Written in response to a challenge that asked...Why is Johnny Coughing?

“Caught Coughing”

by Marty P

Johnny’s coughing began after he visited the drugstore. At first it occurred sporadically at home, especially in the bathroom as he shaved. Then the coughing took place in every room of his apartment, no matter what he was doing.

Ten days later Roy caught Johnny coughing at the station. “Johnny, you okay?”

Johnny took his hand away from his mouth and rubbed it on his pant leg. “I’m fine, Roy. Just a tickle.”

Roy gave him an appraising stare and decided to drop the subject, for the moment. He made a mental note to keep an eye on him. The rest of the shift Johnny seemed fine. On their next shift Roy walked into the kitchen just as Johnny put a closed fist to his mouth. Johnny cleared his throat loudly. “You feel all right?” Roy cast a professional eye over him but couldn’t discern any visible symptoms to trigger further investigation.

“Can’t a guy clear his throat around here for no good reason?” Johnny’s furrowed eyebrows matched the frown on his face as he turned away from his partner.

“Seems to me someone harassed me when I wanted to gargle.” Roy crossed his arms and an authoritative air emanated from him.

Johnny’s mouth relaxed. “Well, I was right about your tonsillitis now, wasn’t I?” He suddenly coughed and opened the cupboard to grab a glass. The rest of the crew entered discussing the weather and what they had done on their time off. Chet sidled between the two paramedics, eager to share the unbelievable date he’d had the night before. As he caught Roy’s ear, Johnny escaped from the room.

The tones sounded. Station 51, child stuck in a tree. 1919 N. Hall. Cross street Maple. Time out 1022. The captain acknowledged the call while the rest of the men took their respective positions. The door slid up and the vehicles exited from the station.

When they drew up to the address, a woman darted to their side. “It’s Jessie. Her big brother climbed the tree last week, so she had to prove she could do it, too.” She peered up into the leaves. “Now, she can’t get down.”

As she spoke Chet and Marco removed the ladder from the engine and set it against the tree, testing its stability. Johnny watched their actions and then the captain addressed him. “Gage, you’re up.

He scampered up the rungs and spied a pair of red Keds. “Hi, there. I’m a fireman and my name is Johnny. What’s yours?”

A young voice quavered. “Jessie. Can you get me out of here?”

Johnny reached the last rung of the ladder and looked for a sturdy branch to support his weight. The first one he tried caused a rocking motion and Jessie cried out in fear. “It’s okay, sweetheart. We’ll get you down.”

Satisfied that he could get closer to Jessie without either of them falling he called up to her, “I’m gonna be up to you real soon. Just hold on.” He discovered a solid branch and got within an arm’s reach of her. “Jessie, I’m right here.” He touched her heel gently. Assessing all the possibilities he told her. “If I talk you through it can you climb down to me?”

“I-I don’t think so. I’m scared.” Before Johnny could react a boyish voice called up to them.

“Jessie! I told ya you couldn’t get up there. You’re a chicken!” His taunting was punctuated by fowl noises.

“I am NOT, Jay! I’ll show YOU!” the young girl hollered down to him, nearly stepping on Johnny’s hand as her anger caused adrenalin to flow through her body.

Johnny took control of the situation. “Jessie, slow down. Don’t knock me out of the tree. Your brother would never let you hear the end of that.”

Jessie’s motions slowed and Johnny guided her down the ladder. Marco reached out to help her but she refused his assistance. As soon as she landed on the ground she took off to give her brother what for. Johnny nabbed her elbow before she reached him. “Hey, let’s make sure you’re okay.” With reluctance she let him check her limbs, pulse and pupils. “I think she’s fine,” he said to the mother who hovered by him.

“She won’t be when I get through with her.” She put Jessie on one side of her and Jay on the other and began her lecture. “What have I told both of you about climbing trees?”

As soon as their equipment was put away the firefighters returned to the station. “Wonder if there’s anything to eat around here?” Johnny commented as he slammed the squad door. Johnny grabbed an apple sitting in a bowl on the kitchen table and made short work of it. As the shift continued Johnny coughed in the latrine but no one heard him. In the night Johnny caught himself coughing but stifled it with the pillow before anyone noticed. When the shift ended Johnny ran a few errands and then coughed as he dusted and ran the vacuum cleaner around his neglected home.

As he dressed for his next shift, Johnny scoped the locker room. Finding himself alone he leaned into his locker and emitted a hearty cough.

“That’s it!” a familiar voice said behind him.

With an innocent look Johnny faced his partner. “Where’d you come from?” Johnny backed away as Roy reached his hand out to check him for a temperature.

“Johnny, something’s wrong. You keep coughing. You’ve tried to hide it but I’ve noticed it.” He pulled Johnny closer to the light. “Say aaaaah. C’mon, you know the drill.”

Johnny shrugged out of his grasp. “When did I start working with Ben Casey?”

“Open up!” Roy took hold of him again and gritted his teeth while he waited for Johnny to obey. Finally, Johnny’s jaw dropped, Roy clicked on his penlight and then gazed into the red cavern. “Yeah, it looks irritated.”

“It does?” Johnny hustled over to his locker mirror to investigate for himself. “That can’t be!”

Roy watched the antics of the young man as he darted to the mirror over the sink to see if it provided better light. “Johnny, have you been coughing when you’ve been off-duty?”

John debated, knowing if he answered honestly he’d be hauled into Rampart faster than he could say ‘Rumpelstiltskin.’ “Uh, sort of.”

“What does that mean?” Roy backed closer to the door so that Johnny couldn’t slip past him.

The captain’s voice interrupted their interaction. “Roll call.”

Johnny flew out of the room before Roy could interrogate him further. When the duties had been announced for the day and the crew had dispersed, Roy got Captain Stanley’s attention. “Cap, C-shift had quite a few runs yesterday. Could we swing by Rampart and pick up some supplies?”

The captain nodded. “Sure. Stay available and try not to take too long.”

Roy looked around the apparatus bay to see if his partner was within earshot. “One more thing Cap. I’d like to have a doctor take a look at Johnny.”

Hank Stanley’s face grew serious. “What’s the matter with Johnny?”

“I have a hunch that he’s hiding an illness and I’d like to have him checked out.” Roy informed him.

“He’s not gonna be happy with you.” Roy’s face echoed the captain’s thoughts. “Tell him it’s an order if you need to.”

“Thanks, Cap.” Roy watched the tall man move toward his office. Then Roy called out, “Johnny! Let’s perform our checks with the hospital, do an inventory and then make a run to Rampart for supplies.”

Johnny trotted from the dayroom and removed the cases they needed from the squad. Ten minutes later they were on their way to the hospital. Neither man spoke on the way. Roy was mulling over the best way to get Johnny into a treatment room and Johnny thought if he kept his mouth shut Roy would forget all about his crusade to diagnose Johnny’s cough.

“Hi, Dix,” Johnny greeted the head nurse as they approached the base station.

“Well, hi, Johnny, Roy. What can I do for you?” She gave them an affectionate glance as she saw Dr. Brackett approaching.

“We’re here for supplies.” Johnny ticked off the items they needed as Roy collected them. When everything was listed and signed for Johnny clicked the drug box closed and slid it off the counter. “C’mon, Roy.”

Roy didn’t move. “Doc, would you take a look at Johnny?”

“Sure, Roy. What seems to be the problem?” Dr. Brackett turned to Dixie. “Is Room 3 available?”

“Yeah it is, Kel. I’ll give you a hand.” When Johnny didn’t budge, with a gleam in her eye she asked, “Waiting for an invitation?”

Johnny’s face grew red when he realized he was trapped. He marched into the treatment room and plopped onto the examination table. “Roy? There’s nothing wrong with me. I told you that!”

Dr. Brackett gave Roy an opportunity to fill him in. “Johnny’s been coughing from time to time at the station. He won’t admit it, but I think he’s been doing the same thing at home.”

The doctor stood over Johnny. “Is this true?”

Johnny did his best to avoid answering the question. He studied the floor tiles and said in a small voice, “Roy’s making a big deal over nothing.”

“Let me be the judge of that.” Dixie handed Dr. Brackett a tongue depressor. Johnny’s throat and glands were checked, his blood was taken and he got a chest x-ray. When all the results were in, Dr. Brackett scanned them. “Everything appears to be normal.”

Johnny rose from the table energetically. “See? I told ya so!”

“Johnny, if the coughing persists I wanna see you in a week to find out if you’re allergic to anything.”

Johnny’s face grew solemn. “Okay, Doc. Can we go?”

“Get outta here, for now.” As the two paramedics got to the door, Dr. Brackett added. “Roy, keep an eye on him.”

For the next five days Johnny did his best to contain his cough. Roy caught him coughing as he emptied the garbage and once when he had latrine duty. Johnny’s coughing continued at home but he kept it a secret.

When the week had passed Roy was deciding whether to take Johnny back to Rampart for allergy testing when it suddenly struck him. “I haven’t heard you coughing at all today.” He stopped polishing the squad and stared at Johnny.

“Yeah, my coughing days are over.”

“Oh, really? You can control your body just like that?” He snapped his fingers.

“In this case I can.” Johnny gave him a disappointed look as he swiped the chrome on the bumper for the third time.

“There’s something you aren’t telling me here.” Roy put down his rag and leaned against the hood. It was silent for a moment and then Johnny broke.

“Roy, I was this close to being in the commercial.” He held up his thumb and index finger with a fraction of an inch separating them.

“What commercial?”

“A cough drop commercial. I saw the flyer at the drugstore three weeks ago when I was picking up some shaving cream.” Johnny dropped out of Roy’s sight as he squatted in front of the passenger door on the squad. “I coulda made $500.”

“What was that?” Roy strode around the squad so he could see Johnny.

“I said I coulda made $500. Ya remember when they filmed that ad at the station and said I looked like a model?”

“Yeah, you didn’t let me forget for ages that I was picked and you weren’t.”

“Well, I got to thinking. If I look like a model I’d have a good chance of getting picked if I had a realistic cough.”

“Ya mean all that coughing you did was practice for a commercial?” Roy shook his head in disbelief.

Johnny’s voice was muffled as he reached into the compartment holding the biocom. “Yeah. The deadline kept getting closer and I had to have the perfect cough.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Roy tightened his lips and took a deep breath.

“I knew you guys would pester me about it. Unmercifully so, especially Chet.”

“We probably would have. You woulda deserved it, too.” Roy’s curiosity got the better of him. “So, what happened?”

“I was one of the finalists. They took me into the studio and had me cough and hold up their product. I was sure I was a shoo-in until…”

Roy burst out laughing as he visualized what came next. “Until you tasted it?”

Johnny scuffed his shoe on the floor. “Yeah, the darn thing tasted like gasoline. My mouth puckered up like I’d just swallowed castor oil. I saw everyone shaking their heads and someone hollered, ‘Next.’”

“Well, that’s show biz.” Before Johnny could stop him Roy had gone to share the latest ‘Gage Get Rich Quick Scheme.’

Johnny put up with the ribbing good-naturedly until the following week when he came into the station with a horrible cough. “Johnny? You aren’t auditioning for another commercial, are you?” Roy asked as he slammed his locker closed.

Johnny shook his head with vigor as he tried to control his cough. “No, I caught a cold. Anybody have a cough drop?”

Chet’s head popped into sight. “Gage! I have your favorite brand right here!” He thrust a full bag into Johnny’s hand.

“Fine. I can’t taste anything right now.” He unwrapped one, stuck it in his mouth and the noise stopped.

“I’ve got it!” Chet announced with an impish look.

Johnny gave him a puzzled look. “Ya need a cough drop too, Kelly?”

“No, Gage. The next time ya wanna audition for a cough drop commercial make sure you can’t taste anything!”

“There won’t be a next time!” Johnny told him adamantly.

Chet drew closer to him. “Wanna bet?”

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Stories by Marty P.         Guest Dispatchers