Retirement Party

by E!lf

In the dark before dawn two men sat in a companionable silence in the quiet car. They had split the last of a thermos of coffee between them. Roy DeSoto took a sip, sighed and spoke.

"I've reached a momentous decision, John, and I'd like for you to be the first to know."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I've decided that it's time to retire. It's been a great career and I've enjoyed it, but I think it's time to hang up the spurs, so to speak."

"Wow." Johnny regarded the pale hint of sunrise that was beginning to tint the sky above the mountains, a pale peach color before them vying poorly with the deeper, more vivid red behind and to the sides. "You've been a fireman for almost forty years, Pally. What are you going to do if you retire?"

Roy shrugged. "Travel? See some of the world maybe. Fish."

"Fish," Johnny agreed.

"Fishing's good."

"Fishing's real good. You know, now that you mention it, I think maybe I'll just join you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Sure. Why not? So . . . when shall we do this then?"

"No time like the present," Roy said.

"Effective immediately?"

"Effective immediately!"

They shook hands on it and then sat in the slowly lightening dawn. Roy drummed his fingers on the dashboard and after a few seconds Johnny joined in, tapping out a counterpoint on the steering wheel before him. Finally Johnny looked around. He looked out both side windows and checked the rearview mirror.

"Hey, Roy?"

"Yeah Junior?"

"Fire's still there."

"It is?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"I looked twice."

Roy considered it with a faint frown. "Did you tell it we're retiring?"

Johnny rolled down his window and shouted out it. "Hey! Fire! You can go away now! We're retiring!"

"Effective immediately," Roy reminded him.

"Effective immediately," Johnny shouted. He waited several seconds. "It's still there, Pally."

Roy sighed. "Oh, well. It was worth a try."

"So what's plan B?"

"That was plan B."

Johnny frowned at him. "That was plan B?"

"Yup."

"Well, what was plan A then?"

"Plan A was my first plan. I plan to tell my wife this is all your fault."

Johnny's eyes narrowed and he cast a sidelong frown at his friend. "Ha ha. Very funny. Who said, 'hey! I've got an idea! Let's drive up that old logging road and see if we can get a better overview of the fire?' Huh? Who was it said that I wonder."

Roy looked at his friend in disbelief. "Think about it a minute."

Johnny thought about it a minute. "Oh. Well, okay, but I didn't hear you saying 'no, no, Johnny! The fire's gonna make an unexpected switchback and trap us up there!' either."

"Well I didn't know it was gonna." Roy pointed to a hill formation, visible now as the sky lightened. "There's our problem right there. When the prevailing winds changed that canyon caught them and funneled them right in here. You realize when it reaches that chaparral we're toast?"

It was Johnny's turn to look around and point. "Maybe not. Think we can reach that rock outcrop? There's no vegetation around there and the winds should be blowing the smoke mostly away from us. Also, we could maybe get a chopper to set down there and pick us up. If our cell phone's will work from there."

"They should. It's high enough. Think you can make the climb, Junior?"

"Oh, I know I can. Think you can make it? After all, you're not as young as you used to be, Grandpa."

Roy gave him a look. "Keep up with me if you can."

Together the two men got out of the car and approached the steep climb to safety. Johnny went first out of long habit. He preferred to go first so he could clear a path for his best friend and make it easier on him. Roy, meanwhile, preferred to bring up the rear so that when Johnny fell he could catch him. Neither man explained their reasoning to the other.

It was a steep climb. By the time they pulled themselves up over the lip and onto the semi-flat rock they were both sweating and out of breath. Johnny recovered first, pulled out his cell phone and hit a number on speed dial. It was answered in seconds.

"Yeah, can Chief DeSoto and I get a taxi? Of the helicopter variety? . . . We're on a rock outcropping near fire map grid reference G-17, just about five hundred yards past where logging road 146 is blocked by a landslide. There's no hurry, but if you're gonna be very long could you drop us some marshmallows on your way past?"

He held the phone out away from his ear as he received a loud, excited and annoyed answer. When he decided that the person on the other end was finished he said goodbye and hung up quickly. "Sheesh! Kids these days! No respect for their elders."

"We tried to teach 'em," Roy agreed, "but what are you gonna do?"

In just a few minutes the heard the heartbeat rhythm of an approaching chopper. They waited, resting against the bare stone, while it lit near them. A young man and woman got out, both wearing the white-striped hats of Fire captains. They stormed over to the two battalion chiefs.

"I can't believe you two!" the young man stormed. "Do you have any idea how worried we've been since you up and disappeared in the middle of the night? Do you think you're invincible? Or immortal? What in the hell ever happened to common sense?"

Roy pulled himself to his feet and addressed his subordinate sternly. "Captain, need I remind you that you're speaking to your direct superior? Your tone of voice is on the brink of subordination and your attitude is not appreciated."

The young woman tipped her head to the side. "Nice try," she said, "but our shift ended twenty minutes ago."

"Oh." Roy considered this, then turned to Johnny for help.

Johnny stood up tall, pinched the bridge of his nose, then put his hands on his hips and shook his head at the pair sadly. "You hadn't oughta talk to your dad that way, " he said. "He's an old guy. Old guys got delicate feelings. You don't wanna hurt his feelings do you?"

"You know what'd hurt our feelings?" Christopher DeSoto demanded. "A double funeral!"

"They got no confidence in us," Roy told Johnny sadly.

"You're just trying to give us grey hairs," his daughter accused.

"I'm just giving back the ones you gave me!"

"Is that where they all went?" Johnny grinned.

Roy growled at him. The younger DeSotos gave up and returned to the helicopter. Roy and Johnny paused a moment before following and gazed out over the burning countryside.

"So, Junior," Roy said, "you still wanna retire?"

"What?! And give up all this? . . . You still wanna retire?"

"A young guy like me? Not a chance!"

The two men climbed into the helicopter and it took off, flying low over the fire so they could take in the scene. Roy looked down.

"Hey, Junior?"

"Yeah, Pally?"

"I'm glad you talked me into letting you drive."

Johnny looked down and spotted his Battalion Chief's car burning merrily. As he was watching the gas tank exploded. He scowled at his best friend of thirty-five years.

"Oh, hush!"

The End

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