Disclaimer: Some of the dialogue in the story below is actual dialogue from the E! episode Frequency, no copyright is intended.

Frequency Blooper: "Where's the Welder?"

By Heidi B. & Purry

A guy (Zack) welds himself inside his "Masterpiece" (sculpture). When the guys raise it (by using a rope and pulley) to get the trapped man out, there's no welder inside with him. Makes you wonder where it went.....


It had been a long hard day for the junior paramedic partner, Johnny Gage. Hell, the past few days had been some of the toughest of his young life. A good friend, Drew Burke, a police officer with the Los Angeles Police Department, was killed in the line of duty. As fate would have it, Johnny and his partner, Roy DeSoto, happened to be the paramedics called to the scene.

The death of the young officer brought to light an important communication problem in which Johnny and Roy were not happy about, and they made sure to let Dr. Brackett know it. It seems that with four paramedic units working out of Rampart, and having to share the same frequency for their transmissions to the hospital, they were overlapping one another. This caused quite an uproar.

Knowing Roy and Johnny had been right, and that this communication problem could cause fatal results, Dr. Brackett called a meeting for all paramedics. Brackett had come up with a solution, and although it wasn't full proof, it was better than what they had at the moment. This was the reason they were there now.

The meeting finally over; Roy and Johnny made their way to the base station. They both felt somewhat better that there was now a solution, of sorts. However, Johnny still couldn't seem to shake the sullen mood he was in.

"Hey, Dix!" Roy greeted the head nurse. "Busy afternoon?"

"You had to ask," Dix stated as if she'd just been jinxed.

Taking a good look at Johnny, she noticed the troubled _expression on his handsome face. Always one to help a friend in need, she quickly got an idea.

"Listen, who'd like to treat a poor workin' gal to pie and coffee?" Dix asked, while flirtatiously batting her eyelashes at Johnny.

"You're on!" Johnny said, taking the bait.

Suddenly, all thoughts of pie and coffee were drowned out by the squawking of the handie talkie that Johnny held.

'Squad 51, LA. Are you available?'

Johnny pulled out the antenna and depressed the button on the H.T..

"Squad 51 available."

'Squad 51, Engine 51, unknown type rescue. Man possibly trapped. 1400 Barnhart Rd., 1-4-0-0 Barnhart Rd., cross street Filmore Blvd.. Time out 15:38.'

"Squad 51 responding," Johnny said into the H.T..

Pushing the antenna back into place, the two paramedics bid Dix a quick 'goodbye'.

~*~*~*~*~*~

When they arrived on scene Chet came out to meet them, the engine company having gotten there first.

Roy and Johnny jumped out of the squad and hurried to get their equipment, but was stopped by Chet.

"Hey, forget your gear. Just come on in here. You're *not* going to believe this," Chet said excitedly, motioning for them to follow him inside.

Johnny and Roy looked questioningly at each other. Both noticed Chet's odd behavior and wondered what was going on. Having odd behavior wasn't unusual for Chet Kelly, however, he was always the professional when out on a call.

Heading inside, they were met by an attractive woman with long red hair.

"Hi! I'm Luna."

"Hi!" Roy and Johnny said simultaneously in greeting.

"What seems to be the problem?" Roy inquired.

Dying to tell the guys, Chet looked like he had ants in his pants.

"The problem's simple," Chet said as he gestured to a rather large pile of metal. "It's the solution that's difficult."

"Well, we just got here, so why don't you tell us the problem first," Johnny said as he looked at the large pile of metal. He noticed that each piece of metal was attached to another, forming a very odd-looking sculpture.

This was it; the moment Chet had been waiting for. He couldn't wait to fill the clueless paramedics in on the situation. But before he could get one word out, he was abruptly stopped by Luna.

"Let me, Chet," she said, holding a hand up to silence the stocky fireman. Then, turning and addressing Roy and Johnny, Luna began her tale. "Well I come home to find Zack...." she started.

"Zack?" Johnny interrupted.

"My boyfriend," Luna explained matter-of-factly, then continued where she left off. "....in the middle of the 'Terrible Decade'."

"'Terrible Decade'?" Roy questioned. Looking over at his partner, he could tell that Johnny was just as confused as he was.

"'The Terrible Decade'. That's the name of his new kinetic sculpture," she answered Roy, as if he were dense.

Wanting to get his two-cents worth in, Chet piped up.

"Don't you guys know anything about art?!"

Johnny glanced over at Chet and gave him a dirty look. A look that said 'You wait, Kelly, you just wait 'til we get back to the station!'

"It's a masterpiece!" Luna exclaimed, capturing Johnny's attention once more.

After a few moments hesitation she went on with her story. Both, humor and embarrassment, showing on her pretty face.

"But, in his excitement in finishing it, he made one mistake." She then paused, trying to find the right words.

Not able to contain himself any longer, Chet blurted, "He welded himself inside it!"

"Oh, Chet! I wanted to tell 'em," Luna whined, sounding very much like a child.

For some unknown reason, Johnny found Zack's dilemma very amusing. The dark-haired paramedic stood, looking awestruck and curious, while his eyes roamed over the peculiar sculpture. Trying his best to stay professional, but not being able to wipe the grin off his face, he decided to let Roy do most of the talking.

Roy, on the other hand, just couldn't believe what he was seeing!

"Oh...uh...well, let's have a closer look," Roy finally managed to say.

Quickly regaining his composure, the senior paramedic walked up to his Captain, who was standing beside the 'sculpture'.

"What do ya think, Cap?" Roy asked.

"Well, this part of it's only a bicycle fender," Cap stated, as he reached out and grabbed onto a piece of metal. "He could squeeze out right here if we cut or bend it."

The Captain's suggestion upset the trapped man.

"Oooh no! NO, NO, NO! You're *not* cutting *or* bending this baby!" Zack declared loudly. "I'll die first... become a part of it. Imortality!" he continued in a hushed tone.

After a few minutes of analyzing the situation, Roy came up with an idea that would free the 'artist' without causing any damage to his 'work of art'.

Rigging a pulley above the sculpture, Chet tied one end of the rope to the 'masterpiece', then fed it through the pulley, while Marco tied the other end to the rear bumper of the engine. On Captain Stanley's order's, Mike slowly drove Big Red forward just enough to lift the monstrosity, so that the imprisoned man could escape.

"Hey, man, thanks! My baby is still in one piece," Zack said, thrilled with the outcome.

"No problem! That's what we're here for," Cap responded.

While thanks were being given for a job well done, Johnny and Chet were having a more up close and personal view of the welded together metal. Johnny scooted under the raised sculpture to get a look at it from the inside. He couldn't believe the different pieces of 'junk' Zack had put together to create such a 'great work of art'; not to mention the workmanship. No seams could be seen where it had been welded together.

Something was nagging at the dark-haired man, when suddenly it dawned on him. Where's the welder? Looking around the enclosure the tool was nowhere to be seen. "Uh, Zack...?" Johnny began. "Where's the welder? It's not in here!"

The A-shift crew's attention was diverted to the 'sculpture' where they heard Gage's voice come from, then over to Zack.

With a sense of pride, Zack happily informed the group, "I welded the welder to the sculpture. It was the final piece that helped create this magnificent beauty."

Shocked and totally in awe of the artistic abilities Zack exhibited, Johnny yelled, "Far out!"

Once he and Roy were back in the squad, Johnny made them available. He then turned to look at his partner, a slight smile tingeing his face. Roy looked over to the passenger side at that time and saw the crooked smile. His best friend hadn't worn anything but a frown for the past three days, since Drew had died. Trying for a light-hearted conversation, Roy asked, "So, what did you think of Zack's sculpture?"

"Well I thought it was a great work of art!"

"Yeah?" Roy couldn't believe his partner's taste.

"Yeah!"

"Well how do you know it's a great work of art?"

"I liked it!" Johnny stated matter-of-factly.

Roy just smiled and continued to drive.

The End

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