive and I do forgive you all”

The silent relief was evident with the sighs and slow exhales. 

Roy looked at his friend,  “I promise next time we will listen”