Safely Home

By Terribv

John Gage slowly pulled his Land Rover to a stop in front of his partner’s house.  He killed the engine and exited the vehicle.  He made his way around to the passenger side and yanked the door open.  Only his swift action and the help of the truck’s lap belt kept his partner, Roy Desoto, from tumbling out of the truck.

“Whoa there, partner,” Johnny replied as he pushed Roy upright.

Roy looked around at his surroundings.  “I’m home,” he said brightening.

“Yes, you’re home,” Johnny replied.  Your wife is gonna kill you, but you are home, he thought to himself.

“I hope Joanne’s in the mood,” Roy said loudly, “it’s Saturday night.”

“Oh, I think she’ll be in a mood,” Johnny said knowingly, “just might not be the mood you want her to be in.”

“Huh?”

“Nevermind,” Johnny said shaking his head.  “Let’s get you in the house.”  He grabbed Roy’s arm and looped it behind his neck and helped him out of the truck.

Roy let loose with a set of lungs Johnny didn’t know he had.  “I’m in the mood for love,” wafted through the air. 

Johnny cringed when the porch light came on in the house next to Roy’s.

“Shh, Roy, keep your voice down,” he urged.

“Okay,” Roy slurred.  “I’m in the mood for love,” he sang out a bit softer this time but not by much.

Johnny was well aware of the house across the street lighting up.

“Whatcha looking at, Junior,” Roy asked swiveling his head around and almost toppling out of Johnny’s grasp

Johnny tightened his hold on his friend and shook his head.  “Nothing, Roy.”

The pair had just made it to the front steps when Roy stopped.  “Know what John,” he asked.

Johnny let a small sigh escape.  They were so close.  He looked up to see Mrs. Stevens, Roy’s neighbor, peeking out of her living room window.  “What Roy?”

We’re a gooood team …  you and me … the best … you know?”

“Yeah, I know, Pally,” Johnny replied.  He smiled in spite of himself.  If he hadn’t known Roy was drunk before, he knew it now. 

“You agree with me.  Don’tcha Johnny?”

Johnny struggled to keep Roy’s dead weight upright.  “Yeah, I agree with you.   Now let’s get you in the house.  Where are your keys?  Can you get them out,” he asked.   

“Huh?  Keys?  I didn’t drive, did I?”

“No, you didn’t drive, Roy.  I’m gonna try to get your keys out of your pocket, Roy.  Okay?”

“Okey dokey.”

Johnny used his free arm to pat down Roy’s pockets first so he’d know which pocket to look in.  Coming into contact with a protrusion, Johnny said a silent prayer that it was indeed the keys.  Deciding that it was, he rolled his eyes as he snaked his hand into Roy’s pocket to retrieve them.  A burst of giggles from Roy stopped him midway into the pocket. 

“What,” he snarled at his friend.

“That tickles,” Roy remarked amid another round of giggles.

Johnny hurriedly dug deeper until he could grasp the key ring and he swiftly removed his hand.  “That I did not need to know, Roy,” he remarked under his breath.  “Now, come on.  One step at a time.  Help me out here, okay.”

There were only three steps up to the front door, but Roy was extremely unsteady on his feet and Johnny cursed silently.  Once on the top step, he had to let go of Roy in order to open the front door so he spun him around and propped him up against the wall next to the door. 

Roy slid slowly down the wall as Johnny attempted to find the house key.  Johnny watched him go and sighed knowing his friend wasn’t going to be hurt.  “Just how many beers did you have, Roy,” he asked as he attempted another key in the lock.  And how many keys can a guy have on his key ring, he thought.

“A looot,” Roy replied, “but they were really small glasses,” Roy replied holding up his thumb and index finger to show Johnny how small really small actually was.

“How many really small glasses did you have,” Johnny asked as he tried yet another key.  He wanted to keep Roy talking because he was afraid that now that he was on the ground Roy might just pass out and it would be all the harder to get his friend inside if that happened.

“72, I think.  Chet was counting.”

“Seventy two!  Jesus, Roy.”  Johnny was flabbergasted, but what’s more he was shocked that Chet had watched and counted.

“It’s a new record,” Roy said proudly from his spot on the porch.

“I’ll bet it is,” Johnny agreed.  Finally a key turned in the lock and Johnny pushed the door open.  “It’s also the first and last time that your wife will leave you anywhere with me.  I’m sure she’s just thrilled that I’m your partner.”

“Nah, she likes you, Johnny,” Roy drunkenly assured his friend.  He brought his head up and looked at Johnny.  “Not in that way though,” he said pointing a finger at his friend.

“Yeah, yeah.  It never entered my mind.”  He bent down and grabbed Roy under the armpits with both hands and hoisted him up to a standing position.  Again, he looped Roy’s arm around his neck and turned him toward the doorway.

“’Sides she told me to have a good time when she left me there.  And I did.  Did you have a good time, Johnny?”

“Yes, I had a good time, Roy.  Not as good as you though, my friend.”

Johnny half carried his friend through the door and once cleared of it he used his foot to kick the door closed.  It banged much louder than he had hoped for and he cringed.

He deposited Roy onto the couch and breathed a sigh of relief.  The darkness of the room suddenly became awash with light.  Johnny’s head snapped up.

“Joanne!”

“Johnny!”

The both exclaimed at the same time. 

Joanne’s eyes had to travel no further than the couch before finding her husband.  “Roy?”  Her eyes darted back and forth between the two men.

“Joanne.  Hey look, Johnny.  Joanne’s here,” Roy said as his eyes lit up.  “Joanne,” he whispered, “it’s Saturday.”  He wiggled his eyebrows up and down.  “You know what that means.”

Johnny wanted to make himself invisible, but he had to cough to cover his laughter.  He’d never seen Roy this “relaxed” before. 

Joanne rolled her eyes.  “No, Roy, technically it’s Sunday, so it doesn’t mean anything,” she retorted.

“Damn, and I was in the mood,” Roy said.  “Oh well,” and with that he laid his head down and began to snore.

Joanne turned to stare at Johnny who shifted uncomfortably under her scrutiny.

“Well,” she finally asked when no explanation was forthcoming.

Johnny held his hands up in mock innocence.  “I had nothing to do with this, Joanne,” he stuttered suddenly wishing he were somewhere else.  “Umm…Some of the guys were playing a little poker, and well … and Roy was one of ‘em.  I had no idea how much he was drinking.”

“And besides,” he explained using Roy’s words, “they were really small glasses, Joanne.”  Unable to stand the glare from his friend’s wife he looked back to Roy who was out like a light.

“Well, I guess I should thank you for getting him home in one piece and not letting him get behind the wheel,” she said surprising him. 

He had expected her to be furious for staying out so late and for the condition he’d brought Roy home in.

Joanne walked closer to Johnny as she continued speaking. “It’s been a long, long time since I’ve seen Roy get drunk and let his guard down like this,” she sighed and turned her eyes back to Roy.  “He trusts you, you know?”

Johnny nodded not sure where this was going, but knowing that he and Roy had mutual trust for each other.

“I don’t just mean on the job, Johnny,” Joanne added, “but as a friend.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like to see my husband like this, and I rarely have, but I know that Roy wouldn’t have allowed himself to get drunk like this if he didn’t know you would be there to take care of him.  That’s how I know that he trusts you,” she concluded.

Johnny was at a loss for words.  Up til tonight he wasn’t even sure that Joanne Desoto even liked him.  He and Roy hadn’t been partners all that long and the few times that he’d met Joanne she been kind of cool towards him.

Realizing that she’d rendered John Gage speechless caused Joanne to smile, but she took pity on the poor boy and changed the subject.  “As long as you’re here, would you mind helping me get Roy into bed,” she asked.

“Shh,”  Johnny cleared his dry throat, “sure, Joanne.” 

She gave a little laugh.  “The kids’ll be up early tomorrow morning and I wouldn’t want them to wake their father.  He’ll be feeling poorly as it is.”

Johnny smiled knowing that Joanne was right about that.  He leaned over his partner’s sleeping form and pulled him into a sitting position.  Roy had been dead to the world but he stirred a bit as they moved him around.  Joanne was on one side and Johnny was on the other supporting most of his weight as they lifted Roy to his feet.

“Where we going,” he asked with a slur.

“To bed, Roy, we’re going to bed,” Joanne told him.

“All of us,” he asked looking through squinty eyes at his partner.

“No, Roy, just you and me.  Johnny’s going home,” Joanne assured him.

“Good.  ‘Cause I’m in the mood for love,” he sang out.

Joanne rolled her eyes knowing that her husband would be passed out again as soon as he hit the sheets.  But she was grateful that his partner had seen him safely home.  Somehow she knew that Johnny would always see him safely home.

The End

Many thanks to Richie Cunningham and his first drunk for some inspiration.

*Click on the picture of Roy to send Terri feedback

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