Stuttering John
By Terribv
John Gage quickly drained his glass of milk and poured another one. Nothing tasted better than a nice cold glass of milk. This time his thirst quenched he drank more slowly. Jennifer DeSoto, his partner’s daughter, sat at the table doing homework.
He had just taken a sip when Jennifer’s voice called out, “Uncle Johnny, what’s sex?”
Johnny choked and milk spewed from his mouth and nose. “Wh…wh…what’s what?”
“What’s sex,” she asked again.
Johnny was flabbergasted. “I don’t … I, uh, I think you better ask your father that question, sweetheart,” he replied.
“Oh,” she said downtrodden. “Don’t you know what sex is?”
Johnny ran his hand through his hair nervously. What the hell was he supposed to say. “W…well, yes, yes I do know, but I don’t know… I mean your parents should really be talking to you about this. Not me.”
“Oh. So, you won’t tell me.”
“I think we just better talk about something else until your parents get home from their meeting.”
Jennifer’s bottom lip came out in a pout. “But I really need to know now. I have to finish before they get home.”
“Honey, it’s complicated and you’re so young and I, well let’s just say that your parents would be better able to tell you.” Man, wouldn’t she just give it a rest.
“You mean ‘cause they’re married and you’re not. Is that why you don’t know what sex is?”
“Yes. That’s why. ‘Cause they’re married and I’m not. So I don’t know.” He hoped that would be enough to appease her until they got home. He decided he’d hurry up and hightail it out of there as soon as Roy and Joanne walked in the door.
Jennifer seemed to accept his answer and went back to her work.
What the hell kind of stuff were they teaching in first grade these days, he wondered. He knew Jennifer excelled in school, but for crying out loud, she was still only six years old.
A short time later Roy and Joanne came through the door. Johnny wasted no time in grabbing his jacket.
“Daddy,” Jennifer screeched as she ran into her father’s arms. Roy lifted her into the air with ease.
“How’s my girl,” he asked. “How was school?”
“Good,” she replied happily. “I’m the best reader in the class.”
Johnny started to make his goodbyes before the “S” word came up again, but luck was not on his side.
“Daddy, Uncle Johnny doesn’t know what sex is. He said I should ask you. I was filling out a paper for school to save Mommy time and there was a box that said sex but I didn’t know what that was so I asked Uncle Johnny and he started stuttering and said you’d know cause you were married. ”
Roy chuckled as he put Jennifer down. “That just means are you a boy or a girl, sweetie.”
“Oh,” she said brightly running back to the table to finish filling out her paper.
Joanne tried but couldn’t hold back her laughter. Johnny just stood there with his mouthing hanging open.
Roy walked over and clapped him on the shoulder. “You know, Junior, if you’d come to me sooner I could’ve told you what sex was.” He grinned broadly. “Wait til the guys hear this one.”
“Oh, shut up, Roy,” Johnny retorted. He yanked the door open. “By the way, don’t think I’m babysitting your kids anytime soon.” He pulled the door closed behind him as he left.
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