Baptized by Fire -  Part 9

Justin.  Justin Quinn.”  Todd Andrews leaned on the bedrail of Justin’s bed in the recovery room.  As much as he hated to admit it, standing in the operating room for several hours had been much more difficult than he’d anticipated.  Borchardt and his team had only been slightly more than halfway through the procedure, when he had ordered Todd to sit on a stool for the duration.  Miffed, but defeated, Todd had complied, only to find sitting on the stool was even more uncomfortable than standing had been.  Somehow, though, he had managed to remain in the theatre until Borchardt was ready to close.  But now he felt positively spent.  He would stay until Justin was settled back in the ICU, but then he had a date with a hot shower and his bed. 

Justin was in his element.  Bobbing over crest after crest, embraced in the arms of the Pacific’s balmy waters.  The sun warmed his skin.  Peace.  All sound from the shore drowned out by the rhythmic rolling of the waves.

Todd gave his friend’s good shoulder a gentle nudge.  “Hey, wake up.  You’ve slept long enough now.”

Justin shivered.  A cold spot.  All he needed to do was ride it out and he would once again be wrapped in warmth.  Detached from his senses.  Floating…

“Justin, come on now.  I need to talk to you.”

Coldness returned.  The sun had disappeared behind a cloud.  That was all.  Give it a minute, and the ethereal cover would move past.  But it didn’t happen.

“Open your eyes, Justin.”  With each passing moment, Todd’s concern grew.  Justin had barely stirred.  Anesthesia and a brain injury did not make the best companions, and the surgeon knew his friend would be difficult to rouse after so many hours in surgery.  Still, he had hoped Justin would surprise him.

Now Justin was just plain cold.  Gone was the comforting caress of the sun’s rays.  Gone was the cozy, inviting cradle that had rocked him.  No…the rocking continued.  But it was no longer a peaceful, restful sway.  Now it seemed…menacing.  He groaned weakly.

“That’s it…”  Todd was encouraged.  At least it seemed Justin had heard him.  “Look at me, Justin.”

Todd.  That was Todd’s voice.  Justin tried to obey, but his eyes wouldn’t cooperate.  His head pounded with unbelievable furor, his throat felt raw and sore, his entire left side ached terrifically.  And then there was his right shoulder.  It complained with an energy so dynamic, Justin could have sworn some feral parasite was gnawing the marrow from his bones.  But despite all of this misery, it was almost as if it didn’t belong to him.  That he could keep it at bay if he could just…go back…

“Justin!”

Now that was a tone Justin had heard coming from Todd, but it had never been directed at him.  He was confused now.  He tried to lick at his arid lips, but something was blocking the way.  He tried to speak, but all he could manage was a pained whimper.  He forced his good eye open as far as it would go, but he could only make out colors and movement.

“There you are.”  Todd slid two fingers into the palm of Justin’s right hand.  “Squeeze my fingers, Justin.”  He watched as Justin’s gaze wandered, trying to find something to focus on.  But, his hand remained limp on the bed.  “Come on…”  Todd tapped the palm.  “Squeeze.”

It took several long moments before Justin’s traumatized brain was able to piece together all the steps necessary to perform this simple task.  But, as soon as Todd felt the fingers curve weakly around his own, a smile broke out on his face, and all thoughts of the pain in his own body quickly disappeared.  Relief flooded over the orthopod, because he knew that Justin’s ability to do this meant two very good things:  That he was able to follow commands, and that he had sensation and motor ability in his right hand.

“Good job.”  Todd removed his fingers and did a quick check of the thick bandages covering the incision Borchardt had made on Justin’s right shoulder.  He knew once his friend was a little more coherent, he would be glad to be out of traction.  “Your surgery’s over.  You did great.  Do you understand?”

Justin’s eye continued to roam listlessly until finally it found Todd’s face and settled there.  “You…” 

The word was a croak and Todd immediately reached for the nearby syringe full of water. “Here.  Take a drink.”

Justin accepted the cool liquid greedily, allowing it to soothe his inflamed mucous membranes. Then, he tried again.  “You…di’nt give…Bry’n…har’ time…”

Todd smiled.  The gentle reproach was music to his ears.  “No…I behaved myself.”

“’S’good…”

“Behaved himself my ass.”  Bryan Borchardt stood at the foot of the bed with a grin.  The surgery had gone better than expected, especially since Justin had continued to be plagued by intermittent neuralgia overnight which only increased his stress level and kept him from resting well.  The surgeon knew this was an enormous load off Todd’s mind, and he couldn’t resist taking advantage of this rare opportunity to harp on him a bit.  Besides, he knew it would also be good medicine for Justin.  “Insisted I was holding the scalpel incorrectly…then, he didn’t like where I drew the incision.  Gripe…whine… Next thing I knew he was complaining about the lighting…”

“”S’more…like it…”  Justin wanted to smile, but he couldn’t quite make the muscles in his face comply.

“Don’t listen to him, Justin…”  Todd did not like being the butt of the joke, even if it was getting Justin to respond more.

“Come on, what’s the matter, Todd?”  Borchardt egged on.  “Can’t take a little…ribbing?”

“Very funny, Bryan.”  Todd rolled his eyes, then gave Justin’s knee a squeeze before leaning in close.  “Hard part’s over, buddy.  Now we work on getting you better.  We’ll get you something for pain in a minute.  You’ll be going back to your room soon.”

“’Kay…”  Justin allowed his weighty eyelid to close.  A few minutes later, he felt something cold snaking its way through his chest and then in mere seconds he was floating again.  The sun was back, and warm, briny swells rocked him into peaceful slumber.

***

Jonas Quinn flicked the ashy tip off the end of his cigarette as he eyed the young man pretending to read a magazine on the other side of the recreation room.  He had caught the scruffy newcomer looking in his direction one too many times for his liking, and it was time to do something about that.  Snuffing out what was left of his Lucky Strike in the weighted ash tray on the table next to him, he swaggered over to where his mark was sitting.  “You got a problem, boy?”

James LaCour calmly looked up from his reading material into the scowl hovering over him.  “No.  No problem.  Can you spare a smoke?”

Amused at the other man’s boldness, Jonas took a seat across from him, pulled his pack from the breast pocket of his blue prison issued shirt and lightly tapped the bottom, offering the revealed cigarette without a word.  Then, he lit it before snapping the gold cover on his lighter shut with a smarmy grin.  “So…”  Jonas leaned forward, resting his arms on the table in front of him.  “How about you tell me what’s so damn interesting about my face that you can’t keep yourself from starin’ at it?”

“I wasn’t staring…”  James started, refusing to be intimidated.  “It’s…you just look like someone I know, that’s all.”

Jonas raised his eyebrows at this bit of information.  After all, there was someone on the outside who did look a lot like him.  “Well, if it’s my goody two-shoes brother you’re talkin’ about…hopefully the two of you ain’t friends or I may just have to put you on my naughty list.”  His eyes flashed with mock feral intensity.

James felt the hair on the back of his neck stand at attention.  “Your brother work at Rampart Hospital?”

Jonas paused for a moment, carefully pondering his next move.  “And how would you know about that?”  He eyed the younger man suspiciously.  He certainly didn’t appear to be white collar material, and if he was in this cell block, that meant he was doing time for a violent crime, not that it mattered.  At any rate, he didn’t seem the type that would run in the same circles Justin did.

“I’m a janitor there.”  James spoke without missing a beat.  He knew that if he faltered or broke eye contact, he would arouse doubt.  “Well, I was… Anyway, I’ve seen ‘im around.”  Even as the words flowed out of his mouth, James could not believe what he was seeing and hearing.  He’d had no idea the man he’d ended up beating and robbing had a brother, much less a twin brother in the same cell block as he was in now.  He would need to tread carefully.  This new acquaintance could serve a purpose.  But, while the man had already hinted that he didn’t care much for his brother, James had no idea what type of family loyalty he possessed, despite the obvious bad blood.  He would need to make sure this guy did not find out that assaulting his twin was what landed him in jail.  That could prove very uncomfortable.  He held out his hand.  “James LaCour.”

Jonas hesitated, but only for a moment.  He was not normally the most congenial of men.  But, there was something about James that seemed to draw him in.  And, the more people a man had to watch his back around this place, the better.  He extended his hand.  “Jonas.”

***

“Okay…so explain this to me again.  You’re telling me it could be permanent?”  Camarin sat at the Gage’s kitchen table.  After spending all morning and afternoon at the hospital, she had finally allowed Johnny to talk her into coming home with him for some dinner.

Johnny shifted uneasily in the chair across the table from his half-sister.  He’d had a conversation with Todd earlier today in which he had asked the surgeon some questions about the repeated bouts of intense facial nerve pain Justin continued to experience.  Up until now, Camarin had been led to believe the symptoms were merely a temporary result of Justin’s injuries, and would resolve in time.  Johnny had suspected there might be more to the story, and Todd had confirmed it.  The paramedic then decided he would be the one to break the news to Justin’s wife.  “Todd said he talked to Dr. Katzman about it and he said there’s no way to be sure about that right now.  I just thought you should know…should be prepared for the possibility.

But, Camarin did not want to accept this.  She shook her head.  “I…I don’t understand.”

“The nerve that Katzman thinks has been damaged or irritated is called the trigeminal nerve.  It’s one of the cranial nerves that supplies sensation to different areas of the face.  Todd said there’s no way to really know exactly where the damage or irritation is.  It could have been caused by a sharp edge of bone when Justin fractured his jaw…or it could have happened when his neck was hyper-extended when he was struck.”

“But…won’t it heal?”

“It might.”  Johnny looked up at Hannah as she entered the kitchen after having re-settled Malcolm, who had been awake with a messy diaper.  “But, sometimes, once a nerve is damaged…”

“I hate to think about Justin having to deal with that type of pain the rest of his life.”  Hannah chimed into the conversation as she seated herself between Camarin and her husband.  “I’ve heard of people who have had to quit their jobs because of it.  And his active lifestyle…”

Johnny’s gaze moved from Hannah to Camarin as he noted the tears welling up in both sets of eyes.  Now he regretted telling them any of this.  “I’m sorry…I guess I shouldn’t have said anything.  It’s just that…”

“It’s okay, honey.”  Hannah placed her hands over Johnny’s.  “I already knew anyway.”

“And I guess I suspected it too…”  Camarin admitted.  “But, even so.  I’m glad you explained it to me.  It gives me something specific to pray about.”

“Well, the good news is Justin’s neurological status has improved.  He still can’t remember a whole lot of what happened that night, but his response time is better.  He’s less disoriented now.  And the concussion doesn’t seem to have affected his personality.”  Johnny decided it was time to focus on some of the positive aspects of the day.

“What about his vision?”  Hannah hadn’t been in to see Justin today, but tomorrow Johnny had promised to stay home with Malcolm and McKenna for a few hours so she could visit.

“Still blurry.”  Johnny recalled.  “But, Dr. Early isn’t sure if it’s from the concussion, or if the swelling is causing it.  He’s still pretty dizzy, too, but at least his nausea seems to have subsided.”

“That’s good.”  Hannah thought about the picture of the man she had seen on the news earlier, the man who had assaulted her brother.  Something about his eyes seemed to draw her in, making it hard for her to imagine just what had happened at the clinic.  According to the news report, he had confessed to the crimes, so his conviction would surely be swift.  She thought of her own brother, currently in jail for assault.  She thought of her ex-husband.  “You know…I just don’t get it.”

“You don’t get what?”  Camarin wondered as she took a sip of her forgotten, lukewarm tea.

“I don’t get how someone can just…do that to an innocent person.”  Hannah stood, figuring she would put another kettle of water on the stove to heat.  “I mean…Justin would have given the guy anything he wanted…what makes a person able to just…hurt someone like that?”

“Anger.”  Camarin’s one word, yet very definitive response, hung in the air like a rain-filled cloud.  “Desperation.”  She thought of Tag and Chaz, two young men who used their fists as a way to deal with the anger and hurt forced upon them by their abusive and mostly absent fathers.  For them, as well as many others on the reservation, it seemed a normal behavior, because they had been exposed to it since the day they were born.  Other times, it was a way to get by…a way to ensure there would be enough money to put at least a meager amount of food on the table for a younger sibling who was hungry, or to buy a new pair of shoes for a mother who sacrificed everything for them.  “Maybe that young man was angry at someone.  And, Justin happened to be an easy target to take it out on.”

“You mean the whole… ‘hurt people, hurt people’ theory.”  Johnny understood what Camarin was saying, and that she was trying to find some justification for what happened, to temper her own hatred with compassion.  But, he wasn’t as easily convinced.  “I don’t know, Cam.  I mean we’ve all dealt with our share of abuse.  Each of us sitting here right now.  But, we don’t have it in us to inflict that kind of violence on another human being.”

“You’re right.”  Hannah agreed.  “But I do understand what Camarin is suggesting.  It does make you wonder what kind of life that guy has had.  I mean he didn’t have to hurt Justin.  He could have just taken his money and his car and walked away.  But, on the other hand, some people just seem to have a sort of…behavioral glitch.  A psychosis or some other brain misfiring that makes them view the world differently.  I mean, look at Jonas.  He wasn’t right from the start.  And he was never abused.”

“Not physically anyway.”  Johnny accepted a steaming cup of tea from his wife.  “You said yourself your father wasn’t very attentive.  Maybe Jonas resented that.”

“Yeah…you’re right…”  Hannah thought about that.  “But, Justin never had a very good relationship with Dad either, and he turned out completely different.”

“Well, I guess we could try to figure it out all night, but…”  Johnny was interrupted by a knock at the door.  “That’s probably Roy.”  He stood and made his way over to the door, where he moved the curtain aside for a peek before opening it.  He immediately stepped to the side to allow Rose to run inside.

“Hi, Mama!”  Rose exclaimed happily as she offered Camarin a hug before greeting the others.

“Hi, everyone.”  Roy smiled as he stepped into the kitchen.  “They’ve both had dinner and baths.”

Camarin looked up at Roy appreciatively.  “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“Can I get you some tea, Roy?”  Hannah started to stand.

“No…no, I better get going.  Thanks anyway.”  Roy nodded to the others as he departed.

Johnny followed his partner out onto the deck.

“How’s Justin doing?”  Roy wondered, correctly figuring his partner was seeking some male companionship.

“He uh…he’s doing better I guess...”  Johnny pointed toward Roy’s car.  “Did you…have to go?”

“I have a few minutes.”  Roy could tell his friend was bothered about something.  “What do you mean, ‘you guess?’”

“I don’t know, Roy…”  Johnny heaved a weary sigh and crossed his arms in front of him to ward off the evening chill.  He stared out past the corral into the forested area behind his property.  “He’s improving neurologically, but he’s developed trigeminal neuralgia…”

“Oh, no…”  Roy frowned as he tried to make out whatever it was in the trees that seemed to have so thoroughly captured Johnny’s attention.  The paramedic knew the nerve condition was painful.

“Yeah…”  Johnny’s gaze did not divert away from the woods.  “Dr. Katzman is preparing us for the possibility that it could be permanent.”

“Does Justin know?”

Finally, Johnny turned around.  But he did not make eye contact with his friend.  Rather, he seemed to animatedly pace around the deck.  “That’s just it, Roy.  He’s been told.  And Dr. Early says he’s becoming more lucid and coherent…but…I don’t know, Roy.  He doesn’t seem to be worried about it.”

“And that’s a bad thing how?”  Roy knew Justin was a firm believer in keeping a positive attitude.  It was something he not only worked hard to foster in himself, but it was part of his whole philosophy on healing.  He knew that Johnny knew this too.  “Maybe he’s just trying to think positive thoughts.”

“I know…”  Johnny stopped pacing long enough to think for a moment.  “That’s what I keep telling myself.  It’s what I want to believe.  But, if you ask me...Justin seems to be taking everything a little too well.  I mean, I’ve been…”  Johnny’s hands began flailing rapidly in his attempt to find the words he wanted.  “I know what it’s like to…”

Understanding dawned on Roy’s face, and with it, compassion.  “I think I know what you’re getting at.  You’re worried about how Justin is dealing with what happened.  With the assault.”

“Yeah.”  Johnny nodded.  “Yeah, I am.”

Roy knew he needed to tread carefully here.  The last thing he wanted to do was make Johnny feel as though his concern was unfounded.  After all, sooner or later Justin would need to come to terms with what had happened.  They all would.  “Johnny…it’s early yet.  I’m sure his concussion is clouding things a bit.  We don’t really know what all is going on inside his head.  Maybe Justin is working it out in his own way.  We all react to trauma differently.”

“I know…it’s just that…”  Johnny looked away.

Roy’s throat tightened.  He knew his long-time friend’s careful avoidance of eye-contact meant he was afraid his emotions might surface.  Despite all that had happened on the reservation, it seemed old habits still died a slow death.  “You’re remembering how you felt.  After you were assaulted.  And you wish there was some way you could take it all away so that Justin wouldn’t have to feel it…to deal with it.”

Johnny didn’t answer.  And, he was grateful for the darkness.  Roy had not only hit the nail on the head, he had hammered it clean through in one graceful smack.  It was true.  He was remembering.  Anger.  Violation.  The overwhelming notion that he should have been able to do something to stop it.  Worthlessness and embarrassment over his apparent inability to defend himself.  Fear.  He remembered the inky hole that had been so hard to climb out of.  The feeling that there was no one who truly understood.  The ghastly images that still haunted his sleep.

“Johnny, you know what I think?  I think Justin is lucky to have you.  No one understands better than you what he’s feeling right now.  You’ll be able to help him in ways no one else can.”

Johnny managed a nod as he swallowed down rekindled memories.  “But, Roy…where do I start?”

“You spend time with him.  You listen.”  Roy reached out with a supportive hand to his friend’s shoulder.  “You’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah…”  Johnny suddenly seemed full of new resolve.  “I better get over there.”

Roy smiled.  There would be no questions about the hour, or why Johnny had suddenly decided he needed to be with Justin at the hospital.  Or why he would likely stay the night in that uncomfortable chair beside the bed.  Roy knew all too well.  And he understood completely.  “Yeah…you better go.”

***

James offered Jonas a greeting as he made his way through the overcrowded exercise yard.  “Hey, bro.”

Jonas sneered as he picked up a metal barbell.  “You ain’t old enough to be calling me bro, son.”

“And you ain’t my daddy…”  James kept the banter going as he tested a chin-up bar for stability.  “So, don’t you be calling me ‘son.’”

“You say that like you got somethin’ to be proud of.”  Jonas leaned forward and began doing bicep curls.  “Seems to me, your daddy woulda raised you better, you wouldn’t be here sharin’ sweat with the likes of these upstanding members of society.”  He indicated the other inmates who were engaged in various exercises.

“Likewise.”  James grunted out as he pulled his chin to the bar.  “Besides…I don’t have a daddy.”

Jonas raised an eyebrow, but said no more, instead choosing to study the way his bicep flexed and rippled with each repetition.  He was so focused in on his workout, he didn’t notice the burly figure until he was standing directly over him.

“I was gonna use them, Blondie.”

Jonas recognized the thick, phlegmy voice, as well as the less-than-creative nickname right away.  Travis Nieves.  Ordinarily, Jonas would oblige the simple-minded oaf in his playground games, but today he was not in the mood.  He spoke without looking up or missing a rep.  “Yeah?  Well, you can have ‘em when I’m through.”

Travis moved even closer to Jonas, knowing how much it pushed the other man’s buttons to have his personal space encroached upon.  “Well, I say you’re through right about now.”

James stopped his workout long enough to observe the altercation happening next to him.  His eyes scanned the courtyard, checking to see if any of the guards were paying attention.  But then he reminded himself that in his experience, many prison guards viewed a good fist fight between inmates as free entertainment.  At first he decided to stay out of it.  After all, it was none of his business, and it wasn’t as if he and Jonas were best buddies.  But the more Travis kept on, the more a strange sense of protective adrenaline seemed to pump through James’ veins.  His next action surprised even him.  “I believe my friend, here, said you could have those when he’s through.  Now, does he look through to you?”  He stepped up beside Jonas and faced off.

Travis snorted and then spit.  “What are you gonna do about it?”

James said nothing, but continued to stare the bully down.  Jonas grinned at the situation as he continued to work out.

Travis wasn’t much for being made a mockery of, especially not by some newcomer.  And, Jonas’ smirk was more than his short temper could handle.  He took a swing that connected soundly with Jonas’ chin, knocking him backward off his bench as a spray of blood from Travis’ split knuckles spattered all over James’ shirt.

In half a heartbeat, James found himself retaliating, although even as it was happening he wasn’t sure why he was risking his life for the likes of Jonas.  His roundhouse punch found Travis’ jaw easily enough, and then his uppercut doubled the towering ape over.  It was then that the guards finally decided they’d better intervene before the entire company was engaged in an all out brawl.  A few well placed strikes with their billy clubs effectively put an end to the melee and a moment later, both Travis and James were in handcuffs.

Jonas wanted to call out to the guard holding onto James, to let him know the man was only standing up for him.  But, why he stood up for him remained an elusive puzzle.  And besides, James did assault the guy.  Stupid kid.  He would get at least a night in solitary now.  Might lose some privileges.  Better for Jonas to just stay out of it, keep his own nose clean.  Everyone’s responsible for his own actions after all.  If the kid wanted to be stupid and get in trouble for someone he didn’t even know, that was his business.  Jonas watched as the guards began muscling the two troublemakers away, intending to go back about his business as soon as they were out of view.  But, then something strange happened.  “Hey, hold on!”

“Get yourself to the infirmary, Jonas, and cool off.”  Another guard stepped up, having observed Jonas watching the others.

“Don’t tell me to cool off…”  Jonas grumbled, then began making a plea that he couldn’t believe he was making.  “Look, the kid was just...How ‘bout you just let him go.  Travis is always makin’ trouble…”

“He assaulted another inmate.”  The guard pointed out the obvious.

“Yeah, well if you boys had been doin’ your fuckin’ jobs in the first place, and woulda stopped this thing before it started, then he wouldn’t a had to do your job for you.”  Jonas nodded as his ire increased.  He had no patience for these lazy, overpaid imbeciles.  “Yeah, that’s right.  I saw you watchin’ us…”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah…cuz you’re too busy standin’ there with your thumb up your ass.”  Jonas knew he was treading on thin ice now, but he didn’t care.  He knew he would end up getting punished right along with James.  But, what shocked him was he didn’t mind.  In fact, he actually felt good about it.

“I’m warning you, Quinn.”  The guard wrapped his fingers around the club on his hip.

Jonas scoffed.  “What, you’re gonna smack me with your little woody?  Why don’t you let me show you what some real cock looks like…”

“Okay, that’s it.”  With that remark, the guard had enough.  With lightning speed, he subdued Jonas with his tazer and slapped on the cuffs.  Then, he pulled him to his feet and ushered him inside to where Travis and James sat in separate holding cells awaiting their “sentences.”

Jonas offered James a nod of acknowledgement as he moved past him, which James returned.  The silent communication indicated that a bond had been formed between the two men, which in their world, could prove more valuable than gold.

***

“He’s running a fever, Doctor.  I thought you should know about it.”

“Thanks, Deb.”  Todd moved quickly to Justin’s side and planted a hand on his forehead.  He felt warm, but not hot.  And he was awake.  “How are you feeling, buddy?”

Justin’s voice was weak and strained, but a bit easier to understand now that he was getting more used to the hardware in his mouth.  “Cold…”

Todd placed the back of his hand against Justin’s uninjured cheek.  “How high is his fever?”

“101.” Deb reported.  “I took it right before I had you paged.”

“Todd, I’m…cold.”  Justin could feel his muscles tense as he shivered, delivering even more pain to his already aching body.  He tried to will away the tension in his jaw before the ticking of the irritated nerve could give way to excruciating torment.

“All right, we’ll get you a blanket from the warmer.  Hang in there a minute.”  Todd looked over at Deb to make sure she was following his implied order.  Then, he turned his attention back to his patient, noting he appeared to be in some distress.  “Are you having pain too?”

Justin closed his eyes as a chill coursed through his marrow.  “Yeah…”

Todd reached down and grasped Justin’s hand in order to help center him.  “Okay, Justin, I know it’s hard to focus right now, but I need you to try to sort things out a bit.  Think you can do that for me?”

Deb was back with the warm blanket, and she and Todd draped it carefully over their patient, pulling it up to his shoulders.

Now that soothing warmth was halting his chills, Justin found it a bit easier to concentrate.  “’Kay…”  It would be easy now to drift into sleep.

“Hey, stay with me a minute.”  Todd warned with a tap to the back of Justin’s hand.  When he saw his friend’s good eye open again and settle on him lazily, he continued.  “I need you to tell me what’s bothering you the most right now.”

Justin had to sort through a hundred aches and pains before he could center in on the answer to Todd’s question.  And, he wasn’t even sure it was the right one.  “My…my back hurz…”

Todd moved Justin’s covers aside enough to slide his hand behind him to the area of his left kidney.  “Here?”

Justin squirmed a little, thankful that Todd didn’t apply any pressure.  “Yeah…”

Todd sighed.  If Justin was running a fever, that meant an infection of some kind.  He hated to put his friend through it, but they would need to determine the source.  He issued some orders to Deb as he pulled his stethoscope from his pocket.  “Draw some blood for a CBC.”  He glanced down at the collection bag hanging below the bed and its meager amount of red-tinged fluid.  “Get a UA, and give him 50 of Demerol.”  The doctor pulled Justin’s covers and gown to his waist, causing him to shiver and groan in frustration.  “Sorry, Justin.  We’ll get you covered up again in a minute.  I’ve gotta check some things.”

Todd listened closely to Justin’s heart and lungs before moving his stethoscope over the four quadrants of his abdomen.  Satisfied, he pocketed the instrument and began gently palpating Justin’s stomach.  “Anything hurt here?”

Justin flinched and drew his left leg up protectively as Todd’s hands found a sensitive area just beneath his left ribcage.  He groaned weakly.  “Stop…”

Todd let out another sigh as he pieced together the information he had so far.  Then, he pulled back the large, padded bandage covering Justin’s right shoulder and studied the healing incision.  He noted that the drainage was clear and the wound looked slightly red, but healthy.  “Everything looks good here.”  He replaced the bandage and repositioned Justin’s gown and covers before turning to Deb, who had just finished collecting the ordered blood samples from her patient’s central line.  “Let’s get a chest and abdominal series to cover our bases.  And another IV pylegram.”  He directed his next comments to Justin, leaning in close so he would be better able to focus on him.  “Your lungs are clear.  No signs of peritonitis.  You could be developing a UTI or the fever could be a side effect of your concussion.  We’ll get you some Tylenol and start you on an antibiotic.  You should feel a lot better by morning.”  Todd gave Justin’s hand a squeeze, hoping he was right.

Then, Justin remembered Todd’s injury.  He pointed weakly toward his ribs.  “What about…you?  You’re not even…s’posed to…be here.”

“I’m only here for my favorite patient.”  Todd smiled.

Justin wanted to roll his eyes, but one was still swollen shut, and the other wouldn’t quite cooperate.  “Jus’…remember that…once I’m…back at work.”

“Remember what?”  Todd played innocent, happy to see that despite his misery, it seemed at least Justin was trying to be in good spirits.

“That I’m your…fav’rite.”

“Well, I wouldn’t let that go to your head.  That only applies when you’re a patient.  When it comes to my therapists, I have to be fair and impartial.”

Justin closed his eyes with a barely audible moan, too exhausted now to keep up his end of the conversation.

Todd could see that Justin was tiring quickly, and with the ordered tests, it would be awhile before he could enjoy any meaningful sleep.  “I’ll be back.”

As Justin crossed the threshold into dreams, he was presented with the images his conscious mind would not let him remember.  An angry, yet somehow troubled face.  A flash of metal.  He jerked awake.

Todd noticed the sudden movement as well as the sudden increase in heart rate on the monitor.  “Justin?  You okay?”

Once he regained his bearings and realized where he was again, Justin slowed his erratic breathing until the last remnants of the brief nightmare dissipated and only fear remained.  “Yeah…I just…”

“Bad dream?”  Todd adjusted the covers around his friend’s shoulders.

“Todd, they…he’s…he’s in jail…right?”

Todd’s heart fell.  He figured dreams like this would linger for a long time.  He made a mental note to talk to one of the psychologists on staff tomorrow.  “Yep.  He’s in jail.”

“I…I don’t…I told him….he could take what…whatever he wanted.”

“I know…”  This was the first Justin had seemed to remember any detail of that night as far as Todd knew.  He would need to mention it to Joe Early.

“He…he didn’t have to…why did he have to…”

Todd could see that Justin was becoming agitated.  Exactly what he did not need.  “We may never know, Justin.  The important thing is, you’re going to be okay.  Let’s just focus on that.”  The doctor knew Justin was feeling violated and wanted closure.  And that it was hard for him to see past his current misery to what could have happened that night.

“Is…John here?”  Justin’s memory was foggy at best, but he thought he remembered Johnny telling him he would be back tonight.  Camarin had offered, but Justin again had insisted she stay with the girls.  No reason for her to worry when he woke up in a cold sweat.  But, his brother-in-law’s calming presence had been a welcome relief.

“Not yet.”  Todd looked at his watch.  “He said he’d be here around seven.  It’s only five now.  Do you want me to call him?”  Justin’s answer surprised him.

“Yeah…could you…please?”

“Sure.”  Todd gave Justin’s good shoulder a pat before heading out to the phone.

***

Johnny slouched in the chair by Justin’s bed, watching him sleep.  He had been worried when Todd called him earlier, especially after Todd had explained to him he suspected Justin wanted Johnny around because he felt he was the only one who really understood his fears.  It made sense, and of course Justin didn’t admit as much, not that Johnny expected that he would.  And Johnny didn’t have it in him to tell his brother-in-law that he was still plagued by occasional nightmares since that horrific night in the barn over a year ago.  He had come to accept the dark dreams as a part of him now, and he knew that Justin eventually would come to the same acceptance.  But, right now it was too soon.  There was a lot of physical healing to do first.

The night nurse stepped into the room and smiled at the huddled figure in the chair.  “Hi, Johnny.  Can I get you a blanket?”

Johnny yawned and stretched his legs.  “No thanks, Sheila.  I’m good.”  He watched as the seasoned nurse made a few routine checks, careful not to wake her patient.  “He’s resting pretty well.”

“That’s a good thing.”  Sheila smiled.  “And his fever is down.  The Tylenol is doing the trick.”

“Good.”  Johnny nodded.

Sheila made a few notations in Justin’s chart. “Are you sure you don’t want anything, Johnny?  A magazine?  Soda?”

“You don’t have to wait on me.”  Johnny smiled.  “I’m not the patient this time.”

Sheila chuckled.  “Okay.  Buzz me if he needs anything.  I’ll be back later.”

Johnny took a deep breath and continued watching.  The first thing he noticed was the pattern on the cardiac monitor increasing just slightly in speed.

Justin stared at the barrel of the gun.  It was hollow….cold…and aimed directly at his chest.  But, strangely he felt no fear.  Instead, the air was filled with such oppressive sadness, Justin could feel it pressing down on him, threatening to bring him to his knees.  He looked up, expecting to find the uncertain eyes of his attacker, but his heart leapt to his throat when instead he saw…

“Abby…”

Johnny stood immediately upon realizing Justin was dreaming.  He waited in taut anticipation, hoping that he would settle back into sleep, unsure if that was really the best thing. 

“Abs…why…”  Justin shifted restlessly, his brow furrowing in confusion.

Thinking Justin was having a nightmare about the night Abby was killed, Johnny stood ready to offer some comfort.

Justin stared at the young woman in disbelief, shocked and confused over why she would be holding him at gunpoint.  Then, he took a step back as her features began to melt and morph before his eyes.  Abby’s long blonde hair cropped off until it hung just below her shoulders.  She grew taller, her shoulders broader.  Facial hair sprouted on her chin.  Within seconds, she didn’t resemble Abby anymore, but instead Justin stared into the face of the man who had attacked him at his clinic.  But his eyes…there was something about his eyes…

“Abby?”  Justin jerked awake, his breathing heavy, perspiration causing his gown to stick to his chest.

Johnny immediately moved in, grasping Justin’s hand.  “Hey, you’re okay, man.  Just a bad dream.”

Justin shook his head, not quite ready to let go of the confusing images.  “N-no…”

“Justin, look at me.”  Johnny waited to see if Justin would comply.  “Justin?”

It took a few seconds, but finally Justin’s good eye blinked and opened a crack.  “John?”

“Yeah.”  The paramedic reiterated.  “You were having a nightmare, I think.”  He chose not to elaborate further.  “It’s okay now, and I’m here.  Why don’t you try going back to sleep?”

But Justin didn’t want to go back to sleep.  Not yet.  “John, I…he…he had a…a gun.”

That wasn’t quite what Johnny had expected.  It sounded as if Justin had been dreaming about Abby.  But, now he was talking about the man who had assaulted him.  But, Johnny knew it was possible for two very different traumatic experiences to merge into one nightmare.  So, he didn’t question it.  “It was a bad dream, Justin.”

But, there was something more.  Something just out of reach.  “But, he…he was…”

Johnny glanced at the cardiac monitor and increased his grip on Justin’s hand.  “He was what, Justin?”

“He was…he was…sad.”  Justin mumbled, the hardware in his mouth causing Johnny to wonder if he’d misunderstood.

“Who was sad?”

Justin took a shuddering breath and let out a breathy moan.  “Abby…Abby was…sad...”

Johnny didn’t think twice about the nonsensical conversation.  After all, it was obvious Justin’s subconscious was combining experiences in its effort to sort everything out.  But, before he was able to voice any of that, he noticed Justin’s breathing had again evened out, and his restless movements had stilled.  He was asleep again.  Johnny sank down into the chair with a heavy sigh. 

***

A week later, James sat alone in his cell.  Thinking.  It seemed he had all the time in the world to do that these days.  He was unable to afford bail.  And, even if he could have come up with it, the district attorney had made a pretty strong case against him as a flight risk, not to mention an absolute menace to society.  So, he was stuck here until his trial and inevitable sentencing.  He wondered how long he would be put away, and he could only feel numb.  None of it mattered anymore.  The worst part would be having to face his ‘victim’ again in the courtroom.  He didn’t know if he could handle that.

James leaned his head back against the dank, cement wall and he closed his eyes.  Eventually his mind ambled back to one memorable day in November.  The day he had chosen ‘freedom.’  It almost caused him to choke out a laugh.  Freedom my ass. 

He was fourteen years old, and living with his sixth foster family.  They promised him this was a sure thing, that this time was going to be different.  The couple that was interested in adopting him wanted an older child.  They had read all there was to know about him, were aware of his behavioral glitches, had met with his foster parents and his case worker before finally meeting him in person.  James allowed himself to believe that after all these years, someone…some family finally wanted him.  He would have a real mom and dad.  A sister.  His own room.  Maybe a dog.

But, no…no, it had turned out that was all a bit too much to ask for.  Too much to dream for.  At the last minute, the couple had decided that they didn’t know if they could handle the pressures of raising a teenager who had grown up in foster care.  Maybe they just weren’t cut out for it after all.  Same old story, except that for James, it had been told one too many times.

James remembered the conversation with foster mother number six.  She had been sorry, she really had.  She had even cried when she told him.  As for James, he had no tears left to cry.  But, what he really wanted was to be held.  He envied the way his imitation parents held their own son when he was sad or hurt.  Of course, he was only five years old and he was their own.  But, still, James longed to be held like that.  It became an all consuming need.

The day after that, James ran away.  He was determined to get as far away from California as he could, and he swore he would never look back.  Yet now, here he was.

He spent the next several years learning to do whatever he needed to do to survive.  For a time he tried to go about it honestly.  He would go door to door, taking any odd job someone offered.  He got by for a while, but in time the offers ran out.  And, that was when James learned that stealing was a more effective means of support.

As the months went by, James’ deep seated desire for human touch led him straight into the beds of numerous enterprising women.  These brief encounters quickly filled a need only to leave him feeling emptier and even more undesirable afterward.  But, there had been one who was different.  Brandi.  For a moment, James had allowed himself to hope maybe things would be different with her.  And maybe they could have been.  But, in the end, self loathing led him to prove to Brandi he was not the man she thought he was.  That was when he took everything she had and left in the night.  He never saw her again after that.

Another town…another state…another girl.  And this one introduced him to Danny Caparella.  Danny was a confidence man, and he took James under his wing, teaching him the tricks of the trade.  The two became accomplices as well as friends.

With Danny, James led a fair existence for about ten years.  But, then something in him changed.  Danny’s sister had a baby and that led James to begin wondering about his real parents.  No, that wasn’t quite right.  He had always wondered about them.  But, now he wondered in a different way.  He wondered how any parent could just give him up like they did.  And, he became angry and bitter.  And determined to find them.  He was no longer content to accept his life as it was, never knowing his true origins, where he came from, who his real family was.  It was unfair of his mother and father to deny him those things when the only sin he had committed was being born.  As the years passed, James became more and more determined to track them down.  And demand some answers for what they did.

That was when he met Ben.  Ben had connections at the orphanage where James had been placed as an infant.  He promised him he could pry into the sealed records and supply him with information on his birth parents.  James had been given the last name “Doe” by the state.  Apparently his parents hadn’t even wanted him to carry their name, as if they never existed.  LaCour was the name he had given himself, having seen it on the side of a decrepit fishing boat in the bayou.  Part of being a good con-man meant charming the ladies, and James had thought the name sounded appealing.  Of course, over the years, he had used plenty of other names, too.  But, for some reason, LaCour seemed to stick.

The deal with Ben was made.  He would get James as much information as he could.  For a price. And, as James had come to learn in the world of grift, the price was never cheap.  He assured Ben he was good for the money.  He was in the midst of a long con, at the end of which the payout would be sweet.

But the long con fell through.  And the payout never came.  That was when James asked Danny to help him devise another con to get the information he needed from Ben at a ‘more affordable’ rate.  It had worked beautifully.  That is, until Ben figured out he had been duped.  Danny and James had figured they would be in another state by that time, and to this day it was a mystery how Ben managed to find them.  But, as was true in their world, the right connections could lead a person just about anywhere. 

Somehow, by the grace of god, Danny was able to convince Ben to give James a little more time, but Ben wasn’t exactly the patient type.  James would need to come up with ten-thousand dollars in cash by the end of two weeks or Ben promised ‘serious repercussions.’

And that was what had led James to Justin’s clinic that night.  Well dressed and driving a Mercedes with a property on the beach.  It was obvious his mark had money.  He only had to convince him to give him some…

James sighed heavily.  At least as long as he was in jail, he would be safe from Ben.

He was startled from his thoughts by a rattle on the bars of his cell, followed by a grating voice.  It was the guard summoning the masses for dinnertime.  Wearily, he jumped down off his bunk and fell into the rank and file of the other inmates where he wordlessly marked time until he reached the cafeteria.  Talking was not allowed, except when they were eating.

James grabbed a tray and made his way down the line until his ‘slop’ was delivered.  Then, his eyes scanned the room.  Finally, he spied Jonas already seated at one of the long, metal tables.  “Hey.”

“Hey yourself.”  Jonas responded as he watched the other man sit across from him.

“How was your night in solitary?”

Jonas smiled, as if he were proud.  “The accommodations left a little to be desired, but can’t complain about the company.”

James chuffed.  “Yeah…guess not.”

A few moments passed in which Jonas waited for James to offer his side of the story.  “How ‘bout you?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you.”  Jonas took a sip of his milk.  “Rumor has it…you got sent to the hole for two days.”

“Yeah, well…”  James loaded some ‘dinner’ onto his spoon, then turned it over, allowing the gelatinous slime to fall back onto his plate.  “That’s usually where a guy in our shoes ends up when he beats the shit outta someone.”

Jonas nodded in agreement. “They do anything else to ya?  The guards?”

James regarded Jonas carefully.  His first instinct was that the other man was asking simply to satisfy his  own sick curiosity.  But, no…there was something more to it than that.  “Nah.  Guess they let me off easy since it was my first offense.”

Jonas took some time to consider that.  Then, he leaned forward, keeping his voice low.  “Listen…the way it goes around here…well, it’s kinda every man for himself.  Know what I mean?”

“Yep, I got it.”

Jonas looked around briefly to make sure no one else was listening.  “That bein’ said uh….I don’t forget when somebody sticks their neck out for me like you did.”

“Hey, man…”  James wasn’t sure if he wanted Jonas to feel obligated to him.  But, the truth was, Jonas seemed to have earned the respect of most of the inmates.  With the exception of a few, people pretty much left him alone.  James knew that was something that had been earned.  Having someone like Jonas on his side in here would not be a bad thing.  But, again, in this world, anything good came at a price.  And James wasn’t quite sure about that.

“I just wanted to let you know…you got my back, so now I got yours, kid.”

James wasn’t sure what to say, so he said nothing.

The ‘friends’ continued to eat in silence until finally curiosity got the better of James.  “So, what did you do to end up in here?”

Jonas leaned back with a snarky smile, again seemingly satisfied with himself.  “I did a lot of things.  Some of ‘em I’m proud of.  Some…not so much.”  He took just a second for that to sink in.  “How ‘bout you?  What’s your story?  I know this ain’t the first time you’ve been in the brig.”

“No…not the first.”  James looked down at his food, twirling his spoon in the undecipherable substance.

Jonas sighed as he continued to size up the younger man.  “Me?  I was born bad.  Ain’t never done a good thing in my life.  But you…you don’t strike me as the type who was born bad.”

“I don’t?”  James asked flatly, finally abandoning his spoon.

“Nope.  I think you were made bad.”

“Oh, you do…”  James wasn’t sure what bothered him more.  The fact that Jonas seemed to think he could read him so well, or the fact that he was right.

“Yeah…hard knock life.  Down on your luck.  Probably ran away from home.  Took on a life of crime to get by…am I getting warm?”  Jonas was clearly enjoying himself.

James chuckled softly at the other man’s swagger.  “What makes you think that?”

“Well, you already said you don’t have a daddy.  So, you got that whole broken home thing going…”

“Right.  Well…”  James stood and picked up his tray.  “Everybody’s got a daddy somewhere.”  He left Jonas to ponder that while he carried his dinner to the trash.

***

Johnny stood and let out a small groan.

“What’s that all about, Gage?  You sound like an old man.”  Chet couldn’t resist the barb at his younger  friend.

“Very funny, Chet.”  Johnny pointed at the wall in the lobby of Justin’s clinic.  “You know, that’s not going to paint itself.”

“We’d get the whole job done quicker if you two would stop bickering.”  Roy announced.  The three of them had met at Justin’s clinic today to repair the drywall that had been damaged by the bullet, a job that required all the walls to be repainted.

“We’re not bickering.”  Chet protested.  “We’re…discussing.”

“Well, discuss less and paint more.”  Roy quipped, handing Johnny a roller.

Johnny was happy to accept the long handled roller.  He had been squatting down for some time, working on trim, and his hip had stiffened to the point where it could use the break.  He began smoothing the serene blue paint Camarin had picked out when he heard the bell above the door.

Tag stepped into the lobby, carrying a pizza.  He was followed by Camarin.

“Lunch break!”  Tag announced, as he deposited the pizza onto the counter.

The men dug in gratefully with various expressions of gratitude.

“And there are some beers in the fridge.”  Camarin added as she stood back to admire the handiwork.  “That looks great, you guys.”

“And, soon you won’t even be able to tell there was a section replaced.”  Johnny promised before taking a generous bite of pizza.

Camarin smiled.  “I told Justin what you three were up to.  He sends his thanks.”

“How’s he doing today?”  Johnny asked.

“He seems a little better.”  Camarin breathed gratefully.  “He was sitting up for a few minutes.  And, Todd got some therapist from over at Harbor to work with him.  I guess the guy is really good with shoulders.”

“That’s great!”  Roy was happy to hear that Justin’s condition seemed to be improving.

“Yeah…”  Camarin accepted a slice of pizza from Chet with a smile.  “He’s still having pretty bad headaches.  And he still gets really dizzy, so he can’t sit up for too long.  But, Dr. Early said if he continues to improve, he might be able to go home next week.

“That’s good news.”  Chet stated before going to retrieve some beers.

“How’s the feeding coming along?”  Johnny wanted to know.  Yesterday, they had started Justin on meal replacement shakes, which he had to take through a special plastic tube that just fit between his teeth.  The paramedic had been there when he tried it for the first time, and it had not gone well.

Camarin shook her head.  “Well, you know how Justin is about food.  I tasted one of the shakes, and I didn’t think it was too bad.  But, it was really rich tasting, you know?”

“That’s all the protein powder and fat they put in there.”  Roy clarified, accepting a beer from Chet.

“Justin says it tastes like liquid chicken fat.”  Camarin sighed.  “He’s trying, but it really makes him gag.  Then, he gets upset because he’s afraid he’ll throw up, and…”  Her voice trailed off.

“It’ll get easier, Cam.”  Johnny promised, sincerely hoping it would soon.

“I hope so.  This morning, he refused to eat it, and he and Todd got really got into it.  Dr. Katzman said I could make him some different soups, so I’m going to work on that today.  And, he can have milkshakes.  But, he’s still going to have to supplement with the meal replacement shakes…to make sure he’s getting all the nutrition he needs.”

“Right.”  Johnny took another bite of his pizza.  “Well, at least when he gets home, there won’t be any…reminders…about what happened here.”  He looked around the spacious reception area.

“And I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that, you guys.”  Camarin smiled.

“It’s nothing.”  Johnny tried not to think about how sinister his barn had seemed after what Jonas had done to him there.  He remembered how simply going back inside had triggered a reaction in him that had caused him to attack Justin.  He could only hope that Justin would be able to return to this place that he had worked so hard for after what had happened to him here.

“It is not nothing.”  Camarin put down her pizza and approached her brother, wrapping her arms around him.  “It’s a big something.”  She gave him a squeeze, then looked over his shoulder at the others.  “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”  Roy voiced, speaking for his buddies as well.  “Now, how about we get back to work so we can be done in time to go over to Rampart later and deliver the good news?”

At Roy’s direction, the men took their last bites of pizza and resumed their tasks, diligently working throughout the afternoon hours.

***

“Hey.  You up for some company?”  Johnny spoke in a hushed voice as he poked his head inside the door of Justin’s room.  He was happy to see his friend was sitting up and dressed in pajamas, although it was a little disconcerting that although Justin appeared to be wide awake, he wasn’t watching TV…wasn’t reading.  Johnny was all too familiar with this scenario.  Justin was brooding…or fretting.  And neither was a good thing.

Justin’s jaw was aching, and the effort of making himself be understood through clenched teeth was wearing thin.  He waved his friend in.

Johnny approached the bed cautiously, taking in Justin’s appearance.  He had definitely lost weight, and his normally tanned face seemed pale and hollow.  The left side was still decorated in an array of mottled colors, but at least he could open both eyes now.  His right arm was snugged in an immobilizer.  “So, uh…not watching the game?”  He pointed toward the small television mounted near the ceiling.

“Couldn’t enjoy it.”  Justin gritted out.

“Why not?”  Johnny’s concern grew.  “Are you hurting?  I can…”

“No…”  Justin held up a hand, closed his eyes and let out a sigh.  “Couldn’t see it.  All blurry.”

Now Johnny remembered.  Justin had been having trouble with his vision since the assault.  “Ah…well, I guess that’s normal…”

“Not normal.”  Justin cut Johnny off abruptly.  He was not in the mood to be pandered to.

Johnny sighed and pulled up a chair.  “What do you mean ‘not normal?’  Dr. Early said…”

“I know what he said.  Dr. Park was in this afternoon.  He doesn’t think my vision in the left eye will return to 20/20.  I have to make an appointment once I get out.  Probably gonna need glasses.”  It was a mouthful for Justin and he leaned back against his pillow as if having to speak five sentences had exhausted him.

Johnny recognized the name of one of the opthomologists on staff at Rampart.  “Oh…well…”  He struggled for the right words to say.  He almost mentioned that Justin was in his forties and that needing glasses at his age was far from unusual, injury or not.  But he settled for, “It’s not the end of the world, is it?  I mean, it could be worse…”

Justin closed his eyes.  “Yeah…could be worse.”

After a few moments of awkward silence, Johnny spoke again.  “Listen, the reason I stopped by…well, other than wanting to see you, was to let you know we finished the work at your place today.  Everything looks good as new.”

Justin opened his eyes, genuinely grateful for this news.  “Thanks.”  Then he remembered something.  “Who’s ‘we?’”

“Roy, Chet, Tag, and me.”

Justin closed his eyes again.  “Thank them for me.”

“I will.”  Johnny’s knee shook up and down nervously as another uncomfortable silence ensued.  All the times he had been the one hospitalized, Justin had never failed with his pep-talks and enthusiasm.  Now, when the time had come for him to return the favor, he couldn’t think of a thing to say.  Finally, he had an idea.  “Justin, listen…it might help if you talk about…”

“Nothing to talk about.”

Johnny took a deep breath.  “Come on, Justin.  This is me you’re talking to.”

Justin knew Johnny was right.  If there was anyone in the world who might understand what he was feeling, it would be him.  Still, he wasn’t in the mood for talking.  “Todd already made me talk to Dr. King.”

“Did it help?”  Johnny remembered the sessions he’d had with the psychologist after his assault.  He had been hesitant at first, but in the end they had helped tremendously.

“I guess it did….a little.  But…”

After waiting a few moments for Justin to finish his thought, Johnny goaded him a bit.  “But…”

Justin opened his eyes, and turned his head to look at his friend, as if sizing him up.  Seeing nothing but sincerity and genuine concern in his dark brown eyes, not that he really expected anything less, he decided to come clean.  “I’ve been having…dreams.”

Johnny breathed a sigh of relief as the elephant he felt like he’d had riding on his shoulders climbed off.  This he could handle.  “I’m not surprised.  I had plenty of dreams too.  You know, after…”

“But, these are really weird dreams.”

“Justin…you had a pretty severe concussion.  Not to mention you were assaulted.  That kind of trauma…”

“These dreams are about Abby.”

“Oh.”  That admission stopped Johnny temporarily in his tracks.  With a new wife on board, it was no wonder Justin was disturbed.  It wasn’t as if he could exactly feel comfortable talking to Camarin about dreams that involved his former fiancée.  “Well…what kind of dreams?”

Justin raised his hand to the bridge of his nose, as if the mere act of thinking was making his head hurt.  “I don’t…I can’t really piece them together.  I only remember bits and pieces.  But, I always wake up with my heart pounding.  I see the guy…the guy who…attacked me.  And then I see Abby.  And she’s sad.  That part I remember.  She’s always sad.”

“Hmm…”

“I don’t get it, John.  Why?  Why would this dredge up thoughts about Abby again?  I thought I put all that behind me once and for all.  And why is she sad?  Abby was hardly ever sad…”

“I don’t know, man.  Those all sound like good questions for Dr. King.  Have you talked to him about it?”

Justin turned his head away.  His jaw was aching fiercely now, reminding him it was time to be done talking.  “No.”

“Look, I know I’m a good one to talk.  But, maybe you should.  I mean, he’s heard it all.”  Sensing that Justin had reached his limit, Johnny decided it was time to bring this visit to a close.  “Look, I’m gonna get going.  I haven’t seen Hannah or the twins all day.”

“Thanks again for…”

“Shhh.  Rest your jaw.  You already thanked me, remember?”

That comment brought just the hint of a smile to Justin’s lips.

“Do you need anything before I go?”  Johnny watched as Justin shook his head.  Then he said his goodbye and headed out to the nurses’ station to let them know their patient was in need of some pain meds.

***

“I didn’t know know what to tell him, Han.  I felt kinda…useless.”

Hanna pushed herself up on one elbow and leaned close to her husband.  The new parents were finding out that the only time they had for conversation anymore was in those brief periods of time when both babies were sleeping.  “John Gage, if there is one thing you are not, it’s useless.  Justin’s been through a major trauma.  He’s just coming to terms with it, that’s all.  Talking to Dr. King will help…”

“That’s just it.”  Johnny breathed in the familiar, comforting scent of his wife lying next to him on the bed, his muscles giving an involuntary shiver at the thought of what he would do if anything were to ever happen to her.  He couldn’t imagine what Justin had gone through losing Abby.  “It would help if he would tell him everything.  But, he’s not.”

“Give him time, John.”  Hannah rested her head on Johnny’s shoulder.  “I’m concerned too.  But, I know Justin.  He’ll work this out.  He just needs some time.”

“Yeah…maybe you’re right.”  Johnny reached over and turned off the bedside lamp, shrouding the room in darkness.  But, before he could snuggle in, he had a thought.  He quickly flicked the light back on.  “Hannah, you’re a woman, right?”

Hannah rolled her eyes and giggled softly.  “I hope so.  Or we may need to contact some medical journal about those two babies in the other room.”

“Ha-ha.”  Johnny rolled his eyes.  “I mean…well, what I meant was…if I were Justin.  Or, wait.  If Justin were me.  I mean…”

“You’re wondering how I would feel if you suddenly started having dreams about an old girlfriend?”

“How do you DO that?”

“It’s a secret.”  Hannah mused.  Then, she sat up, all business.  “Look, John.  I know where you’re going with this, and to be honest I don’t know.  I don’t know how I’d feel.  I mean, in Justin’s case…I know how much Abby meant to him.  He loved her.  I mean he really loved her.  When she died…well, that was a dark time for all of us.  Mom tried to be so strong, but then I would hear her crying in her room.  I cried too.  For a long time.  I mean it was one thing to lose Abby.  But the fact that Jonas…”

Johnny caught the unmistakable quaver in Hannah’s voice.  It was obvious that event had profoundly affected her as well as Justin.  That all these years later, she could still become emotional over it.  “Honey, you don’t have to…”

Hannah took a deep breath, steeling herself against long suppressed memories.  “Let’s just say I’m not surprised that undergoing a traumatic event such as this has triggered memories of another traumatic event in Justin’s life.  Nor, that he seems to be combining the two in his dreams.  It’s probably his sub-conscious mind’s way of working things out.  As far as Camarin…I totally think she would understand.”

“You think she would?”

“John, Camarin is no stranger to trauma in her own life.  I’m sure she’s had dreams of her own from time to time.  At any rate, she took Justin for better or for worse.  She’s never seemed to have an issue with Abby before.  She knows she’s an important part of Justin’s past.  He needs to be able to confide in her.”

Johnny nodded.  “You’re right.  I’ll talk to him tomorrow.  Or maybe…well, if he heard it from a woman…”

“I’m not a woman, I’m his little sister.”  Hannah smiled.  “But, okay.  I’ll talk to him.”  She yawned.  “Now let’s get some sleep while the gettin’s good.”

“First things first.”  Johnny switched off the light, then leaned over his wife for a long good-night kiss he hoped would lead to bigger and better things.

***

Justin stared at his attacker like a deer in the headlights.  This wasn’t the way his life was supposed to end.  Not like this.  He was supposed to die old and content in his bed, not at the hands of some two-bit burglar with a pistol.  Just keep your cool, he told himself over and over.  Just give him what he wants.  Don’t do anything foolish.

You didn’t want me.

Strange.  That didn’t sound like something a burglar would say.  Only it wasn’t the burglar.  Where a second ago, an unruly young man had stood pointing a gun at him, now Abby stood, wearing a white dress soaked in blood.  Her face seemed to behold a sadness beyond imagination.  But there was something more…another emotion brimming just beneath the surface.  Anger, maybe?

You didn’t want me.

How could she say that?  Of course he wanted her.  Wanted her so badly he could taste it.  He started toward her.  He needed to wrap his arms around her and tell her how he felt.  Needed to make her believe he wanted her.  Only her and no other.  They would be married.  They would be together forever.  And no one…NO one would ever tear them apart. 

Abby…

But, as soon as he took one step in her direction, the unruly young man was back.  The gun went off…

Justin awoke with a start.  For several long moments the sinister nightmare’s tentacles seemed to wrap themselves around him, refusing to let him out of their grasp.  But then, little by little, the familiarity of his hospital room came into focus, and his breathing slowed.  There was a knock on the door, and Justin wondered what time it was.  It was light outside, so it had to be morning.  He had almost managed to make it all night without one of his disturbing dreams.

The door opened and Todd Andrews stepped inside.  “Good morning.”  He frowned at Justin’s appearance.  The man was perspiring despite the coolness of the room, and it looked as if he had seen a ghost.  “You okay?”

“Yeah, just…”  Justin knew better than to shade the truth.  Todd would see right through it.  “Just…dreams.”

Todd raised an eyebrow as he lifted Justin’s chart out of its cradle.  “Musta been a doozy.”

“Yeah.  But, it was just a dream.  No big deal.”

Todd closed the chart and moved to Justin’s side.  “How’s the shoulder feel?”

Justin looked down at the joint in question.  “Not too bad.”

“Mark says you’ve been making some good progress.  Let’s take this off for a while, so you can do some light stretching and range of motion.”  Todd began unfastening the shoulder immobilizer.

“Mark’s a pretty damn good therapist.”  Justin admitted.  “Just be sure he doesn’t get too comfortable around here.  I don’t need the competition.”

Todd chuckled.  “Don’t worry.  Jack would have my head if I stole him.”  He sat the immobilizer aside.  “Now…let me see you move that.”

Justin painstakingly went about performing the various stretches and range of motion exercises assigned to him as part of his physical therapy regimen, wincing and hissing through his teeth as he went.

“Good job.”  Todd was genuinely impressed with his patient’s progress.  Given his mental state as of late, it was good that he was following his rehab orders and cooperating with his therapist.  Now it was time to broach what was sure to be a touchier subject.  “How’s your appetite?  Improving any?”

“My appetite is fine.”  Justin clenched out.  “That crap they’re feeding me isn’t edible.”

Todd let out a long sigh and perched himself on the edge of the bed.  “Look, Justin.  We agreed to let Camarin make you some soups, but it’s just not enough.  Now, you have a choice.  She could try puree-ing foods that you like…”

Justin was already shaking his head.  Just the thought of swallowing down pureed versions of foods that were never meant to be pureed was making him nauseous.  “No way…”

“Then, you need to drink the shakes.”  Todd stated the obvious.

“Have you tasted them?”

“I have.  And I don’t think they’re that bad.”

“You’re lying.”

Todd mentally counted to five.  “Justin, I’ll be honest with you.  Here’s where we’re at.  You’ve lost almost fifteen pounds in the past few weeks.  You need calories.  Especially now that you’re going to start working out more with Mark.  You of all people know this.  Now, we’re at the point where you need to make a choice.  You can either take in enough calories, or we’re going to place a feeding tube.”

“Todd…”

“What’s it gonna be?”  Todd hated being so tough with his friend, especially after what he’d been through.  But, he wouldn’t stand back and watch him jeopardize his recovery.

“Go ahead and tell them to bring me my pureed puke.”

“That’s the spirit.”  Todd half-smiled as he rose from the bed, giving Justin’s leg a pat.

Justin waited for Todd to leave, then he closed his eyes and tried to bite back the tears that were threatening.  He didn’t have long to fight, however, as a few moments later, the door opened and a nurse stepped in with his breakfast.

But not just any nurse.

“Penny for your thoughts.”  Dixie McCall spoke softly as she sat the tray down on the table and moved it close to her patient.

Justin opened his eyes at the friendly voice, hoping she wouldn’t see the moisture in his eyes.  But, who was he kidding?  This was Dixie.  “It’d take a hell of a lot more than a penny to make sense of what’s going on inside my head these days.”

“Well, I’ve got the money, if you’ve got the time.”  Dixie brushed Justin’s hair away from his eyes affectionately, mindful of the still healing bruises on his face.

Justin couldn’t help but smile at the play on words.  “Better take a rain check.”  He picked up one can of meal-supplement.  “If I don’t eat all my peas and carrots, Todd will send me to my room.”

“He’s only looking out for your own good, you know.  You don’t want a feeding tube.”  The truth was, Dixie would hate to see that herself.  She felt bad that Justin was so turned off by his meal shakes.  But they certainly had to be better than the alternative.  “That’s not the way out of here.”

“Believe me….”  Justin forced down his first swallow of the thick, foul tasting muck.  “I want out of here more than anything.”  He couldn’t help but hope that once he got home to his family, that things would start to get back to normal, that maybe his dreams would stop.  But, on the other hand, returning to where he had been assaulted…he wasn’t sure how that would go.

“But…”

Justin looked up to find Dixie looking at him expectantly.  “No buts.  I want to go home.”

 “Well, then, that’s a good start.”  The nurse pointed at the can Justin was holding.  She knew better than to try to press him, even though it was obvious something was bothering him.  And, Dixie had a feeling it wasn’t just the food.  “See if you can finish both of those, then I think there’s some coffee and juice waiting for you.”

“Thanks, Dix.”  Justin hoped his long-time friend understood his double meaning.  He was grateful for the promised reward, but also that she didn’t push him to talk about things he really didn’t feel like talking about.  There was no question she knew something was bugging him.

“Anytime.”  Dixie smiled and adjusted Justin’s pillow and blankets before leaving him alone with his breakfast.

***

Jonas sized up his new-found comrade as the two of them ate together in the overcrowded yet somehow orderly mess hall.  James had been unusually quiet today, not that he had ever been overly verbose.  Jonas couldn’t quite place his finger on it, but something about the young man was definitely…off.  “Something eatin’ you, boy?”

James spoke through a mouthful of food.  “I told you not to call me that.”

“Oh…right.”  Jonas had promised not to use that nickname anymore.  But, he couldn’t deny there was a boyish quality about the other man.  James was rough around the edges, no doubt.  Whatever he had experienced in his short life thus far had contributed to that.  But, there was an innocence about him.  Just under the surface there was an insecure boy craving acceptance.  One who was willing to do just about anything to get it.  “So, what’s on your mind then?”

“What makes you think there’s something on my mind?”

Jonas took a bite of his meatloaf and shrugged.  “Just seems like you got something in your crawl, that’s all.”

“Well, you know, maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’m in jail.  And that I could stand to go away for a pretty long time.  Did it occur to you that might be on my mind?”  The truth was there was a lot more on James’ mind than that, but he didn’t feel either the need nor the desire to share with Jonas.

“Whoa, man…”  Jonas sat back in his chair, increasing the distance between himself and James.  “You don’t gotta go off on me.  I was just askin’.”

“Yeah, well…”

The two continued to eat in silence for a bit.  Then, finally curiosity got the better of Jonas.  “So, what’s your story, anyway?”

“My story?”  James wiped his mouth with his napkin.

“Yeah.  Your story.  You know…who are you?  Where do you come from?”

“I come from Louisiana.”  James stated flatly, causing Jonas to sigh.

“You know what the hell I mean.”

“You want my story.”  James reiterated, sitting back in his chair and folding his arms.  “Why?”

“Can’t a guy be curious?”

James chewed on that a while.  He wasn’t sure what, if anything, he was ready to reveal to this man.  Still, secrets were a bitch, and he felt like if he didn’t come clean soon, he might just burst.  “You first.”

“What…me?”  Jonas’s brow rose.  He was incredulous, but seemed to enjoy the challenge.  “Not much of a story there.  I was born in a podunk town back east.  Only one in my family with an ounce of sense.  I moved west first chance I got.  Been out here ever since.”

“Uh-huh.”  James knew there was more to the story.  “And you ended up in jail because…”

Jonas looked around as if taking in the comfortable ambiance of home.  “I ended up here because I tried to kill my sister’s husband.  Well…he wasn’t her husband at the time…”

“And this made perfect sense?”  James deliberately threw Jonas’ words back at him.

“Sure did.  I was protecting her, see.  Only problem is, no one else has the sense to see it that way.  But, you watch.  That guy’s bad news.  It’s only a matter of time ‘til they see I was right.”

“You’re serious.”  James had a hard time getting a good read on Jonas.  It was often hard to tell if the man was kidding or not.  He was either the most delusional psychotic he’d ever met, or he was the sanest, shrewdest man alive.

Jonas laughed.  “What do you think?”  When James didn’t answer, Jonas put down his fork and crossed his arms.  “Your turn.”

“So, you want my story…”  James mused, clearly toying with his prey.  “Well, my friend, how much time do you have?”

“I got nothin’ but time, pal.”  Jonas laughed.

“Well then, let’s see…The first 14 years of my life were spent in St. Felicity’s Home for Orphaned Children.  Huh, ironic right?  St. Felicity is the patron saint of barren women.  Go figure they’d choose that name for an orphanage.  Anyway, I got tossed back and forth between there and half a dozen foster homes before I finally decided I’d had enough.”

“You ran away?”

“Yep.”

“Huh.”  Jonas took some time to process this before asking the obvious question.  “What happened to your folks?  They die?”

“I never was allowed to know anything about them.”  James’ voice betrayed the disgust he felt.  “I only just found out my mama was just a kid herself when she had me.  Seems her parents brought her all the way from Pennsylvania to California to have me so as not to ‘disgrace’ the family, I guess.  Then, they made her give me away.”

“Really…”  Jonas mind was working to absorb all James was telling him.  “And your Daddy?”

James hesitated, unsure how much he should reveal.  “Didn’t want to admit ownership, I guess.”

“So…you left California?”

“Yep.  Got as far away as I could.  Tooled around Alabama and Lousiana mostly.  Then I met this guy who taught me the tricks of the trade so to speak.  Made a fair living for a while.”

Jonas correctly surmised that the ‘living’ was anything but ‘fair.’  Or at the very least, it wasn’t an honest living.  “So you came back out here why?  Get homesick?”

James suppressed the shiver that seemed to erupt uninvited.  In all of Jonas’ arrogant sarcasm, James doubted he knew just how close he really was to the truth.  He looked away.  “Yeah, right.”

If there was one thing Jonas was good at, it was reading people.  And right now James’ emotions were laid out in front of him like an open book that was too juicy to put down, whether the younger man knew it or not.  “What was it you said you were in for again?”

“I didn’t.”  James stood and walked away, leaving Jonas to watch his retreating back and ponder the story of James LaCour.  He had a feeling it would prove to be even more interesting than he had anticipated.

***

You might be feeling better, but I still don’t think you should go back to full duty, Todd.”  Kelly Brackett stood with his arms crossed in the blue-tiled exam room.  A series of chest X-rays hung on the light board beside him.

“Look, I’ll admit when you first insisted I cut back, I wanted to tell you where you could stick it…”  Todd buttoned his shirt.

“As I recall, you did tell me where I could stick it.  And quite colorfully I might add.”

Todd continued as if he didn’t hear.  “But when I realized just how painful rib fractures were, I had to admit you were right.  But, really…I feel a lot better.”

“And you think you’re up to standing for ten to twelve hours in an operating room, bent over a patient?”  Brackett’s arms remained crossed as he issued the challenge.

“I think I can handle it, yes.”  Todd insisted.

Brackett shook his head.  “Okay…I won’t fight you on it.  But I still say you’re making a mistake.”

“Well, you’re entitled to your opinion.”  Todd hopped down from the exam table and tucked his shirt in.  “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have patients to see.”

Resigning himself to the fact that he’d just lost this battle, Brackett opted to discuss other matters.  “Speaking of patients, I hear Justin has finally been cooperating with the dietician.”

Todd sighed, pausing near the door.  “You know I could hardly blame him.  Shakes are not exactly on his normal diet, and those things are pretty disgusting.  But, yes…thankfully he’s doing what he has to do.   He keeps it up, he should be out of here soon.”

“Good.”  Brackett smiled, genuinely pleased.  He knew how close Todd and Justin were.  He paused for just a moment, then brought up a somewhat touchier subject.  “How is he doing otherwise?  Has he been talking to Dr. King?”

“Yes he has.  However, I spoke with Dean this morning and he said he’s hoping Justin will start to open up more.  He said Justin seems to think he just needs to get home and back to work.”

“Back to normal.”  Brackett clarified.

“Yes, and I’m not surprised.”  Todd agreed, but his expression did not match his sentiment.

“I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

Todd sighed heavily and winced slightly as the motion pulled at his healing ribs.  He hoped Kel didn’t notice.  “That’s just it.  I’m not sure Justin has a real sense of what’s ‘normal’ anymore.  His life had been pretty predictable for a long time, and he’s gone through so many changes lately.  New wife, instant daughters, new business, new home…”

“It is a lot to adjust to.”

“And now this…this assault.  I don’t know how he’ll go back to the clinic and not be haunted by what happened there.  Hell, I don’t even know if I want to be in that place again.”  Todd shook his head.

After a few moments of silence, Brackett gave Todd a pat on the back as he led him out of the treatment room.  “Well, I’m sure he’ll work it out.  He seems happy with Camarin and the girls.  And you’ve said this business has been a dream of his for a long time.  You’ll see.  Things will get back to normal before you know it.  Or at least as normal as they get around here.”

“Yeah…I guess so.”  Todd knew his colleague was right.  Life had a way of throwing curve balls and it was Justin’s turn at bat.  But now, things appeared to be settling back on the right track.  Before long, the events of the past few weeks would be a distant memory.  And life would go back to normal, as it always did.

***

“You came out here lookin’ for your Daddy, didn’t ya?”

The words both surprised and angered James as he looked up at the figure which had just seated itself across from him at the breakfast table.  “What makes you say that?”  He spoke through a mouthful of runny, tasteless eggs.

Jonas’ eyebrows rose as he seemed to mindlessly stir his coffee.  “Just been putting a few things together in my head.”

“Like?”

“Like…the way you tried to hide the fact that you were upset when you said you didn’t have a daddy.”

“You’re full of shit.”  James dismissed.

“Am I?”  Jonas challenged, unfazed by the comment.  “Then there was the time you said that ‘everybody has a daddy somewhere.  Hell, it’s practically a fixation…’”

“What the hell does that have to do with...”

“And look how defensive you’re getting now.  Cheeks all flushed.  You wouldn’t be getting so pissed at me if I weren’t picking at the truth.”  When he didn’t get a response, Jonas continued egging.  “Come on, prove me wrong.”

James abandoned his meal and stared down at his lap, his voice barely audible above the din of the other inmates’ chatter.  “I can’t.”  The truth was, there was so much James wanted to tell Jonas.  But, he had been reluctant.  He wasn’t sure how it would be taken, and the last thing he wanted to do was lose his only ally, or worse yet make an enemy out of him.  Besides, he had reasoned that maybe it was for the best that the truth remain hidden.  A bridge had been burned, certainly beyond repair.  There was nothing that could be done about that now.

“I thought as much.”  Jonas hesitated for a second, then pushed his tray off to the side.  “I’ve got a story for you.”

“A story?”  James found himself wondering what Jonas’ angle was here.  It seemed he had moved on from the whole ‘daddy’ thing a bit abruptly.

“Yeah…it’s a story about a girl I knew a long time ago.  She was my brother’s fiancée.  Her name was Abigail.”

James looked around for the nearest guard, wanting nothing more than to run back to the safety of his cell.  But, he knew that wouldn’t be allowed until breakfast was over.  The only way he could get away from Jonas would be to fake illness.  But, that would only get him a trip to the infirmary.  And once they figured out he was faking, god only knew what would come next.  He felt trapped.  “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, I think you know.”  Jonas’ eyes squinted slightly, looking for a reaction.  “You see, Abigail was from my hometown in Pennsylvania.  And the summer before her senior year of high school, she was suddenly whisked away by her parents for several months.  To California.  Justin…my brother…moped around like a whipped puppy ‘til she got back.”

“So?”

“So…they said Abby came out here to go to a special summer school.  Now me…I always thought that sounded a little fishy.  I think Justin did too, but if he did, he never let on.  But, it was what happened after Abby came home that made me wonder…”

“Made you wonder what?”

“Abby was different after that summer.  She turned sad and resentful.  Now, my lovesick brother was too busy tryin’ to pretend nothin’ was wrong to put two and two together.  But I always had a feeling.  And now…damn, I gotta be right.  But, what are the chances…”

“What are you rambling on about?”  James spoke cautiously.  The truth was, he knew exactly what Jonas was getting at.

“You wanna know what I think?”  Jonas asked, but responded before giving the other man a chance to respond.  “I think Abby’s folks made her come out here to L.A. because she was havin’ a baby.  I think they made her give that baby up for adoption.  I think that baby was you.”

James continued to stare at his lap, saying nothing.

“And if I’m right…and I’m pretty damn sure that I am…that would make my brother your daddy.”

James looked up then, his eyes wet with tears he would not shed in front of this man or anyone else in this place.  He swallowed hard, his voice cracking when he finally tried it.  “How…how did you…”

“A man don’t get by in this place by being a dummy.”  Jonas clarified.  “Once I started putting all the pieces of the puzzle together, it wasn’t hard to figure out.  I knew something was up the day we first met…when you told me I looked like someone you knew.  I never believed that piece of shit story you made up about how you knew my brother for a minute.  Janitor at Rampart my ass…”

James didn’t know whether to be relieved the cat was out of the bag…or scared.

“Never mind the family resemblance.  And you have Abby’s eyes.”

“I do?”  This was news to James, and he found it made him feel strangely proud.

“Besides…”  Jonas uncharacteristically softened his tone.  “I think you wanted me to figure it out.  After all, you ain’t no dummy, either.”

“I guess…”  James looked away.  Jonas was absolutely right.  He had craved a family for as long as he could remember.  But, the realization that he had been thrown into the same prison block as a blood relative was too crazy a coincidence to be believed.   “I guess a part of me did want you to know.  I just…didn’t know how you would react to finding out…”

“How I would react?”  Jonas voice raised in both pitch and intensity.  “Are you kidding?  I got a damn nephew!  Can you beat that?”  He reached over and patted the other man heartily on the shoulder.  “Say hello to your Uncle Jonas!”  He looked around at the other inmates whose attention he had drawn.  “Did you get that?  The kid here’s my nephew!”

James tried hard to read Jonas and honestly couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or sincere.  Maybe there was a little of both thrown into the mix.

After the guards put the kibosh on the ensuing excitement, Jonas had another question for his new-found relative.  “So…does Justin know?”

James shook his head.  “No.”

“Oh, good!  You’re gonna tell him, right?  Oh, please let me be there when you do!  I wanna see the expression on his face when…”

“I’m not gonna tell him.”  James stated flatly.  “And I’d appreciate it if you don’t tell him either.”

“Oh, come now…you don’t expect me to keep this little tidbit all to myself…”

“Actually, I do, Jonas.”  James’ tone brooked no argument.

“You mind if I ask why?”  Jonas was clearly perturbed by this development.

James sighed and looked into his uncle’s eyes.  This was it.  The moment of truth.  He couldn’t lie to Jonas, that much was certain.  He knew now that the other man would see right through it.  But, telling the truth brought with it unpredictable results.  Upon hearing it, Jonas was either going to pat him on the back, after all he had said he and Justin didn’t exactly get along, or he was going to beat the shit out of him.  At the very least, James knew he stood to jeopardize the relationship he had with Jonas, if you could even call it that.  And that could be very bad news for him in here.  “There’s more to the story.”

“Oh, do tell.”  Jonas was very interested to hear the rest of this.

“There’s this guy.  I owe him a lot of money.  He’s the one…”  James realized he had a larger audience than he wanted, and lowered his voice.  “He’s the one who got me the scoop on my folks.  I owe him a lot of cash for the info.”

“But you ain’t got a lot of cash.”

“That’s right.”  James paused before continuing.  There was no use holding back now.  “Ben told me my mama was killed in a car accident years ago, but that my daddy…Justin Quinn…lived out here in L.A.  He told me he was a physical therapist at Rampart.  I came out here to find him.  But…well, you can’t exactly just walk up to a guy after 27 years and say ‘hey, guess what?  I’m your son.’”

“I guess not.”  Jonas agreed, although he would have loved to have seen Justin’s reaction.

“So, I watched him for a while…trying to figure out what to say to him.  I noticed he drove a Mercedes, so I figured he must have some money.  I got it in my head one night that I would figure out a way to tell him who I was…that maybe he would lend me the money I needed to pay off Ben.  Stupid, right?”

“Hmph.”  Jonas snorted.  “Knowing Dudley Do-right, he’d a given it to ya.”

“Anyway, I followed him back to his place…some clinic.  Beachfront property.  So now I know he’s gotta be loaded, right?  I knocked on his door, and he told me he was closed.  I kept it up ‘til finally he let me in.  Guess he figured maybe I needed help.”

Jonas sighed.  “That sounds like him.”  When James didn’t immediately continue, he goaded him on.  “Well?  Don’t leave me in suspense.  What happened then?”

James shook his head.  “I don’t know.”

“What the hell do you mean you don’t know?”  Jonas was not about to let James stop there.

“I wanted to talk to him…wanted to tell him everything.  But…I froze.  I couldn’t think of the words to say.  Then, I saw the picture of him and his family.  Gorgeous wife and two beautiful daughters.  And that just pissed me off.  Like it wasn’t fair, you know?”

“Actually I think I do.”  Jonas knew too well what James was talking about as he had felt that way himself for most of his life.  Justin had always been the favorite, had always gotten the good breaks.  He was the star athlete, the one on the honor roll.  And even though they were identical twins, Justin always had the girls chasing him.  And finally, and probably most importantly, he was the one who got Abby.  Jonas felt his chest squeezing as envy turned to rage.

“The more I thought about it, the more pissed I got.  He had this great family that didn’t include me.  For whatever reason, he didn’t want me.  I wanted to kill him.  Next thing I knew, I pulled my gun.”

“Holy shit, you pulled a gun on him?”  Jonas felt an unfamiliar emotion trying its best to break through his ire.  Loyalty.  He tried to press it down, but despite his best efforts, it continued to pester him, as if it was letting him know that no one was allowed to hurt Justin but him.

“Don’t worry, I could have never used it.”  James seemed almost embarrassed to admit this.  “But I did manage to relieve him of his wallet and his car, and then I high-tailed it out of there.”  James left out the part about beating Justin.  He didn’t quite trust Jonas’ potential reaction to that.  “I know this guy who coulda sold the Mercedes for parts.  Coulda used that to pay off Ben…”  James’ voice trailed off when he noticed the somewhat incredulous expression on Jonas’ face.  “Now you’re gonna beat the shit outta me, ain’t ya?”

It took Jonas a few seconds to respond.  “No…No, I’m not.  That’s how you ended up here.  You got caught.”

“Yeah…stupid, huh?  Shoulda ditched the car and his wallet first chance I got…”

“You’re damn shittin’ it was stupid.”  Jonas exclaimed.  “Unless…you wanted to get caught.”

“That’s dumb.  Why would I want to get caught?”

“I’ve found people wanna be in here for all sorts of crazy reasons.”  Jonas informed.

“Well, I don’t.”  It was a half-truth.  Part of James knew he deserved to be here.  And he would never forgive himself for what he did.  He could have easily killed his own father that night, and for that, he deserved to be punished.  He would never tell Jonas as much, but the truth was he would have turned himself in had he not been caught a few hours after the crimes.

“Well, then that’s it, then!”  Jonas was on his feet.  “Your ticket outta here!”  Catching a glare from the nearest guard, he re-seated himself.

“What’s my ticket outta here?”

“All you gotta do is tell Justin who you are!”  Jonas explained.  “He’ll drop the charges and you’ll be free as a bird.”

“Are you kidding?”  James shook his head.  “He didn’t want me before.  He’ll never want anything to do with me now.”

“Ha!”  Jonas’ exclamatory laugh startled James, as well as most people within earshot.  “You don’t know my brother very well.”

James was becoming very uncomfortable now.  He had without a doubt burned this bridge and had finally accepted his status as a bastard-child.  He would be damned if he would let Jonas put a crimp in his plans.  “Well, just the same…I’m not telling him.  And don’t you tell him either.  I mean it, Jonas.”

Jonas stared long and hard at James.  There was no doubt he was serious, and putting himself in the other man’s shoes, Jonas supposed he couldn’t blame him.  “You’re sure that’s what you want?”

“That’s what I want.”

Jonas simply shrugged and indicated James’ discarded breakfast tray.  “You gonna eat that bacon?”

***

He watched as Abby meandered lazily through the meadow, pausing here and there to collect another wildflower to add to her growing bouquet.  She looked up and smiled at him as she tucked a daisy into her sun-kissed hair, securing it behind one ear.  The way she so gracefully floated amidst the tall bluestem and Indian grasses, speckled randomly with yellow, blue, and white, it seemed she belonged there just as surely as the native flora.  Except that it could not compete with her beauty.  His heart skipped a beat as she moved near him, her own unique scent as intoxicating as any exotic blossom.  But then, she sidled past him, her focus on the figure waiting at the edge of the wood…

Jonas awoke in a sweat, his heart racing.  Taking a moment to orient himself to his dank, scanty surroundings along with the all too familiar chorus of men snoring in their nearby compartments, he tried to shake off the dream.  He didn’t dream often, and he knew this particular one was precipitated by the enlightening conversation he’d had earlier with James.  He rolled over, pounded his musty pillow a few times and tried to return to sleep.  But, it wouldn’t come.

Jonas’ mind scuttled with indecision.  He had made a promise to James.  Not that he really cared much about being a man of his word.  No, Jonas was more a man of convenience, saying or doing whatever he had to at any given time for his own benefit.  A means to an end.  But, James was different.  He was family.  Family.  The thought almost made him laugh out loud.  Since when did family ever mean all that much to him?  Yet, for some inexplicable reason, here in the sanctity of his cell, it did.  Only, it wasn’t James he was concerned about.  It was Justin.  As much as Jonas wanted to believe the reason he thought he should tell his brother about James was because he knew it would hit him like a gut punch, or because it would most definitely throw a socket wrench into the workings of his newfound domestic life, and yes, those things were definitely without price…Try as he might, he could not escape the overwhelming urge to act based upon an attribute he rarely, if ever, applied toward his twin:  loyalty.  As hard as Jonas tried to fight it, he couldn’t get past the notion that Justin should be told about James simply because he had a right to know.

That thought caused Jonas to bolt upright in his bunk, nearly striking his head on the pocked, cement ceiling.  All hope of sleep abandoned, he hopped down and grabbed onto the bars that had held him these past long months, gripping them as if they were keeping him from falling into the unknown abyss.  Feeling conflicted, he rested his forehead against them, savoring their coolness against his too-warm brow, and stared out into the dark, empty corridor.  Anxiety churned his innards and made his heart flutter behind his breastbone.  What the hell was wrong with him?  Despite the hour, he was overcome with the need to share this secret which had been boring a hole through his brain since breakfast.  And, he could not wait one more minute.  “Guard!”  He called out, his voice echoing off the homely, tiled walls.  “Hey!”

“Shut the hell up, Jonas!”  Came a voice from a neighboring cell.  “Some of us are trying to sleep!”

Ignoring the order, Jonas tried again.  “I need a guard!  Now!”

More angry voices joined the first as their sleep was disturbed.  In this place, it was the only escape they could enjoy, and they did not take kindly to having it so rudely interrupted.

“You better be bleedin’ to death, Quinn!”  Warned the guard as he made his way toward Jonas’ cell.  He wanted to ignore the continuous entreaties, but he knew if he did not intercede soon, the rest of the prisoners would escalate this situation to riot-like proportions.  He reached the beckoning prisoner and stood arms-crossed on the free side of the bars.  Not only was Jonas not bleeding, he didn’t seem any worse for the wear at all.  “What the hell do you want?”

“I wanna make a phone call.”  Jonas stated as if it wasn’t an unusual request at all.

“You’re kidding, right?”  The guard didn’t even try to keep the sarcasm from his voice.

“Do I look like I’m kidding?”  Jonas threw the sarcasm right back, along with a stare that could have melted the steel bars between them.  “I need to talk to my brother.”

“Right now.”  It was more of a statement than a question.  “At three in the morning.”  The guard shook his head.  “Jonas, you’re either the most delusional sonofabitch I’ve ever met, or you’re just plain nuts.  Ain’t no way you’re calling your brother.  What makes you think you’d be allowed to make a phone call even if it were daytime?”

Jonas wanted to shoot off a round of insults at the overfed, self-satisfied guard.  But, he knew that would only get him thrown back into the hole, and that was exactly what he did not need right now.  What fueled his anger was that he couldn’t even figure out exactly what his own motivation was.  He wanted to think he wanted to talk to Justin because he knew the news he had for him would upset him, would completely screw up his life.  And that was part of it.  But, the other, bigger part, the part that both frightened and disgusted him stemmed from less familiar emotions.  He resisted the urge to smack his fists into the bars by gripping them tighter as he spoke through his teeth.  “Then somebody needs to call him for me.  Tell him I need to see him.  It has to be today.”  He had to do this before James had a chance to get to him.

“I’ll tell you what.”  The guard leaned in closer.  “You shut up and go back to bed right now and uh…I’ll think about it.”

Jonas drew back.  The guard’s breath reeked of pastrami and onions.  He had to tread lightly here, or he would never get what he wanted.  “I’ll go back to bed.   But, you gotta call.  It’s important.”

“I don’t gotta do jack shit.”  The guard said pompously.  It was a half-truth.  The reality was, the prisoners had a right to have family contacted if they wanted.  But, it didn’t necessarily have to happen on their terms.  “I said I’d think about it.  But I don’t see your ass in that bunk yet.”

That did it.  Jonas knew that if he opened his mouth now, he would regret it.  So, fixing the guard with a scowl, he let it linger for a few moments before hoisting himself back into his bunk without another word.  He laid down onto his back and stared at the ceiling.  Thinking.  No, it was more like brooding.  It took a while, but eventually his eyelids grew heavy and he succumbed once again to restless sleep.

He watched as Abby left the pizzeria with the young man with the military haircut.  He looked to be a few years her senior.  Handsome, but not in an obvious way.  Jonas’ blood had been boiling ever since he noticed the two of them together, sharing a pie at the table in the corner.  How dare she?  For the life of him, Jonas could not figure out why Abby had chosen Justin over him, but he’d be damned if he would just sit back and let her betray his brother this way.  Only, he didn’t blame Abby.  Not really.  After all, she was young, and could be easily swayed by a man in uniform.  No, clearly the fault lay with the young man.  Well, he was going to pay.  Jonas hopped into his car and started following the couple as they made their way out of town.  He would mess with him a little…make him pull over.  Then, the two of them were going to have a little…discussion.  At least that was his intention.  Except that it didn’t quite work out the way he had planned.  One of the menacing ‘taps’ Jonas administered to the rear bumper of the soldier’s car packed a bit more power than the previous ones.  It pushed the vehicle off the shoulder and when the driver tried to correct his course, he overcompensated, swerving wildly and easily losing control.  Jonas pulled back then and could only watch in horror as the gruesome accident played out in front of him.  Only it wasn’t an accident.  Not really.

Once the mangled remains of the car came to rest upside down in a ditch several yards from the side of the road, rear wheels still spinning, Jonas ran toward the passenger side.  But what he saw there gave him pause.  Abby…his precious, beautiful Abby…lay half out of the window, her head bent unnaturally to the side, her face nearly unrecognizable through the trauma that marred it.  Jonas approached cautiously.  She wasn’t dead.  She couldn’t be…

It was then that glazy blue eyes blinked once and stared up at him.  Abby’s mouth moved, but Jonas could not make out what she was trying to say.  He knelt down and leaned his ear close and the tiny voice croaked out…

“Why?  Why…Justin?”

Justin jerked awake, the image of Abby’s mangled face still etched in his brain.  She had asked him a question.  No, not a question.  An accusation.  He shivered violently.  He hadn’t been there at the scene of the accident.  But the images in the dream were so real, it was if he had been the one responsible for the deaths of Abby and her brother that evening.  But, that had been Jonas.  Jonas…

Justin shook off another chill.  His blood felt like ice in his veins.  He hadn’t given his incarcerated brother a moment’s thought in recent months, but right now he couldn’t get him out of his head.  And worse yet, he couldn’t quite place what he was feeling.  Fear?  No, that wasn’t it.  As anxiety caused his chest to tighten, he finally pinned it down.  It felt like worry.  That was strange.  Not only that, it made no sense.  All of a sudden Justin felt overwhelmed with the notion that Jonas needed him for something.  He shivered again.  Had something happened to him?  Completely absorbed in his thoughts, he didn’t notice the door opening, or Penny, his night nurse, entering the room.

“Justin?  You’re up early this morning.”  When Penny did not receive a response, she moved closer to her patient, concerned.  “Justin?  Are you all right?”  Clearly he wasn’t.  Justin was white as a ghost.  He was perspiring heavily, and he was shaking.  “Justin?”  She laid a hand on top of his.

Penny’s touch startled Justin out of his trance.  “Huh?”  He took a shuddering breath.  “Wha—What time is it?”

The nurse looked at her watch.  “It’s just after five a.m.”  Her hand deftly moved to Justin’s forehead.  “Are you feeling all right?”

“Huh?”  Justin pulled away, confused by the attention.  “Oh…yeah, I’m okay.  I…I just…”

“Another bad dream?”  Penny was no stranger to the nightmares her patient was prone to since his assault.

“Yeah…yeah I guess that’s what it was.”  But it was more than that.  “Do you know…did Hannah call for me?”   Justin knew that if anything had happened with Jonas, he would have been notified first.  And if he hadn’t been able to be reached, Hannah would have been next on the list.

Penny was perplexed.  “When?  This morning?”

“Yeah.  Or maybe last night.”  As irrational as it was, Justin couldn’t stop thinking about his brother.  Maybe he did need to be more open with Dr. King.  Clearly he was losing his mind.  What was next?  Hallucinations?

“Not that I know of.”  Penny frowned as she measured Justin’s pulse, finding it a little quick.  “Were you expecting her?”

“No.  I just…”  Justin took a deep breath.  He needed to get a grip.  “Never mind.”

Penny wrapped the BP cuff around Justin’s good arm and got a reading.  A little elevated, but nothing too concerning.  “How are you feeling?  Do you need anything?”

“Got a killer headache.”  Justin admitted.

“Well, Dr. Andrews left orders for Demerol.  Let me go and get you…”

“No…”  Justin held up his unfettered hand.  “I don’t want anything.  Just leave me alone, please.  I just…need some sleep.”  The truth was, despite the pounding in his head and the unrelenting ache in his jaw, Justin was afraid to go back to sleep now.  But, he needed to be alone with his thoughts.  He needed to try and make some sense of things before his morning session with the psychologist.  Otherwise, he might start babbling like some maniac.  And, he couldn’t stand the thought of that.

“Okay.”  Penny gave in cautiously.  Justin was likely right, and would feel better with rest.  But, she made a mental note to keep a close eye on him until her shift ended at seven.  She placed the call button near his hand.  “But, if you change your mind…”

“Thanks.”  Justin closed his eyes and waited for Penny to leave before opening them again.  Alone at last, his mind began puzzling until finally exhaustion got the better of him and he fell into a fitful slumber.  He didn’t wake again until his door opened at 7:30.

“Justin?”  Todd approached the bed.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.  Penny said you had a rough night.”

For reasons Justin was at a loss to explain, this made him angry.  “I did not.  I just…”  What was the use?  Justin knew it was pointless lying to Todd.  “Todd, could you…”  His voice trailed off.  “Never mind.”

Todd picked up Justin’s chart and perused it, frowning at the notes Penny left earlier.  “Could I what?”

“I said never mind.”

Todd closed the chart and returned it.  Then, he moved to the side of the bed and leaned on the rail.  “Justin, if there’s something you need…”

“Could you call Hannah for me?”  Justin blurted out.  He would do it himself, except it was hard to enunciate and that made phone communication difficult.  Besides, he was afraid of what he might find out.

“Hannah?”  Despite the fact that she was Justin’s sister, it seemed an odd request.

“Could you ask her if she’s heard from Jonas lately?”  Justin looked away.  “I know it sounds nuts…”

It did sound a little nuts.  Todd couldn’t figure why on earth Justin was thinking about his twin brother right now.

“Forget it.”  Justin could read the doubt in his boss’s expression. 

“Now wait a minute.  I’m not going to forget it.  I’ll call Hannah as soon as I’m finished with my morning rounds, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now, get some rest.”  Todd advised.  “Your breakfast will be here in about an hour.  Keep up the eating, and you should be out of here by the end of the week.  Do you need something to help you sleep?”

“Nah, I’m beat.”  Justin hated having to yawn with his jaw wired shut.  There was no way to avoid it, and it only strained his already aching joint.

“How about some Demerol?”

“”Kay…”

Now Todd knew Justin was in some considerable pain, that he’d accepted the narcotic so easily.  He gave his foot a squeeze through the blanket.  “Okay, I’ll send Melanie in with some.  Get some rest.  I’ll be back later.”

“’Kay…later.”

***

Hannah paced the kitchen nervously as she waited for Johnny to return from the store.  The twins had just gone down for their late morning naps, and the peace and quiet afforded her with plenty of time to dwell on the phone call she’d received just over thirty minutes ago.  Wiping her perspiring hands on her jeans, she felt only marginal relief at the sound of Johnny’s truck pulling into its spot near the barn.  She walked out onto the deck and breathed in the crisp scent of impending rain as she waved a ‘hello’ to her husband and watched him unload several large bags of feed.

Johnny smiled at Hannah as he shouldered the last of the heavy sacks.  As if by some sixth sense, he could tell she had something she wanted to talk to him about.  “I’ll be there in a minute!”

“Take your time!”  Hannah called back, even though she secretly wished he’d hurry.  The phone call had been disconcerting at best, and she really wanted his take on it.

Johnny deposited the bag on top of the pile, the noise causing Rhiannon to whinny a greeting.  “You were already fed.”  Johnny reminded the mare with a slight tousle of her mane.  “Maybe we’ll go for a ride later.”  He walked quickly out of the barn and ascended the deck steps.  Reaching the top, he pulled Hannah in for a kiss.  “Good morning…again.”

“Good morning.”  Hannah returned the sentiment, then she followed Johnny inside.

“Something on your mind?”

Hannah was taken aback by the question.  Had she been that obvious?  Or was Johnny simply that good at reading her?  Maybe it was a little of both.  “Yeah.  There is, actually…”

Johnny regarded her thoughtfully.  “Is this going to be an ‘I should brew a pot of coffee’ discussion?”

Hannah laughed softly.  “No.  I don’t think so.  I uh…I got a strange phone call about a half hour ago.”

“Strange?”

“Yeah…”  Hannah stood with her back to the island in the center of the kitchen.  “It was from Jonas’ caseworker.”

Johnny stopped in his tracks, the mention of Jonas’ name causing his blood to run cold.  Whatever this was about, it couldn’t possibly be good.  “Jonas?  What about?”  He imagined a scenario in which Jonas was released from prison, and his mind immediately settled on his children.

“Apparently Jonas wants to talk to Justin.  He says it’s really important, and can’t wait.”  Hannah explained.  “I guess the case worker tried to call Justin, but when he couldn’t reach him, he called me.”

“Oh, man.”  Johnny ran his fingers through his hair.  “Any idea what it’s about?”

“Not a clue.”  Hannah admitted.  “I’ve been trying to decide if I should tell Justin or not.  I mean knowing Jonas, it can’t be good, right?”

“Probably not.”  Johnny agreed.

“The thing is, he is family.  And, he has a right to request a visit.  I just can’t figure what he wants.”

“Did you ask?”  Johnny blurted, immediately regretting how patronizing he sounded.  Luckily Hannah didn’t seem to mind.

“I did.  But, he said Jonas requested it remain confidential.  He said it’s important. That he needs to talk to him right away.  But, that he’ll only talk to Justin.”

“Well he’s going to have to cool his jets.”  Johnny sat down at the kitchen table.  “Justin’s not going to be released from Rampart until at least the end of the week.”

“That’s what I told him.”  Hannah chose a seat next to her husband.  “That Justin wouldn’t be available to talk until at least the weekend.  I didn’t mention he was in the hospital.”

“Good idea.”  Johnny sat deep in thought for a bit.  “I wonder what he’s up to…”

“I’m thinking the same thing.”  Hannah commiserated.  “Whatever it is can’t possibly be good.  And Justin doesn’t need the extra stress right now.”

“You don’t suppose…”  Johnny’s voice trailed off and he shook his head.  “Nah.  Never mind.”

“What?”  Hannah’s curiosity was peaked, and there was no way she was going to allow her husband to leave her hanging like that.

“I was just thinking…”  Johnny began hesitantly.  “You don’t suppose he heard about Justin’s assault?”

“Even if he did, I can’t imagine what his motivation would be in calling.”  Hannah did not hold much faith that Jonas’ intentions could be good.  She would never buy that he was inquiring about his twin’s well being.

“Yeah.  Me neither.”  Johnny brooded, trying to figure what they should do. 

“I was thinking…”  Hannah began cautiously.  “Maybe we could say something to Todd.  See if he thinks we should say anything.  I mean, sooner or later Justin will find out.  I just don’t know if right now he should be bothered with this.”

“Good idea.”  Johnny agreed, rising to make the call.  He was stopped by a ringing phone, which he promptly answered.  “Hello?  Gage residence.”

“Good morning, John.  It’s Todd Andrews.”

The receiver suddenly felt like ice in Johnny’s palm.  Not only did it seem an eerie coincidence that Todd was calling just as the paramedic had planned to call him, but Johnny couldn’t think of a reason for the doctor to phone that didn’t include Justin taking a turn for the worse.  “Good morning, Todd…”  Johnny looked over at Hannah and raised a dubious eyebrow.  “I was just getting ready to call you.”

“You were?”  Todd was taken aback.  He couldn’t figure why the paramedic would be calling him.

“Yeah, but you first.”  Johnny figured if Todd was calling with bad news, then his question would be moot.  No way was he going to burden Justin with Jonas’ nonsense if he wasn’t doing well.  “Is Justin okay?”

“He’s fine…”

“Why does it sound like there’s a ‘but’ coming?”  Johnny felt butterflies take up residence in his stomach.

“No buts.”  Todd assured.  “He’s doing well.  But, he asked me to call Hannah.  In fact, he was pretty adamant about it.  He wanted to know if she’d heard from Jonas lately.  I have no idea what…”

“He what?”  Suddenly the butterflies seemed to congeal into one big nauseating lump.

“I know it sounds strange.  I wondered myself why he would be asking about Jonas.  I know he had some nightmares during the night.  Maybe…”

“Doc, Jonas’ caseworker called her a little while ago.  Hannah spoke to him.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”  Johnny glanced warily at his wife.  “He said Jonas wants to talk to Justin.  That it’s important.  I was just about to call you to ask if you thought Justin was up to it…”

“Huh.”  Todd chewed nervously on his bottom lip.  “Seems kind of an uncanny coincidence, doesn’t it?”

“Sure does.”  Johnny agreed.

Todd thought for a few minutes before responding.  “Well, normally I would probably say whatever Jonas has to say can wait until Justin is released.  But, honestly, under the circumstances I wonder if more damage would be caused by keeping this from him.  Did the caseworker say what Jonas wanted to talk to Justin about?”

“He said it was confidential.”  Johnny turned around, lowering his voice.  “I don’t know, Doc.  This whole thing just seems kinda fishy to me.”

Todd took a moment to ponder that.  It was no secret that Justin and Jonas did not have a relationship that even approached that of a normal pair of siblings.  But still, Jonas was family.  As much as Todd, and apparently also Johnny, felt that he was up to no good, they weren’t blood relatives.  So, did they really have a right to keep this information from Justin?  And, what about Hannah?  She was their sister.  How did she feel about all this?  “John, what does Hannah have to say about it?”

“She’s wary too.  She’s afraid that this will cause needless stress for Justin.”  Johnny glanced over his shoulder at his wife.  “But that was before you called to tell us that Justin was asking about Jonas.  That’s just strange.”

“I thought so, too.  But, you know, John, Justin has been hospitalized twice this year.  The first time he came pretty damn close to leaving us.  And now…well, I won’t even begin to guess what standing on the business end of a loaded gun does to a person.  Maybe he’s…re-evaluating some things.”

Johnny wasn’t sure he liked where Todd was going with this.  “Wait, you mean Justin had a brush with death and now he wants a relationship with Jonas?”

“He already has a relationship, John.”  Todd reminded.  “And, I’m not saying that improving that relationship is what this is about at all.  But, you have to admit, it does make you think…”

“Well, you’re wrong, Doc!”  Spying the startled expression on Hannah’s face, Johnny realized he had been yelling.  He struggled to regain his composure.  “Justin’s not…he wouldn’t…”

Todd regretted bringing up his speculation.  After all, he couldn’t expect John Gage of all people to be understanding when it came to the likes of Jonas Quinn.  “Look, John.  Let’s not argue about this.  I only called because Justin asked me to.  Now, you’re telling me Jonas wants to talk to him.  What we need to do is decide what we should do next.”

“Well, you’re his doctor…”  Johnny began.  “But I just know Jonas can’t be up to any good.  As far as Justin asking about him…well, maybe he sensed that Jonas wanted to see him.  You know…like a ‘twin’ thing.”

“A twin thing.”  Todd parroted.  Although he didn’t argue.  In his career he had surely seen some situations that made him realize just about anything was possible.

“Look, how about I go down there and talk to Jonas?  See what the hell he wants?”  Johnny offered, even though inside his blood was boiling.  Seeing the man who had assaulted him and left him for dead was probably dead last on the list of things he wanted to do today.  “Then we can decide about Justin.”

“That’s a good idea.”  Todd agreed.  Sometimes John Gage amazed him.  “If it’s something Justin needs to know right away, then we’ll go from there.  In the meantime, I’ll tell him Hannah hasn’t heard from Jonas.  If he finds out otherwise, I’ll cross that bridge later.”

“Okay.  I’ll let you know what I find out.”  Johnny promised, and then after a few remaining pleasantries, the connection was severed.

Hannah stood without a word and crossed the room purposefully.  Upon reaching her husband, she wrapped lithe arms around him and planted a kiss square on his unsuspecting lips.

Johnny stood flummoxed and a bit breathless.  “What was that for?”

“For being you.”  Hannah kissed him again.  “For offering to go talk to Jonas when I know how uncomfortable that will be for you.”

“Oh, that.”  Johnny looked sheepishly down at the floor.  “Well, I’m not looking forward to it, that’s for sure.  But, it’s for Justin.  Besides, he’d do the same for me, I think.”

“Do you really think he’ll tell you anything?”  Hannah asked as she grabbed Johnny’s jacket from the closet and handed it to him.

“Who knows.”  Johnny shrugged as he fed his arm into a sleeve.  “Depends what he’s got up his sleeve, I guess.”  He leaned in for another quick kiss.  “I won’t be long.”  And out the door he went, before he could change his mind.

***

Johnny’s knee bounced nervously and nausea stirred his insides.  The sandy-haired man who had nearly ended his life stood just a few feet away from him, separated only by a thin piece of plexiglass.  As Johnny watched him cast a dubious glare his way and practically yank the phone receiver out of the wall, he couldn’t help but marvel at the surreal resemblance to his brother-in-law.  Aside from the fact that Jonas now sported a full beard and a few tattoos on his well-muscled arms, he was a dead ringer for Justin.  A chill skittered up and down Johnny’s spine as images from that awful night in the barn began flashing before his mind’s eye.

Jonas was the first to speak.  “Who the hell are you?”

Johnny opened his mouth to speak, but at first no words would come forth.  He cleared his throat and tried again, determined not to appear weak.  “You mean you don’t recognize me?”

“Should I?”  Jonas’ eyes narrowed and then widened in recognition.  “Oh…I remember now.  Ain’t you John Gage?  The wimpy fireboy I beat the shit out of?  The one that ain’t good enough for my sister?”

Johnny glared, but said nothing.  How could he respond to that?

Jonas wore a self-satisfied smirk.  “Yeah…I thought you looked familiar.  Surprised you’re man enough to show your face.”

Ignoring the bait, Johnny cut to the chase.  He knew his patience would wear thin quickly, and he wanted this over with.  “I’m here to ask what you want with Justin.”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your damn business.”

“I’m making it my business.”  Johnny’s mouth felt like cotton and his palms were beginning to sweat.  He hoped Jonas wouldn’t notice.

“You may have married my sister, but don’t think that makes you family in my eyes.”  Jonas sneered contemptuously.

“You don’t know the meaning of the word.”

“Is that right?”  Jonas smiled then let out a psychotic sounding guffaw.  “Well…Brother-in law…I made it clear I wanted to talk to Justin.  I ain’t telling you shit.”

“Well, I’m the only one here.  So, if you got something to say, you better say it to me.”

Jonas resisted the urge to put his fist through the barrier in front of him.  “Where’s Justin?  He too chicken to come down here?”

Johnny hadn’t wanted to reveal where Justin was, but he would be damned if he was going to let Jonas think he didn’t come because he was afraid to.  “If you must know, Justin is in the hospital.”

For some inexplicable reason, this news hit Jonas in the throat, rendering him temporarily speechless.  That wasn’t the answer he expected at all.  And why did he care anyway?  This emotion that was teeming inside him felt foreign.  And, there was no way he could appear concerned.  “Of course he is.  He works there.  You think I’m stupid or something?”

Johnny raised an eyebrow as if to say ‘what do you think?’  But, then he settled for, “No, he’s actually a patient there.  We all agreed that he wasn’t in any condition to deal with any of your crap, so I came to see what you wanted.  So what is it you want, Jonas?”

Curiosity getting the better of him now, Jonas almost asked Johnny what was wrong with Justin.  But, he couldn’t do that.  No way.  He would have to find out some other way.  But, knowing that his brother might be sick or badly injured only made the information he carried that much more urgent.  “I ain’t telling you.  You go tell Justin that when he gets out, he needs to come see me.  It’s important.”

Johnny couldn’t quite put a finger on it, but something about Jonas changed since he’d let the cat out of the bag about Justin’s being in the hospital.  “I’ll think about it.”

Jonas stood now, using his tall stature to his advantage.  “You tell him, or I won’t be responsible for what happens next.”  It was a thin ultimatum and Jonas knew it.  But, what else could he do?

Johnny stood to meet Jonas’ gaze.  “Are you threatening me?”

“Maybe.  Or maybe I’m threatening someone else…”

As unlikely as it was that Jonas could do anything to his loved ones from behind bars, Johnny still felt his blood turn to ice in his veins.  So help him, if Jonas so much as laid a finger on Hannah or the twins.  Or Justin.  Johnny’s voice delivered the steeliest tone it could muster.  “I’m leaving.”

Jonas feigned grandiose disappointment.  “Awww!  So soon?  And, we were just getting to know each other better.”

“I don’t want to get to know you.  In fact I’ve spent the better part of a year forgetting you.”

“Gee, John.  You really know how to hurt a man’s feelings.”  Jonas frowned playfully.

“Justin won’t be coming.  Rot in hell, Jonas.”  With that uncomfortable sentiment tasting sour on his lips, Johnny took his leave.  It wasn’t like him to say something like that, even if he felt it.  But the contempt he harbored for Jonas was rawer than any emotion he’d ever experienced.

Jonas watched the paramedic’s back as he walked out.  He was angry that he hadn’t been able to get much of a rise out of him.  But, he was angrier still at himself.  Much to his disbelief he found himself wondering what had happened to Justin to land him in the hospital.  Or was Gage lying to him?  No…he couldn’t buy that.  No way would he have shown his face in here if Justin had been able to come himself.  It had to be true.  But, what could have happened?  Jonas hung up the receiver much too forcefully and pounded his fist on the small ledge in front of him.

“Cool it, Quinn.  Let’s go.”  The guard called out disinterestedly before spitting tobacco juice mixed with saliva into a metal container on the floor.

“In a minute.”  Jonas seethed.  Suddenly he felt overwhelmed with the need to know whether Justin would be okay.  And he cursed himself for it.  Trying to justify what he felt by reasoning that it was because his secret was simply too good to keep was futile.  Jonas knew better.  And it filled him with self-disgust.  Worse yet, he wasn’t sure why.  Justin was his brother after all.

“Not in a minute.  Now!”

Insubordination brewed hot under Jonas’ skin.  But, he couldn’t risk a reprimand.  Not now.  Wordlessly, he moved toward the door and armed with a smarmy smile, he made an ‘after you’ gesture with his arm.  Then, he followed the maddeningly aloof guard back to his cage.

***

Part 10