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Disclaimer: Yes, I borrowed them from Mark VII Limited and Universal Television for my own devious purposes again!
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Marco sat at the table, gloomily drinking his coffee.
"What's the matter," asked Chet. "You look like you've lost your last friend."
"Oh, I have to attend my cousin's quinceañera this weekend."
Mike appeared thoroughly confused. "What's that?"
"It's a coming out event for a young woman in our community. On a girl's fifteenth birthday, there's a huge celebration. There's usually a church service followed by a big party with food, music, dancing...the whole works."
Johnny shrugged his shoulders. "I don't see the problem. It sounds like a lot of fun to me."
Marco rolled his eyes. "You don't understand. The quince party itself isn't what I'm dreading. It's the well-meaning relatives. Every time there's a family gathering, they can't resist the temptation to find me a wife. Most of the guys my age are already married, so they focus their attention on me."
Chet slapped his friend on the back in mock sympathy. "You could get married so they'd leave you alone."
"Chet, that's not even funny!"
"Just trying to be helpful."
"Anyway," Marco continued, "I was hoping I could find a date to go with me so they'd leave me alone this time, but I guess I'm out of luck."
"I wish I could help you out," Johnny lamented.
A light bulb abruptly went off in Marco's head. "Maybe you can. Why don't you go with me?"
"What?"
"I'm expected to bring a guest. The invitation didn't specify it had to be a girl. If you come, hopefully my relatives won't bother me."
Roy shook his head. "I don't know, Johnny. I have a bad feeling about this."
"Come on, Johnny," Marco pleaded. "I’d really appreciate it."
Reluctantly, Johnny gave his consent.
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Johnny had never attended a quinceañera before. It was almost like attending a wedding without a groom. The young woman wore an elegant gown that could easily be mistaken for a wedding dress, and several attendants in formal wear stood beside her at the altar of the small Catholic Church. After the service, the festivities moved to the Knights of Columbus Hall down the street. The family appeared to spare no expense. There were two Mariachi bands, catered traditional Mexican food and an open bar. Marco and Johnny seated themselves near one of the bands.
"Wow, Marco! This is incredible. Did your family throw a party like this for your sisters?"
Marco surveyed the scene before him. "Not this nice. We prepared our own food, and a family band volunteered their services."
Johnny nodded. "What exactly does 'coming out' mean anyway?"
"It means she has been officially introduced to society, and that she can start dating."
"At fifteen?"
"Well, my family is pretty old-fashioned, so the dates were chaperoned."
"You're kidding," Johnny remarked incredulously.
"Nope. I love my family dearly, but they can smother you with affection." Marco held up his empty glass. "I'm going to get a refill. Can I get you anything?"
"No, I'm good."
Marco gradually disappeared into the crowd. A few seconds later, a large woman approached Johnny. "Excuse me, you're with Marco, right?"
Startled by the unexpected intrusion, he politely answered. "Yes ma'am."
She happily seated herself in Marco's abandoned chair. "I'm Blanca, Marco's aunt. I'm glad you could come today."
Johnny quickly introduced himself. "I'm Johnny Gage. I work with Marco."
"Yes, yes. I noticed you're not wearing a wedding ring. Are you married?"
He instinctively glanced at his left hand. "No ma'am. I'm not."
The aunt probed further. "Do you have a girlfriend?"
"No. Not at the moment."
Blanca clasped her hands together enthusiastically. "Abuelita! I was right! He is available." An elderly woman dressed in black scurried over to the table. She looked at Johnny appraisingly.
"Son, how old are you?"
"Excuse me?" asked a dazed Johnny.
"How old are you?" Abuelita repeated.
Johnny cleared his throat. "Uh, twenty-eight."
"Definitely Lenora," chimed in another voice. The hapless paramedic was now surrounded by at least a dozen matronly females offering their advice.
"Oh yes," said another. "She's strong and healthy. Since he's already nearly thirty, she could probably have lots of babies in a short period of time."
"Babies!" Johnny sputtered.
Tia Luisa grabbed Johnny's arm. "What about Rosaria? She's a good cook. She could put some meat on these bones!"
Another cousin readily agreed. "Yes, he's way too skinny. I thought firefighters needed to have more heft on them."
"Well, he's definitely shy," another voice opined. "Perhaps he needs someone with an outgoing personality, like Sarita."
"No, no," argued another. "Johnny has a demanding job. He needs a woman with a nurturing disposition. Someone who will take care of him." Her eyes lit up. "Like Angelica."
Abuelita thoughtfully considered the proposals. "Mr. Gage has been single for a while. He's more set in his ways. I was thinking of Nina."
The assembled women nodded approvingly. "Well, there you have it!" Tia Olivia declared confidently. "Of course the arrangements will have to be made for a proper introduction."
A chorus of agreement echoed in Johnny's ears. What just happened? And where in the heck was Marco anyway? Johnny's mouth suddenly felt extremely dry. His shaking hands clumsily reached for his glass of iced tea.
"Oh, my goodness!" shouted Tia Francesca. "You've spilled your drink all over your nice dress shirt. Here, let me help you." She frantically began dabbing at Johnny's sleeve with a damp napkin.
Tia Blanca was bolder in her approach. "Here, if we hurry up and soak it, the stain won't set in." She matter-of-factly started unbuttoning Johnny's shirt.
Johnny protectively wrapped his arms around his torso. "No thanks. Really, that won't be necessary." What had Marco gotten him into?
Finally, his friend returned to the table. Seeing his beleaguered colleague swarmed by female relatives, Marco immediately surmised what happened. "Johnny, we need to be heading out. Are you ready?"
Johnny nearly passed out with relief. "Yeah." He tried to paste an expression of sincere regret on his face. "Ladies, if you will excuse us. It was a pleasure meeting you."
Abuelita smiled and waved. "Buenas noches, manzanito!"
The men hastily made their retreat. As they drove away, Johnny wiped the sweat from his brow.
"Man, Marco. You weren't joking!" Johnny complained. "Those women had my whole future mapped out for me. I couldn't get a word in!"
The mustachioed man tiredly rubbed his temples. "Welcome to my world. That's how it is every time the family gets together. I love them, but sometimes I want to strangle them!"
"Yeah, they mean well though."
"I know."
Johnny seemed pensive for a moment. "Hey, Marco, what did your grandmother say to me just before we left?"
"Huh?"
"She said something in Spanish I didn't understand."
Marco smiled. "She was teasing you. You were blushing. When we were children, she used to call us manzanitos because our cheeks would turn red like little apples when we were embarrassed."
"Oh."
An uncomfortable pause ensued. Feeling guilty about the day's events, Marco stared at the dashboard. "Um, Johnny? I'm sorry about my family's heavy-handed matchmaking attempts, but I'm glad you came. I had a great time. Thanks, man."
The frazzled paramedic sighed. "You're welcome, Marco."
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After Monday morning's roll call, the men of A-Shift gathered around the kitchen table. Not able to contain his curiosity, Chet finally inquired, "So how was the party, Marco?"
"It was very nice, thanks."
"So did your relatives drive you nuts trying to fix you up?"
"No, not at all."
Chet looked genuinely shocked. "What, have they finally given up on you?"
Marco and Johnny briefly locked eyes. "No, they were preoccupied with other things."
The stocky fireman decided to pursue another target. "Well, Gage, did you strike out with any hot babes while you were there? The way Marco talks, there must have been plenty of opportunities to meet some chicks."
Johnny nearly choked on his coffee. "No, I didn't have much of an chance to meet anyone."
"Aw, that's too bad. Now I'm not going to have anything to tease you about this shift." Chet rose from his chair to pour himself another cup of coffee.
Marco leaned slightly forward toward Johnny. "Hey, I received an invitation to attend my cousin's First Communion party in two weeks. You're welcome to come with me."
The color instantly drained from Johnny's face. "No, absolutely not! No more favors!" He jumped from his chair like it was on fire and ran toward the vehicle bay.
"What's the matter with him?" Roy wondered.
finis
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