TAKING STRENGTH FROM WITHIN

Johnny and Laurie were glad to finally be home.  It had been 10 long days at the hospital for the Gage’s and they were anxious to take their son home.  The prank that Chet had pulled had been forgiven and it was time to move on.

“Johnny I really am capable of walking myself,” Laurie protested, as Johnny reached to carry her inside. 

“I just want to make sure you are okay,” he said.  “You were pretty sick”

Laurie smiled at her husband.  “Why don’t you carry the baby inside?” she suggested, hoping that would give Johnny something else to focus on for a few minutes.

Johnny went around to the passenger door and reached into the car seat.  “Come here little guy,” Johnny said reaching for the tiny bundle.  “Time for you to see your new home” he said as he lifted the baby into his arms.   Johnny walked carefully up to the house and opened the door.  He waited for Laurie to climb the steps before he went inside.

“Well Junior this is your new home” Johnny said smiling at his son.  He started to give the baby a tour of the house like he was an adult.  “This is the kitchen.  This where your mom cooks and I eat.  Don’t be holding your breath waiting for me to cook, it’s not likely going to happen” Johnny laughed.  Soon Johnny had taken the baby on a complete tour including the laundry room, the storage cupboard and the empty guest room.

When he returned to the living room he found Laurie sitting on the couch. “Well did he approve of the tour?” she looked up at her husband and grinned.

“Well he seemed to like the bathroom, but he got a little fussy when I showed him the supply cupboard,” Johnny said, grinning. “I also think he’s getting hungry,” he added.

“Well I can take care of that,” she said as she took the baby carefully from Johnny.  The two sat on the couch as Laurie started to nurse the baby.  “It always amazes me how good he is at this,” she said.  “I heard so many mothers in the hospital say their babies didn’t like to nurse, well little junior here eats like a champion”

“He gets that from me. Must be that Gage appetite,” Johnny joked. 

“Must be something like that” Laurie smiled.  “All I know is he eats so much he’s going to have to get a job soon to pay for his food”

Johnny got a good laugh out of that.  “Speaking of jobs, I don’t have to work for another 2 weeks so you can relax and I will take care of things around here” he said.

“I am really fine” Laurie protested.  Ever since her accident at the station, Johnny and Mike were both hovering around her being overly protective.

“Well you have to indulge me, you really scared the heck out of me when you got so sick,” Johnny said, trying to explain his behaviour.

Laurie stroked Johnny’s cheek, “I know you were, but you have to forget about that now.  It’s behind us and we have a new baby here to keep us out of trouble now”

The rest of the day was quiet at the ranch.  Johnny had asked that everyone give them a day of peace and quiet before the visitors started to converge on the ranch.

The next morning Johnny woke up before everyone in the house did. He went and sat beside the crib, amazed at how tiny little Johnny was.  “I can’t believe you’re mine,” Johnny said, taking the baby’s tiny fingers in his.  “You are so perfect,” he whispered, trying not to wake the tiny infant.

Johnny stayed in the chair beside the crib for over an hour before the baby started to fuss.  “Hey there, no need to cry, I’m here,” Johnny said as he reached into the crib to pick up the baby.

“Looks like someone needs their pants tended to,” Johnny said, as he noted the wet clothes.  He soon had a fresh diaper and sleepers on Little Johnny before he carried him into Laurie.

“Mommy, I think someone is hungry,” Johnny said as he woke Laurie up.  Soon the baby was fed and Laurie was up for the day.   It was only a matter of a few hours and Mike and Beth were knocking on the door.

“Come in,” Laurie called from the couch where she had been resting.  Mike opened the front door and he and Beth stepped inside.

“Hey Laurie how you doing?” Mike asked, as he walked into the living room.

“Just fine,” Laurie replied.  “Johnny has me on strict resting orders.  No work, no cleaning nothing,” she said shaking her head.  “The only thing I get to do is feed the baby,” she said laughing.

“Enjoy it while you can, as soon as Johnny heads back to work it’s all you,” Beth said.  “I remember when Michael stayed home after we had Thomas, it was great,” she said.  “But it got tiring when he was gone.  24 hours a day of baby is a lot”

“Well I think Johnny is going to be glad to get back to work just to rest,” Laurie joked.  Just then Johnny walked into the room.  He was carrying the baby and didn’t know they had company.

“Hi Mike, Beth, I didn’t hear you come in,” Johnny said as he laid the baby down in the bassinet in the living room. 

“How’s it been going having the baby at home?” Mike asked.

“Great” Johnny grinned, “I can’t get over how small he is,” he gushed. “I mean, his fingers, his toes. They are just so tiny”

“They only stay that way for a little while.  Soon they grow into hungry toddlers who get into everything and want your undivided attention all the time,” Mike joked, thinking of his own two children.

“I can’t wait for it all,” Johnny said, grinning proudly.

“Well Johnny I think you sound like all new fathers,” Beth said.  “Just after the babies were born Michael was right with them day and night”

“Well I hope I never take this little guy for granted,” Johnny said, looking down at the baby. “He’s just an amazing gift and I never want to forget that”

The day continued with a steady stream of visitors.  Johnny was the gracious host, tending to them all as he insisted that Laurie rest as much as possible.  He knew she was still recovering from her bout with the sneezing powder and didn’t want her to overdue it. 

Johnny enjoyed spending time at home with his family.  He was always in the nursery just watching John Jr. sleep.  He took pleasure in the simple things, like his smile, (which Laurie insisted was gas), his gurgles and even the strong little grip he had when Johnny slipped his fingers in his. 

Finally the day came when Johnny had to go back to work.  He woke up very early; showered and dressed very quietly.  He was trying to leave everyone sleeping.  Johnny went to Little Johnny's room and just stood and watched him sleep.  Laurie came up behind him.

“What are you doing?” she asked quietly.

“Just watching in amazement,” Johnny said softly.  “I still can’t believe he’s ours,” Johnny said.  “Every time I look at him I keep thinking it’s just a dream and someone is going to pinch me and I will wake up”

Laurie reached behind him and pinched Johnny on the backside. “Ouch,” Johnny said, trying to keep his voice down.  Johnny looked over at his wife.  “Smart alec,” he said, as he saw her smirking at him.

“Well you’re still here and so is he,” she said as she pointed to the crib, and heck I got to play with your sexy bottom as a bonus”

Johnny smiled at her.  “I can’t wait for your six week check up,” he said, raising his eyebrows.

Laurie shook her head.  “You have a one track mind, Mr. Gage,” she said laughing.

“Only for you Mrs. Gage,” he said, “only for you”

“Well you better get going,” Laurie said, “You don’t want to be late on your first day back”

Johnny looked at his watch and reluctantly stepped out of the baby’s room.  “You’re right,” he said as he went and grabbed his bag with all his spare uniforms in it.  “I’ll call you today when I get a chance,” he said as he grabbed for his keys.

“You be careful today,” Laurie said, as Johnny pulled her into a warm embrace.

“I will and you try to take it easy.  Don’t push yourself too hard” he reminded her. 

They shared a warm kiss then Johnny headed to the door.  “I’ll be fine, you just go” Laurie insisted.   “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said as Johnny headed down the steps.

“Love you,” Johnny called as he drove away.

Laurie headed back inside hoping to get another hour sleep before John Junior woke up.

Johnny pulled up at the station 30 minutes later.  He was excited to be back at work, but he also wished he was still at home with Laurie and the baby.  He grabbed his bag of uniforms and headed inside.  He made his way to the locker room to change and get ready for his first shift back. 

“Morning Johnny,” Marco said, walking in.

“Morning Marco,” Johnny replied.

“How are the baby and Laurie doing?” Chet asked watching Johnny walking in.

“They’re doing great,.” Johnny said.  “Laurie is getting her strength back and she should be 100% soon”

Chet smiled slightly, as he sighed.  He knew the reason for her recovery was his fault.

“Hey don’t go there,” Johnny said seeing Chet’s expression “that’s in the past”

“Yeah I know, I just can’t help but think, well you know,” Chet began.

“Well don’t think about it.  We’ve moved on, so you should too” Johnny assured him.

Mike stuck his head in the door, “Roll call in 10 minutes,” he said as he headed to the kitchen.

Soon everyone lined up for the start of the day.  The shift was routine and Johnny was back in the groove very quickly.  As the two pulled back into the station after an afternoon of runs Johnny headed to the phone. “Going to check on things at home,” Johnny said.

“What’s that, your second or third call today?” Roy teased.

“I’m not counting,” Johnny said, smirking as he dialed the number.  After a quick call with his wife Johnny came over to the table and joined his other crew mates. 

“What’s for dinner?” Cap asked, looking at Mike.

“Chicken and fries,” Mike said as he started putting the dishes of food on the table.

“Now I know why I’m glad to be back.  I missed Mike’s cooking” Johnny grinned.  “I haven’t had chicken in weeks” 

The evening passed quickly and soon lights out were called.  The night was quiet until about 3 am when the station was dispatched to a house fire.

“John, Roy check the second floor,” Cap yelled as he got the rest of his crew organized on the hoses. 

Johnny and Roy donned their SCBA’s and headed inside.  The two story family home was fully engulfed when they got inside.  They took the stairs two at a time.  “Let’s make this fast,” Roy said pulling his face mask back to be heard.

Johnny nodded that he heard as they started searching the bedrooms.  The first room was empty. The second room was a master bedroom.  They found a husband and wife both unconscious in their bed. 

“HT 51 to Engine 51 we have two victims on the second floor, rear bedroom,” Roy radioed as he started to scoop the woman out of the bed.  He flung her over his shoulder as he looked to the window.  He knew that a ladder would be appearing momentarily to help remove the two victims.

The thump of the ladder was a relief to both Johnny and Roy.  Johnny took his helmet and smashed out the window to make an exit for them.

A moment later Brice stuck his head in the window. “Here, hand me one of the victims,” he said, reaching inside.  Johnny took the man and eased him onto Brice’s shoulder.

Bellingham followed right behind and soon the woman was also being carried down. 

“Let’s check the last two rooms,” Johnny said as he and Roy came back into the smoke filled hall.  Roy took the room on the left, Johnny the room on the right.  Roy’s room ended up being an office type room that was empty.  Johnny’s was a children’s room.   Johnny found a little boy unconscious in his crib.  He scooped him into his arms and put his mask on his face.

“Come on breathe,” Johnny said trying to coax the unconscious child to breathe.  He hustled back to the window with the ladder with Roy right behind him.  Johnny climbed out and headed down quickly. He knew this little boy needed medical treatment quickly if he was going to have a chance.

He carried him over to the triage area where Brice and Bellingham were treating the child’s parents.  Johnny hooked the little boy up to some oxygen and then he and Roy started taking his vitals.

“Rampart this is Squad 51”

“Go ahead 51,” came Dr. Brackett’s calm voice.

“Rampart we have a male patient, approximately 2 years old.  He is cyanotic.  Pulse 130, respiration 10 assisted, BP 80/50.  He is suffering from smoke inhalation” Roy relayed to the hospital.

“51, put him on 6 liters 02, start IV Ringers and transport as soon as possible,” Dr. Brackett said. “Repeat vitals every 3 minutes” he said.

Johnny and Roy hustled to get the small child ready for transport.  He was starting to pink up from the oxygen.  “Cap we’re both going to have to go in with him,” Johnny yelled over to his boss.

Captain Stanley nodded that he heard him as he watched the small child loaded into the gurney and rushed to the waiting ambulance.  Johnny and Roy were hot on the heals of the gurney.

“Rampart,  vitals are now  Pulse 110, BP 90/60, respiration is 14” Johnny relayed from the back of the ambulance.

“10-4, 51, continue to monitor the vitals,” Kel said as he waited anxiously for the ambulance to arrive at the hospital.   7 minutes later Roy and Johnny were rushing the small child into treatment room 3.  

The activity in the treatment room was controlled chaos as they medical team with the two paramedics worked to stabilize the small child.  45 minutes later a collective sigh went up as the boy was finally breathing on his own and was asking for his mommy.

Johnny and Roy headed to the nurses desk to get some coffee.  Johnny was lost in thought as he stood sipping on his coffee.

“Something wrong?” Roy asked, eyeing his partner.

“I never realized how precious life is until Little Johnny came into my life.  Watching that boy struggling to breathe, man, that was scary,” Johnny said. “It makes me want to protect my son from everything in the world”

Roy smiled. “I know that after the kids were born every time we went on a call that involved children I would go home and hug them a little tighter,” Roy explained. “It made me realize how lucky I was to have two healthy children that were safe at home”

Johnny nodded.  “I finally understand that,” he admitted.  “I looked at that little boy and it could have been my son lying there.  I felt this lump in my throat”

“Welcome to the overwhelming feeling of parenthood,” Roy said.  “No matter what you do you are going to feel like you can’t protect them enough”

“Does the feeling lessen as they get older?” Johnny asked as the two headed to the ambulance door to leave.

“No it just changes.  Now it’s letting them cross streets, ride bikes and climb trees,” Roy said.  “It just continually changes”

As the two rode back to the station in quiet both were deep in their own thoughts.  It was almost 5:30 am when they got back to the station.  Roy headed off to his bunk to sleep.  Johnny headed to the kitchen to get something to drink.  He poured himself some milk and sat down at the table. 

“Can’t sleep either?” Mike asked, walking in.

“Nah, need to unwind from this one,” Johnny said, as he sipped his milk.

“I can understand that,” Mike said.  “So how’s the little boy?” he asked.

“He’s doing better.  When we left he was awake and crying for his mommy,” Johnny said smiling.

“Good deal,” Mike said smiling back.  “We won one today.  It always feels good”

“Sure does” Johnny agreed.

The two sat in silence for the next hour, neither one of them felt like talking as the just relaxed and unwound.

When the wake up tones sounded, Johnny got to his feet and put on a fresh pot of coffee.  “Think I’ll go and take a shower,” he said.  “No need to drag this smoky smell home with me,” he said.

Mike nodded, “I’m sure Laurie wouldn’t care,” he said. as he watched his brother in law head to the door.

“I know but I can’t stand the smell anymore” Johnny smiled.

Soon the 6 were sitting around the table nursing a cup of coffee and waiting for shift change.  Slowly the crew from B Shift came in and finally the A shift was off. 

Johnny made his way home quietly.  He couldn’t wait to get home to see Little Johnny and his wife.  He slipped inside the house quietly.  He stood in the doorway and watched while Laurie nursed the baby.  She hadn’t heard him come in as she rocked the baby in the rocker; she was humming softly to the baby.

Finally Johnny interrupted the moment, “hi,” he said softly.

Laurie snapped her head up. “I didn’t hear you come in,” she said, as a smile crossed her face.

“I didn’t want to disturb you.  I love watching you with him,” Johnny said.

“Well he’s about ready to see his daddy so I can go and take a shower,” Laurie said.  She got up and handed the baby to Johnny.  He pulled his wife into a warm embrace as the two exchanged a very tender kiss.

“Take your time, Little Johnny and I are just going to sit and visit for a while,” Johnny said as he sat back down in the rocker.  He snuggled the baby close as he rocked gently. 

Laurie stood in the doorway watching the two for a minute before she headed off to bath and get dressed. 

“Well it’s just you and me,” Johnny said, looking down at the baby. “Have you been taking care of your mom,” Johnny said lightly. “When I’m at work you’re the man of the house you know.  You have to keep an eye on your mom for me” Johnny continued to rock as he chatted with Little Johnny.  He never noticed Laurie step back into the room.  She was holding a camera in her hand.  Without any warning Laurie snapped a picture of Johnny and the baby.  The flash going off caught his attention and he looked up and grinned.

“That’s one picture I can’t wait to see,” Johnny said.

“Well we can’t sit here all day.  Today is Little Johnny's first check up” Laurie reminded Johnny.  “We have an appointment at 11,” she said.

“Oh yeah I forgot,” Johnny admitted. “Why don’t I get him dressed while you finish getting ready?”

“Sounds good to me,” Laurie said.  “I thought when we were done we could go and get some shopping done if you’re not too tired”

“Nah I’m fine,” Johnny said, as he headed down the hall to the nursery to dress Little Johnny.  Soon the three were heading to the Rover.  The baby was carefully fastened in his car seat and they headed off.

A short time later Johnny was pulling up to Rampart.  He opened Laurie’s door and then reached in and picked the baby out of his seat.  “Well you ready for the onslaught?” he asked.

“They’re your admirers, not mine,” Laurie teased.

Johnny grinned and gave her a kiss.  “They can admire all they want, all I need is right here in front of me,” he said as he looked at his family. 

They headed into the hospital.  Because they were a little early they headed into the emergency department first to visit their friends there.

“Good Morning,” Johnny said walking up to the nurse’s desk.

“Johnny, Laurie, good to see you,” Dixie said, as she stepped around her desk to look at the baby.  “My how big he’s getting,” she said as she admired the baby.

Kel and Joe walked up a minute later.  “Well there’s the newest Gage,” Joe said.  “He’s adorable Johnny”

Slowly a crowd of nurses started to gather around Johnny who was holding the baby.  Laurie got pushed further and further back in the crowd.  Johnny was so enthralled showing off Little Johnny that he didn’t notice for a minute.    When he looked up he spotted his wife leaning against the wall.  

“Excuse me,” he said, as he pushed his way through the group.  “What are you doing over here?” he asked.

“Well your admirers weren’t too interested in me,” she smirked.

“Well I am,” Johnny said as he kissed her. “We better get up stairs,” he said looking at his watch.

“See you guys later” Johnny waved as he and Laurie headed off to see the pediatrician. 

An hour later the Gage’s were on their way with a clean bill of health for John Roy Michael Gage.  The pediatrician was pleased with his growth and found him in perfect health.

When they left the hospital they headed off towards the shopping center.   They did their shopping over the next couple of hours and then stopped for an early supper. 

“We really need to discuss the baby’s christening” Laurie began.  “I want to get him baptized as soon as we can”

Johnny nodded. “I know you do,” he said softly.  “I just don’t know a lot about that stuff,” he admitted.  “My culture is a lot different when it comes to that”

“You don’t mind that I want him baptized, do you?” Laurie asked.

“Not at all.  He’s not just my son, he’s yours too.  He has to be taught both of our faiths.  So get busy planning this christening I think it will be a great way to introduce him to your religion” Johnny said.

The next couple weeks flew by for Johnny as he was busy at work.  Laurie planned the christening for the first Saturday that the Station 51 Crew had off.  The only task that she left was choosing God Parents for the baby.  She and Johnny had discussed it at length and finally chose 2 sets of god parents for him.

The most obvious choice was Roy and Joanne.  They readily accept the honour and were touched that Johnny and Laurie thought that highly of them.

The second set of god parents was a little more surprised.  “You sure he will accept?” Laurie asked, as they headed to talk to their friend.

“I think he might,” Johnny said as they pulled up in front of the home they were heading.

After a warm greeting they were soon seated in the living room of their friend’s home.  “You know we’re planning Little Johnny’s christening next weekend and we were wondering if you would be willing to be one of his God Parents?” Johnny asked.

“Really?” asked Chet.  “I’d love to,” he replied.  “I promise I will be the best God parent I can to him”

Laurie and Johnny smiled.  “We know you will,” Johnny said.

Chet sat back and brushed back a tear of emotion.  “You don’t know what this means to me,” he said, choking back his feelings.

Johnny reached out and patted his leg.  “We do” was all Johnny needed to say.

“Well I better get my good suit out of the cleaners and I need to call my mom.  She’ll want to come,” Chet said excitedly.  He paused one more time.  “Thanks a lot you two,” he said.

Laurie gave him a hug and Johnny shook his hand. “One thing Chet, the only water we want at the christening next weekend is from the priest, okay?” Johnny teased.

Chet made a face at Johnny as he walked them out.  They had one more stop to make before they headed home.   “You sure she’s home?” Laurie asked as they pulled up in front of the apartment building.

“I checked she should be home now,” Johnny said.  The two, along with the baby headed up to the 4^th floor.   Johnny knocked on the apartment door.  “Hi Dix,” Johnny said as the door was opened.

“Johnny, Laurie what brings you here?” Dixie asked.

“We want to talk to you,” Johnny said, as he squeezed Laurie’s hand.

“Well come on in.  I’ll put some coffee on,” Dixie said as she ushered the family into her home.  After a round of coffee was poured for everyone, they began.

“Dixie we would like to know if you would be willing to be a God Parent to Little Johnny?”  Johnny asked, looking at his favorite nurse, and someone he had admired for years.

Dixie was speechless for a minute before she found her voice. “I’m touched,” she said.  “I would be honored to be a god parent to this very special little boy,” she said warmly.  “I can’t believe you asked me”

“Well we wanted him to have very strong role models in his life,” Johnny explained. “You’re one of the strongest people we know.  Your influence in his life would be incredible”

Dixie smiled and her face flushed, slightly embarrassed.  “Well I don’t know about all that, but I promise I’ll do my best”

“That’s all we want” Laurie assured her.

They visited for a little while before the baby started to get fussy so they decided to head home.    The next week flew by and the day of the christening finally arrived.  Everyone gathered at the church at 1 in the afternoon for the service.

The church was filled with family and friends.  It was wonderful coming together for everyone to welcome the baby.

As the priest performed the ceremony the baby fussed continually.  “Guess he doesn’t like water much either,” Johnny said looking at Chet.  That brought a chorus of light laughter through the church as Chet’s water pranks were well known to most people.  The ceremony itself was very somber and serious.  As Chet, Dixie, Roy and Joanne pledged to act as God Parents to Johnny and Laurie’s son; people couldn’t help but ponder the possibility of that.  Johnny’s career choice put him in harm’s way almost on a daily basis and the many firemen gathered knew that it was important for all firemen’s wives to have a very strong support system.

When the service was over everyone headed to the ranch to have a gathering for friends and family.    It was a wonderful afternoon as everyone celebrated the christening and just enjoyed the day together.

“It’s hard to believe the baby is 6 weeks old,” Laurie said. “It seems like the time is just flying by”

Johnny grinned at her.  “6 weeks Mrs. Gage, that means after your check up next week” Johnny left his words unspoken but raised his eyebrows.

Laurie gave him a playful smack. “Oh you,” she said, shaking her head.  “We better get back to our company,” she said as they left the baby in the crib to sleep.

Weeks flew by as life fell into a comfortable routine for the Gage family.  Work, family and friends occupied their lives.  Things were busier for them now that the baby was in their lives. 

It didn’t take long for 6 months to fly by.  The baby was growing like a weed and life at the ranch was great.    

“Morning guys,” Johnny said heading in for his shift.  “What a long night,” Johnny yawned.

“How come?” Mike asked; as he bent down to tie his boot.

“Little Johnny is cutting his first tooth,” Johnny said trying to stifle a yawn.  “We took him to his doctor on Friday when he got so fussy and he said it’s early for teething but not uncommon”

“Poor little guy,” Chet said sympathetically.  “Is he any better today?

“He was finally sleeping when I left,” Johnny said.  “I think Laurie was going to try to get some sleep finally”

“I remember teething, man those were some really long nights,” Roy said.  “Jenny cried and fussed non stop”

“Well Little Johnny was not pleased at all,” Johnny said.  “He made his displeasure known at about 3 in the morning and never went to sleep after that”

Mike chuckled.  “Well at least it got you to work on time”

“Smart ass,” Johnny said as he tossed his shirt at Mike.

Roll call finally got the rowdy group under control.  The day started with a flurry of calls as they were sent to two accidents and a fire at a gas station all before lunch time.  The guys were sitting around in the afternoon when the tones went off again.

Station 51, unknown type rescue, 4592 East Market,  4592 East Market, Time out 13:43

Johnny froze in his chair.  “That’s my place,” he said as he ran to the squad. Everyone knew the address too well as they raced to their vehicles and headed off to the ranch.

“Hurry up Roy,” Johnny said, trying to coax Roy to drive faster.  It seemed like forever before they finally pulled up in front of the house.  Johnny didn’t even wait for the squad to stop before he jumped out and ran inside.

“Laurie,” he yelled, running through the house. 

“In here,” he heard her yell, breathlessly.

Johnny ran into the nursery and saw Laurie on the ground giving mouth to mouth to the baby.  She was doing chest compressions as well as tears were running down here face.

Roy was right behind Johnny. 

Roy pushed Laurie aside and started to asses the baby.  “Marco get the respirator,” Roy yelled as he motioned for Chet to continue with the mouth to mouth. 

Johnny was doing the chest compressions as Roy was scrambling to get the biophone open.

“Help him,” Laurie cried, “he was blue, you have to make him breathe,” she said sobbing, as Mike held his sister tight.

Marco ran back in with the respirator and set up the oxygen quickly.  Roy was working on autopilot as he fought to get the baby to breathe.

“Cap get on the line with Rampart,” he said, as he started to take the vital signs. 

“Mike take over for Johnny” Roy motioned as he wanted to have his partner step back.

Mike dropped to his knees and pushed Johnny away as he took over.  Johnny was so focused on what he was doing, the action almost startled him.  “Go help Laurie,” Mike said as he concentrated on the task at hand.

Roy took the vitals and his heart sank.  He knew the baby was gone but he wasn’t going to give up yet. 

“Vitals Roy, what are the vitals?” Johnny demanded. 

“Johnny why don’t you and Laurie go in the other room,” Roy said gently.

“To hell with that, what are the vitals?” Johnny demanded again.

“Roy you have to help him.  For god sakes you save drunks and drug addicts, you have to save our baby” Laurie pleaded.  Logic was not in the picture right now as she sobbed uncontrollably.  Laurie turned to Johnny.  “Help him. It’s your job.  Make him okay,” she said, pounding on Johnny’s chest.

Johnny was numb.   He watched the activity around him and he knew.  Tears were running down his face. He knew the sad truth.  Rampart ordered IV’s and an airway in a feeble attempt to revive the baby, but it was more for Johnny and Laurie’s benefit than for the baby’s.

The ambulance arrived and Roy rushed out with the baby.  Johnny and Laurie went behind them and rode in the ambulance up front.  Roy wouldn’t let Johnny ride back with him.

When the ambulance arrived at the hospital Dr. Early, Dr. Brackett and Dr. Morton were all waiting.  This was one baby they wanted to defy the odds and save.  They rushed him into the waiting treatment room.  They didn’t even allow Roy in as they went about their work.  Johnny and Laurie followed into the hospital.  Neither one had said a word as they watched their son being taken into the treatment room.  They just stood against the wall completely numb.

30 minutes later the three doctors and Dixie came out of the room.  The looks on their faces showed their own pain.

“Johnny, Laurie, we tried everything we could.  SIDS is just something we don’t know much about,” Kel said softly.  “He died”

“NOOOOOOOO,” screamed Laurie, “he can’t be dead, he was just a baby” she turned to Johnny.  “Why couldn’t you guys save him” she demanded to know. “How could this happen”

Johnny held out his arms to her “I don’t know how it happens,” Johnny said, as tears ran down his face.  “He was fine when we took him to his doctor on Friday.  I don’t understand”

“Why don’t you come with me,” Dixie said gently as she guided the two to the doctor’s lounge.  Roy followed behind them, keeping a firm arm on Johnny’s shoulder.

There were two nurses sitting in the lounge and Dixie motioned for them to leave.  The room was emptied immediately.

“Why don’t you sit down,” she said softly as she led Johnny and Laurie to the couch.

“He was fine when I put him down for his nap,” Laurie said, talking without any real tone to her voice.  “I was doing the laundry,” she said.  “He was only in his crib for a half an hour,” she said, staring ahead.  “Only half an hour, when I came back into the nursery he was blue” she said.

Johnny was completely numb himself.  He didn’t know what to say to his wife at the moment.  He was caught in his own grief.  “He was teething.  It was only teething.  How could this happen?” Johnny said shaking his head.

“I want to see him,” Laurie said suddenly.  “I want to see our baby”

Johnny watched her get to her feet.  “I do too,” he said as he stood up.  “We need to see him”

Roy and Dixie looked at each other.  “I’ll check with Kel,” she said. “Roy you stay with them,” she said as she stepped out of the room.  She headed down to find the doctor.  He and Joe Early were discussing whether Johnny or Laurie needed to be sedated.  Dixie saw the rest of the Engine 51 crew walking in.

“Dix?” Mike said running up.

“I’m sorry Mike, there wasn’t anything we could do,” she said sadly.  “He died”

“Oh no,” Mike said, as tears sprang to his eyes. “Where’s Laurie?” he asked.

“She and Johnny are in the lounge,” Dixie said.

Chet, Marco and Hank guided Mike down the hall to the doctor’s lounge.  Dixie let Kel know what Johnny and Laurie wanted to do.

He thought it was a good idea and went to talk to them about it.  When he walked into the lounge Mike was kneeled in front of his sister as he was speaking softly to her.  He couldn’t hear what he was saying but Johnny and Laurie were listening intently to him.

“Johnny, Laurie if you want to see Little Johnny, he’s still in treatment room 3.  You can take as long as you want,” Kel said softly. 

“We need to see him,” Johnny said.  “I don’t want him to be alone”

The two walked solemnly to the door.  They headed down to say good bye to their son.

As Johnny pushed the treatment door open he had to brace himself.  He was determined to be strong for Laurie.  He had to hold it together.  The two walked over and saw Little Johnny lying so peacefully. “He looks like he’s sleeping,” Laurie said as she touched the baby’s arm.   Laurie picked up the baby and started to rock him.  “He can’t be gone, Johnny, he can’t” Laurie started to cry.

Johnny set his jaw firmly.  “I can’t fix this one” Johnny finally said.  “God I want to so badly.  I wish there was something I could do” he said, emotionally.

Johnny did the only thing he could, he put his arm around his wife and held her while they said good bye to the most precious gift they had ever had in their life.  They lost all sense of time as they stayed and held the baby.  The banging of the door startled them from their silence as two men came in with a gurney.

“Oh sorry we didn’t know anyone was in here,” they said apologetically. 

“What do you want?” Johnny asked.

The two squirmed uncomfortably.  “We’re from the morgue.  We were sent here to . . .” he stopped, as his eyes traveled to the baby in Laurie’s arms.  “We can come back later,” he said backing up.

Johnny and Laurie were both instantly aware of what they were sent to do.  “Get the hell out of here,” Johnny yelled.  “Just get out of here”

The two orderlies scrambled out of the room as Johnny started throwing things at the door.  “Get the hell away from my son” he was uncontrollable. 

Johnny was in a rage.  He wanted to be mad at someone.  He started to throw things around the treatment room.  “They can’t have him.  How can those ghouls come in here like that” Johnny continued to yell

Dixie and Kel heard the rage outside.  “Go get Roy,” Kel said as he headed to the door.  Laurie just continued to hold the baby, as if all the noise and commotion around her didn’t exist. 

Kel stepped into the room just in time to see Johnny slam his fist into the wall.  “He can’t be dead,” Johnny said, as he finally started to come unglued. 

Roy came in just after Kel did. “Johnny, “Roy said softly.  “Let’s see how that hand of yours is doing?” Roy said approaching Johnny carefully.

“Don’t touch it. I want to feel it,” Johnny said.  “I want to feel pain”

Roy knew what Johnny meant.  He was numb to everything.  The pain in his hand was the only thing he could feel at that moment.  “Johnny we need to get you taken care of so you can help Laurie,” Roy said. Looking over at Johnny’s wife.

“I can’t help her.  I couldn’t save Little Johnny.  It’s my job to save em.  I couldn’t save my own son,” Johnny rambled on. 

Laurie finally started to listen to what Johnny was saying.  She heard his words.

“I failed him.  I said I would keep him safe and I let him die,” Johnny said somberly.

“No you didn’t,” Roy said.  “He died of SIDS. You know there is no cause of that,” Roy said trying to reason with the distraught man.

“How can he be dead,” Johnny said, as he finally let Roy pull him into an embrace.  “How can he be gone?”

Roy pulled Johnny into his arms, and held him.  “I don’t know why Johnny, I just don’t,” Roy said as he felt his own tears fall.

Johnny finally agreed to let Kel x-ray his hand and found that he had only bruised it.  Kel wrapped it for him.

Laurie and Johnny finally left the treatment room and headed home.  Roy had been taken off duty as well and Joanne arrived with her vehicle to drive the couple home.  There was no talking in the car on the way. The silence was so painful Roy was almost grateful when he pulled into the lane leading to Johnny’s house.

Johnny and Laurie walked stoically inside the house and sat down on the couch.  “Did you want some coffee or something?” Laurie mechanically asked.

“No that’s fine,” Joanne said, “I can make it” 

No one knew what to say.  They all just sat together in quiet.  Johnny went and picked up a blanket that had been left on the table.  It had little horses on it.  “Little Johnny liked this blanket.  I always told him I would get him a horse when he was bigger,” Johnny said, trying to maintain some control.   “Guess he’s never going to get any bigger. . .” Johnny swallowed hard.

Laurie went and sat in the rocker.  “Little Johnny loved it when I rocked him.  He would fuss and fuss but when I sat here with him he would settle right down” she said, rocking gently back and forth.

Soon the room slowly started to fill with people.  Mike and Beth arrived as soon as Mike was able to get a sub for himself.  Captain Stanley had called HQ and the entire crew was being replaced one by one as men were being found to fill in for the crew.  One by one the men found themselves over at Johnny and Laurie’s home.  Mrs. Kelly, Dixie, and Joe Early came by a short time later.  Everyone wanted to show their support.  Food was brought but no one really felt like eating.  Johnny and Laurie mechanically kept talking if they were spoken to but neither of them really knew what they were saying.

Mike had phoned his mother and she was flying back from Orlando where she had moved to live with her sister. 

Johnny asked Roy to step outside with him.  “I guess I need to make arrangements,” Johnny said, looking like he had aged 20 years in the last few hours. 

“I can take care of all that for you if you like,” Roy offered.

“You sure?” Johnny asked, surprised by Roy’s generous offer.

“Yeah I’ll call and make all the arrangements,” Roy said, as he fought to keep himself in control also.  “You don’t worry about that stuff”

“Thanks,” Johnny said, “I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through all that”

“Johnny . . .” Roy began, but stopped.  “I just don’t know what to say”

“I know, Roy, neither do I,” Johnny said. “We’ve been on calls like this where the baby doesn’t make it and we offer our standard lines of sympathy and now I know how empty those words really feel” Johnny said. “Right now I just feel empty”

“You’re not alone.  You have Laurie.  You two have to be there for each other right now” Roy reminded Johnny.

“I know, but right now I just don’t know what to say to her.  I feel like I let her down,” Johnny said.

“No you didn’t,” Roy said gently.  “There wasn’t anything you could have done”

“In here I know that,” Johnny said, pointing to his head, “But here” he said, pointing to his heart, “I feel like I did”

“Give yourself some time and you will know in here,” Roy said, pointing to Johnny’s heart, “that there wasn’t anything you could do”

Johnny and Roy headed back inside.

The next few days were painful for Johnny and Laurie.  Everywhere they turned things reminded them of the baby.  Laurie finally closed the door to the baby’s room, finding it too hard to even look inside.  The day of the funeral finally arrived.

Johnny and Laurie looked like hell.  They had bags under their eyes and it looked like they both had lost weight.  Roy went to the ranch to bring them to the church.  The same church that a few short months earlier the baby had been christened.

When they climbed out of Roy’s car they were surprised by the number of people that were standing outside the church.   They made their way quietly inside.  The service was sad and weeping could be heard throughout the church.  Johnny and Laurie sat together holding hands, and never turning around. They just stared straight ahead.  The picture of Little Johnny that had been sat on the top of the casket grinning back at them.  Finally Johnny got to his feet to speak.

“This is the worst day of mine and Laurie’s lives.  Today we have to say good bye to the most precious thing we have ever had. When John Roy Michael came into our lives we thought we were given the most amazing gift.  He brought joy to our lives everyday.  His smile, his little grip on our fingers, everything he saw though his innocent eyes made the world seem new and pure again” Johnny stopped.  He had to take a minute to collect himself.  “Now he’s gone to be with the spirits, or in your words, God.  I hope they know what a special baby they have.  Everyone keeps saying that he’s in a better place and that heaven is wonderful.  Well I thought he was in a pretty good place here with his mom and me.  We will never forget Little Johnny.  He was the ray of sunshine in our life” Johnny looked over at the picture of the baby, “I don’t know how we’re going to go on without him.  All I feel is empty now, like there is a hole inside me that I don’t know how to fill” the tears were running down Johnny’s face.  Johnny picked up the picture of the baby.  “I love you my son, and I will miss you” he said as clutched the picture to his chest as his head dropped.

Roy came over and walked Johnny back to his seat.  Laurie grabbed his hand and held it tight like they were holding each other from falling apart.

Finally the service was over and Johnny and Laurie headed home.  They turned down everyone’s offer to come with them.  They just needed to be alone for a while.  Time to grieve in private.

Over the next few days the pair just went through the motions of living.  They ate when they thought they were supposed to, they slept when they were too exhausted to stay awake and in between they just existed.

2 weeks after Little Johnny’s death, Johnny was forced to deal with the fact that he had to go back to work.  He knew the day was coming but he didn’t know if he could pull himself together enough to do it. 

“You have to work Johnny,” Laurie said, quietly.  “We have to find a way to keep moving”

“I know, but somehow it feels like I have this pressure inside me that I just can’t release. I feel like it’s choking me,” Johnny tried to explain.

“I feel that too,” Laurie said.  “I feel like I am afraid to move on because I will be disloyal to Little Johnny”

“I guess I have to get back to work.  The bills don’t pay themselves,” Johnny said, trying to sound logical. 

“I think I will go back to work also,” Laurie said.  “I need to get out in the world again”

“You don’t have to.  We will be okay with just me working” Johnny said.

“I know, but I need to do something.  I feel like I am suffocating here,” Laurie said.  “Everywhere I look I see him. I hear him.  I can still feel his warm body against mine as I nursed him,” Laurie said, with tears on her face.

“I’m sorry sweetheart.  I didn’t know the ranch was so painful for you to live at now,” Johnny said.

“It’s not the ranch, it’s me” Laurie tried to explain.  “I have never felt this sad in my life.  I just can’t seem to stop feeling sad”

“I know,” Johnny said, nodding.  “I don’t know when this feeling will end”

Johnny pulled Laurie into his arms and held her tight.  The two headed to their bedroom and for the first time since their son died they found solace in each other’s arms as they shared their bodies with each other.  The release in their love making somehow was the start of their cleansing as they turned to each other.

The next day the two headed off at the same time. Johnny was going to the station and Laurie was going to her office.  She wanted to just get out of the house for a while. 

When Johnny walked into the station he was warmly greeted by his friends.

“Welcome back Johnny,” Marco said, kindly.  “Welcome back,” Chet said as he continued to get changed.

“Thanks guys,” Johnny said as he reached into his locker to grab his uniform.  He changed without even thinking about what he was doing.

Roll call soon followed and the day began.  Johnny went through the motions of chores and inventory but his heart wasn’t in it.  He was still a million miles away.

Roy saw him staring off and knew what was on his mind. “You okay?” Roy asked.

“Not really but I have to be don’t I,” Johnny said.  “I don’t know when I will be okay again,” Johnny replied, “Right now I need to work and keep moving”

“Well if you need to talk you know I am always here” Roy reminded him.

“I appreciate that, I just don’t know what I need,.” Johnny said.

Just then the tones sounded sending them out on their first run.  It was a simple rescue of a lady stuck in her washer.   It was nice to start their shift off on a light note.  Johnny couldn’t help but remember the last call he had been dispatched to when he was called to treat his own son.

The rest of the shift continued steadily but nothing too intense.  Supper at the station that day was cooked by Chet. 

“I have a culinary delight for everyone today,” he said, with enthusiasm.

“What could you make that would be delightful?” Marco asked, teasing his friend.

“Well in honour of Johnny’s return I have made his favourite food, hot dogs and French fries,” Chet said smiling.

Johnny looked at the food and grinned. “Looks good to me,” he said as he reached for the bowl of hot dogs.

Supper was quiet as everyone ate their meal.  The atmosphere in the station was still very down because no one knew how to console their friend.  Mike was still grieving the loss of his nephew and he knew how devastated his sister was.  Every time he talked to her, he could feel the anguish in her voice.

Finally Johnny’s first shift back was over and he headed home.  He drove in and found Laurie sitting on the front porch.  “Hi” Johnny said walking up the steps.

“How was your first shift back?” Laurie asked.

“Pretty quiet,” Johnny told her.  “Nothing too exciting. What about you, how was the office?”

Laurie shook her head.  “Different. I never expected to be back this soon and I guess I wasn’t prepared to walk in there knowing the only reason I was back was because. . .” she stopped, she couldn’t say the words.

“I know hon,” Johnny said, not needing her to say anymore.

The two sat very quietly for the next hour, just holding each other as they stayed in their own thoughts.   They were so comfortable with each other that they didn’t need to talk to feel each other’s strength.

Slowly the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months and the pain started to become a little less each day.  Not a day went by when they didn’t think of Little Johnny, his smile, his smell, the feel of his skin.  But time has a way of moving on and it did for Johnny and Laurie.

There were many days when even the thought of their son sent them both in to a tailspin, but finally they were able to think of him without feeling like their hearts were in a vice.  They could look at his pictures and smile sometimes.    Summer finally arrived and the beautiful California days offered them long days of sunshine.

Johnny was working another double shift when he got a great idea.  “Hey Mike what do you think of me taking Laurie to the cabin we went to on our honeymoon.  Think she might be interested in going back there?” he asked.

“I think she’d love that,” Mike said.  “You guys have amazed me over the last few months” Mike added.

“How’s that?” Johnny asked.

“Well after Little Johnny died I expected you two to pull apart like many couples do, but you never did” Mike explained.  “Somehow you two stayed anchored to each other”

“Mike’s right Johnny.  I’ve read the statistics about SIDS families and many of them break up afterwards because they can’t handle it” Marco added.

Johnny listened to his friends. “I guess Laurie and I just decided we were in this together” he said shrugging his shoulders.  “I can’t imagine going through this alone.  I think she feels the same way”

Roy had remained quiet, “I don’t know how Joanne and I would have got through something like this,” he finally said.

“Pally, I hope you never experience this,” Johnny said, “It’s the worst feeling you can ever feel.  I would take a monkey virus, a snakebite or being blown out of a building any day over this kind of pain.  There is no end to it. It is always there.  You can’t medicate it; you can’t put a bandage on it.   It continues to bleed until you are finally willing to heal yourself.    The only way to stop the pain is to make yourself do it.  One small step at a time,” Johnny said.

“Is it better now?” Chet asked.

“Somedays yes, and somedays no.  Now we can at least say Little Johnny’s name without feeling like it’s ripping us apart.  We can look at his pictures and talk about our memories without it feeling like a knife in our heart” Johnny tried to explain.

“You seem a little happier,” Marco commented.

Johnny smiled, “Sometimes we are happier. We have given ourselves permission to be happy again” he said.

“Sounds like you two are on the right track,” Mike said. “I’m glad my sister has someone like you beside her through all this”

“Hey remember Mike when you told me to keep away from your baby sister,” Johnny laughed.

Mike smirked, “hey even I can make a mistake once in a while”  he turned around to Chet, “but don’t you go repeating that,” he said.  “I have my reputation as the perfect engineer to protect,” he laughed.

The tone of the locker room became a lighter banter as the guys continued to change for work. 

The shift was another never ending marathon of calls.  The morning was tied up with a multi car pile up on the 405.  The crew had just gotten back from that mess when the tones sounded again sending them to a fire at an old movie theatre.  It seemed like they were never going to get back to the station. It took almost all afternoon and into the early evening to get the movie theatre blaze under control.  Johnny and Roy had to transport two smoke inhalation victims to the hospital and were late getting back to the station.

When they pulled in Johnny jumped out of the squad.

“I am so hungry I could even eat Chet’s cooking,” Johnny laughed as he turned the corner into the kitchen. 

“Will you settle for my cooking?” Laurie asked as she sat a bowl of salad on the table.

“Laurie what are you doing here?” Johnny asked.

“Well I was out today and I decided to stop by and say hello. The station was empty and I thought I would throw some supper together” she said, “I hope you don’t mind Captain?” she said, looking at Captain Stanley.

“I don’t mind, I just can’t figure out how you got in?” Cap said.  The doors automatically lock when we leave”

“Oh that’s easy, Chief McConikee was here when I pulled in. He and I sat and had a cup of tea and he told me I could stay if I liked and wait for you,” Laurie said.

“Chief McConikee was here?” Captain Stanley said, nervously.

“Yeah he said he was inspecting or something like that,” Laurie said, winking at Johnny.

“Oh man, did he say anything else. I mean did he say how the station looked.   Did he look happy, mad, was he writing a lot on his papers?” Hank rattled question after question off.

Laurie couldn’t hold back her smirk any longer.  “He wasn’t here inspecting,” she laughed.  “I ran into him at Rampart and he offered to let me in after he check that the rigs were both out of the station”

“You were at Rampart?” Johnny asked.  “Everything okay?” he asked.

Laurie smiled, “Everything is fine,” she said.  “I wanted to wait until after supper for this but I will give it to you now” she said, handing Johnny an envelope.  “I know your birthday isn’t until tomorrow but I couldn’t wait any longer”

Johnny tore the envelope open and found a picture of him holding Little Johnny in the rocking chair.  The inscription on the frame said, “Always in Our Heart,”  Johnny smiled. 

“There is something else in the envelope,”  Laurie said.

Johnny pulled out another small picture.  It looked like an x-ray type picture. The words around it said, “Letting our Heats Beat Again”

Johnny looked at Laurie curiously.

“That’s our new baby,” she smiled, patting her stomach.  “he or she will be here in about 7 ½ months”

“You’re pregnant?” Johnny asked, in shock.

Laurie nodded.  “Sure am” she smiled.

“Congratulations,” Mike said, giving Laurie a warm hug. 

Johnny never said a word.  He just stood and stared at his wife.  His face was tight. 

“Johnny aren’t you excited about this?” Laurie asked, waiting to see his reaction.

“Excuse me,” Johnny finally said as he stepped out of the room.  He headed to the dorm room to be by himself.  Roy looked at him oddly as he watched him leave.

“I’ll be right back,” Roy said, following his friend out.    He found Johnny sitting on his bunk staring at the picture of little Johnny and the ultrasound picture of the new baby.

“Johnny  you okay?” Roy asked, sitting across from him.

“I can’t go through this again,” Johnny said.  “I can’t go through all the excitement and the hopes and the dreams and have another child die on me” Johnny said.

“Johnny this baby isn’t going to die,” Roy said.  “You are being given another chance to have a child.  This is something to celebrate”

“I don’t want to be happy.  I’m scared to be happy about this,” Johnny said.  “I can’t let this new baby in.  I don’t want to feel that pain again”

Laurie came walking into the doom room and heard Johnny's  fears.  “I’m scared too,” she said. “Afraid of what could happen, but I don’t want to let it control our lives”

“But what if something happens again . I couldn’t save Little Johnny. What if I let this baby down too,” Johnny said.

“Who said you let Little Johnny down.  You never did that.  You were an amazing daddy to him,” Laurie said, holding Johnny tightly.  “You are going to be a great daddy to this little one too”

“But what if. . .” Johnny started to say.

“No what if’s” Laurie cut him off.  “We are going to move forward like we said we would.  This new baby inside of me is proof that it is God’s will that we move forward and accept that Little Johnny is in a wonderful place now”

Johnny hesitated before he reached out and patted Laurie’s stomach.  “Our new baby is in there?” he said a smile finally starting to emerge.

“That’s right.  A part of you and of me is inside here, growing, thriving and counting the months until they can make their grand appearance in our lives,” Laurie said, holding Johnny's  hand.

“Everything is okay?” Johnny asked.

“My check up went perfect today,” Laurie assured him. “Baby is growing and healthy”

Finally Johnny allowed himself to really smile.  “We’re going to be parents again,” he said, grinning.

“That’s right daddy to be,” Laurie smirked.  “So you better get that rocker out of the barn and give it a good polishing. I am planning to need it for nursing again”

“You got it sweetheart,” Johnny said, pulling her into a hug.  “Thank you,” he said softly.

The two got to their feet and headed back into the kitchen.  The grins on their faces told everyone that things were okay now.

“Well where are the congratulations, we’re having a baby,” Johnny said, looking at his wife.

The room erupted with excitement after hearing Johnny's  declaration.

Summer gave way to fall and winter.  The months flew by as Johnny and Laurie looked forward to the upcoming birth of their child.  They were both elated with the pending birth but both were still apprehensive about things too.

It always was there in the backs of their minds that something could go wrong.  That their dreams could be shattered again.

As the due date drew closer nerves were on edge and tempers flared easier.

2 weeks before the baby was due, Johnny and Laurie were relaxing on the porch.  It was an exceptionally warm spring day and Laurie was uncomfortable.  She kept shifting in her chair trying to get comfortable.  They were waiting for Roy and Joanne to show up and the four of them were supposed to be going out for supper.

 “I am so tired of being as big as a house,” she complained.   

“You aren’t as big as a house,” Johnny said. “You look beautiful to me”

“Well I may be beautiful but I’m still built like the Queen Mary,” Laurie said, rubbing her back..

Johnny laughed.  “Well I don’t hear any docking warnings so I think you’re exaggerating.”

“Cut it out.  You try being this fat when it’s hot” Laurie gripped.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Johnny asked sincerely.

“Yeah make me not fat, let me see my feet again and take away the 24 hour a day demand to pee,” Laurie said, as she forced herself to her feet to go to the bathroom for what she felt was the 45^th time that day.

Johnny shook his head as he watched his wife walking uncomfortably to the bathroom.  “I’d go pee for you if it would help” he shouted lightly after her.

“Smart Alec” she yelled back, as she closed the bathroom door. 

Johnny started to idly flip channels on the television waiting for Laurie to return. 

“Ah Johnny can you come here for a minute,” Laurie called suddenly.

Johnny got to his feet and headed to the bathroom.  He tapped on the door.  “Laurie,” he called in.

“Johnny I think my water broke,” Laurie called through the door.  Johnny opened the door and saw Laurie standing against the shower door, holding her stomach the floor wet beneath her feet.

“Okay let’s get you out of the bathroom,” Johnny said, forcing himself to think like a paramedic and not like the nervous father to be that he was.

Laurie made it to the bedroom before she grabbed for her stomach again.  “Oww,” she moaned, as she felt a contraction cut through her.

“Did these pains just start?” Johnny asked.

“Well I have had these back pains for a while but I was sure it was from my fat belly pulling on my back muscles” Laurie explained.  “oh boy,” she gasped as another pain hit.

“Let’s get you on the bed so I can see how things are progressing,” Johnny said fighting to stay calm.

It only took him a minute to determine that Laurie was in full labour.  “Okay honey, looks like you are ready to have this baby” Johnny said, as he pulled the phone down beside him. “I’m going to call for a squad and an ambulance”

“Johnny I need to push,” Laurie said suddenly,  as she tried to sit up.

Johnny dropped the phone and went back to Laurie.  “Hang on a sec” Johnny said as he moved back into position.      “Okay Laurie, if you want to push, go ahead,” he said, as he prepared to deliver his own child.

Laurie gritted her teeth as she pushed hard.  “This is harder than it looks,” she said, as she laid back down.

“You’re doing great sweetheart” Johnny said, as he continued to coax his wife to push again. 

After a few more minutes of pushing Laurie lays back exhausted.  “I’m tired, you push for a while,” she said.

“Wish I could sweetie, I know you’re tired but you have to push again,” Johnny said, wishing he could get some help out to the ranch. 

He heard footsteps on the porch.  “Roy is that you?” Johnny yelled as he heard the door open.

“Yeah, it’s me and Joanne” Roy called.

“Get in here!” Johnny yelled,  “Laurie’s in labour”

Roy dropped his coat in a chair and ran into the bedroom.  He took note of what was happening. “How far along are we?” Roy instantly asked, dropping beside the bed.

“Fully dilated and she’s crowning,” Johnny said, as sweat ran down his face.  

“Did you call for a squad?” Roy asked.

“No not yet, no time,” Johnny said, as Laurie gasped as another contraction cut through her.

Johnny moved around so he was beside Laurie as he let Roy take over the delivery.  “Come on Laurie you need to push now,” Johnny said firmly.

Laurie was exhausted. “I can’t,” she said.

Johnny pulled Laurie up to a half sitting position as another contraction hit.  “Push” Laurie,” Roy coaxed as he prepared to receive the baby as it was born.

Laurie was panting heavily as she struggled to deliver the baby. 

“I called for a squad and an ambulance,” Joanne said as she put down the phone.

“One more Laurie, I can see the head,” Roy said, excitedly.

“I know you can do it,” Johnny said, as he helped the contraction by pushing down on her abdomen.

“The head’s out,” Roy said, as he maneuvered to deliver the rest of the baby. 

“One more good push, come on I know you’re tired,” Johnny said, as he wiped his wife’s brow.

Joanne had gone to the nursery and gotten a baby blanket to wrap the newly arriving baby in.

“One more,” Laurie said, gritting her teeth as she pushed with everything she had.  “Come on baby,” she said, breathlessly.

A minute later the clear sound of a baby cry reverberated through the room.

“Congratulations, you have a son,” Roy said, as he cleaned up the baby and held him up for Johnny and Laurie to see.

The sound of feet running into the house sounded the arrive of the rescue squad.

“Back here,” Roy called as he watched Brice and Dwyer come running in.

Brice opened up the OB kit and took out the required equipment to cut the cord.  He stopped.  “John would you like to do the honors?” he asked, looking over .

Johnny smiled.  “Yeah I would, thanks Craig,” Johnny said, reaching for the scissors.  A minute later Johnny had the baby in his arms and was holding him next to Laurie.  “We have a son,” he smiled.

It wasn’t long before Laurie and the new baby were being transported to the hospital.  Johnny rode in the ambulance with his wife and son.  Craig Brice was being uncharacteristically compassionate and offered to let Johnny ride in the back with him.

An hour later Laurie was settled in a room on the maternity ward holding her new born son.

“Well daddy what do you think?” Laurie asked, as she looked at the baby.

“I think he’s amazing”, Johnny said.

“I would agree,” Laurie grinned.

The door opened and in walked Mike and Beth, holding a big bouquet of flowers.  “We just heard from Joanne.  Wow talk about exciting” Mike said, as he peeked at the baby and kissed his sister on the cheek.

“How are you doing?” Beth asked.

“Fine, just a little tired,” Laurie said.

Roy and Joanne soon followed Mike and Beth into the room. Soon the room was overflowing with friends.  Chet, Marco, Hank, Dixie, Joe Early, Kelly Brackett all were crowded into the room.  They wanted to share in the magic of the birth of Laurie and Johnny's  new son.  After a round of congratulations everyone just stood quietly and watched Johnny and Laurie with the baby.

“So what are you going to name him?” Marco asked.

Johnny and Laurie looked at each other for a minute.  “We talked about this a lot over the last few months.  We didn’t want this baby to feel like a replacement for Little Johnny,” Johnny explained.  “He has to be special in his own right.  Keeping that in mind we didn’t want him to be named Johnny also. We didn’t think that would be fair”

Johnny stopped to look at Laurie.  “We decided to name him something completely different.   This little guy’s name is Joseph Kelly Gage,” Johnny said smiling proudly at his new son.  

“I like that,” Beth said.  “Is he named after anyone in particular?”  Joanne asked.

Johnny nodded.  “Yeah he is,” he smiled.  “We named him Joseph after the kindest and most gentlest doctor we have ever had the privilege of working with and Kelly after Chester B and Dr. Brackett, 2 Kelly’s who we know will have a strong influence in his life,” Johnny explained.

The looks of pride on Joe, Kel and Chet’s faces were priceless.

“I am overwhelmed Johnny that you would name your son after me,” Joe said modestly. 

“Johnny I am touched,” Kel said, “and you can be assured I will be keeping a close eye on our little namesake,” Kel added.

Chet hadn’t said a word.  He grinned ear to ear.  “Does that mean I get to teach him all about pranks and water bombs since he’s got my name too?” Chet asked mischievously.

“NO!” came the chorus of voices in the room as the room brought in to laughter.

A short time later the room cleared out as everyone left to give Laurie and Johnny some privacy.  The baby had been taken back to the nursery and now the two were alone.

Johnny was sitting quietly in the chair beside the bed.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Laurie asked, looking at her husband.

“Just thinking about Joey and how precious he is, just like Little Johnny was,” he explained.  “I hope we can keep him safe and healthy”

“We will do our best just like we did with our other son” Laurie assured him.

“I know” Johnny nodded, “I guess I’m just afraid of what could happen”

“Me too,” Laurie admitted as she laid back in her bed.

A few days later Johnny took his family home.   There was no gathering at the house this time.  Johnny and Laurie insisted in it being a quiet homecoming.  They just wanted to keep things very low key. 

Johnny took a week off work to stay home with Laurie and the baby before he had to return to work.  He was a nervous wreck when he was at work.  He called home constantly checking on Joey.

“Johnny you have called 6 times today. It’s woken the baby up twice now,  can you please just relax,” Laurie said, trying to keep her temper in check.  She was tired and Johnny's  constant hovering was making her very cranky.

“I’m just checking on things,” Johnny said slightly defensive.

“I know you are but you have to give us a little breathing room.  Nothing has changed from the last time you called 2 hours ago,” Laurie assured him.  “I promise I will call you if I need you”

“For sure,” Johnny said. “If I’m on a run make sure they contact me on the radio” Johnny added firmly.

Laurie sighed, “Johnny we have been over this time and time again, we’re fine”

Johnny hung up the phone and went back to the table to drink his coffee.

“Everything okay at home?” Roy asked, looking up from the book he was reading.

“Yeah I guess,” Johnny said. “Laurie’s a little annoyed at me I think”

“Well you call her constantly,” Chet said,  “it’s a wonder she can get anything done between you calling her”

“I don’t call that much,” Johnny said getting even more defensive.

“Yeah you kind of have, Junior,” Roy said lightly.  “In the past few shifts you call her at least 6 times a shift” he reminded his partner.

“So!” Johnny spat back,  “It’s my family and I will check on them as much as I want,” he said as he stormed over to the coffee pot.

“Johnny I am the last one to tell you to back off from taking care of Laurie but I think you’re smothering her,” Mike said.

“You guys just don’t understand,” Johnny said, as he sat back and sipped his coffee.

Roy went over to sit beside his friend. “Johnny I think we do understand a little.  You’re afraid something’s going to happen to Joey,” he said gently.

Johnny looked up and his face registered that Roy had hit the nail right on the head. “I can’t go through that again,” he said, quietly. 

“Johnny do you think calling constantly is going to help?” Roy asked.

“I don’t know,” Johnny admitted.  “I just don’t want to let them down this time”

“What do you mean this time?” Roy asked.  “You didn’t do anything wrong when Little Johnny died”

“I was right there and I couldn’t help him,” Johnny whispered. “I just stood there and watched as my son died”

“Johnny there wasn’t anything you could have done,” Mike said.  “You know that”

“I try to convince myself of that, but when I look at Joey all I can think of is how I let his big brother down,” Johnny said, shaking his head.

Mike was about to say something when the tones sounded.

Station 51, Station 110, Engine 45, Station 99, Battalion 14, Structure Fire,  76901 East Hamilton, Cross Street Hargrove, Time out 9:37

The men jumped to their feet and sprinted to their vehicles.   In a manner of a few minutes the vehicles pulled in front of a three story apartment. 

“Marco, Chet pull a line and hit that front exposure,” Captain Stanley said, as he started to assess the situation.  Just then a man with a soot covered face ran up.  “There are people on the 3^rd floor” he said frantically.  “Mrs. Walters is up there with her son,” he said. 

“John, Roy grab your gear and head to the third floor.  There is 2 victims up there” Captain Stanley yelled over to his paramedics.   It only took Johnny and Roy a minute to get their gear on and they were on their way in.

It took them a couple minutes to get to the 3^rd floor.  “Johnny you take this side, I’ll take the other,” Roy yelled to his partner.

Johnny nodded that he heard as the two split up to search.  Door after door was opened and apartments were quickly searched.  They found nothing in the first three apartments.

“They have to be here,” Roy said, “Cap said there was a mother and her little boy up here,” Roy said, coughing as the smoke irritated his throat because he had removed his mask to talk.

“There are still 2 more to go,” Johnny said, as he headed down the hall further.  He pounded on the door of the last apartment on the right.  There was no answer so he kicked the door open.  “Fire Department,” he yelled.  He searched the living room, looking under tables and in corners with no results.  He headed to the bedrooms and found them empty as well. Finally he headed to the bathroom.  He found it closed.  He pounded on the door.  “Fire department,” he yelled again.

There was no sound inside so he pushed against the door to get it opened.  He found a woman and a baby in the corner.  They were covered in wet blankets as the mother obviously was trying to shield the baby from the intense heat.  Johnny grabbed the woman over his shoulder and picked up the baby as he ran from the inferno.

Roy saw Johnny motioning that he found them as  Johnny started down the stairs.  He had the oxygen on the baby’s face as he made a hasty retreat out of the building.    Roy was right behind him.  When the sunshine hit their face, Johnny was slightly relieved.

They ran over to the to where the captain had set up their equipment.  Johnny gently laid the baby down on one of the blankets.  He grabbed the o2 and started to administer some fresh air to the unconscious child. “Come on little guy,” Johnny said, softly.

Roy was treating the mother who was unconscious but showing signs of coming around.  “Johnny want to switch?” Roy asked, seeing the tension on his partner’s face. 

“I got it,” Johnny snapped, as he kept his focus on the unconscious baby.  “Come on little guy, breathe,” Johnny said as he continued to administer oxygen to the baby.  With no other help around the two paramedics were limited of what else they could do until they had help.   Johnny's  eyes never wavered from his focus on the baby.  Suddenly the baby started to cough.  “That’s right, cough it up,” Johnny smiled, slightly relieved.

Roy’s patient was becoming more alert as the oxygen was working to revive the mother.  It was only a few minutes later that both patients were ready for transport to the hospital.  “I’ll go in with them,” Johnny said as he reached for the drug box and biophone.  Roy nodded as he finished gathering up their other equipment. 

When Roy met up with Johnny at the nurse’s desk a while later he saw the smile on Johnny's  face.

“I gather the baby is going to be okay” Roy said, noting his partner’s relaxed demeanor.

“Yep, Dr. Early says he should be fine in a couple days,” Johnny said, grinning.   “It felt nice to make a difference”

Roy knew what Johnny was really talking about and just nodded.  “Sometimes we can, and there are other times we just have to accept that we can’t,” Roy said, hoping that Johnny caught the meaning of what he was saying.

“We better make ourselves available,” Johnny said, as he picked up the HT and headed out towards the squad.    The two headed back to the station in time for lunch.  As soon as Johnny got in he headed towards the phone.

“Johnny, Laurie just called,” Mike said. 

“She did?” Johnny instantly was alarmed.  “Is something wrong?” he asked.

“No,” Mike said.  “She wanted you to know that she was going to be out for the afternoon and would call you when she got home”

“Oh ok,” Johnny said, as he headed back to his seat.  “Did she say where she was going?”

“No and I didn’t ask,” Mike replied as he sat back down to eat his sandwich.

Johnny sat to eat his lunch, deep in thought . He kept looking at the phone, wanting to call and check on the baby but there was no point.  The afternoon dragged on as the tones remained quiet.

Around 5 in the evening the station was dispatched to a 3 alarm blaze at a chemical plant.  It was a very hot, intense fire that took almost all night to get under control.  By the time everyone got back to the station it was almost 4 in the morning.  The 6 men were smoky, tired and hungry. 

“I’m going to grab a shower and them make something to eat,” Roy said as he headed towards the latrine.

“Sounds like a good idea to me,” Chet agreed. 

Johnny kept looking at his watch.

“Johnny,  Laurie is sleeping and so is Joey.  You’ll will be home in a few hours,” Mike said, as he could just about read his brother-in-law’s mind.  “Just trust your wife that everything is fine, okay,” Mike said gently.  “I may think of her as my baby sister but she is more than capable of taking care of a 6 week old baby”

Johnny nodded, “I know Mike.  I have to back off.  It’s just hard,” he admitted.

“Well don’t you think it’s hard on her when you go charging into a burning building or repel down some cliff to rescue a victim?” he asked.  “She has to trust in you and your abilities to keep yourself out of harm’s way” Mike reasoned.

“I guess that’s true.  But . . .” Johnny started to say something more.

“But nothing,” Mike interrupted him. “You have to let go of the past, and the guilt you feel.  Little Johnny is gone.  There was nothing you could have done to save him.  Nothing Johnny! Do you hear me,” Mike said, raising his voice slightly. 

“I hear you Mike,” Johnny said.  “I have never heard you so clear as I do right now” Johnny smirked slightly. 

“Well I hope this time you listen.  The longer you dwell on this the more time you take away from just enjoying your time with Joey” Mike continued. “Laurie is scared too,” Mike said, “but she can’t give into her fear.  That new little boy of yours needs you to focus your love and attention on him.  Not be so afraid that you won’t just take time to enjoy the miracle of him being here”

Johnny wanted to say something in reply but Marco and Roy came walking back into the room.  He needed to really think about what Mike had said.  He went to take his shower and clean up. 

The shift ended a few hours later.  Johnny headed home to his family.  When he went in the house he saw Laurie sleeping on the couch with the baby in the bassinet beside her.  She looked tired.   Johnny picked her up gently and carried her to bed.  She never stirred as he tucked her into the blankets.  He went back down and sat on the couch watching the baby.   He stared at the little bundle for hours, the words of Mike running through his head.    He thought of Little Johnny and he thought of his wife and new son.

Two hours past as he remained lost in his thoughts.  The baby fussing finally broke his trance.   He reached down and picked up the baby.

“Hey there Joey, I bet you’re hungry,” he said as he headed to the kitchen to see if there was a bottle in the fridge.  He was glad Laurie stocked a few in the fridge so he could share in feeding the baby occasionally.   Johnny took the baby back to the rocker and started to feed him the warmed up bottle.  “Joey I want to tell you about your big brother” Johnny began.  “He was a great little guy, giggled, laughed and had a killer smile”  Johnny grinned down at his son.  “I think you’re going to have that smile too”

“Your big brother went to heaven.” Johnny said, as he continued to rock.  “Sometimes God, takes special little babies home early” Johnny said, as tears ran down his cheek.  “I know that your brother is in a good place now.”  Johnny stopped and stared at the baby.  “I am sorry you won’t get to know Little Johnny,  but there was nothing I could do to stop him for going to heaven,”  Johnny said softly, as he finally started to let that sink into his head.  “You two would have been such a handful”  

Johnny wasn’t aware that Laurie had come into the room and was listening to what Johnny was saying to the baby.   Laurie came to Johnny's  side.

“Hi sweetheart,” Johnny said, as he kissed his wife gently.

“Thanks for letting me sleep,” she said, as she sat down on the sofa.

“You looked tired,” Johnny said, as he moved beside her.  “Long night?” he asked.

“I kept waking up and just looking at him,” Laurie admitted.  “I’m afraid sometimes to close my eyes,” she said softly. 

“I can understand that,” Johnny said, “But in my case I phone constantly” he said sheepishly.

“What are we going to do?” Laurie asked.  “We can’t go on like this”

Johnny and Laurie stared at Joey.  “We have to find a way to just move on and stop being so afraid,” Johnny said.  “for him,” Johnny said as they looked at the very tiny bundle in Johnny's  arms.

The days flew by for the new parents.  Each day brought memorable moments for them to treasure.  Joey was growing by leaps and bounds.  He was developing his own unique special personality completely different than that of Little Johnny.   Johnny and Laurie started to relax a little and not dwell on the fear that lingered in their minds.

When Joey was close to his 6 month birthday, the tension increased again.  Both Johnny and Laurie were keenly aware that little Johnny was 6 months old when he died.  They watched the baby closer, they slept less and they paced more. 

One afternoon the guys were sitting in the dayroom watching television when the phone rang.  “Station 51, Fireman DeSoto,” Roy said as he answered the phone. 

“Laurie calm down, I am sure Joey is fine,” Roy instantly said, as he worked to calm Johnny's  emotional wife.  Johnny was on his feet in an instant running to the phone.

Roy held the phone away, “she said that Joey has been wheezing all day and it seems to be getting worse” he said to Johnny as he handed his partner the phone.

“Laurie what’s going on?” Johnny asked as he paused to listen to what Laurie was saying, “Okay just keep a close eye on him, help will be there soon,” Johnny assured her.  “It’s going to be okay honey,” Johnny said.

Captain Stanley had already gotten up from his seat and was heading to the other phone. “Squad 99 is closer Johnny, why don’t we see if we can get them dispatched to your house?” he suggested.

Johnny nodded, realizing his captain was right.

“LA this is Station 51, we have a  sick baby at 4592 East Market.   this is Fireman Gage’s Son” he told them.  “Can you dispatch Squad 99 to the call?” he asked.

He acknowledged dispatch and hung up the phone.  “They are rolling on it,” he said.

“Laurie Squad 99 is on their way there.  They are really close to the house. We’ll meet you at the hospital,” Johnny said, “I know sweetheart.   It’s going to be okay,” he said again, as the men in the room could only imagine the emotions that Laurie was feeling.   Johnny hung up the phone and turned to go to leave.

He turned to face Johnny.  “You two head to Rampart to meet the ambulance,” he said.  “I’ll take the squad out of service”

“Cap?” Mike said, looking at his boss.  Hank nodded.  “You can go too Mike.  I’ll get a replacement for you too,” he said as he headed to the office.

“Call us when you know anything,” Chet yelled after the three men sprinted to the squad. 

“It’s probably just a cold and we are all just letting our imaginations get carried away,” Roy said, trying to bring calm to everyone’s on edge nerves.

“He’s probably right,” Mike said, looking at Johnny who was clenching his hands and staring out the window. 

Johnny hadn’t said a word after he hung up the phone.  He just wanted to be at the hospital, where he could see for himself what was going on.  They pulled up at the emergency doors a minute later.  Johnny barely waited for the squad to stop before he bolted from the vehicle and rushed inside.

“Are they here yet?” he asked, running towards the base station.  Kel and Joe were just coming down the hall.

“Is who here yet?” they asked, not aware of the drama being played out in the Gage family.

“Squad 99 is bringing in Joey  Is he here yet?” he asked again impatiently. 

“Let’s check with Dixie,” Kel said, as he went to find the head nurse. 

Mike Morton was at the base station that day monitoring calls when Kel and Joe came rushing up.  “Do you have an infant coming in with Squad 99?” they asked.

“Yes,” Mike said.  “I have it under control.  It sounds like a respiratory condition,” Mike said calmly.

“Well I am taking over this one, Mike,” Kel said,  “The baby is Joey Gage”

Mike was stunned.  “The paramedics never said anything,” he said. “They should be here any minute,” Mike said as he handed the call sheet to Kel and Joe to review.

“Johnny it looks good from here,” Kel said, as he quickly reviewed the vitals and the other information from the paramedics on scene.   Kel would have said something else but just then, Craig Brice came rushing in with Joey in his arms.  “In 3,” Kel yelled as he followed Craig into the treatment room.  Johnny would have followed but Mike and Roy grabbed him and held him back. 

“You need to be with Laurie,”  Mike said, as he saw his sister coming in from the ambulance. 

Johnny saw his wife and ran to her side.  “Where is he?” she asked, looking around.

“He’s in with Dr. Brackett and Dr. Early,” Johnny said.  “We have to wait, again” Johnny added more for himself than anyone else.

The time seemed to crawl, each minute felt like an hour, as they all stared at the door willing the doctors to come in with good news.  Each time the door opened Roy, Johnny, Laurie and Mike jumped.  “This is ridiculous, there has to be some news by now,” Johnny said impatiently.  “I can’t stand this waiting anymore”

Johnny was about to open the door himself when it swung open again.  Dr. Early and Brackett came in and they were both smiling.

“Well your son is going to be just fine,” they said with relief.  “He’s got what we call RSV or a respiratory Virus that is very common for babies,” Joe explained.

“Is it serious?” Laurie asked.

“It can be but we caught it early and he is responding well to treatment.  My little name sake is one tough little bugger,” Joe said, grinning. “He should be fine to go home tomorrow”

“Is this related to SIDS?” Johnny asked. “I mean . .  well could. .” Johnny was struggling to get his words out.

“No Johnny there is no relation between RSV and SIDS.  Your son probably got this from being out around other kids who had colds.  It’s just a common childhood thing that most kids get,” Kel said. “It just happened that we were all a little extra cautious with Joey,”  he explained.  “He’s a pretty special baby to us all” Kel added.

“He’s really going to be fine?” Laurie asked again, afraid to believe.

“Well come with me.  I am sure you can hear him from here,” Kel said pushing the door open.   “Now I know why you named him after Joe, he’s got the biggest set of lungs in the building” Kel smiled.  “and yes he’s going to be just fine”

Johnny and Laurie followed the doctor down to the treatment room.  They could hear the baby screaming from the hallway.  When Laurie opened the door, they saw Joe Early trying to calm him down.  “I think he’s mad,” Joe said as he handed the baby to Johnny.

Johnny felt the tension melt away as he held his son.  “Easy there Joey, you’re fine,” Johnny said as he rocked the baby gently.   He and Laurie took turns walking and rocking Joey until he finally calmed down and fell asleep.

“We’re going to move him up to the pediatrics ward for the night,” Joe said, “just for observation”   Joe turned to them, “and before you ask, yes you can stay with him,” he added.

An hour later Joey was settled in his crib and Johnny and Laurie were sitting in two chairs beside him.  Roy and Mike were confident enough that things were under control to head off with the assurance that they would be called if they were needed.

The night was quiet and uneventful and soon the Gage’s were on their way home.  On their way home,  Johnny asked Laurie if they could make one stop along the way.

“Where do you want to go?” Laurie asked, puzzled.

“I just want to make one stop,” Johnny said, as he turned the Rover.  A few minutes later he pulled up to the cemetery.

“What are we doing here?” Laurie asked.

“We are finally going to heal,” Johnny said as he opened Laurie’s door and helped her out.  The three went over to John Roy Michael Gage’s grave.

Johnny kneeled down in front of it.  He wiped the leaves and twigs off the top of the stone.  “Hi Johnny, it’s daddy,” he began.  “I need to talk to you”   Your mom and I have been scared since the day your little brother was born.  We are afraid to close our eyes.  We keep thinking he’s going to be taken away like you were.   We have tried to move on, tried to put our fears away but they keep coming up,” Johnny said, emotionally. 

I think it’s time to release our fears,” Johnny said as  he closed his eyes and thought of his grandfather’s spirit.

As Johnny opened his eyes, he saw tears in Laurie’s eyes. “Remember when you were in the hospital, so sick after Chet rigged that sneezing powder?” Johnny asked.

“I remember” Laurie replied quietly.

“Do you remember what you told me to do to find my answers?” Johnny asked.

“I told you to think about what your  grandfather would tell you to do,” Laurie said.

“I think my grandfather is reminding us to live again. That we have to send our fears up into the wind like I did my anger.  We are drowning down here right now.  We have to stop,” Johnny said. 

“Its sounds simple but how?” Laurie asked.

Johnny pulled Laurie down beside him.  “Remember when we first met, and Mike really didn’t want us to be together?” Johnny began.

Laurie nodded.

“Well we overcame his reservations about us.  We proved we were good for each other” Johnny reminded his wife.  “We had some bumps along the way, like our very exciting picnic and the unusual proposal in the hospital “ Johnny grinned.

“I’ll never forget that,” Laurie said, as she thought about the day that Johnny almost died after being knifed by a drug addict looking for money.  “I was so afraid you were going to die that day,”  Laurie said, emotionally.

“I got better, and we got past it.  Didn’t we?” Johnny asked.

“Yeah I guess we did," Laurie agreed.

Laurie squeezed his hand.  “You made the right choice,” she said softly.  “No matter what would have happened to me” she assured him.

“All these tests have happened for a reason in our lives.  We have handled them all and stayed true to each other and our love.  We are being tested now.  We need to move on like we did when we were confronted by all the other obstacles,” Johnny said. “We need to stop living with doubt and with the fear of what could be looming around the corner”

“We did it with everything else,” Laurie said,  “we can do it again,” she said, as a smile started to appear on her face.

“I think that my grandfather and Little Johnny are together now and they are smiling down on us.  They want us to be happy again,” Johnny said with a smile. 

“I think it’s time to live again,” Laurie said as she looked down at Joey. 

“Come on Mrs. Gage,  it’s time to go home,” Johnny said, holding out his hand.   The two headed to the car with Joey in Laurie’s arms.  “Thanks Grandfather” Johnny whispered as he turned around, he swore he could see his grandfather’s spirit smiling at him.

When Johnny and Laurie pulled up to their house a short time later their driveway was filled with cars.  All the guys from the station and their wives were there. 

“Dr. Brackett said you left the hospital almost 90 minutes ago,” Roy said, as he opened the door and watched the two walk in.  “Is everything okay?”

Johnny and Laurie smiled at each other.  They looked at all their friends and then finally down at their son,   “it is now, ” they both said, as they shared a kiss.

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