"The Chronicles of Mike Stoker"

By Doc Sara

Chapter Two

"Yesterday Once More"

Friday, May 4, 1973…

Gracie placed the framed photo of Mike, Tommy, and Roy on the mantle and turned to make her way to the couch.  She flopped down and gave a contented sigh as she looked around the room.  "Finally, everything's in its place," she said out loud.  It had been about four weeks since her return to Carson, but those first two weeks had been spent with the Stokers.  Even before Sean O'Donnell's sudden death, Gracie had been preparing for her move from Denver back to her Southern California home.  The arrangements had been made, and she had packed everything that she knew she would not need in the near future.  With almost everything already packed for the move, very little remained other than her furniture.  Three of her friends from Presbyterian/Saint Luke's Hospital in Denver had offered to help her with the move.  The three interns, Neal Palmer, Scott Doyle, and Carey Beasley, were to drive the moving van from Denver to Carson in two weeks.  They would also be bringing her car.  Neal had relatives in Santa Monica that he had not seen in a long time, so this would work out perfectly for him.  Scott and Carey were just happy to have a reason to travel to California and a chance to hit the beach.  Gracie did, however, insist that they allow her to pay for their flight back to Denver.  Neither man wanted that either; they were just happy to help out their friend, a friend that they were going to miss terribly.  In the end, Gracie won and her friends agreed to accept the plane tickets.

Since Gracie had to make the trip earlier than planned, she decided to just stay in California and let Neal, Scott, and Carey stay on schedule.  She had left her spare apartment key as well as her extra set of car keys with Neal.  As originally planned, her friends arrived with the rest of her belongings and her prized fire engine red 1967 Mustang two weeks after her return to Carson.  They arrived just before lunch and found they had plenty of help to unload the moving van.  After their shift ended that morning, Mike, Johnny, Marco, and Chet came over to help.  Johnny had joked that since they did not have a ‘honey-do’ list like Hank and Roy, they could easily help.  Gracie had cooked breakfast for the firemen and promised them a special lunch after the work was done.  It did not take long to unload the van and arrange the furniture to her liking.  Soon Gracie was enjoying a nice leisurely lunch with her seven friends.

Once all of her belongings were in the house, Gracie was left with only deciding where to place the smaller things she had collected over the past few years.  She had spent the last two weeks doing just that.  It had felt strange sleeping in her old home again, but it was a good strange.  She felt comfortable and safe knowing that Bob and Helen Stoker were next door just as they had been when she was growing up.  There was one big difference now; Mike was not next door.  Still, Gracie was glad to be home for keeps. 

She and Mike had spent a fair amount of time together in the previous weeks when he was not on duty.  He had helped her put a fresh coat of paint on a couple of the bedrooms and even did some minor repairs of the privacy fence on the east side of the back yard.  All the houses in the neighborhood had fences around their back yards, but the houses at 2536 and 2538 East Adams Street had no fence down the middle to divide the neighboring yards.  The two families had left their yards openly adjoining one another since purchasing the homes in the early spring of 1941.  They were the best of friends, and neither family had any desire to keep any distance between them.  Gracie wanted things to stay just that way.

As she stretched out on the couch, she found herself staring at the picture she had just placed on the mantle.  She remembered the day she took it.  Engine 69 had just returned from a brush fire, and she had dropped by the station with some freshly baked muffins as she so often did.  Mike, Tommy, and Roy had drawn the short straws and would not be hitting the shower until Captain O'Donnell was finished.  They were still in their turnout coats, their faces smudged with soot and ash.  Gracie thought they looked adorable.  They told her she was crazy.  She had just picked up her new camera and wanted to try it out.  It was in her purse, so she was able to sneak it out unnoticed.  When she started snapping pictures of the trio, she was quickly paid back for her trouble.  Mike and Tommy grabbed her by her shoulders and feet and held her down, while Roy shared a little of the grime they wore as he streaked her face with black smudges to make her look like she was wearing war paint.  They all laughed when it was over, Gracie laughing hardest of them all.  Those were some wonderful times.  None of them had a care in the world. 

Gracie felt a tear roll down her cheek.  She quickly wiped it away.  "No time for pining away for the past.  I've got buns in the oven and things to plan, but first I'd better take that last batch of muffins out of the oven before they're hard enough to use for door stops," she said, once again speaking out loud.  "Sheesh, I need to stop talking to myself.  Then again, as long as I don't start answering myself I guess I'm okay."

She rolled herself off the couch and headed for the kitchen.  She opened the oven door and removed the muffin tin with the last batch of banana nut muffins she had baked for Mike and the guys.  While Mike was great in the kitchen with main courses, she was better suited for making sweets.  There was one more batch to go in the oven, and once they were done she would pack them up and drive down to the station to deliver them.  She had nothing else planned for the evening anyway. 

The majority of her day had been spent arranging, once, twice, and sometimes three times, pictures and bric-a-brac that she had accumulated during her nearly 32 years of life.  She had also made a trip to Stater Brothers to do some grocery shopping and stopped by Ace Hardware to look at barbecue grills.  She had picked out a few so that when she and Mike returned on Saturday, he could help her select the best one.  She had also browsed through the patio furniture and got some ideas on what she might like to add to her back yard.  The patio furniture that her parents had purchased just before her mother's death was still like new, but she wanted to add a few additional pieces.  Since they would be taking Mike's truck, she figured she might as well take advantage of having transportation for any larger items.  She wanted to have everything ready for her first endeavor at entertaining her friends since returning home to Carson.

She looked forward to the cookout the following weekend.  The guys would have a three-day weekend, so she decided it was the perfect time for the get together that she had mentioned to them that first night she had visited the station.  Since she had chosen a date for the gathering, having made sure that it worked with each man's schedule, she had been asked by the men what they should bring, and she told them nothing but themselves.  She intended to provide all the food and beverages that would be needed.  She had even turned down Ellie and Joanne's offers of helping to prepare the side dishes.  However, when Joanne and Ellie told her about the wonderful chile con queso dip that Marco made, she had decided to ask him if he would mind bringing some as it was one of her favorites.  She was going to ask him when she took the muffins to the station.

Gracie was just closing the oven door when she heard the doorbell.  She laid her oven mitt on the counter and headed out of the kitchen.  She could not imagine who it might be.  Helen Stoker would have just come to the back door like she always had in the past when she and Gracie's mother, Ruth, were best friends.  As she passed through the living room, she looked at her watch and saw that it was 5:10 p.m.  The only people she knew in Carson other than the Stokers were the A-Shift crew at Station 51, as well as Ellie Stanley and Joanne DeSoto.  There was also Carmen Sanchez, the nurse practitioner that would be working with her at the practice.  Since the guys were on shift and she could not imagine either of the women coming by, she was at a loss.  When she got to her front door, she stood on her tiptoes and looked through the peep hole.  She was surprised to find that it was indeed Ellie Stanley.  She unlocked the door and opened it.

"Well, this is a pleasant surprise.  Come on in."  She welcomed her visitor with a smile and stepped aside for her friend to enter.

"I hope I haven't come at a bad time," the captain's wife stated.  "I guess I really should've called first."

"No problem.  I wasn't doing anything special."  Gracie directed Ellie toward the living room.  "I've just been adding some finishing touches to my decorating scheme, or lack thereof, depending on which way you look at it."

Ellie looked around the room and thought it looked lovely.  She especially liked the photos that Gracie had strategically placed about the room, making it look very homey.  She saw familiar faces in many of them.  "It smells like you've been working in the kitchen, too," she added as she took the seat that was offered to her.

"Yeah, I have a little bit.  I went grocery shopping today and decided to bake some muffins to take down to the station.  I was kind of craving some chocolate myself anyway."  She lightly bit her lower lip.  "It's that time of month, and I have some of the most awful chocolate cravings during that time.  Sometimes I think I'd kill for chocolate," she said with a laugh.

"Oh, believe me, I know the feeling.  Hank, bless his heart, knows that when I start talking about needing some chocolate what that means.  I think I even scare him a little sometimes.  Chocoholics can get a little aggressive if they can't get their fix."  Both women laughed.  "Hank has even left the house without a word and returned later with an assorted box of chocolates because he wasn't sure whether I needed milk chocolate or dark."

"That's so sweet of him.  You're a lucky woman, Ellie.  Hank's a great guy," Gracie complimented.

"Yes I am and that he is.  I wouldn't take anything in the world for him.  He makes a great fire department captain, but he's an even better husband and father."  She mentally reminded herself just how lucky she was.

Gracie could tell that Ellie's mind was drifting elsewhere, and it did not take a rocket scientist to know where.  "So, what brings you to my neck of the woods?"

Ellie suddenly realized she had not told her friend the reason for her unannounced visit.  "Oh, Clay and Susie are both out with friends tonight, and with Hank on shift I didn't really feel like having dinner alone.  I was hoping that you'd be free.  I thought about calling Joanne to ask if she'd like to go, too, but then I figured that it'd be a little bit too last minute for her to get a sitter.  So, would you care to go out for a bite to eat?  Or do you have other plans?"

Gracie did not have to think about it.  "I'd love to join you for dinner.  I was going to order in a pizza, but going out with a friend sounds much more enjoyable."  She was thankful to have made this new friend prior to her return to Carson.  "I'm not exactly dressed for anything ritzy though.  What did you have in mind?"

"Oh, nothing fancy at all.  There's a restaurant that Hank and I go to with the kids pretty often that serves just about anything you could want.  It's very casual dining, so even jeans and a tee-shirt work fine."

Gracie was glad to know that she would not have to do anything more than just change from her cutoffs and favorite USC Trojans tee into a pair of jeans and a blouse.  "Great.  I just put the last batch of muffins in the oven.  They should be done in about 10 to 15 minutes.  That should give me time to change and make myself more presentable."  She remembered her plans for the baked goods.  "Oh, I kind of got going on a baking frenzy and baked several batches.  I thought I'd take them down to the station for the guys.  Do you mind if we stop by there on our way to the restaurant?"

"No, not at all.  I wouldn't mind seeing my husband for a minute or two anyway, that is if they're in quarters.  I might even mention to him that I sure wish I had a Whitman's Sampler and see if he runs for cover," she replied with a mischievous grin on her face.

Gracie thought it would be hysterical to see how Hank reacted to the mention of a need for chocolate from his wife.  "That'd be so mean."

Ellie just grinned.  "Maybe so, but just think about it.  He'd probably not come  home tomorrow morning without a box of chocolates in hand thinking that the next few days would be hell for him.  Instead, he'd be bringing me chocolates and would later get a proper thank you for them in return for his trouble."

Gracie felt her face flush and her mouth drop wide open at her friend's devilish suggestion.  "Ellie!  You are so bad!"

"It never hurts to give him a little surprise now and then."  Both women burst into laughter.

When the laughter subsided, Gracie rose from her chair.  "I'll go upstairs and get changed.  By the time I get back the muffins should be ready to come out."

"What kind did you make?" Ellie asked as she sniffed the air.

"I made a couple of batches of chocolate chip; one batch is for me naturally.  I made two batches of blueberry and two batches of banana nut.  Maybe a few dozen muffins will tide them over till morning."

"Banana nut is Hank's favorite.”

Gracie smiled.  "Mike's, too.  I guess it's a good thing I made two batches.  The other guys will have to make do with the blueberry and chocolate chip.  Good thing Hank's the captain and Mike's the engineer.  After all, rank doth have its privileges."  She laughed again as she started toward the door of the room.  "I won't be too long."

"Take your time.  I can check on the muffins shortly."  When Gracie had exited, Ellie again looked around the room.  The picture on the mantle caught her eye.  She stood up and walked over to the fireplace.  She looked at the smiling, smudged faces of Mike Stoker, Roy DeSoto, and Tommy O'Donnell.  She remembered Tommy well.  During the short time that he and Hank worked together, they had become friends.  They weren’t as close as Hank and Mike were, but they were good friends nonetheless.  When Hank passed the engineer's exam and received his promotion in the summer of 1966, it was hard to leave the crew of Station 69 behind.  Cap O'Donnell had been good to Hank and encouraged him without fail.  While Hank had been sure that he wanted to be a fireman and wanted to be an engineer, he had still been unsure of himself.  It was Sean O'Donnell and his son, Tommy, who had helped Hank to get over his insecurities and be able to move on to the next phase of his career in the fire service.  For that she would always be grateful.

When Hank left Station 69 for his new position at Station 16, it had been with some sadness.  He could not imagine ever working with such a fine crew again, especially a group of men that felt more like family than they did coworkers.  Fortunately for her husband, when he was given the captaincy of Station 51 in Carson, he found his niche and once again was able to have that feeling of family as he had enjoyed at Station 69.

She would never forget the day that Hank got the phone call about Tommy.  He was devastated, not only for the loss of his friend, but for the loss that his captain and family had suffered.  It had been a while since he had seen Tommy, but he had tried to keep abreast of how things were going for his friend and former shift mate.  While their work shifts seldom allowed time to visit, they did stay in touch by phone on a semi-regular basis.  Hank was aware that Tommy had become very close to the new man that had replaced him upon his promotion and that Tommy had recently married.  He could not imagine what life would be like for Sean or his family without their beloved Tommy.  When Hank received the call the next day from Captain O'Donnell requesting that Hank drive Engine 69 in the funeral procession from the church to the cemetery, he was overwhelmed.  He felt honored to be asked and was touched that his old friend's family had thought so highly of him as to ask that he perform such an important service.  Sean had later told Hank that there was no other man that he even considered to carry his son's casket to its final resting place.

Ellie had been unable to attend the funeral as Susie was at home from school with the chicken pox.  When Hank returned home after the service, he had gone into the den and closed the door.  After a reasonable period of time, she decided to check on him.  When she got to the door she could hear him crying.  She eased the door open and walked across the room to where her husband was seated.  She sat beside him on the couch and put her arms around him, holding him and telling him that it was okay to cry.  After a while he had shed all the tears he could and dried his eyes.  He gave her a sad smile and told her that he would treasure each day of his life as if it was his last.  Tommy's death had taught him that.  He also made a vow.  If he was ever in the same position as Tommy had been in, he would do the same thing.  He loved his wife and children with all his heart, but what Tommy did was what being a fireman was all about.  To be willing to risk it all for his crew members, his friends, his family, whoever was in need of his help.  The young firefighter that Tommy had brought out of that warehouse was lucky to have had him there.  Being an engineer was supposed to keep a fireman from being less directly involved in fighting the flames themselves, but it was not supposed to keep a fireman from looking out for his brothers.  The fireman had still sustained injuries, but he would survive.  Hank had even gotten a glance at the young man at the cemetery as he presented the Last Alarm.  There were bandages on his hands, and his voice was still raspy from the smoke inhalation, but he was alive.

Tommy had been a good role model, and Hank wanted to continue Tommy's legacy by being the best firefighter that he could be.  Never had Hank dreamed that one day he would be best friends with that same fireman that Tommy had given his life to save.  And to this very day Hank had not mentioned to Mike Stoker that he had been privileged to have shared such a strong friendship himself with Tommy O'Donnell nor that he had had the honor of taking their friend on his final ride in Engine 69.  All that Mike knew was that Hank and Tommy had worked together until Hank was promoted to engineer.

Ellen Stanley noticed a photo album that lay on the coffee table.  She returned to the couch and leaned forward to open the cover of the album.  She smiled at the pictures that she saw.  There were pictures of Gracie and Mike from the time they were born all the way through adulthood.  There were photos of the two friends as small children, one in particular that must have been taken at Easter because both children were dressed in their Sunday finest.  Mike was looking dapper with his little bow tie, white shirt, short pants, jacket, and his highly-polished little white shoes.  Gracie was equally adorable in her little pink dress with all the ruffles, white ankle socks adorned with frilly lace, white gloves and hat, and wearing her shiny little white patent leather shoes.  The little friends were holding hands, and with their other hands each held the handle of a woven basket filled with decorated eggs.  They could not have been more than 3 or 4 years old.  There were other photographs of them together, with their parents, and with Mike's older brother, Bill.  There were pictures taken of family outings at the beach, on camping trips, photos of Mike and Gracie sitting on various models of fire engines over the years, as well as photos of an obviously older Mike Stoker and Gracie Caldwell as they apparently prepared to attend their high school prom together.  Ellie could not help but smile.  They had always made a lovely couple from the time they were small children.  And that sweet and shy smile of Mike's had been with him always.

She looked at the prom photos again and looked more closely.  Around Gracie's neck was something familiar.  As she gazed at some of the other photos, she came to determine that the pearl pendant that she had always seen Gracie wear must be the same one that she was wearing in the prom pictures.  Ellie came to the conclusion that it must be a very special necklace for her friend to wear it all the time.  Her first thought had been that it was a gift from Tommy, but if she was wearing it in the prom photos, then it had to be much older as she did not even meet Tommy until eight years later.  Maybe she would ask her about it at another time.  She took a long whiff of the air and decided to check on the muffins.  Ellie closed the album and rose to her feet, letting her nose lead her to the kitchen.

It was easy to find the kitchen, and Ellie was impressed.  She loved the large size and all the counter space.  The oven mitt was lying on the counter where Gracie had left it.  Ellie slipped it over her hand and opened the oven door.  The aroma of the banana nut muffins was tantalizing.  She knew that her husband would be more than happy to accept the warm and tasty treats.  After reaching in and removing the muffin tin, Ellie placed the pan on the cooling rack on the counter.  She easily flipped the pan over and emptied the muffins onto the rack.  There was a basket already filled almost to capacity with the baked goods.  By the time Gracie came back downstairs, the newest batch to come from the oven might be cooled enough to add to the basket. 

Ellie looked out the bay window of the breakfast nook and took in the beautiful back yard.  It was immaculate!  Gracie had said that Bob and Helen Stoker had been watching after the house for her since her father's death the previous fall, and from all indications they had also done a wonderful job caring for the yards as well.  There were rose bushes of varying shades bordering the patio.  She could imagine how fragrant the air was when they were in full bloom.  At the far back of the yard, she noticed what appeared to be an old tire swing hanging from a very old oak tree.  She could easily imagine Gracie and Mike playing on that swing as children.  That is when she noticed that there was no fence to divide Gracie's yard and that of the Stokers.  She smiled to herself as she realized just how close those two families must have always been.  It still puzzled her that Mike and Gracie had not wound up together as husband and wife.  Thinking back to the pictures she had looked at earlier, Ellie could only come up with one conclusion.  While it might not be obvious to all, Gracie Caldwell O'Donnell and Michael Stoker were perfect for each other.  From the look of things, even Gracie and Mike were oblivious as well.  While she would not meddle in something that was none of her business, if either of the two ever brought it up, she would certainly be all ears. 

"It's lovely, isn't it?" Gracie stated as she entered the kitchen behind Ellie. 

The captain's wife turned her head toward her friend and smiled.  "After I took the muffins out of the oven, I wandered around admiring your kitchen and was caught up in the lovely view of your back yard.  It's gorgeous," she said as she turned back toward the window as the sun was slowly setting.

Gracie walked up beside her.  "My dad and Pop Stoker were real sticklers about the yard.  My mom and Mom Stoker were the same about their roses and other flowers.  The lawns were always mowed on the same day, regardless of whether Dad and Pop both did it or whether one of them did both yards."  Her thoughts went back to her childhood and the many times that she had seen her father finish their yard and then move over to the Stoker yard or visa versa.

"Oh?  I guess one couldn't let the other look better," Ellie said with a grin.

"Something like that," replied Gracie.  "When it was time to mow the grass, if their schedules were different, they would just swap out mowing.  If Dad was working, then Pop would cut the grass.  Other times if Pop was on shift, then Dad would do it.  It always looked good."  Gracie let out a sigh.  "Pop's been doing both yards for almost a year now.  When Dad first got sick, Pop and Mom Stoker were there looking out for him till I got home.  It was always that way, one family watching out for the other."

Ellie noticed the melancholy look as her friend looked out the window.  "It sounds like the Stokers and the Caldwells were a close-knit bunch."

"Yep, we sure were.  My parents and Mike's parents were best friends.  Mike's brother, Bill, always treated me like a kid sister, the same way he was over his little brother.  He was great to Mike growing up, and to me, too."  Suddenly thinking of those so near and dear in her life that had departed much too soon left a sinking feeling in her stomach, and she wasn't prepared to go through that at the moment.  She was just beginning to feel normal again after losing her former father-in-law a few short weeks earlier.

Ellie knew when it was time to change the subject.  "Well, I love this house inside and out.  If you ever should decide to sell it, I want first dibs.  If I can get Hank to bring me chocolates without having to ask for them directly, just maybe I could convince him to buy me a house that I want."  She grinned mischievously at her friend.

Gracie shook her head and laughed.  "Poor Hank.  He doesn't know how much you have him wrapped around your little finger."

"True," Ellie replied, "but I don't abuse my power over my husband.  I'd never do that to him."  She noticed that Gracie was wearing the pearl pendant.  "Hank is the love of my life.  It's hard to remember life without him.  I wish I'd had the opportunity to know him growing up like you did with Mike.  I'm sure the two of you have shared a lot over the years."

Without a conscious thought, Gracie reached up to touch the necklace.  "We certainly have," she answered with a smile.  "I can't imagine not ever having him in my life.  I think I'm the luckiest woman on earth to have been able to grow up with such a wonderful person.  Did you know that Mike is only a month older than me?"

"Really?  No, I didn't know that."  The look in the younger woman's eyes was enough to show her friend that Mike Stoker meant so much more to this woman than she seemed to realize.

"Yep, to be exact, he's four weeks to the day older.  He was born on June 25th and I was born on July 23rd.  Our parents bought these houses within a couple of weeks of each other.  Mom Stoker was 7 months pregnant with Mike when they moved in; my mom was 6 months with me.  I guess it seems pretty weird that our lives have been so intertwined in so many ways over the years."

"No, not weird at all.  I think it's wonderful that your family and Mike's family were friends and that they were able to raise their children together.  I haven't known Mike that long, but I've known him long enough to know that he is truly one of the most kind and gentle souls that anyone could ever know.  Has he always been so quiet though?"  That thought had often occurred to Ellie.

Gracie paused in thought before answering her friend.  "Well, he's never been a chatter box for sure, but he was a pretty normal kid.  He looked up to his big brother so much; we both did.  Bill could do no wrong in Mike's eyes.  A lot of Bill's friends thought it was so square of him to let his kid brother and the neighbor kid hang around him, but he didn't care.  Mike would ramble on sometimes about his big brother, telling the other kids at school about Bill giving him pointers on baseball or basketball, how he'd take him to get ice cream when he got his driver's license."

Ellie could see that Gracie was becoming misty-eyed.  "It sounds like Bill was a great big brother."

Gracie smiled as she wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.  "He was.  It was a week before Mike turned 12 when Bill died.  He was on his way home after going to pick up Mike's birthday gift as a matter of fact.  He was on East 223rd Street, not far from where Station 51 is now.  A couple of guys had been drinking and decided to go hot-rodding down the street, not caring who else was around.  Bill probably never even knew what hit him.  I remember hearing my parents talking about it and saying that the coroner said he was killed on impact.  The guys in the other car got by with only minor injuries."

Ellie could not imagine the horror of losing a child.  "I can't begin to imagine what Bob and Helen went through, or even Mike for that matter.  I know it changed their lives forever."

"In more ways than you can imagine, Ellie," Gracie replied as she remembered back to that time in their lives.  "Mom and Pop were completely devastated.  For so long they just seemed to go through the motions of daily life.  It was just as hard for Mike, too.  He missed Bill so much."  She gathered her thoughts before expounding further.  "They certainly didn't mean to, but Mom and Pop kinda let Mike fall through the cracks for a while.  They were so caught up in their own grief at the time that they didn't realize how much Mike was hurting.  His mother cried most of the time those first few months, and his father tried to comfort her, never realizing that their other son was grieving as much as they were.  Bless his heart; Mike couldn't bear seeing his mother crying all the time.  I'll never forget the day that he went to her, telling her that he was sorry if he had been bad and that was the reason Bill had died."

Ellie felt her heart do a flip.  "Oh my, that poor child," she said as her eyes filled with tears.  She wanted to go straight to the station and wrap her arms around her husband's best friend.  Just the thought of that 12-year-old boy ever feeling that way broke her heart.

Gracie wiped away a tear.  "It was then that they realized that they hadn't considered how hard Bill's death had been on Mike.  From that day on they made Mike the focus of their lives and made sure that he knew they were always there for him and just how much they loved him.  But by then he’d changed.  He just sort of clammed up, and that's when he turned into the quiet guy that you know today.  He'd talk to me about how he felt, and he'd even talk to my mom and dad sometimes.  He just didn't feel that he could talk to his parents about Bill anymore because he was afraid of making them sad."

Ellie cleared her throat and blinked hard.  "That is just about the saddest thing I've ever heard."

"Mom and Pop kept him close and they did plenty of things with him.  Our families started doing more things together like camping trips, vacations, that sort of thing.  We had always done that anyway, but we started doing it more often.  That next summer was when Mike learned to surf, and that was one of the best things to ever happen for him.  He loved the freedom and the peace that he felt out on the ocean in those waves.  He focused really hard on what he was doing, and the instructor that taught him said he was the best youngster he'd ever seen take it on.  It was really therapeutic for Mike.  He was so good that the next summer he taught me how to surf.  Once he did, it was so easy to understand how he felt when he was out there.  That's why surfing has always been so special to both of us."

Ellie smiled.  "And both of you are special people, Gracie.  You and Mike have survived more heartache in your young lives than anyone should have to go through in a lifetime.  It's wonderful that you've always had one another to lean on."

Gracie dried her last tear.  "I honestly don't think that I'd be the person I am today if Mike Stoker hadn't been in my life.  I need him so much.  I'd just be lost without him."  She closed her eyes briefly and sighed.  "If only I could tell him how deeply in love with him I've been all these years."

Gracie was immediately aware of what she had just said.  The words had often been repeated in her mind, but those feelings had always been kept well hidden and known only to her.  A part of her was scared to death that someone else now knew how she felt about her lifelong friend, but a bigger part of her felt relief that finally someone was aware of the love she felt for this man.  Her heart beat faster at the mere thought of the man that she had loved since she was a 15-year-old girl.  She had known since that summer that the crush she had on him for the past year had changed.  Gracie had fallen in love with Mike Stoker with a vengeance.  She had always been the more outgoing of the two friends, and thus she was able to keep up her carefree façade in order to hide the fact that their childhood friendship had blossomed into something more on her part.  He had always been her conscience, her rock, her everything.  That was why she never mentioned how she felt to anyone, much less Mike himself.  Thinking that it was probably just a crush that she would outgrow, she remembered how she had longed for her 16th birthday wish to come true, that Mike would be the boy to bestow her with her first kiss.  When it did not happen, she was sure that he could never think of her as anything more than his friend.  When he had given her the gift he had picked out especially for her, the daydreams seemed close to becoming a reality.  Then he kissed her on the cheek and said he was lucky to have such a wonderful friend.  Her bubble had burst, and any hope of ever being more than friends faded.  Nothing ever came between them though.  They had remained closer than most male and female friends could be, but she was certain that they would never have a future as anything more.

The summer she was introduced to Tommy, she figured that Mike was trying to fix her up.  Tommy O'Donnell was indeed a wonderful man.  While he was eight years older than her, Tommy was such a fun, vibrant, kind, and loving man, and he made her feel like a princess.  She truly did love him, but it was never the same deep, passionate, never ending love that she had felt for Mike Stoker for so long.  So many times since Tommy's death she had awakened in the middle of the night feeling guilty for not having been able to give herself to him heart and soul.  Tommy deserved that, and she had not been able to give him that in life.  That alone had been a large factor in her decision to leave Carson.  She felt that a self-imposed exile from those she loved was what she deserved.  From that day forward she pushed her real feelings for Mike to her subconscious mind and tried to lock them away.  She had been sure that somewhere along the way Mike would find a woman that would love him the way he deserved to be loved.  Unfortunately, that woman had not been meant to be Elizabeth Grace Caldwell.  Now, in just these few short weeks since her return, there was no mistaking the feeling in her heart.  But loving another man, her dead husband's best friend, even after she had been widowed for four years, was this being unfaithful to Tommy's memory?  Her mind was suddenly a whirlwind of emotions.

Ellie took note of her friend's sudden change.  She knew with all certainly that Gracie had not intended to blurt out this revelation.  However, Ellie was not surprised to hear those words come from the woman's lips.  All this time she had thought that Mike and Gracie were just oblivious about their true feelings for one another.  She had not been alone either.  All of Mike's shift mates were of the same opinion.  Hank had told her of Chet's announcement after Mike and Gracie walked out of the station house that night almost four weeks ago.  The question now was how would Gracie deal with these resurfaced feelings?  She presently stood there like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle.  Wanting to help her friend out of this obviously awkward moment and give her time to get her thoughts in order after her stunning revelation without having to discuss it further, at least until she was ready, Ellie took the lead.

"I'll bet those muffins are cooled enough to put in the basket now.  I know the guys will enjoy them."  She gave her friend a big smile and headed over to the counter.  From the corner of her eye, she saw a still-stunned Gracie taking some deep breaths and pulling herself together.

As Ellie watched her friend come out of her stupor and join her at the counter, she was curious to see how Gracie managed being around Mike when they stopped by the station.  She had felt for a long time that Mike's feelings for his friend ran far deeper than he realized.  In the time since she had come to know him after Hank came to Station 51, she had seen how his face lit up when he spoke of Gracie, the way he smiled differently when anyone else mentioned her name.  Perhaps he, too, had just been keeping his true feelings secretly locked away.  Now that Gracie had told her friend how she really felt about Mike, perhaps when the time was right he also would be able to acknowledge that she, too, was his soul mate.  Would he be able to open his heart fully and allow Gracie in for what would surely be a fairy tale romance, complete with happily ever after?  Ellie had a feeling that tonight was only the beginning of the changes to come for her friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marco put the finishing touches on the casserole and put the dish in the hot oven.  "Another half hour and it'll be done," he announced to his crew mates.

"Great, I'm starved," Johnny responded.  "It seems like forever since lunch."

"Gage, you're always starving.  It's a good thing the chicks you take out don't have to pay for your meals.  They'd go broke," Chet said with a smirk.

Johnny rolled his eyes and shook his head.  "I'm just going to ignore you, Kelly."

Roy shook his head and grinned as the normal routine played out.  If Johnny and Chet were to ever have one shift in which they did not bicker over something, then all the men would know that something was seriously wrong.  He turned his attention back to the newspaper in front of him.

Marco dried his hands and reached for the coffee pot to pour himself a cup of the fresh brew.  Once he had filled his cup and returned the pot to the stove burner, he glanced up in time to see the two ladies approaching from the back lot.  "We've got visitors," he announced with a smile.  He could see that Gracie was carrying something, probably some goodies that she had baked.  Since her return to Carson, she had treated them to baked goods on several occasions, and the sweets were always appreciated.

Johnny hopped up from his seat at the table just in time to open the door for the ladies.  "Welcome, welcome," he greeted with his crooked smile.

"Hi, Johnny," Gracie returned his greeting.

"Hello, Johnny," Ellie said with a big smile.  This young man was another of her favorites at the station.  She loved them all, but Mike, Marco, and Johnny just seemed to have something extra special about them. 

"Let me help you with that," Marco offered as he took the basket from Gracie.  "This sure smells good."

The woman grinned.  "I hope they taste that good then.  I went on a baking binge again this afternoon and thought you guys might like something to munch on tonight and have something to go with your morning coffee.  I hope a few dozen muffins will last you guys until breakfast." 

Chet burst into laughter.  “Gracie, you forget, Johnny Gage eats here, too.  That might get us through dinner.”

“What a funny guy you are, Chester B.  I’m sure you’ll fill that gut of yours, too.”  Johnny could not help but grin at his crew mate. 

Marco and Johnny pulled out chairs from the table for the ladies, and Marco asked if they would like some coffee.

Gracie looked at Ellie.  “Do you think we have time for a cup?”

Ellie did not see her husband, but with the rest of the guys there, she knew that he had to be here somewhere.  “Sure, we have time.”  She turned to Marco.  “Thank you, Marco.  We’d love to have coffee with you handsome fellows.”

“Coming right up,” he said as he reached into the cupboard and retrieved two more cups.  In a flash the cups were filled and being placed on the table in front of the ladies.

Gracie could not help but smile when she was around Marco.  He seemed to always have a smile on his face when she saw him, and he was one of the sweetest men she had ever met.  Marco Lopez had much to offer the right woman one day.  He was very handsome, was an excellent cook, always neat as a pin, and he always knew the right thing to say to make a woman feel appreciated.  It must be the Latin influence, she thought to herself.  She did not know why he had not already been swooped up by some lucky lady.

“Thank you, Marco, and you give service with a smile,” she said as she winked at him.

Ellie Stanley took a sip of her coffee and sighed.  “Marco, I don’t know how you do it, but you always get just the right amount of sugar in my coffee.”

“Ellie’s right.  Any time I’ve had coffee here with you guys since that first night I came, you bring my coffee exactly the way I like it, no sugar and just a little milk.  It’s always perfect.”

Chet looked at his friend.  “Geez, Marco, do ya have to always do things right and make the rest of us look bad?”  When he noticed Marco’s cheeks turning red, he had to laugh.

“So, what are you ladies up to this fine Friday evening,” Johnny inquired.

Ellie sipped her coffee.  “We’re on our way to dinner.  Gracie had thought of you guys and made some goodies for you, so we’re here to deliver them on our way to the restaurant.”

“Looks like we got lucky tonight,” Roy commented.

“Hey, Gracie, is everything still on for next Saturday night?” Johnny asked with a sparkle in his eye.

“It certainly is.  I’m looking forward to all of you being there.”  She remembered the dip.  “Marco, I know that I said I didn’t want anyone to bring anything, but Joanne and Ellie told me that you make the most wonderful salsa and con queso, and I hate to ask, but…”

She did not have to finish her request.  “I would love to, Gracie.  If there’s anything else you’d like me to make, just let me know.”  Marco loved to cook, and if there was anything that someone especially liked, he was happy to oblige.

“You’re a real sweetheart, Marco.  Thank you so much.  I love it and haven’t had any that was really worth eating since I left Carson.  They just don’t know how to make it in Denver.”

Marco smiled with pride.  “I promise, you’ll be pleased with what I bring.”

“Where’s the rest of the crew?” Ellie asked no one in particular.

“Right here,” Hank answered as he walked through the doorway with Mike behind him.  He approached the table where his wife was seated and leaned over to give her a quick kiss.  “To what do we owe this honor, ladies?”

His wife quickly replied.  “Well, it’s Friday night and we didn’t have anything better to do than hang out at a fire station.  We figured this station was as good as any.” 

“You’re a laugh a minute, my dear,” the captain responded with a grin.

In the meantime, Mike had taken a seat beside Gracie.  “I smell banana nut bread.  Have you been baking today?”  He smiled shyly at his friend.

For a brief second, Gracie’s heart stopped as she looked into his eyes.  The thoughts of what she had blurted out to Ellie only a short time before were still fresh in her memory.  She tried to act casual.  “Yeah, I thought you guys might like a little something to go with your coffee.  I made two batches of banana nut muffins.  Maybe that’ll hold you and Hank, and I made chocolate chip and blueberry for the rest of you guys,” she said with a smile as she looked around the table.

Without a conscious thought, Mike reached over and took her by the hand.  “That was nice of you.  Thanks.”

Ellie watched the couple closely and took note of Mike’s gesture.  While there was nothing in his expression to say that he was anything more than appreciative of the muffins, there was just something about the way he held Gracie’s hand.  Then she looked at her friend and was amazed at how well Gracie was able to maintain her composure.  If she had been Gracie, she was certain that she would have made a fool of herself right then and there.  Then again, she supposed Gracie had had many years of experience at controlling her emotions where Mike Stoker was concerned.

“Would you ladies care to have supper with us?  Marco made a great casserole.  I’m sure we’ll have plenty,” Hank asked his wife and friend.

“Thanks, honey, but Gracie and I are going out for dinner.  With both the kids out with friends tonight and you on duty, I didn’t want to eat alone.  I surprised Gracie at her door a while ago and convinced her to join me.”  Ellie finished up her coffee.

“That sounds like a plan.  Are Clay and Susie on overnighters or just out for the evening?” he asked.

“Just for the evening.  Tomorrow night is the night they’re staying over with friends.”  Ellie suddenly remembered what she had said to Gracie earlier.  “Oh, Gracie!  I just thought of what I want for dessert.  I want a double-fudge sundae.  I think I could eat an entire Whitman’s Sampler right now if I had one.”

Gracie tried to keep from laughing as she watched Hank choke on his coffee.  “Are you okay, Hank?” she asked as seriously as she could muster.

He cleared his throat and answered.  “I’m fine.  Coffee just went down the wrong way.”

Ellie looked at her husband innocently.  “You have to be more careful, honey.”  She glanced over at Gracie and saw her friend trying to hold in her laughter.  Ellie looked at her watch.  “Gracie, look at the time.  We’d better get going.”  The truth was that she did not know how much longer she could keep from laughing out loud herself.

“I think you’re right.  It’s getting late.”  As Gracie started to get up from her seat, Mike was immediately up and pulling her chair back.  He was forever the gentleman, her knight in shining armor.  If only things could be different between them.

Hank helped his wife from her seat.  “You girls have a nice evening.”  He then gladly accepted the good-bye kiss offered by his wife.

“We will, honey.”  Then with a wink and a whisper, she leaned closer and said, “I’ll see you in the morning, Captain Stanley.”  With those words, she left her husband even more confused than he already was.

Mike walked Gracie to the door.  “I’ll see you after my shift.  Have a nice dinner,” he said softly as he leaned over and kissed her cheek.

Gracie wanted to run to the car.  She was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion.  “Okay, see you in the morning.”  With that, she hurried to catch up with Ellie.

When the two women were in the car, Ellie turned to her friend.  “Are you okay, Gracie?”

She did not respond immediately.  If she had opened her mouth at that particular moment she would have burst into tears.  She needed a minute to get herself together.  Her heart was pounding and her hands were shaking.  Why did she have to react this way?

Ellie started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.  Gracie would talk when she was ready.  Her heart ached for her friend and the situation she was in.  Why did love have to be so complicated?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Ellie took a drink of her ice tea, she looked across the table at her friend.  Gracie had barely uttered a word since they left the station.  She wished she knew what to do to help her in this obviously difficult time.  Picking up the fork from her plate, she noticed Gracie just pushing the food around on her plate, barely having eaten a single bite.

“You haven’t said five words since we got here.  Maybe you’d feel better if you talked about it,” Ellie said, trying to encourage Gracie to open up.

Still unable to talk about what was troubling her, Gracie unconsciously reached toward her neck and touched the pearl pendant that rested against her throat.  Why did everything have to surface now?  Why could she not continue to keep her feelings locked away?  Why did loving Mike Stoker have to hurt so much?

Ellie watched her friend as she slowly chewed her food.  A realization regarding that pearl necklace came to her.   She swallowed and took another sip of her drink before speaking.

“Mike gave it to you,” she stated matter-of-factly.

This brought Gracie out of her stupor.  “Pardon me?”

Ellie repeated.  “The pendant that you almost always have on, it was a gift from Mike, wasn’t it?”

Gracie again touched the pearl and managed a sad smile.  “Yes, it was for my 16th birthday.  Mike picked it out himself.”

“At your house earlier, I looked through the photo album on your coffee table.  I saw some pictures of you and Mike at what I assumed was your high school prom.  I recognized the pendant.  It must’ve been a very special gift for you to still wear it after all these years.”  Ellie saw the distant look in the other woman’s eyes.

“It is.  Mom Stoker said that Mike wanted to get me something special.  She made some suggestions, but none of them seemed to suit him.  He saved his allowance and the money he earned mowing lawns in the neighborhood that summer to get something really nice.  She said the day he came home with it and showed her what he had gotten, she was surprised that he had chosen something so lovely, yet so understated.  She said he was very proud of his choice.”  Gracie choked up briefly.  “When he gave it to me I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  I immediately took it from the red velvet box it was in and asked him to help me put it on.  When he did, then he moved back around facing me.  I just knew he was going to kiss me then.  It was what I’d been wishing for.  I was sweet 16 and never been kissed, and I wished that Mike would be the one to give me my first kiss.  He did, but he kissed me on the cheek and said happy birthday.”

Ellie could just imagine the disappointment Gracie had felt.  “How long have you been in love with him?”

Gracie sighed.  “When we became teenagers, things started to feel different.  We were still the best of friends and would go to hell and back for one another.  But I started to see him in a different light.  I noticed things about him that I hadn’t noticed before.  It was the summer we both turned 15.  We were at the beach surfing.  I watched him on his board, how precise he was, how masterful of the waves he was.  I looked at him and could see the most handsome guy I had ever seen.  Everything about him was perfect.  I just couldn’t understand the feelings I had.  I couldn’t imagine having a crush on my best friend.  By the next summer the only thing that had changed was that I knew without a doubt that I was falling in love with him.  We both dated other people then, but neither of us went steady.  I daydreamed about marrying Mike and having a family together and living happily ever after.”  She looked sadly at her dinner companion.  “It just wasn’t meant to be.  We did, however, make a pact.  If neither of us was going steady when senior prom came, then we’d go together, and that’s what we did.”

Ellie smiled at the image of those two teens already sharing more love than a lot of married couples that she knew.  “What happened after the prom?”

Gracie continued.  “That fall we both entered USC and still hung out together.  We were still very close all through college.  Still, neither of us dated anyone steady.  We liked to call ourselves free agents,” she said with a chuckle.  “A few months before graduation, he started dating one of my sorority sisters.  She was a transfer from San Diego State.  I never thought they were a good fit.  Mike was always polite and such a gentleman.  Allison was just not right for him in so many ways.  She was a beautiful girl, but she was stuck up and obnoxious.  She came from a really wealthy family, and she was used to getting what she wanted.  For the life of me, I could not understand what Mike saw in her.  It was so hard to stay out of it, but I managed.  I found out later that she only went out with him on a dare.  He was the most intelligent guy in our class.  He was the whole package.  He played sports, made exceptionally good grades, and he was the most handsome guy on campus.  Allison only wanted him for the recognition that came with dating the most popular guy in our class.”

“That Allison sounds like she was a real piece of work,” Ellie commented.  She knew girls like that in her own life.  They were users in a major way.

“She certainly was.”  Gracie poked at her meatloaf.  “Just before graduation, he had enlisted in the Marines, hoping that by going on his own he’d stand a better chance of not getting sent overseas.  Naturally, it didn’t work out that way.  I never really thought he had gotten that serious over her, but he cared enough that she was able to hurt him.  Just before he left for Parris Island, he went out with Allison one more time.  He wanted to try a long distance relationship.  He promised to write her as often as he could and said that he looked forward to seeing her when boot camp was over.”  Gracie felt that same old rage rise up as she remembered how the woman had treated Mike.

Ellie could see how easily her friend’s tone changed as did her expression.  Was that anger she saw?  “Let me guess, she wasn’t interested.”

Gracie cut a piece of the meatloaf with her fork, grinding the fork so hard against the plate that Ellie wondered if the metal would go all the way through the glass.  “Oh no, she wasn’t interested at all.  Do you know what the bitch did?”

Ellie’s eyes widened at the word used by her friend.  If there had been any doubt about her feelings regarding Allison, there was no doubt now.  “What did she do?”

“She laughed at him.  Can you believe it?  She laughed at him.  That’s when she told him why she had been dating him to begin with.  She never intended to keep seeing him after he graduated.  She told him that he wasn’t her type and basically that he wasn’t good enough for her.  She just ripped his heart out and stomped it like she was crushing out a cigarette.  How could a woman do something so hurtful to such a wonderful guy as Mike Stoker?”  Tears started to fill her eyes as she spoke.  “It was still early when he parted ways with Allison.  We were going to get together later that night anyway for a little farewell of our own.  I hadn’t expected him there so soon, but I dropped everything and we left together.  I knew something was terribly wrong just by the look in his eyes.  He looked so sad.”

Ellie could not believe what she was hearing!  She was about ready to go in search of this Allison person herself and teach her a lesson.  “It was better that Mike found out then rather than going off to boot camp thinking that he had a girl back home waiting for him.”  But he really did have a girl back home, Ellie thought to herself.

“Yeah, that’s right, but it was so hard.  We stopped by the pizza parlor and got a pepperoni to go and a couple of soft drinks.  Then we drove down to the beach and took a walk to our favorite spot.  We sat down and ate pizza and looked at the stars and listened to the tide go in and out.  Finally, after just some small talk, Mike told me about Allison.  Needless to say, I was up on my feet in a flash and ready to go find her and claw her eyes out.  Mike grabbed my hand and pulled me back down next to him.  He put his arm around my shoulders and said that he’d be okay, especially since he knew that he had someone that truly did care about him.”  Gracie dabbed at her eyes with her napkin.  “We sat there for hours and talked about the future, how I’d be almost finished with med school when he got out of the Corps and how he’d then be ready to attend the fire academy.  I promised I’d write him everyday, and he said he’d write as often as he could.  He came home for a short stay after boot camp before shipping off to parts unknown.”

Ellie was nearly in tears herself listening to her friend pouring her heart out.  This woman loved Mike Stoker even more than she could have thought possible.  It just made no sense that the couple did not get together after all they had been through.  She had seen the way Mike looked when he talked about Gracie, how his face lit up like a child on Christmas morning.  How sad that they had never given themselves a chance to be together. 

“I did write him every single day, and he wrote every chance he got.”  Gracie smiled.  “When he came home for good, it was just before Christmas.  I had a break from med school, so I was free to spend as much time with him as he wanted.  He came over the next day and had this enormous stack of envelopes.  He said they were all the letters he’d gotten from me.  He told me that he read them over and over and it helped him make it through the day while he was gone.  He promised me that we’d never have to do that again, that we wouldn’t be separated by distance anymore.  I so hoped that while he was gone that he’d had time to think about me in a different light.  In January he entered the academy and stayed so busy that we didn’t have so much free time, but what we had was quality time.  By then I was back in med school anyway.”

 “At least you still had each other,” Ellie remarked.

“That was a blessing.  He was so happy when he graduated and got his first station assignment.  He called me almost every day and told me about what it was like, about the guys he worked with.  Before we knew it, he’d been at 69’s for a year.  He told me about his captain and the other guys.  He talked about Tommy like he used to talk about Bill when he was a kid.  Tommy O’Donnell was like a big brother to him.”  Gracie cleared away the lump in her throat.  “When Roy came to the station he said it was like having a younger brother.  He talked about them all so much that I felt like I knew them.  I was doing my residency by then and didn’t have a lot of free time for fun stuff.  One day he called and asked me to join him and his friends for a day at the beach.  He said Joanne would be there and he’d like me to meet her.  I was excited at the thought of spending the day at the beach with him again.  We hadn’t been able to do it for the past couple of years.  We went to the beach together and met the gang there.  I could hardly wait to get out in the surf with him.  Before I knew it he was introducing me to Tommy, and I got the feeling that he was trying to fix me up with him.” 

Ellie could see the sadness in her friend’s face.  “What happened?”

Gracie looked up.  “I felt like someone had shoved a pike pole through my heart.  Mike seemed more interested in what I thought of Tommy than anything else.  That day I knew without a doubt that Mike would never see me as anything more than his old reliable pal.  Don’t get me wrong, Ellie.  Tommy was a great guy and he was easy to love.”  A single tear trickled from the corner of her eye.  “He treated me like I was the only woman on earth.  I did such an awful thing, Ellie.”

The older woman was glad they were in a booth off to the side and away from the bustle of the restaurant crowd.  “What on earth could you have possibly done, sweetie?”

Gracie tried to dry her eyes, but it was a losing battle.  “I settled, Ellie.  Because I thought I could never be with Mike, I settled for his best friend.  When Tommy proposed and I accepted, I was really happy, but a part of me still longed to be with Mike.  I loved Tommy, I truly did, but I could never love him as deeply or passionately as I did Mike.  I knew there was no hope for me and Mike, but I still shouldn’t have married Tommy not being able to give myself to him with all my heart.  The day we were married, it was so hard standing at the front of the church with Mike standing right behind Tommy as we said our vows.  When asked if there was anyone that objected, a tiny little part of me wished Mike would speak up.  How could I have been so awful to Tommy?”  Gracie turned to face the wall, no longer able to face her friend.  “Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking that if I had loved him like I should have that maybe God wouldn’t have taken him away.  Then I long to be with Mike, to have him hold me and tell me that he loves me and everything will be okay.  Ellie, I’m such an awful person.”  Gracie covered her mouth and lowered her head, trying to control her emotions.

Ellie was stunned, not by the things that her friend had just shared with her, but by the fact that she had kept these feelings hidden for so long.  Everyone that knew of the guilt Mike felt over Tommy O’Donnell giving his life for his friend felt compassion for him and had tried to convince him that he was not responsible for the man’s death.  From the way Gracie poured her heart out and mentioned no one else, Ellen Stanley was certain that she alone now knew of the apparent guilt that Tommy’s widow also felt.  Her heart ached for the woman.  She could not imagine being in her shoes and having those conflicting emotions raging inside of her.  Ellie knew without a doubt that Mike Stoker was the only man that could ever truly make Gracie happy.  But she also knew without a doubt that Gracie had also loved her husband.  She was not the kind of woman that would just use one man to get over another.  While it was not the same deep and abiding love that she felt for Mike, Gracie did love Tommy and made him happy.  Perhaps if Tommy had lived, their life together would have been a match made in Heaven.  Life was filled with too many what ifs.

Ellie slid out of the booth and moved over beside her friend.  She wrapped an arm around Gracie’s shoulder.  “Gracie, you have nothing to feel guilty over.  You didn’t settle.  Tommy made you happy then and you made him happy.  There’s not a doubt in my mind that you loved him.  You wouldn’t have married him if you hadn’t.  Life just dealt you a cruel hand and you’ve had to play it as best you could.  Tommy wouldn’t want you to feel this way.  I had the privilege to know him for a short time before Hank was transferred, but I knew him well enough to know that he would want you to be happy.  He wouldn’t want you to carry this guilt any longer.  He loved life and loved it to the fullest.  From what I’ve been told by Joanne, he loved Mike as much as he could have loved a flesh and blood brother, and he loved you very much.  Whether you want to believe it or not, you gave Tommy the love that he longed for and thought he might never find.  Every minute of the time you were together was precious to him and I know it was to you, too.  Remember your time with Tommy with no regret.  No matter how you see it, you gave him a precious gift; you gave him your love.”

Gracie dried her eyes again with the napkin.  “I want to move on, I really do, but I just don’t know how anymore.  I keep dreaming of being with a man that’ll never love me the way that I love him.  I can’t imagine loving anyone else ever again.  There’ll never be another Tommy and I don’t deserve one.”

“Look at me, Gracie,” Ellie ordered.  The younger woman turned to face her.  “I’m only going to say this once, so listen up.  You have to stop beating yourself up over this.  You deserve to be loved as much as anyone.  Tommy was one of a kind.  He had no problem expressing his love.  He knew love when it was staring him in the face.  Mike, on the other hand, is about as dense as a post.  For whatever reason, he’s apparently blind to your love.  I don’t know what his exact feelings are for you, but I do know that he cares deeply for you, probably more than even he realizes.  Whatever you do, don’t give up.  Tommy wouldn’t want you to give up.  He’d want you to be happy, and if being with Mike makes you happy, then you have to hold on to that.  Who knows?  Tommy just might be looking down on his old pal right now wondering when he needs to drop an anvil on his head to get his attention and show him that love has been staring him right in the face all his life.”

Gracie could not help but smile at that image.  “That sounds like him.  I’m sorry I wasn’t able to love him the way he deserved to be loved, but I really did love him, and I’ll never forget him.”

Ellie gave her friend a pat on the back.  “He’ll always be with us, Gracie.”  After a brief silence, she smiled at her friend and moved back to her seat across the booth from her.  “Now, you need to pull yourself together and finish up that meatloaf so we can order dessert.  Remember, I have a Hankering for a double-fudge sundae.”

Gracie laughed for the first time all evening.  “That you do, and I think that tomorrow morning you’ll have a very special Hankering for something else.”

Ellen Stanley responded with a devilish grin.  “Yep, the kids’ll be doing their usual Saturday morning things with their friends, so I’ll be able to properly thank my Hank for the chocolates that I know he’ll bring home.”

“Would you ladies like to order some dessert?” the waiter asked as he approached the table.

The captain’s wife looked at him and continued to grin.  “Yes, indeed we would.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hank sighed with relief as he hung up the phone.  According to Joe Early, the injury had not been as severe as they had all imagined it would be.  The squad and its occupants were on the way back to the station.  He was very appreciative of the doctor calling himself with the information on his crew member and friend.  Each man present on the scene had feared for the man's life.  "Thank God for small favors," he muttered to himself as he rose stiffly from the chair in his office and headed for the door.  As he made the few steps toward the kitchen for some coffee, he noticed Chet and Marco sitting at the table looking as lost as he had felt until the phone call came.  The two men looked up as their captain entered the room.

"Cap," Marco said as he looked up with a hopeful expression when he saw the man approaching, having heard the phone ring only once before it was answered, "have you heard anything yet?"

Hank acknowledged the fireman.  "It wasn't as serious as we were afraid it was.  I just got off the phone with Joe Early.  He said that he's been cleared to finish his shift if he feels up to it.  The x-rays were clear and all the lab work they did looked good.  He’ll be bruised up and sore for a while, but considering what could've happened, I'd say that's a small price to pay."  He felt a sudden chill as the reality of the evening began to sink in.  "They're on the way back in and should be here in a few minutes." 

Marco let out a sigh of relief.  "Gracias Dios.  I was really worried about him.  When I saw that barrel hit him directly in the chest, I thought he was a goner.  It was bad enough that he got hit, but then for the impact to slam him against the side of the engine…"  The lineman cringed at the thought of what could have happened.

Chet joined in.  "I still can't believe that he got hit all the way out there.  I mean, we were right there in the middle of all that mess and we were missed.  Just goes to show you that it doesn't really matter what job you have on a fire crew, you're not totally safe."  He shook his head as the scene continued to play out in his mind. 

The captain joined his two men at the table, the cup of coffee held firmly in his hand.  "When I got to him and he wasn't breathing, I nearly froze.  Thank God he'd only had the wind knocked out of him.  I'll never forget the look in his eyes."  He shuddered as he remembered the look of fear in the eyes of his engineer.

Hank was the first to reach the downed man.  He was lying beside the engine, unable to take a single breath for what seemed like forever.  Even by the time he had caught his breath, it was obvious the amount of pain he suffered with each intake of air.  The time seemed to drag on as John and Roy examined him and started him on oxygen.  Hank stayed out of their way, but he remained close, reassuring his friend that he would be okay, even though he could not convince himself of that at the moment.  Soon the ambulance arrived and Mike was ready for transport, Johnny preparing to ride in with him.  As his engineer was being loaded into the ambulance, Hank said that he would see to it that Mike’s parents and Gracie were notified right away.  Mike reached for Hank’s arm and gripped it weakly with one hand while pulling away the oxygen mask with the other.  In a raspy voice he instructed his captain not to call either of them.  He insisted that he would be fine and did not want to worry them.  He made his friend promise.  Hank agreed, but he could not be responsible for what Rampart would do.  Besides, if Mike was admitted, his next of kin would be contacted regardless of what Mike wished.  Now that Mike was going to be all right, he wondered if his friend would make the decision to tell his parents and Gracie about the night's events or if he would try to hide it from them.  While he might be able to keep it from Bob and Helen, at least for a little while, Gracie would be impossible to fool.

As the three men remained caught up in their thoughts, they heard the sound of the bay door opening and the squad backing into its place next to Big Red.  Immediately the captain and his two linemen jumped up from their seats and made their way out into the apparatus room to greet the paramedics and their engineer.

Hank, Marco, and Chet stopped at the passenger side of the truck and watched as Johnny exited first and then leaned in to help a very slow moving Mike Stoker out of the truck.  When Roy had killed the motor, he, too, hurried to the other side of the squad.

Mike was embarrassed at the attention, but he knew they were only concerned for his well being.  Heck, he was surprised himself that he had escaped major injury.  Everything had happened so fast that he did not see the metal barrel until it had hit him like a torpedo.  He could not remember being this stiff and sore since the last time he had wiped out in the surf.  When he got to his feet, he first felt a bit wobbly but soon was able to steady his legs and make his feet move.

"Joe Early called.  He said it's up to you whether or not you finish your shift.  You just give the word and I'll put in a call for a replacement for you," Hank said anxiously as he stepped up to take his friend's other arm.

"Thanks, Cap, but I think I'll be okay to finish up," he replied, trying to sound more confident than he felt.  Hopefully the night would be calm with little or no calls to respond to.  Even if they did, he could still manage to drive to the scene and handle the pressure gauges and monitor the water pressure and flow.

Hank was not sure he agreed with the man's self-assessment, but since the doctor had assured him that there were no broken bones, no internal injuries, and nothing more than some bruising, soreness, and stiffness to hamper the engineer's abilities, he was left with little choice but to accept what Mike said as gospel.

"If you're sure then," he stated, not feeling as calm as his tone would lead one to believe.

Mike nodded in the affirmative.  "I am, Cap."  He exhaled slowly and allowed Hank and Johnny to lead him to the kitchen where the others followed.

Once Mike was seated, Marco spoke up.  "We went ahead and ate.  Sorry, but we didn't know how long you guys might be.  I kept your dinner warm in the oven."

A famished John Gage smiled.  "Thanks, Marco.  My stomach's thinking that my throat's been cut.  I'm starved."

"I'll get everything," Marco offered with a relieved smile as he looked again at Mike.

Roy had been seated by this time and looked at their patient.  "Mike, I know what Dr. Early said, but he also said you shouldn't push yourself if you felt the least bit like you couldn't make it."

The engineer sighed.  He wished everyone would stop making a fuss.  He had a bruised chest wall and sternum.  Then there was the massive bruise on his back where he had been thrown against the instrument panel.  His chest felt like a hot iron was poking him upon deep inspiration, and he felt like he'd been kicked in the back by a herd of wild horses, but he could do his job.  Of course, he knew that tomorrow there would probably be hell to pay.  That is when he thought of his plans with Gracie.  He was supposed to head over there after his shift ended.  She was going to make breakfast for him, and then they were going shopping for her new barbecue grill and possibly a few additions to her patio furniture.  He could probably get by without his parents finding out about the incident as he would not see them until late in the day, if at all, but eagle-eye Gracie would easily spot his hampered mobility.  Oh well, he had the rest of the night to load up on aspirin and hopefully get a decent night's rest.

"I'll be okay, Roy.  I'll eat something and then go get a hot shower.  That'll help loosen me up a lot," he responded as he picked up his fork to take a bite of the casserole Marco had made for dinner.

Roy turned toward Johnny who shook his head.  They never thought that Mike Stoker could be as obstinate and hardheaded as John Gage.  They were both standing there when Joe Early gave Mike his recommendations and heard him say that it was up to Mike.  However, the engineer had failed to tell the captain that Joe had also offered his patient something a little stronger than aspirin for pain as he expected the man to be less mobile in the morning than he was now.

Hank sipped his coffee.  “I won’t put us back in service until you guys have had time to eat and Mike can get that hot shower.  Hopefully we’ll have a quiet night.”

As the returning men quietly ate their dinner, the phone rang.  Hank got up to answer it.  "L. A. County Fire Department, Captain Stanley."  His eyes widened as he heard the voice on the other end.  "Hi, there.  Have you two gotten back from your night out already? "

All eyes turned on him as they knew who it must be.  It was either the captain's wife or Gracie O'Donnell.  It had been less than an hour before they were called to the warehouse fire when Ellie and Gracie had stopped by the station with the muffins.  They heard Ellie tell her husband that the two women were going out for dinner.

Mike hoped that it was just Ellie calling Hank about something.  If they were to come by the station again on their way home, Mike did not know if he could manage Gracie and the fuss that she would surely make over him.  She would be ready to take him back to the hospital herself and put him in restraints if need be to keep him from exerting himself too much.

Hank looked toward the table and shook his head.  "Yeah, just give me a minute to find him."  He covered the mouthpiece of the receiver and spoke directly to Mike in a whisper.  "Sorry, pal, but it's Gracie."

Mike grimaced as he pushed himself away from the table and tried to stand.  He wrapped his right arm across his mid chest and touched his aching ribs.  Everyone took note of his obvious pain.  He got to the phone and leaned against the wall for support.  He took a deep breath and exhaled.  "Hi there.  I thought you'd still be out."  It was all that he could do to keep from crying out in pain at that moment.

“Are you okay?  You sound a little short of breath,” came the voice on the other end of the line.

Sheesh, she must have some kind of radar to pick up on something so trivial, he thought to himself.  “I’m fine.  I just moved the wrong way when I got up from my chair and got a little cramp in my leg.”  He looked toward the table and took note of the five scowls he was getting.

“Okay then,” Gracie replied, still not quite satisfied with his answer.  Oh well, when she saw him in the morning she would know if something was amiss.  “Ellie and I had a really nice dinner.  We had a lot to talk about.”

“That’s good,” he remarked, again trying to control his painful breathing.

“Anyway, I just called to see if you were still coming over after your shift or if you’d rather wait until later.  I’ve been thinking about it and figured if you guys have a rough night that you wouldn’t be up to anything in the morning other than getting some rest.  I just want you to take care of yourself.”

Good grief!  I think she has a hidden camera around here and knows what’s going on!  I’ve never known anyone with a sixth sense like she has, not even my mother!  Mike felt like he was on ‘Candid Camera’ or something.

“Don’t worry about a thing.  I’ll be there at the end of shift or as close to it as possible.  If we get a call before B-Shift gets in, I might be a little late, but otherwise I’ll be there with bells on.”  As he glanced toward the table again, he got another round of scowls from his captain and shift mates.

“Okay then, if you’re sure.”  Gracie hesitated for a second before continuing.  “I’ll have a nice big breakfast waiting for you then.  I’ll see you in the morning.  Take care of yourself.  Have a good night.  Bye.”

“Bye,” he said and then heard the phone click on the other end.  Letting out a huge sigh, he hung up the phone and leaned against the wall as he looked at the other men.  “I think I’ll go stand in a hot shower for a few minutes and call it a night.”

Hank agreed.  “I think that’s a good idea, and take something for pain while you’re at it.”  He watched the engineer give him a thumbs up as he exited the room.  Hank turned his attention back to the rest of his crew.  “Why do I get the feeling that Gage has rubbed off on him?”

Roy burst into laughter at his commander’s comment and was immediately followed by Chet and Marco.  Johnny just frowned and shook his head in frustration.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After her chat with Mike, Gracie was soon ready for bed.  Certain that she would fall asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, she was frustrated that she wound up laying there for over two hours and was still wide awake.  She rolled over and looked at the clock on the bedside table.  “After midnight,” she said with a heavy sigh.  Determining that she was not going to get to sleep like this, she decided to get up and go downstairs.  She seldom drank anything alcoholic, but on that rare occasion when she felt the need for it, there was always a bottle of wine chilling in the fridge.  With another sigh, Gracie turned on the bedside lamp and pulled the covers back. 

Soon, having padded down the stairs in her bare feet, Gracie turned on the light in the living room and headed on toward the kitchen.  Again she flipped a light switch.  She stood in front of the refrigerator and opened the door.  Leaning forward to look for the bottle of wine that she knew was there, she looked intently and finally found it behind the carton of milk.  With bottle in hand, she closed the door and walked toward the counter.  She reached up and opened one of the cabinet doors to retrieve a wine glass. 

“Well, I might as well see what’s on the late show.”  She opened the silverware drawer and retrieved the corkscrew and turned to make her way toward the living room.  After turning on the television and then making herself comfortable on the couch, she popped the cork on the wine, poured herself a glass, and waited for the commercial to end so that she could see what was on the late show.  When the film returned, she was pleased to see that it was one of her favorite old movies, An Affair To Remember, with Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr.

Gracie settled back on the couch and sipped her wine while she watched the movie.  She smiled to herself as she remembered talking Mike into going with her to see the movie when it came out while they were in high school.  He balked at the idea of seeing a romantic movie and tried to get out of it, but she managed to drag him to the theater all the same.  She took another sip of the wine and began to get wrapped up in the movie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mike finally gave up on sleep and eased up from his bunk and into his bottom turnouts as quietly as he could.  A sudden chill reminded him of his jacket that lay across the foot of his bed.  With great effort, he reached for the jacket and painfully slipped his arms into it before slowly rising from his bunk and quietly exiting the dorm.  It had been impossible to find a comfortable position in which to drift off to sleep.  He had never been able to sleep on his stomach, but the pain from his bruised chest and sternum would not have allowed it anyway.  Lying on his back was also not a possibility as the bruises from earlier in the shift also would not permit that.  Sleeping on his side was more comfortable, but even then he could only tolerate being on either side for a short period of time.  It had been a no-win situation.

Mike practically held his breath until he was out in the apparatus bay.  He made his way into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator.  Upon retrieving the carton of milk, he headed toward the cabinet over the sink and reached for a glass.  Once the glass was filled, Mike returned the milk to the refrigerator.  Glancing at his watch he noted the time to be just after midnight.  After taking a drink of the cold milk, he decided to see what was on the late show.  He slowly made his way to the television and turned the set to the ‘on’ position.  With the volume down low, he painstakingly took a seat and tried to make himself comfortable.  He did not know which pain was worse, the pain in his chest or that in his back.  Neither one was anything to brag about.  When the commercial was over, Mike concentrated on the actors and soon realized what the movie was. 

“I remember that one,” he said softly to himself.  “I went to the theater with Gracie to see it when we were in high school.”  His thoughts went back to the year 1957 when the movie was released.  Gracie, a big Cary Grant fan, had wanted to see the new movie and kept after him to go with her.  At first he had declined and gave the excuse of it being a romance movie that deterred him.  Unbeknownst to Gracie, he had planned to see the movie with her anyway, but it was fun to see her use every reason she could think of as to why he should go with her!  It actually had not taken much effort on her part to sway him into going as he would have done anything for her; she just did not know it at the time.

Almost midway through the movie, just as Mike finished his milk and continued to reminisce while enjoying the old film, he was suddenly brought back to the present by the klaxons as they blared over the speaker.  As a conditioned response, Mike arose immediately from his seat, with the sudden movement nearly taking his breath as he clutched his chest.  Stopping only for a second for a sharp intake of breath, Mike hurried as fast as he could to the engine, the television set being the last thing on his mind.  Hank, Marco, and Chet rushed to the engine and were surprised to see Mike already pulling on his turnout coat.  Marco noticed the grimace on the engineer’s face as he stretched his arms to get the coat on.  That was enough of an ordeal in itself, but seeing the pain etched in his face as he strained to pull himself up into the driver’s seat was enough to make anyone wince in sympathy.  Marco made a mental note to keep his eye on his fellow crewman.  Fortunately, the call should be a short one as it was a trash fire in a dumpster behind an all-night diner.  Once in the driver’s seat, Mike started the engine, tightened the chin strap on his helmet, and put the big diesel engine into gear as he prepared to pull out of the station.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Johnny continued to lay in his bunk and listened as the engine left the bay.  After tossing and turning for a bit, he decided to get up and get a drink of water from the kitchen.  Trying not to awaken Roy, who had immediately gone back to sleep after the call was for the engine only, Johnny slipped into his bottom turnouts and make his way to the kitchen.  Opening the same cabinet door that Mike had opened a short time earlier, Johnny retrieved a glass and filled it with water from the tap.  As she sipped the water he heard voices.  Turning away from the sink, Johnny noticed that the television was on.  He walked toward the sitting area and noticed the empty glass on the table.

“Hmmm…  I wonder who else had a late night thirst,” he said to himself as he picked up the glass and took it to the sink and rinsed it out.  Once more going to the television, Johnny this time sat down and paid close attention to the movie.  “Hey, Gary Grant; I always did like his movies.”  In no time at all Johnny realized that the movie was not of his typical fare.  “Man, who was watching a chick flick?  I can’t imagine who it’d be.  Oh well, I sure won’t be watching it.  I have to see enough of ’em on dates.”  With a mock frown, Johnny got up and turned the TV set off before taking his empty water glass to the sink to join the other one.

“Maybe I can go back to sleep now.”  With a big yawn and a wide stretch of his arms, John Gage turned out the kitchen light and headed back toward the apparatus bay and on to the dorm and his bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning wake-up tones sounded, and the men of Station 51 were brought out of their golden slumber to the dawning of a new day.  Hank answered dispatch and hung up the mic before sitting back on his bunk to pull on his bottom turnouts.  He looked over at his engineer’s bunk and noticed that he had not stirred.  Once he was dressed in his early morning gear, Hank walked over to Mike’s bunk.

“You okay there, pal?” he asked with concern.  He was answered with a pitiful groan.

“Yeah, I’m okay, just a little slow this morning.”  Truth was that he could hardly move.  Maybe he would get a chance for a hot shower before heading over to Gracie’s for breakfast.  He needed something to help loosen his tight muscles.

“Alright then.  We’ll get the coffee going and you come along when you can get the kinks worked out.”  Hank gave him a reassuring smile and left the room.

By the time Hank had made it across the bay and into the kitchen, the remaining four crew members had already congregated and were waiting for the coffee Marco had put on to get ready.  Chet and Johnny reached up into the cabinet and retrieved six cups.

“Hey Chester, how was your movie last night,” Johnny started in on the Irishman. 

Chet looked at the paramedic with a puzzled expression.  “What movie?  Man, you must be still dreaming.”

Johnny continued to grin.  “I came in to get some water after you guys left last night for the dumpster fire and the TV was still on.  I never pegged you as a guy who’d deliberately watch a chick flick, Chet.”

Chet frowned.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Gage, but I haven’t watched a chick flick here or anywhere.  I don’t do chick flicks.  You’re barking up the wrong tree on this one.”

Johnny turned his attention to the other men at the table.  “So, which one of you was watching Cary Grant on the late show?  I know it wasn’t Roy because he was sawing logs when I got up to come in here.”  Roy frowned at his friend’s description of him.

“Why don’t you be a little more specific, John?” Hank asked.

“Okay, when I came in here the TV was on and there was a Cary Grant movie on the late show.  Someone had been in here watching it and left the TV on when the call came.  There was even an empty glass on the table where someone had been drinking milk.  I just figure it must be old Chester B. here,” he said with a big grin as he continued to try and heckle the lineman.

“Come on, Johnny.  I think it was you and you’re just trying to throw the attention off you by claiming it was one of us.”

Marco stepped over to the counter to check on the coffee.  He was pretty sure he knew who had been up watching television that late at night and it was not for the entertainment value for sure.  He wished that Johnny would drop it now because once Chet got involved that would be all she wrote.

“If it wasn’t you, Chet, and it wasn’t Roy, that only leaves Marco, Mike, and Cap.”

Hank stared at the young man.  “What if it was me?  You going to do something about it?”

Johnny saw the twinkle in his captain’s eye.  “Nah, Cap.  You can watch whatever you want.”

Chet had been mulling over what Johnny had said.  “You know, I think it had to be Mike.  It’s always the quiet ones that do what you’d least expect.”

Johnny pondered his words.  “I think you’re right, Chester B.  I know I wouldn’t be up watching a chick flick in the middle of the night.”

Before Hank knew it, the Gage and Kelly dog and pony show was under way.  They were thinking of reasons that the engineer would be watching an old Cary Grant romance movie, none of which made any sense.  Marco poured the coffee as Johnny and Chet continued their theories.  Hank looked across the table at Roy and both men laughed.  When Gage and Kelly got hung up on something it was usually over something quite stupid or petty.

“Yeah, it had to be Mike,” Chet repeated.

“What had to be me?” the engineer asked as he slowly made his way through the door and stopped.

All eyes turned toward Mike.  He could see that Hank and Roy had been laughing when he walked into the room.  Marco was standing by the counter, coffee in hand, and shaking his head in frustration.

Chet looked at Johnny and burst into laughter.  “You tell him, I can’t.”

Johnny grinned at Mike.  “I came in last night after you guys left on your run and the TV was on.  An old romance movie was on.  Chet and me deduced that it had to be you.  None of us men would be watching a chick flick unless forced to.”  Johnny laughed.

Mike felt his face flushing red and his blood pressure rising.  Before he knew it the words were spewing from his mouth like venom from a rattler.  “I can’t believe you guys!  Why in the hell do the two of you always have to make it a point to stick your noses in everybody else’s business?  You’re grown men for crying out loud, or at least you’re supposed to be!”

The grins that Johnny and Chet had worn were now gone and replaced with wide-eyed looks of astonishment as the quiet man opened up on them with both barrels.  Hank and Roy also were stunned by Mike’s outburst.  It was not like him at all.  However, before anyone could get in a word, Mike continued.

“I just don’t believe this!” he yelled.  “Whatever the hell I do is none of your business!  I don’t need the permission of any man in this room to watch anything on television, and I certainly don’t have to put up with this harassment.  So much for thinking that we’re like family around here.”  The engineer turned directly to face his captain, hurt added to the pain already in his eyes.  “Cap, I would’ve thought better of you.”  His voice had dropped in pitch and was very soft, almost quivering.  He turned quickly, a little too quickly, and the pain shot through his upper body, but he had to get out of the room as fast as he could.

When Mike exited the room, the silence was deafening.  No one had ever seen an outburst of any kind from Mike.  He was usually glad to join in on their fun.  What had caused him to blow a fuse? 

Marco looked around the table, his eyes settling on the two jokesters.  “You had that coming you know, all of you,” he said in frustration.  “Have you forgotten already that we came really close to losing Mike last night?  All of us were worried sick about him.  This was completely thoughtless of you.  Maybe if you had seen him struggling last night just to get his coat on or trying to get into the cab of the engine, then just maybe you’d realize that everything's not okay with him.”

Hank looked at his lineman.  “What do you mean, Marco?”

“When we were getting ready to leave on that call, he was having a hard time putting his coat on.  He was in a lot of pain.  Then when he was pulling himself up into the driver’s seat, he looked like he was going to pass out.  I had already seen him earlier when he got up and left the dorm.  I had just gotten back in bed myself after going to the washroom.  I listened to him for a while before he finally got up.  It sounded like no matter what position he got in, he was in really bad pain.  Finally he got up and left, probably trying to keep from waking any of us.  Then when we got back from the trash fire he was even worse.  I helped him get his coat off so he didn’t have to stretch so much.  Guys, he’s really been hurting since he was hit last night.  He says he’s okay and the doc said he’d be okay, but it doesn’t mean that he might not still have problems because of it.”  Marco set his cup in the sink and headed out of the room.

Hank looked around the table at the other three members of his crew.  “Marco is exactly right.  Mike didn’t deserve that, especially after what happened last night.  Each of us owes him an apology.”

Johnny found his voice.  “But Cap, you and Roy weren’t laughing at Mike.  We’ve been through this enough that I know you guys were laughing at me and Chet.  We’re the ones that need to apologize to Mike.”

“Johnny’s right, Cap.  It’s me and him that have to tell Mike we’re sorry,” chimed in Chet.

“Roy and I might have been laughing at you two twits, but Mike doesn’t know that.  All he knows is that he came in to laughter being associated with his name.  I’m not going to let this go any further.  I’m going to find him and apologize right now.”  Hank pushed away from the table and started to leave the room.  He looked back over his shoulder.  “I hope everyone makes it a point to do the same before Mike leaves at shift change.”

As Hank walked across the apparatus bay, the words Mike said to him and the hurt that plainly showed in his eyes kept replaying in Hank’s mind.  Mike was his best friend.  He would never intentionally say or do anything to hurt him and he had not done so this time.  However, this was not a time to be picky.  Mike had been hurt by what he thought had transpired, and Hank would not try to make excuses.  He would simply say that he was sorry for what had happened.  When he got to the locker room, Marco was standing in front of his locker getting dressed.

‘Where’s Mike?” Hank asked.

Marco turned toward the door and looked at his captain.  “The shower.  He said he was going to get under the hot water for a couple of minutes and try to loosen up.  He’s really hurting, Cap.  I was worried about him at the dumpster fire last night.  I hope the doc’s right and all he needs is some rest.”

Hank nodded his head.  “I talked to the guys and everyone feels bad.  I know Mike’s supposed to go to Gracie’s this morning and help her do some errands today.  I’m going to try to persuade him to call her and cancel so he can go home and hit the sack.  He needs to take one of those pain pills the doc prescribed for him and get some rest.”

Marco nodded his agreement.  “You can try, but I don’t think he’s going to do anything but what he said he’d do.  He’d do anything for Gracie.”

At that moment Mike entered the locker room, one towel wrapped around his waist and another over his shoulders.  With his wet hair and the enormous bruises on his torso, both front and back, he looked miserable.  Marco grimaced at the sight of the large discolorations on his skin.  No wonder Mike was unable to get comfortable in bed.  Knowing that Hank wanted a word with the engineer, Marco reached for his badge and started to pin it on his shirt as he walked out of the room.  He stopped beside Mike briefly.

“I’ll be around the house today.  If you need any help with the stuff you’re doing for Gracie, just give me call and I’ll be there.”  He flashed a sincere smile at his crew mate.

“Thanks, Marco,” the soft voice replied.

Mike walked over to his locker and opened it, fully aware that the captain was still standing there.  He leaned his head against the locker door and sighed.  “I didn’t mean to fly off the handle like that before.  I just…”

“We’re the ones that need to apologize, Michael.  Gage and Kelly were just being their usual selves, which isn’t always necessarily a good thing.  No one meant any harm, but it was still thoughtless.  You’ve been through a lost in the past 12 hours and we all should’ve been more considerate.  I’m really sorry, pal.  I hope you can forgive me for my part.”

Mike straightened up and looked at his friend.  “Everything’s okay, Hank.  I know that no one was trying to hurt me.  It was just done in fun.  I didn’t really get any sleep last night and it’s got me a little on the grumpy side this morning.”

Hank was relieved.  The last thing he wanted was for his best friend to be angry with him or feel betrayed.  “I’m glad that you don’t hold any ill feelings toward anyone.”  He flinched as he watched Mike struggling to pull on his undershirt, seeing the obvious pain that the strain caused.  “Maybe you ought to give Gracie a call and tell her what happened; you know she’d understand.  Then you could go home, take something for the pain and get in bed.  You look like you’re just about done in.”

The engineer slowly took a seat on the bench in front of the lockers.  “I’ll be okay.”

Hank grinned ever so slightly.  Marco was right again.  Nothing would keep Mike from Gracie.

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