Sprained his back doing handsprings over a wheelbarrow at the orphanage

Bitten on the leg by his fiancée's son

Got a buzz from pot fumes while extricating a man trapped in a burning truck

Experienced shortness of breath after he slipped on the ladder and hit his ribcage (fractured ribs ruled out at Rampart)

Complained of sore shoulder after date with lady deputy

Complained of general muscle soreness from his early morning practice run at the track, and stated that he hurt all the way from his toenails to his...(darned tones, now we'll never know!)

Exposed to a high dose of radiation while rescuing a scientist trapped in the hot room of a burning laboratory

Pulled a deltoid muscle from lifting a bookcase at a fire scene

Suffered from smoke inhalation after rescuing a baby from a burning house

Cut his hand while sliding a victim out of a car

Developed laryngitis from breathing sulfuric acid fumes after his regulator malfunctioned

Punched in the nose by a disoriented patient; Rampart ruled out any broken bones, but the bridge of his nose was obviously bruised and tender to the touch

Knocked unconscious when downed jet's fuel tank exploded in apartment building; also suffered from smoke inhalation as well as a head wound

Got cactus needles embedded in his arm (and who knows where else!) after an ill-fated ride on a skateboard came to an abrupt halt

Suffered from a broken leg and ruptured spleen after being struck by a hit-and-run driver

Scraped his arm while chasing a girl high on drugs

Injured his leg when ceiling debris from a burning building fell on him

Burned his leg while extricating a victim from a burning car

Got seasick after rescuing an unconscious man dangling from a schooner's rigging

Suffered from saddle soreness after a full day of cattle roping practice

Bitten by a rattlesnake when he went back to retrieve the HT from a wrecked car

Broke his leg when a gas leak caused apartment building explosion

Knocked unconscious when airplane debris hit the house where he and Roy were treating a patient

Scratched his hand on a nail while chasing a purse snatcher

Contracted a new strain of Asian flu (the "monkey virus"); collapsed on the scaffolding while assessing a heart attack victim

Twisted his knee while rappelling down a hill

Injured his leg when a heavy beam fell on top of it just before a bomb was set to go off

Close calls and other missed opportunities for cool owies
(or what would happen if WE ruled the Emergency! universe)

Back Up

"Rampart, did you just say to start an IV of D5W
TKO on the two MVA victims?  What in the heck
is THAT supposed to mean?  Oops.  Never mind."

Where there's smoke, there's fire.  And where there's a motor vehicle accident (MVA), there should be Johnny owies.  Serious owies, like broken bones or severe internal injuries...We're not picky.  Anything that lands Johnny in a hospital bed is fine with us.  Besides, wouldn't it have been cool if the cardiac patient, Roy AND Johnny had to be transported to Rampart atop Engine 51?  (Insert maniacal laugh here.)

The Boat

"Dang it!  I'll bet Casper the Friendly Ghost never
had this much trouble going through doors."

Maybe Johnny should have waited for Mike to bring the pry bar and axe instead of flinging his body against the door.  He probably busted more bones than wood.  But when did he inflict the most damage to himself?  When he tried to break down the door with the left side of his body, or when he ricocheted backward and fell to the ground?  Did he break his arm?  His ribs?  His hip?  His wrist?  All of the above?

Bottom Line

"Put your hands up, and no one gets hurt.
Except for you, Johnny."

Suppose Vince had accidentally fired his gun during his scuffle with Johnny?  He probably fired at least a couple of rounds into the paramedic's torso, and at close range, those bullets would have inflicted some serious damage to several internal organs (shattered ribs would be a bonus for the owie enthusiast).  Johnny could suffer from hypovolemic shock from the massive blood loss, and he might even code a couple of times en route to Rampart.  Although Johnny would survive several hours of emergency surgery to patch him back together, his renal function could be temporarily compromised as a result of the hypovolemic shock, and he would be highly susceptible to post-operative infections, like peritonitis or septicemia.  Who knows?  He might even pick up a nosocomial infection of some type to prolong his hospital confinement.

An English Visitor

"Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!"

When the railing at the rock quarry gave way and Johnny fell, the visiting English firefighter grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to safety.  Johnny's shoulder had to hurt from all that stress and strain, and surely a dislocation was inevitable.  Plus, the ligaments and tendons were probably torn as well.  Obviously such a severe injury would necessitate surgery, not to mention extensive rehabilitation.  But what if Jason Channing hadn't grabbed Johnny in time and he dropped to the unforgiving pavement below?  How many injuries could Johnny sustain and still survive...and be able to eventually return to work so he could get hurt again?

Fair Fight
(first half of page)

"One for the money, two for the show,
three to get ready and four to...OW!"

After Johnny used his left shoulder as a battering ram to force the door open, the momentum carried him forward and he landed face down on the floor.  So what happened?  Did he fracture his wrist when he reflexively put his hands out in front of him to try to break his fall?  Both wrists?  How about a nice radial head fracture when the force of impact drove the end of the bone into his elbow?  *cringe*

Fair Fight
(second half of page)

"Mr. Rubble, if Bamm-Bamm doesn't stop banging that stupid club around and causes another cave-in, the dinosaurs aren't the only thing that will be extinct."

Johnny became trapped underground with the workers he was sent to rescue when another cave-in occurred.  Notice how he protectively flung himself across one of his victims, so that any debris would fall on him instead?  There sure were a bunch of really big rocks that rained down on them, probably big enough to knock Johnny unconscious or cause internal injuries.  And on top of everything else, Johnny probably inhaled a substantial amount of dust.  Oh, and depending on how long it took for his shift-mates to rescue them, it's highly likely that Johnny became severely dehydrated while they waited for help to arrive.  That poor guy doesn't seem to get a break...or does he?

Floor Brigade

"So help me, if I ever get my hands on
the dummy responsible for this..."

Forget that scene at Rampart ever happened where Dr. Early told Johnny he just had the wind knocked out of him.  Of course he fractured those ribs!  In fact, the sharp edges probably nicked a blood vessel and punctured his left lung.  But did he suffer a pneumothorax or a hemothorax?  Hello, chest tube!  Maybe even a respirator?!  hee hee

Fuzz Lady

Johnny demonstrates proper placement
of the Vulcan nerve pinch.

Hmm.  If Johnny tangled with the lady deputy while trying to "cash in" on his thirty dollar investment, mere muscle soreness should have been the least of his worries.  If she could dislocate a mugger's shoulder and break his upper arm, she probably inflicted similar or more serious injuries upon Johnny.  And since she seemed to have so much trouble keeping her professional and personal lives separate, maybe the fuzz lady got carried away while fending off her date's advances and broke his nose or his jaw, preferably both.  Hopefully Johnny likes soup for lunch...and dinner and breakfast.

The Game

"Oh, man!  I sure hope this doesn't wind
up in one of those football blooper shows.
Chet would never let me hear the end of it."

So Johnny wanted to see the big game up close, huh?  Looks like he finally got his wish, but not in the way he had hoped.  Two football players plowed right into him after they ran out of bounds near the fifty-yard-line, and Johnny found himself at the bottom of a three-man pile-up.  So what type of injury resulted from the unexpected contact?  A concussion or a fractured skull, with or without intracranial swelling or bleeding?  Broken vertebrae?  A bruised spinal cord?  Yay!  So many owie possibilities!

Gossip

"What's with all the stupid questions?  My name is Felix the Cat, Officer Pete Malloy is the president,
and today is chocolate pudding.  Or is it aardvarks?"

Johnny sure seemed dazed after that explosion in the laboratory.  Heck, the other guys had already picked up their victim and were almost out the door by the time he scrambled to his feet.  Did you honestly believe that Johnny got lost because he somehow managed to get turned around?  Perhaps a head injury could have accounted for that disorientation, like a skull fracture with an intra-cranial bleed thrown in for good measure?

Helpful

You just KNOW this water is positively crawling
with bacteria and all sorts of other nasties.

When our favorite paramedics rescued a couple of kids from a storm drain, Johnny fell into the water, not once, but twice.  The second time, he had to struggle to keep his head above water as he fought his way back to the ladder.  So how many icky contaminants did he swallow and/or aspirate?  Surely he developed a wicked case of pneumonia or other respiratory infection as the result of his little subterranean adventure.

Honest

See Johnny.  See the floor.  See the air tank
between Johnny and the floor.  'Nuff said.

Yeah, we all know that Johnny ate some smoke when he rescued the baby from the crib, but what happened when he crashed through the staircase railing and fell to the first floor?  On his back...on top of his air tank?  Hmm.  Perhaps Johnny could have broken several ribs, which in turn could have perforated a vital organ and caused massive hemorrhaging or a punctured lung?  Bwahahahahaha!

Hypochondri-Cap

"Johnny, when I said 'Hang in there, it's
almost Friday', this isn't what I meant."

After the test rope snarled on him, Johnny slammed against the side of the building several times as his line spun wildly out of control.  In the process, he appeared to hit his left shoulder, his right shoulder and his head.  A broken shoulder would undoubtedly be painful, but two would hurt twice as bad.  Toss in a concussion and/or a minor neck injury from when his head twisted as it made contact with the building, and the result would be an extremely miserable paramedic.  That ought to keep him confined to a hospital bed at Rampart for quite a while.  Oh frabjous joy!

Inventions

"I wish I hadn't eaten so much garlic bread at lunch."

Arrggghhhh!  Johnny slipped and fell while walking across the pipes en route to the victim (putting a significant strain on his musculoskeletal system until Roy could pull him to safety), his regulator malfunctioned (thus causing him to breathe sulfuric acid fumes) and he appeared disoriented even before he got blasted with hot, toxic steam while he tried to catch his breath and clear his head.  And all he had to show for it was laryngitis and a burned hand?!  No, no, no, no, no.  Johnny could have easily injured his back, neck and/or shoulders while he was hanging from the pipe, his respiratory passages could have become severely inflamed (perhaps sufficiently to cause respiratory arrest) or maybe he even have had some type of systemic reaction from the chemical exposure.  Just laryngitis and a minor burn?!  No way!

Involvement

"Uh, Roy?  I've suddenly changed my mind.
Let's pick up a bucket of the Colonel's original
recipe instead of the extra crispy."

Mere seconds after the victim was extricated, the car trapped under the tanker truck erupted into flames, and Johnny's turnout coat caught fire almost immediately.  It turned out that the victim only suffered from a broken leg and a few abrasions, but what if Johnny hadn't been so lucky?  What if Chet hadn't been able to douse the flames as quickly as he did?  Just how much protection would Johnny's turnouts and gloves have provided?  Would he have suffered from extensive burns?  Shock from the sudden fluid loss?  Would he have had to undergo painful debridement sessions and skin grafts?

Kids

"Roy, are you such this is where 'X' marked the spot?
I didn't find ANY buried treasure down there."

Assume that when a certain paramedic was lowered into the post hole, his arched back acted as a shield to protect his young victim, and somehow managed to create a small air pocket in front of the child's face.  Johnny was hanging upside down when the cave-in occurred, so it would have been easy for dirt and teeny tiny bugs to get into his nostrils.  Unable to breathe through his nose, he'd reflexively open his mouth.  Then he'd inhale and/or swallow even more dirt and itty-bitty creepy crawlies.  Now suppose that the earth crumbled faster than the guys could scoop it out of the way, and Johnny remained trapped for several minutes?  Would he have aspirated?  Gone into respiratory arrest?  Cardiac arrest?  And what about any bacteria or fungi he might have gotten into his lungs that could complicate his recovery?

Musical Mania

The second little piggy's house made of
sticks was an accident waiting to happen.

Didn't all that groaning from the shifting debris make you want to see Johnny groan and writhe in pain?  What if the shoring beam that fell had landed on top of Johnny, trapping him under the unstable house with his victim?  Or what if the house collapsed while he was trying to free the construction worker?  Woo hoo!  Crush type injuries could either impede circulation or cause massive hemorrhaging, depending on the nature of the trauma.  Could Roy be forced to face the terrible prospect of amputating one of his partner's limbs?  Gee, angst and owies.  Sounds like a winning combination.

Nagging Suspicion

"I tawt I taw a puddy tat.  I did, I did!"

Okay, that lion had already bitten one person.  Did the taste of human blood whet his appetite for more?  What if Johnny hadn't climbed up the rope in record time?  Would that oversized kitty cat have been content to merely sink his teeth into the hapless paramedic, thus causing several large puncture wounds and significant bleeding?  Or would it have violently tossed Johnny around like a rag doll in its mouth, viciously tearing into flesh and bone, maybe even crushing his skull?

One of Those Days
(exhibit #1)

Poor Johnny doesn't know what's
about to hit him.  Literally.

This one's almost too easy.  Or is it?  If Roy had actually slammed the hood on his partner's noggin, a concussion would be a given.  In the greater scheme of things, it's not a serious injury, but he would be pretty miserable for a while with a pounding headache, nausea, vomiting and whatnot.  But what if Johnny had sustained a concussion fairly recently, or suffered from an undiagnosed brain abnormality, like a blood clot or an aneurysm?  This bump on the head could aggravate a pre-existing condition, resulting in a ruptured blood vessel in his brain and/or dangerously elevated intracranial pressure.
Paging Dr. Joe Early...STAT.

One of Those Days
(exhibit #2)

"Mister, are you crazy?  You should never have told your wife that those pants make her butt look big!"

Johnny's left knee might have "luckily" gotten in the way just in time to keep the mother-in-law from damaging the bio-phone during the domestic melee, but what kind of damage did she inflict upon him?  A shattered kneecap perhaps?  Could a bone fragment possibly have nicked a major blood vessel?  Inquiring minds want to know.

One of Those Days
(exhibit #3)

Johnny gets a little "behind" in his work.

That was so nice of Johnny to find the hotel manager's broom.  Unfortunately, no good deed goes unpunished, and he promptly began his less than graceful descent to terra firma.  It's possible that Johnny just fractured his kneecaps when he fell down on the stairs, or shattered his elbow on the banister.  But what if he had been facing the opposite direction and landed on his gluteus maximus, thus breaking his coccyx instead?  Can you imagine how many nurses would volunteer to apply ice to the injured anatomy?

One of Those Days
(exhibit #4)

"Okay, the rabbit comes out of the hole, goes
around the tree and back down the hole again..."

Good grief!  How could something as insignificant as a broken shoelace cause any trouble?  Funny you should ask.  For starters, Johnny could have twisted or sprained his ankle as he half-stepped, half-stumbled off the bench where he had been tying his shoes.  He also could have sprained or broken his wrist (or wrists!) when he threw his hands in front of him to keep from falling all the way to the floor.  Or he could have sprained his back during his awkward descent, or injured his right hand when he clumsily grabbed the doorframe...splinters and all.

Peace Pipe

Johnny suddenly wished that he had heeded his
mother's warnings about playing with scissors.

Poor Johnny.  The expression on his face was absolutely priceless as he rescued the damsel in distress from her Playtex prison.  But before Johnny could breathe a sigh of relief, the girdle maliciously turned on him and popped him in the face.  He assured everyone that he was okay, but was he really?  Could one of the hooks have poked him in the eye and caused a painful corneal abrasion?  Did the killer girdle hit his eye hard enough to cause a retinal detachment and/or vitreous hemorrhage?

Peace Pipe

That's one very hot paramedic.

Remember when Johnny unknowingly tried to extinguish a flaming toilet with contaminated water?  And remember how it valiantly fought back by setting a certain dark-haired paramedic's turnout coat on fire?  Didn't this just scream for some first and second degree burns, as well as a singed eyebrow or two?

Problem

You didn't really think he had his hand
splayed across his chest just so he could
recite the Pledge of Allegiance, did you?

After Johnny helped the victim into the squad, he hopped onto the running board as they made a hasty retreat, leaving the angry bull in their wake.  He clutched the side mirror so that it pressed against his chest during the short, bumpy ride out of the corral.  Nothing seemed amiss until they came to a complete stop.  Johnny appeared to be in pain as he jumped off the squad's running board, wincing and groaning as he rubbed the center of his chest.  He also seemed to have trouble catching his breath.  What could have possibly happened?  Did Johnny fracture his sternum?  Break a rib or two?  Does the word "pneumothorax" ring a bell?

The Screenwriter

Slipping the surly bonds of earth...

Johnny didn't seem any worse for wear after he got picked up and thrown by the man suffering from a chemically induced psychosis.  But what if he was too concussed to realize he was hurt, or simply ignored his injuries so he could run to Chet's aid?  Once the victim had been wrestled to the ground, what if he managed to partially free himself just as Roy was preparing to administer the strong sedative, causing the paramedic to accidentally inject the medication into his partner instead?  Could the diazepam in Johnny's system mask critical neurological symptoms and complicate matters for the doctors at Rampart?  Let's certainly hope so!

Survival on Charter 220

"Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."

What?!  Did Roy really believe that the first-aid station would have met his injured partner's needs?  Maybe he should take a refresher course in emergency medicine.  Johnny had an obvious head wound, was unconscious for about five minutes and appeared to be a little out of it just before they were rescued.  Besides, if the little girl they were treating before the crash could have an epidural hematoma, there's no good reason why Johnny couldn't have had one, too.

Tee Vee

Johnny maintained excellent form during his
dive, but the landing was poorly executed.

Johnny must have sensed that the house was about to explode, because he suddenly dove for cover.  However, although he was spared from the flames that engulfed the wooden structure, he sure seemed awfully still after the blast.  Was Johnny rendered unconscious by a heavy piece of flying debris?  Did the explosion shift the angle of his descent, throwing him off balance and causing him to injure his back or his neck as he hit the ground?  And why in the heck did it take so long for anyone to notice that Johnny wasn't moving?  Could that ultimately have made any difference in his prognosis?

Tee Vee

"Roy, this just gave me a terrific idea.  We could
open up a spa and sell mud baths as beauty treatments
to rich chicks.  I'll bet we could make a fortune!"

After the telephone pole fell on top of the house and trapped both paramedics and their victim, water and mud continued to pour into the confined space.  What if it took several hours for them to be rescued?  Would they have developed hypothermia?  And what if Johnny sustained a penetrating wound from a jagged piece of wood or a rusty nail when the roof collapsed?  Not only could he have become shocky from the blood loss, an open wound in such an environment would be susceptible to all sorts of infections.  To further compound his problems, suppose Johnny developed a severe case of pneumonia, as well as lockjaw from the rusty nail?  How would the docs at Rampart propose to intubate him?

Trainee

Johnny discovers a shortcut to the waterfront.

Maybe that overgrown weed saved Johnny from having to repent for a lifetime of sin, but you really didn't think it saved him from sustaining a serious injury, did you?  That tumble down the side of the cliff had to hurt...a lot.  Perhaps Johnny tore the cartilage in his knee, or broke a bone or two in his leg?  Did you notice how straight he kept his left leg after he stopped falling?  *hint, hint*