(Author's Note:  Adult themes here!)

By E!lf

When Joanne DeSoto pulled up in front of her house, she was a little dismayed and a little disappointed to see a handful of familiar vehicles parked in the driveway.  Johnny Gage's Land rover was there, as was Chet Kelly's Volkswagen bus and Captain Stanley's sedan.  Having just seen her two kids off for ten days of summer camp, she'd been counting on having her husband to herself.

Truth be told, Joanne was a little jealous of the firemen Roy worked with.  She knew that there were things about the job, things that he shared with them, that he never told her about.  Facing danger together, sharing the fear and courage, enduring the horrors and celebrating the triumphs gave them a bond of which she could never be part.  Still, she had known when she married Roy that she would be sharing him with the department.  And she took comfort in the knowledge that the two of them had a special bond as well, and one that his male friends could never be party to.

What happened in their marriage remained sacred between the two of them.

Deciding to make the best of things, Joanne went in the house and brewed a pot of tea, poured it into a pitcher of ice and arranged a tray to take out to the garage where the men had gathered.  Walking out to the garage, humming slightly to herself, Joanne froze suddenly as her husband's voice reached her.  She couldn't believe what she was hearing him say.

". . . but the important thing, when you're working on her body, is to keep your strokes long and smooth.  Long, smooth strokes.  That's the whole secret right there."

He isn't! She thought.  My husband wouldn't talk about me like that!  Not even to his friends!  Maybe he's giving one of them advice, but he wouldn't be talking about me!

"And I gotta hoist her rear end up so I can get at her pipe."

Her PIPE?!?

"It's getting kinda loose, but what can you expect?  After all, she's not as young as she used to be."

Joanne almost dropped her tray.  Her face was burning with shame and embarrassment and she couldn't seem to find her breath.

"But then I need to get down in the bed and really grind it out . . . ."

Joanne stood frozen, listening to faint murmurs of agreement from the other men while she forced herself to take several deep, slow breaths.  Then she turned around and went back to the kitchen.  She dumped the iced tea down the drain, rinsed the pitcher and put it in the drainer to dry.  By the time she got done putting the empty glasses back in the cupboard she was sobbing brokenly.

I thought he loved me, she thought.  I thought that what we had was special.  But I was just being stupid.  I'm nothing to Roy but another toy that he can brag to his friends about, like his sports car or his barbecue grill or that old engine that he and Johnny bought.  Well, I know one thing!  It's going to be a very long time before he gets down in MY bed and grinds ANYTHING out again!

Leaving the kitchen in order Joanne went up to the bedroom, pulled out a small suitcase and began throwing clothes into it.

#-#-#-#-

Hearing the front door slam, Roy came out of the garage and saw his wife headed towards her car with a suitcase.  With his friends trailing along behind him, he crossed the grass to intercept her.

"Hi, honey.  Are you going somewhere?"

Joanne spun on him and slapped him hard enough to leave her small handprint outlined in red on his face.  She was crying hard and had to force the words out between the tears.  "Don't you talk to me, you miserable, lowlife snake in the grass!"

With one hand to his stinging cheek, Roy stared at her in shock.  "Jo, what's wrong?  What did I do?  Whatever it was, I'm sorry!"

"What did you do?  What did you do?  You know, the fact that you don't even know makes it even worse!"

"But . . . but what was it?  Whatever it was, I'm sorry!  I'll fix it!  I'll undo it.  Or do it.  Or I'll never do it again!  Just tell me!"

Joanne tossed her suitcase into the back of the car and stood very straight beside it.  "I'm not going to tell you, Roy.  When you can figure out why I'm mad, maybe then you can begin to apologize.  In the meantime, I'm going home to my mother!"

She got in the car and drove away, leaving him standing forlorn in the middle of the yard.  He glanced back at the other guys and his face burned with embarrassment and humiliation, his wife's small handprint standing out white now in sharp relief.

Cap shook himself first and cleared his throat.  "Roy, I can see you've got things you need to take care of.  You don't need us hanging around, getting in the way.  I think we'd better take off now.  You know you can call any of us if you need anything?"

Roy nodded.  He had to swallow a lump in his throat before he could speak in a tight voice.  "Thanks, guys.  And thanks for coming.  Sorry about . . . ."

The others nodded understandingly and in a couple of minutes everyone except for Johnny had driven away.  Johnny came over, put a hand on his shoulder and steered him towards the house.  "Come on inside, man.  We'll put some ice on that face, see if we can ward off a black eye.  She got you pretty good there."

"Yeah, she did."  Roy let his partner lead him into the house.

"So what did you do?  You got any idea?"

"No.  I swear, Johnny!  I can't think of anything!"

"When did you see her last?"

"This morning.  She left to take the kids to meet the bus to summer camp.  I helped her finish packing their stuff and then I kissed all three of them goodbye.  She said she'd see me when she got home.  She seemed fine then."

"Well," Johnny considered the matter as he made an ice pack and applied it to his friend's cheek.  "Could it be because all of us were here?  Was she planning something special for today, do you think?  And then we ruined her plans?"

Roy thought about that.  "No, I don't think so.  I don't think Jo would fly off the handle about something like that.  Not if I didn't even know about it.  And she certainly wouldn't expect me to understand what she was mad about if it was something I didn't know about."  Roy took the ice pack from Johnny's hand and held it himself.  They sat for several minutes in companionable silence.

"Maybe she heard something while she was out.  Have you had any grateful females chasing you lately?"

"No, of course not.  Nothing like that.  Besides, when that happened that one time, I didn't keep it a secret from her.  I told her all about it.  She was real understanding.  I think she even felt kind of sorry for the girl."

"Well, what about that nurse you're so friendly with?  Ann?  Anything Joanne could get jealous about there?"

Roy sighed and shook his head.  "Ann's dating a cop from West Hollywood.  I'm the one that introduced them.  Jo helped me set them up."

"What are you going to do?" Johnny asked finally.

Roy shrugged.  "Give her some time to calm down, I guess, and then go over and try to talk to her.  Maybe if I take her some flowers or candy or something that'll help some."

"Well . . . you know, if you need anything, even just someone to talk to, you don't hesitate to call me, all right?"

Roy nodded.  "Thanks, Johnny."

Johnny stood up and slapped his friend gently on the shoulder.  "All right, then.  See you at work tomorrow?"

Again Roy nodded.

"Okay then, I'll see you tomorrow.  But you call me if you need me.  You hear me?"

#-#-#-#-

When A-shift reported for duty the next morning, Roy was the first to arrive.  His friends found him sitting on the bench in front of his locker, already in uniform, staring at nothing.

"No luck, huh?" Johnny asked.

Roy dropped his eyes as he shook his head.

"Did you try the flowers?"

"Flowers, chocolate, balloons.  I even took her a teddy bear.  She threw it at me.  She won't even speak to me until I figure out what I'm in trouble for."

"And she isn't giving you any hints at all?" Marco asked.

"Nope, nothing."

The other firemen gathered around.  "Did you forget your anniversary?" Cap asked.

"No, that's in May."

"Her birthday?"  Mike Stoker suggested.

"December third."

"Is she on the rag?" Chet asked.

The other men turned on him.  "Chet!"

"What?  What?  Somebody had to ask."

"No somebody didn't have to ask!"

"That's not it either," Roy said sadly.

"Well," Cap said kindly, "I'm sure you'll figure it out or it'll all blow over soon."  Then he reminded them all that they needed to get ready for roll call and the little group around Roy broke up.

It was a slow day, which was both good and bad.  It was good because Roy was obviously exhausted.  Johnny, watching him surreptitiously, was certain he hadn't slept the night before.  It was bad because, with hardly any runs, there was nothing to distract the older paramedic from his private misery.  Late in the afternoon Johnny found him standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorjamb and gazing out into another perfect Southern California day with an expression so sad he seemed ready to cry.

"You want to talk about it?"

Roy sighed.  "Joanne's mother is trying to talk her into divorcing me," he said, his voice soft and hopeless.

"Isn't that pretty much a constant?"

"Yeah," Roy agreed bleakly, "but this time I think Jo might be listening to her."

When morning finally came and they were released, they gathered in the parking lot for a minute.

"Roy, do you still want us to come over and help you today?  We'll understand if you don't feel like it."

"Would you mind coming over?  They've made it clear that I'm not welcome at Jo's mother's house, and it'd be nice to be around people who don't think I'm evil incarnate."

Johnny put an arm around his partner's shoulders.  "Now, Roy.  We all know you're not evil incarnate!  That's Chet's job."

Agreeing to meet at Roy's house around noon, they got in their cars and went their separate ways.

#-#-#-#-

"Well, frankly, Sis, I think you're overreacting."

"But he was talking trash about me!  To his buddies!  I'm not as young as I used to be, you know.  That's why my 'pipe' is getting loose!  Really!"

"So what?  You've got two kids.  You've got a right to have a loose pipe.  At least he's still interested in it.  I don't think my husband even remembers that I've got a pipe."

"You're not taking this very seriously, Eileen!"

"I'm serious!  Listen, I'm married to a guy who is about as passionate as a doorknob.  If I had a hot fireman who wanted to get down in the bed and grind it out, I'm there, baby!"

Joanne sniffled and opened her mouth, but whatever she was going to say was cut off by the ringing telephone.  She turned up her nose.  "If that's my husband, I'm not talking to him!"

Eileen rolled her eyes and answered the phone.  "Hello?  Oh, hi.  Just a second, I'll see."  She tucked the phone against her shoulder.  "Speaking of hot firemen, it's Sexy Gage."

"I'm not here!"

Joanne's sister shrugged and spoke into the phone again.  "Sorry, Johnny.  She says she's not here . . . what?  Hey, wait!  What . . . ?  Hello?"  Face suddenly grave, she set down the phone.  "He hung up on me."

"Well, I don't care!  I'm not talking to Roy and I'm not listening to his buddies try to tell me what a great guy he is!"

"Joanne," Eileen said, and there was a note in her voice that sent chills down Joanne's spine.  "Joanne, listen.  I think this is important.  Johnny said Roy is in the ER.  He said that they're trying to get his heart started again and that if you care rather or not they succeed you can call him."

Joanne swallowed hard and stared at her sister, trying to breathe.  "It's a gag, a joke.  It's a trick to get me to forgive him."

"I don't think so.  Johnny sounded real serious.  And angry.  And scared.  I think you'd ought to call him back."

Looking into her sister's eyes, Joanne could tell that Eileen thought this was deadly serious indeed.  Crossing to the phone on legs that didn't seem to want to support her, she dialed the familiar number of the emergency desk and, when a strange nurse answered, asked for John Gage.  After a couple seconds of silence he came on the line.

"Johnny?" she kept her tone neutral.  "Johnny, what happened?"

"Roy got a bad electrical shock this afternoon.  It stopped his heart and we had to do CPR until the paramedics got there with a defibrillator.  Dr. Brackett's in with him now, trying to get his pulse steadied and see if there's any tissue damage or . . . or any brain damage.  He wasn't breathing for a while there, either."

"Is he going to be all right?"

Johnny hesitated and she understood what he was thinking as clearly as if she were a psychic, reading his mind.  On the one hand he was still upset and he was angry at her for giving his friend such a hard time, so he wanted to keep her frightened.  On the other hand, he was basically a kind person and it was his nature to want to reassure her.

"I think so," he said finally, "but we don't really know for sure yet.  Anyway, I thought you'd ought to know he'd been hurt, is all."

He seemed like he was about to hang up but she interrupted him.  "But, I don't understand.  How did he get shocked?  You guys weren't on shift today . . .?"

Johnny sighed.  "We were over at your house, helping Roy work on that old pickup he's restoring.  He'd rented a grinder from one of those tool rental places and it was faulty.  He was down in the bed, grinding it out, when the tool short-circuited.  It sent an electrical charge through the truck bed and then it just basically blew up in his face."

Joanne stood frozen, stunned.  "What was he doing?" she asked again in a very small voice.

"He was working on that old truck," Johnny said impatiently.  "He was working on it with a rented grinder and he was down in the bed grinding out the rust and old paint and such.  So he could primer it and repaint it."

"Did he have to hoist up the rear end?" Jo asked, dreading the answer.  "So he could get at the tailpipe?"

"Yeah, it was loose.  We already fixed that.  Listen, Jo, are you coming down here?  I know you're mad at him, but he's hurt pretty badly.  Maybe this isn't the best time to hold a grudge, you know?"

"I know.  I'm coming.  Just as fast as I can get there."  She hesitated.  "If they let you in to see him," she began, but she'd waited too long and Johnny had hung up the phone.  At her end she set down the receiver very carefully.

"Jo?" her sister asked.  "Is everything all right, honey?"

"Oh, Eileen," she said, not turning around to face her.  "I'm such an idiot!"

#-#-#-#-

Eileen dropped Joanne off at the emergency entrance and went to look for a parking place.  Alone, Jo took a deep breath and went into the hospital.  When she got to the hall she looked left and right and quickly spotted Roy's friends, gathered in tight knot in a waiting area to her left.  Cap, Mike and Marco were sitting in the hard plastic chairs.  Chet was standing facing her, drinking from a paper cone from the water cooler and Johnny was standing nearest her but turned away, with one foot up on a chair.  He was leaning his elbow on his knee, talking seriously with the other four.

Joanne had never felt such an outcast in her entire life.  There they were, Roy's tight group of friends who were always there for one another.  And here she was, the bitchy wife who hadn't been around when her husband needed her.

Chet saw her first and said something to the others.  Their heads turned in her direction.  Johnny took his foot down from the chair, said something half over his shoulder to his friends and then came over to meet her.

"Jo," his voice was carefully neutral.

"How is he?"

"Seems to be doing better.  They think he's going to be all right.  He's got some bad burns on his left hand and both knees and they want to keep him for a few days and keep a close eye on him.  They're getting a room ready for him up in cardiac care."

"Will they let me see him?"

"Well, they won't let us see him, but I think you might get in."  She could tell that Johnny was trying to hide his resentment of this injustice.

"He knows you're out here," she said, looking down at the clean white floor.  "He's probably not too sure about me."

Johnny had no reply to that so he took her arm and led her towards the nurses' station.  The nurse there was a stranger to Joanne and Johnny didn't seem to know her either.  Joanne remembered Roy saying something about new nursing staff coming in from some other hospital that had closed down due to earthquake damage.  That would explain why the firemen had had no luck visiting Roy.

"This is Mrs. DeSoto," Johnny said.  "Her husband is in three, waiting to be taken up to a room.  Is it all right if she goes in to see him?"

The nurse consulted a medical chart, holding it so that they couldn't see what was written.  "That'll be all right.  Just Mrs. DeSoto, though."

Johnny made a face and guided Joanne back down the hall with the nurse's eyes on their backs.  "No paramedics at the hospital she came from," he said by way of explanation.  "I don't think she entirely trusts me not to run in and try to defib him."

"Dr. Brackett would let you in," Joanne said.

"He got called away.  There was a bus wrecked on the 405 and everybody we know is pretty busy right now."  He stopped in the hall and held the door for her.  "Tell him to hang in there?"

"Sure."

Joanne went into the exam room and found Roy lying on a table, the head slightly raised.  He was shirtless, with an IV in his left arm and an array of EKG sensors attached to his hairy chest.  His jeans had been slit most of the way up the legs and there were bandages on his knees and his left hand.  He was watching her warily and she went up to him almost shyly and took his hand.  She had been dreading this conversation all the way over here, but also praying for it.  He was going to be so mad, and he had every right to be.  But, oh!  How unbearable it would have been for him to have died and left her with this on her conscious.

"How are you feeling?" she asked him.

"Crispy," he said and she smiled at the feeble joke.

"Johnny wanted me to tell you to hang in there."

"Tell him with both hands."

"Okay."

They fell silent and then both tried to talk at once.  Roy won.

"Sweetheart, I swear I didn't do this to get you to forgive me, but if it works it will have been worth it.  I still can't figure out what I did to hurt you, and that's probably because I'm just an idiot.  But whatever it was, it was an accident, because the last thing in the world I'd ever want to do is make you cry.  So, please, if you'll just tell me what's wrong then whatever it takes I'll make it right and I promise I'll never do it again."

Joanne was shaking, tears running down her face and dripping off onto the exam table.  "No, Roy.  No, honey, I'M sorry.  You didn't do anything except get stuck with a mean, bitchy wife.  I misunderstood and it's all my fault.  I just hope that someday you can forgive me for how I've been treating you.  All I can say in my defense is that I wouldn't have flown off the handle like I did if I didn't love you more than I can possibly say."

Roy was squeezing her hand, being sweet to her, but he was watching her with anxious puzzlement.  "Sweetheart, I don't understand.  You misunderstood?  Misunderstood what?  And why did it hurt your feelings so badly?"

Joanne swallowed hard and took a deep breath.  Time to admit her mistakes.  Roy was going to be so angry.  She'd misjudged him, unfairly thought the worst of him, embarrassed him in front of his friends.  Slapped him.  And then she'd acted like a spoiled prima donna and not even told him what she was mad about or given him a chance to explain.

"When you guys were all out in the garage," she said, "I was bringing you some iced tea and I overheard you talking.  I know now you were talking about working on your truck, but then I thought that you were talking about me."

She stole at peek at Roy to see how he was reacting and found him no less puzzled.  "Talking about you?"

"About me.  Us.  Our relationship."  She could tell he wasn't following her and sighed shortly, frustrated.  "Sex," she clarified.

"Oh, I see."  He wasn't reacting as she'd thought he would.  In fact, he wasn't reacting at all.  He was looking away towards the corner of the room but clearly not seeing it.  Trying to remember the conversation.  "What did I say?"

"Well," Joanne clasped his hand and circled her thumb over his fingers.  "You said that when you're working on her body it's important to use long, smooth strokes."

Roy pressed his lips tight together and turned slightly pink.  "Okay," he said carefully.  "Anything else?"

"And you said, 'I gotta hoist up her rear end so I can get at her pipe'."

Roy still didn't look at her.  His face was turning a deeper red and he simply nodded, encouraging her to go on.

"And 'her pipe is getting kinda loose but then she's not as young as she used to be'."

Roy turned purple.  When he spoke it was to force the words out in a strangled, high-pitched voice.  "Was that all?"

"Almost.  You also said, 'what I need to do is get down in the bed and really grind it out'."  She peeked at him again, waiting for him to lose his temper.

He was turning a really alarming shade and as she watched his whole body began to shake.  She thought for an instant that he was having convulsions, but then she caught his eye and realized suddenly that it wasn't anger he was holding in.

"Roy!" she scolded frantically.  "Roy, stop it!  You need to be still!  You'll hurt yourself.  And if the nurses see your EKG jiggling around like that they're going to think you're having a heart attack!"

"Jiggling," he repeated, and with that he lost it and burst out laughing.

"Honey, stop!" she said, trying to hold his shoulders still.  "You're going to hurt yourself!  It's not that funny, you know!"

He leaned forward slightly, clutched his chest over his heart and said "ouch" but he kept on laughing.  When he finally subsided to light giggles and was able to catch his breath he looked at his wife, eyes dancing.  "Mrs. DeSoto," he said, "you have a dirty mind!"

Joanne looked down and blushed, but she was so relieved she could have sung.  He wasn't angry at all.  He wasn't even going to yell.  He was probably going to tease her for the rest of her life, but he wasn't going to yell.  Of course not.  She should have known that he'd forgive her.  His even temper and sense of humor were two of the many things she loved about him.

There was a light knock and then the door opened and Johnny stuck his head in, obviously not wanting to intrude, but just as obviously worried.  He glanced at them both questioningly, then ducked in and shut the door behind him.  "Um, guys?  Is everything okay?  I mean, I don't want to bother you, but I was down by the nurses' station and it looked like your heartbeat was skipping around a bit."

"Everything's okay," Roy told him.  "I'm afraid I was just --" he giggled, "jiggling the sensors."  He caught his partner's eye, asking for understanding and forgiveness.  "I'm sorry, Johnny.  I can't tell you what's funny."

Joanne blushed and put her hand on his arm.  "No, it's okay.  Go ahead and tell him."

The two men turned to look at her.  "Are you sure?" Roy asked.

"Yes, go ahead.  After all, it's the very least I owe you.  Besides, Eileen will be in when she gets the car parked.  She knows the whole story.  She'll tell the whole world."

"Well . . ." Roy said.

"Does this have something to do with the reason you're in trouble?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah, you see, Jo overheard us talking in the garage.  When I was talking about the truck, she thought I was talking about her."

"About her?"  Now it was Johnny's turn to look perplexed.

"About sex," Joanne again clarified.  Sheesh!  What was it with all the innocent firemen?

"Well . . ." Johnny considered it, "what did you say?"

Roy told him, with much giggling, while Johnny's Native American complexion turned a darker and darker red.  He was too much of a gentleman to laugh in Joanne's face, but she could see he was having a hard time suppressing his humor.

"I can see," he said finally, trying to swallow his mirth, "I can see where, under the circumstances, she might be inclined to get mad at you."

"Yeah," Roy grinned.  "My wife has a dirty mind."

"You're a lucky man," Johnny told him, amused, while Joanne felt her cheeks burning crimson.

"I am," Roy agreed.

Joanne took his hand and raised it so she could kiss it, then hugged his arm to her as she looked down at him.  "So does this mean that I might be forgiven?"

"Well," he teased, "I don't know about that.  After all . . . .  You know what I think?  I think, when I get out of here, you need to show me just exactly what it was you thought I was talking about."

Johnny snorted.  "Not so sure that's a good idea, Pally.  That's apt to put you right back in the hospital."

"Maybe, but it sounds like it'd be worth it!"

Joanne shook her head and kissed his cheek.  "How about I make you a promise?"

"What kind of promise?"

"Well, the next time you need to get down in the bed and really grind it out, I promise not to short circuit and blow up in your face.  How's that?"

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