RECLAMATION - Part 3

Chapter Twelve

Los Angeles, California

July 1978

The 4^th of July dawned hazy, but by mid- morning, the seasonal marine layer had burned off, and the day promised to be warm and clear.  The kids had pulled out the blow up pool in optimistic anticipation, and by noon had it filled with water for the sun to heat up.  Now all three of them were splashing in it along with the three Stoker boys.  It was really too small for the bigger kids, but it was wet, and they could keep themselves cooled off in between all their running and chasing each other.  Missy spent most of her time climbing in and out of the pool, squealing with delight when one of the other kids joined her in the water.

The yard was filled with good friends and good food.  Everyone had brought some kind of dish to go along with the burgers and hot dogs Roy was grilling.  There were ice chests filled with soda and beer.  Frank and Norma Crawford were here from across the street, and everyone from 51 had arrived by now except for Chet and nobody seemed to know what was keeping him, though no one was overly concerned.  He'd show up at some point, probably with a pretty girl on his arm.

Joanne stepped into the kitchen to grab a couple of the salads out of the refrigerator where they were keeping cool.  She smiled at the noisy voices she could still hear, even in the house.  It was the sound of the kids playing, the good natured arguing of the men over the games they were playing.  Joanne could tell by the occasional clank of metal on metal that it was still horseshoes.  But shoes or cards, it didn't matter.  It was the sound of friendship and it warmed her heart.  It was so different from the last time they'd all gathered for a picnic.

That Easter day had been so tense and nerve wracking, as they all tried to figure out how best to deal with Johnny's homecoming.  And though Johnny's anxiety at seeing his old friends had gradually dissipated, it had still been an emotionally draining day.  The mood today couldn't have been any more opposite.  Today the only stress Johnny was feeling was whether or not Francie would put in an appearance.

Joanne hoped she would.  She recalled the barely suppressed excitement in Johnny's face when he told them he had invited his new friend to the Barbeque.  But there was also hesitation there, as if he needed their approval.  It was a left over of his days with Reggie, she supposed, and it made her sad.  It also made her eager to restore the self-confidence that had once been such an integral part of John Gage.  If Francie Miller could help do that, Joanne was all for it.

She had assured him Francie was more than welcome.  Roy had been more reserved, making a few dry comments about the strange places Johnny could find to meet girls.  Johnny had laughed, and Joanne wasn't sure he'd picked up on the subtle disapproval in Roy's tone.  But Roy hadn't met Francie yet.  Maybe when he did, he'd feel better about the whole thing.  But to be safe, Joanne refrained from telling her husband about Francie's odd sense of fashion.  The last thing Roy needed was more fuel to add to his negativity.

She sighed, a blend of worry and weariness.  She'd been feeling a little tired lately, but that wasn't unusual given that Roy wasn't sleeping well.  No matter how much he tried to avoid waking her up at night, they'd been married too long for Joanne not to be attuned to her husband's sleeping habits.  So when Roy didn't sleep, she didn't sleep.

And besides the lack of sleep, she was just plain worried about Roy.  Something was bothering him - something he either didn't want to share or felt he couldn't share with her.  It had to do with Johnny.  Roy had as much as said so that night after the photography fiasco.  Joanne wasn't going to pry.  She knew once Roy had been entrusted with a confidence, he would never betray it.  But whatever it was that they'd found at that house - whatever nightmare Johnny had asked Roy to keep safe, it was eating her husband up inside.  She'd hoped that the inquest would mark an end to much of the strain they'd been under.  It certainly seemed to with Johnny.  But Roy's troubles had only grown worse.

Joanne sighed again, hoping today would go well.  So far Roy seemed relaxed and in a good mood, enjoying the day with their friends.  She hadn't seen any sign of the testiness that had become so much a part of him lately.  Maybe all he needed was a day off without any worries.

"You need any help, Joanne?"

She turned to see Beth Stoker coming into the kitchen.  Joanne smiled at her friend and shook her head.  "Not really.  Unless you want to grab some more drinks to take out to the coolers."

"Sure thing."  The petite blonde moved to the kitchen table to pick up a couple of six packs of Pepsi.  "I thought you guys were Coke fanatics.  How come the switch?"

Joanne shrugged and closed the fridge.  "That was Johnny's doing.  He went shopping with me and he took charge of getting the sodas.  I didn't even notice 'til we got to the checkout.  I didn't want to make a big deal out of it in case... well, you know."

Beth nodded.  They were all aware that Johnny still had issues left over from being a captive, and it wasn't always easy to figure them out.  As she walked out of the kitchen the doorbell rang.  Beth looked at Joanne to see if she should answer it, but Joanne shook her head.

"That's okay.  I'll get it.  It's probably Chet anyway."

"Since when did Chet ever ring a doorbell?" Beth laughed and took the sodas out to the deck.

Joanne set the salads down on the table and walked to the front door, chuckling.  Because of the warm day, they had the door open and Joanne could see the newcomer through the screen.  Her smile broadened when she saw who was standing there.

"Hi, Francie," she greeted warmly as she opened the door.

Francie returned the smile, and she walked into the house.  She was wearing denim shorts and a yellow tank top, and looked like she'd just stepped out of Seventeen Magazine - well, except for the hair.  There wasn't any way to downplay that particular shade of pink.

"I'm so glad you decided to come."

"I told Johnny, I would.  I,uh..."  Her eyes drifted toward the slider that led to the patio and she suddenly looked uncomfortable.  "He didn't say I should bring anything..."

Joanne followed the girl's line of sight and realized she'd seen the picnic table laden with food.  "Oh, heavens... that's not even a problem.  There's enough out there to feed the whole block."  She smiled to reassure the girl, then put an arm around her thin shoulders and led her towards the back.  "Johnny's going to be so glad to see you.  I don't think he's taken his eyes off the door all day."

Francie looked a little flustered at the comment, but she went along with Joanne and walked out onto the deck.

"Johnny... Francie's here."

Everyone looked up from what they were doing.  Johnny had been in the middle of throwing a horseshoe toward the metal stake at the end of the yard.  He dropped the shoe amid groans of protest from Cap and Marco for messing up their game, and hurried over to the deck, a shy grin lighting his face.

"I'm glad you made it.  I was afraid you'd gotten lost."

Francie shook her head.  "I'm pretty good with a Thomas Guide."

Joanne's heart ached a little as she watched Johnny hesitate, unsure how to proceed.  His hand lifted, like he wanted to take Francie by the arm, but then he let it fall to his side.  Joanne didn't know how much Francie was aware of Johnny's problems, but the girl was perceptive enough to know he was uneasy.  She crooked out her arm toward him, and Joanne applauded her inwardly for not taking over and grabbing Johnny's hand.  Instead she let him know she was okay with him touching her and then let him act on his own initiative.  When Johnny took her by the elbow, she smiled and allowed him steer her over to introduce her to the other guests.

Joanne stayed back, letting Johnny play host, but she did manage to hover near the grill when it was finally Roy's turn to meet Francie.  She'd seen the look on his face when the girl had first come outside.  She only hoped his good mood was still in place and he wouldn't say anything that would spoil this for Johnny.

When Roy smiled politely and shook Francie's hand, Joanne let out her breath, wondering how they'd come to the point where she was always on eggshells about Roy's behavior.

* * *

Roy flipped the burgers over, and while they sizzled let his gaze settle on the noisy fun going on at the other end of the yard.  Johnny was standing in the middle of the little pool holding Missy under her arms and swinging her around so that her feet dragged across the water.  Even from this distance, Roy could hear the baby squealing with delight.  Jenny was standing in the grass watching, her bathing suite dripping from her own antics in the water.  Francie was standing beside her, and Roy could see that Jenny was talking the girl's ear off.

Roy blew out a long breath.  Joanne certainly had a few things to explain.  Like why she never mentioned how young Francie was.  When Jo said Johnny had met a girl, Roy had assumed she was talking euphemistically; that Francie was a woman - a grown up, adult woman.  Instead the person who'd shown up at their barbeque was a teenager; somebody who looked like she should be sitting down playing Barbies with Jen.  And on top of all that, she was weird.

Pink hair!  She has pink hair!  She's just like those punk kids we see hanging out downtown.  What's Johnny thinking?

Roy felt his brow draw down into a frown - something he'd been doing a lot lately.  He couldn't explain his dislike towards her.  From what Joanne had said, she'd been kind to Johnny, and his family certainly seemed to like her.  Just watching Jenny chatting away with the girl reminded Roy of how much his daughter had disliked Kathy.  Of course, Jenny was a little older than she'd been when Kathy was in their lives, and his daughter was probably more aware of the importance of being polite, but Roy didn't think her apparent fondness for Johnny's new girlfriend was anything but genuine.

Girlfriend?  Who ever said that?  They've only just met.  Don't be borrowing trouble.  Just because Johnny's never had good sense when it comes to picking women.... that doesn't mean he's planning on getting involved with this one.  He knows better than that.  She's practically jail bait.  But Johnny's mind's been so totally messed up by that bastard... who knows what he's thinking anymore.

Roy felt his jaw tighten at this train of thought.  With great effort, he forced his attention away from the happy group at the pool and back to the food, as he fought to keep a cheerful demeanor showing for his family and guests. Today had been a good day so far.  He didn't want to spoil it.  In a few more minutes the burgers were done, and Roy called out for everybody to come get their plates.

In all the noisy confusion that followed, Roy stayed by the grill and out of the chaos.  He'd get his food in a minute, after everyone else was done.  As he stood there, he felt someone take his arm, and he turned to see Joanne beckoning him into the house.  Curious, he followed her inside.

"What's going..."  He stopped in mid question when he saw Chet's curly head poke around the wall that separated the living room from the kitchen.  Roy opened his mouth, but closed it again when Kelly put a warning finger to his lips and then waved him away from the patio doors.

Roy exchanged a look with Joanne, but she merely shrugged her ignorance of what was up.  They both walked into the living room and out of sight of their guests.

"What's going on?" Roy questioned, keeping his voice down since Chet was acting so secretive.  "Everybody's been wondering where you were."

"I've been busy," Chet answered enigmatically, with a huge grin on his face.  "Hey, who's the chick with Gage?"

"Chet!"

"Okay, okay."  The grin on Chet's face grew to Cheshire proportions.  "C'mon out front for a minute."  He rushed out the door, looking over his shoulder once to be sure Roy and Joanne were following.

Shaking his head in resignation, Roy followed, Joanne right behind him.

"If this is some kind of prank..."  He stopped as he stepped onto the front porch.  Chet was standing at the curb, his hands held out in a "ta da" pose, gesturing at Johnny's Rover.

"Oh, Chet..."  Joanne's hand went to her mouth as her emotions threatened to overwhelm her.  "I didn't know you had it."

Chet gave Roy a questioning look, and Roy shrugged uncomfortably.  He didn't know why he'd never mentioned to Joanne that Chet had taken Johnny's car home.  His wife had only asked about it once, and Roy had told her it was taken care of.  He knew she'd assumed he'd sold it.  Perceptive enough to realize Roy was in a spot, Chet covered the moment smoothly.

"Aw, I just stored it in my garage. You know my rods are always junk heaps.  They don't need any protection from anything."  His gaze shifted to Roy, and the paramedic could tell Chet was self-conscious about his feelings during Johnny's absence.  "I thought... you know, now that his leg's okay and he can drive... well, maybe now would be a good time to give it back."

"He'll be so happy," Joanne stated with a smile.  "I know he feels like he's imposing when we drive him places... even though he's not."

Roy walked up to the Rover and let his hand rest on the hood.  It was obvious Chet had taken the time to wash and wax it.  He glanced back at Joanne.

"You think it's a good idea to do it now?  In front of everybody?  He's going to be a little overwhelmed... don't you think?"

Joanne's smile faded a little, and her face twisted thoughtfully.  "I don't know, Roy... he's been doing really well.  I think it would be worse if we made a big deal out of making everybody else stay away."

"Man, you guys worry too much," Chet scoffed.  "Gage'll be so glad to see this hunk a junk, he won't care who's out here watching."

Roy was still unsure, but Joanne came over and took his hand.  "It might just be good for him," she speculated.

Roy wasn't sure which would be better, so he finally just shrugged his consent.  Chet didn't need any other signal.  He rubbed his hands together and raced toward the house.  Roy caught Joanne's eye, and she looked unsure herself.  But she gave him a look of "what can you do?' and reached out to take his hand.  Feeling like his life was out of his control, Roy walked with her towards their front door.

* * *

When he looked back on this day, Johnny decided that on a scale of ten it was at least a 9.5.  He was more relaxed than he could remember being in a long time.  He wasn't bothered at all by having all the guys there.  Missy had actually come to him instead of Joanne or Roy.  She'd run to him with her bathing suit in hand, wanting to be changed so she could play in the pool.  She'd called for him to come play with her in the water.  She'd even crawled into his lap and cried when she fell down and banged her knee.  And though her soggy diaper totally soaked his shorts, Johnny couldn't have cared less.  To hear her call "Da-ee" across the yard was enough to send his heart soaring.

A lot of things had gone well this day, but Johnny had to be honest with himself and admit that one of the best things was when he looked up and saw Francie standing on the deck with Joanne.  He knew he'd been grinning like an idiot when he came over from playing horseshoes.  And he'd definitely fumbled about how to escort her around and make introductions, but she didn't seem to mind

She'd watched him finish his horseshoe game, cheering him on when he scored.  She'd brought his camera with her and had taken some candid shots of the game and then asked him for some pointers, which allowed them a chance to sit down and talk for a while; at least until Missy ran over, dripping wet and started pulling on his leg.

"Wa-doo, Da-ee... wa-doo," she demanded.

"Looks like she wants somebody to play with her," Francie observed with a laugh.

Johnny wasn't sure what to do next.  He didn't want to leave Francie sitting here alone, yet he felt he should go play with Missy.  The psychologist had said to give her positive reinforcement when she gave Johnny preference over Roy and Joanne.  As if she perceived his dilemma, Francie gave him an out.

"I could stand to cool off," she told him.  "It's pretty hot today."  She reached out to take Missy's hand.  "You wanna go play in the water?"

"Wa-doo," Missy echoed.  She smiled widely at Francie, but still hung on to Johnny's leg.

"Okay, Pipsqueak," he laughed, "Let's go swimming."  He swooped her up into his arms and trotted out across the grass, Francie right beside them.

They were splashing and playing in the pool when Jenny came up and joined them, telling them there were too many boys around here for her liking.  Johnny smiled as Jenny chattered away and he hoped Francie didn't mind playing big sister for the day.

When Roy called out that the food was ready, it took a lot of cajoling to get Missy out of the pool, but Johnny finally had her wrapped in a towel and headed over to the patio.

"Why don't you go ahead," he suggested.  "I need to get the squirt here into some dry clothes."

"Just tell me what you like, and I'll get you a plate," Francie offered.

"You don't have to do that," Johnny protested.

"I know.  But I will anyway."  She grinned at him mischievously.  "Lemme guess... you're a no pickle kinda guy."

Johnny laughed.  "Actually I'm the kinda guy who eats everything but the tablecloth.  So just fix whatever looks good and I'll be happy."

"You got it, Jay."  She tickled Missy's tummy, making the baby laugh, and then headed toward the crowded picnic table.

Johnny watched her for a moment, then turned back to Missy and rubbed noses with her.  "Let's get you dry, kiddo."

"Wa-doo," Missy insisted.

"No more water for now," Johnny told her firmly.

He grabbed up her dry clothes from the chair and sat down on the lounger so he would have a changing area.  It took him a few tries to get the wet suit off.  The fabric seemed to cling to her skin.  But he finally won, and then removed the water-swollen diaper and wrapped it up to drop in the trash.

Naked and free, Missy grabbed her feet and rolled, making it hard for Johnny to get her dried off.  It was a fun game to the toddler, to try and escape the big, fluffy towel.  Johnny let her play for a while, but finally had her dry and a diaper on.  He was just pulling her sundress over her head when Francie arrived with two filled paper plates in her hands.

"Dinner is served," she announced with a smile.

"That looks great. Thanks."  He turned sideways, then picked up Missy and settled her on the lounger behind him, where she couldn't easily escape.  He took one plate from Francie and then gestured for her to sit beside him.

She'd given him a burger piled high, and samplings of several salads.

"I didn't know what you wanted for Missy.  Roy had hot dogs over there."

"This is fine," Johnny assured her, giving the baby a bite of potato salad.  "She's not a big dog eater."

"She's got good taste then," Francie laughed.  "I've eaten too many of those in my life to ever eat one willingly again."

Johnny chuckled, but wondered at the slight touch of fierceness he'd heard in her tone.  Maybe he was imagining, but it sounded like she really meant what she'd said.  Well, maybe she came from a poor background.  He'd certainly had to eat a few things in his childhood he'd never want to see on his plate again.

He was just breaking off a small bite of hamburger to give Missy when he suddenly heard Chet's unmistakable voice announcing his late arrival.

"You can start the party now.  Ol' Chester B. is here."

"You're a little late, Kelly," Cap told him.

"Yeah, the party was for the 4^th of July," Marco reminded his friend drily.  "Remember?"

"I know, I know.  I'm fashionably late.  But I had a few things to take care of."

"What do you know about fashion?" Johnny scoffed through a mouthful of burger.

When Chet didn't rise to the bait, Johnny studied his friend suspiciously.  He knew Kelly well enough to know when he was up to something.  And right now Chet was grinning from ear to ear.

"Gage... there's something outside you need to see.  If you can stop stuffing your face for a minute..."  Chet gestured toward the patio door.

"Right, Chet.  I'm not fallin' for any of your lame attempts at humor.  I'm just gonna stay right here and..."

He paused, suddenly aware that everybody else had stopped eating and was looking at him expectantly, as if they were all in on Kelly's joke.  That wasn't the way things usually worked between Chet and himself.  Normally it was all the rest of the guys could do to put up with them.  The all too familiar insecurity flared up in him, and, as he usually did when he was uncertain, Johnny's gaze sought out Roy.  He found his friend standing slightly behind Chet, his face unreadable.

And then Roy nodded, his mouth lifting in a smile.  Johnny breathed out in relief.  It was okay.  Roy knew what was outside and it was okay.

He got to his feet, picking up Missy and settling her on his hip.  Francie rose from the lounger too.

"What's going on?" she asked him softly, for his ears only.

Johnny shrugged.  "I dunno.  Chet tries to be funny sometimes."

"I take it the key word is tries?"  Francie's face told him she hadn't seen anything funny yet, so he managed to put on a smile.  He didn't want her to think badly of Chet.  But if her first impression was going to be an appearance by the Phantom, it would be Chet's own fault.

"Aw... he's not that bad," he assured her.

With nothing else to do, Johnny walked into the house.  Chet was practically bubbling with excitement.  Even Joanne looked like she was brimming with a secret she was trying not to spill, and that made Johnny feel even more confident.  Roy said it was okay, and Joanne was in on it.  So it must not be anything that was going to embarrass or humiliate him.

As they walked through Roy's living room, headed for the front door, Johnny realized everyone had followed.  Whatever was going to happen, he was going to have an audience.  He pushed open the screen door, fighting a the sudden fluttering in his stomach. He took two steps out and then stopped in mid-stride.

Chet was standing on the sidewalk, practically bouncing on his heels.  But Johnny's eyes were fixed on the car parked on the curb behind him.

It can't be the Rover.  It can't be. It can't be...

He couldn't think of anything.  Those were the only words going through his mind.  He didn't even know who took Missy from him.  He only knew as he walked slowly across the lawn someone lifted her from his arms, freeing him to stretch out a tentative hand toward the white hood.

He was almost afraid to touch it.  Afraid that it wasn't really here.  Somehow his car represented a piece of his life that he didn't think he would ever recapture.  He didn't want to reach for it only to have it disappear.  But as he let his hand hover just over the surface, not sure if he could make himself do it, Francie was suddenly at his side.

"Is this yours, Jay?" she asked quietly.

Johnny nodded silently, and when he turned he saw that she was the one holding Missy.  Francie peered inside the Rover curiously.

"Neat car.  I've never seen one like it."

Her casual talk had fortified him, and he let his hand finally touch the Rover's hood.  It was solid under his fingers, and he felt a smile spread across his face.

"Yeah, it's mine."  He spun to face Chet, suddenly full of questions.  "Did you have it all this time?  I thought... I mean, I figured Roy had sold it."  Now his eyes met Roy's.  "I mean, I just assumed..."  He shook his head as words failed him, and turned back to the car.  "I never thought..."

Hi voice must have betrayed his feelings for Chet suddenly broke in.  "Hey, don't get all mushy on me now, Gage," he blustered.  "It was no big deal.  I had room in my garage.  Roy had all your other stuff in his... so there ya have it."  He walked up to the passenger side door.  "I only made one little modification."

Johnny's eyes narrowed at the glee in the Irishman's voice.  "Whadja do to my car, Kelly?" he asked suspiciously.

Chet didn't answer.  He only smiled broader as he opened the car door.

"Voilá," he pronounced and gestured toward the back where a brand new car seat was strapped in securely, complete with a toy steering wheel mounted on the padded bar in front.  "I figured since you're a family man now, you'd need this.  Course, it won't go over well with the kind of chicks you always try and impress."

"Chet," somebody hissed.  Johnny suspected it was Roy, but whoever it was caused Chet to flush with  embarrassment.  "Uh... well, you know what I meant," Kelly stumbled.

Johnny glanced at Francie to see if she'd been embarrassed, but she was merely regarding Chet with a wry smile.  Johnny chuckled.  Leave it to Chet to put his foot in his mouth.  But as long as Friancie's feelings weren't hurt, Johnny wasn't mad.  Chet had just scored too many points in the paramedic's book to earn his anger for a long time to come.

Missy was the one who actually broke the moment.  She leaned forward toward the car seat.

"Go bye-bye," she said as she tried to wiggle from Francie's arms.  "Go bye-bye."

Johnny laughed and took Missy into his arms, nuzzling her cheek with his nose.  "Sure we'll go bye-bye, Pipsqueak."

He stepped forward and set her in the car seat.  He had a bit of trouble figuring out the harness, but in a few moments Missy was buckled up and ready to go.  Johnny then held out his hand so Chet could drop the keys there.

"Thanks, Chet," Johnny told his friend earnestly.  "I really mean it.  You have no idea..."

"Aw, go one.  Take it for a spin," Chet said, his face red.

Johnny smiled and turned to Francie, his eyebrows lifting questioningly.  "Ya wanna go for a ride?"

She flashed him an eager smile.  "Sure."

She climbed into the passenger seat and closed the door.  Johnny trotted around to the driver's side.  As he slid behind the wheel he felt a rush of elation, and he sat there for a time, just savoring the moment.

"Where we gonna go, Jay?" Francie asked.

Johnny glanced over and shrugged.  "I dunno," he grinned.  "It doesn't matter."  He started the engine with a roar and pulled away from the curb to the cheering of his friends.

* * *

"I guess that turned out all right," Chet said as he walked back up the lawn to stand next to Roy and Joanne.  Everyone else had started wandering back into the house.

Roy nodded, not sure what he was feeling at the moment.  He'd half expected Johnny to ask him to go for a ride with him on this first trip.  He knew it was childish to be upset that he'd been replaced by somebody else, but to see his friend drive away with Missy and that girl in the car was unsettling.

The roar of an engine startled him out of his strange thoughts and he looked up to see a black Camaro screech down the street.

"Who was that?" Joanne asked from the front steps, and Chet and Roy walked up to join her there.

Roy shook his head.  "I don't recognize the car.  Must be somebody visiting for the holiday."

"I saw him earlier," Chet volunteered.  "When I first pulled up to the house.  He was just sitting in his car.  I thought he was waiting for somebody."

"Must be that guy Norma's been telling me about," Frank Crawford said, his pipe clenched between his teeth.  "She says a guy's been hanging out on the street for the last week or so.  Just sits there."

That was disconcerting.  Roy stared down the street in the direction the car had gone.  "Whoever he was, he's gone now," he stated.

"Should we call the police?" Joanne asked, her face worried.

"And tell them what?  That a man is sitting in his car?"  Roy shook his head.  "We'll just keep an eye out for him.  See if he comes back."

"And keep the kids in the back yard," Joanne stated emphatically.

Roy smiled at his wife's determination and herded his guests back into the house.

Chapter Thirteen

The early morning sun streaming through the ratty drapes in the bedroom woke Francie before she needed to get up.  She didn't mind though.  The happy mood she'd gone to bed with had followed her into morning.  She stretched lazily and smiled as she remembered what a nice time she'd had yesterday.

Driving around town with Johnny in his odd looking car had been fun.  There wasn't air conditioning so they'd rolled down the windows and let the wind in, blowing their hair crazily.  Francie wondered if that's what it felt like to ride in a convertible.  Even Missy in the back seat enjoyed the ride.  She babbled happily as her dark hair whipped around her face, looking so much like Johnny that Francie had commented on it.

"Look at her, Jay.  You guys' hair looks just the same."

Johnny had glanced over his shoulder, grinning at his daughter.  His hair, shaggy anyway, was flying around his head in a wild corona.  When he turned back to the road his smile faded a little.

"She looks more like her mom, though," he said thoughtfully, then laughed weakly.  "Maybe that's a good thing."

"Since she's a girl, yeah," Francie laughed.  She studied his face.  The mention of Missy's mom had sobered him.  Not wanting to ruin his good time, she reached out to touch his arm.  "Hey, sorry.  I didn't mean to open my big mouth."

He glanced over at her, then back at the road.  "That's okay.  You didn't say anything wrong.  It's just... it's just not easy to talk about some things.  But my doc says I should."  He shot her another glance; this one measuring.  "You know I see a shrink, right?"

All the things Terry had told her flashed through her mind, but she dismissed them as the rubbish they were.  She'd decided she wasn't going to assume anything about what had happened to Johnny.  If he didn't feel like telling her, she didn't need to know.

"No.  Do you?"

He nodded, his eyes fixed once more on the road.

"Does it help?"

Now he did look over at her.  He thought her question over then nodded again.  "Yeah.  I guess.  I mean, he's somebody to talk things over with... helps me see things with some perspective."

"Sounds like most people could use one of those," Francie told him with a smile, and he chuckled lightly.

"You're probably right.  Anyway... I just wanted it out in the open... so you didn't think I was a head case or something."  He laughed suddenly and shook his head.  "Hell, I guess I am a head case."  His eyes caught hers again, this time with a twinkle.  "But I swear I'm not an axe murderer."

"Yeah, I was real worried about that, Jay," Francie told him with mock concern, and he laughed again.

They drove in silence for a while, and then, abruptly, Johnny began talking about Kathy.  Francie mostly listened.  He seemed to need to get things out, so she let him talk.

"Kathy and I dated for about six months before... before I..."

He lifted his left hand from the steering wheel and rubbed absently at his right wrist, and Francie could see the raised scars that encircled both of his wrists.

"Missy was born while I was gone," Johnny continued, skipping over a big part of the story, Francie realized.  "I never knew... Kathy hadn't told me before... before Reggie took me away."  There was another long period of silence, and Francie could see Johnny's jaw working as he battled the emotions this story had to stir up inside of him.

"Everybody thought I was dead," he finally blurted out after a while.  "Roy... Joanne... the guys... everybody.  It only made sense.  It had been so long and Reggie... Reggie had killed everybody else.  Kathy... I guess Kathy couldn't handle things... being a single mom and stuff.  So she gave Missy to Roy and Joanne to raise.  They're great parents, ya know.  I love their kids.  She did what I would have wanted her to."

"But you weren't dead," Francie interjected evenly. "And you came home."

Johnny's face twisted into a wry grin.  "Yeah, and sorta threw a wrench into things."

Francie's eyes widened.  "Why would you say that?  From what I've seen, your friends are overjoyed to have you back."

Johnny flushed self-consciously.  "I know.  You're right.  That's just me talkin' stupid.  I do that sometimes."

"I didn't say it was stupid," Francie corrected kindly.  "I just wondered why you thought that."

She heard Johnny sigh and tried to imagine how hard it would be to try and pick up your life after having everyone you knew think you were dead for over a year.

"Everybody had gone on with their lives," he explained.  "Missy was a year old and only knew Roy and Jo as her mom and dad.  She was part of their family... and she was happy.  Then I came along, and now we have to jump through all these damn hoops trying to set everything right.  Roy and Joanne want me to have her, but I know it's really hard for them to let Missy go.  And then the judge says I can't have her either unless I have my own place... my job back.  And... he wants to give Kathy a chance to say she doesn't want me to have her."  He paused and drew in a deep breath, giving her an apologetic smile.  "Sorry.  I didn't mean to go on and on.  I do that sometimes too."

"Don't worry about it," Francie replied.  "Everybody needs to vent once in a while.  Glad I could help."

She didn't think what the judge was doing was very fair.  To her way of thinking Kathy had been given her chance to be Missy's mom and had passed it up.  It wasn't right now to give her the power to come in and mess things up for Johnny.  But Francie didn't say anything out loud.  Johnny probably thought the same thing.  Instead, she tried to think of a way to help him feel more upbeat.  She glanced behind the seat and saw Missy had fallen asleep in her seat.

"She doesn't seem too upset by things," she commented.

Johnny shook his head.  "She's doing okay.  But we haven't made the big change yet.  When I go back to work we'll move out.  That'll be hard."

"But worth it... right?"

His smile finally returned.  "Yeah.  It'll be worth it."

They'd talked a little more and finally returned to the DeSoto house.  By then it was nearing dusk and the kids were getting antsy for fireworks.

That was fun too.  Francie couldn't remember the last time she'd seen backyard fireworks.  With so many firemen on hand, there was no fear of anything getting out of hand.  Not like the 4^th's at Francie's apartment complex where the teenagers, and a lot of the adults, indulged in illegal stuff brought in from Tijuana.  Although they were pretty, Francie never quite relaxed until the next morning, when all that was left was the messy remains of bottle rockets, Roman candles and some other things she couldn't identify, but from the sounds she'd heard all night must have packed a pretty good punch.

The fountains, pinwheels and sparklers Johnny's friends had were all fairly tame, but they were still pretty.  And Francie enjoyed them much more than she would have any of the big, showy ones she could have seen at home.  She made sure she took plenty of pictures of Johnny and Missy, and of Johnny's other friends.  She planned to give them to him as a thank you for inviting her to the barbeque.

She finally got out of bed, noting that her mom was already up.  She must have to work this morning.  As she walked into their small kitchen she saw her mother sitting at the little table drinking coffee.  She was dressed in her Denny's uniform, so Francie knew she was right about the morning shift.

"Hey, Mom," she greeted as she opened the fridge and got out the orange juice.  She only drank coffee once in a while, and it was too warm this morning for anything hot.

"When'd you get in last night," was her mother's curt greeting.

Aw, mom... don't be in one of those moods.  Don't ruin the day for me.

Francie shrugged.  "I'm not sure.  About ten."

"That's awful late for a barbeque."

"It was the 4^th, Mom.  You know... fireworks and the whole bit.  That means you have to wait for it to get dark."

"Don't get snippy with me," Maggie told her, setting her mug down with a thud that sloshed coffee onto the formica-topped table.

"I'm not getting snippy," Francie reasoned, doing her best to keep her voice even.  There was no sense antagonizing her mother even further.  "I told you I was spending the 4^th with some friends.  I just figured you knew that meant fireworks and the whole thing."

Her mother sighed heavily, and Francie had to work to keep from rolling her eyes.  She knew that sound.  Her mother had now switched from angry to long suffering.

"I just wondered why I was sitting here all alone on a holiday.  I thought we were a family."

"Mom..."  Francie had to bite her tongue to keep from saying what she was thinking.  That it had been a long time since they'd been any kind of a family.  That if she'd stayed here last night she would have been alone anyway, judging from the number of bottles she'd thrown out when she got home.

"Never mind," the older woman said as she got up and took her cup to the sink.  "I'm sure you had more fun with your friends than staying home with me.  You always do."

"Geeze, Mom... In case you haven't noticed... I don't have any friends.  But I guess you have to be conscious to notice stuff like that."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Maggie demanded.

"Nothing.  Nothing at all."  Francie was sorry she'd said anything.  She didn't want to fight with her mom.  But there were times when she couldn't hold everything in.

She took her orange juice and went into the living room to drink it.  There was a heavy silence in the apartment for the next half hour as Maggie got ready for work.  But by the time she came out of the bedroom, she appeared to have put it behind her.  She kissed Francie on the forehead and picked up her purse from the coffee table.

"What time do you go to work?" she asked.

"I don't have to be in until two," Francie answered.  "But I'm closing."

"Okay.  I'll wait up for you."

"Sure thing, Mom."

The door to the apartment closed, and Francie let out a heavy sigh.  She knew her mother too well to expect that promise to be kept.  But now that she was alone she tried to put the morning's clash behind her and recapture some of the good mood she'd woken up with.

She straightened up the apartment, showered and got dressed, then decided she'd run the few errands she needed to do before she went to work.  Her mother's shift would end around the same time Francie had to clock in, so they probably wouldn't see each other again until tomorrow morning.

She locked the apartment behind her and walked down the stairs, then out to the carports.  The sun was shining brightly.  As she looked at her car she considered getting it washed.  It certainly needed it, and they weren't allowed to wash cars on the apartment property.  It cost a lot at the full service places, so she'd just go to the do it yourself place next to the gas station.

She didn't see the note under the windshield until she'd already slid in behind the wheel.  More annoyed than anything else, she got back out and plucked it off, getting back into the car before she opened it to see what it was.

Probably that old lech in 25, she thought with a snort.

She didn't know his name and that suited her just fine.  She'd never seen him go to work.  He hung around all day smoking in his doorway and watching people walk past.  He always looked at Francie in a way that gave her the creeps.

Like I'd ever give him the time of day.

She turned on the engine to let the car warm up a little, put on her seatbelt and unfolded the paper.  She'd been expecting some lewd comment about her clothes or her body.  Instead, the words she read puzzled her.

Stay away from the fag!

She stared at the writing, wondering what it meant.  She didn't even know any gay people; except for maybe the guy from the juice bar in the mall.  And she really didn't know him.  They just talked once in a while when she took her breaks.

And then the first part of the message abruptly registered.  Somebody was warning her.  This was a threat.  She whirled around to look behind her.  No one was there.  But she quickly locked all four doors.

She returned her gaze to the note, and felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.  Terry's voice suddenly filled her mind.

...and they say he's probably a fag.  He stayed with the guy for nearly two years.  Two years!  No telling what kinky things they did.  Can you imagine letting some psycho killer even touch you?  He's gotta be a fag... and a crazy one at that.

Though she didn't believe the junk Terry said, the words struck home, and Francie knew who this note was about.  She just knew.

But as certain as she was that someone was warning her to stay away from Johnny, she was just as uncertain about what to do next.  Was this something Johnny needed to know about?  She recalled last night, and how he touched the scars on his wrist as he talked.  He'd suffered so much already and was trying so hard to cope with it.  Did she want to be the one to give him one more thing to have to deal with?

But if he's in danger... if somebody's out to hurt him.  He needs to know that.  What am I supposed to do?

The answer came to her in a flash.  How many firemen had she talked to last night?  They were all Johnny's friends.  Even that goofy one, Chet.  But one especially.  The one who had taken Johnny into his home - had been raising Johnny's little girl.  Roy.  She would go talk to Roy.

From their conversation yesterday, she knew they were on duty today.  And one of the places Johnny had driven by last night was their station house.  He'd pointed it out to her proudly.  She remembered where it was.  She shifted into reverse, and backed out of the carport, trying not to notice that her hands were trembling on the steering wheel.

* * *

Johnny jogged around the dirt track, his pace an easy one.  Besides his P.T. sessions once a week, Dr. Reynolds and Dr. Brackett had worked out a conditioning schedule for him so that he would be able to pass the Fire Department fitness test without any trouble.  His target date to start back to work was in October.  That gave him four months to get into shape.  Within that time frame there were other things that he needed to accomplish.

Dr. Brackett and Roy were both helping him brush up on his paramedic skills so he could be re-certified.  There hadn't been a lot of changes in protocol; it was mostly a matter of getting his confidence back.  Cap was working with headquarters to find a place for him when the time came.  Whether or not that was with 51's A shift was still up in the air, but at least he knew he would be working somewhere in the department.  The only really unknown element was whether or not he would be considered psychologically ready to go back to work.

Dr. Evans always seemed pleased with their sessions and assured Johnny he was making good progress, but Johnny still had his doubts.  He still worried about what the other men thought of him.  If he didn't get assigned to 51, he would have to work with guys who didn't know him - guys who might have made up their minds about who and what he was.  And how would he handle sleeping in the dorm - where  waking up with one of his nightmares was a very real possibility.  He worried about how it would feel to be out on a run at night - remembering that night all the time.

The fact that his anxiety over these problems didn't send him into panic mode was actually one way he could tell he was making progress.  He took hope in that and continued around the track, knowing most of his questions wouldn't be answered until he was actually on the job.  There wasn't much he could do about it now, except continue going to therapy.  For now, he concentrated on his running.

The high school wasn't far from Roy's house, but far enough that Johnny drove there.  Since it was summer, the fields were open to the public during daylight hours, so Johnny had started coming here early in the mornings.  That way he could be home by the time Missy woke up and wanted breakfast.

There were regulars here.  Over the weeks he'd come to recognize faces and even wave a greeting to a few who smiled at him as they passed on the track.  There was an older gentleman who ran at a much faster pace than Johnny.  There was a young mother, who pushed her baby in a stroller while she trotted along slowly.  There was a short, round Polynesian lady who walked the track, but smiled at everyone who passed her.

Aside from these few, there was always a newcomer or two - people who didn't show up consistently.  Most of these never made eye contact with anyone else.  They just puffed around the track a time or two, then headed home, never to come back again.  Johnny didn't pay them any mind.  He was too intent on his own routine.

He would park on the street, pull on the elastic sport brace he still wore on his knee, grab his water bottle and go.  A few years ago he would have done his running wearing a tank top or sometimes, in the heat of summer, shirtless.  His ethnic heritage gave him the ability to bronze in the sun rather than burn.  Plus it sometimes called attention to him from some of the prettier joggers he'd meet.

He chuckled at how shallow he'd been, thinking every chick on the track was ogling his sweaty, but skinny body.  These days he never took off his t-shirt, no matter how hot he got.  There was no way he was going to put himself on display or let anyone see the mess Reggie had made of his back.

Today was no different than any other day he'd run., except that his thoughts were centered on the barbeque yesterday, and on getting his car back, and on the very nice time he'd spent with Francie.

He couldn't believe that he'd opened up like that to her and talked so much about Kathy.  Probably not the smartest thing to do when you were with a girl - talk about your ex-girlfriend.  But Francie hadn't seemed to mind.  In fact, she was easy to talk to about a lot of things.

He smiled as he took a swig from his water bottle.  After they'd come back from their drive, they'd had a blast with the kids and the fireworks.  Missy had been so excited when Johnny helped her hold a sparkler.  He'd been sad to see the evening wind down, and when he'd said goodbye to Francie and watched her car drive away down the street, he felt a let down he couldn't explain.

He was still lost in his thoughts of last night when a man he didn't recognize jogged past him, close enough to brush his shoulder.  That in itself was odd.  Most runners kept to a kind of code - you left a reasonable amount of personal space when you passed.  But what was even stranger was the glare the man gave him over his shoulder before he turned back around.

That was weird, Johnny thought as he continued his slow and even stride.  Wonder what his problem is.

He tried to dismiss the incident, but he couldn't help watching the man as he ran the track at practically a sprinter's pace.  If he kept up that speed, he'd come around again fairly quickly.  Feeling stupid, Johnny moved to the inside lane.  If the guy was in that big a hurry, then the paramedic would gladly let him have the lane he wanted.

He'd already moved out of Johnny's line of sight, but as he'd guessed, the man gained ground quickly,.  His footsteps sounded in Johnny's ears, telling him the guy was coming up on him at the same rapid pace.

What he hadn't been able to see was that the man had cut across four lanes as he came into the stretch.  Before Johnny even realized how close he was, the man gained a step on the paramedic.

"Fag!"

Johnny heard the word snarled at him at the same time he suddenly lost his footing, his momentum sending him sprawling forward onto the track.

He'd been totally unprepared.  As a result, the skin on his hands, elbows, knees, and even his chin scraped painfully along the sandy ground as he skidded to a stop.

He lay there for a moment, wondering what the hell had just happened.  When he finally gathered his rattled wits, he realized somebody was standing next to him.  He glanced up and saw his friendly Polynesian lady regarding him with some concern.

"You okay, mister?"

Johnny managed to sit up, grimacing at the stinging abrasions that seemed to be everywhere.  He did give the lady a nod.

"Yeah... I think so."

"You don't look so okay."

Johnny glanced down at himself and had to agree with her assessment.  His knees were bleeding, and his right elbow was too.  The heels of his hands looks pretty raw, but weren't oozing anything.

"It probably looks worse than it is," he told his companion.  He started to get up, and saw her hold out a fleshy hand to help him.  He took it gratefully.  "Thanks," he said a little breathlessly, but gave the woman a smile.  She was shorter than he'd realized, barely reaching his chest.

"He tripped you," she stated.  She jerked her head in the direction of the parking area and Johnny realized the man had left the track.  "The jackass," she spat harshly.

Johnny wasn't exactly sure what had happened, but he didn't argue with the woman.  The word the man had uttered still rang in his ears - too loudly for him to disagree that this had been on purpose.  He was too flustered to continue his run, plus his scrapes would need some attention.  He flexed his right knee, grateful that it didn't seem to have taken any worse damage than losing a little skin.  The last thing he needed was a setback on his recovery.

"Guess I'm done for the day," he muttered.  He gave his helpful lady one last smile, then hobbled off the track and across the grass toward the Rover.

His mind was busy trying to figure out who the jerk was and why he would go out of his way to trip somebody he didn't even know.  And the word.  There was no mistaking what the guy had called him.  Johnny shuddered a little as he suddenly remembered the note card in the hospital.  He knew his picture and the story had been in the paper and on the news enough that somebody might recognize him.  Terry at the photo studio certainly had.  He felt his breath start to quicken, and he knew he had to squash the attack before it even started.

Stop.  You're getting all worked up over nothing.  You don't know the two times are related.  Stop.  Relax.  Breathe deeply.

He took pride in being able to stave off the panic, and was feeling much better until he rounded the front of the Rover.  He stopped dead, the fear he'd held at bay rushing back in full force, taking his breath with it.

Scrawled across the driver's side door in black spray paint was the word, "Fag!"

Oh, God... God damn...

All the strength seemed to have left his body.  He didn't know how he even got his feet to move.  He did know there were tears stinging his eyes as he reached out to touch the ugly words that scarred his car - the car that represented so much to him.

Home.  I need to go home.  I just wanna go home.

Somehow he managed to hold himself together enough to open the door and climb into the Rover.  It took him several tries before he could get the key in the ignition, and his hands on the wheel were shaking, but he did get the engine started.

He sat there for a minute, taking deep breaths, working frantically to get himself under control enough to drive.  He didn't know how much time passed, but at some point he realized he was okay.  He'd worked through the attack.  The panic ebbed, the gray edges receded, his breathing became more normal.  A small voice in his head told him he should be proud of himself.  That maybe Dr. Evans was right.  Maybe he was getting better.  But he didn't care about any of that right now.  Right now all he cared about was getting out of here and back to Roy's.

* * *

Francie saw with relief that the big garage door was open, revealing both emergency vehicles parked there.  It hadn't occurred to her until after she was half way here that the men might be out on a response.  She wasn't sure if she was supposed to pull into the long, narrow driveway that led to the back of Station 51, so she found a place to park on the street instead.  It meant a bit of a walk, but she took that time to try and figure out what to say to Roy.

Hi I found this note on my car and since it says "fag" I knew it must mean your friend.

How lame was that going to sound?  But lame or not, she was worried - and a little scared.

She walked up to the station, not sure if she should enter the open bay or ring the doorbell.  She had dealt with a lot in her life, and always considered herself pretty confident.  But standing there, staring at the trucks, she felt a bit intimidated.  She'd only seen fire trucks as they drove down the street.  She hadn't realized how big they really were.

"Can I help you?"

Francie turned to see Captain Stanley walking toward her from inside the bay.  His brows raised in recognition, and he gave her a friendly smile.

"Well, hello there.  Francie, right?  You're John's friend."

"Yeah... uh, yeah I am."

"Well, come on in."  He opened out a welcoming arm, and she relaxed a little, reminding herself that these were the same guys she spent the day with yesterday.  They were just in uniform today.  "What brings you down here?" he asked as she followed him through the bay.

"I... I was looking for Roy.  I kinda needed to talk to him."

"You've come to the right place."

He held a door open for her, and she walked ahead of him into a large room that was a combination kitchen/living are.  She saw Roy right away.  He was standing at the sink, a cup of coffee in his hand.  He glanced up as they came in, and she saw a look of stunned surprise cross his features.

"Hey, DeSoto... you've got a visitor.  Guys... you remember Francie?"

The rest of the crew were seated at the table working on their morning cups of coffee.  They were all surprised to see her, but greeted her graciously nonetheless.  Mike got up to offer her his chair, but she declined with a smile and a shake of her head.  By then Roy had come over to stand beside her.

"Is there something you needed?" he asked.

Francie looked up at him.  His face was passive, but something in his voice made her think he wasn't all that happy to see her.  She decided she was over-reacting.  She didn't really know him, and she was spooked anyway.

"Can we go someplace and talk?" she asked quietly.

Roy looked perplexed, but he nodded and took her by the elbow to guide her out of the day room and back into the bay.

"What's going on?" he asked when the door closed behind them.

"I'm not really sure anything is," Francie answered uneasily.  She pulled the note out of her jeans pocket and stared at it a moment.  "I found this... on my car this morning."

She handed it to Roy and watched as he unfolded it.  His eyes widened in surprise, but quickly narrowed in what Francie thought was anger.

"I... I don't know if it means anything," she said.  "I mean, Johnny told me some things... a little bit.  And I know there's been some stuff in the papers.   I thought maybe..."

"What?" Roy demanded harshly.  "That this had to be about him?"

Francie stared at the man in front of her, wondering why in the world he was upset with her.

"I just thought.... I really didn't know what to think.  I don't know any..."

"Any other fags?" Roy finished for her, his face dark.

"That's not what I meant."  Suddenly she was mad.  He was standing there putting words in her mouth.  "Look," she said hotly.  "I didn't know what to do about this.  I thought since you were Johnny's friend, you'd know how to handle it.  It's creepy, ya know?  And I didn't want to upset Johnny with it if you didn't think it meant anything."

He was silent a moment, and then the anger in his face abruptly melted.  He lifted a hand to his head, as if he had a headache, and when he looked back at her he seemed embarrassed.

"Hey... I'm sorry.  I..."  He left that thought hanging, and Francie wasn't sure what else he meant to say.  He folded the note and stuffed it into his pocket.  "Thanks for showing this to me.  I don't know if it means anything or not."

"Are you going to show it to Johnny?"

Roy shook his head.  "No.  He doesn't need to see stuff like this."

That seemed all he was going to say, but Francie wasn't finished yet.  She'd been frightened, and she needed to know she didn't have to be afraid.  She'd expected him to try and reassure her, but that hadn't happened.

"But what about..."  She halted, not sure how to bring it up without sounding like a child.

"What about what?"

"Well... that note.  It was on my car... at my apartment.  Do you think... do you think I need to tell the police or anything?"

"What would the police do about it?"  Roy's voice stayed even, but Francie felt he was growing impatient with her, and she didn't know why.  "Look... it's probably nothing.  But if you're concerned about it then do what it says... stay away from Johnny."

And she realized he was serious.  That he wanted her to stay away from Johnny.  He was trying to make it sound like it was for her own good, but she could tell he would be just as happy if she went away.  Well, maybe he was right.  It wasn't like they were involved or anything.  They barely knew each other.  She didn't have anything vested in their relationship - if that's what you could even call it.

But even as she turned and walked out of the bay, she knew she didn't want to end anything - especially before it had even had a chance to start.

* * *

Roy yawned as he drove home from work the next day.  He was worn out, even though they hadn't had many night runs.  The nightmares that bothered him so much at home had started plaguing him at work.  He didn't think anyone had picked up on it, but he spent most nights dreading going to sleep for fear of doing or saying something he didn't want anyone to witness.

Last night had been the worst yet.  Probably because of what Francie had showed him.  His mind kept replaying the conversation with the girl.  He hadn't been very nice to her, and that bothered him.  He wasn't normally like that.  She hadn't done anything wrong.  She'd been frightened for herself and worried about Johnny.  The fact that she'd come to him rather than go right to Johnny also spoke to the fact that she'd thought through how this kind of thing might affect him.  That wasn't the act of an immature teenager.  He supposed he should apologize to her.  That is, if she ever came around again.  With his luck, she'd take his advice and stay away, and Roy knew just from watching his friend around Francie on the 4^th that her absence would cause Johnny pain.

Everything I do or say anymore is wrong.  I don't even trust my own judgement.

It was that judgement that told him he should keep quiet about the note Francie had shown him.  But now he wasn't so sure. What if there really was somebody trying to harass Johnny?  Shouldn't he be aware of the possible threat?

Roy blew out a long breath and ran a hand through his hair.  Why was life so complicated?

He turned onto his street and saw Joanne's station wagon on the street.  That was odd.  She usually kept it in the garage.  But as he pulled into the driveway, he saw the open garage door and Johnny's Rover parked in Joanne's spot.  He frowned, wondering what was going on.  One of the drawbacks to working a twenty four hour shift was that sometimes he was the last to know what was happening in his own house.

He got out of his car and walked up toward the Rover.  As he got closer he could see Johnny squatted down by the front quarter panel, working on something.  It looked like he was touching something up.  Roy smiled.  Somebody must have dinged the car, and Johnny wasn't wasting any time taking care of it.

"Kinda early for auto shop, isn't it?" he asked, and was surprised when Johnny shot up, a startled look on his face.

"Oh... hi, Roy."  His eyes darted to the Rover, then back to Roy.  "I... uh, I was just..."  He must have realized he was holding a paint brush in his hand, for he dropped that hand quickly to his side.

"Somebody scratch ya?" Roy asked and moved curiously closer.  What he saw was half covered up gray primer in a large area across the door.  Johnny must have started this project yesterday.  Roy whistled at the size of the job.  "That must've been some ding."

Johnny's eyes again darted to the Rover, and then he shrugged.  By now Roy was close enough to see the nasty looking abrasion on his friend's chin.  His eyes narrowed, and he took a closer look.  He could see a bandage on Johnny's elbow, and since he was wearing shorts, the ones on his knees were visible too.

"What the hell happened to you?" Roy asked in concern.  "Were you in an accident?"

Johnny glanced down at himself, then at the car, realizing what conclusion Roy had jumped to.  "No," he assured, his hand with the brush gesturing at the car.  "No.  Somebody... somebody tagged the Rover.  Graffiti..."

Roy regarded the large gray patch on the door.  "Graffiti?  In our neighborhood?"  That was alarming.  As far as he knew that problem hadn't encroached into their part of town.

Johnny shook his head.  "No.  Not here.  At the track.  When I was running."

He squatted back down and went back to painting over the primer, but Roy noticed him wincing as his knees bent.

"That doesn't explain what happened to you."

Johnny didn't look up from what he was doing.  "I fell... tripped when I was running."

"You okay?"

He nodded.  "I'm fine.  Just skinned up."

Roy was familiar with the high school track.  They'd been trying to get it modernized with a better running surface for years.

"Probably ground a acre of dirt in there," he commented.  "You clean it out good?"

Johnny finally looked up at him with an exasperated expression.  "Yes, mother," he answered.  "I'm a paramedic too... was a paramedic."  Before Roy could respond to his remark, Johnny continued.  "Besides, Joanne caught me cleaning them up.  I swear she's taking lessons from Dixie.  Whatever antiseptic she's using stings like a son of a..."  he stopped and smiled.

Roy chuckled in sympathy.  "She lives for scraped knees.  You should hear the kids holler."

Johnny's grin grew a little wider.  Roy bent down to inspect the work his friend was doing.  "Need any help here?"

The younger man shook his head.  "Naw.  I just wanted to cover it up.  I'll get it done better when I can afford to take it to the body shop."

Roy bit back an offer to pay for it.  He knew Johnny's pride was involved here.  He stood up and slapped Johnny on the shoulder.

"Okay.  I guess I'll go in and see what's good for breakfast.  You gonna come in?"

"In a minute."

Roy started to head to the house, but his hand brushed his pocket and he heard the crinkle of paper.

Francie's note.  Damn.

He waffled for a moment, then decided Johnny needed to know.  He retraced his steps and stood beside his partner.

"Hey... uh, Francie stopped by the station yesterday."

Johnny looked up in surprise.  "She did?  Why?"

Roy's hand played with the paper in his pocket as he tried to find the right way to word things.  "She... she was a little concerned."

"Concerned about what?"  Johnny had gotten to his feet, his face alarmed.

"She found this on her windshield yesterday morning."  He pulled the paper out of his pocket and handed it to Johnny.  "It's probably nothing."

But when Johnny opened the paper and saw the message, he let out an audible gasp, and even in the dim garage light, Roy could see he'd lost the color in his face.  He started to take a step and staggered against the Rover.

"Johnny?  Are you all right?"  Roy reached out to steady his friend, but Johnny pulled away from his touch.

Now Roy was really worried.  It had been a long time since Johnny had reacted this way to a mere hand on his arm.

"Johnny..."  Roy kept his voice calm.  "Johnny, it's probably nothing to worry about.  Just a prank.  Francie probably over-reacted.  She's just a kid.  She panicked."

But Johnny was shaking his head.  His hand hovered over the door of the Rover.

"It's not nothing, Roy," he whispered, his voice quavering.

And it suddenly clicked in the paramedic's mind.  What the graffiti was on the door.  He took in Johnny's bandaged knees and scraped chin, and he felt fear churn in his gut.

"What happened to you, Johnny?" he asked quietly.

"Somebody... somebody tripped me.  At the track yesterday.  It..."  He met Roy's gaze for a moment, then looked away.  "It... uh, wasn't an accident.  He did it intentionally."

Roy didn't even bother to ask if Johnny was sure.  From the way his friend was acting, there was no doubt in Roy's mind.

"Do you know who he is?"

The dark head moved slowly.  "No. I've never seen him before.  But he knows who I am."

"We should call the police," Roy stated, trying to figure out what to do.

Johnny shook his head more vigorously.  "No cops.  Just let it go."

"Johnny..."

"I said no cops, Roy.  I can't... I don't want to go into all that again."

Roy sighed, but nodded reluctant agreement.  "You hoping he got it out of his system?"

"I don't know," Johnny said.  He folded his arms on the hood of the Rover and leaned his head against them.

"What about Francie?" Roy asked, wanting his friend to think things through completely.

Johnny lifted his head.  "I'll talk to her... let her know what's going on."

Roy thought for a minute, then broached what had been going through his mind.  "Johnny... don't you think it would be better if... well, maybe if you just didn't see her anymore..."

The younger man's eyes narrowed.  "Why?  I'm not going to let this creep tell me..."

Roy shook his head.  "I know, I know.  But it's not like you and Francie are serious.  She's just a nice kid, right?  Maybe it would be better if you just dropped things.  Then she'd be safer."

Johnny looked uncertain of what Roy meant.  "I want her to be safe, but I... I still want to be her friend."

"But, Johnny... why drag her into this?  Especially since it can't go anywhere."

Roy didn't like the way his friend was looking at him.  Johnny's expression was a mix of confusion and hurt.

"Don't you like her, Roy?"

"Well, sure I do," Roy answered uneasily.  "But Johnny, you aren't really interested in her, are you?  I mean, she's a little girl."

"She's nineteen," he informed Roy, but his tone was uncertain.

"And you're nearly thirteen years older than she is," Roy reasoned.  But he felt like a heel at Johnny's downcast face.

"You might be right," the younger man finally said softly.  "At least for now... until this is all over."

Roy dredged up a smile.  "That's good idea.  Take things slow."

Johnny nodded, and slowly moved back down to work on the Rover.

Roy watched him for a moment, wondering why he didn't feel better about getting Johnny to see things his way.

Chapter Fourteen

John wasn't talking today.  Many people have the wrong idea about healing from emotional trauma.  I suppose that's because of television or movies.  Everything has to get wrapped up in a neat package inside the space of an hour or two.  But in real life, there are no soul shattering breakthroughs.  Real healing happens in a series of tiny steps - both forward and backward.

Today it seemed we'd gone backwards.

He sat in the big, comfy chair in my office, his head leaned back, his gaze fixed out the window.  He didn't even exhibit any of the nervous energy I'd come to expect, and what I'd learned signaled his uneasiness about bringing up a sensitive topic.  Today he just seemed weary - like life was weighing heavy on him.

"So how did you hurt yourself?" I asked, trying to start any kind of conversation.  The abrasion on his chin was obvious, as was the bandage on his elbow.

He answered without looking at me.  "I fell... while I was running the track."

"That must have hurt.  Are you okay?"

He nodded and silence hung between us again.  I tried another track.

"How was the barbeque?  Did Francie come?"

He'd been very excited when he told me about meeting this girl, though he'd been vague about the exact nature of his panic attack at the photo studio.  Though we've been meeting together for several months now and I feel John trusts me, I know there are still things he won't share; aspects of his captivity that he hasn't told me about.  I don't push when he holds back.  When he feels he can talk about something, he will.

But he hadn't held back at all about Francie.  When I'd challenged him to try talking to women, I never expected him to act so quickly or find someone he wanted to actually develop a social relationship with.  When he talked about her, I saw a spark in his eyes that was pleasantly surprising.  When he talked about inviting her to the party at Roy's house, I was more than pleased.  For John to take that step almost qualified as one of those movie moments that so rarely happen.

None of that spark was evident today.  My conclusion was that something had happened at the barbeque.  Or maybe the girl had changed her mind.

"She came," John answered, finally turning to look at me.  His expression finally changed from the blankness that had been there.  A smile flitted across his face.  "We had a good time."

"You want to tell me about it?"

He shrugged once, then looked like he was debating something.  I wasn't sure he was going to say anything, but he finally spoke.

"The guys were all there... we were talking... playing horseshoes.  Then she showed up."  That elusive smile played around his mouth again.

"What did you do after she got there?" I prodded.

That shrug came again.  He was trying to downplay the whole thing, but his body language had changed and I could tell his feelings for Francie were still alive and well, no matter what had happened to make him so moody today.

"We ate... we played in the pool with Missy..."  He suddenly smiled fully.  "Chet brought my car back."

"Your car?"

"Yeah.  My Land Rover.  I didn't know he still had it.  I just figured... well, I thought Roy had sold it.  Nobody ever said, and I..."  He flushed a little at the reminder of how shattered his life had been, but I was happy with the enthusiasm he was displaying over getting his car back.

"I've never driven a Land Rover," I commented casually, ignoring his pause.  "Do they handle well?"

His smile returned.  "Sure.  Especially if you're out in rugged terrain.  Mine's been practically everywhere."

"So what did you do after Chet gave you your car?"

"Whaddya think?  I took it out for a run.  Took Francie and Missy with me."

"Did you have a good time?"

"Oh, yeah.  It was great.  And I even..."  He glanced up at me a little sheepishly.  "I spilled my guts a little about Kathy.  But she didn't seem to mind.  Not like some girls.  Some chicks get all bent out of shape if you even mention another girl's name."

"She sounds very understanding."

John nodded thoughtfully.

"And you like her," I continued, deciding to push him just a bit.

He kept nodding, but his smile faded.

"What happened?  Didn't things go well after that?"

"No.  Things were fine until..."

"Until what?  Did something happen?"

"No... nothing happened."

His denial was too fast.  Something had gone on that upset him, but he was going to make me do a little guess work.

"So... what?  She didn't like you?"

"No, that's not it.  I mean... I think she likes me too.  She seems to like me."  He looked up at me again, and he seemed unsure of himself.  "But Roy says... you know she's pretty young.  It's probably not a good thing to get too serious.  I'm so much older than she is.  And Roy says it's better to take things slow.  Roy says..."

"Roy isn't dating her," I pointed out reasonably.

"What?"  His eyes narrowed in confusion.

"I said Roy isn't the one who would be dating her.  Why does it matter what Roy says?"

"Roy's my best friend."

"That doesn't mean he should be making decisions for you."

"He's not," John countered a little too forcefully.  "He just gave me some advice."

I studied the man in front of me, a little concerned about what I saw happening.  Having been a captive for so long; having been under Reggie's complete control for all that time; it would be easy for John to allow someone else to slip into that role in his life.  Especially someone he respected as much as he did Roy DeSoto.

It's not an easy thing for John to stand on his own again - make his own decisions.  Since he'd been home Roy had been taking care of him, worrying over him, steadying him in rough times.  I could see the warning signs that their long time friendship might be evolving into a less healthy relationship.  With Roy stepping in when things got tough and taking John's decisions out of his hands.  It had to stop now, before it became a problem.

"Well, advice is good," I conceded.  If I appeared to be attacking Roy, I'd lose John in a minute.  I had to turn this back to him and his choices.  "But you don't always have to take it.  How do you feel about seeing Francie again?"

He leaned back in the chair again and sighed.  "I like her, Doc.  I'd like to keep seeing her.  I'm not all hung up about her age, but Roy..."  He paused and shot me a glance.  "Do you think age matters a whole lot?"

"It can," I answered, trying to stay truthful.  Most patients can tell when a doctor is stalling or telling them what they want to hear.  "I think it depends on the people involved.  Yes, Francie's young, but you're both adults.  I haven't met her, but I can see you like her."

I was encouraged by the shy smile I saw lift his mouth, and I decided to take things a little further.

"Tell me about Francie, John.  Tell me what draws you to her... more than other women you've dated... women closer to your age."

He was silent a long time, but it wasn't a sullen silence.  I hadn't lost him.  He was thinking things through.  When he started talking, his voice was low and he leaned forward, his face intense.

"Doc... most of the women I dated were nurses at Rampart.  I guess because of my job.  I was at the hospital a lot, and there were all these pretty girls around all the time.  Some were interested... some weren't.  Sometimes I scored... a lot of times I struck out.  But most of the fun was in the trying, ya know?  Even if they didn't want to get serious, they always acted a certain way.  I don't know how to really describe it... they let a guy know they were... available I guess is the best way to put it."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.  When he looked at me again, I could see his eyes were filled with unshed tears... tears he was trying hard not to let go.

"Doc... when I go to Rampart now... " He looked away for a minute, his jaw working as he fought for control.  "When I go to Rampart... most of these same girls... women my age... they won't look at me.  They wait 'til I go by and then they whisper to each other.  And the ones who do look at me... they're worse.  I... I can see it in their faces.  They wanna know... they wonder what it would be like...  God, Doc... it's like they wonder what it would be like to be with me... but not for me.  Because of what I... what Reggie and I..."

He let his voice trail off.  I kept quiet.  He wasn't done.  I could tell he was just pulling himself together.  This was new ground for us, and I wanted him to get as much out as he could.

"But Francie..."  He took a deep, steadying breath, and it was as if saying her name had a calming effect.  I know that was romanticizing things, but I've seen stranger things in my line of work.  "Francie doesn't know me... not from before.  She hasn't already made up her mind about who I am... or what I was.  And she doesn't look at me like... like I'm... a sideshow freak."

He sat back, out of steam for now.  I don't know to what degree his perceptions were imagined.  But it really didn't matter what the nursing staff at Rampart thought about when they looked at John.  What mattered was that he'd found someone who didn't regard him as damaged goods or a one time romp into kinky sex.  He'd found someone who only saw John Gage, and whether that person was 19 or 29, I didn't see what difference it made.

"I think if you want to see Francie again, John, you should."

He looked up at me, and his face reminded me of a child who has been offered a treat he knows his parents wouldn't want him to have.  Which only reinforced my resolve to put the brakes on this paternal aspect of his and Roy's friendship.

"But what about... Roy thinks..."

"This is about what you think, John," I reminded him kindly.  "I know Roy's your friend, and he's only doing what he thinks is best, but right now I need you to make this choice."

He was quiet, but I could tell he was giving my words a lot of thought.  That was enough for now.  I closed his file and he got up from the chair.  I got up to walk him to the door.

"Next week, John?"

He nodded.  "Yeah.  Same bat time..."

I chuckled, glad he was still able to muster some humor.  It had been a good session - better than I'd first expected.  But I had one other thing to ask him.

"Do me a favor, would you?"  I did my best to sound casual, so he wouldn't think anything out of the ordinary.  "Would you ask Roy to call the office?"

I didn't fool him.  He stared at me, his mouth twisted in uncertainty.

"Doc..."

"Now, John..."  I placed a placating hand on his shoulder.  "You know me well enough by now.  I'm not going to chew Roy out.  I just want to visit with him a little."

He seemed to be deliberating, but finally he sighed in resignation.  "Okay.  I'll give him the message.  I can't promise anything, though.  He's been a little... I don't know... uptight lately."

"Uptight?  How?"

"I dunno for sure.  I don't think he's been sleeping good.  He's had some bad dreams.  And he's been kinda cross sometimes... you know, with the kids when they don't really deserve it.  I just don't know if he'll come in."

"Well, all you can do is ask him."

John gave me a weak smile and left my office.  I closed the door and walked back over to my desk.  I had a lot to think about.  What John had said about Roy's change in behavior, added to his increasing need to exert control over his friend's life; they added up to something - something I found disturbing.

Chapter Fifteen

"Why does Dr. Evans want to talk to me?" Roy asked in surprise.  He was sitting out on the deck, enjoying the cool of the evening.  Dinner was done, Chris and Jenny were inside watching television.  When he heard the patio door slide open and then close he'd thought it was Joanne coming out to join him.  Instead it was Johnny, holding Missy on his hip.  She was bathed and ready for bed, but not quite ready for sleep.

"Bapa," she called and reached out for Roy to take her.  Johnny bent down and let her go into Roy's arms.

"Uncle Roy," Roy corrected half-heartedly, but the toddler only gurgled at him happily.

"It ain't working," Johnny chuckled as he pulled up a chair next to Roy.

"I'm trying," Roy shot back more testily than he meant to.  The situation was hard enough without him flying off the handle, but he didn't seem to be able to help himself these days.

Johnny didn't react.  He merely nodded his understanding.  They were all trying.  Both men had fallen silent for a time until Johnny brought up the subject of his doctor's visit earlier that day.

"He just asked me to have you call him.  He didn't tell me why."  After a moment the younger man added, "I think he wants you to come in for a session."

"A session?"  Roy sat up straight, holding Missy to him to keep her from falling.  "Why?  I'm not the one who..."  He stopped, not really meaning what he had been about to say.  But Johnny finished his sentence for him.

"Who needs to see a shrink?"

"You know what I meant," Roy countered, flustered.  He was afraid he'd hurt Johnny's feelings, but his friend didn't seem upset.

"It's all right," Johnny assured him and then smiled wryly.  "I'm way past getting weird about it.  I'm grateful you were able to get it through my thick skull that I needed to see him."

Roy gave his friend a half smile.  "You were being pretty stubborn."

Johnny chuckled ruefully.  "Yeah.  So don't make me go through what you did.  Just call the doc and go see what he wants."

"Johnny..."  Roy stood up and handed Missy back to his friend.  He was trying hard to stay patient, but it wasn't easy.  "Johnny, I don't need to see Dr. Evans.  Why can't you just let it go?"

"Because I'm worried about you," Johnny replied with a little more force than he'd used before.  "You're not acting like yourself."

"What are you talking about?  I'm fine.  I'm not the one with the problems."

"Yeah...  I am," Johnny replied tersely.  "I know that, Roy.  But I think you could use some help too."  He laughed lightly.  "Hell, everybody can.  That's what Francie says."

"Francie?"  Roy's voice rose in disbelief that Johnny was sitting there quoting a teenage girl to him as if she were the Dali Lama.  "Well, hell... let's all do what Francie says."

Johnny's face fell, and Roy cursed silently at his loss of temper.  He didn't seem to be able to keep a lid on it where that girl was concerned, but he shouldn't take things out on Johnny.

"Sorry, Johnny.  I shouldn't have said that.  But I just don't see what she has anything to do with whether or not I need to go see a therapist."

"She doesn't," Johnny answered softly.  "But maybe you losing your temper does."

"Whaddya mean by that?"

"Roy, you've been under a lot of stress.  You've helped me... and God knows that wasn't easy.  You're dealing with the whole thing with Missy..."

At the sound of her name, Missy grinned and clapped her hands.  Johnny automatically stroked her hair, and she lay her head against his chest in a loving gesture that cut into Roy's heart.

"Geeze, Roy... we've all had a lot to deal with.  Reggie hurt you too, Roy.  Just like he did me."

"No!"  Roy whirled to face his friend, his fists balling up tightly, fighting the urge to vomit as unwanted images swirled in his head.  "Not like you!  Not like that!  I'm not like you, Johnny.  It wasn't me in that house.  It wasn't me in those..."

He stopped before he said it, but he might as well have spoken the word.  It hung between them.  Roy had never hated himself more than he did at that moment.  That was the lowest blow to bring up the pictures that Johnny hated so much.

"I'm sorry, Johnny," Roy whispered harshly.  "I didn't mean..."

"Yes you did," Johnny interrupted hotly.  "And you're right.  It wasn't you.  It was me.  And I can't ever forget that."

Neither can I, Johnny... that's the whole problem.

He didn't know what he could say.  He rubbed at his forehead, trying to relieve the headache that seemed with him constantly.

"Johnny... I am sorry.  Believe me... I am."  He walked past his friend, resisting the urge to brush his hand against Missy's cheek.

* * *

Francie shoved the oversized envelope into the file cabinet under the letter T.

There.  T for Tomkins.  You're the last.

With today's shipment of photos filed away, Francie was done with paperwork.  It had been a slow morning, with only a few appointments.  For the last hour or so she'd been the only one here.  Summer was their slowest season, and it wasn't unusual for their boss to keep a bare bones staff.  She didn't mind being here alone.  It beat having to listen to Terry fill her ears with dire warnings about the men she chose to hang out with.

Francie didn't pay much attention to Terry.  She wasn't frightened of Johnny, but she was a little uneasy about who might be out there following him around - and who might care that she was with him.  It had been more than two weeks since she'd found that note on her car, and though there hadn't been any other threats, she still wondered who had put it there.

Her conversation with Roy had done nothing to reassure her, and for a few days she'd hadn't seen or heard from Johnny either.  As much as she'd told herself it was no big deal, it had made her sad.  She supposed he was doing what Roy wanted and staying away from her.  Maybe he thought he was keeping her safe.  But it seemed strange that being safe didn't make her feel very happy.

She'd almost convinced herself she was the dumbest person on earth to mope around over somebody she barely knew.  Somebody who had a lot of stuff to deal with and certainly didn't need to worry about a girl like her.  Almost.

But she couldn't deny that the day she'd been stooped down filing picture packets away and suddenly realized Missy was standing next to her smiling happily and trying to grab at the pictures, things had changed dramatically.  She still remembered the feeling that swelled in her chest when she looked up and saw Johnny standing a few feet away, a shy grin on his face.

Since that day she'd seen him quite a bit.  Sometimes he'd bring Missy by and visit her at work; doing his best to avoid the shifts she worked with Terry.  Other times they'd go places - sometimes with the baby and sometimes not.  Johnny had assured her that Joanne didn't mind watching Missy so they could have a little time to themselves, but most of the time he kept his daughter with him.  She knew how hard he was trying to solidify the bond between them and make her transition away from the DeSotos as easy as possible.  And Francie never minded having the baby around.  She was a cutie pie, and the first time Missy called her by name, getting out "Faa-cie" the best she could, Francie couldn't stop smiling.

Trying to be sensitive to Johnny's feelings, Francie hadn't brought up the note, but he surprised her by telling her Roy had shown it to him.  He'd also told her about the graffiti on the Rover, doing his best to downplay it, but he made sure she promised to stay alert for any strangers hanging around.  Since nothing else had happened, they both relaxed a little more, though Francie noticed Johnny still let his gaze wander the area whenever they got in or out of the car.

Today they were going to go look at apartments.  Johnny had decided he needed to get serious about finding a place for him and Missy.  Even though he wasn't ready to rent, he at least needed to narrow down the areas he wanted to live in.  Francie was off work in a few minutes and was driving over to meet Johnny at Roy's house.

She had begun to notice a pattern.  Though sometimes she drove to the DeSotos', most of the time Johnny met her at work.  She hadn't thought anything of it at the beginning, but it finally occurred to her that he was deftly making sure the only times she came over was when Roy was on duty.  She at first thought she was imagining it.  Chris and Jenny were always happy to see her, and Joanne never seemed to mind her being there.  Just the opposite, in fact.  Joanne went out of her way to make Francie feel welcome.  But it soon became obvious that Roy was never there when Francie was.

She felt a little funny about that.  The last thing she wanted was to come between two men who were such good friends.  But she didn't know what she'd done to make Roy not like her, and she was ultimately glad that Johnny still wanted to see her.

The phone on the desk rang and Francie picked it up, her thoughts still on Johnny.

"Family Photo... would you like to make an appointment?"

"Hi, baby, s'me."

"Mom... hi."  Francie was surprised to hear from her mother.  She almost never called her at work.. "What's up?"

"I was jus' wond'rin'... if you were gonna be home t'night."

Francie cringed at how drunk her mother sounded already.  She usually waited until late in the early evening to start drinking.  She looked at her watch.  It wasn't even two o'clock yet.

"I don't know, Mom.  I'm going out with Johnny and I..."

She stopped when she heard a strangled sound on the other end.  Was her mother actually crying?  And then she looked at her watch again, and remembered her mom should still be at work.

"Hey, Mom... is anything wrong?"

"No... nothin'.  You go haf fun.  I'll see you when you ge' home."

The phone clicked in Francie's ear.  She stood staring at it for long moment before she hung up.

Damn, Mom.  Why do you have to do stuff like this?

Her first impulse was to go home and check things out.  But she knew what she'd find.  Her mom passed out with the t.v. on.  So what good could she possibly do there?

She didn't want to cancel on Johnny.  She enjoyed her time with him, and if she had to choose between sitting home babysitting her drunken mother or having a good time with a nice guy, it was really a no brainer.  Besides, her mother had pulled these stunts before - usually when Francie spent what the older woman felt was too much time away from home.  It was a way to control her daughter's actions and Francie rebelled against being manipulated.

"I'm here," Terry announced, breaking into Francie's troubled thoughts.  "You ready to get out of here?"

"Yeah," Francie answered absently.  "It's all yours."

"I guess you're going out with that weirdo again."

"His name's John and he's not a weirdo, Terry," Francie answered automatically.  She was past the point of getting angry with her co-worker.  It never did any good anyway.  She made up her mind suddenly.  "And yes, I'm going out with him."

Terry rolled her eyes, but refrained from any further comment.  Francie was glad.  She didn't need to get into an argument right now.  She signed her name on the time sheet, then grabbed her purse and headed out into the mall.

* * *

"I can't believe how many bad apartments there are," Johnny complained as they drove down Normandie Avenue.  "How come I never noticed them before?"

"Heck, Jay, you probably lived in them before," Francie pointed out with a laugh.  And when he looked at her in confusion, she explained.  "You were less picky then."  She gestured over her shoulder where Missy sat in the back.  "You've got somebody else to consider now, so you're more selective."

Johnny considered that and then chuckled.  "You're probably right.  I didn't really care where I lived before.  I didn't spend much time in my apartment.  I was either at the station or out camping... or at Roy's."

"Well... maybe you need to broaden your horizons.  What about a house?"

"A house?  No way I can afford a house.  Not right now anyway."

"Not even renting one?"

Johnny rubbed at his chin.  "I don't know.  They're usually more expensive.  Paramedics don't make a whole lot of money."

"But Roy has a house," Francie pointed out.

"Roy's a veteran," Johnny explained.  "He got in cheap.  And I think Joanne's folks helped them out too.  They've never said anything to me, but I think that's why Roy's mother-in-law gives him such a hard time."

"That's not very nice," Francie stated.  "If you're going to help somebody, you should just do it and keep your mouth shut."

Johnny laughed.  "You've never met Joanne's mother.  She gives new meaning to the word, 'overbearing'."

"But Joanne's not like that."

"Not at all," Johnny answered emphatically.  "Sometimes I wonder how that woman had Joanne for a daughter."

When Francie didn't say anything, Johnny glanced over.  She was staring out the window, her face thoughtful.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked.

She turned and gave him a quick smile.  "Yeah, I'm fine."  She leaned forward suddenly.  "Why don't we drive around some of these neighborhoods... just to see what's there."

Johnny looked at the passing residential streets and shook his head.  "I told you, I can't afford a house."

"I know," Francie persisted.  "But what can it hurt to look a little?"  She grinned.  "Or we can keep on looking at crappy apartments."

"I think I've seen enough of those to last my whole life," Johnny laughed and turned the Rover onto the next street.

They spent the next half hour driving up and down the streets of the tract.  It was an older neighborhood, but well kept.  Most of the places had nice yards, with lawns that looked like somebody cared to turn on the sprinklers more than once a month.  There weren't many with signs up, and Johnny had no clue what the market was like at the moment.  Real estate had never been a big priority in his life before he was gone, and since he'd been back, he'd had too many other things to deal with.  But Francie was having fun just looking, and Missy seemed content in the back seat, so Johnny didn't fret about wasting time.

"Look at that one," Francie suddenly cried out, pulling on his arm to get his attention.  "They're having an open house.  We can go in and look at it."

"I don't know about..." Johnny hedged.  Driving around was one thing.  But to get out and go look made it seem like he had a prayer of a chance of ever buying anything.

"Oh, come on," Francie coaxed.  "It looks great from the outside.  And it's not too big."

She was right.  It was a small, yellow frame house, with a fenced yard and a long driveway leading into the back where the garage stood.  There was a big red and white sign posted that read "Open House," but it didn't look like many people were coming by.

Before he realized it, Johnny had pulled up to the curb and got out of the Rover.  As he came around to get Missy out of her car seat, he noticed that the streets were lined with Jacaranda trees, which would blossom in the fall and give the street a lavender tint.

But sure make a mess of a car's paint job.

He laughed at himself.  Like it made any difference to him what happened on this street.  He wasn't going to live here.

But as he carried Missy and walked beside Francie up the to the front of the house, he felt a twinge of something he couldn't readily identify.  He would have called it homesickness if he'd ever lived here before.

The agent who greeted them at the door was a pleasant woman in her mid fifties.  She wore a business suit and her graying hair pulled up in a tight bun to look professional, but she had a twang in her voice that spoke of southern roots, and made her much more approachable.

Francie did most of the talking, which was fine by Johnny.  Even though the lady was friendly, he was still a little hesitant around strangers. She took them on a tour of the house, pointing out every little detail with such relish that Johnny got the impression they might be her first customers of the afternoon.

It was a nice little house.  Not as large as Roy's, but still boasting three bedrooms, though the smallest would be more practical as a den or office.  It had one full bath, plus a half bath off a small service porch where a washer and dryer could be hooked up.

The living room had hard wood floors that still looked in decent shape.  It led into a kitchen that wasn't large, but had room for a table for four.

"Look at this, Jay."  Francie beckoned him over to the sink, where a window overlooked the big, grassy back yard.

Obviously whoever had built on this lot wanted more yard than house.  The back door was off the service porch, and they went outside to find a small covered patio, but mostly grass and flowers.  Johnny set Missy down, and she ran laughing across the lawn.

This would be great for her.  But I could never afford it.

His dismay must have shown on his face, for Francie came over and took hold of his hand.

"Hey... I'm sorry.  It was a dumb idea to come here."

He shook his head and gave her a smile, impulsively reaching up to briefly touch her face.  The jolt that went through him at the contact caught him off balance, and he quickly dropped his hand.

What are you thinking, Johnny.  You can't touch girls.  You're mine.

He must've shuddered at the sound of Reggie's voice, for Francie's face grew concerned.

"You wanna get out of here?" she asked quietly.

He managed to pulled himself together.  Trying to act casual, he glanced at his watch.  "Yeah.  Joanne'll have dinner ready pretty soon.  You hungry?"

"Starved," she answered.  She walked over to pick up Missy.  "Are you hungry, little one?" she asked the toddler.

"Hungee," Missy answered emphatically and wrapped her arms around Francie's neck.

Johnny watched the two of them together, but squashed any further flights of fancy.  He didn't want to risk any more conflict with Reggie's shadow that still lurked in his head.

The ride back to the DeSotos' was quiet, but not strained.  Francie seemed to understand that he had "moments" that had nothing to do with anything she'd said or done.  She didn't judge him.  She just let him be.  He was grateful for that.

By the time they got home, things had gotten pretty much back to normal.  When they entered the house, Johnny went to change Missy.  When he came back downstairs with her, he found Francie helping Joanne in the kitchen and regaling her with all the wonderful things they'd seen at the house.

"I didn't know you were interested in a house, Johnny," Joanne commented when she saw him standing in the doorway.  "That would be much nicer than an apartment."

"Yeah, and a lot more money," he stated with a rueful laugh.  "We just looked at it for fun.  I can't  buy a house right now."

"Well, maybe someday," Joanne encouraged.  "It's fun to look anyway."

"That's what I said," Francie said, a twinkle of triumph in her eyes.  Johnny had a sudden urge to stick his tongue out at her, but he managed to resist.

Dinner was ready, and Joanne called the kids in.  Johnny felt a twinge of guilt that Roy wasn't here.  He felt bad that he was doing this behind his friend's back, but he knew how Roy felt about him seeing Francie, and he didn't want to cause waves.

The rest of the evening was pleasant.  About 7:30 Francie said she needed to go, so Johnny walked her out to her car.  It had been a nice day, and he didn't want her to leave, but he knew she had to get home.  As she got behind the wheel and closed the door, Johnny had to fight the urge to lean in the open window and kiss her goodbye.  It would have been a natural action for him before, but he wasn't the same person he'd been before Reggie.

So he didn't kiss her.  Instead he stood there awkwardly saying goodbye, wondering if he would ever get his head on straight enough to not feel like an idiot all the time.

"That was fun today.... looking at the house, I mean," he stammered.  "Thanks for coming with me."

"So you're not mad at me?" Francie asked.

"Mad?  No.  Why would I be mad at you."  His surprise overcame some of his insecurity.

She smiled.  "For twisting your arm about that looking at the house."

He shook his head.  "Naw.  You didn't twist that hard.  I knew going in it was over my head.  But it was fun to look."

"As long as your not mad..."

She grinned and reached down to turn the key.  The engine sputtered, but didn't turn over.  She tried again and the smile left her face as once more the car refused to start.

"Damn it!" she said under her breath, but Johnny heard and had to hide a smile.

"Pop the hood," he told her and moved over to see if he could find the problem.

It was Daylight Savings Time, so it was still light outside, but he couldn't see anything obvious.  He pulled the Rover over and tried to jumpstart it, but that didn't work either.  Finally he closed the hood and wiped his hands off on his jeans.

"Sorry," he told Francie.

She sighed with weary resignation.  "I knew it was on its last leg.  Poor thing's old and tired."

"Don't give up on it yet," Johnny told her.  "We can take it to this guy I know tomorrow.  He's really good... and pretty reasonable too."

She still just stood there with her arms folded, staring at the car as if she could will it to start.  Johnny came over and touched her lightly on the elbow to get her attention.

"I can take you home," he offered.

"Okay," she sighed.  "Guess there's no way around it."

"Not that I can see," Johnny replied.  "Look on the bright side," he told her with a grin.  "I finally get to see your place."

The look on Francie's face told him that was the last thing she wanted to have happen.

Part 4