DDAANNGGEERROOUUSS  DDEECCEEPPTTIIOONNSS 

Part 3

Storming over to the dresser, she threw the gun down, then picked up the bat. “You bastard! I’ll kill you!” she screamed. In a blur, she swung the bat into the mirror above the dresser, shattering the glass into a million fragments.

Roy squeezed his eyes shut and averted his head as he felt the shards spin by him.

Charlene turned to face Johnny, her eyes blazing with anger. “Now, you’re going to find out how it felt. How much it hurt to be used and then cast aside like garbage!” Her chest heaved as she slowly walked over to the side of the bed, raising the bat over her head.

Johnny’s fear was almost palpable as he stared up at her, his words a choked plea. “Charlene, please, don’t!” Turning his head away as he saw the bat descending, he expected his skull to explode in less than a second. Instead, he felt the impact on his arm near his wrist.

Roy watched in horror and heard the sickening crack of the bat as it broke bone, and saw Johnny’s face contort in agony.

It took half a second for the pain to reach Johnny’s brain, and when it did, it felt like fire racing through his arm all the way to his shoulder and back down to his fingers. Air rushed into his lungs and he was only able to utter half a scream.

“That – was for that little trick you pulled with the lamp!” the madwoman spat.

Sickened, Roy struggled on the floor to get her attention, kicking and stomping his feet in a desperate attempt to distract her and perhaps halt her attack. She barely paid him heed as she glanced over her shoulder at him, saw his desperately shaking head, then turned back to her victim.

Charlene raised the bat again. In his mind, Roy begged her to stop, then forced himself to concentrate on getting free. His heart thumped wildly in his chest as he feverishly worked to liberate himself from the ropes that bound his hands to the dresser. He was met with some success after being able to loosen the rope slightly from his right wrist. If he could only get his fingers in the right position… Trying to block out the sounds, his shoulders shrugged upward on their own accord as the torture continued.

Ten minutes later, the room was silent. The only sound was the harsh rasping of Charlene’s breath.

Gage’s face was slack, his eyes heavily closed, his head lolled to one side. He almost looked peaceful. Had Roy not just witnessed the brutal beating with his own eyes, he might have thought Johnny was asleep. He knew better.

Roy’s eyes panned sideways, and saw blood slowly seeping through the leg of Johnny’s sweatpants. While the friend in him wanted to shut his eyes against the carnage, the paramedic in Roy found himself taking it all in, despite himself.  His eyes raked over Johnny’s battered body, seeing the heinous wounds, his shivering body.  His throat constricted involuntarily, from both his rising emotion and the rising bile, coming dangerously close to choking him on the sickness that threatened him again. 

It had taken every ounce of control for Roy not to vomit during her tirade and continue working on loosening his bonds. All through it, he’d kept his head down, unable to look at Johnny, knowing if he saw what he’d seen before, the bile would rise from his stomach, and knew he couldn’t allow that, for then he would probably aspirate since the tape was covering his mouth. If that happened, he’d be of no use to help Johnny, or himself for that matter. Adrenalin coursed through his body, knowing that if he didn’t get free within the next few minutes, Johnny would likely die. Then Charlene would probably turn on him.

He’d looked up finally when the dreadful noises seemed to have stopped, astonished to see Charlene climb up on the bed and take Gage by the shoulders. Shaking him, she shouted, “Wake up, damn it! I’m not done with you yet! Wake up!”     

When she realized her shaking was not going to bring him out of it, she stalked out of the room.

Roy blew out a trembling breath. He almost had his hands free. He eyed the gun she had left on the dresser, thinking he would have to get to it before her when the time came.

Charlene came back in the bedroom carrying a cup of water. She walked to the bedside and threw the cold liquid into Johnny’s face.

Gage’s body jerked, his eyes blinking rapidly as she shook him some more, unclear as to where he was. He moaned, immediately aware of the blinding pain, but became more and more disoriented as he started to go into shock.

Charlene stood over him, poised with the bat. “Say good-bye, Johnny. I wish it didn’t have to end this way.”

The shadow of the bat fell across his face. Johnny closed his eyes and turned his head away, waiting for the end.

Roy knew it was now or never. In a moment it would be too late; she was going to kill Johnny, then he would be next. Mercifully, he’d finally loosened the ropes enough and he jerked his hands free, pushing himself up off the floor in one fluid motion. As Charlene spun around in disbelief, he lunged for the gun she had laid on the dresser.

For a moment, Roy faltered, becoming dizzy after standing up too fast. He stood unsteadily pointing the gun at Charlene, the tape still over his mouth.

She smiled at him, sensing his instability. “You can’t shoot me, Roy. You’re a paramedic. You’re supposed to save people, not kill them.”

In that instant, scenes from the last ten minutes flashed through Roy’s mind in rapid succession. He saw Johnny, his body arching up off the bed after each blow, his desperate fingers bent into an impotent claw. Even worse, the horrible gutteral noises that tore from Gage’s throat had pierced Roy like daggers. And now, he finally lay unconscious. The last blow had been too much. After a single scream, which quickly faded as his eyes slowly rolled upward and his eyelids closed, Gage’s body went slack, his clenched fingers slowly unfolding.

In the moment it had taken for Charlene to turn away and lift the bat one last time, the barrage of horrible memories had stormed through Roy’s consciousness. The bat was now aimed at Gage’s head. Roy leveled the gun and took aim. He pulled the trigger as Charlene started her downswing.

The blast echoed through the room. Roy watched in detached calm as Charlene crumpled to the floor, blood splattering on the wall behind her and across Johnny. The bat fell without momentum across Johnny’s face, striking his nose and cheek, then rolling off the bed.

In Johnny’s fuzzy world of pain, he heard the blast and felt something hit his face. I’m dead, he thought, but could still feel the pain. Not supposed to feel pain when you’re dead, are you? After that, his world narrowed again, and he couldn’t make sense of anything that was happening around him. As the last tendrils of consciousness slipped away, the white spots floating in Gage’s vision grayed and finally turned black.

Roy stood shaking, the gun still in his hand pointing at the wall. She lay on the floor moaning, blood slowly pooling around her. Mechanically he pulled the tape off his mouth and walked over to the telephone on Johnny’s nightstand. He put the receiver back in the cradle, then picked it back up again, calling for a rescue squad and police.

He stared at Johnny, who lay with eyes closed. Blood flowed from his nose, and Charlene’s blood was spattered across his face. Roy looked to Charlene on the floor, where the puddle of blood under her was growing larger. For a moment he stood frozen, dazed, not sure of what to do.

Finally gathering his wits about him, he made his way to the bathroom and grabbed some towels.

Upon returning, he glanced from Charlene to Johnny. He immediately moved toward Johnny, then hesitated, gazing down at Charlene.  Seeing the gunshot wound in her abdomen, a sickening thought came to his mind that almost paralyzed him. She was pregnant, and he had shot her in the abdomen! He dropped to his knees and began applying pressure to the wound to stop the bleeding. All he could think about was that because of him, she was probably going to lose her baby – Johnny’s baby! How could he live with himself knowing that he had killed Johnny’s child? He started to shake with this realization. Oh, God, what have I done? Why couldn’t I have shot her in the leg or something?

Roy didn’t really give a damn about Charlene at this point, after what he had seen her do to Johnny. But this was different; he didn’t want to be responsible for killing an innocent child. How could he ever face Johnny again if she lost it?

Johnny’s soft moans interrupted Roy’s thoughts. He looked up at him and realized that he was in shock, and that if something wasn’t done soon, he might not have to worry about what Johnny would think because Johnny would be dead.

 Looking back down at Charlene, he pressed the towel down further onto the wound, then looked around for something he could lay on top of it to apply pressure.                 

Seeing one of Johnny’s belts laying across a chair, he snatched it up and fastened it across Charlene’s abdomen, securing the towel in place. He then put another towel under her legs to elevate them. She was barely conscious at this point.

Stepping over her, he lunged to Johnny’s side. It hit him then even more profoundly how badly his friend had suffered. As Roy tried to free Johnny’s hands from the ropes, he looked down at Johnny’s pale face, where the anguish from his suffering was clearly visible. Dark circles had formed under his eyes, which were now open a crack. Blood from his nose had run down his face and into his hair.  He didn’t seem to be cognizant of what was going on around him, which Roy felt was probably for the best.

Roy gently laid his hand on John’s shoulder. “Johnny? Can you hear me?”

Johnny moved his mouth slightly, but no words came out clearly, just more soft moans.

Roy became frustrated at trying to untie the ropes; they were too tight, and Johnny’s hands had swelled too much.

“Johnny? I’m gonna be right back, Junior. I’ve got to get a knife to cut these off you. Just take it easy, okay?” Roy didn’t expect an answer, and he didn’t get one.

After rummaging through the kitchen drawers, Roy made his way back to the bedroom with a suitable knife. After several minutes, he had all the ropes cut. He took Johnny’s good arm and moved it down by his side. Next he moved to his legs and began cutting the sweat pants to examine the damage done to his legs. What he saw made him feel faint. Despite his many years as a paramedic and some of the gruesome injuries he’d been forced to treat, he was unprepared for the amount of damage he found when examining his partner’s legs. Both legs were swollen and bruising, with obvious fractures. But his left leg had a compound fracture, and pieces of broken bones were protruding through the badly bruised and swollen skin as blood pooled around the limb staining the bed covers. Johnny cried out softly as Roy pulled the fabric away from his wound.

Roy looked at the clock. Where the hell are they? It had been nearly fifteen minutes! No sooner had that thought transpired then Roy heard sirens in the distance – lots of them.

Two police cruisers pulled into Johnny’s driveway, and soon four officers were at the door. “Police, open up!” Squad eight was also pulling into the driveway with an ambulance close behind.

“It’s open!” Roy yelled from the bedroom, and heard several sets of footsteps pounding through the house. “In here!”

Two officers entered Johnny’s bedroom with firearms drawn. They regarded a shaky Roy, who regarded with haunted eyes. One of the cops eyed Roy, then recognition set in. He had seen him on several occasions at rescue scenes, and knew he was a paramedic. “You make the call?”

Roy nodded. “Are the paramedics here? We’ve got two seriously injured people here.”

One of the cops yelled into the other room. “Joe! Get the paramedics in here! Sir, you want to step over here and tell me what happened?” He guided Roy away from the bedside by the elbow. Roy reluctantly allowed himself to be drawn away from Johnny, looking back over his shoulder at him.

Just then the two paramedics from station eight entered Johnny’s bedroom, followed momentarily by the ambulance attendants.  Frank Miller recognized Roy at once. “Hey, DeSoto, what are – ” He stopped, stunned at the site before him. He stared at Johnny. “Gage? My God.” He immediately went to assess Johnny’s condition as his partner made his way to the other victim on the floor. As the two paramedics collected the vitals on Johnny and Charlene, they listened to Roy tell the story to the police officer. Both looked up wide-eyed with disbelief when Roy got to the part about the baseball bat.

Roy began having trouble concentrating on the story he was telling. He desperately wanted to move away from the police officers and get back to Johnny. It was his partner, and he should be the one treating him. Even though he knew these two men were good paramedics, he knew he had more experience than they had.  He craned his neck to watch what was happening, making sure he felt everything was done correctly.

Johnny was vaguely aware that people were in the room. Voices floated around him as he slipped in and out of consciousness. He barely felt the coldness of the alcohol rub against his arm or the IV going in. He was abruptly brought into consciousness as he felt his limbs moving and being splinted, and weakly cried out. He shivered as sterile fluid was poured over his body for the burns. His heart rate was up, but his blood pressure was dropping after rocketing sky high. He whimpered softly from the trauma his body was experiencing.

Roy was almost finished with his story when Frank interrupted him. “Roy, did he sustain any head injury? Rampart needs to know. He’s in a world of hurt right now, and we’d like to be able to give him something if possible.”

Roy was faltering, the stress becoming overwhelming, as he heard Johnny’s cries.  “I, I don’t know. The bat, I think the bat hit him in the face. I don’t know how hard. I don’t know.”

Frank shook his head and Roy heard him back on the phone with Rampart. “10-4, Rampart. We’ll transport as soon as possible.” Roy knew he had been denied any pain medication.

Frank’s partner Tom had Charlene ready to go and they wheeled her out past Roy and the police officers. A second ambulance had also arrived. Moments later the attendants wheeled another gurney in and Johnny was gently lifted onto it. Moving off the bed was excruciating and mercifully he lapsed into unconsciousness once again.

The police officers were leading Roy out of the room saying they needed him to come down to the station to give further information. Roy, however, was at his saturation point. The stress of the evening on top of the head injury he sustained finally took its toll on him, and his knees buckled.

Acting on instinct, Frank reached out and stopped his fellow medic’s fall.  After he’d eased him to the floor, he then noticed the blood that had run down the back of Roy’s shirt from his head. Shit! How did we miss this? “Bring another gurney in here on the double! “ Turning to the officer interviewing Roy he said, “I guess your statement’s gonna have to wait. He’ll be going with us.”

After getting Roy settled on another gurney, Frank found out how he obtained his head injury from the police officer and contacted Rampart. Quickly Roy was loaded onto the ambulance with Frank situating himself between Johnny and Roy.

Roy lay on the gurney as if in a trance, staring out into space with his eyes half open. He didn’t utter a word the whole trip. The ambulance ride had intensified the discomfort substantially for Johnny, and he moaned every time the ambulance hit a bump or turned a corner.

They finally made it to Rampart and Johnny and Roy were whisked away to separate treatment rooms. The ambulance carrying Charlene had already arrived and Dr. Early was working on her. Roy was taken into treatment three where Dr. Morton was waiting, and Johnny was taken to treatment two, where he was to see Dr. Brackett.

Roy lay on the table staring up at the ceiling as Dr. Morton examined him. “Looks like you’ve got a pretty good bump on the head, Roy. We’re going to have to put some stitches in, but I want to get some X-rays first.”

Roy didn’t respond. Mike looked up at Dixie, who was assisting. She looked worriedly down at Roy. She gently put her hand on his shoulder. “Roy? I called Joanne for you. She’s going to take the kids over to your neighbor’s, then she’ll be on her way over.”

The mentioning of Joanne’s name seemed to pull Roy out of his trance. His eyes slowly focused on Dixie. “Joanne?”

 Dixie smiled. “She’ll be here very soon, okay? Now, you just rest and I’ll be back in after X-ray is through.” She started to step away when Roy called out. He seemed suddenly agitated. “Dix! Wait!” Roy suddenly reached out an arm to try to stop her. “The other woman that was brought in; who’s working on her? I need to talk to whoever’s working on her.”

“Roy, Joe’s with on the other patient you brought in.”
“It’s important. Dixie, please; I’ve got to talk to him – it’s about the girl.”

“Roy, tell me what it is, and I’ll get the information to Joe.”

Roy was breathing heavily. “Dixie, the girl, Charlene, she’s...pregnant. She’s pregnant and I...I shot her...in the abdomen. Dr. Early’s got to know...try to save the baby.”

Dixie looked down at Roy with eyes full of comprehension. Now she understood why Roy was so upset. If this girl lost her baby, Roy would blame himself. How he knew she was pregnant, and whose child it was, she didn’t know, and now wasn’t the time to ask. She had a pretty good idea though.

Dixie squeezed Roy’s hand. “I’ll tell Joe right away. He’ll do everything he can. You just rest and try not to worry.” She had the door open and was halfway through when she heard he name being called again.

“Dix?”

She turned to look at him.

“Will you find out how Johnny is?”

Smiling, she nodded, and left the room.

Lightning flashed, and thunder reverberated throughout the hospital. The storm was getting worse. Wind whipped through the trees and their movement in front of the streetlights caused eerie shadows to dance across the walls of Roy’s hospital room.

Roy had been awake a good part of the night. Exhausted, he’d finally fallen asleep after waiting to be informed of Johnny’s and Charlene’s condition, and not hearing anything about either. The police had kept him up late filling out their report of the incident. They had finally been ushered from the room after determining that Roy had had enough.

The light-haired paramedic looked down and saw Joanne asleep in the chair next to his bed, her hand still holding his. What would he do without her?

A loud burst of thunder snapped Johnny away from his memories. Where was that nurse? How long had it been since he’d pushed the call button? He’d almost fallen back asleep again, despite the pain, but was once again awake. He squinted up at the clock: five-thirty. Damn! I’m dyin’ here! Where is that damn nurse? Maybe I didn’t get the button pushed all the way. He reached for it again, pressing harder. A few minutes rolled by, then Beatrice padded into his room.

“What you need, doll baby?” her white teeth gleamed against her dark skin. Beatrice liked to call her patients pet names; it put them at ease, and sounded endearing. She picked up his wrist and took his pulse, while looking at her watch. “Looks like you’re a little overdue for your pain medication. Is that what you want?”

“Yeah,” he breathed out, the pain overwhelming him again, “sorry to bother you again.”

She smiled at him. “You not botherin’ ol Beatrice. You can push my button anytime. Gives me an excuse to come in and see your handsome face.” She patted his hand. “I’ll be right back.” Five minutes later Johnny was back to his drug-induced peaceful oblivion.

It was still dark out, and Roy tried to go back to sleep, but the images of the night before prevented it. He watched as dawn finally came, and the dark black rain clouds became visible outside his window. Breakfast was delivered, and Joanne stayed with him while he ate.  Reluctantly she left, needing to go home and shower, and to make sure the kids got off to school all right. They were worried about their daddy too, and she wanted to assure them that he was all right. They knew nothing about what had happened, and that their Uncle Johnny was also seriously injured. Joanne wasn’t sure how she was going to explain that to them after hearing Roy’s horrendous story of the previous evening’s events.  With a kiss to Roy’s cheek, she left, promising to return shortly.

She missed Dr. Early’s visit. Roy looked up in dreaded anticipation when he entered the room.

“Doc?”

Dr. Early pulled his glasses off the tip of his nose and folded them. “Roy, I have some information for you about the young woman that was brought in with you and Johnny. Dixie told me that you had informed her that the woman was pregnant, and were quite concerned about her condition.”

“Yes,” he whispered, then even more quietly, “Doc? I…shot her. What if…”

Early hesitated a moment, the thought of doctor/patient confidentiality entering his mind, then after weighing the seriousness of the situation and who he was talking to replied, “Roy, we ran some tests. There was no evidence that she was pregnant.”

Roy stared at him, stunned. “Not pregnant?” he said slowly.

Joe shook his head. “We took the bullet out, and I think she’ll make a complete recovery.”

Roy slumped back into his pillow, the weight of the world having just been lifted off his shoulders. “Thank God.” A moment later, his thoughts turned and he grew angry. She lied! She wasn’t pregnant at all! What she put Johnny through…he shook his head when something else occurred to him. Pleadingly, his eyes went to the tall white-haired doctor. “Doc, she’s dangerous. You know what she did to Johnny – ”

Dr. Early nodded knowingly. “There’s an armed officer posted outside her room. She won’t be causing any problems.”

Roy sighed in relief. “Uh, Doc....Johnny?”

“Well, I know he’s out of surgery and they’ve got him stabilized. Kel is on his way up to talk to you right now, so I’ll let him fill you in on the details of his condition. Take care, Roy. I’ll check on you later.”

“Thanks Doc.” Roy looked up to the ceiling and closed his eyes. “Thank you,” he said silently.

Dr. Kelly Brackett exited the elevator and headed toward Roy DeSoto’s room. He was bone tired after having assisted Dr. Stevenson with Johnny’s surgery, and wanted nothing more than to head home and climb into bed. But first he had to visit one very worried paramedic to let him know about his partner’s condition. He peeked in the room and saw that Roy appeared to be sleeping. Upon hearing the door opening, Roy opened his eyes. He sat up in bed straighter when he saw Dr. Brackett entering.

“Hi, Roy. How are you feeling?”

“Okay, I guess. Got a nasty headache, but not too bad other than that.”

“Good. I hear Mike wants to keep you in here for another day.”

“Yeah. Doctor Brackett, how’s Johnny?”

Dr. Brackett sat down on the end of Roy’s bed and folded his arms. “I assisted Dr. Stevenson with the surgery. There’s no better orthopedic surgeon in the city; he did an amazing piece of work on Johnny. I won’t lie to you though, Roy. His legs were a mess. Both legs required surgery. His right had a pretty clean fracture of the tibia, which we pinned and set. His left was much worse however. Both the tibia and fibula were broken; the tibia was completely shattered. We had to take bone from his hip to repair the damage. He’s got a nice assortment of screws and pins in there now holding things together. That leg’s going to be in traction for a while. He also sustained a bad break in his left lower arm, which also needs to be in traction for a short time. The repair work there was fairly straightforward, and we don’t expect any complications. The burns were mostly first degree; and while they’re painful, as long as they’re kept clean, they should heal up nicely. He’s being given antibiotics to ward against infection. We didn’t find any concussion, so that’s a plus; he does have some bruising around the facial area. That’s about it; we’ve done everything we can for the present time, now it’s going to be up to Johnny from here.”

“Can I see him?”

“Yes,” he said hesitantly, “but he was in surgery over five hours, in recovery for nearly two. He’s only been in his room a few hours. He’s in considerable pain, even with the meds he’s on. We’re keeping him pretty sedated over the next twenty-four hours at least, so he probably won’t be very responsive to you.”

“I understand. Doc…is he going to recover all right?”

Dr. Brackett sighed. “Well, we don’t know just yet. He’s got a long road of recovery ahead of him, with some heavy-duty physical therapy. Dr. Stevenson is guardedly optimistic. We’re hoping he’ll regain full use of his left leg.”

“Hoping?”

“Roy, it’s too early to say right now. We’ll just have to see how it goes.” He paused. “Frankly, I have another concern, Roy.”

“What is it?” Roy asked anxiously.

“Roy, I read the police report. I’m a little concerned about how Johnny is going to cope with what happened to him. When a person experiences the kind of violence against himself that Johnny experienced, and especially sexual molestation, it can sometimes inhibit their recovery.”

“Doc, you’re right. I’m worried about that too. You can’t imagine...” Roy took a shaky breath. “It was so...awful...what she did to him.” He looked down at his blanket. “Doctor Brackett, can...can a...can a man be raped?”

“What do you think?”

“After what I saw, I’d say yes.”

Dr. Brackett nodded. “You’re absolutely right. What a lot of people don’t understand is that the human body reacts in strange ways to extreme stress, and they usually don’t have any control over it. Unfortunately, most men don’t report abuse by a woman; their ego usually prevents it. At any rate, at the very least Johnny’s going to need a lot of support and understanding from his friends, and may need some professional help as well in order to get through this.”

“Don’t worry, he’ll get it.”

Dr. Brackett twitched his trademark smile, “I have no doubt.” He got up from the bed. “Take it easy, Roy.”

“Thanks, Doc.”

Joanne returned by around 11:00, and she helped Roy get into the wheel chair. He needed to see Johnny. She wheeled him up to the door and stopped.

“Honey, why don’t you go on in? I’ll wait for you here. It might overwhelm Johnny to have too many people in with him at once.” She knew that Roy wanted to be alone with Johnny. He smiled up at her, appreciation shining in his eyes, and kissed her hand, then quietly wheeled himself into the room.

Joanne needn’t have worried about overwhelming Johnny with her presence. He was totally out of it. Slowly Roy wheeled toward his bed and stared at him. There were bandages everywhere. Johnny was almost completely wrapped in white. His left leg was in a cast from just above the knee to his foot, the leg being pulled upward off the bed by traction. The weights hung nearly motionless, barely moving from the slow rise and fall of Johnny’s chest. The other leg was also in a cast, cradled in a pile of pillows on the bed.

Roy’s gaze moved up his friend’s body, where his hospital gown was pulled askew, exposing his shoulder and some of his chest, the ties having come undone. The gown had some stains on it, and flecks of dried blood here and there. He could see the white gauze that extended down the length of Johnny’s entire chest and abdomen through the thin cotton material. Then he noticed Johnny’s arm, which was also in a cast, and traction. The other arm lay limp on the bed, tape covering it where an IV needle was inserted under bruised skin, the fluids dripping silently from above. Johnny’s face was ashen, eyelids heavily closed, his mouth slightly ajar, his hair even more unkempt than it usually was. A bruise had formed across the bridge of his nose, which extended out to Johnny’s cheekbone. It threatened to overtake his eye.

Roy was appalled, and silently chewed his lip. He swallowed. His friend looked so frail and vulnerable, and the feeling that went through Roy was similar to what he would have felt if that were his own child laying there.

As he sat there, memories of the assault came unbidden. He knew he’d never be able to forget that night, much as he would want to. What she’d done to Johnny was horrific, unthinkable, monstrous. Roy swayed as he relived the attack on his friend again, vividly, in his mind.

It wasn’t bad enough that she’d tortured him. She’d made Johnny beg too. Made him beg her to stop, made him apologize so that she would, and then denied him. Her words echoed in Roy’s mind:

“Are you crying, Johnny? Poor baby. Now you know what it feels like. Only what you did to me was even worse than this. I can never describe to you how bad you hurt me, Johnny. My injury’s on the inside, and it’ll never heal. I loved you. I just wanted to love you. But you wouldn’t let me. You were so selfish, Johnny. I can’t believe how selfish you are!”

Johnny had lain gasping on the bed, his breath coming in short hitches. He gazed up at her, eyes glazed, barely able to respond.  “Please,” he’d whispered, “stop.”

Then Charlene’s voice again. “Beg me. I want you to beg, Johnny. Beg for forgiveness.”

And Roy’s eyes grew wide and he froze when he recalled how at that moment Gage had glanced back at him, just for a moment, and then Roy remembered him actually weighing the situation in his mind, his eyes desperate for an end, yet there was a slight hesitation before he forced himself to utter the words she said she wanted to hear. “F-f-forgive me. P-please. F-forgive me.” And it hit Roy then that Johnny had been ready to let her finish him off but didn’t, knowing that she would likely turn on him next. He’d actually been ready to take more punishment to keep her from doing the same thing to him.

Tears filled Roy’s eyes as the memory continued.

“I’m sorry, Johnny, I can’t. I just can’t,” she shrugged her shoulders. She started to raise the bat again, positioning herself over his leg again.

 And Johnny just shook, his voice raw, his face streaked with tears of pain. “God, no. Please!”

Roy flinched, turning away quickly from Johnny’s bedside. He vaulted out of his wheelchair, stumbled to the bathroom, bent over the sink, and splashed his face with cold water. After several long minutes, he padded back to his wheelchair and sat down. He stared at Johnny a long time before he finally reached out and touched John’s forearm. 

Knowing his friend wouldn’t answer, Roy had to try, “Johnny?” he quietly said.

Of course there was no response. Roy glanced away, lost in thought. Outside, the rain was blowing against the building in sheets, creating rivulets of water flowing down the smooth surfaces of the windows. Johnny’s room was dark and dreary, illuminated only by the low level of light coming through the window, and the weak reflection of the fluorescent lights from the hallway.

Roy turned back to look at Johnny, his hand still resting on Johnny’s arm. “Get well, partner,” he whispered. Johnny slept on, never knowing Roy had been there.

The next day, Roy was due to be released. Joanne was to pick him up at four o’clock. She had spent the morning with him, then had gone home to tend to family matters. Roy decided he would try to go see Johnny again that afternoon. He really just wanted to hear John’s voice; somehow he thought if he did that it would reassure him that everything was going to be all right.

Making the same trip he had made the morning before, Roy parked his wheelchair outside Johnny’s door and got up. Upon entering, he saw Johnny’s eyes were closed, and it seemed like Johnny hadn’t moved an inch since the day before. The rain had stopped, but the sky still held dark ominous clouds, and the room looked gloomy.

Reaching for the chair, Roy slowly pulled it over to Johnny’s bedside. It made a soft scraping noise against the tile floor, and Johnny’s eyes slowly opened. He turned his head toward the noise. Roy looked toward him, his eyes displaying a myriad of emotion.

Johnny focused on Roy, then blinked, and did a double-take, his eyes widening as much as his foggy demeanor would allow.

“Johnny?”

“Roy?” His voice was scratchy from lack of use, and so he cleared his throat and tried again. “Roy,” he lifted his hand out toward Roy.

“Here,” Roy picked up a cup of water and held the straw to Johnny’s mouth.

He drank a little, then coughed as it went down the wrong way. “Roy – ” he choked, waiting for the water to go down the right way. After he recovered, he began again. “Roy…”

Roy regarded him; what was that look in his eyes? Sorrow? Or shame?

Johnny scanned his friend, noticing he was in his pajamas and robe. “Roy, you’re here. Are…are you all right?”

Roy nodded. “I think I’m the one that should be asking you that.”

Johnny’s gaze swiveled to the ceiling. “I…I remember hearing a gun. I…I thought….no one would tell me what happened.”

Roy understood; he said lightly, “I’m fine. Just got a nasty bump on the head, which won me a couple of night’s stay in the wonderful Rampart hotel. They’re letting me out of here this afternoon as a matter of fact.”

Johnny sighed, turning his head away. “Thank God,” he said almost inaudibly. Focused on nothing in particular he said, “I’m so sorry. You could have been killed.” He glanced back at Roy. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. They wouldn’t be letting me out of here if I wasn’t, would they? And you’ve got nothing to be sorry for. If I hadn’t stopped by your place...well, I’m just glad we had planned to go to the game that night.” Seeing the dismayed expression on Gage’s face, he felt it best to change the subject. “Hey, how’re you feeling?”

How’m I feeling? Like a fool. Humiliated. And so, so sorry for what I almost caused you, Pally.  Physically, you don’t wanna know… “I’m….I’m feeling like someone put me in a meat-grinder and tried to make hamburger out of me.”

Roy smiled softly, grimacing in sympathy. “Is there anything I can get you?”

“No, there’s nothing I need right now...except…” He looked back at Roy. “Roy, I need to know what happened. I…I know I heard a gun go off. Is…is Charlene…”

“No, she’s not dead.” Roy took a deep breath and ran a shaky hand through his hair. “I shot her. I got my hands loose, grabbed the gun, and…I…”

“Where?” Johnny almost didn’t want to know.

“Abdomen. Left side. They got the bullet out; Dr. Early says they expect a full recovery.”

Johnny looked up at the ceiling, not sure how to ask the next question. “Roy…”

“Johnny, listen. There’s something you need to know.”

Johnny knew what Roy was going to tell him and stopped him. “Roy, I know…I know… the baby couldn’t have survived that.” He reached his hand out for Roy’s arm. “It’s not your fault, Roy. You did what you had to do. I’d be dead….right now….if it wasn’t for you.”

“Johnny, listen to me.”

“Not your fault, Roy.”
            “Johnny, there’s no baby. There never was any baby.”

Johnny stared at him uncomprehending.

“She lied, Johnny. She was never pregnant. Dr. Early told me.”

“Not pregnant,” he said softly to himself as he away. “There’s no…baby.”

“That’s right, Johnny.” Roy stopped for a moment knowing this information would be hard for Johnny to digest.

Johnny stared into space. Finally he asked, “What about Charlene?”

“She’s here at Rampart – ”

Johnny suddenly looked alarmed and his head turned to look at the door.

“There’s an armed guard outside her room. She’s not going anywhere, except probably to be incarcerated somewhere when she’s well enough to leave here.”

“Oh,” Johnny turned his head away, lost in thought. I’m not gonna be a father. What’s wrong with me? I should be happy. For a brief moment the image of the little girl on his horse appeared in his mind, then the horse was running without her; she had vanished.

Without warning, Johnny’s face screwed up in pain. “Oh...man....” His head turned, pressing into the pillow, and he drew in a shallow breath, holding it, his eyes staring at nothing, as he tried to control the pain.

Roy saw Johnny’s whole body tense up; the fingers of his right hand clutched the blanket tightly. “Johnny?”

Johnny couldn’t respond. It seemed as though sometimes the pain would sneak up on him and swallow him up like a tidal wave washing over him, usually when he was least expecting it. And he would drown in it for what seemed like an eternity, not being able to come up for air, paralyzed in its clutches, unable to breathe. All he could do was ride it out until it receded, leaving a dull throbbing that never went away. Each time it happened it would leave him spent and exhausted, dreading when it might hit him again.

Roy was worried. “Johnny, what’s happening?” he said with alarm in his voice. He reached over and pushed the call button for the nurse.

After what seemed like forever, but was only about a minute, Johnny’s body finally relaxed, and he blew out the breath he was holding, blinking.

“Johnny...I called for the nurse. Tell me what’s going on? Are you all right?”

Johnny’s eyes were full of pain as they met Roy’s. “Sorry, it’s...sometimes my whole body...just starts...hurting all at once...it gets really bad...for a minute...then it usually...subsides.”

Roy laid his hand gently on Johnny’s arm. “The nurse should be here any minute,” Roy said sympathetically.

“Thanks,” Johnny responded, closing his eyes, “I think this is the worst...pain I’ve ever...experienced.”

Just then Beatrice strolled into the room. “I sees my handsome fireman is callin’ for ole Beatrice again. You just can’t get enough of me, can you?” she winked at him while picking up his wrist. Johnny cracked a small crooked smile at her as she laid her hand on his belly. “What can I get you, honey?”

Roy answered for him, “He’s in a lot of pain; could he have something for it?”

Beatrice reached into her pocket and pulled out a syringe. “I knew you was gonna be needin’ this, so I save myself a few steps this time.” She reached out and swabbed the portal of his IV the same way she had done so many times in the past two days, and injected the medication. “You lasted a little longer this time; that’s good. Maybe we can get you on something not so strong in the next day or so. I’ll talk to Dr. B about it.”

She went into the bathroom for a second and came out holding a wet cloth. Brushing his hair off his forehead, she laid the cloth there. Tenderly her fingertips touched his cheek, and she turned to leave. Looking back at Roy and seeing the expression on his face she said, ‘Don’t you worry, I’s takin’ good care of my Johnny.”

For the first time since Roy arrived, he broke out in a toothy smile. “I think you’ve got a one woman fan club here. I don’t know how you do it partner, but you get the nurses swooning for you even when you’re not trying.”

The medication was working already, and Johnny looked back at Roy with drooping eyes. “I think...I’m gonna give up...on women. Too dangerous.” His eyes slid shut.

Roy smiled a soft smile. “Get some rest.” He slowly padded out of the room in his slippers and sunk back into his wheelchair. He made his way back to his room to wait for Joanne, his heart heavy.

Roy was glad to get home that day. Being around his wife and kids comforted him greatly, even though he was still troubled by the events of a few days ago. He was still having nightmares about what had happened, though they were becoming less frequent.

To his chagrin, the department’s psychiatrist stopped by to see how he was doing. At first, Roy felt uncomfortable talking with a stranger about what had happened, but Will Foster proved to be an easy guy to talk with, and he found he felt much better after their little session together.  It helped to get some of it off his chest, especially to someone who was familiar with human behavior, and who could help him make sense of his emotions about the whole thing. He felt better knowing his feelings were normal, and that Will had given him some ways to cope. He was planning to see Will a few more times.

Will told him he had planned on stopping by to see Johnny, but that right now John was a little too sick, according to Dr. Brackett. Dr. Brackett wanted Johnny to get a little stronger first physically, but he felt that Johnny was definitely going to be in need for some emotional help given what happened to him, and Roy agreed, knowing, however, that Johnny would be reluctant.

Roy rested all the next day at home, sleeping on and off. Between getting no sleep in the hospital and the nightmares he was exhausted. He stopped by for short visits with Johnny the next few days. He didn’t see much improvement, although it was hard to tell given that Johnny was asleep most of the time.

One week after that horrible evening, Roy walked into Johnny’s room for a visit. Johnny was awake this time. Roy knocked softly on the door and came in, seeing Johnny staring out the window. “Hi, Johnny,’ he walked slowly toward Johnny’s bed.

Johnny looked over at him indifferently, then looked away. “Hi, Roy,” he said dully.

“How are you doing today?”

“Fine. You?”

“Okay; I brought you a magazine – latest edition of Wheels & Gears hot off the press,” he said smiling. Roy laid the magazine on the tray table since Johnny made no effort to take it.

“Thanks.” Johnny didn’t even look at the magazine.

Roy observed him for a minute, then pulled a chair up beside the bed. He had immediately sensed Johnny’s somber mood and red flags went up in his mind. At that moment, the right words just wouldn’t flow into his mind. Hesitantly, he said, “You okay? You seem kind of down today.”

Johnny snorted. “I do? I don’t know why. What could possibly be wrong? I mean, here I am in this wonderful luxury suite, where my every wish is my command. They wait on me hand and foot here, Roy; what more could I want? They feed me, bathe me, comb my hair, fluff my pillow, get me everything I need. It’s a good thing, too, ‘cause I can’t do shit for myself.”

Roy started in, “Johnny – ”

Johnny interrupted, “Oh, hey, that’s not even the best part. Guess what? Doc Brackett is gonna get me one of those punch cards for when I’m in the hospital. When I get to ten punches, my next visit is free! How about that? I only need one more and I’m there.”

Roy stared at him. Let him go, he needs to let some of this out.

“You know, Roy, I’m such a good patient here, I think they’re thinkin’ about naming one of the hospital wings after me.” He looked out into the room and gestured with his good arm. “How’s this sound? Rampart Gage General. Or no – better yet – John Gage General Hospital; they can just drop the Rampart part.” Johnny looked away, sullenly, then winced as pain shot through him.

Roy sighed. “You okay?”

“Just dandy, Roy,” he said through clenched teeth.

“Look, maybe I didn’t pick the best time to come by.”

“Maybe not.”

“I’ll stop back when you’re feeling better.” He got up to go.

“Don’t bother,” Johnny said looking away.

Roy shook his head irritatedly and walked out the door. Johnny looked toward the door. “Roy – “ It was too late, Roy was gone.

He sighed. Why did I do that? I just acted like a total creep to my best friend. He didn’t deserve that. None of this is his fault; why’d I have to take it out on him?”

He sighed again and tried to shift his position in bed, pain shooting through him once more. God, his hip hurt. Everything hurt. He was tired of putting all his weight on one side. At least they had finally taken his arm out of the traction. He looked out at the cloudy day.

Everything was so quiet. Why couldn’t it be this quiet at night? He looked around; the room suddenly seemed very lonely. Guess Roy won’t be wanting to come back to see me for a while. I acted like such a jerk. I need someone to talk to, but now I’ve just chased away the one and only person I have to talk to. Good going, Gage.

Roy punched the elevator button angrily. He rode it down silently, thinking, his anger dissipating.  Why did I do that? Why did I walk out on him? It was obvious he was upset; I should have stayed and tried to talk to him. How would you feel, Roy, if that were you up there? Laying in bed, helpless, body broken, he can’t even go to the bathroom by himself. No family, no girlfriend, no one to talk to – except you, and you walk out on him just because he’s in a bad mood. Well, you’d be in a bad mood too, wouldn’t you, Desoto? A terrible sense of guilt washed over Roy, and he realized how overwhelming all this must be for his partner.  What’s the matter with me? Maybe I just don’t know how to deal with this.

The elevator door opened. Instead of getting out, Roy punched the button to Johnny’s floor again.

Taking a breath, he walked back into Johnny’s room.

Johnny was staring at the ceiling. “What took you so long?”

Roy cracked a small smile. “Slow elevator.”
            “Oh.” Johnny met Roy’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Roy. I didn’t mean to be such a grouch,” Johnny said with a slight hint of a crooked smile.

“S’okay. It’s understandable. So…you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know...I...they tell me I start physical therapy in a couple days.”

Roy brightened, “That’s good...isn’t it?”

“What’s good about it?”

“What’s wrong with physical therapy? You’ve been through it before.”

“There’s nothing wrong with it if you like pain, and I’ve had enough of that in the last week to last me a life time.”

“You know you gotta do it if you want to get back on your feet again.”

“That’s the thing, Roy; I’m not sure I’m gonna be able to do it this time.”

Roy wasn’t sure how to respond. This was not the Johnny he knew. The Johnny he knew never let an injury get him down for long. He’d seen Johnny in the hospital more than enough times, and he always bounced right back, cheerfully accepting what he had to do to get his body well, and then working like a dog to do it. Maybe this time was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. He hoped not; he wanted his partner back.

Johnny continued, “You know Roy, in my career as a fireman, I’ve been run over by a car, bitten by a poisonous snake, almost died from a virus I caught from an animal, got blown up in a building, and nearly fell to my death at least three times from high places. I’ve been shot at, held hostage, punched, and I’ve come close to drowning; and now this. Out of all that, this is the worst thing...that’s ever happened to me.”

Roy sat with his elbows resting on his knees, fingers loosely intertwined, his head down, as he listened.

“Roy, I’m tired. I’m tired of having to learn how to walk again, tired of being in the hospital trying to get well. Tired of...life.”

Roy raised his eyes to look at Johnny’s face. He swallowed nervously, feeling a bit uncomfortable with this unfamiliar side of Johnny he was seeing.

“Sometimes...I feel like an old man, and I’m only thirty. I’m not sure...I can do this. It’s gonna take a long time for me to get back on my feet again; the docs don’t even know if I’ll even be able to walk normally.” He paused for a moment as that statement sunk in, his stare fixed at the wall in front of him. “I probably won’t even be able to return to work.”

Roy finally spoke. “Johnny, I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through or how you feel, because I have no idea. But I do know one thing, Johnny, and that is, you’re not a quitter. At least not the John Gage I’ve known for the past nine years. I’ve never known you to let any situation get the best of you, no matter how hard. As a matter of fact, that’s one of the things I respect the most about you; you never give up. You’ve always found a way to make life work for you, and that’s not something that everybody can do.” Roy had Johnny’s complete attention as he looked at Roy through his deep brown eyes. He was hanging on every word, as if Roy’s words could save him from falling into a deep pit.

“You may not see it clearly yourself right now, Johnny, but as your best friend, I know you’ve got what it takes to get through this. All those things you mentioned that you’ve gone through have made you a stronger person, not weaker. I know, ‘cause I’ve worked side by side with you for a lot of years, and I’ve seen it.”  Roy looked right at Johnny and said, “I’m counting on you, partner. No matter how long it takes, I want you riding back in that squad with me. I might even let you drive.”

Johnny licked his lower lip and swallowed. He was speechless; he couldn’t believe all the things Roy had just told him. No one had ever said anything like that to him before. Times like this made him realize how lucky he was to have Roy for a friend. He didn’t know what he would do without him.

Roy felt he was getting through to Johnny, and decided to change the subject a bit. He knew he had to choose his next few words carefully.  “Johnny, what you went through was bad. I know, because I was there. I’ve been having problems coping with it, and it didn’t even happen to me. I can’t even imagine how you are.” He paused, “I got a visit from Will Foster the other day.”

Johnny looked at him warily. “You mean Dr. Foster, the department shrink?”

“Yeah. At first I didn’t want to talk to him, but he’s a really nice guy, and he’s really easy to talk to. So, I kind of let him know how I felt. We talked about what happened last Friday night.  It was a relief to get some of that stuff off my chest. Anyway, it really helped, Johnny. He helped me sort a lot of things out. Johnny, I think it would be helpful if you talked to him. He said he was going to stop by to see you.”

“Roy, I don’t need to talk to any shrink. I just need to get out of here.”

“Johnny, believe me, it would help. You’ve got to be going through some emotional trauma after what she did to you.”

“No. No way. I don’t want to talk about this with anyone.”

Roy took a deep breath and walked to look out the window as he thought how to respond. Finally he turned to face his friend. “Johnny, you were nearly beaten to death and...and...raped by her. How can you keep that inside of you?”

Johnny cringed at the word ‘rape’; he felt almost physically sick upon Roy mentioning it. “Stop it, Roy! I don’t want to talk about it! She did not… ‘rape’ me. How the hell can a woman rape a man, Roy? Huh? Explain that to me! I must have been some kind of a sick pervert to get off – ” He stopped himself, shuddering, appalled at what he’d just heard himself say.

“You’re not sick, Johnny. Let me tell you something. Dr. Foster told me that the human body can react to extreme stress sometimes in ways we can’t control. Your body’s reaction was out of your control. There was nothing you could do about it. For God’s sake, you were tied down and she was torturing you. I just think you should get some help dealing with that.”

Johnny closed his eyes. “Roy, please, I don’t want to hear any more. I have my own way of coping. Please just accept that. I don’t need to talk to a shrink about it. I just need...to get on with my life.”

Roy decided he’d pushed Johnny enough. He looked worn out from the conversation. “Okay, I’m sorry, Johnny. I didn’t mean to get you so upset.” Silence ensued between them for a few minutes while Roy contemplated what to do. A soft knock at the door interrupted both their thoughts.

Both looking toward the door, they saw it open slowly and heard a female voice.

“Mind if I come in?” It was Kathy.

As she stepped into the room, she stared wide-eyed at Johnny, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. Roy looked at Johnny and saw a mixture of emotions cross his face. Surprise changed to fear, hopefulness, and uncertainty all at once.

Kathy stood motionless for a moment, and then slowly approached Johnny’s bed. He looked up at her, almost expecting her to slap his face. Instead, she sat down on the edge of the bed and reached for him. Wordlessly, she gently wrapped her arms around him, careful not to bump his arm, and laid her head on his shoulder. Closing his eyes, Johnny buried his face in her neck, taking in the scent of her, holding her tight with his right arm, grasping her silky hair with his fingers. Neither said a word.

At that moment he felt like someone had just thrown him a life preserver out in the middle of the ocean, and he held on, afraid of letting go.

Roy silently left the room. I think Johnny just got some of that help he needed.

It turned out that Kathy was exactly what Johnny needed. He never did make an appointment with Dr. Foster, and the one time he was visited by him, Johnny was closed-mouthed. He could not bring himself to talk about what happened with the man. He just wanted to shut it out of his mind. Experience in the past had told Johnny that if he just picked himself up and went on, eventually he would forget. Thinking about it was too painful and humiliating.

He did however, tell Kathy everything. Somehow he knew he had to. For some reason his conscience told him that this was one woman he could not lie to, and he didn’t want to be in a relationship with someone whom he held important secrets from. He had to come clean, even if it meant her dumping him. He had already come to terms with the fact that that was probably what was going to happen.

She had listened quietly while he explained the whole story in a low voice, telling her everything, from the time he met Charlene in the grocery store, up through the time Roy shot her. When he had finished, he couldn’t look at her; afraid that if he did, he would see contempt and disgust in her eyes.

Instead, when he finally looked at her, he saw tears. He couldn’t believe his ears when she suggested that they start fresh and try to forget everything that had happened. For she had seen something in Johnny that was incredibly important to her – honesty. She knew how difficult it must have been for him to tell her everything, and she believed him when he told her that Charlene had never meant anything to him; that the whole thing had been a huge mistake and a terrible lack of judgment. She could see the remorse in his eyes.

“How can you be so forgiving after what I did?” he asked.

That was when she told him that she had been through something similar in her life, and that she knew what it was like. She explained that she had dated a man when she was younger whom she had thought was wonderful, at first. Later, he turned jealous and abusive, both mentally and physically abusive. Johnny had been appalled that anyone could abuse this beautiful woman. Without too much explanation she told him that she had finally ended the relationship, and moved away from him, not telling anyone where she went, except for family. So, she explained, she had first hand experience with an abusive person, and knew how manipulative and dangerous they could be. Johnny just stared at her, stunned by this amazing woman. He suddenly realized how lucky he was, that she was giving him a second chance. She planned to stand by him, every step of the way, until he recovered. She wasn’t the only one; he had Roy and his family too, and realizing this turned his disposition 180 degrees.

So, between Kathy and Roy, Johnny held on to his lifelines and began to pull himself up. Physical therapy started, and he worked like a dog to get well. It proved to be very frustrating and painful, even more so than he expected. In the beginning, all he could do was some strengthening exercises and stretches. With both legs and one arm in a cast, he was almost a total invalid. He was shocked at how weak even his right arm had become, barely being able to lift a twenty pound weight. Kathy had accompanied him to the first session, but he was embarrassed at having her there to see his inability to do even the easiest things. And it was painful, and even though she was a nurse, it was hard for him to put on an act of bravado in front of her and pretend it didn’t hurt. Here he was, supposedly a strong macho fireman, who couldn’t even do something a ten year old could do. Kathy sensed his discomfort and embarrassment at having her watching, and decided not to come to future sessions. He told her he didn’t mind, but she could see the relief on his face.

Three weeks later, Johnny’s leg was out of traction. The doctors felt it was time to send him home, and Johnny was ecstatic. He couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital and sleep in his own bed, see his horses, and not have people fussing over him night and day. There was no way, however, that he was going to be able to go home alone and take care of himself. He would be in a wheelchair with both legs in a cast. He didn’t even consider this until the day before he went home and Roy came to talk to him. After lots of arguing, Roy finally made him see that it was impossible for him to get around by himself, and insisted that Johnny stay with him and Joanne. Reluctantly, Johnny finally agreed after Roy pointed out all the things that he was going to need help with, and that he was going to need someone to get him to physical therapy three times a week. Johnny argued that that was too much of a burden to Roy and his family, and that he could rely on his neighbor, and Kathy, and friends to help him out. Roy wouldn’t hear of it, and Dr. Brackett agreed, so he finally gave in.

Roy was there the next day to pick Johnny up. Joanne had bought John some baggy sweatpants that he could wear over the casts, and since there were still some warm days left here and there, he could wear shorts occasionally.

Roy helped Johnny get dressed and into the wheelchair so his partner could finally leave his hospital room. He smiled, knowing what was waiting outside of Johnny’s door. As they pushed the door open and began to exit the room, Johnny was overwhelmed when he saw a crowd of well-wishers waiting for him just outside the door. His jaw dropped as he looked around and saw all the guys from the station, Dixie, Dr. Brackett, Dr. Early, Beatrice, and some of the other nurses, Joanne, his physical therapist, Larry Anderson, and Kathy. As they poured into his room, Johnny saw they had brought a good luck cake decorated with a red fire engine with the number 51, balloons, numerous cards, and even a gift. He managed to thank everyone, though the experience left him nearly speechless. Even his eyes got a little wet as he realized how many people really cared about him. When they were ready to leave, he got lots of handshakes and pats on the back from the guys, and kisses from the women, all on the cheek, except for Kathy’s, whose lasted a little longer than everyone else’s. Beatrice made him promise to come back and see her, and he gave her hug and a kiss on the cheek. Finally, Dr. Brackett yelled for everyone to quit goofing off and get back to work, and the party broke up. After four long weeks, Johnny was finally wheeled out of the hospital.

Johnny stayed in the first floor bedroom of Roy and Joanne’s house. It was their guest bedroom and had its own bathroom, which was quite nice for Johnny. Roy’s kids were ecstatic at having Uncle Johnny at their house all the time. It wasn’t nearly as bad as Johnny had thought it would be, and Joanne was extremely hospitable. He couldn’t help but remind himself over and over again how lucky he was to have this family in his life.

When he had first met Joanne, he knew she didn’t care much for him, and he was uncomfortable around her. But as time went by, somehow the ice had melted away, and they had become close, almost like brother and sister. Joanne had come to trust Johnny in the same way that Roy had, knowing that he would never let anything happen to her husband, that he would always be looking out for him. That brought great comfort to Joanne, and as their friendship developed, so had mutual respect for each other.

Johnny had spent a lot of time with the DeSotos over the years, and he had become like a member of the family. Sometimes Roy would catch Johnny and Joanne laughing together in a private moment, usually about something having to do with himself, and he would feel just a small pang of jealousy.  Roy didn’t have any sisters, and had never had a close friendship relationship with any other woman but Joanne, so he was a bit envious at the relationship that had developed between his partner and his wife. But he knew it was innocent, and he was glad that Johnny fit in so well, like a brother.

A week after Johnny had moved in to the DeSoto’s home, the cast was taken off his arm. It was such a relief to Johnny to now have at least two working limbs, and he and Larry started working hard at getting the strength back into his other arm. Joanne would drive him to therapy two times a week, and Kathy would stop by on Fridays and take him. Very slowly, his strength was returning. Another week and a half went by, and they were able to take the cast off Johnny’s right leg. That was another milestone in Johnny’s recovery because now they could start working on standing up and walking. This was where the really hard part was to begin.

One day Roy was at Rampart after having brought a patient in, and he decided to stop up to the physical therapy room to see how Johnny was progressing. He knew Johnny was due in for an appointment that day. As he approached the door, he saw Kathy watching through the open door.  She turned her head, and seeing him, held her hand up signaling him to stay back where Johnny couldn’t see him. She held her finger up to her lips. Roy looked at her questioningly.

“He gets self-conscious if he knows anyone’s watching,” she whispered.

“How’s he doing since he got the cast off?” Roy whispered back.

“See for yourself.” They both watched silently.

Johnny had been lifting weights on the bench press and was just finishing. They had already done some strengthening exercises on his right leg and had taken a break because of pain. Now it was time to start learning to walk, and Larry had Johnny over at some parallel bars. First Larry had him pull himself out of his wheelchair by himself. It wasn’t easy. As Larry instructed him on how to hold his body and where to put the weight, Roy and Kathy could see the intense concentration on his face. He was breaking out in a sweat and breathing hard. His face became etched in pain as he determinedly made his way across. Halfway through, his body erupted in pain and he collapsed. Larry caught him before he hit the mat. “Damn it!” they heard Johnny curse, his fist hitting the mat. They heard Larry trying to talk him into calling it quits for the day, but Johnny shook his head vehemently.  He rested a moment, waiting for his breathing to slow. He raked his hand through his hair and reached up to the bars. With every bit of effort he had, he pulled himself up and very shakily made it the rest of the way across.                        

“All right, man! Doing good! Next time we work on crutches, okay?” He helped Johnny back into his wheelchair where he rested his head on his hand, exhausted. Roy and Kathy slipped away before Johnny saw them.

Roy glanced over at Kathy, watching her reaction. “You think he’s ever going to completely recover from this?”

Kathy smiled, “I have no doubt. You should see how hard he works at this, Roy. I’ve never seen anyone so determined in my life. He’s really progressing well, actually. Larry says he’s doing a lot more than he thought he would at this point.”

“Well, I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone more determined than Johnny. I’m glad you two are back together. I think that’s had a lot to do with his recovery.”

“Thanks, I am too. But you can’t give me the credit. He’s the one who’s doing all the work.”

“Yeah. Well, got to get back to work. You know, you’re welcome to stop by any time to see Johnny. You’re not imposing. As a matter of fact, Joanne wanted to invite you to dinner this weekend. I know Johnny would like it.”

“That sounds great Roy. I would love to be there.”
            “I’ll have Joanne call you.”

“Okay, bye!”

Kathy went back to pick up Johnny and take him back to Roy’s house. She was off that morning, but now had to get to work. When they returned, Joanne invited Kathy over for Saturday night, and she accepted. Johnny was thrilled; he wasn’t getting near enough time with her to suit him. She had stopped by quite a few times, but they could never be alone. Roy or Joanne or the kids were always there. Roy’s kids were going to their grandparents that evening, so the four of them could have an adult night together.

Johnny wheeled himself into the house. Now that he could use both arms he could wheel himself around. Roy and the guys at the station had built a temporary ramp up to the front door. He made his way to his bedroom and maneuvered himself out of the wheelchair and onto the bed. The physical therapy had exhausted him as usual. He was also in pain but didn’t feel like making the extra effort to go into the bathroom and get his pain medication. Upon closing his eyes, he was asleep within a few minutes. Joanne peeked into his room, and upon seeing him asleep, quietly covered him with a blanket. He slept the rest of the afternoon.

Saturday night came and Kathy arrived at six o’clock. Roy grilled steaks and Joanne made picnic type food, sort of a last taste of summer. Technically it was fall, almost Halloween, actually, but the evening was warm enough to eat outside.

It was a relaxing evening and the sun was setting, the sky awash with beautiful shades of orange, lemon and turquoise. Roy, Joanne, and Kathy were busy cleaning up while Johnny relaxed in a lounge chair, finishing a can of soda. He smiled to himself as the others worked, considering that being in a cast had some small advantages.

Kathy came back out and saw that everything had been cleared off the table. “Can I get you anything?” she asked.

Johnny looked around, “Yes, you can,” he smiled.

“What?”

“Where are Roy and Joanne?” he asked her.

“Inside cleaning up, why?”

He grabbed her hand and pulled her over. “C’mere. We’re finally alone.”

Kathy looked toward the sliding doors, “I guess we are, aren’t we?”

He tried to pull her into his lap, his one leg elevated and resting on another patio chair.

“Hey! You’re going to hurt yourself! What about your hip?”

“The hell with my hip! Get over here!”

She carefully sat down in his lap and laced her fingers behind his neck. He pulled her close and sighed in satisfaction, “Man, I’ve been waitin’ for this for a long time.” Closing his eyes, he tasted her lips. “Mmmmm,” he murmured. He wrapped his arms around her tighter, one hand sliding up her back under her blouse.

Kathy opened her mouth to his and kissed him very seductively, running her fingers through his hair. “Mmmm is right...I’ve forgotten how nice this was.”

They continued to kiss passionately as the sun slowly sank behind the horizon, losing all track of time.

Joanne was making her way to the patio sliders with dessert, when she stopped. Taking in the scene before her, she smiled and shook her head. Roy came up behind her with the dessert plates. He looked at her, “What is it?”

“They’re at it again,” she said still smiling.

“What are you talking...oh. Jeez, not again.” Johnny and Kathy were wrapped in each other’s arms, kissing very passionately, blissfully unaware that anyone was seeing them. Roy watched them for a moment, then averted his eyes. “Maybe I should ask Johnny if he’d like to use our bedroom?” he said sarcastically. He didn’t know why, but he felt slightly envious.

“Oh, Roy, come on. Let them have a little time alone. I think it’s romantic. They’re in love, can’t you tell? Or don’t you remember what it’s like to be young and in love?”

Roy glanced back at the scene.  Johnny and Kathy were now gazing into each other’s eyes, their foreheads and noses touching. Johnny was saying something to Kathy, and both had smiles on their faces. Roy stood lost in thought for a moment. Johnny really does look happy. They both do. Roy realized he had never seen this look on Johnny’s face before that he was now observing. He looks like he’s…in love.

Johnny and Kathy’s eyes closed once more as their lips came together once more in a hungry kiss. Johnny’s mouth moved to Kathy’s neck.

Roy looked away again.  “Looks more like lust to me,” he stated.

“So? You and I used to do the same thing at my parent’s house, remember? We’d sneak off and try to find some place where we could make out.”

Roy softened a bit, a slight smile playing at his mouth as he remembered, the memory reawakening in him of what it had felt like all those years ago. “Yeah, well… we were teenagers, Joanne.”

“When we were dating, you could never get enough of me. Now we’re just an old boring married couple.”

Roy turned to face Joanne, an indignant look on his face. “Hey, who’s boring? I’ll show you who’s boring, Mrs. Desoto.” Setting the plates down, he picked her up and carried her into the kitchen, sitting her on the counter. “Maybe Johnny’s right. Our kitchen could use a little excitement.” With that, they started a little of their own passionate necking.

Johnny had been at Roy’s house for nearly a month, when he decided he needed to get home. He had been working his tail off at physical therapy and had mastered the crutches. His left leg was feeling strong, and he didn’t feel he needed Roy and Joanne’s hospitality any longer. He was sure he could manage on his own. Besides, his neighbor was going to be stopping by daily to help him with the horses, so he would be making sure everything went okay with Johnny. Bob’s wife even offered to take Johnny to physical therapy, so along with help from Kathy and the guys at the station, he had more than enough help. So, with much gratitude, he packed up his things and Roy drove him home.

The house smelled musty from being closed up for so long, so the first thing Johnny did was to open some windows. Then, Roy walked along with him as he made his way out to the barn to visit his horses. He had gotten the cast off his other leg just the day before and was still using the crutches for support until both legs got a little stronger. It felt so good to finally be home.

Johnny turned to Roy as he was ready to leave. “Roy, I want to thank you, for everything. I don’t think I could have come this far without you, and Joanne too.”

Roy patted Johnny’s shoulder, “Oh, I don’t know. I had confidence in you; you just didn’t have it in yourself. You just needed a little shove.”

“Maybe so. The doc says if I keep going like I have been, I’ll be ready to start work in about a month.”

Roy broke out in a big smile. “Really? Wow! That’s great, Johnny. I wasn’t sure for a while there, and I was a little afraid to ask.”

“Yup. I’m comin’ back, partner. Won’t be long,” he grinned.

“Hey, the guys’ll be excited.”

“Oh, yeah, I bet Chet will especially. He’s probably been plotting his phantom pranks against me for the past two months.”

“I think Cap’s gonna have him lay off of that for awhile.”

“Oh yeah? Well, I’ll believe it when I see it. Oh, hey, I almost forgot. The doc also said I should be able to drive in another week or so, so you guys won’t have to keep running me everywhere.”

“All right, that’s great news.”

With that, they turned and walked back toward the house. Roy said his good-byes and left, with Johnny thanking him again for everything.

God, it was good to be home.

PART II

Five days later, Kathy finally got a day off, and Johnny had invited her over for the day. He wouldn’t tell her what they were going to do, just that he had a surprise for her, to wear comfortable clothes, and to bring her camera.

She had no idea what he had planned, but figured it was probably a hike. She wasn’t sure how much of a hike he’d be up for, so she was prepared to make sure he didn’t do anything too taxing.

This was the first time she had been to his home, and couldn’t wait to see what it was like. She was pleasantly surprised as she drove up the long gravel drive and caught sight of her man’s house. It was a rather spread out ranch style house, one story, with a large wooden front porch. Two wooden rockers sat on it that didn’t look store bought. The house was rustic looking with stone accents, and a large stone chimney. The property was covered in shade trees, and extended for quite a distance beyond the back of the house, where it turned into rough canyon terrain and wooded area. She could see a barn out back, and a large fenced area with two horses calmly grazing in it. Except for a slight breeze rustling through the trees, it was totally quiet. It was breathtaking.

It had just turned noon, and she knocked on the screen door; the main door to the house was open. Johnny appeared momentarily, smiling at her. He had on blue jeans, and an olive green canvas shirt, the sleeves rolled up above his elbows. On his feet were some well-worn cowboy boots, which she had heard klunking across the floor as he approached her.  Opening the door for her, he motioned her in and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

She entered into a large living area, with wide knotty wood plank floors, covered by well-worn braided rugs. In the center of the room was a rustic stone fireplace, above it a beautiful photograph of a sunset, the frame made from an aged bleached wood of some sort. The mantle was sparse, but held a few framed photographs, some Indian artifacts, and some silver candlesticks. On the floor directly in front of the fireplace rested a plush shaggy rug.

Kathy looked around, amazed at how tidy it was. There was an overstuffed sofa with a beautiful hand-made Native American blanket draped over the side. Two other chairs, one a rocker, an end table, and a coffee table completed the room. The window treatments were simple gauzy-colored curtains held up by black wrought iron rods. Some of them were fluttering gently as the wind hit them from the open windows.

Johnny noticed that Kathy had a grocery bag in her hand. “What’s in the bag?”

“Oh, just some things for later,” she answered nonchalantly, and set the bag down.

He looked at her a moment longer, then asked, “You ready?”

“Ready for what?”

“Follow me,” he directed, and taking her hand directed her through to the back of the house past the kitchen and out onto a large wooden deck. Again, she was stunned at the beauty of the place.

 They stepped off the deck and across the yard. It looked like he was in the middle of a landscaping project, as she noticed a large pile of stones stacked up a distance away. A hammock was tied between two large shade trees nearby.

Kathy followed Johnny out past the yard; she noticed that he was still limping, but he seemed a lot stronger. She had also noticed a cane leaning against the wall inside, but he had not taken it with him. As they walked toward the horses, she realized that they were both saddled for a ride.

He led her inside the gate and approached the horses. She stared with admiration at the two beautiful horses. One was coal black, its shiny coat gleaming, and the other was a deep chocolate brown, a little smaller.

“Kathy, meet Midnight and Ginger,” Johnny patted the horses as they tried to push their noses into his face.

“How do you do?” Kathy said politely with a smile to the horses. “Johnny, they’re beautiful! But why are we out here?” Her face grew serious. “We’re not going riding…are we?”

“That’s exactly what we’re doing. That’s the surprise! Now come over here, and I’ll help you up,” he gestured toward Ginger. “She’s very gentle; you won’t have any problems with her.”

“But Johnny, I don’t think this is such a good idea. Your legs are still healing, and what about your hip? What if you fall?”

He smirked at her. “I’m not gonna fall. I’ve been riding horses all my life. Besides, we’re just gonna take it nice and slow, and anyway, I’ve been practicing. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“You mean you’ve been out here riding by yourself?” she asked incredulously.

“Man, Kathy, you’re as bad as Roy! Now, c’mon over here and let me help you up.”

She realized she wasn’t going to win this argument, so she gave in and stepped into the stirrup, pulling herself up and over the horse. She was a little shaky, and Johnny steadied her; she had ridden before but it had been a long time.

“You got your camera?”

“Yes.”

Johnny climbed onto Midnight and off they went.

They had a lovely ride, taking it slow and enjoying the fresh air and quiet. Kathy was awestruck at the scenery they passed as they rode through trees and canyon. After awhile, Johnny found a perfect area to stop near a gurgling stream, and they dismounted. Much to Kathy’s surprise, he had brought lunch, and spread it out on a blanket he had packed. The day was a bit overcast, and it threatened rain, but it was still a perfect day for a ride.

After lunch, Johnny pulled out his camera and started shooting pictures. Kathy did the same, and they both thoroughly enjoyed their photographic session together, each trying to get the best shot.

While Johnny had a little better eye for composition, Kathy possessed a little more technical know-how. She had taken a bunch of courses in photography when she first started nursing school, just for fun. She had noticed that Johnny had an Ansel Adams book of photographs on his coffee table, and offered to teach Johnny some of the technical tricks she knew.

Kathy taught him a lot about exposure, including how to achieve a photograph with a wide range of depth. Johnny understood the basics of what she was saying, although it sounded much easier than it was. Unfortunately, the cloudy overcast day tended to make everything look flat.

“However,” Kathy explained, “there’s a lot you can do in the dark room to compensate for that.”

With that comment, Johnny grinned mischievously and said, “I bet a lot of interesting things can develop in that dark room of yours.”

After swatting him playfully, she promised to show him how to develop the film and to print the pictures they had taken. He had purposely brought black and white film for that reason.

The day wore on, and they decided to turn back, since it looked like it might rain. They rode the horses back into the fenced area, and climbed down. While Johnny pulled the saddles off the horses, Kathy headed toward the house.

Johnny found her stretched out in his hammock a few minutes later.

“Nice, huh?”

“Yeah,” she said dreamily. “This is so comfortable! I could just lie here all day.”

Johnny gazed at her a moment, then said, “You know what the best thing about this hammock is?”

“What?”
            “That it’s plenty big enough for two,” and with that he slid in next to her.

She smiled, totally content, and rested her head on his shoulder. Together, they lay there a long time, swaying slowly, enjoying the soft breeze.

After a while, Kathy opened her eyes and looked at Johnny’s face. He looked totally peaceful, eyes closed, seemingly asleep. She studied every feature on his face, his long black lashes and tousled black hair, his straight nose, sculpted cheekbones, that strong jaw line, and his lips, lips that she was so tempted to put hers on right at that moment.

She decided it was now or never. She wanted to tell him what had been on her mind lately. “Johnny?” she whispered in his ear.

He cracked open one eye and looked at her, “Hmmm?”

“I want...I mean...would you...make love to me...right now?”

His other eye quickly came open as he studied her face. His fingers traced lines across her cheekbones and after a long hesitation, he said, “You sure?”

Kathy slowly pulled herself up, and looking down at him, slowly started unbuttoning her blouse. She then unhooked her front closing bra and both slowly slid off her shoulders and onto the grass below. “I’m positive.”

Overwhelmed, Johnny’s heart started pounding and he swallowed as his eyes roamed down her body. Reaching up, he entwined his fingers in her hair. “God, you’re beautiful,” he whispered, and gently pulled her down to him, finding her mouth with his.

Time stood still as their bodies melted together. Johnny made love to her gentle and sweet, taking his time, exploring, kissing, and caressing every inch of her body. Then she did the same for him. Their cries of ecstasy faded in the wind as they became lost in each other.

When it was over, they lay together wrapped around each other, their limbs intertwined. They hadn’t noticed the thunder in the distance, but now they felt rain drops begin to come down, splattering as it hit their skin. They stayed in the hammock while it rained, enjoying the sensation of the cold water hitting their bodies like a massage. As quick as it started, it began to pour, the rain coming down in sheets. They began to get up when Johnny remembered the horses.

“Oh my God! The horses! I’ve got to get them inside the barn!” He grabbed her hand, pulling her out of the hammock. “C’mon! I need your help!”

She laughed, looking down at herself naked. “Like this?”

He laughed, “No one can see us. C’mon!”       

Together they ran through the wet grass holding hands in the pouring rain to where the horses stood, and led each of them into the barn. They both looked like drowned rats and laughed at each other, rain dripping off their noses.

 Kathy was shivering, “I’m freezing!”

“Let’s get in the house where we can warm up.” And with that, they exited the barn and ran back through the rain to the house, stopping to scoop up their soaked clothing off the ground. Johnny grabbed two large towels and they dried off. He then went into the living room and after pulling the windows closed, started to arrange wood in the hearth to start a fire.

Kathy opened her shopping bag and pulled the wine out and record album she had brought. After pouring two glasses, she headed into the living room with the towel still wrapped around her. She watched Johnny while he worked, still naked, and admired his body despite all the scars he had acquired. She handed him his glass and sat down beside him in front of the hearth, the fire now starting to crackle and pop. She had put the album on the stereo and the first song was beginning to play.

Johnny was more of a rock and roll type of guy, but really started to enjoy the melodies after listening for a while. They sat silently, drinking their wine, listening mesmerized while curled up on the shaggy rug in front of the roaring fire. It was still pouring outside, and lightning flashed into the room now and then, the only other light coming from the fire.

By the third album side, they began to make love, drowning in each other once again. They continued making love as the music played; the melodies seemed hauntingly erotic. Later, they got up and slow danced to several songs, not wanting to part from each other’s embrace. 

Finally they realized the day had turned into night and they were hungry. Unfortunately, the only thing Johnny had to eat was a box of macaroni and cheese. So, he fixed that, and they ate macaroni and cheese and drank Merlot in front of the fire. That night they crawled into bed together, staying in each others arms all night. As they lay in bed before sleep took them, Kathy noticed Johnny was staring at her.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked.

Johnny sighed a deep satisfied sigh. “Just how absolutely incredible you are. How about you?”

She smiled. “Ditto,” and hugged him closer, kissing his ear. She was afraid to say what she was really thinking; it was a little too soon for those three words, and she didn’t want to scare him away. Little did she know that he was thinking exactly the same thing.

After that day, the two of them could hardly get enough of each other. Kathy’s work schedule did seem to put a damper on those desires however; she was working over fifty hours a week, and it was hard to get together sometimes.

Kathy made good on her promise to show Johnny some dark room techniques that next week. On their next day off together, he arrived with film in hand. They went into her darkroom and she showed him how to load the film into the canister. This had to be done in total darkness. After the film was washed and hanging to dry, Kathy turned the safe light on and began to prepare the trays, showing Johnny how to mix the chemicals. Then, the fun part began. She demonstrated all her darkroom techniques, and together they created some outstanding prints. By the time they were finished, Johnny was convinced that he wanted to have his own dark room. Johnny also experimented with a few ‘techniques’ of his own on Kathy while they waited for the prints to dry.

The weeks flew by. Johnny continued his physical therapy, now able to drive himself. He had never worked harder at anything in his life than he did to get his body back into shape so that he could return to work. He added running to his workout, and by early December, felt stronger than he had ever felt in his life. The incident had left him with a very slight permanent limp, but only those who knew Johnny well noticed it. By the middle of December, the doctors deemed Johnny fit enough to return to work.

Wanting his return to be a surprise, he only told Captain Stanley. He came in early on his first day, parking his car in the street so as not to be noticed, then dressed quickly and stayed out of sight until role call. As the men lined up for the lowdown on the days’ activities, Johnny appeared last, sidling up next to Roy just as the Cap was ready to start announcements.

Roy’s jaw dropped upon seeing Johnny in his uniform standing next to him, and for a moment, he was speechless. “You’re back!” he finally managed to say. Then the room exploded in warm greetings and pats on the back. Roy stared at him incredulously as Johnny broke into a wide grin. Even Chet congratulated Johnny, before rubbing his hands together and saying, “The Phantom’s vacation is now over!” Johnny rolled his eyes then said, “You better watch it, Kelly; because I’ve had a lot of time lately to do a little Phantom planning on my own.”

“Oooh, I’m scared,” Chet said mockingly. “Gage, no one can out do the Phantom.”

Johnny raised his eyebrows, “Don’t be so sure.”

After role call, Roy and Johnny met at the squad and began to check their supplies. Roy looked up at Johnny, and patting him once on the shoulder said, “Welcome back, Junior.”

“Thanks, Pally.”

The second call of the day proved to be the first real hurdle for Johnny to leap over.  The crew of 51 was called out to rescue a hiker who had fallen from the trail he was on. It involved a tricky climb up a steep rocky trail to reach the unconscious victim.

Arriving at the scene, they spied the man halfway down a cliff laying on a rocky outcropping. There was no way to reach him other than climbing. Without hesitation, Johnny began assembling his gear for the climb. Roy watched him warily, wondering if he was really ready for such a difficult rescue, but kept his thoughts to himself. The last thing he needed to do was to put doubt in his partner’s mind as to whether he was up for the rescue. Johnny seemed to be concentrating deeply as he gathered his supplies, and trotted over to begin the climb.

Captain Stanley locked eyes with Roy as they watched Johnny begin the climb. Roy knew what he was thinking and gave him a slight nod, then followed behind Johnny as he carefully made his way up the hill. The rescue went without a hitch as Johnny made it to their victim first. Together they pulled the stokes up and readied the man for transport. Johnny expertly rappelled down the cliff, Roy parallel to him, as they guided the stokes down to the ground. Almost everyone blew out a sigh of relief upon seeing them safely complete their rescue. As Johnny was climbing into the ambulance, Captain Stanley simply said, “Nice job, John. Good to have you back.”

“Thanks Cap,” he answered nonchalantly. In reality, Johnny was quite relieved himself that things went well. He knew this rescue was going to be a test of his abilities, and now that it was over, he heaved a relieved sigh after the ambulance doors were closed, knowing he had passed his own test. 

The men were enjoying a late lunch when the squad was called out to a “woman down” rescue around three o’clock at a jewelry store. The call didn’t prove to be serious; it turned out that the woman had simply fainted. She was in the early stages of pregnancy, and had become lightheaded. Roy rode in to the hospital with her as a precaution, while Johnny stayed and put their equipment away.

Having come back for the biophone, Johnny stopped a moment and looked around. He began peering in all the cases admiring all the beautiful gems.

“Is there something I can help you with, sir?” one of the salespeople asked.

Pondering the man’s question, he decided to ask about a particular diamond ring that he found quite beautiful. It was pear-shaped and set in a lovely carved band. “Uh, how much is that ring?” he asked, pointing.

The gentleman opened his case and pulled the ring out. “Ah, this is one of our nicest ones, and a very nice bargain. It’s on sale, for $1195.00,” he started to hand the ring to Johnny for his inspection.

Johnny’s eyes bugged out of his head and he thought he’d have a stroke upon hearing the price. “Twelve hundred dollars!” he repeated. “Oh, man,” he said to himself. “How about this one?” he pointed to a much smaller diamond.

The man pulled it out, and inspecting the tag, said that it was $595.00. Sensing Johnny’s dismay, and considering that firemen probably didn’t get paid all that much, he tried to show Johnny an even smaller diamond.

Johnny looked at it and thought it was puny. “Too small,” he said.

“I understand,” the man said knowingly. “This is for someone very special, yes?”

Johnny nodded, grinning slightly.

After thinking a moment, the man suggested that perhaps a different kind of stone would be nice, not necessarily a diamond. Johnny considered this a moment, and then as he was looking at a sapphire ring, he remembered the ring his mother had worn, which he had tucked away in a small box in his bedroom dresser. It was one of the few things that he had that had been given to him after his parents died. He remembered it had a beautiful blue stone. It hadn’t been too fancy, but it was striking. The salesman, not wanting to lose a sale, told Johnny to bring the ring in, and perhaps they could add some small diamonds to it and rearrange the setting. He assured Johnny that he could make the ring look magnificent for not that much of an ‘investment’, as he put it. Realizing the time, Johnny promised to stop back in with the ring.

As he pulled the door shut to the squad, he asked himself, What are you doing? Smiling, he answered himself. I’m going to give her a ring – for Christmas!     

It had been a long day in the ER, and Kathy was intensely glad her shift was over. She looked at her watch as she entered her car. It said eleven o’clock. She sighed. She hadn’t seen Johnny in four days, and she missed him. She thought about calling him as she drove home, but didn’t want to bother him at the station this late. She knew that sometimes they didn’t get a lot of sleep if they got runs during the night, and that he might already be in bed.

She smiled to herself as she drove, thinking about the past few months. She had never been so happy in her life, never met a man who she thought was so perfect for her. And the wonderful part of it was that he seemed to feel the same way about her.

Her mind wandered as she drove, and it occurred to her that Christmas was only a couple of weeks away. She had been trying to think of the perfect thing to get Johnny, but hadn’t been able to come up with it yet. It had to be special, but she didn’t want to get him anything too expensive or personal, fearing that it would scare him off. He seemed to be crazy about her, but she didn’t want to ruin everything by giving him something that would make him feel like he had to make a serious commitment to her. Oh, well, I’m sure something will come to me soon. I’m too tired to think about it now.

She parked her car and wearily headed for the door. She turned the key in the lock, and flipped on the light. She immediately sensed something odd, and turning, gasped as she saw him sitting in her living room.

“Hello, Kathy.”

Stunned and terrified at the same time, she tried to regain her composure. Shaking like a leaf, she whispered, “Jim.”

“Surprised to see me?” he said grinning.

“My God, I thought....”

“I was dead?” he stood up and took a few steps toward her. “Well, I’m not. It’s really me. I’m sorry if I scared you; I wanted to surprise you.”

He made his way toward her and took her face in his hands. “Baby, I’ve missed you so much,” he wrapped his arms around her and began kissing her forehead, cheeks and neck. He felt her stiffen at his touch. He pulled back and looked into her eyes. “What’s wrong? Aren’t you glad to see me?”

“Y-yes, of course,” she stammered, “I’m just....so shocked. It’s been so long. How did you find me?”

“That doesn’t matter, now. All that matters is that I’m back, and we’re together again. And this time, I’m not going away. There’s nothing to stand in our way of getting married now.” He reached down and took her hand. His eyes narrowed, “Where’s the ring I gave you?”

Her heart was pounding, “I still have it – I just put it in a safe place,” she said quickly, seeing his face darken. “Jim, don’t be angry, please. I-I-I thought you were never coming back. When I didn’t hear from you – ”

“You knew I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone where I was going; why didn’t you wait for me?” He sounded angry.

“I did wait! But I never heard anything! I thought you were dead.”

“You left and didn’t bother to tell anyone where you were going. Maybe you didn’t want me to find you?” He gripped her arms tightly.

“That’s ridiculous!” she lied, “I-I just wanted to start over; start a new life. I thought you were never coming back, and I needed to start again someplace new. Please, believe me,” she said, terribly afraid of what he would do.

His grip on her loosened. After a moments silence he asked, “How about getting me a drink? Then,” he smiled, “we can start to make up for lost time.”

Kathy swallowed and plastered a fake smile on her face as she made her way to the kitchen. It was going to be a long night.

Kathy barely made it to work on time the next day. She felt drained and violated after the night before. She shuddered as she remembered their night together; how he forced his way into bed with her, how rough he was. Her mind was in a whirl the entire day, and she was scared to death.  What am I going to do? How did he find me? She was disappointed and relieved at the same time that Johnny wasn’t working today, so that they wouldn’t run into each other at the hospital. She knew that he would know that something was wrong. She had to get it together and think of a way out.

Settling onto his sofa, Johnny stared at the little velvet box again that he had just picked up from the jeweler. He opened it again, and was awestruck at how beautiful the ring had turned out. He stared at it a long time, then closed the lid once more and got up to put it on his dresser in his bedroom. He paced the floor, trying to think of a way to give it to her.

He wanted it to be a total surprise. And he wanted to do it in a way that would knock her socks off. He knew it had to be Christmas Eve – that was the perfect time. His mind drifted, and he envisioned a roaring fire in the fireplace, music on the stereo, maybe some wine. Maybe he would even cook dinner for her; hmm, maybe not; she might not say yes after she eats my cooking! Hey, wait a minute! My cooking’s not bad, I’ve been listening to Chet’s criticism for too long!

He thought some more. He saw them standing in front of a beautiful Christmas tree all lit up, Christmas music playing softly in the background. He would give the ring to her then – she would love that! I wonder if I should get down on my knee?

That thought was interrupted when he looked around his living room and realized that he didn’t have a Christmas tree! For that matter, he had never had a Christmas tree, at least as an adult. His parents used to have one when he was a young boy, but that was a long time ago, before they had died. Since then, he had never had one again. It seemed that the Christmases he had spent with others, mostly Roy’s family, they had their own tree, and he had never bothered to get one of his own. And all the years he had spent Christmas alone, he hadn’t felt in the mood to have one.

Well, this year was going to be different! He suddenly got an idea in his head, and grabbing his coat, dashed out the back toward the barn. After quickly saddling Midnight up, he grabbed some ropes and a saw and jumped up on his horse. Giddy with excitement, he spurred Midnight into an easy gallop and rode a short distance. Hopping off, he searched around, and after finding what he thought was the perfect tree, began to saw it down. Grunting with effort, he wrapped the tree up tight, and tied it to his horse, so that he could drag it behind him. He made the trip back to his home much slower, careful not to damage the tree that was dragging on the ground behind him.

He stood the tree up against the house, then got into his Rover and headed for the store. Four hours after he had started his mission, he stood back and looked on in satisfaction at the tree that was now in a stand in his living room. He sat the bags of trimmings, lights, and ornaments next to the tree, awaiting the next time Kathy came over, so that they could decorate it together.

He decided to give her a call, even though he knew she was working. He would leave a message for her on her answering machine. He dialed her number, and waited for the message to finish. Upon hearing the beep, he started, his voice low and sexy, “Hi, Kathy, it’s Johnny. Hope you had a good day at work. I didn’t want to bother you at Rampart; just give me a call when you can. I’ve...got a little surprise for you. Talk to you later...good-night.” Satisfied with his message, he hung up. Unbeknownst to Johnny, there was a person who had just heard his message, and it wasn’t Kathy. Jim played the message back again, and after listening to it again, in a rage, smashed his fist into the wall, making a hole in the drywall.

Kathy returned late that night, exhausted from the night before, her stomach in knots from worrying the entire day. With anxiety, she turned the key in the lock and opened the door, dreading at what was waiting for her.

Jim was there, sitting in her chair again, staring at her. She put on a fake smile for him, but it fell away when she saw him frowning at her. “Is something wrong?” she asked tentatively.

“Who’s Johnny?” he asked in a low voice.

She hesitated, petrified. How did he find out about Johnny? “J-Johnny?”

He looked at her with loathing. “Yes, Johnny,” he said sarcastically, and reached over to the table where the answering machine was, and pressed the button. The message Johnny had left earlier played loud and clear into the silent room. Jim stood up. “Who is he, Kathy?”

“He – he’s just a friend, that’s all.”

“That’s all, huh?”

“Yes,” she whispered, backing away from him.

Jim raised his voice, “He didn’t sound like no f---ing friend to me!”

“Jim, please. Calm down.”

Jim advanced on her, pinning her to the wall. His hand wrapped around her neck, holding her back. “Don’t lie to me, Kathy. He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?”

“He – he’s just a guy I’ve been out with a few times.” Her hands were on top of his trying to pull them away.

“What’s his name; Johnny who?”

“I – ”

His hand tightened.

“Johnny Gage.”

“Where’s he work?”

“He’s a fireman.”

“A fireman! You sleeping with him?” He was enraged now.

“N-no,” she lied.

Jim slammed her head against the wall. “You’re lying! You slut! You were engaged to me! I leave for a little while, and you just go and find yourself a fireman! Wasn’t I good enough for you?” he screamed.

Kathy was really afraid now. She knew what he could do. “Jim, please! Of course you were; but you were gone for so long! It was over a year! There wasn’t one letter, one call! I thought you were dead! Can you blame me for just wanting to go on with my life?” Trembling, she put her hand to his cheek. “No one could ever replace you.” That’s for sure, she thought to herself. “I...I was so upset that you were gone, I just wanted to try to forget. Can you understand?”

Jim’s grip loosened a bit. He was breathing heavily. He looked into her eyes for a long time, then said, “Here’s something for you to understand. You get rid of your fireman friend, SOON! Or I’ll get rid of him for you. I don’t want any more calls from Johnny, you got that?”

Kathy nodded.

“You’re mine.” He let her go, and like a light switch turning off, his personality changed. He walked over to the table and picked up a magazine and handed it to her.

“I got this for you,” he said sweetly. It was a bridal dress magazine. “Why don’t you pick out a dress? And here,” he reached into his pocket, “put this on.” He handed her the ring he had given her well over a year ago.

Rubbing her neck, she put the ring on. Smiling a fake smile at him, she took the magazine and began to thumb through it.

Both Kathy and Johnny were working the next day. Kathy had worn the ring out of the house, but as soon as she got in her car she took it off, tossing it in the ashtray of her car. This time Kathy was hoping she would see Johnny at the hospital. She knew what she had to do now, and dreaded it, knowing how badly she was going to hurt Johnny. But it had to be done. This was her mess, and she cared about Johnny too much to drag him into it. As much as it would kill her, she would have to let him go. She knew what would happen if she didn’t, knew what Jim was capable of. He was a killer, and she knew Johnny’s life would be in danger if she kept seeing him, not to mention her own.

The day wore on slowly; the paramedic team of 51’s having a very quiet day. They had only made two trips to Rampart that day. Johnny had looked around for Kathy, but not having seen her, assumed she was at home. He wanted to ask Dixie if she was working, but it seemed that Rampart’s ER was having the opposite kind of day that he and Roy were. Dixie was on the run that day, and he wasn’t able to get a chance to talk to her.

Back at the station, he finally decided to call her around four o’clock. He was a little miffed that she hadn’t returned his call; that wasn’t like her. He had been so excited to talk to her, and couldn’t wait to see her face when she saw the Christmas tree he had set up. Maybe there’s something wrong with the answering machine, or maybe she just got in too late from work last night to call, he surmised.

He dialed her number, disappointed at hearing the machine again. He left another message. “Hey, Kathy, it’s me. I just wanted to make sure you got my message last night. Anyway, if you get this, you can call me at 51’s. Oh, and tomorrow I’ll be at Roy’s most of the day helping him with something, so you can call there if you don’t get the chance today. Bye.” He hung up. It started to bother him a little bit that he hadn’t heard from Kathy, and he wondered for a moment if he had done something to upset her. Nah, you’re just paranoid, Gage. He talked himself out of it. He was sure he would talk to her by tomorrow. If not, he would stop by her place, and surprise her.

The next morning, Johnny and Roy met in the parking lot to discuss plans. Johnny had agreed to help Roy build a rocking chair for Joanne for Christmas. Joanne had been incredulous when she learned that the ones she had seen on Johnny’s porch had been made by him. Ever since then, she had raved about how nice they were, and how she would love one for herself. So, as a surprise, Roy had commissioned Johnny to help him make one. Roy had gotten all the supplies ready that would be needed, and was ready to go.

Johnny decided that instead of going home, he would go right to Roy’s and get started. Joanne was to be gone all day until about 7:00, so they had to make the best use of their time. Johnny had brought clothes with him and had already changed into them. They both entered their vehicles in the parking lot.

“See you at your house,” Johnny called.

They pulled out of the parking lot and headed toward Roy’s home, neither noticing the gray car that followed them from a distance.

Upon arriving at Roy’s house, Roy went inside to fix breakfast and coffee while Johnny headed for the garage to start working. Both agreed that a large breakfast in their stomachs would help with the job ahead of them.

The gray car was parked several doors down from Roy’s. Jim had picked a spot in front of a house that looked like no one was home. He crouched down as low as he could to avoid being seen without inhibiting his view. He watched with contempt as the two men walked toward the house. He could see them talking and joking with one another.

It had been a piece of cake to find out which one was Johnny. The day before, he had gone down to the fire county’s headquarters and inquired about one Johnny Gage, saying he was an old friend who had lost touch. Upon finding out he was a paramedic, his gaze turned to several rows of pictures displayed on the wall, pictures of LA’s finest and first paramedics.  He smiled in satisfaction as he came across the picture of Johnny in the first row.

He waited patiently all day in front of the DeSoto house. He was so tempted at one point to just go on into that garage and do his business, but he knew the fireman’s friend could come out at any time. It was imperative that he not be seen.

He finally saw them enter into the house at 6:00, looking like they were done with whatever they had been doing in the garage.

Johnny finished the beer that Roy had offered in under five minutes. They had almost finished with the chair. All that was needed was the staining and finishing coats, and Roy was more than capable of handling those. He had covered up the chair and hidden it under some tarps and other items, where he knew Joanne wouldn’t disturb it.

“Johnny, I really appreciate all your help. I owe you one. Joanne is going to be so surprised.”

“Hey, no problem, Roy. I just wish I could see the look on Joanne’s face when she sees it.”
            “Yeah, me too. But this Christmas we’re stuck going to Joanne’s sister’s in Sacramento. I just wish we could stay home. Are you sure you don’t want to join us? You know you’re welcome, Johnny.”

Johnny smiled. “Nah, thanks, Roy. I want to spend Christmas with Kathy. Besides, we can’t both get all that time off work. You were lucky to get a week.”

“Don’t I know it. I can’t believe we’re leaving in just a few days.”

“Yeah. Well, I better get going; Joanne could be home any minute. See you tomorrow,” he waved slightly and tiredly plopped down in the seat of his Rover.

He pulled out of the driveway and down the road, the gray sedan following from a distance unnoticed. Johnny was tired, and famished. Rolling his eyes, he remembered he had nothing to eat in the refrigerator. He knew he was going to have to make a stop at the store to pick up a few things.

He drove a couple of miles to a QuikStop, and got out, making a quick list in his mind of what he needed.

Part 4