Reaching Out

A different version of “The Indirect Method”

By Jamie Simmons

“You consider me the young apprentice

Caught between the Scylla and Charybdis …”

—Wrapped around your finger, Sting

            Dr. Joe Early, a neurosurgeon at Rampart General Hospital who reminded people of Father Time only with short hair and no beard, entered Rampart’s second floor meeting room then handed the final grade for the paramedic program’s classroom phase to the twelve students. Breathless from anticipation, each student opened his paper. A flurry of activity followed as outbursts of joy mingled with sighs of relief as the students congratulated each other.

            “All right class, though you have officially passed this phase, at least give me a chance to offer all of you praise on a job well done. You’ll find your station assignment for the training period also on the document with the date and time to report.”

            The sound level dropped as the students read the rest of the information on their piece of paper.

            “I realize that since several of you are firefighters already assigned to a station, you had hoped to complete your training period there and are now reading that’s not the case. The people in charge of the paramedic program feel that, for obvious reasons, a trainee should not work in a familiar working environment during the training program.” Dr. Early smiled. “Since I have nothing further to add, class is ‘officially’ dismissed.”

            He left the room and the students began to depart, until only four students remained in the classroom.

            “So where are you going?” A broad-shouldered male classmate asked a student, who was still studying the piece of paper Dr. Early had passed out.

            The female student looked up from the piece of paper she held in her hands and smiled. “Station 51. A-shift.”

            “They work tomorrow. They’re a great bunch of guys,” commented the second male student who had curly dark hair.

            “I hope they’re easy to get along with.” She drew her teeth across her lower lip, reflecting the uncertain tone of her voice.

            “Don’t worry, you’ll like them,” replied the third male student with flaming red hair. “You handled us without any problems, so what could go wrong? Besides, your supervisors, John Gage and Roy DeSoto, are the best in the biz. You’re lucky to have them to work under,” he said, following the others into the wide hospital hallway.

            “Thanks, guys. Well, time for me to go to work.”

            The young woman watched as the three men walked toward the elevator laughing and joking. They stopped then turned her way to raise a hand in farewell. She returned their gesture, missing the easy rapport she used to have with men and wondering if she’d ever feel totally at ease around them again. She had started to relax somewhat around her male classmates by the end of the course, but she just couldn’t seem to completely let down her guard.

            “Hey, Ellen!”

            Abandoning her wistful thoughts, she turned around at the sound of her name and smiled at the man and woman approaching her.

            “So where are you going?” asked Dixie McCall, Rampart’s blond Head Nurse.

            “Now wait a minute, Dix. First, she has to tell us whether she passed or not,” stated Dr. Kelly Brackett, Rampart’s ruggedly handsome Chief of Emergency Medicine.

            Ellen laughed. “Come on, you two. Why should I waste my breath telling you something that you already know? But I’ll humor you. I passed. Friday, I’ll be at Station 51, under …” She glanced at her paper. “ John Gage and Roy DeSoto.”

            “Congratulations. They’re two of the best paramedics we’ve ever trained,” Dr. Brackett said.

            “That’s what I was told. Anything else you two want to know?” Ellen waited for more questions then grinned when they didn’t come. “Well, what time am I supposed to show up in the staff lounge?”

            “How did you find out?” Dixie asked. “Joe Early told you, didn’t he? Or was it Mike Morton?”

            Trying to keep a straight face, Ellen stole a glance at Dr. Brackett.

            “Kel Brackett, I could—” Dixie stopped. Ellen Ferguson, one of her nurses at Rampart for two and a half years, was laughing. “Just for that, Ellen, I’m of a mind to cancel your surprise party.”

            Laughing, the three of them headed for the staff lounge. Ten minutes later they were seated alone at the small table, the congratulations said by several co-workers and the small cake devoured.

            “Congratulations, Ellen.” Dr. Brackett raised his mug filled with coffee. “To the first soon-to-be female paramedic in Los Angeles.”

            “Hear, hear,” Dixie added. She and Ellen lifted their mugs then the three of them clinked and drank.

            “Thanks, but I still have a long way to go. The hardest part of the program, in fact: working in the field.”

            Dixie glanced at Kel. “True. Are you sure you want to do this?” Though proud of all that her nurse had accomplished since they’d met, she still wondered that Ellen might not really be ready to handle life at a fire station in such close proximity to men.

            Ellen raised her eyebrows in surprise, causing her forehead to wrinkle. “What gives, Dix? You plan this celebration then sound as if you don’t want me to finish the program.”

            “She didn’t mean it that way,” Dr. Brackett explained, deciding the direct approach would be the best way to get their point across. “We’re just wondering how you’re going to handle being the only woman at a fire station, not to mention living with the firefighters. Have you even considered their reaction to you trying to become a paramedic?”

            The nurse nodded. “I figure at first I’ll get the same looks and comments that I did from my classmates. I’ll just treat the men with dignity and respect and that should be that.”

            “Ellen, that worked with your classmates, but this situation will be different. You’ll be living with these men for one day out of three for two months. They’ll be curious about you.” Dixie saw by Ellen’s puzzled expression she wasn’t getting through and sent an appealing look toward Kel, hoping he could make her nurse understand what she would be facing.

            Dr. Brackett didn’t mince words. “You’re pretty, Ellen. Most of the men at 51’s are single. What will you do when someone asks you out?”

            Ellen’s cheeks colored slightly at Dr. Brackett’s reference to her appearance, but didn’t hesitate with her answer. “If one of the men should ask me out, I’ll respectfully decline like I always do.” She turned to Dixie. “Besides, enough firemen and paramedics have tried to date me only to be turned down. The word’s out, so I won’t be bothered.”

            “Well, you don’t have to act so complacent about not dating.” Dixie frowned, remembering how much her nurse had changed since their meeting in the spring of 1973.

Ellen had started working at Rampart as a student nurse as part of a senior nursing course at UCLA. It hadn’t taken Dixie and Kel long to be impressed. Her calming presence, cheerful openness and sense of humor had ingratiated herself with patients and hospital personnel alike. Then a month later, Ellen had been injured in an attack on her best friend and roommate when she had attempted to stop the rapist from fleeing their apartment. Her physical injuries had healed, but the emotional wounds wrought by mitigating circumstances had caught her in a downward spiral that had left unhealed scars.

Yet, Ellen had retained her professionalism and compassion for the patients and had even managed to graduate with honors, moving into a nursing position immediately thereafter.

Dixie realized that after two and a half years, Ellen had managed to overcome the worst of her fear, but she seemed unable to take the next step and allow men to show a personal interest in her. She remained quiet though polite whenever a man would approach her, always keeping her distance. 

Dr. Brackett watched Ellen’s reactions to the conversation, the memories of her ordeal crowding in upon him. He could feel her discomfort at his reference to her looks and saw her growing anger at Dixie’s comment about dating. Though the young woman had slowly begun to emerge from the protective shell she’d erected around herself, her inability to understand what the fieldwork portion entailed caused him to wonder if more harm might be done than good, even though he had implicit trust in Fifty-one’s A-shift.

To complicate matters, Ellen was the perfect test candidate to see how a woman would handle the paramedic program. But if she quit, the fieldwork would have to be canceled, a replacement found and the test begun all over again. Dr. Brackett couldn’t take that risk. Whatever doubts he had, he had to trust that things would work out favorably. He glanced at Dixie who gave a slight nod, as if she knew and agreed with what he was thinking.

            Ellen pushed back her chair, looking from Kel to Dix, her lips set in an angry line. “What’s the real reason you asked me to take on this job? If it’s to improve my social life, you can find someone else to be the guinea pig.” She started to stand.

            “Wait a minute.” Dr. Brackett’s quick temper, feared among most of Dixie’s nurses, started to rise. “We asked you because you’re the best candidate for the task.” He continued, forcing the anger from his voice. “Dix and I were only trying to prepare you for the start of your training period tomorrow. We want to make sure you’re not jeopardizing the progress you’ve made putting Ed Rittman behind you. While we want this test to be a success, we don’t want you hurt.”

            Ellen stood with a confident smile. “Don’t worry so much. I’ll be fine.”

*****

            Station Fifty-one’s A-shift was seated around the kitchen table having a mug of coffee. Captain Stanley, listening to his men’s usual morning banter, hadn’t conducted roll call yet.

            The big rectangular table was the major piece of furniture in Fifty-one’s dayroom. The space served at least three purposes: kitchen, classroom and rec room. Wood paneling along the wall that bordered the apparatus bay contrasted with the brick walls in the room and its color matched the cupboards in the kitchen area. A white counter and wall separated the cupboards, lessening the overall dull brown tones of the room.

            To the left of the doorway leading to the apparatus bay was the kitchen area and to the right was the radio nook plus a bulletin board for notices. The TV sat atop a cabinet near the inside corner where a pay phone was mounted on the wall. A chalkboard for drills hung between the cabinet and a long brown couch that was positioned on the outside wall beneath the only window in the room. 

            Most of the conversation centered on the expected arrival of a paramedic trainee who would be spending every shift with them over the next two months. In addition to being the brunt of jokes, trainees allowed the men to take a break from some of the more menial tasks associated with operating a fire station, like cooking and cleaning.

            “What do you say we make the new guy chief cook?” Chet asked.

            “Not a bad idea,” Johnny answered.

            “I don’t mind. I’m not a bad cook—at least, that’s what I’ve been told,” Ellen said from just inside the doorway.

            The six men hastily stood at the sound of the female voice.

            She smiled, swallowed the sudden lump that had formed in her throat at their stares and tentatively stepped further into the dayroom.

            “Hello. I’m looking for Captain Stanley.”

            A tall, lean man with short thick dark brown hair, long sideburns that grew wider at the end and dark brown eyes approached her wearing a polite, amiable expression on his lean face that belied the authority he could exert when necessary.

            “I’m Captain Hank Stanley. Welcome to Station 51, Miss?”

            “Ellen Ferguson, Captain. I’m your trainee. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

            The men studied the young woman standing before them, speechless from her statement. The top of her head, filled with short fine sandy blond hair, reached their captain’s chin. Her tanned face and arms set off the striking blue of her eyes, which was so vivid it was like looking into a clear calm mountain lake. The tan also set off a three-inch scar on her left forearm that almost resembled an exclamation point. She wore a nurse’s uniform, a white short-sleeved tunic over black pants that left much of her figure to their imagination. Everything about her seemed nice including her smile, especially to Johnny, who would have been kicking the ‘Gage charm’ into high gear if she were beautiful, but she was simply ‘nice’.

Hank shook the young woman’s offered hand and smiled. Was this some sort of trick? He glanced at his men, aware by their befuddlement that they weren’t responsible. When he found out who the twit at headquarters was… Something in his expression must have startled Miss… What did she say her name was? He remembered her name as she slid her hand out of his and took a step backward.

            “Forgive me, Miss Ferguson. You were saying?”

            “Headquarters didn’t tell you I was coming, did they, Captain? I’m so sorry. I- I thought you’d be told who your trainee was going to be.”

            “We’re scheduled to have a trainee, Miss, but headquarters doesn’t always provide the person’s name.” Hank’s eyes widened. “You? You’re the trainee?”

            Curious how their captain would handle the situation, the other men came closer, causing Ellen to become even more nervous. She took another step backward and answered in a shaky voice, “Yes, I am. I’m extremely sorry about this. If I had known they wouldn’t say anything, I would have requested you and your men be told. I can wait someplace, if you need to call headquarters for verification.”

            This wasn’t a joke! Captain Stanley snapped to attention. “Line up, men.” His crew quickly formed a line. “I would like to do that, Miss Ferguson, just to go over something.” Hank couldn’t very well tell her that he had to ask headquarters how she was going to live with them. He needed to get the facts of her assignment before he acted like a fool. “First though, let me introduce you to the rest of 51’s A-shift.” He extended his arm to escort her and was surprised when she jumped. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

            “Excuse me, Captain,” she interrupted with a dazzling smile that concealed her anxiety. “Please proceed with the introductions.”

            Placing a hand near her elbow, he guided the young woman to the line of men and stopped at the first man. “Ellen Ferguson, this is our engineer, Mike Stoker.”

            Mike had short fine light brown hair with short sideburns and blue eyes. “Hi, Ellen.” He shook her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

            “It’s nice to meet you, too,” she said with a smile and proceeded down the line of men, wondering if her smile looked as forced as it felt. As each man greeted her with polite enthusiasm, she realized the stiff feeling was only her imagination and began concentrating on her shift mates’ features in order to remember their names.

            The men were all relatively tall and lean, but the second man, Marco Lopez, was slightly shorter with dark brown hair that thinned on top, a mustache and dark brown eyes. Chet Kelly was the shortest man with thick curly reddish-brown hair, thick eyebrows, a mustache and hazel eyes. John Gage, the leanest man, had unkempt thick dark brown hair, a five o’clock shadow for a mustache and dark brown eyes. The last man in line, Roy DeSoto, had light brown hair with a slightly receding hairline, long thin sideburns and light brown eyes.        

            “Now, Miss, if you don’t mind, I’d like to call headquarters. You can wait right here in the dayroom and when I get back, I’ll give you a tour, etc.,” Hank said.

            “That’s fine, Captain. Thank you.” Ellen watched him leave, wondering how she was going to carry on a conversation when she couldn’t think of a single thing to say to the men standing in a line before her. She was going to spend the next two months with them and her mind was completely blank.

            After Hank left, the men who would be her supervisors stepped closer while the other three men took their seats and resumed drinking their coffee.

            “Welcome to Station 51, Ellen,” Roy said in his nice calm kind voice.

            Ellen’s face lit up; relieved that she wouldn’t have to start a conversation. “Thank you, Mr. DeSoto. I was told I’d like it here.”

            “Oh? By whom?” Johnny asked. His curiosity piqued, the paramedic began to gear himself up for a long conversation with the trainee about his training philosophy.

            “One of my classmates said that you and Mr. DeSoto are the best and I was lucky to be working under you.”

            “It might get a little hairy working ‘under’ Gage. You never know what might pop out.” Chet snickered at his off-color reference to the trainee’s choice of words.

            Ellen stiffened as silence fell. She stared at her supervisors, intending to ignore the remark, but soft color appeared on her cheeks that betrayed her embarrassment.

            “Well, what do you know about that. I wonder who it was.” Seeing Ellen’s blush, Johnny went along with the nurse and ignored Chet’s comment, hoping to ease her embarrassment. His mind, however, was occupied planning how to pay Chet back when he caught Roy’s look. “Uh, would you excuse us, Ellen? We’d like to talk to Cap for a second, so make yourself at home.”

            “Sure.” She turned to face the table and stared at the remaining three men who were pointedly staring at her. Not wanting to give them the opportunity to continue the conversation, she spoke the first thought that came to mind. “Would you mind if I got a glass of water?”

            Johnny knocked on the office door then opened it. Captain Stanley, seated at his desk, held the phone to his ear. He motioned his two paramedics to come in and take a seat in the two empty wooden chairs that faced him.

            “I’m glad to know the three of you recommended Miss Ferguson for the program, but that doesn’t solve the problem of living conditions. All right, Chief, I understand.” Hank hung up the phone and stared at it. “Great.”

            Johnny and Roy exchanged glances as they sat down.

            “Ellen really is our trainee then,” Roy stated.

            “Yes.”

            “Who recommended her? Out of curiosity,” Johnny added, noticing the captain seemed upset by his question.

            “Chief Houtz, Dr. Brackett and Nurse McCall. Before you ask, Gage, she’s 24, single and works as a nurse at Rampart.”

            “I wasn’t going to ask, Cap.”

            “No? I’m surprised to hear that. She seems pretty enough to warrant your interest.” Hank stood. “Well. Department policy is to train her, so we train her. I, however, have to determine the rules for living together for the next two months.” Scowling, he ran a hand through his hair. “I feel like a high school chaperone.”

            “Uh, Cap, we may already have a problem,” Johnny said. “That’s why we came in here. We thought you should know that—”

            “Having Ellen as our trainee isn’t going to be easy, Cap,” Roy finished for his partner with a look that told Johnny to wait. “I wonder if headquarters truly realizes what they’re asking you, no all of us, to do in training a woman.”

            Hank grunted. “Whether they realize or not is beside the point. We’ve got her and it’s up to us to make the best of the situation. Plus keep an open mind about her abilities to handle the work, just as if she were a man.”

            The captain came around the desk and the two paramedics rose.

            “It isn’t that simple, Cap, nor will it be that easy,” Roy said as he approached the office door that Hank had just opened.

            “Roy’s right, Cap. What about the locker room, the shower, the latrine?” Johnny asked as he stood near the doorway alongside his partner. “There’s only one—”

            “Look, I’ve got some quick thinking to do before I go back into the dayroom,” Hank interrupted. Recalling Gage’s comment, his eyes narrowed. “What’s this about a problem?”

            Johnny and Roy exchanged glances.

            Hank rolled his eyes. “Chet.” The name sounded like a swear word. “What happened?”

            “Well, he…” Johnny began, but stopped at the sound of raucous laughter.

            The three men ran into the dayroom, Captain Stanley in the lead. They found Chet lying on the floor, his shirt un-tucked and his belt buckle unfastened with Ellen on her knees leaning over him, her hands aiming for his zipper.

            “Keep your hands away from me,” cried Chet as he grabbed Ellen’s wrists.

            “I’m just helping you,” Ellen laughed, trying to break Chet’s grip so she could proceed with her plan to unzip his pants.

            Advancing on the pair, Hank bellowed, “What’s going on here?”

            Immediately, all was quiet. Mike and Marco, who had been standing off to the side laughing at the spectacle, snapped to attention first. Ellen and Chet released each other then followed suit. Johnny and Roy stood near the doorway and watched the scene unfold, barely concealing their grins.

            Captain Stanley approached a red-faced Kelly. “What did you do?”

            Chet glared at Ellen while he made himself presentable. “Nothing, Cap. She seemed nervous. I just wanted her to feel at home.”

            “So you decided to play a joke. Shameful. And in the presence of a lady.”

            “That isn’t a lady, Cap. Sure, I was poking fun. But didn’t you see what she was trying to do to me?” Chet asked, not wanting to take all the blame for the incident.

            Normally Hank wouldn’t take Chet’s joke so seriously. He had a female trainee though, and was expected to figure out a way for all of them to live comfortably together while ignoring the differences. The situation overwhelmed him, which increased his feelings of resentment at her presence and fueled his irritation with the fireman.

            “When I want your opinion, Kelly, I’ll ask for it.” He’d reached the end of the line and turned around to walk down it again. “Now would one of you care to tell me what happened?”

            The men tipped their heads to stare at the floor. Ellen kept hers upright, staring straight ahead.

            “What about you, Ferguson? What happened?”

            Ellen couldn’t speak. Since she’d arrived, her nervousness had increased, making her uncertain how to speak and act around the men she would be living and working with. Her mind whirled from her behavior with Chet. On one hand she was shocked and more than a little afraid of the repercussions because she didn’t know what to expect from the men. But on the other hand, she was glad Chet Kelly had played his little joke. Perhaps she was finally beginning to forget confronting Ed Rittman and everything that had occurred afterward.

            “Do I need to rephrase the question in a more delicate fashion for you to answer, Ferguson?”

            “No, Sir. The first way was fine. It was just a simple misunderstanding.”

            “I see.” He turned away from her then whipped back, firing another question at her. “What were you trying to do to Chet?”

            She jumped, but held her ground. “I was teaching him a lesson about vulnerability, Sir. Things got out of hand. It was my fault. It won’t happen again, Sir.”

            “Stop calling me Sir.”

            “Yes, Sir—I mean, Captain.”

            “That’s better. Relax, men. That includes you too, Ferguson. I talked with headquarters and Ellen is indeed our trainee. I, as your captain, have some decisions to make in regard to living arrangements.” Hank glared at Chet. “Now, though I accept Ellen’s explanation and apology, I don’t consider this incident closed. I will hand out a severe reprimand if this behavior is ever repeated during the length of the training period. Do I make myself clear, Kelly?”

            “Crystal,” Chet mumbled.

            “Good.” Hank turned toward his trainee, surprised that she had relaxed very little. “You can relax, Ellen.” He took a step toward her, only to have her back further away. He noticed her hands were clenched into fists at her sides and her eyes warily watched him, almost as if she were prepared for an attack. Easy now, he told himself. You don’t need to frighten her half to death. “I’m sorry if I alarmed you. Sometimes I have to assert my authority.”

            Realizing how tense she was, Ellen unclenched her hands and forced her voice to be nonchalant. “I understand, Captain. Thank you for explaining.”

            “Sure.” Hank held out his arm. “All right, let’s take a tour of the station. I need to issue you a helmet and turnout gear before you go on a run.”

            “I – I would rather you didn’t escort me, please. I’m a trainee, not a visitor.”

            Smiling, he returned his arm to his side. “This will take some getting used to.”

            Ellen laughed at the understatement. “Yes, it will.” The captain launched his tour in an easy-going manner and she began to relax as they left the dayroom.

            “Thanks a lot for your help, Marco, Mike,” Chet growled when he was alone with his friends.

            “What happened, Chet?” Roy asked.

            “It was just a simple joke, that’s all. But that… that lady … I’m too embarrassed to tell you.”

            “Come on, Chet, it was harmless,” Mike said.

            “Nothing happened, but it sure was funny,” Marco added.

            “Funny! You call having a woman try to take your pants off, funny?”

            Johnny laughed. “I don’t know, Chet, in some circumstances that might be quite enjoyable. You’re just sore ‘cause she was on top.”

            “Very funny, Gage. Of course you’d be happy to have any girl take your pants off at any time, because that’s the only way you’d get any—”

            Johnny stepped close to Chet. “That’s enough.”

            “Cool it, Junior.” Roy looked at Chet and took a guess. “You pretended to be sick to see what she’d do, didn’t you? It wasn’t enough to embarrass her with that earlier remark of yours.”

            “Well…” Chet looked down at the floor.

            “And your little joke backfired! You were foiled by a woman, no less!” Johnny laughed gleefully. “Well, well. Wait till the other shifts hear about this! You’ll never live it down, Chet old buddy!”

            “Johnny, you’re not helping the situation,” Roy said.

            Johnny wasn’t about to let Chet off the hook so easily. “But it’s hysterical! The other guys will eat it up! Marco, Mike, you have to tell us the gory details—the more the better. What does vulnerability have to do with it?” Grinning from ear to ear, he waited for further details from the two firemen.

            “After she was sure he was faking, which didn’t take her but a few seconds, she laughed and told Chet he hadn’t watched enough westerns because if he had, he’d know never to put himself in a vulnerable situation,” Marco explained, unable to resist making Chet uncomfortable.

            Mike took over. “She sure made it rough on our friend. He was pretending to be unconscious so he couldn’t very well say anything when she asked what she should do to him. We didn’t know what she’d planned until she’d unfastened his belt. Chet had no choice but to quit pretending at that point.” Unable to contain himself anymore, Mike laughed. “She even took what Cap dished out, though it sure scared her.”

            “Thanks for taking her side, guys. She hasn’t even been here an hour yet. So maybe I did pull a joke on her. You forget she tried to undress me and wouldn’t quit. How come I was the only one Cap chewed out? Just because she’s female, she gets special treatment? I don’t think so.”

            “You know what Cap said, Chet,” Marco warned.

            “I know. I won’t do anything to Miss Ellen Ferguson, but that doesn’t mean I have to like her. I don’t. Not one little bit.”

            “Chet, you need to let go of this. You’re only going to end up hurting yourself,” Roy said. “Come on, Junior, Cap’s probably done with the tour by now. We need to show Ellen the squad.”

            Still chuckling over Chet’s mishap, Johnny said, “Lead on, Pally.”

            “Well, that’s the fire station,” Hank said upon bringing Ellen back to the apparatus bay. She seemed to have relaxed, though he caught her warily watching him once during the tour he’d given her.

            “It’s impressive, Captain.”

            “Ellen, we don’t stand on formalities here. We use either first or last name. The men call me Cap. You’re more than welcome to do the same.”

            They’d reached a closet between the dayroom and the locker room where the extra turnout gear was stowed.

            “Well, I think I’ll stick with captain. It shows more respect.” While not a lie, she hadn’t revealed the complete truth either. How could she tell Captain Stanley that his comment regarding formalities had suddenly filled her with dread? That for her own protection she needed the distance formality brought?

            “That’s fine,” Hank said, deciding it might not be so bad having the female trainee around. She added color and dimension to the station that he hadn’t realized was lacking. “Let’s get you some turnout gear and a helmet.” He opened the closet he’d shown her earlier, studied her a moment then pulled out a coat, pants, boots and a helmet. He handed the items to her and waited. Now that his resentment toward her was gone, Hank was more aware of the young woman facing him. He could see the nervousness and uncertainty in her wide questioning eyes. She made no move to try on the apparel he’d given her, just watched him with a quizzical expression that contained something else: a skittishness he didn’t understand except that she was trying not to let it show. “Ellen, what do you know about firefighting?”        

            “Nothing. I’m willing to learn everything I can, though.”

            “Okay, for starters, I need you to try those things on over your clothes to see how they fit.”

            “Sorry,” Ellen said, embarrassed. “I should have realized.” She deposited everything on the floor but the bunker pants. “I can take care of that.”

            “This is going to be good,” Chet whispered.

Johnny jammed his elbow into Chet’s side to silence him as he and the rest of the crew stood in the space between the squad and the wall of the apparatus bay. They’d caught their captain’s remark regarding the turnout gear as they’d left the dayroom and decided watching would prove more entertaining than making their presence known.

            Hank saw his men standing at the rear of the squad while he watched Ellen put on her turnout coat. She was so engrossed with the clothing that she didn’t realize she had five pairs of eyes trained on her back.

            “I wish I had a mirror.” She raised her arms, feeling the weight of the turnout coat pulling at them. “I feel like some kind of a knight.”

            Laughter erupted behind her. She spun around, almost losing her balance from the awkward clothing. More laughter came from her shift mates as they emerged from their hiding place.

            “That’s just about what you look like,” Marco said.

            “Really?” Ellen asked.

            “Marco’s kidding. Come on; I know where there’s a mirror!” Johnny grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the locker room.     Once inside, he pointed at her reflection in the large mirror mounted above the sinks. “There,” he said.

            Ellen stared with difficulty at herself. The helmet the captain had given her was a little too big, so she set it further back on her head to see. At the sight of her reflection in the bulky oversized clothing, she spread her arms outward with a laugh. “I think I’m more of a scarecrow.”

            Johnny laughed. “I wouldn’t go that far. Still, it’s not a perfect fit, is it?”

            Her helmet slipped downward. “Now, what gave you that idea?” Giggling, Ellen adjusted the helmet with exaggerated movements that made Johnny laugh even harder. Watching their reflections in the mirror, the nurse suddenly realized she was having fun. She remembered how long it had taken her to say more than a few polite words to her male classmates and marveled that she was clowning around with a man she’d only just met. She hadn’t done anything like that since the night her life had turned upside down.

            Johnny stared at the sadness that suddenly appeared on Ellen’s face. She was focused inward on something that clearly caused her pain. Before he could say anything, she blinked and briefly met his eyes in the mirror before pretending to remove a speck of lint from her turnout coat. He stared at her, curious what she’d been thinking. He wanted to ask, but the paramedic sensed she wouldn’t answer his question and let the matter drop.

            “Come on; you’ve got to see the squad. Put the bunker pants and boots beside the foot of your bed then come back out to the apparatus bay.”

            “What about the rest?”

            “Bring it with you. Don’t take long, Ellen. We could get a run any time and we have to show you the squad,” Johnny reminded, as she left the locker room to carry out her task. He joined his shift mates, continuing to ponder over the expression of hurt and sorrow he’d seen when she’d forgotten his presence. “I told Ellen to put everything but her turnout coat and helmet beside her bunk, Roy. She’ll be with us shortly.”

            “We heard the two of you laughing,” Marco said. “She did look kinda funny, but I don’t think a knight is a good description.” He chuckled at the memory.

            Johnny held out his arms. “She seemed to think more of a scarecrow.”

            “Wait a minute,” Chet said amidst his friends’ laughter. It suddenly dawned on him what Johnny’s comment about Ellen and a bunk meant. He looked at the captain. “She’s going to sleep here?”

            “Man, I just assumed she’d be spending the night. Was I wrong?” Johnny asked.

            “She’s spending the night,” Hank stated.

            “But, Cap, isn’t that going to be awkward? Which bunk did she pick?” Chet hoped she’d picked a bed close to Johnny’s partition instead of his own.

            “There’ll be the partition and a bed separating you two, Chet.” Hank’s eyes narrowed as Chet opened his mouth. “Is there a problem?”

            “No. No problem at all,” Chet answered, trying not to show his displeasure at the female trainee spending the night.

            “You know, I don’t think it’s going to be so bad having Ellen around,” Mike said.

            “Yeah, Chet, give her a chance,” Marco added.

            “I suppose,” Chet muttered, unconvinced. He was still smarting at being the only one the captain had chewed out for the joke he’d played on Ellen. Her ability to quickly charm his friends only worsened his resentment.

            “I’m glad to see you’re all handling this situation so well,” Hank said. “I must admit I wasn’t too thrilled with the idea at first. But I think we’ll manage.” He glanced at Chet. Something tells me there’s going to be trouble before long, he thought.

            Ellen deposited the bunker pants and boots beside her bed exactly as her shift mates had placed theirs. Ready to return to the apparatus bay, she stepped into the aisle between the two rows of beds and looked around the dorm. The aisle seemed awfully long as she pictured herself walking past her shift mates’ beds in the shorts and t-shirt she’d planned to sleep in.

            “Get hold of yourself,” she muttered. “You don’t have to be afraid of them. They won’t hurt you. Besides, other than the typical lewd remarks, the A-shift is going to be thinking more about getting some sleep than about you.” Her feeling of apprehension remained. “They’re not like—”

Without warning, she saw Ed Rittman’s face in her mind, standing before her as he’d done that night with her best friend’s blood on his hands. She could see his eyes and the way he smiled at her. He opened his mouth… She shook her head to dispel the awful memory before she could once again hear his voice. “Forget about it, Ellen. The A-shift is definitely ‘not’ going to hurt you.” Ignoring the lack of conviction in her voice, she left the dorm to get the promised tour of the squad.

            The tones sounded just as Johnny closed the squad’s last compartment door.

            “Station 51, freeway accident. San Diego Freeway, past the entrance ramp on Manchester Avenue. Time out 9:20.”

+++++++++++++++++

            Two hours later, Johnny and Roy headed for the nurse’s station after bringing in the last of the freeway accident victims.

            “Hi, Dix.”

            Dixie looked up from a pile of paperwork. “Hi, Johnny, Roy.” She looked around. “Where’s Ellen?”

            “That’s what we’re wondering. She said something about getting some things out of her locker,” Roy said.

            “You want me to check on her?” Dixie asked, smiling.

            “Would you?” Johnny returned the smile, glad she had offered.

            “Sure. Be right back.” She slid off the stool and walked to the end of the counter. 

 Dr. Brackett approached the nurse’s station. “Johnny, Roy,” he greeted the two paramedics. Where’s—”

“She’s in the locker room.” Dixie interrupted. “I’ve been deputized to check on her.”

“I see.” Kel looked at the two paramedics. “So how’s she doing?”

            “We’ve only been on one run so far, ” Roy said.

            “That’s right, the freeway accident. She did a good job?” Dixie regarded the paramedic closely, puzzled by his noncommittal answer. She was used to Roy’s reserved responses regarding trainees, but his choice of words and tone of voice made her wonder about the welcome Ellen had received at Fifty-one’s. She glanced at Kel and noticed by his grim expression that he’d also picked up on Roy’s manner. For the first time, she wondered if recommending Fifty-one was a good idea.

            “Yeah, she did.” Johnny glanced at his partner. “Dix, how long has Ellen been a nurse here? I thought I’d met all of them.”

            “What difference does it make?” Dr. Brackett barked.

            Dixie quickly broke the stunned silence. “Look, Johnny, maybe you should ask Ellen your questions. She won’t bite, you know. I’ll be right back.” She walked behind Roy and headed toward the locker room, wondering what Kel would say to the two surprised paramedics. She was beginning to realize she and Kel were as unprepared for the fieldwork as Ellen.

            Ellen was gingerly drying her grazed palms when Dixie entered the nurses’ locker room.

            “The boys sent me to find you. What’s going on?”

            “It’s nothing. I fell on that rescue.”

            Dixie scrutinized Ellen as she threw away the paper towel. “I don’t see any evidence of a fall.”

            Ellen grunted. “I changed my pants, Dix.” She pointed to her backpack sitting on the bench in front of her closed locker, but refrained from mentioning her palms. “My pants are in there with a nice little rip in the right knee. It never occurred to me I’d need extra uniforms, so I’m taking a couple with me to put in my locker at 51’s.”

            “You hurt yourself and didn’t say anything? Why not?”

            “I didn’t hurt myself seriously enough to affect doing my job, so I didn’t say anything. I’ve taken care of it now, so nothing needs to be said, okay?”

            Ellen was hiding something other than her unwillingness to be examined by her supervisors. Dixie had all the evidence she needed to be convinced that something had gone wrong with the men’s acceptance of her nurse, as she had feared. “You’re afraid of them, aren’t you? Did Kel and I make a mistake—?”

            “No,” Ellen interrupted. She grabbed her backpack, preparing to go.

            Dixie placed a hand on her nurse’s arm. “Yes, you are, Ellen. It’s written all over your face. What happened?”

            “I’m not afraid of the A-shift, Dix. I just need to get my bearings. Look, I’ve got to go.” Ellen stared pointedly at her friend.

            “Okay.” Dixie stepped aside, knowing it was useless to press for information. “Whatever happened, they’re good men, Ellen. You can trust them. Maybe they can help—” Her nurse was shaking her head. “You know, it doesn’t matter whether I tell them or not, they’ll find out. You’re making a mistake, Ellen.”

++++++++++++++++

            It was suppertime when the three of them climbed out of the squad. It had been a busy afternoon. They’d ended up eating lunch at a hamburger stand and Ellen got to see how quickly food could be consumed before they were called out again.

            “You left her by the side of the road, right?” Chet asked hopefully as Johnny and Roy headed toward the coffee pot on the stove.

            “She went to put some extra uniforms in her locker that she picked up from Rampart. You still on that kick?” Johnny asked as he filled Roy’s mug.

            “He sure is. Especially about Ellen spending the night,” Marco said, placing the bowl of salad on the table. “He thinks she’s some kind of vampire and we’re going to be attacked in our sleep.”

            “That wasn’t the kind of ‘attack’ I had reference to, Marco.” Chet set the plate of French fries on the table with a clang, miffed that his friends were laughing at him again.

            “Whatever you’re referring to stops now, Chet,” Captain Stanley ordered as he entered the dayroom.

            “It was only a comment, Cap. Do I have to watch what I say while Ellen’s around?” Chet asked.

            Hank smiled. “Yep. You won’t be alone, Chet. All of us are going to behave like gentlemen around Ellen.” He stared at Chet. “With no repeats of this morning’s comment, though I have yet to hear what it was.”

            Chet seethed. “The jokes will stop, but I can’t promise to be nice to her.”

            “Figure out some way to get along with Ferguson. That’s an order, Kelly.”

            Just then, Ellen entered the dayroom carrying something and stopped, staring. The men froze for an instant, feeling like children who’d been caught with their hands in a cookie jar. How much had she overheard, they wondered.

            “Supper’s ready, Ellen,” Mike said, placing a plate of fried chicken on the table. “What have you got there?” he asked, steering the conversation away from the awkward moment.

            Ellen smelled the food and realized how hungry she was. She looked forward to holding a glass of cold water against her sore palms and resting her tender knee so much that she barely noticed she’d interrupted something between the men. It hadn’t taken her long to discover during the afternoon that she’d hurt herself in two places that couldn’t be pampered. Luckily, the damage wasn’t serious, especially to her hands, because she had no intention of telling her supervisors or the captain of her mishap. The aspirin she’d taken in the locker room would kick in shortly and dull the discomfort she felt.

“Just some mending. I thought I’d have time before supper, but I can do it later.” She placed her mending on the couch’s armrest and approached the table, regarding the extra chairs scattered amongst the men. “Where do you want me to sit?”

            “How about outside,” Chet said, just loud enough for everyone to hear.

            Marco glared at Chet. “Right here’s fine, Ellen, between Mike and me.”

            “Thanks, Marco.” She sat down for her first meal with her shift mates, annoyed that Chet had once again caught her off guard with a rude comment. You’re going to have to be quicker on your feet, girl, she reprimanded herself. You don’t need your shift mates defending you.

            “What can I get you to drink?” Roy asked, still standing by the stove. “The coffee’s fresh.”

            “Actually, a glass of ice water would be nice.” Ellen started to stand as Roy pulled a glass out of the cupboard then headed for the fridge. “You don’t have to—”

            “My pleasure.” Roy plopped some ice cubes into the glass. “Don’t you like coffee?”

            “She probably only likes tea,” Chet said.

             “I drink coffee sometimes and I also like tea. It’s just that I’d rather drink water whenever possible.” Roy placed the glass of water near Ellen’s plate. “Thanks, Roy,” she said as he sat down.

            The men began loading food onto their plates with no rhyme or reason. She watched them seem to inhale their food then filled her plate and began to eat the fried chicken, French fries and tossed salad Mike had prepared.

            “You said mending. As in sewing?” Chet asked.

            “That’s right, I can sew. Something wrong with that?” Ellen countered.

            “No. I just thought you’d find something like that beneath you as you conquer the world of firefighting.”

            “I’m not here to take your job, Chet. Not even to try.”

            “You couldn’t, even if you wanted to, because you don’t know enough.”

            “You’re right, I don’t. But that’s beside the point—”

“That’s enough, you two.” Hank looked pointedly at Chet who proceeded to concentrate on the food on his plate.

Everyone ate in silence. Ellen reached for her glass of water and gasped as the cold surface made contact with her scraped palms.

“You okay?” Johnny asked, placing a French fry dipped in ketchup in his mouth before reaching for the drumstick on his plate.

Ellen carefully picked up the glass. “I’m fine. The cold glass surprised me.” She brought the glass to her lips and drank, aware that everyone was watching her. It’s going to be a long two months, she thought grimly.

            “How long have you been a nurse at Rampart?” Johnny asked, between bites of the drumstick he held.

            “Around two and a half years. I started as a student nurse.”

            “Do you work in emergency?”

            She smiled at Johnny’s garbled question, having noticed at lunch that he liked to talk with his mouth full. “I work wherever I’m needed, except in the lab and the morgue. It helps Dix’s scheduling nightmares. Since I’m sing— I’ve placed myself on call for the nurses in case they need to switch shifts at the last minute.” She hoped they’d missed her slip, not wanting to reveal that she was single.

            “What about a specialty?” Roy asked.

            “I prefer helping where I can, when I can. Besides, it would be too hard to decide what I like best.”

            “Doesn’t sound like you have time to socialize,” Marco said then grinned at Ellen’s surprised expression. “Cap filled us in.”

            “What do you do for fun?” Mike asked.

            “The usual,” she answered and plopped a French fry into her mouth, hoping to avoid saying anything more on the subject. She shouldn’t be surprised that everyone knew she was single. Most likely, the captain had gleaned the information from his phone call to headquarters. Suddenly she remembered Dix’s comment about the men being curious. The walls began to close in around her. It’ll be a miracle if you make it through this shift, she told herself.

             “Whatever it is, I bet it’s boring,” Chet said. He had to rattle Ellen, make her lose her cool so his friends would see she didn’t deserve special treatment. Maybe he could manage to even get her in trouble. Now that would be ideal. “I have a question.”

            “Yes?” Here we go again. He’s baiting you. 

            “Why is your hair so short? It’s shorter than mine.”

            “Chet, that’s not a fair question,” Mike said, irritated that his friend wouldn’t leave the trainee alone. Though surprised and curious by Ellen’s reluctance to talk about herself, he was willing to accept her wish. What was Chet up to, he wondered.

            Ellen almost breathed a sigh of relief that the question was so easy. “It’s okay, Mike.” She smiled. “Meaning yours is almost as long as a girl’s, while mine is almost as short as a boy’s? With age often comes wisdom, Chet.” She saw the fireman’s eyes narrow at her dig, but didn’t care that she hadn’t helped her situation. “I wear my hair this way because I accept what God has given me—hair that won’t hold a curl to save my life, at least not without a perm. Does that answer your question?”

            “Yeah. Thanks.” Drat the woman! Suddenly Chet’s gaze fell on her scar. “What interesting story is behind that scar of yours?”

            Ellen saw the direction of his stare with just enough time to prepare herself for his question. “No story at all.” She pushed back her chair. “That was a good supper, Mike. If you’ll excuse me, I need to get my sewing kit and some other things from my car.”

            Her shift mates watched the white aluminum back door close behind the trainee. She’d wanted them to think what she’d said about her scar was true, but the haunted look that had briefly appeared on her face and abrupt departure told them otherwise.

            “Don’t you think that question was a little too personal, Chet?” Roy asked.

            “Not at all. Why?” Chet said.

            “Well, I sure liked her answer,” Marco said.

            “I think that bit about age and wisdom was especially nice,” Mike added with a pointed look at his friend.

            “Chet, you need to get over this morning. She’s not falling for your games,” Roy warned.

            “Aw, come on, guys, didn’t you want to know?”

            “Maybe so, but some things you just don’t ask,” Mike said.

            Hank joined the discussion, deciding the fireman needed something to take his mind off the trainee. “Chet, I don’t know why you’re still goading Ellen, but maybe doing the dishes will knock it out of your system. Alone.”

            “Aw, Cap—”

            “Now.”

            “All right.” Fuming, Chet began gathering up the dirty dishes, trying to figure out what he could do next.

            Ellen returned to the dayroom carrying a small sewing kit. She picked up her mending and shook out the folded item to reveal a pair of black pants. Sitting down on the couch, she opened her kit to fetch a needle and thread.

            “You’re mending your pants? Don’t you make enough as a nurse to afford a few uniforms?” Chet asked from the sink, where he was working on the dishes.

            “I’m not going to throw away a perfectly good pair of pants just because one knee is torn.”

            Chet watched Ellen, curious as to why she’d be mending a torn knee. The color of the pants she was wearing matched the pair she was going to mend, so that provided no explanation. He remembered the freeway accident—their first run—and wondered if she could have torn her pants while searching the wreckage for victims. He decided to take a chance. “How did it happen?” He hoped she was too preoccupied with threading the needle to notice what he asked.

            Ellen had finished threading the needle and was preparing to make her first stitch. “It happened on my first run,” she automatically answered and plunged the needle into the fabric. She froze, realizing what she’d revealed and waited for the inevitable to happen.

            “Did you fall?” Johnny turned his head in her direction. He was seated across the room with the others, watching a TV game show.

            Bingo! Chet smiled then turned to watch the water circling down the drain, imagining Ellen’s similar downfall.

            Silently cursing Chet, she raised her head. “Sort of.” Everyone stared at her.

            “Were you hurt?” Roy asked.

            “Just a few scrapes. It wasn’t serious.”

            Captain Stanley saw Chet’s smile of accomplishment before he turned his back and Ellen’s chagrined expression. Somehow, he had to convince Kelly to tow the line, if he had to write him up to do it. First, he had to find out why Ferguson had withheld whatever had happened to her on that run. “Ellen, could I see you in my office, please? Roy, John, get the drug box and wait outside the office until I call you.” Hank walked to the doorway. “I’m waiting, Ferguson.”

            Ellen glared at a smug Chet before silently following the captain into the apparatus bay.

            “Chet?” Roy said quietly, concealing the anger he felt at his friend’s trickery.

            “Yeah?”

            “Don’t set her up like that again, understand? Don’t give me that innocent look. I saw that smile you gave her when she fell into your trap.”

            “We all did, Chet. That was a low blow, even for you,” Mike added. He turned away from the fireman and headed for the office, wondering how badly Ellen had been hurt and what Cap would say to her.

With pointed looks, Chet’s friends followed Mike out of the dayroom until the fireman was alone. Even that plan had backfired somehow, he thought. Shaking his head, Chet headed for the office, not wanting to miss anything.

            “Have a seat, Ellen,” Captain Stanley requested as he closed the office door.

            She sat in one of two wooden chairs that faced a desk, waiting patiently while the captain crossed the room and leaned against the desk’s corner closest to her.

            Hank somberly regarded his trainee a moment and noticed she wore the same nervous questioning expression that she had when he’d handed her the turnout gear. “It’s just the two of us. I know Chet caused you to admit something you wouldn’t have told any of us and he’ll be dealt with. My concern right now, though, is you. Would you tell me what happened?”

            “I asked Johnny and Roy on the way to the freeway accident if I could separately search the wreckage for victims to speed up the task. I told them I wouldn’t try anything heroic and they let me split up from them. I hit a slippery spot when I was going around a car and fell. I tried to catch myself, but only partially succeeded.” She raised her hands, palms outward for the captain to see. “I scraped my right knee and hands on the pavement as I landed. Since I could still do my job, I didn’t say anything.” Slowly she returned her hands to her lap. “When we arrived at Rampart, I cleaned and patched myself up.”

            “Why didn’t you tell John and Roy?”

            In a split second, Ellen recalled her fall at the accident scene. The fearful disdain she’d felt at telling her supervisors returned. She knew then as she did now that Johnny and Roy would look at her injuries, which would mean touching her… Swallowing down the urge to flee, she quickly shifted her gaze to the window behind the captain’s shoulder. “I didn’t know how they would react, and I didn’t want all of you fussing over me.” She looked at the captain. “It sounds like a man-woman thing, but it’s not.”

            Hank saw Ellen’s expression change to fear the moment the question left his lips. Somehow, he knew her fear went deeper than her answer. He briefly saw the same haunted look that had appeared in Ellen’s eyes earlier and it occurred to him that whatever the story, she was still feeling its effect. A feeling of unease began to form in the pit of his stomach, but he pushed it aside.

            “I believe you. But in the future I must know when you get hurt on a run, no matter if it’s just a hangnail, for responsibility reasons. Understand?”

            Ellen smiled, relieved that she didn’t have to further explain. “I’m sorry, Captain. That never occurred to me and it won’t happen again. I promise.” Hope sprang to life that Johnny and Roy wouldn’t have to examine her, only to meet a swift demise.

            “Now there’s the severity of your injuries. It’s not that I question your capabilities as a nurse…” Hank paused at the bandage that was revealed as Ellen rolled up her right pant leg. “But for my own peace of mind I would like your supervisors to take a look.”

“I understand,” Ellen said softly. She felt cold as ice. You can do this, she told herself repeatedly as she watched the captain.

Hank walked to the door and opened it, wondering if he shouldn’t forget about having Ellen examined. His eyes immediately locked with those of his crew, their expressions grim as they stood against the squad and knew he had to proceed. He smiled to allay their concern then frowned when he noticed Chet was standing slightly apart from the group. Impressing upon the fireman that his behavior wouldn’t be tolerated was going to be about as easy as understanding why Ellen was afraid, he realized.

“John, Roy, you can come in now.” Hank turned to Ellen, who had turned her chair slightly to keep him in sight. He couldn’t believe it, but she looked more afraid than she had seconds before. Her eyes were opened wide; her lips pressed together, her face so pale it was almost translucent. “The others are standing by the squad. If you don’t mind, I’d like to leave the door open so they can hear what’s going on.”

            “That’s fine.” Her voice croaked the reply as Johnny and Roy crossed the threshold. Suddenly the room seemed overly small with the three men coming toward her. Memories she thought had been forever buried filled her mind: her roommate’s muffled sobs, Ed Rittman’s ‘Hello, darlin’, the searing pain from her injuries. Instinctively she scooted further back in her chair and fought the almost overwhelming surge of panic.

            Johnny, carrying the drug box, stepped into the office first. He quickly glanced at Ellen seated in the chair with her pant leg pulled up. He expected to see anger at having her competency questioned and was surprised at the terror he saw in her face.          

“What’s up, Cap? By the looks of things, I don’t need this drug box,” Johnny said lightheartedly, hoping to ease the tension emanating from the trainee.

            “Yeah, looks like she’s already patched herself up,” Roy said.

            Hank gave his paramedics a look of thanks for their nonchalant manner. “She has. I just want you to ease my own paranoia and take a quick look at her knee and hands.”

            Johnny flashed the Gage crooked smile as he moved forward. “Sure thing, Cap. This will only take a second, Ellen. You shouldn’t have anything at all to worry about.” He hoped she’d get his message and relax. Her eyes followed his every move as he stopped beside her chair and placed the drug box on the floor. He felt her flinch when he gently took her left hand from her thigh, but she let him examine it.

            Hank leaned against the desk corner while Roy knelt beside Ellen’s bandaged knee, his mind trying to put together the pieces of the puzzle that was the trainee.

            “This will sting,” Roy said and pulled the bandage off. A slight gasp was her only response. “It doesn’t look too bad, Cap. She pulled off several layers of skin, but she exposed the wound, cleaned the area and put ointment on it.” Raising his head, he met the trainee’s terrified eyes with a smile. “You did a good job, Ellen. I’ll just put a little more ointment on a new bandage and you’ll be all set.”

            “Thanks, Roy,” Ellen said softly and tried to return his smile with only slight success. She knew her behavior would make her shift mates even more curious, but it was all she could do to just let her supervisors touch her.

            “How are her hands, John?” Hank asked.

            Johnny picked up her right hand and moved it at the wrist. “Does it hurt?”

            “No.”

            “Good. It’s not swollen either. She did a good job on them too, Cap. Just a little bit of torn skin in spots, mostly on the right one since it took the brunt of her fall. She handled them the same way as her knee.” The Gage grin appeared again. “Like I said, there’s nothing to it, Ellen.”

            “Thanks, Johnny.” With shaking hands, she pulled down her pant leg and stood, stepping deftly around Johnny and Roy without touching them. “May I go, Captain?”

            “By all means.” Hank watched his trainee almost run toward the doorway, so great was her need to flee. His paramedics gave him a questioning look that he could only answer with a shrug. “Thank you, Ellen.”

            She stopped in the doorway and turned slightly. “You’re welcome, Captain. Your paramedics have a wonderful bedside manner. What I heard about them being the best was right.”

            “We don’t get many pretty and nice patients very often,” Johnny said, surprised to see soft color spread across her cheeks. Her face was so expressive she wouldn’t make a very good poker player, he thought then remembered the other time she’d blushed before his mind drifted to the pain he’d seen and the haunted look in her eyes. Could they be connected with her fear, he wondered.

            Ellen could feel her cheeks growing warm at the unexpected compliment. She stepped out of the office without commenting, catching sight of Chet as he stood near Mike and Marco. She desperately needed a moment alone to steady her frayed nerves and collect her thoughts, somewhere away from the men’s watchfulness. Intent on finding refuge on her bed or the bench in front of her locker, she pretended she didn’t see him and started to walk away. There would be ample time to confront Chet Kelly later.

            “You don’t look so good, Ellen. Maybe you should go home and rest. You can try again next shift, say at another station,” Chet said.

            Ellen whirled and headed for Chet, her eyes blazing. He pressed himself against the squad to escape her wrath, wearing that smug, insolent grin that she had a sudden urge to knock off his face.

            “What’s your problem, Chet?” Ellen barked.

            “Should we stop her, Cap?” Roy whispered.

Hank, Johnny and Roy stood just outside the office doorway, almost directly behind Ellen.

            “I think Chet’s going to get what he deserves,” Hank whispered back.

             Ellen ignored the conversation behind her. “It’s that joke of yours, isn’t it? You know, I would have thought that at your age you’d have learned by now that when you play a joke on someone you run the risk of it backfiring. Like this morning.”

            Chet decided to milk Ellen’s show of temper for all it was worth. “You tried to take my pants off, but I was the one Cap chewed out. You’ve charmed everyone to the point where I wonder what your plans are for us tonight.”

            “So I undid your belt. Big deal. I’m a nurse, Chet. You don’t have anything I haven’t seen before, so you needn’t be so damned protective of it. As for tonight, don’t worry about it. I’ve had better offers from much nicer men than you could ever be and I’ve turned them all down. You’ll just have to get used to going without while I’m around.”

            “Ellen—” Marco began.

            “What, Marco?” She looked at the fireman scornfully. “Do you think Chet’s the only one who can talk with a barbed tongue? Or be mean to someone?” She turned back to Chet. “Who died and gave you the right to be such an asshole, Chet?” She ignored the surprised gasps her swearing had caused and continued her tirade. “I’m sorry I embarrassed you this morning, even though that’s what you wanted to do to me. I thought if you could dish out a joke, you could also take one. My mistake. But I’ll tell you right now that it’s going to take more than your verbal games to get me to leave this station before my job is finished—”

            “Job? What job?” Hank interrupted.

            Ellen was dimly aware that she’d been indiscreet, but couldn’t stop the anger that poured out of her. “I intend to do this job to the best of my ability whether you like me or not. I’ll do you a favor and stay out of your way as much as possible, but I expect the same thing from you. Understand?” She brought her face close to the fireman’s. “Don’t push me, Chet, because I’ll push back. You won’t like it, I can guarantee you.”

            Chet laughed. “I’ll bet you can. Is that how you got that scar on your arm?”

            Ellen’s head jerked backward as if she’d been struck. The blood disappeared from her face with a roaring in her ears as the room began to tilt. A feeling, like nausea and heat combined, started in her stomach and began to spread rapidly throughout her body. Oh, God. Breathe, she told herself. She tried, but couldn’t seem to force air into her lungs. Don’t pass out. She focused on the phrase, using all of her willpower to regain control.

            “What the hell—?” Startled by her violent reaction, Chet reached out to help Ellen.

 Mike grabbed his friend’s arm and pulled him off to Ellen’s left to give Roy and Johnny room to get close to the motionless trainee.

“Ellen, you okay?” Roy asked.

Johnny placed his hands on her shoulders to steer her away from Chet. “Come on, Ellen, let’s go sit—“

Suddenly Ellen pushed Johnny’s hands away and stepped backward. “Don’t touch me,” she hissed then turned her back on the men.

The firemen stared openmouthed as the trainee disappeared into the dayroom without so much as a glance in their direction, her back ramrod straight despite a slightly unsteady walk.

Chet watched Ellen’s back, still seeing her stricken face in his mind. Suddenly feeling ashamed of his behavior, he jerked free from Mike’s grasp and started after her.

“Hold it right there, Kelly,” Hank commanded.

Chet turned, grimacing at the angry expressions he saw on his friends’ faces. Slowly he headed back to the group.

Hank watched Chet approach; trying to plan what he was going to say. Chet Kelly was the most recalcitrant member of his crew. He smiled inwardly at the number of times Kelly and Gage had gotten into it over the years, usually over something trivial. Hank found it strange that overall, those incidents with Johnny had seemed humorous to him, whereas Chet’s demeanor toward Ellen had been anything but. He could see that Chet had finally learned he’d stepped over the line, but that didn’t excuse what had happened.

Mentally Hank crossed his fingers as Chet stopped in front of him, his expression downcast. This had better work. “So, Chet, how are we going to handle this?”

“I don’t follow, Cap.” A quick glance told Chet the others were also puzzled by the question.

“You were going after Ellen, Chet. I assume it was for a reason other than to torment her some more. Or was I mistaken? After all, you’ve made your feelings clear to everyone. I think, given what happened, that all of us should come to an agreement on what we’re going to say to Ellen before we enter the dayroom. You seemed to have something in mind. I’m asking you to share it with the rest of us.”

Chet met his captain’s steely gaze without the usual deviltry in his eyes. “I didn’t really have a purpose, Cap. All I was really thinking was to apologize and see if she was all right.” His voice deepened. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look on her face. I didn’t know mentioning her scar would do that to her.”

“She warned us off at supper, but you were too busy plotting to see it,” Marco said.

“I thought it happened in a simple accident. At least that’s what I wanted to believe. But something bad happened,” Chet said softly. An idea was forming in his mind, one that he didn’t want to accept.

 “Yes,” Hank said. He stared at his crew, noticing by their taut expressions that they all had guessed the same thing.

Johnny spoke up. “For a few seconds in the locker room, she was remembering something that caused her so much pain I almost asked her about it. She pretended nothing happened and after a few minutes I forgot about it.” He cleared his throat. “My imagination has to be running overtime.” He looked at his shift mates. “Isn’t it? I know everything’s connected somehow, but it doesn’t have to be…” His stomach turned over. “Rape,” he said softly.

 “I think we should see if she’ll talk to us, Cap,” Mike said.

 “I agree with Mike that we should try getting her to talk to us, but I doubt if she will say much,” Roy said.

Hank nodded. “She’s been avoiding things all day. She does it so well I didn’t even really notice until she was in my office. Okay, let’s she if she’ll talk to us. Don’t press the issue if she won’t.” He started toward the dayroom then turned. “And be careful. She has to pull her own weight here. We can and should be concerned, but we can’t, for our own safety on a run, treat her like glass.” He stared at his crew. “Don’t ever forget that, men.”

 Ellen started to shake as soon as she entered the dayroom. Blindly she made her way to the table as full awareness of her behavior hit her. She grabbed the back of the closest chair and struggled to gain control of herself, her knuckles white from the effort. She knew her shift mates wouldn’t leave her alone for long and she had to prepare to face them.

“Ellen? You okay?” Chet asked softly.

Ellen stiffened at the sound of the fireman’s voice close to her. Damn him! Why couldn’t he leave her alone! Slowly she looked over her left shoulder and met Chet’s eyes. She blinked. She blinked again. The devil smile was gone; Chet’s face held genuine concern. She gripped the chair harder as she vainly tried to understand what new game he was playing.

The rest of the men had fanned out behind the fireman. At a nod from Johnny, Mike headed for the sink.

Suddenly Ellen was too tired to worry about what Chet was up to. “Just leave me alone.” She looked away from him.

“Here’s a glass of water, Ellen,” Mike said. “It might help.”

She looked over her shoulder again. Mike stood beside Chet, holding out a glass of water. She glanced down at her hands. She couldn’t seem to make them let go of the chair. “Thanks, Mike. I don’t think—I’ll drink it later. I’m fine.”

Mike set the glass down on the table as Chet said, “You don’t look fine. Course, at least you’re not white as a ghost anymore.”

 “Oh? What color am I?” she asked halfheartedly.

“More of a sickly gray,” Chet answered.

Ellen burst out laughing, flooding her face with color. “Well, at least I’m not green. Otherwise I’d be clinging to a sink or a toilet instead of this chair.” She released her hold on the chair and flexed her cramped fingers. “Or I’d have one hell of a mess to clean up.”

“That’s better,” Chet said. “I want to apologize, Ellen. I’ve been an ass today. I should have known better, but I wouldn’t listen.” He smiled sheepishly. “A failing of mine.”

Ellen returned his smile. “Apology accepted, Chet.” She started to reach for the glass of water.

Wanting to help, Chet reached for the glass at the same time and brushed Ellen’s arm. She jumped backward so that she was out of reach.

“Sorry,” she said and stared at the table, trying to say something that would direct their attention from her behavior.

Johnny spoke first. “Look, Ellen, about the scar on your arm…”

Ellen stared at the men. “It’s not important. I’m sorry to be so nervous. It’s just that I haven’t… shown much emotion in awhile.” She smiled shyly. “You know, Chet, you did me a favor earlier by making me mad.” She blinked rapidly, feeling vulnerable at being so honest. “Thank you.”

Chet grinned. “Nobody’s ever thanked me for being a pain in the ass before.”

Ellen chuckled. “Nobody probably will again.”

“We’ll listen if you want to talk, Ellen,” Marco suggested.

 “No.” She took a deep breath and softened her voice. “I mean that wouldn’t be a good idea. It’s in the past, over and done with. I’ve tried really hard to forget…” She paused, hearing the panic start to creep into her voice. “Look, I can’t. Please just let me forget.” She earnestly scanned the faces of her shift mates and finally found a distraction. “I’ll tell you why I’m here.”

“You make it sound like your presence here is part of some plan,” Roy said.

“It is,” Ellen said. “Headquarters won’t be happy I let the cat out of the bag, but they’ll get over it. Surprise aside, they really should have let you know I was going to be a woman, Captain.”

Hank nodded. “Ah. You’re a guinea pig, right?”

“Exactly,” Ellen answered.

“What?” Hank’s men cried in unison.

“Headquarters has been pondering opening the paramedic program to women,” Hank explained. “Mention was made at the last meeting I attended. Some kind of plan was discussed, but I didn’t pay a lot of attention. To tell you the truth, I don’t think anyone did.”

            “I can understand that,” Ellen said. “But headquarters has been getting a lot of questions from the public and they decided a woman should try out the training program from beginning to end, especially the fieldwork. They wanted to see how a woman would adapt to working and living with the men and vice versa. Someone thought using a nurse would be a good test approach. Chief Houtz thought of me—”

            “You know the chief?” Chet interrupted.

            Ellen shook her head. “Not really. I was on duty some time ago when his wife had surgery and was able to help reassure him. Anyhow, he thought of me and asked Dr. Brackett, who asked Dixie if she thought I’d be willing…”

            Roy shot a look at the captain and received a slight nod in reply. It had occurred to him that Dixie might know the story behind Ellen’s scar and if she’d share her knowledge, he and his friends might be able to help. Putting aside thoughts of how he’d approach Dixie, Roy returned his attention to Ellen, who had continued talking, unaware of the silent exchange with the captain.

“At the end of the training period I’m supposed to turn in a report giving my recommendations. I think knowing the trainee’s a woman is the least headquarters could do for the captain and his crew.”

            “It would help the trainee too. You should have seen the look on your face this morning when Cap didn’t realize you were the trainee,” Johnny said, laughing.

            Ellen laughed. “You should have seen your face, Johnny, when you found out I ‘was’ the trainee.”

            “If you’re certified as a paramedic, what will you do? Give up nursing?” Roy asked. He hoped it didn’t sound like her evaluation depended on her answer. But the program meant a lot to him and he was curious about her plans.

            Ellen’s eyes widened with surprise. “You know, I haven’t really thought about it. I’d treat my certification as an honor, but I don’t really want to give up being a nurse right now.” Her brow furrowed in thought. “You know, it might not be a bad idea for someone like me to be on staff at Rampart. I could increase staff understanding of the fire/paramedic biz. I mean I do my best now, but just imagine what I could do with firsthand experience…”

            “Um, just what have you been doing?” Hank asked.

            Ellen snapped out of her reverie and smiled sheepishly at her shift mates. “Well, I sorta made it known to a co-worker that he’s to keep his opinions about firefighters and paramedics to himself when we work together. In a nice way.”

            The men stared at the young woman with increased admiration as she exhibited her feeling for the fire service that she knew so little about.

            “I can imagine,” Chet said. “Say, Ellen, have you ever seen a fire engine up close?”

            “That’s a great idea! We can show you all sorts of things we firefighters do, right Mike?” Marco looked at his friend.

            “Absolutely. We can show you a couple of things before we turn in,” Mike said.

            “Wow! Do you mind, Captain?” Ellen asked.

            “Not at all,” Hank replied, amazed anew at the young woman assigned to his crew. She was lit up like a Christmas tree with her enthusiasm and had managed once again to deflect talk from an unwanted subject. Remembering her earnest plea, he decided to let it go for the present.

            “Cool!” She took an impulsive step forward and stopped. She stared at Mike, his words about turning in causing her earlier apprehension about the long aisle in the dorm to return. She wanted to ask, but felt foolish.

            “What’s on your mind, Ellen?” Mike asked.

            She grimaced. “I’ve always been too easy to read. I can kinda control it unless I get excited…” She paused, realizing she was rambling out of nervousness. Get control of yourself, girl! “I was just… you guys won’t make a fuss about the shorts and t-shirt I’m going to sleep in, will you?”

            “Would we do that?” Mike asked, his eyes twinkling. She seemed to freeze at his words, her expression registering surprise then fear. Realizing she’d misinterpreted his comment, he bridged the gap between them. “I didn’t mean anything, Ellen. You’re safe here,” he said softly, holding her gaze with his own. “You do believe me, don’t you?”

            Ellen silently stared at the engineer. ‘You can trust them,’ Dix had said. Finally, she blinked and exhaled slowly. “I- I’m sorry. I know that somehow, but…” Her eyes focused inward. “It’s time I learned to trust again,” she whispered and answered Mike with a nod of her head. “Can I see the fire engine now?”

            When he was alone with the two paramedics, Hank said, “I think you’d better call Dixie, Roy. See what she’ll tell you. I believe Ellen will tell us eventually, but I don’t think we should wait for her to trust us enough to do so.”

            “Sure, Cap.” Roy walked over to the phone on the wall near the fridge and dialed Rampart.

            Johnny stared at the captain while Roy asked to speak with Dixie. “Why is Roy calling Dix?”

            Hank smiled at how easily confused the paramedic could sometimes be about things that didn’t concern rescues and victims. “From her description of being chosen as a test candidate, Roy and I think that Dixie is close enough to Ellen that she may know about that scar of hers.”

            “I hope it works,” Johnny said as the two men drifted closer to the phone.

            Roy nodded that he’d reached the head nurse. “Dix, this is Roy.”

            “Hey, Roy, this is a surprise. What can I do for you?” Dixie paused then asked, “Everything’s okay with Ellen, right?”

            “Yes and no.” Roy took a deep breath. “Things were kinda bumpy at first, but things have smoothed themselves out…”

            “That’s good. I was beginning to wonder. So what’s the problem?”

            The moment had come to ask his question. “Well, you’ve known Ellen quite a while, right?”

            “I’ve known her since she started as a student nurse two and a half years ago. Why?”

            Roy could hear a definite pause before she asked her question. “What can you tell me about the scar on her left forearm, Dix?” Silence. His hopes fell about getting any answers. “It’s come up in conversation and she acts really weird about it.”

            “She hasn’t told you anything?”

            Dixie’s stalling, Roy thought. “She says she can’t, that she just wants to forget about it. We don’t want to pressure her, but—”

            “Don’t,” Dixie commanded then forced the edge from her voice. “Roy, if Ellen doesn’t want to talk about the scar, it’s best to just let it go. She’ll tell you the story when she’s ready to.” Another pause. “If ever. I told her she could trust you guys. Give her a chance to realize that. Don’t let me down, okay?”

            “Okay, Dix. Thanks.” Roy replaced the receiver and turned to meet the crestfallen expressions of his friends.

            “She won’t tell us,” Hank said.

            Roy repeated Dixie’s comments, along with Dr. Brackett’s attitude at the nurse’s station, which now made sense.

            “So my guess may be right then,” Johnny said softly, gazing toward the apparatus bay.

            “Seems so.” Hank’s gaze followed Johnny’s. “I can see why Dr. Brackett and Nurse McCall would be protective of her. I can definitely see why.” He shook his head, his mouth set in a tight line. “I don’t like any of this. But we’ll do it Dixie’s way for now. Johnny, Roy, any erratic behavior from Ellen and I want to know about it. Understand? Pronto. I’ll fill the others in when you guys go on a run.”   

            Roy and Johnny nodded, their expressions equally grim, as they followed the captain into the apparatus bay.

*****

            As soon as Ellen arrived home from the station, she showered and changed from her nurse’s uniform into comfortable jeans and a t-shirt. An hour later, she was pouring a mug of coffee for herself when the doorbell rang. Smiling, she grabbed a second mug off the mug rack on the counter and filled it with the steaming black liquid before hurrying to answer the door.

Dixie stood on the other side smiling, dressed in a light blue sweater and pants outfit that suited the slight coolness of the cloudy October morning. “I had to see how your first shift went yesterday.” She held out a square bakery box. “I brought sustenance.”

“I have libation.” Ellen completed the long-standing greeting then motioned her friend inside. “I figured you might show up. Curiosity killed the cat, you know.”

Dixie laughed and entered the small kitchen to the right of the foyer. She loved the simple floor plan and decorating style of Ellen’s apartment. To the left of the foyer was a coat closet, which ran parallel along the linoleum floor to the kitchen entryway. Across from the kitchen, the wall opened up at waist level, providing a view into the living room with a pillar marking its entrance. The foyer became a hallway that extended past the living room to two bedrooms and a bath. The walls of each room were painted in pale colors that complemented the soft colors of her furniture and curtains. Accents had been carefully chosen to add a touch of classic elegance to each room’s color scheme.

“I was hoping you’d still be up,” Dixie said as she set her purse and the bakery box on the small oval kitchen table before pulling out a chair and making herself comfortable. “I wasn’t sure if you’d been able to get any sleep last night.”

            Ellen followed her friend into the kitchen. “I actually slept pretty well last night.” She moved to the counter and retrieved the mugs then joined Dixie at the table.

            Dixie took a sip of the liquid and sighed. “You sure make good coffee, Ellen. It can’t compare to the stuff at Rampart.”

            Ellen laughed. “Nothing can compare to the stuff we get at Rampart, Dix.” She took a sip from her mug then returned it to the table. “Okay, out with it. I’ve got my fortification here…” grinning, she tapped the rim of her mug, “and am ready for the cross-examination to begin.”

            “Smarty-pants. Okay, coffee cake can wait. We didn’t get much of a chance to talk yesterday and after the phone call from Roy, I thought I’d come see what’s what.”

            Ellen leaned across the table, her gaze intent. “Roy called? When? Why? What did he say?”

            Dixie’s gaze was equally intense. “Hey. I thought I was supposed to ask the questions in this ‘cross-examination’. Seriously, I’m concerned.” Her eyes twinkled. “I want to know if I have to chew the A-shift out for not being gentlemanly to a lady.”

            Ellen laughed. “Okay, I’ll talk. But I intend to get ‘my’ questions answered before you leave.”

            “Deal. You said yesterday that you weren’t afraid of your shift mates; that you needed to get your bearings. Right?” Ellen nodded. “So tell me about when you first showed up. Did things not go well?”

            “I wouldn’t say that exactly,” Ellen said and proceeded to explain meeting her shift mates and the first altercation with Chet. By the time she finished, Dixie was wiping her eyes, trying not to smear her mascara in the process.

            “Wow. I can’t believe you did that.” Dixie chuckled. “I like Chet, but he can be a handful at times.”

            Ellen smiled. “Always the diplomat. For most of the day yesterday I was thinking more of a royal pain in the ass.”

            “So, what changed your mind about Chet?”

            Ellen stared at her mug and sighed. “You and Kel were right, Dix, about my not being prepared. The class parameters were easy to get accustomed to; totally unlike living with men in a fire station.” She raised her eyes and met her friend’s understanding gaze. “I was a fool. To tell the truth I spent most of yesterday wondering how I was going to finish out the day, let alone two months. Chet was constantly baiting me. It really ticked him off that Captain Stanley chewed him out for his little joke and not me. The other guys seemed to accept me without too much trouble, but not Chet. He tried to make me lose my cool, but I outsmarted him. So he decided he’d get me into trouble. I walked right into his trap.”

            “Let me guess. Your fall.” Ellen blinked in reply. “I see. Well I’d think if anything, you’d be angrier with Chet instead of the reverse.”

            “Oh, I was. But after Johnny and Roy examined my hands and knee, all I wanted was to get away from everyone’s watchfulness. The memories I thought I had under control had started in my head again, causing the guys to have questions about my behavior.”

            “I bet. You hurt your hands too?” Ellen grinned sheepishly and Dixie nodded. “That’s why you were drying your hands in a weird way. I saw it, but it didn’t register. You let Johnny and Roy touch you?”

            “I had no choice.” Ellen took a ragged breath. “Then Chet wouldn’t leave me alone.” She stared at her friend, her expression full of wonder. “I told him off, Dix. You know how long it’s been since I lost my temper, no matter how angry I got.” Dixie nodded. “Well, I blew a gasket, worse than what I said to Mike Morton, remember?” Ellen laughed without humor. “Then Chet said something about my scar and I freaked.” She swallowed. “The memories…” She rubbed her scar as her eyes briefly focused on the past. “I almost quit at that point, but Chet apologized. Strange, but I never thought he’d do that.” A smile lit her face. “Do you know I got to see the ins and outs of a fire engine?”

Dixie placed a hand over Ellen’s. “I know it must have been hard for you yesterday. Believe me, I know what it’s like to remember things you want to forget. But it’s good that you’re at 51’s.”

            Ellen stared at her friend. “You’re talking about Korea.” Dixie nodded, her lips pressed together. During the time they’d known each other, the head nurse had privately shared moments of her war experiences, especially the bad ones that still haunted her dreams. Knowing that Dixie had survived had helped give her strength not to give in to her own demons. “Why do I get the feeling you’re hiding something by telling me that about 51’s? Come on, Dix, give. I told you everything. Your turn.”

            “Okay, okay. It really isn’t anything. Kel and I wanted to make sure you not only had the best paramedics to train with, but that you would be in a place where you would feel safe, so we recommended you be assigned to 51’s A-shift.” Ellen was laughing. “What’s so funny?”

            “Dix, for most of yesterday I felt anything ‘but’ safe, except for those few moments when the guys asked me to tell them about my scar. I remembered what you said about them, but I couldn’t do it.”

            “I know.”

            “How?”

            “Roy called me, remember? He said you were acting sorta weird and wanted to know if I knew anything about how you got your scar; said you wouldn’t tell them.”

            “They asked you to tell them? Of all the sneaky, low down things to do!”

            “Why are you upset? You wouldn’t tell them when they asked you to. I told you, Ellen, that they’re good men. They’re obviously concerned about you and want to help.” She patted her friend’s hand. “I told Roy that you needed to tell them yourself when you were ready.” Another pat. “You can trust them, Ellen. Sure, you’ve come a long way, but you’re still holding back and it isn’t right. You need to move on and let Lisa and Jack go. Talking to the A-shift would be a good thing.”

            “I know. I realized yesterday that I have to trust again. But…” Ellen looked at her friend, panic in her eyes. “I don’t know if I can do it, Dix. Let down my guard. Trust them. Tell them.”

            “You’ve made a tremendous start in just one shift. I think you may be more ready to do those things than you know.”

            Ellen’s expression became thoughtful. “Maybe. You know, sometimes yesterday it felt so good being with the guys that it was like Ed Rittman never existed. We laughed and joked around; they even pretended to avert their eyes when I walked past them in the shorts and t-shirt I wore to bed until somebody couldn’t stand it and whistled. Of course then they all had to whistle.” She laughed. “As if I have anything to whistle at. But it was kinda flattering the way they did it.”

            “Of course.” Dixie hid her smile at Ellen’s lack of vanity with a quick drink from her mug. “And now I can see that firefighters have been elevated even higher in your eyes.” She shook her head, grinning. “Poor Mike Morton. He’s not going to be able to stand it the next time he works with you.”

            Ellen made a rude noise. “I sorta told the guys about having a conflict with someone’s opinions of firefighters/paramedics. I let them think it was a nurse though. That’s when Chet asked if I’d ever seen a fire engine up close. So he, Marco and Mike Stoker ushered me out to the apparatus bay and spent the next hour showing me every nook and cranny of their big, neat engine.” Ellen drummed her fingers on the table. “That must have been when Roy called you. He wouldn’t have had any time otherwise.” She paused. “While it feels kinda weird you and Kel helping me get 51’s A-shift, I’m glad you did, Dix.” She touched her friend’s hand and smiled. “Thanks.”

Dixie laid her free hand on top of Ellen’s and returned the smile. “Just give yourself some time and you’ll be able to tell them.” She cleared her throat of the emotion that had suddenly formed. “Now tell me how Chet got you to tell them about your fall.”

++++++++++++++++

Ed Rittman entered his motel room and flicked on the nearest light switch before closing the door behind him. Rain beat against the curtained window as he shrugged out of his dripping coat and placed it on one of the wooden hangers in the makeshift closet to his right. It had begun raining just as he’d approached LA, the downpour so heavy at times it had made driving almost impossible.

Not knowing where else to begin his search, he had forced himself to drive until he’d reached the UCLA campus where he’d been a graduate student until events two and a half years before had made it prudent for him to leave. He’d pulled into the first motel he could find on the border of the campus and found a room, glad to be out of the storm that raged outside.

Thinking how good it felt to be back in LA, Ed switched on a floor lamp beside a brown square reading chair, idly wondering if the chair was a recliner as he surveyed his surroundings. The room wasn’t the Ritz, but it would do for what he hoped would only be a brief stay. Once his search was completed and he had what he came for, he would move to something more suitable; some place nice and private.

“The City of Angels,” he said then laughed at his little joke as he tossed his suitcase on one of the double beds. He caught his reflection in the mirror and once again took stock of his appearance.

The makeup covered the scars on his left cheek remarkably well. He smiled with satisfaction, knowing that he would be remembered most for that particular feature. With his hair a bit longer, cut differently and dyed a dark brown color his transformation was complete. The few pounds he’d lost had also helped his disguise. He turned his head from side to side; confident that the person he needed to find during his stay wouldn’t recognize him until it was too late for escape.

The smile turned into a leer as Ed remembered Ellen Ferguson as she had left the courtroom after his trial had been dismissed. She’d met his eyes with a hatred shining in her own that had mirrored his innermost feelings for her. He laughed as he recalled how her expression had changed to fear after he’d touched his cheek and smiled. Without a word, she’d continued past him and out of the courtroom. That had been the last time he’d seen her, but he’d never forgotten his nemesis. Her roommate, however, had never entered his thoughts until now.

Ed pointed a finger at his reflection. “Imagine me a rapist! Just because the girl wanted it then changed her mind, she cries rape. Sure things got a little rough, but it was her own fault. Leading a guy on the way she did, it was bound to happen. At least I was able to teach her a valuable lesson.” He nodded at his justification, glad that the judge and jury had thought the same thing. He’d been a little worried at his arrest and charge until his lawyer had shown the kind of woman his accuser was. Though the judge and jury hadn’t vocally stated Ed’s beliefs, the proof that they’d shared them had been in the dismissal of the charge and his release.

He’d left LA and finished his studies, landing a nice job in his chosen field, all the while replaying Ellen’s visage repeatedly in his mind. Patiently he had saved his money and waited for the time when he would come back and exact his payment for the damage Ellen Ferguson had inflicted on his face. Somewhere along the way, he’d decided he wanted more than revenge: he also wanted to possess Ellen. Seeing her as the only woman with enough spirit who could ever be his equal, he became determined that she should be his physically.

Ed turned from the mirror to stare at one of the double beds, imagining Ellen lying on the bed with him as he’d done many times over the past two years. Instead of relishing the fantasy and attending his physical response, he ignored his need in favor of the planning required to make his fantasy a reality. At last, he was in LA, but he had no way of knowing how to find Ellen. He figured a good place to start would be around the campus, assuming she hadn’t left the area, the city or the state. That thought brought him up short. What if he had waited too long to return? His shoulders slumped as the sheer magnitude of his quest became apparent. Even if she hadn’t moved far, LA was so big it would be like finding a needle in a haystack.

“You can’t give up now. You’ll find her somehow.” He looked around him again. “And when I do, I’ll need to find a suitable place to take her, where we can be alone to enjoy each other’s company. So I’ll do that while I wait for inspiration to strike.” Grimacing at the thought of going back out in the storm, Ed donned his coat then left his room to purchase a copy of the LA Times newspaper.

*****

“Hey, Ellen! Wait up!” Chet yelled.

Ellen stopped halfway to the back door of the fire station and waited for Chet and Johnny to catch up. She looked up at the clouds roiling in the early morning sky and knew there would be more rain. Almost as soon as Dixie had left Ellen’s apartment two days before, the rain had begun falling, making only brief pauses from the torrential downpours. What a way to begin my second shift, she thought.

Johnny reached her side a split second ahead of Chet. “Hi there,” he said.

Ellen smiled. “Hi, Chet, Johnny. I think we’d better get inside before we get soaked.” She pointed up at the sky then began walking toward the back door, the two men walking alongside her. She stopped at the door and opened it. “After you,” she said, making a sweeping motion with her free hand for the two men to enter.

“Ladies first,” Chet said.

“Now that isn’t what you called me when we first met,” Ellen said, her twinkling eyes meeting Johnny’s.

“Well, I changed my mind. And I say ladies first.” Thunder rumbled in the sky overhead as Chet took a step toward Ellen to usher her inside.

“Chet, will you get inside? Wet blue jeans and I don’t mix.” Ellen’s laughter rang out with Johnny and Chet’s as she hurriedly followed the two men into the dayroom. She closed the door behind her just as a gust of wind tried to tear it out of her grasp. “Whew,” she said and turned around to face the table. “Hi, guys.” She took off her windbreaker and joined the group of men. A man, a stranger wearing a gray plaid flannel shirt and jeans, stood with her shift mates.

“Hey, Ellen,” the men replied in greeting.

Ellen draped her jacket over her left arm, accidentally covering her scar, as the unknown man with sandy hair stepped forward along with Captain Stanley.

“Ellen, this is Tom Dwyer, a paramedic on C-shift,” Hank said. “Tom, this is our trainee, Ellen Ferguson.”

Dwyer extended his hand and Ellen shook it with a smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Ellen.” His eyes twinkled as he glanced quickly at her shift mates. “I’ve heard a lot about you. Seems you bested old Chet, which is something I would’ve given my right arm to see….” A puzzled expression appeared on the paramedic’s face, amidst Chet’s sputtering and the laughter of the others. “Do I know you? The guys said you work as a nurse at Rampart, but there’s something familiar….”

Soft color appeared on Ellen’s cheeks. Embarrassed at the mention of the joke incident with Chet, she tried to deflect the conversation. “It’s nice to meet you too, Tom. I’m sorry, but I don’t recall us meeting before now. You’ve probably seen me around Rampart. I’ve been there for a couple of years—”

Dwyer snapped his fingers. “Now I remember. I was there that night, a couple of years ago, when you and your roommate….” He looked at Ellen, surprised to see all color drain from her face.

Coldness settled around Ellen that penetrated to her bones. Her eyes locked with Dwyer’s. She knew the paramedic hadn’t fully recalled the circumstances as he’d spoken, because of his surprised expression. Ellen could feel the intent curiosity of her shift mates at his words. She knew they would realize her scar and Dwyer’s memory were linked and ask him what had happened, since she wouldn’t tell them. So much for thinking time was on her side. Ellen opened her mouth then closed it. Swallowing, she tried again to speak. Her voice barely above a whisper, she said, “Lisa. Her name was Lisa. You were one of the paramedics?”

Dwyer nodded, seeing he’d brought up a topic that he shouldn’t have. Suddenly he remembered the full circumstances of their meeting and he knew why she had reacted as she had. “I-I asked Dix a couple of days after we brought you two in how you were doing. I saw you once at Rampart while bringing in another patient, but you’d disappeared when I was free. I wanted to tell you that I thought you were awfully brave.” He saw some color return to her white cheeks and inwardly breathed a sigh of relief that he’d managed to talk her past the hard memories. He glanced at the other men and realized by their stunned expressions that they knew nothing of that night. He could tell them, but he wouldn’t; only Ellen had the right to reveal what had happened.

Brave. He thought she was brave. He had no idea what they’d gone through. The freezing cold melted as a wave of red-hot anger took its place: anger that she thought she’d come to terms with long ago. Suddenly she wanted to shout at him; the only thing that stopped her was the look of sorrow on his face. He doesn’t deserve your anger, she thought and slowly reached for Dwyer’s hand. Lightly holding it she said, “I didn’t know, Tom.” She released his hand. “If I had, I would have thanked you for your concern. Would you accept my thanks now, from the bottom of my heart and forgive me for taking so long?”

Hank and the rest of his crew stared in silent wonder at the scene before them, trying to absorb what they were hearing. It seemed incredible that Dwyer had been on hand at that unknown moment in Ellen’s life. They could tell by the grave expression on the paramedic’s face and the words spoken that the situation had been serious. However, the information didn’t quite mesh with their guesses and they were left wondering what had happened.

Ellen’s hand was ice cold when it briefly touched Dwyer’s skin. Once again, his heart went out to her as it had that night. He remembered her firm refusal to be treated as a patient, her only concern for her roommate. He’d been angry then, partly at Ellen’s decision, but mostly at the man who had injured the two women. He’d also experienced a strange keen desire to inflict bodily harm upon the culprit in a kind of retaliation. Those feelings had been the reason he’d sought out Dixie to inquire on their behalf; it had taken several days for the feelings to dissipate. Ellen was a strong lady, a survivor; the respect he’d felt for her so long ago resurfaced anew. “There’s nothing to forgive, Ellen. I’m just glad you and Lisa are all right.” An expression of sadness appeared on the trainee’s face, and Dwyer felt his stomach clench. “Lisa?”

Unable to say the few words, Ellen shook her head. She felt again the ache in her heart that had softened over time, but had never completely diminished at the loss of her best friend.

“I’m so sorry,” Dwyer said softly.

Ellen nodded. “I know. Me too.”

A loud clap of thunder split the silence that had descended on the room, making everyone jump.

“I’d better get going.” Dwyer turned toward the door then looked over his shoulder. “Take care, Ellen.” Without waiting for a reply, he ran to the door then out to his car.

Another clap of thunder as the door banged shut galvanized the A-shift out of the awkward moment and into action. Johnny, Chet and Ellen ran for the locker room to change, Ellen first admonishing the men not to peek then vowing she’d be done first. Their shift mates laughed at Chet’s answering challenge and grabbed mugs of coffee before sitting down at the table to await the results of the contest.

++++++++++++

The squad sped along the road toward its first rescue of the shift with the engine following and a white car bringing up the rear. The atmosphere inside the squad was quiet, though more relaxed than on the first shift three days ago.

 Ellen tried to come up with something to break the silence; anything that would take everyone’s mind off the conversation she’d had with Dwyer an hour ago. “Do you guys get many reporters tagging along?” she asked, hoping that would divert their thoughts.

“We’ve had a few,” Roy said.

“Not this Steve Burke fellow though,” Johnny added. “Sometimes it went well, sometimes not so well.”

“Their being along to observe or their stories?” Ellen asked.

“Both,” Roy and Johnny answered simultaneously.

Ellen glanced at both men and smiled. “Maybe I’ll get you guys to tell me about some of your experiences. I bet they’d prove very interesting.” She frowned as a thought occurred to her. “You don’t suppose that contest we had will show up in Burke’s article?”

“Never can tell what a reporter will say. Or ask.” Johnny chuckled. “Poor Chet. That’s twice he’s lost to you, Ellen.” His chuckle turned into a laugh. “I think it’s great.”

“Well, I sorta had you guys beat before the contest started,” Ellen said softly.

“Oh? Now what makes you say that?” Johnny asked, slightly miffed because she’d also bested him in the contest. While it was nice to see Chet squirm at losing, the paramedic had also been confident of winning.

            Ellen turned her head to face him. “I can explain with one word: buttons.”

            “Come again?” Johnny asked.

            “That would do it,” Roy said, trying not to laugh.

            Ellen smiled innocently. “You guys have buttons on your shirts; I don’t on my tunic.”

            “Oh, good grief.” Johnny paused to consider something. His face lit up as he said, “Chet’s really going to love this. I can see him right now appealing to headquarters for shirts without buttons….” Ellen and Roy laughed with him.

            “Here we are.” Roy pointed to his right as an abandoned motorcycle came into view, lying near the edge on Johnny’s side of the road. He parked the squad on the two-lane road across from a black Lincoln Continental where a man and a boy stood, waving wildly for them to stop.

The engine and the white car stopped a short distance behind the squad. The motorcycle was about five feet away from the hood of the squad. A two-foot gouge, like someone had taken a bite out of the road, lay near the bike’s front tire. Captain Stanley, Johnny and Roy headed for the man and boy who were advancing to meet them.

Steve Burke raced to join the group, anxious not to miss out on any of the action. He could see the teenager struggling against the man’s hand on his arm as the two joined the rescuers in the middle of the road. Steve noticed Ellen standing beside the squad as he joined the group, when suddenly the young man wrenched free of the older man’s grip and ran toward the spot of the accident.

“Help my friend! The road swallowed him and his bike up, right here!”

Johnny and Ellen ran after the youth, meeting him at the spot where the mudslide had occurred. Captain Stanley extended his arms and shook his head, indicating to the others not to follow. Roy nodded, knowing it was risky enough for Johnny and Ellen to be on the possibly unstable ground without the addition of more weight. In the engine Chet, Marco and Mike watched the scene from their vantage point then looked at each other, their expressions taught.

“You’ve got to get away from here!” Ellen said. She made a grab for the youth’s arm, but he dodged out of her grasp.

“My friend’s down there!”

Johnny caught the boy’s arm as he backed into him. “We’ll get him out. But first, you’ve got to get out of here. It’s not safe….” The teenager tried to break free, muttering about his friend.

Ellen moved close to the pair. “Stop that,” she ordered. The boy stilled. “It’s not safe here. We need to get back before—”

            A loud rumbling sound was their only warning. Ellen disappeared first. Johnny had a split second to push the boy away from him before the ground gave way beneath his feet. The paramedic and trainee fell madly, propelled down the ravine in a whirl of mud, water, brush and vegetation roots. Their open turnout coats caught on the brush still anchored to the hillside and were pulled off them. They struggled to catch their breath, sputtering and choking as the liquefied mud flew into their open mouths. Moments later they were unceremoniously dumped not far apart from each other into a pool of mud at the bottom of the steep hill. The motorcycle came crashing down seconds later, barely missing Johnny and Ellen as it landed in a shower of mud.

The roaring was over in an instant. Hank and Roy raced to where the teenager lay on the ground. The captain hauled the young man to his feet and pulled him toward the middle of the road as Chet and Marco ran up with Steve and the other bystander on their heels. The boy kept apologizing as Roy quickly checked him for any injuries while the man sputtered to Steve about the amazing scene he’d witnessed.

 Ignoring the chaos that surrounded him, Hank grabbed his H-T. He raised his hand for silence. “Engine 51, Captain Stanley. Stoker, move the engine back to a safer distance. Make room for the squad.” He looked at Roy. “How’s the boy?”

“Fine, Cap. Just shook up. I’ll move the squad.” Without another word, Roy left the group.

 “So what’s the plan, Captain Stanley?” Steve asked.

Hank refrained from stating the obvious. “Mr. Burke, I suggest you move your car, unless you want my engineer to move it for you.” His lips twisted into a brief smile as Steve took off to move his car. “Sir, I want you to take this young man back to your car and wait for the ambulance. Chet, Marco, head for the engine and check the ground along the way for a stable place to descend.” As the group broke up, Hank patted the dejected teenager on the shoulder. “Everything will be fine, son. Don’t worry,” he added with more confidence than he felt.

Johnny opened his eyes. He was lying in about seven inches of watery muck. Nothing felt broken as he sat up and tried in vain to wipe some of the mud off his hands and face. There wasn’t a clean spot on him to move the dirt to, so he gave up the attempt after a few seconds and surveyed his surroundings. He could see Ellen sitting up off to his right and further over another figure half submerged by the muddy water. “Ellen! You okay?” Raising himself to his knees, he crept to her.

“Fine, Johnny. My guess is I’ll feel like a Mack truck hit me by suppertime, but nothing’s broken. How about you?”

“Same here. Let’s see if we can stand up in this stuff and tend to the victim.”

Together they managed to get on their feet. Carefully they tested the ground beneath them and found that while it was hard to maneuver, they weren’t sinking in the muck too badly. Slowly they made their way to the other figure.

Ellen grinned at Johnny as she fought to keep her balance with each step. “That was some ride, wasn’t it?”

“It sure was.” Johnny also struggled against the suction power of the mud. “Man, I swear my shoes are going to get pulled right off my feet.” He grimaced. “Just like my turnout coat. At least it isn’t raining, though it would get some of this gunk off.”

“Hello? Help me,” a weak voice said.

“Take it easy, son, we’re almost there,” Johnny said.

“How…. How did you…?” The voice was so soft it was barely audible.

“Same way you did,” Ellen said. “We’ve got friends up top who will be coming to get us.”

“That’s right. All we have to do is wait.” Johnny looked at Ellen who nodded at his unspoken comment: hopefully the young man could wait.

“My leg…”

“We’re here, son,” Johnny said as he and Ellen knelt beside the injured teenager who lay propped against the other motorcycle.

“What’s your name?” Ellen asked as she quickly checked his upper body while Johnny examined the boy’s legs.

“Jim…” He cried out in pain. “What’s…. yours?”

“I’m Ellen, and that’s Johnny. He’s got a broken right arm.”

“My leg…”

Johnny looked at Ellen, his expression grim. “Right leg’s broken too.” He looked around in vain for a way to get the boy out of the liquid that he had just started to realize was cold. “Man, I wish we had those turnout coats,” he muttered.

Hank hurried to the rear of the engine where the rest of his crew were waiting, trying not to think of Ellen and Johnny at the bottom of the hill with the other teenager.

 “Cap, we secured lines to the engine and plan to make our descent from here,” Roy said. Chet, Marco and Mike stood beside the paramedic with a stretcher. Roy held up his H-T. “We’ll radio as soon as we locate them.”

“Just one stokes, Roy?” Marco asked.

Roy nodded. “I know I’m guessing that Johnny and Ellen will be able to walk, but we can’t take everything down there.” He glanced up at the darkening sky. “And we can’t wait for extra help.”

“Roy’s right,” Hank said. We need to get down there and back before it starts raining again. We’ll treat them up here. The fewer trips up and down the hillside the better. Even this far away from the initial mudslide, we’re still vulnerable.”

Hank’s men began their descent and his waiting began. He knew only too well how friends and relatives of victims felt as they waited, the thoughts and feelings that went through their minds. The same things went through his mind each and every time one of his crew was in peril.

Several minutes later, Roy’s voice crackled over the H-T. “Engine 51, this is Squad 51. We’ve located the victims. One stokes was enough. Has the ambulance arrived yet?”

“10-4, Squad 51.” Captain Stanley breathed a sigh of relief that Ellen and Johnny weren’t badly hurt then offered a short prayer for the boy.

“Wondered when you guys would show up,” Johnny said. “You should try sitting in this stuff, eh, Jim?” He looked at the boy then at Ellen.

She shook her head. “He’s drifted off again.”

“We’ll get you guys out of here in a jiffy,” Roy said as he looked for a way to lay the stretcher flat without submerging it in the muck.

“Roy?” Ellen asked. “Since Johnny and I are already sitting in this stuff, why don’t you use us as a bridge to set the stokes on?”

“Great idea, Ellen,” Marco said.

Roy looked dubious. “Guess we don’t have much choice.”

Ellen and Johnny stretched out their legs and placed them atop each other. Chet and Marco positioned the stretcher over them, holding each end to steady it. Roy and Mike quickly placed the young man in the stretcher and made him secure.

“Okay, Chet, Marco get going,” Roy said as a clap of thunder shook the air. “We’re right behind you.” He reached down and pulled Johnny to his feet. 

“Come on, Ellen, your turn,” Mike said as he helped the trainee to her feet.

Johnny took a step and swayed. “My legs don’t seem to want to work very well. Guess that stuff was colder than I thought.” 

Ellen didn’t have to walk to know that she was cold. She’d been growing colder with each passing minute, seated in the muck trying to make Jim comfortable, while they waited for help. Every muscle in her legs felt stretched to the breaking point as she stood and for some reason the surroundings had started spinning. She closed her eyes to stop the motion….

“Hey, Ellen!” Mike said, grabbing the trainee as she started to slide toward the ground. Quickly he gathered her into his arms.

Johnny lunged for Ellen at Mike’s cry and almost pitched face first into the muck. Roy quickly steadied his partner with an arm around his waist. “Lean on me, Junior. Mike, can you handle her?”

“No problem.” Mike looked down at Ellen’s face. “From what I can see under the gunk, she looks awful pale.”

Roy looked closely at his partner and noticed a similar paleness on his dirt-encrusted face. “Junior, can you make it with my help?” Drops of rain began piercing the liquid at their feet. “We got to get out of here.”

“Sure thing, Pally.” Johnny smiled. “Just try and stop me. I can almost hear a hot shower calling my name. And boy do I need one.” His smile faded. “I’m glad you got here when you did. I don’t think the boy could have held out much longer.”

Roy nodded to Mike who led the way, following Chet and Marco as quickly as the muddy bottom would allow them. They joined the two firemen at the base of the hill, just as they had finished readying for the trip topside.

“Mike, would you put me down?” Ellen asked again, her voice becoming impatient. “I can walk perfectly well up that hill. It’s not as steep at this spot. I don’t need to be carried.” She’d been mortified to discover when she’d opened her eyes that she’d passed out. Try as she might, no one would listen to her assertions that she was able to walk.

“Nope. You heard Roy. Even Johnny said no,” Mike said and kept trudging along, sloshing one foot after the other.

Chet noticed Ellen first. “What the hell happened?”

“For once, Chet, I got the good end of a deal,” Mike said as Ellen groaned.

++++++++++++

“Hey you guys look a lot better,” Marco said as Johnny and Ellen entered the dayroom with Roy following behind them. “How’s the kid?”

“Thanks, Marco. I definitely feel like a new person,” Johnny said as he grabbed a cup off the counter and filled it with coffee from the pot on the stove. “Doc says he’ll pull through. Do you know that stuff we were sitting in is a part of first class spa treatment?”

“Yeah, Gage? Well you definitely didn’t get your money’s worth,” Chet said as he set the large stew pot down on the table. “Chow’s on. Chili. Something to warm up your insides.”

Everyone sat down at the table, Ellen once again sitting between Marco and Mike.

“What happened to Steve?” Marco asked as he filled his bowl. “I figured he’d still be tagging along for a few more hours at least.”

“He took off. Said something about he had all he needed,” Roy said.

“After a few questions and one run?” Hank asked. “That doesn’t sound like the reporters who’ve been with us before.”

“Maybe he’s the squeamish type,” Mike said, accompanied by laughter from his shift mates.

“I fail to see how he got enough information to write a story that talks about women becoming paramedics.” Ellen frowned. “I’m a little worried about what he’s going to write.”

“Ah don’t be,” Chet said. “Reporters seem to write what they want regardless what you say.”

“Chet’s right,” Johnny said between spoonfuls of chili. “It’s a fact of life, Ellen, just like you getting dressed first this morning. And all because of a little thing called buttons.”

“Buttons?” Chet asked, trying to detect a joke in Gage’s expression. “What are you talking about?”

Remembering his comment in the squad about Chet appealing to headquarters for shirts without buttons, Johnny started laughing so hard he couldn’t reply.

Chet looked at Roy who quietly sat eating his lunch then stared at Ellen. She immediately took a drink of coffee when their eyes met. “Okay, Ferguson, out with it.” When she explained, he was once more stunned to find himself the brunt of a joke instead of the other way around. Shrugging off the thought that he was going soft, Chet began to laugh just as hard as his shift mates.   

            “Man, Dwyer will eat this up,” Johnny said.

            Silence descended around the table as the A-shift recalled the conversation that had taken place with their trainee a few hours earlier. They watched Ellen look down at her bowl as if she wanted to disappear.

            Please don’t say anything; talk about something else, she told herself silently, trying to will it to happen.

            “Ellen, about Dwyer—” Hank began. Her head flew up and the spoon she’d been holding clattered against the empty bowl. Frightened, pleading blue eyes stared into his as she pushed her chair back.

            Panic stricken, Ellen started to rise from her chair saying, “I think I’ll do the dishes.”

            “Ellen, talk to us. Please,” Mike said.

            She stopped. Something in the engineer’s voice pulled at her. Slowly she turned back to face the table. With deliberate movements, she pushed her empty dishes away and placed her hands face down on the table. “All right.” Swallowing hard, she forced herself to be calm as she looked at her shift mates. “Dix came to see me after my first shift ended. She said that she and Kel—Dr. Brackett—asked to have me assigned here. Not only did they want me to have the best paramedics for the fieldwork but they also wanted me to feel safe. They’re worried about me.”

            “Cap told us who recommended you,” Marco said.

            “Johnny and I got a good dose of how worried they are, Ellen,” Roy said.

            “Do you feel safe?” Chet asked. He still felt like a heel acting the way he had.

            Ellen laughed. “I felt anything but safe with you hounding me all the time, Chet. But nothing else could break through the wall I’d built. I thought about doing it with my classmates, but it had become a crutch I couldn’t give up on my own.”

            “You said something about walls last time, just before you changed the subject,” Hank commented. Smiling, he tipped his head as her startled eyes met his.

            “I didn’t realize I was so obvious.” Ellen ran her tongue over her dry lips. “I enjoyed myself on my first shift as I haven’t since…” She looked down at her hands. “I still feel funny about them interceding on my behalf, but I’m glad they did.” She met the captain’s level gaze. “And I want you to know, Captain, that I’ll pull my own weight.” She stared at Mike. “Even if I wasn’t allowed to walk up that hill.”

            Mike returned her stare. “Don’t try to change the subject.”

            “I-I won’t.” She looked at her hands again. “I’m not ready to do this.”

            “What I had started to say, Ellen, was that we weren’t going to force you to tell us what happened, nor would we ask Dwyer.” Hank leaned forward. “We knew before your conversation this morning that the situation had been serious. We’ve guessed what occurred, you see. As your captain, I could give you reasons why we need to know, but all I’m going to say is that we’re concerned about you.” His voice deepened. “You said you had to start trusting again. Try to trust us with this.” He stared at his trainee. “I think you’re more ready than you know.”

            Mike laid a hand over hers. “Trust us, Ellen,” he repeated.

            Marco covered her other hand with his and chuckled at her surprised look. “You won’t be alone as you relive the memories. You need more than the table as an anchor.”

            Ellen closed her eyes and let the warmth of the men’s hands spread through her cold body. She breathed in deeply then slowly exhaled. “Lisa and I were senior nursing students at UCLA. We were student nurses at Rampart; best friends since kindergarten.” She opened her eyes. “One night in March two years ago, Lisa had a date with a graduate student she’d seen a couple of times.” She was falling back into the memory that she’d tried so hard to shut away. “Ed Rittman. I had an evening class. I came back to our apartment after class, just as he was about to leave.” Her voice became taut with emotion and her breath ragged as the memories bore down upon her. “I heard whimpering… he smiled at me…. said hello darlin’… blood on his hands….” 

            “Oh God, it was your roommate. We thought it was you who had been raped,” Johnny whispered.

            Ellen shook her head. “No. Ed—He raped Lisa. He-he was determined to leave and I-I was determined he stay. We fought.”

            “My God. The bastard,” Chet growled. “So that’s why Dwyer was there. And that’s how you got your scar.”

            “I seem to recall Dwyer wasn’t quite himself for a few days,” Roy said. “Remember?”

            “He almost knocked Chet’s block off over a silly joke. Took two of us to hold him back,” Marco said.

            “He talked about a run he’d had,” Mike continued. “I don’t remember what he said, but I bet it was about you and Lisa.” Ellen didn’t seem to hear; she sat perfectly still, her distant expression tense as if she were under tight control and would shatter into a million pieces. Mike glanced at his friends, silently asking them if she should be allowed to continue. Hank opened his mouth, but Ellen resumed talking. So, Cap was right, he thought; she did need to talk more than she knew.

            “He acted like he’d done nothing. There was a partial brick wall separating the dining room from the front door with glass figurines on top. The figurines broke and I got my scar. We banged into a lot of things, walls mostly, but I wouldn’t let go. I-I made him mad … he hit me… the pain when my ribs cracked… he got away… I raked my nails down his left cheek so hard it bled…” She took a deep breath and shakily let it out. “I did what I could for Lisa until help arrived. When Dwyer came, I refused to be treated—”

            “You did what!” her shift mates exclaimed.

            “You didn’t want anyone to touch you,” Johnny whispered. Suddenly Ellen’s actions regarding her fall became clear. “You still don’t want anyone touching you.” He looked at Mike and Marco touching her hands. “It’s getting better.”

Ellen’s eyes came into focus. She stared at the men’s hands covering her own. The warmth still flowed into her, anchoring her from drowning in the memories. It ‘was’ getting better, she thought. “The pain—mine and Lisa’s—I didn’t want to be hurt again.” Johnny nodded. “I didn’t think that at the time. Lisa needed me. I knew if I were treated, we’d be separated, so I walked to the ambulance and walked into Rampart. Tom was pretty upset, but not nearly as upset as Dix and Kel when they saw me.” Ellen made a mirthless sound. “Shortly after we entered the treatment room, I passed out. When I woke up, I learned Ed Rittman had been arrested.

 “I thought things would get better; that justice would be served if he were brought to trial. Instead, the gates of Hell had opened. Lisa…. no longer knew who she was … thought what happened was her fault because she was pretty … Jack and I tried everything we could think of to help her. She didn’t want to press charges, but I made her … told her the law was on her side… finally she gave in … the trial … the lawyer made Lisa out to be a tease …” Ellen’s hands balled into fists. Her voice shook with rage. “Took a beautiful, bright, caring young woman … said she deserved—” Ellen stopped and fought for control. Hot tears slid from her eyes down her cheeks.

            Mike felt the tremors shake her body; saw the muscles along her jaw jump as she tried to control the rage he heard in her voice. “It’s okay, Ellen.”

            Her head snapped in his direction and she yanked her hands free. “No it isn’t okay!” she yelled. She raised her fists, preparing to strike. “You don’t understand!”

            Mike didn’t flinch. He knew she was close to pummeling him in her anger at what had happened. “Yes I do understand. You want to hit me, don’t you? You wanted to kill Rittman; wanted to kill every man in that courtroom because they’re men and they sided with the man who had raped Lisa.” He grabbed her by the upper arms and shook her. “I’m a man too, Ellen. So, do it!” He yelled. “Go on! Hit me, dammit! Hit me!”

            Ellen shook her head at Mike’s tirade. “Yes. No. It isn’t right…” Suddenly she was hitting his chest. “I wanted to kill him… hate him… hate him…. hate them all…” As quickly as her blows began, they subsided. Tears ran down her face as she looked into Mike’s eyes. “Why….”

            His chest stinging, Mike pulled Ellen to him and held her, cradling her head in the crook of his neck as she sobbed. His eyes locked on Marco’s and he saw his own anguish mirrored in them as he softly cooed to the trainee. After several seconds, she stirred and he slowly let her go.

            Ellen wiped her eyes with her hands and sniffled.

            “Here,” Chet said, passing Ellen a paper towel.

            “Thanks,” she whispered and blew her nose. Embarrassed by her display, Ellen stared at the paper towel she held.

            “Well I’m certainly glad you didn’t take your anger out on me the other night,” Chet said. “I’d probably be in intensive care.”

            Ellen burst out laughing. “Chet.”

            “Well it’s true,” Chet said. “I can’t believe Rittman got away with just a mangled cheek. I bet he had some whopper bruises after the way you just hit Stoker—”

            “Mike!” Ellen frantically searched the engineer’s face.

            Stoker smiled. “You didn’t hurt me much, Ellen. That’s why I grabbed your shoulders, to take some of the force out of your attack. You needed to let it out, but I wasn’t about to bear the full brunt.” He chuckled. “I agree with Chet about intensive care.”

            “How did you know?” she asked.

            “That you kept everything bottled up inside?” Hank answered. He smiled at her surprise that he had replied instead of Mike. “It didn’t take much to figure that out. We’ve seen all along how controlled you are. Sure you’ve come close to losing it, but you always stopped yourself.”

            “You didn’t want to hurt anyone except Rittman,” Roy added. “My guess is you felt the depth of your rage when the trial ended—”

            “It scared you, didn’t it?” Johnny interrupted. “Afraid and hurting inside, you built that wall you mentioned. Protected you from men and men from your anger.”

            “You didn’t finish your story, Ellen,” Hank reminded. “What happened when the trial ended?”

            “You’ve figured out most of it. Lisa left the courtroom first, hunched over, defeated. Jack tried to hold her, but she shrugged him off. She looked at me while the judge was speaking. Her eyes blamed me; I blamed myself... I had to walk past Rittman… He touched his cheek and smiled at me. For the first time in my life I… I wanted to kill… I’d never felt anything so strong before; it scared me to death.” Absentmindedly Ellen rubbed her scar.

“I took Lisa and Jack home. She said nothing, just stared out the side window and cried softly. I didn’t know what to say… I didn’t understand why… Jack tried to talk to her… all the progress he’d made… gone… He never blamed me. He didn’t have to; if I’d let Lisa do what she wanted, maybe she could have moved on. Jack had really been getting through to her; the light had started to shine in her eyes again. She even laughed some…

 “Jack offered to get us something to eat. I realized my car needed gas and asked him to fill my tank… I never saw him again. It was an accident; at least that’s what the police believed. There wasn’t enough left of my car to prove otherwise, but I always felt... I can still see the police officer outside my door…. Lisa heard him telling me about Jack. She went up to the roof of our building. I caught up with her just as she reached the edge. She couldn’t take anymore and I couldn’t stop her… She almost took me with her when she jumped…

            “Dwyer said I was brave this morning.” Ellen made a rude noise. “I didn’t help her in the right way. Don’t you see? I failed her.”

            “Nonsense,” Roy said. “You’re letting guilt eat you alive over a trial that wasn’t your fault.”

            “What happened to Lisa wasn’t your fault, Ellen,” Marco repeated.

            “You fought for her,” Hank said. “You risked your own safety to try and stop that monster; you overlooked your own pain to stand by her; you did everything you possibly could for her and more.”

            “You were a true friend to Lisa,” Mike said. “A person can only stand so much before something gives. That goes for you too, Ellen.”

“When you reached your limit, you retreated behind a wall until you had healed enough to come out. That’s not being a coward, Ellen,” Johnny said. 

 “You can’t predict how people will react to situations. As a nurse you know what I’m saying is true,” Chet said.

            “I know. Part of me even believes what you’re saying. But I still feel I should have done something different.” She sighed. “I miss them.” She smiled weakly. “Thank you for listening.” She stood, her self-control restored. “I’d better see to those dishes before we get a run. I don’t like scrubbing dried food.”

****

            Ed placed the LA Times on the small desktop with a smile at his good fortune. He hadn’t even been in LA a week and there in black and white was a story that gave him all the hope he needed of a successful outcome to his quest. While it didn’t give him her home address, the newspaper story revealed that Ellen Ferguson worked at a hospital and was currently doing fieldwork at a fire station as part of a paramedic program. It hadn’t taken him long to find the addresses of the hospital and fire station, which he recorded on a complimentary pad of paper that he found in one of the desk drawers in his room.

            He picked up the room phone and dialed a number. His idea was risky, but there was enough information in the newspaper article that he was reasonably sure it would work.

            “Station 51, Tom Dwyer. Can I help you?”

            “Yes. Could I speak with Ellen Ferguson please?”

            “I’m sorry, but she won’t be in until tomorrow.”

            “This is rather important. Would it be possible for me to reach her at home?”

            “Sure. Just a sec.”

            Ed wrote down the phone number, thanked the man for his help and hung up. He checked the phone book and matched the phone number he had with a listing for Ellen Ferguson then added Ellen’s address to the pad of paper.

            Tapping his pen against the edge of the desk, he planned aloud. “Okay, I have addresses and phone numbers of the main places to locate Ellen; I have a lease on a cabin outside the city for a month. What would be the best way to take her?” He thought a moment. “I think the best thing to do is to stake out the fire station tomorrow. Get a good look at Ellen and the lay of the land.” He frowned as he stared at the three addresses. “Most likely none of those places will provide good opportunities to get close to Ellen. A fire would be the best scenario; all the men would be busy, leaving her alone and vulnerable.” Suddenly he began to hum, knowing his career in insurance fraud would come in handy. This was going to be much easier than he could ever have imagined. “Three more days and you’ll be mine, darlin’.”

 ++++++++++++ 

            “Yes!” Chet yelled. “Another strike!” He walked back to the table. “I’m hot tonight, gents.”

            “I sure wish I’d get one tonight,” Johnny said glumly. “At least I’m not rolling gutter balls. Eh, Mike?”

            Marco looked up from keeping score. “Hey, Mike, it’s your turn.”

            “Huh?” Mike said then realized it must be his turn to bowl. “Oh. Sorry.” He stood. “Be right back.”

            “Okay, okay.” Chet laid a hand on his friend’s arm. “I like to win, but I want to work for my wins.” He sat down and motioned Mike to do the same. “Stoker, you’re the best bowler among us and you’re absolutely pitiful tonight. So what gives?”

            “I am not pitiful,” Mike protested. “Maybe a bit off, but—”

            “You’re rolling gutter balls for crying out loud!” Johnny said, laughing.

            Mike looked sheepish. “Oh. I guess I am.” He shrugged. “My mind’s on something else I guess.”

            “More like someone else if you ask me,” Chet said.

            “I didn’t ask you, Chet,” Mike snapped.

            “No need to get all bent out of shape, Mike,” Marco said. He looked pointedly at Chet. “Look, we know you’re thinking about Ellen and have been for a while.”

            “What if I am?” Mike glared defensively at his friends.

            “Nothing. You’ve hardly said two words all night and that’s too quiet even for you,” Johnny said. “Speaking of Ellen, did you or Marco see what she thought of Burke’s story in today’s paper?”

            “I stopped by her apartment, but she wasn’t home,” Marco said. “It’ll be interesting to see tomorrow what she thinks about what Burke wrote.”

            “It wasn’t a bad article for the fire service or the paramedic program,” Johnny said. He realized Mike seemed not to be listening again. “So what about Ellen is bothering you?”

            “Never mind. You said it’s my turn to bowl.” Mike started to stand, indicating the conversation was over.

            Marco placed a hand on Mike’s arm and shook his head that the conversation was far from over. “You’ve been preoccupied ever since you found out that she not only lives in the same apartment building as you and I, but she lives on your floor. I think it’s cool to have her in the same building.”

            “Yeah. Almost two years she’s lived on my floor and I had no idea.” Mike dejectedly plopped down onto the chair.

            “Come on, Stoker. You couldn’t have helped her then even if you had known. She was hurting too badly and so frightened she wouldn’t have let you,” Chet said.

            “Did I tell you that Dix noticed right away that Ellen had told us?” Johnny studied Mike as his friends nodded. “That’s not really what’s bugging you.”

            “Not all of it anyway,” Marco added. “Why don’t you just tell us and get it off your chest.”

            “Stoker, I’m gonna say three words: ask Ellen out. It’s that simple,” Chet said.

            Mike grunted. “Why don’t you ask her out if you think it’s so simple?”

            Chet shook his head. “She’s not my type.”

            Mike glared at Chet. “What’s wrong with her?”

            “Nothing. She’s not my type either.” Marco smiled.

            Johnny grinned. “Mine neither. There. You see, the way is clear for you to proceed.”

            “Oh. Okay.” Mike paused then his thoughts tumbled out. “I don’t even know if she’s my type. She seems interesting and I want to get to know her better. She may not even be ready to date again, let alone go out with me. Simple? It’s anything but.” Putting his elbows on the table, he rested his chin on his palms and dejectedly stared into space. “She’s special—”

            “Yes she is. A very special lady,” Chet said. “Ellen’s the kind of woman a man settles down with; the kind a man can come home to. She ‘is’ your type, Stoker. Know why?” Mike shook his head. “We…” he spread his hands to include Marco and Johnny, “we date to find companionship. You date to find companionship ‘and’ a relationship. We’re not looking for commitment; you are.”

            “Now how in the world do you know that?”

            “How much time do we spend together?” Chet asked.

“Okay, I get your point,” Mike conceded. “Do you think she’d be too scared to say yes?”

“Absolutely not,” Johnny said. Chet and Marco nodded their agreement. “What’s making you hesitate is your own fear, not Ellen’s.”

“Gage is right,” Chet said. “When all is said and done, you’re afraid that somehow you’ll hurt her. I don’t mean physically either.”

“Yes. I am.” Mike stood up. “Thanks for the talk, guys. Since my bowling is so bad, I’m going to call it a night. See you at the station tomorrow.”

“Staying aloof won’t solve your problem, Mike. Chet tried that and look at him now; he almost purrs like a kitten whenever she’s around,” Marco said.

“I resent that!” Chet laughed. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.” He looked at Marco. “Kitten,” he said, lightly cuffing his friend on the shoulder as Mike left the table.

“Think he’s leaving early to talk to Ellen?” Johnny asked.

“I doubt it,” Marco said. “Want to try for one more strike, Johnny?”

“You bet!”

Several minutes after leaving the bowling alley, Mike stood at Ellen’s door, his finger poised over the doorbell button. He was afraid and he didn’t know why. It was more than a fear of hurting Ellen, but he couldn’t put his finger on what the fear actually meant. Shaking his head, Mike lowered his arm and proceeded down the hall toward his own apartment.

*****

Ellen hesitated before opening the back door and entering the station. Ever since she’d seen the newspaper article the day before she’d made a point of not being around her apartment. She’d taken a long drive rather than talk about the article with anyone; today she still didn’t want to talk about it. “Just get it over with,” she said out loud. Gritting her teeth, she opened the door and stepped inside, closing it behind her. Her shift mates were congregated around the table, talking with Dwyer. All eyes turned toward her. “Hi, guys. Nice to see you again, Tom.” Taking off her jacket, she headed for the group.

“Nice to see you too. Want some coffee?” Dwyer asked.

“Sure.” Ellen scanned the men’s faces while Tom brought her a mug of coffee. “So what did I interrupt?”

“Nothing much. Dwyer was telling us that you had a phone call yesterday,” Marco said as the paramedic returned with a mug of coffee and handed it to Ellen.

  “Thanks, Tom.” Ellen took a sip of the hot liquid. It was a little stronger than she liked to make it, but a lot better than Rampart’s coffee machine. “Somebody called for me?”

“Yep. Thought it might be about that article. I gave him your number. Did he call you?”

“I stopped by to see what you thought of it, but you weren’t home,” Marco added.

“I went for a drive along the coast. Got back after dark. Sorry I missed you, Marco. If it was important, he’ll call back. Thanks for giving him my phone number, Tom.”

“Sure thing. I told him you work today so he may call here.”

“So, what did you think of the article?” Johnny asked. Something told him Ellen had fled her apartment for the day so she wouldn’t have to talk about it.

“It was okay,” Ellen said and took another sip of coffee.

“You’re as talkative as Stoker,” Chet said. Ellen’s eyes widened at being compared with the engineer and she questioningly glanced at Mike. The engineer seemed not to notice as he glared at Chet. Raising his eyebrows at Mike, Chet turned to Ellen, thinking he’d have to play matchmaker if those two didn’t talk to each other soon. “You didn’t like it?”

“It wasn’t bad I guess,” Ellen said. “I thought Mr. Burke did a good job describing the fire service and the paramedic program.” Once started, she couldn’t stop. “Course he was very tongue in cheek about my ability to do the work. And where did ‘pretty’ and ‘spitfire’ come from?” Everyone was laughing. “What’s so funny?”

“Why the fuss, Ellen?” Marco asked. “You’re pretty and you’re certainly a spitfire.”

“I can definitely attest to the spitfire part,” Chet said.

“Pretty spitfire. Sounds like a nickname to me,” Dwyer said, eyes twinkling.

“Gets my vote,” Johnny agreed.

Ellen tipped her head to one side and stared at the men as if they’d lost their minds. Pretty? “I’m going to change.” She set her mug on the table then walked toward the apparatus bay, shaking her head in bewilderment. At the threshold she turned to stare at them again, her brows furrowed in confusion. Shrugging, she disappeared.

The men stared after her, puzzled at her reaction.

“Anybody home?” Dixie said, sticking her head into the dayroom around the back door she’d opened.

“Hey, Dix, come on in!” Johnny crossed the room and ushered Dixie inside.

“What brings you here, Dix?” Roy asked as she joined the group.

“Can I get you some coffee?” Hank asked.

“That would be great. I’ve got just enough time for a mug of good coffee before I have to be at Rampart.” Dixie looked at the men and smiled. “You still here, Dwyer? Or are you working for Ellen?”

“Just shooting the breeze,” Dwyer said, knowing he wasn’t fooling Dixie. “Ellen just went to change.”

“Here you go, Dixie,” Hank said as he handed her a mug.

She took a sip. “It tastes great. Thanks, Captain.” She looked around, suddenly at a loss for words. She’d been rehearsing on the drive over what she’d say to the men standing before her, but now the words didn’t seem right.

“Is there something we can do for you?” Hank asked with a smile. “I find it hard to believe you’d come here just for a mug of coffee, however good.”

Dixie smiled. “Very perceptive, Captain. I tried to reach Ellen yesterday when I saw the article, but she wasn’t home. Just wanted to make sure she was okay.” She chuckled. “I sound like a mother hen, don’t I?”

Hank chuckled too. “We were just talking about the article, in fact. We were trying to figure out her reaction to the reporter calling her pretty and a spitfire. Ellen seemed a bit put out, especially by ‘pretty’.”

Dixie laughed. “I’m not surprised. She hasn’t heard the term in reference to herself very often. If at all.”

“I don’t believe that,” Mike said, more vehemently than he wished as all eyes rested on him.

Dixie resumed talking, trying not to further embarrass the engineer, but wondering about his reaction. “It’s true. Ellen spent a lot of time with Lisa and well…. Everyone noticed Lisa, especially men. She was beautiful with a wonderful personality and Ellen sort of got left behind. I saw it happen at a hospital party once. Most women would kill for the kind of attention Lisa got, but not Ellen. She seemed happy enough to have men as friends. Then after Rittman, she didn’t want to be noticed at all.” Dixie emptied her mug and got to the point. “Thank you for what you’re doing for Ellen. The light is shining in her eyes again… It came so close to going out.”

“We’re glad we could help,” Hank said. “You care a lot about her, don’t you?”

Dixie nodded, her eyes unnaturally bright. “She’s special—”

“Dix!” Ellen entered the dayroom and ran to hug her friend. She stepped back, talking a mile a minute. “What brings you here? Is everything okay? You’re not checking up on me are you?”

Dixie laughed. “Hi yourself.” She held up the empty mug before setting it on the table. “I just stopped by for some good coffee. Everything’s fine, Ellen.” She tilted her head. “Would I check up on you?”

Ellen laughed. “You bet.”

Dixie burst out laughing. “True. Well, I wanted to see you in your new surroundings and to see what you thought of the article, Miss Pretty Spitfire.” She stared at her friend. “Were you ducking me yesterday?”

Ellen groaned. “Oh Dix, not you too! If only I hadn’t passed out and could have walked up that stupid hill! I swear I’ll never close my eyes again when I get dizzy!” She smiled sheepishly. “I admit it. I took one look at that article and fled.”

Dixie laughed some more. “Sorry. I couldn’t resist. It wasn’t a bad article, you know.”

“I suppose so. Tom said I got a phone call here yesterday. I sure hope it’s not another reporter. One was enough.”

“Oh? I noticed a car parked across the street when I pulled up. The station’s probably going to attract some attention for a bit, as well as you, Ellen.” She laughed at her friend’s dismay. “It won’t last long.”

“I sure hope so.” Her face lit up. “Hey, Dix, you have to see the fire engine. Is it okay, Captain?”

Hank laughed. “Sure.” Seeing the two women together, it suddenly dawned on the captain how vibrant Ellen had become. Lisa must have been even more so for men to miss his trainee. He looked at his men and had to stifle a laugh at the way their mouths almost hung open from surprise.

“Cool!” Ellen grabbed her friend’s hand and practically pulled her toward the apparatus bay. “Come on, Dix! It’s so cool! And I can show you my locker and where I sleep…”

Dixie glanced back at the men with a look that said ‘See what I mean?’ before Ellen pulled her out of sight.

Mike waited until they were gone then started to follow. He wanted to see what Ellen had to say to Dixie about his engine. He was still wrestling with his feelings for the trainee. It seemed every time he reached a decision about asking her out he learned something new about Ellen that caused the debate to start all over again.

“Where are you going, Stoker?” Chet asked.

“To listen.”

“Sounds like a great idea,” Johnny said as he and the others followed quietly behind the engineer.

The men staggered themselves alongside the squad in the aisle nearest the wall. Ellen and Dixie had moved to the far side of the engine, but the men had no trouble hearing their conversation.

“Isn’t it the coolest thing?” Ellen asked. “Mike knows everything there is to know about it. Chet and Marco showed me the hoses, explaining what each one is used for. It’s Greek to me, though I find everything they’ve showed me fascinating.” She lightly touched the engine’s bright red surface, careful not to mar the shine.

Dixie studied her nurse. There was something odd in Ellen’s voice when she’d talked about Mike Stoker… Dix remembered the engineer’s vehement reaction and decided to question Ellen even though she was certain the men were somewhere listening. “What’s going on between you and Mike, Ellen?”

Ellen jumped, startled by the direct question. “Nothing; nothing at all. I shouldn’t have hit him, Dix. He doesn’t seem to want to talk to me now. I think he’s usually reserved, but he’s even quieter now than on my first day here. I try to stay out of his way so I don’t bother him.” She shrugged. “It’s confusing.” Ellen stared at her friend then looked away. “Do you think I’m pretty, Dix?”

Dixie didn’t hesitate. “I always have. Would it matter if you weren’t?”

“No,” Ellen said emphatically. “I am what I am. You know, Lisa got all the attention and rightly so. I never minded. I’m not sure why, but I guess because I thought friendship was most important. Sometimes though, for just a second, I’d think it would be nice for a man to notice me first. You know?” Dixie nodded. Ellen pointed toward the dayroom. “They seem to think I’m pretty. It surprised me.”

“Your reaction surprised them.”

“Why?”

“They had no idea you didn’t know.” Dixie smiled. If the men were listening, they were getting a rare insight into their trainee’s personality. She fervently hoped that it helped a certain engineer. It seemed obvious to her that Ellen cared for Mike Stoker. She wished she’d paid more attention to see if he felt the same way. Maybe she could discreetly ask Johnny or Roy the next time she saw them at Rampart.

“Oh.” Ellen grew thoughtful. “I guess it would be nice to have someone who cared about me think I was pretty. But I think it would mean more to me to have a man who cared about me think I was special. I would certainly feel that way about him. After all, good looks don’t last forever.” She laughed suddenly. “What a hodge-podge! Now I know what tongue-tied means. Come on; I still have things to show you before you have to leave.”

Dixie looked at her watch. “Oh drat. It’ll have to wait, Ellen. I’m cutting it too close as it is if I leave now.”

“Okay. I’ll walk you out to your car. Since the garage door is open, we’ll go this way. I’ll tell the guys you had to go.”

The men breathed a sigh of relief at not being discovered eavesdropping. They stood, watching Ellen and Dixie walk down the driveway, each immersed in his own thoughts. Mike had listened and learned a great deal from the conversation. Suddenly he understood why he’d been afraid and realized he didn’t need to be. It felt as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

Chet touched his friend’s arm. “Ask her out, Stoker.” If the engineer couldn’t hear that Ellen cared for him, he was tempted to get a frying pan and hit Mike over the head to knock some sense into his friend.

Mike smiled. “I intend to.”

Ellen hugged her friend then watched as Dixie climbed into her car and drove off. She noticed the car Dixie had mentioned was still parked across the street. She could see a lone figure seated behind the wheel, but couldn’t tell if it was male or female. After a few seconds, the car drove off and Ellen went back into the station. Her shift mates were just leaving the dayroom upon her return. “Dix says goodbye. The car she mentioned just left too.”

“Dwyer took off also,” Mike said.

“Male or female in the car?” Johnny asked.

Ellen shrugged. “I couldn’t tell. Only one person though, so maybe it was the guy Tom mentioned.”

Captain Stanley frowned. “Seems strange to wait so long then drive off without coming inside. Maybe we should keep an eye out; make sure we don’t get blocked in.”

“Sure thing, Cap,” Marco said.

“So, Ellen, what do you want to learn today?” Mike asked.

Ellen’s eyes widened. He was talking directly to her! “Well, could you explain the gauges on the engine again? I couldn’t even begin to explain what they meant to Dix. I just said you know all about them. I have to get the squad ready for the day, but then I’ll be free until we get a run.”

“How about I watch you work and you can show me what you do?” Mike mentally crossed his fingers, hoping that one of his friends wouldn’t blow what he was trying to do: show Ellen he didn’t mind talking to her.

Ellen’s face lit up. “That would be great! You won’t mind?”

Mike shook his head. “Come on.” He let Ellen precede him, pausing to look at his friends’ amused expressions. Giving a quick salute, he joined the trainee.

 ++++++++++++

“Hey, is that the car you saw this morning, Ellen?” Johnny asked as the squad backed up the driveway into the station, after being called out to treat a heart attack victim.

“I wouldn’t swear to it, but I think so,” she said.

“I think I’m going to go see what’s going on,” Johnny said as the squad stopped. He opened the door and stepped down. “Something seems strange to me. Be right back.” Johnny closed the door and strode down the driveway toward the car parked a few feet off to the left. Just as he reached the sidewalk, the car came to life and sped off. “Hey!”

“So what did you find out?” Chet asked when Johnny appeared in the dayroom. “We’d noticed the car too, as we parked the engine.”

“He took off before I could get close enough to talk to him.” Johnny sat down at the table. “It was like he didn’t want me to get too close.”

“Does this sound creepy or what?” Marco asked.

“Did you get a good look at who was driving, John?” Hank asked.

“Not a perfect look, no, but I’m pretty sure it was a man. He was gone so fast I didn’t even get a license plate number.”

Hank frowned. “I really don’t like this. This person has been coming and going all day but won’t make his presence known to us.”

“We’re being watched?” Mike asked.

“It sure looks like it. I just can’t figure out why,” Hank said. “I wish we had more information so I could call the police.” He laughed. “Though what I’d ask them to do I have no idea.”

Ellen was listening to the conversation and suddenly shivered.

“You okay, Ellen?” Mike asked as he sat down beside her.

“Felt like the specter of doom passed over my bones.” She laughed at the men’s blank expressions. “It was just a chill.”

++++++++++++

The tones sounded at eleven o’clock, rousting Fifty-one’s A-shift out of bed after they’d just hit the sack. Quickly everyone donned bunker pants and boots over shorts and t-shirts then hastened to their vehicles. They sped through the night toward the address of the toy factory, glad that they could fight the fire without worrying about getting the workers out of the burning building.

A lone figure entered the empty station via the unlocked back door. Using a flashlight for the darkened interior, he walked through the dayroom into the apparatus bay and stared at the huge wall map that outlined Fifty-one’s service area. He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and matched the address on the paper to the location on the map. Sure that his plan would work, Ed Rittman smiled at how well things were progressing. He’d got a good look at Ellen that morning when he’d been parked across the street from the station. Though she had been alone after the other woman had gone, he’d decided it was too risky to take her then and decided to stick with his original plan. While eating supper he’d seen an article about a closed warehouse in the LA Times, but he needed to check the map of the service area that he’d read hung on Fifty-one’s wall. After his close encounter with Johnny, Ed had seen a toy factory about ten miles from the station and had decided to use that as a false alarm so he could get inside.

Now Ed wandered through the station, secure that his dream of having Ellen would come true on her next shift. He found himself wondering which bed she slept in as he ended his tour in the locker room. Suddenly it occurred to him that she would need clothes. It didn’t take him long to find Ellen’s locker. He took all the clothing she had except her uniforms. He didn’t want her wearing those uniforms when she was with him. His mission complete, he was about to close the locker door when his gaze rested on a tube of lipstick off to one side on the bottom, next to a bar of soap and a hairbrush.

Picking up the lipstick, Ed pulled off the cap and turned the dial at the bottom of the tube to bring up the compound. It was a perfect color, not too light, not too dark. He could picture Ellen running the tube across her lips. Her clothes, her scent was driving him wild with need. Abruptly he decided to leave her a message letting her know he’d returned. There was no way he could be found and no way to stop his plan, so he figured there would be no risk involved. Imagining her reaction would be a nice addition to his other fantasies. He strode to the large mirror and quickly wrote some words in a big script across its surface. Finished, he placed the lipstick on the metal shelf above the sinks and left the station the way he had entered.

 “I don’t see any smoke,” Johnny said as the squad stopped in front of the factory.

“Maybe we got here early enough so we’ll have an easy time of it,” Roy said.

Everyone climbed out of their vehicles and met alongside the engine.

“Doesn’t it sound quiet?” Hank asked.

“False alarm?” Chet asked.

“It’s possible.” Hank grabbed his H-T and verified the address with the dispatcher. “Let’s split up and walk around the building. Radio if you see anything.”

Mike and Ellen stayed behind while the others checked the perimeter of the building. They listened as each group reported their findings to each other then listened as their captain spoke to the dispatcher.

“LA, Engine 51. We have a false alarm. Cancel other units. Station 51 returning to quarters.”

“10-4, 51,” the dispatcher replied.

“Do you get many false alarms?” Ellen asked as Roy drove the squad back to the station.

“Some,” Johnny answered. “But even one is too many. I just hope somebody didn’t really need us while we were checking that place out.”

Ellen gasped. “I completely forgot about that.”

“Home again, home again,” Roy said as he backed the squad into the station.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to go to sleep now. Do you guys have a hard time going back to sleep after being wakened up?” she asked.

“Takes awhile to train yourself to sleep right away,” Roy said.

“Course sometimes you’re so exhausted from a run you have no problem at all,” Johnny added.

“Then there are those times where what you’ve seen on a run can keep you awake no matter how exhausted you are,” Roy said then smiled. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so morose.”

“That’s okay, I know the feeling,” Ellen said, following Roy and Johnny into the dorm. Her shift mates were already climbing back into their beds. She halted at the aisle then decided she’d better go back to bed too. She fell asleep soon after her head touched the pillow.

“Station 51, apartment fire. 103 Dearborn. Time out 1:31.”

“No false alarm this time,” Roy said as he parked the squad near the engine. Evacuees stood off to one side while firefighters poured water onto the smoking apartment building. Residents still trapped screamed from open windows.

“Get set up, Ellen,” Johnny said then followed Roy toward the building.

++++++++++++++

Three hours later, Roy, Johnny and Ellen stood at the nurse’s station talking about the fire while they replenished their supplies.

Johnny grabbed the H-T. “LA, Squad 51 available.”

“Squad 51, return to quarters,” the dispatcher said.

Ellen saw Johnny and Roy exchange glances as they took off for the squad. “Do you guys get called back to the station often?” she asked as Roy drove away from Rampart.

“Not very often,” Roy answered quietly.

“Certainly not at this time of night,” Johnny said, his voice tense.

“Somebody’s hurt?” Ellen voiced what the others were thinking.

Johnny stared into Roy’s eyes over the trainee’s head. “Something’s definitely going on.”

“Look at the place,” Johnny said as Roy prepared to back up the driveway. “It looks like every light’s on.”

“There’s a police car and the chief’s car parked at the curb,” Roy said. He backed into the apparatus bay, noticing another police car pull into the driveway and stop, its lights flashing.

Johnny got out of the squad and stepped aside for Ellen to exit as two police officers carrying equipment entered the station. “What the hell’s going on here?” Johnny asked.

Ellen spotted the captain and the chief standing with a police officer at the rear of the squad. Foreboding filled her at the sight of their grim expressions.

“Where do you want us, Officer Howard?” one of the police officers asked, squeezing past Johnny and Ellen.

“Come with me,” Vince said. The two men followed him into the locker room. Captain Stanley held up a hand to stop Johnny and Ellen as they reached the rear of the squad. Roy joined them, noticing the others congregated in the doorway of the dayroom.

Chief Houtz stepped forward. “Hello, Ellen.”

            “Hello, Chief,” Ellen said.

A strained smile appeared on the chief’s face as he shook her offered hand. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“You too.” Ellen looked at her two superiors and swallowed. “Hadn’t you better tell me what’s going on? It does concern me more than Johnny and Roy, right? You came to me first.”

“I’m afraid so. Someone has been in the station,” the chief said.

“I think I feel my past rearing its ugly head,” Ellen said, trying to make light of the situation, but her stomach somersaulted at the chief’s remark. She knew her face betrayed her emotions by the way everyone stared.

“Ed Rittman? Here? While we were fighting that fire? Why?” Johnny asked.

“Yes, only we’re thinking it happened during the false alarm,” Hank explained. “Nothing was taken or disturbed, except…” He paused, unsure how to continue.

“What, Captain?” Ellen asked. Her heart was beating so hard it felt like it would jump out of her chest. The thought of Ed Rittman prowling through the station then her peacefully going to sleep afterward made her skin crawl.

“Cap, we weren’t gone more than a half hour on that run,” Roy said.

“I know. We found a message on the mirror in the locker room when we went to clean up after the fire. It wouldn’t have taken long to write. It’s a guess, but we’re thinking a correct one,” Hank said.

“A message? We slept here for 2 hours, Cap, with something like that around?” Johnny said, unable to accept what he was hearing.

Ellen couldn’t feel anything. She listened to the conversation as if it didn’t concern her, welcoming the distance the numbness created. “I’d better see the locker room, Captain.”

“We’re ready any time, Hank,” Vince said as he joined the group.

Ellen approached the police officer and held out her hand “I’m Ellen Ferguson.”

The officer shook the offered hand. “Officer Vince Howard, ma’am.” He glanced at the men flanking the young woman. “Would you mind coming with me?”

 Ellen entered the locker room after Vince, the rest of the group following behind. She froze as she saw the words on the mirror:

            Hello darlin’ Remember me? See you SOON

                                    ED

“Oh my God,” Johnny whispered as he stared at the words.

Ellen read the message again as her mind tried to understand what she was seeing. Her gaze traveled down to the shelf and she saw her lipstick tube. When she returned her eyes to the message, things clicked into place. Realizing her survival depended on a clear head, she forced her mind to accept her horrifying thoughts then faced the others.

The men stared as Ellen slowly turned toward them, astonished at her calmness.

“You searched the lockers, Captain?” Ellen asked, knowing before he spoke what the answer would be.

“Yes, except for yours.”

Ellen glanced at the two officers standing off to the side. “Were there any prints on my lipstick or my locker?”

“Just smudges,” Vince answered. “It looks like he wore gloves.”

Ellen nodded then exhaled. “Officer, I’m ready to check my locker…” She paused, glancing again at the two officers before meeting the captain’s gaze. “Would all of you please wait in the dayroom?”

“What?” Hank asked.

“Why?” Johnny asked.

“Ellen, that’s not a good idea,” Roy said.

Ellen raised a hand to silence the men. “Please. I need to speak with Officer Howard. I’ll explain in the dayroom.” She looked at Vince and decided to ask her question. “Without prints do you still need those officers?”

Vince saw her reasoning and shook his head. “You can go, men.”

“Ma’am,” the two men said and quickly left.

Ellen turned toward the aisle between the two sets of lockers. “I’ll be all right, Captain. Officer Howard?”

Hank stared at the trainee. He saw the implacability that Dwyer must have encountered two years ago and nodded. “Let’s go join the others.”

Chet, Marco and Mike stood as the men entered the dayroom. They’d been sitting at the table drinking coffee and talking, trying to make sense of everything. Their conclusions chilled them to the bone.

“There’s fresh coffee,” Marco said, pointing toward the stove.

“Where’s Ellen?” Chet asked as Johnny and Roy headed for the coffee pot.

“With Vince. She’s going to check her locker,” Hank said, picking up his mug. He took a sip and grimaced at the lukewarm coffee but swallowed anyway then took another drink as if he needed it.

“By herself? That’s insane!” Chet said and headed for the doorway.

“Hold it, Chet,” Hank ordered. “She wanted us to leave.”

“Dismissed us is more like it,” Johnny said.

“That’s crazy,” Mike said.

“No it’s not. That message did something to her. I knew she’d react somehow, but not like this. She’s distant, frozen, with a will of iron,” Hank said.

“She’s figured things out, then,” Chet said. Johnny looked puzzled. “Think about it, Gage. We have.”

“It isn’t pretty,” Marco said and grimaced that the way the word ‘pretty’ had been used earlier in the day was so different from the present connotation.

“Let’s sit down, shall we? Ellen will be here shortly to explain. We need to see what she finds in her locker before we speculate any further on Ed Rittman’s intentions,” Chief Houtz said.

“What do you think she’ll find in her locker, Chief?” Roy asked softly. He looked at his partner and saw that Johnny had also started ‘speculating’.

Chief Houtz shook his head and sat down at the table. The other men silently took their places around the table to wait for more information.

Ellen stood in front of her locker with Vince beside her. After a moment’s hesitation, she opened the door and gasped. Only her uniforms were left; every other piece of clothing had been removed. “It’s true then,” she whispered and closed the door. “I didn’t want to believe it.”

            “I take it by your reaction, Miss, that something is missing?” Vince asked.

            “All of my clothes are gone; everything but my uniforms,” Ellen whispered. She took a deep breath and faced the officer. “I had a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that I wore here this morning plus shorts and a couple of t-shirts for sleeping, along with extra underwear.”

            “I see.” Vince made some notes on the pad he carried. He’d been recording various things since he’d arrived at the station.

            “Do you?” Ellen searched the officer’s face. The gravity of his expression convinced her. “Maybe you do, Officer.”

            Vince regarded the young woman before him. Wide, frightened blue eyes stared at him in a pale face that was a sickly gray in color. He felt her fear despite the calm strength she wielded like a shield. “From what I’ve heard, it seems that Ed Rittman is a very dangerous man. If you haven’t heard from him in over two years, he came here tonight with a plan; leaving the message may or may not be a part of it. I would say that you are the center of his plan.” He stared at her. “The same conclusion you’ve reached.”

            Ellen returned his gaze without flinching. “Yes.” She paused. “I’m not sure how much the others have figured out. I have to tell them… I may need your help, Officer Howard.”

            “I’ll do all I can, Miss Ferguson,” Vince said. At her nod, he knew she understood the full meaning of his words.

            Silently they returned to the dayroom.

The seated men stood when she entered, their expressions tense. Ellen could feel the blessed numbness deserting her as she walked to the table and sat down between Johnny and Chet. Vince occupied the chair between Roy and Mike.

“So what did you find in your locker?” Chief Houtz asked.

“He took my clothes; everything except my uniforms,” Ellen said. She saw that the men had guessed Rittman’s ultimate goal, but she forced herself to say the words. “He intends to take me.”

            “He was in the car wasn’t he?” Johnny asked. His face paled. “My God, Dwyer spoke to him on the phone yesterday.”

            “I believe so, yes,” she said.

            “That stupid newspaper article helped him find you, but we won’t let him take you,” Chet said.

            “It did more than that. It helped him pull his plan together,” Ellen said. “It did such a good job of explaining what goes on in the fire service that he quickly realized I would be the most vulnerable on a run. He won’t need the information he got from Tom.”

            “I thought he wanted revenge,” Roy said.

            “In the beginning, I believe that’s true. He hates me as much as I hate him. I saw it in his eyes when the trial ended. But it’s no longer about making me pay quickly for his face. Oh, I’ll pay; I’ll pay every time he touches me… I’ll pay until he gets no pleasure from me or he’s through with me. Then I’ll end up in a shallow grave.” She stared at the men, daring them to deny the truth of what she said.

            “We won’t let that happen, Ellen,” Mike said.

            “His plan is formed. He’s in control.” Ellen looked at Mike. “I know you want to protect me, but when called out, the main focus has to be the run. It’s that simple.” The engineer returned her unwavering gaze and nodded.

            “So he rigs a false alarm to get inside the station,” Johnny said. “To do what? Take your clothes and write a message?”

            “A fire,” Hank said. “The article said Ellen didn’t fight fires; she stayed by the squad to treat any injuries. I bet he needed to see the map. Check it against an address he had so he could be sure we’d respond. The clothes and message were afterthoughts.”

            “He’d set a fire and while we’re busy…” Marco stopped, unable to finish.

            “Vince can find him,” Chet said.

            All eyes focused on the police officer. With a glance at Ellen, Vince said, “It won’t be that easy.” At the ensuing protests, he held up a hand for silence. “Think about it for a minute. Rittman will do everything in his power to disguise himself. Even if I do find him, all I can charge him with are misdemeanors. That will only delay him—”

            “You make it sound like there’s no hope,” Marco interrupted.

            “Now you understand,” Ellen whispered. “Rittman can only be stopped if he’s caught in the act of committing, or has committed, a crime. Even if Rittman’s found, I’d still have to be his bait in order to have even a slim hope of the legal system working in my favor. Knowing is ‘not’ proving.” She stood. Though the conversation had gone better than she’d thought it would, the numbness had gone, leaving her raw.

            “If Rittman’s got all of his pieces in place, he won’t wait long to make his move,” Vince said. He’d been watching Ellen while she talked, amazed at her calm demeanor despite the danger she faced, but he could tell she couldn’t take much more.

            “Next shift then,” Marco said.

            “I can’t believe this!” Chet yelled. “We sit here completely helpless while a lunatic can do whatever he damn well pleases! It just doesn’t make sense!”

            A strangled sound escaped from Ellen’s lips before she could cover it up with her hand. Needing to get away, she stared at the men a moment then headed for the apparatus bay.

            “Chet, hush,” Roy said. “Ellen?”

            She’d reached the doorway and stopped. Without turning around, she said, “I’m going to clean the mirror. When I’m finished, you’ll either have the shiniest mirror ever or not be able to see a damn thing in it.” She laughed mirthlessly and disappeared.

            Chet looked crestfallen. “I’m sorry. But it makes me so damn mad to be unable to do anything!”

            Johnny touched his friend’s shoulder. “I know.”

            Chief Houtz spoke. “Is Ellen right about being bait even if you find him, Vince?”

            “It would depend, but yes, she’s right,” Vince said. “The main thing is to find Rittman before he tries to abduct Ellen. Once that’s done, we have options. I was thinking about how to try and find—”

            “Stoker, what are you doing?” Chet asked; noticing Mike had left the table.

            Mike turned to face the group. “Ellen needs me,” he said and disappeared.

            Chet exchanged glances with Johnny and Marco. “Go on, Vince. We’ll fill Mike in later.”

            “Okay,” Vince said. “LA’s a big place and it’s been a long time since he was here. Not knowing where to begin to search for Ellen, it would seem to me that he’d start at the point where he left.” The men’s eyes were blank. “UCLA. Maybe his disguise has made him confident enough in his anonymity to get a motel room under his own name.” He stood. “With that in mind, I’ve got work to do. I’ll be in touch, Hank, Chief.”

            Mike stood on the threshold of the locker room and watched Ellen wiping the mirror with a vengeance. Sniffling sounds reached his ears. He saw her swipe her eyes with the back of her free hand while she attacked the mirror with the other. Suddenly seized with an urge to hold the trainee, to wipe away her tears and offer comfort, the engineer stepped forward then stopped. Why did she have such a strong effect on him? How would she react? Shaking off the questions, Mike walked toward Ellen, aware that she didn’t notice his approach. He picked up an extra sponge from the cleaning carrier on the floor and asked, “Can I help?”

            Ellen turned her head, surprised to find Mike standing beside her with a sponge in his hand. She quickly resumed wiping the mirror to hide her tears. “Sure.”

            Mike started at the opposite end of the message. For several seconds they worked in silence. “I didn’t know salt water was good for cleaning.”

            She snorted. “I don’t know that it is.” Her hand touched his, indicating the task was finished. She stared at their hands, wanting to speak but not knowing what to say. Suddenly her vision swam as a wave of emotion filled her eyes with tears. Avoiding Mike’s gaze, Ellen turned away and returned her sponge to the carrier. Her back now facing the engineer, she quickly wiped her eyes and fought to tamp down her feelings.

            Mike placed his sponge on the shelf and silently followed the trainee, stopping close behind her. “It’s okay to be afraid, Ellen,” he said softly as she straightened.

            For an instant she hesitated then with a sob, she turned and buried her face against his collarbone. He drew his arms around her, holding her while she gave vent to her emotions.

            “Why can’t he leave me alone?” she asked with a sniffle. “If he’d only stayed away I could have accepted that he didn’t pay for his crimes. But now—”

            Mike grabbed Ellen’s shoulders and pulled her away from him so he could see her face. “What are you saying? That you won’t fight to protect yourself? That you feel sorry for that monster? What?”

            “It isn’t that I feel sorry for Rittman. I’m having a hard time facing what I may have to do in order to stay alive and I’m afraid revenge may take the place of self-defense. He took so much from me, Mike, without consequence or responsibility for the actions he chose. And there’s my own part in Lisa and Jack’s deaths. Nothing I do will bring them back.” She shrugged. “I’m just trying to be clear in my mind about my motives.”

            “As far as I can see, not fighting to protect yourself will only keep Ed Rittman from facing the consequences.” He gripped her shoulders tighter, his gaze intent. “Sacrificing yourself because you blame yourself for still being alive is not something you should even remotely consider. You don’t know that your death would have changed the outcome for Lisa and Jack.”

            “I miss them.” Two tears ran down Ellen’s cheeks.

            “And you always will. But it’s up to you to make their lives have meaning, to show that they were important to you. Sacrificing yourself to Ed Rittman instead of standing up to him and fighting for your life only condemns your friendship with Lisa and Jack.” Gently Mike cupped Ellen’s face, using his thumbs to wipe away her tears.

            The slow strokes of his thumbs quieted Ellen’s turmoil. She knew he was right; she knew she needed to seriously consider what he’d said, but the sensations she was feeling at his touch pushed all other thoughts aside. Slowly she laid her palm against his cheek. “You’re different, Mike,” she said softly.

            Mike closed his eyes for a moment, reveling in the sensations of touching and being touched. Her cheeks felt soft, like velvet beneath his calloused thumbs. His cheek felt on fire beneath her soft touch, as if she were branding him. He opened his eyes and saw the question in her own, the softness of her expression. “I’m not afraid of being inadequate anymore.”

“You could never be inadequate, Mike. Not to me.”

 “Ellen…” he whispered as he lowered his head, lightly touching her lips. Not wanting to frighten her, he moved slowly, gauging her reaction to his touch. Only when he felt rather than heard her utter a soft sigh did he kiss her lingeringly.

            Mike’s face came closer and Ellen knew he was going to kiss her. She wasn’t afraid. With a small sigh of contentment, her eyelids fluttered closed and she allowed his kiss to envelop her senses. When his lips left hers at last, Ellen opened her eyes then blinked to bring him into focus. She smiled. “Wow.”

            Mike returned her smile. “I second that.” He chuckled. “I haven’t even asked you out yet.”

            “I think you just did,” she said, her eyes sparkling.        

            Smiling to himself and giving a quick thanks to the heavens above, Chet silently backed away from the threshold of the locker room and returned to the dayroom to share the outcome of his eavesdropping mission with his shift mates.

*****

Slowly Vince crept along the wall of the brick warehouse, his mind working feverishly. If he could catch Rittman in the act of breaking into the warehouse, a solution might present itself that wouldn’t involve Miss Ferguson. If not—he thought back over the two nerve-wracking days since he’d been called to Station Fifty-one and learned of Ed Rittman.

 After leaving Fifty-one’s he’d driven to the police station and begun searching for every bit of information on the two-year-old incident before writing his report on the latest incident. Next came the battle to convince his superior to allow him to conduct a search for Rittman to prevent a possible crime. The afternoon had flown by when Vince had stopped by Ellen’s apartment to hear the story in her own words. Then he’d driven to the UCLA campus to start a careful search of the neighboring motels. Finally, he’d found where Rittman was staying and had alerted Captain Stanley. He’d staked out Rittman’s motel room and followed him to the warehouse.

Vince knew Ed would break into the warehouse to start a fire. If he couldn’t stop Rittman before Fifty-one’s A-shift arrived, he’d have to position himself where he could be sure to stop the abduction of Miss Ferguson. There wasn’t much time, he thought as he rounded the corner of the short brick wall and began to inch his way toward the front door. Suddenly he felt a blow at the back of his neck. The world tilted crazily then he felt himself falling as he collapsed to the ground.

Ed nudged the body with the toe of his shoe. It didn’t move. Bending down, he grabbed the policeman’s shoulders and dragged him back around the corner out of sight. Something about the police officer’s presence made him uneasy. What if his plan had been discovered? Staring at the body he’d propped in a sitting position against the wall, Ed shook his head. “Probably thought I was going to break in,” he said aloud. “Well, he was right.” Laughing, Ed headed for the front door of the warehouse.

++++++++++++++

Marco and Ellen were playing checkers when the tones sounded.

“Station 51, structure fire. PDF Warehouse 615 W. 17^th Street, cross street Daisy. Time out 18:25.”

For a split second, everyone stood motionless and looked at each other before running to the vehicles.

Hank grabbed the mike in the radio nook. “Station 51, KMG 365,” he said and then ran to the engine.

Smoke billowed from the second-story windows as the engine and squad pulled into the small parking lot that faced the front of the warehouse. The men went into action, donning SCBA gear and getting the hoses ready, focusing on the fire and trying not to wonder where Rittman and Vince were hiding.

Suddenly a security guard ran out the front door toward the group, pointing to the warehouse as he ran. He came to a stop beside Captain Stanley. “You’ve got to help me! My partner’s inside!”

“Where!” Hank barked.

The guard coughed. “Second floor. We split up to make the rounds of the building.” He grabbed the captain’s shoulder. “You’ve got to get him out!”

“Okay, okay, just take it easy,” Hank said then gave orders to his men.

“Get set up, Ellen,” Johnny said before turning to follow his shift mates into the building.

The men entered the warehouse and looked around to get their bearings. They were standing in a hallway with 3 closed doors to their left and a closed door at the end. Stairs led up and down to their right with another closed door at a right angle to the front door.

“What’s going on, Cap?” Chet asked through his mask.

“I’m not sure,” Hank replied. “This certainly isn’t what I expected.”

“Is that guard for real?” Johnny asked, glancing toward the stairs. “Could there be somebody else in here?”

“I don’t know. Split up and search all of the floors. Radio what you find.”

“What about Ellen, Cap?” Marco asked.

“Mike’s with her and Vince is out there too. If Mike fails to check in, all we can do is get outside as quickly as we can. Remember she’s a fighter. Let’s go.”

The guard watched the men approach the warehouse and disappear inside. Mike had his back turned, working to make sure the water pressure was sufficient to fight whatever fire his shift mates found inside. Ellen had set up a small treatment area beside the squad. Now she stood near Mike and across from the guard. She watched her shift mates enter the building but her position also allowed her to study the man in the security guard uniform.

The last man entered the warehouse and the guard turned toward Ellen, a smile on his face.

Ellen knew that smile. “Hello, Ed,” she said calmly. “It’s been a long time.”

“Hello, darlin’. Miss me?” Ed laughed and drew his gun.

Roy reached the top of the stairs and met Johnny and Chet. Both men shook their heads as Roy grabbed his H-T. “Cap, this is Roy. Basement and first floor completed. No victim, no fire.”

“10-4, Roy. Second floor completed. No victim. L.A., Engine 51. Fire is under control.” Hank paused a moment, waiting to hear from his engineer. “Stoker, do you copy?”

No answer.

Mike whipped around and charged as Ed pulled the gun from its holster. He brought his fist down on Ed’s gun arm, knocking the gun to the ground. Ed yelped and swung his left fist. Mike staggered back then launched an attack with both fists but he misjudged his opponent’s agility.

Ed deflected a well-aimed blow to his mid-section, causing the engineer to over-balance. Mike’s back came into view and seeing his chance, Ed struck the back of the engineer’s neck. Without uttering a sound, Mike fell to the ground.

            Ellen’s gaze met Ed’s before resting on the gun. Both lunged but Ellen reached it first and with a kick, sent the gun sliding out of reach. She had a moment to give him a victorious smile before his slap staggered her. “I won’t go with you,” she said.

Ed grabbed her arm, flipped her around, and then held her back against him with his left arm across her throat. “We’ll see, darlin’,” he said, his lips nibbling on her ear then sliding to her jaw line. “Wonderful,” he murmured.

Suddenly the engine’s loudspeaker came to life, startling Ellen’s captor. Seizing her advantage, she slammed both elbows into Ed’s ribcage then turned and drove her fist into his jaw with all her might. Before he could recover his balance, she lashed out with her leg, driving his legs out from under him.

Ed frantically grabbed for Ellen’s turnout coat as he fell, hoping to take her with him, but he found himself sitting on the ground holding empty material. Howling with rage, he flung away the useless coat then rolled and kicked outward. His leg caught Ellen in the back of her calves and she went down beside him.

Ellen tried to catch herself but her head struck the parking lot with enough force to stun her. Dimly she felt herself hauled upright by the neck of her t-shirt.

            Ed gleefully held Ellen against him. Slowly he turned her toward him, supporting her unresisting body with one arm. “Perhaps now you’ll come with me, darlin’,” he said.

            “Let her go!” Chet yelled.

            Ed looked up to see that the firemen had left the warehouse and were headed straight for him. “She’s mine!” he yelled and kissed her, driving his tongue inside her mouth while his free hand roamed across her chest. “Just a little bit to tide me over, darlin’,” he said against her lips as he ended the brutal kiss.

            “No!” Johnny yelled and ran faster, but it seemed as if he and his friends were on a stationary treadmill. He watched Ellen struggle against Rittman, only to have her drop to one knee after receiving a resounding slap before being hauled once more against the madman’s chest.

            “Vince, do something!” Chet shouted and ran on.

            Blood trickled from Ellen’s mouth as she fell to one knee with a grunt. She heard shouts as if from a great distance as she once again found herself within Rittman’s grasp. Suddenly she heard a voice that made her heart leap.

            “Let her go, Rittman!” Mike yelled and began his advance.

            Ed raised the gun he’d retrieved after downing Ellen the first time and aimed for the engineer’s heart.

            “No!” Ellen screamed and pushed Ed’s arm upward with all her might as the gun went off.

            “Bitch!” Ed screeched and backhanded Ellen, sending her flying.

            Ellen deflected some of the blow and with the last of her strength managed to break her fall but her head struck the parking lot again. Her mind barely had time to register another gunshot as darkness claimed her.

            Raised voices and a sense of urgency forced Vince’s eyes open. In an instant, everything came back to him as he stood. A quick check showed his gun to be nowhere in sight. Realizing it must be where he had been struck, Vince rounded the corner in time to witness Ed’s attempt to kill Mike. Seeing his gun a few feet ahead of him, Vince dove for it and came up on one knee, prepared to fire. He winced as Ed flung Ellen away from him then went into action.

            “Freeze, Rittman!” Vince yelled as Ed once more pointed his gun at Mike.

            Ed whirled at the sound and fired.

            Vince felt the bullet whiz past his ear and pulled the trigger with lethal accuracy. Ed Rittman sank to the ground and was still.

*****

            “So what’s the verdict, Kel?” Ellen asked from her hospital bed.

            Dr. Brackett put his stethoscope away with a frown. “How’s your head?”

            “It’s fine. I had a good night’s sleep.” A grunt came from the opposite side of the bed, causing Ellen to meet Dixie’s gaze with a smile. “Just a headache is all. I’m only banged up a little, Kel. I want to go home.”

            “You need to rest, Ellen,” Dixie said.

            “I intend to. But I can do it just as well at home. I need to do it different this time,” Ellen whispered and looked at her friends. “Please.”

            Dr. Brackett’s frown deepened. “All right. I’ll authorize it, Ellen.” He shook his finger at her. “But total rest, understand?”

            “Yes, Sir,” Ellen said and pushed back the covers.

            “I’ll go take care of the paperwork and call a cab for your ride home.” Dr. Brackett headed for the door then turned. “I’m glad it’s over, Ellen, and that you’re safe.”

            “Thanks, Kel. Me too.”

            “How is she?” Hank asked as the door to Ellen’s room closed behind Dr. Brackett.

            Kel gazed at the row of men from Fifty-one’s A-shift, including Tom Dwyer, who stood against the opposite wall. “She’s going home.” He raised a hand for silence. “Under my strict orders to rest.” He sighed. “She seems sad. Can you believe it? Sad! Dix is in there. Hopefully she’ll get Ellen to talk to her.” Kel walked off, shaking his head.

            “So how do I look, Dix?” Ellen asked as she slowly left the bathroom after getting dressed.

            “Like you should be lying down,” Dixie said.

            Ellen gingerly walked to the bed and sat down. She closed her eyes for a moment till the dizziness was gone.

            “Want to talk about it?”

            “About what, Dix?”

            “About why, after triumphing over Ed Rittman and knowing that, thanks to Vince, he’ll never hurt you again, you’re not happy.” Dixie looked at her friend. “Don’t tell me you feel sorry for him?”

            Ellen sighed. “No. It’s just that I…”

            Dixie nodded. “You didn’t get to talk to him.”

            Ellen grunted. “He just manhandled me. I wasn’t able to ask him anything.”

            “Would it have made any difference? He still did what he did, Ellen. His treatment of you should prove that his heart was black.”

            “I know. I just wanted to hear him admit that he killed Jack, thinking it would be me so I’d know for sure if I were partly to blame or it really was a stupid accident. But I don’t feel sorry for Ed Rittman, Dix. Even if Lisa had changed her mind about having sex with him, all he had to do was tell her off and walk away. He didn’t have to choose rape. No, he made his choices and paid the ultimate consequence and he’s facing the responsibility for those choices.” She looked at her friend. “While I’m partly to blame for the aftermath, I proved to Lisa and Jack last night how important they were to me by standing up to Rittman. I shall always miss them, but I think at last I can stand the thought of being alive.”

            “You found a way to go on without them,” Dixie said softly.

            Her eyes bright, Ellen smiled. “I can go on without them.” Slowly she stood and nodded toward the door. “Are the guys still out there?”

            Dixie laughed. “I’d bet on it.”

            Ellen grimaced. “I don’t exactly look very presentable. I hope they don’t run screaming in the opposite direction.” She squared her shoulders and headed for the door.

“Tom!” she said, catching sight of Dwyer as she crossed the threshold. Forgetting her bruised body, she hurried the few steps across the hall to the paramedic, only to stop abruptly. She closed her eyes as pain and dizziness engulfed her. Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes. “Are you all right?”

            “I was going to ask you the same thing, Ellen.” He held out a bouquet of flowers. “We were going to give you these to cheer up your room, but we hear you’re going home.”

            “Is that wise?” Johnny asked.

            “Yeah, Ellen, you look like you’ve been in a brawl on the losing side,” Chet said.

            Ellen laughed then grimaced. “Chet, you’re such a smooth talker. Dr. Brackett says to rest and I can do that just fine at home. Hopefully after two days I won’t look too scary to go on runs.” She stared at the captain. “That is, if I’m allowed to finish the training.”

            “Is that what you want, Ellen?” Hank asked.

            “More than anything, Captain.”

            “Good,” Hank said with a smile.

            “Well I’d better get going while my legs will still hold me.” She scanned the men’s faces. “Thank you for coming to see me. And for the flowers.”

            Mike stepped forward. “How are you getting home, Ellen?”

            “Dr. Brackett’s calling a cab for me,” she said then shyly looked down at the flowers she held.

            “I’ll take you home.” Mike held out his hand. “Marco can go with Chet.”

            “Sure I can,” Marco said, eyes twinkling.

            Ellen raised her eyes and met the engineer’s clear gaze then traveled down to his outstretched hand. She looked upward, her eyes questioning. Mike nodded. With a radiant smile, Ellen laid her hand in Mike’s palm.

Everyone watched the pair as they left the group. Mike slowly placed an arm around Ellen’s shoulders as she leaned against him while they made their way toward the elevator.

            “Is she all right, Dix?” Roy asked.

            “She’s fine,” Dixie said, her voice filled with emotion. She looked at the men. “Come on; I’ll tell you what she told me over some coffee, even if it can’t compare to what you guys make.”

            Laughing, the group headed for the elevator.

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Guest Dispatchers                    Stories by Jamie Simmons

The Tie That Binds is a sequel to this story