The Thousandth Man

  Part 12

John was awake when Roy tapped lightly on the door to his hospital room and said ‘hi’. Johnny’s only acknowledgment was a forlorn and heavy-lidded stare.

Roy plodded in slowly, offering a comforting smile. Gage was in the same position he’d been in the night before on the exam table. Too painful to rest on either his stomach or his back, he lay on his side, one arm tucked under him and the other taped against his body. A purple bruise crept across his temple that Roy hadn’t noticed in the exam room.

White bandages covered Johnny’s back. Tape snaked under his chin, behind his neck, and across his forehead to hold a large gauze dressing over and above his right ear. Two bags of intravenous fluids hung above the bed.

Roy pulled a chair up beside the bed. Johnny’s stare bore into the wall just below and to the left of Roy’s shoulder.

“How’re you feelin’?” Roy spoke softly.

John’s eyes slowly traveled to Roy’s face. “What?” he said in a gravelly voice. Because his left ear was pressed into his pillow and his right ear was covered, he couldn’t hear very well.

“How’re you doin’?” Roy asked a little louder.

John’s eyes veered away again and he shook his head slowly, then closed his eyes.

Roy shifted from one foot to another, uncertain. He smiled. “Hey, the doc said that he was able to sew your ear back together okay. So, you don’t have to worry about looking like Mr. Spock for the rest of your life.” He chuckled lightly, then cleared his throat uncomfortably when Johnny had no reaction.

Almost from the moment he’d awoken from surgery, Johnny’s first cognizant thought had been of Michaela, and how her death was his fault. So many scenarios could have twisted the plot in her favor, but the choices he’d made sealed her fate.

He never should have let her go. And when he came back from the dead, he should have called her, not made her come after him. She never would have been in the bar if he had. Hell, if he’d have just come back to work instead of taking the job at the bar, it never would have happened. Now she was gone. He’d killed her. He’d killed the love of his life.

The weight of his actions slammed into him like a sledgehammer. It made his heart pound and squeezed his chest until he thought he wouldn’t be able to take another breath. Later, when he was put into a room alone, it became so overwhelming that great shudders began to wrack his body, the few tears leaking from his tightly squeezed eyes born almost as much from the physical pain as the grief.

The pain eventually won out, the weight of it overpowering. When the next analgesic was given, it gave him relief from both, for a while. Now he felt dull and empty, not possessing the physical or emotional strength to battle either agony.

Roy stared at him, immediately sensing something was very wrong. He knew Johnny was probably hurting, but that didn’t explain his reaction of complete desolation. Usually Johnny tried to lighten his injuries with jokes. Roy didn’t know what to make of it. He leaned forward, his voice concerned. “Johnny?”

John’s glistening eyes returned to the wall when he opened them.

“What is it?”

Johnny swallowed hard, then tried to speak. The first syllables came out choked, and he tried again. “They didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what, Johnny?”

“Mick…she…she died in the fire.” It was too much to verbalize it and he felt his chest constrict, cutting off any further explanation. The pain in his back increased, and it felt like it was spreading, like a fire engulfing him.

Roy was astounded. “What?!”

Johnny still couldn’t speak.

“Johnny…I…no…no one told me…” What was she doing at the bar last night?  Roy leaned forward in disbelief, gently touching John’s forearm.

Johnny forced his voice, speaking quickly as though if he didn’t say it fast, he wouldn’t be able to. “She came in to see me last night. She was there when the fire broke out.” He swallowed, taking a short breath. “I told her to get out, but she came back in, trying to help. I went back in after her, but it was too late…” He stopped there, unable to go further. His fingers curled around the edge of the sheet, gripping tightly. Then his eyes closed, and he pressed his face into the pillow.

Stunned, Roy couldn’t believe it. Words of consolation stumbled past his lips, but they were shallow and held no comfort. There was something about this that he couldn’t accept. This is impossible. Someone would have told me. Johnny has to be mistaken!  

He looked down at his friend.

He’d seen Johnny a lot of ways, angry, indignant, overjoyed, heartbroken, and even miserable. But he’d never seen the raw devastation that was on John’s face right now. It was foreign to him, and he didn’t possess the right words to quell it.

An overwhelming urge to find out for sure spurned Roy into action. If Johnny was wrong, and Roy suspected strongly that he was, then Roy needed to stop this suffering as soon as possible.

Roy stood up. Johnny was rigid, not only from anguish, but from physical pain as well. Before he left, Roy would get him something to ease the suffering. “Johnny, I’m going to go ask the nurse to get you something for pain, okay? And then I’m gonna check this out – to be sure – I think you might be mistaken about Michaela.”

John just shook his head, keeping his eyes closed.

Roy placed his hand over top of Johnny’s and squeezed once, promising he’d be right back. Then he hurried from the room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Johnny felt lighter; the Demerol having done its job of muting the pain. He was thankful for the edge it took off his grief too.

A cool, soothing hand caressed his face and he relaxed further, not concerned about the source of the comfort. The hand stroked tenderly, moving down his nose, over his cheekbones. When he felt lips brush his forehead he felt mildly surprised, but didn’t bother to open his eyes. If he hadn’t have been high on pain killers, his conscience would have registered the inappropriateness of whatever nurse was kissing him. It was when those lips gently touched his own and softly spoke his name that his eyelids finally lifted.

His heart caught; the beating instantly doubled when he focused on the person near him, saw the long dark hair, saw whose hand was so lovingly touching him. At first he thought it was a wishful hallucination, and he dared utter her name, taking the chance that it would cause the apparition to disappear.

It didn’t. Instead, she produced a soft smile for him, and when she said his name again, he knew it was real.

The relief flooding him tore something between a sob and a gasp from his throat, and the arm trapped under his body clawed its way out to touch her. Michaela grasped the hand, lowering herself, gently wrapping her arm around him in a gentle hug, whispering in his ear as his shoulders trembled.

Finally she pulled back, and she looked into slightly unfocused eyes that struggled to take in every detail of her.

“I thought you were dead,” he whispered out in an emotional voice.

“I know. Roy told me. I’m sorry. I thought you saw me last night when I came in to check on you in the OR just before your surgery.”

“No, I…I don’t remember…” Johnny remembered very little about the previous evening, especially after the pain meds.

“I guess it must have been the mask.”

Johnny shook his head against the pillow, wincing as he tried to clear it. “At the fire. I couldn’t find you. Someone told me you’d gone back inside the bar.”

“No. I never went back in. You told me not to, remember?” A corner of her mouth turned up wryly.

He just stared at her, trying to figure it out. “Where were you then?”

“Someone was hurt and I ran toward the bar entrance to help them. I helped a man carry an injured woman around the building where I treated her. I ended up riding in the ambulance with her to the hospital. When I got there they were swamped. I stayed on to help out in surgery. I never knew that you had gone back in…to look for me.” Her eyes glittered with tears.

Johnny swallowed hard, squeezing her hand tightly. “I thought you’d been lost in the fire, and that it was my fault.” His voice broke.

“Oh baby. I’m so sorry.” Her eyes drank him in. There was a long moment of silence between them. “Now you know…now you know how I felt when you disappeared and they said you’d died.”

Comprehension welled in his chest that she had gone through the same hell he had when she’d thought she’d lost him. They both still felt the same way about each other. Nothing had changed. He awkwardly pulled her toward him and she gently held him while his good hand stroked her hair. As the moments slowly ticked by, Johnny’s heart rate decreased and he finally felt calmer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Hey Cap.”

“Roy. Good to see you.” Hank Stanley gingerly scooted himself up. “You missed out on all the fun last night.” He looked down at himself in the hospital bed.

“Yeah. Fun.” DeSoto moved to pull a chair over. “How’s your hand?”

Hank shrugged. “It hurts like a son-of-a-bitch.”

Roy grimaced.

“How’s John?”

Roy inhaled and let it out as he sat down. “He’s…recovering.”

“Again,” Hank said remorsefully.

“Yeah.” Roy shrugged. “It’s what he does.”

The other nodded. “Too often.”

“Yeah.”

“One of these days – ”

“Don’t say it, Cap. Don’t even think it.”

One corner of Hank’s mouth dipped in a frown. “Yeah. You know, Gage was really lucky. How he makes it out of these things alive every time blows me away. You know he’s almost died more times than anyone I’ve ever known.”

“I know. I think instead of one guardian angel up there looking out for him, he’s got a whole army, just for him.”

“You got that right,” Cap chuckled. “But seriously. You know what really saved him?”

“You.” It wasn’t an answer to the question; it was a statement.

Hank shook his head. “An air conditioning vent. When the ceiling fell on him, he landed on an air conditioning vent. The debris sort of formed a tent around him giving him enough air to survive.”

Roy shook his head in wonder. “It was still you who got him out, Cap. If you had waited for the word to enter, Johnny would have been charcoal.”

Hank arched a brow at Roy. “I guess you know the story then.”

“Yeah. I’ve been filled in by a number of people.”

Hank looked away reflectively. “I couldn’t let him die in there, Roy. Not after everything that had happened. It was either us…or nobody,” he said, simultaneously realizing exactly how alone John must have felt all that time he was looking for Roy. 

“I guess we all need a little help from our friends sometimes.”

Hank smiled fondly at Roy. “Right Ringo.”

“Huh?”

Cap waited a beat then twisted his mouth in exasperation. “You just quoted a Beatles song, ya twit.”

“Oh. Well I don’t listen to rock ‘n – ”

“I know.” Hank’s smile faded. He grew more contemplative and looked up at Roy regretfully. “You know, all of us apologized to John. But I just realized something. None of us have apologized to you.”

“Cap, that’s not – ”

“Yes it is.” Fingers from his good hand ran through his hair. “We gave up on you Roy. Maybe if we’d have helped John more – ”

“Cap, don’t do that.”

“I can’t help it, Roy. I feel like we let you down. What was it you said that John said? That he considered our crew to be like family. Families don’t treat each other that way. They don’t give up on each other.”

Roy was touched by his Captain’s sentiments. For a time, he had, indeed, felt that very way. But he harbored no bad feelings now. “Cap, it’s hard to go against human nature. I mean, I probably wouldn’t have believed anyone could be alive after going missing for almost three months either.”

“Gage didn’t have any trouble believing it.”

Roy shrugged. “Johnny’s different, Cap. I guess you could say he’s one of a kind.”

“Yeah. That he is.” Hank smiled. “In more ways than one.”

Roy grinned. 

Hank fiddled absently with his bandaged hand. “I think Gage taught all of us a lesson, believe it or not.”

“What’s that, Cap?”

“Sometimes you have to do what’s right, even if it means hurting yourself.”

Roy nodded solemnly.

“I just wish we’d have…done that a little sooner.”

“You did what you thought was right, Cap.” Remembering what John had said, he quoted him. “Maybe…some day we’ll find out that all this was supposed to happen for some reason.”

Hank looked down at his hand glumly. “Maybe.”

Roy knew what he was thinking. If, by chance, his hand healed, would he be given another chance at his career? Or would he be demoted and leave 51 in disgrace? Roy wouldn’t allow himself to believe that. The paramedic reached out and grasped his captain’s shoulder. “Cap, I got a feeling everything’s gonna work out. Don’t worry.”

Not for the first time, Hank realized how lucky he was to have a man like Roy as his friend. To think that he almost didn’t come home…

Soon after Roy left, he lay in bed contemplating, trying his hardest to concentrate on how grateful he was to have worked with the best crew in LA, instead of his own uncertain future.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Johnny let himself sink into the comfort of Michaela’s arms. He could have stayed that way forever. It seemed an eternity since they’d been together, this close. The relief at knowing she hadn’t perished was overwhelming. But as much as he tried to push them away, images and unanswered questions from the previous evening began distracting him and he struggled to piece the puzzle together.

An uncomfortable heat suddenly spread across his chest as an epiphany overtook him. He’d gone running back into the building to save Michaela before making certain she was there – a probie mistake that caused himself a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering. His gut tightened as he realized that someone had obviously rescued him. And that someone, or someones, must have endangered their lives when they entered that burning building. He suddenly pulled away.

“Mick, who got me out?”

She hesitated, not wanting to tell him that two of his crew had almost been killed rescuing him.

She tried to act nonchalant. “The guys.”

“What guys?”

“Your crew. The A shift.”

“Roy was there?” Why didn’t he tell me?

“No. He and Gil were out on a run. It was the rest of the guys.”

Johnny stared past her. Why 51’s? They wouldn’t normally respond to that area. Unless – either it was a multi alarm call and they got sent out, or maybe they just heard the call and came out. Chet probably recognized the address.

A mental picture of the scene flashed in John’s mind. The thick smoke, the blaze tearing across the ceiling, the wood walls popping like a campfire as they burned, then the ceiling collapsing…There’s no way they would have sent anyone inside; it was like a burning house of cards…

…I should be dead.

Johnny felt panic well in his chest. He grabbed her wrist. “Did everyone get out all right?”

She hesitated and he knew. Something had happened. He glanced wildly at the clock. 9:30 am. They would have stopped by to see me by now. They would have been here after shift. Oh God, what if…He squeezed her wrist, tugging her toward him in urgency. “Mick, are they okay?”

She pulled her wrist from his grasp, rubbing at it. “Of course. They’re fine.” She wouldn’t make eye contact with him.

He reached out and grasped a clump of her blouse. “You’re lying to me, Mick. Don’t lie to me.”

She looked at him in defeat. “Okay. They’re going to be fine.”

“What happened?! Did someone get hurt?”

“Captain Stanley…cut his hand in a fall. He had surgery on it yesterday.”

“Surgery!?” His eyes pleaded with her as his stomach constricted. “How bad was his injury? Is he going to recover?”

“He should,” she lied. In truth, no one was sure yet whether Hank would get full use of his hand back. He’d sustained damage to delicate tendons, ligaments, and blood vessels.

“Should,” Johnny whispered. His eyes snapped back to her face. “Anyone else?”

She sighed. “Well, Chet hurt his leg.”

He looked away in distress. This was worse than he thought. “How bad?”

“His foot went through a hole in the floor. He fractured his tibia. He had it casted and went home. He’ll be all right.”

John was silent for a long time as he thought. His voice was soft and regretful when he spoke. “I didn’t even check to make sure you were inside; I just went running back in…like a probie.”

“Johnny…”

His head started to pound and his eyes narrowed in pain. “They could have been killed. I caused – ”

“You caused nothing,” a firm voice stated from the doorway.

Startled, the two turned to see Roy standing there.

“What you caused…” DeSoto walked in, continuing, “was the safe evacuation of most of the people in that bar. Had you not been there, it’s almost certain there would have been more deaths.”

“Who died?” Johnny asked softly.

“One of the guitarists in the band. Chet’s brother said you tried to get him to leave, and he resisted.”

Johnny looked away, remembering the stoned musician. If only he hadn’t been high…

His eyes snapped back to his friend in the doorway. “Roy, tell me about the Cap and Chet. I want to know exactly how they are.”

Like Michaela, Roy told him what he knew, candy coating the story a bit.

Johnny cast him a glassy-eyed wary glance, unsure of whether to believe him, but not quite sharp enough in his current drugged state to know for sure.

Gage looked down toward the floor. “I shouldn’t have gone back in there,” he said after several long moments. “And neither should they.”

Michaela’s jaw went slack. “You mean you would rather be dead?” 

Johnny glanced from her to Roy, then closed his eyes. “Ask me that tomorrow after my debridement.”

Both of the others squinted in sympathy. They knew what Johnny would have to endure because of his burn.

Roy stepped up to the foot of John’s bed and rested his hands on the metal footboard. “Johnny, the Cap, and the guys, did what they did because it was the right thing, not because it was in the rulebook, which,” he nodded at his friend, “is exactly what you would have done had you been in their place.”

Gage looked at his friend forlornly. “Still…I wish…”

“Johnny, we all wish no one had gotten hurt.” Roy’s thumb rubbed the metal edge of the footboard absently. He thoughtfully paused, then looked up. “I know you don’t realize it right now, but what happened last night gave something very important back to the Cap.”

“What’s that?”

“The chance for redemption.” Roy gave Johnny’s foot under the cover a pat, then walked toward the door. When he turned back, he saw a stunned look on John’s face. “Get some rest, partner.” Waving, he walked through the door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Johnny had faced debridement with trepidation. He’d known it would be painful; how painful depended on the type of debridement. Thankfully, he had never experienced it himself. Until now.

The anesthetic injections to numb the area were quite unpleasant, and offered little relief. Once back in his room, he lay trembling from the ordeal, praying to just be able to fall asleep. How he was going to survive more of these ‘treatments’, he couldn’t fathom. He only hoped each would get less painful. It was unimaginable how some much more serious burn victims coped.

Hank Stanley stood hesitantly outside John’s hospital room door, his discharge papers tucked into his coat pocket. His wife was waiting for him to take him home. He hadn’t seen Johnny since being admitted, and wanted to see for himself how he was doing.

Johnny was positioned almost fully on his stomach; soft foam cushioned his broken collar bone, neck, and face. He looked quite uncomfortable to Hank. The fire captain stood contemplating whether he should wake the paramedic, when a clumsy nurse dropping a metal tray in the hallway made that decision.

Gage shuddered at the noise, his eyes popping open. Hank neared the bed so Johnny could see him. “Hey, John.”

Johnny’s eyes traveled upward. A light sheen of sweat covered his face and neck. He was very pale. “Cap,” he said shakily.

Hank hid his bandaged hand under his coat, which hung over his arm. With his other, he reached for a chair near the bed and sat down so John wouldn’t have to strain to see him. Hank’s brow furrowed in concern. “Hey, pal…are they treating you all right in here?”

John strained to smile. “Always do, Cap.”

Hank grimaced, too many times. Remembering Roy telling him about the debridement, he asked, “Rough afternoon?”

“Yeah,” John breathed out. Johnny’s eyes roamed over Hank, coming to rest on his hidden hand. A bit of relief rushed through him. He looks pretty good…

Hank fidgeted in the chair. The easy relationship he’d once had with his paramedic was still blatantly absent. He fought for something comforting to say. “Things’ll get better.”

“I know.” Gage’s eyes went back to the coat. “Cap…how’s your hand?”

Hank looked down, self-consciously lifting his arm a bit as if to show Johnny it was just peachy, but couldn’t hold back the wince of pain it caused him. “It’s fine, just fine, John.”

Johnny frowned. “Yeah. What do the doctors say?” He wasn’t sure he could believe what Roy and Michaela had told him. He wanted to hear it directly from his captain.

Hank sucked in a breath and looked up at the ceiling. “Well…they say I’m going to need some physical therapy, and that it’ll take a while to heal, but I think with a little time everything will be okay.” He forced an optimistic smile.

Johnny looked at him warily, certain that Hank wasn’t being entirely truthful.

Hank saw the doubtful look. “You know, it’ll be kind of nice to have a little down time…my wife’ll be waiting on me hand and foot; I can catch up on my reading, watch a little television – ”

“Cap,” Johnny groaned as he struggled to turn on his side. “Man, I’m sorry.”

Hank’s left brow rose. “Sorry? Well I’m not. I’m damn glad we got you out of that building! I think I’d have had a nervous breakdown if I’d have lost one more man – not to mention losing the same man twice.”

Gage hesitated, then spoke, his voice low. “I never should have gone back in…this wouldn’t have happened if – ”

“If you hadn’t have tried to save your lady?”

The two gazed at each other for a long moment.

“But she wasn’t inside.”

Hank leaned closer, resting his elbow on the bed. “And you didn’t know that. John, I would have done the same thing had my wife or kids been in there. And, if I had to do it over again, I would.”

John swallowed. “Thank you. For what you did. I’d have bought it – ”

“Again,” Hank made a chagrinned smile. “Once was enough.”

That coaxed a small smile from the paramedic.

“Besides, recent actions of a certain paramedic reminded me just how important it was for us to watch each other’s back. Kind of like…families do.”

Gage’s face was solemn, and he gave a tiny nod. John glanced over at Hank’s hand, unable to forget that his captain’s career could possibly be over. “If there’s anything I can do…” he trailed off, realizing how ridiculous that sounded given his current condition.

“As a matter of fact, there is.”

Gage perked up. “What? Anything, Cap.”

Hank paused thoughtfully. “Consider coming back to 51’s. We had a pretty good team. I’d like to see us all back together again some day.”

Johnny only nodded. His face was pensive.

Hank stood up. “My wife’s waiting, so I’m going to get going. You take care of yourself and get healed up.”

“I will. And Cap…”

Hank looked at him expectantly.

“Thanks.”

The captain nodded.

“And tell the other guys…I said thanks too, will ya?”

“Sure, John.”

His good hand went up in a small wave, and he left.

Not realizing how tense he’d been, John crumpled into his foam, letting all the air out of his lungs. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He read it in the paper three days later.

Despite the daily debridements, Johnny managed to find a position where, as long as he angled his back correctly, he could sit up a little. Out of boredom, he asked a candy striper that morning if she would bring him a copy of the newspaper. In no condition to read anything until that morning, he’d missed daily articles about himself and his station mates that had once again raised him to celebrity status.

On page three, an article glared at him with the headline, ‘Carson Fire Captain and Crew Face Disciplinary Action.’ Johnny fumbled with the paper, struggling to fold it with one hand so that he could hold it closer to his face. His heart began to hammer as he read. When he was done, he sat in stunned silence, staring into space. How could they? They couldn’t dismiss the Cap, or Mike, could they? I can’t believe this!

He read it again, and things didn’t sound any better the second time. Captain Stanley had been summoned to appear at a disciplinary hearing for disobeying orders and endangering his crew on the night of the bar fire, while rescuing another trapped firefighter. That firefighter, it stated, was an off-duty John Gage. Briefly, the article launched into an abbreviated recap of Roy’s disappearance and Johnny’s unrelenting search for him. John skipped past it.

The article stated that the Captain of Station 51 could lose his rank or possibly be dismissed, and that Mike, Chet, and Marco were also expected to receive disciplinary action.

 He pulled the paper to his nose again. When was that hearing? His eyes wildly scanned the article and he almost had a heart attack. Oh crap! It’s tomorrow!

Unable to reach the telephone by the bedside, Johnny rang for a nurse. She arrived breathless, for in his impatience, Johnny had repeatedly pushed the call button, scaring her into thinking he was in some kind of a crisis.

Sheepishly, Johnny apologized, timidly asking her to move the telephone closer so that he could reach it. She suppressed a huff as she left, mumbling under her breath about scaring her half to death so he could yap on the telephone.

Johnny didn’t have time to worry about annoying the nurse. The moment she left, he lunged for the phone, dialing Roy’s number as quickly as he could.

He wasn’t expecting Joanne to answer. As with many others in his life, his relationship with her had not mended, and he froze when he heard her voice.

“Hello?” she asked for the second time.

“Uh…hi Joanne. Is Roy there?”

“Johnny?” she said in surprise. “Is that you?”

“Yeah. It’s me Joanne.” He heard her take a breath.

“Johnny! Where are you? You didn’t come home already, did you?”

“No Jo, I’m still here, at Rampart.”

“Oh! Well, how are you feeling?”

“A little better every day, thanks. Joanne – ”

She mowed right over him, explaining with obvious guilt how she’d come to see him twice, but both times he’d been asleep, and she hadn’t wanted to bother him.

Anxious to talk to Roy, John finally interrupted her as she sputtered through an uncomfortable litany of questions about his health sprinkled with her apologies, assuring her he was fine, but that he really needed to talk to Roy about something.

Taken aback as what she read as his indifference, she stopped abruptly, then quietly said, “Roy’s working today, Johnny.”

He knew he’d hurt her feelings, but didn’t have time to explain why he was so short with her. He needed to get off the phone and call the station. He begged off abruptly, dialing the station number less than a second after he’d hung up.

When no one answered, he felt panicky, then thought to call Dixie.

A nurse he didn’t know answered down in the ER, and was told Dixie was tied up. “Is there something I can help you with, sir?”

“No,” he said glumly, then changed his mind. “Yes! Have you seen Roy DeSoto?”

There was a pause, then, “Roy De-who?”

Johnny sighed. Just his luck to get a new nurse who didn’t know anybody.

“Roy DeSoto. He’s a paramedic from Station 51. He’s about six foot tall, light brown hair, ah…”

“Sir, you might try calling the fire station where he works.” A pinch of exasperation tinged her voice.

Air gushed out of his lungs in a frustrated sigh. “Yeah, I’ll do that. Listen, would you please have Dixie McCall call me as soon as you see her?”

“I thought you wanted to talk to Roy De…”

“No. Just tell Dixie to call me, would you please?”

“Who are you?”

“John Gage.”

“Your telephone number?”

“Ah, I don’t know the number…um, just ask her to call up here or stop by my room as soon as she possibly can, okay?”

A long second passed, then the nurse said in a slightly exasperated tone, “Are you a patient here?”

“Yeah. Look, just…never mind.” He hung up. Man, who was that lamebrain? This must be her first day. She doesn’t know who Roy or I are; I’ll never be able to count on her to tell Dixie. Shoot! I’ll just have to take care of this myself.

Sighing again, Johnny forced himself upright and swung his feet over the edge of the bed, doing his best to stifle the yelp of pain that caused. Clad only in the hospital gown, he stood up very slowly and shakily.

Bare feet shuffled unsteadily across the cold tile floor toward a wheelchair parked next to the wall. Gage fell into it, panting with exertion from the minor achievement. Dangling over the arm of the chair, he worked to catch his breath, waiting for the white spots that dotted his vision to clear. He shook his head, a mistake that sprouted a vicious pounding in his skull and a dagger of pain down his arm originating at the broken collar bone.

Johnny waited a full minute to get control of his faculties before pressing on. All he had to do was wheel himself to the elevator and down to the ER to find Dixie – and hopefully Roy, if he was lucky.

An anguished ‘ghahh’ was expelled at his first attempt to get the wheelchair moving, the hand on the side with the broken collarbone slipping off the wheel at the abuse. He scooted forward a bit in an effort to keep his back from touching the back of the chair.

Jeez, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. He looked around for an easier way to get the wheelchair moving. Glancing down, he lifted the foot rests with his toes, then planted his feet on the floor to help move him forward. More gingerly this time, he used his left hand to do most of the pushing, and was able to get moving, using his feet to steer and push. It was difficult and slow going. Keeping his back from touching the chair was almost impossible.

Snatching a blanket off the bed, he tucked it around and behind him, preventing anyone from getting a scenic view of his rear end which would have been visible through the gap in the chair. Johnny made sure no one was looking before he rolled through the doorway.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dixie McCall stripped off her mask and gloves, tossing them into the used laundry bin on her way out of treatment room four. The urgency of the emergency tracheotomy she’d just assisted with left her weary and she was more than ready for her first break of the day.

One of her new nurses spied her, beckoning her to the base station.

Damn, she thought, hoping to get away before being seen. “What do you need, Maria?” She forced a smile, coming over.

“Someone called for you a little while ago. It was strange, but I think he’s a patient here and he wanted you to…” Her voice trailed off as her eyes focused on something behind Dixie and her expression turned bewildered.

Dixie waited a moment for Maria to continue, then glanced over her shoulder. Her mouth fell open.

Coming toward them was a patient struggling to maneuver a wheelchair down the hall with his feet and one hand. He wasn’t very successful, as the chair kept traveling sideways instead of forward. With twisted posture, he leaned awkwardly with his right arm in his lap, head bent in concentration. As he lifted his face, both women saw the grimace of pain distorting his features, the brown eyes widening in urgency as he recognized Dixie.

“Dixie!”

“Johnny!”

The calls were simultaneous.

The head nurse jogged forward to meet him as he continued his struggle to reach her. She reached his side, stopping his movement with her hands. “Johnny! What are you doing down here?”

“Dix,” he said breathlessly, his eyes narrowed in pain. A trickle of sweat dribbled down the side of his face. “Dix, have you seen Roy?”

“Roy? Is that why you’re down here?”

“Yeah,” he breathed, licking his lips. “I’ve got to talk to Roy.”

Dixie put her hands on her hips. “Well, why don’t you just call him at the station?”

“Tried. No one’s at the station. Must be out on a run. I thought maybe he might be here…”

“No, he’s not. Johnny, why didn’t you just call down here and leave a message?”

“I did.” He looked up accusingly at Maria, who was now standing behind Dixie. “Couldn’t get a hold of you.”

Dixie turned and glanced at the girl, then turned back to Johnny.

Maria stepped up next to Dixie. “You’re John Gage?” she guessed. 

He smiled through his grimace then, noticing all at once she was quite pretty. “You can call me Johnny.”

“You know him, Miss McCall?”

“Yes,” she said disgustedly. “This is John Gage, one of our best paramedics. He also is, at the moment, one of our worst patients.”

“Dix,” Johnny looked hurt. “That’s not true. I’m a good patient.”

“Not good enough to know better than to get out of bed. You know you shouldn’t be down here. You’re putting stress on that broken bone, not to mention risking an infection in your back. Now, I’m taking you back to your room before Kel or Mike sees you.”

“But wait! I need to talk to Roy.” The pounding in his head pitched him forward slightly and he closed his eyes.

Dixie reached out to steady him. “I told you he wasn’t here, Johnny.”

He reached up with his good hand and grabbed her wrist. “Promise me you’ll tell him I need to see him if he brings a patient in. Will you?”

“All right. I promise. What’s so important, anyway?”

He averted his eyes. “Ah, nothing.”

“Nothing?!”

“Well, I just need to see him is all. It’s…private, Dix.”

“Okay. It’s private. I’ll tell him. Now let’s get you back to bed, shall we?”

“Okay,” he muttered like a scolded dog. Honestly, he was really glad that someone else was wheeling him back to his room. He didn’t think he’d be able to do it himself. “Nice meeting you,” he called over his shoulder to Maria.

Her incredulous eyes stared back at him as they disappeared into the elevator.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“I heard you were looking for me.”

Startled, Johnny’s head snapped to the doorway of his hospital room. Roy was standing there, each hand grasping one side of the door frame, leaning in.

“Roy! Thank God you’re here; I need to talk to you.” Johnny struggled to sit more upright, hissing at the pain the movement caused to his back and collar bone.

“Easy, Johnny.” Roy stepped forward, extending his arm in a gesture to help.

John held up his hand. “I got it. I’m okay.” His face was still scrunched up in pain.

“Yeah, I can tell. What was so important that you almost killed yourself going down to the ER by yourself to look for me?”

Gage’s mouth twisted. “I didn’t almost ‘kill myself’.”

“Dixie said she thought you were gonna pass out. What possessed you to do something that stupid?”

“It wasn’t stupid. It was important.” He gingerly reached for the paper and held it out. “Did you see this?”

“See what?”

“This!” John dropped the paper on the bed blanket and pointed to the article.

“Oh.” Roy looked up. “How’d you get a copy of the paper?”

“Never mind how I got a copy. How come you didn’t tell me about this?”

Roy sighed and sat down in the chair next to the bed. “Because you need to be concentrating on getting well and healing, not worrying about anything else.”

“Well I am worrying! Roy, this is important. The Cap, and Mike, and Chet and Marco, they might lose their jobs!”

“Johnny, I don’t think that’s gonna happen.”

“But the paper says – ”

“Johnny you know how the press sensationalizes everything. They’re just gonna discipline them. Probably give ‘em a slap on the hand and tell them not to do it again.”

“You don’t know that.”

Roy hesitated. “No, I don’t know that.”

“Roy, this is my fault. If I hadn’t acted like a stupid probie jerk this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Now wait a minute, Johnny. They acted on their own accord. No one forced them into that building. They weren’t even called out on the run for heaven’s sake.”

“Yeah. No one forced them. Just the fact that they knew I’d be toast if they didn’t.”

Roy sighed. “Yes – and Chet’s brother.”

“Okay, Chet’s brother. But they knew when they got there that he was safe. If it had been an unknown victim in there and not me, you know they wouldn’t have gone against protocol. They’re not stupid Roy. They saw the building. They knew it was gonna come down. Hell, I knew it when I went in there.”

“Then why’d you go in?”

“You know why.”

“Yes. I know why. You went in for the same reason they did. To rescue someone you loved.”

Johnny’s mouth opened but no words came. Finally he spoke. “But she wasn’t there. It was all for nothing. Now the Cap might lose his job, or worse, maybe he won’t be able to work again because of his hand. And the other guys – ”

“Johnny, we’ve been all through this. And no one, not even you, would change what you did that night if you could do it over.”

Gage’s head bowed. “Maybe not.” He looked up. “But I sure as hell can try to do something about it now.”

“Like what?”

“Like be there tomorrow when they have the hearing.”

Roy’s eyed widened and he looked at Johnny like he was sprouting green hair. “What?”

Johnny struggled to sit up straighter. “Roy, I want to be there tomorrow for that hearing. I want to stand up for the Cap and the guys – tell ‘em it was my fault – not theirs. I think I can talk them out of any type of dismissal or reduction in rank, or whatever they might be considering as punishment.”

“That’s all fine, Johnny, except for one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“You’re in the hospital for cryin’ out loud!”

“So? I’m not crippled. I can leave for a short time, go to the hearing, then come back.”

“Morton’s not gonna let you do that.”

“I know that. That’s why I need you.”

Roy stared at him. He stood up and crossed his arms. “Whatever you’re thinking, the answer is no.” For a brief moment Roy mused that being friends with Johnny was like Ethel being friends with Lucy.

John’s eyes narrowed and he spoke very pointedly. “Roy, you owe me.”

Roy’s jaw worked. “Yes. I owe you. But I’m not gonna pay my debt back to you by risking your health.”

“You wouldn’t be risking my health. I’ll be fine.”

“Johnny, you’ve got a bad injury. You could get an infection. You could start bleeding. You’ve got a broken collar bone and a concussion. And you took in a lot of smoke. You’re not in any condition to be out traipsing around.” He paused to take a breath, then began again before Johnny could counter him. “By the way, how are the debridements going?”

Johnny sulked. “Swell Roy. They’re the highlight of my day. Only I don’t want to talk about that. And don’t change the subject.”

“I’m not changing the subject. I just don’t want you to get worse by leaving the hospital. And then I would be responsible for it.”

“No, you wouldn’t be responsible for it.” Johnny threw him a cagey look. “What you would be responsible for is the Cap’s demotion, or for Mike’s or Chet’s, or Marco’s – ”

“Don’t lay that on me, Johnny. The brass have probably already made up their minds. Whatever you’ve got to say isn’t gonna make any difference.”

“I have to try, Roy.”

Roy walked over to the foot of the bed and placed his hands on the footboard. “I thought you were angry at the Cap and the guys. They didn’t help you at all when I was gone. In fact, they discouraged you. They gave you no support. The Cap stood by and said nothing when your job was on the line. Why are you so anxious to help them out now?”

Johnny looked away, considering Roy’s statements. He sighed deeply. “I…I am…was…am angry.” He remembered the contrite look on the Cap’s face when he’d stated how much he’d like them all back together again – as a family. Those words had affected him deeply.

Shunning all of his friends and starting over somewhere else was not very appealing, though he’d been prepared to do just that. But staying angry and holding grudges had begun to feel like a poison in his body. But even more than that, he felt he had to rectify the mistake he’d made. “The Cap…did what he thought he had to do. It wasn’t easy for him either.”

Roy stared at Johnny incredulously.

John looked up at Roy now. “I just don’t want to make the same mistake…he made.” Too much is at stake.

Roy didn’t answer, and Johnny sensed the cracking of his friend’s hard veneer.

“One way or another I’m gonna be there at that hearing, whether you help me or not. I know how to leave this hospital when I want, and if that’s what I have to do, I’ll do it.”

“Not if I tell Morton first.”

Johnny’s jaw clamped. His neck veins went taut. “You do that, and you can kiss our friendship good-bye.”

Roy’s jaw slackened. He stared at his friend as if he didn’t know him. “You really mean that, don’t you?”

John turned his head away. The jaw that had been set a moment ago loosened in resignation. “Maybe.” 

A long moment passed and Roy finally spoke. “Okay. If it’s that important to you, I’ll help you.”

I won. Johnny’s posture relaxed and he briefly closed his eyes. “Thanks, Roy.”

I’ll probably be the one that gets demoted when they find out about this. But he’s right. I owe him. He put his career – and his life – on the line for me. Now it’s my turn.

“Um, what made you change your mind?”

Roy shoved his hands in his pockets. “Well, I do owe you – a lot. Although I’m not very comfortable with the way you want paid back. I’m curious to see how you’re going to pull this off. I don’t think you’re going to be able to fool them again.”

“Oh, now there’s where you’re wrong, Roy. I know this hospital inside and out. It was a snap the first time, and it’ll be a snap tomorrow. You’ll see.”

Roy shook his head. He took solace in the fact that it was very likely that Johnny wouldn’t make it out of there without someone noticing, and stop him.

“I promise you Roy, I’ll be gone and back before they know what happened.” Johnny sunk back into his bed a bit, wincing at the movement. His voice grew a little weaker. “Just be here tomorrow morning at seven-thirty. Oh, and can you bring me something to wear? I can’t very well show up in this hospital gown.”

“Okay.” I better not tell Joanne about this. She’ll have a cow. But where am I gonna tell her I’m going on my day off – that early?

Boy, how do I let him get me into these things?

Roy’s thoughts were interrupted by a nurse who entered the room. Behind her were two orderlies with a gurney.

“Hi, John,” the nurse with a nametag that read ‘Julia’ said rather apologetically.

Gage’s face instantly morphed into an expression of dread, but he quickly schooled his features into a stoic mask when he noticed Roy’s scrutiny. His shaky voice betrayed his cool demeanor when he spoke.

“I…I have debridement today? I thought we were going to wait a few days longer till the next time.”

Julia shook her head sadly. She hated this almost as much as Johnny did. Seeing patients sweat and gasp in pain at having their skin cut away wasn’t something she’d ever get used to. Only by constantly reminding herself that it was helping the patient did it allow her to do her job unflinchingly. “I’m sorry, John. No, Dr. Grimes ordered another treatment today.”

“Oh.” Johnny looked crestfallen. Roy saw him swallow, then his hand went to the back of his neck to massage it.

“It shouldn’t be as bad today,” she said, moving out of the way so the orderlies could wheel the gurney up beside the bed.

Johnny suddenly looked very pale. His heart and head were pounding together and his mouth was dry. He felt a little nauseous and he was dearly hoping she had some pain medication for him, but didn’t want to ask for it in front of Roy.

Julia read her patient clearly and reached into her pocket. “I’ve got something for you here to make it easier, John.” She withdrew a syringe. “We can get this in before we go down and you’ll be feeling better by the time we get started.”

Johnny drew back, eyeing the syringe like it was a cobra dancing over him. “I…I probably won’t need it…” glancing at Roy, trying hard to be nonchalant.

Roy watched the whole interaction with almost as much dread as Johnny. He hadn’t been around when John had gone to his ‘treatments’, and now, seeing his friend’s reaction, he knew it must be as bad as he’d heard.

Johnny smiled for Roy’s benefit, lifting a corner of his mouth up at Julia like it was no big deal. “Okay, well…I guess I gotta go, Roy…uh…” He tensed and turned away as Julia swabbed his arm, then administered the medication.

Roy flinched as Johnny did. “Yeah. Uh, take it easy.”

“Yeah. Don’t forget what we talked about.”

“I won’t.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Despite the discomfort of the hard yellow plastic chair, Hank Stanley sat as upright and as dignified as he could manage. The classroom they occupied at Headquarters was used during training, and he, Chet, Marco, and Mike occupied four of the fifteen seats. Windows on one side gave a view of the parking lot, while the opposite wall displayed maps and diagrams. Sitting behind a long table at the front of the room were Battalion Chief McConnike, Chief Engineer Houts, Public Information Officer Friend, and Chief Bragdon.

For the last forty-five minutes, each of 51’s men had been given the opportunity to recount what happened on the night of the fire at Patrick’s bar, and answer questions their superiors put to them.

Hank’s knee bobbed nervously under his desk as they shuffled papers, waiting for the ax to fall. Worry about what type of reprimand would befall him had chased away the previous night’s sleep, yet a steady influx of adrenalin kept him alert. It may not even matter what they decide if this hand doesn’t heal…still, I wouldn’t want to leave the department disgraced. The worried lines on his face dug in a little deeper.

His men had defended him, but that didn’t change the fact that he’d disobeyed orders and completely ignored protocol. Every time McConnike glanced at him he became more paranoid that his career was over, hand injury or not.

The Battalion Chief had just opened his mouth to speak when they heard what sounded life muffled arguing right outside the door at the back of the room. There was a hasty knock, then the door opened before anyone could acknowledge it. Hank’s eyes widened as he turned around, flabbergasted at the sight of the two men who walked through the door.

With a slightly lopsided stature, John Gage toddled stiffly into the room, followed closely by Roy DeSoto, who wore an uncertain expression, as if he was ready for some catastrophe.

The brass behind the desk gaped at them, especially Gage, whose misshaven hair cut, which emphasized the rows of crooked black stitches above his ear, arm hanging in a sling, and attire of a too large sweatshirt and sweatpants made him look like either a prison or mental hospital escapee.

Hank stared, incredulous. “John? Roy? What in the world – ”

“Ah, hi Cap. Uh…if you’ll excuse us…ah, me…just for a second…” John stammered.

“Gage?” The McConnike uttered in astonishment. It hadn’t been too long ago that he’d been on Mike Morton’s door step apologizing to John.

“Yes, sir. I – ”

“Aren’t you supposed to be in the hospital?”

Johnny glanced nervously at Roy, whose gaze roved to the ceiling. “Ah…yes, Sir. I am.”

“What are you doing here?”

Johnny smoothed the front of his sweatshirt with one hand. Wincing, he took a few shaky steps forward. Roy shadowed him. “Sir, if you’ll permit me, I…wanted to say a few words on behalf of Captain Stanley and the rest of the A shift at Station 51.”

“You mean you…left the hospital to come here?”

Johnny nodded.

The Chief paused, his brow frowning. “Did your doctor discharge you?”

John licked his lower lip and glanced at Roy. “No Sir. I’ll be going back, just as soon as I’m done here.”

“I see.” McConnike chewed his lip. “Well, since you went to all the effort to join us, by all means, go on.” He gestured toward Gage.

“Sir, before you make any decisions regarding Captain Stanley and the others here today,” John nodded toward the guys he used to work with, “I’d like to set the record straight regarding the night of the seventeenth at Patrick Kelly’s bar, the night of the fire.”

Hank Stanley stood up. “John, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but you shouldn’t be here. Roy, take him back to the hospital.”

Roy moved a little closer to Johnny, but Gage stood firm.

McConnike intervened. “It’s all right, Hank. I’d like to hear what he has to say.” He studied Gage. “If he’s up to it.

“I am. Thank you, sir,” John responded in relief, relaxing somewhat. 

Captain Stanley slowly slid back into his seat.

Johnny paused, trying to gather his thoughts. “As you may already know, I was working in the bar the night the fire broke out, and I was rescued by Captain Stanley, Mike Stoker, Chet Kelly, and Marco Lopez when part of the ceiling fell on me. What you probably don’t know is what happened before they got there. After initially helping some of the customers evacuate, I went back inside, and then became trapped.” Johnny looked at the officers. “I…used poor judgment in reentering the building. I never should have gone back in; I should have waited for backup. I went in with no turnouts, no air, no nothing.” He grimaced to himself at how unprofessional that sounded.

“Why did you go back inside?” Houts asked.

“I thought…a woman was still inside – a doctor at Rampart, Dr. Marcantonio, but I was wrong. She’d already gotten out. I…should have checked to make sure she was out before I ran back in.”

“I see.”

“Chief, had it not been myself trapped that night, I don’t think Captain Stanley would have gone against orders and entered. You see, the Cap – Captain Stanley – almost lost two men this year. Well, you all know what happened to Roy,” Johnny turned and nodded Roy’s direction, “and more recently, to myself. You can imagine how stressful that might be to a captain, to lose two men in so short a time. I’m not a captain but I imagine it must be a captain’s worst nightmare.

“During Roy’s absence, the crew was under a lot of stress. It was difficult time. We’re all close, you know? Like a family. As a matter of fact, I’ve never worked anywhere else where I felt that way. Captain Stanley is someone who really cares about his men,” Johnny chuckled a bit, “in some ways he’s almost like a dad to us.” Johnny looked apologetically at Hank, worried that he’d insulted him. “Not that he’s old enough to be our dad. It’s just that when I got trapped in the building, I’m sure Captain Stanley must have felt that, after what happened this year, he had to do everything in his power to make sure he didn’t lose another man, even if it meant disobeying orders, even if it meant risking his life. ‘Cause that’s the kind of guy he is. That’s the kind of guys all of them are.

“So I don’t want you to have the false impression that Captain Stanley, or any of the guys here today are reckless, or would ever do anything to risk a life carelessly or impulsively.” Johnny stopped for a breath, scanning the four men, then continued. “In the six years I’ve been at Station 51, and the five years I’ve worked under Captain Stanley, I don’t think I could have ever worked with a better or more professional group. And I’ve never known any of them to disobey an order. I just hope you’ll take all this into consideration before you make a decision today.”

Johnny finally stopped, hoping he hadn’t sounded like he was rambling. Glancing around, he began to worry as he took in the roomful of stunned faces. Are they appalled or moved by what I said? I hope it’s the latter cause I don’t think I got any strength left to convince them if they’re not. He wiped at his sweaty forehead with the back of his hand. His free hand suddenly flailed toward Roy, grabbing a fistful of his shirt as a wave of vertigo washed over him.

Roy responded by latching onto an arm to steady Johnny.

Hank lunged to John’s other side, instinctively grabbing hold of the elbow on Gage’s bad side, while placing his injured hand on John’s back.

Johnny gasped and recoiled at the touch, and Hank jerked his hand away as if he’d been burned himself.

“God, I’m sorry, pal.”

Someone said, “Someone grab a chair – ” but Mike was already there with one.

John took in a breath and slowly let go of Roy’s shirt. “S’okay, Cap.”

“Sit down, Johnny,” Roy ordered.

“Really, I’m okay…I don’t need – ”

“Sit!” Hank groused. “And that’s an order.” Hopefully not my last one.

Johnny lowered himself into the chair gingerly, taking care not to lean back. He felt rotten. Wanting his head clear for the next day, he’d turned down pain medication for the last twelve hours. He’d had no breakfast either. Now he was light-headed, his back and shoulder were killing him, and he felt extremely weak. Resting an elbow on his knee, his hand cupped the nape of his neck.

“Gage,” he heard from the front of the room, “you better get back to the hospital.”

He looked up wearily. “Yes sir. I…think that’s a good idea.” Johnny glanced at Roy.

“Anytime you’re ready.”

John took a few seconds to gather the energy to lift himself out of the chair. He stood shakily, assisted by Roy. “I’m ready.”

The two paramedics slowly made their way toward the door.

“Gage,” came a summons from the front of the room. Johnny turned.

“When you get out of the hospital, stop by and see me.” McConnike said.

Though the request was made in an amicable tone, Johnny wasn’t sure how to take it. “Yes, sir, I will. And, thank you.”

The Battalion Chief nodded, and the two left the room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“I don’t believe this.” Mike Morton stood next to Gage’s empty bed, lifting the sheet, eyeing the pillows that had been placed there to look like a person. Angrily, he tossed them aside. “I absolutely do not believe this.” He did it again!  

Knowing it wasn’t her fault, he raised hell with the floor nurse anyway, demanding to know how she could not have noticed his patient leaving the hospital. Her unsatisfactory answer came out in an apologetic stammer as red consumed her face. Mike blew her explanation off with a wave of the hand, then left the room in a huff.

A few moments later, he was down in ER. Spying Kel Brackett sipping on a cup of coffee with Dixie at the base station, he approached.

In an exasperated tone, he questioned, “Kel, did you threaten to transfer Gage to the Psychiatric Ward again?”

Brackett’s brow creased and he tossed a lost look at Dixie. She shrugged. “No, of course not. Why?”

Mike shook his head. “You’re not going to believe this, but Gage has done it again.”

“Done what again?”

“Left the hospital before being released.”

“What?” Dixie and Brackett said in unison.

“You’re kidding,” Dixie said.

“No. I’m not kidding. I went to his room during rounds this morning and found pillows stuffed under his covers. Same trick he used last time.”

“Mike, have you had security search the hospital?”

“Yes, they’re doing that right now, but I can tell you they’re not going to find him.”

“Well where the heck do you think he went? And why?” Dixie asked.

“I have no clue. He never gave any indication that he was unhappy about anything – never even asked when he could leave.” Mike eyed Kel warily. “You and him didn’t have any kind of an argument…did you?”

Brackett’s cheek twitched. “No Mike. As a matter of fact, I’ve been doing my best to bury the hatchet with him – no pun intended. I’ve…visited him several times during this latest stay, and I think I’ve made it clear that I was wrong and that I’d like to make amends. He seemed pretty receptive, so I don’t think it’s been anything I’ve done.” Kel rubbed at his chin. “I know the debridements have been rough on him though…”

Dixie shook her head. “Johnny wouldn’t leave the hospital just because of painful treatments. That wouldn’t be like him at all.”

“Then why?” Mike asked.

“Have you called Roy?”

“Yeah, I talked to his wife, but he wasn’t home. She said he was on his way to visit John at the hospital, but I haven’t seen him either.”

“Ah. So he had an accomplice,” Brackett surmised. “What about the station? Do you suppose they’d know where he is?”

“I thought of that. I called there too. None of their shift is in today. I guess there’re all at a hearing of some sort for Captain Stanley…” his voice trailed off as realization set in. “That’s got to be it! Gage must have gone to the hearing, and Roy helped him make his escape!”

“I don’t know,” Dixie countered. “I can’t believe Roy would have helped Johnny leave, knowing the condition he’s in. He’d never risk John’s health like that.”

“Don’t be too sure, Dix,” Kel argued. “Those two are tight. I don’t think any of us ever realized just how tight they were – until recently.”

Mike nodded. “Well, there’s only one thing to do.”

“What’s that?”

“Wait for them to return.”

“You think they will?”

“Oh yeah. Gage isn’t in any condition to be up and around much yet. I just hope Roy gets him back here before he does further damage to himself.”

“Agreed,” Kel said somberly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Roy couldn’t believe they’d made it up to John’s floor and down the hall without being noticed. He leaned in toward Johnny as they walked up to his room. “Well, it looks like you got lucky. Everything’s quiet.”

“See, I told ya,” Johnny said, in a voice diminished of strength.

Johnny couldn’t wait to get into bed. The journey from the hospital to Headquarters and back had taken everything out of him. The first thing he was going to do was to ask for pain meds. He didn’t care if Roy was there or not. He glanced at his friend as they entered his room. “You just gotta outsmart your captors, is all.”

“Is that how you think of us, John? As captors?” Mike Morton sat perched on the edge of Gage’s bed; the covers had been straightened and the pillows were gone.

Oh shit, John mouthed, stopping dead in his tracks.

Roy’s eyes grew as large as a deer’s in headlights. “Hi, Doc,” he said nervously.

Johnny forced an innocent smile. “Ah, Mike. Hey. Uh, I hope you weren’t concerned…we were just out walking – ”

“I know what you were ‘just out’ for,” he said in the tone a parent would use on a disobedient teenager.

John looked at Roy, his expression pleading him to come up with a good explanation. Roy just shrugged at him. Don’t look at me. It was your idea.

“Well, c’mon. Hurry up and get in bed. You look like hell. Here, let me help you.” Mike walked over to hasten John to the bed.

Johnny threw Roy a look of puzzled disbelief as Mike escorted him to his bed without a reprimand. He carefully sat down and Mike eased his feet off the floor and slipped his shoes off while Roy watched in guarded wariness. Leaning back was painful and John’s face contorted as his back met the pillow.

“I’ll order something for that in a minute,” Mike said in a caring tone.

“Thanks, Mike,” Johnny breathed, closing his eyes for a moment. He allowed himself to relax, confident that Morton felt sorry enough for him to hold off scolding. His confidence fizzled when he felt something close around his wrist.

Johnny opened his eyes in confusion, then felt his other wrist being bound. It only took a second to realize what it was. He struggled against them, his eyes widening in revulsion. “Restraints! Doc, what are you doing?!”

Mike stood back, crossing his arms. “This seems to be the only way to keep you where you belong – in bed.”

“Doc, look, I can explain. I just left for a short time; I had to go to a hearing for the Cap. I knew you’d never let me go, so I – ”

“ – got Roy to sneak you out and stuffed your covers with pillows to make it look like you’re here. Really, John, it’s kind of insulting…do you think we’re really that dumb?”

“Well…I…” Johnny threw a glance of desperation at Roy.

Mike looked expectantly at Roy as well.

“Don’t look at me. I had to. He threatened me.”

Mike lifted an eyebrow. “Threatened you?”

Roy’s face flushed with embarrassment. “Actually, I owed him a favor…”

“Hmph. Your ‘favor’ might end up keeping him here longer.”

Roy looked away apologetically.

Johnny jerked against the restraints, cursing when doing so sent pain streaking through his body. “C’mon Mike, I get the picture. I’m learned my lesson and I won’t do it again, okay? Now can you take ‘em off?”

Mike walked around the bed. “Nope. I don’t trust you any more. We’re going to keep those on until you’re healed up. Here.” Mike positioned the call button near John’s hand. “If you have to go to the bathroom, call the nurse. I’m sure she’ll be glad to help.” 

Johnny displayed a look of pure revulsion.

Mike turned on a dime, and left.

“Roy, get these things off me!”

Roy looked uncertain and stammered, “I don’t know, Johnny. I’m already in enough hot water as it is.” Roy headed for the door. “Let me go talk to the doc.” He ran out.

“Roy!” Johnny called out in dismay. Leaning forward, he struggled fruitlessly with the restraints until his back and shoulder could take no more. Frustrated and in pain, he leaned his head back, staring up at the ceiling. I don’t believe this.

Roy caught up with Mike Morton as he was entering the elevator. “Dr. Morton!”

Mike held the door so that Roy could enter.

Mike crossed his arms and turned to Roy. “How did you let him talk you into this one?”

Roy sighed and explained.

“You didn’t really believe he was going to throw away your friendship, did you?”

“No. But Doc, I knew that if I didn’t take him, he’d go on his own. I thought it was better to go with him and keep an eye on him.”

“I suppose.” He sighed. “Tell me, did it do any good?”

Roy rubbed his face with his palm. “I don’t know. But I can tell you, I was surprised. He really stood up for Captain Stanley and the rest of the guys. Tried to take the blame for everything to try to save them from any disciplinary action.”

Mike nodded. “John seems to be surprising a lot of us lately.” He leaned against the wall of the elevator. “You know, aside from work, I didn’t really know him all that well. I never thought I’d be saying this, but I’ve come to admire him a great deal…” Mike mouth twisted into a scowl, “except when he pulls this kind of crap.”

“Uh, Doc…what about the restraints? Don’t you think – ”

“I’ll be back in five minutes to take them off. Until then, I want him to sweat just a little.”

Roy smiled, patting Mike on the arm once. “Thanks, Doc.” The elevator door opened and Mike walked out. Deciding he couldn’t go back up to Johnny’s room until the doc sprung him, Roy followed Mike out. There was something important he wanted to ask him about, something Joanne wanted to know about a poem.

Johnny was nearly asleep when Mike Morton entered his room a short while later, but his eyes peeled open at the sound of someone approaching. He looked up at the doctor miserably. “You gonna take these handcuffs off me now?”

“I shouldn’t, given what you pulled this morning.”

“I told you I was sorry. You know why I had to go.”

“Yes; you told me. And I still think it was foolish.” Mike reached down and released one of John’s wrists, then the other.

Johnny immediately repositioned himself on his side, letting out a pain-filled groan as he did so.

“Let’s take a look at your back.” Mike started to lift up the sweatshirt Johnny wore.

“Doc, could we do this later? I really don’t feel up to – ”

“Tough it out, Gage. You did this to yourself.”

Johnny tensed while Mike removed the bandages and grunted a few ‘hms’ and ‘uh-huh’s’. Satisfied, Mike replaced the bandages.

“You were lucky you didn’t start bleeding.”

“Yeah. I’m really lucky,” Johnny breathed out, now completely miserable.

Mike walked around so he could see Johnny’s face. “If you ever do this again – even consider it – I’ll slap those restraints back on you so fast it’ll make your head spin.”

Johnny gave him one sorrowful blink, then closed his eyes.

Mike’s expression softened when Johnny’s eyes remained closed, his face drawn in pain.

“I’ll…have the nurse bring you something for pain, and help you get out of these sweats.”

Johnny nodded minutely, his fist tightening a little more around the sheet it was grasping.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Five days later, Mike Morton delivered the good news that Johnny could finally go home.

Hearing the news from Dixie, Roy stopped up to Johnny’s room. He knew John would need help. With his broken collarbone, it would be difficult for him to do anything one-handed, and the burn and wounds on his back would have to be kept clean and the bandages changed. Johnny couldn’t do that by himself.

Before Roy could even finish his invitation to suggest Johnny stay with him, Johnny turned him down.

“Roy, thank you. I appreciate your offer, but I won’t be needing a place to stay.”

Roy looked stunned, and for a moment, had trouble finding words. “You’re not going back to living in your car?”

John threw him an irritated glare. “I told you before. I did not live in my car.” His eyes strayed to the wall. “I just camped out for a few days is all.”

“Um hm.”

“You know I like to camp, Roy.”

Roy’s face softened. If that’s what you want me to believe, partner, then I’ll pretend to believe it. “Yeah. I know you like to camp. But now’s not the time to do it. You’re going to need a bed to sleep in and someone to look after you.”

Johnny looked confused. “I didn’t say I was going to camp when I left the hospital, Roy.”

“You going back to Dr. Morton’s? He’s not going to be able to give you much help with his schedule. You know you’re going to need some help.”

“Yes I know that. And I’ll be getting it. From a doctor.”

“Who…?” Roy’s eyes widened, then a hopeful smile played on his lips. He dared not ask lest he be mistaken.

“Actually…Michaela…offered to let me stay at her place and…look after me.”

Roy’s smile grew. This was good news. “Really?”

Johnny nodded self-consciously. “Yeah, well, Denali misses me.”

“I doubt he’s the only one.” He raised a brow expectantly. “So…Johnny, does that mean…?”

Gage appeared contemplative. “I’m not sure what it means yet Roy. I’m just going to take it one day at a time.”

DeSoto nodded. “Well that sounds like a good plan to me. I mean, what’s the hurry, you know?”

“Exactly.”

Roy studied Johnny and his pensive countenance. His comment seemed to have come from a more thoughtful and mature place than had existed even a few months ago. It was still painfully obvious that Johnny wasn’t ready to jump into anything with anyone yet. Sadly, the disloyalty of his friends is what had instigated Johnny’s new, more careful attitude.

They talked a few minutes more before Roy left; Johnny gave Roy Michaela’s address and phone number so that they could keep in touch during his recuperation. No mention was made by either to suggest that Johnny stop by Roy’s to visit like old times. Roy could only hope that with time, Johnny would someday want to be around Joanne again. His children missed him terribly, and Roy decided that if he had to use them to get Johnny to visit, then he would. Things would smooth out eventually – he hoped. It wasn’t going to be easy to tell Joanne that John wasn’t staying with them; she’d been hoping for the opportunity to make amends. Now she wouldn’t get that chance. Not yet, at least.

Although Roy was anxious to know what Johnny was going to do about a job when he was well enough to return to work, he held off asking, afraid of the answer. Roy supposed that if he had to work with Gil from now on, that wouldn’t be so bad. But still, a larger part of him ached to have everything go back to normal – to the way things used to be. If he’d only known how much Johnny wanted the same thing, perhaps he wouldn’t have felt as if that part of their relationship had died.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Despite the fact that Michaela had made the first step to contact Johnny at the bar, he was surprised when she had offered to care for him at her apartment. And he was downright shocked when she mentioned she was taking a week off work to do it.

It felt strange staying in her apartment; it was almost identical to where she lived when they’d first started dating. In ways it felt like they were starting from scratch, right down to the awkwardness between them.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

If Michaela felt uncomfortable, she didn’t let on. She put no pressure on Johnny; tending to his injuries in a professional manner, while remaining warm and compassionate. A delicious meal was put upon the table every evening, and they usually finished the day together in front of the television. At night though, Johnny went to his room to sleep by himself, and Michaela to hers.

Johnny wasn’t sure what to make of it. She seemed to have forgiven him, yet she made no mention of reconciling their relationship. At one time, they couldn’t stay away from one another; now things seemed completely platonic. Johnny wondered if she merely felt sorry for him, or maybe her ministrations only came from a guilty conscience. He hated the thought of either. As the days went by and he gained his strength, he began to allow himself to think of his future, and where he would go from here, likely without her.

It wasn’t until the nightmare that things changed course. At three a.m. one morning, Michaela awoke to John’s yells of desperation, apparently he was caught up in a very unpleasant dream. Although the details were fuzzy, it involved drownings – his and Roy’s. When he’d awoken gasping for air, he found her arms around him, soothing him away from the memory, her whispered assurances warm in his ear. She never left his bed, and when they awoke in the morning with their bodies pressed together, they began making love as if it were second nature.

 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Johnny glanced at Michaela as she drove. A soft smile played on her lips, as if she had some amusing secret thought. She looked happy. He was too; they were on their way to dinner, the first time they’d actually gone on a real date since their breakup. He’d only felt well enough to go anywhere in the past few days. His back was finally healed enough not to cause constant pain.

He felt a bit out of place sitting in the passenger seat. Though his collarbone was healing nicely, he still hadn’t been cleared yet for driving. While being used to riding shotgun with Roy, he wasn’t with Michaela. He’d always been the one who drove and now found it hard to not be a backseat driver. When she turned the wrong way, he spoke up.                                                                                                                                                    

“Hon, you were supposed to go left here, not right.”

“I know where I’m going.”

He eyed her warily. “And where is that?”

“You’ll see,” she said mysteriously.

Johnny grew a suspicious half smile. “Is it a secret?”

“No.” She had to work to keep a smile from forming when she heard John’s sigh. A few minutes later she pulled into the parking lot of an apartment complex and parked.

Johnny squinted at the building. This seems familiar. When have I been here before? Maybe on a run?

He followed her out of the car and into the building. “Where’re we going?”

She walked on, not answering.

By the time they got into the elevator Gage was growing frustrated. He paced back and forth, then stopped. “Who lives here? Is it someone I know?”

“Don’t you remember if you’ve been here before?”

The elevator door opened and she stepped out, walking ahead of him. He caught up to her. “Mick!”

“What?”

“Are you gonna tell me or…”

When they stopped at one of the resident’s doors, it came back to him. His face lit up. “I remember now! This is Dixie’s place.” The last time I was here was for my birthday party when I was in training to be a paramedic.

She smiled at him and rang the bell.

His face melted into confusion. “So what are we doing here?”

The door opened and Dixie stood there smiling. “Hi Michaela; hey Johnny!” She stepped out of the way so they could enter.

Joe Early’s voice floated across the room from the piano he’d been playing. “Hey look everyone! Here’s the man of the hour!” His statement was followed by a round of clapping mixed with some cheers.

Johnny scanned the room. His mouth fell open in astonishment. There in Dixie’s living room were at least two dozen people, most of them Rampart staff and firemen.

Speechless, he gaped at them all, then at Dixie. “What’s going on? Is this a party?” He heard laughter in response.

Roy stepped up to him and patted him on the shoulder – his good one. “Brilliant deduction, Junior.” Roy glanced around at the others, his eyes twinkling. “I’ve always said Johnny has an uncanny ability to instantly size up a situation.” There was more laughter.

Johnny smiled uncomfortably and shrugged. “So…what’s the occasion?”

“You are, dummy!”

John whirled around to see Chet Kelly smirking behind him. His hand went to his chest. “Me?” He looked at Dixie, who was standing next to a smiling Kelly Brackett. “Why?”

Roy coaxed his wife forward. “It’s…well…it was Joanne’s idea. Tell him, hon.”

Johnny stared at her, befuddled.

“We’re all here to honor you, Johnny, to show you how much we appreciate what you did – for Roy, and for Jimmy. If it hadn’t have been for you, I wouldn’t have either one of them in my life.”

Johnny’s face grew hot. A hushed silence blanketed the room, and everyone’s eyes were on him. “Oh. Well, you know, Joanne, you didn’t have to do all this – ”

She stopped him with a hand on his forearm. “Yes I did. I needed to find a way to show you how very thankful I am to have you in my life…which I didn’t do very well while Roy was gone.” Her gaze flitted away in shame for a split second before returning to his face.

Johnny swallowed as her eyes bore into his. The air seemed to grow thinner as his heart pounded with embarrassment – and astonishment.

Joanne sensed his discomfort, but saw the surprised gratitude in his eyes as well.

Hank Stanley stepped in between the two paramedics with a smile. He rested a hand on each of their shoulders. “This party’s for Roy too, pal. It’s sort of a joint welcome home party, slash hero party – for both of you.”

Michaela wrapped her hands around Johnny’s arm and squeezed, leaning into him at the sight of his glittering eyes.

Joanne searched John’s eyes for forgiveness. “I wanted to do this a long time ago, when you and Roy first got back. But you were laid up again, and…”

“Yeah, catching you between hospital stays isn’t easy.” Brackett’s face wore a jocular half smile.

“And don’t forget hospital escapes,” Mike Morton scolded.

Johnny looked away guiltily as everyone chuckled. His eyes swept the room, settling on an important looking man – the Battalion Chief. Next to him was Chief Houts. He suddenly felt overwhelmed at the thought that they were here for him.

It took a nudge in the arm to realize that someone was saying his name. He spun around abruptly just as Roy ensnared his wrist and began checking his pulse.

“Whad’ya think, Doc? Do we need to defibrillate him?” Roy grinned at Dr. Early.

Johnny looked down at his wrist and pulled it away. “Huh?”

“I think a tranquilizer is more in order, don’t you agree, Dr. Marcantonio?

“I absolutely agree with your diagnosis, doctor. Do you happen to have the proper prescription?”

Joe Early had a beer in his hand, and he handed it to her. She offered it to John and he took it as if in a daze.

After staring at the glass for a few seconds, Johnny gulped down about half of it. It seemed to revive him, and when he came up for air, his gaze rested on Roy. “Did you know about this?”

“Well, not until the last minute.” He held up his hands in defense. “Don’t blame me.  Joanne made me promise not to tell.”

Joanne smiled warmly at Johnny, the way she used to, before Roy disappeared, before Jimmy got sick, before any of the past several months had ever happened. Hesitantly, she opened her arms to him in a gesture that invited not only a much needed hug, but forgiveness.

Johnny stared at her a moment, unmoving, and he saw lines of disappointment around her eyes begin to replace her smile. Handing his drink to Michaela, he turned to Joanne. Taking a step forward, he reached out to her, drawing her to him in an embrace.

Her arms went around him tightly and he felt her shudder once, sensing the tears in her eyes.

Lifting her mouth to his ear, she whispered something that made Johnny close his eyes and hug her tighter.

Several long seconds went by and when neither moved, they heard Roy’s voice.

“Okay…ahhh…you two have been hugging long enough, I think.”

There was no reaction from either of them.

“Gage, you better give me my best girl back, or I’m taking yours.” Roy and Michaela moved into each other’s arms, mimicking John and Jo.

With that comment, Johnny planted a quick kiss on Joanne’s cheek and they pulled apart, smiling. Joanne wiped her eye surreptitiously with the back of her hand.

“She’s all yours, Roy.” Johnny stepped over to Michaela and pulled her away from Roy, then wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

Roy did the same with his wife.

Joanne had collected herself and now her eyes twinkled with happiness. “Johnny, we have a few surprises for you, but first, why don’t you get something to eat?” She gestured toward a table loaded with food behind them.

Johnny glanced at her in incredulity. There’s more!?

Michaela hooked her arm in his and led him to the buffet table, where a large spread of h’ors d’ouvres awaited. “C’mon. I’m hungry.”

Johnny glanced over his shoulder as they made their way to the food. Almost everyone was watching him and they all wore grins that looked as if they knew something he didn’t.

As the spotlight on himself faded, Johnny relaxed, and gazed at the food table with relish. He studied the crowd as he loaded up his plate. In addition to Chief Houts, and Battalion Chief McConnike, he saw everyone from the A-shift at Station 51, many of the doctors he worked with at Rampart, and a handful of nurses, plus numerous friends from other stations. Even Chet’s brother, Patrick had shown up for the party.

Johnny mingled his way through the room, speaking to as many as he could. Many of them commended his relentless loyalty to Roy, marveling at his bravery and selfless generosity. Their praises humbled him, yet he had a hard time accepting the compliments after so many months of being ostracized for doing the very things they were now applauding him for. It was hard to believe they were sincere.

It did feel good to be around all his comrades though; he’d missed it. Over the past several months, he’d begun to feel so alone. Now all that seemed like a bad dream.

In the midst of a chat with an old friend from Station 10, Johnny heard his name being called above the din of conversation.

“Looks like you’re wanted,” his friend Art said.

Regrettably, Johnny excused himself. Michaela escorted him to a group of people. Waiting for his presence were Roy and Joanne, Captain Stanley and the guys from the station, Chiefs Houts and McConnike, Drs. Brackett and Early, Dixie, and Mike Morton.

Chet stepped toward Johnny brandishing an envelope. His expression was excited, almost childlike. “Hey, Gage? Here, pal. Open thi – ”

Johnny had just begun to take the envelope when Cap pushed Chet’s wrist down.

“Wait a minute, Kelly.” Cap said impatiently out of the corner of his mouth. “Dr. Brackett has something to say.”

Kel Brackett proffered an envelope in his hand. He nodded at Mike Morton. “Mike, you want to do the honors?”

Mike held up his hand. “You go ahead, Kel. You’re the one that sealed the deal.”

Johnny looked on, baffled. Deal? What deal?

“Okay, Mike. Johnny, on behalf of the Director of Operations at Children’s Hospital, I’d like to present this to you.” He handed Johnny the envelope.

Gage took it tentatively, his brow knitted. Slowly, he opened the envelope and slid out the card inside. A piece of paper fluttered down to the floor. Johnny bent to pick it up, examining it on the way up. His mouth fell open as he straightened, his hand shaking slightly as he read. The others watched as his mouth silently formed the words he was reading.

“What…” Gage’s eyes found Brackett’s. “Is this for real?”

Brackett nodded.

Marco’s voice came from behind him. “Well c’mon, Johnny. Don’t keep us in suspense. What is it?”

“It’s…” he cleared his throat and spoke slowly, as if through a fog. “It’s a check made out to me…it’s a refund of the money charged by Children’s Hospital for Jimmy’s surgeries.”

A rush of excited exclamations rose from the hushed crowd.

Johnny searched Brackett’s face. “How…?”

“You can thank Mike for this one, Johnny. He’s close friends with Children’s administrator. He got the ball rolling. Tell him, Mike.”

Mike crossed his arms and turned to Johnny. “Well I don’t know if you’re aware of it, Gage, but you’ve become quite a celebrity in this town.”

By now Johnny knew that all too well. The TV networks hadn’t given up asking him to appear and tell his story. With all his funds dried up, he’d actually been considering their offers, not knowing how else to pay his bills.

Mike continued. “It seems that when word got out about Jimmy’s surgery, the hospital began getting a lot of very positive publicity, publicity that is getting national attention. Seems people with kids who have heart problems are practically breaking their doors down. They’ve been offered grants from all over to expand their cardiac care unit. 

“I happened to be talking about it to the administrator there, who happens to be a friend of mine. He’d read about you in the papers. When I gave him the finer details, like the rest of us, he was pretty amazed, and also dismayed that Roy’s insurance company had denied the claim. So…I suggested that they refund what you paid for the surgery. I was a bit surprised when he agreed with me. But it was a win-win situation. You get your money back, and they get the prestige of becoming one of the finest children’s heart centers, with a long list of new patients to boot.”  He gestured to Brackett. “I planted the seed; Kel took care of all the details.”

Johnny stared down at the paper in his hands as if he’d never seen a check before.

“Only thing is John, they’d appreciate it if you don’t advertise what they did, because obviously they can’t do this for everyone.”

“No, of course not,” Johnny said mechanically, still in shock.

Joanne spoke apologetically. “Unfortunately it doesn’t cover the surgeon’s charges, but at least it’s something.”

Johnny’s eyes widened at the comment. “Joanne, it’s a lot more than ‘something’. This is a-a-a lifesaver.” Blowing out a breath, he raked a hand through his hair.

Roy got on tiptoes to peek over Johnny’s shoulder at the amount of the check. Oh my God. Could it have cost him that much? He swallowed. 

Gage looked up. “How can I thank you?”

Kel spoke earnestly. “That’s easy. When you’re all healed up, come back to work. Rampart’s been missing one of its best paramedics.” The doctor’s eyes conveyed a sincere apology as they held Johnny’s gaze a long moment. 

Johnny nodded solemnly, his eyes darting quietly to Roy.

“I second that,” Hank Stanley said cheerfully. Very tentatively, he asked, “Any idea when that’ll be?”

Johnny glanced around, feeling a little trapped. He’d finally made his decision about work, but wasn’t ready yet to unveil his future plans. Not here, and not without Roy’s permission to spill the beans. He hadn’t even told Michaela yet.

He turned it around instead. “Well, Cap, uh…” he gestured to Hank’s still bandaged hand. “What about you? When are you coming back?” Almost as soon as he’d asked, he regretted it. If the Cap announced that he wouldn’t be returning to work, Johnny wasn’t sure how he would live with that.

Hank took it to mean that Johnny intended to come back if he did, and smiled. “Well, I’m happy to say that things are healing up better than expected, right Doc?”

Kel crossed his arms. “I’d say if things keep heading in the direction you’re going, you’ll be back to hauling hose before summer.”

Johnny’s shoulders slumped visibly in relief. “Ah. That’s great, Cap.”

“I think so too.” He rubbed his hands together in anticipation. “Now, how about we get on with the rest of this celebration?”

Chet stepped forward anxiously, brandishing the envelope he had in his hand. “Great idea, Cap. In fact, I’ve got – ”

“Cool it, Kelly.” Hank muttered, once again preventing the envelope in Chet’s hand from Gage’s possession. He turned toward Roy and John. “Not to outdo the good doctor, but Chief Houts has something to add to this celebration.” Hank nodded his way.

“Hank, they’re your men. You go ahead.” He handed two envelopes to Hank.

Stanley nodded and handed one to Gage. “John, this is for you.”

Still reeling from the hospital check, John took it numbly, not able to imagine what it could be. Whatever it was, it was inside an official LA County Fire Department envelope. Johnny peeked inside, his breath catching at the sight of another check – made out in his name. He slid out the check, examining it. “Fireman’s Fund”? he asked in disbelief.

Houts spoke. “Captain Stanley submitted your name, Gage. Headquarters thought that after everything you’ve done you might be in need of a little financial help.” His smile was dry as usual, but sincere.

John’s palm went to his brow. “My God,” Johnny whispered incredulously. He looked around him. Everyone had joyful smiles on their faces. Johnny shook his head. “I don’t know what to say…”

His eyes flitted to Roy, then back to the Chief. “Sir, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this, but, well, Roy needs help too. He was out of work a long time; he’s got a lot of bills to pay too; maybe…I’d like to share this with him, if it’s all right.”

Touched by John’s offer, Roy began to decline, but before he could finish a sentence, an envelope was being thrust under his nose as well.

“That won’t be necessary, John.” Hank watched the Chief hand a second envelope to Roy. “Open it Roy.”

DeSoto looked down at the matching envelope in his hands, his wide-eyed disbelief mirroring Gage’s. He opened it, pulling out the check.

Joanne gasped as they read it together. It was another check from the Fireman’s Fund.

“I think those will be enough to help you both back on your feet,” Houts said.

John and Roy exchanged emotional glances, neither yet quite able to believe what was happening. When they could finally speak, both bestowed a heartfelt thanks.

Conversation flowed as everyone closed in around the two paramedics. Chet was up on his tiptoes waving his envelope, trying to squeeze in. “Hey, Johnny…” his voice was drowned out by the others.

“When will you be cleared to return to work, Gage?” McConnike asked matter-of-factly, knowing that Johnny had expressed uncertainty about returning to Station 51.

Johnny felt on the spot again. He glanced nervously at Roy, then at Mike Morton. “Well, uh…I’m not sure, exactly.”

Mike Morton answered for him. “I’d say at least another six weeks or so. After he’s got some physical therapy under his belt.”

“Hank, what about Gil?” Dixie spoke for the man that hadn’t been able to attend the party. She’d become quite fond of him during his fill in for Roy, and then Johnny. As much as she wanted John and Roy back together, she didn’t want to see Gil hurt. “You’ve got one too many paramedics, don’t you?”

Once again, Roy and John looked knowingly at one another, their faces betraying their nervousness.

Hank Stanley answered the question. “Actually, Gil has already talked to me about transferring to another station.”

Dual ‘whats?’ came simultaneously from John and Roy. Neither looked happy.

“Why’d he do that?” John asked.

Roy spoke concernedly. “Cap, that’s not really fair to Gil. I mean, I was the one that disappeared. You can’t just uproot Gil because I came back into the picture. That wasn’t his fault.” Roy held his hands out in appeal.

“Yeah,” Johnny agreed to everyone’s surprise.

Hank’s gaze jumped from one to the other, his forehead wrinkling. He stared at them both a few seconds before speaking. “Gil’s been wanting to work at a station a little closer to home, and a spot is going to be opening at station 110. He’s told me he’d be happy to transfer there, knowing that the two of you would probably like to be back together at our station.” He paused. “I thought you guys would be happy to hear that.”

“Oh,” John said. “Well…that’s great. Isn’t it Roy?”

Roy nodded uncomfortably. “Yeah…great. That’s great, Cap. And that’s really nice of Gil to be so considerate and all…” his voice trailed off.

Hank crossed his arms in front of him. His head cocked slightly to one side. “Why do I get the feeling that you guys have something you’re not telling me?”

Roy and John exchanged looks again.

Hank looked taken aback and unsure. “John,” the wrong answer from Gage could end up dampening the entire party. “Have you decided you don’t want to come back?”

“No, no, Cap. I do. I mean, I’m planning on coming back…when I’m healed up.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Stanley looked from one to the other.

Both paramedics remained mute for a few seconds.

Well, this isn’t exactly how I wanted to break the news, but…I guess I don’t have much choice. Gage raised his brows at DeSoto as if in question.

Roy shrugged and nodded.

Hank’s face began to reflect his discomfort.

Johnny cleared his throat. “Well, there’s really no problem, Cap. It’s just that…well,” he took in a breath, “Roy and I have decided that…we’re both gonna take the captain’s exam.”

For a moment, everyone was quietly stunned, especially Michaela.

Joanne was smiling; she and Roy had discussed it thoroughly and she was pleased with his decision to try. Slowly murmurings and nods of approval broke out.

“Hey, that’s great, fellows,” Joe Early said sincerely, toasting them with his beer.

“Yeah,” Brackett verbalized. “Except for losing two of our best paramedics.” A worried frown spread across his face. Could this be because of what I did to Johnny?

Hank tried to smile past the shock and be gracious but it was like forcing a knife into a block of cement.  Why now? Maybe neither one of them wants to work under me any more.

A captain? Michaela thought. That’d be a whole lot less dangerous…Her face brightened and she gazed affectionately up at Johnny.

“I think it’s wonderful,” Dixie crooned.

Roy smiled. “Well it won’t be right away of course. We have a lot of studying to do.”

“Yeah.” Johnny saw the defeated look on Cap’s face and spoke to him. “Cap…uh, Roy and I have done a lot of thinking about this. After everything that’s happened this past year…”

Hank’s eyes grew wider and sadder. I knew it. “John – ”

“No, I mean…after everything that happened to Roy, and well, I gotta admit, as much as I love Rampart,” he smiled at Kelly Brackett, “I’ve been a patient there a few too many times. I think both of us are ready for something a little less…hazardous, you know?”

Relief dawned in Hank’s eyes as guilt loosened its hold.

“And…both of us could use the extra cash.” Johnny rested his hand on his captain’s shoulder in a way that said, we’re not angry at you. “Roy’s got another mouth to feed, and I…I’d kinda like to find some land and maybe build a ranch.” His eyes strayed cautiously to Michaela. “Start over, you know?” He held her eyes for a moment then gazed down to her neck where she once again wore the locket he’d given her, the one that had accidentally been ripped from her neck one day when one of the dogs jumped up on her.

She hadn’t noticed it at the time until the day at the hospital.

The meaning behind Johnny’s words wasn’t lost on her. She looked at him hopefully.

Hank nodded slowly in understanding.

Dixie reached out and squeezed a forearm on each man. “You guys’ll be great captains. But we’ll sure miss you around the hospital.”

“Well, nothing’s written in stone yet,” Roy offered.

“Yeah, we gotta pass the test first.” John said.

“Well if it’s anything like the paramedic exam we gave, I’m sure you’ll pass it with flying colors,” Brackett said, also feeling a little less guilty.

“Well, we’ve learned from the best.” John threw a meaningful look at his captain, then glanced at Kel Brackett.

“That’s right,” Roy agreed. “Maybe the Cap will be able to give us some pointers.”

His guilt relieved, Hank grinned. “Be glad to.”

After a sudden sputtering of conversation, Dixie suggested, “Look, why don’t we all have some cake?” She gestured to a large sheet cake on the table nearby. Everyone agreed enthusiastically and headed toward the table.

“But wait…I’ve got something…” Chet’s voice trailed off as the others abandoned him to stand alone.

As Johnny was being ushered toward the cake, he glanced over his shoulder.

Chet stood alone, slump-shouldered and defeated looking. The hand that held the envelope had dropped limply to his side.

Johnny broke away from the others and headed back toward the curly-headed fireman. “Hey, Chet. Did you have something to show me?”

Chet shrugged cheerlessly. “Ah, it was nothing important.”

“Well you sure didn’t act like it a few minutes ago.”

Kelly looked down and shrugged. “I can give it to you later.”

Johnny felt bad. “C’mon, Chet. I really want to see it.”

“No you don’t. It’s nothing much.”

“Well why don’t you let me be the judge of that?”

“…I  don’t know…”

“C’mon, Chet. Look, I didn’t mean to ignore you earlier. I was just sort of…overwhelmed, you know? I really want to see what you have.”

Chet looked up at him timidly as he juggled the envelope between hands. “It’s just…small, Johnny…compared with everything else…”

“It is not.” He looked Chet in the eyes earnestly. “Not if it’s from you.” He reached out and snatched the envelope from Chet’s hands and began opening it before Kelly could protest.

Johnny glanced at Chet in an almost affectionate manner, then back down to what he was pulling out of the envelope. “Wha…another check…?”

It was from Chet in the amount of three hundred dollars. John’s eyes widened in shock and he looked to Chet for an explanation.

One of Kelly’s shoulders shrugged. “After you got back, I took up a collection for you from the some of the guys in the Department. I thought it might be used for a…down payment…or something, on a horse maybe.”

Johnny’s voice stalled in his throat. For a long moment he just stood still, staring down at the gift.  Even though Chet’s check was for far less money than the others he’d received, it was the biggest gift he got that night.

When Chet saw the impact he’d made on his friend he brightened a little.

“Thank you,” John said softly, then attempted to clear his throat, which had closed up. His good arm briefly encircled Chet’s shoulder and tugged once. “This means a lot, especially coming from you.”

“You’re welcome. It’s the…least I could do, after everything…you know. Oh, and I thought you might want to know… my cousin Don was transferred to another department. He’s not doing investigative work any more.”

The only reaction he got was an expression of surprise, but Johnny remained silent.

Whether Gage got gratification from that or not, Chet didn’t know. He only hoped it offered a tiny bit of comfort, or at least absolution.

“Buy you another beer?”

John smiled. “Yeah, I could use another one. Nothing like an ice cold beer to wash down a piece of cake.”

With that, the frozen mountain of animosity and tension that had built up over the months between the two men began to melt.

As the evening came to a close, most of the guests began to depart, leaving a core group of friends that included everyone from Station 51 except Gil, and Joe, Dixie, Mike, and Kel Brackett. Those stragglers were comfortably camped out on Dixie’s couch enjoying some coffee.

A single wrapped gift sat alone on the table next to what was left of the cake, and Roy went to retrieve it.

As Roy approached Johnny with the gift, Gage straightened from his slumped position on the couch, a look of disbelief crossing his face. Roy put the gift in his lap.

“Another gift? Roy, I’ve already had too much – ”

“Just be quiet and open it. It’s from Joanne and I, and we haven’t given you anything yet.”

Looking contrite, Johnny pressed his lips together and began tearing at the paper. It revealed something in a frame, and when he turned it around, he saw what appeared to be a poem, beautifully matted and framed behind glass.

Narrowing his eyes, he read the title. It said at the top, ‘The Thousandth Man by Rudyard Kipling’. Briefly his eyes lifted and he scanned the people around him. A dawning of realization crossed his face. “’The Thousandth Man’. It’s a poem, right?”

“That’s right.” Roy leaned forward, anxious to witness Johnny’s reaction after he read it.

“It’s about you,” Joanne said. “Dr. Morton brought it to our attention.”

Johnny put his hand to his chest and looked at Mike. “About me?”

Mike Morton delicately set his coffee cup on his saucer. “It describes you. Don’t you recognize it?”

“Yeah, it sounds kind of familiar…I’ve heard of Rudyard Kipling…”

“It’s required tenth grade reading in most schools.”

Johnny stared into space for a moment, remembering all the pot he smoked his tenth grade year, the year he’d moved to LA to stay with his aunt after his grandfather died. It had been an especially difficult year for him, losing his last close relative. Jeez, I was too stoned most of my tenth grade year to pay any attention to poetry…

Chet was tired of waiting. “Just read it, would ya, Gage? The rest of us would like to see it sometime this year.”

Johnny glared at Chet, then he looked down at the poem. He began to read. His expression grew thoughtful, then emotions began to race across his face as he neared the end.

It was evident that he was having trouble keeping his composure.

Johnny was not a weeper. He never cried, hadn’t in years. Not when his friend Drew died nor even at his parents’ deaths, or at least not in front of anyone. Usually he got mad instead, or silent, or withdrawn, but he wasn’t the type of man who shed tears openly. It probably had to do with how he was raised – amongst a proud heritage where it wasn’t manly to cry.

Inhaling deeply, he fought to keep his eyes dry as he read the note scribbled across the bottom of the matt in Roy’s handwriting. It said,

To our thousandth man.

Except to us, you’re more like one in a million.

Thanks for everything.

Love, Joanne and Roy.

Johnny stared at it a long time in silence. He swallowed twice, then surreptitiously wiped at the corner of his eye with his finger. His head finally lifted. His voice broke as he simply said, “Thank you.” It was all he could manage.

The night came to an end. Dixie’s guests collected their coats and went out into the chilly February night air.

There wasn’t one particular thing about the evening that had turned things around. It was a combination of everything coming together in just the right way.

Long held feelings of being an outsider were fast fading as the weight of the unforgiven slid off his shoulders and dissolved into the night. Even though nothing about his life was the same as it had been just a few months ago, he seemed back in his place, and things felt right. Happiness was within sight. All he had to do was reach for it.

Johnny tucked the beautifully framed poem under his arm and took his girl’s hand. He wouldn’t get much sleep tonight.  He had a future to plan.

THE END

The Thousandth Man*

By Rudyard Kipling

One man in a thousand, Solomon says,
Will stick more close than a brother.
And it's worth while seeking him half your days
If you find him before the other.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine depend
On what the world sees in you,
But the Thousandth man will stand your friend
With the whole round world agin you.

'Tis neither promise nor prayer nor show
Will settle the finding for 'ee.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of 'em go
By your looks, or your acts, or your glory.
But if he finds you and you find him.
The rest of the world don't matter;
For the Thousandth Man will sink or swim
With you in any water.

You can use his purse with no more talk
Than he uses yours for his spendings,
And laugh and meet in your daily walk
As though there had been no lendings.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of 'em call
For silver and gold in their dealings;
But the Thousandth Man he's worth 'em all,
Because you can show him your feelings.

His wrong's your wrong, and his right's your right,
In season or out of season.
Stand up and back it in all men's sight --
With that for your only reason!
Nine hundred and ninety-nine can't bide
The shame or mocking or laughter,
But the Thousandth Man will stand by your side
To the gallows-foot -- and after!

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