This story is a sequel to 'Reaching Out'

The Tie That Binds

By Jamie Simmons

Thanks to David Epling for providing insight to injuries.

The tall lean man with short fine light brown hair, short sideburns and blue eyes released the ball. He straightened as the ball rolled toward the three pins then calmly watched as only one pin toppled. Without a word, he turned on his heel and strode toward the table where his friends sat.

Los Angeles County Fire Department Engineer Mike Stoker looked at the group of men seated around the small oval table in the bowling alley, men who were not only his friends, but also his shift mates. The other men were also relatively tall and lean, but Fireman Chet Kelly was the shortest, with thick longish curly reddish-brown hair, thick eyebrows, a mustache and hazel eyes. Beside Chet sat Fireman Marco Lopez, with thinning medium length dark brown hair, a mustache and dark brown eyes. Next to Marco sat the leanest man in the group, Paramedic John Gage, with unkempt thick dark brown hair, a five o’clock shadow for a mustache and dark brown eyes. On the other side of Mike’s empty chair sat Paramedic Roy DeSoto, with light brown hair and a slightly receding hairline, long thin sideburns and light brown eyes. Beside Roy sat Captain Hank Stanley, with short thick dark brown hair, long sideburns that grew wider at the end and dark brown eyes.

After working and living together one day out of every three for several years, the men of Station Fifty-one’s A-shift knew as much, if not more, about each other as did their closest family members. Given his skill at bowling, Mike knew missing the spare would definitely be noticed and commented upon. That was exactly what he didn’t need, he thought glumly as he approached the table.

Mike reclaimed the empty seat between Johnny and Roy, searching his mind for reasons why he still hadn’t asked his shift mates’ advice about their paramedic trainee, Ellen Ferguson. With Cap and Roy being married, the entire A-shift only socialized together a couple of times a month. The game was winding down and he was losing his window of opportunity at speaking with his friends without Ellen overhearing the conversation. Why was he so nervous? He needed some advice. Why couldn’t he just tell them his idea, he asked himself once again.

“Your game’s way off tonight, Stoker,” Chet said, noticing Mike wore a preoccupied expression on his almost boyish face. The burly fireman stared at his friend and considered. “It’s Ellen, isn’t it?” He grinned. “Stoker bowls like this every time he’s thinking about her.”

“Is that so?” Hank asked, smiling as his engineer glared at Chet. “I don’t recall hearing about this. Tell me more.”

“It wasn’t ‘that’ bad…” Mike found himself trying to speak above the laughter of Marco, Johnny and Chet. He sat and watched his shift mates, trying to decide which of his three so-called friends he would kill first. The way they were ribbing him over taking Ellen on a date, he wondered what they would say about his idea for celebrating their one-month dating anniversary.

“Is that when you were thinking about asking Ellen out?” Mike nodded. Even though it had been many years ago, Roy remembered how he had been early in his relationship with his wife Joanne when he was falling in love with her. The questions he’d had, the doubts, the desires, and the dreams for his future. He’d seen Mike and Ellen’s relationship building over the past month. Given the difficulties in the trainee’s recent past, he wondered if there were problems. Roy glanced at the captain, who gave a slight nod as if he was thinking the same thing. “What’s on your mind now, Mike?”

“Is Ellen all right?” Marco asked, his dark brown eyes showing concern. “She seemed fine this morning when the shift ended.”

“She’s fine. She’s working at Rampart. Dixie was short-handed.” Mike looked at his watch. “She should be arriving at her apartment in a half hour or so, I expect.”

“And you want to ditch us without making us upset,” Johnny said, his eyes twinkling with merriment as he placed a hand upon his heart. “I may never recover from such a slight.” He started to laugh then saw Mike’s mortified expression. “That’s not it.”

“Great deduction, Gage,” Chet said.

“Quiet, you two,” Hank ordered, barely managing to stifle a grin. “Let Mike talk.”

 All eyes turned toward the engineer.

Mike cleared his throat; it was now or never. “Tomorrow marks the one-month anniversary of my first date with Ellen—”

“Wow! Congratulations, Mike!” Johnny interrupted, slapping his friend on the shoulder. “Man, I can’t believe Ellen’s been training with Roy and I for over a month already.” His smile faded. “That means—”

“Ellen has less than a month left with us,” Chet finished softly, thinking that he’d miss her and how empty the station would be without her. It continued to amaze him how differently he felt about the trainee now, after the way he acted during her first shift. He looked at the others and saw by their expressions they would miss her too. His face brightened. “Thanksgiving’s only a couple of weeks away. She should celebrate it with us. Is that okay, Roy? It’s at your place this year.”

“Absolutely. Joanne’s already mentioned to me that we should ask her.” Roy smiled sheepishly. “I’d forgotten all about it. What do you think, Cap?”

Hank smiled at the sudden stillness around the table, as if his men were awaiting his comment with baited breath. “After what we’ve been through together, Ellen’s a part of our family now. Mike, would my having a talk with her about this be okay?”

“I think it’s a great idea. Why wouldn’t it be?” Mike asked.

“I just wanted to make sure,” Hank said with a sudden sense of foreboding.

Everyone started enthusiastically talking about the upcoming holidays, how Ellen wouldn’t be working at Rampart like she’d done the last few years because she was alone.

Hank listened halfheartedly as he wrestled with an unpleasant thought: what would happen if Mike and Ellen stopped being a couple? The ramifications to his crew could be disastrous. No, he told himself. That wouldn’t happen. I’ve seen how they treat each other. They’re destined to be together, he thought with confidence then happily joined in the group’s holiday planning.

“Hey, I just had a thought,” Marco said. “Do you guys think Ellen will visit the station after the training program ends?”

Hank’s unease returned tenfold as silence descended upon the group. He searched the others for any sign that they might be following his train of thought, but no one, not even Roy, seemed to be considering the possibility of the engineer and trainee splitting up. Why borrow trouble, he decided and diverted the conversation. “Go on with what you were saying about your anniversary, Mike.”

“Well, I want to do something special to celebrate. I have an idea, only I’m not sure it’s right.” Mike wavered an instant then plunged ahead. “Ellen and I were watching an old movie the other night. Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds. Debbie had on this shiny dress and Gene was telling her how he felt about her.” He grinned. “Actually he was singing to her. I went to get some more popcorn and when I came back, they were dancing. Ellen had this dreamy look on her face like if she could she’d trade places with Debbie. She was careful to gloss over how she felt, but I haven’t been able to get that expression of hers out of my mind and… well…”

Mike looked down at the tabletop and traced its geometric pattern with a finger; suddenly realizing his hesitancy was based upon a fear of being teased. “I want to take her dancing,” he said softly and waited for the dreaded laughter of his friends.

“Wow. You’re really gone on her,” Johnny said, awed. Mike nodded. “I’ve never dated anybody a whole month, much less felt…” His voice receded, unsure of the words to use to describe his friend’s feelings. Feelings the paramedic was so unfamiliar with that he had a sudden impulse to ask the engineer to explain how he felt so he could understand.

            Mike stared at Johnny, wondering how much to reveal of his unspoken feelings for Ellen, when he sensed some confusion in his shift mate. “I love Ellen. I’ve known for weeks. I – I haven’t said anything to her yet about how I feel.” He searched his friends’ faces, hoping they understood his implied need for their silence on the subject. “As I was saying, I did some checking and found a restaurant that offers dinner and dancing. It’s kind of expensive, we’ll probably be the youngest people there, I’ll have to rent a tux, and I’m no Gene Kelly when it comes to doing a waltz, but… what do you guys think? Would it be the wrong thing to do?”

            “That’s a cool idea, Mike,” Marco said with a slight wink at Johnny. “Uh, are you sure you ‘can’ waltz?”

Everyone burst out laughing.

Chet recalled the scene the previous month that he’d witnessed between Mike and Ellen in the station’s locker room after they’d discovered Ed Rittman had come back. He watched the engineer, wondering why he hadn’t revealed his feelings to the trainee yet. “Is Ellen having difficulty getting past that Rittman business or are you, Stoker?” Chet asked.

            “Where did that come from, Chet?” Johnny asked, astounded that Chet would mar the moment by bringing up such a painful subject.

            “I think what Mike told us is really great, but I want to know why he hasn’t declared himself to Ellen. None of us will ever forget that night.” Chet shook his head to banish the memory. “We’ve all had nightmares about it, especially Ellen.”

            “Sometimes I go into the locker room and I still see that damn message on the mirror. For just a second it’s there, when I least expect it,” Johnny whispered. The others murmured in agreement.

            “Is Ellen afraid of you, Mike?” Roy asked. “Do you think she doesn’t care for you? You’re wrong if you do.”

            “Roy’s right. Ellen lights up like a Christmas tree every time you’re near. You’d have to be blind not to see that she cares,” Marco said.

            Mike shrugged. “I don’t know what Ellen’s thinking or feeling, except that she’s hesitant and I don’t know if it’s fear regarding intimacy or a relationship with me or both.” He took a deep breath. “The first couple of days while she was healing and I was making sure she followed Dr. Brackett’s orders to rest, we talked a lot about Rittman. Since then, our conversations cover everything except how we feel about each other. So to answer your comment, Marco, I can see that she cares. But is it love? I know it sounds silly, but I’m afraid what she would say if I told her I love her.” 

            “Do you think she sees that openness as a liability for your loving her? And that’s why she’s hesitant?” Hank asked.

            “I’ve wondered that, yes,” Mike said. “I don’t feel pity and I don’t feel a sense of obligation. I love her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. It’s that simple. Yet sometimes, when I kiss her, I get this flashback of her being mauled and for a split second I wonder if she sees the same thing in her mind.” Mike rubbed his temples as if he had a headache. “Rittman’s dead. It’s as if he still has power.” He grimaced. “Sorry that doesn’t make any sense.”

            “It makes perfect sense,” Roy said. “You should tell Ellen about this.”

            “I could talk to her—” Hank began.

            “No.” Mike wiped the harshness from his voice. “Thanks, Cap, but I want to be the one to talk to Ellen. The time just isn’t right yet.”

            “I think you need to tell her how you feel, Stoker, and the sooner the better,” Chet said. “What if Ellen wants you to make the first move since you know so much about her past? What are you waiting for?”

“Let Mike think about what we’ve said, Chet.” The fireman opened his mouth. “That’s an order, Kelly. But—” Hank fixed his gaze on his engineer and continued, “I believe Ellen loves you, Mike. If you trust her feelings and tell her what you’ve told us tonight, you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Now what do you want me to do about the conversation I’m to have with her?”

            They were right, Mike thought. He needed to talk to her, but he couldn’t. Chet almost called him a coward. Was he? Was it her feelings he didn’t trust or his own? He suddenly remembered that the previous conversation about dating her had gone the same way: his friends had wanted him to ask her out, but he’d been unable to until he’d realized that he was afraid of being inadequate in her eyes. Was that still the problem? He didn’t know. “Uh, if you could wait a bit, Cap, I’d appreciate it. I promise I’ll think about what you guys said tonight.”

            “That’s all we ask,” Hank said. Maybe things will be okay after all, he thought, knowing Mike would keep his promise.

            “Roy, it’s your turn,” Marco said, returning everyone’s attention to the game.

 “One thing I’ve been meaning to ask you guys,” Mike said a few minutes later as the group of men stepped outside the bowling alley after deciding they were through for the night. “Have you noticed Dwyer acting strange?”

“Maybe a little quiet, but nothing else,” Roy said.

“Why?” Johnny asked.

            “He seems different somehow. It must be my imagination. See you guys later,” Mike said and headed for his car, his thoughts returning to Ellen and the fact that he’d see her shortly.

++++++++++++++++++

            Mike stepped out of the elevator onto the fourth floor of his apartment building and saw Ellen a few steps ahead walking down the hallway to her apartment. He opened his mouth to call out a greeting when she stopped suddenly and turned. He stared, surprised by the look of fear he saw. An instant later her expressive face was transformed by a radiant smile, the fear gone so fast that Mike almost thought he’d imagined it. A legacy of violence, he realized. Returning her smile, he closed the remaining gap between them to envelop her in a warm embrace.

The top of Ellen’s head, filled with short fine sandy blond hair, barely reached his chin. She wore a jacket over her nurse’s uniform, a white short-sleeved tunic over black pants that concealed much of her figure. He wondered if she would mind being asked to dress up without a reason. He was trying to picture her wearing a dress when she tilted her head upward. His breath caught in his throat at the vivid blue color of her eyes, made even more striking by her tanned face.

“Hi,” Mike said. “How was Rampart? You look tired.”

“Hi.” Ellen smiled. “I was on Pediatrics. Pretty routine.” She touched her temple. “Just a headache, is all. How was bowling?”

“Fine, fine,” Mike whispered. Placing his fingers on Ellen’s temples, he began to make tiny circles, exerting the tiniest bit of pressure against her skin. “Does that help?”

“Ummm.” She closed her eyes and leaned against him, feeling his warmth and strength still her troubled thoughts.

During the entire drive home, Ellen had replayed a conversation she’d had with her friend Dixie McCall regarding rumors that were circulating around Rampart Hospital. She hadn’t been able to come up with any ideas about what to do except follow the head nurse’s suggestion: wait and see what happened next.

Ellen sighed in pure enjoyment. “You could do that all night. I wouldn’t mind.”

Mike chuckled. “I just might. But there’s more to my cure,” he said and brushed her lips with his. He kissed her tenderly as he continued his massage, keeping a tight rein on his desire as he always did. Then she responded to his kiss in a way she never had before. A jolt of fire sped along his veins and his control vanished. He pulled her closer, deepening the kiss. She continued to respond, staggering him with her intensity. He no longer knew where he was or what he was doing; he only knew that the woman he loved was in his arms and he wanted to make love to her.

As his lips touched hers, Ellen moaned and slid her arms up around his neck, tangling one hand in his hair while the other caressed his shoulders, pulling him closer to her even as he drew her closer. Trembling at the intense pleasure of the kiss, her senses spun out of control. Nothing existed but the man she loved and the incredible sensations he was making her feel.

Mike swept Ellen off her feet. Suddenly a loud cough came from his left. With a low growl, he ended the kiss then looked over his shoulder, holding Ellen against him as though he feared someone would take her away. An elderly woman stood with her arms folded across her chest, glaring at him. He smiled and relaxed. “Hello, Mrs. Curtis,” he said.

Ellen felt herself being lifted and whimpered an assent. She knew giving herself to him was premature, that he hadn’t declared his love for her, but she wanted him. It was a foolish decision she knew, but she could only hope he would come to love her as much as she loved him. Abruptly his lips left hers and she was pulled so tightly against his chest she could barely breathe. Then the pressure eased and she heard him speaking to their neighbor, Mrs. Curtis. “Mike?”

Mike glanced down into Ellen’s dazed eyes and flushed face. He gave her a quick smile then returned to the disapproving gaze of their neighbor. “I was just curing a headache. My special cure.” With a little groan, Ellen buried her face against his collarbone. His eyes twinkled. “Do you have a headache that you’d like me to cure, Mrs. Curtis?”

            “Certainly not, young man. Good night.” Mrs. Curtis turned around and headed to her apartment, which was beside Mike’s apartment and across the hall from Ellen’s, muttering about the indecency of today’s young people.

            “I can’t believe you said that,” Ellen lightheartedly admonished when they were alone in the hallway once more.

            Mike laughed and gently set Ellen on her feet. “You know she wasn’t really offended. She loves some flirting and it’s good for her. Keeps that sparkle in her eye.” Slipping an arm around her shoulders, he turned them toward Ellen’s apartment. “By the way, I have a surprise for you tomorrow evening, but it means dressing up.” They reached her door. “Is that okay with you?”

            Ellen’s brows drew together. “It sounds fine.” Curious, she studied his face for any indication that he would elaborate and laughed. “You’re not going to tell me what the surprise is.”

            Mike stepped closer. “It wouldn’t be a surprise if I did.”

            “You’re different tonight,” Ellen whispered, feeling her cheeks burn at the desire she saw lighting his eyes.

            “I know. You’re different too.” Mike reached for her hands. “I think we have some things to talk about. Don’t you?” He smiled at her wide, questioning eyes. “See you tomorrow at 5 o’clock?” She nodded slightly. He pulled her to him for a brief kiss that instantly flared into more. Moments later, he reluctantly ended the kiss and moved away from her. “Good night, Ellen. Sleep tight,” he said huskily then angled across the hallway to his door, waving before he stepped inside.

            Lightly touching her lips, Ellen watched Mike enter his apartment then crossed her own threshold, wondering what the change in his behavior might mean and trying not to get her hopes up too much.

*****

            “Don’t worry, Mike. Everything will be fine.” Hank put his jacket on.

            “Okay,” Mike said doubtfully as he held the door open for the captain to step into the hallway. “Thanks for coming, Cap.” He held out his hand. “I’m not sure I could have gotten the ring without your help.”

            Hank shook Mike’s hand, beaming with affection for the younger man. “Glad to. I’m glad you called me last night after you left Ellen.” He chuckled. “Of course, June and I were so excited we could hardly sleep. Come to think of it, you may just have to call us with the news of your date so we can get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow will be a long shift otherwise.”

            Mike laughed. “I won’t make any promises.” His expression became worried. “Are you sure—?”

“You’re doing the right thing,” Hank interrupted in his official voice. He placed a hand on Mike’s shoulder. “It’s normal to be nervous. Proposing marriage is a big step for any man. It’s the biggest commitment you’ll ever make and shouldn’t be made lightly.” He smiled. “But you and Ellen belong together. I couldn’t be happier that you found each other.” Hank cleared his throat of the emotion that had formed. “I’d better be getting home; June’s going to be full of questions. It was all I could do to impress upon her not to call Joanne after I left this morning.” He turned to go then looked over his shoulder. “You’ll do fine.”

            “Bye, Cap. Thanks again.”

            Mike entered his apartment and strode down the short hallway, stopping between the entrances to the living room and the kitchen. He looked at his watch. Less than an hour before Ellen would arrive. Plenty of time for a shower and shave, he thought. “Now where should I put the ring?”

Staring first at the living room on the left then the kitchen on the right, Mike pulled a small midnight blue velvet box out of his jeans pocket and opened it. A thin gold band, edged with gold roping, lay atop a tiny square of light blue velvet. He planned to give the ring to Ellen after they returned from their evening of dancing. What if she said no to his proposal?

            The doorbell rang, jolting him out of his nervous thoughts.

            “Coming!” Mike ran into the kitchen and quickly placed the box on the counter between the sink and the stove, close to the cooking canisters, before sprinting back to the door. He opened it and smiled. “Hello, Mrs. Curtis.”

            “Mr. Stoker, I’m so glad you’re home. I’m sorry to bother you, but I could use your help,” the elderly woman said.

            “No bother at all.” Mike stepped into the hallway and closed his door.

            Mrs. Curtis started for her apartment, talking as she walked slowly. “The ceiling light bulb in my kitchen burned out. I tried to change it myself, but my legs weren’t very steady on the stepladder.” She stopped at her door. “Would you mind changing the bulb for me? I – I …”

            Mike smiled and placed a hand on his neighbor’s shoulder. “I’d be glad to, Mrs. Curtis, especially when the reward is those delectable cookies and other sweets that you prepare.” He grinned mischievously.

            “You’re thinking about your stomach then,” Mrs. Curtis said with a smile, knowing he was trying to minimize her embarrassment, but enjoying his wit nonetheless.

            Mike followed Mrs. Curtis as she headed for her kitchen. “Absolutely. I’m a bachelor with a terrible sweet tooth, remember, without your exceptional culinary skills to satisfy it.” He climbed the stepladder and set about changing the light bulb.

            “You young scamp. Thinking flattery will work on me. Well, it does.” Mrs. Curtis laughed. Mike joined her. “I have a plate of chocolate snaps for you to share with Miss Ellen tonight.” She paused. “You ‘will’ be spending the evening with her, right?”

            “Hold this please.” Mike handed Mrs. Curtis the fixture covering the light bulb. “Yes, I am. We’re going to the Carlton Club for dinner and dancing.”

            “A nice place. My Sidney would take me there when he was alive. I’m glad it’s still open,” Mrs. Curtis said.

            Ellen hurried across the parking lot to the entrance of the apartment building, so intent on getting ready to meet Mike in less than an hour that she didn’t hear her name being called until she laid her hand on the front door’s handle. “Hi, Tom,” she said, smiling at the tall man with sandy hair who halted beside her. “This is a surprise.”

            “I didn’t think I’d ever catch up to you. You seem in a hurry,” Dwyer said as he moved to hold the door open.

            “Actually, I am,” Ellen said, entering the apartment building. “You’re not in uniform,” she observed casually.

            “I took the day off,” Dwyer said as he walked alongside Ellen toward the elevator. He looked around them, noticing they were alone in the lobby as she pushed the up button and the elevator doors slid open. He wouldn’t get another chance to tell her his feelings, he thought as he followed her inside the elevator. “I wanted to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind for awhile.” Before I lose my nerve, he added silently.

“Sure,” Ellen said with a sudden feeling of dread as she pushed the button labeled four on the panel and the elevator doors slid closed.

            Dwyer stepped closer. “I – I was wondering if you’d go out with me. Maybe dinner or a movie or dinner and a movie, whichever you’d prefer.” He breathed a sigh of relief that he’d gotten the words out coherently and waited for her response.

            Ellen faintly heard the ding of the elevator as it passed a floor while she tried to frame her reply so it wouldn’t cause the paramedic from C-shift any anguish. 

Seeing her hesitate, he grasped her hands. “I care for you, Ellen. Quite a lot.”

            “I care for you too, Tom,” she said softly. His face lit up. “Just not in that way.” His expression froze. “I’m sorry.” The elevator doors slid open. “This is my floor. I have to go.”

            Dwyer released her and Ellen stepped out onto the fourth floor. Just before the doors slid closed, he joined her. “It’s Stoker, isn’t it,” he said. She nodded. “I thought so. I saw it, but I hoped it wasn’t that serious.”

            “I’m flattered and honored that you asked me out, Tom, and if my heart weren’t taken I’d gladly accept your invitation.”

            “I see. Does Stoker know you love him?”

            Ellen shook her head. “Mike and I haven’t discussed our feelings for each other.”

            “But if that’s true, how do you know how he feels?” Dwyer asked.

Mrs. Curtis held out the plate of cookies. “Thank you, Mr. Stoker.”

            “My pleasure.” Mike took the plate and headed for the door. “I’d better get going. I’m meeting Ellen at 5.” He turned. “Uh, Mrs. Curtis, what do you think Ellen would say if I asked her to marry me?”

            Mrs. Curtis regarded him closely. “Are you?”

            “Yes.”

            Mrs. Curtis smiled. “That’s what she’ll say. Congratulations, Mr. Stoker. I was wondering when you’d get around to asking Miss Ellen.” She grinned wickedly. “I suppose that means no more necking in public.”

            “You never know, Mrs. Curtis. Thanks for the cookies.” As the door closed, Mike started to turn toward his apartment when he heard Ellen’s voice. He looked over his right shoulder and froze.

            “It doesn’t matter, don’t you see? I can’t go against how I feel,” Ellen said. Fueled by a surge of compassion, she stood on tiptoe and lightly kissed the paramedic’s cheek. “I’m sorry, Tom. Truly.” She took a step back, her eyes pleading. “Thank you for asking me.”

            Dwyer nodded then turned to press the down button for the elevator. When he swiveled around a second later, the hallway was deserted except for Ellen. Silently he watched her walk away from him. He continued to stare down the hallway after she entered her apartment, ignoring the ding and the swish of elevator doors behind him as he contemplated seeing Stoker as Ellen had kissed him.

The paramedic took a step forward and paused. What would happen if he said nothing? Would Stoker be so foolish as to assume that something was going on between him and Ellen? Dwyer shook his head. Anyone could see that it was just a kiss on the cheek, he told himself as he once more pushed the down button. No, it wasn’t worth the embarrassment of revealing his rejection when common sense would prevail. Mentally wishing Ellen and Mike well, Dwyer stepped into the elevator, his mind already focusing on going through his little black book to find a woman to spend the evening with.

            Inside her apartment, Ellen forgot about Tom as she hurried to get ready for her date with Mike. She quickly hung up her jacket in the coat closet to the left of the door then ran down the foyer, which became a hallway that extended past the living room and kitchen to two bedrooms and a bath. During a quick shower, she once more thought of Mike’s actions the previous night.

            Mike had never kissed her with such unconcealed passion before. There had always been a reserve toward physical closeness with her as if he had been afraid his actions might frighten her. Why had he suddenly changed last night? What did he want to talk to her about? She was certain his surprise was to celebrate their one-month dating anniversary. But could it be more? Dare she hope that he loved her? Pondering those questions, Ellen opened her closet and pulled out a gown that had been one of her favorites. She hadn’t worn it since her college years, over two and a half years before, when her best friend Lisa had been alive and they’d often attended parties.

It was a princess gown in baby blue lined chiffon with a matching wrap, perfect for an evening out in the fall. She put the dreamy dress on then surveyed her reflection in the mirror that hung on her closet door. As she made some last minute adjustments to her appearance, her mind drifted from Mike to the situation at Rampart.

Dixie had explained to her the day before that nasty rumors had circulated the hospital after her first encounter with Ed Rittman, but Ellen had been handling school, her nursing internship, Lisa’s mental state and Rittman’s trial for rape so no one had told her about them then. The rumors had quickly stopped before the person responsible for spreading them had been discovered. Enough information about rumors regarding last month’s incident had come Dixie’s way to cause her to tell her nurse everything.

“Who would spread rumors about me?” Ellen asked her reflection. “And why?” Her gaze rested on her bedside clock. Gasping at the time, she grabbed her wrap and fled the bedroom.

            Seconds later, Ellen stood in front of Mike’s door and pressed his doorbell again. The door opened. Mike stood before her in jeans and a t-shirt, his expression cold. “Hi, Mike.” She chuckled at his appearance. “Uh, don’t you think you should be getting dressed?” His face remained aloof. Ignoring a twinge of unease, she tried again. “You did say 5 o’clock, right?”

            “I changed my mind about tonight. I’m sure you’ve got more important plans than spending the evening with me. Goodbye.” Mike closed the door, leaving Ellen gaping after him.

            Ellen stared a moment at the closed door, unable to grasp what had happened. Suddenly she realized Mike had canceled their date and had made it sound like he never wanted to see her again. She pressed the doorbell twice more, saying, “Mike! What happened? What’s wrong? Mike!” She pounded on his door but no answer came. Her wrap slipped to the floor through her numb fingers. She moaned as pain filled her chest, like someone had reached in and yanked out her heart.

            “Miss Ellen? Is everything all right?” Mrs. Curtis lightly touched Ellen’s shoulder and she turned her head. Mrs. Curtis gasped. Ellen’s face was white as a sheet, her eyes unfocused. “Good Lord, child. What happened?”

“I don’t understand,” whispered Ellen, her voice hollow and lifeless.

            Mrs. Curtis glanced at Mr. Stoker’s closed door and went into action. “Come with me, dear.” Placing an arm around Ellen’s shoulders, she gently led the unresisting young woman toward her apartment, keeping up a steady chatter as they walked the short distance. “I’m glad I happened to see you as I was coming back from getting my mail. I’ll make us some tea. I have this needlepoint design I bought. I’m dying to show it to you.”

            Neither woman noticed Ellen’s wrap lying on the floor where it had fallen.         

            Mike stood on the other side of his apartment door and seethed. He listened to Ellen’s muffled voice, unable to believe that she planned to go out with him as if nothing had happened. A part of his mind tried to be reasonable, telling him that perhaps there was a logical explanation for what he’d seen, that he’d never seen her lie before and she’d certainly never two-time him... She’d looked so lovely and had sounded so happy… “Then why didn’t Dwyer come talk to me? He knew I saw Ellen kiss him. Why? Damn it, why?”

Suddenly needing some air, Mike ran to his bedroom, grabbed the rented tux and bolted for the door. He wrenched it open then let it slam shut as he made for the elevator, his only thoughts to return the tux and rid himself of the nightmare he was in.

*****

            I should have called in sick, Mike thought as he stood before the white aluminum back door of the fire station. Anything to keep from seeing the hopeful expressions on his shift mates’ faces and having to talk about the events of the day before. As if on cue, his mind replayed the day like a stuck record. It had begun like Heaven and had ended like he’d been thrown into Hell.

            After returning the tux, Mike had driven around aimlessly, trying to outrun the image of Ellen standing in her dress with a stunned expression on her face as he’d closed his door. He’d returned to his apartment around two in the morning to find her wrap hanging from his doorknob. As soon as he’d touched the fabric, the beginnings of doubt about what he’d seen between Ellen and Dwyer at last took root. He’d spent the rest of the night at war with himself over how he’d treated her, a part of him wanting to talk to her and the rest wanting to avoid more agony.

            Even now, as he stood at the back door of the fire station, he couldn’t decide if he wanted to see her. “Just get this over with,” Mike mumbled and opened the door.  

Station Fifty-one’s dayroom served at least three purposes: kitchen, classroom and rec room. Wood paneling contrasted with the brick walls in the room, its color matching the cupboards in the kitchen area. A white counter and wall separated the cupboards, lessening the overall dull brown tones of the room.

The A-shift was seated around the big rectangular table drinking coffee and chatting. Their heads turned toward the back door as Mike entered the dayroom.

            “Hey, Mike,” Chet said, “We thought you’d be calling off today.”

            Grinning, Marco added, “Yeah, you know, too much celebrating to come in.”

            “Nope,” Mike said, taking off his jacket as he approached the table. “I thought Dwyer would be working for you, Johnny.”

            “Why’d you think that?” Johnny asked. “The guys on C-shift said he took the day off yesterday, but I didn’t switch with him. Tell us about last night.” He laughed. “Before Ellen gets here and steals your thunder.”

            “So how did things go?” Hank asked, smiling at the expectant expressions of his crew. “I’ve been hounded with questions ever since I told them about the ring. So give.”

            “It didn’t,” Mike answered with clenched teeth. He walked past the table toward the apparatus bay, suddenly unable to look at his friends.

            “What do you mean?” Chet asked.

“Yeah, what kind of an answer is that?” Johnny blurted out as everyone moved closer to the engineer.

            Mike stopped on the threshold of the apparatus bay. “What it sounds like,” he said without turning around.

            “Wait a minute,” Roy said. “We’re confused. Are you telling us that you didn’t propose to Ellen or that there were problems with your plans for the evening?”

            Mike spun around. “No proposal. No date. Nothing.” The ache in his heart at his short summation nearly overwhelmed him. “I have to change,” he choked out and almost ran from the room.

            “What the hell?” Chet asked, taking a step forward to go after his friend.

            Roy placed a restraining hand on the fireman’s shoulder. “Wait a sec, Chet. Cap?”

            Hank shook his head. “I haven’t a clue what’s going on. I’ve never seen Mike so upset.”

            “But Cap, he bought her a ring! He wanted to marry her!” Johnny exclaimed. “How can he do that and now act like he…”

            “Like he hates her,” Marco finished. “It doesn’t make sense.”

            Hank ran a hand through his hair. He couldn’t believe the situation he’d thought impossible to occur was now happening. “I agree. All I know is that when I left him about an hour before he was to meet Ellen, he was nervous but happy.”

            “Something earth-shaking happened in those few minutes. He was in his apartment building, so what could it have been?” Roy mused.

            “We’ve got to find out. Ellen—” Chet’s eyes widened at how the trainee must feel.

            “Oh man. Ellen,” Johnny said.

            “If he was that cold to her, what must she think?” Marco asked.

            “You know what she thinks,” Chet said angrily.

            Johnny, Chet and Marco moved toward the apparatus bay, intent on getting some answers from Mike.

“Hold it.” Hank had to get the situation under control before it became a free-for-all. “We’ve got to stay calm. Let’s talk to Ellen first. Then—” The back door opened again. “That’s Ellen. Stay calm,” he reminded his men.

The trainee closed the door and turned. They almost gasped at the change in her. From the vibrant young woman of the previous shift now approached her opposite: a pale and drawn face, downcast eyes. For the first time since she began training with them, she wore her uniform.

“Hi, Ellen,” Marco said. “Coffee’s hot. How about I pour you a mug?”  

“Hi, guys.” Ellen hesitantly approached the group of men, worried how her shift mates would react to her presence. She stopped a few paces away. “No thanks, Marco. Maybe later.”

            “Why are you in your uniform?” Chet asked.

            “I – I was running late and… and knew there wouldn’t be time to change,” Ellen said, knowing that was only part of the truth: the rest was that her earlier fears of being alone with the men had resurfaced. I shouldn’t be here, she thought. I don’t want to be here. Not today.

            “Ellen, we’re sorry…” Hank began softly, starting toward her.

She slowly raised her eyes and saw concern on her shift mates’ faces instead of revulsion. Instantly the protective numbness surrounding her disappeared. All of the hurt from Mike’s cold rejection rushed in to take its place. “I’ll go get the squad ready,” she said, her voice unsteady. She began walking rapidly toward the apparatus bay, desperate to get away before she started to cry, tears she couldn’t shed the night before. She knew if she didn’t regain control, she’d never make it through the shift. And she still had Mike to face, she reminded herself dejectedly.

            “Ellen, what happened last night?” Hank asked as she dodged past him.

Sighing, she turned around.

Hank knew he was pushing; knew she was on the edge of losing control, but Mike would return at any minute and he needed information if he was going to make the shift bearable for everyone.

            “It’ll be okay,” Roy said, wanting to ease the pain he saw on the trainee’s face.

            Ellen shook her head. “I don’t think so, Roy. I know it has to be some kind of misunderstanding, but Mike hates me.” She blinked rapidly to keep the tears back. “And I don’t know why. He’d been so different the night before… I thought… I hoped…” She forced herself to speak evenly. “He canceled our date, Cap. He said I had more important plans than spend the evening with him. There I was, all dressed up with no place to go, like some fairy tale gone bad.” Her laugh sounded like a sob even to her own ears. She could feel the tears building despite her efforts to stop them. “It would have been funny if it hadn’t… hurt so damn much.” 

            “Why would he say that?” Hank asked, unable to believe that the situation she described had occurred, even though it matched his engineer’s terse comments. “Mike was fine up until the time I left him. What could have happened to make him change like that?”

            “I don’t know, Cap. I’ve told you all I know.” Ellen’s voice hardened. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to get the squad ready.” Her back ramrod straight, she turned and almost ran into Mike.

            Standing a hair’s breadth apart, they faced each other like two statues.

 “Hi, Mike,” Ellen ventured first. At least it looks like he didn’t get any sleep either, she thought.

            “Ellen,” Mike said with a slight nod. He could barely look into her eyes after overhearing most of her words to his shift mates. He felt like a heel for hurting her. But damn it, he’d seen her kiss Dwyer! She’d hurt him! She’d betrayed him! “I need some coffee,” he said, heading for the stove, unable to hear anything she had to say.

            “Mike…” Ellen took a step forward as she watched him reach the stove, pull a mug out of a cupboard and begin to fill it with coffee, all the while keeping his back to her. “Mike…” She stood motionless as the man she loved pointedly ignored her, the hope that he might talk to her vanishing as quickly as it had appeared.

            Johnny put his hand on Ellen’s shoulder. “Let’s go work on the squad.”

            Ellen shrugged off Johnny’s hand. “I’ll take care of it.” Her posture ramrod straight, she left the dayroom. Her composure lasted until she entered the apparatus bay. Sagging against the wall to the right of the doorway, she wiped her eyes as the tears flowed. “Get a grip, girl. You’ve got work to do.” Just then, angry voices reached her ears. Chet was confronting Mike!

            Mike’s shoulders slumped as he heard Ellen leave. He felt like he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life. He was so confused he didn’t know what to do. With a shaking hand, he brought the mug to his lips and took a drink of the hot liquid, not caring that it burned his tongue.

            Chet advanced on the engineer. “Stoker, you got some explaining to do.”

            Mike set down his mug and dejectedly regarded the fireman. “Leave me alone, Chet.”

            “No! You hurt her!” Chet stepped closer, backing Mike toward the stove. “I’m not going to let you treat Ellen like that.”

            “What’re you going to do, Kelly? Back off, or you’re going to get hurt.”

Ellen hurried into the dayroom just as Chet lunged. Mike delivered a well-aimed punch at the fireman. Chet staggered back, blood forming from a split lip. Roy grabbed Ellen’s arm to keep her out of harm’s way while Marco grabbed Chet and Johnny grabbed Mike. The two men struggled to break free.

            “That’s enough!” Captain Stanley bellowed. Everyone snapped to attention. “Stoker, in my office.”

            Mike watched Ellen walk to the fridge and extract a few ice cubes, but she kept her eyes averted as she passed him on her way to Chet. His heart sank.

Hank reached the doorway. “That wasn’t a request, Stoker.”

            “Talk to him, Mike,” Johnny whispered.

            As the two men left, Marco grabbed a paper towel then held it out for Ellen. She dropped the ice cubes into it and wadded the towel to resemble an ice bag before handing it to Chet.

            “Thanks,” Chet said. He placed the ice against his lip for a second. “You okay?”

            Ellen chuckled. “I was going to ask you the same thing. I’m fine.”

            “You’ve been crying,” Marco said.

            “Emotional release. It’s nothing.”

            Chet snorted.

            “Ellen…” Johnny began.

            Ellen looked at the men and mentally prayed that they would listen to what she had to say. “Please leave Mike alone.”

            “What!” Johnny, Chet and Marco exclaimed. Roy quietly nodded.

            “Roy, what are you doing?” Chet asked.

            Roy smiled. “Agreeing with her, like the rest of you should.”

            The three men stared at Roy as if the paramedic had gone daft.

            Ellen hesitated. How could she explain?

            “It’s simple,” Roy said. “Mike’s upset. No one knows why. Ellen and Mike have to work together. We have to work with them. Picking at Mike won’t help all of us get through this shift.” He looked at Ellen. “Right?”

            Ellen nodded. “Thanks, Roy.” She saw Chet about to protest and continued, “I appreciate you wanting to defend me, but making Mike angry won’t help him talk to me. It won’t help me find out what happened. Besides, he needs your support more than I do.”

            “Huh?” Roy asked.

            Johnny elbowed Chet. “He’s finally as confused as us.”

            “Sssh,” Marco said. “I think I know where’s she’s going with that remark.”

            “What I mean by support is that you’re a team and I won’t hurt that bond.” Ellen squared her shoulders. “I won’t come between you.”

            “Ellen, he acts like you betrayed him!” Chet said.

“We can’t condone that!” Johnny and Marco said simultaneously.

            “I’m not asking you to condone it. Just…” Ellen’s eyes filled with tears. “Please give him some space today. Let me handle this on my own.”

            The men stared intently at the trainee, looked at each other and slowly nodded.

            “Thank you.” Ellen grinned. “This time I really will go work on the squad.”         Chet waited until he was alone with the others then said, “She loves him and he’s breaking her heart. It’s not right.”

            “What are we going to do?” Marco asked.

            “We’re going to do what she wants,” Roy stated. “Give Mike some space and help Ellen get through this shift. Hopefully, by tomorrow morning Mike will come to his senses.”

            “And if he doesn’t?” Johnny asked.

            Roy looked toward the apparatus bay with grim determination. “We’ll intervene somehow.”

            “Have a seat, Mike.” Hank stood by his office door while his engineer entered the small room. As Mike sat down in one of the two wooden chairs, Hank leaned against a corner of his desk and scanned the younger man’s face, trying to decide on the best way to proceed.

            Mike bowed his head. “I’m sorry I lost it, Cap.”

            Hank decided neither kindness nor berating Mike would do any good; a temperate approach would be more beneficial. At least he hoped it would. Mentally crossing his fingers, he said, “You should be. Tell me something. Who are you more angry with: Chet, Ellen, or yourself?”

            Mike looked up. “I’m not sure now. Myself, I think.”

            Ah, that’s a good sign, Hank thought. “Because you made a mistake?”

            Mike’s eyes blazed. “I know what I saw, Cap!”

            Hank leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees. “I can understand you not wanting to tell the others, but it’s just the two of us now. I helped you pick out the ring, for God’s sake! What did you see in an hour’s time that could make you hate Ellen?”

            “Betrayal.”

            Hank bolted upright. “What! Wait a minute…” He absentmindedly ran a hand through his hair as he examined an idea. “Dwyer’s involved, isn’t he?”

            Mike’s eyes flew to the captain then darted away. He nodded. “She… she kissed him…. by the elevator. I was leaving Mrs. Curtis’s apartment after changing a light bulb and saw them…”

            So that’s it, Hank thought. He regarded Mike’s pain-filled eyes. If only he’d stayed with his engineer a bit longer, the situation might not have gotten so out of hand. Perhaps, given his earlier answer, Mike was beginning to see reason. There was only one way to find out. “You saw Ellen kiss Dwyer. I believe you saw what you did, but Ellen didn’t betray you. She wouldn’t and you know it. Didn’t it ever occur to you that she had a good reason to kiss him? Why didn’t you ask her about it instead of judging and convicting her?”

            Mike jumped to his feet, shaking with anger. “I was waiting for Dwyer to come tell me, damn it! He saw me, Cap! He knew I saw Ellen kiss him! I—” The rage evaporated as suddenly as it appeared. He collapsed into the chair, defeated. “I was so focused on what I saw and that Dwyer didn’t come talk to me that I lost my head. Now I may have lost the love of my life.”

            “What are you going to do?” Hank weighed that question himself as he waited for Mike’s answer, suddenly aware that his knowledge of the situation put him in an awkward position. He had to proceed carefully, regardless how his engineer answered the question or the ramifications would be unpleasant.

            “I’m going to go see Dwyer as soon as the shift ends and find out what really happened. Then I’ll tell Ellen everything and see if she’ll forgive me.”

*****

            “God, what a horrible shift,” Mike said. He rested his forehead against the steering wheel of his car and sighed.

            Mike could tell that Ellen had said something to his friends as soon as he’d returned to the dayroom after being in the captain’s office. She’d disappeared; his shift mates had talked to him for a moment then had left him alone. That was how the rest of the shift had played out, he remembered painfully. They hadn’t snubbed him, but they hadn’t included him either, spending most of their down time with Ellen.

Whenever Mike’s eyes had met Ellen’s she’d smiled sadly at him then returned her attention to his shift mates. Each look had been like a knife in his heart, but the worst time had been the fire the A-shift had responded to: Mike had been watching Ellen from his place beside the dials of Big Red as she tensely waited for his friends to put out the blaze. Their eyes had met. The fear for his shift mates’ safety that he’d seen on her face had finally made him realize the depth of his mistake.

Mike fastened his shoulder belt and backed out of his parking space, filled with determination to make things right. He left the station and headed for Dwyer’s apartment, intent on talking to the paramedic: no longer to find out why Ellen had kissed him, but why Dwyer hadn’t come forward and said so.

Almost there, Mike thought as he saw a street sign indicating the intersection he was about to cross. No one was in front of him. The light was green as he entered the intersection, looking both ways as he did so, a habit from driving the fire engine. He saw a sedan coming from the right and suddenly realized it wasn’t going to stop.

Slamming his foot down on the gas pedal, Mike tried to get out of the way of the oncoming car. His body was jarred from the impact as the sedan hit his car in the right rear quarter-panel. In vain, he tried to keep the car from spinning out of control. Pain exploded all through his body as the car collided with a light pole just behind his seat.

“Damn,” Mike muttered as he lost consciousness.

++++++++++++++

            “Ellen, what are you doing here?” Dixie asked as her nurse approached the nurse’s station.

            “That’s some greeting, Dix,” Ellen said, laughing. “You mentioned yesterday you would be short-handed so I’m here to help.”

            “You just finished a shift at 51’s,” Dixie said. “Usually you wait a couple of hours and then you call first. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were reluctant to go home.” The blond head nurse scrutinized Ellen. “You may not have said anything yesterday, but I’d have to be blind not to see something’s happened. So what’s going on?”

            “Hey, Ellen, isn’t it a bit early for you to show up here?” Dr. Brackett asked as he approached the two women.

            “I don’t think she wants to go home, Kel,” Dixie said.

            “Is this true?” The ruggedly handsome Chief of Emergency Medicine looked from Dixie to Ellen and took a guess. “Does this concern Mike Stoker?”

            Ellen nodded. “I don’t know what’s wrong. He won’t talk to me. I –I just didn’t want to run into him at our apartment building.” She swallowed down a wave of emotion. “Not after yesterday’s shift.”

            Kel placed a hand on Ellen’s shoulder. “Why don’t you come to the lounge with Dix and I and tell us about it? Maybe it isn’t as bad—”

A buzzing noise interrupted him. The three of them looked up at the flashing red light above the glass door to the call room.

“Guess you’ll be working in Emergency,” Dixie said as they entered the small rectangular room that housed the equipment used to communicate with the paramedics in the field.

            “Rampart, this is Squad 110,” said a voice from one of the base station machines.

            Dr. Brackett pressed a button on the machine. “Squad 110, this is Rampart.” 

            “Rampart, we have a traffic accident, two victims, both male,” the paramedic said.

            “I’ll go set up the treatment rooms,” Ellen said, opening the door.

            “Set up 1 and 3,” Dixie said. “And get Dr. Early.”

            “Rampart, one of the victims is Fireman Mike Stoker,” the paramedic said then went on to report the engineer’s vitals followed by injuries.

            Ellen gasped and exited the room. Picking up the phone at the nurse’s station, she quickly dialed a number.

            “You know she’s going to want to be with him,” Dixie said.

            “Better there than in the other room.” Kel looked at Dix for confirmation. She nodded.

            “Stanley residence,” said a female voice.

            “Hello, Mrs. Stanley, this is Ellen Ferguson. May I speak with the Captain?”

            “Hi, Ellen,” June Stanley said. “He’s not home yet… Wait, he just came through the door. Just a sec.”

            Ellen could hear June’s muffled voice addressing her husband followed by a brief silence as the phone was transferred.

            “Ellen? What’s wrong?” Hank asked.

            “Cap, I’m calling from Rampart. Mike’s been in an accident. 110 just called it in. I’ll know more when you and the others get here.” Ellen hung up the phone then hurried to get the treatment rooms ready, ignoring the fear gnawing at her insides, threatening to swamp her. Mike will be fine, she told herself repeatedly as she went to work.

++++++++++++++

            The treatment room door closed behind Ellen as she headed to the waiting room, where the remaining members of the A-shift were seated. Funny, but it seemed to be taking her forever to reach them, she thought. She stopped and looked down at her legs with an odd notion that they’d been cut off. Nope, they were still there. She ran a hand across her eyes in an attempt to clear her brain then stared at it. She blinked. It was still moving, swaying gently back and forth. She started to sway with it…

            “Come with me, Ellen.”

            “Dix?” Ellen’s eyes opened wide. Her voice sounded strange to her ears. “I need to tell the guys about Mike but I can’t seem to walk—”

            “I’ll tell them,” Dr. Brackett said from Ellen’s other side as he put a hand on her shoulder. Puzzled blue eyes gazed into his. “You go ahead with Dix.” His eyes met Dixie’s. “The staff lounge is closer.”

            “Right,” Dixie said and gently, but firmly began to lead Ellen away.

            “Kel?” Ellen asked in alarm.

            Dr. Brackett smiled. “It’s all right. I’m proud of you. You did a great job with Mike. Now I want you to talk to Dixie and then I want you to go home, okay?”

            “Okay,” Ellen said, meekly letting Dixie guide her. “That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done…”

            Dr. Brackett sighed. He watched the two women walk toward the staff lounge then headed for the group of scowling men coming toward him.

            “Hi, Doc,” Johnny and Roy said stiffly.

            “Gentlemen.” Dr. Brackett smiled. “Mike will be fine. He’s got—”

            “Is Ellen okay?” Chet asked. “She shouldn’t have been in there, Doc.”

            Dr. Brackett fixed the fireman with a look that would have quelled most people, but Chet didn’t bat an eye. He chuckled. “You come straight to the point, Chet.”

            “Sometimes when he shouldn’t,” Hank said, glaring at Chet. “It’s just that we’re worried about both of them. There’s things going on outside of this…”

            Dr. Brackett nodded. “I understand, Hank.” He scanned the A-shift. “Let’s go to the cafeteria so we can talk about some things.” The men nodded. “Good. Now to answer both of your questions: Ellen’s fine, it was just reaction after dealing very competently with the situation; Mike has a concussion, broken left forearm, his shoulder was dislocated plus chest and abdominal contusions.”

            “Is he awake?” Johnny asked. “How bad is the concussion?”

            “Not really,” Dr. Brackett said. “He came around briefly while we were treating his shoulder. We’re going to monitor him closely for the next several hours, but his head injury doesn’t appear too serious. Do you know what happened?”

            “Vince was here,” Roy said. “From witnesses, Mike was hit by a car doing 50 that ran a red light.”

            “The driver didn’t even try to stop,” Marco added. “He didn’t make it.”

            “From the position of impact, Vince says that Mike almost avoided the crash,” Chet said as the cafeteria came into view.

After seating Ellen at the small round table in the staff lounge, Dixie went to the coffee machine. In moments, she set a Styrofoam cup on the table in front of her nurse. “Drink this, Ellen. It’ll clear your head.” She sat down beside the young woman and watched her take a couple of drinks of the strong liquid. “Better?”

Ellen took another drink then set her almost empty cup on the table. “Thanks, Dix. For the coffee too.”

Dixie smiled. “It’s better than brandy.”

Ellen chuckled then frowned. “The guys will really wonder if I have the strength to cut it as a paramedic after this. I bet even Kel is wondering—”

“Stop it,” Dixie ordered. “Let’s get something straight, Ellen. Kel wasn’t lying when he told you that you did a good job with Mike. You know that.” Ellen nodded slightly. “And the boys won’t hold it against you because you reacted to treating someone you care about. If anything, they’re going to be upset with Kel for letting you in the treatment room in the first place.”

“I hadn’t thought about that,” Ellen said softly, tracing the rim of her coffee cup.

“They care about you, as much as you do about them. You said it yourself that it was the hardest thing you’ve ever done. But having done it and done it well should ease your fears about treating the boys in the field.”

Ellen’s startled eyes met Dixie’s. She smiled; glad her hidden fear had been discovered. “I’m afraid I’ll freeze if something happens to them, Dix. Every time they go into a burning building… I don’t know why, but the rescue runs I can handle. It’s just the fires…” She shrugged.

“You’re more of an observer during fires. You feel the same thing during the rescues, only you don’t have time to think about it.” Dixie smiled. “You won’t freeze. Like today, you’ll react when it’s safe for you to do so. And no one will hold that against you.” She patted Ellen’s hand. “Now tell me what happened with Mike.” After Ellen finished explaining, Dixie asked, “Do you think he told Hank?”

“I hope so.”

“Will you ask him?”

Ellen considered the question then shook her head. “That puts Cap in an awkward position. I’ll wait for Mike to tell me.”

Dr. Brackett watched the men of Fifty-one’s A-shift set their trays on the circular table in Rampart’s cafeteria and thought about their relationship with Ellen. Instead of friends, she had a family again. To think he’d had last minute qualms about putting her through the paramedic program as a test candidate. Even though something had happened to upset the young nurse, Kel knew in his heart that the A-shift would never intentionally hurt her, which made whatever had happened with the engineer even more odd…

“So Doc, you said you wanted to talk to us,” Roy said, glancing at his friends. “I think we can guess about what.”

“Yes, I did.” Dr. Brackett cleared his throat. “Ellen showed up here this morning right after your shift ended. All she had time to tell Dix and I before we got 110’s call was that she didn’t want to go home because she didn’t want to run into Mike.”

“I wondered why she was here. It doesn’t surprise me that she said that. It was a rough shift for everyone,” Hank said.

Dr. Brackett eyed Johnny and Roy. “Dix and I could see that something was wrong yesterday, but we didn’t ask. Now I’m asking. What’s going on between Ellen and Mike?”

Hank swallowed. He knew this moment would come and he still didn’t know what to say. His promise to Mike bound him and he couldn’t break it without talking to the engineer first. 

“The day before yesterday, Mike was going to propose to Ellen.” Dr. Brackett started. “Yep, that’s what he was going to do. I helped him buy the ring.” Hank smiled sadly. “Then yesterday morning Mike shows up at the station acting like Ellen’s betrayed him.” Hank looked at Chet. “Things got a little tense.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” Chet said, touching his lip.

“Ellen wouldn’t betray Mike,” Dr. Brackett said with certainty.

“I know she wouldn’t,” Hank agreed. “Mike knows it too. It was a mistake, a silly mistake. If I had stayed with him a bit longer, I could have talked some sense into him. He was on his way to make things right when the accident occurred.”

Dr. Brackett frowned. “He told you what happened, but you can’t tell me what he said.”

“No one knows but me. I promised Mike I wouldn’t say anything until he had a chance to correct his mistake,” Hank said.

“Ellen needs to know, Cap,” Roy said. “We know she didn’t do anything wrong. We don’t need an explanation as much as she does.”

“I know, Roy. She’ll be the first person I talk to if that’s what needs to be done,” Hank said with a slight edge to his voice. “Kel, before I can proceed, I need to talk with Mike.”

“When he comes to, he’ll probably be pretty groggy,” Dr. Brackett said. “I don’t know how much help he’ll be to you, Hank. You’re in an unenviable position.”

Hank made a rude noise. “How do I tell Ellen that the man she loves didn’t trust her enough to keep him from misjudging her? She’s going to be angry and hurt and she’ll have every right to be. She’s going to have to explain her actions to defend her honor for a situation that wouldn’t ordinarily require explanation.”

The men ate in silence, contemplating the captain’s words. Try as they might, they couldn’t figure out what the trainee could possibly have to explain.

Dr. Brackett changed the subject. “I know you men didn’t like Ellen being with Mike in the treatment room. It was hard for her, but she needed to do it to prove to herself that she could handle it.” He paused. “She hasn’t said anything to me directly so she may not like my saying this, but the fact is Ellen’s afraid of treating you guys in the field should something happen.”

 “That’s crazy, Doc,” Marco said. “We ‘know’ she’ll do everything she can for us. And that she’ll keep it together until the crisis is over.”

 “It’s during fires, isn’t it,” Roy said, glancing at Johnny.

“We’ve started to notice that she’s quieter when there’s a fire,” Johnny said.

“Those are the worst, yes, because she’s there as an observer with time to think and worry,” Dr. Brackett said. “She’d never say anything because she doesn’t want you to know how much she cares.” Their jaws dropped. “You know her parents died about a year before she graduated from high school.” They nodded. “Lisa was all she had left in the way of family and when she died... Although you’ve done a lot for her, she doesn’t want to be an obligation.” He made a gesture with his hands. “I just thought you should know.”

 Hank was shocked that his trainee would be feeling such things without his having any idea. “She told us that she felt she hadn’t done enough for Lisa. We tried to dissuade her from that idea.”

“While she has been able to accept what happened with your help, she still believes deep down that she made a mistake in her handling of the circumstances. I think she always will, which is why it was important for her to be in that treatment room,” Dr. Brackett said.

“Thanks, Kel for telling us. I think, men, that I need to issue that invitation to Ellen regarding Thanksgiving and Christmas as soon as possible.” Hank grinned. “Now ‘that’ I’m looking forward to doing.”

Dr. Brackett pushed back his chair; glad he’d shared his observations with the men. “Why don’t we go see if Mike’s awake, Hank.”

+++++++++++++++++

Mike slowly opened his eyes. He was in a hospital room and he hurt all over, especially his head and left arm. In fact, there wasn’t a single spot on his body that didn’t hurt, he thought as he moved his eyes downward and to the left. A cast was on his arm, between his elbow and wrist. Okay, so he’d broken his forearm. He must have been in an accident of some kind. He tried to remember, but his head began throbbing. He abandoned the effort, thinking it was a shame he couldn’t exchange his body for a new one. He chuckled and immediately groaned from the pain. Suddenly he had a feeling there was something important he had to do, but he couldn’t remember what. Cap! Cap would know…

“Now remember that if Mike’s awake, he’ll be groggy and in some pain,” Dr. Brackett said in a low voice as he and Hank entered Room 224. “Until we’re sure about his head injury, we aren’t giving him much.”

Hank stared down at his engineer’s face. He appeared to be asleep. “Hey, Mike,” he whispered.

“Cap.” Mike opened his eyes. “Hi, Dr. Brackett. How do I look?”

Hank grinned. “You’ve looked better. How do you feel?”

            “Like I pulled every muscle I have. What kind of accident was I in?” Mike closed his eyes as a spasm of pain went through his body.

            “A car accident—” Hank began.

            “You don’t remember the accident?” Dr. Brackett interrupted, motioning Hank to be quiet.

            “No,” Mike said. “My head hurts when I try to think.”

            “That will pass. Do you know your name?” Dr. Brackett asked.

            Mike answered the few questions the doctor asked without any effort, but he was tired by the time he finished. He closed his eyes to try and conserve his strength so he could ask the captain what he had to do that was so important.

“Very good, Mike. We’ll be checking in on you every couple of hours to see how you’re doing for the rest of the day. If things go well, we’ll give you something more effective for the pain this evening,” Dr. Brackett said. “1 minute, Hank.”

            “Mike, what do you want me to do about Ellen?” Hank asked.

            Mike’s eyes flew open. “Ellen? I don’t know anyone… Cap, there was something important…”

            Hank glanced at Dr. Brackett who shook his head slightly. “Never mind, Mike. It can wait. I’ve got your keys. I’ll be back later with some things you’ll need.”

            “Thanks,” Mike said, his eyes slowly closing as he drifted off to sleep.

            Hank paced across the width of the hallway while he waited for Dr. Brackett to exit the room.

            “Now Hank—” Dr. Brackett began.

            Hank whirled on Kel. “He doesn’t remember her. What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

            “Calm down. He remembers his name, where he works, who he works with, what day it is, where he lives, how old he is. I told you he’d be groggy. It’s not unusual for a person with a concussion to have trouble remembering things—”

            “But a person?” Hank asked.

            “He knows there was something important, which is a good sign.” Dr. Brackett chose his next words carefully. “He’s just disoriented now. Tomorrow he’ll be better. Perhaps you should wait until then before you do anything. That way you won’t panic anyone.”

            “And if he isn’t better? Ellen will be here tomorrow, expecting to see him. I can’t let her go in there without being prepared for a problem. And what about the rest of my men?” Hank shook his head. “I’ll have to tell them—”

            “So how is he, Cap?” Johnny asked as he and his shift mates approached the two men.

            Hank looked pointedly at Kel before speaking. “We got to talk to him for a few minutes. I have to talk to Ellen, then I’ll meet all of you at Marco’s to fill you in.” Without another word, he hurried to the elevator.

            “I don’t like the sound of that,” Roy said. “Doc?”

            “Mike will be fine. He’s not in any imminent danger. Hank will tell you the rest, gentlemen.” Dr. Brackett stepped in front of Mike’s door as Johnny started to approach. “He’s asleep and I don’t want any more visitors today. I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

++++++++++++++++++

            Hank stopped, his finger poised to push Ellen’s doorbell. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, remembering the conversation he’d had with his wife June a few minutes before from the phone in Mike’s apartment. She’d listened as he’d poured out everything, including his doubts about what to say to Ellen then she’d talked with him, offering suggestions and insight until he had a plan he was comfortable with. Calmer than he’d been when he’d rushed out of Rampart, he pushed the doorbell.

            Ellen opened the door. “Hi, Cap,” she said with a smile. “Come in.” She stepped back to let him enter. “I wondered if I’d see you. I figured you’d stop by Mike’s place. He’ll probably be at Rampart for a week.” She closed the door after the captain had entered, telling herself she didn’t need to be nervous at hearing about what had upset Mike. She’d done nothing wrong. “Let me take your jacket. Can I get you something to drink? How about coffee?”

            Laughing, Hank held up his hand. Ellen closed her mouth, her eyes questioning. “Good. I need you to slow down or I’ll never catch up.” Hank handed her his jacket. “I just finished depositing some things for Mike in my car. I wanted to check on you, see how you’re doing. And see if I could talk to you.”

Nodding, Ellen closed the closet door and patiently waited.

            Hank stepped closer and placed a hand on her shoulder. In a voice full of concern, he said, “You look a little frayed. I know this has been a rough couple of days for you. I should let you rest, but the things I need to say are important.” He smiled. “Could I have a glass of water? I think my stomach has had all the coffee it can stand for the moment.” He stepped back, his eyes twinkling. “Shall we proceed to the kitchen?”

            Ellen, completely off balance, walked with him the few steps to her kitchen. Hank sat down while she filled two glasses of water from a pitcher she kept in the fridge. When she joined him at her small table, her mind was functioning clearly and she was worried. She reasoned that the captain didn’t want her alarmed by whatever he told her, which only served to alarm her because he’d said ‘things’. The only thing she knew he had to tell her was what Mike had shared. ‘Things’ meant there was something wrong with Mike, something she and Kel had missed in the treatment room. The captain’s sober face began to fade…

            “Breathe,” Hank said, placing a cool washcloth against Ellen’s forehead. “In and out. That’s right. Just keep breathing. I wanted you to stay calm. June’s going to kill me; she warned me you’d figure out something was wrong if I wasn’t careful. I’m so sorry. I’m better at handling my sons than dealing with a daughter,” he rambled.

            “Daughter?” Ellen asked weakly.

            Hank grinned sheepishly. “Yes, that’s what I said. Do you feel better?”

            Ellen sat up straighter. She nodded. “I’m sorry I freaked like that, Cap. I figured there must be something wrong with Mike. I wasn’t expecting you to come talk to me about a thing like that.” She offered a feeble smile. “I didn’t know you felt that way about me.”

            Hank scrutinized her face. She still seemed a bit pale, but that was all. “You’re like a sister to my men. Chet feels especially strong in that regard.” He laughed. “Remember how he couldn’t stand the thought of you being at the station your first shift?”

            Ellen laughed. “I remember. And yesterday he defended me to Mike. I –I’m glad they think of me like that. I just wish Mike…” She averted her eyes, focusing on an invisible spot on her kitchen wall.

            Hank squeezed her hand gently. “I was saving Mike for last. His feelings for you are special. He loves you, Ellen.”

            “I thought maybe he might feel that way. He was so different after he’d left you guys that I wondered if he’d said something or you’d said something.” Ellen shook her head. “He told you why he was upset. And you’re here to tell me.”

            “Yes, he did. Yes, I am.” Hank could feel her tense. He patted her hand again and prayed he could minimize the hurt he knew his words would cause.

            Ellen observed the captain. “I’m glad he told you. I want you to know that I wouldn’t have asked you, Cap. I appreciate the position you’re in. But since you’re here, I’m curious. What –What did he say?”

            The doorbell rang.

“Oh drat.”

            Smiling, Ellen stood. “How much do you want to bet that there are 4 men outside my door?”

            “That’s what I’m afraid of,” Hank muttered, standing.

            “Are you sure we should be doing this?” Johnny asked. “Cap said—”

            “I know, I know. But I have a feeling he might need us,” Roy said.

            Ellen opened the door. “Hi, guys,” she said as the men entered her apartment. For a second it reminded her of the previous times the A-shift had come to see her. She almost turned to see if Mike was coming too before she remembered and closed the door. “Can I get you guys anything?” She entered the living room to find the men taking off their jackets and sitting on chairs or the carpet, leaving a spot for her on the couch beside the captain.

            “No thanks, Ellen,” Marco said. “You know, you look a bit peaked.”   

Johnny stood and approached Ellen. “She does at that. What happened, Cap?”

            “She almost passed out—”

            Pandemonium erupted. Johnny took hold of Ellen’s arm, quickly maneuvered her to the couch then gently pushed her into a sitting position before resuming his seat on the carpet and entering into the fray.

             Ellen sat quietly on the couch, amazed at the men and the chaos around her. How in the world could she ever get their attention? They would probably go on for hours, till they lost their voices or passed out from hunger. She started to laugh at her mental images and the men quieted, staring at her as if she was hysterical. “Well, that’s one way to get your attention. I guess I’m going to have to learn how to whistle.” She chuckled.

            “Very funny,” Chet said.

            “It wasn’t Cap’s fault,” Ellen said quickly before they could go off again. “I overreacted, thinking there was something seriously wrong with Mike.”

            “Doc said that Mike isn’t in any danger,” Johnny said. “Cap took off so quick he didn’t hear that.”

            “I know Kel believes that, Johnny. I just want to warn all of you, especially Ellen, that there may be a problem when you see him tomorrow.” Hank took a moment to formulate his next words. “Mike answered every question Kel asked him without any problem. He didn’t remember the accident, which I understand is fairly common in such cases.” Ellen nodded. “Then when I asked him what he wanted me to say to Ellen, he didn’t know who she was.”

            “Exactly what did he say, Cap?” Roy asked.

            Hank repeated the short conversation, including the questions Mike had answered.

            “It probably isn’t anything to worry about,” Ellen said, patting the captain’s hand. No wonder he looked as if he could use a drink, she thought. “They’ll keep asking him questions every couple of hours for most of today to see how he responds. His mind will clear as the day progresses.”

            “I guess with everything that’s happened ‘I’ overreacted,” Hank said, embarrassed.

            “I’d say you’re entitled, Cap,” Johnny said. “I would have thought and done the very same thing.”

            “So would I,” Chet agreed.

            Ellen listened to the men reassure their captain. She cared so much for them. And to think they cared for her too.

            “What are you thinking about, Ellen?” Marco asked. “You’ve got a funny look on your face.”

            Ellen blushed slightly. “I was just thinking how nice it is to have a family again.”

            “Cap told you,” Roy said.

            “Yes.” Feeling shy and vulnerable, Ellen stared at the floor, not noticing the men getting to their feet until the captain stood. She looked up, wondering if she’d said the wrong thing, and saw Chet grinning from ear to ear.

            Chet pulled Ellen up off the couch then gave her a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek followed by the rest of the A-shift.

            Everyone sat down and the men asked Ellen to spend the holidays with them. She was so touched she almost cried. She did shed a tear when they told her of their confidence in her ability to treat them in the field. “I’m glad you know,” she said, swiping her forefinger across her eyes. “I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Before I forget, Bill Duncan from B-shift agreed to work.” Hank shifted nervously, knowing he couldn’t put off telling why Mike was upset any longer. “Ellen—”  

“You don’t have to tell me what Mike said, Cap.”

             “I think you should know why he was upset, Ellen,” Roy said.

            “Roy’s right. You deserve to know. All of you do,” Hank said.

            Silence descended as the group waited for Captain Stanley to speak.

            “Let me begin by saying that you didn’t do anything wrong, Ellen. Mike made a mistake.” Hank stopped, his heart aching at what he was going to tell her. “Mike told me he saw you and Dwyer by the elevator. Dwyer saw him, but didn’t come talk to him afterward.”

            Ellen replayed the scene the captain briefly described. She searched his face to see what he was leaving out and found only sadness. “Did Mike tell you that I kissed Tom on the cheek?” 

            “No. He just said that you kissed him.” Damn, Hank thought. That kind of a kiss hadn’t meant anything more than those given to her moments before.

            “It appears I owe all of you an explanation,” Ellen said coldly. Thoughts and feelings filled her mind making her want to rage, but she fought them. She wouldn’t give in to the fact that the man she loved had so easily judged and condemned her for something he hadn’t clearly seen. She’d deal with it later when she was alone and could handle the pain.

            Johnny shook his head. “You don’t have to explain anything. You did nothing wrong, Ellen. I would, however, like to know why Dwyer didn’t talk to Mike.”

            “Yeah. Why didn’t Dwyer talk to Mike?” Chet asked, his temper rising.

            “Probably out of embarrassment because he asked me out.” The men gasped. “I didn’t want to hurt Tom’s feelings, but I had to be honest and say my heart was taken.” Ellen laughed humorlessly. “I kissed his cheek as a thank you for being honored by his invitation.” She stared at Chet. “Would you go to Mike and tell him that, knowing he thought you were shacking up with me on the side? I don’t think so. And who would blame you?”

            “Mike didn’t think you were sleeping around,” Roy added. “He never said that.”

            “His actions spoke volumes. You said yourself he thought I betrayed him. He didn’t have to say the words to call me a whore. So much for love and trust.” Ellen stood. She could feel the anger starting to eat through her self-control. “Excuse me,” she said and headed for the doorway.

            “Ellen, Mike made a mistake. He loves you,” Marco said.

            She left the room without a backward glance.

            “Man, I don’t know who I want to kill first: Mike or Dwyer,” Johnny said.

            “Did any of you answer Ellen’s question? Think about it before you blame Dwyer too much,” Hank said. “Boy, I sure botched that.” He shook his head in despair. “June warned me that Ellen would probably see the situation like she did.”

            “Cap, you did the best you could,” Roy said. “Ellen’s an intelligent woman. You would have had to lie to her and that would have made things worse.”

“What did June say about fixing it?” Chet asked.

            Hank shook his head. “We’ve done all we can, men,” he said sadly. We’ve told Ellen she was blameless. She knows she can count on us. The rest is going to have to come from Mike. And that won’t be easy. Her belief in him is badly shaken.”

            “Well, we’ll just have to—” Johnny began.

            “Cap?” Ellen asked from the hallway.

            Hank turned his head. Ellen was wearing her jacket and carrying his over one arm. He went to her, knowing what she was going to say.

            “Would you go with me to Tom’s? I don’t want to go alone. I have to find out if my reason for his actions is right… or not. Please?”

            Hank studied Ellen’s face a moment before putting on his jacket. He knew that look of determination. “I’ve already called him. He’s expecting a meeting.”

++++++++++++++++

            The man hauled the young woman up from the pavement by the neck of her t-shirt and brutally kissed her while his free hand roamed across her chest.

Mike watched as she struggled with her captor. He frantically tried to clear his brain as the madman struck her a resounding slap that sent her to one knee before hauling her to his chest again. Mike could hear his friends’ voices, but they were too far away to get to her in time. He was her only hope. Mike forced himself to stand. “Let her go, Rittman!” he yelled.

Rittman aimed the gun at Mike’s heart as he began his advance.

            “No!” She screamed and pushed Rittman’s arm upward, deflecting the shot.

            “Bitch!” Rittman screeched and backhanded the woman, sending her flying…

            “Ellen,” Mike murmured, twisting his head to and fro on his pillow.

            The scene changed. He was kissing the same woman in the hallway of his apartment building. Desire coursed through him as he swept her into his arms. She opened her eyes. They were so blue they took his breath away…

The scene changed to a dance floor half-filled with older couples waltzing to lilting music coming from a band on a small stage. The woman wore a filmy blue dress and he wore a tux. He led her onto the dance floor and began to move them in time with the music…

            “Ellen,” Mike murmured again, opening his eyes. There was movement off to his left. He turned his head, expecting to see… “Hello, Nurse McCall. More questions?”

            Dixie smiled. “So formal. At least you didn’t call me Ellen.” She stepped closer and examined Mike, making notes of her findings on his chart.

            “You don’t look anything like her, Dix.”

            Finished with her physical examination, Dixie sat down on the chair closest to the bed and regarded the young man. “You sound sure, but you don’t look sure.”

            “Things are still a bit fuzzy,” Mike said, his forehead wrinkling in consternation. “Not as bad as they were several hours ago, but… I’m having dreams about Ellen.” He smiled sheepishly. “At least I think they’re about her. Sometimes I call her by name in them and it’s always the same woman.” Mike closed his eyes and put a hand on his bandage. “I just wish I knew for sure.”

             “You were dreaming when I came in. You said her name. If you consider what you said to me, you did it without giving yourself time to think and be confused. So the ‘fuzziness’ as you call it, is going away,” Dixie said. “Tell me about your dreams, Mike.”

            “Well, there’s three basic ones that keep repeating themselves almost every time I go to sleep. One is a man attacking her. The guys can’t get to her and I’m sorta out of it. He tries to shoot me and she stops him. The second is kinda embarrassing: I’m kissing her outside our apartments. The last dream is I’m leading her onto a dance floor and we start to waltz.” Mike looked at Dixie. Her face was expressionless. Were they about Ellen?

            “Where does Ellen live?” Dixie asked softly.

            Mike grunted. He thought he was finished answering questions. “You know perfectly well she lives in the apartment across and up the hall from mine.” His eyes widened. “Those dreams I told you about…”

            “Tell me what you’re thinking, Mike. Don’t think about what you’re saying. You’re right about where Ellen lives.”

“The first one did happen last month. Ed Rittman was a monster from Ellen’s past. The second…” Mike stopped, feeling his face grow warm. “The second also happened. 2 days ago, I think. The third hasn’t happened…” He could feel his confidence starting to slip. “But it’s what I want to happen.” He took a deep breath. “ I think. I hope. Am I right?”

             “You’re definitely right about dream one. Dream two I can imagine is correct, given your feelings for each other. As for dream three, only you know for certain, but I would say your surmise is right. See, I told you,” Dixie said, smiling.

            Mike smiled in return, feeling more confident about his memory than he had since he’d first regained consciousness.

            Dixie made some more notes on the chart and stood. “Would you like a stronger pain killer?”

            “No more questions?” Mike asked, dumbfounded. Dixie shook her head. He considered the offer a moment. “The pain’s not as bad now. I can handle it.” He smiled. “Besides, now that my head is getting clearer, I want it to stay that way.”

*****

            “Hello, gentlemen. You’re here early,” Dixie said as she approached the group of men standing outside Room 224. She scanned their somber expressions as they greeted her, glad that she would be able to give them some good news, and noticed two things: Tom Dwyer’s presence in his uniform and Ellen’s absence. “I talked with Mike before my shift ended yesterday and his memory’s getting clearer. He doesn’t quite trust it yet, but you should see a definite improvement, Hank.” She smiled. “He’s going to be fine.”

            “That’s great news, Dixie,” Hank said, relieved. “Can we see him? It’s kind of important.”

            “I was just about to do a quick update on his chart—” Dixie began.

            “I’ll do it,” Ellen interrupted as she joined the group wearing her uniform. She stopped beside the head nurse and held out her hand.

            “Ellen, I thought we agreed last night that Dwyer should talk to Mike first,” Hank said. “Besides, Dixie tells us that Mike’s memory is improving.”

            “It definitely is. He just doesn’t quite rely on it yet, but I think my conversation with him helped in that regard,” Dixie said, wondering what was going on. Ellen looked like she was ready to do battle and the men looked as if they wanted to be anywhere but where they were standing.

            “Good,” Ellen said as she took Mike’s chart away from a startled Dixie then strode to the door amidst a chorus of male grumbling. “I have to do this,” she said and entered the room.

            Mike looked up from the book he was reading as the nurse came into his room. “Hello,” he said. His breath caught as he stared into the bluest eyes he’d ever seen. It was the woman from his dreams.

            Ellen froze, taken aback by the sight of Mike in a hospital bed even though she’d spent most of the night preparing for the moment. To regain her self-control, she studied his chart. The uniform entries since he’d been admitted to his room helped convince her that he was going to be fine, just as Dixie had said. After a moment, she looked up and smiled. “Good morning.” She approached the bed and began taking his vitals, recording the results on his chart. “How’s the pain this morning?” She raised her eyes from the chart and found him staring at her.

            Mike watched every move the nurse made, puzzled. He was positive she was the woman in his dreams, but other than when she first entered the room she avoided making eye contact and seemed coolly professional. Not behavior one would expect to see after sharing a kiss, he thought. And what a kiss it had been. He could feel his body stirring at the memory. Suddenly she looked up from his chart and their eyes locked. “You’re Ellen,” he said.

            Catching the slight question in his voice, Ellen nodded. “Ellen Ferguson.”

            “Ferguson…” Two images flashed across Mike’s mind: Cap telling Ellen to relax and Cap ordering her into his office, both incidents that occurred on her first shift as trainee. He almost breathed a sigh of relief at how well the pieces of his memory were falling into place.

            “I asked how the pain was this morning,” Ellen said, trying to keep the conversation from becoming personal. She’d intended to tell Mike she knew why he’d been upset, but she’d lost the nerve. Her examination was finished and she could leave. Yet, she continued waiting for him to answer, wondering why she didn’t go.

            “You were in the emergency room,” Mike said, ignoring her question. She didn’t respond, but her expression changed and he knew then that she cared for him. But is it love? His brow furrowed at the question. He had a feeling he’d asked that question of someone not long ago and that it had been important.

            Ellen watched the expressions on Mike’s face change, curious what he was remembering, but she remained silent.

            “I have dreams about you,” Mike said softly, his eyes focused inward. “In one dream, we’re dressed up... the same song keeps playing… we’re dancing to it… you’re wearing a blue filmy dress…”

            Ellen chuckled. “Chiffon. The dress was blue chiffon.” Her smile died. “I wore it for our date 3 days ago.”

            Mike’s eyes widened. “The dream really happened? Funny, but—”

            “Do you know the name of the song?” Ellen asked, avoiding the question.

            “You Were Meant For Me. Something like that,” Mike said and leaned forward. “I can’t get the tune out of my head. Ellen, I have to know. Did that dream happen?”

Ellen tensed. “No. The song is from the movie Singin’ In The Rain.”

“And our date?”

“You cancelled it,” Ellen whispered.

“That’s impossible…” Mike searched his memory; unable to believe he’d do such a thing and hit a wall.

  Ellen pondered Mike’s dream and discovered the answer to his surprise: he was going to take her dancing. He had really loved her… Tears stung her eyes. “I have to go. There are other patients…” A sob tore through her before she could cover her mouth. Blinded by tears, she almost missed the handle as she yanked the door open and rushed out of the room.

“Ellen, wait!” Intent on following her, Mike moved to the edge of the bed, ignoring the pain of his bruised body. He couldn’t believe he’d cancel a date of theirs. It had to be a mistake. He finally reached the foot of his bed when Dwyer burst into the room. Dwyer…

“What’d you say to her!” yelled the paramedic as he charged toward the engineer.

            Mike blinked as the wall blocking his memory exploded. He staggered forward. “You son of a bitch. I should beat the crap out of you. Why didn’t you come talk to me!”

            Dwyer stopped a couple of paces away from Mike. “You want me? Come and get me. Because of your cast, I’ll even give you the first swing before I take you down.”

            With a roar of rage, Mike forgot his pain and lunged at Dwyer. Suddenly he was pushed backward and held by Chet and Johnny as Roy and Marco restrained Dwyer. Mike struggled to break free. “Let me go! I’ll wipe the floor with him!”

            “Stop it!” Hank commanded. Mike and Dwyer ceased their struggles. “Everyone sit down. Stoker, get back in the damn bed.” He stood, glowering, as the men obeyed his orders. “That’s better. Now we’re going to have a calm conversation, right?” The men slowly nodded. “Good. Mike, you remember everything?”

            “Yes. I want to know why Dwyer didn’t come talk to me,” Mike said, glaring at the paramedic from C-shift.

            “You will. First, I need to tell you that when I left you yesterday I decided to tell Ellen everything. Then she and I visited Tom.” Hank motioned the paramedic to speak.

            “You’re an idiot, you know that, Stoker?” Dwyer accused, still itching to take a swing at the engineer for Ellen’s sake. The way she’d exited the room without saying anything then almost run to the elevator echoed in his mind. “Sure, I made a mistake in not coming to you so I could save myself some embarrassment, but what you did to Ellen… You as good as called her a whore—”

            “I did not!”

            “Come on, Mike, admit it. Admit that you thought Ellen was seeing me on the side. Even if you rejected the idea, you know you had it. Very possessive of you considering you never told her how you felt! You condemned her for a kiss on the cheek!” Dwyer smiled maliciously as Mike started. “I see that got your attention. I asked her out and it was her way of letting me down graciously. Now I want to know what you said to her to make her run out of here crying!” He clenched his fists. “If you laid in to her, I swear…” Dwyer broke off as Johnny touched his shoulder.

            Mike stared at the paramedic, speechless.

            “Ellen told us the same thing, Mike,” Roy said. “That kiss didn’t mean anything more than the welcome kisses we gave her.”

            “We tried to tell her that you love her,” Marco said. “She wouldn’t listen to us.”

            “My God,” Mike said as the enormity of what he’d done hit him. He looked at Dwyer. “I –I didn’t say anything to her. We were talking about a dream I had and she suddenly burst into tears. I guess she figured out the surprise I had planned, though I’m not sure why that would make her cry. Tell me one thing, Tom. Are you going to make a play for her?”

            Dwyer laughed and stood. “If I were you, I’d be worrying how to get Ellen back not what I’m going to do.” He shook his head. “No. She loves you and her heart’s committed to you. It’s a shame, because you don’t deserve her. But if she turns to me, I won’t push her away.” He strode to the door and opened it. “See you later, gents. I’ve got to get to the station.”

            “Well, the ball’s in your court, Mike,” Hank said after the door closed. “We know you made a mistake. We’ll do what we can to help Ellen listen to you, but you’re going to have to do the talking.”

            “And the convincing,” Chet added.

            “Thanks, guys for the support. I –I appreciate it. I need you to help me with one thing. I’ll take care of the rest,” Mike said, hoping it wasn’t too late. He shook off the thought. If it took the rest of his life, he’d prove to Ellen how much he loved and needed her.

            After his friends left, Mike stared up at the ceiling, thinking. It puzzled him that his mind would play those three scenes so frequently in his dreams, especially the one involving Ed Rittman. Was his mind trying to tell him something or had it simply been his memory starting to realign itself? Unable to answer that question, he forced himself to closely examine his actions of the past several days. He loved and trusted Ellen, but he sure hadn’t acted like it. What if he was afraid he couldn’t trust his own feelings? Suddenly he recalled asking himself that question at the bowling alley. He hadn’t answered it. What was he afraid of? Getting nowhere with his introspection, he decided to go to the nurse’s station and see how he could get released as soon as possible.

            “Excuse me, Miss,” Mike said to the nurse as she sent the candy striper off with a task. “I was wondering—”

            “Sims, Kathy Sims,” the nurse said, smiling. “Is anything wrong, Mr. Stoker? You should be resting, you know.”

            “Nothing’s wrong, but how did you know…?”

Kathy laughed. “I worked this floor yesterday and checked on you. You were kind of out of it, so you probably don’t remember.” She leaned closer to him. “I’m sorry to hear about you and Ellen.”

Mike stiffened. “Ah yes, I do vaguely recall you now that you mention it. There’s no need to feel sorry for Ellen and I. We’ll be fine.”

Kathy laid a hand on Mike’s arm. “I’m her friend. She told me. If there’s anything I can do, just let me know okay?”           

I’ll bet. The way she looked at him and from the sickening sweet sound of her voice, Mike had the distinct impression she’d bed him in an instant, he thought with distaste. She called herself Ellen’s friend? Enemy would be more like it. “Thanks.” He smiled. “I was just wondering how I could be released quickly.”

            “I’m sorry, but only Dr. Brackett can tell you that. He should be in to see you sometime this afternoon,” Kathy said, still smiling.

            “I see. Well, until that time, don’t be alarmed if I walk up and down the hall to start moving. I promise not to get in the way.” Mike turned to go.

            “If you need me, just press the call button. I can cheer you up.”

            Oh brother, Mike thought and hurried away from the nurse’s station as fast as his sore body would let him.

 +++++++++++++++++

            Ellen pulled into the small deserted parking lot of the rambling park that was awash in fall splendor. Located an hour away from LA’s suburbs in somewhat cooler and more moisture-laden elevations, the park was a peaceful haven she discovered by accident after Lisa’s death and returned to whenever her mind or spirit needed peace. She immediately headed for the footpath that disappeared into the trees, walking rapidly along until she emerged from the dimly lit forest to sunlight glistening off a crystal clear lake.

            Hurriedly putting on her sunglasses, Ellen made her way to an empty bench and sat down. “Mike really loved me,” she said aloud, in a voice filled with wonder. “I should have said something other than running away in tears.” She sighed. “I love him. What do I do now?” She stared at the water and the forest on the opposite shore a long time, weighing her options, until she reached a decision: Mike had to come and talk to her. All she could do was wait. And if he never comes, what will you do then, her heart asked.

            Pushing the unwelcome thought aside, Ellen turned her mind to Kathy Sims, whom she’d almost knocked down in her haste to get on the elevator and out of Rampart. Something about that short conversation didn’t make sense, she thought. Kathy had said, ‘I’m so sorry to hear about you and Mike’ as if she’d known something…

            Ellen jumped off the bench. She began following the path around the lake while her mind tried to accept a shocking thought: what if Kathy had been trying to get her to say something that she could use to wreak havoc? Her mind strayed to Lisa. Kathy and Lisa had been close friends. Had Lisa confided in Kathy about the rape only to have the nurse betray her? Had Lisa heard the rumors before she’d jumped? “Oh my God. Lisa…” Ellen started to run, trying to escape the ugly possibilities her mind had presented, certain that the park would never again be the place of solace it had once been.

            *****

            “Boy am I glad to see you two,” Mike greeted Johnny and Roy as they entered his room. “I’ve been waiting all morning to hear about Ellen’s reaction to the flowers that Cap ordered for me yesterday.”

            “She hasn’t seen them yet,” Johnny said. “We got called out before they were delivered and it’s been so busy we haven’t been back to the barn yet.”

            “One of those days,” Roy said with a shrug.

            “Is Ellen all right? Did you find out where she went yesterday? How did she handle Duncan’s presence this morning?” Mike asked, watching the H-T Roy was carrying, expecting it to go off any second and send them away before he could talk to them about everything that was on his mind.

            “She’s talking with Dix. She’s so quiet now,” Johnny said sadly. “All she said about yesterday was that she went for a drive.”

            “Joanne says that your surprise must have meant a great deal to her and she’s probably very confused about your feelings for her given you went from one extreme to the other,” Roy said. “I asked Ellen to come stay with us for a bit. Joanne thought a change of scenery would do her some good.” He sighed. “She won’t come.”

            “I see,” Mike said with concern. “Dr. Brackett says he’ll release me tomorrow.”

            “How did you pull that off?” Johnny asked.

            Mike laughed. “Let’s just say that I convinced him it was the right thing to do. So how did Ellen react to Bill?”

            “Well that’s strange,” Johnny said. “She seemed friendly enough until she shook his hand then she excused herself to put away her jacket. She showed up in her uniform again.”

            “I didn’t really expect her to do anything else,” Mike said, relaying what he’d seen in the hallway of his apartment building after returning from their bowling game.

“It never occurred to us that she would still be fearful. That would definitely explain her attitude,” Roy said.

“But I wonder if there wasn’t something more to it than that,” Johnny said. “She changed so fast, as if she’d realized something…”

            “Hmm,” Mike said, puzzled. “Before I forget, do you guys know Kathy Sims? She’s a nurse—”

            “Squad 51, prepare for a response,” the dispatcher said. Several different tones came from the H-T.

             “Kathy Sims is seeing Matt Sawyer on B-shift,” Johnny said as he started edging toward the door.

            The dispatcher announced several stations then said, “Structure fire. PDF Warehouse 615 W. 17^th Street, cross street Daisy. Time out 11:45.”

            Mike’s face paled. “Oh my God. That’s—”

            “We know,” Roy said. He waved at Mike and ran into the hall.

            “It’ll be okay, Mike. See you later.” Johnny took off after his partner.

            “Come on, Ellen, we have to go,” Roy said as he hurried past the nurse’s station where Ellen was still talking with Dixie.

“See you later, Dix,” Johnny said as he passed the two women.

            “I hope you’re sure, Ellen,” Dixie said, not totally convinced her nurse knew who the rumormonger was. Though it made sense, her evidence seemed too circumstantial. Ellen nodded. “I’ll talk to Sharon and take care of the arrangements.” After I have a little talk with Mike, she thought. If Ellen’s reasoning were correct, Kathy would have said something yesterday while she was working on his floor.

            “I appreciate it, Dix,” Ellen said, quickly following Johnny and Roy. She climbed into the squad. “Where are we off to?”

            “A fire at PDF Warehouse,” Roy said as the squad left Rampart.

            Ellen looked from Roy to Johnny. “I –I see.”

            “I could have left you at Rampart,” Roy said.

            “N- No.” She cleared her throat. “I go where you guys go.” Johnny grabbed her hand. She held onto it as the squad sped to its destination, determined to keep the memories at bay.

            The brick warehouse came into view. The two-story building was fully involved.

Thinking that Mike would help Ellen stay calm, Roy tried to park the squad as close to Fifty-one’s engine as he could with the other fire vehicles also present. Then he remembered Mike was at Rampart. Bill Duncan didn’t know the full circumstances of that night. No one did except the A-shift, Vince, Chief Houtz and LA Times reporter Steve Burke. Ellen would be alone. God, I should have left her at Rampart, he reprimanded himself as he stopped the squad within sight of Big Red. 

Ellen laid her free hand on Roy’s forearm. “Don’t worry about me. Just concentrate on the fire. I’ll be here waiting with one hell of an appetite when it’s out.”

Roy and Johnny laughed and the three of them piled out of the squad. The men put on their SCBA gear then hustled over to Captain Stanley while Ellen set up a small treatment area. The three men headed for the door of the warehouse. Ellen returned their wave as they disappeared inside the burning building then went back to work, mustering her strength as the long wait began.

++++++++++++++++++

            Mike stopped almost at the door of his hospital room then paced the width of the room. Reaching the entrance to the bathroom, he glanced down at his watch before spinning around and striding toward the window on the opposite wall. How long would it take to extinguish the fire? One hour, two hours, more? He continued pacing; cursing that he wasn’t there with Ellen. Suddenly he stopped in the middle of the room, his eyes widening at his last thoughts: he wouldn’t be any more help to Ellen now than he was a month ago. She was the one doing the saving then, not the other way around. How could he protect her now, if he couldn’t then?

            The door opened.

            “Hi… You okay?” Dixie asked as the door closed behind her.

            “The warehouse is burning.”

Dixie noticed the engineer’s hands balled into fists at his sides. “Ellen will be okay, Mike.”

            He snorted. “Of course she will. After all, what could I do for her?”

            “The same thing you did for her that night,” Dixie said, surprised by his sarcastic tone.

            Mike made a sound full of despair and looked out the window. “She saved ‘me’ from Rittman, Dix, not the other way around.” His shoulders slumped.

            “I see.” Dixie marched toward the young man. “You’re a fool, Mike Stoker. You gave Ellen the strength and courage to fight that madman. Not only that, you didn’t leave her. You went after Ed Rittman even though he had a gun and you didn’t. In my book, those things are just as important as ‘saving’ her.” She spun on her heel and headed for the door.

            “Wait, Dix,” Mike said quietly.

            Dixie turned around, her eyes blazing.

            “You’re right,” Mike said humbly.

            “Accept that you did the best you could do in that situation and let it go.” Dixie started to turn then stopped. “Did Nurse Kathy Sims happen to talk to you yesterday?”

            “Yes, she did. I found it embarrassing and disturbing.”

            Dixie came closer. “What did she say?”

            “Has she hurt Ellen?” Mike asked, positive that Dixie’s question had a particular purpose.

            “Possibly. I’ll know more after I hear what your conversation was about.”

++++++++++++++++

            The A-shift took off their masks as they exited the building before scanning the area for Ellen among the chaotic mass of hose, men from other stations and fire fighting vehicles. Finally, they spotted her in her oversized turnout coat and helmet standing beside Chief Houtz with her back to them.

Ellen turned toward the warehouse. Recognizing her shift mates, her face lit up. She ripped off her helmet then broke into a run. She threw her arms around Captain Stanley as the rest of the A-shift gathered around them.

            “You okay?” Chet asked.

            Ellen stepped away from the captain. “I’m famished.”

            Laughter erupted from the men, sounding almost like a shout.

            Bill Duncan watched the group, as stunned and puzzled by the display of his shift mates as the other firefighters present. He knew from the captain that this was the scene of the altercation involving Ellen last month, but what had happened here that wasn’t in the newspaper article, he wondered.

            Hank sighed tiredly as he sank down into his seat inside Big Red. He could tell the engineer was curious. Hell, every firefighter there was probably wondering about that little scene. He should have said more before, but he couldn’t get the words out.

            “You’re probably wondering about what happened back there.”

            Bill glanced at the captain then returned his attention to the road. “It certainly seemed that there was more than an ‘altercation’ last month. You guys acted like you’d escaped from Hell.”

            “We did,” Marco said softly.

            “What happened?” Bill asked.

            “It’s a long story, a very personal and painful one for Ellen,” Hank said. “A man from her past, Ed Rittman, attacked her at that warehouse…” Hank gritted his teeth. “To kidnap and… rape her—”

            “Before killing her,” Chet finished, his voice strained.

            “How could that be?” Bill asked, aghast.

            “He set a false alarm and entered the station to use our service map to verify that warehouse was in our area of response,” Hank explained. “His plan was to set a fire at the warehouse and while we were fighting the fire… grab Ellen.”

            Bill swallowed. “Oh my God. That’s…”

            “Yeah,” Chet said with barely concealed emotion.

            “Rittman showed up at the warehouse with a gun. Mike tried to stop him, but was overpowered. Ellen had to fight him alone. The fire was just a smoke screen so we were able to get out of the building fast, but not fast enough. She was losing…” Hank’s voice failed as he remembered that night.

            “We couldn’t stop him,” Marco said, guilt deepening his voice.

Bill could feel the men’s pain as he backed the engine into the apparatus bay. While tending to Big Red after the others had gone to take showers, the engineer from B-shift thought about Ellen. Everything he’d learned differed from the things Matt Sawyer had said regarding the female trainee. Though he hadn’t had much contact with Ellen so far, he knew he’d been correct in not believing anything his shift mate had said. 

Bill entered the dayroom and watched Ellen fixing a meal. After listening to the A-shift’s story, he knew he needed to inform Captain Stanley about the rumors, but he felt it only right that Ellen know of his intentions first. 

            Ellen could feel Bill watching her as she pulled ingredients for a salad out of the refrigerator and set them on the counter between the stove and the sink. The fire had left her raw and being alone with the engineer further unnerved her. Dixie’s comment about being sure of the rumormonger’s identity filled her mind. She knew she had to talk to Bill and find out if Kathy’s boyfriend, Matt Sawyer, was spreading her lies to the men on B-shift like she suspected.       

            “Ellen, can we talk a minute?” Bill approached the counter where the trainee had begun tearing lettuce into a large bowl.

Ellen reluctantly faced the engineer. “Sure. How about helping me with the salad?”

Bill began cutting some vegetables. “The guys told me about what happened at that warehouse last month. I can’t imagine how helpless they felt, not being able to stop that guy. I can see why it still bothers them. I don’t understand it all, but I want you to know I’m sorry that happened to you.” He paused. “They don’t know, do they?”

Ellen’s eyes flew to his, shocked that her shift mates had blamed themselves for not being able to stop the attack. She started to wonder if Mike felt the same way when she remembered Bill’s question. “No, they don’t know. I only found out a couple of days ago that rumors were going around Rampart. I didn’t know who it was then and I mistakenly assumed it was only occurring within the hospital. When I met you this morning, I had this feeling you’d heard things about me and I knew my suspicion about the person responsible was correct, since one of your shift mates is Kathy’s boyfriend. I have to tell Cap—”

“I’ll tell him,” Bill said.

“Bill—” Ellen began.

“It’s my shift. I should be the one to tell Captain Stanley,” Bill said firmly.

“Tell me what?” Hank asked.

Ellen and Bill spun around, their eyes guiltily darting from each other to the captain as the other men followed Hank into the dayroom.

“Hey, Ellen, how do you like the flowers?” Johnny asked, catching sight of the bouquet in the middle of the table.

Hank looked at Ellen, Johnny’s question distracting him from what he’d overheard.

 “They’re lovely,” Ellen said with a tender smile as she glanced at the bouquet.

“Did you read the card?” Marco asked.

Ellen shook her head, tapping her right hip. “I put it in my pocket to read later.” Hoping to put off discussing the rumors until she could figure out how to tell her shift mates, she returned her attention to the salad. “Thanks, Bill for helping me.”

“You’ll read the card and not throw it away, right?” Chet asked as he filled his mug with coffee and sat down. “Mike wanted—”

“I know, Chet,” Ellen said irritably. She added the salad to the other dishes then sat down between Bill and Marco. “I did a lot of thinking yesterday after I left Rampart. I appreciate the flowers, I really do, but Mike has to come and talk to me. I can’t go to him.”

“Mike loves you, Ellen. Aren’t you being as hard on him as he was on you?” Roy said.

“He bought you a ring. He was going to propose,” Johnny added.

Ellen gasped. “I’m sorry, but I can’t go to him. I’m not doing this out of revenge because he hurt me. There’s the difference, Roy. If he can’t talk to me, there’s nothing I can do.” Suddenly her eyes widened as it all became clear to her: Mike’s attitude, the things Bill had said about her shift mates’ feelings and how they were connected.

“Ellen? What is it?” Roy asked.

“I think Mike’s afraid.” She shook her head. “I’m ‘sure’ he is.” She raised a hand for silence as the men began protesting. “There’s something I need to tell you—”

The phone hanging on the brick wall near the refrigerator rang.

Grimacing at the interruption, Hank walked to the phone and picked it up. “Station 51, this is Captain Stanley speaking. May I help you?”

“Hi, Cap, it’s Mike. I was hoping you’d be back from the fire by now.”

Hank looked at his crew and said, “Hi, Mike. You heard about that. We were just having a bite to eat. What’s up?”

“Yeah. Johnny and Roy were here when the call came. I don’t know if they had a chance to tell you, but I can go home tomorrow. I was wondering…” Mike hesitated, unsure if he should ask for a lift or just call a cab.

“No, they hadn’t said anything yet. That’s great news.” Hank heard the unasked question as Mike’s voice faded. “What time do you want me there to pick you up?”

“As soon as you can get here would be great. Thanks, Cap. Uh, could I talk to Ellen? I need to know she’s all right.”

Hank caught Ellen’s attention and pointed to the phone. To his surprise, she nodded then stood. “Just a sec, Mike.”

Her heart in her throat, Ellen approached the captain.

Hank handed her the phone. “It’ll be okay,” he whispered then reclaimed his seat at the table.

“I didn’t think she was going to talk to him,” Chet said quietly.

“I didn’t either,” Johnny replied.

“Sssh,” Hank hissed with a stern look at his men.

Ellen mentally braced herself. “Hi, Mike,” she said, her voice unsteady.

“Ellen,” Mike said with relief. “I thought maybe you wouldn’t want to talk to me. Are you okay? Ever since I heard the call about the warehouse fire, I’ve been worried. I – I wanted to be there. I should have been there with you.” He stopped, aware that he was babbling.

“I’m okay.” Tears stung her eyes. “I –I wanted you there too.”

“Ellen?” Mike asked, catching the sob in her voice. “It’s okay. I’ll be home tomorrow—”

“Can I come see you tomorrow afternoon? Around 1?” Relieved that her voice sounded close to normal she continued, “Thank you for the flowers. They’re lovely.”

“I was just going to ask if I could come over. 1 is fine. You’re welcome. Ellen, I also wanted to warn you about Kathy Sims. She tried to tell me you said we were through.” Mike paused. “The way she acted wasn’t very friendly… to you at least.”

“I know. I ran into her at the elevator yesterday after I left… She wanted me to confide in her, but I didn’t. Thanks for telling me, Mike. It gives me some actual proof.”

 “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Mike said when Ellen didn’t elaborate.

“Bye.” Ellen leaned her forehead against the wall as a wave of weariness washed over her. She needed to ease her shift mates’ pain and to tell them about Kathy…

“Ellen?” Hank started to stand, concerned by what she’d said on her side of the conversation and its effect on her.

Ellen swiveled around and approached the table. “I – I need to apologize to all of you. I was so busy trying to move past that night that I forgot you guys were also affected by Rittman’s attack.”

The men stilled. 

“You guys did 3 very important things for me. One,” She held her hand up with her index finger raised. “You gave me strength and courage to fight him. Without that, I would have frozen and I’d be dead now. Two,” Another finger was lifted. “You didn’t leave me. Three,” A third finger joined the other two. “You didn’t blame me for what happened. You didn’t think me weak for the nightmares I’ve had during some of our shifts and you helped me regain some of what had been taken from me, which I could never have done on my own.” Her stomach somersaulted. “Thank you. You ‘are’ my heroes.” Her stomach jumped again. She swallowed. It didn’t help. She had to get out of there, she thought as she placed a hand on her stomach. “Tell them the rest, Bill.” She hurried toward the apparatus bay.

“She’s going to be sick.” An uneasy feeling settled over Bill as he began to suspect that the rumors were involved in that long story the captain had mentioned. “Shouldn’t we…?”

“We will after you tell us what’s going on,” Hank said, shifting his gaze from the doorway to the engineer. “Ellen obviously couldn’t stand to hear it. Whom was she talking about with Mike?”

“Kathy Sims. She’s a nurse and Matt Sawyer’s girlfriend. They’ve been spreading rumors about Ellen.”

Hank’s eyes narrowed. “What kind of rumors?”

“I don’t know what Kathy’s been saying, but Matt is trying to make the guys on B-shift believe that Ellen’s a tease, that the warehouse incident was her fault. He’s been joking that you guys are having—”

“I get the picture,” Hank interrupted, his voice hard. “Seems this Kathy tried to do something at the hospital and Mike was warning Ellen. No wonder she got sick. It’s just like what she faced with Lisa.” He snapped his fingers. “I bet this does involve Lisa somehow.”

 “Who’s Lisa?” Bill asked.

“Lisa was Rittman’s first victim,” Chet whispered.

“Ellen’s best friend. She died,” Roy said. “If Kathy did the same thing to her, it could have been another reason why she jumped.”

Bill paled. Painful was right, he thought.

Ellen sat on her bed and wiped her face with a damp washcloth. She opened her eyes at the sound of approaching footsteps.

Hank sat down beside the trainee. “How’s your stomach?”

“Empty.” Ellen grinned weakly. “Sorry I bailed, Cap. I just couldn’t…” Two tears trickled down her cheeks. I – I believe Lisa told Kathy about the rape and was betrayed. Dixie told me there were rumors going around back then too.”

“That’s the way we figured it,” Johnny said.

“What are you going to do?” Chet asked.

“Tomorrow morning after our shift ends, with Dix’s help, I’m springing a trap that will take away Kathy’s credibility once and for all,” Ellen said, her voice cold. “For Lisa. For me.”

*****

            Bill sat at the table mulling over everything that had happened the day before. The shift had been relatively quiet after the fire, enabling the captain and chief to formulate a plan to address Matt’s behavior. Ellen had relayed all she knew and surmised of Kathy’s deeds and he’d at last learned the complete story of Ellen’s battles with Ed Rittman in the wee hours of the morning.

Bill yawned from the sleepless night. He admired Ellen’s strength, but the events were taking its toll on her. He stood to get some more coffee and looked at the clock above the phone. Seven thirty. 

The back door opened.

            “Okay guys, you can leave now that the ‘real’ shift is here,” Matt said jokingly as the four men of B-shift passed the A-shift and headed for the locker room to change. 

            “Time for me to go,” Ellen said tiredly. Head held high, she walked to the back door. “See you guys next shift,” she said and stepped outside.

            The chief and two captains entered the dayroom just as the door closed.

“I take it Ellen’s gone?” Hank asked.

            “Just left,” Marco said.

            “Hey, Chief, this is a pleasant surprise,” Matt said as he and his shift mates stepped into the dayroom. Noticing that the A-shift was still present, he said, “Is this a special meeting?”

            “I hear you’ve been making some remarks about A-shifts’ trainee, Ellen Ferguson,” Chief Houtz said stiffly. “Is this true, Mr. Sawyer?”

            Suddenly Matt found himself standing alone, his shift mates having deserted him for a spot a few inches away. “Well, yeah, I guess so, Sir, but it was all in good fun.”

            Chief Houtz shook his head. “Not so when your remarks call a woman a participant, when in fact she was a victim.” He held up a piece of paper. “This is a written account of the contributing factors and the circumstances that Ellen Ferguson found herself embroiled in last month. I will be posting it here and at the other stations after I have shared the facts with you men.”

            By the time the chief finished, Matt and his shift mates looked sick.

“I –I’m sorry, Chief. I was told—”

            “By a nurse that professed friendship and then betrayed two women, one of them to her death,” Chief Houtz said.

            “I didn’t know, Sir.”

            “No, you didn’t,” Chief Houtz said severely. “Captain Stanley and I convinced LA Times reporter Steve Burke to downplay the incident last month, thinking it would help trainee Ferguson move past that God-awful nightmare. He was only too willing, since it was his story that led that madman straight to her. That is the only reason why I’m not suspending you, Sawyer.” He looked at Matt’s shift mates. “As for the rest of you, I’m very disappointed. I expected better of you as firefighters.”

            “I’m sorry, Sir,” the three men said together.

            “I’m not the one you should be saying that to,” Chief Houtz said. He walked to the bulletin board and added the paper to the others. “Do I make myself clear?”

            The men snapped to attention. “Yes, Sir!”

+++++++++++++++++++

            Mike stood by the window of his hospital room and surveyed the gloomy outside. His muscle soreness was almost gone, but getting dressed was a chore even though he could use the fingers on his left hand. He wondered when Cap would arrive. He wanted to get home and see Ellen. He tensed as he recalled the conversation with Dixie the previous day. He was definitely glad he wouldn’t be seeing Kathy Sims again. He sighed as he thought of the pain Ellen would be feeling at the woman’s double betrayal. She should be arriving at the hospital any time now. Once here, she’d spring her trap then go home. He had to be sure he was there when she arrived. He had to.

            “Hey, Mike,” Hank said as he strode into the room.

            Mike turned away from the window. “Hi, Cap. Thanks for coming.”

            “No problem.” Hank scrutinized his engineer, noting his left arm was in a sling and the bruises on his face were changing color as they slowly faded. Mike didn’t move as stiffly as he had two days before, yet Hank could tell something was bothering him. “I almost forgot that you knew about Kathy Sims.”

            “Yeah. Dix told me about the rumors before I called. She also told me about Ellen’s trap.” Mike shook his head. “I can’t understand why Kathy would do those things.”

            “Jealousy can be a powerful force. Remember what Dixie told us about Lisa and how men responded to her. That’s probably as good a reason as any,” Hank said in a sober voice.

            “And Ellen was chosen for the paramedic program.”

            Hank nodded. “Mike, Kathy wasn’t the only one spreading rumors. Matt Sawyer was passing Kathy’s lies to B-shift and God knows how many other firefighters.” He filled his engineer in on the events at the station. “This has upset Ellen terribly. She lost her lunch thinking about the things Matt was saying. All of the old wounds are open again. My guess is she hasn’t slept much since you canceled the date.”

            “Probably not. Did she sleep last night?” Mike asked.

            “Not a wink. I think she was afraid she’d have a nightmare after the fire and everything. We were so shocked at what Bill told us that it never occurred to us she would be scared to go to sleep. Bill accidentally found her in the dayroom around 3 when he went to raid the fridge.” Hank cleared his throat. “She’s going to need you, Mike. If you love her, you have to do everything in your power to convince her.”

            “I do, Cap. I’ve wracked my brain most of the night trying to come up with something that will show Ellen the truth of my words. I need to buy a florist’s box and a red rose to go with her wrap.” Mike’s eyes twinkled at the captain’s confusion. “I need some help writing the note that will go inside.”

            “Be glad to, though I’m not exactly sure I understand your idea. Ready to go?”

            “Not yet.” Mike scanned the captain’s face. “I was wondering why you guys didn’t ream me along with Tom the other day. Lord knows I deserved it. Even Dixie got her licks in yesterday.”

            “She did?” Hank smiled. “We didn’t say anything because Tom said it all. Very well, too, I might add. No point in belaboring the issue.” His smile faded. “You were feeling guilty too, weren’t you? Ellen apologized to us yesterday and said some things that I think you’ll want to hear.”

            Mike nodded. “I bet it’s what Dixie said to me when I was feeling sorry for myself.” 

++++++++++++++++++

            Ellen spied the small group of nurses seated around a table as she entered the deserted hospital cafeteria. The table was located at the back, close to a half-open partition that blocked off a darkened area, which wouldn’t be opened until lunch. She mentally thanked Sharon and Dixie for their logistical preparations as she made her way to the table. Sharon was seated with the group as an added witness to whatever Dixie and Kel might miss from their vantage point just inside the partition.

 “Hello, Kathy.” Ellen sat down in an empty chair across from the nurse. “Chatting about me or have you moved on to someone else?”

            “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kathy said as several nurses started to stand.

            Ellen gave the women a withering look. “Please don’t go. You’ve been so eager to hear Kathy’s lies. How about a good dose of truth to even things out?”

            Glancing nervously at each other, the nurses sat down.

            Kathy pushed her chair back against the partition and stood. “I don’t have to listen to this.” She turned to escape, only to find Sharon blocking her way. She swiveled to the opposite side and stood face to face with Ellen.

            Ellen laughed mirthlessly. “Oh yes, you do. Lisa trusted you, didn’t she? She was afraid to tell me what happened, but she told her other close friend. You betrayed her. Ed Rittman raped Lisa, whether she invited his attention then changed her mind or not. Your lies drove her off that roof, just as if you’d pushed her.”

            “I didn’t do anything to her,” Kathy said. “She was broken up over the death of her friend Jack. The man she really wanted.” She sneered. “She was just using Ed to make Jack jealous. Her plan backfired, wouldn’t you say?”

            Furious, Ellen advanced on Kathy, ignoring the gasps from the group of women. “Then you started on me with your lies, spreading them to your boyfriend at the fire department. Ed came back last month to rape and kill me and he damn near succeeded. Now you’re trying to get your clutches into Mike Stoker. I wonder how Matt Sawyer will take it when he finds out you tried to abandon him for an engineer. He’ll dump you like a hot potato. And no one here will feel the least bit sorry for you after this little conversation gets around. A perfect ending for a traitor to womankind, wouldn’t you say?”

            Before Sharon could stop her, Kathy raised her hand and slapped Ellen with all her might. Ellen’s head snapped to one side and she staggered backward from the force of the blow.

            “Nurse Sims!”  

            Kathy froze as Dixie and Kel stepped out from the partition and approached the table. “Nurse McCall I can explain—”

            Dixie shook her head. “As of this moment you’re suspended for one week for conduct unbecoming a nurse. During the time, I suggest you think strongly about whether the nursing profession is really for you.”

            “But—” Kathy began.

            “One more word, Nurse Sims, and I will override your suspension with a termination order,” Dr. Brackett said.

            Kathy shook off Sharon’s hand. “I don’t have to take this. I quit,” she said and walked away from the group.

            “Good riddance,” Sharon muttered.

++++++++++++++++++

             Mike opened his door and peeked into the hallway, his eyes traveling from the elevator to Ellen’s apartment. No sign of her. He looked at his watch then at the elevator. It was almost eleven o’clock. Where was she?

            Mike searched his memory for the moment when he’d received the phone call from Dr. Brackett saying that Ellen was on her way. He’d just said goodbye to Cap, which had been almost an hour and a half ago. She should be home by now, he thought worriedly and began to close the door. Out of the corner of his eyes was a flash of movement. He quickly turned and breathed a sigh of relief as he saw Ellen walking down the hallway.

            “Hi,” Mike said before he got too close so he wouldn’t frighten her.

            Ellen stopped in mid-stride. “Mike. It – It’s not 1 yet.” She couldn’t deal with him now, not so soon after her confrontation with Kathy. Skirting around him, she continued toward her door.

            Mike followed Ellen’s retreating form. Dr. Brackett and Cap had been right to be concerned. She seemed shell-shocked, her gaze barely registering his presence as she’d spoken. He squared his shoulders. Early or not, he wasn’t about to let her be alone. “I’ve been waiting for you.” He put a tentative hand on her shoulder. She didn’t push it away. “I know about the rumors, Ellen.” With his free hand, he gently cupped her chin and turned her head toward him. “I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

            Ellen lifted her eyes from the collar button she’d been focusing on while Mike spoke. His eyes searched hers with concern and something else that she’d never seen before. She couldn’t think what it was or what it meant, not when her mind kept repeating Kathy’s awful words about Lisa. “I—” She closed her mouth, swallowed and tried again. “It was horrible—”

            Mike gathered her to him. “It’s okay.” He held her trembling body and soothed her as he led them to his apartment, keeping her close while he opened and closed his door. His heart nearly broke as he removed her jacket and hung it in his coat closet. She simply stood in the middle of his hallway, head bowed, shoulders slumped, defeated.

            Ellen let him take her to his couch. She sat down and watched him head for the hallway. “Mike?”

            He spun around, in two strides sat down on the couch beside her, and grasped her hands. “What is it, sweetheart?”

            Sweetheart? That same look was in his eyes. She stared. “I, uh, just wondered where you were going.”

            He smiled. “Not far. I wanted to get your present. It’s in the kitchen.”

            “Present?” She shook her head, trying to clear her brain of its pain-filled fog. “I –I don’t follow…”

            Mike put a finger to her lips. “I’ll be right back with it. You’ll see what I mean.” He almost ran from the room.

            Ellen leaned back against the couch and closed her eyes. What was he talking about, she wondered. She was exhausted. Maybe she could beg Mike to let her sleep before they talked. Yes, that was the answer. She’d open her eyes then go to him and…

            “Ellen?” Mike sat down on the couch beside the motionless woman. “Oh, honey, don’t be asleep.” He touched Ellen’s shoulder. “Not yet. Sweetheart…”

            She opened her eyes.

“You’re awake,” Mike said, relieved.

Ellen sat upright, rubbing her eyes. “I wasn’t quite asleep. Now that you mention it, though, I could really stand to—” His finger was touching her lips again. She frowned at him then blinked as he gently placed a long narrow box in her lap.

“Your present,” Mike said in response to her raised eyebrows. “I know you’re tired, honey, but I want to tell you something that might help you sleep better than you have the past few days. Cap said you didn’t sleep at all last night. Nightmares?”

“Really bad ones.” She looked down at the box. Why was he calling her those names? “You turned on me and helped…” She shuddered.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know until the fire why I was being such a jerk. Though there’s no excuse for hurting you like I did.”

“I’m sorry too, Mike. Bill made me see how badly all of you guys were feeling. I didn’t see it because I was so wrapped up in myself. If I had, I could have told you just how much you did for me and that you didn’t fail me,” Ellen said shakily.

“Cap told me what you said to the guys. I’d already heard it from Dixie. Dwyer and Dixie were right in calling me an idiot and a fool. I’m a fool and an idiot for not realizing I couldn’t handle being such a poor protector. I love you, Ellen.” Mike paused, searching her face for a reaction to his declaration, but there was none. “I’m hoping the present will help convince you how much. Please open it,” he said earnestly.

Ellen opened the box and gasped.

            Inside was a single red rose, lying on a bed of pale blue fabric that reminded her of the wrap she’d lost. Gingerly, she lifted the flower and inhaled its slight fragrance. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

            “There’s more,” Mike said hoarsely.

             “More?” Her brows furrowed, she carefully laid the rose on her lap then looked in the box. “All I see is the packing material.”

            “Take it out of the box.”

            Slowly Ellen pulled the material out of the box. A card landed on top of the rose, but she ignored it. Stunned, she realized what she thought was packing material was in fact her wrap. Her eyes flew to Mike’s. “I thought it was gone.”

            “No. I found it hanging from my doorknob that night. There’s a card for you to read.” He grasped her hands. “Ellen, I love you. Can you forgive me?”

            “Oh, Mike. You should have come and talked to me. Yes, I can forgive you. I ‘do’ forgive you; just don’t ever do that to me again,” she said forcefully. “I love you, Mike. My heart couldn’t take it.”

            Mike sat motionless, his eyes questioning if she was sure. She nodded, smiling shyly. With a laugh, he pulled her to him and covered her mouth with his.

            “Um, I haven’t read the card yet,” whispered Ellen when she could breathe.

            “Here it is,” Mike said, handing her a small envelope. He placed the rose back in the box for protection. It already looked a bit squished and he wanted it to be intact when he put it in the vase on his kitchen table that was waiting to hold it.

            Ellen pulled the card out of the envelope and read

The bearer of this card is entitled to an evening of

dinner and dancing at The Carlton Club.

Please wear the blue dress with the wrap.

I Love You

Mike

            “You’re sure?” she asked, her eyes bright with unshed tears.

            “That I love you? Absolutely,” he said, his eyes dancing as he reached for her. “It’ll be awhile before I can do any fancy moves, you know. We’ll just have to keep going there until I can demonstrate my complete repertoire,” he said moments later. “I can do the drape, though.” She snuggled against him. “Yes, I can definitely do that move. I love you, Ellen.”

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Guest Dispatchers                         Stories by Jamie Simmons