Holding On
Part 2
Chet stared at the phone a moment after his conversation with Johnny had ended.
Since when does Gage admit he’s been dumped when he doesn’t have to? Somethin’s not right; maybe it’s a good idea I called him after all. . .
Satisfied he was doing the right thing, the fireman grabbed his keys and headed for the front door.
~*~*~
“Okay, get ready!” Roy yelled to his young son Chris as the boy ran across the back yard. When he neared the fence along the rear edge of the lawn, Roy threw a small football to him; the boy caught it, a wide grin spreading across his face.
“Good job!”
Joanne and their little girl Jennifer were at a sandbox in the corner of the yard, watching the other two play; Roy looked over and smiled when they cheered Chris’s catch. A sudden sadness washed over him as he continued to look at Jennifer. She was almost the same age as Shannon Cooper. He found himself wondering if Shannon had ever gotten the chance to play in a sandbox.
~*~*~
Chet sat on a rail outside the bowling alley waiting for Johnny. Glancing at his watch, he noticed that his friend was already ten minutes late. When he looked up, he saw the paramedic standing there staring at him. The look of surprise must have been obvious from Johnny’s reaction.
“What’sa matter, Chet? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I. . .” He looked out at the parking lot, noticing the white Land Rover a few cars down from his own VW bus, then returned his gaze to Johnny. “How’d you do that?”
“What?”
“Pull in here without me seeing you.”
“Oh. . .that was easy. You were watching a chick walking toward a car in another direction with some guy. . .probably her boyfriend.”
“She could do better than him,” he remarked, jumping to the ground from the railing.
“Maybe.”
“How come you’re late? I was thinking maybe--”
“I wouldn’t show up?”
Chet nodded, wishing he hadn’t admitted it.
“Why wouldn’t I? I said I’d go bowlin’.”
“I just--”
“Shannon is gone I heard, she’s drifted out to sea.. .”
Johnny suddenly turned away from Chet, looking over his shoulder toward the sound of the song playing loudly from the radio of a car that had just pulled into the lot. As the young woman inside made her way to a parking spot, the music continued to play several more seconds before it was finally turned it off.
The paramedic quickly recalled Chet was with him and looked forward, noticing the fireman eyeing him with concern.
“What crappy timing, huh?”
An unreadable look from Johnny spurred Chet into continuing.
“I mean with what happened yesterday. You know,” he said with a shrug, suddenly feeling awkward.
“It’s a song about a dog, Chet,” Johnny replied dryly. “There’s a difference between losing a kid and losing a pet. I’m sure with being a father and owning a dog, Roy could fill you in on what that might be.” His tone displayed more annoyance than he’d anticipated.
“Hey, man, you don’t have to get grouchy about it,” Chet said, frowning. “I was just. . .well. . .” He glanced around at others in the parking lot, wishing he could be talking with them instead. It seemed like they’d feel less like strangers in a conversation than Gage did at the moment.
In the meantime, Johnny was having a dejavu’ of his reaction to Roy in the burger place the evening before. He’d inadvertently treated Chet with the same rudeness. Neither one has anything to do with it in the first place. . .
“I’m sorry. . .I guess I’m still tired is all. Anyway, it’s over, so just forget it.”
“Is it?”
Johnny quickly looked in surprise. It occurred to him Chet was no longer referring to the song issue. “Yes, it is.”
The curly-haired fireman shrugged. “If you say so.”
Gage sighed. It was obvious Chet thought he needed some distraction and that the fireman only had his best interests in mind. But the sooner they moved on and dropped the subject of the day before, the better. “Look, do you wanna bowl or not?”
“Yeah. . .yeah, I do.”
“Then let’s bowl.”
Chet led the way, unaware of the paramedic glancing back at the car that the music had been playing from, a renewed sadness in his eyes.
~*~*~
“All set?” Johnny asked as Chet grabbed the rental shoes off the counter. The curly-haired fireman didn’t bowl as often as Gage, therefore didn’t own the required equipment.
“Yeah, just give me time to find a ball I’m comfortable with.”
“Sure.”
As Chet tried out the feel of the different bowling balls on a rack, Johnny glanced around the alley. It was fairly empty, with six out of eighteen lanes available to choose from.
Great! At least we won’t have to wait for one to open up. Maybe this’ll be over quick.
Johnny had to mentally chastise himself for the thought as he once again reminded himself his co-worker was just trying to help him out.
I don’t have the heart to tell ‘im I don’t really wanna do this.
“Okay, let’s get this show on the road,” Chet remarked.
The two decided on a lane and informed the man at the counter which they’d be going to.
“Best of three?” the fireman asked as they walked away.
“Sounds good.”
“Okay. But first let’s get some beer.”
Both men couldn’t help but notice a few more pretty ladies who were at the alley. Chet nudged Johnny once and waggled his eyebrows as he indicated one particularly buxom brunette jumping up and down after getting a strike.
“She can strike me anytime,” he commented.
The paramedic just rolled his eyes and shook his head.
~*~*~
Chet dumped Johnny’s empty paper plate in the trash can near their lane as the paramedic took another turn in the game. When they’d ordered their beer, Gage figured since he didn’t have a chance to eat lunch, he’d better put something solid in his stomach if he was going to drink alcohol.
‘Don’t wanna be a hazard on the road later. . .there’s enough of those as it is’, was his comment.
The curly-haired fireman turned around and eyed his friend. He seemed happy enough. But the comment gave hint that he was still angry about the fatal accident from the day before. Chet sat back down at the score table and sighed.
Maybe he’s just tired of *all* the accident scenes we get called to. . .
But when a group of older ladies arrived at the lane beside theirs, one with a little grand daughter in tow, it was obvious Johnny was still more affected by recent events than he’d tried to let on. As he turned away from the lane after getting a strike, his gaze fell on the small child sitting on a bench watching the ladies set up. The sudden sadness in the paramedic’s eyes was obvious, and the smile he’d been wearing quickly turned to a frown.
Chet watched with concern; he had never seen the results of an unfortunate rescue hang with the paramedic for so long except for the time Johnny’s friend Drew Burke had died after being hit by a car. When Johnny glanced over at him, he immediately shifted his attention to the score sheet in an effort to hide the fact he’d noticed the reaction. It wasn’t until the paramedic was beside him that he looked up to acknowledge his friend.
“You know you could give a guy a break and do lousy now and then,” Chet remarked sarcastically as he got up from the chair.
“Now what kind of fun would that be?”
Chet smirked as he walked over to the ball return where his bowling ball was sitting in line with others.
As he stepped up to the lane, he took another quick glance at Johnny. The paramedic was staring into space, obviously lost in thought, the sorrow still evident on his face.
Chet faced forward and an idea came to mind.
Hey, I think I’ve got a good excuse to get Gage out of here. . .
Looking at the pins lined up at the end of the alley, he purposely made a bad throw, leaving nine pins standing.
~*~*~
It was late afternoon and the lack of sleep had finally caught up to Roy. Unable to keep up the pace with his kids, he’d decided to stretch out on the couch while they played outside with neighborhood friends.
Not much time had passed when Joanne found him soundly asleep, the television on across the room. She quietly walked over to the set and shut it off, then drew the curtains closed, darkening the room.
It’s good to see he’s getting the rest he needs, she thought to herself. I’ll wake him up in about an hour so he’ll still be able to sleep tonight.
After another loving glance at her husband, Joanne headed for the kitchen where a second batch of cookies was about ready to come out of the oven.
~*~*~
After only knocking down three additional pins, Chet made his way back to the score table. As he approached, he saw that Johnny hadn’t even marked the score yet; instead, the paramedic still appeared to be deeply lost in thought.
I was right. He’s not into the game, that’s for sure.
It was time to complete the plan.
“You know, I don’t think my heart’s in this anymore,” the fireman commented.
“Huh?” Johnny turned his head, just realizing Chet had finished taking his turn. He looked at the lane where the pins had just reset. “Oh man, I didn’t see what you got.”
“Don’t worry about it. I don’t think I wanna finish this game anyway.”
“Whataya mean?”
Chet shrugged. “I guess I’m just not into bowling. I was thinking maybe we could try something else.”
“But we paid for the lane,” he protested with a wave of his right hand in the direction of the lanes.
“What’s the point if neither of us wants to be here?”
Johnny pursed his lips, ready to respond. But instead of knowing the real reason his friend wanted to quit, he figured his lack of desire to be there in the first place must have shown through and given his mood away. He sighed in defeat. “So, what’s the something else? Or do I wanna know?”
“Well, there’s always hiking.”
“Chet, you don’t like to hike unless it’s on a search for barbed wire or to get to a lake for fishing.”
“Well--”
“Besides, it’s too late in the day for that anyway,” he added, glancing at his watch.
“It doesn’t get dark for a few more hours.”
Johnny gave him a discerned look. “Chet--”
“Let’s just get out of here.”
The paramedic noticed his friend glance at the little girl and back to him. He nodded knowingly, but rather than try to explain or deny anything he simply replied. “Let’s go.”
~*~*~
Chet turned in his rental shoes and placed the ball back on the rack. As expected, the two lost the money for the time left on the lane. They headed for the parking lot, each not sure what to say next. Finally Johnny broke the silence.
“I know what you’re trying to do and I appreciate it. Don’t tell anyone I admitted that though,” he quickly added.
“They probably wouldn’t believe me anyway.”
Johnny smiled. “Probably not.”
“You’re really bugged about yesterday. . .”
“At first I thought I was just mad at her parents for being reckless than anything else.” He paused a moment and glanced at the ground, trying to hide the emotional struggle he was having inside.
Ah, God, Chet. If you only knew. . .it’s not just Shannon . . .it’s not just the mistakes her parents made. . .
Johnny sighed inwardly. He couldn’t bring himself to share what else it involved. Looking straight ahead again, he shrugged. “I don’t know, Chet.”
The paramedic started for his Land Rover, leaving all thoughts of going anywhere else behind; and a puzzled Chet Kelly standing in place alone. Once he was seated inside and ready to shut the driver’s door, he thought about letting Chet know there was more to his inner turmoil than just what had transpired the day before. But gut feeling told him to leave well enough alone. With a quick flash of a smile that hid his real mood, he closed the door and started the engine.
Chet stood staring as Gage backed the Land Rover out of the parking space and drove from the lot. He watched the departing vehicle as it blended in with the other traffic passing by on the street.
Is he blaming himself for her death? Why would he? John knows better than that. . .
Still, there was something going on with him. Chet decided he would see if he could get more information from Johnny the following morning before he jumped to any conclusions. If he needed to, he could always alert Roy and Captain Stanley that there might be a problem with Gage, though he didn’t relish the thought of ratting out on a friend.
Man, I can’t believe he’s got Roy thinking everything’s okay.
~*~*~
The soft rock music filtering through the speakers of the radio faded to the background as Johnny made his way home. His mind was on the little girl at the bowling alley and the ladies who were with her.
What if those women are of that ‘it can’t happen to me’ mindset? What if whichever one is responsible for her doesn’t take the time to make sure she’s safely secured for the ride home?
But as quickly as those thoughts hit, others replaced them.
‘Course, much as I’d like to, it’s not like I can just walk up to a stranger and start spouting off. . .I should’ve said something to them; let them know what could happen. . . but then what? What if they took my intentions wrong? Cap would ring my neck if he found out that I got into it with anyone over this. . .he’d also have me seeing a shrink before I knew what was happening.
But if it would save a kid’s life. . .
Suddenly Roy’s words from the evening before came to his mind. ‘Watching over ‘em isn’t gonna stop people from getting in accidents’.
Johnny shook his head as he turned onto his street.
But Roy doesn’t know the whole story. . .if he did. . .
No, he wasn’t ready to share it.
‘You’re really bugged about yesterday’. Chet's words came back to him. Man, Chet has no idea. But considering he went to the effort to get me out of my apartment, maybe he does somehow . . .maybe he senses something or maybe the more I try to play it down, the more it shows. . .
“Unless you wanna be seeing a shrink tomorrow, you’d better get through this quick,” he said to himself as he brought the Land Rover to a stop in a parking space and opened the driver’s side door to climb out. “Because if Chet can pick up on it, you can bet Cap will too.”
~*~*~
Roy yawned as he sat down at the kitchen table, joining his family for dinner.
“Still tired?” Joanne asked as she placed a platter of cooked ham slices on the table. She’d only let him sleep for an hour and a half before waking him just after 5:00, fifteen minutes before she’d have food on the table.
He shook his head. “Not really. I think I just slept too hard. It’s not that easy to get moving again.”
Joanne looked at him with concern. “You going to be okay to sleep tonight?”
Roy took hold of a small plastic basket of dinner rolls that Chris was handing to him. “Yeah,” he answered as he placed one of the rolls on his plate. “I’ll be fine.” He set the basket on the table near Jennifer so she could take one as well. He eyed her for a moment and felt a wave of sorrow as Shannon Cooper once again came to mind.
Maybe *I’ll* be seeing a counselor tomorrow, he thought to himself. I guess having kids at home both helps *and* hinders in dealing with these types of situations.
~*~*~
Unable to sit still once he returned home, Johnny found himself reorganizing and straightening the contents of the drawers in his bedroom. His white t-shirts had been quickly folded in half and placed inside in a hurry the last time he’d done laundry; his socks tossed in as separates.
Now he was folding the shirts in on both sides of the garments, then bottom to top by thirds until he had a neat square to place back in the drawer. Both his white sport socks and black ones for work were paired and folded together as he returned them to where they were kept as well.
He followed similar patterns for the rest of his clothes in his dresser before moving on to the closet, where he separated the two extra uniforms for work from his off-duty clothes, making sure the appropriate hanging shirts were in front the group of pants they belonged to.
Johnny didn’t know why he felt compelled to do any of it. None of it mattered that much to him, and it wasn’t as though he had all that many clothes to begin with. But keeping busy even with such a minute task seemed to take away some of the restlessness he was still feeling.
If only the more important things in life were this easy to fix.
He leaned against the doorframe of the closet opposite both sliding doors that he’d pushed to the right of him and sighed, his shoulders falling slightly forward in defeat. There was one thing he knew he couldn’t change no matter how much he wanted to.
Lisa . . .ah man, Lisa. . .
She was Shannon Cooper’s age when he lost her from his life; she’d been violently ripped from beside him. He didn’t think about her all the time, but when thoughts of her did surface he found himself with an empty feeling and an ache in his heart.
She’d be twenty-one if she was still here. . .I wish she *was* here.
He glanced at the neatly arranged clothes in front of him. They just didn’t look right. Something was off. He sighed once again and stepped forward to redo the set up.
~*~*~
Chet looked at the cards in his hand as he pondered his next move. The fireman had been invited to a late evening poker game at a friend’s apartment next door awhile after arriving home from the bowling alley. He’d given thought to calling Gage again and inviting him to join them; Johnny had gotten to be a pretty good poker player over the past few years and this time there’d be no reminders of what took place the day before wandering in.
But the notion left as quick as it had come and he’d decided to leave well enough alone.
Maybe Gage needs the time alone to deal with it more. Besides, he’d thought with a shrug, Roy’s better at this with Johnny than I am. Thanks to my dumb idea about bowling, I may have even made things worse.
As the evening and game progressed, he’d become preoccupied, letting all his thoughts about Johnny slide to the back of his mind.
Now, after debating about how well his two queens might stand up against the other two hands still in the game, Chet placed another bet. A smile spread across his face as the remaining opponents folded.
Raking his winnings in his direction, he couldn’t help but think about the next day at work. The guys are never gonna believe this. A hundred and fifty dollars in one night!
~*~*~
After rearranging the clothes in his closet a second time, Johnny sat down on the edge of the bed, his elbows resting on his thighs as he fiddled with a stray button he’d found on the closet floor. Turning it over and over, he examined the dark brown piece. It had come off of one of his shirts.
Just one *more* thing missing from where it belongs. . .
He tossed it across the way to the dresser nearby against the wall. It bounced off the edge and landed on the carpeted floor.
I’ll pick it up later, he thought, waving it off. With his feet still on the floor, he lay on his back across the bed and absently wiped a forearm across his eyes before staring up at the ceiling.
Maybe this all happened for a reason. . .maybe it was all fate. . .
“Ah hell,” he groaned, getting to a sitting position, his forearms returning to his lap. He stared at the floor a moment before getting to his feet. He then slowly walked out to the livingroom, where he plopped down on the couch once again.
When he’d come home earlier, he had turned on the television to try to get his mind off everything. But even a comedy like ‘The Flip Wilson Show’ didn’t help, thus how he’d ended up in the bedroom straightening his clothes.
Now the light-hearted programming was replaced by the nightly news. The paramedic sat watching with disinterest until the report of an accident from the previous day came on. Johnny sat numbly staring as the scene flashed across the screen. It was the accident involving the Coopers.
That happened yesterday. Why are they showing it now?
He didn’t recall a news crew even being there. But then he’d been preoccupied and underneath the car. Then it dawned on him. Looking closer, he could see the upside down car in the picture. . .Roy and the biophone…his legs moving as he started to scoot out. Then the camera quickly panned away, suddenly focusing on other victims being loaded into an ambulance.
Maybe Cap made them take the lens off us. . .
“We now have the name of a little girl who was killed in yesterday’s pile up on the 405. Four-year-old Shannon Cooper, who was thrown through the windshield of her parents’ Ford station wagon. . .”
Johnny’s stomach knotted and the blood ran loud in his ears as a snap shot of a beautiful little girl sitting in a red wagon with a baby doll in her lap and a smile on her face came up on the screen. How many times had he seen Lisa do the same thing? The sorrow was overwhelming.
Oh God. . .
He barely heard the rest of the report.
“. . . was dead at the scene after a failed attempt by paramedics to revive her. A spokesperson from Rampart General Hospital, where the girl’s body was taken, confirmed that her injuries had been too severe to save her.”
The image of the uninjured girl had him reeling as fond memories of his little sister came flooding back. How he used to pull her in his wagon, giving her and her dolls rides, only to chase after her later with an insect of some kind that he’d found; like any big brother, he loved to tease his sister.
Now he missed her more than ever before.
I've gotta get outta here.
Johnny quickly got to his feet, accidentally banging his left knee on the coffee table in the process, as he went in search of his car keys. He saw them on an end table and grabbed them before heading out the door.
~*~*~
At the beginning of the next shift, Hank Stanley looked at his men as they lined up for roll call. He frowned when he saw that one was missing.
“Anyone know where John is?”
Chet got a sudden sinking feeling in his stomach. He’d been boasting to the others about his win at the poker game the night before and hadn’t even given thought to the fact Gage hadn’t been there giving him a hard time about it. He thought back to the somber mood the paramedic seemed to be in at the bowling alley. He’d figured something serious was up, but hadn’t had the nerve to ask Johnny directly about it yet.
Should I say something?
“I can try calling him,” Roy offered.
Both men were spared doing anything as Johnny rushed into the apparatus bay from the parking lot, still in his civvies and his hair looking more tousled than usual, dark shadows under his eyes. The captain looked over at Gage, taking in his somewhat disheveled appearance.
He looks exhausted and we haven’t even started the shift yet.
“You’re late,” he said glancing at his watch, not wanting to voice his other thoughts in front of his crew.
“Sorry, Cap. I . . .uh. . .overslept.” Gage’s voice sounded raspy, like he’d just woken up. Truth was, he hadn’t gotten to bed before 4:00 in the morning and had a hard time waking up despite the alarm when it went off at 6:15.
“Well, go get changed so if you guys get toned out at least you’ll be ready,” the captain said with resignation in his voice. I’ll let it go for now. . .I can pull him aside and talk to him later when he’s had a chance to settle into the routine.
Johnny looked down at his clothes. “Right, Cap.” He turned and trotted toward the locker room.
He doesn’t look *or* sound like he got enough sleep, Hank thought to himself as he watched the youngest member of his crew. He turned his attention to the others. “Roy, how about you see what’s really up when we’re done here. And fill me in if there’s a problem I need to know about.”
The senior paramedic nodded, then glanced over his shoulder at the locker room door that was just closing behind his partner.
It can’t be anything to do with the Coopers . . . can it? He was over that. . .I thought.
But then again, he hadn’t been as over it himself, Roy had to admit. In fact, driving into work, he’d been hit with a wave of sadness when he passed a house a block down from his where a mother and father were getting their young daughter into the car, perhaps to a babysitter while they went to work.
He looked forward again, realizing the others had gone about their business already, except for Chet; he was still standing off to the left. The fireman stepped over in front of him, looking uncomfortable.
~*~*~
Johnny rubbed at his tired eyes and yawned as he hurried into the room and opened his locker. It had been a long night what with the drive and emotions that had come to surface so strongly, but he knew if he didn’t move fast in getting ready for duty, Captain Stanley wouldn’t be as calm when he saw him again. As he changed his clothes, Johnny thought back to the events of the previous night.
The first hour out, he’d driven with no destination in mind; he just wanted to distance himself from the apartment and the newscast that had brought about past emotions more intensely than he’d felt them in years. But since he hadn’t filled up the Land Rover’s tank lately, he’d had to stop for gas. His hands a little shaky, he fumbled somewhat with the money as he paid the attendant at the full-service station. However, Johnny soon started to feel less like life had just punched him in the gut after he went about the simple task of cleaning his own windshield. He had to smirk at the memory of the baffled expression on the attendant’s face as he insisted he do it. He hadn’t wanted to explain it, but rather just knew at the time he needed something routine to bring a feeling of normalcy back.
Once on the road again, Johnny had headed for a place he knew he needed to go to despite the pain it would cause. He wanted to talk; he missed Lisa so much. It was a long drive and he had to hope the gates had been left open. But there was no question; he’d had to take the chance, even if it meant hopping over the gates.
When he’d reached his intended destination, the area accessible, Johnny stood looking at the small marble headstone that was beside two larger ones which belonged to his parents. A stuffed brown teddy bear, worn from being out in the elements since his last visit several months before, was still leaning up against the little headstone, though it had fallen on its side. He’d squatted down and lightly run his right hand over the name that was engraved, then glanced at the other markers. The artificial flowers he’d left in front of them were faded from the sun and in need of replacement though he’d hoped they would hold up better during his absence. He’d have to get new ones.
But this visit wasn’t about that. He knew his mother and father would understand that tonight was for Lisa. He turned his attention back to her headstone.
After a brief one-sided and somewhat emotional conversation about Shannon Cooper and other young lives that ended too soon, Johnny picked up the bear, fidgeting with it as he apologized. “I’m so sorry. If I could take that day back and do it differently, you know I would. I was just too young to realize what could happen.” He swallowed hard. “I miss you,” was all he could add. He’d put the bear back in place making sure it stood upright, and stayed awhile longer, just silently sitting beside the grave as if sharing the moment with Lisa.
~*~*~
“Roy, I think Johnny--” Chet cut himself off, not sure saying anything was the right thing to do. No, he’s gotta know. . .it’s not ratting a friend out. . .
“What? What is it?”
Chet looked at the locker room door to make sure it wasn’t opening yet. Sighing, he explained, “I got together with Johnny yesterday. He didn’t have any plans like he told you. . .I knew he didn’t. We. . .uh. . .we,” he stopped as he caught a movement of the door out of the corner of his left eye. “Just talk to him,” he quickly whispered before changing gears for Johnny’s benefit. “Hey, that’s funny, Roy.” Chet forced a laugh and walked away.
Gage strolled over to his partner. “You ready to check out the squad?”
“Sure.”
As they walked up to the compartments on the passenger side, Roy asked, “So, did you get much sleep? You look kind of tired.” Boy, is that an understatement.
Johnny shrugged. “Not really, but I’ll be okay.”
“What happened?”
“Whataya mean?”
“Why the lack of sleep and tardiness? You’re never late for work.”
“Oh. I just took a drive last night that turned out to be longer than I expected and I lost track of time. You already know the rest.”
“That’s it?”
Johnny nodded, forcing a grin that looked out of place with the exhaustion apparent in his features. “That’s it.”
Roy knew it wouldn’t do any good to press for more yet. Maybe as the shift goes on he’ll open up. He usually does whether I want him to or not, he thought with a fleeting smile. He wished Chet would’ve told him more.
~*~*~
It wasn’t long before the paramedics were sent out on a response. Quickly closing the drug and trauma boxes, putting them in the compartments and securing the doors, Johnny and Roy climbed into the squad. As soon as Captain Stanley handed them the slip of paper with the information on it, they were heading out into the street.
The call was for a possible heart attack that later proved to be symptoms of too much stress for a bookkeeper at a CPA firm. After trying unsuccessfully for hours the night before to find the numbers that were causing the books to be out of balance and meeting with the same trouble at the start of the day, the woman had collapsed, complaining of shortness of breath and tightness in her chest.
After taking her to Rampart as a precaution, Roy waited at Dixie McCall’s desk while Johnny went into the treatment room with the woman.
As the head nurse returned the receiver back to its cradle after completing a phone call, she looked up at the blond paramedic and smiled.
“How’s your patient doing?”
Roy glanced over his shoulder at the treatment room door. “She’s gonna be okay.” As he looked back to Dixie, he added with a grin, “Nothing a balanced ledger and a short vacation won’t cure.”
“Good.”
“Have you heard anymore on the Coopers?”
“No,” she shook her head. “They were released yesterday morning. I saw pictures of their daughter on the news last night.” Sighing, she continued, “She was a beautiful little girl.”
Roy suddenly got an idea. Staring down, he gave it thought.
Shannon’s picture was on the news last night. . .Johnny went for a long drive. . .
Once again, he peered over his shoulder at the door. I wonder if the two things are related?
Noticing the puzzled look on his face as he started to face her again, Dixie asked, “Something wrong, Roy?”
“I don’t know.”
When Johnny came out of the treatment room, Roy couldn’t wait to talk to him. He immediately stepped away from the desk after a quick “See ya, Dix” to the head nurse and started toward the exit. “C’mon,” he said to his partner as he passed by.
Johnny looked on with a baffled expression, then shrugged. He gave a wave to Dixie and followed behind.
She couldn’t help but notice how tired he looked. He sure looks like *he* could use a vacation.
~*~*~
As soon as the paramedics were in the squad, Roy addressed the younger man. “You wanna talk about why you were up so late yet?”
“Nope. But thanks for the offer.”
“If it’s to do with Shannon Cooper,” he started, trying to scrutinize his partner’s reaction to the suggestion, “don’t feel like you have to hide it; I’ve had a hard time getting past that rescue myself.”
“It’s not,” Johnny said as he looked toward the passenger window in an effort to hide anything in his features that might give him away.
Roy turned the key in the ignition and started forward, concern still etched in his face. C’mon, Johnny. . .there’s somethin’ going on. . .
Hoping his partner would open up before they got back to the station, Roy decided to take a longer route, using a need to stop at a jewelry store to get ideas on a bracelet for Joanne as an excuse. Once on their way again after a brief look at the merchandise, the paramedics made their way back to the station using the 405.
With their turn off just a little more than a mile ahead and time away from the station running out, Roy once again tried to get Johnny to open up.
“You know, if there’s anything you need to get off your chest--”
“There’s not.”
Suddenly the squad shot forward, the front end quickly coming around to the left as a loud crunch of metal was heard.
“What the. . .?”
At the same time his partner voiced surprise as the squad went into a spin, Roy was on the brakes and trying to regain control.
Neither was aware that the driver of a car behind them had made a sudden lane change to the left, tagging the rear corner of the squad hard in the process. As its front spun into the next lane over, Johnny was slammed against the passenger door, the side of his head connecting with the metal above window. His right knee smacked hard on the dashboard.
The squad then connected with the front left corner of the car; the immediate force of the collision throwing the unrestrained men to the left in the cab, the side of Roy’s head connecting hard with the window despite the fact he was still holding on to the steering wheel.
Almost simultaneously with the second impact, a vehicle that was coming up along the right was tagged by the rear passenger side of the squad, which caused the red truck to jerk toward the right.
Roy felt the wind get knocked out of him as his right side hit up against the steering wheel before he was once again thrown to the left like he was on some sort of wild amusement park ride.
After banging his head once more on the door frame, Johnny somehow managed to quickly brace his left foot on the floor as he grabbed onto the back of the seat with one hand. Thus he was able to minimize his being thrown around more as the squad continued its spin in the other direction.
The car they’d hit shot off to the right immediately after connecting with the squad. In the meantime the driver of a fourth car spun out trying to avoid the accident, his vehicle ending up against the concrete barrier in the center of the freeway.
When everything had come to a stop, and the agonizing sounds of screeching tires and smashing metal and glass had ended, six wrecked vehicles sat blocking all four lanes of the 405. Non-wrecked cars were stopped behind the mess and some occupants hurried to see if anyone had been seriously hurt.
Still on the seat, but leaning against the passenger door in the aftermath, Johnny groaned and slowly moved to a more upright position.
“You okay?” Roy anxiously asked, not sure he was himself. He head was throbbing and his right side hurt like hell.
Gage noticed his partner had blood running down the left side of his face. Why was Roy asking him if he was okay? Roy sure wasn’t; he looked dazed.
As for himself, Johnny just knew his head hurt. But before he had a chance to say anything, he glanced out the windshield and saw one of the rear doors of a damaged car open, no one on the seat just inside. He could see upset faces on people hurrying over to a spot several feet from the vehicle.
Propelled to a memory from a few days after his seventh birthday, Johnny quickly recalled his father driving, his mother in the front passenger seat reminding his dad of the upcoming right turn they needed to take at a second intersection ahead.
Johnny and his four-year-old sister Lisa were in the backseat; her with a baby doll on her lap, him with little green plastic army men on the seat near him. He’d noticed Lisa’s door wasn’t closed all the way; it was just barely latched. But it didn’t seem like a big deal. After all, it wasn’t like his dad was a reckless driver.
He picked up an army man with a rifle molded in its hands and began to make shooting noises as he pointed it toward Lisa’s doll.
“Stop it, John! Mommy he—“
She never got to finish telling on him. At the same instant her mother turned to see what was wrong, they were in the middle of the first intersection and a car coming from the right ran a red light, hitting their car on the passenger side.
The rest was a blur to Johnny. He recalled the sound of crumpling metal, shattering glass and screeching tires as his dad stepped on the brakes while the car spun around from the hit, finally coming to stop near one of the corners. His mother screamed through the ordeal; his dad had uttered swear words as he’d fought to regain control of the car. Johnny was thrown off the seat and on to the floor below where Lisa had been sitting.
Had been. . .
“Johnny, are you okay?” Roy had already reported the accident using the mic and had his door open, ready to climb out to see if anyone needed immediate help. He could feel pain in his right side from the movement, but for the moment he tried to block it out. However, Gage seemed to be hurt worse than he initially thought; the younger man wasn’t responding to his voice. Concerned about his partner, he carefully moved closer to check him over.
Still lost in the flashback as Roy asked him a second time if he was okay, Gage’s mind continued to play back the memories; his pulse was racing, making his head throb until it felt like it would explode. .
Johnny looked up from the cramped space on the car’s floor and saw that the left rear passenger door was open; his sister and her doll were gone.
No! No!
“No!” He leaned into the door as he opened it and bolted out, losing his footing as soon as his feet hit the ground, leaving a baffled partner behind in the squad.
The seven-year-old peered up at the back of the front seat. His dad was asking if he and Lisa were okay. How could he answer? His heart pounding in his chest, Johnny thought again about the loose door latch.
I shoulda told, I shoulda told!
Frightened, he fought back tears as he forced himself into moving. He had to find his little sister. Without a thought about his own possible injuries and ignoring his dad’s question, he immediately scrambled out of the car, falling first on the pavement before getting to his feet again and running over to where she lay in the street unmoving. A pool of blood was already forming under her head.
Not again. Don’t let it happen again. He got to his feet, ignoring a pain in his right knee as he quickly limped over to the small crowd still forming and pushed his way through. It was another young girl on the pavement, moderate road rash on her left side including her face, arm and leg where she’d landed and slid on the rough surface. The child was obviously stunned and in a stupor, but conscious.
“I. . .I’m a paramedic,” he said as he stepped out into the clear with a final twist around a bystander. He knelt down beside the injured child, wincing at the sharp pain the pressure on his right knee caused. The sad memory from the past continued as he went into action to try to help.
Johnny dropped to his knees beside his sister, unable to hold back the tears his father had told him were for sissies. He didn’t care. All he could think about was that he’d screwed up. If he’d just said her door wasn’t closed all the way, she probably would’ve been on the floor with him.
“Lisa. . .”
He noticed her small hand clutching and releasing as she remained otherwise still. He reached out and took a hold of it, breaking into sobs.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
Johnny barely felt anyone grab his shoulders to pull him away. But what he did feel was the little hand go limp in his. Wide-eyed, he looked at Lisa’s bloodied face; the vacant stare in her eyes. At that moment he knew she was gone.
Johnny swiped at his watery eyes, swearing inwardly at himself. Dammit, don’t lose it now. She’s not Lisa. . it’s not Lisa.
“Step back,” he said over his shoulder to the bystanders who had inched their way closer to watch. “Give her space.” He then looked at the girl as she returned his gaze, fear in her eyes. Johnny was hit with an overwhelming grief he hadn’t expected. She looked so much like Shannon Cooper. . .his shoulders fell. Lisa. . .Shannon. . .and now this girl.
He wasn’t going to let this one down.
The distraught mother who’d been helped from her car by another motorist made her way over. She nearly collapsed at the sight, but Roy made it just in time to help ease her to the ground, sucking in air at the pain the effort caused.
“Ma’am,. . . are you hurt?” he asked, looking for any visible sign of a physical injury.
“No . . .no I’m all right. I had my seatbelt on. My daughter; please, help my daughter!”
Gage gave a disbelieving glare toward the mother. Just as he’d feared, another child was left unrestrained while a parent took safety precautions for herself.
“My partner’s with her,” Roy assured, motioning toward Johnny as he stood. He then instructed a bystander to stay with her as he carefully stepped over just behind Johnny and looked down at the girl, holding his injured side.
“How is she?”
Johnny kept his eyes on the child as he answered. “I think she’ll be all right. Respirations are kinda fast, pulse is a little rapid.” The relief he felt that he didn’t come up on a dead child was starting to overtake the sadness brought on by the past; however he couldn’t help but feel some anger at the mother’s remark about her using her seatbelt. But he knew now wasn’t the time to show those emotions. It wouldn’t do anyone any good.
Roy nodded in reaction to his partner’s words, though Johnny couldn’t see. “We don’t have access to. . . all the equipment. The compartments doors are damaged and won’t open,. . . even with the pry bar. . . . But help should be here soon.”
“Okay.”
“I’m gonna go check . . .on the others. How about you double check. . . on the mother. She might be hurt and not realize it.” He started to step away, then addressed his partner again, his concern from earlier still in place. “Are you okay?”
Johnny glanced over his shoulder. “I will. And yeah. . .yeah, I am.” He wasn’t about to admit to having a headache. But he had noticed Roy’s pauses as the dark-blond paramedic seemed to need to catch his breath at times. “What about you?” he asked, noting the drying blood on the side of Roy’s face. “You sound like you’re hurtin’ quite a bit.”
“I’m banged up, . . . but I’ll be all right.”
Gage kept a concerned eye on Roy as the older man carefully made his way across toward another wrecked vehicle where other bystanders were trying to help a victim. He was holding his right hand on his side.
I hope he’s really okay. . .
He then brought his attention back to the girl who was now trembling.
“I need a blanket here!” Johnny called out, glancing around. While waiting, he gently moved her arms and legs as he carefully straightened her out.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. Just lay still.”
As he waited a moment for the requested item, he addressed the mother nearby. “Does she have any history of medical problems or any illnesses?”
“No, she’s only had to see a doctor a few times in the past few years and it was usually for a sore throat or a cold. . .that kind of thing.”
“How old is she?”
“Julie’s six.”
A blanket was finally handed to him and he quickly placed it over the girl, pulling it up to her chin. Her trembling left hand was still out from under the material, so Johnny gently took hold of it as he wiped a tear off her cheek with his other hand, all the while reassuring, “Don’t worry, sweetheart, help’s on the way. You’re gonna be all right.”
If only he could’ve been able to say those words to his sister years before. As much as he hated to let go of Julie’s hand, he knew he’d better hurry and check over her mother.
~*~*~
