“Hey Roy?”
“Hey, Roy?”
“Yeah?”
“I figured it out.”
“That’s good.”
“…………..Well?”
“Well, what?”
“Aren’t ya gonna ask me what I figured out?”
“I wasn’t planning on it. No.”
“Fine!”
“Fine.”
“Just forget it then.”
“Okay.”
“Man, sometimes I just don’t get you!”
“I know.”
“I mean, come on Roy. ‘That’s good’ is not an answer to ‘I figured it out’.”
“I didn’t know that, ‘I figured it out’ was a question.”
“Very funny. Just forget it.”
“I’m trying to.”
“……………It might have been important you know.”
“Yup.”
“It might have been profound.”
“Might have been.”
“Deeply insightful, even.”
“Such a shame.”
“Life altering.”
“I’m gonna regret this.”
“Maybe even prophetic.”
“I can’t believe I’m gonna say this.”
“Huh?”
“I surrender. You win.”
“Win what?”
“The big prize, the question of the day. What did you figure out?”
“What did I figure out about what?”
“Your profound, prophetic insight. What is it?”
“Forget it now. You don’t really want to know. You’re just humoring me.”
“True. But we’ll both be happier if you just say it.”
“Well…. Actually…”
“What?”
“I ……… um …… forgot what I was going to say.”
“Go to sleep, Johnny.”
“Night, Roy.”
“If You’re Here, Then …”
“What are you doing here???”
“I work here, remember?”
“I mean, here. In the kitchen.”
“Um, let’s see. I’m drinking a glass of milk and eating a sandwich since we missed lunch and you didn’t leave anything else. Any objections?”
“Yeah … I mean, no. I mean … well, you just said you were headed for the shower, that’s all.”
“Well, I decided to eat first. Why? What’s it to you?”
“Nothin’. I was just curious is all. So, um, is Roy in the shower?”
“Nah. He’s outside tryin to wash the mud off his new shoes.”
“Oh …. You sure he’s still outside?”
“Well since he went out that door about 3 minutes ago, and he hasn’t come back in yet, I’d be willing to wager that yeah, he’s still outside. Why?”
“I was just curious. That’s all. Can’t a guy be curious around here?”
“Yeah, well in case you’re curious about Mike and Marco, they’re in the bay trying to wash the mud off the floor.”
“So if you’re here…, Roy’s outside…, Mike and Marco are in the bay…. I, uh, don’t suppose that’s Boot I hear taking a shower.”
“ ’Fraid not. He’s asleep under the table.”
“I am SOOO dead.”
“ ‘Fraid so.”
“KELLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The Victim … “
“You’ll find the D5W to the left of the Ringers, DeSoto. Now that I have a permanent assignment, I’ve been able to set up the drug box the way that makes the most sense. The IV set ups are in the third compartment from the left and the tape to the far right. Now if you …”
“I think I can find everything I need, Brice. You don’t need to worry about that.”
“Well, I’m just trying to be helpful. What was that BP reading again?”
“140 over 106.”
“That’s elevated. Normally I’d assess it as being likely related to the stress of the situation, but that’s not likely in this case, so we need to consider other possible causes.”
“Well, it’s elevated, but not high enough to be an immediate risk so we can probably wait and let Dr. Early figure it out once we get to Rampart.”
“Technically accurate, DeSoto. But it’s my practice to bring the doctors at the hospital as much information as possible, and to offer any assessment I may have of the situation. After all, we are their eyes and their ears in the field and we often bring valuable information that they would not otherwise be able to access. Did you double check the O2 tank? Rampart said 5 liters, didn’t they?”
“Yes they said 5 liters, and yes I checked it. You know, Brice, you may have forgotten, but I was part of the team that trained you. I do know what I’m doing here.”
“You misunderstood me, DeSoto. I’m not questioning your skill. I just feel that it never hurts to have a second set of eyes observing. It helps reduce errors in the field to have both paramedics actively involved in the treatment of a victim……. Now here’s a perfect example. Through experience I have found that if you place the tourniquet precisely 2 inches above the elbow, you get the best results in finding a vein. Therefore I would suggest that you move the tourniquet ½ inch higher for easier administration of the IV.”
“It’s fine where it is.”
“It may be fine, but it is not in the most opportune place. Now if you will …”
“Okay, that’s enough! Listen Brice. I’ve tried to be patient because you’re the victim here, and I never tell a victim to shut up. I also know that this is only the second time you’ve ever required medical care at the scene and it’s therefore natural for you to be a little uptight.”
“Listen DeSoto…”
“But when it comes to having expertise on how to treat an injured colleague at the scene, I dare say there is no one in the county with more experience than me. So you are going to have to take my word for it that Johnny and I have figured out exactly how this works. The victim .… that would be you .… tells the paramedic …. that would be me …. where he is hurt. Then the paramedic .… again I point out that that would be me .… does an assessment, talks to Rampart and does everything that Rampart tells him to do. At this point, the victim …. you ….. has the option of protesting and saying that all the attention is not really necessary and making a big fuss which the paramedic …. me…. ignores. The victim .…. remember who that is? …. Never, and I mean never, tells the paramedic .…. once again, that’s me …. how to administer treatment with the possible exception of being allowed to complain about cold hands. Now, are those rules clear?”
“Boy DeSoto. You really need some work on your bedside manner. If you remember chapter 3 in the manual …. OW!!!!!!!!!! You need to practice those IV’s too, DeSoto.”
“Brice, do us both a favor and close your eyes and relax until we get to Rampart. Maybe if you count rules of order like they were sheep you may even fall asleep. Wouldn’t that be nice?”
“My eyes could use a rest.”
“Good. Oh, and by the way. I am perfectly capable of starting an IV without the victim feeling any pain … when I want to.”
NEW 03/21/03
The Call Home
A variation on a theme: A one sided
conversation.
Hi, Jennifer, it’s Daddy --- Yes, your daddy --- Jen, why are you answering the
phone? --- Uh huh ---- Okay. ---- Where is Mommy? ----- Yes, of course I mean
your mommy. ---- Well would you tell her I’m on the phone? ---- Yes, now. ----
Jennifer, don’t yell! Next time go find her. ----
You’re doing what? ----- Oh, well that’s good. You’re good at coloring. -----
Sure, I like rainbows. ----- No, I really don’t have time to guess. Where’s
you’re mother? ---- Okay, okay, Did you use green? ---- How about pink? ----
Okay, well that sounds very pretty. Could you go find your mother? ---- Look,
Jen, is Chris there? ---- He did what? ---- Yes, I agree, that is disgusting .
---- No, you shouldn’t ever do anything like that ---- Yes, you are very polite.
Jennifer, go get your mother. ---- NO DON”T YELL! Go upstairs and get her. ----
Yes, Uncle Johnny is here. ---- and Mr. Stoker ---- That’s right, Mr. Kelly and
Mr. Lopez are here too. ----
Yes, Jennifer, Captain Stanley is here. ---- Where is your mother? ----
Jennifer, I asked you a question. ---- Yes, I’ll tell him. ---- No Jennifer,
Uncle Johnny cannot come over and take care your dolly’s flu right now. ----
Because we’re at work. ---- That’s right, we take care of people who are sick,
but that’s only real people, not dollies. ---- Now Jennifer, stop that. Don’t
cry. ---- Yes, of course Dolly is real but she’s not really real. ---- Okay, I
know she’s really real to you, but when she gets sick she needs you to take care
of her not a paramedic, okay? ---- Yes, I’m sorry. ---- Yes, of course I love
Dolly. Now, go get your mother. ---- Jennifer, this is why we don’t let you
answer the phone yet. Now stop talking and listen. I want you to put down the
phone right now and go upstairs and tell your mother I’m on the phone. Okay?
---- Jennifer? ---- Jennifer? ---- I can still hear you breathing so answer me,
do you understand? ---- Yes, I told you to stop talking. You’re right. ---- Yes,
I’m sorry. ---- Okay, I give up. I’m hanging up now. I’ll call back later.
Jennifer, I don’t want you answering the phone any more today, do you
understand? ---- Promise? ---- Okay, I love you too.
