DDAANNGGEERROOUUSS  DDEECCEEPPTTIIOONNSS 

Part 4

Jim parked his car a good distance away from Johnny’s and observed him as he went into the store. He struggled with himself trying to decide how he was going to do this. On the one hand, he wanted to keep following the fireman until he was somewhere alone. He hoped he was on his way home, but he couldn’t be sure. He also didn’t want to take the chance that Gage would notice he was being followed. Jim didn’t know where Gage lived that this point, and didn’t want to risk losing him. Jim had waited all day, and wasn’t going to blow it. He finally decided to get out of his car, and disappeared into some tall bushes close to Johnny’s car.

Dusk was fading into night as Johnny left the store, his grocery bag in his hand. He whistled as he made his way across the parking lot to his car, thinking about how happy Joanne was going to be with her chair. He smiled to himself envisioning the reaction on her face when she first saw the chair. He was glad he had been able to help Roy with it. Roy had been so good to him over the years, and had included him in so many family things, he felt good being able to do something to return their kindness. More and more as the years went by he felt himself feeling so grateful for the friendship that Roy and his family had offered him. He knew he never wanted to lose that friendship.

He reached into his pocket to fish out his keys. He almost had the key in the lock when he was startled by a voice coming from directly behind him.

“Excuse me,” the voice said.

Johnny had only turned halfway around when he felt the center of his face explode in pain. His head snapping back, he stumbled backward into his car. Before his groceries even hit the ground, he again felt the massive fist crash into his mouth. Reflexively his hands flew to his face, his body starting to bend. This left an easy opening for the three excruciating punches that landed in his middle section, knocking the air out his lungs. Then the fist collided with his face once again, and he crumbled to the asphalt in a heap, unable to move, curled into a fetal position. He was vaguely aware of someone’s hand tugging on something in his back pocket, then the sound of footsteps running away.

He lay on the hard ground for several minutes, his diaphragm frozen, his face throbbing. It was almost impossible to breathe. After what seemed like forever, he finally took a deeper experimental breath, and found his diaphragm had loosened up. Opening his eyes, he continued trying to breathe through his mouth. His hand raked across the pavement to touch his swollen face. His felt a warm liquid oozing from his nose, and his hand came away bloody. Aw, shit. When his gaze roamed away from the crumbles and oil slicks on the black asphalt, he noticed the parking lot was empty. The sudden flickering on of high-pressure sodium lamps above made an eerie glow around him.

Slowly, he pulled himself up to his hands and knees, then very shakily stood up, leaning against his car for support, his arm cradling his stomach. Realizing he no longer held his keys, he searched the immediate area with watering eyes, not seeing them.  Frustrated, he spied a telephone booth about thirty feet away, and stumbled over to it. He fished a dime out of his front pocket and clumsily dropped it in the slot. With trembling fingers, he dialed Roy’s number.

Roy heard the phone ring, thinking it must be Joanne. “Hello?”

Johnny had to swallow some blood that was accumulating in his mouth.

“Hello?” Roy answered again.

“R-Roy? It’s Johnny. Um, I’m over at the QuikStop. Um...” he was starting to feel lightheaded. He continued anyway, “I...I can’t find my keys. Could...could you stop over here?”

Roy was confused. Johnny sounded odd, and his speech sounded thick. “What? You lost your keys?”

“Yeah,” Johnny looked up and caught a reflection of his face in the metal plate on the telephone, and suddenly felt dizzy. He looked like some sort of creature out of a B movie. Blood was all over his face. “Oh, man...” he reached out with his hand to steady himself but his vision grayed. His knees gave away then and the phone slipped from his fingers; it clanked noisily against the glass phone booth as he slid down the bent glass door, which popped open, spilling Johnny out onto the pavement.

Roy stood there motionless, listening to what was happening, trying to make out what the odd sounds were he was hearing. “Johnny?” Something was definitely wrong. “Johnny?” he yelled into the phone. He looked at the phone a second longer, then slammed down the receiver. Grabbing his keys and a set for Johnny, he bolted out the door, a feeling of panic beginning to build up in his stomach.

Roy arrived at the QuikStop five minutes later. Spotting Johnny’s Rover, he pulled up next to the passenger side and parked. He first ran around to the driver’s side of Johnny’s car and saw the broken bag of groceries strewn on the ground. A glint of metal caught his eye, and taking a few steps forward, he bent down and retrieved Johnny’s keys. Immediately Roy started looking around for Johnny. He saw the phone booth he had called from and started toward it. As he neared the phone booth, he saw someone lying on the ground, half in and half out of the booth. It was Johnny.

Roy ran the remaining distance to the phone booth. Johnny was up on his elbows and was struggling to get to his knees when Roy reached his side. Roy reached out to try to support him as he unsteadily stood up. “Johnny?”

Johnny groaned and slowly lifted his head. “Oh, mannn…”

Roy looked at Johnny’s bloody face in shock. “What the hell happened to you?”

Johnny was now on his feet, supported at his elbow by Roy. He reached around and felt his back pocket. Empty. “I got mugged,” he groaned in a disgusted voice. “Can you help me get back to my car? I gotta find my keys.”

‘I’ve got them,” Roy patted his pocket. “C’mon.”

Slowly they made their way over to Johnny’s car. “Here, sit down.” Roy instructed Johnny to sit on the bumper of his Rover. “Did you get a look at him?”

“Nah, he came up behind me. He started punchin’ me before I even got turned around. And the parking lot lights weren’t on yet.” Johnny paused, wincing as he felt the large swollen cut inside his mouth with his tongue. “He was big though, taller than me, and probably at least fifty pounds heavier.”

“Well, we need to call the police, but I guess it can wait until we get you taken care of.” Roy looked around; the parking lot was empty. He glanced back to Johnny. “Look, you stay here; I’m going to go in the store and get some stuff for you. You going to be okay?”

Johnny looked up at him miserably and waved him on. “Go on, I’m fine.”

Roy came back a few minutes later with a bag of items.

Johnny was hunched over his broken groceries trying to salvage some things. “Man, will you look at this,” he muttered. The bottle of milk Johnny had bought lay broken, the milk long having spilled out, soaking the other items, including the frozen pizza box. Johnny picked the pizza box up and shook it off, holding it by his thumb and finger. The six-pack of beer also lay broken and was mixing with the carton of broken eggs. “What a mess...hey,” Johnny fished out one bottle of beer that wasn’t broken, “I think I might be needing this later,” he mused.

“Come over here,” Roy ordered, and sat him back down on the bumper. He had a wad of paper towels in his hand that he had wet in the drinking fountain. He began to clean off Johnny’s face.

“Ow! Watch it!” Johnny complained, pulling away.

“Just hold still; will you?” It looked as though all the blood had come from Johnny’s nose and inside his mouth. Bruises were forming on his face, but it didn’t look like there were any cuts except for one small one on his cheek.

Johnny fiddled with the beer bottle in his hand and decided to open it. Taking a swig, his hand flew to his face as the liquid ignited the pain coming from the cut in his cheek. “OH, shit!” he cursed.

“That was real smart,” Roy scolded, shaking his head. “You shouldn’t be drinking a beer anyway, you know. You might have a head injury.”

“I don’t have a head injury, Roy. I never hit my head. I don’t think. Man, I need a straw. Roy, you think they sell any straws in there?”

Roy ignored him and continued to clean up his face. “Here,” he handed him a bag of frozen peas. “Hold this on your face.”

Johnny took the peas and did as was told.

“Did he hit you any place else?”

Johnny looked down, gingerly rubbing his mid-section. “He nailed me several times in the stomach.”

Roy began unbuttoning Johnny’s shirt.

“What are you doing!”

“I’m gonna check you out. Open your shirt.”

Johnny took the peas away from his face and looked around. “Here? Roy, people are gonna think it’s a little bit funny if they see what you’re doing.”

“I didn’t say to take off your pants; I just said to open your shirt. Now, come on! There’s not even anyone around, and I don’t care what anyone thinks, I want to make sure you’re okay.”

Johnny rolled his eyes and finished unbuttoning his shirt. Roy examined his abdomen, pressing here and there with his fingers. Johnny cringed as he hit sensitive spots.

“Well, I don’t think anything’s broken, just bruised.”

“Roy, do you have my keys?”

Roy held up the keys. “They were under your car.”

Johnny reached for them. “Thanks, I just want to go home now.”

Roy pulled his hand away with the keys in it. “The only place you’re gonna go right now is the hospital.”
            “Hospital!” Johnny complained, “I don’t need a hospital! I just need to go home and lay down for a while. I’m okay!”

“Johnny, you passed out in the telephone booth.”

“Roy, I just got a little lightheaded is all. I haven’t had anything to eat for hours, and, well, I guess when I saw my reflection in the phone booth it kind of got to me.”

“Since when do you faint when you see a little bit of blood?”

Johnny looked at Roy with exasperation. “It’s a little different when it’s coming from your own body, Roy.”

“Regardless. You’re going. And,” he held his finger up, “don’t argue with me. I’m the senior partner, remember?”

“We’re not at work; you can’t pull that ‘senior partner’ bullshit with me.”

“Do I have to carry you? I will, you know. I don’t think you could fight me too well in your present condition. And just to show you how accommodating I am, I won’t even call a squad; I’ll drive you myself.”

Johnny sighed, “Okay, you win.” Begrudgingly he got up and Roy drove him to Rampart, where they took a seat in the waiting room. Johnny sat hunched down in his seat with the bag of peas still held to his face. The pounding he had taken was really beginning to hurt. His face had developed a colorful tone of deep blues and purples around his left eye, nose, and cheek, and it was throbbing terribly, along with a headache he had developed. The rest of his body just ached all over.

Roy spotted Kathy as she came out of one of the treatment rooms, and got up. “I’ll be right back,” he told Johnny. He approached Kathy at the nurses’ station and she looked up at him.

“Hi, Roy, what brings you here on your day off?”

“I’ve got a patient for you,” Roy turned and gestured to Johnny in his seat in the waiting room.

Kathy’s eyes opened wide and her mouth dropped open. “What happened?” she asked as she made her way to Johnny. Johnny saw her approaching and looked up sheepishly, waggling his fingers in a small wave.

“See the lengths I go through just to get to see you?” Johnny joked.

Kathy smiled slightly. “Come on, Dr. Early is in treatment 4.”

After Johnny’s explanation of what had happened and Dr. Early’s examination, it was concluded that there was no serious injury, and Dr. Early instructed Johnny to take it easy for the next few days, and keep the ice on his face for several hours. Kathy stood by silently as the examination progressed, a worried look on her face. Johnny noticed her expression and said lightly, “Adds character to my face, don’t you think?” That drew a small smile from her.

Johnny slid off the table when the examination was finished and draped his arm around Kathy, nuzzling close to her. “You know, think I need a private nurse to stay with me tonight; I could have a relapse.”

She just looked at him.

“Ah, that was a hint. You wanna come over when you get off?” Johnny inquired.

Kathy stammered uncomfortably, “Oh, Johnny, I can’t. I’ll be here till midnight, but I’ve got to get home. Ollie hasn’t eaten all day. I’m sorry.” She saw the disappointment on his face. “I do want to see you; when’s the next time we can get together?”

“Well, I work the next two days, then I’m off Friday and Saturday.”

“I’ve got Saturday off; how about then?”

“Great,” he smiled, then frowned when the action pulled at his cheek. “Boy, you sure have been working a lot lately.”

Kathy looked downward, “Yeah, I know. I’ll...I’ll see you Saturday, okay?” She kissed his cheek. “You take it easy, now.”

“I will.”

“Come on, Romeo, your chauffeur is waiting,” Roy commented.

They waved to Kathy, who tried to put on a bright smile that wasn’t too convincing, and made their way to the parking lot. Roy insisted on driving Johnny home, saying they would pick up his car later, and so Johnny acquiesced. Feeling tired and sore, Johnny decided to take some pain killers for dinner instead, and crawled into bed at nine-thirty.

Kathy was exhausted when she arrived at home, and prayed as she walked in the door that Jim would have gone to bed. It was almost one a.m. But alas, her prayers went unanswered, and she saw that Jim had arranged himself on the sofa in front of the TV. He was taking a swig of his beer as she entered the room.

They stared at each other a moment, then he said, “See anyone interesting in the emergency room tonight?”

Her eyes narrowed and she looked at him warily. “What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing,” he smiled, then sat up. He picked up something off the coffee table and handed it to her. It was a wallet. “Oh, here; I think your boyfriend might have lost this.”

She swallowed as she took the wallet, and opening it, realized it was Johnny’s. A look of horror came across her face and she looked up at him. “What did you do!”

He had a frown on his face and he punched the button on the answering machine, playing back the second message Johnny had left. “I told you to get rid of him, or I would. I guess you didn’t take me very seriously. This was just a warning, Kathy. Next time, Mr. Johnny fireman isn’t going to wake up from the beating he’ll get.”

Kathy closed her eyes feeling like she was living a nightmare. Slowly she got up her courage and stated, “I’ll do it Saturday. We both have to work until then, so I won’t be able to see him. Will you please leave him alone until then?”

“Sure, baby. No problem. I can wait till Saturday. Then we can be together without anyone interfering.”

Johnny awoke for work the next morning at the sound of his alarm. Pulling himself up into a sitting position reminded him of the events of the night before, and he groaned as his muscles protested. He dragged himself to the bathroom and regarded himself in the mirror. His eye and cheek were swollen, and half his face had black and blue marks on it. He sighed, “Ew, I look awful. I’m gonna scare all the patients today,” he said to himself. He knew he couldn’t miss work though, so he crawled into the shower, dressed, and forced himself into work.

He was sitting on the bench in the locker room tying his shoe when Roy came in. He looked at him incredulously and said, “What are you doing here? You should be at home resting.”

Johnny shook his head, “I can’t stay home, Roy. Do you know how many days off work I’ve had so far this year? I’m out of sick leave, and I need the money. I got hospital bills comin’ out my ears.”

Roy couldn’t disagree but was concerned, “You sure you’re going to be able to work today?”

“Yeah, it looks worse than it feels,” he lied.

Just then Chet and Marco walked in together. They had been discussing their double date from the night before. “Hey, John, Roy, what....holy shit, Gage! What happened to your face? Don’t tell me another one of your girlfriends beat you up?” Chet knew that was a low blow, but he couldn’t resist.

Johnny rolled his eyes, but before he could say ‘shut up, Chet’, Roy answered him. “He got mugged last night, so can it, Chet.”

“Oh, sorry, Johnny. You okay?”

“Yes, Chet, I’m fine,” and he sighed.

The rest of the morning crew discussed the mugging and the chain of events that had happened. Talk later turned to Christmas, and the guys were all talking about their plans, and how lucky they were to get both Christmas Eve and Christmas day off. They had heard some of the other guys from the other shifts lamenting the fact that they had to work Christmas. While they felt bad for them, they didn’t feel guilty, having worked their share of Christmases. Johnny vaguely kept his plans to himself, saying he was going to spend some time with Kathy. He didn’t want anyone to know what he was planning, so as not to jinx it. Roy was due to leave on Friday to spend the next six days at his sister-in-laws’.

Two days later, the guys headed home for two more days off. Roy had asked Johnny if he could stop by briefly before he left that afternoon for his sister-in-law’s, so around noon Roy showed up on his doorstep with a bag in his hand. Johnny invited him in and Roy handed him the bag.

“Here’s a little something for you for Christmas,” Roy said.

Johnny peered in the bag, a big smile coming across his face. He pulled out a large plate of cookies. Underneath was a small box all wrapped in Christmas paper. “Hey, thanks, Roy! Wow, cookies – did Joanne make these?” he started to pull the cellophane wrapper off them.

“Joanne and Jennifer both.”

Johnny picked out a cookie and stuffed it in his mouth. “Mmm, these are great,” he said with his mouth full of cookie. He held the plate out for Roy. “Have one.”

Roy declined. “There’s a lot more where that came from. You enjoy them.”

Johnny swallowed the rest of the cookie and grabbed a container of milk from the refrigerator. He poured himself a glass and drank it down. “Thanks for the gift, Roy,” then, suddenly remembering the gifts he had gotten for Roy’s family, he held up his finger and swiftly left the kitchen. “Hold on, I’ll be right back.”

It was then that Roy noticed the tree standing in the corner of the room, and saw the bags full of Christmas tree decorations. He heard a lot of rustling and bumping around in the bedroom, then Johnny quickly reappeared with two large shopping bags in his hands, overflowing with wrapped presents. “Here. These are for you and Joanne and the kids.”

Roy’s mouth dropped open. “What’s this?” He looked at all the presents. “Johnny, this is too much! You didn’t need to buy us all this stuff.”

“Yes, I did. Now, just be quiet and take it, and have a merry Christmas.”

Roy looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “You spent too much. You’ve got hospital bills to pay, remember?”

Johnny looked exasperated. “So, what? They’ll get paid, eventually.” His eyes lit up, “Chris is gonna go beserk when he sees what I got him. And Jen, when she sees that – no wait – I don’t want to tell you, I want it to be a surprise. Man, I’m gonna miss seeing you guys open these.”

“I told you you were welcome to come.”

“I know, and I appreciate that; but I want to be home this year.”

Roy nodded knowingly and looked up at the tree. “I’m surprised you got a tree.”

“Yeah, this is the first time. Kathy and I are gonna decorate it tomorrow.”

“Sounds like fun. Hey, what did you get Kathy for Christmas?”

Johnny hesitated and looked warily at Roy. He was dying to tell someone, but still felt uncomfortable letting the cat out of the bag.

“What, is it some big secret?” Roy asked when Johnny didn’t answer right away.

“Well…no, ah…yes, it is….I mean…” he stammered a few seconds, “Well, okay, I’ll tell you, but – you can’t tell anyone else what it is, especially the guys.”

“I’m leaving today so I won’t even see the guys.” Roy got a funny feeling. “So, what is it?”

Johnny drew in a breath. “Just a second,” and he ran into his bedroom to get something. A moment later he emerged with a little blue velvet box in his hand. He handed it to Roy.

Roy opened it cautiously, his eyes widening in surprise. “Is this…what I think it is?” He stared at the beautiful blue stone. It was surrounded by 6 small diamonds and set in platinum. It was gorgeous, but not too ostentatious.

Johnny grinned ear to ear. “Yep.”

Roy looked back up at Johnny. “You’re gonna….are you….you’re getting….engaged?”

“Yep,” Johnny said again. “Nice, huh? I’m going to give it to her Christmas Eve.” He took the box back from Roy and looked at the ring thoughtfully.

“Wow. I’m….surprised,” Roy thought a moment then slapped Johnny on the shoulder. “That’s great, Johnny. I’m happy for you! Wow, John Gage getting married. That’s going to be hard to get used to. You’ll have to give up flirting with the nurses, you know.”

Johnny laughed. “That’s okay. I got the best one of them all.”

“Boy the guys’ll be surprised.”

“Hey,” Johnny scolded. “Not a word.”

“My lips are sealed. That’s a really nice ring, Johnny. It looks expensive. You sure you can afford it?”

“Well, the ring actually belonged to my mother.  Remember that call we got to the jewelry shop? Well, after you left I talked to the jeweler about it and he suggested adding the diamonds. It wasn’t that bad. I’m making payments on it.”

“So, that’s where you were that day. I thought maybe you had gotten lost. I never thought you were gonna show up at the hospital.”

“Sorry about that, I guess just being there in the store gave me the idea. Now all I gotta do is get her to say yes.”

Roy smiled. “Oh, I think she will.”

“Hey, you wanna be my best man?”

Roy’s smile grew. “That’d be great! You know who’s going to be excited about this is Joanne. She loves weddings.”

“Well, maybe Joanne can be in the wedding too. Kathy really likes her.”

“It’s going to be hard keeping this from her.” Roy paused to look at his watch. “Johnny, I’ve got to go,” regret tingeing his voice.  “Joanne will have my hide if I’m late.  How about I take you out when we get back and we’ll celebrate?”

“That sounds great, Roy!”

“Johnny, you have a merry Christmas, and good luck!” Roy said with a big smile. He gave Johnny an affectionate pound on his back.

“Thanks, man. You too.” Johnny followed Roy to the door and watched as he backed his car down the gravel driveway. Johnny felt on top of the world.

That day couldn’t end soon enough for Johnny, but it did. Saturday came and he set about cleaning up the house before Kathy arrived. She was due around four o’clock. He was looking forward to spending a nice quiet evening with her, along with other things. He smiled to himself as he anticipated feeling her in his arms, kissing her, her soft skin against his under the covers. Or maybe, under the tree after they decorated it.

She pulled into the driveway shortly before four o’clock. With a heavy heart, she walked toward the door and knocked. She dreaded what she had to do, but she knew if she didn’t break things off with Johnny that Jim would probably kill him. She had no doubts about that.

Johnny opened the door with a smile and immediately drew her into his arms. Slowly tipping her head back, he lowered his mouth onto hers and kissed her gently. Kathy closed her eyes, relishing the moment, knowing that this would be the last time he ever held her.

“Mmmm,” he murmured, “you’re going to have to talk to Dixie about cutting back on your hours a little. It’s been too long.” Of course Kathy kept the fact to herself that she had been working long hours so she wouldn’t have to be around Jim.

They pulled apart and he led her into the living room. She noticed that he had Christmas music playing softly in the background; then she saw the tree.

“Surprise!” he said, “how do you like it?”

She walked over to the tree slowly and touched it, inhaling the crisp fresh scent of the evergreen. She saw the decorations in the box and her eyes filled with tears.

Johnny went on, “I thought we could decorate it together. Then – ” he stopped abruptly when she turned to him and he saw the tears threatening to spill over. For a moment he was caught off guard, not expecting such a reaction. He stared at her with concern in his eyes and softly said, “What’s wrong? Don’t you like the tree?”

“Oh, Johnny, the tree’s lovely. It’s just....” she couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence.

He put his hands on her shoulders. “Hey, what is it? It can’t be that bad. Come over here and sit down and tell me what ‘s wrong.” He led her to the sofa, a million thoughts going through his mind. What in the world could she be so upset about? He wracked his brain when a thought suddenly entered his mind. My God, I wonder if she’s pregnant? That would explain how she’s acting. Then he smiled inwardly. I don’t care if she is pregnant...I hope she is! If that’s it, I’ll go get the ring and propose right now! They sat down.

Kathy took a deep breath and looked up at him, wiping the tears away with her hand. “Johnny, I don’t know how to say this...”

“It’s okay, Kathy. Just tell me. Everything will be okay.”

She hesitated just a moment longer. “I...I can’t see you any more. I have to break things off between us.”

Johnny stared at her, uncomprehending. This was not what he expected her to say. Suddenly there was a knot in his stomach and he felt his heart pounding in his ears. “What are you talking about?” he barely managed to say.

“There’s someone else.”

It took a moment for him to find his voice. “What?” He looked utterly bewildered. “I don’t understand.”

Kathy looked down in her lap. She slowly recounted her rehearsed speech. “Before I met you, I was seeing someone. It became serious. We got engaged. Then he left. He was in the military in the Special Forces and he was called away on a mission. He wasn’t allowed to tell anyone where he was going or why. A long time went by, over a year, and I never heard from him. I thought he was dead. So, I left, trying to start my life over, and came here. But, now he’s back. He’s found me, and....and he...he still wants to marry me.” She looked up at him, and the expression on his face cut into her. He looked stunned, lost, his gaze straying away from her to stare a few feet away at nothing.

Johnny felt like someone had punched him. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, her words still ringing in his ears. He felt all his hopes and dreams for the future had just crumbled away, and were crashing down around him. Amazing, he thought detachedly, how a person can be on top of the world one minute, then just a few words from someone can so drastically change everything.

He looked back into her eyes. He swallowed and licked his lip, trying to form some words in his mouth. “Do...do you love him?” He cringed after he’d asked, not wanting to hear the answer.

She couldn’t look him in the eye any longer. “Yes,” she knew she had to be convincing.

He blinked rapidly, looking away. There was a long silence before spoke again. “Is this...what you really want?”

After a long moment, she whispered, “Yes.”

Johnny felt like he’d just been shot. He stood up, then she did. Putting her hand on his arm, she sobbed, “Johnny, I’m so sorry. If there’s anything in the world I wouldn’t want to do, it’s to hurt you. You’ll never know how much I care about you.”

Right.

“There’s just no way I can keep seeing you,” her head was bowed resignedly.

Johnny breathed in then blew it out. He stood thinking, realizing the whole matter was hopeless. If she was in love with someone else, then there was really nothing to fight for.  “I guess...there’s nothing I can say, except....” he looked at her one last time, “have a good life.” Slowly, he walked to the door and opened it for her, handing her her coat.

Tears were running down her face now and he thought he heard her say “I’m so sorry,” as she walked out the door.

Johnny stood totally still for a long time, his eyes focused on the bare wall. He listened numbly as the door clicked shut. Then he heard a car door slam and an engine start, and the crunching noise of tires over gravel as she departed. He stood there like a statue, frozen, willing himself not to feel anything.

This is not happening. This can not be happening. It’s gotta be a joke. She’s gonna turn around and come back in any minute laughing. He knew though, it was no joke. Somewhere he heard another voice inside him.

It’s no joke, man. She’s gone and you’re history. Dumped again. Congratulations, Gage, I think you’re gonna set a new world record.

He continued to stand there, staring at nothing. Minutes went by.

How did this happen? How could I have misjudged her so badly? I really thought....

Thought what? That she loved you? Get real, pal; that was just wishful thinking. When are you ever gonna learn? Just because you have great sex with someone doesn’t mean they’re going to love you.

It was much more than that, he argued with himself.

Who are you kidding? Let’s face it, Gage, your track record with women stinks. Don’t take it so hard; she’s just a chick. You should be used to this by now.

It was true he had dated a lot of women, and had been dumped quite a few times. Usually what happened was he would see a pretty face and ask her out, only to find out they really weren’t compatible. So they would slowly drift apart; usually the girl would break up with him, as Johnny usually didn’t have the heart to do it himself.

Some girls had wanted to get serious with him too quickly, which made him very nervous, and so the relationship would usually end when the serious sentiments weren’t returned. Then there were the girls who were interested only in bedding Johnny, which Johnny didn’t mind sometimes, but would have preferred they wanted more than just sex from him. Others had deceived or lied to him, like Valerie. He had been ready to marry her and then found out she had three kids and hadn’t told him. Then, when he didn’t contact her for a few days, he discovered that she was already engaged to another man – some bald-headed guy. Not only had she humiliated him, but she had hurt him. He realized that she really hadn’t cared for him much at all; all she had wanted was to get married so her kids would have a father, and it didn’t matter to her who it was. At first he had thought he was in love, but actually it was just infatuation. He finally realized that he had just let her beauty and sexiness get the better of him. Later, he came to the conclusion that she was just a pretty face with an empty head, and was glad it hadn’t worked out.

Johnny loved women, but some part of him had always held back from becoming too close, maybe as a way of protecting himself. He had built a wall around that part of his heart a long time ago, and wasn’t able to let anyone inside that wall, until he met Kathy. He had never met anyone like her, had never met a woman he felt so comfortable with. And she was not only beautiful, but smart. She loved many of the same things Johnny did. She never pressured him into anything, but just seemed content to be with him. So, he had finally let down his guard, and allowed himself to actually imagine being in a permanent relationship with someone. He had put his cards on the table, and gambled with his heart, and had lost. Now he was paying the price of letting go. Her words had been like knives stabbing into his heart, cutting it into little pieces. The knives continued to stab him as he stood there, his gut wrenching, wishing the horrible feeling would stop.

He suddenly became aware of the Christmas music still playing on the stereo. Ironically, Elvis was singing “Blue Christmas”. Still in a daze, he walked over and shut it off. He turned, and stared at the tree, his eyes roaming downward to the bags of Christmas decorations sitting on the floor. Suddenly, he drew his foot back and swung it into the bags, knocking everything out onto the floor. “Damn it!” he cursed as the bag ripped and the ornaments broke, making delicate little tinkling noises. He looked around the room.

What am I gonna do? And he heard the other voice again.

There’s nothing you can do. Just get over it. You don’t need her. You’ve survived being alone most of your life, and now you’re alone again. So what? What else is new?

He drew in a shaky breath. The knives kept going in and out.

I can’t stand this. I hate feeling this way. I don’t want to feel this. I just want to be numb.

With slumped shoulders he headed for the refrigerator. He pulled out a beer. He pulled the tab and guzzled the whole thing down. Then he reached for another. After his third beer, he stopped. It was starting to take effect. His body relaxed and he slumped down onto the sofa and turned on the television. Christmas specials were on every channel. Christmas was in three days, and now his was ruined. He stared blankly at the screen for hours until exhaustion finally claimed him and his eyes drooped shut.

Kathy drove for a long time after she left Johnny’s house. She sobbed uncontrollably, barely able to see because of the tears that filled up her eyes.

Oh, God, what have I done? She lamented. She would never forget the look on Johnny’s face, the shock and devastation in his eyes that he’d tried to hide. She hated herself for having hurt someone she cared about so deeply. And she hated Jim more, the man that caused her to do this, and now the one she was resigned to be with the rest of her life. She told herself over and over that this was what she had to do to keep Johnny safe, but kept doubting her decision anyway. There had to have been another way. How could this have been the right thing? But if there was another way out, she didn’t know what it was. She cried until she had no more tears left, then resignedly headed home to accept her fate.

Johnny went to work the next morning with a heavy heart. It was all he could do to act normal and not let the guys know anything was wrong. He couldn’t bear to hear Chet’s teasing if he found out he’d been dumped again. For once, he was glad to have Brice as his temporary partner in Roy’s absence. At least Brice would stay impersonal and professional all day. He wouldn’t have to make small talk with him.

The next day was Christmas Eve. Johnny had been scheduled for a day off, and then the next two days off after that. It had been a stroke of luck that it worked out that way, and now he wished he was working. He decided to call one of the guys who was working Christmas Eve, and offered to work for him. Charlie Dwyer had been ecstatic, and thanked him profusely. Then, on Christmas morning, Johnny had offered to stay until noon and work for Frank Miller, who had earlier bemoaned the fact that he wouldn’t be able to spend Christmas morning with his kids. Frank was also very pleased.

Christmas Eve’s shift turned out to be fairly quiet, with the exception of two house fires caused by Christmas trees. The first one wasn’t too serious, but the house had been a total loss on the second call. Luckily no one had been killed, just a couple of smoke inhalation victims. Upon seeing the family standing in the yard in tears watching their house burn to the ground, Johnny realized his problems weren’t nearly as bad as some other peoples’. Sure, he would be alone on Christmas, but these people had lost their home, and all their belongings, including Christmas presents. Johnny would never forget the look in the children’s eyes.

Christmas day was quiet, and noon came quickly, with Frank arriving right on time to relieve Johnny. Johnny didn’t stick around to hear Frank’s conversation about his family’s Christmas morning activities; he quickly changed his clothes and slipped out without saying good-bye to anyone.

He had one thing he had to do today. He pulled his Land Rover into the street and made his way toward his destination. The streets were eerily quiet, as everyone was tucked away in their homes celebrating. Twenty minutes later, Johnny pulled into the parking lot of the nursing home. Taking a gift and the plate of cookies Joanne and Roy had given him, he went in to see his aunt.

Their visit was short, and rather heartbreaking, as she wasn’t really sure who Johnny was. She kept calling him David. Johnny knew that when she did remember things, she was living way in the past. He didn’t try to correct her, knowing it would be fruitless. He would let her believe he was David, if that was what made her happy. She was surprised to find out it was Christmas, and by the time he left, she had forgotten already. She had opened her gift from him, hugging and kissing him, and he gave her the cookies, knowing she had always had a sweet tooth. His heart ached for her, and for the times she had spent with him that were forgotten. She was still alive, but he felt that he had already lost her.

He arrived home around two-thirty that afternoon. His place seemed even quieter today than it usually did. The wind had kicked up, blowing his hair around as he made his way to the door, and it looked like it might rain again. It seemed to him that LA had had more rain this year than he could ever remember.

He wandered out to the barn to visit his horses, even though his neighbor had already taken care of them. He saddled up Midnight, and went for a short ride, but it didn’t seem to ease the loneliness he was feeling. Thoughts of Kathy kept drifting into his mind; he wondered what she was doing right now. He imagined her laughing and sitting close to her fiancé. He wondered what Roy was doing right at that moment. He could see him and Joanne and the kids at the dining room table, probably ready to carve into a large turkey, the champagne bubbling, everyone laughing and talking at once.

He trudged up to his house when he felt a few raindrops. He decided to build a fire, and when it was roaring, he poured himself a drink and sat down in front of it. He raised his glass in a toast and quietly said, “Merry Christmas, Johnny,” and drank it down. He sat lost in thought for a long time, continually refilling his glass. He glanced over to the table and eyed the record album that Kathy had left. Something possessed him to play it, and getting up, he put the vinyl on his turntable and turned it on. He listened to a few songs, then he got up and shut it off, the memories associated with them too painful.  He let the silence wrap around him.

His eyes lazily caught sight of the brightly wrapped gift Roy had brought by a few days ago. It was still sitting under the tree, a tree which now was beginning to drop some needles because he had not watered it. He reached down and picked it up, a stray ornament had rolled up next to it when he had kicked the bag over.

He decided to open it. What the hell, it’s Christmas. I might as well have one gift to open. There was a card attached to it and he tore it open. It was a hand-made card by Roy’s kids, and they had all signed it inside. Roy had written simply, “Merry Christmas, Junior!”; Joanne had signed, “love, Joanne & Roy”, the kids had both written, “We miss you, Uncle Johnny!”, and “Wish you were here with us!”. His eyes misted over and he tore the paper away, and was stunned at the box he saw. It was a new zoom lens for his camera. Apparently Roy had remembered Johnny raving about Kathy’s camera equipment, and the fact that he had wanted a lens like hers for himself. Johnny had shown Roy the photographs they had taken, and the ones they had printed together in the darkroom. Roy had been impressed with Johnny’s skill, and had decided to get him something really special for Christmas. He couldn’t believe it. No one had ever given him something this nice before. Gently he took out the lens and examined it, admiring its quality, opening and closing the lens, feeling the smoothness of the metal. He suddenly missed Roy a lot.

The day grew dark, and Johnny progressively became drunker and drunker as evening turned into night. He knew he would regret it, but he didn’t care at the moment. He could stay in bed all day the next day if he wanted. He finally flopped down to bed, fully dressed, not awakening until ten o’clock the next morning.

When he awoke, his head was pounding, and his stomach was queasy, and he was incredibly thirsty. He stumbled to the bathroom, and took two aspirin while chugging down a huge glass of water. He then returned to bed, and dozed on and off all day. He was vaguely aware of the telephone ringing a few times, but didn’t feel like answering it. He finally got up around four o’clock, showered, and made himself some dinner, relieved that Christmas was finally over. Exhausted, he was back in bed by nine o’clock.

Roy and his family had returned home late in the evening on Christmas day. He had picked up a shift the next day to work since he had been gone for almost a week. He had tried to call Johnny several times, but never got an answer. He figured he was just spending time with Kathy.

He ran into her at Rampart that day, and was anxiously waiting for her to tell him about Johnny’s proposal, but she didn’t. He finally asked, “Did you and Johnny have a nice Christmas?” hoping to get information out of her.

She looked at him, surprised, and asked, “Didn’t Johnny tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

She swallowed. “We broke up.”

Roy was totally taken aback at this news. “What? What happened?”

Kathy looked toward the ER treatment room. “Roy, I’m sorry. I have to go. But you can ask Johnny and he’ll tell you about it. Bye.” And with that, she scurried off, leaving him standing there dumbfounded.

A short while later, he encountered Charlie Dwyer, who hurriedly patted him in the back and said to “Be sure to thank that partner of yours again, Roy, for working for me Christmas Eve. Gage is an OK guy.”

Roy stood there with his mouth hanging open, trying to figure out what had happened. He decided to call Johnny, and tried several times, but got no answer. He couldn’t imagine what could have gone wrong. But with his partner, it could be anything.

The next day both Johnny and Roy were back at work. Johnny had arrived early, and was in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee staring out the back door window when Roy came looking for him. He hesitated a moment when he saw Johnny with his back to him, standing unmoving, seemingly lost in thought. Slowly, he walked into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. Walking over to Johnny, he placed his hand on his shoulder, “Hey, partner.”

Johnny turned and smiled. “Hey, Roy!” he said with fake enthusiasm. “Good to have you back! How was your week with your in-laws?”

Roy snorted, “It was okay, I guess. Uh, Johnny...”

“How’d your mother-in-law treat you this time?” Johnny interrupted. “Is she still the ole battle-ax?”

Roy chuckled. “Oh, yeah. She was in prime form, as usual. Raggin’ on me about my hair, my weight, my job, you name it.” He shook his head.

“Man, I’m glad I don’t have to worry about mother-in-laws,” Johnny said taking a sip of his coffee.

Roy’s expression grew serious, “Johnny…”

Johnny cut him off again. Turning to face him, his face took on an excited look and he asked, “Hey, how did Joanne like the chair? Was she surprised? Boy, I wish I could have seen her face! And the kids! How did Jenny like the doll? And Chris – ”

This time Roy interrupted him, and relayed everything about their Christmas gift opening, the kid’s excitement, Joanne’s tears when she saw the chair, and his thanks at the generous gifts Johnny had given them all.

That reminded Johnny of Roy’s gift to him. “Roy, I want to thank you for your gift. That lens was too much! You shouldn’t have gotten me something so expensive! But…thanks. It’s really great. Wait’ll you see the pictures I’ll be able to take with that thing!” He tried to go on, but was interrupted by the tones, so they ran to the squad for their first run of the day.

They had continuous runs all day. It was almost as if the people were trying to make up for the lack of calls on Christmas. They had been at Rampart twice, and Roy noticed an almost palpable tension in the treatment room when they had brought the last victim in and Kathy had been the attending nurse. Johnny had exited as quickly as possible, neither one speaking to the other. Roy thought he detected a deep sadness in Kathy’s eyes as she looked after Johnny, although she tried to cover it with her professionalism. After his encounter with Kathy, Johnny appeared sullen and depressed, and told Roy he would wait for him in the squad while he finished getting the supplies.

Roy appeared a few minutes later and climbed in. Johnny was gazing outward blankly, his head resting against his hand, his elbow on the armrest. Roy glanced over at him, then back through the windshield, hesitating. Finally, he said, “Why didn’t you say anything about you and Kathy breaking up?”

Johnny slowly swiveled his head toward him, surprised. “How did you know?”

“Kathy told me,” he answered quietly.

“When were you talking to Kathy?”

“Yesterday, when you were off and I picked up that shift. I saw her at Rampart, and I just happened to ask her how her Christmas went with you.”

“What exactly did she say?”

Roy shrugged. “Just that the two of you had broken up, and that you would fill me in on the details. She was busy.”
            “Oh,” Johnny turned away thoughtfully.

“I don’t get it, Johnny. I thought you two were crazy about each other.”

“Yeah, well I guess appearances can be deceiving,” he said glumly.

“What happened?”

Johnny sighed, not really wanting to get into it. “There was another guy. Someone she knew a few years ago; she had been engaged. She said he was in the military, involved in some kind of special forces operation. He had to leave on a mission, couldn’t tell her where he was going or when he’d be back. When she didn’t hear from him in over a year, she assumed he was dead.” He paused. “He wasn’t. So now he’s back to pick off where he left off. I guess they’re gonna get married.”

Roy digested this a moment. “Oh. I’m really sorry, Johnny.” Roy didn’t know what else to say. He looked over at Johnny. “You okay?”

Johnny shrugged, “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said trying to be nonchalant.

Roy grimaced. Sure you are, Junior. “When did this happen?”

“Saturday. She came over to tell me.”

Roy nodded thoughtfully. “You know I wish you would have told me.”

“You were already out of town when it happened.”

“You could have called me.”

“At your in-laws?” Johnny asked incredulously. “Why? What could you have done about it?”

“Nothing, I guess. It’s just that you shouldn’t have had to spend Christmas by yourself.”

“I didn’t. I worked.”

“So I heard. But you didn’t have to.”

“Look, Christmas isn’t all that important to me anyway, Roy. Hell, before I met you, I spent lots of Christmases by myself. It didn’t kill me.”

Roy glanced over at him, surprised at this admission. “We would have been glad to have you, Johnny.”

“Roy, you’re not responsible for my happiness, you know. I’m a big boy; I can take care of myself. Besides, your mother-in-law hates me too.”

“Maybe. But still, I feel bad – ”

Johnny cut him off. “Look, Roy, you don’t need me tagging along with you every time there’s a holiday just because I don’t have a date. You need time alone with your family once in a while without me hanging around. I’m over at your house constantly as it is; Joanne’s probably sick of – ”

This time Roy interrupted. He turned to Johnny, anger flashing in his eyes. “Is that what you think? That we only invite you over because we feel sorry for you, that you're some kind of a burden? Jeez, Johnny, I don’t know how much clearer we could have made it to you. Don’t you understand that we’ve opened up our home to you because we want you there, because you've become a member of our family? In case you haven’t noticed, Joanne loves you like a…a…  brother, and the kids – why do you think they call you ‘Uncle Johnny’? And I...I just can’t believe you feel that way.” With that he started the engine on the squad and pulled out of the parking lot. They drove for a few moments not speaking.

Finally Johnny broke the silence. He was looking down and said, “That’s not how I feel.” He turned to Roy, “God, Roy, I’m sorry. That was a really shitty thing for me to say. After everything you and your family have done for me...I don’t know why I said that. I am so grateful to have you guys, to have you include me. I’m really sorry; I didn’t mean it. I just...wish...”

Roy’s expression softened and he finished Johnny’s sentence, “…that you had your own family.”

Johnny nodded and looked away, rolling his head to get the kinks out of his shoulders. A few minutes went by, then Roy ventured, “Johnny, do you mind if I ask, exactly what happened to your family? I mean, do you have any living relatives? I know you’ve mentioned your mother was dead, and I don’t mean to be nosy; it’s just that I feel kind of strange that you know everything about me; you’ve met everyone in my family and I really don’t know anything about yours.”

Johnny sighed. God, he didn’t want to get into this conversation. But Roy was right, he was his best friend and he really deserved to know. “You sure you want to know?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well, it’s just that it’s not the happiest story in the world.”

“That’s all right, unless you don’t want to tell me.”

He hesitated for a moment, then took a deep breath before beginning.  “Both my parents are dead. They were killed in an automobile accident when I was about twelve years old.”

“What happened?” Roy asked softly.

Johnny hesitated for a moment, seeming to be waging an inner battle with himself as he struggled for words to explain it. “It was my dad’s fault. They were coming back from a party. It was late, and my dad was drunk. He went left of center and hit another car head on. He and my mother were killed instantly; she...she went through the windshield. There weren’t many seatbelts in those days. He also killed the driver of the other car, who just happened to be my best friend’s mom. Needless to say, after that he wasn’t my best friend any more.”

Roy couldn’t find any words for a moment, shocked at what Johnny had told him. He glanced over at Johnny, whose eyes were glued somewhere around the dashboard. “Where were you when this happened?”

“In the car.”

Roy stared at him incredulously.

“I was asleep in the back seat. It was late. They all said it was a miracle I wasn’t hurt worse. I got bumped around, and I think I broke a finger, but that was all.”

Roy hesitated a moment before asking the next question. “Did...did your dad have a drinking problem?”

Johnny smiled wanly, and looked over at Roy. “You mean like a lot of the other people on the reservation? No, at least he didn’t until my brother died.”

“You had a brother?” Roy practically whispered, not sure if he wanted to hear anymore. This story was getting more and more heartbreaking.

Johnny’s eyes fell away from Roy’s face and took on a faraway look. “Yeah, his name was David. He was two years older than me. He died in a fire, believe it or not. Our house burned down a few years before the accident. We all got out...except David.” Johnny’s voice broke slightly when he said his brother’s name. “After that, my parents weren’t the same people. They were so devastated.”

Johnny was gazing out the windshield, his eyes not seeing the street, but instead the images of his past haunting his vision. He closed his eyes a moment, picturing his parents screaming for David outside as they watched the flames shooting out the windows, engulfing their house.

“My dad started drinking; David had been his favorite, and he blamed himself for the fire because he had fallen asleep smoking.”

My God; Johnny’s father killed everyone in his family – except Johnny. Roy remained silent. He was in shock at what Johnny had revealed. No wonder he never wanted to talk about his family. He couldn’t even imagine what Johnny had been through.

“So...what happened to you after they died?”
            “I went to live with my grandfather. But then he died two years later of a stroke.”

Roy nodded silently. “What did you do then?”
            “I left.”

“You… left?”

Johnny blew out another breath. “Well, there wasn’t really anything left for me on the reservation. I took a few things that belonged to my parents, and my grandfather’s truck, and left. I didn’t have a driver’s license, but luckily I was never caught.”

“What did you do?”

“Got odd jobs here and there. I knew my mother’s sister lived here in LA, but I had only met her once. Most of my mother’s family ostracized her after she married my father since he was a Native American. My mother was from German heritage. I decided to try to find her. And I finally did after about a year. She took me in, tried her best to straighten me out. Got me enrolled in school. After that I decided to become a fireman. Then I met you,” Johnny turned and looked at Roy. “You know the rest of the story.”

 Roy had been backing the squad into the bay just as Johnny was finishing his story. Roy put the squad in park, and watched as Johnny hopped out and headed for the dorm without a further word. He sat still a long time lost in thought, his hands resting on the steering wheel. He was stunned at what Johnny had told him about his life. He’d had no idea that Johnny had suffered such traumatic experiences. You would never know it by Johnny’s constant upbeat manner and positive attitude. How had he dealt with such great loss so young in his life? He wondered what his life had been like before the accidents.

Roy thought back through all the years he had known Johnny. When they had met nearly nine years ago, his impression of Johnny was that he was somewhat impulsive, but energetic. He came into the paramedic program already having established a reputation for himself as a rescue man. Roy was aware of his accomplishments at such a young age and was impressed. Johnny seemed to be hardworking and serious about his work, which attracted Roy. Even though it was apparent from the beginning that they were very different from each other, Roy knew he wanted Johnny for his partner. He had never been sorry he made that decision.

As they had gotten to know each other, Roy discovered Johnny had a quirky nature. He would get started on a subject and go on about it forever, driving Roy and everyone else crazy. He could get so worked up and angry about things, but then as suddenly as it started everything would be forgotten. He never carried a grudge, always quick to forgive. He was surprisingly good-natured about things; Roy didn’t know how he put up with the Phantom’s pranks over the years. He remembered guiltily how hurt Johnny had been long ago when Roy had called him a nut. He hadn’t realized how important his opinion of Johnny was to him. Now he felt bad for laughing at the jokes Chet had made about his heritage. Johnny had never mentioned to Roy how hard it had been growing up and not fitting in because he was a half-breed. Of course, Johnny overlooked the teasing as he often did.

Johnny could be annoying, but he was also loyal to a fault. He never hesitated when it came to risking his life for Roy or his comrades. Roy owed him his life many times over, knowing subconsciously that Johnny would sometimes take on the most dangerous rescues by himself so no harm could come to himself. Johnny knew Roy’s family needed him. Johnny also knew he couldn’t stand to see anything happen to Roy, and wouldn’t be able to bear facing Roy’s family if something happened to him. Roy knew Johnny wasn’t fearless, and sometimes even displayed a false bravado. Roy now suspected that Johnny’s flamboyant behavior might just be a cover for his insecurities. Most of the time he did an excellent job hiding them, but sometimes they were as obvious as the nose on his face. Over the years Johnny had proven to be a true friend to Roy, their differences complimenting each other. They had grown closer than most brothers, and now Roy was a little embarrassed that he knew so little about him.

 Roy exited the squad and went to search for Johnny. Stepping into the dorm, he found him lying on his bed, his fingers interlaced together behind his neck. His eyes were closed, but he opened them upon hearing Roy walk toward him. Roy stuffed his hands in his pockets and stood near Johnny.

“Hey, I’m sorry if I got you depressed bringing up all that stuff,” he said softly.

 Johnny looked up at him out of the corner of his eyes. “You didn’t.” A slight crooked smile formed on one side of his mouth. “I was already depressed.”

“Anything I can do?”

“Nope.”

Roy stood in silence a moment longer.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get over it,” Johnny said with a wan smile.

“Yeah,” Roy said quietly. He then turned to leave Johnny alone.

Johnny’s eyes closed again, and his mind drifted back to a time that happened long ago. He saw himself as a young boy. Lights were flashing all around him. He was being pulled out of the wreckage of a car. Tears streamed down his face as he saw his father slumped lifelessly over the steering wheel, broken glass and blood everywhere. The boy yelled, ‘Mama! Where is my mama!’  As he was pulled away, he saw the lump on the ground shaped like a person, covered with a white sheet, the blood seeping out from under it, and realized it was his mother. The sudden agony that formed in his chest upon realizing that his whole world was gone was something he would carry in his memory forever.

Johnny lay quietly in his bed, his left arm draped over his eyes, reliving the experience. Tears had formed behind his closed eyelids, but his face remained stoic as a stone.

The days dragged by slowly for Johnny. A lot of the time he felt depressed and tired. Many days his legs and hip ached from the punishment they had taken just a few months ago. The cooler winter weather didn’t help either; it sometimes seemed like it never stopped raining. Those damp rainy days sometimes made Johnny very uncomfortable, and he found himself gulping aspirin constantly.

The days turned into weeks, and as time went by, the days got a little easier, his heartache dulling. Roy had tried to ease Johnny’s loneliness by often inviting him over to spend time with his family. Gradually, Johnny became more like his old self again, his laughter returning, and he even started flirting a little with the nurses at Rampart. He hadn’t asked anyone out though.

Roy knew how uncomfortable it must be for Johnny every time he ended up working in the ER with Kathy. He tried not to make eye contact with her, and kept up a cool professional air. He never spoke to her, and always left as soon as he possibly could. Several times Roy noticed a sad look of longing in Kathy’s eyes as he saw her surreptitiously glancing at Johnny.

Roy and Johnny were at Dixie’s station one day counting out their supplies. Johnny was peering into the box checking off items when he felt a hand touch his forearm. Slowly he looked up and Kathy was standing next to him, her hand on his arm almost just like the first time they had met. He felt his heart catch in his throat as their eyes locked.    

She looked up at him pleadingly. “Hi,” she said softly.

“Hi,” he said almost in a whisper.

“I was wondering if we could talk for a moment?”

“About what?”

“Well...how about we get a cup of coffee? I promise I won’t take up much of your time.”

Johnny looked at Roy, who waved him on. “Go ahead, I’ll finish this up. You’ve got about ten minutes before we have to leave to be back at the station for that drill Cap wanted us to attend.”   

Johnny shrugged and he and Kathy walked to the cafeteria together. They got their cups of coffee and sat down. Kathy looked at him longingly and looked as though she might cry. She touched his hand with her fingertips. “Johnny, there’s something I need to talk to you about. When we broke up...I – ” Out of the corner of her eye she saw someone moving toward her quickly. With a shocked expression, she quickly stood up as Jim suddenly made his way to her side.

He had a smirk on his face as he sidled up next to her, putting his arm around her. “Hey, baby. Did you forget about our lunch date today?”

Kathy was frozen with fear. She looked down at Johnny helplessly. An expression of irritation and surprise covered his face.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?” he said sarcastically. He looked down closely at Johnny’s name tag. “John Gage, eh? Well, John, I’m Jim, Kathy’s fiancé. I don’t mean to be rude, but Kathy and I have a lunch date. I’m sure you understand.” With that he ushered Kathy away, a miserable look on her face.

Johnny sat there unmoving as he watched them walk away. He felt the anger boiling up inside of him. The knives were back again stabbing into him.

Roy was making his way down the hall to get Johnny when he saw Kathy walking with another man’s arm around her. He had a tight grip on her, and he thought she looked uneasy to say the least. They brushed by him quickly, not speaking. What the hell is going on?

Roy entered the cafeteria and found Johnny sitting alone, staring straight ahead.

“I just saw Kathy walk by with some guy. What did she want?”

Johnny took a deep breath, and standing up, tossed his full Styrofoam cup of coffee into the trash. “You know, Roy, I really don’t know what the hell she wanted. Maybe to throw salt on the wound.” He walked past Roy and out of the cafeteria.

Two days later the A-shift crew was back at the station working. The few runs that day hadn’t been anything out of the ordinary. Late in the afternoon the squad was called out on a run, but they had returned as the guys were preparing dinner. Roy jumped out of the squad and headed for the dayroom, while Johnny went into the dorm to wash his face.

Roy was startled to see Kathy sitting at the table with a cup of coffee when he entered the room.

“Hi, Roy,” she said shyly. She knew the men probably loathed her for what she had done to Johnny.

“Hi, Kathy. Uh, what are you doing here?”

Cap inquired, ‘Hey, Roy, where’s John?”

“Um, he’s in the dorm, Cap.”

“Why don’t you go get him; tell him he has a visitor.”

Roy looked from Cap to Kathy, “Sure, Cap.”

Johnny was drying his face on a paper towel when Roy entered.

“Uh, Johnny? Someone’s here to see you.”
            “Who?”

“Uh, Kathy.”   

“Kathy! What does she want?”

“I don’t know. Why don’t you go find out?”     

“I don’t want to see her. Can you just tell her I’m indisposed or something?”

Roy rolled his eyes. “C’mon, Junior,” he said pulling on his shirt sleeve.

Johnny pulled away. “No! I don’t want to see her. Did she bring her boyfriend with her so she could gloat in front of all the guys?”

“No, of course not. Now c’mon and go talk to her. I got a feeling it’s serious. She looks...well...I don’t know...upset.”

Resignedly, Johnny conceded. “All right, all right, I’ll talk to her.” 

Roy followed him into the day room. Kathy stood up as he walked in.

“What are you doing here?” he said curtly.

“Johnny, I need to talk to you.”

“What about?”

Kathy looked around, seeing that everyone was paying attention. “Um, do you think we could go outside?” she looked toward the door.

Johnny shrugged, “Sure,” he said dully, and walked by her, opened the door, and walked out into the parking lot. Kathy followed him out.

The minute the door closed, Chet ran up to it and positioned himself so he could glance out the window at them without being seen.

“Chet, what are you doing?” Marco asked.      

“Watching. I want to see the expression on Gage’s face when she tells him she’s pregnant!”

“What?” Roy asked. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, c’mon now, Roy. Don’t be naive. Why else does an ex-girlfriend show up looking all scared and nervous? They broke up – what – about a month ago? Why else do you think she’s here? It’s too coincidental.”

Roy shook his head in disgust. “Chet, you’re crazy,” and he turned away continuing to help Marco get dinner prepared.

Chet stood at the door for a minute.

“What’s going on, Chet?” Marco asked.

“Well, they’re just talking...he looks mad...she looks scared.

Kathy followed Johnny out. He stopped by his Rover, for lack of a better place. He leaned against it, folding his arms.   

“Okay, so what is it?”

Kathy looked down and decided she just had to tell him everything. “Oh, Johnny, I lied to you. The day we broke up, remember, I came over and told you I couldn’t see you any more?”

“How could I forget?”

“Oh, Johnny; I didn’t want to break up with you at all. But I was so scared! I didn’t know what else to do! He told me he would kill you if I didn’t, and – ”

Johnny straightened suddenly. “Whoa! Hold on! What are you talking about? Who would kill me?” He grabbed her by the shoulders.

“Jim. The man I told you I was engaged to. I wasn’t honest about him.”

“What do you mean you weren’t honest? About what?”

And with that Kathy told him that Jim was actually the man she had told him about in the hospital, the one who had abused her several years ago. They were one in the same, not two different men. She told him how she had moved away immediately after he left for his mission, hoping that he would never find her when he returned. That she had been terrified of him, that he was a killer. She told him about how she had come home one night from work and found him sitting in her living room, and how scared she had been, and how he had roughed her up. Then she told him about how Jim had heard the phone messages from him, and when he found out she had been seeing someone, threatened to kill Johnny.

She was crying now, tears streaming down her face as he looked at her with wide eyes, incredulous. He was finding it all hard to believe

“You remember the night you were mugged and beat up at the QuikStop?”

He nodded.

She reached into her purse and pulled out his wallet. She handed it to him. “It was Jim that did it. He gave this to me. He said that that night was just a warning; that if I ever saw you again, he would make sure you were dead the next time.”

He took the wallet from her gingerly, opening it, realizing it was his. “I don’t believe this,” he said in a low voice. “He did that to me and you didn’t tell me?”

Ashamed, she hung her head. “Oh, Johnny, I’m so sorry. When Roy brought you into the emergency room that night I was a little suspicious, but I couldn’t be sure he had done it. I thought it could be just a coincidence, that maybe you really were mugged. Besides, I didn’t know how he could have found you. When I got home that night, he showed me your wallet, and then I knew he was serious. I was terrified he would kill you. You don’t know what he’s like. He can be brutal. He’s killed before and has no hesitation about doing it. I didn’t want anything to happen to you. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I know I should have told you, but I was scared.”

Kathy pulled a tissue out of her pocket and wiped her face. She looked up at him again. “You have no idea how it killed me to have to do that to you. God, I’ve missed you so much. I don’t blame you if you don’t forgive me. What I did was terrible. But I just had to come here to let you know. I’d never forgive myself if anything ever happened to you.”

Johnny tried to absorb everything she told him. He was stunned at her information, but a part of him felt relief – relief that Kathy had broken up with him not because she didn’t care, but because she was worried for his safety.

He looked into her eyes. “So,” he said slowly, “this means that you don’t really want to marry the guy? You don’t ...love him?”

“Of course I don’t want to marry him! Oh, at one time a long time ago I thought I loved him and we had talked of marriage. But then his true side began to show. He became more and more possessive of me and violent. That’s why I ran away from him. I was scared to death of him. Johnny, I don’t love him – you’re the one I love.” She put her hand on his cheek.

Johnny’s heart melted. He couldn’t believe his ears. She loves me. She said she loved me! He wanted to blurt out the same words to her. But he couldn’t seem to get them out of his mouth. Instead, he gathered her up in his arms and kissed her. She held him tight, kissing him back. Neither wanted to let go.

 Johnny pulled away a bit. “I just have one question.  Why are you letting me know this now? It’s been a month since we broke up.”

“I couldn’t stand it any more. He’s constantly drinking, and when he gets drunk, he starts hitting. And....and....” her eyes filled with tears again. “He keeps forcing himself on me.”

Johnny looked at her with mortification. “Oh, no.” He’s been raping her! “Oh, God, Kathy, I wish you would told me.” He hugged her tightly again as tears rolled out of her eyes. He held her rubbing her back. “You said he hits you? Where?”

“Only where it won’t show. When he saw us together in the cafeteria the other day, he blew up.”

“Tell me where.”
            “My stomach mostly. But I have bruises on my arms and – ”

Johnny put his hand on her stomach, “Let me see it.”

She pulled her blouse up a bit revealing some nasty bruises on her abdomen.

“My God,” he whispered. He gently ran his hand over the areas checking to see if there was any serious damage.

“I’m okay,” she said, “but I just can’t take any more. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t go home.”

Johnny let her blouse fall back down. He looked around the parking lot. “How did you get here? Where’s your car?”

“I took the bus here. I left work early and left my car in the lot. I didn’t want him to follow me. He’s been showing up at work unexpectedly to see me. That’s what happened in the cafeteria that day.”

Johnny thought a moment. “Okay, hold on a minute. I’ll be right back.” He ran toward the dorm area. A moment later he was back. He handed her a set of keys. “Here’s the keys to my car. You take it to my place. You can stay with me. You lock the doors and call me as soon as you get there. I’ll call my neighbor Bob to look in on you and make sure you’re okay. If anyone comes around you’ll know because my dog Luke will bark. If you hear anything, you call the police. I’ll call you later too. I’ll let the phone ring once, hang up, then call back. That way you’ll know it’s me. I should be home in the morning by nine o’clock, if we don’t get a run. Then, tomorrow we’ll go down to talk to the police. I’ve got several friends in the department that I think can help us. We’ll get a restraining order against this guy.” He took her chin in his hand. “He is not going to hurt you again, I promise you.”

She swallowed, nodding. “Thank you so much,” she whispered hugging him again. Then he opened the car door for her and she climbed in.

“I”m not sure I can drive a clutch very well. I’ve only done it a couple of times.”

“It’s easy; I know you can do it. You’ve watched me. Just remember to push the clutch in all the way, take your foot off the accelerator, shift the gear, then slowly let out the clutch as you give it some gas. You can do it.”

“Okay.” She tentatively started the car and he leaned in the window to kiss her good-bye.

“I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Okay.” She put it in reverse and jerkily moved the car backward. She stalled it once, restarted the engine, then jerkily made it out and down the driveway. He stood watching her as she disappeared.

Meanwhile, inside the station....

Chet stood peering out the window giving the crew a play-by-play account of what was happening.

“Okay, they’re still talking; he’s grabbing her by the arms...uh oh, she’s crying.” Chet remained silent for a minute.

“What’s happening now, Chet?” Marco asked.

“Uh, she’s wiping her eyes. Wait a minute...what’s that she’s handing him?”

Just then Cap walked in and noticed Chet. “What are you doing?”

Roy answered, “He’s spying on Johnny and Kathy out in the parking lot.”

“You twit, why don’t you give the poor guy some privacy?”

“Cap, I can’t. Something big’s going on out there. I think she’s telling him she’s pregnant.”

“What! Kelly, where in the world did you get that idea?”

“You just wait, Cap. Gage is gonna come in here in a few minutes and tell us all he’s going to be a daddy.” He continued to watch as surreptitiously as possible.

Suddenly Chet exclaimed,  “Whoa! I don’t believe it!”

“What is it, Chet?” Marco asked.

“He’s kissing her! Gage must be happy about it.”

Cap shook his head. “He’s hopeless,” he muttered under his breath.

Chet continued to stare out the window at them. A Minute went by.

“So now what’s going on,” Marco inquired.

Chet looked back at Marco. “They’re still kissing.” His expression turned to disgust as he looked back. “C’mon, Gage, get your tongue out of her mouth and come up for air, would ya?”

Roy snickered.

“Jeez, in a minute they’re gonna be on the pavement taking each others clothes o – ”   “Whoa! Wait a minute!” Chet exclaimed, his hands now on the glass, his nose almost touching it.  “He’s looking at her stomach! He’s got her blouse pulled up and he’s feeling her stomach!”

With that, Marco joined him at the window, squeezing in next to him. “Let me see.”

Even Roy was a little surprised and nonchalantly walked over to the window and tried to peek over top of Chet and Marco’s head.

“Roy! I’m surprised at you,” yelled Cap. ”He’s your partner!”

“Well...” Roy looked embarrassed, but it was true, Johnny was looking at her stomach.

Chet was practically jumping up and down. “See! I told you! I told you she was telling him she’s pregnant!” He looked out again. “Hey, where’s he going? Hmmm.... she’s just standing there...wait, here he comes. He’s handing her something. Huh! She’s getting in his car. Where’re they going?”

Cap perked up at this. “Gage is leaving?”

“No, wait, she’s taking his car. Hey! She just took off in Gage’s car!”

Johnny stood motionless for several minutes after she left, lost in thought. A whole host of emotions were running through him at the moment, elation and hopefulness on the one hand, disbelief and a little fear on the other. He worried whether she would be all right for the night. What if this Jim guy tried to find her at his house? But Johnny thought that was pretty unlikely; his address wasn’t in the phone book yet since he had only been in his house about nine months. It was true that Jim had stolen his wallet, but he knew his old address was on his driver’s license.  Besides, he lived kind of out in the boondocks, his place wasn’t easy to find.

A thought occurred to him and he rushed inside to use the phone in the dorm. Quickly he dialed his neighbor Bob’s phone number. He briefly explained the situation to him and asked him if he wouldn’t mind checking on Kathy that evening. Roy walked in and caught the tail end of his conversation.

“ – just make sure she’s okay, all right? And call me if you see anything weird or out of the ordinary. Okay. Thanks a million, buddy. I owe you one. Bye.” He hung up the phone and let out a sigh. Roy cleared his throat and Johnny abruptly turned toward him.

“What are you doing, eavesdropping?”

Roy leaned against the door frame. “No, I wasn’t eavesdropping. I just kinda wondered what was going on. I mean, we all just saw Kathy leave in your car....”

“It’s a long story.”

“Care to lay it on me?”

“Oh, okay. But first, I need to ask you a favor. Can you give me a lift to my house in the morning?”

“Sure. I was wondering how long it was going to take you to ask me that.”

Johnny smiled. “Thanks. Okay, here’s the story....”

Johnny proceeded to tell Roy about everything that had happened.

Roy shook his head in wonderment. “Wow. So, I guess that means you and Kathy are an item again?”

Johnny grinned ear to ear. “Yep. I can’t wait to get home tomorrow. I’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for.”

Roy smiled, but then his smile faded. “You know, you better be careful. It sounds like this guy is pretty dangerous. Look what he already did to you.”

“I know. I know. I’m gonna be careful. At least now I’ll be looking out for him. I’m gonna take Kathy down to police headquarters in the morning and talk to Vince about it.”

“Sounds like a good idea. You ready to eat?”

“Yeah, I’m starving!” Johnny got up to go back into the kitchen.

Roy caught him by the arm. “Uh, Johnny? I think I better tell you something. Chet was in there spying on you and Kathy while you were outside. He thinks she was telling you she was pregnant.”

“What! That idiot! Jesus Christ, can’t a guy have any privacy around here?”

“Not when Chet Kelly’s around. He’s just dyin’ for a chance to pop a cigar in your mouth and get you all worked up about something.”

Johnny shook his head from side to side. “Man,” he muttered as he headed toward the kitchen.

Chet was indeed holding a box of cigars when Johnny and Roy entered the kitchen. He had found them in the back of his locker, leftover from a time when Johnny and Roy had delivered a baby.  As soon as he saw them enter the kitchen, he opened the box and handed one to Johnny. “Johnny! Congratulations, pal! Have a cigar!”

Johnny looked disgustedly at him as he handed out cigars to the rest of the guys.

Chet got right in Johnny’s face and said, “So when’s the baby due?”

Johnny rolled his eyes, “You are really too much, you know that?”

Chet went on, “Have you guys picked a name yet? I’ve got it! How about Chester if it’s a boy, and Kelly if it’s a girl!”

Johnny couldn’t help but laugh. The other guys, though, looked at him expectantly. Johnny looked at Roy. “You want to tell him or should I?”
            “You can.”

“Chet, she’s not pregnant. Sorry to disappoint you.”

Chet looked at him suspiciously, “Ah, I don’t believe you, Gage. You’re just trying to cover it up.”

“I am not! Now, she’s not pregnant, so just cool it, okay?”

“If she’s not pregnant, then what did she want? Why were those tears rollin’ down her face?”

“It’s none of your business!” Johnny yelled.

“Would you twits shut up now and sit down to eat before this food gets cold?” Cap shouted. “Sheesh! I feel like I’m the captain of a bunch of three year olds!”

And with that they sat down to eat.

Roy drove Johnny home the next morning. Kathy had assured Johnny the two times he’d called the night before that everything was quiet. When they reached his home, his car was parked in his driveway as it should have been. He jumped out, and thanking Roy for the ride, ran into the house.

He opened the door and the house wafted with the sweet smell of breakfast cooking. Bacon, eggs and fresh coffee assaulted his nose as he made his way toward the kitchen. “Honey! I’m home!” he yelled, laughing to himself. He couldn’t resist that one.

Kathy came out of the kitchen .She looked beautiful as she walked towards him. He gathered her up in his arms and began to kiss her. “Mmmm, breakfast smells great, but I think I’d rather eat you,” he murmured.

Kathy giggled, “Now you be good. I don’t want all my culinary skills to go to waste. Sit down and be a good boy; your breakfast is almost ready.”

He smiled as he watched her. Man, I could get used to this! I guess this is what it’s like for Roy every day. He felt incredibly happy at that moment.

They ate breakfast and chatted about Johnny’s shift. Then their conversation turned to the agenda for the day. Johnny told her his plans, then after breakfast, he showered, dressed, and he drove her to the police station.

They obtained a restraining order against Jim, and Johnny also filed assault and robbery charges. Those would be hard to prove, being that there weren’t any witnesses, but he wanted to try. If he could get this guy put in jail, all the better. Vince also agreed to stop by Kathy’s apartment and use some friendly persuasion to kick him out.

After lunch, Kathy and Johnny spent time at the park. Later that afternoon, they dared stop at her apartment to get a few things. They both sighed in relief when Kathy told John that Jim’s car wasn’t there. Upon entering, they found that his things had been removed; he appeared to have moved out.

Kathy gathered up as much of her things as she felt she needed, and they carried them out to Johnny’s car. She didn’t plan on returning to her apartment until she felt totally safe. When Johnny asked her about her cat, she told him that she had taken him to her sister’s house shortly after Jim had moved in. She was deathly afraid that he would harm him. Jim had never even seen the cat, as he stayed hidden under the bed whenever he was there. Ollie hated Jim.

They picked up some carry out food for dinner and headed home so Kathy could unpack her things.  After a quiet dinner, they relaxed on the couch with a glass of wine. Johnny got up and went to the stereo.

“Music?” he asked.

“Sure,” she agreed. He put on the album they had listened to the first day they had ever made love.

“Ah, you still like it?”

“Yeah, you were right. It grows on you,” he sat back down.

She laid her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. They listened for awhile, then Johnny murmured, “So, what do you feel like doing tonight?”

            She opened her eyes and gazed up at him. “Mm, I don’t know. What do you feel like doing?”

“How about this?” Leaning toward her, he kissed her softly.

“Okay,” she murmured, her lips on his.

It didn’t take long before their kissing became more intense. Johnny pulled himself away from her, then bent to pick her up. Gently he lifted her into his arms and tenderly kissed her. Then, he carried her to his bedroom, his lips never leaving hers.

That night they made love with an intensity and a passion they had never experienced before. A sense of urgency overtook them both as they sought their release, their movements becoming frantic. Their hearts pounded together as their bodies joined, and they cried out together as they both exploded in pleasure.

Afterward, they lay tangled in each other’s arms, their perspiration mingling together, hearts beating wildly, each totally fulfilled.

Johnny lay with his fingers running through Kathy’s hair, and suddenly the words he had been holding in came tumbling out. “God, I love you,” he said into her ear.

She turned to him and echoed his words, “I love you.”

He lay there a moment longer, thinking there could never be a more perfect moment in his life, when he suddenly acted on an impulse. He jumped out of bed and pulled open his dresser drawer. Taking in a deep breath, he pulled out the little blue velvet box and went to her. Handing it to her he said, “I wanted to give this to you for Christmas, but I guess better late than never.”

She took the box and looked up at him with eyes wide with surprise. She opened it slowly, and put her hand to her mouth when she saw the beautiful ring. She looked back at him with tears in her eyes.

Nervously, Johnny got down on his knee beside the bed and took her hand. “I...I want to be with you forever. Will you marry me?”

Without a moment’s hesitation, she answered. “Yes.” Then with a big smile she leaned down to hug him, but then broke out into laughter.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

She pointed to him. “You! I never thought I’d get a proposal from a naked man!” she laughed.

He looked down at himself and laughed. “Hey, I could put my underwear on if you want.”

Kathy burst out laughing. She put the ring on and admired it. It fit perfectly. “It’s so beautiful. I’ve never seen anything like it.” Then Johnny explained how the sapphire had belonged to his mother, and how he had come to have the ring made.

“I love it,” she said. “And I love you.”

They crawled back into bed together, and began to made plans for a wedding.

“Do you care if Roy is my best man?”

“Or course not! I want my sister to be my maid of honor, but maybe Joanne could be in the wedding too. What do you think?”

“I think she’s going to be so excited Roy won’t be able to live with her.”
            “Yeah, you’re probably right,” Kathy laughed.

They lay in bed together late into the night making their plans. They went over everything. In one night they decided to get married outdoors somewhere, maybe on the beach. The reception would be at Johnny’s ranch. Jennifer, Roy’s daughter, would be the flower girl. John would wear a black tuxedo, and he didn’t care what kind of dress Kathy wore, as long as it was ‘sexy’. They would save their money and go to Hawaii on their honeymoon. The wedding would be sometime this summer. Everything was perfect. Then, each drew the other into their arms and they made love again. This time their moves were slower, as if it were both the first time and the last, reach relishing in the other, and when they were done, they fell into a deep, contented sleep.

At four a.m., their whole world changed irreversibly.

The sound of glass shattering pierced the quiet, startled Kathy awake. Johnny slept on, not hearing anything. He was used to sleeping through all sorts of noises at the station. Kathy shook him awake.

“Huh, wha – ” he said, forcing his bleary eyes open. The pounding on the door was so strong the house shook.  At the sound of wood splintering they both bolted from the bed. Someone was breaking the door open. 

Shaking with fear, Kathy whispered, “It’s him! Oh, God, he found me! I know it’s got to be Jim!”

Johnny ran to the bedroom door and threw it shut, locking it. Then he tossed his robe to Kathy and pulled on his sweat pants. He quickly tried the phone but it was dead. “Shit! Phone’s dead.” The sound of the door giving way erupted with a crash and a bang, nearly stopping their hearts. Whoever was breaking down the door had just gotten inside. Johnny’s dog had been barking, and now suddenly stopped with a whimper.

“Oh my God, he’s going to kill us!” Kathy said frantically.

Johnny grabbed her by the shoulders. “I am not going to let anything happen to you. I promise! You understand?”

She nodded, and he let go. He grabbed his keys off the dresser and flung the window open.

“We’ve got to get out of here. C’mon!” Grabbing her by the elbow, he pushed her toward the open window. Heavy footsteps pounded through the house. Shoving the keys into her hand, he instructed, “Go. It’s not far to the ground. Take the car and get help. I’ll be right behind you. Don’t stop, no matter what. If I’m not there by the time you reach the car, go anyway. Don’t stop!”

Kathy looked at him desperately, fear in her eyes. “But…”

Someone was now trying to kick the bedroom door in. Urgently, he kissed her, “No matter what.”

Kathy climbed out the window and jumped to the ground below.

Johnny had just swung one leg over the side of the sill when the door finally gave away. Glancing over his shoulder, he was alarmed at how swiftly the large man was coming toward him. Frantically, he tried to get through the window.

Jim reached Johnny quickly; his massive hand clasped onto Johnny’s arm, preventing him from going any further. Drawing his knife, Jim plunged it into Johnny’s thigh.

Instant agony caused Gage to scream in pain as the knife tore through flesh and muscle, then was roughly yanked out. With a backward wrench, Johnny was jerked from the window as blood spurted from his wound. He stumbled as he was shoved up against the wall; Jim’s large hands closed around his neck.

“Where is she?” he demanded.

Johnny couldn’t find his voice through the pain.

Narrowing his eyes, Jim looked toward the open window. He heard a car door slam. Fiercely pulling Johnny by the neck, he slammed his head into the wall.

As stars sparkled in Johnny’s vision, he heard him say, “I’ll be back for you in a minute,” and John slid to the floor limply, leaving a trail of smeared blood on the wall.

Kathy ran, then stopped abruptly as she heard Johnny cry out. She debated a moment, then ran on. No matter what…she remembered him say. She knew she was no match for Jim’s strength, and the only way she could help Johnny was to get help. As she raced toward the car, the keys slipped from her hand. Frantically, she searched for them in the dark wet grass. She found them a moment later, snatched them up, and ran to the car, nearly stumbling. Throwing the door open, she climbed in, thrusting the keys into the ignition. At that moment, she saw Jim running toward her.

Trembling with fear, she started the engine. The car lurched and stalled. Damn! She had forgotten to take the car out of gear and she did not have the clutch pushed in. Jim was about ten yards away. She pushed in the clutch and started the motor. She threw it into reverse and pulled off the emergency brake. He was almost to the car. She was shaking so bad she could hardly hold on to the steering wheel. She eased off the clutch and pressed the accelerator. The Rover moved back a few feet, but she took her foot off the clutch too quickly. It stalled. Kathy tried in vain to restart the engine, but Jim was at the door. He pulled it open. It was too late. His massive hands reached for her. The game was over.

Johnny lay on the floor gasping in pain. In a haze he thought he heard the Rover start. Thank God, she’s getting away. He was panting. I gotta get up. He’ll be back in a minute for me. Get up, Gage. Get up, he chanted to himself. With great effort, he hoisted himself up off the floor. His leg almost collapsed under him as he tried to stand. Warm blood was still oozing out of the wound, dripping down his leg and soaking into his sweatpants. Spotting a discarded shirt on the floor, he reached for it and hastily wrapped it around his leg, tying the sleeves together in a makeshift bandage. He then hobbled over to the window. A wave of dizziness swept over him and he steadied himself on the windowsill.

Hearing footsteps quickly coming up the front walk, he threw his good leg over the windowsill and climbed out, falling into a heap on the cold wet grass. With every effort he possessed, Gage hoisted himself up onto his feet, the sharp crack of footsteps against the hardwood floors inside spurring his action. As terror coursed through every fiber of his being, he ran for his life.

He ran in the dark past the silhouette of his barn to the edge of his property. Briefly, he considered saddling Midnight and getting away on him, but he knew there was no time. Besides, the barn was locked and he didn’t have the key with him. As he entered the wooded area at the edge of his land, he looked over his shoulder. Jim was coming through the window.

Pumping with adrenaline, he ran on. There was no moon, so it was almost pitch black, making it difficult to see even the outlines of the trees. He hoped that would work to his advantage. With the exception of the slapping sounds his feet made on the soggy terrain, the woods were eerily quiet. The sounds might as well have been canons going off. The only other noise he was aware of was the rhythmic wheezing of his ragged breaths as he ran.

Cold sweat dripped down his bare flanks, chilling him. He scarcely felt the sharp rocks and branches as they sliced into his bare feet. Survival was his only focus. His mind had separated itself from his body, forcing him to continue on, as if he were on auto-pilot. Like a switch that had turned him on, he was unable to stop until that switch was turned off. It was a technique that runners used, that he used to use himself when he ran long distances to keep going.

Gage was uncertain as to whether he was being followed, but was afraid to stop and listen. By now he had no idea where he was as he blindly ran on. How long had he been running? It could have been five minutes or five hours, he had lost track. He pressed on, wondering distantly when his body would collapse. Wetness on his throbbing leg forced his attention. He looked down. Somewhere along the way the shirt he had tied around his leg had fallen off. I must be bleeding more, he thought absently.

The woods seemed to be thinning out a bit, and he knew in the back of his mind he must be getting closer to the canyon area. That could be bad; not being able to see, he could end up running right off the edge of a cliff somewhere.  

Instead, he stopped abruptly when he ran full force into a tree. It was a smaller tree, and he hadn’t seen it at all. Stunned, his face, chest, and knee slammed into it and he bounced off, falling backward flat onto his back. He laid there a moment on the cold wet ground, in shock, the after effects taking his breath away. As the dampness soaked into his sweats, he heard branches breaking in the distance. He knew he had to get up, but by now he was so tired of the chase that he almost gave up, willing to let the man find him and finish him off.

With a groan he summoned strength he didn’t think he possessed and hauled himself off the ground. He stumbled onward, arms flailing out in front of him in an effort to avoid any more trees.

He had staggered about ten yards when he was tackled from behind. All the air rushed out of his lungs as he hit the ground. The huge man fell on the ground next to him, and angrily Johnny rolled over, prepared to fight. He may kill me, but I’m not gonna make it easy for him.

Jim was laughing evilly as he climbed back over Johnny, straddling him, his hand on John’s chest holding him down. “You’re pretty fast, fireman, but I’m faster. Now it’s your turn to die. Any last words?”

“Yeah. Fuck you,” Johnny responded, and drawing his fist back, propelled it into Jim’s face.

Jim grunted as the hit bloodied his nose, but he recovered quickly. Johnny’s weakened condition had prevented him from putting an adequate amount of force into his punch. “That your best shot, weakling?”
            I wouldn’t be a weakling if I hadn’t lost half my blood supply, Johnny thought to himself. “Get your fat ass off me and I’ll fight you,” he panted.

“Sorry,” Jim chuckled as his hands wrapped around Johnny’s neck and started to squeeze. “I’m tired of dealing with you. Maybe this’ll teach you not to mess with another man’s woman.” He squeezed tighter.

Johnny started to struggle and gag as his windpipe was nearly crushed, his oxygen supply rapidly depleted. Summoning the last remaining reserve he had, he pulled his knee up and back as hard as he could, smashing it into Jim’s groin. Jim howled, his hands loosening their grip on Johnny’s neck. Johnny then took the opportunity and jammed his fingers directly into Jim’s eye with as much force as he could muster, causing the large man to crumple over, screaming in pain. Johnny wiggled out from under him, kicking at him with his foot.

Neither man realized that they were dangerously close to the edge of a steep drop off, leading down into the canyon. When Johnny kicked Jim away, Jim’s lower half rolled over the edge. In a desperate attempt to save himself, Jim grabbed onto Johnny’s ankle, slowly dragging Johnny to the edge with him.

Johnny felt himself sliding, and suddenly the entire weight of Jim’s body was attached to his ankle, as Jim slipped the rest of the way over the ledge. The pressure his weight put on Johnny’s injured leg was excruciating, and the paramedic almost lost his hold as he frantically tried to grasp at tree roots to stop himself from going over. At the last moment he managed to snag a large branch that seemed stable. For a moment, it held, and Johnny tried kicking at Jim with his free leg to get him to let go. His hands were slipping from Jim’s weight pulling on him. Finally on the third try, his foot hit Jim squarely in the face under Jim’s nose, and Jim’s hands slid off. Johnny heard him scream as his body fell, then the screaming stopped abruptly and he heard several loud thumps, the sickening sound a body made when it fell and hit the ground.

Johnny clawed at the branch he was holding, but it was pulling away from the ground and large clumps of mud were breaking loose, hitting him in his face. His fingers dug into the wet earth as he desperately tried to gain purchase, but the dirt slipped through them like a sieve, leaving long finger-shaped trails in the ground. Then he, too, went over the edge.

For one long sickening moment he felt himself free falling, expecting his body to smash into the hard rocks below in seconds. In his terror he prayed the end would be quick. But then with a grunt he landed roughly on an incline and continued to roll and slide like a rag doll down the canyon side. Little stones and loose particles that his body had loosened cascaded after him as he fell, like a miniature avalanche. He was gaining speed when suddenly his outstretched arm got tangled up in an outgrowth of some kind of branch, catching on it and yanking him to a stop.

Johnny felt as if his entire arm had been ripped from his body. A strangled yell escaped his throat and he dangled helplessly for a few moments by his arm until the branch began to give. It eventually snapped and broke, freeing his arm and sending him sliding back down again.

Johnny became air-born again for a few feet, then finally landed with a thud on a flat, outstretched piece of rock. He lay unmoving on his stomach, head to one side, his cheek resting uncomfortably on the dusty stone. His heart was pounding so rapidly he could feel it vibrating against the rock underneath him. It occurred to him that he had stopped, and slowly, he opened his eyes. He couldn’t see or hear anything, except his ragged gasps.  It was quiet as a tomb, and he was afraid.

Trying to keep his head about him, he struggled to assess his situation. He became aware of a whole host of injuries right away. His arm and shoulder were in unbelievable pain; his whole body was cut and bruised from his run through the woods and his fall. And his leg – perhaps that was the worst – it throbbed white hot with every beat of his heart.

With trembling fingers, he gingerly felt around on his head, which was pounding, and found several large contusions. His leg still felt sticky and wet. He decided to try to wiggle his toes to make sure he wasn’t paralyzed, which woke up another whole set of injuries to his feet. Clad only in his sweatpants, he was practically undressed and shivering from exposure, and realized that he would probably become hypothermic before too long. Worst of all, he was stuck somewhere on the side of a canyon wall in the pitch dark, totally alone, where no one would ever find him. In a moment of utter despair, he closed his eyes, a single tear escaping, and waited for his expected death to come. He hoped it wouldn’t take too long.

Johnny was flying, like a bird. It was absolutely beautiful. The sensation was liberating as he soared over forests, dipping down into valleys full of yellow flowers, rising back up again. He flew over the canyons, admiring the majestic orange colors of the rocks, his hair whipping about in the wind. He gained altitude and rose up toward the clouds. He flew right into them, their wispy entrails sweeping by him. Then he was above them looking down onto the earth. It was the most amazing thing he had ever felt. It seemed so real he wanted it to go on forever.

Johnny startled awake when he felt something touching him. It was on his back, and sharp, like claws digging into him. He jerked and a large, black bird flew away.

The first thing he became aware of was that he was freezing. He also noticed that it was becoming light out. Extremely uncomfortable, he lifted his head slightly and turned it the other way, which caused severe pain to erupt from his arm.

Still lying on his stomach, Johnny looked all about him, the seriousness of his predicament renewing itself in his mind. It appeared that he had fallen about sixty feet or so and was stuck on an outcropping of rock, just big enough to hold him. The canyon stretched all the way around him, and it was a long way to the bottom. He didn’t see any sign of Jim, and figured he must have gone all the way down. Good riddance.

Unsure of what prompted it, his gaze turned upward, and he beheld the most beautiful sunrise he thought he had ever seen. Deep hues of purple and turquoise swirled across the sky. He watched in awe as the sun slowly peaked up over the horizon. The colors turned to intense shades of magenta, orange and pink, then pale shades of yellow as it began to fade. He was sorry when it was over.

His mind turned to thoughts of Kathy. Did she really get away? God, I hope so. What if she didn’t? Then he remembered something Jim had said, ‘now it’s your turn to die’. What had he meant by that? My turn? Did he already kill Kathy? No! He wouldn’t have done that. He wanted her for himself.  Why would he kill her? But if he didn’t, why hasn’t anyone come to find me yet? It’s been hours. She would have gone for help. Maybe it was too dark. Maybe they will come looking for me after daybreak.

His teeth were chattering and his body was shaking uncontrollably. He was so cold and he hurt so bad. When is this gonna be over? Maybe someone up there wanted to let me see one last sunrise. Okay, I saw it; I’m ready now. Please, either let someone find me, or just let me die. I’m so tired of waiting.

Johnny lay still, his mind still churning. He sighed inwardly. I wonder what time it is? It must be around seven a.m. I was supposed to work today. Guess I’m gonna be late. Real late.

As he shivered, his thoughts became jumbled. Moving caused severe pain, so he stayed still. His mind wandered, and his thought process slowed. Several times he forgot where he was or how he got there. He drifted in and out of consciousness as the morning wore on.

At eight o’clock the A-shift crew gathered for roll call, minus one member. Cap looked around irritably and sighed. “Roy, where’s your partner?”

“I don’t know, Cap.”

“Did you see him yesterday?”

“Nope. I just know he was going to spend the day with Kathy.”

Captain Stanley muttered under his breath, “Gage, why do you do this to me?”

“You want me to call him, Cap?”

“Would you, please, Roy. And tell him he gets latrine duty for the week.”

Roy grimaced, “Sure, Cap.” He went into the Cap’s office to call Johnny. The phone rang at least twenty times before Roy hung up. He went back out into the engine bay. “No answer, Cap. I’m sure he’s on his way.”

“I’ll give him fifteen minutes; if he isn’t here, I’ll have to call in a replacement. I’ll see if Dwyer can stay until he gets here. Okay, guys, let’s get to work.”

Roy wandered off to do his chores, feeling slightly disconcerted. He looked at his watch, eight-fifteen. Johnny is never this late. Maybe he just couldn’t tear himself away from Kathy.

Another half hour went by, and Roy really started to get worried. He went to the Cap. “Cap, I’m beginning to get worried. He’s never this late.

“He probably just overslept, Roy; or maybe he’s stuck in traffic, or has a flat tire. Who knows?”

Then Roy realized he needed to tell the Cap about what was going on with Kathy and her boyfriend. What if this guy carried through on his threat to Johnny? Roy told him the whole story, and Captain Stanley looked understandably concerned.

“Look, Roy, why don’t you take the squad over to his house and see if there’s a problem. I’ve already called in a replacement for John, but he won’t be able to get here for almost an hour. Dwyer couldn’t stay any longer, he had to leave for a doctor appointment. Just stay available and call me when you get there and let me know what’s going on.”

“Thanks, Cap, I’ll do that.” With that, Roy jogged over the squad and sped away toward Johnny’s house.

Roy rounded the corner of the dirt road to Johnny’s house in just under twenty minutes. He slowed, and pulled onto the gravel drive. A feeling of uneasiness came over him when he saw a strange car parked crookedly in the grass beside the driveway. Johnny’s Rover was also parked awkwardly. It was halfway down the driveway, stopped, with the driver’s side door hanging open.

Roy pulled up behind the Rover and got out. A knot formed in his stomach as he stepped toward it and saw what looked like someone’s hand on the ground, the open door blocking whatever lie behind it. 

With rising panic, he ran around the open door. Roy gasped as he saw a woman’s body on the ground lying in a pool of blood. He recognized the blue bathrobe she was wearing. It was Johnny’s. He closed his eyes. Oh no.

He slowly bent down and brushed the long golden hair aside to feel for a carotid pulse. None. Her skin was cold and she was stiff; she had been dead for a while. Roy knelt beside her body for several moments in shock, tears suddenly burning his eyes. I can’t believe this. He stared at her body as he swallowed the lump in his throat. She was so young. His eyes traveled down to her hand, and on her finger he saw the ring that Johnny had shown him before Christmas. He put his hand to his forehead and covered his eyes. Oh, God. Oh, God, no. This can’t be.

Quickly composing himself, he looked up toward Johnny’s house. It appeared quiet. 

Where was Johnny? A feeling of terrible sadness and loss overcame him as he realized that his partner and best friend was probably dead too. But why was the stranger’s car still there then? If he had killed them both, he wouldn’t have left his car here. Roy was determined to find out what happened.

Quickly he ran to the squad and radioed for police and rescue personnel. He then radioed the station and let Cap know what was going on. “I’m going in to look for Johnny,” he told him determinedly.   

“Roy,” Hank tried to talk him out of it. “That’s not a good idea. You don’t know who or what you’ll find in that house.  I want you to wait for the police. I don’t need to lose two paramedics.”

“Cap, I…I can’t wait. I’m going in. Johnny could be injured, or…”

Captain Stanley sighed and bowed his head, knowing there was nothing that would keep his senior paramedic from entering that house, even his direct order. “Be careful, Roy. We’re on our way.”

“10-4.”

Roy grabbed a crowbar out of the squad to use as a weapon, just in case. He had no idea what he would find. Trotting up to the front door, he saw the broken glass and splintered wood from where he assumed the man had broken in. Taking a deep breath, he stealthily entered Johnny’s home, stepping over the broken glass.

The first thing he saw was Johnny’s dog. He was lying in a puddle of blood in the middle of the living room floor. Jesus. Roy’s heart clenched at the sight of it. He shook his head and began to make his way through the house. It was totally silent.

He headed for the bedroom and peered around the door. It appeared to be empty so he entered. His eyes were immediately drawn to the blood-spattered wall, and the blood stains on the floor below it. His heart raced as he tried to piece together what had happened. He felt a breeze and looked up. The window was open, and as he walked over to it, he saw more bloodstains on the window sill. Whoever that blood belonged to had climbed out the window. He thought he now knew exactly what had happened. He looked out the window across Johnny’s yard, thinking. He knew in his heart that it had been Johnny’s blood, and that he had climbed out the window to escape, and that he was out there, somewhere, maybe alive, maybe dead.

Roy heard sirens coming and ran back out of the house. He ran up to officer Vince Howard as he exited his car, and relayed to him everything he had seen. As he was telling his story, engine 51 pulled up, and the guys had gathered around him, listening with shocked expressions.

“Oh my God!”

They heard Chet’s voice coming from the direction of Johnny’s Rover and ran toward him. Chet was standing over Kathy’s body, frozen in horror. Vince pulled him back, telling him it was now a crime scene, and to stay back. Another police cruiser pulled in, and suddenly chaos erupted on the scene as they decided how to handle the situation.

Roy couldn’t stand it any longer, and started to head toward Johnny’s back yard.

“Roy! Wait! What are you doing?” Vince called.

“I’m going to find Johnny! He’s out there somewhere; we can ‘t just keep standing around doing nothing. He’s obviously injured...I...we’ve got to do something. I’ve got to find him.”

Vince grabbed him by the arm. “Okay, Roy. We’ll find him. But we’ve got a dangerous man on our hands. You can’t just go out running around by yourself looking for him. You could end up dead yourself. We’ll organize a search team. You can follow us, and when we decide it’s safe...”      

Captain Stanley stepped in. “Vince, we’ve got a search team, right here. My men are willing to go in and look for him. He’s going to need medical attention right now. We can’t wait until it’s safe.”

Vince considered this a moment. He realized that the killer was probably long gone by now, so reluctantly he agreed to let Johnny’s crewmembers search for him. “But my men go first, got it?”

“Got it,” Cap answered.

“Okay, let’s go then.”

Captain Stanley had called in a still alarm at their location, so that the crew of 51 could join in the search for their comrade.

Judging by what Roy said, they surmised that after Johnny had crawled out the window he had probably run into the woods.

They split into groups of threes. Roy and Chet went with Vince, who led the way, his gun drawn. Marco and Mike went with another officer, Cap went with two others. Starting at Johnny’s bedroom window, they took what they thought was the most logical path through the yard and into the woods. It was nearly ten a.m. Big puffy white clouds were moving in and a breeze was stirring, the branches quietly swaying as they made their way under the canopy of the trees.    

They agreed to stay within yelling distance of each other, but spread out as much as possible. The police had their radios, and 51’s crew carried their handi-talkies.

They searched for forty-five minutes, and had found nothing. Roy was becoming increasingly anxious. How could Johnny have gone this far if he’d been badly injured? Roy assumed that Johnny had been the one that had shed that blood; otherwise, wouldn’t Johnny be back here right now to see if Kathy was okay?

It looked like he’d lost a lot of blood. Maybe they were searching in the wrong place. Or maybe the guy had dragged Johnny’s body somewhere else, Roy thought morbidly. He kept his uncertainties to himself for the time being, not knowing what else to do.

Another half hour went by. The wind was picking up, making it feel cooler. The cloud cover was increasing, letting in little sun now.

The men walked silently, lost in their own thoughts, not knowing what they would find, fearing the worst.

Suddenly, they heard Cap’s group call out that they had found something. The officer with them had radioed to the others that they had found an item of clothing, and the other groups hurried toward them. Roy was in the lead, running the fastest.

Roy was out of breath when he reached Cap’s group, and saw that the officer was holding the piece of clothing they had found on the ground.

“You recognize this?” he asked Roy, holding it up.

Roy felt sick when he saw what it was, and closed his eyes. The shirt was soaked with blood, but Roy recognized it as Johnny’s. It was the shirt he had worn to work their previous shift.

Everyone stared at Roy as he confirmed it.

“It’s Johnny’s,” he said, his voice barely audible.

Everyone stood there quietly; Chet mumbled ‘shit’ under his breath and turned away.

“Okay, well now we know which way he was headed,” Vince articulated. “Let’s keep going, men.”

They split up again, this time staying closer together. They walked for another twenty minutes before they came to the area where the woods thinned out at the edge of the canyon.

Roy saw it first. Signs of a struggle in the dirt – and strange looking spots on the ground. He crouched down and examined the spots more carefully. He was sure – it was blood.

“Vince, Chet, I think I’ve found something.”

They both crouched down beside him and looked at each other knowingly. Two sets of footprints could be seen; one of a shoe, and another that looked like a bare foot. The dirt had been pushed around unnaturally, looking like humans, not animals, had disturbed it. The men all looked up and around at the same time, a feeling of dread coming over them as they realized where the two men must have gone.

“Hey guys,” Chet said somberly, “look at this.” He pointed over to the edge of the cliff and saw the two sets of trails that had been made by someone’s fingers.

Roy’s heart stopped as he saw the marks and dared to peer over the side. His jaw hardened as his teeth clenched. His stomach did a flip and he suddenly felt sick.

Vince had his binoculars out and was looking down they canyon. By now the others had been called and had joined them at the edge. Vince squinted and quietly said, “I got one of them.”

Roy jumped to his side and practically tore the binoculars out of his hands. He put them to his eyes and scanned the canyon side. Slowly, he focused on what Vince had seen. He saw the shock of dark hair, and the deathly still figure lying outstretched on a rock. He swallowed. “It’s Johnny.”

Cap took action then. “Guys, let’s get the ropes and rappelling gear. We’ll load up the stokes with the equipment and bring it back.”

Roy stood motionless, looking down at Johnny’s prone form. He wasn’t moving.

“Roy, c’mon. We need everyone to help carry the gear.”

“Right, Cap.” With that, the men ran back to get their gear. They didn’t know if they would be bringing back someone to treat, or a corpse.

Part 5