Who Did It

"All right, who did it?" "Did what?" He narrowed his eyes. "You know what." "What's that supposed to mean? You saying I did it?" His eyes narrowed even more. "Well, if you didn't, how come you know about it?" "Because you told me?" Chet looked at the others "Told us?" he corrected. "Okay. . .okay. You've got a point. But, I bet you don't know what you didn't do." Chet sat up proudly. "Put pudding in your shoes." The other man's eyes widened. "Ah ha! So you did do it!" "Hey! You tricked me into confessing!" He slouched down in his chair, an ill expression on his face. "Pretty slick, aren't I?" "Well, at least there's one consolation." "Yeah? And what's that?" "I'm not the one with pudding oozing out of my shoes." The other looked down at his feet and frowned. "Oh man!"

Directions "Okay, turn right here." "Here?" "Right." "Turn right or turn to the left right here?" "Roy, what did I just say?" "Right." "Before that." "Turn right here." "Well, there you go. Turn right here." "Okay." "Wait! That isn't right." "It is too. I turned to the right." "Yeah, but I was wrong. We should've gone left." "Left?" "Right." "Is it right that we should've gone left?" "Right." "I have an idea, Junior. How about you drive and I'll do the navigating next time." "Alright!" (picture a big grin on his face)

Part 1"So whataya think?" "About what?" "The idea." "That depends." "On what?" "Which idea we're talking about." "You know. The one we discussed this morning after roll call." "Oh that idea. You sure it'll work this time?" "Roy, I'm positive it'll work this time. . .positive! I know what I did wrong before." "Yeah, so do I. Well, I guess since we already blew a fuse and crossed the wires in the squad once, we won't manage to do either of those things again. And there's not much else that could go wrong." "Good deal, then. I still have the tape recorder from last time, so we're all set. You think we should. . .uh. . .give Cap a heads up this time?""I'd say that's a great idea."

Ideas

part 3

"Got the tape in?"

"Check."

"Mic in hand?"

"Check."

"The recorder on?"

"Check."

"Okay, lets give it a go."

"You got it. This is John Gage coming to you from Station 51 in LA Coun. . . What? What are you looking at me like that for?"

"Wouldn't the testing 1, 2, 3 be enough again?"

"Well yeah! But this is more fun."

"Right. Okay, play it back and see what we get."

"Okay, it's rewound and here we go. . ."

("Check." "Okay, let's give it a go." "You got it. This is John Gage coming to you frrrrrmmmm (garbled noise)---")

"It stopped! It went berserk and stopped!"

"What did you do to it?"

"Roy, I didn't do anything but push the 'play' button. You saw me! Oh man, I don't believe this. It worked! It actually worked and then it ate the tape! Look. . .it's all tangled up and mangled. . .we're gonna have to take the recorder out to fix it and reinstall it!"

"I don't think Cap is gonna go for that."

"You know, you're right. You're absolutely right. Man! I don't believe this! We were so close!"

"Well, you know what they say."

"Probably, but go ahead and remind me anyway."

"So close yet so far away."

"On second thought, don't remind me."

The end...

Just Another B & E

"Jennifer said what?"

"You heard me."

"Man, we aren't at all like those guys. . .are we?"

"Well, the more I look at you, the more you do kind of remind me of one of 'em."

"Roy! That's crazy. How could I look anything like a puppet?"

"They're muppets."

"Muppet. . .puppet. . .doesn't matter. How could I look like one of 'em?"

"Well, it's more about their personalities than anything else."

"Roy, I ask you . . . how can a puppet--"

"Muppet."

"Muppet. . .how can a Muppet have a personality?"

"Look, I don't know what you're complaining about. At least Jen pinpointed you as Ernie, the fun and easy going one that lets problems roll off his shoulders."

"Yeah, and the one that drives his partner nuts."

"Yep . . .that's true."

"Do I drive you nuts?"

"As a matter of fact, you're beginning to right now."

"I think I'm starting to see where she got this idea. Well, I guess there are things worse than being called the Bert and Ernie of the fire department."

"I'm sure there are, 'Ernie'."

"Cute, Roy. Real cute."

This was inspired by my daughter on the way home from school today. We were listening to a Sesame Street tape in the car and singing along when she mentioned about certain *pairs* being like Bert and Ernie. . .and you know the rest. lol

NEW! 03/21/03
The Advice

“Hey, Roy?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember when I got that credit card bill that was messed up and you helped me get it straightened out?”

“I recall TRYING to help you get it straightened out. If I remember right, you kind of ignored my advice to write a letter and tried to do it by telephone.”

“Yeah, well. . .it worked in the long run. . .”

“So. . .”

“So. . .what?”

“So where are we going with this?”

“Oh! Right!. . .well. . .don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m about to give you a headache.”

“How’s this?”

“Better.”

“So. . .?”

“So. . .remember I said Gloria Truelove turned me down for a date when she learned I’d really only spent $8.42 on a dinner for two?”

“Yes, I DO recall that.”

“Well, you know how hard it is for me to just let a challenge like that go.”

“Sometimes.”

“Well, I took her out afterall.”

“You did?”

“Uh huh. And I spent $15.84 cents this time.”

“On your credit card. . .”

“On my credit card.”

“So. . .?”

“So, I got the bill today and it’s $31.68.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Nope.”

“They doubled it AGAIN?”

“Uh huh.”

“Well, just call Gloria and have her straighten it out.”

“Thanks, Roy! That’s just what I needed to hear.”

*pause*

“What are you DOING? What’s with the paper?”

“I’m writing a letter to the credit card company.”

“But I thought you wanted my advice?”

“I do. But I learned from the last time. Find out what you think and do the opposite. It works out better that way.”

“But you KNOW Gloria now.”

“Roy, haven’t you ever heard the saying, ‘don’t mix business with pleasure’? Otherwise it’s a certain doom for a relationship. I’d think you would know that being a married man.”

“If YOU knew that, why didn’t you just write the letter and be done with it?”

“I wanted to make sure my instincts were right. Your answer told me they were.” *Pause* “Hey, where are you goin’?”

“To get something for my headache.”