The Fireman’s Picnic Caper

By Wanda

John Gage woke to the sound of his alarm going off. He reached over sleepily and slapped it off. Slowly he opened his eyes, while groaning as he remembered what day today was. The Annual Fireman's Picnic.

"All I wanted to do was win that damned waterbed. What do I do? I win a freaking trip to Las Vegas," he muttered as he climbed out of bed.

He padded to the bathroom and jumped into the shower, then a small smile lit his face. 'I'm gonna have some fun with Brice today. I owe him after all the shit he put me through.' John's smile widened as he plotted his revenge.

"Joanne," Roy called to the light of his life, as he grabbed the cooler. "What did you do with that damned leather chair?"

Joanne knew how much Roy hated that old thing that her mother had given them for an anniversary present. Why her mother had done that she didn't know. "Roy I already sent it to the Picnic Area to be added to one of the prizes to be raffled away."

"Chris, Jennifer, let's go." Joanne and the kids hurried down the steps.

They all piled up into the DeSoto station wagon, and drove off for the picnic area.

Johnny sliced some fruit, and added it to his concoction he was preparing just for Brice. Although he'd have to fish out the fruit once he got to the picnic grounds, but hell it would be worth every minute.

Then Johnny added the fruit punch. "Well I don't know about anyone else, but Brice is gonna have a wild time today." Johnny tunelessly whistled as he left his apartment, and climbed into his rover.

Chet was heading to the picnic grounds when his car died on him. "Shit, now how am I going to get to get there." That's when he spotted a truck heading down the road in his direction. He stuck his thumb out and the truck pulled over.

"Hey man, can you give me a lift to the park? I'm supposed to meet up with some friends there."

"Sure," the kindly farmer replied. "But you'll have to ride in the back, cause ole Bo up here he get's kinda upset if people ride in his part of the seat."

At that moment a grizzled German Shepard stuck his head out the drivers side window and growled menacingly at Chet, causing him to make his decision quickly.

"Uh... sure thing, mister." He climbed into the back of the truck and then saw the cages with the chickens around him. "Aww man," Chet groaned as the truck took off.

Johnny pulled into the picnic grounds and found himself a place to park. Then he pulled out his cooler with his precious concoction inside, and walked over to where the DeSoto's were at.

Sitting his cooler down next to the DeSoto's he was immediately attacked by two squealing kids shouting, "Uncle Johnny!"

They almost bowled him over, but he sat down on the seat of the picnic table before he could be toppled down to the ground.

Joanne began unloading the coolers and pulled out a jug containing an odd assortment of sliced fruit, and what looked to be fruit juice. Johnny quickly dislodged himself from the kids, and he grabbed the jug from her.

"Johnny!" Joanne stated in mild shock.

"Sorry, Joanne, but this isn't for the kids," it was almost as if he read her mind.

Joanne slightly stamped her foot. "Then who is it for?" she questioned.

"This is for someone special." Johnny grinned mischievously.

She rolled her eyes, and looked over at Roy. "Would you mind finding out what's going on in your obviously insane partner's mind?"

"Jo, I don't think anyone has ever come close to finding out what makes him tick," Roy grinned as Johnny shot him a feigned look of hurt, and then grinned that lopsided grin of his that made women swoon.

Hank Stanley seeing the bit of commotion from across the way, walked over. "There isn't anything wrong over here? Is there?"

"No, nothing's wrong, Cap," Johnny replied as he quickly placed his concoction back into the cooler, waiting to spring his trap on his nemesis.

"Well see to it that nothing does go wrong today, Gage."

"Whatever you say, you’re the Cap."

"That's right, Gage, that's why I get paid the big bucks." Stanley turned around and walked back over to his family.

Everyone's heads turned as they heard a commotion coming from the parking lot, and Johnny about fell over laughing. It was none other than Chet Kelly covered in chicken feathers.

As he got closer the wind changed, and everyone could smell the smell of chickens on him. "Man, Chet stand down wind, please." Johnny waved his hand in front of his face.

Then he spotted his target. "Hey, Brice!" John hollered.

Brice walked over and shot Gage a suspicious glance. Gage had never been overly friendly towards him.

"Hey man, I've got something here that I think will hit the spot." John pulled out the jug.

Brice spotted the floating fruit, and thought to himself, 'Now this might hit the spot.'

John poured him a cup of the drink and some of the floating fruit spilled over into the paper cup. Brice drank it down, and began to munch on the fruit left over.

Roy leaned over to John, "Uh... Junior, I don't mean to pry but just what is that stuff."

Johnny grinned as he leaned over to his partner. "Jungle Juice," he answered while his grin spread wider on his face.

"You know, Gage, this isn't half bad. Although your fruit might be bad cause it's got a slightly weird taste to it."

"Oh the fruit is fine, Brice," Roy spoke up, winking at his partner, as he inwardly grinned. Brice was a total pain in the ass on the job, but at functions like The Fireman's Picnic he was worse. Busy trying to hobnob with the brass.

Johnny poured him a second cup, as Brice walked away. He began to feel a little flushed as he munched on the rest of the fruit in the bottom of his cup. Then he spotted Dixie McCall sitting at a table with Dr.'s Brackett and Early enjoying their day.

Then he saw Ann, the nurse of his dreams, and he walked over to her. "Hi, Ann, I wonder if you'd like to take a walk with me."

"Why, Brice, I'd love to," she replied as they walked off into the park. No one saw them sneak behind the bushes or heard their giggles as pieces of clothing came off.

Chief McConikee stood on the stage, and behind him were the items donated for the raffle. "Can I have everyone's attention? It's time for the drawing, and remember all the money goes to the Fireman's Welfare and Benefit Fund."

As people began to crowd around the stage, Brice elbowed his way in. He was very obviously drunk, and he heard snatches of conversation from around him, but couldn't quite figure out what was so funny.

Chet Kelly laid his hand on Brice's shoulder, "Hey man, so you wanna tell me who you got lucky with."

"Tha's none of you dam busnez..." Brice slurred.

Johnny chuckled and Roy grinned.

Then McConikee pulled out a ticket and called a number for the Green Leather Chair. "This is for this nice Leather Chair here, and the winning number is 01523."

Everyone began inspecting their ticket and Joanne called, "I won," from next to Roy.

"Uh... Junior, I hope you have a defibulator on you somewhere, cause I think I'm gonna have a heart attack."