The Thousandth Man

  Part 10

Roy stepped around the scattered pieces of brightly torn paper and ribbons on the floor around the Christmas tree, its sparkling lights throwing rainbows against the wall. A balmy afternoon sunshine streamed in through the windows, warming the room.

The morning had been filled with laughter and squeals of delight, the tiny amount of presents under the tree not mattering so much this year. They had each other.

Roy hugged them all at the back door for a good ten minutes before he finally passed through it, leaving none of them with dry eyes, including himself.

He headed toward the garage and his car. During his absence, Joanne had considered selling the Porsche for the money, but hadn’t been able to go through with it. She was glad she hadn’t.

With promises to be back in only a few hours, Roy waved and backed out of the driveway, the Porsche coughing in protest from being awakened.

Deciding not to tell anyone he was home for one more day was a gut-wrenching decision. Roy especially needed to let the police and the Coast Guard know that Johnny was alive, not to mention Johnny’s other friends.

 It didn’t matter as much about himself; one more day wasn’t going to make a difference. But since they’d already downgraded the search for Johnny to body retrieval, Roy doubted anyone would be out Christmas day looking for him. They knew it was selfish, but he and Joanne decided that they’d have just this one special day to themselves. It was Christmas, after all. After that, the proverbial shit would have to hit the fan.

He did need to see Johnny though, needed to make sure he was all right. Needed to say so many things. Since he was the only one cleared to see John, it was decided that Joanne and the kids would stay home until he got back. Leaving them that day was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do.

The hour and a half drive to Camp Pendleton gave him a chance to think deeply about everything, and during that time he had a revelation. He’d realized it as he thought back to the previous day with his family, and later, in bed with his wife and their rediscovering of each other. After months of feeling nothing but despair, anger, and unfairness, he realized how blind he’d been. In reality, he’d been given an incredible gift.

For being away all that time had opened his eyes to how wonderful his life had been, even with all the financial problems and worries about Jimmy. Everything he’d needed to fulfill his happiness had been right in front of him, yet he’d been blind to it. So much time had been wasted on negative thoughts and emotions. No more though. Every second was going to count from now on.

That meant discovering a new appreciation for his best friend as well.

Upon arrival at Camp Pendleton, Roy was asked for identification before being directed to the hospital. Once there, he was cleared again before being allowed inside. They gave him a lanyard to wear around his neck with a plastic identification tag attached.

The hospital was much smaller than Rampart, and the lobby was filled with dozens of  framed black and white military photographs and art.

Roy was directed to the second floor to see Johnny. Suddenly nervous, he headed for the elevator. As he rode, he debated what he would say, not knowing how Johnny would react to finding out that his secret had been revealed.

Roy stood in the doorway to Gage’s room, letting out a breath of relief when he spotted Johnny, irrationally having feared that his friend wouldn’t be there.

Johnny lay slack in the single bed, seemingly asleep, his head turned toward the door. He was pale, and looked sick, reminding Roy of how he’d looked the time he was recovering from that monkey virus. A glass bottle with clear IV fluid hung over his bed on a slow drip. The left side of his face was slightly bruised. 

Stalling, Roy scanned the room. Void of many amenities, it contained only the basics: a metal-framed bed, a nightstand and tray table, and a single metal-framed chair. A wheelchair sat forgotten in the corner. The walls were a pale green; a single picture hung crookedly on the wall. The window offered a view of a parking lot, its metal blinds creased here and there. The room looked clean, but possessed a rather cold sterility.

Sensing a presence, Johnny’s eyes drifted open. Slowly focusing on Roy, he startled, jerking backwards in his bed, a distressed whimper escaping the back of his throat.

“Hey,” Roy said softly, walking over to the bed, somewhat puzzled at John’s reaction to him.

John’s expression was panicky, his wide eyes fixating on Roy before shutting out the view by squeezing shut. His breathing quickened and he reached over and began pinching his arm, murmuring to himself, “He’s not here. You’re just imagining it. He’s not really here. He’s not here.”

Roy frowned, concerned, as he watched his friend talk to himself as if he weren’t there. He pulled Johnny’s hand away from where it was pinching his arm. “Hey. Johnny. Stop it. I am here.”

Johnny peered anxiously at Roy, afraid to believe what he was seeing. He shook his head minutely, squeezing his eyelids shut again.

Roy was beginning to worry about Johnny’s state of mind. “Johnny. What’s wrong?”

Johnny swallowed, still not certain. His eyes opened with trepidation, but he refused to look at Roy. He smiled darkly, talking to the air as if Roy were a spirit. “I think I’m crackin’ up here, Roy. I’d just convinced myself that you were dead, and now here I am talking to a…a ghost.”

Roy moved into Johnny’s line of vision. “Dead? You saw me on the ship. Remember?”

“I saw your ghost on the ship. You’re not really here.” He shook his head slowly.

“I’m NOT a ghost! I’m really here. Thanks to you. See?” Roy snatched up Johnny’s hand in his own and squeezed.

Johnny studied his friend silently for a long twenty seconds, his gaze dropping to the hand holding his and then back again. Slowly, his eyes focused more sharply, and his shoulders relaxed. He took a deep breath and blew it out. Embarrassed, he finally spoke, the fear in his voice diminished. “You…you shaved the beard.” It sounded more like a question than a statement.

“Yeah,” Roy smiled, somewhat relieved. “I didn’t want to scare Joanne and the kids.” He finally let go of John’s hand.

He really is here. Either that, or I’m so far gone I don’t know the difference. What the hell; I’ll go with it. Johnny relaxed more, seeming to finally accept that it seemed he really wasn’t imagining this.

“You okay now?”

“Yeah. I…I think.” What had Roy just said? “You…you went home?”

“Yeah. Finally they let me go.”

“Oh man!” Johnny inched up in the bed anxiously, the action causing him to wince. “Tell me. Everything. What…how did Joanne react? The kids…did you see Jimmy?”

“Yeah,” Roy choked with emotion. Hiding it, he turned, busying himself with pulling a chair over by the bed. When he looked back at Johnny, he’d composed himself.

Roy spent the next fifteen minutes telling Johnny about Joanne’s reaction, the kids’ reactions, how wonderful Jimmy looked, how amazed he was that his son was doing so well, and most of all how incredible it was to be home again. “It’s given me a whole new appreciation for my family, for my life, for everything. Never again will I take anything for granted.”

Johnny beamed, overjoyed at the happy ending.

“All thanks to you.” Roy’s eyes bore into Johnny’s, knowing that he owed Johnny a much deeper acknowledgment for everything he’d done, but concluded that the timing just wasn’t right.

He himself was still grappling with it, still in utter disbelief at the lengths his friend had gone for him. It was an appreciation that the words ‘thank you’ would never begin to suffice. Though Roy would wrack his brain to try in the weeks to come, there would never be any way to repay Johnny for acts that were so above board, so beyond the call of duty of friendship that most people couldn’t conceive of.

No one was supposed to know what Johnny had done for him, especially himself. Roy knew that mentioning it now would catch Johnny off guard and embarrass him. Not only that, but any gratitude he might convey now just wouldn’t seem adequate. No, it would take more thought to come up with the right words to express what Johnny’s sacrifice meant to him. And he wanted Johnny to be feeling well when he expressed those emotions to him so that every word would be heartfelt. So he continued to talk about his family.

As the minutes passed, Roy could see that Johnny was tired and not feeling well. His face was pale, and his eyes closed often as he listened, although a soft smile of happiness remained on his lips.

When John’s eyes remained closed and his face became drawn with discomfort, Roy knew it was time to leave and let his friend rest. But Johnny didn’t want Roy to go, and insisted he was okay. So Roy decided to stay for just a bit longer.

Roy suddenly wondered if Johnny knew what day it was. “Hey. Did you know that today is Christmas?” he asked.

Johnny’s eyes opened. “Really? No, I…I’d lost track…” He looked away, wishing Roy hadn’t reminded him. Spending Christmas in the hospital wasn’t exactly his idea of a happy way to celebrate, but if he hadn’t been ill, he knew he likely would have been spending it alone anyway this year. Maybe being here was the best thing after all.

“Thank you for making mine the best I’ve ever had,” Roy said meaningfully.

Johnny nodded humbly. “Guess the timing was pretty good, huh?”

“Couldn’t have been more perfect. I’m just sorry you have to be in here – ”

Johnny raised his hand limply. “S’okay. It’s worth it, man. Besides, I’ll be better real soon.”

“Yeah. Remind me to talk to you about appropriate procedures for surfacing after diving,” Roy said dryly.

Johnny grimaced. “I will. If you remind me educate you about the nuances of sailboats.”

Roy smiled. “Touché.”

“I almost forgot.” Roy retrieved a plate of homemade Christmas cookies he’d set on a small dresser and placed them on John’s tray table. “Joanne insisted I bring these. It’s not much; she said she…she’ll have something really special for you when you get home. Then we’ll all have a proper Christmas – together.”

Johnny lost his smile at the mention of Joanne. He made no move to take a cookie. “That’s okay. I already got my Christmas present. I don’t want anything else.”

Baffled, Roy regarded him, seeing a naked hurt in John’s eyes that he didn’t understand. Joanne had hinted at the two of them being at odds a few times during his absence, but hadn’t elaborated. Roy wondered if something more had gone down between them, and made a mental note to ask Joanne about it when he returned. 

Johnny changed the subject. “Does anyone else know you’re home yet?”

Roy glanced surreptitiously at the IV fluid, trying to identify it. “Not yet. I thought about calling the Cap, but I kinda thought I should do this in person. I was gonna check to see when the guys were working next and stop by then – ”

“They should be back tomorrow. We all had Christmas off this year.”

“I’ll do it tomorrow then.” Roy glanced out the window. Dusk was settling in; the lights in the parking lot began winking on. He resisted the urge to look at his watch.

The longing in Roy’s eyes to return to his family wasn’t lost on Johnny. “Roy. You should leave. You’re missin’ Christmas.”

“Johnny, I wouldn’t be here for Christmas if it hadn’t have been for you.”

“Still, maybe you better go…”

“You tryin’ to get rid of me?”

Johnny smiled. “No way, man. I just know how much time you have to get caught up on with everyone.”

“Including my best friend.”

Johnny smiled softly. “We’ll have time for that. Don’t worry.”

“Yeah. There’s a lot we need to talk about.”

Johnny glanced away, his gaze resting in his lap. “What about Rampart? You gonna stop by there too?”

“Yeah. Maybe I’ll do it all tomorrow.” Roy took in a deep breath. “It’s going to be something to see their faces when I show up.”

Johnny frowned. “Yeah. That’s for sure.” I’d give anything to be a fly on the wall when that happens.

Once again, Roy sensed animosity from Johnny. He scrutinized his friend’s face for clues, but John’s expression was unreadable. That was something new. “Hey.” Roy gave John a small nudge to the shoulder and smiled. “I’ve got to let everyone know that you’re alive too. They’ll be plannin’ a funeral for you if I don’t do it soon.”

Johnny’s gaze lifted, his eyes big and round. He’d considered that authorities might be out looking for him, mainly because he’d taken Patrick’s boat. But he hadn’t realized that they might think he was dead. Not this soon anyway. “What do you mean?” He paused as it sunk in. “They think I’m dead? Already?”

“I’m afraid so.” Roy explained about the severed rope and other evidence that pointed to his likely death.

Johnny’s face fell. He picked absently at the tape holding the IV to his arm. “But it’s only been…” he looked up, “…four days.” His gaze dropped and he added, “They didn’t look very long.”

“Johnny, the Coast Guard is still looking, but they don’t think you could have survived. I’ve got to call them to tell them to stop the search. They’ll be anxious to know you’re all right.”

 “Yeah. I bet they’ll be anxious to know. So they can arrest me.”

“Arrest…?” Roy wasn’t sure what Johnny was talking about, but then he remembered the stolen boat. “They’re not going to arrest you, Johnny. Everyone is going to be so overjoyed that you’re alive, they’re not gonna care about that boat.”

“Yeah. Right.” Maybe…maybe I don’t want anyone to know I’m alive. Maybe things would be better if they just thought I was dead…

…I really don’t want to see any of those people again.

He opened his mouth to tell Roy that he’d just assume everyone think him dead, but caught Roy staring at him, his brow knitted in concern. Thinking better of it, he closed his mouth, not wanting to spoil Roy’s homecoming with his own problems. With an effort, he forced a smile to his face, which turned into a grimace when a wave of nausea washed over him.

Roy’s concerned stare turned to worry and he leaned forward a bit. “You okay?”

Johnny sighed, closing his eyes. He didn’t know how much longer he was going to be able to visit with Roy, given how lousy he was feeling. His head really hurt and his stomach was doing flip-flops.

“Johnny?”

Johnny sunk down lower into the bed, turning slightly onto his side. “Yeah. You know, Roy, I don’t mean to be rude, but…I really don’t feel like visiting any more. Why don’t you go on and spend the rest of the day with your family?”

Roy sensed Johnny wasn’t just feeling poorly, but that he wanted to close the conversation down. He decided not to push. His friend really did look sick. Maybe leaving would be for the best. “Okay. I’ll go. But, I’ll be back tomorrow.”

Johnny looked pleasantly surprised. “You sure? It’s a long drive…”

“Johnny, I’m coming back tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, until you’re ready to be released, then I’ll drive you home. Got it?”

Johnny rubbed his forehead, smiling through squinted eyes. Though he’d lost everyone else in his life, at least it seemed that Roy wasn’t going to abandon him. “Got it.”

“Good. Now is there anything I can get you before I go?”

“Nah…well, yeah. You give Chris and Jennifer a hug for me, will ya?”

“I will. Anything else?”

“Nope. Got everything I need.” He smiled wider, incredibly happy at how things had turned out, even if he was in the hospital.

“Okay then.” Roy gave Johnny’s shoulder a little squeeze and turned to leave. “You take care of yourself.”

“I will.”

“Bye.”

Roy waved and left.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Joanne had decided not to mention to Roy the problems she and Johnny had while he was missing, hoping that she’d have the chance to apologize and everything would blow over. Plus, she hadn’t wanted to spoil the happy mood they’d all shared upon his homecoming. She knew that John was a forgiving soul and counted on that to patch things up. But later that night when the children were in bed, and Roy asked her if something had happened between her and Johnny, her guilt wouldn’t let her keep it from him.

She told him everything.

He would soon find out that it wasn’t just Joanne that had shut Johnny out. Soon he would learn of the isolation from other friends and coworkers John had endured on his behalf, and not only that, but he would have to deal with the fact that Johnny appeared to be the only one who hadn’t written him off.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chet caught site of the light green Porsche as the engine backed into the open bay. They’d just come back from their first run of the day, and it was almost lunchtime. At first, the sight of Roy’s car parked in the lot was unnerving; Chet shrugged off the feeling. “Hey Cap. Looks like Joanne’s here.”

Hank glanced over his shoulder at the little car. Hm. That’s odd. She usually drives the station wagon. It was a good sign, he decided. Maybe she’s finally beginning to accept Roy’s death. Maybe she hadn’t been able to bring herself to drive it until now. “I wonder what brings her here?” Then he thought of Johnny, and wondered if she perhaps wanted to speak to him about a memorial service for the paramedic. His shoulders slumped at the thought of that.

Resignedly, he climbed out of the rig, and followed the others toward the day room.

Roy sat at the kitchen table, sipping from a cup of lukewarm coffee. Heart beating in anticipation, he listened as the doors to the trucks slammed shut and approaching footsteps echoed in the bay. They’d be in any second. He braced himself, nervously clutching his coffee cup.

At first he’d been disappointed when he’d arrived and found the crew out on a run, but later decided it was preferable. He’d gotten the chance to reacquaint himself with the station in privacy, quietly padding through it, running his hands over familiar objects and letting the memories flow.

Opening his own locker door and finding a stranger’s belongings had startled him, and he’d stood staring into it for a long time, working to quell the pang of hurt. Curiosity got the better of him, and he searched the pockets of a hanging jacket in order to attempt to identify who had stolen his space. When he saw the name on a receipt he’d fished out, his anger subsided. Gil Robinson. So that’s who Johnny got partnered with. At least he’s a nice guy. I bet he and Johnny worked well together… He couldn’t help but remember the time that Johnny had jokingly mentioned that he wouldn’t mind being partnered with Gil during his training. That must have come back to haunt him.

Cautiously, he’d moved to Johnny’s locker and opened it, but found it empty, all the contents having been removed. Even the Smokey poster was gone. Somehow that had disconcerted him more than finding his own locker occupied.

He’d sat on his old bunk, and Johnny’s, walked around the dorm, then looked at himself in the vanity mirror for a while wondering if they’d think he looked different. All was quiet save for the ticking clock on the wall and the muffled hum of traffic outside. An occasional creak broke the silence, familiar sounds heard at night when the station was quiet. Now, standing alone, the voices of his crewmates talking and laughing echoed in his mind. He couldn’t wait for them to get back.

Roy wandered into the Captain’s office, once again just looking around, taking it all in, remembering all the conversations that had taken place in this room. A hint of stale smoke wound its way into his nostril. At one point, he became emotional enough for tears to build in his eyes, then chastised himself for being so sentimental.

The kitchen and dayroom were the next stops. It was an odd feeling being there alone. It seemed like only yesterday that he’d relaxed in this room, on that couch, with Henry’s head in his lap. The dog was still there; his droopy eyes gazed up at him as if he’d never left.

Bored, he made a pot of coffee, more for the familiarity of doing something routine in order to calm his nerves than for the actual drink. He jumped when he heard the motor of the electric garage door and knew they were back.

Chet was the first one through the door. In an automatic gesture, he glanced at the paramedic sitting at the table, looked away, then did a double take, stopping dead in his tracks, his mouth hanging open. “Holy shit,” he whispered, frozen in place, not believing what he was seeing.

Moving at a good clip behind him, Marco stumbled into Chet, followed by the Cap, who grunted as he nearly fell. “What are you doing, ya twits?” the captain admonished, before raising his eyes, which nearly popped out of their sockets as he righted himself. His voice failed him for a couple of seconds before he was able to exclaim, “Oh my God! Wha – ?”

The rest of them piled in to the room, each stopping to stare in stunned disbelief as they beheld their supposedly dead friend. Within seconds, a cacophony of gasps and incredulous cries filled the room. Embarrassed and uncomfortable, Roy stood, a hesitant but happy smile on his face at the sight of them.

Like a swarm of bees, they surrounded him, all talking at once, their overlapping questions lost in a rising buzz. They were pounding his back, touching him, not sure if it was really him. Once again, his world seemed a dream.

Seeing Roy was clearly overwhelmed, Captain Stanley was the first to regain control. “Men. Men!” he yelled over the din. “Let the poor man breathe!” A huge smile had grown on his face.

Amid mutters of apologies, the guys stepped back a bit, giving Roy some space.

“Roy? Is it really you?” Hank asked.

Roy nodded. “Yeah, Cap. It’s me.” He looked around at them all. “I know this is kind of a shock – ”

“Kind of?!” Chet burst out.

 

“Well, a big shock.” Roy corrected himself.

Hank pulled out a chair and gestured. “Roy, have a seat.” Roy sat down, and Hank sat in the chair next to him, leaning forward and staring at him as if he had turned a deep shade of green. “Now. Forgive us, Roy, but, well…we were under the impression that you were dead.”

“Yeah. I know. Well, as you can see, I’m not,” Roy said rather sheepishly.

“Obviously. But…where the bloody hell have you been?!”

“It’s a long story. Ah, why don’t you guys grab a cup of coffee and pull up a chair and I’ll tell you all about it.”

Chet wasn’t having any of that. “Forget the coffee, man. We could get toned out any second. We want to know where you’ve been hiding.”

“I haven’t been hiding, Chet.” Roy took in a deep breath then, and began the same way he had two days ago with Joanne. Ten minutes later, he was nearly finished, saving Johnny’s role in his release for the piece de resistance. “…So, I never did find out what their mission was or really, anything about the ship.” He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I really need to talk to Johnny about it…”

Every face in the room fell instantly.

Not really processing that Roy didn’t seem to notice that Johnny wasn’t among them, the Cap’s voice grew foreboding. “Roy, listen, before you go on, I’ve got some news to tell you.”

The light bulb went on then, and Roy remembered, sitting up straighter. “Yeah, well, I’ve got some news for you too…”

“No, Roy. This is important. Listen to me for a second, okay pal?”

“Sure, Cap.” Roy couldn’t stand the miserable expression on the Cap’s face. He wished he could save him from what he was about to say, but habit and respect forced him to remain quiet.

“Roy…I hate to have to tell you this, especially now. But you need to know. John…” he took a deep breath, “…died. A couple of days ago. He was out looking for you and…he drowned…” He stopped as his throat tightened.

Hank’s forehead pinched together in layers of wrinkles as he scrutinized Roy. “Roy, why the hell are you smiling?!”

Roy reached out and squeezed his captain’s shoulder. “Because, Cap. Johnny’s not dead. That’s what I wanted to tell you.”

Again, a cacophony of gasps and exclamations:

“What?”

“That’s impossible!”

“How?”

“But they found his – ”

Again, Cap had to silence everyone. “Shut up, everyone! For God’s sake, let the man tell his story! “Roy, how is that possible? He went missing several days ago; they found his –”

In unison, “Cap!”

“Okay. Okay.” He gestured at Roy, brows raised, beckoning him to finish.

“Guys, Johnny’s not dead…he’s the one that found me!”

Five jaws almost hit the floor. More cacophony.

“If it weren’t for him, I doubt I’d even be sitting here right now.”

Chet recovered the fastest from the news. “I knew Gage wasn’t dead!” he said smugly, crossing his arms.

Marco stared at the Irishman with an expression of disgust and incredulity.

“You guys aren’t going to believe this story…” Excitedly, Roy told of Johnny’s clandestine boarding of the Navy ship, the chase scene, and then of Johnny’s fall. “…so they had to take him off the ship so he could have recompression treatment for his bends, plus he had a concussion from hitting his head on that pipe. He’s at Camp Pendleton hospital right now. I just saw him yesterday.”

Six men stared slack-jawed at Roy, marveling at the incredible story. For several long moments, everyone remained silent, totally stunned.

“This is unbelievable,” Hank marveled.

Roy looked around at them all. “I know. For a while, I was worried the whole thing was a hallucination, until I got to see him again yesterday.”

Gil finally spoke up. “Is John going to be all right?”

“I hope so.” Roy sighed. “He looked pretty ill yesterday, but I think he’ll recover.”

“That’s good to hear.” Hank scanned Roy’s almost lanky frame and gave him a look of concern. “You look a little worse for the wear yourself, Roy. Are you all right?”

“Yeah. I’m okay.” He patted his now flat stomach. “Guess I lost a few pounds I didn’t need.” Roy wasn’t ready to discuss the gamut of emotions and mood swings that had gripped him during his ‘captivity’. That was still a little too raw. So, he told them about his head injury and recovery, as if that explained the obvious weight loss.”

Hank finally leaned back in his chair. “Well, I’m sure it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get checked out by a doctor.”

“I will, Cap.”

Charlie Dwyer, who had temporarily taken Johnny’s place, spoke. “Hey, Roy? How in the heck did Johnny find you anyway? I mean, he’d been looking for months. Why now?”

“Yeah, that’s what Joanne told me, Charlie. I don’t really know. That’s one of the things I want to talk to him about when he’s better.”

Chet pulled out a chair, swung it around, then sat on it backwards. “I bet it was that psychic he talked to.”

“Psychic?” Roy frowned.

Gil supplied the explanation. “A while back, we had a run at a fortune teller’s place, a woman named Matilda. Apparently, she had some revelation about you that she conveyed to Johnny. He was all excited that day that she’d said you were still alive.”

Roy smiled softly at Gil’s rendition.

Mike Stoker stood silently in the background, not making a sound, not unusual behavior for him. He listened with his eyes glued to the floor, remembering that day with increasing remorse of how they had brushed off Johnny’s revelation, how they’d actually scorned him.

Ever since John had gone missing and they’d all found out about John’s paying for Jimmy’s surgery, Mike’s guilt had been building. Now it seemed to be coming to a crescendo. Having Roy sitting here in front of them and finding out that he’d been completely wrong about Johnny was almost too much to bear. Guilt washed over him in waves.

“I’m pretty sure he went to see her a couple of times,” Chet offered. “Maybe she told him where you were.”

Marco threw him a scornful glare. “Chet, don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m serious man. Johnny really believed her.”

“He did,” Gil nodded. “You know, right before John disappeared, he was practically desperate to contact her. Maybe Chet’s right. She was certainly right about Roy being alive.”

A psychic!? Johnny doesn’t believe in psychics. Does he? Not for the first time, Roy was stunned at the lengths his partner had gone to.

Hank shook his head in wonder, still not quite believing that Roy DeSoto was just two feet away from him. “Well, I guess we should all be thankful for the fact that John never gave up on you, Roy.” He squeezed Roy’s shoulder once, then got up and walked over to the coffee pot to get himself a cup. He noticed Mike out of the corner of his eye, standing a few steps back from the rest of them, his face somber.

“No, he didn’t,” Gil said with conviction. “He went out searching for you on almost every day he had off.”

“You know,” Roy said quietly, running his index finger around the rim of his coffee cup. “I used to get annoyed at him for being relentless. I’ll never do that again.”

Hank turned, holding the cup of coffee in his hand. “And what he did for Jimmy…well, that’s something I don’t think I’ll ever quite be able to comprehend.”

“I know, Cap. When Joanne told me, I was blown away. He saved my son’s life.” He looked meaningfully at Hank. “I’m having a hard time grasping it all, to tell you the truth.”

Hank nodded, shooting another glance at Mike in concern. The engineer stood as if in a daze, his eyes unfocused. The captain took a step toward him. “Michael, you okay?”

Mike’s gaze slowly shifted toward his captain. His words came out slowly, as if out of a fog. “He was right, Cap. Johnny was right the whole time. And we didn’t believe him. We thought he was crazy. I thought…he was crazy.”

Everyone stared at Mike, unnerved by the raw emotion in his voice.

“I treated him…like shit. We all did.” He scanned the room, glaring at them all accusingly.

“Speak for yourself, Mikey,” Chet said defensively.

Mike stood unmoving, stiff as a statue. “Chet, you were one of the worst, supplying information to your detective cousin about him.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

Chet stood up in defense. “I did not – !”

“Not one of us helped him, stood up for him.”

“I did too – !” Chet interrupted.

Hank set his coffee down on the table rather loudly. “That’s enough, both of you. Roy doesn’t need to hear any of this. For God’s sake, we should be celebrating, not arguing.” His eyes widened as Mike completely ignored him.

“You wrote him up, Cap. You and Hochrader. You got him suspended.”

            “Suspended,” Roy whispered. No one heard him. How much more of this is there going to be?

Now Hank was mad. He looked at Mike incredulously, in disbelief at the uncharacteristic insubordination. Has Mike lost it? Or am I the one who’s lost it? I can’t seem to keep control of my men. Maybe this all has been just too much for everyone. Me included. Frustrated, he found himself on the defense, something he knew was a mistake. “Yes. I wrote him up. Because he was disobedient and belligerent. I had no choice.”

Wide as saucers, Roy’s blue eyes lobbed back and forth between the men. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing – not only how the men had treated Johnny, but also the fact that they were at each other’s throats. What in the hell happened to them while I was gone? It’s like they fell apart.

“Hochrader did,” Mike snarled. “Makin’ him clean the station at one o’clock in the morning when we were all exhausted from that run. The way he picked on Johnny was just downright unprofessional.”

“I’d agree with that,” Marco put in.

“Yeah, Cap. Mike’s right about that.” Gil agreed, angry that Hochrader’s vendetta against Johnny had caused him to get sick.

“We isolated him.” Mike stared regrettably at Roy, his face full of apology. “We were more worried about what the other stations thought of us, our reputation, than we were about helping Johnny find out what happened to you.”

Roy didn’t know what to say. He felt torn. If what Mike was saying was true it not only meant that Johnny had been treated terribly by guys who were supposed to be his brothers, guys who were supposed to trust each other with their lives, but it also meant they hadn’t stood by him either. They’d not only given up on him, but they’d abandoned Johnny in his attempts to find him. What if they’d helped Johnny? Would he have been found any sooner? And what had happened to the trust they’d had in each other? Roy began to despair that things may never be the same between them all again.

Cap looked at Roy worriedly. He could see the thoughts spinning through the paramedic’s mind. This was turning into anything but a joyous reunion. He needed to do something to turn this around, and he needed to do it fast. “Okay. I’ll concede you may be right, Michael. We all owe Johnny an apology, and a great thanks for what he did for Roy. And hopefully he’ll be gracious enough to accept it.” He glanced at Roy before sweeping his gaze across the rest of the men. “The last few months have been rough on us all. Maybe we didn’t handle things the best way. Maybe I should have insisted we all go through some counseling. But I think what’s important now is that two of our men whom we thought we lost are back with us, and instead of tearing each other apart, we should be thanking God.” He raised his brows at everyone, then gestured toward Mike. “Right?”

Mike looked on desolately, then walked toward Roy.

The paramedic looked up at him.

“Roy, I’m sorry if I ruined your homecoming. I real glad that you’re home, and that you’re all right. But I’ve gotta say…I wouldn’t blame Johnny if he never spoke to any of us again.” With that, he turned and walked out of the room.

The rest of them stared after him in shock, astonished at his quiet outburst.

Uncomfortable, Roy’s eyes rolled to the ceiling. Oh man. He couldn’t wait to get out of there.

Cap blew out a breath and looked apologetically at Roy. “Sorry, Roy. I guess I never realized how much this had gotten to him. I’ll be right back.” He smiled painfully and patted Roy on the shoulder before he went off to follow Mike.

After he’d cleared the door, Roy asked, “What did Johnny do to get suspended?”

Chet, Marco, and Gil told him, painting a colorful picture of the fight that almost broke out between Johnny and David Martin. That led to the rescue with the boot – his boot – that got Johnny his second disciplinary write up. Lastly, they told him what Hochrader had done.”

Roy didn’t have much to say. It seemed the more he heard, the worse the situation seemed. It amazed him how just his absence had practically caused the whole station to fall apart.

A few minutes later, Hank walked back in.

“He okay?” Chet asked.

Hank sighed. “Yeah.” He didn’t want to talk about it. He forced a brightened expression, desperate to salvage the situation. “Listen, Roy; some good things did happen while you were away.”

Roy glanced up at the wall clock and stood up. He smiled uncomfortably. “That’s great, Cap. And I want to hear all about it, but I’ve really got to go.”

Hank’s face fell.

“I’ve got to get over to Rampart and tell everyone. I mean, Michaela will want to know, don’t you think?”

“Oh, of course. Sure, Roy. You’d better go.”

“Thanks. I, uh, wanna see Johnny today too.”

“I’m sure you do. Uh, Roy; I’d like to visit Gage myself, as soon as we get off shift.”

Chet stepped forward. “Yeah, we do too, Roy.”

“Can you tell me exactly where he is?”

“I can, Cap, but it won’t do any good. They won’t let you see him.”

“Why not?”

“They won’t allow him to see anyone until he’s debriefed. I’m the only one cleared to visit.”

“Oh. Well, you’ll let me know then when…”

“Sure Cap. I will. Hey, can you do me one favor?”

“Sure. Name it, Roy.”

“Will you let the Department and the Coast Guard know about…me and Johnny?”

“Absolutely. It’ll be my pleasure.”

“Okay. Good.” Awkwardly, Roy turned to leave. “Well, so long…”

Hank reached out and took his hand to shake it. “Good to have you back, Roy.”

“Thanks.”

“Ah, keep me posted on everything, all right? And just call if you need anything.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah, I will.” But where were you when I needed you four months ago? Do I have the right to ask that question?

Roy finally managed to get out the door. The pace of his step increased as he headed for his Porsche. A deep breath expelled from his lungs as he turned the ignition.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Michaela stripped off her latex exam gloves and tossed them into the trashcan. She rarely got the chance to work in the ER any more. It was an interesting change, she thought absently. The patient she’d anesthetized for emergency surgery was now on his way to the ICU. There hadn’t been time to transport the patient, an automobile accident victim, to a surgical suite.

For now, she was alone. She glanced dully around at the leftover mess; crimson-stained blue-green sheets lay in a heap on the exam table, a tangle of bloody metal scalpels and other instruments formed a macabre sculpture on a metal tray, discarded sponges, tubing, and empty IV bags dotted the whole landscape. Someone would be in any minute to clean it up and sterilize everything for the next patient.

Now that the urgency had worn off, her shoulders slumped in exhaustion, a familiar posture for her lately. She had no idea how she’d gotten through the past few days. Her world seemed so empty without Johnny. It still seemed surreal that he could actually be gone forever; it was a terrible nightmare that she wished she would wake up from any minute.

Tucking a lock of stray hair behind her ear, she lethargically pulled the stethoscope from her neck, folded it, and slid it into her lab coat pocket. A quick intake of air quelled the sudden burning in her eyes as tears briefly surfaced. Glancing at her watch, she noted she had ninety minutes until she had to be back in surgery. Just enough time for a calming cup of coffee.

A commotion outside drew her attention. It sounded like a crowd of people, their voices raised in excitement about something. Curious, she left the quiet of her sanctuary and went out to see what it was about. She wasn’t prepared for what she saw.

A crowd of doctors and nurses was gathered around someone, everyone talking at once. Peering around Dixie, she cautiously took a step forward to see who it was. She wasn’t one hundred percent sure it was him at first, but when Roy turned his face in her direction, her knees nearly buckled.

Their eyes locked almost instantly, and the others followed Roy’s lead when he turned toward her.

Her hand went to her mouth, and she staggered backward a few steps.

Roy read her emotions instantly. “Excuse me,” he said to the others, and urgently pushed through them. He was at her side in a heartbeat, instinctively reaching out a steadying hand to her elbow, which she would have none of. She jerked away as if his hand was a scalding liquid.

 “Michaela.” He offered her a reassuring smile, but she could only stand staring in horror, her eyes wide and dilated.

Concerned, Dixie, Brackett, and Early joined Roy, surrounding her. Mike held back, motioning the other nurses to stay away.

“Michaela, I know this is a shock – ”

“That’s an understatement,” she choked out in a shaky voice. She stared at him long and hard, her eyes narrowed in pain. “My God, it’s true. You really are alive. After all this time…”

“I know it’s hard to believe, but – ”

Unhearing, she looked away, her gaze unfocused, talking as if only to herself, her voice almost a whisper. “Johnny was right. I wanted to believe him, but I really didn’t. No one did. But somehow he knew you were alive. And now…Johnny’s…” Her face crumbled into grief and she hung her head.

Roy grabbed her by the shoulders. “Mick, Johnny’s alive.”

“…dead.”

Roy shook her once. “Michaela, Johnny’s alive. Do you hear me?”

His words tore her heart open, but she didn’t dare believe them, couldn’t. Slowly, she lifted her head, seeing the truth on his face. She scanned the others for confirmation. Dixie was smiling softly, nodding her head. Kel Brackett was doing the same thing. They were all smiling. “Alive?” Did she dare believe the words or was she just dreaming.

“Yes. Alive. I saw him yesterday, Mick.”

Her hand went to her face and she pushed sweaty tangles of hair away from her forehead. “Oh my God,” she whispered. Her expression grew urgent. “Where? Where is he then?”

A call came in at the base station then, and Brackett and Early broke away.

Dixie touched Roy’s elbow gently. She addressed them both. “Why don’t you two go somewhere and talk in private, eh? Michaela, you look like you could use a cup of coffee and some explanations.”

Relief unlike anything she’d ever felt before swallowed her up. She literally felt the adrenalin draining from her as her heart beat slowed. Weakly, she struggled to straighten, nodding.

Roy smiled at her shyly, still not used to the uproar his presence caused. “How about I buy you a cup of coffee in the doctor’s lounge?”

“That sounds good,” she breathed out.

Together, they walked in silence to the lounge. Like bees buzzing, a million questions swarmed her thoughts. The stares and startled exclamations Roy got from passing personnel went unnoticed as she traveled the halls in her own world.

Twenty minutes and two cups of coffee later, Michaela knew most of the story. She sat across from Roy with her hands locked around her coffee cup, still looking a little bit shocked. The first smile she’d had in a long time came to her face. “I think that is about the most incredible story I’ve ever heard.”

Roy smiled back, her use of one of Johnny’s favorite words warming him. “I’m still having a little trouble believing it myself.”

It was only then that she allowed herself to acknowledge the trauma he had been through, evident by his gaunt stature and almost haggard expression, and she felt guilt at how little concern she’d shown him. “Roy…I’m so sorry.”

He straightened, confused. “You’re sorry? What for?”

She shook her head at her thoughtlessness. “I haven’t even asked you how you are. I didn’t even act happy to see you.”

His eyes were kind. “I understand. I know you had someone very important on your mind.”

“That’s true. But…are you all right?”

He smiled self-consciously. “I’m good…getting’ better every day, now.”

“Thank God. I apologize for my behavior. Please forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive. It sounds like things were pretty rough around here the past few months.”

Ironic. He’s the one that almost died and he’s concerned for me. She looked at him cautiously, wondering how much he knew. “Do you have any idea of what went on while you were gone?”

His expression grew serious. “I think I’ve been filled in on most of it.” He saw her doubt and added, “I know about the denied insurance policy, and of the Police accusing me of fraud, and of Johnny supposedly abetting that. I know they had him followed, along with someone else, who I now assume was the US Government.” The tightness in his voice conveyed his anger, which then softened. “And most importantly…I know about everything that Johnny did…” he paused while he worked to contain his emotions, “…to pay for the surgeries to save my son.”

“Wow,” she whispered, wondering who had told him everything, but knowing it must have been Joanne.

Roy wiped a tired hand across his face. “I don’t know how I’m ever gonna repay him, but I’ll think of something.”

“Roy, Johnny won’t want your repayment. Your just being alive will be enough for him.”

Roy slowly twirled his coffee cup around on the table. “I still can’t get over him…everything he did.”

She spoke softly. “Neither can I. He’s…quite a man.”

“Yes. He is.”

“He showed me a side of himself…that I didn’t even know existed.”

Roy nodded thoughtfully. “It’s funny. I thought I knew Johnny pretty well, but there’s obviously a lot more to him than I ever realized.” Or bothered to find out.

 Uncomfortable in the plastic chair, Roy uncrossed his leg and leaned forward. “I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have my son. Yet…Johnny loved those horses…I just can’t imagine how it must have been for him to sell them, and the house, and his parent’s land for God’s sake…”

“I won’t deny it was hard for him. It was. And seeing his face when they came to take the herd away, well, it was just heartbreaking. But, he was resolute. Jimmy meant more to him than anything else, and in the end, his survival was the most important thing.”

Roy shook his head slowly, resting his cheek on his fist.

“The thing I couldn’t stand is that he blamed himself for what happened.”

“What? Why?”

“He thought it never would have happened that night if he’d been the one to stay aboard the boat and insist you go up.”

Roy’s mouth twisted. “Yeah. What would have happened is that with his luck, the boom would have dealt a fatal blow and he would have been dead before he hit the water.”

Michaela squinted. “That’s not the way he saw it. He thought he had more experience with sailboats than you, and could have prevented it.”

“That may be true, but I doubt he could have prevented it.”

“That’s what I told him. But please don’t misunderstand, Roy. It wasn’t because of guilt that he did what he did. Maybe it was denial, but I don’t think so; he just felt so certain that you were alive, against all the odds. It was like, he had some sort of a sixth sense or something.”

“He does. I’ve seen it on rescues. It’s uncanny. He can tell when a building’s gonna blow a minute before it happens. And there’ve been other things…” A vision of Johnny’s face just before he’d ordered John up into the helicopter came to mind. Apprehension and something close to fear had been in his partner’s eyes, and Roy had chosen to ignore it. He wondered now if Johnny had felt some kind of premonition that night.

“Roy…did Johnny mention anything to you about what happened at work while you were missing?”

“You mean about the reprimands and the suspension?”

“That…or anything else.”

“No. He didn’t. Johnny wasn’t really feeling well enough the last time I saw him to get into many details. But…the guys at the station filled me in some.” Tired, Roy leaned back in his chair. He mentioned briefly what Mike Stoker had said, watching her closely for her reaction. “Is it true…how they acted?” he finally asked.

Michaela hesitated. She didn’t want to turn Roy against his friends, even if they had treated Johnny poorly. “Roy, I think you should talk to Johnny about it. Not me.”

“But I am asking you. I want to know.”

She decided to tell him how Johnny perceived their actions instead of her own opinion. “I can only tell you how he felt.”

“And that was?”

“Abandoned. Betrayed. Mistrusted.”

Roy slumped slightly. His gaze fell. I guess Mike pretty much nailed it. “That’s what I was afraid of.”

“And he was angry because he felt they had given up on you prematurely.”

He looked up at her, not enjoying the confirmation that his own friends didn’t seem to care enough to look a little harder for him. “Stoker said…he wouldn’t blame Johnny if he never spoke to any of them again.”

Her eyes widened, surprised at Mike’s candor, especially after how rudely his wife had treated Johnny. On the same token, she knew Johnny’s shiftmates were good men, and that they hadn’t intentionally hurt Johnny. Each of them was also dealing with a loss; it hadn’t been easy for anyone. They all could see how highly the odds were stacked against Roy; Johnny seemed to be the only one brave enough to bid on that hand.

“I hope that’s not the case,” Michaela said. “I hope he can forgive them.” And me, for not believing more strongly, and for storming out on him when he was only trying to protect me.

“Yeah.” He glanced at her uncomfortably. “I’m sorry that your relationship with Johnny ended up being a casualty of my misfortune. I hope…you two can get back together.” Roy didn’t really understand why she and Johnny had broken up, and hoped it really wasn’t because of him, but knew better.

Michaela looked at him sadly. “It’s not your fault, Roy.” I’m the one that cut and ran. She hesitated, then, “Did Johnny say anything about me when you saw him?”

“No. But I really didn’t talk to him that long. I’m going to see him after I leave here. Is there anything you want me to tell him?”

Yes! That I love him and I miss him, and that I’d give anything to have his arms around me again… “Just tell him that…I’m glad he’s okay, and hope he can come home soon.” Afraid to say more, Michaela left her message cryptic. She honestly didn’t expect Johnny to forgive her, but she would wait until she could see him before she revealed how she really felt and had a chance to apologize.

“Okay.”

Michaela looked up at the wall clock. “I’ve got to be in surgery in fifteen minutes. I’m sorry Roy, but I’d better go.”

“Michaela, if you have just another moment, there is one more thing I’d like to know.

She nodded at him expectantly.

“Johnny mentioned something about Brackett wanting to check him into the Psych Ward when he was in the hospital recently. But I never got a chance to find out what he meant by that. Can you fill me in?”

Michaela felt a combination of reluctance and defiance. She was still very angry with Kel Brackett, yet at the same time, he was her boss, and she’d thought, her friend, though she wasn’t entirely sure that that hadn’t been damaged beyond repair. But what good would it do Roy to know about this now? Brackett was Roy’s boss, and friend, too. It wouldn’t be fair to influence him with her feelings of resentment.

Yet Roy deserved an answer. He would just have to draw his own conclusions, she supposed. So she told him as objectively as she could. “That’s why he left the hospital before dawn,” she explained. She regarded Roy, trying to read his expression. He appeared pensive, hiding his feelings well.

Roy felt betrayed, for himself, and for Johnny. How could Brackett even consider putting Johnny in the Psych Ward? True, John could be a hothead, and if he was under stress, there was no telling how he might have acted, but Roy refused to believe that John would ever have behaved less than professionally around Brackett.

Did everyone really look at Johnny as being crazy just because he held on to his belief that I was alive? Roy felt the anger burning inside him, yet couldn’t help asking himself an honest question. Am I angry at the others because it was my life that was at stake? And would I have defended Johnny had it been someone else? Or would I have agreed with the others? Would I have considered it reasonable to continue looking for someone after three months? As strongly as he felt about defending Johnny, Roy didn’t like the answers that were staring him in the face.

Michaela left him then, leaving him to contemplate his conscience.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The emotions of the day were beginning to wear on Roy. A deep fatigue that had permeated his being for months now settled in his core. Much as he would have liked to return home, he had a strong need to see Johnny.

Even though enough time had gone by for all the facts to sink in, the older paramedic still felt stunned.

Roy hadn’t realized how much he meant to Johnny.

Never had he met anyone so completely devoted to a friendship, yet it really shouldn’t have surprised him. All the time he’d known John it had been staring him in the face and he’d not seen it, or maybe he’d just chosen to ignore it for some reason. Maybe it had just been too uncomfortable to allow. It was rare for Roy to let someone get so close to his heart. It wasn’t until now that he acknowledged that the friendship was just as important to him too, and not just because Johnny had saved him, and his son.

Roy would be amazed anew at how so many didn't seem to see all the things he did in his partner, the expertise and courage matched with kindness and people skills, the soft heart, the keen intelligence and adaptability, the unusually strong loyalty and dependability. How did that get ignored during his absence? Did no one else see it?

One way or another, he would make sure Johnny understood what it meant to him.

The hospital halls were almost deserted as Roy traversed them. An antiseptic smell hung in the air. A doctor leaning against the wall absorbed in a medical chart glanced up at him as he passed, his eyes conveying an uncertainty as to whether Roy should be there until he noticed the plastic pass dangling around Roy’s neck.

As the paramedic arrived at the entry of Johnny’s room, he saw him sitting in a chair by the window, gazing out. He looked lost in thought.

Unexpectedly, a deep affection welled up inside Roy, and he found himself blinking to clear his vision.

Collecting himself, Roy knocked softly on the door, and Johnny turned his head in his direction.

Roy smiled as their eyes met. “Hi.”

Johnny seemed glad to see him. “Hi.”

Roy entered and approached him. John still looked ill, but he looked better than the day before. “How’re you feeling?”

“Okay. I’ll be doing a lot better when I can get out of here and go home though.”

What home? Roy thought morosely. He merely nodded. Wondering where to start, he asked, “Ah, Johnny, could I talk to you for a few minutes?”

Johnny shrugged. “Sure. Pull up a wheelchair.”

Roy grabbed the only available seat, a wheelchair, and maneuvered it across from Johnny. Lowering himself into it, he sat a long moment, his face working while he thought. Smiling uncomfortably, he began. “I’m not exactly quite sure how to start. Ah…I guess I’ll just…” He licked his lips nervously. “I guess what I’m tryin’ to do is to thank you, although saying thanks just doesn’t quite cut it.”

Johnny hadn’t done the things he’d done for any accolades, but Roy’s heartfelt tone still warmed his heart. Placing his elbows on the armrests, he clasped his hands together, resting the lower half of his face against them, listening intently. He wasn’t expecting what he heard next.

Roy placed his hands on his thighs and leaned forward slightly. “Johnny, I know about everything that happened while I was gone. Everything that happened with you, and my family, and Jimmy, and at work.”

A page over the speaker system interrupted him, and Roy waited until it ended. When he looked back into Johnny’s face, his eyes had almost a frightened look to them.

“Now I understand that you didn’t want anyone to find out about what you did, but I’ve gotta say that I’m glad I did, ‘cause I sure would hate it if I wasn’t able to thank the guy that saved my boy’s life.”

Johnny stiffened, his lips parting in surprise.

“What you did is the noblest thing anyone’s ever done for me, or for anyone I’ve ever known for that matter. I’m still trying to get a grasp on everything you gave up for me and my family…when no one else would or could even be expected to…you stepped up to the plate…and for that I owe you a debt I can never repay.”

Roy regarded Johnny, whose head had bowed, his hands tightly clasped together in front of him. “What I’m tryin’ to say is thank you, from the bottom of my heart.”

As John slowly lifted his head and focused on Roy, his expression softened. He nodded once in acknowledgment, touched by the raw emotion in Roy’s voice. “How did you find out?” he asked quietly.

Roy told him.

“Michaela,” John whispered, the mention of her name cutting like a knife.

“She would have kept your secret if she’d have known you were alive.”

Johnny stared at Roy, his eyes now swimming with desolation and regret.

Roy rubbed the side of his nose. “I guess I don’t understand why you wanted it kept secret.”

Johnny contemplated the question before answering. “If you hadn’t gone missing, and I had offered…to pay for the surgeries, would you have accepted my help?”

Roy stared at him, not knowing how to answer. Of course he wouldn’t have accepted; he never could have let Johnny sell all his assets for him. He couldn’t have asked that of anyone. He would have sold his own home, or gone to the bank and secured a loan, or something…anything but ruining his best friend’s life. But what if that had been the only solution? “I don’t know, Johnny. I don’t think I could have let you do all that…”

Johnny’s brows rose knowingly, and Roy understood. Joanne would never have accepted it either, especially not after the way their friendship fell apart, not after she’d cut Johnny from her life.

“Besides Roy, everyone already thought I was crazy because I kept looking for you. Brackett, Cap, the guys…the Chief. If they’d have found out, they probably have tossed me into a padded cell and thrown away the key. They were ready to do that anyway…” Brackett was…

Roy was saddened to think that anyone would have reacted that way had they known about John’s sacrifices. “Yeah. As it was you almost lost your job…”

John blinked at Roy, suddenly connecting the dots that Michaela wasn’t the only one Roy had gotten information from. He never would have admitted in a thousand years to Roy that he’d been suspended, but he could see in Roy’s eyes that he knew. “It was just a suspension. And it was Hochrader’s doing.” He surprised even himself that the statement didn’t implicate his captain. “I guess you…talked to the guys at the station.”

Roy nodded, unable to prevent a hint of a smile grew at the corners of his mouth.

Johnny regarded Roy warily. “How did they react?”

Roy grinned. “I thought Cap was gonna have the big one.”

“Oh man,” Johnny ran his hand through his hair, wincing when it came in contact with the lump on the side of his head. “I wish I could have seen that. What about everyone else?”

“They were a little stunned, to say the least. They gave me a nice welcome; they were really happy to see me.”

“Yeah? Yeah. They…everyone was pretty devastated when you, you know, disappeared.”

“They were even happier to find out that you were alive.”

Johnny’s brows rose, then fell. “You told ‘em about me?”

“Of course. I told them the whole story. They couldn’t believe it.”

“That’s not surprising,” John muttered from the corner of his mouth.

Roy didn’t miss the pain in John’s voice, a hurt he himself keenly felt now that he knew the details. He had to work to put conviction into his voice when he said, “They all feel pretty bad, Johnny. Cap wanted to come down here to see you, to tell you…”

Johnny looked somewhat appalled. “I don’t want to see ‘em.”

Even though it was justified, Roy was a bit shocked at the bitter reply. But he recalled how sensitive his partner could be when it came to being wronged. Perhaps their friendships had sustained irreparable damage while he’d been gone. The thought of that made his stomach turn. “They admit they were wrong, Johnny; they hope you give them the chance to make amends.”

John closed his eyes, turning his head away. 

“And Joanne too…”

John’s gaze snapped back to Roy. He knew Joanne’s wrath was partially his own fault. He’d driven her to it. “Roy…no…it’s okay, don’t – ”

Roy’s voice rose a notch, his eyes hardening. “No. It’s not.”

As hurt as Johnny had been, this isn’t want he wanted, not Roy coming down on his friends, his own wife…“Roy, you don’t know what she went through – ”

Roy’s face darkened. “I think I’ve got a pretty good idea.”

Johnny’s eyes narrowed in pain, the comment almost physically hurting him. Even with everything he had been through, what Roy must have endured was far worse. Being held prisoner for all those weeks, months, not knowing what happened to his sick child, imaging how they must have felt, not knowing if he’d ever see any of them alive again, not knowing if he himself would even remain alive to see them.

A long silence stretched out between the two of them.

“I…stopped at Rampart too.”

“Oh? Were they surprised?”

“Slightly,” he deadpanned.

“Was Brackett there?”

“Yeah.”

Good. Eat shit and die, Doc. Still want to put me in the mental ward?

“So was Dr. Early, Dixie, Morton…and of course, Michaela.” He turned to see John’s response.

Johnny’s eyes widened. “You tell her…I was alive?”

“Yeah. After they picked her up off the floor.”

“What?” he said in alarm.

“She got a little lightheaded when she saw me, that’s all.”

“Oh man.”

“She was okay.”

Johnny seemed to hesitate. “Roy…what did she say?”

“Not much. I think she was in shock.”

Johnny looked away, his face pinched in pain. If only I knew she really still cared. Man, I blew it with her too though…

“After the shock wore off, I talked to her. She said to tell you she’s glad you’re okay and hopes that you can come home soon.”

That’s it? She’s glad I’m okay? Shit. I guess she’s over me.

Roy’s mouth twisted in apology and regret. “I guess you two would still be together if I hadn’t fallen off that boat.” He rubbed a tired hand across his eyes.

“Roy,” John’s voice rose. “That’s not your fault. I’m the one that messed that up.”

“Seems like everything in your life went to hell because of me.”

Johnny couldn’t disagree. But he also didn’t want Roy to feel responsible, because it just wasn’t his fault. “I made my own choices Roy. I don’t think that I would have done things any differently though, if I had to do them over. Maybe…maybe this is just the way things were meant to be.”

Roy glanced up sharply at Johnny, not liking the resigned tone to his voice.

John looked at his friend and smiled warmly to let him know things were all right. “You know, my mom used to say that when bad things happen, sometimes it’s an opportunity.”

“Yeah? How so?”

“Well, when life deals you a bad hand, instead of getting’ all upset and feeling sorry for yourself, you should step back and look at it, and try to figure out what you’re supposed to learn from it, that the Spirits, or God, or the Universe, or whatever you believe in is trying to tell you something so that you can grow and change your life for the better, you know? And usually, something good’ll come out of it. If you let it.”

As if seeing Johnny for the first time, Roy studied him, amazed at his partner’s philosophical statement. After a moment, he asked, “And so what do you think you were supposed to have learned from this?”

Johnny looked stumped. “I don’t know yet. I’m still tryin’ to figure that out. Maybe…maybe I needed to make some changes in my life. I don’t know.”

“Your life seemed pretty good the way it was.”

Johnny scratched at his nose. “I thought so too. But I’ll figure it out. Things can only get better from here, right?”

“Yeah,” Roy said quietly. Roy took a deep breath and stood up, his fingers hooking onto a slat in the blinds as he looked out, the emotions rising to a crescendo again as he thought of what Johnny had done. “I’ll never be able to repay you for everything,” Roy stated softly, not daring to tear his eyes away from the view of the parking lot.

John’s eyes widened. “Repay?” Johnny shakily rose from his chair, taking a step toward him. “Roy, I got my repayment.” His palm went to his chest.

Roy turned to face him, shaking his head in astonishment.

John raised an eyebrow. “Jimmy’s alive.” He pointed to Roy. “You’re alive.” He looked meaningfully at Roy, his eyes narrowed slightly. “That’s really all that matters…isn’t it?”

Roy was barely able to talk past the lump in his throat. “You lost everything…”

“Not everything.” Johnny’s gaze wandered out the window. “You know, when I was a kid, my family didn’t have much money. Oh, we had enough to survive on and all. But we certainly weren’t rich. And then…well, I’ve always been pretty poor since then.” He smiled and looked at Roy. “It’s true, for a while I was doing pretty well financially. But you know what? It didn’t really make me any happier. As long as I got a shirt on my back, and food in my belly…and my friends…” His smile dropped away at that.

Roy looked at him forlornly.

John reached out and grasped Roy’s upper arm. “Roy. All I care about…all I ever cared about…was finding you alive…so that your little boy could know his father.” He smiled softly. “And so I wouldn’t lose my best friend. All the other stuff…” he shrugged, “it’s just…stuff.” Johnny let go of Roy’s arm.

Moisture pooled in the lower lids of Roy’s eyes and he began blinking.

The two men stood face to face for a long moment. Suddenly, Roy reached out and grabbed Johnny, pulling him roughly into a bear hug. Roy’s outstretched hand encircled the back of John’s head, fiercly pulling it toward him for a second. Roy was trembling.

Smiling softly, Johnny patted Roy’s back a couple of times. There was no need for words. After a few moments, Roy released him.

Roy sniffed, working to collect himself. “You’ll never know what this means to me.”

Johnny’s gaze was knowing and even. “I know what it means, Roy. Believe me; I know exactly what it means.”

And he did.

PART IV

Roy had one day of peace.

The next morning, a flash of light caught him in the face just as he was about to pick up the morning newspaper from his front porch. Startled, he looked up blearily to a crowd of news media moving toward him. He was still in his pajamas.

At least three or four of them were immediately in his face asking questions simultaneously, thrusting their microphones toward his mouth.

“Is it true you were on a United States Navy ship for the past four months?”

“Mr. DeSoto, why didn’t you or the Navy let anyone know where you were?”

“Are you aware of the charges of fraud against you?”

“Did you try to fake your death in order to cheat your insurance company?”

“Is it true that John Gage boarded the ship you were on and rescued you?”

“Where is John Gage right now? Is he still alive?”

Those were just the ones he could make out over the din. They kept the questions firing and Roy didn’t know what to do. Backing up toward his front door, he held his hand up to stave them off.

It occurred to him that these people were probably not going to leave him alone until he talked to them. But he also knew that he was forbidden from giving certain details. Whatever it was that the U.S.S Mirage was doing out there was secret, and he’d sworn to the U.S. Government not to divulge what he knew. Whatever that was.

As he started to speak, they drew closer, until he began to feel trapped. They were so close he could feel the heat from their bodies.

He shouted over the racket. “If you can give me a minute, I’ll answer some of your questions. I’d rather not do that in my pajamas though.”

That set off a round of chuckles. Temporarily satisfied, a few of them backed off.

Roy reached a hand behind him and fumbled for the doorknob. Opening it, he backed cautiously into his house and shut the door, leaning against it as he expelled a breath. He threw the newspaper onto the coffee table, the chance to see his own picture on the front page gone.

Joanne had heard the commotion and was on her way out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron as she walked. “Roy, what in the world is happening?”

Roy nodded breathlessly toward the door. “The Press is out there. They want a story.” Mumbling an expletive, he trotted upstairs to get dressed.

Concerned, Joanne followed him up. “What are you going to do?”

“Talk to them, I guess.” He pulled his clothes on and ran back downstairs.

Joanne peeked out the window. “Roy, it’s a mob out there! I don’t think it’s safe to go out.”

He turned toward her just before he opened the door. “If it gets ugly, call the police.”

With her hand over her mouth, she watched as he opened the door and he slipped outside.

It didn’t last long. Roy answered the questions as vaguely as possible, and in the way he’d been told to, so as not to give away any secrets. Not that he knew any.

Unsatisfied with his answers, they moved closer, surrounding him. Just as a feeling of panic began to rise in his stomach, Roy heard a police siren. Thank God. Joanne must have called them.

Three uniformed officers pushed through the crowd, ordering them back with harsh shouts. A tall, square-faced officer materialized in front of him. “Are you Roy DeSoto?”

“Yeah,” Roy breathed in relief. “Boy am I glad to see you.” His relief was short-lived.

“Mr. DeSoto, you’re under arrest. You have the right to remain silent…” The officer finished reading the Miranda rights as Roy stood frozen in stunned disbelief. They weren’t here to break up the crowd. They were here to arrest him!

As one of them pulled out his handcuffs, another roughly spun Roy around, pulling his hands behind his back and cuffing him.

“Arrest me? What for?” he shouted at them.

“The charges are fraud and evading police.”

At that moment, Joanne dared open the door. Shocked to see the police putting her husband in handcuffs, she cried out in dismay.

Just as they were about to take him away, Roy yelled over his shoulder at his wife. “Joanne! Call Admiral Fischer! The card’s on the dresser. Hurry!”

The cameras flashed as they hauled him away.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The room was cold and utilitarian, it’s only asset a bank of windows allowing a view of the compound. It wasn’t much of a comfort, given the gray day.

Johnny crossed his ankles, readjusting for what seemed like the hundredth time in an effort to get comfortable, not an easy task after sitting in a wooden chair for six hours.

They’d broken for lunch, and he’d been given the chance to go to the restroom and walk around a bit, but then the grilling recommenced. Despite the fact that they were asked in a different fashion each time, answering the same questions over and over again became wearisome. Knowing what a drain it would be on him, Johnny’s doctor made periodic checks on him to make sure he was holding up all right.

Gage shivered once, the lightweight scrubs they’d given him not really holding in much warmth. The thin white socks covering his feet didn’t keep the ice-cold tile floor from chilling him either. Despite the late December coolness, the air conditioning was on, no doubt to keep the men inside the stiff uniforms from overheating.

Lieutenant Commander Clifton Cole shifted the papers on his desk. The long periods of silence while he frowned down at his notes were maddening to Johnny.

Powerful shoulders that stretched the fabric of his uniform taut against the military man’s skin never slouched from the strain of hours of debriefing, unlike Johnny’s. The graying man absently scratched at the eighth-inch stubble that was the hair on the side of his head. Finally, he looked up, his face just as expressionless as it had been the entire afternoon.

“We’re almost done,” the Lieutenant told Johnny. He had a fighter’s nose, strong and straight except for the crooked bend just below the bridge. A c-shaped scar curled around his jawline.

An hour later, he finally completed the debriefing.

By the time they finished, John was feeling ill again.

It was even more apparent now that whatever they’d been exposed to on the ship was of such a sensitive nature that it was imperative that no one find out about it. It appeared that they were intent on making absolutely sure that neither he nor Roy would divulge something that might ‘jeopardize national security’.

The knowledge that he or Roy had the power to endanger the safety of the country was quite intimidating, not to mention downright scary, and not something that Johnny felt very comfortable with.

The Lieutenant stood up, straightening his uniform. “They’ll take you back to your room now. I understand that the doctor plans to release you tomorrow. You’ll be free to go then. I appreciate your cooperation, Mr. Gage.” He held out his hand for Johnny to shake.

Johnny stood up shakily. Tentatively, he offered his hand, shocked at the shortness of his dismissal. Cole didn’t seem offended by the cold clamminess of Gage’s hand as his larger one nearly crushed it.

Flexing his fingers, Johnny’s hand dropped away. He stared at it a moment before his gaze drifted up to meet the Lieutenant’s. John’s face tightened in incredulity. “That’s it?” Fatigue and frustration colored his tone.

“That’s it.”

Johnny stared, his jaw growing taut. “No explanations. No apologies. Just, go home and forget all this happened.”

Practiced in maintaining a stony countenance, Cole didn’t flinch, though his eyes betrayed a slight concern. “Do you have something else in mind?”

 

Johnny breathed out a frustrated sigh. “Lieutenant, what about Roy?”

“He’s home. With his family.”

The guy just doesn’t get it. Johnny’s voice rose a notch. “Do you have any idea what this did to my friend’s life? To his family?”

There was only stony comprehension in the other man’s eyes.

“His son was sick and could have died and he wouldn’t have known anything about it. His wife and kids had a funeral for him because they thought he was dead. While you held him prisoner on board, the Coast Guard and the Fire Department and the Harbor Patrol were out wasting tax dollars looking for him. Meanwhile, the LA Police have charged him with fraud. They’re tryin’ to prove that he faked his death to collect on his insurance policy. Now he’s supposed to go back and pick up his life like everything’s back to normal? I mean, let’s be realistic, Lieutenant, who’s gonna believe his story? I don’t even believe it, and I was there. The police are gonna be all over his case.”

In the biggest display of emotion yet, Cole closed his eyes briefly. Civilians, he thought with frustration. He much preferred military men. They didn’t get emotional. They followed orders without question. He would be glad when this whole matter was through. “His name will be cleared. We’ll make sure of that.”

“And how does that compensate for the four months of his life that he was robbed of? He can never get that back, you know.”

Cole stared down at Johnny, pausing just long enough for effect. “If our ship hadn’t been out there that night to pick your friend’s body out of the water after he was deserted, he would have missed a hell of a lot more than four months of his life. I’d say that little bit of time was a small price to pay – for being alive.”

Johnny visibly cringed from the stinging remark about leaving Roy out in the storm. Even though in his head he knew that it hadn’t been his choice to make, the painful reminder that he’d abandoned his best friend felt like salt thrown into a wound that had been festering since that night.  

Cole’s voice softened slightly. “Perhaps it’s more your own losses that you’re upset about, not your friend’s.”

Johnny’s head snapped up. “How would you know anything about my…” His voice trailed off as comprehension sunk in. His jaw slackened in a combination of disbelief and disgust. He glared accusingly at Cole. “It was you then. You were the other ones following me. You had my phone and my house bugged.”

Cole held his gaze steadily, neither admitting or denying anything.

“So which organization was it? The FBI? The CIA? Or some other secret organization? And why? I wasn’t doing anything illegal!”

“John, I’m afraid I can’t confirm your accusations. But I will say, that IF someone from the Federal Government was following your moves, then I should think at this point, and after everything we’ve discussed, it would be wise not to speak of it, or question it.”

John stared at him, a hint of fear crossing his features. “Is that a threat?”

Cole shook his head slowly. “Just consider it a piece of advice.”

“So how do I know that big brother won’t be following me and spying on me for the rest of my life?”

“I can’t answer that.”

Mortified, Johnny gaped at him, scenarios of never having another private moment without being watched awash in his mind. For the moment, he had no response. How could he go up against such power? Swallowing, he gave in to his fatigue; his gaze dropped to the floor. Resignedly, he spoke. “I’m ready to go.”

Cole opened the door and gestured to someone outside of it. A moment later, a wheelchair was brought in. Tiredly, Johnny dropped into it. His ordeal was just about over.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Roy stared down at his feet, his head cradled in his hands. The cracked concrete floor his feet rested on was dirty, and half a dozen cigarette butts were decomposing in the corners. A few inches from his left foot, a dead beetle lay belly up, its crooked legs frozen in place.

The cell was cold and dank, but thankfully, he was the only one in it. For the last three hours he’d been wondering just when in the hell someone was going to come and get him out. Instinctively, he looked to his wrist for the time, then remembered with disgust that they’d taken his watch from him, along with all his other personal items. He sighed, rubbing at his tired eyes.

Why hasn’t Joanne shown up yet? Didn’t she call Admiral Fischer?

Maybe she couldn’t get a hold of him. Oh God, what if I have to spend the night here?

Roy looked around, not being able to imagine it. There wasn’t even a bed in the cell, just a couple of wood benches, a very unprivate commode, and a rust-stained sink. He supposed he’d be transferred to another cell if he were made to stay the night, the thought of that turning his stomach when he considered he might have ‘roommates’.

When he’d first arrived, he’d been shown into a stark, windowless block wall room with only a table and two chairs, much like the interrogation rooms he’d seen in the movies, only instead of a bare bulb in the ceiling, there was a fluorescent light. The walls were painted a drag gray. There he’d been introduced to a police detective by the name of Don Fahey.

Much to Roy’s irritation, Fahey wore a smug expression that conveyed a knowledge of something that he didn’t have the advantage to know. For the next hundred and eighty minutes the man had questioned him about practically everything in his life history, the majority of it pertaining to his service in the Fire Department, his family life, and finally, his disappearance and the allegations behind it.

“Look, if you’ll just talk to Admiral Fischer, he’ll be able to confirm everything I’ve told you,” Roy argued repeatedly. But Fahey was relentless. Roy felt like an animal caught in a trap, unable to free himself until he admitted to his “crimes”, which he had no intention of doing. To Fahey’s frustration, Roy only supplied the information that he’d been cleared to reveal, purposefully leaving out anything about Johnny still being alive. Roy figured he’d see how long it took him to figure it out. By that time, he’d be out of jail and Fahey would look like an idiot. During the questioning, the detective stared at him with obvious distrust, asking him the same questions over and over in an attempt to trip him up.

Finally, in frustration he’d ordered Roy to be taken away, saying, “Guess we’ll have to do this the hard way and let a jury decide.”

Good, Roy thought. There’ll never be any trial, not after Fischer gets done with you. He was just glad to be the hell out of that room.

Or was he? Was being enclosed in this wall of concrete better? God, please get me out of here.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Don Fahey slowly hung up the phone in disbelief, the receiver slipping from his fingertips as if greased. It seemed the final injustice was taking place.

Thinking it had been some trick, he hadn’t fallen for the phone call from so called ‘Admiral Fischer’, accounting for DeSoto’s disappearance by substantiating the paramedic’s claims. He figured it was just another ploy by DeSoto and that the paramedic looked amateurish with the fake government imposter he’d arranged to call should he get in trouble. Don set the man straight by claiming in no uncertain terms that DeSoto was under arrest and would remain so until a trial proved his innocence. He’d felt profound satisfaction in the obvious unhappiness in the other man’s tone, ignoring the warning of not ‘messing with national security’ with only fleeting trepidation.

Why DeSoto had chosen now to reappear stumped him. Maybe it was because Gage had gone missing. Maybe Gage really had drowned and now that he was out of the way DeSoto could step back into the picture. The baby had his surgery so there was no need for the life insurance policy money any more. Maybe he was back to try to prove he hadn’t tried to fake his own death. What a cockamamie story he’d concocted about being on board some Navy ship. If DeSoto thought he was going to quit pursuing the charges against him just because he showed up, he was wrong. He had yet to find out John Gage’s whereabouts. Fahey reluctantly concluded  that he’d been wrong about Gage and was angry he’d spent so much time investigating him. Apparently Gage had been in the dark as much as anyone else. As far as he was concerned, Gage fell for DeSoto’s ‘missing’ trick just like everyone else. He pushed the embarrassment from his mind at the way he’d treated Gage.

Maybe he’d been barking up the wrong tree with Gage, but the fact that DeSoto had turned up only proved he’d been right about him all along. He couldn’t wait to say ‘I told you so’ to everyone who had doubted him.

He’d been enjoying a congratulatory cup of fresh coffee when his phone had rung again. This call was from his boss, Police Chief Charlie Beck. The icy tone of his voice sent an instant shiver down his spine. His coffee cup clattered onto its saucer as his suddenly shaking hand set it down.

“I’m with the Mayor right now,” Beck’s voice barked. “In thirty minutes I’ll be in your office. I want everything you’ve got on the DeSoto and Gage cases out on your desk. I mean everything, every paper, every document. Got it?”

Fahey could only ask, “Is there a problem?”

“No. Not any more. In fact, consider yourself on probation. Both the Gage and DeSoto cases are now officially closed.”

Fahey felt sick to his stomach. But he also felt indignant. Had the Mayor ordered this? What the hell did he have to do with this investigation? “Chief, did the Mayor order this?”

The voice was even icier. “No. It was the President.”

“What president?” Fahey asked in irritation.

“The President...” It wasn’t until Beck clarified, “…of the United States” that Fahey felt the air leave his chest and a lightheadedness surround him.

Fahey’s stomach filled with the dread of the sudden realization that his worst fears of being wrong about both Gage and DeSoto had finally come true. He barely registered the implacable order to release Roy DeSoto, free of charges, immediately, with no more questions asked.

Apparently Admiral Fischer was the real deal. And he’d gone to a higher authority.

A cold sweat broke out on his body as the phone almost slipped from nearly paralyzed fingers, his choked ‘yes Sir’ barely audible. An overwhelming urge to go home, get his wife, and flee to some obscure Caribbean island almost overcame his sensibilities before he forced himself to get a grip. He hadn’t felt this kind of panic in his gut since he was a rookie.

Beck then informed him that two Secret Service agents were on their way and if he didn’t get there first he was to hand over all the files to them.

It took a full ten minutes of sitting in shocked silence in his office before he was able to act; finally he gathered up all the information he had on the two cases and put them in a large folder. Now as he sent his deputy to release DeSoto, he knew what he had to do.

Apologize. And figure out a way to explain all this to the Chief.

He wasn’t sure if he could do either one.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Johnny hesitated calling Roy, not only feeling uncomfortable with the fact that he needed to ask for a ride the next day, but also because he was afraid Joanne would answer the phone. He only wished he could just drive himself home, but like Rampart, the doctors would only release him if he had a ride to pick him up, and there wasn’t anyone else he wanted to call except maybe Mike Morton, and he didn’t want to impose on the doctor when he was working.

Christopher answered the phone on the third ring.

“Hey, sport,” Johnny said, knowing that phrase was all he needed to identify himself.

“Uncle Johnny? UNCLE JOHNNY!”

A wide smile grew at the corners of John’s mouth at the sound of excitement in Roy’s son’s voice.

He was then peppered with a barrage of questions: ‘Where are you? Are you okay? When are you coming home? Can you come over?’

John laughed as he heard Chris yell, ‘Mom! It’s Uncle Johnny!’ before he’d even had a chance to answer. A warmth radiated in his center at the sound of such unabashed love and excitement in the child’s voice, knowing it was directed at him. Yet he almost wished he could cover Chris’ mouth when he yelled to his mother.

A moment later, Joanne was on the phone. Her tone was breathless, as if she’d run to the phone, but slightly hesitant as well. “Johnny?”

He paused, remembering the last time they’d ‘talked’. “Yeah, Joanne. It’s me. Uh…is Roy there?”

Her heart sank at the aloof tone to his voice. “No, Johnny; he’s not.” She looked around; the kids were staring at her, practically crawling on her for information about when they’d see their Uncle Johnny.

She hadn’t said anything to them about Roy being arrested, so she could hardly tell Johnny that Roy was in jail. She’d been biting her fingernails all afternoon waiting to hear something after she’d called Admiral Fischer. It had only been a short time ago that she’d received a call from the Chief of Police notifying her that Roy was being released, and that they’d be giving him a ride home.

As much as she’d yearned to unload her anguish on someone regarding Roy’s arrest that morning, she held back from laying it on Johnny. That simply would have been heartless after what he’d been through. Besides, since she had him on the phone, there was something much more important she had to say.  “Johnny…” Afraid of his reaction, her voice was uncertain and contrite both. “Johnny, I can’t tell you how good it is to hear your voice. Are…are you all right?”

“Yeah, Jo; I’m fine.”

Nervous, she stammered a bit as she spoke. “Oh. I’m so glad. John…I know that things…well…kind of went bad between us, but I want you to know that I’m so, so very sorry for everything. I know that’s not enough, and over the telephone isn’t really the appropriate way for me to apologize to you, but I hope that some way you can forgive me – ”

Johnny slumped, rubbing at his forehead. “Jo…”

“Please, Johnny…I need you to know how sorry I am, but I want to say it to your face…so…well…as soon as you get out, I want that chance…if you’ll give it to me.”

For a long moment, there was silence on the other end of the line, and Joanne despaired. “Johnny?” she finally asked hesitantly.

His voice was soft and rather reserved, and she had a hard time reading it. “Jo. Of course I forgive you.”

That was all he said. And he did forgive her. How could he not?

But he knew in his heart that things could never be the same between them again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chilled from the early morning fifty-degree air, Roy rolled up the window on his pickup truck. He’d taken it instead of his Porsche, which was much more recognizable by the media. It was still dark when he’d snuck out his back door, hoping to avoid them.

Nine o’clock was the time Johnny had asked to be picked up, so he stopped at a roadside diner to enjoy a leisurely breakfast and read the paper, hoping to remain unseen. The photograph taken yesterday on page two of himself being dragged off his doorstep by the police  almost took his appetite away, and he’d quickly turned to the sports section, hiding behind the paper after scanning the restaurant to make sure no one had recognized him. 

Now he looked over at his charge, who was uncharacteristically silent. Johnny looked pale and worn from his ordeal, but Roy avoided asking him if he was okay, already tired of the well-meaning question on his own behalf.

“Everything go okay with the debriefing?” Roy remembered his own, knowing how taxing and nerve-wracking the questioning was.

John looked over at him. “Yeah. No problem really. But it was long.” He sighed.

“Yeah. I know. I thought it was never gonna end.”

“Yeah. Boy, I don’t know what kind of mission they were on, but it sure must have been important for them to go to such lengths to keep anyone from knowing about it.”

“No kidding. The fact that they wouldn’t let me go for almost four months proves that. They must have thought I’d compromise their mission in some way.”

“IF they would have let you go. I’m not so sure they would have.”

“Yeah,” Roy said soberly, all too aware of the fact that if it hadn’t have been for Johnny, he might have never tasted freedom again.

They rode in quiet for a few minutes, then Roy spoke. “I know we’re not supposed to talk about what happened, not even between the two of us, but…I’m kind of curious to know what all you saw on board.”

Johnny glanced around in annoyance, as if he suspected someone would hear. “Ah, they probably have your truck bugged.”

Roy’s head snapped sideways to look at Johnny in surprise. “You think that’s possible?”

“Roy, I know it’s possible. But I don’t care. What are they gonna do to us? You and I can talk. As long as we keep it to ourselves.”

“Yeah. I’m too scared not to.”

Johnny chuckled. “I know what you mean.”

This was the first time they’d had a chance to discuss any of it, and Roy wondered what all Johnny knew. He felt he deserved more facts than they’d been willing to give him. “You must have had a chance to look around a bit before you were caught. What…ah…did you see? Anything interesting?”

“Well, not too much.” John told Roy about seeing the name printed on the ship, a fact he’d been forbidden to divulge. “It was ‘the Mirage’. Very appropriate.” He lifted an eyebrow at Roy.

Roy flashed him a questioning glance as he drove, and John went on to explain how the ship had seemed to appear out of nowhere from under the water, and his astonishment at seeing the huge apparition upon surfacing.

“That’s why I ended up with the bends. I know it wasn’t very professional, but when I saw that thing materialize just a few yards in front of me, it scared the crap out of me. I didn’t know what it was until I surfaced, which, you can imagine, I was in a hurry to do.”

Johnny turned in his seat and spoke excitedly to Roy. He explained his theory about how the ship must have been equipped with some sort of device to cause it to not be visible, and that that must be the reason the Navy found it imperative to keep it a secret.

Roy listened in incredulity, accustomed to Johnny’s sometimes wild ideas about things, yet this time not willing to discount John’s theory given his new assessment of his friend. It was that Gage craziness, that ability to go with his intuition instead of listening to reason that had caused John to act on his instincts and find Roy. It took a lot of courage to do what felt was right when everyone else said he was wrong.

“Now that I think back on it, Roy, it happened one other time.”

“What happened?”

“I think that ship, the Mirage, was nearby one afternoon when I was out with Chet on his brother’s boat looking for you. I thought I saw something that day, but it was rainy and kinda foggy, but something out there caused these huge waves, and I swore there was something there, but I couldn’t see it.”

“What about Chet? Did he see anything?”

“Naw. He was probably takin’ a nap or something, not paying attention. He said I was imagining it, but now I don’t think I was.”

“Wow,” Roy said quietly. He glanced at Johnny. “I thought you said you were the only one who wanted to come out looking for me.”

“Not in the beginning. At first, I was able to get all the guys to come with me. Then a few weeks later, I convinced Chet to borrow his brother’s boat and go out again. ‘Course I had to bribe him with my new fishing reel,” he said out of the corner of his mouth.

Roy frowned. “What?”

Johnny realized he should have kept his trap shut and felt terrible for making it sound like Chet was only interested in fishing and not finding him. “I’m just kidding, Roy. He really wanted to come. And since his brother had that boat, it was a lot easier than renting one.”

Roy said nothing, not sure whether Johnny was being genuine about Chet or not.

Johnny’s hand went to his forehead. “Oh man.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I just remembered something. I’m probably going to have to face charges for stealing Patrick’s boat when I get back. Shit.”

Roy smirked. “Oh, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I know that Detective Fahey isn’t going to pursue it.”

“You talked to Fahey? When?”

“When he had me arrested yesterday.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. Yesterday morning I was going out to get my paper and two LA cops pull into my driveway and put me under arrest for fraud.”

Johnny’s eyes narrowed in disgust. “That jerk. Well, what happened? Did you have to post bail?”

“Nope.” Roy went on to tell Johnny everything that had happened at the police station.

“The President called?!!”

“Yup. And not only that, I actually got what I think was an apology from Detective Fahey. He never said ‘I apologize’, but at least he expressed remorse.”

“You gotta be kiddin’ me!” Johnny’s expression of disbelief slowly grew into a wondrous smile and his eyes were alight.

“I’m not kidding. He was worried, Johnny. I mean, I could see it in his face. It was like he was in shock when he found out everything was legit and he’d been wrong. I thought for a few minutes I was going to have to defibrillate him. I think he’s afraid he might lose his job or something. I mean, both of us could sue him for different reasons.”

“Wow.” John’s gaze wandered out the windshield.

“So, you don’t have to worry about any charges against you. He’s the one who’s got to worry now. Oh, and by the way, he wants to talk to you; probably offer you an apology I suppose.”

Johnny sneered bitterly. “He can take his apology and shove it. That’s not gonna erase everything he did while you were gone. Not only did he accuse you of fraud, he gave Joanne a hard time, and prevented her from collecting on that insurance policy. Jimmy might have died if I hadn’t – ” Johnny stopped abruptly, realizing what he was about to say. Self-consciously, he pulled at his seatbelt. “…I mean…well, Jimmy could have had that surgery much sooner if he hadn’t of dicked around trying to pin a crime on you he had no evidence to prove. Jimmy could have died, and he would have been responsible.”

Roy was silent a moment. “Don’t belittle what you did, Johnny. You’re the reason Jimmy’s alive.”

John’s voice stalled in his throat when his eyes met Roy’s and he saw the unbridled gratitude there.

Roy drove in silence for a minute, then said, “Every time I look at my kid, Johnny, every single time since I’ve been home, I look at him and I know that I’ve got you to thank for him being in my life.”

Johnny drew in a deep breath. He looked at Roy. “In my life too.” Once again, Roy had just confirmed for him that he’d done the right thing all along, and that was all the payback he needed.

Roy smiled. “Yeah. Uncle Johnny. In your life too. You can count on that.”

Johnny nodded, a small smile on his lips. He returned to their earlier conversation. “Well, as far as Fahey goes, I don’t want to talk to the guy. It’ll be too soon if I never see him again.” The humiliation he’d suffered at Fahey’s hands was still fresh in his mind. “You know who he is, don’t you?”

“Chet’s cousin?”

“Yeah. He actually had Chet spying on me for him.” Johnny told Roy about finding his boot and what Chet had done. “The traitor.”

“I don’t know, Johnny. Maybe you’re being too hard on Chet. Fahey told me Chet wouldn’t give him any information about you.”

Johnny glanced at Roy. “Hmph. I wouldn’t believe anything that cop says. Probably just tryin’ to protect his cousin.” In truth, he was somewhat mollified to find out that maybe Chet hadn’t betrayed him. But he just didn’t know what or who to believe.

As they neared home, Roy decided to change the subject. He wasn’t sure how John would react to his next question. “Johnny, why don’t you come stay with us for a few days while you recuperate?”

John smirked at him. “What? You finally trying to pay me back for that night sleeping in my convertible chair?”

Roy didn’t smile. “No. I just thought…it would be nice for you to stay with us; let us offer you a little hospitality for everything you’ve done.”

Johnny was touched by the sincerity in Roy’s voice. Yet the last place he would feel comfortable right now was at Roy’s house, at least as long as Joanne was going to be there. He knew he’d have to face her eventually, and that he’d promised her he’d forgiven her, and that he’d have to act like he had. But right now he didn’t think he had the strength to pretend. Maybe someday the pain of her perfidy would fade, but for now it was still fresh in his mind. He gave Roy a polite decline, claiming he just wanted a little peace and quiet, emphasizing the benefit of staying with Dr. Morton to ease Roy’s penchant for worry.

Roy was disappointed, but didn’t push it. He could see that getting Johnny and Joanne back on the right foot was going to take some time.

Part 11