The sun had cleared the mountains and was now shining brightly as Roy pulled his truck over to the side of the narrow country road. They'd arrived in Hanford, a small town northwest of Tulare. Buck had known of the grocer Johnny remembered and shown them how to get here. They located the grocery store and were now headed north, just on the outskirts of the small town. The blond paramedic glanced over at his partner. Johnny was sitting in the passenger seat staring at the surrounding area.

On the right was a huge orchard. Roy wasn't sure what was growing, but this time of year had the grove in full bloom. The white blossoms filled the cab of the pickup with a fragrant air. On the left was a collection of farm buildings surrounded by a large pasture where several horses were standing together, sleepily swishing their tails. They'd passed several small, unpaved roads, but most of them seemed to lead to barns or outbuildings for the farms.

"Any of this look familiar?" Roy asked. He was beginning to wonder just how much Johnny really remembered of where he was held.

But Johnny didn't appear discouraged. He leaned forward and motioned with his hand. "Keep going. There should be a road up ahead... just past the orchard." He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. "I remember the smell of the blossoms."

"Okay." Roy pulled the truck back onto the road and drove at a moderate pace, keeping his eyes out for a turn off.

Another couple of miles passed and the grove ended. Johnny peered intently out the window and then suddenly called out, "Right... here, Roy... turn right."

"I see it," Roy muttered as he took the corner sharply, ending up on a dirt road that seemed to stretch ahead of them for miles.

They passed two or three small houses, but after that there was just fields. Roy had to slow down quite a bit because the road had become deeply rutted, giving the pickup's shocks a run for their money. Eventually, the landscape became less open spaces and more trees.

"You sure this is right?" Roy asked. "Looks like we're headed up into the canyon."

"Just keep going," Johnny answered, keeping his eyes on the road. "There's another turn not too far now."

Sure enough, another mile up the road and there was another turn off, this one barely visible. Roy headed the truck onto the narrow lane. There were a lot more trees now, and the air was cooler than it had been on the valley floor. They drove this way for quite some time and then Roy had to brake abruptly. There was no more road.

"What now?" he asked. "Did we take a wrong turn?"

Johnny shook his head. "We walk. You can't drive in from here."

Roy didn't like this idea, especially with the shape Johnny's leg was in. "How far?" He tried not to sound too skeptical, but his partner knew at once what he was referring to.

"I can make it," Johnny stated defiantly. "This is how I got out. I'll be fine."

But Roy wasn't convinced. The last thing he wanted was to get half way to the middle of nowhere and have Johnny fold on him.

"Are you sure there's not a road? I mean, Reggie had a car. How did he get you in here?"

Johnny looked flustered and he shrugged helplessly. "I don't know for sure. Maybe there is, but I don't know how to get to it." He waved his arm out the window. "This is the only way I know." He paused and then glanced over at Roy. "You don't have to come. I can go alone."

Don't sound so hopeful, Junior. You're stuck with me.

Roy shook his head. "Nope. We'll go this way."

He opened the door and climbed down, trotting over to the passenger side in case Johnny needed a hand, but his partner was already out and on his feet. Roy reached into the back of the truck and grabbed his backpack. He wasn't planning on any emergencies, but he always carried a few supplies with him. He slung the pack over his shoulder and waited for Johnny to take the lead.

As they walked, Roy could see the toll this expedition was taking on Johnny's leg, though he never said a word of complaint. Roy wondered how far they would actually have to walk. He didn't think Johnny had a clear idea of the distance. He'd gotten the distinct impression that his partner was going on instinct rather than a definite memory. That wasn't surprising considering the state Johnny had been in when he made this trek the first time.

Johnny stopped abruptly and Roy nearly ran into the back of him. He did some fast footwork and came to a stop beside his friend. Before he could ask, Johnny's long arm was pointing off to the right.

"That's the lake," he whispered.

Roy peered through the trees and could just see the reflection of the morning sun off the water. After a moment, Johnny headed in that direction.

"Is that where we're going?" Roy asked, trying to mentally keep track of how far they'd come already.

Johnny nodded. "The house isn't far from there."

They trudged slowly down a small gully. Twice, Roy had to step in and grab Johnny's arm to steady him, but the ground soon leveled off and they were standing on the lakeshore. It wasn't very large, and was definitely secluded. There were a few ducks on the opposite shore, but no other signs of life.

Roy glanced at Johnny. His dark eyes were staring at the water and seemed far away, probably reliving some memories. Roy repressed a shudder, remembering that Johnny had talked about coming here when he was good, and about playing the game here. He was still uncomfortable with the idea that his friend had considered any of his experiences with Reggie pleasant.

Pull it together, DeSoto, he chided himself. This is only the beginning. The house will be a hell of a lot worse.

He let his hand come to rest on Johnny's shoulder and felt the man flinch at the unexpected touch.

"Sorry," Roy apologized. "You okay?"

Johnny nodded, his breathing a little fast. "You just startled me." He bent down and rubbed at his knee, then straightened up again and took a deep breath. "It's not far now."

They started off again. They walked around the lake to the opposite side and this time Johnny actually reached to take Roy's arm for support as they climbed up the slight rise. When they reached the top, Roy could see where the trees thinned out into a green meadow. A short while later, and he could see the outline of a two story frame house, the large wrap around porch and the old fashioned white pillars. It looked like it had seen better days, but was still in fairly good condition. There was a smaller building next to it and parked in front was an older white sedan.

Roy had a flash of memory. That car in the night, flashes of gunfire, the car driving away, Johnny in the backseat. The pain he thought he'd forgotten all came rushing back with breath taking intensity.

"Roy?"

He glanced at Johnny who was regarding him with questioning eyes.

"You okay?"

Roy nodded, feeling stupid. Johnny was the one with all the painful memories. "Yeah," he said at last. "I... just saw the car..." He shrugged, unable to put his feelings into words.

But Johnny seemed to understand. "Yeah, they come at you out of the blue sometimes." He gave Roy a slight smile.

Roy heaved a sigh. Boy, Johnny, if mine are like that, yours have to be gut wrenching.

Without a word spoken, they both started walking again at the same time. Roy could hear birds singing and insects humming, the sounds of nature seeming incongruent with the horrors of what had happened inside the house that seemed such a part of the setting.

Roy wasn't sure what exactly happened next, but suddenly Johnny gave a cry and went down hard. When Roy turned, he saw his partner on the ground, clutching his knee, his face contorted in agony.

"Johnny! Johnny, what's wrong?" Roy dropped to his own knees, trying to assess his partner's condition.

"Damn, damn, damn," Johnny was moaning through clenched teeth, his body rocking back and forth.

Roy put a hand on the younger man's shoulder to try and get him to stay still. "Johnny, hold on. Let me check it out."

He was finally able to pry Johnny's hands away from his knee. Pushing the leg of the sweat pants the younger man was wearing up so he could see, Roy did a quick visual check. Johnny's knee had already been swollen some but now was twice its normal size. As Roy tried to gently palpitate it, Johnny hissed and pulled back.

"Shit, that's hurts," he cursed and once more tried to cradle his knee in his hands.

"What happened?" Roy asked.

"God damn gopher hole," he spat out, his eyes tearing from the pain.

Roy dropped his pack to the ground and began tearing through it. He found what he needed and pulled it out. He slapped the blue ice on his own leg to activate the chemicals, felt it grow cold, and then placed in on Johnny's knee. He took one of the other man's hands and placed it on top of the pack.

"Here, hold that in place," he instructed. "When's the last time you took a pain pill?"

Johnny shrugged. "Dunno exactly. Maybe yesterday morning."

Roy dug into the pack again and pulled out a bottle of aspirin. It wasn't going to help much, but it couldn't hurt. He shook out three and then pulled out a bottle of water. He handed these to Johnny.

"Here, take these."

Johnny downed them obediently, then leaned forward to rest his head on his upraised knee. Roy let him alone, using the silence to try and think of how they were going to make it back to the truck. There wasn't anything around that he could see that would be of any help.

"Well," he finally began. "I guess if we take it slow... a little bit at a time, you can lean on me and we'll get back to the truck..."

"Back to the truck?" Johnny's head shot up, his eyes panicked. "No! I'm going to the house."

"Johnny, you can't even stand," Roy pointed out, trying to sound reasonable. "How are you gonna get to the house and do... whatever it is you wanna do up there?"

But Johnny wasn't listening to reason. He dropped the ice pack and pushed himself up, trying to get to his feet. Alarmed that he might do further injury to himself, Roy scrambled to his feet, meaning to stop his friend.

He needn't have worried. As soon as Johnny put weight on his bad leg, it buckled under him, sending him sprawling. A cry of pain escaped him, even as he tried again.

"Johnny, stop!" Roy rushed over and knelt down beside the younger man, putting a restraining hand on his back. "You're gonna hurt yourself."

Unable to get up, Johnny resorted to dragging himself across the grass. He got a few feet before Roy reached him and grabbed his arm firmly.

"Stop!" he ordered harshly. "You can't do this."

Johnny turned a desperate face to him. "I have to... Roy, I have to get in there."

Roy glanced up at the house that had been Johnny's prison for so long and now seemed to be beckoning him back. He turned back to his friend.

"Why?" he asked, his voice imploring. "Tell me what's so damn important in there."

Johnny shook his head. "I can't," he whispered despairingly. "I can't tell you."

But Roy wasn't willing to let it go with that answer. For the last few days, he'd wanted so desperately to do something to help his partner and now at last he might have that chance, if only Johnny would let him.

"Then I'll go. Tell me what to do and I'll go do it."

"No!" Johnny's voice was now bordering on hysterical. He tried to shake off Roy's arm, but the paramedic held firm.

"Johnny, listen to me," he began, his determination making his voice quaver. "I'm your friend. And for a long time I thought I'd lost you. When Crockett called and said you'd been found... I... I couldn't believe it. But you'd been hurt so badly... and I felt so useless. I want to help. You have to let me do this for you."

Johnny tried one more time to get loose, then he gave up and fell to the ground, his face hidden in his arms. His shoulders were jerking as if he were sobbing, but no sound came from him. Roy let him be. The next move would be up to Johnny.

A few silent minutes passed and finally Roy heard Johnny heave a shaky sigh. Another moment and the dark head lifted slowly. Johnny finally pulled himself up to a sitting position. His face was streaked with dirt and there were tear tracks evident on his cheeks. He swiped at his nose with the back of his hand.

"I didn't w-want you to s-see," he whispered brokenly, not meeting Roy's eyes. "I d-didn't want anybody to ever see." He looked at the house once more, then lowered his head in defeat. "Up... upstairs. The room next to our... to the bedroom. Reggie... Reggie called it his g-gallery." His head dropped lower and his voice did too. "You'll know... you'll see."

"Okay, I'll go." Roy reached out to touch Johnny's arm, but drew back. Johnny's arms had come up and his eyes were closed. He's withdrawn into himself and Roy decided it would be better to just get it done.

He found the ice pack a few feet away and replaced it on Johnny's knee, then got up and dusted himself off. He faced the house and felt his stomach flutter, not knowing what he was going to find there, but he had to do this. He had to do this for Johnny.

* * *

Johnny watched Roy walk up the steps to the house, his soul sinking even further into misery. He wanted to yell, to scream, to somehow keep Roy from opening the door, but there was nothing he could do now. There was no way to stop what was going to happen.

He's going to see what we did. He'll know everything. He's going to be ashamed of you, Johnny. Everyone will. No one will love you anymore. I'm the only one who loves you. You should come back to me.

He hugged himself tighter, wishing he could become invisible somehow. Then no one would stare at him. No one would talk about him in knowing whispers. No one would call him a fag who liked what he got.

But you did, didn't you? You loved it. You asked for more. So you are what they say.

The voice in his head sounded too much like Reggie and Johnny shook his head, trying to shut it up. Suddenly there was another voice in his head.

I'm your friend, Johnny. I want to help. Let me help you.

Roy. It was Roy's voice and it sounded loud and clear, chasing Reggie out. He lifted his head and gazed at the house. Roy had just gone inside and Johnny could no longer see him. He couldn't change anything now. All he could do was wait.

Please don't hate me, Roy. Please don't hate me.

* * *

Roy wasn't sure what he had expected, but he was almost disappointed when he opened the door and stepped inside. It all seemed too normal. Maybe he'd built up in his mind some house of horrors out of one of Chet's old movies. But the cozy living room he stepped into didn't exactly fit with his view of serial killers and sexual deviants. He knew Johnny was outside, anxiously waiting for him, but his curiosity was too strong and he took a few moments to look around.

The living room held a comfortable looking couch, a reading chair, one entire wall made of shelves, filled with expensive looking books. There was a fireplace and a console television, and a large, picture window that looked toward the lake. Roy had a bizarre image of Johnny and Reggie sitting around after dinner reading or watching TV. He left the room, unable to deal with the concept of the two men doing something so routine, so normal.

He found the kitchen, still stocked with food. A small dining room with a table set for two. It was another discomforting scenario, though Roy realized they would have had to eat. It was just he'd never pictured such a homey atmosphere. And then he noticed the clasp bolted onto the baseboard and the reality hit him. Johnny would have been restrained somehow. What was it he'd said? At first, he'd make sure I couldn't go anywhere when he had to leave. Roy was positive he'd find more of these in other places in the house.

There was one other room downstairs and Roy stepped tentatively inside the door. What he saw there left him speechless. Reggie's obsession with fire fighting and fire fighters was on display for all to see. There were shelves of toys, from the cheapest plastic to the most expensive collectibles. There was a rack where uniforms of all kinds hung, shirts, jackets, turnouts, and a shelf next to it that held boots, hats, helmets. In one corner, there was even a mannequin fully dressed for a fire, complete with SCBA. There were all kinds of rescue gear, hose nozzles, even fire extinguishers. The walls were filled with pictures, some from magazines, but others that were obviously taken by someone who knew what they were doing. They were candid shots of men battling the beast.

Roy walked over to the uniform rack. Buck had warned his about leaving fingerprints, but he didn't know if they showed up on fabric, so he used his t-shirt to protect himself as he looked through the assortment. He found a turnout coat that was the familiar tan and brown and he turned the coat around, reading the back.

L.A. County, Gage

Roy closed his eyes for a moment. Though he knew Johnny had been here, this was the first real physical evidence of his captivity. It hurt and he wanted to take it out of here, but he knew it was evidence. When the police finally found this place, they would need it here.

He reluctantly put the coat back. He found Jansen's and Bentley's next and supposed they were all here, the guys from up north. There were more than just the numbers they'd been told and he shook his head in disgust. There were plenty of things here from guys the police probably didn't even know about.

He took a deep breath. He needed to get going. There was no use tormenting himself with what had happened. He couldn't change any of it. He walked back out into the hall, looking for a staircase. Johnny had said to go upstairs.

He saw it in the back and walked towards it. The closer he got the more aware he became of a unpleasant odor assailing his nostrils. As he started up the stairs, it got stronger and stronger, until he pulled his shirt up to cover his nose. It wasn't until he reached the landing that it struck him. There was a dead body in the house. A body that had been here in the heat for at least at least a week, probably longer.

Trying to breathe through his mouth, Roy pushed open the first door he found and stepped inside. It didn't take long to figure out this room was used for what Johnny termed punishment. There was a hook hanging from the ceiling and a table to the side held handcuffs and all kinds of whips and other strange looking items Roy couldn't identify. Over to the side was a thinly padded bench at waist height with shackles at the floor. Roy stared at it for a moment, then felt his stomach turn as he realized what it was for.

God, Johnny, how did you do it? How did you live through this? I don't think I could have survived.

He left this room, unable to be in it any longer. He stood for a moment, wanting a breath of fresh air desperately, but there was none to be had. He staggered past a bathroom, then onto the next room, where the door was partway open. This was where the stench was the strongest, and he was afraid of what this was. He put his hand to his nose and, mindful of Buck's warning again, used his foot to push the door all the way open.

He saw the bed first and then the body lying on it. Not that it was very recognizable as a body. The heat and flies had not been kind. The sheets the corpse rested on had been a silken blue, but was now mostly the rusty color of dried blood. Roy stood for a moment, unable to move. He'd seen dead bodies before, burned by fire or mangled horrifically in traffic collisions. But this grotesque remainder of what had once been a living being was more than just another dead body. This was the man who had taken Johnny, who had hurt him and used him without a second thought. Roy had spent many sleepless night thinking of what he would do to this man if he ever met him face to face. Now he just backed out of the room, fighting the urge to vomit.

He turned to the next room. This is where Johnny had fought so hard to get to. Roy couldn't imagine what could be worse than what he'd already seen, but Johnny had been so frantic to get here that Roy's hand was shaking as he pushed the door open.

This room was dark, and when Roy flipped the light switch, it was lit with a multitude of dim wall sconces. Each fixture was illuminating a framed photograph of a nude male in sexually explicit poses. Roy had seen his share of pornography. Between the army and the firehouse, it was hard to avoid it. Some of the guys at the station, including his partner, looked at Playboy, and once Chet had brought in a truly raunchy magazine that Cap had made him keep in his car. Roy had never been overly enticed by that sort of thing. He was very much in love with his wife and found Joanne exciting enough that he didn't feel the need for outside stimulation. But even in Chet's hardcore rag the subjects had always been women. He'd never seen anything like this. As he moved closer to get a better look, his mouth suddenly went dry and his legs grew weak. He backed into the wall to keep from sinking to the floor.

Some of these pictures were of Johnny. In fact, as his eyes moved around the room, he realized most of them were. There were a few of other men. Roy could only assume they were the other firemen, but Johnny was definitely the photographer's favorite subject. He hadn't recognized his partner at first, maybe due to his long hair, or maybe because the total unexpectedness of it had left him unable to think for a few minutes.

Roy was momentarily paralyzed. He could only stand there and stare, unable to move, to run out of the room, to throw up, to do any of the things that raced through his mind. His eyes moved from one picture to the other.

How could you do this, Johnny? How did he make you do this? From the looks of some of these, you're a pretty damn willing model. Why? Why... why... why?

And then his gaze came to rest on a large, blown up photo that seemed to be the focal point of the room. There were actually two men in this shot and Roy's eyes widened in shock when he realized not only was one of them Johnny, but Reggie was in it too. Roy had only seen his face once, but it was enough to never forget it. They were lying on a deep red rug, facing each other, but in opposite directions, and Roy's stomach heaved when he realized what they were doing.

He couldn't take anymore. He had to get out. With his hand to his mouth, he stumbled out of the room and into the small bathroom he'd noticed before. Between the filth he'd seen and the stench in the hall, he barely made it.

When his stomach finally calmed enough that he could chance moving, he stood and turned on the cold water, splashing his face repeatedly. Not bothering to dry off, he leaned his forehead against the wall and tried to breathe normally, squeezing his eyes shut tight, trying to rid his mind of the images from the other room.

Oh God! How could he do this? How could he? How could anything be worse than doing that? Maybe the neighbors were right... maybe they were right all along... Johnny said he liked it. Why else would he do this? His eyes opened slowly. What am I supposed to do? Johnny said I would know. What am I supposed to do now?

His gaze moved and his line of sight caught the inside of the punishment room and he stared at it for a long time. Once more he could see the hook dangling from the ceiling and his mind called up the image of Johnny's scarred back, of the whips and the handcuffs, the scars on Johnny's wrists that matched his own, of the whimpering anguish at the merest touch, of his friend screaming in the terror of his nightmares. Johnny telling him how the game didn't hurt when he played nice. And Dr. Evans' words came back to his mind. How adept Reggie had been at manipulation; getting Johnny to think what he wanted him to think, getting Johnny to think Reggie loved him, getting Johnny to love him back. He closed his eyes and felt the sting of tears.

I'm sorry, Junior... I just... I just didn't know. How could I know? How could anybody know?

He pushed himself away from the wall and wiped angrily at the tears. He knew what he had to do, knew now why Johnny had been compelled to come here. No one would ever understand these pictures. Johnny would never be able to live with them in existence. They had to be destroyed. Whatever other evidence the police wanted they could have, but these no one would ever see.

Roy left the bathroom, pausing at the door to the bedroom, where Reggie's bloated body lay.

You got what you deserved, you fucking bastard. I hope you lay there and rot forever and nobody ever finds you.

Wiping his hand across his nose, Roy walked determinedly into Reggie's gallery.

* * *

As the morning wore on and Roy hadn't come out of the house, Johnny felt more and more alone. The sun was hot, but he had no shade. The blue ice had quit on him and his leg was throbbing horribly. He'd used up all the water in Roy's backpack and was still thirsty. He had never felt so miserable in his whole life. He wished Roy would come out so that at least he would know if he had lost his friend and his life forever.

He rested his head on his knee, wondering what he would do if Roy didn't do what he promised, if Roy were so disgusted that he left him here to rot with Reggie. Maybe it was what he deserved anyway.

The sound of a door caused him to lift his head. He saw Roy walking down the steps, heading his way. Johnny's heart leapt to his throat, his pulse racing, but as his partner grew near, Johnny couldn't read anything in his face. He had no way of telling what was going to happen.

"R-Roy?" Johnny asked in a small voice.

Roy didn't say anything. Silently, he bent down and took Johnny's arm and wrapped it around his shoulder. He straightened, pulling Johnny up with him. Hopping on his good leg, Johnny leaned heavily on his partner.

"Roy, I... I don't think I can..."

"I've got ya," he assured him. "You need to be here for this."

With that cryptic remark, Roy started them on a slow, faltering trek to the front door. Johnny's mind was whirling with any possible reason Roy might want him in the house, but he couldn't think of any.

He recoiled when they reached the front door, but Roy was there bolstering him up and refusing to let him quit.

"It's gonna be okay," he said and for once the words sounded to Johnny like more than just platitudes. Roy was telling him something he truly believed.

They made their way into the living room and Roy settled him in the easy chair in front of the fireplace.

"Sit tight a minute," he instructed and left the room.

Johnny leaned back in the chair, letting his eyes rove around the familiar room. This had been his favorite place in the house. Nothing bad had ever happened here. Reggie had never made him play the game here. This is where they came when Reggie was in the mood just to talk or watch TV or play chess. He'd even given Johnny several books to read and they later discussed them. He closed his eyes and remembered the talks they'd had over Lady Chatterly's Lover, one of the few books Johnny had read as a teenager. Reggie had laughed when he'd learned that the only reason Johnny had read it was because one of his buddies had told him there was sex in it.

"Johnny?"

He sat up straight, half expecting Reggie to be walking into the room. He saw Roy with a box under one arm and a mix of photographs in his other. Johnny felt the pit in his stomach deepen until Roy walked over to the fireplace and stuffed the pictures in. The blond man stood up and faced his partner.

"I found the gallery," he said evenly. "And I agree with you. Nobody needs to see this stuff. But you should be the one to light the match." Roy's face grew softer. "I think you really need to be the one."

Johnny nodded breathlessly. He scooted out of the chair and Roy helped him to sit down on the rug, then handed him the matches. Without a word, Johnny struck the match and held it to the edge of one of the photos. It caught and quickly spread. He lit another one and started a flame on the other side of the grate.

As soon as he was sure the fire was going, he leaned back against the chair and watched it grow. He could feel the increasing heat on his face as the flames built and more and more of the hated pictures were consumed. Roy set the box between them. Inside were more pictures, plus hundreds of negatives.

"I found his lab out in the garage," Roy explained in a quiet voice. "I'm pretty sure this is everything he had out there." He met Johnny's gaze. "It wasn't just you, Johnny. It was all of them. None of those men deserved these to be seen by anybody."

He reached in and grabbed a handful to toss into the fire. Johnny followed his example. They did this in silence, each man watching the flames, feeling justified that though they fought fire with all their being at times, today it was their friend.

* * *

Roy pulled the truck into the driveway, killed the engine and sat for a long moment just glad to be home. He knew Joanne would be in the kitchen starting dinner and the kids were either in the back yard or at the neighbors. It had been a long and tiring day, and he was extremely thankful he had his family here waiting for him.

He glanced at the passenger seat. Johnny had finally been able to fall asleep about an hour ago. Today had been hard on him, and the long, grueling trip back to the truck had just about done him in, but his leg had been bothering him so much that he'd been unable to sleep until just before they hit the city.

Roy sighed, a mix of weariness and relief. As worn out as they both were, he felt satisfied. They accomplished something today, and whether it was technically the right thing to do or not, Roy sensed it had been a major step for Johnny. Something had lifted from his partner's beaten down soul. And though he knew Johnny was still in for a long recovery, Roy had hope that today had been the first obstacle to overcome.

There would still be a lot to get through. Johnny had not been happy with Roy's insistence that they let Buck know where the house was. He'd sat stiffly in the truck while Roy talked with the Tulare officer and given him directions. But Roy felt an obligation, to Crockett and the other men who were working so hard to close out this case, and to the families of Reggie's other victims. They needed to know, to have closure. He knew all too well what it was like to live with the uncertainty.

If Buck had any notions about what Roy and Johnny had been doing out there, he kept them to himself. He merely thanked them and wished Johnny well as they headed for home. Roy would be forever grateful to the man.

"Roy?"

He turned to see Joanne's lovely face at the door, peering at him with concern.

"Everything okay?"

He had never loved her more than at that moment. He'd left with barely any explanation, only a hastily scribbled note, was gone all day, and she met him with no cross words, no questions. He gave her a tired smile and opened his door. He got out of the truck and took his wife into his arms, giving her a long embrace.

"Everything's fine," he assured her. He pulled away just enough to be able to kiss her. "Just a little tired," he added, flexing his legs to get the kinks out. "It was a long trip."

Joanne studied his face intently, but didn't press him for details. He was glad of that. He wasn't sure how much of today he would eventually share with her, and not just out of concern for Johnny's privacy. He didn't want his wife to have to deal with any of the things he'd seen today.

Joanne leaned around him to see into the truck better. "What about Johnny?" she asked, then she smiled. "Are you going to leave him there?"

Roy returned her smile and shook his head. "I just hated to wake him up. He messed up his knee again." He left it at that.

"Poor guy. He just can't get a break." Joanne's maternal feelings for Johnny kicked into high gear. "Is there anything I can do for him?"

"I think dinner and a pain pill will help a lot." He walked around to the other side of the truck, Joanne hovering at his elbow.

"Well, dinner will be ready in a few minutes. I wasn't sure when you two would be back, so I just made a casserole."

"That sounds great," Roy said, purposefully not telling her that they'd skipped lunch. She was worried enough already, she didn't need any added reasons to fuss over them.

The passenger side window was rolled down most of the way, so Roy was able to reach in to touch Johnny's shoulder.

"We're home, Junior. You have to wake up now."

Roy had been half afraid he'd startle his partner, but Johnny merely opened one eye to regard him sleepily.

"Already?"

"Already?" Roy laughed. "My ass has been numb for the last two hours."

"Roy," Joanne chided with a chuckle. "What if the kids were here?"

Roy shook his head. "Sorry, but it's true. I have no feeling in my lower extremities."

Johnny snorted softly and sat up straight, rubbing a hand across his bleary eyes. "I wish I didn't," he complained. He winced as he tried to shift his legs. "Damn thing..." He glanced over at Joanne apologetically. "Uh, darn thing's stiffened up on me."

Joanne rolled her eyes in exasperation. "You two... you spend one day alone and your language goes right down the toilet." She smiled to let them know she was teasing.

"It's Roy's fault," Johnny stated emphatically. "He's the senior partner. He's supposed to set an example."

Roy didn't bother with a comeback. He was just pleased that his friend was acting so much like his old self. He knew it didn't mean Johnny was completely over his problems, but it was a good sign. He leaned into the cab and took his partner's arm over his shoulder.

"Here, let me give you a hand."

It wasn't easy. Johnny couldn't put any weight on his right leg and each faltering hop he made with his left as he leaned heavily on Roy jarred his bad knee anyway. Each step they took was accompanied by a hiss of pain and an occasional curse, the latter of course muttered under his breath so Joanne wouldn't hear them. By the tenth time Roy had heard Johnny's softly muttered "shit," it had grown comical and he bit his lip to keep from laughing. Once he started that, they'd never get Johnny into the house. He supposed it was a release from the emotional drain of the day, but it was hard to repress nonetheless.

After a few stops and starts, they finally got Johnny inside and settled on the couch. Roy flopped down beside him to catch his breath, while Joanne brought the ice pack and spent a few moments having to cajole Johnny into moving his leg enough to lift it onto the table so it was elevated. That done, she set the ice pack onto his tender knee and stood back, hands on hips, regarding both of them as if they were Christopher's age.

"You need some help with dinner?" Roy asked, thinking he better rack up a few points on the domestic front.

Joanne merely smiled indulgently and shook her head. "No. You guys look beat. Chris and Jen should be home in a few minutes. Missy just finished her dinner." She left them alone and headed into the kitchen.

Roy sat where he was for a minute, not doing anything.

"Hey, Roy?"

Johnny's voice was quiet and he was leaning his head back against the couch, but his eyes were on Roy.

"Yeah?" Roy could hear the weariness in his own voice.

"I just... I just wanted to say thanks." Johnny's gaze moved to the ceiling and Roy could see the mix of fatigue and emotion in the younger man's face, another reminder of how hard this whole day had been.

"No big deal," Roy told him with a slight smile. "Just repaying a favor, ya know?"

Johnny shot him a glance and Roy could tell his partner understood what he was referring to. They sat in silence again, but when Roy heard a wince from Johnny as he shifted his leg, the paramedic remembered his friend could use a pain pill. He got up and wandered into the kitchen after Joanne.

"Ba-pa, Ba-pa," greeted him and he smiled at Missy, who sat banging noisily on her high chair tray, her dinner still evident on her face.

"How's my girl?" Roy greeted, as he grabbed a wet rag and proceeded to wipe her off. She babbled happily at him as he picked her up and kissed her forehead. "Papa missed you today."

"Roy."

Joanne's voice held an odd tone and he turned to see what was wrong. His wife's face was a mix of sadness and resolution.

"Why don't you let Missy spend some time with her daddy."

Roy stood there for a moment, nonplused. And then he felt a strange twinge of jealousy as he let his gaze move to the baby in his arms. She was grinning at him while she pulled at his ears, and he saw Johnny there so clearly that it swept away any bad feelings, leaving him with only a vague hollowness inside.

"Sure," he agreed a bit woodenly, and moved to the doorway. He set Missy down and prodded her into the living room. "Go see Daddy," he urged softly.

The little girl wasted no time in using her freedom to toddle off. Roy stood and watched as she paused a few times, distracted by toys. Eventually she spied her new friend sitting sprawled on the couch and made a beeline for him.

"Da-da, Da-da," she called happily as she reached his side and latched onto his pant leg.

Johnny had let his head rest on the back of the couch, but he lifted it up as he heard the baby.

"Hey, pipsqueak," he greeted, the joy in his weary voice unmistakable.

Roy felt Joanne's arm slip around his waist and pulled her to his side as they watched Johnny pick up his little girl. Roy felt a surge of warmth spread through him at the sight of father and daughter together. Maybe everything finally would be all right. His thought were interrupted, however, by Joanne's next words.

"Lieutenant Crockett called about an hour ago," she said softly, so Johnny wouldn't hear.

"Oh yeah?" Roy asked, trying to sound surprised. "What did he want?"

"He said the police in Tulare found the house." Joanne glanced up at him, her eyes knowing. "That's where you two went today, isn't it?"

Roy didn't answer right away. He stood there silently for a moment watching Johnny play peek a boo with Missy, then he sighed, knowing he wouldn't be able to lie to Joanne. He wasn't very good at it and she was much too perceptive.

"Yeah," he breathed out. "We were there. But nobody knows except for Buck. It was important to Johnny to get there before the police found it."

Joanne's arm squeezed a little tighter. "Well, it must've done some good. He seems... I don't know... more at peace is the only way I can put it."

Roy nodded slowly. This was only the beginning. There would surely be an inquest like Crockett had warned them and Johnny would no doubt have to testify. Roy knew it would be extremely difficult for his partner to talk about what had happened to him in front of strangers, but he also knew that nothing that loomed ahead of them would ever be as difficult as what Johnny had faced today.

"Yeah," he finally answered Joanne. "I think we took on a big demon today and put it to rest."

"Now we just have to deal with all the little demons," Joanne chuckled softly.

Roy felt a smile spread on his face and he leaned over to kiss his wife.

* * *

Easter Sunday

Johnny sat at the picnic table watching the kids take turns hiding Easter eggs. It was nearly lunch time and they'd already found all the ones the Easter Bunny had hidden and were now entertaining Melissa by hiding them for her in the back yard. Johnny had been enjoying watching his daughter's squeals of delight as she zeroed in on each egg that Chris and Jennifer had carefully put in plain sight, but now he found it hard to concentrate. His right leg was stretched out on the bench to keep it elevated, but his left foot bounced nervously on the grass. Any minute now the guys and their families would be showing up for a pot luck picnic lunch and he wasn't looking forward to those awkward moments he knew would happen as each group arrived and saw him for the first time. He didn't know what to say to them, or even how to act. His stomach was fluttering and he was sure he wasn't going to be able to eat anything. The closer it got to noon, the more Johnny had to fight the urge to head upstairs to Chris' room and shut the door.

He felt a hand come down on his shoulder and he turned to see Joanne beside him, setting a stack of paper plates on the table.

"You're way too tense," she told him with an understanding smile and gave his shoulder a squeeze. "Everything will be fine."

Johnny nodded. "I know," he told her. "I just wish..." He shrugged and trailed off, unsure how to put what he was feeling into words.

Joanne seemed to understand anyway. She sat down beside him and took his hand between her own. "The only people coming today are your friends, Johnny. None of them want to upset you or make you feel bad. They just want to see you and welcome you home."

Johnny nodded, not trusting his voice to say anything else, but his foot was going even faster than it was before until he heard Roy's voice. Then he stopped, his whole body still, though his heart felt like it was beating the same tempo his foot had been.

"Cap's here, Johnny." Roy stood behind him, a comforting presence, as Joanne got up to greet her guests.

"Hank, Emily... It's so nice to see you."

Johnny kept his eyes on the table as he listened to Cap and his wife exchange pleasantries with Joanne. Then his eyes caught the pair of long legs that were standing next to Roy. He squelched the feeling of panic that threatened to overwhelm him and lifted his head to briefly meet Cap's gaze.

"Hey, John," Hank greeted softly. "How ya doin', pal?"

Johnny let his eyes fall back to the table. He tried to answer, had to clear his throat before his voice would work. "I, uh... I'm fine, Cap." It came out as barely a whisper, his throat was tight and felt like it was closing up. He cleared it again and managed a bit more volume. "I'm... I'm doing fine."

"That's good to hear."

As Hank went to sit down on the bench, Johnny started to move his stretched out leg to make more room, but the older man waved for him to keep it where it was. They sat in silence for a moment, and Johnny knew Cap was just as unsure of how to handle this whole thing as he was. Johnny glanced around and saw Emily and Joanne bringing out food for the table.

"Did your girls come?" he asked.

"No. Liz and Jeff are spending the week at his folks and Trish went to Palm Springs with some of her roommates." He gave a rueful chuckle. "I'm not sure I want to know what they're doing."

Johnny nodded in return, but was a little lost. He had no clue who Jeff was and the last time he'd seen Cap's youngest was at her high school play.

"Liz got married last Christmas." Roy had bent down slightly to fill Johnny in on what he'd missed.

Hank suddenly looked stricken, like he'd made a blunder, and Johnny repressed a sigh. There were going to be a lot of these kinds of moments, he was sure.

"Tell her congratulations for me," he said quietly, then tried his best to smile. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there."

"Me too, pal, me too."

They were spared any more agonizing pauses when the Stokers showed up. The kids all greeted each other noisily, making conversation impossible for a time. By then there were enough people milling around that Johnny didn't feel quite so much the center of attention. Mike did come up and quietly shake Johnny's hand, but he didn't try making uneasy conversation, something for which Johnny was extremely grateful.

By the time Chet and Marco arrived Johnny's stomach had settled some, though he did notice everyone was going out of their way not to talk about what happened to him. He supposed that was to be expected. Joanne had called it right. No one wanted to upset him. But it was almost more uncomfortable for them to pretend nothing had happened. He would rather they came out and asked him the questions that were certainly going through their minds.

Lunch was served, and as Johnny stared in dismay at the amount of food on the plate Joanne had set in front of him, Chet suddenly plopped down beside him. So far, the Irishman had stayed on the fringe of any conversations, but now he seemed ready to jump right in.

"You know, Gage, you sure missed a lot of stuff while you were gone. The Dodgers went to the World Series last year. 'Course they sucked royally, so you didn't miss much, but the Superbowl in '77 was right here at the Rosebowl. Raiders-Vikings, man it was a great game." Chet shook his curly head. "Man, you shoulda been here."

Roy suddenly appeared from out of nowhere and laid a heavy hand on Chet's shoulder.

"What are you trying to do, Kelly?" he asked with a tight smile.

Johnny knew his partner's expression was masking his irritation. Knowing Roy, he'd probably already laid down the law to everyone about what they should and shouldn't talk about. But Johnny wasn't upset with Chet's comments. Quite the opposite. It was the first time anyone had tried to talk to him without hedging around.

"I'm just trying to catch Gage up on stuff," Chet was telling Roy. The Irishman turned back to Johnny. "Hey, you missed a great movie last summer. Star Wars. It was fantastic. Big hit. Lines around the block." He smiled brightly. "You know, it might be playing still. We could go see it. Hey, did you know Elvis died?"

"Chet, can I talk to you a second?" Roy pulled on Chet's arm, making sure he got up and followed.

Johnny watched them for a moment as they walked across the yard out of earshot and Roy began tearing into Chet for what the older paramedic probably considered a lack of sensitivity. Johnny sighed and turned his attention back to his plate. He wasn't really hungry, but he knew he'd better make an attempt at eating if he wanted to placate Joanne. He reached for the salt and shook it absently over his potato salad.

"Hey!" He fumbled with the shaker as the lid came off, dumping a nice little mountain of salt all over his salad.

"Oh, Johnny, I'm sorry." Joanne rushed over to take his plate. "I filled that this morning and I thought I screwed it on tight." She moved over to start filling a new plate.

Johnny studied the shaker in his hand, a small nagging suspicion tugging at his brain. He couldn't remember if Chet had used the salt or not. He glanced over his shoulder, but Kelly was still being held prisoner by Roy.

"Here you go." Joanne set a fresh plate in front of him. "I don't know how that happened."

"Thanks, Jo. It's no big deal," he told her, not wanting the fuss. Since she was standing there watching him, he scooped up a bite of fruit salad and shoved it into his mouth.

The overwhelming flavor of garlic filled his mouth, making his eyes water as he fought the urge to spit the offending food back onto his plate.

"Johnny? Johnny, what's wrong?"

Joanne's concerned voice caught everyone's attention. Johnny could see all eyes on him as he lost the battle and finally leaned over his plate and let the nasty stuff fall out of his mouth.

"Ugh!" he spat, grabbing his napkin and wiping more of it off his tongue. He noticed Cap pick up a bowl and sniff it experimentally, then make a repugnant face.

"Keelllly!"

If it weren't for the bad taste in his mouth, Johnny would have smiled at the look on Chet's face as he slunk from being chewed out by Roy to face the wrath of Cap. As it was, he took a long drink of his soda, and only heard snippets of the dressing down.

"Of all the boneheaded... I thought we talked about... What are you trying to do... Gage has been through enough..."

All thoughts of a smile left him. That's what this whole day had been about. Poor Johnny and all he'd been through. Everyone was trying so hard to be nice, but that was the whole problem. They were working so hard at not reminding him of his experiences, that it only reminded him more. More than anything, Johnny wanted his life to be normal again, but it never could be as long as everyone walked on eggs shells around him.

The rest of the meal was a blur. He picked at his food, earning himself a frown from both Joanne and Roy. He knew he'd hear about that later. He sighed and got up from the table, meaning to grab another Coke from the kitchen before somebody rushed to do it for him.

As he reached the steps to the deck, a large, plastic ball whizzed past him and landed in the flower beds beside him.

"Hey, Uncle Johnny!" Chris called from across the lawn where he and the Stoker boys were playing, "Throw us the ball."

The paramedic limped over to the rows of bright spring flowers Joanne had planted a few days ago. He spied the ball and reached down to get it. As he stood up, he felt himself suddenly doused with what had to be an entire bucket of water.

He heard a delighted guffaw and glanced up in time to catch a flash of Chet's dark hair disappearing into the bedroom window. Before he had time to even react, he heard a chorus of adult voices, both male and female, hollering Chet's name.

The yard erupted into a flurry of activity. Joanne rushed over to hand Johnny a towel, Roy made it to the deck in three long strides, followed close by Cap, Mike and Marco. Chet came out of the house and was promptly castigated by all his angry shift mates.

In all the years that Chet had been pulling pranks, Johnny couldn't remember anyone ever getting this upset over them. He watched as Kelly stood there looking like a whipped puppy, his moustache drooping, and suddenly it seemed like the funniest thing in the world. Johnny wiped his wet face and started laughing. It felt good to laugh. He hadn't laughed like this in a long time. He stumbled over to the picnic table and sat down, holding his sides.

The yelling stopped as the men turned to stare at the unexpected sound. For a long time no one moved, and then finally Chet came over to sit down beside Johnny, a big dopey smile on his face.

"You okay, Gage?" he asked.

Johnny nodded, his laughter subsiding somewhat. "Yeah, Chet, I think I am. Thanks."

Kelly gave him an odd look. "For what?"

Johnny shrugged. "For nothing." He reached behind them and picked up somebody's half empty beer can. Without another thought, he poured it slowly over Chet's frizzy hair.

Chet sat there, unmoving. It took a moment for the liquid to make its way through his hair to drip down over his face, but when it did, the Irishman never made a move to stop it. Johnny laughed again and set the can back down on the table and handed Chet the towel Joanne had given him.

"Payback's a bitch, ain't it?"

A delighted giggle turned them both and Johnny saw Missy standing at his knee, her eyes fixed on Chet, obviously entertained by the beer dripping down the man's moustache. Johnny laughed again and picked his daughter up. She didn't seem to care that he was wet as she snuggled up against him, still gurgling at Chet.

Kelly watched them both for a moment, then finally swiped at his face with the towel and then took on a devious expression. "Oooh, you just wait, Gage. You've tempted the Phantom, and he doesn't take that lightly."

"I'm scared, Chet," Johnny shot back. "I'm just shaking." He put a hand on the fireman's shoulder. "Now, tell me more about this Star Wars movie."

As Chet launched into a long winded explanation of plot and special effects, Johnny felt Roy's hand come to rest on his back. He glanced up and saw his partner smiling at him. Johnny hugged Missy tightly and grinned broadly. It was good to be home.

The End

*The lyrics to the lullaby were written by Betty Comden and the song is from the Broadway version of Peter Pan.

Many, many thanks go out. First, to Linda for being willing to read a WIP and encouraging me to finish and to go with my gut instincts when I started wavering. You kept me hanging in there when this thing took on a life of its own and grew to monstrous proportions. LOL. And to Jean, for doing such a great job as a Beta and finding the innumerable typos and misplaced words. And for batting ideas back and forth across cyberspace when this thing needed some finishing touches. You two are both the greatest!