Disclaimer: The characters don’t belong to me, they belong to Universal and Mark VII. But, I admit, it’s sure nice to have fun with them.

Ah, Nuts!

By: Vanessa Sgroi

“Squad 51, unknown type rescue, Mega Mart parking lot, 5020 Tremont, cross street Sancerre. That’s 5-0-2-0 Tremont, cross street Sancerre. Time out 1521.”

Roy DeSoto and Johnny Gage hopped in the squad as their Captain acknowledged the call and handed them the slip of paper containing the address.

Since the location of the store was well known to both men, there was little need for Johnny’s navigation skills. Minutes later, they pulled into the Mega Mart parking lot. They saw immediately where the commotion was thanks to the flashing lights of two police cars already on scene.

The paramedics exited the squad and decided to find out just what they were dealing with before grabbing any of the equipment. Approaching the two police officers, Roy spoke up.

“Hey, guys, what have we got?”

One of the officers, a G. Butler according to his name badge, turned to the paramedics with a look of relief.

“Oh, hi. Really glad to see you here. We have this gentleman over there,” Butler pointed as he spoke.

Roy and Johnny looked to where Officer Butler was pointing and saw a man, a very big man, in his underwear stalking in a circle around a small portion of the parking lot. The man was swinging his massive arms in all directions, and from time to time, he tossed his head back and forth. The guy also appeared to be mumbling something, but it wasn’t loud enough to be heard by anyone. A small crowd had gathered and stood their staring at the spectacle.

Johnny looked at his partner and mouthed, “Drugs?”

Roy nodded back and murmured, “Possibly.”

Officer Butler spoke up again.

“We didn’t want to try anything until you guys got here. Just in case he’s really sick or something.”

Roy nodded his head in understanding and said, “C’mon, Junior, let’s go see what’s wrong with him.”

The police officers cleared a path in the multiplying crowd to get the paramedics to their destination. Johnny was the first one to reach the victim.

“Uh, sir, can you tell me what’s wrong?” queried the paramedic placing his hand on the man’s shoulder.

There was no response other than a rough shrug to get rid of the unwelcome touch.

Johnny tried again, this time placing his hand on the guy’s arm.

“Sir, are you hurt at all?”

Without warning, the man’s fist shot out in Johnny’s direction catching him on his left side.

“Ahhhh!” Johnny let go and staggered back a few steps automatically clamping his arm to his side guarding his now tender ribs.

Roy jumped back a few steps as well and called to his partner.

“Johnny, you all right?”

“Yeah, I think he just bruised my ribs.”

Now with trepidation, the two returned their attention back to the uncooperative civilian. This time Roy approached him speaking in a soothing manner hoping to convince the man to sit down and submit to an examination. Johnny stood quietly on the man’s other side still favoring his ribs slightly. Briefly, his attention wandered from their charge as he glanced at the leering crowd, which had now grown considerably. Uh oh. This looks like it could get ugly. I hope the cops called for back up. His attention was ripped back to the huge man to his left as he heard his partner cry out in pain.

“ROY!”

The senior paramedic sighed in disgust.

“I’m okay, Johnny. His elbow just caught me in the eye.”

Before anything else could be said, the giant stranger let out a huge bellow and started swinging. And the wired crowd started chanting—egging him on.

Roy and Johnny moved in to try to restrain the combative man while yelling for the officers, both of whom had been trying to control the crowd, to come and help. The officers immediately came to their assistance. However, for reasons unknown, this further incensed the crowd whose mood had turned dark and ugly. As the paramedics and police officers worked in tandem in an attempt to subdue the mountain of a man, the more active members of the mob began to pelt them with rocks and sticks.

Johnny cried out as he felt a particularly sharp rock it him in the middle of his back. Man, we’re in trouble. He felt another rock impact with his helmet knocking it off his head. For a brief second the younger man caught a glimpse of Roy who was also doing his level best to dodge the flying debris and still maintain his grip on the aggressor. From what Johnny saw, his partner wasn’t having much more success than he. The mob encircled the defenseless men.

The police officers seemed to be taking the brunt of the mob’s inexplicable rage. When the stones and sticks didn’t have the desired effect, the aggressive members in the group moved in and swarmed the two hapless officers. One of the attackers, a store employee by the looks of his uniform, grabbed Officer Butler’s hair, yanked his head back, and spit roundly in his face. Butler lost his balance and fell to the ground. Seconds later he let out an earsplitting scream as he felt someone’s teeth sink, not just in, but straight through his right index finger.

By now, sirens could finally be heard in the distance as much needed back up raced for the scene. This did nothing to disperse the maniacal gathering.

Johnny looked up from his own struggles at the officer’s scream. That was all the distraction his adversary needed. Roughly shaking off Roy’s tenuous hold, he knocked Johnny to the ground in the middle of the melee and followed him down. He then purposely and with evil intent sank his teeth into the paramedic’s crotch. Johnny howled in agony at the white-hot pain. With great effort, he managed to push his attacker off him then curled into a fetal position. As he did so, he heard the crazed man yell, “I HOPE I BIT IT OFF, MAN. I HOPE I BIT IT OFF.”

Johnny barely comprehended what he heard as he fought the dancing white spots clouding his vision. He never felt the can that slammed into his temple and knocked him out. A can of vegetables thrown by a teen-aged girl caught up in the frenzy.

Finally, the much needed back up arrived. As the additional police exited their vehicles, the mob at last began to melt away, many of the perpetrators running so as not to be arrested. Those who were caught, including the original unidentified “victim” and the store employee, were immediately placed in custody. As additional back up, Engine 51 and Squad 10 had also been dispatched to the scene. They were all stunned at the aftermath of the irate mob.

Squad 10’s paramedics rushed to assess the injuries of the four fallen men. Paramedic Randy Duval headed for the two men from 51s while his partner, Bruce Keene, rushed over to the officers. Calling over his shoulder, Randy requested Captain Stanley to get him some equipment from 51’s squad.

Duval reached Roy first and knelt down next to him. Roy was sitting up but was a bit dazed. He had a cut on his forehead which accounted for the blood running down his face, a black eye, and he was cradling his left hand which appeared to have a couple of broken fingers.

“Hey, DeSoto. How are you?”

“I’ll survive. Go take care of my partner. I think he’s hurt bad.”

Duval requested Captain Stanley and Mike to keep an eye on Roy and asked Chet and Marco to come with him to where an unconscious Johnny lay on his side. During his initial visual assessment, Randy noticed a darkening bruise on the paramedic’s left temple.

“Gage, can you hear me?”

There was no response so he tried again, this time touching John’s arm.

“Gage, can you hear me?”

Still nothing.

Worried now, Randy reached out and did a sternal rub. He was rewarded with a low moan.

“C’mon, Gage. Come back to us now,” commanded Duval.

Johnny groaned and turned his head from side to side trying to open his eyes. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he managed to get them open half way. He gazed at the blurry figure in front of him.

“Wha?”

“Welcome back, Gage. Can you tell me where you hurt?”

The injured paramedic finally recognized the voice of Randy Duval, a new guy over at 10’s.

“Umm, head. Left side,” he mumbled. He hurt in another important spot but couldn’t bring himself to voice it. Suddenly, he was overcome with intense nausea and his stomach heaved. When he was done, Randy wiped his mouth and continued with his questions.

“Does your back or neck hurt?”

“Back. Rock hit it.”

Randy quickly cut away the back of Gage’s shirt and found a fist-sized bruise in the middle of his back.

“Musta been some rock. You have a good size bruise there.”

“Any tingling or numbness in your legs?”

“N-no,” Johnny moaned as he lost the battle with his stomach once again.

“Okay, we’re gonna get you on your back now.”

With Chet and Marco’s help, Duval gently turned Johnny onto his back and straightened his legs.

The injured man hissed as pain lanced through his groin. He wanted desperately to curl back into a fetal position. His attacker’s words now rang clearly in his ears. I hope I bit it off. Johnny was terrified. He wanted to tell someone to look but couldn’t seem to get the comment past his lips. Roy. Roy could do it. He wouldn’t laugh.

Johnny gasped as a bright light suddenly stabbed at his eyes, and he tried to turn his head away.

“Easy, Johnny. I’m checking your pupils. You may have a concussion. Can you tell me your name?”

“Umm, John Gage.”

“Do you know where you are?”

Johnny moaned again as another lance of pain rushed through his groin and down his leg.

“Parking lot. Store.” Deciding he couldn’t wait any longer for an answer, he tossed his head ignoring the resulting pain as he tried to find Roy.

“Roy? Roy?”

“Roy’s okay, Johnny. Relax.”

“No. No. Roy. I need Roy.”

Johnny was thoroughly agitated now. His blood pressure, heart rate, and respirations were rising. Randy tried to calm him down with little success. Finally, he trotted over to squad where Roy was now located.

“Roy, Johnny’s really upset. I can’t get him calmed down. He won’t tell me what’s wrong, and he’s calling for you. Are you up to coming over there?”

Roy was on his feet and moving almost before Randy finished the question.

Using his good hand for support, he slowly knelt next to his distraught partner and friend.

“Johnny?”

The other paramedic’s restless movements ceased, and he turned to look at Roy.

“Roy . . .,” he whispered.

“Johnny, what’s wrong?”

Roy was surprised to see tears glaze his partner’s eyes.

“I can’t tell you.”

“What! Why?” Roy was puzzled. His concern grew when he saw Johnny grimace again in pain.

“Embarrassed.”

“John, come on. It’s obvious you’re in a lot of pain. And, I heard you scream earlier. What happened?”

Johnny swallowed hard and then said, “Can I whisper?”

Curious as to his partner’s odd behavior, Roy agreed and leaned forward to allow the injured man to whisper in his ear.

What he heard made him blanch.

“Okay, okay, Johnny. I’ll check. I need help though because I have a couple of broken fingers.”

His partner’s eyes widened in concern as he said, “Roy, I . . . I’m sorry. I didn’t think . .”

“It’s okay, Junior. They got trampled when I fell. Now, how about I get Marco to help me. Is that acceptable?”

At Johnny’s nod of acceptance, Roy called out.

“Marco, I need your help. Can the rest of you move away for a minute? We need some privacy.”

Everyone, including Randy Duval, exchanged puzzled looks, but complied with Roy’s wishes. Marco approached and knelt by his co-worker’s other side.

Johnny closed his eyes against a wave of dizziness and nausea as Roy quietly explained to Marco what had happened.

Marco was horrified at what had been done to his friend, but cooly followed Roy’s instructions and carefully cut away part of Johnny’s bloody uniform pants and underwear. When he was done, Roy peeled back the material and conducted a brief examination. Then he sighed in relief, as did Marco.

“Johnny, it’s okay. He didn’t . . . I mean . . . it’s still there.” Despite his professionalism, Roy could feel his cheeks flare red as he spoke. “But, you do have a really bad bite and there’s been a fair amount of bleeding. I need to clean it.”

A small tear of relief leaked from the corner of his partner’s eye as he nodded.

Johnny hissed and tried to jerk away as Roy began to clean the bite. The burning pain joined the previously ignored pounding in his head and with a final moan, he felt darkness overtake him.

With Marco’s assistance, Roy quickly finished and taped a 4 x 4 over the wound. He called Duval back over and proceeded to explain the situation. Duval flinched in sympathy.

“All right, DeSoto. Let me get an IV and oxygen on your partner, and then we’ll get you both packaged up and over to Rampart. Bruce just left with the two officers in the first ambulance.”

At Roy’s inquiring look, Randy sighed and summed up the officers’ injuries.

“Camden has a concussion and broken arm. Butler has a broken rib and is missing half his right index finger.”

*^*^*^*^*

Shortly thereafter, the second ambulance pulled up to the emergency entrance of Rampart. Dr. Brackett met them at the door.

“Treatment Room 2.”

Duval accompanied the stretcher updating Brackett along the way. Roy followed close behind knowing he was inviting the doctor’s wrath in his determination to stay in the room.

Brackett did indeed scowl in disapproval.

“Roy . . .”

“I know, Doc. But, let me stay—just to make sure he’s oriented. Just to make sure that he knows . . . well . . . that it . . . it’s . . . still there.”

Brackett’s scowl lessened a tad and he agreed on the condition that Roy would accept treatment as soon as Johnny was awake and oriented.

After granting Duval clearance to leave, Brackett approached the examination table. He glanced up briefly when Dixie briskly entered the room ready to assist in Johnny’s care.

“Johnny?”

The young paramedic softly groaned beneath the oxygen mask but did not open his eyes.

“Johnny, wake up, now.”

Brackett watched as his patient’s eyelids fluttered and slowly opened.

“Good job. John, do you know where you are?”

Gage’s eyes drifted restlessly about the room.

“R-r-ampart?”

“Do you remember what happened to you?”

“Umm . . . uh . . . parking lot. People. Mob.” Johnny grimaced as all of his aches and pains made themselves known.

Kel watched Johnny’s eyes widen in abject fear as recent events caught up with him.

“No!”

Brackett placed his hands on Johnny’s shoulders in restraint as the younger man tried to sit up.

“Easy now, Johnny.”

The young man continued to struggle.

“C-c-can’t look . . . can’t. No. No one. Laugh.”

“Johnny, it’s okay.”

“No . . . gone,” he moaned.

The doctor realized he wasn’t getting through to his distraught patient and motioned for Roy to join him at the exam table.

“Johnny, it’s Roy. Johnny . . . listen to me.” Roy placed his good hand on the dark-haired man’s shoulder.

After a few moments, Roy was relieved to see his partner begin to calm down.

“John, you’re fine. Remember? I checked earlier. The man didn’t succeed. You’re fine.”

The senior paramedic watched as the terror and confusion slowly faded from his friend’s face.

“Now, you have to let Doc Brackett examine you, all right? Don’t be embarrassed.”

After a few seconds, Johnny finally nodded in agreement.

Satisfied with this outcome, Brackett asked Dixie to escort Roy to another room for treatment of his own injuries and then turned his attention back to Gage.

“Johnny, I’m gonna get x-ray in here for a skull series. You took quite a blow to the temple. We’ll also get a chest x-ray to make sure you don’t have any cracked or broken ribs to go with those bruises. But first I want to examine that bite, okay?”

The doctor felt Johnny tense as he pulled down the sheet. As gently as possible, he examined the bruised and inflamed wound. The bleeding had stopped but the wound was ragged and raw.

Johnny flinched away from the doctor’s touch.

Kel fought back an instinctive flinch of his own. Man, that guy really did a number on you, my friend.

When Brackett was finished, he pulled off the latex gloves and spoke softly to the younger man as he again covered him with the sheet.

“It’s a serious bite, Johnny. It’s located on the extreme upper thigh and a couple of the teeth caught you in the scrotum. I need to stitch that small area of the bite because it’s deep. The rest we’ll let heal on its own after I clean and disinfect it. You’ll need antibiotics, too, to hopefully ward off infection.”

As the doctor finished speaking, the x-ray technician entered the room. Brackett assured Gage he would be back when the technician was done and left the room.

*^*^*^*^*

True to his word, Brackett returned minutes after the x-rays were taken.

“Okay, Johnny, while we’re waiting for the x-rays, I’m going to get those stitches in.”

There was no response from the man on the table.

“Johnny?”

Brackett frowned and touched the paramedic’s shoulder. Johnny, having drifted off that quickly, startled at his touch.

“Johnny, I’m going to get those stitches in now. Then we’re going to admit you for overnight observation.”

The young man couldn’t help the red that stained his cheeks.

The doctor immediately noticed.

“There’s no reason to be embarrassed, you know.”

The paramedic just looked at him before turning his head away.

*^*^*^*^*

Two hours later, Roy entered his partner’s room. Joanne was waiting to take him home, but he wanted to see Johnny for a few minutes before he left.

Roy maneuvered a chair in position and sat down all the while assessing his sleeping friend’s cuts and bruises. Boy, Johnny you look terrible. Of course, Roy knew he didn’t look much better.

Perhaps sensing his presence, Johnny turned his head, opened his eyes, and gazed blearily at the senior paramedic.

“Roy?”

“I’m here, Junior.”

“T-th-thank you.”

“For what?”

“F-f-for looking,” at this Johnny’s face tinted red, “for being a friend . . . for not laughing. Did . . . did the guys . . . laugh?”

“No, Johnny. They wouldn’t do that. Johnny, nothing that man did was funny. Trust me. He wanted to disfigure you for life. That’s definitely NOT funny.”

“I know, but . . .”

“No buts. You’re okay and that’s all that matters. We’re all okay. Officer Butler is permanently disabled though. Some guy in the mob bit his finger off.”

Roy noticed Johnny’s eyes widen at this news.

“Speaking of the mob, the guy who started the whole incident—his name was Clyde James.”

“Was?”

“Yeah, was. He’s dead. An ambulance brought him in from the police station about an hour ago. He was DOA. Doctor Early thinks it was a cocaine-induced heart attack.”

Johnny sighed and closed his eyes for a second.

“You know, Roy, I should be sad. Sad at another life lost. But, I’m not. I’m not glad either. I just keep thinking about one thing.”

“What’s that, partner?”

“I keep thinking how grateful I am that I can still have kids someday.”

Roy playfully groaned at this comment drawing a glare from Johnny.

“What?”

He struggled to control a very big grin. “Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about miniature John Gages roaming LA County. It’s a scary thought.”

Roy was still smiling at the disgruntled look on Johnny’s face when he left the room.

** The End **

This story is based on a true incident that happened a few months ago in the city where I live. In real life, an assailant in a mob attempted unsuccessfully to bite a police officer exactly where Johnny was bitten. I couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like had he succeeded. Also, there was indeed an officer who had a finger bitten off during this incident.

I dedicate this story to my non-Emergency! friend, Barb Percy, for putting up with all of my sheer craziness and for listening to me go on and on over the telephone. I’m working hard to turn her into a dedicated E! fan. J

And, I thank Audrey for giving this one a home.