Waiting

I lay here in the dark waiting for someone to come. I’m wet and cold. I know that my friends are working to get me out even though I can’t hear them yet. They knew I was in the building when it went and my partner knew where I was. Well, approximately, anyway. I’m not on the same floor that I was before. The good thing is that the explosion vented the building and helped to extinguish the fire.

I tried to move the beam that’s lying across my legs pinning me down but it wouldn’t budge. So, I have no choice but to wait for my shift mates to dig me out. The waiting has to be the worst part. My medical knowledge is both a blessing and a curse. I know what’s wrong with me and I know what else could be wrong. I can’t feel my legs, can’t wiggle my toes. Even if I could have moved the beam, I wouldn’t have been able to walk out of here.

I’ve been trying to keep my thoughts positive but it’s hard. If I’m paralyzed, my career is over. My life is over. Because my career is my life. There’s never been anything else that I have ever wanted to do or would ever want to do. My head is becoming fuzzy. I must have hit it harder than I thought. When I put my hand to my head, it came away covered with blood.

I think I must have lost consciousness. I wonder how long I was out. I’m so cold. I wish I had a blanket. Where is everyone? Shouldn’t they have been here by now? Is that a noise?

“Anyone there?”

Guess not. They should be getting close. Where are ya, partner? I need some help here but I’m secure in my knowledge that they will come. I just don’t know if they will be in time. My head hurts really bad now. It feels like someone is hitting me with a hammer. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realize that the banging in my head is actually my friends working their way closer to me.

“I’m here.”

This time I receive an answer.

“Hang on, man. We’re coming.” It was my partner’s voice and relief washes through my body.

“How you doing?”

That’s a loaded question. If I tell him how I’m really doing, he’s going to go crazy with worry. But I know I need to tell him the truth so that they can have the necessary equipment ready when they can get through.

“My head. I think I hit it pretty good. And I’m pinned down by a beam. I think I injured my back.”

No need to tell him that I can’t move my legs just yet. Knowing that there’s a potential back injury, he’ll take all the proper precautions anyway.

“Hang tight, man. We’re almost through.”

I want to tell him that I’m not going anywhere but my vision is clouding again and I know that it’s just a matter of seconds before I go out again.

Slowly the room comes back into focus. I can hear my captain calling to me.

“Hey pal, you still there, you still with us?”

“Yeah, Cap. I’m here now. I think I went out for a minute. It’s getting harder to keep my eyes open.”

“We’re just about there. Talk to me, pal. How you doin’?”

“I’m hanging in there, Cap.” I don’t want to talk to him. I just want to sleep.

I hear a loud noise and Captain Stanley yelling for everyone to get back. A new layer of concrete dust floats down to cover my face and turnouts. I try to wipe my eyes forgetting the blood still on my hand and I manage to smear it all over my face although I don’t realize that I’ve done this.

I hate the waiting. I want to be out of this room, out of these wet, cold clothes. I’ve been on the other end of this situation long enough to know that it takes time to dig someone out but I am losing my patience. I want to be home in bed. In my bed. In nice warm clothes. I’ll be lucky if I don’t catch pneumonia after all this. It was a cold night to begin with and I don’t know how long I’ve been lying around in these soaked turnouts.

“You okay, pal?” Captain Stanley wants to know.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” That’s not entirely true but I’m sure the man doesn’t want to hear me say that I think I’m dying. My stomach is becoming distended and hard and I’m sure that I have internal injuries. I must really be buried for it to be taking so long.

My mind races over my knowledge of internal injuries. There must be a good amount of blood in there and I’m sure they’ll have to operate when they get me to Rampart. If they get me to Rampart. I gotta stop thinking like that.

“Hey Cap, do me a favor?”

“Sure, pal, anything.”

“Tell my family that I love them. I mean in case anything happens to me. Would you tell them for me?”

My partner’s face comes into view.

“You can tell them yourself, Roy,” he says and grins at me. He immediately goes into a professional mode. Ordering everyone around, talking to Rampart and taking my vitals. I know that there isn’t anyone else that I’d rather have taking care of me right now.

“Sorry, you had to wait so long, Roy, but we were working as fast as we could,” Captain Stanley assures me as he kneels by my side.

“It’s okay, Cap. It wasn’t really that long.” I say nonchalantly.

I can tell by Johnny’s face that he’s worried about something and then he asks, “Roy, can you wiggle your toes?”

I look at him and shake my head no. There’s just the briefest look of dispair but it is quickly replaced with a smile as he tries to put on a brave front. I know then that he’s just as scared as I am.

My friends work quickly and before I know it, I am being carried out of the building in the stokes basket. I know my wife will be waiting for me at Rampart. Captain Stanley is the midst of everything else will have arranged for it. I am glad she will be there but scared at the same time. I may no longer be the man she married.

My vision blurs again and when I wake up next, I’m at Rampart.

“Welcome back, Roy,” Dixie says smiling. “You had us worried for a bit there.”

I can’t move my head because of the C collar that I’m still wearing. Johnny moves into my line of vision and again I’m relieved that he’s still around.

“Roy, we’re taking you to surgery. You have some internal injuries that we need to fix.” Dr. Brackett tells me.

“Doc, my legs?” I have to ask.

“Roy, from the Xrays, it looks like it just temporary but we’ll have to wait and see. Now, let’s get you to OR.”

Wait and see. I hate waiting. I want to know now. I don’t want to wait.

“Joanne?”

Johnny pops his head back in. “She’s out in the waiting area. Doc, can she come in for a minute before you take him?”

I am thankful for Johnny. He knows my fears and what I am thinking. He knows that I need to see her just as much as she needs to see me.

From somewhere in the room, I hear Dr. Brackett say, “just for a minute. We need to get moving.”

Johnny smiles at me. “I’ll be right back, Roy.” And then he’s gone.

I close my eyes to try to think about what I should say to my wife. What is she thinking? What is she going through? It must be so hard on her. Will she still love me if I can no longer walk?

“Roy,” Joanne’s voice calls out to me and I open my eyes. I can tell she’s been crying but she is still the most beautiful woman. I smile to try to reassure her that I’ll be okay.

“I love you so much, Roy,” she says as she places a soft kiss on my lips. “I always will,” she says looking directly into my eyes.

She knows what I’m thinking. She knows my fears. I should never have doubted her love. I didn’t really but I’m scared and it makes you go a little crazy.

Doctor Brackett announces that it’s time to go and I grab Joanne’s hand. “I love you, too, Jo,” I tell her as they start to wheel me out.

“I’ll be waiting,” she says softly. I hope she doesn’t mind waiting. It could be a long wait.

Johnny leans back in. “I’ll be here, too, Pally,” he says laying a hand on my arm

Two weeks later, I am released from the hospital. Johnny and Joanne have come to take me home. Joanne is pushing my wheelchair and Johnny runs ahead to open the car door.

Joanne puts the wheelchair as close the car as she can and Johnny leans down to help me up.

“No, I can do it,” I say shortly. Too shortly. I know he’s just trying to help. I see the hurt look in his eyes and I feel bad for putting it there.

“I’m sorry. I just want to do it myself,” I tell him. I slowly stand up and use the car for support. I know Johnny is right there in case I need him. I take two steps forward and lower myself into the seat. I look at my wife and my friend and they are both smiling from ear to ear. I want to do it myself because I can.

“What’s got you two so happy,” I ask but I already know. This was a big accomplishment for me. The orderly disappears with the wheelchair and I’m glad to see it go. I still have a long way to go but the good doctor was right. My condition is only temporary and already I have made great strides toward recovery.

Joanne climbs into the back seat and Johnny into the driver’s seat. He still hasn’t wiped that silly grin off his face.

“What are we waiting for,” I ask him. I’m ready to go home now. Ready to get my life back.

Stories by Terribv Guest Dispatchers